Recently I have been exploring the topic of judgement, as I have come to realise that I have been a very judgmental person for most of my life. Judging others is so much a part of what I do that I’m often not even aware that I am doing it. I have found that in order for me to be able to see a behaviour clearly, I need to be able to get a bit of distance between me and the behavior: but my problem with being judgmental is that it has often felt as close to me as my breath.
My judgmental ways have taken various forms. There have been the out and out verbally expressed judgmental snipes and the more surreptitious forms of judgement, such as a pregnant pause, the raising of an eyebrow or the shared look with a fellow staff member in a team meeting. And then there have been my judgmental thoughts, of which there have been an infinite number, silent by nature but registered in exactly the same way as an out and out attack of words.
So, who have I judged? It’s perhaps more pertinent to ask, “Who haven’t I judged?” I judge everybody – the rich and the famous, the down and the out, my family, my friends, my work colleagues, absolute strangers in the street and those I have neither met nor seen.
What is it that I judge others for? I think I can honestly say ‘everything.’ And the ridiculous thing is, what I judge others for is often the opposite of the same thing. For example, I have judged people for being too fat and too thin, too loud and too quiet, too stupid and too intelligent, too ugly and too good looking, too sensible and too reckless. I was going to say that I could fill a book with a list of the things that I have judged others for but it’s much truer to say that I could fill a small mobile library with my judgmental ways.
And the utterly ludicrous thing is, I have recently come to realise that my supposed viewpoint from which I cast my judgement is completely arbitrary – a moving platform that has changed so radically over time that I can’t even identify any more with the platform on which I once stood. The staunch platform on which I stood in my twenties was built on the belief that vegetarianism was the healthiest way to eat and that strenuous exercise was good for the body and therefore I naturally judged others who ate heaps of meat and who chose not to exercise. But now, twenty years later my views have changed… I no longer believe that vegetarianism is healthy for everyone and I currently hold the belief that strenuous exercise isn’t good for anybody. So, if I were to judge others from my current standpoint, then I would be judging those that were choosing to live life like I used to.
And the word ‘choosing’ is a significant one because what all judgement boils down to, is judging another for the choices that they are currently making, which begs the question, “Who are we to judge another’s choices?”
As part of my growing awareness around my judgmental ways, I have started to feel the effects of judgement on my body. It feels like an attack, not only on those that I am judging but on myself. When I judge another, it feels like I simultaneously harpoon us both, freeze framing us in time and space. Judgement relies very heavily on time; it tries to insist that another be somewhere other than where they are, which, when you think about it, is utterly ridiculous – how can any of us be anywhere other than where we are now? The Universe is forever expanding and as part of the Universe, so too are we being pulled to expand, but judgement tries to pin us down to the tiniest of specks; it prevents us from seeing the deeper and grander aspects of each other.
Judgement is also rejection because each time we judge another, what we are in fact saying is, “I do not accept the way that you are choosing to be.” And this rejection is likely to push another even further into disharmonious ways of being, because rejection is an attack that most of us recoil from. Acceptance on the other hand is gifted with grace and allows others the freedom to move and change at their will.
Everything in life falls into one of two categories – it either supports us to return to the Truth of who we all are, or it hinders the process of return. Could it be as simple as understanding that judgement hinders our return, whereas acceptance speeds us on our way?
By Alexis Stewart, disability support worker, yoga teacher, massage therapist, mother, partner, self-appointed cheerleader for humanity, woman whose identity as an individual seems to be fading fast
Related Reading:
The truth of simple acceptance of self
Accepting all of you
Self-acceptance and appreciation bring true presence
Words on Serge Benhayon 
As we are in the current lock down around the world, maybe if we eliminate Judgement and social distancing with the understanding that “I need to be able to get a bit of distance between me and the behavior” that has set up many of the lies and deceptions through political corruption that we have all allowed to flourish because we are not standing up for the Energetic Truth.
My understanding of myself and others is growing apace I am learning that if we have appreciation of ourselves in all that we do and all that we bring to the world then there is no room for judgement because you are so full to the brim of yourself not in a selfish way but a true understanding of everything we are and the amazing potential of what is to come via our connection to the universe.
Judging also come with a lot of calculating that if I act that way then this will happen and there will be a benefit to me.
Judgement is imposing ourselves as judge and jury of someone or something that we know little about, whereas appreciation frees us to appreciate all there is.
Put like this it is very simple, clear and true ‘Everything in life falls into one of two categories – it either supports us to return to the Truth of who we all are, or it hinders the process of return.’
Judgement is a good way to keep people out, isn’t it. Horrible to have such weighty expectations on people. May as well go give them a bag full of heavy bricks to carry around and two bags for yourself as well. Then imagine that weight for ever person that is judged and doing the judging. Until one can see through the judgement for what it is and anther chooses to no longer judge. Feel the lightness now when we stop passing and carrying that heavy weighted bag around.
GR thank you for the analogy of judgement, and how horrible it is to have expectations on people with little understanding of them and what they are going through. I can feel arrogance there as well. It feels to me that we should all eat a big piece of humble pie as who are we to know a person’s history. To be honest if we were to carry weighted bags around we would all disappear under the weight of them.
As others have shared, my understanding is, if I am judging another then first there is something within myself I do not want to see. That is why it is so easy to judge .. because if we do that then the focus is away from ourselves. We are avoiding seeing and feeling something within a behaviour, choice, pattern etc etc. So I completely respect all those, like yourself, who first are willing to be honest about judging others and then to bring that awareness back to themselves to start to look at all that has not wanted to be felt or seen. From experience when we do this it is like taking off a plaster. At first it is a bit of an ‘ouch’ but then allow the true healing to begin.
Thank you for your explanation of judgement Vicky, could it be that we reincarnate with past choices unresolved hence the lack of awareness towards ourselves and others in this life time?
Absoulutely Vicky, as we remove the plaster we let the light in to heal our lack of awareness of what is Energetically happen all around us.
Judgement generally sees one aspect of a person, like a behaviour, and not the grandness of their essence or the many qualities they bring to the world, or have hidden away inside. I also have started to feel the energy of judgement, it’s horrible, it’s like lots of small sharp barbs and it feels like a irritant to the body, whether sent at another or received it’s the same poison. Judgement is interesting to watch play out in terms of who is seen as good and who is seen as bad, on the one hand is the person it’s directed to, and then the person judging sees the other as bad and themselves as good, even though the judgement is contributing to the ugliness of the world. It’s such a righteous state of mind isn’t it? The more I can feel it and unpick it, the more I hate it and want to rid myself of it. Appreciate the blog and honesty Alexis.
Melinda I agree with you that Alexis has opened up a great discussion, its so easy to judge someone as it lets us off the hook of not having to look at our part in it all and it keeps us all in the separation to each other which is of course the whole point of the game.
Judgement is such a pernicious and insidious quality yet it is so normal we don’t think twice about it. When we voice those judgments out loud to others for the sake of conversation, we don’t realise how much we breed toxicity into our environments and how much we encourage each other to go into protection.
Comparison with others also is intrinsically entwined with judgement and explore and exposing these in our lives is evolutionary and thus exposing the lack of appreciation we have for our essences or Souls.
An old thought came in that I feel to share, that when we point a finger at another we have three pointing towards ourselves, Hm! funny that, and adding to what Alexis has shared, this is so relatable to my life, as I can feel that the three fingers pointing at me are also a self-judging in my previous way of living which was being overweight, a drunkard, who smoked, took drugs, became a vegetarian for over 20 years, sports nut and many other flavours in my life… When I stopped and changed my ways condemnation of others came to the fore and thus I could also feel that these forms of critique that played on my ability to be Truly-appreciate-ive of the essences that I can be in are thus the same essences for everyone.
Judgement of others or of ourselves is when we think they do not fit the mental picture of how we think they should act or look – and is us who paint the picture.
Mary what you say feels true to me we are the judge and jury of ourselves first and then from that negative stand point we judge all others. Rather than seeing/feeling the energy that is coming through us that is the master of our movements. We are energy first always, what energy we choose then affects our behaviour towards ourselves and others.
Judgement as I have learned is a lack of understanding of self or another. This does not mean that I never judge, but it does mean that I catch myself more quickly if I am judging now and then ask myself to re-consider and allow myself to question why the situation could be happening – which then leads often to a deeper understanding and hence a dropping of the judgement.
I am discovering the more I let go and accept myself the more accepting of others and where they are on their journey I become. We are constantly saturated with negative energy and positive energy as it passes through us, what one we chose to align to determines how we will be with ourselves and all others. There is a way to live that makes it more difficult for the negative energy to take hold so that it slides off us like water off a ducks back. I’m not there yet but I know it’s possible because I have witnessed other people living this way how amazing is that!
Your honesty around judgement is refreshing in that you are calling out that you do it, just how much you do it and how contradictory amongst many things it is. All of which I am sure pretty much the whole world can put their hand up for. So as you have succinctly put maybe it is time for us to to spend far less time judging either ourselves or others and more time instead asking for true truth in the world ✨
This is a great blog Alexis to read because it provides a stop moment so that we can feel just how damaging judgement is on us and other people and how for many of us we do not even realise that we are being judgmental.
Being judge-mental also has an evil twin, comparison, which is also a killer for our evolution.
Why do we judge? Perhaps we are in constant judgement of ourselves and the only way to release this tension or make it seem like we are is to lash out in the form of judging another.
Judgement can be a way to hide away from the deeper responsibility of feeling what we are feeling and how we could ultimately support another by allowing them space and growth.
Interesting, it’s possible that we dive into judgement as a form of avoidance of sticking our head above the water. So when we see somebody doing something unloving, we join them into that by being judgemental rather than bring light to the situation and stand out from the crowd.
‘And this rejection is likely to push another even further into disharmonious ways of being…’ I’ve been feeling how, if I talk of someone negatively and don’t hold them in the beauty that they are, whatever it is that I don’t like in terms of what energies they maybe giving expression to, it’s more likely they’ll continue this because they won’t be feeling the love and reminded we all come from love and are love.
I personally feel that before we judge others we have judged ourselves first, so is it possible that if we unpick why we judge ourselves; what is the driving force behind the self judgement and heal the hurt then I feel that we will not be able to judge another because we are free of it ourselves.
“Who are we to judge another’s choices?” Absolutely! Love this blog exposing judgment.
I am learning to observe and am finding that in the observation is understanding which is something I have not allowed myself to feel before. In the understanding I am finding that my body can settle rather than being in constant nervous energy of the reactions to life.
We can think that our judgement is positive. For example, we can think that murder is wrong. But in our judgements we’ll never understand the behaviour, regardless of how malicious the act is, there is always a root that can be understood.
It maybe a bit unusual perhaps but I’m loving clocking where I judge. I can’t say it’s a pleasant experience but the love uncovered beneath the layer of judgement is immense. Recently I’m noticing how the protection I go into comes from a judgement of others. As I let this go I see how we are all egos, how I can drop trying to be perfect and just be real and learn like everyone else how to be loving in the world. I am not ‘special’ as in uniquely special and better in any way. My need to be an individual hasn’t liked this simple truth but there’s a humble beauty to embracing this and being part of our one big family.
With the universe expanding continually why would we choose to freeze ourselves in time? How much energy is required to fight the universe?
Absolutely Steve I feel time is man made and that there is no time in the universe only its expansion, I wonder if there is a point reached when the expansion stops and then the in breath begins? There is so much we don’t know about the universe, we fret over our little lives when there is so much grandness on offer from the universe that we ignorantly ignore. Yet if we looked to the stars we would see our future.
Yes, this is really interesting how subjective judgement is and how it is only based on our beliefs at the time, which of course vary from person to person. So judgement is not based on any facts or truth but only our own projection and expectations of how we think the world should be, rather than how it actually is.
Andrew I speak to many people during the day and most of the people I speak to are dissatisfied with their life, so I can totally understand where you are coming from when you say we have projections and expectations of what we think the world should be rather then see life how it actually is which is rotten to the core. We don’t want to see the truth of the consequences of our collective choices regarding how we are living, so we live life through a series of filters which we think hides the real truth but eventually we will all have to admit to stuffing up life good and proper and then set about rebalancing our stuff ups.
I noticed in myself, the other day, how much I measure and judge others purely from the fact that I am not yet able to hold everyone with the same amount of love equally. I observed how I measure depending on what it is about another that I am reacting to. If I cut out the reaction, there can be no room for judgement.
Residues of judgement sit within us all. There can still be a pull to expect people to be like us, and when they aren’t, we react. Each time we catch ourselves reacting, it’s wise to ask what are we reacting against. Expectations often fuel judgement. Cut out expectation and remaining open creates space for another to be themselves and for us to accept them just as they are.
I wonder if when we are judging another’s behaviour is it possible we have a picture or an expectation of how they ought to be, which is a projection, judgement, pictures. Projection are all ways that crush another rather than giving them the space to make their own choices.
When I am judging either myself or another it feels cold and divisive in my body. When I am understanding, interested and open to what is going on in me or with others I learn so much (and love it).
I would agree that to really get underneath a repeated behaviour that we want to change we need to conenct with the inner part of us that does not naturally have this behaviour as part of its essence – in other words we are not our behaviours so noone is a judgemental person permanently. By essence we are loving and understanding beings but we just choose to use judgement as way of living. So by connecting more and more to this inner essence or quality of who we are we start to be able to observe our behaviours more and more and this really supports to shift them and clear them from our life.
Could judgment be the junkyard dog that we contain behind a fence? Anyone caught behind this barrier will be attacked, and others are at held at bay from the barking.
Judgement is like a big cream pie. With judgement, we eat this big cream pie and feel satisfied we are better than other, yet with our judgement we are the ones eating the fattest pie to bloat our bodies out of existence. Whereas, appreciation for ourselves and the other (whoever we are judging) allows for a whole different experience that we all can enjoy and there’s no cream pie. What is the cream pie in reality but sawdust in our mouths.
Judgment keeps us in the past as it is based on past experiences and hence restricts one to learn, develop and expand.
I’ve been looking at judgement myself of late and what I have realised is that when I am at work and I run the day on judgement of others I feel drained, so as an experiment I have been appreciating others at work and came out feeling very different. This is still a work in progress but it’s definitely shining a light on the many areas of life where judgement can creep in.
Good fun to try these experiments with ourselves. We all know things are pretty awry in the world, so it makes sense to explore different approaches, yes?
Judgement freezes us in time – we personalize and make up our mind about someone/ourselves, totally overlooking the fact of energy, and more often than not, we keep coming back to the same time frame, expecting to repeat the same reaction over, and over. I can feel how retarding this is, and contra to our innateness that knows the truth about energy and space and everything beyond our temporal human inter-actions; yet, at the same time and I know how I have found it so hard not to judge. What I can feel is that not to judge doesn’t happen by flicking a switch and telling myself not to judge but accept instead, it is an aspect of unfoldment, and judging myself for judging would be pretty stupid.
” Acceptance on the other hand is gifted with grace and allows others the freedom to move and change at their will.” Bringing understanding to where the other is at – accepting their choices and appreciating who they are – not what they do or choose, supports defeating judgement.
Judgement is a cruel and diminishing weapon. It has no place in our interactions with ourselves or others.
Fantastic blog Alexis thankyou. “Judgement is also rejection because each time we judge another, what we are in fact saying is, “I do not accept the way that you are choosing to be.” Yet when we judge others are we not accepting a part of ourselves too? A part we don’t want to look at or feel – that may be buried deep within us – or not? And we often judge ourselves so harshly also – which isn’t supportive for us or anyone around us.
From my own experience sueq2012 I would say what you have written is correct. “Yet when we judge others are we not accepting a part of ourselves too? A part we don’t want to look at or feel – that may be buried deep within us – or not? And we often judge ourselves so harshly also – which isn’t supportive for us or anyone around us.”
When we don’t accept who we are in truth it allows an opening for another energy to come through, when we heal the hurts that we carry, there is no opening for the energy to come through and dictate how we will be with ourselves or other people.
Judgement comes from a place of hurt so addressing the hurt – allowing ourselves to feel the pain not just mentalize- can allow for the emotion, which is really just a reaction, to clear from the body and this gives more space for whatever we choose next from the body.
Such an honest blog, Alexis. Judgement causes harm equally to those that are doing the judging as those that are judged. It creates a barrier to understanding. Rather than observing and accepting others where they are that, what judgement highlights for me is an unhealed hurt that has me looking out at others behaviours, rather than going inward and taking responsibility for my own.
Alexis, your article is pure gold and no matter how many times I read it, it still supports and inspires me.
The more I accept myself where I am at and where I have been knowing there is always evolution being offered to me the less likely I am to judge. Judgement is the absolute reflection of the judgement towards self because of the lack of acceptance on my part.
Judgement is awful. Most of us have been at the receiving end and know what it feels like. And most of us have been at the delivering end and know how it comes with such lack of understanding and a condescension of another. And yet we can still so easily go into it – but each time this happens I do my best to grab that moment and really feel how it feels and what is happening.
Self judgement has to be one of the most insidious ways we curse ourselves. It’s saying you are what you are choosing and can never, and will never be other than this. So vastly different to saying, ok let’s see what’s going on and bring love to the equation so you can heal.
Spot on Karin – self judgement is a self-flagellation, a way to keep ourselves down and not allow the learning and hence growth and evolution on offer. We are super scared of the power that we can hold and live, because of the responsibility that comes with it.
So true Karin. Self judgment can become very subtle when we think we are over condemning ourselves outright. Why do we self-sabotage so often? it makes no sense. Bringing in love and appreciation supports letting go of judgement.
Alexis, I love your honesty in this article. No one wants to admit that they are judgmental let alone go into it and flush it out. What I get from judgment is that we do not accept humanity and work to keep people at bay, and are only willing to accept our pictures of life and how it should be for us.
I feel that when we expose the ‘arbitrary’ and flighty base for our judgements, it becomes super clear that they are at best futile and at worse indicative of our awful deviation from unity.
Alexis, I have definitely noticed that this happens with myself and others; ‘this rejection is likely to push another even further into disharmonious ways of being, because rejection is an attack that most of us recoil from.’
We are allegedly the top of the evolutional food chain. When we express judgement to another are we not forcing others to cower in the corner or attack because we have been cornered.
I absolutely agree with this; ‘Judgement is also rejection because each time we judge another, what we are in fact saying is, “I do not accept the way that you are choosing to be.” Recently it was exposed to me that I have been very judgemental and critical. I chose to see the truth in this and not react and this honesty has allowed me to be aware of and let go of the judgment that I have held of others. This feels very freeing and allows more acceptance and connection with myself and others. I do not get so tense now when someone does something I don’t agree with – I see it as their choice and so I feel I am able to be more consistent and steady as I am not in judgement and reaction.
Great to realise that our thoughts can be just as harmful as our words and actions in an energetic world.
Absolutely. Everyone can feel being judged even if it’s not said. When it’s covered up by niceness or sympathy, that for me is toxic, because, if we aren’t reading what is going on, we can feel bad and judge ourselves for being ungrateful, perhaps a hopeless case unable to accept the support on offer when actually it is no support at all, it is cursing us to stay stuck in whatever we have created for ourselves. Sympathy offers no inspiration.
The image of judgement ‘falling over’ had me chuckling Ariana, but then the realisation of how simple the truth is, often does. I’m all for deepening my appreciation if it is the way to fell judgement. Appreciation feels so yummy in the body, so very different from how it feels when judgement is in full swing.
This is one blog I love returning to, as coming to the realisation that judgement has been a huge part of my life, I have made a total commitment to moving it on out. It hasn’t been easy but coming to understand why I judge has made sense of this damaging behaviour, damaging not only to recipient of the judgement but to me as well. What has also supported the dismantling of this pattern has been being the willingness to understand where someone is in their lives, and the deeper I can go with the understanding the less space there is for the judgement to try to sneak in. I am certainly enjoying way less judgement and much more understanding in my life.
Judging others causes separation and stops any true intimacy and love.
Absolutely agree that judgement is the enemy of intimacy and being open with one another and offering love and observing life is the key to building intimacy.
Very true Rebecca, we cannot be intimate and our true selves when we are judging because there is no connection to self. Judgement cuts the connection, separating us from one another.
This is a great question; “Who are we to judge another’s choices?” It feels very righteous to believe that we are right and others are wrong, this is very black and white. Having acceptance and understanding of ourselves and others feels key.
Judgement is an instant separation from humanity.
It is okay to have an opinion about something and to express it, but what is not okay is if we lace that opinion with the judgement that the other person is wrong. The root of that is simple, we need to be right and therefore make others wrong because in order to be right somebody else has to be wrong. This has to be rooted in an insecurity, in a feeling of not being able to cope or be accepted/ acknowledged because if we felt content with ourselves we would not have to make other people feel worse about themselves.
It is an ongoing learning of how deep and insidious judgement has been in the thoughts of our minds, and how it has put up walls and barriers between us as humans.
The subtleties of how we judge are very insidious. I am only beginning to clock how this affects others even when we don’t voice them to another.
When we live by judging ourselves then that energy will be with us in all that we do, say and think.
When we do things for approval we are using other peoples standards, other peoples ideals and beliefs…selling ourselves out to judgements based on all of these.
Judging another doesn’t allow them the space to be themselves.
Is judgement taught to us when we were small, to not colour outside the lines?
It is quite ludicrous how we judge yet very common practice that most people seem to do. When we know we are on our own journeys, there is no point judging and it so harms us much more than we realise. Relationships are so much more loving without judgement.
Alexis, I love your honesty in the articles that you write, it is beautifully refreshing and deeply inspiring.
‘And the utterly ludicrous thing is, I have recently come to realise that my supposed viewpoint from which I cast my judgement is completely arbitrary’ I have vehemently judged people for doing something I’ve been convinced is wrong and then made a complete u-turn. Rather than notice how ludicrous judgement is I continue to judge. This just shows me how far from love right and wrong are, and how forceful the emotion of passion and the conviction behind judgement is. It’s all a horrible wall that keeps us separated from one another.
Just like you Alexis, “as part of my growing awareness around my judgmental ways, I have started to feel the effects of judgement on my body”, and it is definitely not a pleasant feeling in the least. It is a feeling that jangles within a body that in truth does not hold one ounce of judgement against anyone me, even me. So that has me pondering on where judgement comes from. Is it simply from all the pictures we hold in our minds as to what life and others should look like, and if they don’t match, well there is the opening for the judgement to come on in.
When we were little we had no judgement and what did we fill our time with? Enjoying life every day to the fullest. This life is always just a choice away.
Judgement is a barrier to intimacy with others. I’ve realised I’ve been walking around in protection which is a huge judgement on other people as I’ve being saying you are only going to hurt me so I’m not going to show you all of who I am, my beautiful fragility or sweetness; instead you’re going to experience me as hard and warey. This then shuts us all down. I’m now opening up and welcoming when I notice any judgement, and no longer condemning myself for it as I understand where it’s coming from.
If we pin another down with a judgement we also reduce ourselves and others to a lesser form of being.
Yes, judgement robs us of seeing the beauty and magnificence in another and ourselves. I know when I’m in judgement this feels toxic and I know I’m not connected or expressing the love that I am. If another is struggling and I judge, then I’ve condemned them for this and as this; so even if I were to ‘help’ them, not be holding them in the grandness that they are, I’d be inviting them to limit themselves.
You have reminded me of the killing jar that is used to put butterflies in so you can mount them with a pin on a board. We are the killing jar when we judge and those that we judge, are pinned to where we put them.
I love what you unravel here Alexis and how there simply is no sense in judgement as we can judge today what we once have fervently believed in or might find ourselves doing in the future. Being open to observe and learn however gives everybody space to unfold in their own time.
To let go of judgement we have to allow ourselves to feel the effects of what it does to the body. I know that every time I judge I feel the separation between myself and the other person. There is no love in my body in that moment for another but also not one drop of love for myself.
Yes Caroline, judgement is definitely a two way street, as the energy from those destructive thoughts cannot be contained within our minds. We only have to think a judgemental thought and the energy is flowing on out of us. I have come to hate how I can judge others, how the thought is there even before I am aware of it. But with a commitment to bring more love and understanding to my fellow man the power of judgement is very slowly beginning to dissolve.
Does judgement of others have its roots in self-flagellation?
To judge another we must first have judged ourselves.
Reading this article makes me realise that because we so often judge people we know and strangers, this stops the love that can flow between us and stops the connection, understanding, and support that could otherwise be there.
We have learnt to make judgment our default but it is very wise to exchange it for appreciation. Judgement has us in a very narrow tunnel vision, appreciation allows us to see the beauty there is.
Judgement can slow us down like walking up a steep hill in a storm and appreciation becomes a walk in the park on a sunny day.
It is not us as we know the ill that comes from being on the receiving end and this is far from what we know is true.
When I can feel myself going into judgement and pay attention to my body it feels tight and restricted. This is a moment to simply let go, let my body release and then I am open and responsive to everything that is in front of me.
Judgment is retarding of any sort of evolution or progress. Acceptance allows things to move and change. A much needed reminder today.
I have been looking at the many ways I resort to judgement and its effects. And, everything you’ve shared Alexis is exactly how I feel too. I find what helps me unlock this automatic default reaction to people is my unwillingness to admit or feel the judgement that is there, it’s like I try to avoid feeling what I have allowed through. I don’t like to feel or take responsibility for the judgemental thoughts that come into my body, so I dismiss it and try to move on but this just means I fall right into the same reactions, again and again, every time there is a trigger.
To understand we are judging others can come as a big shock, because we can think that’s what others do, not ourselves. When we realise we have been judging too, it’s important to make some changes to our behaviour.
Judging others is a so ingrained behaviour that we don’t even question it. It’s familiar as it’s the way we have been operating for so long. But coming accross to an article like this opens up a new way of being in which we don’t interfere in the process of others, having a quick opinion about their choices or pointing to the faults without see ourselves first. There is a beautiful dettachment but at the same time a holding, in observing the essence of every person in this world, it’s a precious foundation for every relationship.
We judge ourselves first then we judge others. If we were to stop judging ourselves, we would bring understanding to self and to others.
It’s like we’ve conditioned ourselves to judge first and act second rather than be open first and express second.
Great point Michael, and also, how often do we resort to judgemental thoughts, quickly brush them aside and then consider ourselves to be non-judgemental because they are not extreme forms of judgement?
Judgement is so insidiously silly, it’s not truly logical at all, because I have found myself judging others for doing things I used to do – that just doesn’t make sense, We become the CEO of Right and Wrong and preside over everyone, and it’s all based on appearances and what we do, completely dismissing the beauty of who we all equally are within.
I agree Melinda … we judge others for things we used to do and we can also change the goal posts too – judging others for something we haven’t done but then we go and do the very same thing!
It’s good to make fun of consciousnesses like judgement because when we stand back and observe it’s all it’s so utterly silly, we judge others for judging us, judge ourselves for being judging, etc, making light of it can help bring us out of it, and out of the seriousness that hooks us into repeating the cycle. Examining how ludicrous it is has really made me laugh. It reminds me of a comedian who told the story of sitting in a fast food outlet stuffing his face with chips and burgers judging everyone around him for doing the same! He stopped and realised how ludicrous it was, and it is, as the energy behind judgement has no real intelligence at all. It’s just not something that comes from our hearts.
Judgement is the ultimate get out of jail free card, where responsibility is never part of the process.
“So, who have I judged? It’s perhaps more pertinent to ask, “Who haven’t I judged?”” I really like the honesty of your question here Alexis and its one that we could do well to ask of ourselves. How many people do we judge in a day? From the way someone looks to the way they behave – my feeling is that it would be way more people than we care to realise. And how different it would be if we were to appreciate something about another instead – what a huge difference this would make.
I noticed recently that I do not hold the judgment of myself that I used to – I am much more loving and understanding. This has allowed me to be more understanding and loving with those around me.
“Judgement is also rejection because each time we judge another, what we are in fact saying is, “I do not accept the way that you are choosing to be.” Very true and knowing about energy it’s not the person themselves but the energy they are choosing that causes them – and myself – to act in a certain way at times.
Acceptance and appreciation are a great counter to this.
“Could it be as simple as understanding that judgement hinders our return, whereas acceptance speeds us on our way?” This is so what I needed to read today Alexis. I’ve become more self-judgmental recently and let acceptance and appreciation take a back seat. No wonder I’ve not been feeling so great. Time to bring back appreciation into my life.
Coming back again to this blog, it is obviously giving me a message – I am seeing that judgement of myself and others comes from a lack of understanding and wanting things to be a certain way rather than simply allowing them to be.
I’ve found that as well. I hold an expectation/picture/demand that life be a certain way and judge life according to those pictures. But feeling life doesn’t require and often can help break down the fuel of judgment.
It sure can and does Leigh, the more I allow myself to feel and see life as it is the more I get to understand what is going on and why, rather than projecting out how I want life to be and then getting frustrated by what I am seeing as it does not always correlate.
Judgement is rampant, even more so than the so-called behaviours or traits that we judge.
There is not one ounce of love in judgement as we are holding someone to be something they are not. Yes, we can all and do all at times express less than the love we are, and yes, we can go to varying degrees of extremes but essentially any moment we are not being the love we are we are being less than we are. And so rather than judging and condemning another to be less, we can support each other and pull each up to be the love we are. That is then truly working together rather than constantly trying to topple each other over.
When we judge another is the energy no different than the spectators in the Coliseum?
Judgement is like a moving target that has an inbuilt radar detector to avoid being caught.
We need to stop and ask ourselves how does it feel when we are judged then understand that another feels exactly the same way when they are judged. What if we were to look at why we judge in the first place, where does judgement come from and what are we feeling inside that has led us to make judgement on another.
If we didn’t judge ourselves maybe we wouldn’t feel the need to judge others either?
It just makes sense not to hold others in judgement and to see that it delays everyone involved.
That is a great point all judgement serves to do is delay us all and keep us stuck where we are for all parties involved.
This article is so helpful. I was in a situation at the weekend where I realised that I could be very judgmental and critical of the people around me. I chose to let go of the judgments based on appearances and to stay present in my body and not go into my head. I stayed open and interested and did not shut down and avoid the people I was with who were not conventional. It felt very lovey to stay loving and made me realise that we can always be open hearted and love and that we never need hold back our love.
I am so pleased I have come back to this blog. When I consider judgement, I find it is a study that needs to be taken in bite-sized pieces because as we do so, and if we do so with absolute honesty, our own judgement can reveal itself and this can pose a challenge.
A powerful blog exposing the layers of insidious nature of judgement.
“Judgement is also rejection because each time we judge another, what we are in fact saying is, “I do not accept the way that you are choosing to be.”
Judgement is like hitting yourself with a hammer because it feels good when you stop!
Making judgements about ourselves and others often involves holding others to an ideal or belief or making assumptions. None of which has much to do about the truth of who we are.
This shows that even the most subtle of judgements is still judgement and it really effects people. If we feel everything then we can feel when someone is holding us in comparison.
Good to be reminded of the raised eyebrow, the shared look or the pregnant pause, although they seem to be subtle the energy is the same and creates a distance to two or more people, it makes someone less and the one using the gesture feels him or herself more than the other.
I have realised recently that anytime I judge someone I am reducing and boxing them to be far less than the whole of who they are and so it is actually a passive aggressive form of suppression, subversion and discrimination and ultimately supremacist.
Alexis, calling these subtle forms of judgement out feels really important; ‘and the more surreptitious forms of judgement, such as a pregnant pause, the raising of an eyebrow or the shared look with a fellow staff member in a team meeting.’ These subtle forms of judgment can happen a lot and if we don’t call them out as being judgmental then we just accept it as normal and it becomes part of how we are with each other.
“Everything in life falls into one of two categories – it either supports us to return to the Truth of who we all are, or it hinders the process of return.” Admittedly I still find some things hard to be so clear about when it comes to truth or not truth, even though I know there is ultimately only truth or not truth. There’s always more to look at and understand about the choices we make on a daily basis, and the impact they have on us and everyone else.
Judgement of others first begins as a judgment on ourselves. The less we judge ourselves and the more understanding we are of ourselves, the more we understand others and therefore the less we judge.
True Jennifer, it always starts with ourselves, the more I give myself space to be who i am the more I can accept that others are where they are with themselves. There is no need to judge when we accept the rhythm of each other in life.
Brilliant and simple, Elizabeth. Building love and understanding into our relationship with ourselves sets the standard and foundation for all our relationships. Judgement begins to stand out like the sore thumb it is.
I am glad we have put judgement on the table here. Thank you, Alexis. It highlights for me all those little nano judgements that slip into my day and makes me realise the accumulative effect of them. Any judgement in me is a deviance from the collaborative, unconditional and supportive relationship I know is natural for all of us.
When I think of all the times I have judged people – it makes no sense. It does not add up and it makes me realise how silly judgement actually is and just keeps us from deepening our relationships with others.
The thing about judgment is that we hold someone in that picture and then don’t let them go. For instance, we may see someone as being irresponsible when growing up and then they are held in that for the rest of their life. We in fact never let them off the hook.
Unless we get the reflection of someone else who holds the person in absolute space and loves them to bits then we have the opportunity to be inspired and make the choice to let our hurt go about the past and open our eyes for the truth of what we have been doing.
Acceptance on the other hand is gifted with grace’, yes it is, with acceptance comes surrender, and in the surrender, grace can enter.
Who-ever we find ourselves judging, the question to self is: where am I still judging myself. Relationships are always reflections of how we are with ourselves.
Lived love reduces the divided ness of judgement in our lives and the brings a oneness and unity that is otherwise held as a spoiling of all our relationships.
Judgement is so debilitating not only for the other person but also yourself. I find it completely voids you of any sense of responsibility and takes away the opportunity to learn from the situation plus it holds the other person in something that is not them, simply just something they have chosen.
So true, it seems to be a ‘get out of responsibility card’ that simply delays our own development.
It sure does and only delays the inevitable, whilst we can think we can get away with something we never really can.
I am seeing more and more how divisive judgment is and how many fractures it creates in relationships.
It sure is divisive Fiona and stops and real and true sense of connection as means immediately one or both people are putting up a guard.
Thinking and expressing judgement causes physical reactions in others. What are some of the reasons for cutting? Could it be judgements that leave scars forever?
We were sitting at the dinner table and I called out one of my family members for being judgmental and then what was super cool was they then in return called out without further judgement that I was being judgemental in the way I expressed. So, it made me realise how easy it was to judge others for being judgemental and no matter how good the words may sound it was all in the quality of energy the words were delivered that was either loving or not. Calling out and exposing judgemental behaviours is great but if our expression comes with any hint of judgement then it is simply adding to the harm.
Great sharing Chanly88, and just shows how subtle judgement can be, which can be so easily heard just in our tone of voice.
The more we have a foundation of lived love within our bodies the less likely we are to receive that judgment as a rejection.
Alexis, this is a great point and one that I had not properly considered before; ‘And the utterly ludicrous thing is, I have recently come to realise that my supposed viewpoint from which I cast my judgement is completely arbitrary – a moving platform that has changed so radically over time.’ This really exposes that being judgmental is not a true or loving way for us to be with each other.
Judgement is so much part of the world we live in by the very way we are living and the projections out there in society. Self-judgement is a killer to our very essence and who we are and clouds everything. Appreciation, on the other hand, changes everything, allows us to live who we are and brings true joy and harmony to our lives, our relationships, and all we bring and do, and is the foundation to everything.
Judgement is a killer in relationships.
It certainly is Gill and how often are we aware of judging others for being judgemental. This is where arguments can start, especially where no one is willing to take responsibility.
The universe offers us complete and utter love with every moment, while we sit back deciding which bits we like or do not. Just because there can be pain does not negate the beauty of what can be learnt.
I love that Joseph, so beautifully expressed. Why would we want to choose to express less than the love we are or hold another in less than the love they are? it makes no sense and achieves nothing when we do, other than give credence to the game we are playing to, stuck in the misery we are in.
When we judge we are in constant comparison- instead of letting ourselves get inspired we judge us referring to another- either as better or less. When we end up feeling better, we don´t take the responsibility to show the way forward and when we feel less, we either become jealous or try to be the same, but only to look like the other. Being inspired means watching ones movement and allow them to unfold in yourself, without a picture and copy.
To dissect and expose judgement in this way is so brilliant, particularly the fickle flightiness of it; how it changes with the wind. This is an indictment to our willingness to ebb and flow with fashion, public opinion and the safety of the crowd.
This is so very true Elizabeth. As I have come to see it, it is something unhealed within us which is triggered by a similar reflection from another, so it follows that if we take the time to love, understand and appreciate ourselves then that will naturally flow on to all around us with no “space for judgement to enter our radar system”. When we love and appreciate ourselves, loving and appreciating another is all there is.
Whether we judge another out loud, or simply by a thought, the energy released and felt is actually the same. The knowing we have judged another in any way offers us the opportunity to look at the why. What do we carry inside of us that is triggered by another, by the whole of them or maybe just one part? In the exploration of this question we may uncover something that we have been holding onto for a very long time, something that is ready to see the light of day and to be healed. The acknowledgement of the judgement of another can be the beginning of a beautiful healing session for us.
Great comment Ingrid, this reminds me of one evening when I was being exposed for being judgemental and all I did was sit at the dinner table while one of my family members were talking. Without me saying a word, I was being called out for being judgemental. At first, I tried to deny this by saying, ‘..but I didn’t even say a word.’ But the fact was, I didn’t have to say anything, the energy I was emanating spoke loud and clear and everyone in the room felt it and recognised the judgement that was present prior to me trying to justify my case. It was rather exposing but super cool example of how we could feel energy without any words being expressed.
Thank you for sharing this great example of how we don’t have to express any judgement in words, but simply through our body, how we are holding it, how we are moving it and most importantly, the energy that we are allowing to come through it, to another. Yes, it must have been very exposing for you but what a wonderful lesson to be learned – or not. There’s always a choice.
Attending presentations of the Ancient Wisdom Teachings with Serge Benhayon has opened my eyes to the squalid and harmful effects of judgement on myself and others. I am being more aware of judgements filtering into my mind, it is now very clear that finding fault in another is definitely an alert that there is something in myself that I am not prepared to look at. Rather than giving myself a hard time I am now appreciating how these moments of judgement are offering another point of evolution and willing to learn from it.
When we judge anyone is this like the octopus ink that obscures us completely for protection?
Great analogy- judgement creates instant separation and a way of supremacy built inside to not needing to feel ones own choices and not taking the next step of openness towards another. A great way to stay in your own little world where you can better yourself but never step into your full potential.
Who have I not judged, is a great question, showing how automatic and ingrained judging another has become.
I have definitely experienced those situations where I have judged someone for something and they sense this and it pushes them even more into whatever they are doing.
Judgement is a real kill-joy. It’s hugely destructive all round, keeping us less, and bound by pictures.
Bringing love and understanding into our lives for ourselves allows the awareness of what is truly going on and any judgement simply fades away and appreciation and allowing becomes our way.
If we judge others we judge ourselves first so judgement is as close to us as our breath, it is our breath which is a movement. It is very supportive if we can bring understanding to any situation by reading the energy first, if we were to reconnect to this inbuilt ability the world could change over night because we would then have a choice to read any situation rather than react.
Judgement hinders our awareness and says no to understanding. It’s digging our heels in and saying I want it my way or I can’t handle seeing this because it doesn’t match my picture. I feel insecurity plays a big part in judgement as when we feel insecure we are quick to focus outside of ourselves on what is not ‘right’. It takes up our time and isolates is from others.
Like a familiar place we go or way we move it’s easy to slip into judgement, this security blanket we think is our friend. We don’t need to analyse it – just see it for what it is and let it go.
I was just thinking this, that judgement is no friend of mine or friend to any other. It’s a fake friend that we think helps is in someway but in truth hurts us more than we often realise.
Judgement is what we use in order to not go to the truth we know in a situation or about a person. It avoids opening ourselves up to one another.
A very ugly act that puts others or situations either ‘higher’ or ‘lower’– making us feel safe in the world we have fashioned for ourselves. We dismiss any form of understanding when we judge – of ourselves and other’s.
I used to be completely unaware that I was in judgement of others. When I became aware of being in judgement of others I was amazed at the regular consistency of being in judgement – like, my day was filled with judgement if not of others then of the company I worked for, the pot holes in the road I was driving on, everything! Judgement still sneaks into my day however now, more often than not, I stop, reign my thoughts in and take the time to observe what is being reflected back to me that I dislike about myself allowing for both healing and growth to take place.
What a great blog, Alexis. Judgement is like a cancer that spreads at times silently, at times loudly and aggressively but either way leaves many a destructive, incomprehensible mark which usually end up being fatal either to life itself or to the self esteem and self worth of both the judged and the judging.
‘I was going to say that I could fill a book with a list of the things that I have judged others for but it’s much truer to say that I could fill a small mobile library with my judgmental ways.’ I wonder what would happen if we started to fill a book with all the times we observed ourselves firstly, refraining from judging others and then gradually, secondly, accepting others.
Only when we do not observe and bring in understanding, we are able to judge from a reaction from our hurt.
Why do we judge, what do we get out of it other than hurting others and ourselves? Judging others or yourself makes absolutely no sense and one of the best things we all can do is to stop with this judging as that will allow us to come closer together.
Serge Benhayon’s presentations have inspired me to root out and bring more awareness to judgements on myself and thus on others. This has brought a light heartedness in my body and made it possible to accept others as an equal brother.
My judgement clouds my ability to see what is truly going on.
It sure is fascinating how we do move the platform we are standing on and view our judgements from a different perspective. However a judgement is a judgement and it is not who we are but something that we have brought in to fight who we are. To cast judgement on another has to first come from judgement towards ourselves. What I have been working on is letting go of the pictures and expectations that drown us completely yet we seem to be addicted to.
Judgement is like a weighty cloak that so many of us have chosen to take on and wear, totally unaware of how it does weigh us down so much, inhibiting our movement, our expression, and our life.
It can be difficult not to slide into judgement when you see something is not true and the unfairness of it all. Though as soon as a reaction comes in the clarity and any possibility for understanding and responsibility is lost.
A beautiful and intricate expose on the subject of judgment and how it plays out in our lives and our relationships. And who of us can say we have not judged another…. when we bring love into the equation, there is no space for judging oneself or others.
So important to realise that judgement occurs first towards ourselves before others and in thoughts which are not truly ours before our actions.
Should we not be more understanding of ourselves?
Judgements like memories are like a moving platform where we can modify the meaning and who and why we judge at a blink of any eye. It is all in our perception, beliefs and ideals and the need to not expose ourselves as the one responsible for all our choices.
Judgement blinds us to the way things truly are due to our investment in the way we want things to be.
Exactly… No judgement… No investment… We can start to truly see and feel what is there before us.
The more we are willing to be honest with ourselves the more we are able to see how much judgement plays a big part in our lives, both with ourselves and others and how insidious it is. It affects everything we do and everything we say.
Living in stress and then applying the usual frustration is seemingly a normal part of how we can exist but when we react in this way are we not judging self or another? So normal has this become, addicted we can be to the roller-coaster of life’s ups and downs, so never want to understand the energetic outplay in life.
‘each time we judge another, what we are in fact saying is, “I do not accept the way that you are choosing to be.” ‘ Since everybody is the way they are because that is the way they learned how to be, who are we to judge when we have not lived their lives? We cannot control others and we have no right to try. We are all equal deep within and we are all on our own path back to that equality, back to living in true brotherhood, What we can do is observe and allow, not imposing our views and beliefs. We can express how we feel but it cannot come with judgement for, as you say, that is Rejection.
When I judge I completely kibosh the opportunity to see the magic in people, every interaction and all that is on offer to learn from in every day.
When we find ourselves judging another it is a great opportunity to look back at ourselves and see where we do the same thing – it may be in a different way or look slightly different but the truth is the underlying agenda and energy that comes with it will be exactly the same. I love how we can learn so much from each others reflection – it makes life so inspiring – through every connection with another we are offered the opportunity to evolve.
When we react and start to judge another it’s often regarding something we struggle with in ourselves. So in a very real way it’s showing, that it’s us we do not Love. The key when those reactions occur is to go deeper with what the lesson is.
The moment we believe we are better than someone else or they are less than us, is a slippery slope that is hard keep from falling further down.
Judging ourselves when we are judgmental makes it harder to observe and understand why we are judgmental.
Judgement is an attack on our being, on every ones well being. It has become so acceptable to judge another in any way, shape or form. But what we don’t see or not wanting to see nor willing to see is the depth of harm making a judgement or being judged has not only on ourselves and our bodies but everyone equally so. It is a silent killer of how we are innately meant to be. Which is LOVE.
I used to be judgemental of others, but even more so of myself. Self-judgement is the exact opposite of what supports us to thrive, to evolve and build a strong foundation of love within our bodies.
If our judgement is completely arbitrary and can change at any time, it would suggest that we hold beliefs or ideals that can change depending on our perception at any one time.
When I realise how much I actually love people- then I see that the barriers I put up are just a way to judge someone to keep them away – usually when I’m choosing not to be open with myself.
This is a super beautiful reflection on why we may judge and the fact that it is actually suppressing love.
Judgment is often laced with comparison which is a killer for all relationships – including our relationship with ourselves … to compare ourselves to others is denying the innate gorgeousness within us that needs to be shared with the world. We are all innately the same, yet have a uniqueness that is ours to bring to all.
How we judge ourselves is how we will judge another.
Very true. How we appreciate ourselves is how we appreciate others.
It’s a bit of a shocker to clock just how quickly I can go into the judgement of another, but if this is a reflection of how much I judge myself then this makes sense. The key is to clearly appreciate myself and then it’s easy to appreciate others.
Judgement is also a strenuous exercise as it takes a lot of energy to not live in a way that allows our body to move in harmony with all around, so that a lack of judge-mental activity is there as we start to live with a deep-humble-appreciative-ness of the “acceptance” of the Love we all are.
Indeed Greg, the Way of The Livingness is a way of living that leaves no space for any of the waywardnesses like judgement our spirit likes to wield to be expressed.
Spot on Nico, as our days are filled less and less with judge-mental activity then everything about our lives changes and as one example the food we eat becomes something we eat to serve our body and not our mind driven taste buds that craver a different sensation. It is the same for our wayward spirit wanting to feel the individuality of different experiences all of which are love-less and mind-full pleasures for the spirit who gets of on pain as much pleasure or sweet and sour etc.
This article has really supported me with being more aware of when I am being judgemental and of how harmful this is. When I realise this is happening I choose to appreciate and to understand instead. It is a work in progress but it feels great to be more aware of this.
If we are in any way, a little harsh with ourselves – we cannot escape bringing that to our other relationships as well. Super crucial then to stop indulging in viewing life’s events as good or bad – it simply just is.
Judgement has become something that I feel very sensitive to, I feel it as a massive imposition towards myself and others – an imposition that has no interest in getting to know who I am, or who any one is, because it just wants to hold its view without accountability for what that may be doing to another.
I love this. We are all guilty of judging. We are lying if we say we do not. Being aware of it to this extent is so healthy, and it is inspiring to read your honest words.
Think of something judgemental about someone and check your breath. Choose to hold someone in acceptance and understanding of who they are and then check your breath again. Notice a difference in the quality? Our choice governs the quality of our breath, which in turn governs our entire way of life.
“Could it be as simple as understanding that judgement hinders our return, whereas acceptance speeds us on our way?” I think it most probably is that simple Alexis.
When I get honest I realise I judge as quickly as breathing. I hate how it feels and how it totally keeps us separated from seeing the amazingness in each other regardless of external appearance, or the behaviour is. Awareness means I can do something about this, really uncover what’s at hand because judgement isn’t always obvious.
When I hold myself (or others) to human behaviour I can think all kinds of judgemental things. when I hold/understand myself (or others) from my inner essence there is appreciation.
” life falls into one of two categories – it either supports us to return to the Truth of who we all are, or it hinders the process of return.” The act of judgement hinders all we know, whereas acceptance offers a true reflection of where we are and our evolution from there.
What you are sharing in this article is really helpful. I can feel how unsupportive for everyone judgment is, it keeps us in emotions and separation and stops us being in brotherhood, understanding and acceptance of where we are at and where others are at.
Reading this article makes me aware that I do this; ‘Judging others is so much a part of what I do that I’m often not even aware that I am doing it.’ I can feel how this affects the person that I am judging and also affects myself. It is really unloving to hold judgments of others and stops any true connection and love. I can feel that holding each other in love, no matter whether we agree with each other or not is our true way of being together.
Judgments are so insidious, even when we think we are not judgmental there are small little thoughts that we dismiss as ‘just being part of us’ and have no importance or significance to our energetic quality.
Judgement – keeping people out and holding love at bay.
Judgement versus understanding and love a powerful sharing of what holds us back from being all we are as one humanity and the joy and love we are.
Judgement is a lot like gravity, once evoked, you step off and are in free fall till the ground stops you. Or you ensure you have someone to fall on to break your fall! The term fall guy is the one that gets dropped by others, so others do not have to accept responsibility. What a complicated mess judgement brings!
This has been such a timely blog to read. ‘And then there have been my judgmental thoughts, of which there have been an infinite number, silent by nature but registered in exactly the same way as an out and out attack of words.’ I have been working on letting go of judgement and checking my internal thoughts is something I need to pay attention to as well.
We all are responsible for the behaviours that separate us. We have created so well unloving ways of being with each other and we have accepted that as normal in the society we live in. Perhaps now we can make a stop and feel if there is no more to us to be expressed in a more loving way. How wonderful coming across to a sharing like this because brings us to reflect and to look at the quality in our relationships, but also the quality of our movements, thoughts, actions…actually the whole of our life. Thank you Alexis
Do we move in judgment or in love? a great question to ponder on today and everyday.
Yesterday I witnessed a situation where some colleagues were judging a person. This triggered inside me a reaction, a judgment towards them and a figthing inside me to accept that. Once I came back to my body and surrendered I could understand why of all of that. I had to see and feel in my skin how horrible is judging others. My resistance to see that was because I sometimes judge in a very subtle way but the truth is that I do. Recognizing this in myself, not fighting, judging and seeing this energy in its rawness makes me take another step in my own process of letting go all what I’m not. So instead of judging the judgment now embrace the reflection that I received yesterday, for the evolution that offers me.
Beautiful- maximising every moment that is on offer. Never taking a reaction as normal and reflecting why it appeared is the greatest runway for evolution.
Judging other people is a complete waste of time and holds us all down. That’s not to say that I do not judge myself and others I do, but I can also see the futility of it. I have noticed how we easily blame others for our misfortune in life and judge them without ever once looking at the part we have to play in the setup, which to me is to keep us all in separation to one another.
I love how ridiculous you expose judgement to be, too fat – too thin… no one wins that is for sure!
Whatever suits get used to keep being busy with the outside instead of accepting the greatness of oneself inside.
It really is this simple, beautifully expressed. In accepting our greatness we cannot but marvel at the greatness of us all. I have struggled to accept the ugliness of what is chosen to be lived but am feeling what a great foundation knowing this greatness is to live life from. From here I can drop the overwhelm and impotence that was once my day to day.
I do notice that I find it easy to judge people when I get frustrated about what they do, but in many ways that frustration always comes from when I have not been clear and expressed how I feel about something first. It’s like I setup all the times in the future to judge others. So that means I can also setup all the ways not to judge people.
Great contribution! When we don´t express what is really going on and what we are aware of, the easy way to avoid that is to judge.
Wow, I love the clarity that we actually set up our judgements. I can read why a person doesn’t do as I may need but rather than bring understanding and love to the situation, I can go for hurts to avoid my responsibilities. Hurts and judgements are companions and both only creates barriers to what could otherwise be loving situations.
Sometimes it feels I am determined to test the limits of my own understanding of myself before I drop self judgement.
I wonder, why we always have these great expectations towards ourselves. Who is setting these standards?! Which energy did we allow that gave us ideals and believes in the first place- certainly not our soul.
Acceptance within a relationship is a real love booster and heart opener.
Love this bumper sticker bite sized sharing Steffi, I am going to bring that into my day.
Judgement towards yourself and others is simply a waste of time.
Without judgement, which will always be a work in progress, we create space in ourselves.
And we treat others with and in space- as everyone has their own pace and path of evolution.
Judgement is such a trick, and one we easily fall for, as it compounds where another is at where they double down on feeling the rejection inherent in judgement and so it feeds even more the thing we don’t accept and therefore judge – a lose, lose all round.
Being accepting, allowing of others choices, while saying no to abuse and what is not loving is something that we can grow to do. I have found that I am more inclined to be holding and not judgmental when I hold myself in Love and responsibility first, when I compromise or have pockets of ‘me, selfish time’ it is much ‘easier’ to slip into judgement and blame of others, rather than looking at my own stuff.
True Samantha, when I compromise and allow myself to be a part of creation, which I am not, there even is the feeling that I have the right to judge, meaning I am not the one who is observing what is at play but absorbing the energy that wants us to be only human.
We put ourselves on a pedestal when we judge others thinking and believing we are some way better, it is no wonder there is so much disharmony when we are so busy judging ourselves and others.
and it is so easy do it, because it’s a lazy way of us pretending that we are not in the mud with everyone else, a false illusion of better. We neglect every reflection that is there to learn from, that there is divinity in everyone of us first and foremost and that when we judge we are so in the mud with everyone else.
Understanding for yourself and others is the highway for evolution. There is no better or worse but your own journey you need to walk to come back to the power you once left behind.
‘judgement hinders our return, whereas acceptance speeds us on our way’ … yes absolutely true and it brings a focus to acceptance for to judge is to not accept and to expect the world or another to be a way we decide in any given moment; and this is arbitrary for we change all the time and yet we judge from our now, which might be different in a few moments time; and we freeze frame each other into a single point of time, yet no-one is ever static and yes we do have patterns of behaviour, but each moment we can be and often are different … so we’re judging something that has already passed.
Yes a beautiful quote to hold and ponder, and very pertinent for me today and every day. It feels like judgement is a way of controlling how much we deepen and live our potential, it keeps us in the reaction to life, rather than being the masters.
One of the challenges in life for me has been to let go of the judgement of myself (and this is still work in progress) and this has only been possible with allowing a deeper understanding and as Alexis has shared, an acceptance that then follows from the understanding. Judgement is like a heavy veil that prevents you from expressing yourself with the full joy that is busting to come out from within. Lifting the veil allows a deep breath and one’s true expression to flow more freely.
Every time we judge an another, in effect we are judging ourselves too. Judgement always comes with an imposition on another and a lack of understanding – we can never know what it has been like to walk in the shoes of another hence we cannot judge another for their choices. Likewise we cannot judge ourselves for our choices for there are reasons why we may behave the way we do which comes from past experiences that have affected us and that we may not be ready as yet to look at the healing on offer. Judgement set aside allows for a greater vision of life and a deeper understanding, which then offers the space for the healing and for further unfoldment of the love within each of us.
Judgment about judgment perpetuates the process. Observation, combined with honesty, can lead to understanding and an awareness how to judge less which gives us the ability to be responsible and move in a less judgmental way or not to move that way.
The feeling of judgment in the body is quite hard and mental, like a pressure in my head – and noticing this a great way to help gauge if I have gone into judgement or not.
I exactly know what you are sharing. It is like the forehead instantly becomes tense and the tunnel view phenomenon appears, which only occurs when we put ourselves in relation to the outside instead of being us and expressing our truth, no matter what.
When you mentioned the raised eyebrow with a colleague it’s helping me reflect on whether judgement finds justification in groups. It’s like a bully taking energy from those around it who are egging it on and not saying, hang on, stop this, we’re not here to ostracize anyone. When I fear being judged it’s because I’m feeling the group decision as to what is and isn’t acceptable or deemed good or the norm. It’s not loving to give this bullying energy.
Judgement is a huge one (we can’t even agree on how to spell it) because often we don’t even associate how we think about things as being in judgement. We just see our standpoint as being the one and only and the correct one.
As soon as I judge myself or others (in fact I have to have judged myself before I can judge another) I am polluting the moment/interaction and hampering love.
Agreed Matilda, Judgement kills everything, when we have judgement we are missing out of life, society, people, relationships just about everything we deep down what matters in life goes out the window. Yet it is something we often go into many times a day.
If you want to keep yourself busy and don´t go deeper with yourself, you will always find something and someone outside of yourself who you can judge and comment about.
It’s interesting how we can judge and compare our lives to others but it is usually about us and our choices
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For me judging others is secondary to the judgement towards myself. A means of covering up the hurt I feel from the choices I have made and am reminded of in the choices others make.
Whatever comes out of our mouth towards another that is not loving, is actually a conversation to ourselves. We are the source which gets confirmed by what we express.
Bringing understanding obliterates judgement out of the water.
And it is the most liberating action to bring understanding to others, no matter what they do. As whatever involves you, takes you out of your own flow and harmony with your body.
The deeper the understanding, the easier it is not to judge but to simply observe and respond.
It feels an uncomfortable read to feel all the times and situations I have judged too Alexis, but this understanding that judgement hinders the process of our return is quite a turning point to feel, thank you.
Whenever we feel judged by another, it is always worth asking ourselves ‘who have we judged?’ It is likely that we will end up with quite a list.
“Everything in life falls into one of two categories – it either supports us to return to the Truth of who we all are, or it hinders the process of return.”
Love this – it is a great reminder of the strength of our choices – to harm or heal.
So simple and absolutely in our hands.
Ditto I love the simplicity of this, however much we may fight this the fact remains that whatever there is or that we do can either support us or not.
I have been observing my behaviour with my family, when I react, most of my reactions are related to judgement and from having an expectation of them being a different way. It’s been a huge eye opener to see how judgement plays out in many forms and how quickly it kicks in and kills off any possibility of connection. This feels like a very clever but harmful setup to cap ourselves and others from evolving.
Having a picture of how I want someone to be for me can be toxic. My reaction to when they don’t fit this picture is very unfair and you are right chanly88 it caps everybody.
The moment we hold a picture of someone or their behaviour we impose a judgement that blinds us to truly see and understand.
That is exactly how judgement works and so well said Alexander. This highlights how important it is to let go of the pictures we hold that bring in complication and judgement.
Feeling the effects of judgement on our bodies may not feel good but is a great start to nailing this pattern.
It is so true when I am in judgment of myself or another there is little room for true observation. At this time I am often in a position holding my previous hurts and shame close to the chest that does not allow for the breathing of my natural breath.
Theres a tunnel vision that occurs that focuses on another. Blind to the fact that I am hurt as it’s held on close. As Alexis shared one needs some distance in order to see whats being held onto.
Judgment is always linked to time. Serge Benhayon shared this on the weekend, and although a simple statement it resonated deeply with me. When I look at moments of judgments I have, it is always a condemnation that says ‘you should have got this by now’ and is based on a timeline that I impose on others. Serge lives without this demand for people to get it. The space that this offers you to want to get it is incredibly healing.
I can definitely relate to that feeling of being judged and the force of it which I usually react to by digging my heels in even more!
I can relate to this and also remember feeling very afraid of being judged, I usually contract my body to brace judgement coming in, so the effects feel less but contracting is as harmful as absorbing the judgement, it is a twofold effect. What I have learned and been inspired by Serge Benhayon’s teachings is to stay steady, observe and read the situation instead of contracting.
Acceptance of ourselves and others comes with an amazing feeling of freedom.
The affect of judgement on others and ourselves is hugely harmful as it brings a hardness into the body which is not who we are in truth.
Awareness in this area is like peeling an onion. We can think we have dealt with it till another layer of illusion is peeled from our eyes and then we see things we would swear were not there before! First and foremost we need to look at how much we judge ourselves.
When we make a judgement of one person we are in effect judging everyone else equally so as we must be applying some scale of measurement onto which we suppose one person is placed and therefore this must apply equally to everyone else.
I find that when I halt the judgement on myself, then I naturally do the same with others. I love your honesty about judging nearly everyone. So often I can feel a layer of judgement from me in all my interactions. If I really put a microscope on it then it’s as though judgement is the way that I interact with people- as though the judgement is the first thing between us. I’m appreciating every which way that I become more aware of this. Judgement contracts space in our bodies and between people; it is debilitating and exhausting for certain.
If we offer anyone feedback with the smallest amount of judgement in our voice or in our intention, then we are not offering another person evolution, we are merely giving them an opportunity to react. When we appreciate each other as absolute equals and always provide a loving space for others to learn in their own time, then we can inspire them with our own livingness rather than with any words we speak.
Judgement is a very very very divisive energy. But what came first: the judgement of the desire to be an individual at the expense of all others?
Judgment happens where observation goes awry, is skewed, and observation goes awry when love and its value is not seen within.
There has to be an attachment to an outcome for us to judge and the picture we are holding someone to means they have to get this picture in a particular time. I love that so much of this is all intertwined and entirely logical when taken apart, thereby bringing greater understanding to the behaviour.
Judging situations as ‘good’ or ‘bad’ makes us feel in control but is a gross disservice to the magnitutude of God’s love. Every single event is served up to support us to return to the truth.
What I immediately love about your comment Joseph is you are showing how incredibly ignorant and dishonouring judgment is, right down to the core.
We often judge because we come from a hurt and that bad experience makes us condemn another. We also judge because we don’t want to be in our glory as judgment immediately cuts us off from that glory.
It is very liberating to let go of the stubbornness of needing things to be ‘right’ or ‘wrong’.
I couldn’t agree more Eva – with our relentless justification for right and wrong we completely miss the magnitude of what is on offer, the potential for true learning and evolution to take place, we are reduced to a pettiness that is a complete dis-service to us and everyone else.
‘“Who are we to judge another’s choices?”’ a great question, when we either are arrogantly assuming we have got it right or in the knowing that we are still judging ourselves on the same thing and yet suppose it is ok to do that same to someone else.
“Could it be as simple as understanding that judgement hinders our return, whereas acceptance speeds us on our way?” I feel that we all innately know this, I know that I do, because I know that when I judge someone I can, if I am honest, literally feel how I am pushing them down, holding them back, contracting them. I feel that it’s really important to be very honest about this and very honest about the reason behind the judgement – because then we can see exactly what we are doing – which is pretty gross and would hopefully revolt us enough to change our movements. What I mean is that unless I really see what judgement is, then I’ll be OK to carry on with it.
A very real and powerful understanding of he word judgement and the effects it has on us all from early stages in our lives. We all feel it deliver it and stand up for it in various hidden ways until we truly accept and appreciate ourselves and who we are which brings humility and understanding in our lives a with a beautiful quality lived and felt by all.
I just searched ‘Pictures of Judgement’ on Google and got about 52 million results in 0.40 seconds! Are we faster when we judge others?
The more I engage with this blog the more I realize just how subtle judgments are, even the tiny ones seem to escape from our minds like flies before we even realize what is going on. And so the nature of the game now is about swatting the little horrors before they have even had the chance to get wings.
I agree Rowena – like flies on autopilot and definitely something to be very aware of.
This is so well written and makes me realise how crazy judgement is; ‘Judgement relies very heavily on time; it tries to insist that another be somewhere other than where they are, which, when you think about it, is utterly ridiculous.’
This is a great point; ‘If I were to judge others from my current standpoint, then I would be judging those that were choosing to live life like I used to.’ Reading this makes me realise how easy it is to judge other people – for basically being different and having different viewpoints to us, it makes me realise that we can live with such a lack of understanding and care for others.
And, if we judge others from where they are, and we have not gotten there ourselves, we invoke jealousy.
We all have developed tricks and ways to feel safe in this world. But all they do is cut us off from accessing the truth. What would we discover if we just let ourselves feel?
There is nothing more settling than being with someone you know will not judge you – I know people who can express judgement in even the smallest ways and it puts so much tension and pressure on those around them to somehow jump the hoops and dodge the judgement and be what the other person wants from you.
How true, to not feel judged by someone is the greatest gift, one that fosters true trust.
I agree – trust is a very hard thing to develop when we know someone holds judgement
Judgement is its own condemnation.
We can definitely judge without saying a word and we all feel it, children and adults begin to try and moderate, measure their behaviours and words through feeling the imposition of judgement. Energy first, it is destructive and ignorant for us to not be honest about that fact that we feel and know energy.
‘Who haven’t I judged?’ is such an honest question, and leaves no wiggle room to deny this oh so common behaviour. The more we understand and accept who we truly are, the less we look outside of ourselves with comparison or judgement.
It is a difficult realisation to admit that you have been judgemental. We all like to think that we are open minded and that we don’t judge people. But there’s also a side of us that thinks it knows what life is supposed to be like and in that we can judge anything else that is not that as wrong. That is a judgement we cast upon others. That is what we need to be honest about and ask ourselves if we are truly open minded and giving people space to figure out life in their own time.
Calling back judgement once it has been expressed in like un-ringing a bell!
Well said Ariana, that’s something I can relate to. These are often our greatest lessons learning not to react in these circumstances and looking at the subtleties of our own reactions.
It’s interesting to ponder on how, when, where and why I go into judgment, especially when I convince myself that I do not judge. But really at this point that is not true. I can see that I can go into judgment if I am in reaction to someone or I am not willing or ready to look at the reflection on offer from another. Seeing this is awesome.
It can appear subtle, but we all feel judgement like a punch in the guts, great I agree to ponder and look at where there is the slightest choice to go into judgement and take responsibility for it and be understanding why this is triggered in us.
As judgment is not truth it is harmful and karmic by its very nature.
Thank you for this opportunity to look at judgments – something that has been far too frequent in my life, toward myself as well as others. How crazy that we can spend so much time and energy on holding on to pictures and reacting when they do not come true, instead of observing with love, openness and curiosity what will be reflected to us and responding accordingly.
Judgement starts very early in life, where we emerge from a warm cosy womb into a world where we are handled with roughness and what we felt was true gets knocked about and we learn to judge others based on the pictures we hold.
So true Ariana. It can be so tempting and so easy to jump into judgment and condemn those who seem to thrive on willful deceit and manipulation but it serves no purpose at all and in fact just puts us in the same pit. Learning to live from the integrity in our hearts is super important and in fact our only way out of the immense mess our world is in.
“Who are we to judge another’s choices?” Whilst I know this to be true, I often find myself on the judging throne, doling it out. But due to a few things, this blog particularly, I am much more open to seeing this, its frequency and how awful it feels in my body. The tide feels like it is turning as I explore why I do it, and learn to let it go and live by the principal that we are all equal.
Totally agree Alexis, We can still hold a picture of how people ‘should’ be – and this is judgement. I can feel how my body hardens when I am in judgement….as we know, the body is the great marker for truth.
It takes an awful amount of effort to be in judgment.
Very good point Johanna, all that negative energy – a force – rather than the flow of our light. It makes so much sense of my exhaustion, all this fighting my natural way of love with judgement and criticism. It’s a very good way to avoid dealing with our own stuff by focusing on others! It’s a sure fire way to burnout.
So true Johanne… when we judge not only are we being hard on another, we are being hard on ourselves – and holding that tension is exhausting on our bodies.
Very true – we may just not notice the effort as we are very practised at that effort.
I like the bit about the arbitrary nature of judgement (the parameters change for me on a moment by moment basis depending on how my relationship with myself is) because it exposes the quicksand and lie that judgement is – a destroyer of relationships, when all of our true yearning is for connection in relationships, working together and the unity of collaboration.
We only judge others when we are hurt and disconnected from ourselves.
Yes Elizabeth this is very true, the more I have been connecting and appreciating my self the more I have found joy with others and naturally seen their beauty.
Yes, we are reacting to what we are feeling within ourselves and how we are treating ourselves, and projecting that onto others.
Self-critique is the denigration and undermining judgement that opens the door to seeing the same thing in others, so life becomes like a revolving door that justifies the judgement, as we place everyone including ourselves under the same umbrella. So it feels okay to judge others as we are persecuting ourselves until we reconnect to our essence, or innermost, and thus start to relive the natural True Love we all are.
‘Could it be as simple as understanding that judgement hinders our return, whereas acceptance speeds us on our way?’ – that’s not to say that with acceptance we are saying yes to everything that’s going on around us. We are still free to stand up and say no to any abuse, without judgment but with understanding.
“The Universe is forever expanding and as part of the Universe, so too are we being pulled to expand, but judgement tries to pin us down to the tiniest of specks; it prevents us from seeing the deeper and grander aspects of each other.” Absolutely gorgeous to read this and it just shows us how silly it is to judge others or ourselves for something we haven’t mastered yet because we are so much more grand than that little thing, we are just returning to living that grandness. How fast or slow is in our hands yet judgement does not support our return in any way or form and it makes it a very unpleasant one for ourselves and others around us.
I love this too, highlighting how crazy it is that we allow ourselves to be reduced down to the specks on the ground, while totally ignoring the magnificence of all that we already are – we are a part of a mind blowingly spectacular Universe that is calling us to expand, to honour the truth of who we are. What we are all a part of is absolutely divine.
What do we do when we feel judged ourselves? React? Or stay calm in the knowing that who we are is OK and needs no ‘correction’? Many of us, women especially, tend to rearrange the way we do things in order to avoid judgement from others, but it is not being true to who we are.
So true, Carmel. A few days ago, I met up with some female friends that I haven’t seen for a long time and I chose to wear a very feminine, some may even say, ‘sexy’ outfit. I was the last to arrive, as soon as I walked in the conversation stopped and all eyes were upon me, I could feel myself contract slightly, then I stopped and chose to absolutely claim the gorgeous woman that I am and to enjoy the fact that my outfit was being noticed. It was incredibly beautiful to feel how this choice immediately cut and changed the energy in the room.
Wise words Carmel, what if we could hold that knowing so true to us that no matter how much judgement comes our way it is like water off a ducks back.. For guys we never want to be rejected and so being judged for me is something I’m learning to understand is about the other person and not me and that is making the world of difference.
Thank you Carmel, Alison and David, super wise words that offer a great opportunity to explore how I do or do not ‘change shape’ in certain situations… interesting and empowering.
Acceptance is a science to be mastered and when we do, we find our evolution accelerate as we learn to embrace everything in life as lessons to learn by so we can expand our awareness, love and integrity. When we choose judgment, we very effectively stunt our growth.
With judgement we try to build a sense of control and order in life by using the others to keep moving in the same spot and in the same way. We make it about others, but it is not.
It is the judgements we have made of ourselves which we cast onto others. If we truly hold ourselves without judgement we do not judge others either.
Being judgmental about judgment perpetuates the cycle and can even have an element of indulgence in it. See the judgment, decide whether you want to continue with it in future and then let it go.
Most of us think it is our right to judge another. Most of us do it without even noticing. Most of us are so used to hearing judgements from every angle and avenue of life – they are thrown around with such ease and frequency. So I can see that we have a great deal to learn and a deeply engrained pattern to undo. But it’s very simple – treat others as you would like them to treat you. Thus, how does it feel to be judged? Exactly. So it’s actually quite simple.
Our judgement is affected by what we have seen, heard and understood. How many of us can truly claim to be seeing the whole picture? The irony is that, once you had seen the whole picture, you would no longer judge, but understand. So, by definition, a judgement is always going to be a bad move.
So true, who are we to judge another choice. Judgement is really intrenched in us and to start to break this down and to peel away all these layers and filters of having a true and open relationship with others. I have come to understand that if there is an ounce of judgement I have towards another that is coming from me having it with myself first. Reflecting back within our own lives and what we are choosing is the only way of breaking such a hold.
Years ago when my sons were young children, I came to the realisation that when I judged another while we were out shopping or doing errands I would then turn around and act out exactly the same way that I judged. It may have been for another mother yelling at their child or getting frustrated or allowing them to do whatever they wanted without boundaries… yet every every time without fail I would do the same thing after. It became a very humbling experience because I knew what was to follow every time I judged someone.
Judgement is our version of what we think about of another. Therefore something we lace another with of how we ‘think’ they should be, what they are not, what they are or what they have done wrong. So to be in this place of judgement where are we first with ourselves? As from experience if I judge another I am not connected or loving towards myself so therefore how can I be this with another!
I love re- reading this Alexis, I love your honesty and I relate totally to it as I too have and still do judge a lot. The key I have found is to realise that it is how harsh I am with myself that is where it all starts. The antidote of being more accepting and loving with myself has resulted in me seeing others in a much more favourable light, which feels so lovely in comparison to the harpoon of judgement!
The judgement of our self becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy of how we treat others!
Judgement seems such a part of our human makeup, we all do it whether subtly or totally blatant but when exposed like you have done in this blog we see it is like many other of our behaviours, it is a matter of choice we are not contracted to it for life.
‘The Universe is forever expanding and as part of the Universe, so too are we being pulled to expand, but judgement tries to pin us down to the tiniest of specks; it prevents us from seeing the deeper and grander aspects of each other.’ When we read statements like this, it is obvious, and when we take responsibility for ourselves and the energetic impact we have upon others, then we can take more care to check the quality of our energy and to appreciate the beautiful essence in everyone.
Is it any wonder that we feel exhausted when we are in the judgement of what we think about on so many levels, so we are running our bodies to try and keep up with others and our perceived beliefs we have about our selves.
For some time I have had an aching hip. There are days when it feels worse, eg when the weather is cold or damp, there are certain activities like carrying heavy items and certain movements that aggravate it. This all makes sense according to all the physical known relationships to the body. But I have also noticed my thoughts and attitude to life also have a direct impact.
Often it is enough for me to just have a thought, especially if it involves a judgment of another or of myself, to have a dramatic change in the pain level.
I am sure this same impact was running through my body before my hip sensitivity, and very likely my hips hardened with those types of thoughts – the only difference being that at that time I could more easily ignore it.
One of the things about being in judgment is that we are so convinced that we are “right” and everyone else is not. There is no humbleness in judgment and no understanding.
We can only judge when we have chosen to separate from the love that we are, it’s a rejection of ourselves and the other person, causing separation, angst – the complete opposite of how we truly want to be with each other.
Life becomes so much simpler when we let go of judgement, we are not responsible for other people’s choices and when we let go of trying to control them and instead provide a loving and safe ‘holding space’, then our bodies are less tense.
And we offer them the space to make their own choices, from which they will truly learn. Judgment is a form of control, which affects the other person’s ability to choose as they already feel an expectation on them for a certain outcome or to be a certain way. It’s a form of retardation for another to be on the receiving end of judgment.
Imagine if we stopped littering our everyday with labels of good and bad. Then we may finally see there’s opportunity for Love in everything if we just let life be.
Yes, just ‘is it love’ or ‘is it not love’?
It’s hard to not judge when you hold right and wrong and expectation. However to look at what ones own part is in any situation brings an understanding, and from that a resolution that judgement is at least pointless, if not harmful to others – keeping them small and pigeon holed – and ourselves cemented in our beliefs and pictures of how ‘our version’ of the world is.
‘Judgement is also rejection…And this rejection is likely to push another even further into disharmonious ways of being,…Acceptance on the other hand is gifted with grace and allows others the freedom to move and change at their will.’ This paragraph reveals so much for me and the key to unlocking judgements made of others and ourselves.
We have even built our legal systems around ‘Judgment’, seeking to identify ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ and ‘justice’, but never seeking to establish or uphold what is True.
Judgement can be completely wrong – drawing conclusions from a selection of items or even coming to the opposite conclusion of what is in front of us. That is in addition to what judgment does to our physiology.
The more we judge and or even get confirmed in a judgement we hold the more we are convinced, entitled and justified to wield it against the world, to dive deeper into the lovelessness we consider to be of the highest right(-eous-ness). There is not much that feeds arrogance and supremacy more we the most horrendous consequences one may think of as seen in every form of discrimination from schoolyard bullying to domestic violence to racism to war and genocide.
As long as we are stuck in ‘right and wrong’ and ‘good and bad’ we are caught in the realm of judgement. Judgement is a mental activity that offers no holding grace and no true understanding of the bigger picture.
Judgment harms – it is a form of abuse … it harms the person on the receiving end and harms the person judging equally so.
‘Judgement is also rejection…’ There is a situation in my life where I have feared being judged and rejected. This week I realised it’s been me who’s made the initial judgement that a group of people would reject me based on my past hurts. The damage of hurts is the way we carry them and tarnish unrelated but seemingly similar situations. My judgement that I’ll be hurt by these people has justified my defence at keeping them at arm’s length (and never giving them or myself the chance to have relationships). I’m the one feeling the yuckiness of my judgement of them and me inside me.
Feeling the hurts, the judgement and how imposing I’ve been towards others, demanding they treat me a certain way, I’m doing as lovingly as I can knowing it’s a wonderful freedom to step into and relate to people and the world afresh.
Love the way you’ve brought this into the very real example, showing the fallout of carrying hurts that then tarnish/ruin unrelated but seemingly similar situations – leaving everyone involved all the poorer for it if wealth and value is in our relationships – which it is.
When we take full responsibility for our connection we are starting to understand the power of being connected and thus all forms of judgement drop away as our awareness deepens.
Judgment really only comes about when we see things as right and wrong rather than true or untrue. When something is untrue we do not need to judge it, only observe it and speak up about it.
And when we do speak up about an untruth, without judgment, allowing the space for the other person to choose how to respond, the results can be very surprising. I experienced this over the last few days where someone was doing some work for me and when I pointed out the lack of truth in what he was saying, without any expectation for a specific outcome, he chose to do way more than was originally agreed. It was very beautiful to feel how in the space being offered he chose love.
We do not need to judge anybody for we are all equal
Everything in life is set up to encourage us to be ‘different’, to stand out as an individual, hence we have fallen into very destructive patterns of behaviour – reflecting how this way of living does not and can not work as it is not true, it’s the opposite of who we truly are.
“There have been the out and out verbally expressed judgmental snipes and the more surreptitious forms of judgment, such as a pregnant pause, the raising of an eyebrow or the shared look with a fellow staff member in a team meeting.” So much can be said with the raise of an eyebrow or that sideways look, all these little curses and judgments that are let loose in the world in an instant will hit their mark and, most importantly of all, bounce back.
Harpoon is a good word to use here about judgement – we do harpoon others and ourselves when we judge.
I have been pondering on this word judgment in regards to healthcare and nursing care. Something I have been observing is when we label a patient or a family as difficult. In our eyes they are being difficult, in their eyes they are concerned about something and are often not feeling heard by those of us who are labelling them difficult. So really are they being difficult or is it us that has the difficulty? If we approached them honestly stating our own difficulty then perhaps this approach may begin building bridges so we have a relationship that is very much workable rather than what happens when they feel they are being judged (which they do) and we feel challenged by a ‘difficult patient’ (which we are).
How we judge ourselves is how others will judge us.
Yes, it is certainly an invitation for others to do so.
Since I have read your blog I have been stopping to consider judgement more and recently realised I seemed to be meeting a lot of similar situations that brought up judgement – but the judgement seemed to me to be based on knowing the truth of something and then seeing how far away from that truth people where living. It gave me pause to wonder how I could hold my knowing of truth but not judge, and I realised that I had gone into ‘right and wrong’ rather than seeing that there are lessons and imperfections to be learnt.
Great realisation Rebecca – the man made concepts of right and wrong almost go hand in hand with judgement, whether they are applied for that which is of truth or an ideal or belief it is the right and wrong through which we apply the judgement.
The more we judge ourselves the more we judge others. It really is a simple equation. The less we judge ourselves the more beholding and understanding we have for everyone else.
When we judge ourselves, and then try to be somewhere or something that we’re not, we actually retard our development and evolution. Self-honesty, and listening to and honouring that – and appreciating all that we are learning – are the basic foundational steps that we need to come back to, in order to move forward.
‘The Universe is forever expanding and as part of the Universe, so too are we being pulled to expand, but judgement tries to pin us down to the tiniest of specks; it prevents us from seeing the deeper and grander aspects of each other.’ This is so true, judgement stops us from evolving and expanding, and we need to appreciate more.
Yes I hadn’t clocked those ones. I know I have fallen for thinking I am the solution to another persons problems. That was a very arrogant time but thankfully the person involved was strong enough in themselves to let me know exactly what I was doing!!
Reading this I can feel that we have a choice to judge everything and everyone or we have a choice to accept everyone and to hold others in love and understanding.
Asking others to be anything other than themselves is so imposing and if we do not know ourselves and live that in full then what marker are we setting for others?
Very true Lucy – what are we using as a measure of how people should be, is it just a picture or ideal or right and wrong, or do we see someone for who they truly are and realise that they already have everything they need within them? At that point, it then becomes about supporting someone to just be themselves should they wish to, and if not respect a persons choice to be whatever they choose.
It is great to be aware of these judgemental thoughts as I can feel that they create separation and stop any connection with the person we are silently judging.
Judgement – that which serves us to separate from what we don´t want to take responsibility for.
True – and we cannot be in judgement if we are not seperate.
Very true Alexander… the very things we judge ourselves or others for always turns out to be something we don’t want to be responsible for.
Whether I am judging others is utterly dependent on whether I am judging myself. Which on the one hand is pretty gross, but on the other shows us the path to true brotherhood.
A clear understanding of judgement and its harmful effects away from who we are and the love we are also. The beauty and power of acceptance and the evolution from here offered is simple, loving, and expansive for all, and deeply beautiful as our living way.
“My judgmental ways have taken various forms.” When we are honest we find a whole host of ways that we are judging ourself and others throughout the day, it’s only when we start to be honest can we start to etch away from being so judgemental.
Just think of how many worldly problems it would solve if we could wipe out judgement or at least severely rein it in and replace it with understanding.
Yup. And basic levels of decency…it’s not rocket science and we all know what is acceptable and what isn’t and I would suggest that anyone (myself very included) who makes it more complicated is simply refusing to take responsibility?
I can feel how I use judgment when I am feeling uncomfortable from the tension of not ‘fitting in’ and rather than admitting it’s because I chose to ‘fit in’ by going along with what others were wanting to do, to my own detriment – putting them before myself, I can judge myself for being ‘boring’ – making it all about me. This sounds completely crazy as I type this, however, this is how I felt last night. I was very unsettled, I love being with my friends, however, I do not love doing a lot of the things they want to do and it’s being ok with that, choosing to appreciate my choices to love myself deeply, especially when it means I’m not ‘fitting in’ and enjoining in creation, and to love the fact that through the power of reflection I am showing that there is another way to be, even if this way is not of interest to those around me, it is being felt and registered. It’s not about me, it’s about reflecting the truth that is being deeply craved, yet deeply resisted at the same time.
We are attuned Love machines, designed to feel everything. No wonder we sense it acutely when things aren’t quite right – but there’s a crucial turning point where these feelings get converted into judgements to take away the tension of this chaotic life. All that’s truly needed is to continue to hold ourselves and others in this Love.
Great point. Feel and see the tension but don’t try to get off the hook (ease the tension) through judgement. This is super wise Joseph
I agree. Joseph what you have expressed about judgement here is very wise. You have clearly nailed it.
Judgement is an attack, it is assault not only on the body that is subject to the judgement to the body that delivers it to. In truth anything less then love is abuse.
Judgement actually not just harms the person onto whom we project the judgement, but actually devastates the one who circulates the judgement inside many more times than he may express it to anyone else. It is a self-destructive process before it is a hurting and respectless expression.
Yes, very interesting point that judgement is an arbitrary self-made up moving bar that nobody can ever measure up to or live up to.
It is useful to understand that judgement hinders our return because that is a good incentive to stop doing it. Whether we are the ones doing the judging or we are being judged, both are crippling for the body and totally non inspiring.
The choice is between judgement or understanding; harm or healing.
Judgement of another, and of self, is like a cold ice separator of blocking any space for grace to enter.
‘And then there have been my judgmental thoughts, of which there have been an infinite number, silent by nature but registered in exactly the same way as an out and out attack of words’. Can really feel how true is this and the damaging and harming effects to all concerned.
And yet it is unseen and perhaps under a smile therefore the other person wonders why they are feeling what they are feeling and it has the potential to plant a seed of doubt that can interrupt any true relationship.
Once we recognise and feel the rot of judgment, truly stepping out and away from it comes in the steps of acceptance… of ourselves, and of others.
Learning to ask ‘why?’ is such a powerful way to transmute our criticisms into revelations. Rather than judging another, when we seek to discover the why, a whole new dimension of understanding, awareness and appreciation is given permission to unfold.
It is a fact that children are always asking why! How many times a day do we as adults ask why? Who is more connected?
mmm good question. Why do, when we are adults we think that we know everything? Either that (we think we know everything) or we are so numb to life and do not care that we no longer ask why. My feeling it it is a combination of the two. The fact is, oh my goodness, there is so much energetically going on that we are not currently aware of (or maybe we are but don’t want to be)!
In reading this it was clear to me that I seem to judge people who are doing what I no longer do. For example – I don’t drink coffee anymore but I have judgement to those who do. And on reflection I can see how I have a picture of what is food and when someone is not living that I see them as less rather than allowing the space for people to come to their own choices. Ouch. It really is an eye opener.
‘As part of my growing awareness around my judgmental ways, I have started to feel the effects of judgement on my body.’ We don’t realise how our internal thought processes affect our bodies, creating tension, stomach ulcers or whatever part of the body is affected, just our thoughts and then, if we express those thoughts, there is the double whammy of directly harming someone else, although just our thinking will emanate harm.
I have found I have been judging myself the past weeks on one particular aspect of my life. Indeed as you write ‘framing us in time and space’. I know that if I were to be in an opposite situation, I would judge myself for the exact opposite. When I realize that now, I see the ridiculousness of judgment in whatever form, size or direction. It is always lessening, framing, shedding light on a tiny aspect of ourselves and others forgetting to see the grandness, wholeness of who we are and the grander order we are part of.
It is essential to differentiate between judgement and discernment, the first is crippling, the latter liberating.
You do have a way with words Alexander, that captures truth, saying it as it is.
Alexis, the raw honesty in unpacking and exposing this topic of judgement and its insidious harm on ourselves and others is heartwarming, inspiring and healing.
“The Universe is forever expanding and as part of the Universe, so too are we being pulled to expand, but judgement tries to pin us down to the tiniest of specks; it prevents us from seeing the deeper and grander aspects of each other”..
Since reading this insightful blog, I have a far deeper awareness of even the smallest hint of judgements on others flashing through my mind, which offers the great opportunity to reflect upon where I am still holding judgment about myself.
Is judgement one of those things we pass on? If we are rejected by someone does passing it on to another make our hurt, just a little less?
Steve, that is a great point and something to truly contemplate – does the judgement/hurt stay with us or do we pass it on? And so it becomes a constant merry-go-round of emotions, hurts and reactions?
When we cast judgment and label we are in effect saying we know better than and therefore are better than.. we are very much in danger of lacing someone unfairly with our perceptions rather seeing the truth of where someone is really at.
I love how you describe judgement being as close to you as your breath but then go onto observe your awareness of it. I not only have experienced this with judgement but many other forms of behaviour that I’ve been so ingrained to.
Currently I’m noticing how much I have put emphasis on the world’s values and shoulds and oughts, and not connected to within and brought that out in to expression. I’m feeling that it’s about noticing that I’m on say a motorway going in a fashion that doesn’t feel true, then I choose to come off the motorway but onto a road running parallel to it feeling like ah! I can’t get away fast enough. But then I notice I’m no longer on the motorway and am moving on this new road differently.
It is just so good to be honest about judgement and not give it place to hide. I have seldom met anyone that does not judge in some form or other as almost all of us do and will continue to do so unless it continues to be exposed for the evil it is as it has been done in this blog here.
‘Judgement is also rejection because each time we judge another, what we are in fact saying is, “I do not accept the way that you are choosing to be.” And this rejection is likely to push another even further into disharmonious ways of being’ I agree, judgement serves no-one it simply creates a negative atmosphere where people may change out of fear but there is no true inspiration. Appreciation on the other hand inspires us all to be more.
Comparison and jealousy set us up to be judge-mental and to find a True way of living in Brotherhood is so simple when we remain re-connected to our essences so we feel the equality of everyone in a feeling of Deep-Humble-Appreciative-Ness, that we can live for life-times to come rather than being stuck in the soupy mess that judge-ments bring.
What we need to understand is that with judgement we only allow ourselves to see a part of what is there to see, there is a limitation to what we see and thus we judge. If we stay open to the more there is to see then understanding and curiosity are at play and we allow ourselves to learn.
When we see the world with self-imposed tunnel vision, we willingly chose to live in a small world.
I heard a very poignant saying today effectively saying that how we judge others will be how we are judged our selves. Wise words to bear in mind next time we feel we are being judged.
This explains a lot, all those times we have been on the receiving end of surreptitious forms of judgement, where we know something feels very awry – they are equally hard hitting though all the more ‘deadly’ as they come hidden or camouflaged – such as the pregnant pause, raised eyebrow or the shared look with a third party. Judgement feels abusive in whatever form it takes.
‘So, who have I judged? It’s perhaps more pertinent to ask, “Who haven’t I judged?” ‘ – This statement made me stop and truly feel into the extent of my own judgments – if we are prepared to be truly honest about who and what we have judgments about, no matter how insignificant they may seem, we might get surprised… well I did.
If we really stopped and felt the effect of emotions on our body, we would change our ways quick smart.
We judge others for making different choices when in truth we could be providing a loving, holding space where they can learn the consequences of their own choices. There is no time factor, either, it could be this lifetime, next lifetime or several lifetimes away, it is not within our control but theirs.
When we are expectant of judgement from others we are making a judgement of them.
Great point Jane – I have never considered that assumptions about how people may react are actually judgements upon them.
Yes, and this shows how restricted we go though life through the simple fact that we judge others / everything all the time.
Great point of understanding Alexis. Judgment is so debilitating to us all, pinning us down to a point in time rather than allowing the space for each to find the way. We all will eventually and if we stop judging we can get on with our our lives and live them to the best of our ability to be more inclusive and loving of all, no matter where they are at.
How many of us live life with our sea anchor deployed, ensuring we move as slow as possible on our return to truth?
When it is so simple to “harpoon” those shackles that have us stuck in the mud so we can swim freely and not get wet.
Alexis, like you I have been a very judgmental person for years, but there is something about ‘The way of The livingness’ that as I deepen my awareness to myself and have access to more of my natural essence it seems that judgment falls away, and I am more observant of myself and others, that I allow for more understanding and space. It is quite remarkable how this naturally seems to occur without any trying required.
This concept of a moving platform is an intriguing one, and nails the problem. The platform (my own self worth) can be entirely dependent on what quality I am comparing in with another and it is this that allows the swing between the sblime to the ridiculous. And I notice that as the platform steadies, and I learn to value and love the qualities that are intrinsic in me, so the judgement lessens and I am free to appreciate the qualities in another.
When we become aware of the judgement we live with it can be a surprising how extensive it is in our lives but then also so clear to start to peel back.
Once we become aware of judgement, there are fewer shadows in our life where they can hide.
“As part of my growing awareness around my judgmental ways, I have started to feel the effects of judgement on my body. It feels like an attack, not only on those that I am judging but on myself.” It does Alexis, well said. The way we can wield our judgment on each other and our selves can be far more devastating than a physical injury.
What a topic and we all have been in the space of judgement, I know I have. It has been a process to see this happening in ones movement and being honest from where its coming from. Only then can one start to work on letting it go.
It is deeply significant when any of us gets such an insight as: “my supposed viewpoint which I cast my judgment is completely arbitrary”. How many wars and other atrocities have there been sparked by such arbitrary positions?
I agree – I also wonder, how often are we aware of the consequense of our everyday and seemingly innocent judgements, if ever?
Golnaz most likely so much of the conflict we see in society today is based on things like this, our own convenient viewpoint instead of the truth of what the matter actually is.
Being better than another because of what we eat, so the vegetarian, vegan, lactose free, sugar free and a huge variety of being free is actually not freeing in any way as we can easily get caught in this is the superior diet, and not even consider the energy we are eating in and the energy the food is prepared in. When we start to feel from our bodies the smallest thing starts to stand-out as a judge-mental isolationist, so once there has been a nomination we are starting to look at how we can shift the false energy that any form of judgement comes from.
Spot on Greg, when we feel the benefits in our body and the effect it has on us with what we put in our mouth, opposed to thinking we are helping the body, are worlds apart!
As a great friend has shared; ‘Your mouth is writing cheques that your body can’t cash”! Thank you Dean Pirera.
So true our bodies are full of Deep-Humble-Appreciative-Ness and when we allow our bodies to openly share all we feel so we get the individualisation out of our way and bring a deepening acceptance of our divine connection we have found The Way of The Livingness.
It’s fitting that this blog is categorised under ‘wellbeing’ as judgement and comparison can have a huge impact on our mental health and our wellbeing, so it’s important we talk about it.
Susie I agree, judgement has a huge impact on ones wellbeing, it can really upset ones health by being judged by others, it can create lack of self worth and lack of confidence issues too.
Good point Susie – Judgement, comparison, jealousy etc are pure poison in our body and our wellbeing and mental health are compromised.
With this understanding Susie there is a great incentive to let go of self judgement or judging others. It does feel hard in the body, and disfigures our face! As we age all this behaviour/abuse shows up in the body unless we take responsibility for how we are living.
When pushed I tend to react, especially if someone does not understand or doesn’t listen and then, instead of staying calm and waiting for them to finish speaking, I react and get so mad I have to walk away. Once I’m away I have time to calm down and think and reflect on my part in setting it all up, but I’m working on staying present with what I feel in my body so that I don’t react in the first place.
What causes us to have arbitrary judgements of ourselves and others that changes like the direction the wind blows as we drift through life. Could it be the way we choose to breathe and exhale that fills our sails?
So beautifully put Steve and so very simple. Could all our swings in opinion, moods and judgments rest on the quality of our breath? If we huff and puff about things, it generally indicates that our expectations have been thwarted in some way. When we bring a steady tender quality to the way we breathe, maybe it will allow our opinions, thoughts and attitudes to follow suit.
A choice to ‘huff and puff’ or consciously breath from an entirely different quality of a gentle or tender breath. Even reading the words ‘huffing and puffing’ brings a sense of contraction and hardness to my lungs and body, whereas the gentle breath feels so warm and expansive in the lungs and a settlement in the body.
I had a great reflection recently and that is when someone who performs some work for you, and does so but then refuses to take responsiblity for any mistakes they made, immediately I went into the frustration of that but what I realised after reading this morning is that I was judging them – that they should not do that, instead of bringing the understanding of where they were at and then from that point of equality asking them to consider what it would be like if they did take responsibility. In effect they are held to account but I am not judging them in the process.
Being hard doesn’t just stay in our physique but directly translates into the way we are with ourselves. God knows he never made us to be so mean.
Ooh so true Jane. When you put it like that, it makes it very clear just how harmful a choice it is and how quickly it can cause quite devastating damage in our relationships.
The space that is freed up for love and connection after letting go of a judgement is so healing, deeply felt in my body and so supportive to let go of more judgements. I am onto something very powerful here.
Judgment is another way of being competitive or an attempt to better oneself against another, a pursuit where the projection and the implosion crush both the internal and external relationships
You can’t judge a movie just by a single ‘frame’ of film so how can we suppose that we are equipped to judge a person’s choices on the basis of such a small section of the history of their choices.
Well said Michael it is crazy when you put it like that, how easily we will judge another on their choices, yet we would not do the same for a movie.
Judgement is so destructive in relationships, especially when we have low self worth to start with.
I so agree, when we have low self worth to start with any judgement that comes towards feels like a kick in the head.
We always hurt ourselves first before we hurt another, that is the law and how it invariably works.
Judgment is a reaction to something we think is a fault in ourselves, a way to shore up our defences against what we perceive to be a hostile world. Judgment = individualism at all costs, the oppposite of ‘live and let live’.
When we judge others are we trying to force square pegs into round holes making then fit where we want them to be?
When we come to know all the aspects that make us what we are, there is no part of judgement that makes any sense at all.
And we are much more likely to have the space to observe, rather than the immediacy and reaction of a judgement.
Yes, no exclusions to letting everyone in and seeing the beauty in everyone – life is so lovely this way, even the ugliness of what can go on between people is seen in the perspective that what’s not love is not who we are and tiny compared to the love we are.
‘I have recently come to realise that my supposed viewpoint from which I cast my judgement is completely arbitrary’ I love this observation. It really nails how absurd judgement is. Judgemental thinking is based on thinking you know what is right and what’s wrong but what is this based on? Because no matter how right something may appear it creates division when there could be so much space for love and understanding and coming together, not pushing someone further away.
We can’t possibly know the reasons why someone is making the choices that they are, or even the events that have led them to make these choices – it may be exactly what is needed, providing them with the exact learning for where they are at, thereby enabling them to move forward on their journey of self discovery. Who are we to judge?
How crazy is a judgement when we apply it by throwing dice?
“Judgement is also rejection because each time we judge another, what we are in fact saying is, “I do not accept the way that you are choosing to be.” We all know how painful this is to be on the receiving end of, so if we are very smart we learn how to not impose it on others. A superb way to transform the experience into a positive learning opportunity, all I need to do is maintain the wherewithall to remember this!
Reading this I can feel that there is so much judgement, I love that this article exposes this and allows us to be aware of when we judge and how much, which then allows us to make different choices.
The more we appreciate every aspect of ourselves, warts and all, the less room there is for judgment of any kind.
This is such a great blog in exposing so many of the different areas where can judge and the consequential harm and delay that occurs. Thank you Alexis for this and the inspiration it inspires.
We don’t stop to think the harm that it will cause another when we go into judgement, we so much caught in the self there is no holding of love or understanding.
Next time we find ourselves judging, it might be worth considering where we would be if God judged us, each time we slipped up…ouch!!…exactly….so, we have zero right to judge ourselves or another!
What a fabulous reminder, though not necessarily a joyful one. Thank you Otto.
Being non-judgmental is like taking a pair of blinkers off.
I agree Alexis, judgements can be so subtle and so ingrained that we do not realise that we are judging. Much of the conflict in the world and in relationships feels like it comes from a basis of judgement, one judging another. When we stop and accept differences and then deepen this acceptance by appreciating what is on offer there is so much potential for change.
To judge others we must judge ourselves as a prerequisite if you like, there must be some discontentment within ourselves for us to want to put such a poison onto others.
When we fully accept and treasure ourselves as the divine beings that we are, we will judge no more.
Yes I so agree when we are not content with ourselves we are in judgement with self and hence we can judge other. When we hold ourselves in absolute love there is no space for self judgement or judgement for others.
It is very apt reminder that: “Everything in life falls into one of two categories – it either supports us to return to the Truth of who we all are, or it hinders the process of return.” I have noticed how a judgment does the latter, even when it is me judging myself.
Could it be that self-judgemt is more poisonous than judging others and the basis for that unloving behaviour?
The pictures we have of how we believe things should be, whether we live up to them or not are what we will impose on others through judgement.
A very important sharing Alexis. Open the door to what none of us want to see we have adopted in our our life. None of us like to think that we are judgmental, but when we dig a little deeper we see, like you have exposed for yourself that it was much bigger that you ever thought.
And allow our own beauty to be seen in full too, with everyone, with all our imperfections. Until then we remain in judgment starting with ourselves.
How we are with others is always a great reflection on how we are with ourselves.
Accepting things is not always easy and it can require letting go of any needed expectations and perceptions that we might have. And one of those things to let go of is any judgements we carry for we cannot accept and move on if we still hold any expectations and judgments over another (or ourselves for that matter too). This in my experience is a process of learning, exploring and allowing the space to understand the bigger picture and it cannot be forced. And with understanding judgement can melt away and then we are well on our way to some point of acceptance.
Acceptance of ourselves and others is crucial in releasing ourselves from the shackles of judgement.
Yes acceptance plays a big part, when we accept ourselves and others, we hold everyone in love and then there is no space for judgement to creep in.
When we do not know the full picture of something then it can be easy to make a judgement about things, the situation or the person. But how limiting is this when we base such decisions on a snap shot rather than the whole?
Yes, I could ask myself the same question – who have I not judged? The Universal Medicine teachings support us to be honest about our loveless choices but very much from the fact that we are love by nature.
How we are with ourselves every moment of the day matters, and I caught myself recently with so much judgement of myself. It is great to start to notice this, only then can we make some changes.
Same here, for me to notice the judgements I have on myself and to deepen the relationship with myself is at the same time the start of understanding and accepting the choices of another without the usual judgements I still can have in my daily life, like Alexis shared ‘I need to be able to get a bit of distance between me and the behavior: but my problem with being judgmental is that it has often felt as close to me as my breath.’
An old lyric aptly said, ‘the first cut is the deepest’! When it comes from being self-inflicted could this be the opening for the infection of judgement to be born within us?
Is judging not only to justify one’s own choices?
Judgement is one of the many expressions we use to keep us separated from the oneness that we are as in heaven so to say, the divine state to which we belong, there is only oneness and judgement and the like that keep us separated does not exist. And with that we can conclude, that because we live in separation because of our own making, judgement is that too.
The way we think about ourselves directly affects the harmony in our body and if we are self critical or self judgemental, that is a toxin we have chosen to create within. Similarly, when we are judgemental of others, our own body is affected by the energy we have aligned to. Criticism and judgement are poisonous.
I have just spent the afternoon with really young children playing, what is beautiful to watch is they don’t judge, they act always on how they feel and this comes from their body, they are not yet using their minds to judge another. The natural innocence in this is how we can all be if we so choose.
If we make life about purpose it quickly shows up what is love and what is not. Judging ourselves can only serve to perpetuate the very behaviours we know are not great.
That is a very key comment Joseph and a very good marker for us to realize that when we make a judgment all we are attempting to do is serve our own agenda.
It does not matter if we are judged or judge ourselves, the purpose of judgement is to cement us in the life in creation we in truth do not belong to.
Thank you for your clarity and discerning way of seeing judgement – something that plagues all our lives I feel – and I know that at times this means that I get a double whammy – I judge myself harshly for judging someone else. As you say Alexis acceptance is key to releasing us from the merry-go-round of destruction.
Judgement is a filter seeing from what we ‘think’ about another and not from what is true. What a horrible energy.
‘Judgement is also rejection because each time we judge another, what we are in fact saying is, “I do not accept the way that you are choosing to be.” And this rejection is likely to push another even further into disharmonious ways of being, because rejection is an attack that most of us recoil from.’ This is an important lesson for us all. I spoke with a friend recently who explained how awful it felt in her body whenever she felt judged. This kind of personal rejection can be devastating.
Yesterday I overheard a conversation that really made me react – i could feel so much judgement welling up in me, but rather than pretend it wasn’t happening, I acknowledged to myself that what was being said was a real trigger for me, and that the judgement was coming up in response and to let it be, but to keep looking at why it was this conversation got to me so much and how I could work on being less affected.
Understanding another can bring acceptance and the need to judge can fall away. Similarly the more we are accepting rather than critical of our imperfections, we have more space to connect to what is true.
I like what you say about judgements freezing us in time. Judgements are always based on some kind of past hurt, experience, interaction…and so what you say about the harpoon is spot on, as a judgement winds us back into that past.
And until we actually come up and be honest about that we will stay frozen in the same quality that we stooped to at the time.
If we judge someone then we are denying the existence of the forces that come through us; we are pretending to be completely blind to the bigger picture, which in fact only serves to delay our own evolution.
Entertaining yourself by judging others is a perfect distraction from connecting with yourself and expanding with your own appreciation and self-worth.
That brings to the fore that we know how to play our games to not expand and choose evolution.
Thank you for being so honest and upfront about judgment as this prompts us to look and be aware of our own judgments. And you are correct in your findings that judgment can be so close that we do not even clock that we are judging or we clock it and then justify why we are allowing these awful thoughts to run riot. When this happens I say to myself ‘no, that’s not love’.
You sharing about your realisation with judging other for being a vegetarian when you were once that too highlights quite well actually the importance of understanding. When we take the bigger picture into perspective then judgement seems utterly ridiculous.
Yes, Alexis, when we allow our judgements to continue unchecked, we are silently abusing ourselves or another. Thank you for inspiring greater honesty and responsibility about this common but harmful behaviour that denatures us from our loving nature.
‘Could it be as simple as understanding that judgement hinders our return, whereas acceptance speeds us on our way?’ the difference between how these two things feel almost feels words apart. There is a freedom in acceptance where we continue to feel all there is to when in judgment we are shut down and closed off to the flow of life and have reduced everything down to our own judgement on a situations or person. So, we can choose, universal or individual perception.
Could it also be that our past hurts leave us with tunnel vision? And, if we get comfortable with our limited view of life, do we cast judgement on all that we have chosen not to see?
Judgement is a fog we create and live in that obscures everything. When we let out the warmth within, that we all possess the mist recedes.
“Who are we to judge another’s choices?” So true Alexis… how can we judge another when this moment is the accumulation of all their choices up until this point – those choices will be unique to each of us… and every one of us has free will to choose.
Judgment is a form of control… wanting people/things to be our way which doesn’t allow the space for another to be what is true for them.
Our world is steeped in judgment. Our societies thrive on it. It’s on our TV programmes, in the paper, in school, work, leisure and home. We spend our lives comparing, judging, criticizing and evaluating other people and our selves. Yet it is all a guise to keep us from the real treasure inside us, our warm and delicious love. When we make the effort to re-connect to this, we can begin to climb out of this self-made pit and get a clearer view of the love we all come from.
It’s quite shocking to feel in full the depth and spread of judgment and how it has seeped into our cultures deeply rooting itself, so much so that it is normalised and unquestioned. It is a sickness that even before destroying our relationships prevents them from ever truly getting off the ground.
“how can any of us be anywhere other than where we are now?” Whilst this is true, so many of us live anywhere else but where we are now. I often find myself living, in a way, how I think I should be, than how I actually am. It is a loving work in progress to accept myself right here, right now, the way I am.
It is the settling deep within, that eventually let us grow into more power. Maximising the NOW is the key for a true moving forward which is not linear but a deepening in the what already is. Which simply needs to unfold and not to be gathered from the outside.
‘What is it that I judge others for? I think I can honestly say ‘everything.’ And the ridiculous thing is, what I judge others for is often the opposite of the same thing.’ – A brilliant example of how lost we are to who and what we all are in essence.
The absolute honesty and openness in your blog is a great example what it takes to counter judgment… as from this point, the next natural step leads one to acceptance of self and of others… and there’s no ounce of judgment in acceptance.
I’ve noticed that if I have an underlying stance or belief of ‘not enough’ then I will be on the look out with comparison and judgement, whereas when I know and let myself feel my own fullness I don’t have that need or desire to use critical eyes.
It feels so true Alexis, that when we judge, we simultaneously harpoon both of us. We bring both of us down, we reject the other person and we drop by being unloving, and we can feel this so much around us in life.
Judgement feels more like a state of being than just the action of making a judgement.
I would say definitely Michael, it is a posture towards life.
A recent experience of having simply truly met a complete stranger in a very unexpected situation, without any judgement or condemnation of his choices, opened up an amazing space for this very sensitive young man to be honest about some old, repressed hurts. leading to him expressing some deeper insights about himself. Acceptance of a fellow brother seeking to numb his pain of separation and appreciation of the constellation that was offered for evolution.
“Acceptance on the other hand is gifted with grace and allows others the freedom to move and change at their will”.
Judgement is just what occurs when there’s no holding. Holding love for ourselves and another is a true art of life we ought to be taught from the start.
The opposite of judgement – understanding, grace, beholding.
Yes, very true… and understanding, grace, beholding are the natural expression and activity of Love
Yes please. That feels very different in the body.
And so, which of those two options is going to support our brothers?! When you lay it out this simply it’s pretty shocking the abuses and assaults that we are throwing at each other.
How spacious our natural way of being is. Thank you Alexander for this quality felt in your words.
We are often our own worst critics, judging ourselves to the inth degree… and when we treat ourselves this way, that energy will come out in all we do, say or think.
We are our own worst enemy! Who knows better than our self, the best ways to sabotage anything we do!
Indeed – perhaps the deepest hurts we carry are self inflicted.
“Who are we to judge another’s choices?” We have no idea of that person’s life experiences, their hurts or their strengths, so to judge another is really not about them but rather all about our own perspective and ideas on life. We have no way to qualify judging another let alone allowing judgement to be part of our repertoire.
When we emphasise the mistakes we make we can miss out on confirming and appreciating what we are doing that is true and loving. This emphasis can be a comfort but not a supportive one.
So true Christoph… why do we focus so much on the negative, rather than confirming and appreciating all the awesomeness we are and do? Its like there is an unspoken rule, the tall poppy syndrome, where its not ok to be ‘full of ourselves,’ which is such a lie – because the truth is we all need to be full of ourselves, to honour and appreciate all that we are.
I keep coming back to this blog for my own judgements get more and more exposed by my willingness to see where they are. The biggest judgement I found recently is on alcohol and people that drink. For sure it is a poison, but why I would even try to justify that would give me the license to judge is interesting. In talking to others who drink and being around people who drink I always feel my own judgement and how awful this actually feels. So time to let go and accept and understand what is actually going on for the people that drink and what my demand is.
This made me smile at the end of your blog when sharing about you ‘woman whose identity as an individual seems to be fading fast’ because on the whole, currently in the world we seem to seek what makes us individual as a person when actually the more we let go of this and just allow ourselves to be the more lovely it feels. Individualism to me is the same as competition .. there is no gain for anyone with this. When we make it about true love and connection that is when it is a win win situation.
Having prided myself on being non-judgmental in the past I am now recognising more and more what an illusion that is and just how much the poison of judgment has impacted my life. For me judgement or fear of being judged has kept me isolated and afraid and sucked the joy out of life. Accepting myself more has allowed me to lighten up and loosened the tentacles of judgement that have hindered my return.
There are so many layers to uncover with everything. I used to feel like I was non-judgmental and was very accepting of people but that was not the case. Over time I realised the subtleties of judgment that could play out and the more I became aware of them the more I’d catch those negative thoughts or reactions in my body. The whole key to unlocking it has been to look at the judgment I have held myself in. I have found the more accepting of myself I have become, the more acceptance of others has naturally followed.
Using words like poison and tentacles offers us a greater understanding of the evil that judgement is, it poisons our body, it poisons our relationships, and its tentacles have wound themselves into our everyday lives in such a way we hardly notice they are there.
The fact that we can judge both the rich and the poor is further evidence that it’s to do with our own lack of fulfilment, possible inadequacy and resentment as opposed to what we’re pointing a finger toward.
And, family members are like shooting fish in a barrel when it comes to judging others!
Thanks, Alexis. I love your honesty about behaviours that we all do but few admit to. If we were more open with each other like this, there would not be so much emotional reaction bottled up inside, slowly poisoning us and creating illness and disease.
To be at the receiving end of being judged we have two options, perpetuate what we feel and judge the person judging or we simply allow it to be water of a ducks back and not feed such harmful ways of communicating.
I love how this blog exposes all the shades and angels of judgement, bringing out the ugly side of the ripple effect of judging others and how heavily it relies on time as we want people to be something else, and not forgetting the harmful effects to our bodies. A brilliant sharing, thankyou Alexis.
I am still exploring judgement and discovering the subtle way it can creep into my voice, it underlies so much of my everyday thinking, it is a tricky character to identify, but the more we refine the way we live, the more easily we can feel it and the harm it does to us as well as the person or people we are judging.
This makes it very simple to feel and understand where were are coming from in any moment.
I remember many years ago at a BBQ where I was sitting next to a vegetarian I was eating chios and she explained to her son what part of the cow I was eating, it was done with soooo much judgement and all it did was put me off vegetarians! It really has the opposite of the desired effect.
Yes. Judgment is cold and hard and acceptance is warm and open.
Exposing first the utter madness of the shifting sand of judgement and then the way it decimates us and our relationships. The freshness and inspiration of the word acceptance is brilliant and a very practical thing to introduce, practise and commit to in our days.
You cannot judge another unless you first separate yourself from them and then look back at them from a distance with the expectation that they should be a different way. It is this divisiveness that crushes us and ultimately paralyses our ability to see and feel the truth of what is there without needing it to be another way.
This blog actually exposes the craziness and pattern of behaviour that judgment is. Judging people for one thing and the opposite doesn’t make sense at all. It’s like a scatter gun that collects everyone in its wake. In the end it’s not about other people and how they are at all. It is a way of coping in life and protecting the hurts that we haven’t dealt with.
Judgment is something we learn from a young age but it is not our natural countenance, but a habit that encourages us to compare, compete and draw artificial lines between one another. And once divided we are easily manipulated. Learning how to renounce judgment naturally unites the power of our love.
Spot on Rowena, judgement does divide and seperate us and as you say once divided, easily manipulated by an energy or force that can enter, as we opened the door of judgement….wow can feel how true that is.
Yes, the separation caused by judgement is a trick to keep us away from truth and the love that we are truly from.
When we are judgmental it goes before us, so it will be what others feel when they meet us – i cannot think of a more important reason to continue to challenge all areas of my life where judgement exists than for people to meet me as me when our lives come together rather than a cast judgement.
The harm of judgement can be so deep and be carried with us. When we offer another the space to listen and love and nothing else we are offering the more that meets the eye.
People feel judgment even when it is not expressed, and even when they may not be conscious of what it is they are experiencing. I have a habit of looking directly at people in the street with an open posture in a city where this is not the norm – many seem to respond to that with brightening up and smiling. A few times I have noticed that while this was going on a thought came in about something I saw and a judgment of some sort, and observed how each time the person immediately stopped smiling, withdrew and hardened in their expression. I hate it when that happens. It is a great reminder of how our thoughts do not just stay in the privacy of our own head.
It could also be a way for us to notice just how often we have a thought that is deeply unsupportive!
Yes that too! Could include those moments when I get a thought and I myself stop smiling and harden up! A great reflection of ” how often we have a thought that is deeply unsupportive”. Far more frequent than I & most of us care to admit.
When judgement is our chosen poison it does not matter who or what we have before us as we will find something to judge. So it is not so much about what the person does but our choice, as you have shared, to be in judgement or acceptance.
Great point Lieke we create this whole judgement out of nothing, even if there is truly nothing that is there to be judged. Amazing how much we avoid living and seeing the truth when choose this path.
Keeping an open mind and heart is invaluable when coming across something or someone that on first meeting might jar. Jumping in with judgement and negativity does not support a full understanding of the situation or allow space for what is there to be.
Responsibility and it’s equally import relative purpose are a way of living that shall deepen our evolution so we become a truly loving being with a responsibility to share our divine purpose. Then as we deepen this understanding all we have to be is a reflection of our essences to others.
I often find that what I judge others for is in fact something I do myself – it may have a different flavour but the agenda behind what is being done is exactly the same.
So true we can only see in others what we have in ourselves!
Thank you for this article, Alexis. I totally recognise all that you say about judgement, having practised it a lot and absolutely love what happened when I read the word ‘acceptance’… my body simply opened up and said yes to the simplicity presented. Judge or accept. Contract or expand. Abuse or love. Our choice.
Yes, so well explored and so important to do so because judgement is everywhere and it keeps us from being open and loving with each other.
Judging others has become a way of life for many of us so much so that we don’t even realise we are doing it; we judge ourselves too and that is where its starts.
So true Carmel. As automatic as walking or breathing, which is an interesting realisation as when we bring our conscious awareness to the quality of both our walking and our breathing, it can and does help to unhook us from judging everyone, including ourselves because we’re too busy paying attention to how we move.
“Could it be as simple as understanding that judgement hinders our return, whereas acceptance speeds us on our way?” – yes and the way to look at it too is to ask ourselves whether we feel better in ourselves and more at ease when we judge or more so when we accept?
I’ve had a great experience today on this matter. When I judge it brings separation and things get tense and nothing grows or evolves, but when we allow and embrace all equally then things free up and projects move, relationships feel solid and everything changes.
If I judge another it just shows me the lack of connection I have with myself at the time, because if I was truly loving me and with me I would not judge another.
So much judgement comes from the pictures and ideals we hold rather than accepting things as they are and using this as a starting point for evolution. In acceptance reaction doesn’t figure, only a gentle observation that allows people to be where they are at without imposition. If we are observing without judgment we are offering space for others to simply feel and become aware of their choices.
“Could it be as simple as understanding that judgement hinders our return, whereas acceptance speeds us on our way?” Without a doubt judgment is harmful and with acceptance it is necessary to be discerning otherwise we could be choosing comfort, which is just as delaying as judgment.
One person’s judgement on another is surely just that persons opinion? They may not have all the facts on how others live their life so surely it would be biased at the very least. Surely we cannot judge another when we are not in command of all the facts. Growing up in my family there was a saying that
“People who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones”
I agree, and really unless we live in that person’s shoes, experience all they experience, feel all that they feel, we can never truly know everything about them and therefor we cannot ever judge them.
When we judge ourselves and others, we are rejecting Love.
So simple, so true.
Simple Gill, yet hard to grasp when most of life is about no love and rejection from all sides of the world.
Oh my our society is full of judgement – we are good at pretending yet in reality what we are really saying I do not accept the way that you are choosing to be.
Of course social media encourages judgement – what we really need is greater acceptance of one another, not another excuse to see and compound what is different about us when in truth we are same same but different.
When we lose sight of our part in humanity that we all have an essential role to play, judgement rolls in like the tide.
Couldn’t agree more, Samantha. How dull life would be if we were all the same, it’s time for us to celebrate our differences rather than being threatened by them and wanting to assert our dominance through judgment and criticism.
I keep coming back to read this as each time more is revealed about judgement and also my relationship with it. This line was a stand out – “I do not accept the way that you are choosing to be.” So simple and so true – that is what happens when we judge. And I do it so often if I am super honest – as you are and inspire me to be.
Thank you for sharing this quote again, Sarah. Understanding the madness and impact of this offers such potential and freshness in our relationships.
When we judge another we literally cut off our connection with them and that is a painful thing to do.
We also cut ourselves off from ourselves in the hardening and lack of acceptance.
Thank you Alexis for expanding my definition of judgement. Even though it has been a big ‘ouch’ to do so, just having the awareness of when I am judging something helps in the process of renouncing by getting to the source of where it came from and letting it go.
I just recently got to see how insidious judgement can be, simply having a thought about how another should be, what they should or should have done is already a judgement and in energy no less than thinking ugly thoughts. It shuts the door on awareness and connection instantly.
Judgment is so deeply ingrained, I still keep catching it out and it feels gross but calling it out is knowing it isnt really me. I’ve just chosen to go into it. Keep calling it out I say.
We entertain an enormous amount of drama in our lives and in society, but as you’ve shared all our conversations are either supportive of the people involved or not, and it’s important to recognise that having a ‘bad day’ ourselves doesn’t justify having conversations which bring other people down.
Where would the entertainment industry be without drama? We have created; songs and their lyrics, movies, TV magazines and our new best friend that goes with us everywhere… our phone? All to keep us in separation!
‘but my problem with being judgmental is that it has often felt as close to me as my breath.’ sometimes we don’t realise we are being judgemental, it is only when something happens that provides us with a clear reflection that we can get a glimpse of how insidious it is lacing our every day communications.
Judgment is like a dissatisfaction with ourselves that we then project onto others.
So true, Paula …. a lot of what we have a ‘problem’ with in life, we have been a part of first.
What an powerful insight… its interesting how until our awareness is raised to this, the human psyche projects on to others its own dissatisfaction rather than pause and address the tension.
Judgment is an excuse to not appreciate all that we are ourselves.
It feels like we disconnect from joy the moment we go into judgment, it makes life hard work, instead of being with a situation, observing and bringing understanding which allows another the space to be themselves.
I have really been noticing recently how much judgement there is and how crushing this feels. It seems that we judge each other and criticise, rather than accept and understand each other. The judgement stops any feeling of brotherhood and support and creates barriers and tensions.
Ah yes, those barriers and tensions are the result of judgement’s divisiveness.
‘the raising of an eyebrow or the shared look with a fellow staff member in a team meeting’ – this feels even worse than judgment alone – the collusion with others, which can so easily turn into pack energy which is absolutely vile to be on the receiving end of.
Acceptance of others is what bonds us together, judgements are the wedges we create to keep us apart.
Wedges is a great analogy Steve… creating divisiveness, placing ‘stuff’ between people – when our natural and innate instinct is brotherhood, unity and harmony.
So true Steve. The true glue between us is appreciation and acceptance, a science that is not well taught or shared but when practiced, re-ignites the magic within us.
If we truly want to heal Judgement we need to address the heinous crimes in our past we hold ourselves accountable for, silently whipping our back for being ‘bad’. For how can we stop judging others when we are hard on ourselves?
Spot on Ariana, so true and the best way to eliminate judgement is to live our divinity.
I was being judgemental recently and what came up was I had expectations of how people should be or what they should do. When they don’t fit the picture I create, I immediately go into judgement. It made me realise, wow, how many of these pictures, images and expectations have I allowed in to cloud what is there to truly feel and appreciate? Judgement comes loaded with wrong and right, and it compresses everything to fit into what I perceive the world has to fit into by reducing its vibration.
Judgement is rife, it comes in so many ways and it is so awesome to expose it and be open to look at how often it creeps in and the cause. It starts off with ideals and beliefs, pictures and images and then they lead to expectations and the result is judgement. Also, we first have to disconnect from ourselves in order to judge and love is our answer. Be love by discarding all that is not love and judgement cannot creep in.
The more we come to see the beauty in our own imperfections, the less we expect other people to measure up to impossible standards.
I could feel an uncomfortable feeling as I read your comment Rowena as I feel that I do not embrace my imperfections because I am constantly on look out for the moment I fail.
I can feel that judgment and supremacy go hand in hand. When we judge another we are seeing them as less. If we see someone as less or there choices as less then we must be seeing ourselves and our choices as better. Persisting with judgment is not the pathway to harmonious relationships in any way.
It is very attractive to look at all the things we are doing wrong – like judgment. I wonder though if confirming what we are doing right or who we are could make much of our wrongdoing fall away as there will then be less need for this wrongdoing?
Developing understanding for ourselves and others is the way to eliminate judgement. It simply falls away when we understand the choices made, why we make them and why they are needed. We also begin to see that even though a choice appears to be a different choice such as drinking beer to overeating, really the energy behind those choices are no different. Through our development we do explore all options until we realise for ourselves that they do not work or serve us in any way. Therefore in developing understanding we cannot judge, because we see what the driving force is behind a person, and we also see who the person is underneath that driving force, which is not the person we see on the surface but a being no different to ourselves on the same path.
“As part of my growing awareness around my judgmental ways, I have started to feel the effects of judgement on my body.” So true Alexis, when we feel the contraction and hardness in our bodies with judgement, it is a loud message to us about how we are behaving is so hurtful to ourselves and others.
The fixed pictures of how we need things to be is a killer. Not only does it make us judge ‘everyone and everything’ that does not fit into the picture, it also keeps ourselves locked up in a self controlling imprisonment.
Eva a great point that our main judgement can often start with ourself and the expecations we put on ourselves.
‘As part of my growing awareness around my judgmental ways, I have started to feel the effects of judgement on my body.’ – I can relate to this Alexis – the nastiness of judgment feels awful in the body, and it does not matter whether our judgement is towards ourselves or others, both feel equally harmful.
On the subject of judgement, I feel that I have judged myself more severely than anyone else has, often to the point of condemnation. The Universal Medicine teachings have supported me no end to take responsibility for deepening the relationship I have with myself, in order to establish a solid foundation of self love, which then expands out to all.
No matter what you say, no matter what you think – if you expresss or act without surrender to the way life is – what comes next is bound to be unloving and full of judgement. And judging judgement? Well that’s the silliest part of all.
Observation gives us the space to step back from judgement and observe not only what we see with understanding but ourselves too.
In the end it indeed comes down to these two categories – it either supports us to return to the Truth of who we all are, or it hinders the process of return, where judgment hinders our return and acceptance speeds us on our way. This includes, as I noticed this week, that when another person strongly judges it is still up to me to accept and hold this person in love or to judge him as well. This does not mean I don’t express myself to him, but there is a big difference between a judgmental or accepting response.
Judgement guarantees individuality, that´s why it is so incessantly insisting on being entitled to compare and judge, the individual needs to constantly discriminate oneself from another.
Wow this is a super honest account on the topic of judging others – and who can put their hand up and say they have not judged another. And who are we to judge another anyway? Is it not that when we judge another, it is because we are still harshly judging ourselves… for when we are truly loving ourselves, we accept who we are, and thus it is easier to accept all others where they are at. Self-love is the antidote to judgement in all of its subtle and not so subtle ways.
Judgment of others exposes how much we still judge ourselves. I agree, true medicine to turn this around would be to simply saying NO to that which does not honour ourselves and our body i.e. NO to self-judgement.
Judgement, what is it good for, absolutely nothing! A twist on a line of lyrics from an anti-war song from the sixties.
When we judge, either ourselves or another, we are saying ‘no’ to the innate and gorgeous love we all innately are.
“Who are we to judge another’s choices?” God doesn’t judge, Serge Benhayon doesn’t judge….and these guys back-yard are infinitely cleaner than mine…so, yes, who am I to judge another’s choices. Super, super humbling.
What you say about the moving platform is interesting – a judgement is, by definition, a holding-on-to-the past and yet the world is constantly shifting and peoples’s situations are ever-evolving so, apart from everything else that is abusive about judgements, they are always going to be “out-of-date”
Gives a new perspective to living in the past!
Acceptance and letting go of expectations and set ideas/images of how things should be is one way to close the doors to the poison of judgement from entering our body.
What a gorgeously humbling insight offered by recognising that your “supposed viewpoint from which I cast my judgment is completely arbitrary”. We keep thinking that the beliefs upon which judgments are made are irrevocable truths, yet they are actually based on subjective fiction.
It is interesting to note that a baby or toddler do not judge. It is not natural to them and hence when they grow up and eventually start to judge that it has been taught and never actually a behaviour that is true of our inner nature.
Excellent and irrefutable truth. God never judges and nor would we if we lived that which is in all of us, rather than expressing from our own stuff, hurts, protection and self. It’s pretty gross how we infect our own divinity.
Could it be free will, that allows us to roam away from ourselves?
I had to laugh Alexis when you showed us how ridiculous judgment can be ‘I have judged people for being too fat and too thin, too loud and too quiet, too stupid and too intelligent, too ugly and too good looking, too sensible and too reckless’ Your honesty is fabulous and brings back this innocent and sparkling lightness we all have inside and will come out when we accept where we are at without the so well known condemming of our behaviour.
Reading this article I can feel how important acceptance is; allowing others to be where they are at and not judging them because we think we should be somewhere else.
So true Rebecca, acceptance is key to eliminating judgement and in accepting ourselves we are more likely to accept others.
Alexis, reading this is really interesting; ‘There have been the out and out verbally expressed judgmental snipes and the more surreptitious forms of judgement, such as a pregnant pause, the raising of an eyebrow or the shared look with a fellow staff member in a team meeting.’ What it makes me realise is that we may think we are right and that another is wrong, but that this does not make us right, we are still in judgement and if we all think we are right then there is a lot of judgement, criticism and separation going on.
We think that when we are right and another is wrong, we are off the hook. This brings us some sort of relief in a way. But that tension is there to support us to look deeper into ourselves to see the part that we have played. You can see how blame can easily enter here as well, which allows us the back door exit. But we never escape from anything in truth.
It is ideals and beliefs which set the false standards to which we aspire and judge ourselves and then cast judgement on others of their choices against the same false standards.
Acceptance is absolutely key, as you say Alexis, of ourselves, of others, of life and of the grandness we are a part of.
A fundamental basis. When we grow to accept our selves completely, the good, the bad and the not so pretty, it becomes almost impossible to hold an unpleasant or judgmental thought about others. The deeper we take our self-acceptance, the more compassionate we become.
And this process will continue until each and every single one of us knows ourselves to be God and everybody else to be the same.
Acceptance can lead to confirmation which can lead to joy.
Letting go of judgement gives another space to be who they are.
Far too often in life we can look at someone or something different and cast an eye of judgement, but what does that really mean? In many ways, it means we are not open to appreciate the essence of the other person and in that miss out of what life is really all about.
Judgement is a huge lesson for us all. To allow another the grace to make mistakes and by making those mistakes it is how we all grow and evolve. I was talking to a man recently who wanted to cut a branch from a tree because it was annoying him. While trying to do this he fell and broke his right hip. The hip mended and after sometime in hospital recovering he went home. And again climbed the ladder to finish sawing off the offending branch this time he fell and broke his left hip and shoulder. The time spent in hospital this time has been a huge stop for him and he feels he has finally learnt his lesson. There’s no judgement just a huge appreciation that at the age of 82 he finally understood an aspect of his life and won’t do it again. And it will go down as a huge joke at the family gatherings long after he has passed away.
Thank you for sharing Mary, just shows how life happens until we learn the lesson that is been offered. And yes how beautiful it is to allow another the grace to make mistakes, making mistakes is part of life and how we learn to choose differently.
This is a great story Mary and I wonder how many people said in judgement that he was a silly old fool, but if we look at everything as a learning it will cancel out such judgements.
If we have a scathing judgment of ourselves and of others we can’t possibly be having healthy relationships even if we are telling ourselves that we are. When we hold in our bodies an expression that is cold and hard we can’t be inviting others in. It takes a lot of honesty to admit that this is where we are at, but this is the hardest part of the healing, once nominated we give ourselves permission to increasingly let go and heal those parts of ourselves that have needed the protection of the hardening in the first place.
What is the difference between judgement of another and an observation of the facts? In a conversation with someone recently I criticised them for being judgemental and they said they were just stating the facts but the emotional energy in their voice didn’t feel very nice to me. Sometimes we feel judged by another person but it is just our own hurt and expectation of being judged that allows us to feel that way. We are then judging them. When we criticise other people they will either get defensive or go aha! and that defensiveness is a reflection back to us that perhaps we have imposed upon them. It is all very subtle.
Judgement and criticism are a form of contraction and contain emotion, whereas sharing from a place of observation is a form of expansion and doesn’t have a trace of emotion in it. One supports and the other doesn’t.
Judging others for being judgemental is adding to the mix of poison we either dish out or absorb. I have experienced both of these and it feels absolutely awful. It is so needed to expose how harmful it is to align to this energy.
By judging others we create blinkers that blind us to the beauty and grace of the person before us… we only see what we want to see in them, and not the truth of who they are.
And, what does the person we judge, see in the person that is judging them?
I recently met someone for the first time and it was amazing how hearing their voice on their phone, I began to make judgements about them, which got totally smashed when we met. Its amazing how much judgements come in and cloud our views of things, and if we let them they can cause us to shut people out or make choices that we wouldn’t other wise make
How often do we use one sense to judge someone? The quick look or a conversation heard but not seen, and our mind kicks in and fills in the blanks. Could this be because there are values and beliefs we are still hanging onto?
Absolutely – and that judgement is felt by others, picked apart and made to feel nothing more than that one part of themselves that we don’t accept, rather than being seen and accepted for who they are.
Great to look at all the subtle ways judgement enters, the game of right and wrong, good and bad etc.and these based on our perceptions. I am discovering the more acceptance and appreciation I have for myself the less likely I am to judge another. I may not like a particular behaviour though when I do not react to it I can bring more clarity and understanding to the situation rather than judge it.
I am wondering if our ability to like or not like something/someone has to come first from our reaction to it? That’s not to say that we need to condone everything we see but simply to suggest that liking something brings in an element of self, when in truth there is no such thing.
Judgment is most definitely a sign of defensiveness, as it arises from a need to prove our selves right and another wrong, which is not and can never be the quality of our all encompassing Souls but a wayward Spirit attempting to justify itself.
Golly, judgement is a device used to make the world fit our own personal needs and beliefs! – lest we ever have to face the truth that we are all equal and glorious beings.
How exposing of the choice we make to reduce ourselves and in turn all of us.
Condense ourselves, condense the All, expand ourselves, expand the All.
Loving re-reading this blog exposing the evil in judgment Alexis. Deepening our awareness and observation roots out all the tricks of the mind that keep us stuck in attacking ourselves
“As part of my growing awareness around my judgmental ways, I have started to feel the effects of judgement on my body. It feels like an attack, not only on those that I am judging but on myself.”
An opportunity presented itself week to simply observe some sports people talking about the game they had just finished. This quickly escalated into a serious and strong dissatisfaction, self-judgement, self-critique and comparison with others playing in the game. How quickly we can get caught up in the illusion that we have to live in that constant push for perfection and to be better than others in order to be seen as successful.
We are so quick to judge… just a simple thought against another can pop in in a millisecond. It can be so quick and normal we may not clock it or be aware of the judgement we hold against others.
Thank you for writing this Alexis, in you exposing judgement in your own life, offers the reader a change to review how it plays out in theirs. It has for me and this line particularly has been a standout – ‘a pregnant pause, the raising of an eyebrow or the shared look with a fellow staff member in a team meeting’ as it exposes the more subtle ways that judgement occurs. Often we are more aware of the bigger ones, but these exist all the same.
So true, judgment is very often not expressed directly in words, rather through how we move, shutting the other person out, or by what we don’t say, pretending we haven’t heard someone, which is actually worse as it’s denying the other person the opportunity to respond – that is offered in a conversation. I deeply appreciate how your blog has invited me to delve deeper and call out each and every jab of judgment when it raises it’s ugly head, thank you, Alexis.
‘Acceptance on the other hand is gifted with grace and allows others the freedom to move and change at their will.’
I used to be very imposing thinking I knew best – I certainly knew what I wanted to happen so I didn’t have to deal with how painful it felt watching someone make unloving choices for example. Conversely, people making loving choices bothered me too – I got to feel where I am not and deal with my own self-judgement or fury for example.
Whereas acceptance is where I give myself the space to feel exactly what’s at play and feel I’m actually held in love; that I don’t have to condemn myself or others for past choices, but can align to love again.
This is brilliant and exposes how unsupportive and unnecessary judging each other is; ‘Judgement relies very heavily on time; it tries to insist that another be somewhere other than where they are, which, when you think about it, is utterly ridiculous – how can any of us be anywhere other than where we are now?’
I love this article. Since reading it I have observed how judgmental we as a society are of each other. I have noticed that I am more aware of judgement and when I go into it, being more aware of this has supported me to not go into judgment like I used to and to instead see the qualities in others and to be more understanding and accepting of the different choices that we all make.
It’s those subtle moments that really hit home. when we look another up and down or make automatic assumptions. And yet there is a loving difference between judgment and reading. I can take the same person and judge them compared to my idea of perfection, or I can choose to read where they are at and come at it with an openness of what is shown to me.
Loved reading your blog Alexis and your honest sharing about judgment. Great insights – the acceptance of choices, the rejection and the barrier it causes amongst people. Thank you.
Agreed Priscila, what a different space we would all be in if we did not hold so much Judgement for others and ourself.
Just loving this blog on Judgement and the comments and accepting so much more in the process.
There was a time when I always needed to be right, judgement was huge in me and justification took up an equal amount of space and energy. To have an awareness of what judgement does now makes a big difference but vigilance is always necessary as there are myriad ways in which it still slips in. I notice that when I bring appreciation to myself and others and situations there are less ‘holes’ for it to do so.
Alexis, I so understand what you say here how judgement is also rejection and it comes with criticism. As I am learning this, I can feel the damage it does pushing others into more disharmony, it is so destructive for everyone in this process.
“As part of my growing awareness around my judgmental ways, I have started to feel the effects of judgement on my body. It feels like an attack, not only on those that I am judging but on myself.” Indeed, a judgement on another can only stem from a judgement of oneself, which cannot but be a self harming attack.
The attack on ourselves is bringing us an awareness that we are part of a whole and that when we separate from one another with judgements we are harming everyone.
Alexis, here you have beautifully nailed judgement and exposed it for all that it is. It is like you have left no stone unturned with it and this is so inspiring. For what if we did this with everything in our life, for example, jealousy, comparison, self doubt, identification etc etc. Like literally they (or that energy) would have nowhere to hide in our bodies any longer, leaving us free to be who we truly are. And so here is where you have nailed judgement again in this blog is ‘it tries to insist that another be somewhere other than where they are, which, when you think about it, is utterly ridiculous – how can any of us be anywhere other than where we are now?’ Yep completely ridiculous that we think we have the right to judge another when maybe what we should do is have a look at where we are standing and what we are standing in when doing this.
I have been working on Judgement and at times thought that I had nailed it not going there, but what I have come to realise is that if there is a tiny seed where I let that come in, just a smidgen then I have totally capped myself and the other person from accessing the fullness that is there to be lived together. So here comes the fine tooth comb and calling out any seed that has been not pulled out.
As young children we do not judge, we are open, honest and innocent, so judging must be a learnt experience and I would imagine this starts when we go to school and it is there that we learn all the vices that take us away from our honesty and innocence. There must be another way to educate children so that they are supported and encouraged to remain as open and clear as possible and not shut themselves down because of another’s jealousy and comparison. I don’t feel that we have quite understood just how crushing our education system is that a child can start school wide eyed and innocent so to say and at the end of their education be so shut down and unable to relate to the world that they want to suicide, surely this need investigating?
Mary, yes school is rife with judgement but my oh my, so are families. Most parents arm themselves with what they believe constitutes good and bad and then wield their beliefs and subsequent judgement on their kids. I know I certainly did.
Yes this is definitely worth investigating.
When we walk in a body without judgement and just in our essence, it is felt in nature. Birds, squirrels and other critters are not disturbed by our passing.
Judgment holds both the judger and the judged in a freeze frame, with the expectation and anticipation that next time we meet we will be the same – but we never are because the world has moved on from that point and so have we… so in reality its pointless to judge anyone, including ourselves!
And the reality is that energy has no memory – so energetically we are different next time around… it is only our minds, our ideals and beliefs, that are holding each other to the past.
How destructively devastating is it then, when we consider that there are so many people that fall out with a family member for example and then, due to judgement never talk to them again.
At times it is that tiny line balancing on to feel either judged or not judged and that only happens when we are not fully appreciating of the power we are in which we have no connection with judgement whatsoever because we just know from deep inside that we are completely fine because we have that strong connection with the Hierarchy and with the Godly aspect in us.
Judgement has its roots in living in separation from God, our divine origin in which judgement has no place to exist as there is only love and understanding.
When you let go of judgement – people often change and show their true beauty. Then you realise it was your critical thoughts that was helping pin them in place you can see what an absurd game life is – it all comes down to energy.
Beautifully said Joseph and I found exactly that. When I let go of my judgement towards a work colleague about the things that he wasn’t (in my books) doing correctly, I then got to see all the great things that he does bring to the work environment and I also got to feel the beautiful and very sensitive man that he is. Things that up until that point in time, I had been completely blind to.
Why you can let go of judgement, people at times got confused as they are so used to receive any judgement that they have difficulties to relate to you when you only show love and understanding instead.
Yes, when we stop judging others. What we perceived as faults of those we judged, the penny drops and exposes us!
Joseph, I’ve found the same to be true. Releasing judgement offers another space to be themselves and us an opportunity to see them in their true beauty.
To let go of judgement is to accept people and situations as we meet them.
The more we understand and accept ourselves, then the less likely we are to judge others.
We can only stop judging others when we stop judging ourselves
Judgement is not born of love; it is born of all we use to fight it.
Judgement is very much linked to our hurts, if we hold any form of hurt from the past in our body, we essentially expose our body to poisons like judgement, comparison, jealousy, sympathy, etc.
Judgement is giving permission to fill our body with a highly toxic poison.
If we’re judging then the poison is already in.
Judgement is like a lump of lead being placed upon us as it attempts to cement us into a particular moment in time.
In speaking to others about judgement and how often we judge others, all agree that, like you say “I am often not even aware that I am doing it”. That is the challenge, as it seems to be right there with you in an instant, leaving you wondering how it got there. And yes, it does feel horrible in the body and the only way to begin to address it is with constant vigilance, asking ourselves why we are judging and then bringing in appreciation of what we are being offered and the opportunity to begin to look at those around us with very different and very loving eyes.
I keep coming back to this blog, because it has opened up a very important topic for me and I discover things daily at the moment. As a wedding officer I sometimes think: ‘oh these people shouldn’t marry or even be together!’, but who am I to know what their life has been like, or their past lives and what it is that they need to learn right now? And if I think that I am not holding them in love, so also not the reflection of true love they might need.
The man made concepts of right and wrong are deeply interwoven in judgement.
Well said Michael and if we removed right and wrong from life, we would also remove a large percentage of our judgement.
I find that the most debilitating judgments I derive and dish out are those I hold myself in. It is as if they are tailor-made to knock the wind out of my sails. Also these tend to be spring board for the judgments I hold for others. When I deepen my understanding and acceptance of myself in any area, this naturally starts to cut down the judgment on myself initially and then on others too.
It can feel so easy to judge, like it has happened before we even think. But even when I feel I have already judged someone, i don’t just let it go but talk it through with myself, why i judged and how i can bring greater acceptance to being to break that cycle.
That’s beautiful Rebecca and I find honesty is a brilliant tool to deconstruct and chip away the judgement we allow into our body that also pollutes our space.
I agree – there is no need to judge ourselves on top of judging someone else, just be honest and take the steps to address he judgement
Honesty is like a high beam search light, ain’t nothing gonna stay hidden and festering if we commit to shining it in every nook and cranny.
As we become aware of these things we can allow ourselves the space to simply observe and in that we can learn so much – great to ask the deeper questions. Ironic that we can be judgemental of ourselves in having judged someone else too.
Its a wonder where these judgemental thoughts continuously come from — they are never-ending. I am the same how often I get flooded with these thoughts. I can judge about anything. I think its an excuse to not be responsible and honest to how you feel.
They come from a source of energy that is hell bent on conning us into believing that we are separate from one another and so works tirelessly at promoting any movements that promote separation. Judgement is just one shining example of it’s skill set.
It’s so obvious when someone is judging you – the eyes, the gestures, the look… What we think that we are only ‘thinking’ is in fact having a very real effect on another person.
And sometimes we don’t even have to be in the same room as someone and we can feel the judgement coming through them.
I so agree with this Susie, judgement is like a heavy overcoat, we put it on ourselves first and then lift it onto another. And all without necessarily saying a word.
Yes Susie, everything is energy. If we feel when a person is with or against us, equally others can feel the same about us The ripple effects of thoughts are immense and have a vibration that is either loving or harmful. Only when we’re aware of the quality of thoughts running through us can we can release those that cause another harm.
That’s the ridiculousness of it all we judge based on our current view and in doing so we create a static image of us and those we judge, and yet we’re not static and in judging we miss the possibility of a true connection. And as shared here if we accept we open ourselves up to life, to others and to the greatness we are all capable of.
Quite simply, who are we to judge? Have I cursed, abused, gossiped, denigrated, lied, broken the law, consumed illegal substances, been wilfully irresponsible, walked away from God, taken advantage of people, allowed myself to play small, compromised, cheated, denied my sacredness…need I go on? The answer to all of these and many more is a big YES. So, quite simply, who are we to judge?
And, as an addition to this, have I truly, fully and deeply considered and appreciated the forces of evil that counter me from being all that I am and thus play zillions of tricks to encourage us to judge – thus, quite simply, who am I to judge myself?
The mother of all tricks is to trick us that we are separate from one another, because it’s only as a result of falling for that trick that we are able to fall for every other trick in the book. If we stuck to the truth , which is that there is only one of us, then we’d never be fooled again.
Well said Otto. Who are we to judge? when we are simply here to learn and understand who we are and how we can be with one another whilst making mistakes along the way. Not to be perfect, but simply to learn.
‘Who are we to judge?’, well who we’re being when we judge is not in truth who we truly are.
A judgement pre-determines the outcome. No wonder we struggle to feel space.
We keep on judging to prove ourselves right – whether that’s judgement of others (they’re wrong/I’m right – ahhh that feels better), or judgement of ourselves (there you go, see? I told you you were no good). What a game this all is.
A sinister game that leads absolutely nowhere.
I have to really thank you for writing this Alexis for it has made me more aware of the insidiousness of judgement and I am seeing how it can enter as quick as a flash and as often as possible unless we are truly connected to ourselves.
Brilliant Kev, you’re onto it, which means it’s numbers up!
I love the way Alexis exposes the harm of judgement in such an honest, open and relatable way. It supports us to be super honest and open too.
We are constantly changing and evolving, making mistakes and learning along the way, so it is super important that we give each other the grace to do so without judgement or disdain.
Each and every moment has been handcrafted by God and so who on earth are we to judge that particular moment in time?
That is a brilliant question Alexis. We are Gods acting like un-Gods to avoid knowing who we really are.
And that is the most loving thing we can do, is to support each other’s growth and evolution with space and grace, and it is with love and support that we will all flourish.
Yes and we do not know someone’s past, the circumstances that have led them to where they are so how can we possibly judge what they are in the process of learning. Giving each other grace is allowing another to feel the love that is there to support us to evolve back to who we truly are.
What I understand more and more and am more willingly to do is how very important it is to be honest with myself first and foremost, because it is there where I can start to unravel the untrue ways I am living. It does not help to just know that certain behaviors / ways of living are not true if they are still living within me but because I detest them so much I cannot detect them in me or more so cannot truly admit that they ‘have me’.
The more I learn to drop the self-judgment, the easier it is becoming to appreciate other people and myself for who we are and all we bring to the world.
We are masters of judgement so much so that we rarely see the rejection and devastation that we cause by a judgemental comment or look.
Judgement comes with an expectation and a need for someone to change just because we don’t like what we see and we think we know better, and is therefore imposing and critical. Acceptance allows another to be, and does not impose, a completely different energy that supports another to evolve naturally.
How often are judgements metered out because; right, wrong or indifferent, that has always been the way? It just becomes the norm, and we do not question its imposed authority.
Steve ‘imposed authority’ is such an apt description for judgement, whereas the natural authority that accompanies love and truth is totally yielding and completely non imposing. One type of authority gets up into our face, whereas the other leaves us just to be.
This blog has resonated with me in the past few days as I have considered how often we judge with our body movements even though the words or facial expression appears not to. A realisation that there is more that is read than just the words.
When we judge we are turning our backs and saying no to our own divinity and that in everyone else.
‘Could it be as simple as understanding that judgement hinders our return, whereas acceptance speeds us on our way?’ So love this. Because I can judge so quickly I can also stop to accept and love myself and others. Keep coming back to love no matter how many times I may falter and judge myself or another.
When we judge someone, we are judging ourselves… because judgment can only be there if we are doing it to ourselves first. If we have no judgment about ourselves then judgment isn’t there to impact others.
I had a beautiful experience recently, where there was every logical reason and even justification to judge another person. And although they had hurt my feelings, for some reason this did not seem a strong enough reason to judge them back, as it just seemed a lot more, way more, logical to just be myself and to let them deal with it. Judgement is a fascinating subject.
Believing that another can ‘hurt our feelings’ is part of the set up of judgement. When the truth is, we didn’t take responsibility for how we were feeling in the first place.
No one wants to think they are judgmental, but I suspect that what has been shared here is fairly common for a lot of us. The judgment can seem benign or be such a normal part of what is playing in our minds that we don’t even see it. What I am finding is that judgment creates a hardness in my chest and closes me off from other people. So even the ‘benign’ thoughts are harming me and my relationships.
‘Judgement is also rejection because each time we judge another, what we are in fact saying is, “I do not accept the way that you are choosing to be.” This is especially important when we are speaking with men and young boys where rejection may be an issue.
Perhaps the two people that I have judged the most are my partner and my son.
Why do we feel family, is more comfortable and allowable, to judge and attack?
Because we show them less respect than we do strangers.
Hugely helpful to understand this Carmel. It’s changed my awareness in my relationships with men.
Could it be when we judge we are setting our-selves up to feel good about what we are or can do and have become an addiction or our spirit has become addicted to the trappings of judging to feel assured it is right?
Agreed Greg, there is definitely a self-righteous element to judgement.
Yes that assuredness of our minds is a pitfall waiting to happen, and the wisdom of the body will always allow us to feel what it is like to make our-selves our others lesser than so we can eliminate it and evolve.
The thing is, we don’t feel good when we judge, from my own experience I feel a physical hardening in my body, there is no love there, rather a feeling of hurt – hurt that I am choosing this over love, that I am choosing to harm myself and the other person. There is a control with judgement, when everything in my body is asking me to let go.
The Truth of our bodies will always share what-is feeling harmonious and joy-full so when we feel those moments that are lesser than we can then move to the stillness of the rhythm of our breath so this True Movement will not let a sniff of judgement in.
There is such a fine line between reading a situation or person and then making a judgment on that reading. The former asks us to observe so we can understand, respond and appreciate. The latter means that we have jumped in and have willingly become, to varying degrees, emotionally embroiled, which supports no one least of all our selves.
I actually don’t think it’s a fine line, I think it’s a veritable gulf.
I agree. And it is because we refuse to take responsibility for our movements, expression and actions that we create the illusion of it being a fine line, because that gets us off the hook.
I love what you share here, Rowena, and can feel how our ‘desire’ to ‘make things better’ can often lead us down the path of judgment, unwittingly so. When reading a situation, rather than just bringing understanding and allowing acceptance and, most importantly, the space for the other person to choose their next steps, I so often ‘jump in’ with a comment or a suggestion …. in so doing I am making a judgment on what I feel may support, when it’s not about me, this is the control, it’s for the other person to feel what feels right for them in that moment, what they are ready to say yes to.
‘Could it be as simple as understanding that judgement hinders our return, whereas acceptance speeds us on our way?’ It certainly does feel this way Alexis. We delay our evolution by drawing in judgement of ourselves and of others. It is very evident how crippling this is on humanity at present.
Judgement closes down the space that we inherently are, whereas acceptance opens it up.
Sometimes when I want to talk about a problem with another that they are involved in, it is only because I still have a judgement and a blame on them and want to give that to them in a more hidden way. Because actually all I have to do is look at my part, learn from it and move on.
God we can be so sneaky can’t we?
The games we play to stay in control and avoid looking at our own stuff are amazing and also to stay in control (=stay individual), instead of surrendering to true love and unity.
Great point Monika – I know this ‘re-visiting’ a problem or a situation where the truth is – I’m actively choosing to hold on because I’m resisting taking responsibility for the part I have played – like a dog with a bone, but the bone is putrid.
Yes, yes, yes. Expression is super important, but we have to be ultra responsible in not indulging in ‘talking about it’ as an excuse to dump our judgement or guilt (self-judgement) on others.
I think this is the first time I have actually realised exactly what judgement is after reading this. You are so right, it is a complete rejection of another. How horrible! ‘Judgement is also rejection because each time we judge another, what we are in fact saying is, “I do not accept the way that you are choosing to be.” And this rejection is likely to push another even further into disharmonious ways of being, because rejection is an attack that most of us recoil from.
The judgement of ourselves of not being amazing as we are puts so much pressure on ourselves and this also gets passed on to others. The more I allow myself to be honest about the judgements the more they are coming to the surface and especially the not so obvious ones are very impactful, because often they are covered with niceness or something else that is not true.
Ah that particularly snake-like combination of judgement mixed with niceness. Yuk!
Judgment is rejection of oneself as love, and equally so a rejection of others.
Many people have a fragile self worth and our judgement does not serve to make their lives any ‘better’, in fact it is more likely to destroy any confidence they may have. We are not brought up to appreciate other people, most fo us are so used to criticism that’s what we do. When we do appreciate, it feels lovely inside.
It’s horrible that we can term ourselves and others as ‘judgemental people’ – is it really in our nature and personality to be judgemental, or do we use this term incorrectly because we ourselves are not judgemental but in our reactions to people we can entertain judgemental behaviour?
When we recognise how many times judgement comes into our thoughts, it can be quite a shock, to realise how much it has been driving the thoughts and actions. So catching it like this Alexis is great to become more aware and understand how it affects us so much, even up to the point of causing illness in the body.
Very true Gill, and like any physical poison we allow into our body, energetic poison is equally poisonous to our body if not more so.
‘..each time we judge another, what we are in fact saying is, “I do not accept the way that you are choosing to be.” – I had never thought of judgement as a reaction, but its so true. We look out into the world and we not accept it as it is, we react to the way someone is living or the way society is behaving. It feels easier to understand and deal with judgement when you see it coming from a lack of acceptance
I totally agree – and something that may seem simple or obvious to us, might be a really big lesson for someone else to come to understand in their own time
More and more I am seeing how my judgement comes from me wanting things and people to be different, and so acceptance and understanding is key in letting judgement go.
These past few weeks have been a revelation as I begin to play with the possibility of not allowing the inner critic and judge to take over. It settled me and offered others space to be themselves.
We need to be super humble about what each of us may have lived through and be dealing with. With that appreciation, our hearts open and the judgement can’t hook its evil barbs into us.
Very well said Otto. Judgement is a very poisonous form of protection that keeps people at an arms length so they can never get too close, this is not protection at all. So, I absolutely agree, by opening our hearts and embracing appreciation it seals the doors to evil.
Often what we meet in a person is a result of decades of life’s experiences and impact. We can either understand and see the person for who they are, or judge that which we see as an issue in the person. And humorously, those ‘issues’ are often things that we do ourselves and are bitter about having ourselves!
The real issue with judgement is that it is not visible, and can be dealt in ignorance of the true effect.
Absolutely Michael… judgment isn’t visible but it is definitely felt by us all.
Yes, sometimes judgment is invisible in the way we can gloss over and ignore it, but I have found that judgment can visibly be seen… we can see it coming from another, catch ourselves in judgment and feel the impact of it in our body.
” Acceptance on the other hand is gifted with grace and allows others the freedom to move and change at their will.” This is all becoming clear to me now. I thought I understood judgement, to find that I didn’t and had kept myself blinkered from my own flaws. Now I see more clearly, and my awakening means I fully understand what it means to accept another without conditions. It is a moment of grace and I am thankful.
It feels like judgement is not selective – it either is present or not and if so will pervade so much of our way of being in relationship with everything else. This is something I have awareness of with myself but as suggested here the important realisation has been that it begins with being in self-judgement.
The seed of judgement is in ourselves, other people come into our line of vision and our focus shifts to them but we are the starting point, the judgement is initiated in us and by us and not by what another is either doing or not doing. If we are incubating judgement then we’ll easily find someone to judge.
“Judgement is also rejection because each time we judge another, what we are in fact saying is, “I do not accept the way that you are choosing to be.” This harsh view and restrictive stance is something that first has to sit within ourselves about ourselves, else how could it otherwise be conjured up to then aim at another?
We see all others through the eyes of ourselves.
Judgement is a heavy-duty killer. With it, there is no allowance of how things are and how people are, it allows no room for others to feel, with an openness, what has been chosen and it prevents the evolution and expansion of that person. Not only does it hold back the one we judge, but it also holds us back when we do the judging.
“Could it be as simple as understanding that judgement hinders our return, whereas acceptance speeds us on our way?” My understanding is that yes, it really could be that simple Alexis. Let go of our judgement towards ourselves, and accept and let in self appreciation, and we are well on our way.
I love the way you put these two together for us to feel the absolute opposites they are – how different they are in the body, just feeling the words, the hardening of ‘self-judgement and the blossoming of self-appreciation.
and thank you for using the word ‘blossoming’, my oh my, my body adores that word.
“Who are we to judge another’s choices?” – a great question indeed. And one that I dont really have an answer for because in reality, there is not one.
God doesn’t judge, to love another, or our selves, judgment can’t exist. What arrogance for us to ‘think’ that we’re entitled to pass judgment on another.
Totally.
“I have found that in order for me to be able to see a behaviour clearly, I need to be able to get a bit of distance between me and the behavior…” – I can relate to what you’re saying there, and find it can be really insightful to reflect on our behaviour without self-judgement but just a willingness to learn and to really see all that is going on.
Also I have found it helpful to just focus on one thing and in doing so much is healed simultaneously.
All healing happens through connection.
Life is about learning, so if we lose ourselves in the judgment of a perceived mistake, we cement ourselves in that, for as long as we choose, instead of learning and evolving from it.
Incarceration or freedom, incarceration or freedom, incarceration or freedom. Governed by our moment by moment choices.
Our relationship with the horizon continually changes depending on where we are standing, and our judgments about people the world and us are exactly the same. When we learn to look within for our direction in life rather than searching for it on the outside, we connect to a constant knowing and wisdom that anchors a space inside from which we can observe the world and bring understanding to bear.
What I like to remind myself of is, how can we judge anybody in a world where nobody is perfect. We all have strengths and weaknesses, thus we can all inspire and support each other and that is how we grow together.
We are all part of the big jigsaw puzzle of life. Every piece is unique and necessary to support us all.
Beautifully turned around Esther with the reminder that we are never perfect.
And one of our great strengths is a transparency of our weakness, which immediately turns that weakness into a strength, as we get ‘stronger’. And so we grow.
Yes, isn’t that what true family is all about?
Talking of family, our families are often right slap bang in the firing line of our judgement.
Yes, we need to understand that critique does not let us grow in truth but puts us very much into a straitjacket of what not to do, while being confirmed in the beauty one is and brings and being deeply appreciated simply for who one is lifts us up and has us soar.
Expansion or contraction, is something that we are all choosing moment by moment.
We are able to do so because we are blind to our own flaws.
Judgement is such a killer of connection with oneself and others. It’s amazing how it can be so much part of our life and we are unaware of it. Perhaps we recognise the big blatant judgements but I’m discovering the little more sneaky ones. If I come from connection though, even the little ones are disquietenly obvious which is a great thing!
The supposed ‘little’ judgements are epidemic,I can judge someone in a lightening flash, based purely on their haircut, their shoes, their accent, the way they hold a cigarette, the fact that they’ve dropped a piece of litter, a word they’ve used, a song they like, a television program they watch and on it goes………….
Judgment separates us, appreciation and acceptance bring us together as one.
Judging one another is not only an attack but too a way of keeping each other busy with the frustration that comes with it and in fact can fill your whole life. A life which when coming to an end can make you wonder why you have lived in that judgemental state which consumed so much of your time that otherwise could have been used to connect more closely to the ones you love, or to write a book for instance.
How can we judge if we from essence cannot judge nor deserve to be judged?
When we are connected to our essence we can’t judge and that’s one of the beautiful things about being connected to our essence.
‘Judgement is also rejection’, I never thought of judgement being rejection before until I read this, but yes this is true. It is never pleasant to be on the receiving end of rejection, but that is in fact what we are doing when we judge another. This calls us all to be more responsible.
If we look at the Olympic games, most games have panels of judges that reject all that don’t climb to the top and whoever remembers who came in 2nd or 3rd. How big is the rejection in these games? In this year’s winter games, 2,952 athletes were chasing 102 gold medals. And, the ripple effect of the trainers, the people that supported them and their countries all get to feel less.
There is a lot of unexpressed judgement in relationships and in our society, but it’s common that people who bury this eventually ‘crack’ and let things out… why do we ever let it get to this point?
Yes, judgement even if it is just in someone’s thoughts and not clearly expressed outwardly can be felt always. It especially stands out when someone accepts you where ever you are at because that shows how often we feel judged.
‘The Universe is forever expanding and as part of the Universe, so too are we being pulled to expand, but judgement tries to pin us down to the tiniest of specks; it prevents us from seeing the deeper and grander aspects of each other.’ – Judgement is the ultimate way to keep ourselves and others small.
If only we truly embraced this, our society would be so different and no doubt the numerous hurts so many of us have would heal.
I realized I have had judgements on people who judge, thinking I was beyond that, but in truth was not accepting where the other was. Letting go of a lot of needs, expectations, ideals and beliefs has made accepting myself and another a lot easier. And now every time I spot myself judging I embrace the learning that is there for me and I start to accept and appreciate myself more and more.
‘Judgement is also rejection because each time we judge another, what we are in fact saying is, “I do not accept the way that you are choosing to be.” ‘ We cannot ever inspire another person with judgement, only acceptance and appreciation will inspire confidence, and then our livingness can be a role model for how people can choose to live in the future.
By rejecting what is in front of us we also close down our ability to connect to, observe, and understand life around us.
This is the essence Golnaz. I’ve noticed a qualitative difference in my relationships with others since I made a commitment to not judge others. It opens up possibilities, creates space rather than shut out another.
I suppose none of us like to think we are judgemental and that is why we all have to take a look at it honestly as you have done here Alexis and nail it so it plagues us no longer and keeps us from who we truly are.
We all feel judgement as a bad habit and that is not something I would like to dispute because I think that is more close to our true nature. But while we all do not like this behaviour we all tend to do it on a regular basis, and perhaps even more than we want.
Has it become a rut we have created and has become a comfortable pair of old slippers we wear, as we walk through life?
I think what you say here is super important; in that huge swathes of humanity would never consider themselves “judgemental”. Indeed you could argue that it is these liars (of which I certainly am one) that are actually the more damaging. When someone is very up-front and obvious in their judgement it is actually quite easy to handle – you can react or ignore, but the choice is pretty obvious and up to you. The much more insidious and debilitating situation is when the judgement is buried under niceness, or an arrangement within a relationship or perhaps never even spoken but carried for years; this is the kind of judgement that can really badly affect us.
Absolutely. A judgement of another can happen in split seconds and then what we tend to do is completely ignore the fact that we have just made a judgement of another and carry on with what we are doing. So in other words we are accepting judgement pretty much on a daily basis. This is a superb and very much needed blog calling us all to be accountable.
And because this moderate judgemental behaviour is so normal to us we think these are only subtle compared to the upfront people that openly judge and therefore will not cause any harm. But the opposite is true, these everyday judgements, not only to others but too to ourselves and those coming to us, do keep us trapped in this dilemma that while we know that judgement is not good for us but because it is so much our habit we tend to close our eyes for its existence.
It becomes a normal. That is what happens if we don’t speak up at the very first instances of these behaviour and abuses; we are digging our own burial holes.
Yes, strong opinions carry the price of heavily reduced awareness. Understanding is quite different.
To judge others I need to judge myself first and that seems silly.
Well, it does when you spell it out so plainly and clearly. We have all felt how horrible it is to be judged by another and, depending on our tolerance level, many of us wouldn’t stand for it…and yet, we blindly accept the judgements when they come from ourselves. As you say, it is very silly..and to take it further; extremely degrading and damaging and irresponsible. It’s a wilful obliteration or our innate sacredness and an abuse of the God that we are.
Judgement seems to be entrenched in our way of living… it’s a sickness or disease we are so familiar with that we ignore its presence, but it constantly eats away at our wellbeing and vitality.
Part of me working through not being judgemental is observing another’s behaviour and trying to understand it. Sometimes that’s easy and sometimes not. But by understanding the cause, it can dissipate the reason to judge. You then are left with an understanding which may position you better to support that person.
When you put it like this it is oh so simple to understand and so easy to choose out of the two what is more supportive and loving for all ‘Everything in life falls into one of two categories – it either supports us to return to the Truth of who we all are, or it hinders the process of return. Could it be as simple as understanding that judgement hinders our return, whereas acceptance speeds us on our way?’
‘Who are we to judge another’ – so true, if we put the brakes on and really look at our own life and how we are choosing to live in every aspect then this would be a more loving place to start.
I completely agree that judgement relies heavily on time. We very often hold someone to get something or behave in a way in a time frame that we judge they should.
It’s so true that we are saying ‘I do not accept you’ when we judge someone. If we consider it like this we can start to look at what we are invested in or reacting to, that disconnects us from the loving truth of the situation.
Thank you Alexis. I too am more aware of when I am judging, and know that if I am there is something in me I am not accepting, judging myself for, and it is my indicator to stop and feel where this is coming from and address it and so addressing the cause of the outer judgement.
The exposure of your ideas on life changing makes it pretty crazy to stand so firmly in judgment of someone or something. But rather to live without these pictures of right and wrong would be so liberating.
A beautiful and honest exposing of the true harm of judgement ,the attacking effects it has on everyone concerned and how it runs our lives holding us back and keeping us in rejection instead of the love expansion and evolution of acceptance.
Allowing ourselves to observe how our body feels when we judge, gives us an indicator on how that judgement could be felt in other’s body. Wouldn’t that be enough to stop that choice?
This is a brilliant article about judgement and brings home to me that old saying,
“He who lives in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones” by whose standards do we judge? For example when I catch myself judging myself or others in all reality how can I judge as I have done something similar or worse in my life that I know of and goodness knows what in previous life’s that I have no recollection of.
“Acceptance on the other hand is gifted with grace and allows others the freedom to move and change at their will.” amazing to see the real power in acceptance for everyone involved.
I love that you have written this article on judgement, it really exposes how much judging goes on. It makes me aware that I can at times do this; ‘ the more surreptitious forms of judgement, such as a pregnant pause, the raising of an eyebrow or the shared look with a fellow staff member in a team meeting.’Its great to bring awareness to these more subtle forms of judgement because they are really undermining and not supportive for anyone.
A great anti-dote to judgment is appreciation – the more we appreciate our selves the more we appreciate each other and the less opportunity there is for judgment to creep in.
The danger in passing judgement on someone is that we’ll have our own standard come back to haunt us.
Judgement is like fast food – it’s quick and convenient, makes you feel good for a while but just leaves you to crash after the false high. It’s always available but is severely bad for your health.
Love this analogy… How true it is!
Yes, being irresponsible and dumping our emotions on another may seem convenient at the time, but we are hurting all concerned.
So true! Nicely explained that is exactly how judgement is, especially in how quick it can be to judge another, like a split second or faster than that and as someone else has shared in the comments when we judge another it is more than likely to come back and bite us on our bottom so to speak.
‘judgement tries to pin us down to the tiniest of specks; it prevents us from seeing the deeper and grander aspects of each other.; This is so true. Judgement to me feels like casting people in straight jackets by defining who they are by the narrowest of means. We then all walk around constricted by our judgements of others and ourselves, their judgements of us and themselves and we never open our hearts to meet one another. Is it no wonder many people feel so lonely and resort to the behaviours that they are then often judged for.
Judgement comes from a feeling of unease from choices, an underlying non-acceptance of what is not truth or what is not from our ideals and beliefs, which is not truth to begin with—so we are judging not Truth and not not Truth—hence the explanation from your document of why we can judge both sides of the same coin. This level of unease/dis-ease must feel very controlling in our lives, so it shows how much we go into to keep ourselves and others unevolved. But being able to expose the situation like you’ve done here without judgment is so freeing for everyone.
When our heart is fully open and our body moving in stillness, judgement cannot enter to pollute our thoughts and expression. This is related to our relationship with divinity, do we accept it or reject it.
Judgement feels horrible from any angle, it’s so against our natural way of being together, in equality.
and as we are all the One United Body of God, it’s actually not possible to judge another without simultaneously judging ourselves.
You’ve raised a great point Alexis in that judgement is actually nothing to do with other people, but entirely to do with our own preconceived ideas, ideals and opinions. Judgement can come with a lot of blame, as in “why does SHE have that ….”, but this is completely self created.
“Judgement relies very heavily on time; it tries to insist that another be somewhere other than where they are”. This captures much of the ill of judgment for me, as it does not accept people and situations as they are right now, wanting them to be at another place along a continuum of my choosing.
What I have come to realise is that it is easy for us to judge another when we are not willing to look deeper at the bigger picture and allow understandng of the situation.
‘Everything in life falls into one of two categories – it either supports us to return to the Truth of who we all are, or it hinders the process of return.’ – Very true, and what I find interesting is that we seem to very quickly reach for that which hinders or delays this process.
agreed Eva, in fact reaching for things that hinder or delay our return is an inbuilt involuntary movement that is predetermined by the fact that this is what we’ve consistently chosen up until that point. Our choice to hinder and delay adds to more of the same. And so it goes.
Love this conversation Alexis and our honesty around our judgmental ways certainly does deepen our awareness, so we can see how in judgement we actually contract and separate from the oneness of our Soul, retarding our evolution. For I have felt that in a moment of judgement we have actually clocked the truth, and that being another (including ourselves) willfully choosing to not live truth, and instead of responding with the Fire of a greater love we react so as to sidestep our responsibility to hold steady in our reflection of love and truth that we know we all are. I agree also with what you have beautifully shared here that ‘Acceptance, on the other hand, is gifted with grace and allows others the freedom to move and change at their will.’ – as acceptance is a deep knowing that we are all of love and know truth regardless of what we are willfully choosing to align to. For in our reflection of love and truth lived we offer the vibration that signifies the way for us all, the life which we truly crave within – at-one-ment with All.
Deep down we all know that love and judgement are impulsed from polar opposite energetic sources. Therefore, we can’t ever truly mix them up, if the love is in fact true love and not a shonky version.
I actually have to disagree with that because if the illusion of separation didn’t exist in the first place, then neither would judgement. Therefore the big daddy of separation is the myth of separation itself.
Letting go of judgement has been a fascinating process and one that has required a whole lot of understanding and acceptance of where I am at and also others. It keeps coming back to letting go of any judgement on oneself.
Agreed Natalie. Although I cannot say I’m there yet it is very clear to me that we can only judge others when we judge ourselves first.
Same for me Natalie, it is when I reject the divine being I am and complications like judgement, jealousy, comparison then comes in to further cement the separation and loveless ways.
When judging another, we are avoiding seeing the very same thing in ourselves.
Judgment creates tension, a holding of negativity, whereas… “Acceptance on the other hand is gifted with grace and allows others the freedom to move and change at their will.”
I agree Elizabeth, it is something that needs constant work to call it out to ourselves because it is so destructive.
Destructive, devisive and flies under the radar. Similar in many ways to a Stealth Bomber.
“Who are we to judge another’s choices?” Indeed. Or rather who are we to judge at all as was once shared in a session with a very wise Esoteric Practitioner. It certainly got me to look at who I judge more and start to let go of this with the knowing that how another lives and their choices has nothing to do with me and something I definitely should not be judging but rather be with me and how I am living and with what I am choosing. I feel like we use judgement as a bit of a ‘get our clause’ in that if we judge others it takes us away from really honestly looking at ourselves and how we are living (with love).
We are all equal, we are all in this together, so judge one and we drag us all down.
Wow, so true Otto, you’ve highlighted how connected we all are. We may think we are separate from others but we are in fact all One.
We are all on the way to the same destination, some are just catching a later bus.
It is perhaps truer to say that we are all at different points of remembering that there is nowhere we have to get to, we simply have to arrive in full where we are now.
So truthfully expressed and yet, I am still finding excuses to get off the bus, or slow it down, or distract the driver.
Yes indeed, Alexis. Judgement is a reaction from a need for things to be a certain way, so it is always going to be an imposition on another and not supporting their learning and evolution.
There is a real science to this. It all depends on what sense we use to observe the world with. I don’t understand it fully but my sense of it is that if we meet someone with just our eyes then we are already in judgement in that what our eyes see is pre-determined by what we look for and what consciousness our brain (the interpreter of our vision) is aligned to. Our sight is one dimensional and limited by the parameters of our ‘visual vocabulary’. It is only when we see people with our inner heart that we will free ourselves and others from judgement.
Imagine what God has seen – boy oh boy – some stuff that we would definitely think justified judgement – and yet, he never does.
Such a great point Otto.
“Who are we to judge another’s choices?” Great question to carry into the day Alexis and one that reminds us all that we are a product of our choices just like everyone else, so cutting the judgment game starts with our selves.
‘Judgement is also rejection.’ And perhaps that’s also why many of us react to the judgements that are cast on us. I see judgement as a curse, it is like waving a magic wand and making others smaller so that you can feel bigger and more important.
Bringing this acceptance into parenting is something I am going to focus on.
That’s a big one for me .
This weekend I was on a workshop where we got to practice what it was like to simply listen and truly observe another person without any projection or judgement of them but simply to just receive them and their expression. It was beautiful to feel how holding and loving this was and how much the other person felt at ease and relaxed in themselves as a result of taking off this pressure.
To observe without judgement is truly a gift we can give to each other and would transform the world if we practiced it every day.
We judge ourselves and others all the time, we judge the broader issues of life down to the finer details and when we judge it keeps us in the individuality of life which keeps us in the separation to who we are. When we are in separation to ourselves and with each other there is a lack of understanding and therefore it is so easy be abusive.
“Could it be as simple as understanding that judgement hinders our return, whereas acceptance speeds us on our way?” Acceptance and appreciation with understanding go a long way to combat judgement.
I love your honesty in this Alexis, and you have made it very clear how not only judging someone is ridiculous but also very harming to both, the one judging and the one being judged. It is causing an ugly stagnation in our way back to truth. And I can relate to ‘…but my problem with being judgmental is that it has often felt as close to me as my breath.’ Being judgemental is so familiar that it asks the honesty you’ve showed us here to step out of this and choose to understand and accept where we are coming from.
Very very true – this simply is the case. I can feel by this blog the harm I have endured by being in judgement and how this has totally scooped away the space for myself and another.. And how stubborn my ways have been thinking that I had all rights to do so ! Hmmm.. great to face now and move on and letting go of the indulgence of judgement.
Judgement is a good topic to explore as you have done so well here Alexis, and we need to keep exploring it and exposing it for the evil that it is, for it is a big piece in the puzzle of why we stay separated from ourselves and the all.
Very true, whilst we allow judgment to exist, we allow separation to continue.
The way I experience in judgement coming to me is either that I want to fight back or to dive deeper away in my self build fortress. And me having this understanding gives me the tools to grab this behaviour which normally tended to happen unnoticed.
The fact that I and as far as I know many people have the tendency to judge and at times think it is their full right and nature to do, it is far from who we truly are. We are multi dimensional beings that are more connected in oneness than we recognise in normal life. Therefore judging someone else is to judging yourself which to me feels not very healthy and therefore I have chosen to work on getting to understand more of this judgemental behaviour I use and how that works out in my life. What I thus far have discovered is that with judging someone else I am actually judging myself because what I judge in the other is actually something unresolved in me, something I know I have to deal with but consciously am postponing.
We as humanity are a rainbow. When you whitewash something, are we apathetic about everything? So then is judgement painting someone black, to mark them as less for all to see?
Love, love your honesty Alexis. which I am sure we can all relate to. Judgement can be super sneaky it can come in so quick. Being judgemental is not anyones true nature rather an occurrence that happens when there in not enough love coming from our own bodies to offset the dark energy that is judgement. Work on feeling and knowing the love in our own body and we start to seal the door where this imposter enters.
Judgement is a huge barrier to allowing ourselves to experience all of life and our brothers that are here sharing life with us, I agree that it hinders our return and is pure arrogance in action. In my life I have found that judgement is not something we need to go to war with and if we choose to deepen our own love and acceptance judgement slowly fades away.
Sure Christine, we do not have to physical fight or go on the barricades, but instead it is the inner war between the body and the mind we have to get on top of and that cannot be done in the way we know fighting a war should look like. As you say it is in the deepening of our love and our connection with our body that will bring this inner war to an end and so too will bring an end to the judgemental way we used to live together with.
Good point Christine. I have also observed that when I am more loving to myself and the way I move the judgments are non-existent. Going to war on our judgments will only add to the energy.
I love what you’re offering here, Christine – with deepening our own love and acceptance, judgement slowly fades away. Makes so much sense – we are judging ourselves first in order to then be judging others.
‘Judgement is also rejection’ – so true, it’s like saying, you’re not ok as you are, I need you to be different. Judgement feels like driving a semi-trailer over someone – on both sides, to judge and to be on the receiving end of it.
We are often completely unaware of our behaviours and how they impact on others but when we are open to learning we can see how much everyone we meet reflects our behaviours back to us and instead of judging them we can choose to look inside and ask ourselves, ‘when did I do that very same thing?’ it is very revealing!
A dose of honesty is refreshing in so many ways! I know that when I have observed behaviours I could go into judgment about I nominate to myself how I have been caught out by them too. It is a great leveller that keeps me humble which doesn’t allow room for a feeling of superiority. If I do end of up feeling that way i am quick to have a look at it as it really feels horrible to have that in my body.
We are far more likely to consider our behaviour if we’re not being judged for it – that’s not to say that we shouldn’t say something if someone is being offensive or abusive, however, this can be done without judging someone – by addressing the behaviour as being separate from the person. It’s not who they are, they are allowing themselves to be affected by an ill energy.
Judgement- such a great topic to unpack. I can really feel how nonsensical it is to judge another for their choices – yes “Who are we to judge another’s choices?” I’ve mentioned previously I’ve observed if I’m not appreciating who I am, I turn to judgement to bring another down so I can feel less vulnerable and more secure – only it doesn’t work at all! I feel yuck inside because I know it’s harming the connection and love we are all a part of. But I’m intrigued. Could I say who am I to judge my choices?
Often I do things and think I should know better but, on some level, I don’t just yet. Self-judgement and self-fury isn’t going to help me get it. In fact it condemns me to fitting a certain picture of who I am and will always be. The truth is I’m none of those judgements of myself. I’m far more and simply choosing not to step into that power. Rather than judge I can support myself to lovingly let go of energies I chose and choose that were and are never me to begin with.
I read this yesterday morning and returned to read it today. Reading this makes me feel quite uncomfortable as I feel it asks me to look at where judgement is with me and I realise that it can be quite present. So yuck yet awesome to feel as I know it is not how I truly feel but it is how I am at times towards myself and others. It is a loving work in progress to lessen judgement and am working towards it not being present at all.
Yes Sarah that’s the invitation I feel Alexis is offering us with her absolute honesty, being judgemental is not who we are but a behaviour we choose to hide behind, not willing to admit what we have chosen in our own life.
Amazing Sarah … keep us posted ✨
Judgement is a poison we invite into our body whenever we align to it, it keeps people out and lets the poison in.
Judgement is rife and it keeps us in separation, it is absolutely void of love and understanding. Our world is filled will the energy of judgement in every aspect of life. If we keep telling ourselves, ‘I will not judge, I will not judge,,,,’, because we know it is harmful, it doesn’t work. We can’t convince ourselves to not judge if the way we live doesn’t support us to connect to the love that is within us and all round us. So, it is simple, live love and judgement will not be part of our expression.
Well said Chan.
It certainly changes our perspective when we realise that our judgments move around like the desert sands, which certainly makes judging other people a real parody. How can we take the high ground with any authority if 10 years down the track we have abandoned that particular judgment or self made law for a more convenient one? Learning how to observe the world around us, read the quality and nature of every situation and enquiring about life empowers us to build our understanding and appreciation of people, life and our selves that rests on much firmer ground.
Judgment creates separatism.
Short, to the point and so true Jonathan.
Opinions and judgments are but entertainment for the human mind to avoid the stillness of just being who we are and letting everyone else be who they are.
Beautifully said Gabriele… so simple and so profound.
Judgement, by virtue of it’s subtle insidious nature, can become so ingrained in us that we don’t realise we are doing it, and this is why the astral loves It – because it holds us in individuality rather than allowing us to feel the expansion and universality offered when we love and accept our fellow brothers for who they are.
Alexis, this is an empowering blog to read – all of our choices either expand us to be in alignment with the truth of who we are (love and multidimensional being), or as you so beautifully write of, keep us locked into an ever-perpetuating cycle of contraction at the cost of harm to ourselves and to others.
“The Universe is forever expanding and as part of the Universe, so too are we being pulled to expand, but judgement tries to pin us down to the tiniest of specks; it prevents us from seeing the deeper and grander aspects of each other”.
If we would replace judgement, every time we do it, with understanding, supporting or pulling each other up, we as a species would be much more vital, healthy and joyful.
I love this offering to consider our behaviours and choices that are non-loving responses and reactions, and to work on replacing and re-imprinting them with ones that are.
I love the honesty in your blog, only then we can truly expose and let go of behaviours that are diminishing our greatness.
Agreed Stefanie, for so much of my teenage life I would avoid being honest, hoping that would change things when the truth was I had it back to front, no need to pretend just get honest and then it makes you appreciate the choices you’ve made.
And you stop delaying what can´t be avoided anyway.
I remember as a child judging another girl at the stables I used to ride at. I guess I could also feel her judgment of me, perhaps in reaction. For quite a long time I thought she was aloof but in essence, I remember that I was jealous of her and her riding ability, which she could probably feel. One week, when my twin and I were at the stables we ended up being grouped with her in lessons. What happened then was really cool because in this new proximity we were forced to talk and connect and guess what? We ended up being really good friends and to our joy, we discovered that we really liked each other and got on very well. How crazy was it that all that initial judgment got in the way of what was a really lovely relationship!
Judgement acts like an immovable wedge, as long as it’s there, then it’s not possible for two people to come together.
It is is an insidious reaction that very few of us are honest about but is something that is very common and incredibly harmful.
The less I have judged myself and the more I have accepted myself for being where I am at, the less I have judged others and the more I have accepted them for simply being where they are at too. In my experience, judgment of others has simply been an extension of the judgment I hold myself in. Letting go of my own personal judgment has meant much more space to be me and to hold others equally so.
Judgement fuels the energy or right and wrong and leaves both parties feeling out of sort. There are no winners when it comes to judgement, for it it is the opposite of love and only offers individuality and separation.
There is much arrogance in judgement as we hold ourselves in a place of ‘knowing’ but do we really know? Do we know what is truth, as in Universally true, in that moment? Do we know the circumstances, the experiences of the person or the situation and what has happened leading up to some form of behaviour or choices? I have found that realizing that, most often, I have to say no to all the above, and it has taken a great chunk out of my judgements towards others.
For example I can judge still people’s behavior in traffic, but at times I then find myself doing the same thing. I then realize when I see someone else doing it that it may just be a bad day and the behavior is still not ok but I do not need to judge the whole person for the behavior at that moment
Being in traffic in London is always an opportunity to observe humanity in action and reaction. And a moment to smile when karma sometimes doesn’t have to wait too long sometimes for someone that is having a bad driving day!
Yes and we do the same with children. We may not like their behaviour at a certain time, but that doesn’t mean we love them any the less.
Steve this is another point in judgement, it is not up to us to correct behavior, we can express what we observe but if the person is not open to change the Universe will lovingly and patiently keep showing them the consequences of this behavior. So why get so upset abut it, when all that does is make us add to the pool of energy the behavior we judge is coming from.
God’s got it all covered, we don’t need to meddle or interfere with where another’s at.
We only need to look at Serge Benhayon to see the phenomenal change that is possible in others, when someone is completely void of judgement. It’s quite astounding what happens when you hold someone in pure love.
I agree Alexis, it is quite astounding. When we judge another we only give them more reason to withdraw, not care and be absusive, as we have been abusive to them. When we hold them in love we at least give them a moment of a different expression and therefor an actual different choice.
Judgement is a state of Universal ignorance and that isn’t a judgement, it’s a statement of fact.
In the moments when we make a judgement we have the opportunity to be understanding in its place and from there learn more about what is there for us to observe. We all make choices as the result of the moments which we have lived up to that point, and so until we know what all of these moments contain for another we have no place in making judgements of them.
Was just feeling how judging is such a separative device, feels awful and deliberately divisive. Something that I’m aware of afresh today, thanks to reading this blog.
Judgement comes with the arrogance of assuming that I know what is best for someone else whereas accepting where they are at allows for expansion and trusting that they will find their own way unhindered by my reaction to whatever choice they have made.
Not imposing on the space for another to be where they are at is divine. I was going to say that I cringe at remembering how imposing I was with people, wanting them to make certain choices that I thought were right, but that was simply where I was at. And can still be to be honest. Though more subdued (or maybe not!) it can still be there, especially when I feel the potential within a relationship is being affected. I may try to blame the other person but where’s the love, the support and understanding if I’m being so judgemental?! Many thanks for the reminder Helen.
Yes it is a huge arrogance even though we have no or very little insight in the road of evolution the other person is on. We look from our narrowed perspective instead of from the wide, multidimensional and multi-incarnational (if that is a word) perspective that would put a lot into place.
And not only that, it is quite selfish for let’s be honest, how often is a judgement about wanting something better for the other? Never. It is always about what we want and think we need, it is about what bothers us and what we deem to be in our way.
‘Acceptance on the other hand is gifted with grace and allows others the freedom to move and change at their will.’ The feeling in these words is one of gentleness whereas judgement is associated with harsh words.
I loved this too, the acknowledgement that we are all where we are on our path and why push someone or ourselves to be where we are not, but rather appreciate and love where we actually are.
The ridiculous thing is, that neither us or anyone else can be pushed to ‘where they are not’, so pushing is the only movement that actually takes place.
There is an arrogance, isn’t there, when we demand someone else be different because we have judged their act, or way of being as different to our own and we want them to change because it suits us.
Judgment is a shocker for affecting all our relationships… and often-times our judgments are way off the mark – including our judgments about ourselves!
Judgement can never be ‘on the mark’ by its very nature, it’s always off the mark.
We humans are great at judgement, it doesn’t happen in the animal kingdom. As you show Alexis we judge others based on our own stand point without looking at why we are judging. I find the best way to expose judgement is to ask myself why am I thinking in a way that does not support the other person and is the judgement I am casting on another something that I do too but am choosing to be blind to, and I will quite often find I do.
When we are in judgement of another we are not willing to accept the very same thing within ourselves. So really who are we in judgement of?
There is so much wisdom to gain from simply being with people, remaining open, learning from one another, and being open to understanding. That is how we develop ourselves as human beings and learn to embrace ourselves and others more deeply. A judgement is like a door slamming, a snapshot of a moment that doesn’t fit a picture or an expectation, it closes us off from each other by keeping our hearts shut.
When you begin to clock those moments of judgement you start to realise how quickly judgement arises and how horrible it feels in your body. And once out you can’t grab it and pull it back in; it’s out into the world of energy and so affecting not just you, but the other person. Judgement to me feels like a weight within my body, a contraction, whereas acceptance feels warm, lovely, light and open. I know which one I prefer, the one which harms no one but opens a doorway to a truer way of living.
When I notice judgement start to enter my thoughts and/or my words I know that I have dropped the connection with my true self many moments before as judgement never comes from us; it is a force that comes through us.
Judgement is a comforting cloak we like to wrap ourselves in, only in reality it’s a cape made of dagger blades which pierce and wound us and anyone who comes close. Your couldn’t get further from the suppposed sense of strength it purports to give.
Wow, who are we to judge anyway…?!
This is a great blog Alexis; so poignant and truthful. Thank you.
Beautifully exposed that judgement is outright rejection, leaving no room for any beauty to be seen. It is out to crush us, to stamp us into the ground to negate any sense of worth.
Gorgeous blog to read this morning Alexis, thank you for sharing. When we accept our own imperfections, we also have the potential to accept our grandness and our multi-dimensionality, acceptance really is a gift of grace and is a powerful medicine.
I can relate to being very judgmental towards others, but then, I was also very judgmental and harsh with myself. To stop the habit of judging others, is to stop judging self, and I found one way to do this is to be more self-loving, self-caring and self-nurturing, none of us are perfect, but when we bring love into the equation, everything changes.
My judgement often comes down to control. I want people to fit in the world that I’ve created – so when someone’s smarter, faster, fatter, etc I judge. Ugh, it’s an awful way to treat someone even if you’re just thinking it (as it can still be felt by another). I agree that just by appreciating the qualities of others it releases me from the control of what I want them to be.
I agree Nick, my judgement also comes in strongest when people aren’t behaving in the way that I deem fit. I feel that I want to control the way that everybody is behaving in order to minimise the discomfort that I feel when presented with behaviours that don’t fit in to my set ideas. And in sharing this, I recognise that if I were to change my ideas about how everybody should be behaving then they would be free to behave in whatever way they choose.
Could it be said that judgement of ourselves is the insidious pre-laying of excuses for our own irresponsibility? The self-fulfilling prophecy that gets us off the hook?
For me, judgement of myself does the exact opposite. Rather than get me off the hook, self judgement hangs me squarely on the hook and there I hang, legs dangling uselessly in the air, until I let myself off again.
What I have noticed is how thin line that I dance is between observation and judgement (yet they are bi-polar-different). Am I able to observe something in someone and not make a judgement? Am I able to hold them in such love and understanding that no matter how they present themselves to me, how they express or how they move, I am still able to simply observe? Answer – not always, definitely not and certainly something that needs working on and refining.
Judgement – the bang of the gavel, the judgement is made, the sentence passed and the ‘culprit’ is sent to prison. Which is pretty much what you’re describing in your blog.
Love this reality check post Alexis, yes, judgement is a huge one and similar to you I have been reflecting on the level of this ill for myself via reacting, and how that whenever there’s a reaction there is also the making of a judgment too.
Also reflecting on this Zofia, and that there is only the reaction because I had a picture or an expectation, either from a past experience or that relayed to me from someone else. So if this is the case then to not hold any expectation or idea of how something should be we cut out reaction and we trim away judgement.
Great point Rosanna.
True Zofia – whenever I react at any given situation, it would be accompanied by some sort of blame or judgment as well.
Judgement is a form of bullying, and mostly it begins with an inward dis-ease that then gets cast outwardly, clocking and taking responsibility for the quality of our internal environment is a giant step towards greater self acceptance.
This is such a great question, Alexis – ‘how can any of us be anywhere other than where we are now?’ I love the clarity with which you highlight that expectations and judgements retard our inevitable return to grandness and power, and this applies to ourselves as well as each other.
Judgement can be so ingrained that we do not even know that we are judging, as it feels like it is a part of us and at times automatic. So, thank you for highlighting how insidious judgement can be on ourselves and others.
So true Julie … judgement is automatic until its pointed out to us… and even when we think it isn’t happening, it is in the most subtle ways.
Judgement is the opposite of love.
A radio interview, with a woman who’s eldest son, aged fourteen, brutally killed his four year old sister. The interview’s focus was not on the violence of what happened but the mother’s response. She chose to honour a promise made to her son at birth to love him regardless of what happened throughout his life. Today she visits him regularly and continues to support him in prison.
Judgement towards another always stems from a judgement towards ourselves. Take that away and there is no space or need for judging anyone.
I love here Alexis how you have shown very clearly the ridiculousness of judgement that it is based on a perception depending on what our own ideas are rather than accepting where the other person is at in their life.
Really when I look back at my life and see all the ill choices I have made it does beg the question
“Who am I to judge another’s choice?”
Shocking to find, I’ve used the term ‘non-judgemental’ for years but not fully understood or lived it. This time round, the penny has dropped, I now feel the harmful energy of judgement in my body and how it affects self and others.
‘Acceptance on the other hand is gifted with grace and allows others the freedom to move and change at their will.’ – Love what you share here, Alexis. Acceptance is an invitation to be more, judgment is confirmation that there is no point in being more.
Acceptance offers another the opportunity and space to evolve.
This is such a great topic and one that I also struggle with. What helps me to let go of judgment, when I catch myself in time, is to remind myself that we are all making choices and learning from those choices and we all deserve the space to make our own choices, without judgment. Even if I know absolutely everything that has ever happened to a person throughout every life they have ever lived, who am I to have a view on the choices they are making? I’ve made some terrible choices in my life, but that’s how I learn.
It is an attack, a deeply harmful one because when we judge we literally swallow poison in our bodies. My god do i know it – my stomach starts to do somersaults just thinking of it.
Judgement in any form is not good and getting really honest about it cracks this baby wide open so it can’t hide anywhere and then you hit it with acceptance and bam we are on further down the road to truth.
Yes Kevmchardy, it is about getting really honest. We’ve become adept at self deception, bolstered by an arrogance that we know, when in truth we are ignorant of how we relate to others.
‘in truth we are ignorant of how we relate to others.’ – Ouch, how true… we have become accustomed and ignorant to the fact that we treat others the exact way we don’t want to be treated ourselves.
Judgement! The word feels oppressive and discerning of others. Even in a trial when the Judgement found the defendant not-guilty, how long did that process take?
How often do we judge people on what they do, instead of connecting to the essence or being of the person?
The awful thing is, I don’t even need someone to do something in order for me to judge them, I can judge somebody based purely on their haircut.
A true smile is golden and priceless for it is always given freely.
What I have noticed is that there is such a strong correlation between judgment and self-acceptance. When we catch ourselves in the habit of judging another, we realise it is a reflection of, and sourced from the steep critique and negative pit of our own self-judgment. Once we begin to self-love, self-acceptance grows. Once we begin to accept ourselves – ‘warts ‘n’ all’ – the internal critic, judgmental ‘chatta’ towards others is replaced with acceptance of others – warts n’ all’ too. You just simply let it be.
Yes I agree Johanne, there is a link between judgement and self-acceptance, therefore when we judge another, the reflection and question is what parts of myself do I need to bring more love to. Bringing it continually back to ourselves without any bashing, and learning from the reflection is how we ‘move on’ expand and evolve from old ways of being.
Johanne, the link you make between judgement and self-accptance makes sense. The more we accept ourselves and the world as it is the more judgement and hurt fades away.
An awesome article Alexis. Yes, the plague of judgment that I have also been a part of, so much exposure and unpacking the ridiculous nature of judgment and how we have all used it to make ourselves separate or feel better, but alas, as you have so eloquently stated “It feels like an attack, not only on those that I am judging but on myself. When I judge another, it feels like I simultaneously harpoon us both, freeze framing us in time and space. “Judgment definitely holds us back from the expansion and evolution that we deserve to be a part of.
Alexis, I really love what you expose here. It’s so easy to go into judgement, but as you rightly point out we’re harming ourselves just as much as those we’re judging. Your point about making choices is also spot on. I’m currently staying with my daughter whose lifestyle choices and beliefs are completely different to mine, however she is living in exactly the same way I did 30 years ago, so who am I to judge.
I love being honest about judgement because otherwise I am just hiding where I’m judging, doing it anyway and having to numb myself out to continue to not know what I’m doing. If I judge someone on the street I feel so awkward and work quickly to return to love and acceptance. Recognising when I do judge is actually great because it is a pull up to be accepting and understanding, of myself too. Judgement feels so toxic and keeps the world out and me imprisoned. I usually do it when I’m feeling a bit scared, so I look at that too and see how I can support myself – often I feel scared because of the judgemental thoughts of myself that foster insecurity and self-critique!
Karin your honesty is very endearing, thank you for your comment. I find when I have a picture or expectation of how I think people should be, a right and wrong consciousness, then the judgement comes out. It’s so inane really because these are just the details of people’s choices (which are really none of my business) and focusing on this means I miss seeing and feeling the beauty of the person.
‘So, who have I judged? It’s perhaps more pertinent to ask, “Who haven’t I judged?” Such a great question as I realise how entrenched this behaviour is and how there is no limit to who we judge and not forgetting the judgement we hold on ourselves.
The rejection that you bring up is such a great point, the impact and ripple effect of Judging is so damaging and what is scary is that we don’t even realise we are doing it half the time. Still I can catch a very subtle undertone of some judgement and it is always a reminder that I need to look at deepening more appreciation for myself and then this will be seen in all.
One needs only look at a traffic jam and the first person to blow their horn starts the ripples of others joining in the expression of ill tempers expressed with their horns.
Every time we judge we see another as less – this on mass harms the ALL.
Judgement comes so laddered with the ideals and beliefs of the ‘right or ‘wrong’ a game that keeps us in separation with one another rather than allowing each other to come to an understanding and a choice.
Each one of us is at a different point of remembering that we are all equal aspects of God. There are no ladders, no wrong or right and nothing to judge.
Judgement is an act of self – a condemnation of another based on our expectation that they should be another way to how they are choosing to express in any given moment. Acceptance is the antidote and appreciation is our liberation from this crippling vice.
I agree, Liane, that judgement is an act of self, for in the moment of judgement we are driven by our own selfish ideals rather than connecting to the truth of what being presented before us, as yet another golden opportunity for learning and evolution.
Thank you Alexis for your absolute honesty in this self-analysis. I am sure we can all relate to what you have shared. Judgement is a poison we carry in our body that does not so much harm those we target as it does erode the very fabric of our being. It is a guard we put in place in order to not deeply connect with another. It is a clouding and a crippling that prevents us from truly seeing and feeling the truth of any situation and a delay tactic we use to halt our evolution back to Soul – the Oneness we are and are from.
Judgement as you write so wisely, Liane, “is a clouding and a crippling that prevents us from truly seeing and feeling the truth of any situation”. So it beggars the question – why don’t we want to see the truth, a truth that will lift us out of the stagnation we are living in and support us to evolve to the glorious beings we all naturally are.
It is so true – judgement can only exist with time, because we hold someone to that moment or period in their life when they made those choices, but if we were to see them through the telescope of their whole life or even lives, we would see change and evolution and choices and in the end, we would see them as equal to us in capacity to love and feel and be amazing
With the understanding that judgement serves no one, it can be said that when we do find our selves judging someone else, it is usually because we have not looked and truly seen the full picture. When you see a snapshot of someone slapping another you can be quick to judge and say they are ‘bad’, but what if you saw the previous outplay and the first person was very rude to the second one – perhaps then we would not label the slap as bad but rather as a correction or self defence…So often we walk around seeing only part of the picture when there is so much more to see and hence understand. This is what I remind myself of constantly so as to do my best not to judge another nor myself for that matter and it certainly helps.
Many times we judge others for exactly where we have been before ourselves and so the cycle of self rejection and the need for constant improvement repeats itself. Acceptance and evolving is however a whole different cycle of returning to and living who we truly are.
“Many times we judge others for exactly where we have been before ourselves”, Jenny this is definitely true for me and not only that, but I have also judged others for being exactly where I end up myself.
Who are we to judge another? – this is a great question. We have not lived their life, we have not grown up in their shoes, so how can we judge another for their choices. Observe yes, and be open to learning and to understanding, but we are far better leaving judgement aside as it serves no one.
Judgement closes down space and it is space that provides another with the greatest tools imaginable for change. Space is full of God, reduce the space by judging another and we reduce their access to God.
Judgement fosters further separation.
and comes from separation.
Judgement in the sense that you are talking about it here is indeed a poison, fogging up our capacity to truly understand life.
Fiona if only we all were able to embrace what judgement did to us in this way, it is obvious yet something that can grab us unless we’ve dealt with why would we judge in the first place?
Brilliant blog Alexis, I love your honesty and willingness to expose the harm of being judgemental. I have been exploring this too. I find judgment kicks in quicker than I can think whenever I am disconnected from myself and from love. Whereas when I am deeply connected to my essence, I see everyone as equals and everyone with absolute love. The more I accept myself, the more I am able to accept others.
Amen to this Alexis. If we were all super honest I don’t think there is not a human alive on this planet that could not relate to this. Power-full article.
Judgement is the perfect barrier of protection of one who is wanting to be justified in seeking to live isolated and separated from others. In this way, it is the perfect method of creating individuality.
Ah how the individual loves to perpetuate individuality.
“Who are we to judge another’s choices?” God doesn’t judge us or another, our soul doesn’t judge us or the other, yet we do and play the ‘lets stay where we are game’ so that we don’t have to take responsibility for how our life and the world are today.
Thanks for this honest sharing – I have to say I am in the same boat, and there are many times I form an opinion of others when I have not walked in their shoes. It shows that judgment just keeps us in separation.
Whenever we judge someone, in effect what we are saying is ‘you are not good enough’ – since whatever energy we send out is like a boomerang that comes right back at us, our judgment also entails ‘I’m not good enough’.
There is evolution in speed, when it is not done from disconnection (haste, raciness).
Brilliant exposure of judgement Alexis, your honesty is incredibly refreshing.
Ah yes, the grace of acceptance, allowing others – and ourselves, to move and appreciate the freedom it allows.
It’s great to lift the lid on the judgement thing. Gosh it’s something we so readily do, not just towards others but also to ourselves. You are right, Alexis it’s like the feeling of a harpoon and its deadly.
Judgment is such a perfect game of our spirit to keep ourselves and others stuck in more of the same. It doesn’t allow us to deepen our awareness and to love people more, but it keeps us imprisoned in our mind and harms our body.
I can so relate to this; ‘I have recently come to realise that my supposed viewpoint from which I cast my judgement is completely arbitrary – a moving platform that has changed so radically over time’. I used to judge people for not drinking alcohol and now I actually don’t drink myself. I used to judge people for going to bed early and not staying up partying – now I love to go to bed early. It shows me clearly how judgement is not a loving way to be with anyone and that accepting people for their choices and where they are at is much more true and loving.
So true the moment we judge another we make ‘time’ our master, whereas when we accept we get space and this space opens up to more learning, to more understanding and to purpose.
I used to be pretty convinced that I didn’t ever compare or judge myself against anyone else, but the more aware I get, the more I see all the tiny ways I’ve judged people, and myself against others, and how ridiculous it all is – like you say, it’s a moving platform, based on nothing except where I’m at with myself on any particular day. Great to bring awareness and attention to all the tiny and not so tiny ways we judge ourselves and others, and how this makes us feel: separate and distant from one another, when we could instead be enjoying our relationships and building deeper connections. The more solid and connected we feel within ourselves, the more appreciation and acceptance of ourselves and others, equally, is just so naturally there, the norm, without even trying. Judgment isn’t something we have to eliminate by waging a war against it. Its existence starts to cease the more we appreciate and accept.
This article is brilliant Alexis, it makes me realise how much we judge each other rather than accept each other as we are. This is super helpful to read.
Same for me Rebecca and it is super important to look at why we judge ourselves and others and what is truly behind this awful behaviour. Judgement is this same force that is the drive behind war and conflict. We all know judgment is harmful, yet we allow it to penetrate every part of our lives. This blog is very supportive for us to expose and understand why judgment exists and how we can make love our true foundation.
Alexis, I love this; ‘. Acceptance on the other hand is gifted with grace and allows others the freedom to move and change at their will.’
Where there’s judgement towards another there is healing to be done towards ourselves. It can be a wonderful marker in our body when we find ourselves judging to pause, reflect and feel the harm and abuse we are doing to ourselves and to another every time we judge. Having understanding for myself and another is supporting me enormously to accept and deepen the love for myself and hence the love and not judgement towards another.
Well said Caroline – for when we catch ourselves judging another, it is usually from a lack of understanding or because it is something we have not healed as yet in ourselves.
When you have chosen judgement, you won´t see any gem in another anymore and only what the other person is not able to do well or not doing. You are limiting 1. the other person to go into their potential and 2. yourself by blocking what the other person could possibly reflect to you.
It’s very restrictive as you show Stephanie, this begs the question as to why we judge if this is what we are blocking (potential and reflection). Basically we put our precious, self-protecting pictures and expectations before the growth and equality of ourselves and others.
It is true, the moment I judge another I am expressing my own expectations and pressures I have towards myself. And on top of that the reflection for others who are witness of your judgement, whilst expressing, is separative and daunting as well, as the listener gets communicated: ” with this person, I cannot truly freely express and show myself in full”.
Yes, I can vouch when another is judging me it can feel very capping and I can go inward and withdrawn if I am not careful but I am aware of this energy immediately and call it out. Through the nomination, by calling it out, it disappears but I am left with taking responsibility for the reflection that has been offered to heal the pictures I have set and am holding within.
Such an open, honest sharing of Judgment… and there’s no doubt, everything you shared we can all relate to… To bring the ways we judge to the fore is by far the best way to dismantle this unhealthy and separative human behaviour.
A very simple and revealing point you are making here: ” If I were to judge others from my current standpoint, then I would be judging those that were choosing to live life like I used to.”
Understanding helps enormously to get out of judgement – who can better understand what another chooses as us ourselves. When we let go of Self and the need that the other person has to be different for us, we are automatically the reflection we once received by anyone that inspired us in the past.
Judgement is but another dish on the buffet of evil, and one that sits in-between the obvious and the very subtle.
Powerfully true Michael and well delivered with your choice of words; ‘judgement is but another dish on the buffet of evil’.
Very useful to see it so clearly. The restrictive and harming nature of judgment, even the silent ones, on everyone including ourself. And in contrast the loving space offered by understanding and acceptance, for us all to deepen our awareness, connection and grow,
This proves we all can feel energy, because we can all feel it when someone is being judgemental when no words are exchanged and even when judgement is being disguised as being nice.
Ooh judgement mixed with niceness, that’s a particularly oily combination.
Out-standing Alexis Stewart .. I very much relate. If you’re not accepting of who you are as in being tender with yourself or consciously not breathing your own breath for example, I have found you will hit judgement on you and another. “ .. but my problem with being judgmental is that it has often felt as close to me as my breath.”
So beautifully and honestly encapsulated Alexis, you bring us yet more pearls of wisdom that we can all relate to. It’s true, every judgment we hold about another person is simply denying them the right to exist, something that is not our right to decide. Appreciation is such a powerful quality that ignites our awareness and expression in alignment with our innate sensitivity and wisdom, confirming every person’s right to be and the immensely loving intelligence that we come from.
You might as well be me Alexis, I have lived my life in sooooo much judgement. I love what you have explored here in depth and note though, that we internalise this judgement, and this is how we treat ourselves first and foremost that then taints how we see the world. This has helped me be more loving and accepting which has then allowed the same for how I see others.
I agree Vanessa, as long as we keep judging ourselves, we are imprisoned in the judgmental behaviour towards everything and everyone.
Really interesting and honest post! I wonder if someone was genuinely and perfectly happy with themselves would ever feel the need to judge others; do our judgments come from our own perceived weaknesses and insecurities?
It is a good exercise to look at judgement in such depth, dissect it and get to know it as the hindering evil that it actually is and be honest, as you have done here Alexis and really look at where and when we all do it. Just pondering on this blog makes me realise how much I still judge people where acceptance is what is needed.
Thank you for being so honest about your judgements Alexis, and it is true the judgements keep us in this place of lack of acceptance with how people conduct themselves – so how is it possible to love if we are judging?
‘Judgment is rejection’. What is said here is that we not only reject the other for their choices, but also it disconnects us to meet the other and learn from their choices. Judgment is a killer when it comes to connection with ourselves and others. Thanks Alexis, great reminder to choose acceptance instead.
Judgement creates so much misery and separation, we judge ourselves for what we perceive are mistakes. When I clock my own self judgement it is the acceptance of myself and where I am at that brings lightness and an ease to the situation which has been presented for me to learn from.
‘And then there have been my judgmental thoughts, of which there have been an infinite number, silent by nature but registered in exactly the same way as an out and out attack of words.’ Indeed, exactly the same as a spoken judgement. I love your honesty here Alexis. Maybe what we should ask is when we are judging another what is it that we do not want to see in ourselves? It seems oh so very easy to see faults in others but when it comes to being truthful about ways we behave suddenly it is not so important!
I love how you have boxed judgement into its dirty corner and hung it out to dry Alexis. To discard ourselves of this crippling behaviour would be in our best interest, for ourselves and for all.
Alexis this blog is so timely! I am learning that love is providing a holding space for others to make their own choices and to find their own answers. There is no love in the smallest speck of judgement. ‘Who are we to judge another’s choices?’ indeed, well said.
As you say so clearly Alexis, judgement is the projection of our own beliefs onto another, not accepting the choices they make. But I have also found that judgment upon others reveals a strong judgement on ourselves that is likewise fuelled by the belief of how we should be.
I wonder if it makes sense to fight ourselves when we find that we are judging? It seems that we then express something that is neither love or truth and we then have a choice whether we continue with it or not.
Alexis I always look forward to your articles because the honest way you tackle the many subjects that we often don’t want to talk about or we don’t pay enough attention to. This article has allowed me to stop and consider just how much I too judge myself and other people and actually to feel it is very harming to all concerned.
‘silent by nature but registered in exactly the same way as an out and out attack of words.” this is such an important point Alexis as all our communication happens on an energetic level first and foremost and so even if the words are not spoken the message is communicated and received, always.
I spoke with someone about this recently who had an issue with a co-worker. She said’ but I was really friendly and polite to her’ and I replied’ yes, but what were you really thinking’. She paused and then realized the energetic communication and then said she understood why her co-worker had reacted as she did. If we realize what we truly communicate we can take responsibility for our part in any issues, dynamics and struggles with the people around us.
When ever I have voiced my picture that I have judged life ‘should’ be. Bringing that picture out in the open exposes it for the nonsense that it is. But unless voiced it continues to stand as a justification to judge.
Love it when you slip ‘acceptance’ in at the end there.. that space for another to express themselves as imperfectly as we probably are, and allow. Another word way of breaking down this towering judgement that we can live with constantly is to bring a bit of appreciation in – for who we are, who they are, and all the steps that have brought us to that moment.
Wow, what a great article. And so needed for our times when, by all accounts, judgement is through the roof with its unseen ways – holding us all back from expressing the love that is naturally there for eachother.
Alexis I too fully get what you are sharing here, my level of judgement was horrible, and in recent years I’ve certainly changed how I hold and view others but it can sneak in and reflecting on it now is really yucky.
How many people have never recovered from judgement and or rejection, and are frozen in time?
” When I judge another, it feels like I simultaneously harpoon us both, freeze framing us in time and space.” I am currently on a three day Power of your True Voice retreat with Chris James, who is so appreciative of us all – not one ounce of judgement. With this level of acceptance and appreciation the whole group arises and evolves and the feeling is amazing.
Judgement is crippling, we all know how horrible it feels to be judged based on a mistake or misunderstanding.
A great post Alexis. “judgement is also rejection because each time we judge another, what we are in fact saying is, “I do not accept the way that you are choosing to be.” So true. Who are we judging when we judge another – are we really judging ourselves even more so and want to deflect that uncomfortable feeling onto others? Accepting and appreciating who we are also allows us to accept and appreciate others more.
Such a worthwhile discussion and exposing. Self- judgement has also held me back in more ways than I can fathom.
Accepting and appreciating others invites us to accept and appreciate ourselves without judgement.
This is so true and it works in reverse too.
I was struggling with how much you were judging yourself through the blog! I wanted to say surely not… but I could also feel how you were simply stating the realizations you have come to and could feel how freeing that was for you. As such it offered me a new layer of potential for me to consider.
It took me a very long time to see how I was judging others. Eventually I became more accepting of people and the choices they are making.
Great that you have outed judgement. Making it about our want to make ourselves more and the others less, or the age old chestnut of protecting ourselves, sort of takes away the shame and leaves us with facing the ugliness of judgement. Once out there I can clock when it keeps occurring and take responsibility for it. As Adele Leung says, ‘It’s insidious’! Let’s keep outing it!
“It feels like an attack, not only on those that I am judging but on myself.” Judging is not our natural way of being so as soon as we judge we are not ourselves which is an attack on ourselves. That is why I have been exploring how people at times seem to be ‘placed’ around me for me to react and judge so I am in constant reaction and denial of my (true) self. Spotting these moments and not judging but truly seeing what is going on makes a lot of difference in how I feel in my body each day. It begs the question though is it me who wants to judge and be in reaction or is it the people around me making me judge?
It’s not possible to make another person judge us. When we judge, it’s as a result of our freedom to do so.
To judge others, we are judging ourselves first.
Whenever I judge another, within a short period of time, I’m shown that is exactly what I do myself … it may have a different flavour but it is the same thing.
Judgement really only occurs when we do not see the essence of someone. Once we connect with the essence of another we see the beauty whilst being aware of what is not of their essence.
Such a beautiful sharing Alexis – and something I have been seeing a lot in my behaviour too recently. And then we judge ourselves for judging – what an endless merry go round of distraction it is from being responsible and who we are.
Thank you Alexis for your honest words!
“Judgement relies very heavily on time; it tries to insist that another be somewhere other than where they are, which, when you think about it, is utterly ridiculous – how can any of us be anywhere other than where we are now?” This question alone helps so much to understand what is really going on inside of us – judgement in every form – against others or self judgement stopps us being who we are.
I agree judgment freezes us in time, and it stops us from reading what is. And I can feel how I may seek comfort in that.
It is refreshing to read about judgement for what it truly is. We do so many things on a daily basis without reflecting what it really means and here you come unraveling how judgement is intertwined in our life and how crippling an seperating it is.
Judgement can be very obvious and we can be very aware that we are in the throes of it, but the insidiousness of judgement is the subtley and the speed with which it can enter and leave the mind, so that unless we are truly observant we can believe we are not judging at all.
Judgement not only affects us but deeply affects the one being judged also.
Yes, even when the judgment is not overtly expressed.
This year I was outed. It was divinely constellated for me to share a room with someone with a physical characteristic I routinely judged in others because it didn’t fit an ideal I carried in my head. The meeting brought me face to face with myself and my own self imposed limitations. Two choices were open to me, connect to another with sight or sense. The moment I relied on sight alone and focused on physical size, I was in judgement, only when I connected to the essence of the being before me was I able release judgement and truly begin to communicate with them.
Refreshingly open and honest, Alexis you speak for all of us as we have all been there. Becoming aware of how much I judge and have used it to separate myself from others has been my biggest lesson this year. To judge another (or ourselves) immediately is to look down on them as we assume a superior and arrogant position. With new awareness, I am committed to release judgement from my body and observe what happens when I do. To accept someone as they are invites space not tension and makes it possible to truly connect: Instead of closing down, we offer others heaven, that which we all innately are.
You’re so right Kehinde. Judgement has an arrogance in it – and of course separation ensues.
It is great that you write about judgement as we judge so much more than we allow ourselves to be aware of and equally the harm in it is so much greater than we allow ourselves to be aware of!
Yes, there is a level of normal. We think we have the right to compare and judge just because we can. Yet if we took a moment to consider how it feels to be spoken or spoken to in that way, I suspect we wouldn’t be so free with our judgements.
I agree. Judging feels horrible and is harmful whether we do it to ourselves or anyone else.
Anything that comes from separation leads to separation and is harmful.
Such a glorious ‘outing’ of how many of us slip into the habit of judgement without even being aware of what we are doing. Thanks, Alexis, I’m already doing my own stock take on this subject as I write this comment!
‘Judgement relies very heavily on time; it tries to insist that another be somewhere other than where they are, which, when you think about it, is utterly ridiculous – how can any of us be anywhere other than where we are now?’ What an awesome exposing of what judgement in its never-ending choice of flavour and form is.
A great point Judith. We are all evolving. To judge someone for not living up to our own picture or expectation of where they ‘should ‘ be at is crippling for them and also for us. Holding all as equals – a lesson in progress for me…..
When we give a moment to understanding, judgement loses its venom and space opens up in that moment or interaction to really see what is happening, and perhaps offer a moment of evolution instead.
When I am judging someone or something it totally inhibits my ability to see the truth that is in front of me, whatever that may be.
It is like I have already made up my mind and I do not want to see anything different.
It totally limits my world.
I am working at slowing down and really see and feel what is going on. A different way to be but it has opened me up to a whole different dimension of life.
So true, judgement gives us a very limited way of being in the world, it is like moving in screenshots but never seeing the whole panorama presented.
well said, it is an incarceration build from images and beliefs, keeping us separate from the whole we are otherwise naturally part of.
Absolutely. Judgement is a pattern to not evolve and holds another too to not evolve. It’s insidious.