Seeking Connection and True Relationships

by Dr Rachel Hall, Holistic Dentist, Kenmore, Brisbane

We live today in the most populated world in history, yet more people than ever feel lonely, detached and separated from society… and even from themselves. How can we, in the midst of all the people we meet every day, sometimes feel so alone?

We frequently live in a way where we see ourselves as separate from others, from nature and from Divinity itself. This sense of separation seems to be an essential part of being human, part of our individuality and personal identity. Yet it is our sense of separation that can cause suffering, especially when we view everything around us as ‘things’ that appear unconnected to us.

It is as if we live in our own personal, separate bubbles designed to preserve our individuality and keep the world at bay. When we view the world as external to us, it is all too easy to forget the wholeness of life.

Most of us recognise that we are physically separate from other people and naturally assume we are also spiritually, psychologically and energetically separate. This gives the illusion that we are our body and that everything beyond that is not a part of us.

But is this really how it is?

If you spend time with a newborn baby it’s hard not to notice the love they radiate, unmeasured and equally shared.

We were all once like this baby; full of love – trusting, open and connected to everyone we met equally.

What changed this for so many of us?

It is as if when growing up the hardships of life, the broken hearts and the disappointments we encounter gradually force us to enclose our love, tenderness and feelings under a thick layer of toughness, defensiveness and/or aloofness.

These ‘coping strategies’ appears to protect the hurt we are feeling – however, at what cost? To deny our vulnerability locks our heart, shutting out our love and the love of others.

Once we commence to shut down we diminish the capacity to rely on our inner feelings, we stop trusting and with that, lose the ability to connect fully with others.
As we withdraw and shut down, our emotional exchanges – our ability to be in touch with our own feelings – become more and more limited; leading to a catch-22 situation where we measure our love, giving more love to those we feel won’t hurt us and less to those we aren’t as comfortable with or as certain of.

It is ironic that by trying to protect ourselves we cut off from others and that this choice ultimately produces our deepest sense of separation, the separation to self. And thus we create for ourselves the illusion that we live disconnected from others, our self, God and our essential nature – Love.

Through the teachings of the Ancient Wisdom presented by Universal Medicine, many people, myself included, have experienced a deeper sense of connection to themselves and other people. Little by little, I have been able to let go of the ‘protective’ layer of toughness and start trusting my own inner feelings. In this way I share my love more equally and I feel connected to myself, others, Divinity and my essential nature, which I know to be love. I know there is a oneness to life and that I am not actually separate at all as I can feel my connection to everything in my heart.

In a world where so many are seeking connection and true relationships, I have learnt that this must come first, from me choosing to connect to me with a willingness to let my love out and the love of others in.

1,035 thoughts on “Seeking Connection and True Relationships

  1. ‘When we view the world as external to us, it is all too easy to forget the wholeness of life.’ And it allows us to be irresponsible and to not speak up when needed as we will not let love out or in. A lonely existence indeed.
    But when we choose to feel the love, the divine we are part of you cannot but see the wholeness.

  2. Recently I have noticed how I play my part in this separation, even though I love humanity and people. It is times like when I go to the supermarket for ‘what I want’ and completely ignore the people around me, I see everyone else in the supermarket doing the same thing … what would happen if all the shelves and food got taken away (magically) and we were left standing in a large space with everyone else. Would we connect with each other then? Also when driving I am aware of times when I do not feel connected with everyone else but in my own little capsule. The truth is even if we think we our in own ‘little capsule’ we never are as we are all interlinked as you say even though it seems physically we are separate, energetically we are not. Lets make it about connection, truth, love, brotherhood and not about how many ‘likes’ we have or what ‘we need to get’. It is not all doom and gloom there is magic within the world that is happening … and we can all play the part of helping the magic to expand.

    1. This is a great call Vicky. As Rachel shares: “We live today in the most populated world in history, yet more people than ever feel lonely, detached and separated from society… and even from themselves.” Yet in pretty much every moment in our everyday lives there is the opportunity to start turning this all around.

  3. Such brilliant points raised Rachel through what you have shared. When we shut down and shut out feeling the love we are within we are left with the hurts of our emptiness and need for protection through the lifestyles we choose, creating really only a sense of loneliness. Yet if we are willing to go deeper, we realise that we are so much more that our physicality and we are then free to know that who we truly are is universal, and as such through the quality of our connection to our essence inescapably connected to all.

  4. Being protected is really not nice to feel. I am currently back in a working environment that I left years ago with a bit of reaction and protection and can now feel how I have to let those old protections go and live the true ‘me’ – show me, what I like, what I feel, what I know is true and how I like to live… This is the only way to truly let go of the protective shield that feels so capping.

    1. It is very true Lieke, asking to see it so we can deal with it. It is so easy to choose not to see what will hurt us but then we are less likely to cope with it! Such a backwards way of approaching it and yet it has been completely normal for me to approach things that way for most of my life!

  5. My whole body showed protection, the way I walked, talked, my rounded shoulders, my interaction with others. It is crazy how we think we are protecting ourselves when all we are doing is making life more complicated.

  6. I cannot but realise after reading you blog Rachel that when we withdraw and try and protect ourselves from some we simultaneously shut everyone out.

  7. Our hurts can make us retreat into a shell…in this shut down we give up on life and we give up on ourselves. We lose trust, and we isolate ourselves even more. To come back from this takes time and a gradual re-buildng of trust…for me the initial part of re-building back trust came when I first encountered Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine. It happened very gradually and very subtly. As the layers of hurt fell away, I allowed myself to feel more and allowed myself to feel more of the beauty and joy of life too. And in some regards this is an ongoing process of letting go of layers and embracing more and more of who I am and my connection to God. This in itself is an amazing blessing in my life.

  8. I had put layers of protection up to avoid my self from getting hurt, having been left previously hurt. My body had hardened to keep up these layers of protection.

  9. I am someone who had put up a lot of protection and it is true what you say – that the more guarded you are the more you isolate yourself from others and the more lonely this is.

    1. It sure is a vicious cycle MW – but one that can be broken by reestablishing love within oneself and not looking outside for fulfilment, then there is no opening for someone to hurt us, even if they try out of their own hurt.

  10. Yes it is extraordinary in this age of the so-called amazing communication that loneliness is now, as psychology today writes, a global epidemic. Humanity hungers for connection, and yet that connection simply must start with the reconnection with oneself… This is always the way.

  11. I had decided long ago that if I didn’t have a me then I could not get hurt, this definitely cut me out of the picture so to fill the void self sacrifice for the good of others came and buried me more deeply in my separation from self and each other. It is a continuing unfolding coming back to find the true and loving me thereby opening my heart to loving connections with others.

  12. When we shut ourselves off, we don’t only separate from others but also and foremost from ourselves. And if truth be told, it doesn’t ever work – we still feel everything and we are still a part of the all, just throwing a tantrum.

  13. It’s time to burst the bubbles of separation and reacquaint ourselves with the fact of energy and that we are all connected – whether we like or choose to see it or not – we cannot escape this fact.

  14. I was very good at shutting people out for most of my life and I now see how my body built a protective hard shell to stop me feeling the truth of the world all around me. Now I am beginning to peel away the many protective layers I placed on myself and see how my willingness and honesty to peel back the old layer of images and or beliefs of how I believed I should be really does free my body to move and express in a way that deeply supports daily life and connects me to so many more people, nature and the world at large.

  15. This blog touches on something that feels like a paradox to me. We go about life protecting ourselves but in doing so, do we actually create the need to be in protection? We can all argue that we need to protect ourselves from the ills and woes of life – but is it possible that we are part of the creation of our own need to be protected? I guess it’s ‘chicken and egg’ really. What came first, the feeling that I need to protect myself or the fear of being hurt? Or did they both arise together?

  16. There is this endless deepening of our connection when we allow it to happen. We are natural born to be in connection. So it is for us to let go control then naturally there we feel the deeper connection, the surrender to God.

  17. The need for connection and true relationship is strong in us all. But sometimes we are so fearful of rejection from past hurts that we are unable to trust others and therefore isolating ourselves more. I know I still hold myself back from connecting with people until I remind myself of the consequences of this. Thank you Rachel.

  18. Seeking connection and true relationships is indeed our purpose and our responsibility. Reacting from hurts dampens and prevents us for connection, to ourselves and to others.
    Thank you Rachel, your blog is a beautiful reminder to continually deepen our connection to self, and thus others.

  19. When we make life about physicality only it’s easy to feel separate to each other. We live in different houses, drive separate cars, have separate bodies etc. When we make life about energy, it’s simple to feel the oneness and fact that we are all connected due to the fact that we are energetic beings.

  20. Life is so simple when we break it down and yet the simplicity is not our norm. It’s a great question to ask and one we override constantly so we don’t have to feel the pain of what is there, “How can we, in the midst of all the people we meet every day, sometimes feel so alone?” So what’s the feeling, what are we overriding or running from? If we live in a populated world that is possibly more obviously connected then at anytime in the past by the internet how can we feel lonely or lost? It’s not true when we look at technology and so do we wipe what we feel because it can’t be true because it looks like we are connected? Or do we keep asking why until the answer becomes clear, in other words keep building the awareness that something doesn’t make sense until you unlock what feels true. There are many layers to this ‘lonely’ and eventually all roads lead back to you but at first it may lead to a relationship you had, a job, school, growing up, when you were a baby and so on. At least start on the path of unlocking the ‘something isn’t right’ and from there be open to where this question takes you. We have everything we need, it’s just that we have turned so many corners that our view of it is obscured.

  21. I love the word inspiration at the moment and feel that true inspiration for life is deepened in the movement of us first connecting to our bodies and then each step we take thereafter inspires another movement towards a multifaceted approach to living with nature and all others too.

  22. One of the greatest things I have learnt from attending Universal Medicine presentations has been to let go of the protective barriers that allowed me to keep people out of my heart and at a distance and learn to let them in. There is so much love and beauty to be discovered and embraced when true connections between people are allowed and cherished rather than ignored or avoided.

  23. I reckon it should be a basic premise of life: connection first. It’s one of the missing keys of life, to the point life doesn’t work without it, we’re always seeking and searching for it if we do not first take the time to connect with who we are – it literally changes the whole world.

  24. ‘Most of us recognise that we are physically separate from other people and naturally assume we are also spiritually, psychologically and energetically separate’ – this is re-enforced by our culture, gender, education and society in general. If we were to live as people deeply connected to each other, deeply connected to who we truly are then the common reflection of love we all bring would be all the evidence we need that we are one brotherhood and the separation dispelled.

  25. It’s a very true observation Rachel. That by protecting ourselves (so called) we are actually harming ourselves because we are not allowing others in and we are not allowing ourselves to be transparent – for a whole range of reasons that we can very easily justify. But even though we can go down the road of justification until we are blue in the face, it doesn’t change the fact that we are already intimately connected.

  26. Me too – with the support of Universal Medicine, I have become able to see and start to let go of the layers of protection so thick and stubborn that I thought it was me. The spaciousness opening up as the result of this process is just amazing. I have only scratched the surface I know, but it feels like a totally different life already.

  27. “These ‘coping strategies’ appears to protect the hurt we are feeling – however, at what cost? To deny our vulnerability locks our heart, shutting out our love and the love of others.” I see this time and time again. I have done it, lived it, got the certificate and it got me no-where other than not spotting the hurt until it hit me square in the face! Coping strategies are just that – they are not dealing with anything and I have found that is more harmful in the long run.

  28. This is such a beautiful and spot on blog Rachel, the more we shut down and protect ourselves from feeling what has hurt us in life the more we are in the illusion that we are separate. We are intimately connected through everything all the time, and this is not just a mantra saying it is a truth if we allow ourselves to engage with life on this level.

  29. Yes Rachel that willingness to let love out and therefore in is the secret ingredient to moving from the protection of not trusting love. I love what you share here ‘I share my love more equally and I feel connected to myself, others, Divinity and my essential nature, which I know to be love. I know there is a oneness to life and that I am not actually separate at all as I can feel my connection to everything in my heart.’ It is awesome to really feel that we are not separate but part of the whole universe, and beyond

  30. I agree Rachel, it is ironic that we think we are protecting ourselves when we withdraw from others yet we end up cutting ourselves off and separating from the true connection with ourselves, not realising the deep illusion we have created.

  31. Something really key here Rachel – that if we start to favour some over others, we separate. Its not possible to compartmentalise like that, as it creates compartments inside us separating us from ourselves. Ouch – that hurts on a deep, fundamental level and is something we are all struggling to return from.

  32. I had made my own kingdom, king in a castle with thick walls, where no one could enter and I would not come out. Lonely but protected, a deep illusion I had created. Now I feel from the connection with my inner heart my love for people and yes sometimes the wall can be build up but this feels horrible and the love I feel will always take away the bricks to break down the walls. We are never separated how hard we try to, never.

  33. I’ve only just come to understand that I’m not 100% – or perhaps even 50% – at home with my vulnerability and fragility because I’ve felt frightened by how much I can feel when I let go of my protection. For me that protection has taken the form of many things. Two I’m working with right now are the way I stand (defensively) and how I feel when I let go of weight. That last one is particularly scary as it’s both about less of a physical barrier between me and the world; and, with less food intake, and no intake of foods that dull me, etc., I get to feel things I don’t want to feel, or feel ill-equipped to deal with.

  34. I can recall carrying this heavy suit of armour, with chips on my shoulders and a black cloud with bolt lightening above my head. Soon as that protection started to fall away, I not only started to connect with myself but others – I deprived people seeing the real me and it is so lovely to be a reflection for others to follow, without perfection.

  35. It struck me when you shared that because we are physically separate, we can take on this notion that we are separate in all ways. But the reality is that we are not. Yes physically we may live in separate houses etc…. but energetically we are all one, and we are all connected. When we connect to that, and to ourselves, there cannot be separation.

  36. This surely has to be our marker of how to live – “We were all once like this baby; full of love – trusting, open and connected to everyone we met equally.” Why have we been willing to give this way of being up so easily? No amount of holding on to hurts is worth our divine right to love, trust, be open and connected to the universe and all those in it.

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