Writing about appreciation seems to bring up a lot for me. Today after weeks of delay, I asked myself, “Why is this so hard?” I am pretty good at clocking the beauty that surrounds us all – the sun, the sky and the stars. I know I am blessed to have a job, family, wonderful partner and an incredible group of friends. Many times I have been in awe of the way incredible opportunities have opened up, or of the colours of the sky during sunrise or sunset. When I speak to people I find it easy to tell them how much I appreciate them, the way they light up my life and what they bring to the world, – I do it often. Last and certainly not least, I’ve had more things to appreciate than I would have thought possible since I discovered Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine around seven years ago. So seriously, what’s the problem?
My head wants to jump in with all the answers. It tells me that by avoiding appreciation, I am simply avoiding my responsibility to be all of me. It’s a fact, too. I know that the more I appreciate myself, the more that I will realise how important my contribution to the world is, but the facts feel hollow and hard. My head is not helping.
I ask my body what the next step is. It says, “Bring some understanding to yourself – you are a deeply sensitive, tender being. You don’t have an issue with appreciation and you are not a ‘bad,’ ‘irresponsible’ person. Those judgmental thoughts, no matter how subtle, are all equally crushing. There is a reason you are choosing to have an issue with appreciation.”
I let myself feel that underneath it all, I don’t have an issue with appreciation at all. In fact, I can see I am afraid of what will happen when I let the world know just how much I value myself. I start remembering my childhood and the confidence I had; the way I could command a room and feel how deeply precious I was. I also sense that others didn’t always embrace my confidence and unbridled appreciation of myself. As a child, I did not understand that the shunning, withdrawal, harsh words, bullying and taunting were actually symptoms of jealousy. I chose to interpret these things as a sign that I was not ‘so crash hot’ after all, and I had used them to ‘take myself down a notch.’ Ah! … what a convenient way to fit in and be accepted. Everybody wins, or so I thought… (that’s where listening to my head got me).
So today I have another opportunity to claim myself back. Appreciation is not just our responsibility, it is also our birthright. I’ve also just discovered that I’ve left my lunch in the oven about an hour too long, (a little too crunchy for my taste). Didn’t see that line coming, did you? Ha! I could go into my normal judgment and self-bashing, but this blog reminds me it’s another moment to appreciate. Perhaps I’ve sensed that I need to eat something different today; perhaps I have an opportunity to look at the way I am doing things and change some behaviours that aren’t working for me and are impacting others.
Perhaps I am so deeply loved and supported that I am being shown my worth has nothing to do with what I do and everything to do with the way I respond to what life presents.
Yes – I see it now: every moment is an opportunity to engage with the science of appreciation.
By Leonne Barker, Woman discovering how wonderful she really is