The Illusion of Rebellion and Adventure

It was a hot summer’s evening when I settled down for another night alone on the beach. Alongside me were the few possessions I owned. I had no pillow so I would use a book. The blanket I used to cover me had seriously outlived its shelf life; having been used all summer without a wash, it was smelly, manky and uncomfortable and no matter how hard I shook it, I could not seem to get all the sand out that had matted its way in.

I had got used to this way of living and my body had hardened in expectation of what the night could bring. On this particular night, I was awoken suddenly by a homeless guy who was looking for somewhere to sleep and had seen my blanket all bunched up and, not knowing I was under there, he took it off me. I am not sure who was more shocked, him or me!

While sleeping in those conditions I never truly relaxed and, as you can imagine, my body was running on constant nervous energy, ready to go into fight or flight mode at a moment’s notice.

It was not new to me, living on the beach. I had lived under the stars in many different parts of the world, putting myself in some seriously dodgy and unsafe situations.

I was proud of the fact that, with a blanket and the warmth of a hot country, I could sleep anywhere. I was seen as the crazy adventurer by friends, a title I lived up to well.

I loved the fact that I thought I could survive anywhere, living off the land. I glorified the fact that I could get away with living on the fringes of society.

Making friends with people with similar attitudes showed me there were hundreds of people out there with the same “get out clause” as mine, all disillusioned with society, all running away in some way or another. I even teamed up with a group of guys who would meet in the middle of the night to go through the big hotel bins to see what we could find.

Over the years I have witnessed many people lose themselves in this illusion of ‘rebellion’ and ‘adventure’, and many sad, sad endings to lives that had so much potential.

What I have learned is that this kind of rebellion is nothing more than feeding the system back the very thing I was running away from. I was disillusioned with society – from the cold lovelessness that I could feel all around me, from the education system to the health care system. I wanted out, so in reaction to life, I rebelled against society, yet in doing so I actually added to everything I so detested about it. By not dealing with my issues, I gave up on life and in doing so, further compounded the idea that this society was loveless.

Thankfully, I found my way back home (literally) when I was introduced to the teachings of The Ageless Wisdom presented by Serge Benhayon. At last I had found something that was true, something that was not about a quick fix, but a true way, a real way.

Slowly I started reintroducing responsibility back into my life and over a period of time, I let go of the hardness that I had used to protect my body.

My many nights of living outside had taken their toll on my body. I had built a defensive layer around myself that inhibited me from getting to know the tender woman I actually am; instead the hardness in my body represented the harsh words, criticism and judgment I would subject myself to, for no matter how far I ran or whatever escape method I used, I could not shake the undeniable feeling that all was not right.

Today my life is so different. I really look after myself and enjoy the loving security of a real home. I have a full time job, which I love, a beautiful evolving relationship with my partner, amazing friends around me and, of course, a commitment to life that was not there before.

Choosing to step back into society was my decision to say ‘Yes’ to life, to deal with what came up and take full responsibility for the life I am now living.

Every day I appreciate what has been shown to me by Serge Benhayon and Sara Williams, for it was their light that shone brightly in dark times.

By Anonymous

Related Reading:
Commitment to Self – Commitment to Life
The Ultimate Commitment to Life!
Taking Responsibility and Making a Re-Commitment to Life

1,246 thoughts on “The Illusion of Rebellion and Adventure

  1. This is a great blog as it highlights the illusion we are in when we think we are free spirits can do what we want etc., but we are not free at all we are all imprisoned in the illusion.

  2. We think we are being rebellious and kicking against society, but in truth it is an abdication from all responsibility, first and foremost to ourselves, to family and friends and then to the wider community. We think we are free when we have no encumbrances, but the fact is we are in much more of a prison than we could possibly realise.

  3. I have found that the only way to get more responsible is gradually, it is not a switch. I had to see all the ways I was irresponsible and this tends to come one at a time. I then have an opportunity to accept it or go into denial. The process is on going and I feel it has still far to run, but the start of the process was the biggest shock. Because I have always felt that I was hugely responsible, but as I became open to seeing my irresponsibility, I started to realise just how many massive lies I told myself. Still a long way to go with such honesty but it’s a great road to be on.

  4. Our spirit takes pride in or rebellion against the norm of society. After all society doesn’t feel so great. but we can ‘be like a fish in the sea without getting wet’ without going to the lengths you describe, as Serge Benhayon has presented on different occasions.

  5. There was a time where I would have dreamt of being able to survive in this way. I used to put myself in difficult situations to test my ability to survive. I have lived in great disregard and have thought it was justified as a means of surviving. Once it was adventure then it became conformity and paying the mortgage because I thought I was living alone so I was alone. All has paid heavy on my health. What’s changing is letting go of the identity of doing life alone and taking pride in that. Actually that’s pretty much gone and I’m learning to ask for help, be open and transparent with people. I can feel how I used to live was so lonely and the emptiness sometimes felt all consuming.

  6. We can also withdraw from life because we feel as though the system has let us down in some way just because our expectations have not been met. Whichever route we choose it all comes down to personal responsibility.

    1. Yes and it’s true that society doesn’t feel so great currently, but I’m learning to step back in – change things from the inside – rather than withdraw and opt out. Personal responsibility as you say Julie.

  7. “Choosing to step back into society was my decision to say ‘Yes’ to life, to deal with what came up and take full responsibility for the life I am now living.” Taking responsibility for life and for our choices can make such a huge difference to one’s life. I and many students I know bear witness to this fact.

  8. How is it that being rebellious is apparently so cool, yet usually involves running away, taking drugs and generally rejecting society. A much more real and relevant rebellion would be to live within that society without changing yourself, in fact changing the system from within by our movements and our way.

  9. The illusion of rebellion or adventure, high flying life, life of poverty or wealth – all images and ideals and game playing to what we want the world to see rather than allowing the true self to be lived without perfection, but a knowing that everything and everyone is in cycles of learning lessons in the classroom of life.

  10. This may not be true for every case, but what I have often felt about a rebel is that they must actually care very much about the world so much so that it is a big enough issue for them to make choices they do. There feels to be something of true value that they are recognising as lacking/missing from the reality. Many enact that in reaction more often that not, but how powerful could it be if they start expressing their truth with no reaction, but in truth, and as loud as they used to scream ‘No’ previously.

  11. Many people see and feel the rot of the world and seek the alternative. It doesn’t have to be full-on rebellion or adventure as you have shared here, but disillusioned by the reality and wanting something different nonetheless, and in that, choosing to check out and withdraw and distract themselves. True freedom doesn’t come with screaming a very loud ‘No!!!’ and pushing away what we so despise of. When we disengage, we give away our responsibility, which is just the other side of power, but that is the exact bit we need in order to be truly free.

  12. It reminds me of the ending of a Simon & Garfunkel song: I am a rock / I am an island / And a rock feels no pain / And an island never cries

  13. Simply put, rebellion is reaction, not relief.

    Freedom of reaction is liberation from that which we realise and reject as not agreeable.

  14. The pitfall of rebellion is in fighting against something you like to get away from by seeking the seeming opposite, but you are still defined by the same issue because whatever you do still refers to the same thing. Thus we cannot get free from it, we are only free when we are not reacting anymore against it.

  15. As we take responsibility for the choices we make we start to realise that the way we were living was adding to the chaos and disregard many of us are living in until we start being honest with ourselves and making choices from that honesty and inner connection we start to realise that we come from love and we are in fact love we then see and live life from a very different place.

  16. Wow what a great article Anonymous, totally stepping out of life to totally stepping back in, by embracing all that is on offer and becoming a responsible member of society, such are the amazing changes that happen in peoples live after coming in contact with the Ageless Wisdom teaching through Serge Benhayon.

  17. Whether we rebel or we conform it does not matter because when we live true to ourselves we do not need to do either of these things.

  18. As there is a lack of responsibility in society the irony is that stepping back into it with true commitment and responsibility is true rebellion to society.

  19. Great article outlining this “adventurous” lifestyle. What is striking is that people living with this lifestyle are just as identified to this lifestyle, as people who are rich and live in comfortable houses.

  20. Rebelling is no different than conforming because both are a reaction to the way life is. We have to get past that reaction and learn to be ourselves in life regardless of what anyone else is doing.

  21. This article shows me how our spirit can get satisfaction out of anything where it stands out and gets noticed, even if it seems to be undesirable. Being homeless doesn’t seem desirable to the human being but to be noticed for it is the prize of the human sprit.

  22. To get out of what we don´t want to be in we need to get in in full to make our way out of it, i.e. we need to commit to life in full and meeting everything we detest about it to make the changes and the healing required to be free of the misery and hence the need to escape it. A seeming conundrum for the troubled one, an obvious fact for the one taking responsibility.

  23. I always thought I wanted to be a rebel, to wander the world and to live the way I wanted to, not how others expected me to, but there was a part of me that was too scared to take the first step so I simply reverted to rebelling in my mind. These days I realise that I simply wasn’t happy with the life I was living, as the life I was living was in truth not what I knew it could actually be. This realisation only surfaced during my first workshop with Serge Benhayon. It was then I realised what I had felt was true; there was another way to live where there was no rebellion required.

  24. When you were sleeping rough anonymous I cannot but think your sleep would have completely shadowed by the fact you were vulnerable and unsafe, thus may not have been that rejuvenating or replenishing at all.

  25. I can relate to the feeling of wanting to rebel to the lovelessness in which society is for the most lived, and the abuse that we subscribe to, and in my own way I also did rebel. Part of this was because I felt that there was nothing I could do after all my efforts in action groups felt futile. But as with you through developing an honoring and loving relationship with myself inspired by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine presentations, I also realise now that there is far greater power in being committed to life, reflecting love through every aspect in our lives and relationships as without us standing for truth, who will? This is the foundation of true change, one that begins with taking responsibility in how we and the quality in which we are living.

  26. “I loved the fact that I thought I could survive anywhere, living off the land. I glorified the fact that I could get away with living on the fringes of society.” What an illusion this is, because in truth it is completley opting out of society, saying no to any responsibility and putting pressure and stress on others to eventually pick up the pieces of all the stuff that is left undealt with.

  27. It actually takes a lot of energy and effort to live on the beach or street, we often have no idea how draining it is on the body as it is just as draining as the drive for success that overrides our body’s health also.

  28. Great story thanks for sharing. We are really only rebelling against ourselves aren’t we, denying that we are a part of the whole…. and there is identification in doing so too. We can rebel against all we see is not right in the world or enjoin and play the ‘game’, and both of these choices can be in reaction.

  29. What a remarkable story but more so the realisation that rejecting society and giving up meant feeding the system. None of our imaged ‘get of jail clauses’ actually work as we all hold equal responsibility for the quality of life and society we have. It was awesome to read about the turn around the author experienced – not because they have come back into the mainstream but the re-commitment to a purposeful life.

  30. Remaining true to who we truly are supports us to make our contribution for the benefit of society, otherwise we get attracted to the various carrots that are dangled in front of us, in order to lead us astray.

  31. When we are rebellious we fight against the way things are created by ourselves.
    We avoid to accept that we are part of that creation.
    IT is very empowering to become more responsible again to clear this mess we put ourselves in, together..

  32. What Serge Benhayon has presented is that it takes a lot of commitment to be homeless and not settled. That we actually have to call in a hardness and force into our bodies to live in this way. So reading this sharing is so huge as it breaks the victim illusion and shows that we always, always have a choice of what our life is and how much responsibility we are willing to take.

  33. I had stepped out of life excluding myself so as to live a better life away from all the ugliness that I saw in life, but I had excluded myself from myself and others in the way I perceived life, now with more understanding of who I am and what I bring I am stepping back into life with purpose to bring all that I am in whatever I am engaging in.

  34. Whether we are enjoining in the comforts and securities of life or rebelling and avoiding them both are a reaction to not living who we truly are.

  35. Awesome to feel you returning to life, and in that process, returning to you and living your full potential.
    Deciding to commit more to one’s self, to fully embrace and show up in life, is not a one off decision that we make, but something that we either reinforce or delay, through our choices to back ourselves up, keep saying yes and keep committing, without attachment or pictures.

  36. Welcome back anonymous. I’d much rather have you living your life as you, working, in a relationship etc… than living on a beach with a blanket that has not been washed in weeks and sleeping on a pillow. Humanity needs us all in – not half in/half out which many of us do.

  37. Withdrawal is never the answer but it is a tempting false escape for many of us in many ways. When I catch myself withdrawing from life I can see it for the harming choice that it is and change accordingly.

  38. I went through a period in my early twenties where I was homeless and relied on people I knew to put me up, and at one point I was sleeping on a landing which was a walk through to the bathroom and someone’s bedroom. I was grateful for the space but it’s clear to me that it was still a choice I made to put myself into that situation.

  39. There are two ways we can be played by the evil of comfort: to join the ‘rat race’ or to avoid it. Either way we are hooked. When we enjoin we seek the spoils of all creation can offer us by way of success and recognition, with the ultimate form of success being ‘left alone’ to do as we wish with the apparent ‘freedom’ to do so because we have earned it and it is our ‘right’ for putting in the hard yards in life. This level of comfort is our ‘reward’.

    Then we have those who refuse to enjoin for they can see quite clearly the utter falsity of this. However, this lot get played by reaction and the desire to escape it all and go live in a self-contained bubble of their own choosing far, far away from it all. Either way evil wins because no one is truly committing to life here on Earth, where our sole purpose on this plane of life is to return to Soul – back to who we truly are – so we can all get out of here together.

    Note here, the ‘get out’ is not offered by way of escape but by exhausting this plane of life with a way of living that is inspired by and infused with our divine essence so that we all outgrow what is on offer for us here and can in this way move on to the next round of expansion as we make our way home to God and thus the gods we in-truth all are. But first, we must all do as the writer of this gorgeously honest blog has done and say a full-hearted YES to life.

  40. Rebelling only gets us as far as showing that the physical behaviour or outcome needs to change. Staying steady with who we are and what we know to be true calls for the energy behind the behaviour to change.

  41. What a gift to be shown another way to live, and what awesomeness to say yes to it. We can be so held in our self created illusion, an illusion where the self has so much to identify with, that saying yes to another way can be extremely difficult.

    1. Beautifully said, Elizabeth. True rebellion is saying yes to power and to the pull of evolution and be aware of all the energies that don’t want us to keep going.

  42. There really is nothing that can feel greater than being in connection with ourselves, no adventure or rebellious act can silence the unsettlement we will feel when not living in connection with ourselves and the world as a result.

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