Seeking Connection and True Relationships

by Dr Rachel Hall, Holistic Dentist, Kenmore, Brisbane

We live today in the most populated world in history, yet more people than ever feel lonely, detached and separated from society… and even from themselves. How can we, in the midst of all the people we meet every day, sometimes feel so alone?

We frequently live in a way where we see ourselves as separate from others, from nature and from Divinity itself. This sense of separation seems to be an essential part of being human, part of our individuality and personal identity. Yet it is our sense of separation that can cause suffering, especially when we view everything around us as ‘things’ that appear unconnected to us.

It is as if we live in our own personal, separate bubbles designed to preserve our individuality and keep the world at bay. When we view the world as external to us, it is all too easy to forget the wholeness of life.

Most of us recognise that we are physically separate from other people and naturally assume we are also spiritually, psychologically and energetically separate. This gives the illusion that we are our body and that everything beyond that is not a part of us.

But is this really how it is?

If you spend time with a newborn baby it’s hard not to notice the love they radiate, unmeasured and equally shared.

We were all once like this baby; full of love – trusting, open and connected to everyone we met equally.

What changed this for so many of us?

It is as if when growing up the hardships of life, the broken hearts and the disappointments we encounter gradually force us to enclose our love, tenderness and feelings under a thick layer of toughness, defensiveness and/or aloofness.

These ‘coping strategies’ appears to protect the hurt we are feeling – however, at what cost? To deny our vulnerability locks our heart, shutting out our love and the love of others.

Once we commence to shut down we diminish the capacity to rely on our inner feelings, we stop trusting and with that, lose the ability to connect fully with others.
As we withdraw and shut down, our emotional exchanges – our ability to be in touch with our own feelings – become more and more limited; leading to a catch-22 situation where we measure our love, giving more love to those we feel won’t hurt us and less to those we aren’t as comfortable with or as certain of.

It is ironic that by trying to protect ourselves we cut off from others and that this choice ultimately produces our deepest sense of separation, the separation to self. And thus we create for ourselves the illusion that we live disconnected from others, our self, God and our essential nature – Love.

Through the teachings of the Ancient Wisdom presented by Universal Medicine, many people, myself included, have experienced a deeper sense of connection to themselves and other people. Little by little, I have been able to let go of the ‘protective’ layer of toughness and start trusting my own inner feelings. In this way I share my love more equally and I feel connected to myself, others, Divinity and my essential nature, which I know to be love. I know there is a oneness to life and that I am not actually separate at all as I can feel my connection to everything in my heart.

In a world where so many are seeking connection and true relationships, I have learnt that this must come first, from me choosing to connect to me with a willingness to let my love out and the love of others in.

1,086 thoughts on “Seeking Connection and True Relationships

  1. Thank you Rachel, connection to ourselves and to all we come from is the foundation for our true connection to everyone else. This line is so true, that the process of life’s hardships can cause us “to enclose our love, tenderness and feelings under a thick layer of toughness, defensiveness and/or aloofness.” We do so many things to pretend we are not the sensitive, open, tender, and loving beings we naturally are.

  2. I know this only too well, in trying to protect myself from getting hurt, I actually hurt myself by cutting myself off from others and not being able to trust myself and then all others – hence life was one long struggle. But I am learning every day to share more of myself which builds on my self-trust and self-love.

  3. I read recently that ‘social isolation’ is cited as being one of the leading current causes of illness and dis-ease, which I can completely understand from the perspective that I feel it is innate in us to work together, deeply respect one another and live in a way that unites us all and so to not activate these qualities in our life, to isolate ourselves must create an unsettlement or dis-ease in our body… And even though we may be in touch with lots of people, be vocal or ‘sociable’ if we’re not truly expressing ourself – not truly letting others see who we are then that is a kind of isolation…

    1. I didn’t know this Fiona, but it makes complete sense because social isolation goes against our natural inbuilt knowingness that connection with others and working together is how we expand, evolve and support each other.

  4. Yet it is those that I feel hurt by that can bring an enormous amount of healing if I am willing to see and address the hurt within me and let go of the protection and hardness that I chose to cover and mask the hurt. There is indeed much to appreciate and welcome in those that reflect and give me opportunities to heal and assist my evolution so that I can hold a greater love in my body.

  5. Rachel knowing that for us we are naturally and innately joy and are designed to be in true connection with each other makes total sense, it shows what we are underneath seeking when we settle for far less than truthful forms of connection. But it also highlights when we say we ‘hate people’ that its not really true – what we don’t like is un-true relationships, and for most of my life that was all the types of relationships I had.

    1. Ha!! I’ve played around with the sentence ‘ I hate people’ A LOT in my life, that is for certain!
      It is absolutely true, that what we are reacting to is the lack of love, and harmony in the relationship…because we know there is another way.

  6. There is so much truth and wisdom in this blog that I love to read it again. This line is a super reminder of how we can all live and be in life, because this is how we were born: ‘ We were all once like this baby; full of love – trusting, open and connected to everyone we met equally’.

  7. Trusting your own inner feelings is somethng we need to practice every single day. And with that practice the trust builds and we realise, we already know and feel everything and therefore are connected to ourselves which makes connecting to others a natural by-product.

  8. We seem to have lost our ability to truly trust people , because the more we protect ourselves the more we shut down and less open we become, through Universal Medicine I have learnt how to let go of my protection and be more open with everyone, and it started with trusting myself first.

  9. That Love of a young baby can seem impossible to recreate. It can feel like a one trick deal, something you have, only to lose for good. Whilst it can be nice to talk about, it can seem so far out of reach. Universal Medicine and the Esoteric healing therapies change all that and help you feel that natural connection and innocence in your body once again. When you have a taste of this, like meeting an old friend, you can see recovering how you used to feel is a very real possibility. This rewires everything we know about life – it’s not locked down the way we think it is. Thank you Rachel for this fitting tribute to our journey back to truth.

  10. So true Rachel, it is the sense of our own separation that causes deep suffering, and we detach ourselves from truly committing and engaging with life and withdrawing from others. It is only when we start connecting to our essence that we are able to open up and establish a true connection with ourselves and everyone around us.

  11. Becoming aware of how we brace and shut out others is so important, since we are in fact disconnecting from ourselves first. Once we choose to let go of these old patterns and reconnect back to ourselves, then connecting with others is a natural consequence and we realise we are not here to do it all alone, but in collaboration with others.

  12. I used to go from at times dreading my job to now I totally love it, I often can’t wait to get to work and see those that I work with. My days are full of joy, I have the best job in the world because my focus is now on enjoying those I work with and building connections with them- it has totally transformed how I go about my day.

  13. I could feel the man made created borders as I read your blog, the border of the body defined by the contours of the skin and the borders of countries as defined by man-made markers or perhaps by water and land. It all makes for a reduction of what is truly on offer.

  14. “This sense of separation seems to be an essential part of being human, part of our individuality and personal identity.” This line struck me this morning as it feels so true that in believing that we are only human it becomes our identity and from that we enter into individuality that actually is in conflict with whole our being. What I can feel deep within, and actually for whole of my life from young, that there is more to life than only this three dimensional, individual human life and that this is actually not our normal. It was only after I met Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine that I could reconnect more deeply and knowingly to that what has been lingering in me all of my life. That what I live in me has become more alive and I can say, now more of my way of living, actually enriching human life with the divine aspect we all come from.

  15. This is my experience too Rachel – being a student of Life and The Ancient Wisdom Teachings has inspired me to let go of the self protection bubble and re-connect with myself, which is far more glorious than I could ever have imagined.
    “I have learnt that this must come first, from me choosing to connect to me with a willingness to let my love out and the love of others in”.

  16. Very true Rachel, I also used to live in a very protected way and can relate to feeling alone most of this time. I was always craving connection with others but it seemed that I didn’t know how to bring this to my life in a consistent way. The Way of the Livingness has been life changing for me as it has supported me to let go of my protection and to be open to the love within and around me, what a beautiful experience this has been and the best part being that it continues to expand and grow.

  17. Everything any of us want is available to us and more yet we manage to make sure that we don’t find it by building fortresses of protection around ourselves, that ironically protect us not one bit.

  18. The devastation of feeling alone can be observed by many people in our societies. The way people are trying to cope with this feeling of devastation are becoming more extreme year after year. Excessive food intake in many harming forms for instance, such as sugar, alcohol and the many fast food take away’s available, resulting in a diversity of health issues is just one example of these extremes. And there are many more to name but this would end up into an endless list which actually will not add anything to the urgency of this comment.

  19. We all seek connection and true relationships, but when you’re shut down it is very difficult to connect with others as there is no connection with yourself. Thus the only relationship to work on first and foremost is the one with ourselves – and heal/clear our stored hurts in the body.

  20. ” It is as if when growing up the hardships of life, the broken hearts and the disappointments we encounter gradually force us to enclose our love, tenderness and feelings under a thick layer of toughness, defensiveness and/or aloofness. ” This is it in a nut shell for a lot of people , they have been let down by life and the expectations that was the reason for life have not come to pass and so people just give up on life and humanity .
    But as you learned Rachel is does not need to be that way .
    ” Through the teachings of the Ancient Wisdom presented by Universal Medicine, many people, myself included, have experienced a deeper sense of connection to themselves and other people.”

  21. “In a world where so many are seeking connection and true relationships, I have learnt that this must come first, from me choosing to connect to me with a willingness to let my love out and the love of others in.” There is no greater recipe for a true relationship than this – a true relationship with oneself first.

  22. The answer to the loneliness so many people feel today is in this article – it is in the inward movement of gently peeling back the layers of protection we have taken on in reaction to what all of us have inevitably experienced in the world we have created as a result of us not being simply and all of ourselves. Toughness breeds toughness, a closed heart will close off other hearts, and hence we all interact with each other from the shields we latch on to ourselves, When that point does come when we do decide to delve within and heal those hurts that were never personal, but simply part of the human condition we have all contracted into, it is then that we feel the connectedness we have been seeking – a connectedness to our own love and from there, to the love that is also in all others.

  23. “To deny our vulnerability locks our heart, shutting out our love and the love of others.” This is a loving work in progress, to reconnect to our vulnerability. To feel safe to do that. To connect to it. To express from it.

  24. I have been aware of my protective layers for a while and I totally agree with you it is the connection with myself that I need to deepen first – otherwise I would only be manufacturing another version of myself that appears to be less protective and that would be a lot of ‘trying’. Knowing, and connecting deeply with myself and trust my feelings unconditionally invites me to just be and that, I am getting used to more and more and loving it more and more.

  25. Connection with others is what sustains and fulfils us. People is what life is about and if we shut off from that – it’s not only lonely, it also goes against everything our bodies are designed for.

  26. The true beauty of being is our connection to who we are and it is from this connection we are not only learning more of what makes us tick but also how we all are interconnected within this world and that then becomes the beauty of us as human being’s. I spent much of my life seeking connection via an identity or recognition for what I do but now see the real joy begin with being a human being and not a human doing. Life is a forever unfoldment back to who we always were.

  27. Beautiful Rachel, it is so true : ..choosing to connect to me with a willingness to let my love out and the love of others in.
    Let’s start with this. I have found that, from observations and starting to apply it myself — it truly works.

  28. When we are removed from our inner most connection we are anyone’s fodder really. And we seek a semblance of connection, something to replace it and bingo – we have it, in consumerist goods, entertainment, and in relationships that simply cannot remain loving and harmonious when they are based on this need and demand as opposed to us coming to these relationships from the wholeness of who we are.
    In disconnection we create pain and suffering. For ourselves and for others.
    In connection we inspire others and remind others of how possible it is, and how joyful it is to come back home to the real us.

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