It was a hot summer’s evening when I settled down for another night alone on the beach. Alongside me were the few possessions I owned. I had no pillow so I would use a book. The blanket I used to cover me had seriously outlived its shelf life; having been used all summer without a wash, it was smelly, manky and uncomfortable and no matter how hard I shook it, I could not seem to get all the sand out that had matted its way in.
I had got used to this way of living and my body had hardened in expectation of what the night could bring. On this particular night, I was awoken suddenly by a homeless guy who was looking for somewhere to sleep and had seen my blanket all bunched up and, not knowing I was under there, he took it off me. I am not sure who was more shocked, him or me!
While sleeping in those conditions I never truly relaxed and, as you can imagine, my body was running on constant nervous energy, ready to go into fight or flight mode at a moment’s notice.
It was not new to me, living on the beach. I had lived under the stars in many different parts of the world, putting myself in some seriously dodgy and unsafe situations.
I was proud of the fact that, with a blanket and the warmth of a hot country, I could sleep anywhere. I was seen as the crazy adventurer by friends, a title I lived up to well.
I loved the fact that I thought I could survive anywhere, living off the land. I glorified the fact that I could get away with living on the fringes of society.
Making friends with people with similar attitudes showed me there were hundreds of people out there with the same “get out clause” as mine, all disillusioned with society, all running away in some way or another. I even teamed up with a group of guys who would meet in the middle of the night to go through the big hotel bins to see what we could find.
Over the years I have witnessed many people lose themselves in this illusion of ‘rebellion’ and ‘adventure’, and many sad, sad endings to lives that had so much potential.
What I have learned is that this kind of rebellion is nothing more than feeding the system back the very thing I was running away from. I was disillusioned with society – from the cold lovelessness that I could feel all around me, from the education system to the health care system. I wanted out, so in reaction to life, I rebelled against society, yet in doing so I actually added to everything I so detested about it. By not dealing with my issues, I gave up on life and in doing so, further compounded the idea that this society was loveless.
Thankfully, I found my way back home (literally) when I was introduced to the teachings of The Ageless Wisdom presented by Serge Benhayon. At last I had found something that was true, something that was not about a quick fix, but a true way, a real way.
Slowly I started reintroducing responsibility back into my life and over a period of time, I let go of the hardness that I had used to protect my body.
My many nights of living outside had taken their toll on my body. I had built a defensive layer around myself that inhibited me from getting to know the tender woman I actually am; instead the hardness in my body represented the harsh words, criticism and judgment I would subject myself to, for no matter how far I ran or whatever escape method I used, I could not shake the undeniable feeling that all was not right.
Today my life is so different. I really look after myself and enjoy the loving security of a real home. I have a full time job, which I love, a beautiful evolving relationship with my partner, amazing friends around me and, of course, a commitment to life that was not there before.
Choosing to step back into society was my decision to say ‘Yes’ to life, to deal with what came up and take full responsibility for the life I am now living.
Every day I appreciate what has been shown to me by Serge Benhayon and Sara Williams, for it was their light that shone brightly in dark times.
By Anonymous
Related Reading:
Commitment to Self – Commitment to Life
The Ultimate Commitment to Life!
Taking Responsibility and Making a Re-Commitment to Life
Words on Serge Benhayon 
How Truth turns on a light in us that seems to transcend all boundaries and leads us to discover our essences and the feeling of being home and at one with God as this blog has so simply shared.
“I wanted out, so in reaction to life, I rebelled against society, yet in doing so I actually added to everything I so detested about it. By not dealing with my issues, I gave up on life and in doing so, further compounded the idea that this society was loveless.”
We get caught in the trap that we feel as an individual we cannot change anything, we are fed the thoughts to give up and what is the point so that we withdraw from life. Serge Benhayon has shown that by actively engaging in life we can make a difference, that there is a way to live that is fulfilling and actually a lot of fun.
“Choosing to step back into society was my decision to say ‘Yes’ to life, to deal with what came up and take full responsibility for the life I am now living.” – We may not like what we feel and see in society, but it takes someone who can see how out of balance society is, to step in with love and live in a way that imposes not, but reflects the truth on a day to day basis – and this then offers the greatest healing to self and all.
Being homeless is only one way of hardening ourselves to what we feel and this is effective when we do not know how to handle what we are feeling and are seeking to numb this rather than deal with it. There are a multitude of other ways too such as excessive sports, excessive study, excessive eating etc etc. And in this though I use the word ‘excessive’, it really is about any thing done to harden rather than truly support us. Essentially we all do this – we all seek on some level to escape what we are feeling when we think we don’t know how to handle it.
Wow – an amazing turn around or full circle here – from rejecting life to embracing it again and knowing that it is how we are in it and what truth we bring to it that matters more than what happens in it.
We all carry our crosses in life and when we wake up because we have re-connected to that which we felt we had lost, life becomes simply, and we can feel the purpose in life like we have found the end of the rainbow.
It is truly amazing the different lifestyles that people have come out of with the support of Universal Medicine to reconnect to themselves and to now live a loving and caring life. It doesn’t seem to matter what the background is, trauma, addiction, abuse, rebellion, etc, we can all make our way back to ourselves and to the love within.
The awareness that every avenue of life has been turned around by the presentations of Serge Benhayon is amazing for our evolution as we can then drop comparison!
Melinda this just shows that what Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine presents actually works for anyone who is sick and tired of the lies that we are fed by all the different establishments around the world which make up the society we live in. At the core of our being we are all the same, scratch beneath the surface and we all want the same thing. That deep settlement from the nervous tension we are running with that comes when we reconnect back to our soul.
‘My many nights of living outside had taken their toll on my body. I had built a defensive layer around myself that inhibited me from getting to know the tender woman I actually am.’ We don’t need to live outside to do this to ourselves. Whilst I always had a warm roof and home comforts, I nonetheless hardened too against life and negated that tenderness in favour of function, but I had to brace myself as a consequence and made many compromises that dismissed that sensitivity more.
Any compromise takes away our awareness and opens us up to being individual, which is the mind thing that our wayward spirit likes to play.
We react to life and blame life for this, that and more. Yet it’s our expectations for life to be different that we hold onto that’s the root of the reaction. Not life.
Great observation Leigh, reactions are rooted in evil and stifle our evolution.
As you say anonymous there are many people who live on the fringe of society because they are disillusioned with the way we have all made society to be. It is as though there is within us a knowing that life should be, and can be different but it’s like pushing a large and heavy object up hill, the effort is not only exhausting but futile because no one seemingly wants to change their ways even though our current way of life is a complete mess. At least those people you met still had a level of sensitivity that they could feel society was amiss. Is it possible that those people who are marketing this false way of life have bought into the illusion so deeply that they will defend this way of living to their last breath?
People living on the fringe of society may be able to feel that the way life is is not our truth, yet as human beings we can struggle with how to actually respond to that instead of reacting. What’s confirming is that we are all connected to the truth, we do know even if we dismiss it, bury it, deny it, or react in other ways.
Totally agree with you Melinda Knights that there is a part of us that does know, we just drown it out because we don’t want to take responsibility for a rotten to the core society that we have all contributed towards.
This is a great reminder that, in our reaction, we add to that which we are reacting to, and in order to justify our re-action, we have to reinforce the picture that we are saying is not right, and continue with the fight, and the more we do it, the further we come away from the truth within us that alerted us in the first place that something was amiss.
Well said Fumiyo, that when we react “the further we come away from the truth within us that alerted us in the first place that something was amiss.”
What if Fumiyo Egashira, life has been set up in such a way that we are goaded to react? What if in our reaction an unseen for now energy feeds off our reactions and the only way for this energy to survive is for it to keep humanity in reaction. If humanity stopped reacting there would be no astral plane it just would not be able to exist as it needs to constantly feed itself. Which is why it needs humanity to constantly react. If humanity were to grasp this science the world could change over night.
Until we understand energy and vibration we all have our ways of living that check us out from the True vibration that is connected to when we are Reconnected to our Soul-full-essences. Living in the Humble-appreciative-ness of our Soul definitely is worlds apart from living life as a beach, or to any other form of illusional agenda as they all deprive us from the equality that is felt from this most divine connection, which is Soul-full-ness.
Thank you for exposing the illusion of rebellion and how apparently not conforming to the norm is actually deeply self abusive. It is only when we stop running away from our hurts and are willing to commit to life that we start to heal and take responsibility for living in a way that honours ourselves and others.
We may think that we are making a statement when we step (run) away from a society we find at odds with our beliefs. But the stepping away doesn’t change anything and when we are ready to step back in, we will probably find it even worse than when we left, especially if we haven’t changed. The only way to bring change to any place, society, or even to our world, is to start to make changes in our own lives, and while we are on the run that is a very challenging thing to do.
Thank you for sharing Anonymous – the question is how can we live without reacting to what the world is presenting. As long we are reacting we are not truly free as your awesome blog showed so honestly.
This is a great blog as it highlights the illusion we are in when we think we are free spirits can do what we want etc., but we are not free at all we are all imprisoned in the illusion.
We think we are being rebellious and kicking against society, but in truth it is an abdication from all responsibility, first and foremost to ourselves, to family and friends and then to the wider community. We think we are free when we have no encumbrances, but the fact is we are in much more of a prison than we could possibly realise.
The prison of illusion is always painful.
Our spirit takes pride in or rebellion against the norm of society. After all society doesn’t feel so great. but we can ‘be like a fish in the sea without getting wet’ without going to the lengths you describe, as Serge Benhayon has presented on different occasions.
We do take pride in rebellion – it is saying that what we see is not true, but in rebellion there is a part of us that still feeds the lie as we are not willing to step into a true way of living, but instead seek the escape.
There was a time where I would have dreamt of being able to survive in this way. I used to put myself in difficult situations to test my ability to survive. I have lived in great disregard and have thought it was justified as a means of surviving. Once it was adventure then it became conformity and paying the mortgage because I thought I was living alone so I was alone. All has paid heavy on my health. What’s changing is letting go of the identity of doing life alone and taking pride in that. Actually that’s pretty much gone and I’m learning to ask for help, be open and transparent with people. I can feel how I used to live was so lonely and the emptiness sometimes felt all consuming.
We can also withdraw from life because we feel as though the system has let us down in some way just because our expectations have not been met. Whichever route we choose it all comes down to personal responsibility.
Yes and it’s true that society doesn’t feel so great currently, but I’m learning to step back in – change things from the inside – rather than withdraw and opt out. Personal responsibility as you say Julie.
“Choosing to step back into society was my decision to say ‘Yes’ to life, to deal with what came up and take full responsibility for the life I am now living.” Taking responsibility for life and for our choices can make such a huge difference to one’s life. I and many students I know bear witness to this fact.
How far do we go to avoid repose!
How is it that being rebellious is apparently so cool, yet usually involves running away, taking drugs and generally rejecting society. A much more real and relevant rebellion would be to live within that society without changing yourself, in fact changing the system from within by our movements and our way.
The illusion of rebellion or adventure, high flying life, life of poverty or wealth – all images and ideals and game playing to what we want the world to see rather than allowing the true self to be lived without perfection, but a knowing that everything and everyone is in cycles of learning lessons in the classroom of life.
This may not be true for every case, but what I have often felt about a rebel is that they must actually care very much about the world so much so that it is a big enough issue for them to make choices they do. There feels to be something of true value that they are recognising as lacking/missing from the reality. Many enact that in reaction more often that not, but how powerful could it be if they start expressing their truth with no reaction, but in truth, and as loud as they used to scream ‘No’ previously.
Many people see and feel the rot of the world and seek the alternative. It doesn’t have to be full-on rebellion or adventure as you have shared here, but disillusioned by the reality and wanting something different nonetheless, and in that, choosing to check out and withdraw and distract themselves. True freedom doesn’t come with screaming a very loud ‘No!!!’ and pushing away what we so despise of. When we disengage, we give away our responsibility, which is just the other side of power, but that is the exact bit we need in order to be truly free.