The Beauty in Walking and Talking Together

In some recent research I was involved in, I was surprised to find that in terms of therapy techniques, walking and talking therapy came up with quite low search numbers, whereas couples or relationship counselling, when couples sit with a counsellor, was much higher. This went against my experience of the beauty that can occur when walking and talking together to discuss matters between two people.

A while back I was at a presentation by Serge Benhayon from Universal Medicine and we were invited to participate in an activity where we were to walk with another, first hand in hand and then with our arms wrapped around each other’s back. Although walking with someone I scarcely knew and had never really spoken to, I felt very connected to the young lady beside me, as if I’d known her forever. But I can walk alongside many people during my day so what made this different? I can say that it was the intention to connect and be open with this person that made the difference during our walk. When the intention is to simply connect, none of the conditions that usually play out, such as ‘I need to get to know you before being open to what may happen,’ are necessary. We simply connected and walked together.

In my own life, I have experienced how much joy is possible in a relationship when we walk and talk together openly. This is how my partner and I initially started dating, by going for long walks while talking with each other. During these walks, it was not just ‘small talk’ or the getting to know each other’s likes and dislikes or our views on certain topics. We spoke in depth about our feelings and how we’re not just boy and girl in our own little bubble.

We are members of a society whose actions impact on us, just as our actions affect everything and everyone around us.

It has become a foundational keystone of our relationship that we regularly walk and talk together, usually hand in hand and as such, rarely (max. two times) do disagreements ever escalate into aggression or shouting. And if the situation is not resolved, we don’t brush it aside. Instead we go around the block again, continuing to walk and talk. It’s the quality in which we relate to each other during our walk and the honesty and depth of the conversation that makes these moments what they are. After the walk, what may have been a heated or sensitive subject doesn’t feel the same as it did when we set off. We both feel lighter, clearer and closer to one another without all that ‘stuff’ between us.

I’ve found the difference between sitting or standing and talking, and walking and talking, is that it has you engage with your body. When stationary, we can sometimes be in our minds planning what we are going to say next, or focussing on something the other person may have said. When there has been disagreement between you, it’s very hard to stay mad at someone while feeling the warmth of their palm in yours, holding their hand, walking alongside them. If someone is caught in a rant, I will often move away from that person but invite them to join me for a walk; even if it’s only a couple of meters, the movement appears to curtail the discussion that would otherwise go around in circles.

Taking time to walk with another with no intention or need to get somewhere has been supported by my willingness to be present with myself, – while learning to express my feelings is making it easier be open and transparent with another. Although walking alone may provide an opportunity to focus on our personal issues, being in company with another to discuss them offers solutions to problems we may not have considered. At the same time, it is deepening our trust in each other, making our relationship much more open while there’s a feeling of settlement in the body. This is because I don’t have to be on my guard or stay protected, I can be at my ease and share myself with the other. There’s an intimacy between us that allows us to see and feel the slight changes in one another. It basically takes relationships to a whole other depth that is far richer than social niceties or politeness. All from walking and talking together.

Published with permission from my partner.

By Leigh Matson, London, UK

Related Reading:
Serge Benhayon and Walking Therapy – A profound healing experience
The simplicity of true intimacy
Seeking Connection and True Relationships

869 thoughts on “The Beauty in Walking and Talking Together

  1. Leigh, what you are sharing here is so simple but profound; ‘ I can say that it was the intention to connect and be open with this person that made the difference during our walk.’ I can feel how we can have this intention to connect in our day to day and what a difference this would make, rather than being caught up in the busyness and in trying to get things done as quickly as possible and feeling disconnected from people.

  2. When 2 people walk together fully present enjoying each others company and expressing from their body it is very much felt and stands out, because most of the world do not walk together, fully connected, open and transparent.

  3. Maybe talking while walking becomes a whole lot easier as our bodies are moving in a flow, and in that flow, it is very hard, or maybe even impossible, to hold back the words that are waiting to be expressed. When we sit and talk, we can get into all sorts of defensive positions which have the effect of masking how we are truly feeling and definitely not conducive to having a deep and meaningful conversation.

    1. When sat down I find if I focus on the weight bearing parts (i.e.my bum, legs, feet etc.) it is easier to stay in my body and not in my mind. However when walking it’s so much easier in movement whereas when sat I find I have to keep more focused.

    2. What I have also noticed if that we can be accustom to not allowing what we feel to be expressed. Such as if I initiate a walk and the other frequently stops to talk. How we are moving and what we are saying are not separate and I am learning more that how I/others move can be more honest than what we say.

  4. There is something about walking that frees us up and dislodges whatever mood or movement we’ve been stuck in- but it’s an active choice to not walk around in the energy of our issues and so cement them in the process. The moment we walk with the intention to just focus on one area of our body and connect to how that feels, things shift.

  5. Rereading your blog makes me want to get walking ASAP! I agree that we do not appreciate the science of walking and talking enough – we’ve all experienced an unresolvable situation and I’ve found that what can continue for days unresolved can actually be resolved in a simple 5 minute walk. If we applied this to life it would be revolutionary…

  6. It’s all about movement and the more we master this the easier it is to get out of situation that are tensed or ask us to let go of something. For instance if we are frustrated we often don’t want to let it go but movement can support us to let go more simply.

      1. Exactly I noticed that too, and if we want to we have to put loads of effort in it to re-create it because it is gone when we move in a different way.

  7. This is so true, you really can feel a shift that takes place when we walk and talk on any situation. All we need is a willingness to listen, to share and to reflect our own part in the relationship, oh and be willing to learn.

  8. “In my own life, I have experienced how much joy is possible in a relationship when we walk and talk together openly.” I agree. It is extremely lovely to experience how much joy there is when we walk and talk in this way.

  9. It’s hard to imagine in this world of 24/7 gyms, chocolate yoga, Boot Camp fitness intensives, and mass marathons, that simply walking together, is what we are innately meant to be doing

    1. So true the power and simplicity of walking together is overlooked, in favour of pushing our body to extremes and thinking this is what our body wants, when a simple walk together with another can be not only what is needed but can be super healing.

  10. I am finding more and more that it is very much a choice to stay in our issues as it is a choice to move out of them back to love together. It is easy to move on from the issue when you don’t choose to hold onto it

  11. From my experience, walking and talking with another with the sole intention to connect brings movement into the equation which will magnify my intention, whereas sitting or standing talking with someone is not usually as supportive towards maintaining my intention.

  12. It’s interesting what you present here about how the movement of walking can shift something with another that otherwise you could easily stay stuck in whilst sitting. The willingness and the intention to deepen our relationships is no doubt key.

    1. Definitely and that intention comes from being with myself first rather than an expectation or judgement, otherwise if I am not willing to deepen then that tells another also to stay where they are at. We can walk all we like but it won’t change anything.

  13. Thank you for inspiring me to appreciate the power of walking and talking together. I would like to appreciate my husband for encouraging me to return to walking again when I met him, and for our dog who ensures I do so often. We can either all walk together, or when I walk by myself I do not have to be alone, I can walk with my heart and I often find I am sharing with another in my heart anyway, appreciating them in my life, so we are never alone.

  14. ‘I can say that it was the intention to connect and be open with this person that made the difference during our walk.’ How true this is in our lives, too: when our intention is to connect and stay open, our bodies open up and our whole way of moving shifts. Life starts to feels full and alive with purpose, possibilities and potential, and the richness and fullness to life and our relationships feels much more obvious.

  15. It’s a really good point Leigh about how discussions can go in circles when seated or not moving, I’ve experienced that myself. I liked your line too about the walk you did with someone you didn’t know yet the connection was instantly there, this has reminded me of how the same connection can be there with people I meet everyday.

  16. It is so simple, isn’t it… Walking and talking, connecting, communicating, constellating… And yet this is the way of the universe… within simplicity we have the divine unfolding

  17. A great article Leigh, when walking and talking together energy is moving as we walk instead of a face to face discussion where the energy in those situations feels like it just goes around and around. Holding hands along the way can bring us back to the warmth of our hearts and out of our heads.

    1. And even if we can’t walk and talk being aware of our own body while talking changes the energy of the conversation. For example, often if I feel I am saying something in judgement my head feels tingly and I stop talking or reasses what I’ve just said.

  18. Often when you are mad with someone the best thing to do is do what you really don’t want to do – like give them a hug. Again, this is making about the body and connection and bringing the fight out of the mind, which is the only place it really exists anyway.

    1. Very true the fight is in the mind and not the body. But when our mind is focused on the body theres no fight in the mind either. So then if we can have separation in the mind where is our focus? On the body, in the moment or in non physical pictures that come into our ‘headspace’?

  19. Walking and talking together can be very harm-full if we are talking in a way that is embeddening the hurt deeper into our movements. At the same time it can be extremely power-full but it all depends on our openness and willingness to drop our guard, our issues and be open to seeing truth on a deeper level.

    1. And walking and talking about surface level stuff, talking from that guard that keeps each other at a surface level of “We’ll talk about this stuff and hobbies/interested/mutual commonalities BUT I won’t let you see my sweetness or delicateness” – which is basically as you say embedding hurts but it’s not seen that way.

  20. Walking and talking with someone allows a lot more space for each other and allows each person to stay with themselves instead of becoming intensely involved in the discussion or other person. It just seems like a more natural way to talk to resolve issues or work through something that feels stuck.

  21. This is brilliant because we can hold onto things for days – if not weeks – sometimes even years. What if when conflict comes up we just need to move or walk together to help shift things? I think your point about it’s hard to stay mad at someone when you feel the warmth of their hand is also crucial – I find that whenever I am distracted or angry at someone I lose sight of the amazing person they truly are – so if I remind myself of that the anger is quite quickly dissipated.

    1. Even having gentle contact with another can settle any conflict. I had a disagreement with my Dad recently and my Mum made us sit on the same step on the stairs together. It wasn’t long before we ended up hugging each other and everything went back to our normal.

  22. Recently during the Walking Therapy Serge Benhayon is offering I got to feel the intimacy and power of walking next to someone without holding hands and it was quite amazing to feel how when you both walk connected to your body, in your authority, there is even more intimacy between the two walking next to each other than when we were holding hands.

  23. Spot on Leigh – if we keep moving we can’t get stuck in our heads, and besides God has a way of distracting our attention with a bird here, a rainbow there… perhaps a sunrise or a rainbow or just the rain on our faces. The conversation can’t help but keep flowing and not get stuck as so often is the case when going ‘head to head’

  24. Walking, talking and sharing in depth your deepest feelings is such a beautiful way to develop a relationship and a solid foundational practise to return to to keep deepening and expanding.

  25. You are spot on that the intention to connect or not makes all the difference to what happens when we walk with someone. If you see someone as a stranger, then you will fall into small talk and see them as separate from you.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.