One day at work I noticed my colleague handing a spoon to a gentleman he used to work with. The gentleman had just made the comment that he wanted to eat his yoghurt whilst grabbing it from another room, and from that my colleague handed him the spoon without the required “Can I have one please?”
Right now you’re probably like… “So, what’s the big deal?” And really, there is no big deal, it was just beautiful to register the act, and it got me thinking about love and the loving gestures we show one another. He was so natural with it, and it was clear to see that it is a normal part of how we can be with each other – caring for each other. Continue reading
Have you ever noticed how couples who have broken up often continue to behave and fight the way they did while married? Even for years or decades after separating or divorcing?
The same could be said for siblings, friends, teachers, students, workmates and business contacts who come into conflict and part company because of it. Or even public figures like politicians and celebrities who we choose to dislike for whatever reason. Sometimes the participants (even the unwitting ones) in these conflicted relationships who have moved apart may not even communicate directly at all, but the hostility, jealousy, frustration, judgment, etc., goes on and on within each person… like a festering splinter… Continue reading
While we would never want to admit it, conditional love is very much the predominant expression of love in the world today. It is something we have accepted as close enough to love and therefore we have begun to accept, and even expect, this type of love time and time again.
So what is conditional love?
Conditional love has many layers and many forms, all of them designed to show the world just enough of our true self (our essence) so we don’t appear soulless, but not enough that other people might freak out, run away or point and say, ”You’re different,” “We don’t like you” etc.
Conditional love is the voice that says, “Don’t shine quite so bright, don’t say what you actually feel, don’t step on toes.” It is also the voice that says, “You’re better to wallow in your woes, because when you wallow, others leave you alone or give you attention and sympathy.”
The other morning I woke up feeling very vulnerable – I was tearful, head-achy and I felt fragile and sensitive to anything that was being said to me. The smallest comment would bring me to tears.
The night before I had attended an Esoteric Yoga session and the presenter did say that we may feel quite vulnerable in the first two weeks. I really did not believe her as I was feeling pretty good at the session, but here I am now – feeling vulnerable.
I was aware of something in my body telling me to “get rid of it,” to put this vulnerability aside and “get on with your day,” as I have done many times in the past: but today I decided to allow this vulnerability to be there and to deeply feel it. Continue reading
Where I live it rains a lot and it’s warm for most of the year. The soil is rich volcanic clay. Things grow really well, including grass and bugs. Along with those wonderful things come mould, mud, mosquitoes, tropical parasites and a roaring trade in lawn mowing and garden equipment repairs. And along with all that also comes – ANT MOUNDS!
Picture yourself coming out on a sunny morning to see your beautifully mowed, bright green spring lawn covered in little conical mounds of mud at the rate of up to 20 per square metre: like a minefield on your lovely lawn that you have to step carefully through, unless you want mud packed into your soles and up the sides of your shoes, or between your toes and under your toenails. Continue reading
Growing up as a boy I know the feeling of being judged for something that I am.
From the age of 8, when I first heard of the possibility that two men could live together as a couple and love each other just like Mum and Dad did, it was then I knew that I would one day be living as a gay man. Very innocently I told a friend this. Weeks later I discovered that being ‘gay’ was seen as a bad thing by the majority of people, and that this word could be used as a weapon. I simply couldn’t understand how loving another man could not be right! And how could a word that described such a beautiful thing be used to hurt another? Continue reading
Why is it so hard to accept, really accept a compliment?
You would think that accepting a compliment from someone would be easy, something nice said to you or about you, but do we really stop to allow ourselves to feel what is being shared with us about ourselves?
This is something I have been recently observing in myself. Someone offers me a compliment, and I quickly say thank you, brushing it off like it was said in jest, a fleeting moment, or simply to be polite, or better (worse!) yet I go into an explanation of why I may look good, or why my hair is incredibly amazing on that day. Continue reading