Riddle me this, Batman

What is the one thing that we say we do the most of, without actually doing it at all?

Answer: “Love.”

The idea of love is woven through pretty much every aspect of our lives: it’s mentioned in almost every song that we sing and poem that we write, it features in nearly every book that’s ever been written and has centre stage in many of our plays. We use it to advertise everything from chocolates to nappies, it’s written in our cards and on our clothes, we talk about it and we proclaim that we feel it (passionately), but is our use of the word ‘love’ true?

I used to think that I was good at it. I genuinely thought of myself as a very loving person and if I was truly honest, I would say that I had a certain hidden smugness about just how ‘loving’ I thought I was able to be, particularly considering how hard it seemed to be for most other people to express love.

I truly believed that I was good at expressing my loving feelings to others, be that in the cards that I wrote or the words that I spoke. I also believed that many of the things that I did were loving, e.g. buying people thoughtful gifts, helping them out, listening to them when they needed support etc. and although I would like to say that I am not totally writing off thirty years of ‘loving acts,’ I, in fact, am. Not only am I writing off every single one of those supposed ‘loving acts’ as having had nothing to do with love whatsoever, but I am clearly stating that my feigned ‘loving acts’ contributed to the web of lies that we have spun and continue to spin around the subject of love.

At the time when I considered myself to be my most ‘loving,’ I was also my most self-abusive. I had two major beliefs that conjoined in my body to fuel the relentless motion that I was in: one was that “the more that I managed to do, (particularly as a woman), the stronger I was,” and the other was that “our self-worth is measured by the number of ‘selfless loving acts’ we do for others.”

Fuelled by these two major beliefs, I pushed my body relentlessly through my days (and nights). I worked full time as a disability support worker, doing forty hours of night-shifts a week, I taught yoga during the day and managed to squeeze in a couple of hours of voluntary work at the local hospice. On top of all of that I would volunteer to babysit for friends and family, so that they could go out and have quality time with their partners. Oh, and I should also add that I had a partner and a son of my own, both of whom I thought that I was in loving relationships with.

Without love in our bodies, there can be no love in anything that we do.

The body that I hauled around with me to do my ‘loving’ deeds was totally bankrupt, but the real problem with the way I felt was that it just felt so normal to me that it never entered my mind that there could possibly be another way to feel.

Love is naturally within us all: it is literally the energetic building blocks from which we are all made and yet I was completely unable to feel even so much as a skerrick of the stuff within myself, because I abused my body from the moment I woke up to the moment that I collapsed into bed at night. So a question I ask myself is that if I was unable to feel any love in my body, then where did I think the love that I imagined I was giving others was coming from?

It took my body breaking down in an exhausted heap for me to begin to see that much of what I had held as true was in fact not. I started to see that the way that I was living my life had been propped up by beliefs and now that many of those beliefs were crumbling in front of my eyes, so too was the ramshackle structure of my life. I had no choice but to go back to the drawing board and look at things afresh.

With the guidance and support of Serge Benhayon I started to introduce self-love into my life. Not the reconstituted version of self-love that is touted in magazines and the health industry but its true form, one that is governed by the body and the body alone.

I began asking my body what felt loving to it and what didn’t. I asked it if it was self-loving for me to eat salad and my distended belly was my body’s clear response that “no, it wasn’t at all self-loving to eat salad” at that point in time. I asked my body if it was loving to push through my days and not allow myself to sleep when I needed to. The feeling of utter depletion that sat deep within every cell of my body was my body’s clear response that “no, not allowing myself to sleep when I needed to” was completely devoid of love. I asked my body if it was loving to force it to exercise, when all it really wanted to do was to lay down? Once again, my body answered very clearly, this time through its painfully aching muscles, that to have exercised at that time would not have been at all loving.

Little by little I started to cut out choices that did not support my body. At first those self-abusive choices were glaringly obvious ones, like forcing myself to stay awake when my body was desperate to sleep, but what I found is that by staying connected to the honesty of my body, my body constantly revealed to me choices that I was making that were not self-loving, — and what’s interesting is that those choices became more and more refined.

For example, I am now aware that my body really dislikes hearing swear words and so when they play music at the gym that has swearing in it, I will always ask them to change the channel. When I am at work and someone has filled and boiled the kettle in an anxious rush, I will take the time to lovingly refill and boil the kettle before making myself a cup of tea.

Cutting out self-abusive choices is an ongoing process and one that feels like it has no end. With the removal of each non-loving choice, a little more love is revealed. This process is a gradual one and one that repeats until such time as love reveals itself in all its resplendent glory, without so much as a blemish.

You see, love is who we all are, it is the very fabric of our being, it’s just that we do such a good job at covering it up constantly with our non-loving choices that it’s totally obscured from our view. But the fact that we lose sight of it does not mean that it’s not there. In fact, it can never not be there, how can it be?

Love is who we all are.

By Alexis Stewart, a woman who has remembered the truth of who she is and in remembering that, she has remembered the truth of who we all are – the Glorious Collective Consciousness of God.

Related Reading:
How love benefits your health
Building love in our life
Our Relationship with Ourselves is the Start of All Things

478 thoughts on “Riddle me this, Batman

  1. “I began asking my body what felt loving to it and what didn’t.” What a great way to engage with the body and offer it the respect it deserves.

  2. “What is the one thing that we say we do the most of, without actually doing it at all? Asnwer: Love” this statement in itself is exposing and worth pondering on as he word love is used far and wide. We claim to love many things, actions and people but if we do not hold the love that we are within ourselves what is it t we are actually expressing with this word? Has the word love substituted and been degraded to mean “like’. ‘want’ ‘crave’ and ‘need’?

    1. And if we dare to admit that that is what we use the word love for we get to clearly see the bastardisation of this word for the want, need, like, crave etc are all an expression of the emptiness we feel inside due to our disconnection to the love we are whereas the true expression of the word love could only come from a connection to this love we hold within.

  3. Just imagine if we were taught from an early age that we are Love and that we are here to express Love in all that we think say and do. We would probably get a lot less caught up in trying to be clever or get things right for a start.

  4. Love is also space: space to feel what’s true and what’s not, space to behold ourselves and others, space to feel, listen and respond to the intricate details of our body’s communication to us about all of the above.

  5. One of the most stunning presentations that Serge Benhayon gives, is when he talks about self-love. And because he does so with such ease as he moves his body, it is clear to see that here is a man who dearly loves himself, and with this same love he dearly loves everyone else too. And this love is not selfish or indulgent in any way, it does not exclude anyone or hold anyone as higher – including himself. It is a love in which I know who I am and am deeply, deeply appreciative for. The love that Serge Benhayon expresses is not like anything else, but is so incredible, in how equal it is to include himself just as much as anyone else.

  6. “love is who we all are, it is the very fabric of our being, it’s just that we do such a good job at covering it up constantly with our non-loving choices…” Yes, once you start becoming aware of yourself, your body, choices, self-regard, self-care and self-loving… what, once upon a time we considered to be love either is taken to a deeper expression or let go of completely.

  7. It is incredible how much these simply little changes can make such a difference to our day. Like boiling the kettle gently and not in anxiety or choosing music that is loving instead of abusive does make a difference on how we feel. These are great tools for us all to explore and then we might realise how super sensitive we actually all are.

  8. Great reminder – Love is who we are in every fibre of our being – everything else that is not love is who we are not that we have wrapped over that immutable truth.

  9. I spent a lot of my life in my head because I did not want to feel the hurts I was harbouring in my body. Bringing love back into the body has been a turning point in my life, thanks to the ongoing support of Universal Medicine. To be in relationship with my body informs, guides and gives moment to moment feedback on what I am truly feeling…what greater ally can one have?

  10. “So a question I ask myself is that if I was unable to feel any love in my body, then where did I think the love that I imagined I was giving others was coming from?” A great question indeed as it really does ask us, what true love really is.

  11. What an amazing vehicle we live in which can be consulted as you did to for example let you know ‘eating salad’ at that point in time was not supportive for you, and pushing yourself to get something done without your body being up to it in that moment was not okay. Also how marvelous that with “with the removal of each non-loving choice, a little more love is revealed”, because this means the more we consult, listen to and honour our body, the greater level of insight it can offer us. This means the depth of wisdom and awareness we can access by simply working in this way with our own body is endless.

  12. That’s the big trick of doing ‘good’ and making feel-good choices, we can tell ourselves we are being loving, but at the same time we can be completely self neglectful or self abusive, so no love is truly present. It’s a huge topic to explore and not particularly a comfortable one so thank you Alexis for your honesty. It’s bringing the topic of love back to energetic integrity, and to the responsibility to live the quality of love for ourselves first so we have a body that is emanating what love is as a quality, not as a tick box exercise of doing things.

  13. I would agree Alexis that what we have accepted to be love is so full of compromise it is not love at all. It is a big ouch to admit that our motives were comfort & security rather than love but the reward of real love is so stupendous it is truly worth it.

  14. Janet I agree with what you are saying that we are naturally made of love; love is the essence of our every particle, looking around at the way we live in our society we would hardly believe this. So my question has to be
    “Where have we gone so wrong that for many of us we cannot feel the love that we naturally are”?

  15. What I’m starting to see more and more clearly is that love is based on truth: there cannot be one without the other. And that it starts with honesty. If I’m not being honest with how my body feels then I don’t have a solid foundation upon which to build and make decisions from. I used to think I was super indecisive but looking back at it I was so disconnected from my body’s feelings that I couldn’t feel what was and what wasn’t true, what truly supported and what didn’t.. The more we get to know our bodies by listening intently and actually honouring what they’re telling us, operating within our body’s limits and not our self imposed or invented ones, the truer and more loving and real we are with ourselves, and so with all others.

  16. Writing lovely cards and saying lovely words is not love. Love can be expressed that way but those things in themselves are not love. Love is a presence and can be felt even when we do nothing at all.

  17. I recall a stop moment about my relationship with the concept of ‘love’ in the first Universal Medicine workshop I attended. True to how Serge Benhayon presents we were not asked to take on an idea or a belief but were offered exercises to support us to observe and deepen our understanding through our own experience.
    In that moment I understood how what I had all my life thought was the pinnacle of ‘good’, the giving of love to another actually felt so patronizing and belittling, and how someone being in their fullness and relating to me in that same honouring and as that same light supported me to ignite myself, from within, in an instance beyond my expectation. ….. a pivotal moment when awareness of love started to deepen.

  18. Measuring our self worth by what we do rather than being who we truly only leads to a life of not feeling good enough and exhaustion.

  19. We all seek love more than anything else, and yet we fear its exposure of our spirit too, and hence we end up seeking false versions of love and then rejecting it as we think it can hurt us, when it was and can only be we that hurt ourselves. True love is a stillness within, with our soul, and never can it be corrupted. When we find true love as a reflection it is a truly amazing and very beautiful thing indeed.

  20. “At the time when I considered myself to be my most ‘loving,’ I was also my most self-abusive.” Fascinating how we can be so confused between what true ‘self-love’ is and self abuse. But once we understand and feel the real difference for ourselves, it becomes crystal clear that there can be no confusion, as the impact of either one is immediate on our body.

  21. “Without love in our bodies, there can be no love in anything that we do.” An honest statement of the fact of true love that we are all made of and part of in every cell in our body, that we simply hide and fight it and do not accept who we really are even though it is what we miss most in ourselves, not expressing it in our every movement. A beautiful reminder of who we all are and the real truth of what is going on.

  22. I agree that one of the biggest myths and lies that we are sold and fall for from very young is that love turns up one day out of the blue and then your life is happily ever after from then on. What we don’t realise is that true love actually comes from within us and there is a process of development and unfolding of that love that we can commit to in our daily lives which activates and expands love to be in our lives.

  23. How can love ignore self and be selfless? When we ignore our needs how would we know others’ needs and really respect it? With our care and attention to ourselves first, the need to look at ourselves only slowly disappears as that would be already natural. I’m on the way to find out.

  24. I appreciate how practical you make it Alexis. Sometimes we seek after Love like an etheral end goal when it is as you say as simple as cutting out the things we know are not right. Like a surgeon with a gentle knife.

    1. Agreed Joseph we build love to an ever-deepening sense, there is no time when we reach the end – step by step there is more love until we wake up with so much love we have to be willing to go beyond the love.

  25. “love is who we all are, it is the very fabric of our being,…” What a beautiful statement, and yes, Love is in every cell of our being, that we do know what is and what is not love… instantly. Its only the layers of distraction and disconnection repeated in behaviours and beliefs that is what drives the wedge between the union of the Body and its Soul.

  26. “Without love in our bodies, there can be no love in anything that we do.” That is such a striking statement Alexis and should stop us all in our tracks and give us pause for thought and consideration of the way we are living our lives.

  27. When we track back loving acts to its quality of intention it’s surprising to realise how many of them aren’t actually that loving at all. Ouch.

  28. ‘Without love in our bodies, there can be no love in anything that we do.’ This is very sobering to really feel but also very lovely to connect with as it brings us to what is true love in the world and the quality in which we do things to a lived experience – so not just empty words.

  29. ‘Without love in our bodies, there can be no love in anything that we do.’ And that starts with us making loving choices for our bodies first and then what occurs around us like what you write the swearing or the rushed cattle example to address it or reimprint it. I have become aware of this latter fact: that what happens in and around me, ‘in my space’ so to say, I have a responsibility to reflect love by choosing it for my body and then express it – without imposing it, just by living it.

  30. ‘When I am at work and someone has filled and boiled the kettle in an anxious rush, I will take the time to lovingly refill and boil the kettle before making myself a cup of tea.’ The level of refinement here is reclaiming the preciousness we are whatever our environment. Very inspiring and something I can relate to at work where there can be a possessiveness around the boiled water whilst the Zip Tap is broken that supplies hot water on tap. I have found myself walking to another floor to where it is working to stretch my legs and pour water gently. I love the level of care I can bring to myself.

  31. Thanks to Serge Benhayon coming into our lives and asking simple questions about what we uphold as our values in life, we have arisen to the understanding that what we thought was love is actually so very far away from true love. We are taught that the act of ‘love’ is what you can do for another unselfishly, putting others before the needs of ourselves. I have discovered this is actually very abusive because by dismissing ourselves we are saying we are not worth loving when in actually fact every particle in our bodies come from a body of pure love which is God.

  32. It does seem a bit sad that everything we talk about that we want to share with another comes down to love, and yet we don’t actually live that love that we naturally all are. Yet it shows the importance of having people like Serge who speak the truth to inspire us to be all that we are and change this.

  33. Your claiming of self love is also asking others to claim love for themselves too. Such as the case with asking the music to be changed if it has swear words in it. Each body speaks for every other body.

    1. Yes, in a world where there aren’t many people honouring the love they are, being such a role model gives all those who see this standard the permission to be this way with oneself.

  34. Yes, Love is who we are and it never ever leaves, we just forget to connect to it and get caught up in all the not-love that has smothered that truth of our essence and obscured it from our view.

  35. This is so true, Alexis – ‘the fact that we lose sight of it does not mean that it’s not there’. As we clear the debris of our past choices and hurts, we soon re-discover the love we naturally are, because it is what we are made of.

    1. Janet that was my experience, I lost sight of the love, it was nowhere to be seen and then I reconnected to it and it was clear it was always there, I was just choosing anything but that connection to my love.

    2. It is constant surprise that the love that we naturally are, is always there waiting to be reconnected with beneath all the false ways of being and living.

  36. It’s amazing that we all know that love is missing from the world yet it’s the one thing no one really works on to change – we work on our jobs, our careers, our families but what if we also worked on changing the quality of the world we lived in?

    1. Agreed Meg, but thats why we have such a rise in food, distractions and multiple levels of entertainment. I used to resist love like anything, saying I wanted love but barking up a number of wrong trees. It’s true if we worked on the quality of the world of us then life would be a very different place.

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