To Moan or to Appreciate… a Choice?

When we stop to listen to what people are saying – the way they talk about their lives, relationships, themselves – do we hear moaning or appreciation? It appears that it is more common to have a negative slant on things, with a tendency to blame or complain about the situations we find ourselves in.

Our media industry demonstrates better than anywhere else that the supply and demand for negativity, drama and emotionalism is a feedback loop we have created and continue to feed with gusto.

Could it be that this endless diet of invasive interest in other people’s lives, mishaps, challenges and shortcomings keeps us in a distracted, irresponsible relationship with life, looking out at others in competition and comparison rather than simply taking responsibility for our lives and the opportunities we have to make a difference, by our choices and the way we live?

Yes, it is important to be very aware of what is going on around us – observing the social climates we have built. But that is where our focus can stop, inspiring us to consider what would really make a difference rather than getting in deeper and deeper, feeding off or lost in the quagmire of gossip.

Our magazines, newspapers and online news feeds are becoming ever more salacious, extreme, sensationalist and embroidered. Journalism is not the simple, clear recording of facts and dissemination of truth, it is the emotional dramatisation of events loaded with bias, innuendo and opinion. And we appear to love it: a diet of distraction and drama that we are loath to let go of.

It is in the disconnection within ourselves that we hunt for, and thirst after, the gossip about others; this keeps us in competition and comparison with each other – either worthless because our lives, our look, our home or our cooking are so below standard, or relieved about the fact that someone is worse off than us or has ‘stuffed up’ more than us.

Whilst we keep responsibility at arm’s length, nothing is going to change. Until we are prepared to look quietly and honestly at the quality with which we live, take care of ourselves, interact in our relationships, live in our homes, commit to our work, drive, walk, cook, think… we have to accept that we are part of the perpetuation of the cycle of distraction and abuse that is our media, online communication, everyday gossip and one-upmanship.

Exposing all of the above and being honest about it provides us with the always fresh opportunity to approach our lives differently; introducing appreciation and responsibility as a super strong tag team that can arrest our habits outlined above. When we wake up in the morning and before we turn on the radio, television, computer, could we take a moment to consider the anything, everything and all that we have to appreciate? The smallest to the vast: the warmth of our feet, the people in the house with us, birdsong, fresh air to breathe, the opportunity the day offers to meet others, the fresh slate that every day (actually every moment) offers and the power at our fingertips to make changes in our lives simply by the way we move, touch things, handle ourselves.

To moan or to appreciate?

Could it be that this choice is a life-changer?

Repeating patterns or calling the changes?

Over to us : )

By Judy Joy and Matilda Bathurst

Related Reading:
Serge Benhayon TV Episode 7 – The Science of Responsibility
What is the Science of Appreciation and how does it evolve all of our relationships?

768 thoughts on “To Moan or to Appreciate… a Choice?

  1. There is always a heaviness and density that comes with someone that moans, whereas appreciation feels light and airy.

  2. “Whilst we keep responsibility at arm’s length, nothing is going to change”. This article makes some very good points but this is the crux of the matter. I observe all the time that it is when we avoid responsibility that we struggle in life and create a lot of unnecessary complication for ourselves and everyone else. Responsibility through awareness is the only thing that really creates true and lasting change.

  3. There is generally more negativity than positivity in the way we communicate things. And the problem is when one person is negative – another one then joins in. What if it were flipped and we were able to start with appreciation first rather than the negative.

  4. I would say that blame is one of our greatest vices. We rely on it so we don’t have to look at our actions or behaviour and can keep playing the same games in life. I need to stop myself when I hear myself getting into this as it does nothing but create harm for me and other people.

  5. To moan or to appreciate is a life changer. The trouble is we can get caught up, by choice to complain about everything and not even realise we are doing it, then we get irritated by people who come across as positive. It’s only when you break that cycle of abuse that you realise how harming it is to yourselves and those around you.

  6. It is a great excuse to blame another for the situation or circumstances we find ourselves in so we don’t need to look at the choices we made knowing deep down that they were taking us to where we find ourselves later on.

  7. ‘we appear to love it: a diet of distraction and drama that we are loath to let go of.’ You could call it an addiction to moan instead of to see and take responsibility of our part in this game, it is up to us, all of us.

  8. What if there was nothing to moan about in life? That’s right. What if life was so good that there was nothing to complain about? Some would say this is the ultimate utopian dream. I would say most would struggle without their constant stream of issues, distractions and dramas.

  9. How we ‘move, touch things, handle ourselves’ changes moments, our lives and others. Love can be brought in an instant, and is always waiting patiently in our bodies to be moved.

  10. We are demanding negativity and sensationalism from the media and so they feed us what we demand. We can’t escape the fact that we have a responsibility for the news that is given to us.

  11. The more I call the changes in my life I am constantly blown away by what is possible – just like today – when I woke up feeling like the sun had come out on what is already a sunny day on the inside of me, even though it is actually raining buckets outside.

  12. Moaning is such a momentum, and yet when we turn it around we can get used to not moaning and appreciating instead as a new normal, that just goes on and on building and expanding and feels great.

  13. ‘It appears that it is more common to have a negative slant on things.’ And yes I would agree – we love to moan, we love to criticise and blame, essentially – we love to not take responsibility for what we have created, and don’t want to admit we created what we are blaming others for.

  14. Moaning can be clever, because you can do it in a way that doesn’t sound like moaning, especially if you find people who agree with you. But moaning it is and moaning it remains and it seals our views and cements them where they stand, unable to see what else is going on around ourselves.

  15. To moan or to appreciate the choice is always ours. Moaning is not only draining of our life force but also to those who choose to absorb the negativity of our moans, whereas with appreciation we all benefit from the uplifting energy which accompanies the quality of appreciation.

  16. I look forward to the day when you look at a newspaper and be inspired to bring more of you to the world instead of reacting and/or hiding away in protection from it.

  17. I have moaned a lot in my life and appreciated little – lately I have turned the tables and the opposite is true – I appreciate more than I moan and am feeling the benefits of that – less heaviness and intensity and say goodbye to seriousness and self pity – those moaning hangers on.

    1. Amazing Ariana, this is so encouraging to read and inspires us to appreciate instead of moaning, as you’ve share we can feel so much lighter and joyful the more we live in appreciation.

  18. It says a lot about where we are as a society when moaning is the accepted normal and that any form of appreciation that is acknowledged is dismissed as being self indulgent and full of yourself. It is very interesting that most find it difficult to actually appreciate something about ourselves that has nothing about what we do.

  19. You nailed it when you said that ultimately nothing truly changes whilst we do not take responsibility for our quality of choices. It’s easy to point the finger of judgement and criticism (even at ourselves) but it is much stronger and far wiser to bring the love of understanding which ultimately comes from our own surrender to honesty and to truth.

  20. I pause for a moment and ponder on the fact that if we are not committing to ourselves in life then what are we committing to? Every moment is an opportunity to question as to what we are aligning ourselves and giving our life force energy to – ourselves and what is going on within or to the entertainment and drama in everything that is going on around us?

  21. “Could it be that this endless diet of invasive interest in other people’s lives, mishaps, challenges and shortcomings keeps us in a distracted, irresponsible relationship with life, looking out at others in competition and comparison rather than simply taking responsibility for our lives and the opportunities we have to make a difference, by our choices and the way we live?”

    I have been indulging in my own version of this diet for a few weeks now and it feels quite awful in my body and in my relationships around me. Reading this today has opened me up to the fact that I have a responsibility for my life and to make a difference if I so choose.

    1. And to greatly appreciate the honesty (and then to share it with us) to end the momentum of indulgence so that we can begin to change and re-imprint our movements to loving ones. Thank you Sarah for your comment.

  22. I realise that it’s great to ask that when we hear ourselves speak “do we hear moaning or appreciation?” If it’s the former then we can make the changes to begin to appreciate.

    1. Awareness is key isn’t it Ariana? Because without awareness it is more difficult to be responsible and make changes. I find going into moaning is exhausting and it affects other people too. Whereas appreciation is uplifting, revitalising and evolving, why would we choose to moan when we can choose to appreciate?

  23. A simple equation but to truly live this requires a massive sea change for most of us. I like the practical offer to simply appreciate the warmth of my feet, that I am in a lovely house full with people I love. To know I will spend the day meeting people who I love connecting with. It’s easy to focus on what we don’t seemingly have but to really appreciate what we do have within is super supportive.

  24. It is rare to see true joy in the media. As it is to see true understanding and respect of anyone. Whilst this says enormous amounts about modern media, it also says a lot about what we have accepted as the social norm in how we are with each other. This in itself is totally unacceptable and hence why most do not see the real harm and impact the media is having on society in general

  25. ‘Yes, it is important to be very aware of what is going on around us – observing the social climates we have built. But that is where our focus can stop, inspiring us to consider what would really make a difference…’ Great point to know our focus needs to stop before getting caught up emotionally in what’s around us. This is not to say do not feel but that indulgence in the drama, the entertainment, the distraction from responsibility, the wanting to fix or rescue or give up – that’s all unhelpful and adds to what’s circulating, the maelstrom that is collecting energy and sucking people in.

    I’m starting to appreciate how powerful the simple choice to observe is. With it we feel the truth of the matter, we feel where we have got caught up and can observe why if we keep on observing and don’t look away.Then we have a choice to choose what’s true and loving and reflect this back to the world. Even the simple choice to observe reflects that it is possible to be free of reaction, and that circumstances do not dictate how we react or continue to react.

  26. When we moan we do not want to move forward – we want to stay in the complication of our issues rather than seeing that we are offered everything in our next choice.

    1. It certainly does Elizabeth, even when we have a so-called bad day, appreciation can change this around instantly. Also, appreciation is the key to our evolution, something not based on what we can invent but based on our level of love.

  27. As a life long moaner who is changing her habits, I can say that when I do allow myself to appreciate – it feels so cool – I can highly recommend it.

    1. It really does. Appreciation makes us feel lighter as we express it – even in thought. We can choose to drag ourselves down with our thoughts and words, or lift ourselves up..

  28. It was so great to read this again today, although my squirm factor was high as it supported me to see clearly where I am still experiencing comparison. It’s such an ugly energy, it feels so real when I’m in it and I am either very falsely secure or insecure, when instead I could be appreciating the woman I am exactly as I am.

  29. I find it can be so easy to be enthralled by what is on the news, in the headlines or popular on Facebook. I have found that discerning the content and examining its truth is crucially important because over 95% if not more of it comes from lies, distortions of the truth or complete omissions of key facts which make an argument more one sided and not holistic.

  30. Whilst many claim to seek a joyful and pleasant life it appears there is a great desire to to not live that and live a life that is completely opposite to that. Despite the fact such joy is already within.

  31. Our choice to moan reflects the shirking of our responsibility to express the truth the we feel. We all know and feel when something is of truth or not, yet we have become so accustomed to downplaying the truth we feel let alone expressing it, that we take the comfortable route of distraction and enjoin in the spin, circulation and lies we have allowed and created. When we do express what we feel and read is true or not we offer the opportunity for us all to come to a greater truth, where there is a realness we all can deeply relate to and as such appreciate that this realness or truth is what represents who we are in essence.

  32. It’s really the honesty that brings us out of behaviours like gossiping, because if we are honest gossiping does not feel good, cutting others down does not feel good, it neither supports us or the other person. In the honesty we have an opportunity to honour how we truly feel, not compromise our feelings, and then set a new standard we refuse to drop below. When I realised how awful women’s magazines made me feel with their body image ideals and comparison of women I decided I would never buy them again, that was over 20 years ago and it was like removing an abusive person from my life. Letting go of everything that doesn’t support us is great, and honesty about how we feel is a powerful way to begin that process.

    1. I too stopped buying women’s magazines when I realised that in choosing to purchase them I was buying into (to some extent) all the false ways they said the ‘ideal’ woman was to be; how she was to look – the fashion that showed she was at the top of her game, how she was to behave – to impress with her ability to cook, be the friend/daughter/neighbour etc. who was always available (often at the expense of herself), a tireless mother always at the beck and call of her offspring, a siren in the bedroom … the list goes on endlessly.
      These magazines promoted anything and everything other than being myself, embracing and appreciating all the innate qualities I and every other woman on earth holds.
      It was quite a joyous moment to then be handed a copy of the ‘Women in Livingness’ magazine available at This magazine, resulting from a collaboration of women from around the world, is like a breath of fresh air as it supports women to be who they are without a skerrick of comparison or whisper of anything that presents someone or something better than another. It is a celebration of all women and a breath of fresh air when it comes to the quality of journalism it presents.

      1. It seems that the usual women’s magazines thrive on comparison, competition, schadenfreude and gossip, endlessly so. The only way this is going to stop is to cut the demand for the supply and that is a choice we can only make individually before it then becomes the new normal.

    2. I’ve never been one for buying magazines because they were expensive and had glossy adverts of things that I couldn’t afford, which is just another way of telling us we don’t measure up. Not only are we not as beautiful as the women in the magazines but we would never be that rich either; in the images they sell one begets the other and the mags are designed to sell a lifestyle and a fantasy of what will make us happy.

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