Riddle me this, Batman

What is the one thing that we say we do the most of, without actually doing it at all?

Answer: “Love.”

The idea of love is woven through pretty much every aspect of our lives: it’s mentioned in almost every song that we sing and poem that we write, it features in nearly every book that’s ever been written and has centre stage in many of our plays. We use it to advertise everything from chocolates to nappies, it’s written in our cards and on our clothes, we talk about it and we proclaim that we feel it (passionately), but is our use of the word ‘love’ true?

I used to think that I was good at it. I genuinely thought of myself as a very loving person and if I was truly honest, I would say that I had a certain hidden smugness about just how ‘loving’ I thought I was able to be, particularly considering how hard it seemed to be for most other people to express love.

I truly believed that I was good at expressing my loving feelings to others, be that in the cards that I wrote or the words that I spoke. I also believed that many of the things that I did were loving, e.g. buying people thoughtful gifts, helping them out, listening to them when they needed support etc. and although I would like to say that I am not totally writing off thirty years of ‘loving acts,’ I, in fact, am. Not only am I writing off every single one of those supposed ‘loving acts’ as having had nothing to do with love whatsoever, but I am clearly stating that my feigned ‘loving acts’ contributed to the web of lies that we have spun and continue to spin around the subject of love.

At the time when I considered myself to be my most ‘loving,’ I was also my most self-abusive. I had two major beliefs that conjoined in my body to fuel the relentless motion that I was in: one was that “the more that I managed to do, (particularly as a woman), the stronger I was,” and the other was that “our self-worth is measured by the number of ‘selfless loving acts’ we do for others.”

Fuelled by these two major beliefs, I pushed my body relentlessly through my days (and nights). I worked full time as a disability support worker, doing forty hours of night-shifts a week, I taught yoga during the day and managed to squeeze in a couple of hours of voluntary work at the local hospice. On top of all of that I would volunteer to babysit for friends and family, so that they could go out and have quality time with their partners. Oh, and I should also add that I had a partner and a son of my own, both of whom I thought that I was in loving relationships with.

Without love in our bodies, there can be no love in anything that we do.

The body that I hauled around with me to do my ‘loving’ deeds was totally bankrupt, but the real problem with the way I felt was that it just felt so normal to me that it never entered my mind that there could possibly be another way to feel.

Love is naturally within us all: it is literally the energetic building blocks from which we are all made and yet I was completely unable to feel even so much as a skerrick of the stuff within myself, because I abused my body from the moment I woke up to the moment that I collapsed into bed at night. So a question I ask myself is that if I was unable to feel any love in my body, then where did I think the love that I imagined I was giving others was coming from?

It took my body breaking down in an exhausted heap for me to begin to see that much of what I had held as true was in fact not. I started to see that the way that I was living my life had been propped up by beliefs and now that many of those beliefs were crumbling in front of my eyes, so too was the ramshackle structure of my life. I had no choice but to go back to the drawing board and look at things afresh.

With the guidance and support of Serge Benhayon I started to introduce self-love into my life. Not the reconstituted version of self-love that is touted in magazines and the health industry but its true form, one that is governed by the body and the body alone.

I began asking my body what felt loving to it and what didn’t. I asked it if it was self-loving for me to eat salad and my distended belly was my body’s clear response that “no, it wasn’t at all self-loving to eat salad” at that point in time. I asked my body if it was loving to push through my days and not allow myself to sleep when I needed to. The feeling of utter depletion that sat deep within every cell of my body was my body’s clear response that “no, not allowing myself to sleep when I needed to” was completely devoid of love. I asked my body if it was loving to force it to exercise, when all it really wanted to do was to lay down? Once again, my body answered very clearly, this time through its painfully aching muscles, that to have exercised at that time would not have been at all loving.

Little by little I started to cut out choices that did not support my body. At first those self-abusive choices were glaringly obvious ones, like forcing myself to stay awake when my body was desperate to sleep, but what I found is that by staying connected to the honesty of my body, my body constantly revealed to me choices that I was making that were not self-loving, — and what’s interesting is that those choices became more and more refined.

For example, I am now aware that my body really dislikes hearing swear words and so when they play music at the gym that has swearing in it, I will always ask them to change the channel. When I am at work and someone has filled and boiled the kettle in an anxious rush, I will take the time to lovingly refill and boil the kettle before making myself a cup of tea.

Cutting out self-abusive choices is an ongoing process and one that feels like it has no end. With the removal of each non-loving choice, a little more love is revealed. This process is a gradual one and one that repeats until such time as love reveals itself in all its resplendent glory, without so much as a blemish.

You see, love is who we all are, it is the very fabric of our being, it’s just that we do such a good job at covering it up constantly with our non-loving choices that it’s totally obscured from our view. But the fact that we lose sight of it does not mean that it’s not there. In fact, it can never not be there, how can it be?

Love is who we all are.

By Alexis Stewart, a woman who has remembered the truth of who she is and in remembering that, she has remembered the truth of who we all are – the Glorious Collective Consciousness of God.

Related Reading:
How love benefits your health
Building love in our life
Our Relationship with Ourselves is the Start of All Things

538 thoughts on “Riddle me this, Batman

  1. We have been sold such lies when it comes to the word ‘love’ and it is to keep us from the true meaning of the word love. I’m waking up to the fact that we have been lied to on such a scale that we are totally blind to our surroundings. We have accepted less when we are so much more.

  2. It is easy to say the words, like love, but are we truly deeply living this? Something for us all to ponder on. Great blog.

  3. “Love is who we all are.” So simple. So true. And babies magnetically pull everyone to them, on the whole. No trying, no doing, just being who they are.

  4. “… cutting out self abuse is an ongoing process……” I feel that way too. Once I eliminated the obvious self-abusive choices the subtler ones became more apparent.

    1. Yes I can relate to this. The mutual need of both parties expressing itself as love was in fact very conditional, so wasn’t truly love at all.

  5. Alexis I would agree with you when you say “Without love in our bodies, there can be no love in anything that we do.”
    This is something that I have been working on and didn’t really understand until I started to love myself then I could understand just how abusive I had been towards myself and others. It’s another one of those lies that we are all caught up in which needs to be unpicked to expose the truth behind the lie.

  6. “our self-worth is measured by the number of ‘selfless loving acts’ we do for others.” – I’m glad we busted this myth or lie – any woman that lives to this (as many of us have) is soon to discover the disservice she is doing to herself and all those around her. True self worth never comes from things we do for others, it is a valuing of ourselves and who we are well before we do anything at all in the day, well before we even open our eyes and move in the morning. Connection to who we are deep within gets rid of the whole self worth issue and opens up the self adoration and love which can then be developed and deepened.

    1. “Connection to who we are deep within gets rid of the whole self-worth issue.” As a society we therefore must have very little true connection with ourselves, as low self esteem is rife.

  7. What I have learnt is that love is very simple. If it becomes a riddle, then it is not it. If ‘love’ doesn’t feel loving, then it is not it.

  8. ” I began asking my body what felt loving to it and what didn’t.” It’s interesting that I had never thought to ask this of myself until I came to Universal Medicine. Our body gives us such clear signals – if we listen. There are no oughts or shoulds, just an honouring of our body’s messages. Simple really. What feels loving – and what doesn’t?

  9. When we make it about words and not quality we end up with a society that can talk at a different frequency than that which they live.

  10. ‘I used to think that I was good at it. I genuinely thought of myself as a very loving person…’ I used to think about the same of myself, Alexis until I realised so much of the love I thought I was expressing was based on my own needs and wants and not love in its true sense at all.

  11. I recall those cartoons from the 70’s of ‘what is love?’ and pictures of a boy giving a girl a flower, or wiping her tears when they were crying, or the girl giving the boy chocolate. As cute as they were and as caring as they appeared in the pictures, I know that this is not love, for to me love is not an act or a gesture, but is rather a true state of being, a space that we allow and a connection deep within.

  12. When we hold a bastardised meaning of a word and think this is real, then it makes it harder for us to know the real meaning and above all living the true meaning of the word. In our world there are many words that are actually beautiful and they have been bastardised to a point where they no longer represent what they originally were representing, and so en masse we lose so much. It is only in resurrection of these words through the way that we live, that allows us to return them to their true use and meaning. Love is one of those words, but there are many more.

  13. When younger I was instinctively very capable in offering massage to friends and family. At some point I became convinced I needed formal qualification, but when I applied the taught techniques it felt all wrong, so I started thinking I need more courses and more techniques. Many years later I realised how important it would have been to stop looking outside for justification or confirmation and instead to reconnect to myself once again.

    It makes absolute sense that the more we look outside of us for love, the further we get from knowing and feeling that we are full of what we are seeking already.

    1. So true Jonathan, yet it is condoned and even championed in society today. And if you don’t do your duty (as society demands ) you are condemned for being selfish.

  14. Many of us have no true understanding of what love is it seems to be another one of those words that have been completely barstardised to mean anything but. Too be honest it was not until I came across Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine that I at last understood that if we do not love ourselves first we cannot truly love another and there will be no love in anything we do or say. It is because most of us have suppressed love that is naturally within our bodies that we are able to abuse ourselves and others.

  15. If we are choosing to abuse our bodies then it will be hard to feel love. But the huge thing for me is the realization that love is who we are always, and the abuse is what we call in to be less.

  16. My knowing of true love as a little child and the love I was met with and taught about in the world were quite different. This re-interpretation of love is a shame as it allows us to stay separate from actually finding love inside us and between each other.

  17. It is a great exercise to investigate your relationship with a certain topic, break it down, see what ideals/pictures/belief systems it is made up of, see what actually feels true to you (or not), then rebuild it based on what does feel true to you.

  18. ‘Without love in our bodies, there can be no love in anything that we do’. This is so true for if we do not know how love feel in our own body then how will we know if we are being truly loving with another or not.

  19. I can relate to this blog very much for I too thought I was being loving, but in fact my choices were self abusive, therefore there was no love in anything I did! But slowly I have learned to make better choices, choices that truly support my body. I now listen to my body and all its communications.

  20. This blog is a joy to re-visit Alexis. I love the re-claiming of your true power and authority encompassing all equally so.
    ‘By Alexis Stewart, a woman who has remembered the truth of who she is and in remembering that, she has remembered the truth of who we all are – the Glorious Collective Consciousness of God’.

  21. A practical and powerful reflection Alexis – a great reminder to consistently bring more loving choices to the smallest of details daily reveals the love within.
    “Cutting out self-abusive choices is an ongoing process and one that feels like it has no end. With the removal of each non-loving choice, a little more love is revealed. This process is a gradual one and one that repeats until such time as love reveals itself in all its resplendent glory, without so much as a blemish”.

  22. When I began to consciously move and do things with a gentle quality was the beginning of being able to catch abusive movements, choices and thoughts.

    1. It sounds so simple – and it is… but I know how often I revert back to unconscious movements that are often hard and disconnected.

      1. I know Vanessa, but what a great marker that gentleness has built in our bodies – to be able to highlight when we have moved into hard or clumsy movements, so that we can bring ourselves back.

  23. It is so simple really, everything comes back to love, the real love that lies innately within us all just waiting to be discovered and connected to.

  24. Your opening question is great: we might think we’re being so loving towards others in many ways, but when we actually look at it, the underlying motivation is so often need or security based- wanting someone to like or approve of us, doing things because that’s how we’ve always done them, wanting to maintain the status quo and not rock the boat.. it’s a long list of how this plays out and very different to the simplicity and ease of just being love ourselves, first.

  25. Love is perhaps the word that has more images associated with it. As a result, there are lots of scripts to adhere to. When we adhere to them, this is what love becomes for us. The problem, of course, is that none of those ready to wear scripts may be true.

  26. These beliefs mentioned in the blog are similar to “that which doesn’t kill you makes you all the tougher”. The question is “what is the benefit of toughness, except in very limited circumstances”?

    1. Yes, similar to what I heard as a young girl from a parent – “ it didn’t do me any harm”. How unloving is that, yet was well meant in that both I and my brother were treated equally. No account of our individual sensitivities…….

  27. I have been working on deeper and deeper appreciation of those constellated around me in my life and as I do so the more I am able to love and be loved in a much more meaningful way than I used to use that word love.

  28. I find it totally amazing that we can go back to the drawing board and start again so to speak, no matter how small (or large) the realisation of what’s not working or what is not true – from a belief to a whole mesh of interwoven beliefs and hurts. Truth is always there to connect to, and what we do with that is our own path back to living it.

  29. I’ve come to realise that it is possible to live and do things out of a need for recognition. I was very much in drive and on a mission to be nice but at the sacrifice of my own body – so I really relate to this experience and the hidden evil that is in being nice.

  30. When we hold back on love it dulls down the vitality in our body – expressing the love that we are is freeing and expansive.

    1. It’s like trying to drive forwards with the handbrake on, it’s hard going and not exactly an enjoyable ride. Release the handbrake and off you go!

  31. “I began asking my body what felt loving to it and what didn’t.” How amazing it is, that our bodies can actually give us the answers to we need if we will only listen. It would really save us so much time and angst and would do away with any tussling with our mind about ‘what we should do’, as ultiamtely all the answers lie within us.

  32. Gauging our level of love by what we do and not by what we feel in our body is completely exhausting as the source of that love is limited while when we express love from our Soul, our essence, the source is limitless and we are enriched.

    1. Yes, we receive what we give out – simultaneously and we can expand what we give out as there is an unlimited amount – of love.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.