It’s funny the things we identify with isn’t it? Consider national pride… such a curious belief. After all, why would we take pride in something we have no significant part in shaping? We pop out on a specific patch of land and it can seem to define our whole life. We use it to measure our experiences against, identify with, and even recoil from. A pride or shame, basking or wincing, heightened and deflated egos based on something wholly external to our being, out of our control.
A moment of regret, frustration, disappointment, wondering why different choices were not and are not made, a life lived less than all that I am and that it could be…
These were some of the feelings that washed over me one morning recently after attending a Universal Medicine event: my own regret and devastation of living life in delay, in avoidance of living all of me in every single moment.
Recently I have been exploring the topic of judgement, as I have come to realise that I have been a very judgmental person for most of my life. Judging others is so much a part of what I do that I’m often not even aware that I am doing it. I have found that in order for me to be able to see a behaviour clearly, I need to be able to get a bit of distance between me and the behavior: but my problem with being judgmental is that it has often felt as close to me as my breath.
Like so many words in the English language, the term ‘evolution’ has been bastardised and reduced in its meaning to stand so far away from its original intent that the true meaning itself initially may take on the taint of incredulity in the face of what has been densely layered and imposed upon it. However, feeling the truth in our physical body allows us to discern the facts for ourselves. This is how it happened for me.
I was pondering recently on how much “I love being warm.” It’s winter where I live and I was appreciating the care and the detail I take in ensuring that I am warm wherever I go and no matter what I am doing.
I often received comments such as, “You must be a cold fish,” but that is not entirely true. What I do love is to feel warm and toasty in the cooler winter months. I love how my body feels when I am warm, whereas my body does not enjoy being cold at all. Many years ago I was camping in Europe in winter and it was not a pleasant experience – I was literally cold to my bones. I found that being cold is painful to the body and it does hurt.
Although we have an innocence and awareness as children when we are born, very rarely do we pass over the same way we came in, as we can end up loaded with beliefs and ideals, issues, hurts, regrets and protection – everything we are not.
A number of months ago I started to ‘feel,’ for the very first time, my shoulders. I didn’t feel the beauty of them or even their connection to my arms and the rest of my body. What I felt was how frozen they were.
Frozen as in a numbness that went so much deeper than numb, I can only describe it as frozen. I would reach back and press my fingers into different areas across my shoulders and not feel a thing. All that was there was a solid wall, if you will, that no feeling could penetrate. It was the oddest sensation and I kept pressing my fingers into my shoulders and upper back area at different times of the day as if checking that it was true, that I couldn’t feel a thing and I would ask myself how this could be possible. Continue reading “My Frozen Shoulders and the Big Thaw”