In some recent research I was involved in, I was surprised to find that in terms of therapy techniques, walking and talking therapy came up with quite low search numbers, whereas couples or relationship counselling, when couples sit with a counsellor, was much higher. This went against my experience of the beauty that can occur when walking and talking together to discuss matters between two people.
A while back I was at a presentation by Serge Benhayon from Universal Medicine and we were invited to participate in an activity where we were to walk with another, first hand in hand and then with our arms wrapped around each other’s back. Although walking with someone I scarcely knew and had never really spoken to, I felt very connected to the young lady beside me, as if I’d known her forever. But I can walk alongside many people during my day so what made this different? I can say that it was the intention to connect and be open with this person that made the difference during our walk. When the intention is to simply connect, none of the conditions that usually play out, such as ‘I need to get to know you before being open to what may happen,’ are necessary. We simply connected and walked together.
In my own life, I have experienced how much joy is possible in a relationship when we walk and talk together openly. This is how my partner and I initially started dating, by going for long walks while talking with each other. During these walks, it was not just ‘small talk’ or the getting to know each other’s likes and dislikes or our views on certain topics. We spoke in depth about our feelings and how we’re not just boy and girl in our own little bubble.
We are members of a society whose actions impact on us, just as our actions affect everything and everyone around us.
It has become a foundational keystone of our relationship that we regularly walk and talk together, usually hand in hand and as such, rarely (max. two times) do disagreements ever escalate into aggression or shouting. And if the situation is not resolved, we don’t brush it aside. Instead we go around the block again, continuing to walk and talk. It’s the quality in which we relate to each other during our walk and the honesty and depth of the conversation that makes these moments what they are. After the walk, what may have been a heated or sensitive subject doesn’t feel the same as it did when we set off. We both feel lighter, clearer and closer to one another without all that ‘stuff’ between us.
I’ve found the difference between sitting or standing and talking, and walking and talking, is that it has you engage with your body. When stationary, we can sometimes be in our minds planning what we are going to say next, or focussing on something the other person may have said. When there has been disagreement between you, it’s very hard to stay mad at someone while feeling the warmth of their palm in yours, holding their hand, walking alongside them. If someone is caught in a rant, I will often move away from that person but invite them to join me for a walk; even if it’s only a couple of meters, the movement appears to curtail the discussion that would otherwise go around in circles.
Taking time to walk with another with no intention or need to get somewhere has been supported by my willingness to be present with myself, – while learning to express my feelings is making it easier be open and transparent with another. Although walking alone may provide an opportunity to focus on our personal issues, being in company with another to discuss them offers solutions to problems we may not have considered. At the same time, it is deepening our trust in each other, making our relationship much more open while there’s a feeling of settlement in the body. This is because I don’t have to be on my guard or stay protected, I can be at my ease and share myself with the other. There’s an intimacy between us that allows us to see and feel the slight changes in one another. It basically takes relationships to a whole other depth that is far richer than social niceties or politeness. All from walking and talking together.
Published with permission from my partner.
By Leigh Matson, London, UK
Related Reading:
Serge Benhayon and Walking Therapy – A profound healing experience
The simplicity of true intimacy
Seeking Connection and True Relationships
Words on Serge Benhayon 
When our movements match our Stillness that come from within our Inner-Most-Heart or Soul, then the Joy that is felt with every step opens us to the most amazing connections with others.
Walking side by side and in step with someone is very healing. The rhythm of the movement brings a closer connection with each other.
When we have potentially difficult and confronting meetings then there would be so much more flow if all parties involved went for a walk together and talked about what was coming up for them but currently this is too radical a suggestion for many and so what will continue to happen is that we will sit facing each other but often not looking at one another and talking but not listening and getting incredibly heated and het up because our bodies are configured in such a way that makes it harder for true reconciliation to take place.
I don’t get many opportunities to walk with others, but it’s recently been coming to me to walk around the block with my partner. I can see the expansion that can occur by walking and talking together, as the body in movement can offer its wisdom, instead of the emotionality and reactivity that can happen with the mind alone when stationary in sitting or standing.
The more I walk the more I realise how magical it is. If I am out of sorts it’s like my body reorders itself in a walk and I feel fresher and often receive insights and realisations which brings even more clarity. It’s important too the quality I’m in when walking, not pushing or driving the body to get somewhere, and not checked out, but present and aware of how I am stepping.
“We simply connected and walked together.” Moving in rhythm with another brings harmony.
I have experienced walking by someone on the street I have not known and there are no words but yet a harmony between us and the movement we are both in, it is a really beautifull feeling showing we are all sensitive and ultimately all one.
What a great exercise to take into schools, where every student learn to walk and talk with all the other student in there class!
” . . . even if it’s only a couple of meters, the movement appears to curtail the discussion that would otherwise go around in circles.” That is so true Leigh I made the same experience – it seems that our bodies if they were in movements or not are so much wiser as we think!
“When stationary, we can sometimes be in our minds planning what we are going to say next, or focussing on something the other person may have said.” – interesting how walking and talking takes you out of your head and back into your body and makes it harder to try to control or manipulate the conversation, and hence allows more honesty and true connection to come in.
We listen more rather than waiting to reply.
Waking and talking together is definitely a good technique for avoiding conflicts and arguments as it does seem more difficult to have a fight with someone when you are walking with them especially if you are holding hands.
Yes when we can stay present with ourselves and our movements a walk with another person can be very inspiring, uplifting and enlightening….a mutually evolutionary process.
I appreciate the relationships I’m stablishing these days in which honesty is key. Love don’t brush stuff aside and being able to speak about it. The empowerment, unity and equalness that I can feel after an evolving conversation like this is priceless because makes me see that, no matter how big is the issue, love is always greater than anything.
Having those types of conversations and relationships are absolute gold.
Walking in the way you described Leigh feels really supportive and confirming about all what we can share when we are open, not just to others, but with ourselves. Thank you
Walking seems to enhance the pondering process and makes space for clarity.
Julie, this is beautiful – and so true, when we go out for a walk where we allow the body to be, this does offer clarity as it is harder (so much harder) to hold onto issues and problems etc.
I agree – when we are connected with how the body feels in its movement it’s harder for thoughts or emotions to get us.
Our focus fills with being aware of how our body feels. There’s no space for errant thoughts.
That’s very key Fumiyo and Leigh, if we are present and aware we can discern how we are feeling and claim more space within us, to embody the love we really are, in every step. How empowering is that.
As an observation and someone in the past who had some relationship counselling, who benefits more; the two that can continue to attend and afford sessions or the counsellor? Where walking and talking usually put all the cards on the table in one go.
When we are rooted to the spot physically we are often stuck on the spot in the conversation or stuck on our point of view being right. So it makes sense to move and walk to break this up.
Have you ever noticed when doing something intense and you run into a problem, going for a short walk helps clear the mind!
It does, even if it’s a break away from the computer or in an intense phone call to walk around the living room in circles, it does help shake things up.
Yes I have noticed this Steve – it is not just with others that walking helps but if I am stuck in or on something on my own then going for a walk helps clear my mind and brings some perspective on the situation.
Yes, I have found this too. It is as if my body is stuck in the thought and when I walk it loosens up and there is space for another perspective, or two.
Thanks Leigh, I really needed to read this again, it’s so true that heated discussions can just go around in circles, the emotional nature of reaction can also bring in confusion. I find walking tends to re-organise everything in my body again especially if I am mixed up, and put everything back into some kind of order within me.
Walking or any focus on how I am moving helps bring everything back into order. Especially if that focus is on how warm my body is or how gentle I can be with my movements.
Have you ever noticed that if during a discussion and the other person crosses their arms and legs and shuts down? Walking and talking does not allow the body to hold back.
Or hands in pockets can alter the flow of what’s occurring between us as there’s a flow missing in the body when hands are in pockets. It can be noticeably felt.
It is a good point Steve, walking allows for an openness with the body and expression.
My daughter and I went out to explore a wood that we haven’t been to before. We discovered it was a beautiful wood as well as being a cash crop of Fir trees which is quite rare for the area we live in. There was also lots of clearings and in the clearings were scatterings of old trees Oaks, Birch, Sycamore. We had the most delightful walk and as we walked I could feel how we deepened our relationship. Nothing was said it was just a feeling of our trust in each other and the ease we have. It was a day to cherish knowing that there are many more such days to come.
I love this. When we are walking with all that we are, it is beautiful to be able to walk with another in the knowing that that is all that is needed.
It is amazing how even a few minutes or moments of walking can completely change the thoughts I am having so much so the grab and hook of them is no longer there. For me when I walk with myself, and simply be who I am them what is not me leaves and I do not need to resolve it in my head and so the spin which I could stay stuck in is gone and the love I am returns to take center stage.
It is amazing because it’s not like the hook even exists anymore. It’s simply not there even though moments before it felt like a grip you’d never get out of. Nothing is definite in the world of energy.
I agree Leigh, yet we can try in our minds to hold onto something. It is crazy as we have to constantly keep re-creating it – which is exhausting and stops us from moving on and forward.
“When there has been disagreement between you, it’s very hard to stay mad at someone while feeling the warmth of their palm in yours, holding their hand, walking alongside them.” It absolutley is. It comes down to a willingness to firstly have a walk together, and then to take the other persons hand, regardless of what has come between you. There is a real surrender in this, which then allows an opening up of honesty of what is being felt about what has taken place.
Yes, it requires a willingness on both sides to be open to moving out of whatever you’re holding onto that’s keeping you apart from the other person. Whatever the issue is to be of lesser value than being together.
I have had past experience with the old sit and talk about a problem counselling. The old expression of sitting with the issue is just that, there is no movement and stubbornness can cement the issue. Walking and talking, allow you space to express and loosens up our tongue.
Leigh, what you are sharing here is so simple but profound; ‘ I can say that it was the intention to connect and be open with this person that made the difference during our walk.’ I can feel how we can have this intention to connect in our day to day and what a difference this would make, rather than being caught up in the busyness and in trying to get things done as quickly as possible and feeling disconnected from people.
When 2 people walk together fully present enjoying each others company and expressing from their body it is very much felt and stands out, because most of the world do not walk together, fully connected, open and transparent.
The walking sessions offered by Serge Benhayon are indeed amazing. Last week I participated in a Walking Therapy session, and I experience the difference of holding someone you walk with in space – which basically is holding somebody only in the energetic field of love that radiates from your heart, with no hands touching – to holding each others hands. In comparison holding hands felt imposing.
Maybe talking while walking becomes a whole lot easier as our bodies are moving in a flow, and in that flow, it is very hard, or maybe even impossible, to hold back the words that are waiting to be expressed. When we sit and talk, we can get into all sorts of defensive positions which have the effect of masking how we are truly feeling and definitely not conducive to having a deep and meaningful conversation.
When sat down I find if I focus on the weight bearing parts (i.e.my bum, legs, feet etc.) it is easier to stay in my body and not in my mind. However when walking it’s so much easier in movement whereas when sat I find I have to keep more focused.
What I have also noticed if that we can be accustom to not allowing what we feel to be expressed. Such as if I initiate a walk and the other frequently stops to talk. How we are moving and what we are saying are not separate and I am learning more that how I/others move can be more honest than what we say.
When we walk and talk, but then slow down or stop, is this a dip in our expression where are holding on to something we don’t want to let go of, or deal with?
There is something about walking that frees us up and dislodges whatever mood or movement we’ve been stuck in- but it’s an active choice to not walk around in the energy of our issues and so cement them in the process. The moment we walk with the intention to just focus on one area of our body and connect to how that feels, things shift.
Imagine if this was taught on a global scale? how many issues would escalate if at all if we changed how we walked?
Rereading your blog makes me want to get walking ASAP! I agree that we do not appreciate the science of walking and talking enough – we’ve all experienced an unresolvable situation and I’ve found that what can continue for days unresolved can actually be resolved in a simple 5 minute walk. If we applied this to life it would be revolutionary…
It’s all about movement and the more we master this the easier it is to get out of situation that are tensed or ask us to let go of something. For instance if we are frustrated we often don’t want to let it go but movement can support us to let go more simply.
Say I am walking and thinking about a problem I’ve experienced then if I change how I walk I can’t hold onto thinking about the problem.
Exactly I noticed that too, and if we want to we have to put loads of effort in it to re-create it because it is gone when we move in a different way.
This is so true, you really can feel a shift that takes place when we walk and talk on any situation. All we need is a willingness to listen, to share and to reflect our own part in the relationship, oh and be willing to learn.
Being willing to learn is crucial otherwise the relationship goes no where.
“In my own life, I have experienced how much joy is possible in a relationship when we walk and talk together openly.” I agree. It is extremely lovely to experience how much joy there is when we walk and talk in this way.
Sometimes all that one needs to do is walk, and absolute magic ensues.
It’s hard to imagine in this world of 24/7 gyms, chocolate yoga, Boot Camp fitness intensives, and mass marathons, that simply walking together, is what we are innately meant to be doing
However when felt into the energy of everything on offer walking together makes the most sense.
So true the power and simplicity of walking together is overlooked, in favour of pushing our body to extremes and thinking this is what our body wants, when a simple walk together with another can be not only what is needed but can be super healing.
I am finding more and more that it is very much a choice to stay in our issues as it is a choice to move out of them back to love together. It is easy to move on from the issue when you don’t choose to hold onto it