I have learnt a very important truth lately, and as the title suggests, that there is really no such thing as a mistake, for every day opens up new opportunities to explore with a greater understanding in all facets of life. Opportunities of growth can be found doing everyday tasks like folding your washing, driving your car and painting a picture… and it is the latter where my new learning begins.
My particular “Aha” moment came while painting a little series of pieces on paper. I was working on two pieces simultaneously so they both had a similar colour, pattern, shape and theme, but they were very different pieces.
I felt I gave one much more attention than the other and it made me stop and question why I was doing this. Why did I not like each piece equally?
I actually considered throwing away the piece I didn’t feel met my standards, but there was something about it that was begging me to go deeper with the self-questioning.
The piece was not perfect in my eyes in that moment; it didn’t meet my perception of what I thought to be pleasing to the eye, so I disregarded it and threw the artwork to the side. However, I stopped and reclaimed it as I realised that nothing is perfect, everything in life is imperfectly beautiful in its own unique way, much like we are.
Perfection is not an achievable goal. It’s an endless road that just comes with more obstacles. It pushes us out of our natural rhythm into a never-ending game of trying to achieve an unobtainable marker that depletes us “quick sticks”.
The continual push for attaining perfection leads me to exhaustion and a never-ending story plays out in my head of other ways I can reach my desired point. It’s a brutal path that inevitably leads nowhere.
Our unique essence is intertwined into everything we express in this world and that includes that single piece of paper I was so haphazardly going to throw away. It was like I was throwing away a piece of me: I was giving up on me. I wasn’t being accepting and allowing time and space to share what is there to be shared when it is ready. So this is true in life and in art, as they are one and the same.
So what did I do next? I simply stopped and left the artwork for a day, and boy did that feel fantastic!
Do you know what the best part of the process was? It involved no drive or push for a perfect result. Each piece of artwork was able to be exactly how it was, with no attachment to an outcome or push for perfection.
This ever growing awareness and sense of calm allows greater opportunities for new ways of looking at life overall and I feel that is a pretty awesome tool to hold in my ever growing toolkit for life.
The best part is that my stress levels for getting to the desired destination of perfection have dissipated and I enjoy the journey a whole lot more. I never know where I will end up – that’s what makes life so much more fun, don’t you think?
Now the artwork is as perfectly imperfect as the other piece.
So never give up on finding your true masterstroke, it is there – it’s not a mistake, it just needs clarity and space to flourish in its own unique way, just like us.
I am forever in loving appreciation of my innate masterstroke thanks to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
By Kelly Zarb, Retail Manager / Artist, Melbourne, Australia
Related Reading:
~ Whoops Is One Of My Favourite Words – A Message From the Author
~ Imperfect
~ Livingness in Earth School, Learning in Heaven’s Classroom
Words on Serge Benhayon 
Letting go of any need or reaction in life takes away the needy-ness for us to control and thus taking away any imposition, as this is a deepening level of Love that we are all searching for and has always been within; our essences, inner-most-hearts / Souls and the innate Love blossoms.
Taking perfection out of the equation and just letting what is needed unfold. I would have loved to have seen the pieces of artwork ❤️
When we have anything that completes in life we can feel it in our bodies and thus know when it is time to relinquish what no longer serves us.
I am really starting to understand that life is all about learning, every minute of the day it seems to me there is something new to observe and learn from. This has made life so much more fulfilling as there is a richness to life that I hadn’t been aware of before.
Our pictures of how things are supposed to be really get in the way of what’s occurring and how wonderful it may be as both an opportunity and a step in a larger process.
Ab’soul’tely Melinda, our eyes should be the last part of the equation as we feel first and then our eyes confirm the Joy we have felt.
Seeing situations as a learning opportunity helps dissolve any reaction. Something I very much needed this morning, thank you.
I love the title of this “No Mistakes: Just a New Learning” when I read it I feel lighter in my body.
I love it when a ‘mistake’ turns out to be exactly the thing that had to take place. It is most humbling and I am left in awe of how everything is meticulously constellated, and it is done so in absolute love.
The word “mistake” can obscure our clear view of the love that is behind the scenes in the situations we find ourselves in.
What a ‘master stroke’ it is to find our connection that is us reconnecting to our essences and how we strive for perfection when we are only ever feeling that we can deepen our re-connection to our essences and that is a simple work in progress, a master piece in waiting!
We will repeat things that do not support over and over again till such time that we realise that it is not working (ie not truly supporting) and are truly willing to consider that there is another way.
I’ve noticed in my own life that when a behaviour is repeating that I am aware is not supporting me, and I can’t seem to let go of it, then I find Esoteric bodywork to clear the configuration of the energy behind the behaviour is necessary. Often I will also need dialogue with my practitioner around what’s releasing from my body, which then brings a deeper understanding and a release of any hurt I am still holding. The whole process can free me from the unwanted behaviours, it feels quite miraculous but I can also feel the science behind it all.
Mistakes are not mistakes especially when we learn from them. Then they become learnings.
I love this; ‘there is really no such thing as a mistake, for every day opens up new opportunities to explore with a greater understanding in all facets of life.’ Seeing life like this feels very light and joyful, it feels important not to get too serious and caught up in issues and to instead know that everything that happens is a learning and an opportunity for us to develop.
I love the fact that we can allow ourselves to make mistakes.
When we allow ourselves to not judge ourselves for our choices and see them as a learning then we can be so much lighter in how we approach things. Imagine a child who is learning to walk – they do not beat themselves up for falling down each time, they just have so much fun – the just get up and try again, or perhaps have a quick cry in between if they have hurt themselves, but they certainly do not indulge themselves in self talk that berates their falls and their learning. Funny how we as adults tend to do this, instead of appreciating the fact that we get up to do it all over again.
Moral of the story – there are only opportunities in our school of life: “there is really no such thing as a mistake, for every day opens up new opportunities to explore with a greater understanding in all facets of life.” – what a blessing this is.
Life can be so much easier and more joyfull if a mistake is not a failure.
Most of us struggle to deal with the emotions and feelings that come with ‘making a mistake’, and probably have done so since we were children when we were told that we had made one, or many. I can remember the embarrassment, wondering what people would think, and then there was the beating myself up because I hadn’t got it ‘right’. How incredibly freeing it is to come to the understanding that there are actually no mistakes, that there is no right and no wrong, but simply the opportunity to learn, and that life is our amazing classroom.
I find that I delay when trying to make things perfect rather than stepping forward in my imperfections. But without movement there’s no space to grow and learn.
Accepting that if someone does something that upsets us it might not be because of something we did and it could be a blessing even. What is reflected back to us comes with an energy and if it is a harsh energy we do not need to think and analyse but just check in and re-align and /or confirm ourselves in an energy we know to be true.
No mistakes just opportunities for growth – when we let go of perfectionism we allow the possibility for things to unfold without us imposing pictures of what that should look like.
We are so focused on outcomes and when the outcome is not reached it is considered a failure, and error, or a mistake and we feel less. If our focus was on evolving, on deepening in truth we then would see the many moments, constellations and situations in life as opportunities to deepen our relationship with love, with our divinity. Our expression of this is then an honoring of an impulse that has no picture or outcome attached, just a knowing of what feels true and divine.
This is a beautiful sharing Carola – to let go of an outcome is a great gift though often one of the most difficult things to do.
I was talking to a friend about something that happened to me recently and they gave me the advice that there is no right or wrong just a learning. This perspective was extremely helpful as I could feel how judgmental I was being on myself and if I can be hard and judgmental to myself then I can also judge others which does not give them any space to make mistakes and grow from them.
Some of the most profound changes have occurred in my life through the ‘mistakes’ I’ve made. It’s what we learn from what we do that matters.
It so wonderful to look back over my life and to note the many ‘mistakes’ I was convinced I had made, and to now be able to look at them as valuable lessons. And the bigger the ‘mistake’ seemed at the time, the bigger the lesson was. Whether I chose to learn from the many lessons was totally up to me, and although some lessons took longer to take on, I can say that now I absolutely appreciate them all, as my life has changed in so many wonderful ways.
Reading this has helped me to see that the end result is not what is important but the process of getting from A to B is where the growth is.
Even in a so-called mis-take there is something for us to take to learn and evolve.
I like Einstein’s quote that anyone who has not made a mistake has never tried anything new. Mistakes come with the territory of growing as a person, be it learning to walk as a toddler or learning to trust and open up to people as an adult.
That’s how I relate to perfectionism in that I won’t move forward or change tactic unless it’s ‘perfect’ but without trying something new the same old routine that is not perfect will never change.
We cannot remind ourselves enough that there is no perfection. We are forever expanding and thus there is never a fixed point we can say that is it.
How wonderful it is, to come to a place when you are always open to “new ways of looking at life”, instead of choosing to stay stuck in doing things the way they have always been done. To make this choice offers us the opportunity to expand our horizons, so to speak, and to possibly discover a whole new way of living. But if we choose to stay stuck in the familiar we may just miss out on the magic that life is always presenting, magic that may just change our day.
What is perfection? Is it our own perceived view? Is it a view that is constantly changing? The perfect colour this season is no longer the perfect colour next season so, or the perfect body shape is curvaceous one year and not the next, who decides and how can we ever keep up, it’s a game, a trap we put ourselves in that keeps us from feeling and being who we are.
Perfection is a mirage that is constantly out of reach.
I always felt it was inconceivable that I could treat a significant mistake as a simple opportunity to learn, this is something I didn’t find easy. However, recently I have observed myself after fairly significant errors to find that there was far less reaction than there used to be as I’m am more accepting of myself and all my imperfections.
Your sharing makes me realise the absurdity of how we bring out judgment as if we know how things should be and we are the judge of ultimate righteousness and correctness when our awareness is just so warped and limited by choice. We are all students, not learning to perfect anything, but learning that we are perfectly imperfect and will be forever, as that is the nature of evolution.
When is it ever perfect and who decides whether something is perfect. We just can go on and on to get the best picture of what life has to look like but are we ever satisfied, like you said too Kelly ‘It’s an endless road that just comes with more obstacles.’ if we allow it.
I love this title, no mistakes, just new learning, the more we appreciate ourselves we realise how hard we can be on ourselves, and when we realise that we are constantly learning it pays to be ourselves and learn from everything in life.
We can learn to cherish ourselves the same way we do toddlers learning to walk, our love can be for who we are not for what we do, or with any other conditions.
A perfect lesson in seeing the opportunity to learn in all we do.
I realise in reading your article Kelly that where I get caught up in doing what I am doing is because I am looking for a desired outcome , trying to control events for that purpose, letting go of this need would give my life much more freedom in giving up control and allowing life to just unfold in its natural way.
Seeing life as lessons is far healthier and more supportive as it brings in appreciation and a willingness to grow. Rather than seeing only mistakes which brings in criticism and judgement and keeps us feeling less.
For someone who absolutely hated making, what I then considered to be a mistake, and often threatened to be overwhelmed with the embarrassment that came with it, this fabulous blog is one I come back to regularly. The constant reminder that “there are no mistakes just a new learning” has brought such a huge change to the way I live and I even find myself welcoming these opportunities to learn something new and bring it into my life.
I can relate to this comment, Kelly, in terms of striving to be something I am not – “It pushes us out of our natural rhythm into a never-ending game of trying to achieve an unobtainable marker.” I am now learning to listen and stay with my body and follow its impulses, rather than be dictated to by the mind which sets me up to never be enough.
The belief that perfection is a necessary part of life is such a damaging misconception, but one that so many live with. The day I realised the tension and the harm trying to be perfect was doing to my body and my life was the day it was removed from my ‘tool-kit for life’, and what a huge difference that choice made to the way I live and the way I feel about myself. It does try to sneak in every now and then but the yucky energy which comes with it signals its return instantly and it has no chance to burrow its way into what I’m doing, any further.
One of the greatest gifts we can ever give ourselves is to free ourselves from perfectionism if it is an affliction we have.
‘Perfection is not an achievable goal.’ We need to hear this as so many of us tend to chase perfection and wonder why we feel exhausted. I have been guilty of being a perfectionist in the past and now, when I make mistakes there is no more self-bashing, just a willingness to learn from them.
There is a lot of beauty in not planning where we’re going to eventually end up, or who we’re going to speak to when we set out on a career, attend an event or start to develop a friendship or relationship.
Thank you, Kelly, for the opportunity to enquire where these ideals of perfection come from and how long we have been held in their vice like grip, rather than feeling the freedom to explore and experiment with our expression.
What a blessing it is for us to understand that mistakes are here for our learning, doing away with the judgment of good and bad right and wrong which fosters blame and guilt, devastating emotions to our deeply sensitive being.
I agree Jill, and it feels so much more spacious when we live in a way that allows room for mistakes without judgement, blame or guilt. To honour how deeply sensitive we are through love and understanding and zero blame.
There is definitely more space when we let go of the belief something is a mistake, and this space is what I have found offers me the opportunity to learn the lesson which is being offered. The feeling of spaciousness is felt throughout my body, in total contrast to the contraction that comes with believing I have made a mistake.
There is not any mistake or experience that we cannot learn and grow from.
Here you write about a piece of art, and I think what you have shared can also be applied to much in life. How often do we hold one part of our life with disdain and another with love. Our relationships with our bodies is a key one…we might like our face, but not our legs, or our arms are good but our chest is too small etc… The principles you share here, about accepting things as they are, and seeing the beauty in them, could apply to much.
Thank you Kelly, I always get so much from reading your blog. Today I started to see how tied I can be to outcomes, that picture of perfection hiding insidiously in the shadows sending me into drive, instead of exploring each part of the day as flows and movement of energy, and different qualities of energy.
I love your honesty Melinda and I too have experienced the same thing. I know that it is going to take me a while to fully let go of perfection and when I make that mistake again, I simply be gentle with myself and learn from my experience.
Yes, I still hold onto mistakes and brace myself when I make one, however I can feel over time how much these reactions have shifted. It’s enormous to feel the difference with the way I respond to mistakes without the self critique in the way I used to.
I agree Chan, that letting go of the perfection we have allowed to run our lives can take a while, simply because this way of being has become such an ingrained habit, so ingrained that we are already in perfection mode before we even realise it. But heading back into that mode is a lesson in itself and looking at it as just an ‘oops’ moment instead of a full blown mistake is so much kinder to our body.
When we are a willing student and lover of truth we then realise that there is only that with is true and that which is not true. As such our love for truth is what we live for as it is this quality that represents all that we are. When what is not true is felt or revealed to us, be it a momentum we are in or otherwise, it then is a joy to be freed from the falsity and an invitation to return and deepen our connection to truth, so we can live and express in greater love with the truth of who we are. There is always a reflection of truth for us to receive and equally so also a truth for us to be led by.
Your wonderful blog has been a big part of “my ever-growing toolkit for life” since I first read it a couple of years ago. And bringing this wisdom into my life has made way for the habit of beating myself up to head on out of my life. I even had cause to refer to it this morning when I made what I would have used to call a ‘mistake’ but instead of going into beat up mode I simply said ‘oops’, set out to remedy the situation and made a note to self to take the lesson on board. Oh, how wonderfully liberating that felt.
We can so easily go into drive or equally give up if we are not centred and honouring of the space that is always there when we drop the judgements and allow an acceptance of what is.
If I observe the flow in which the branches of a tree grow to expand till the leaves I see beauty, an imperfect and unique expression that shows me how we as human beings have separated from our natural and true way of being, which is light, sometimes silly, sometimes imperfect but very still.
Being open to make mistakes is being open to me and to what’s there to be learnt in each moment.
Such an inspiring way of painting and being in life Kelly. When and how I stopped to flow and express with no trying to achieve a goal? Your words invites me to play and enjoy more with any idea of how it should or shoudln’t look like, not just when I draw but also in every moment of my day. Thank you
It’s a great point that we can disregard the worth of what we’ve expressed or made if we’re attached to an image of how we think it should look as opposed to truly feeling what the quality was behind it, which is the key part that really matters…
Observing the way in which we do tasks can reveal so much about ourselves, our upbringing, our mentality and perception of life. We just have to remain open and observe.
Perfection feels very closely related to control- and both of these get in the way of us connecting more deeply to our bodies and to what we can feel, essentially making us feel like we’re cut off from ourselves and others: a limiting and reduced way of living.
Perfection feels very closely related to control- and both of these get in the way of us connecting more deeply to our bodies and to what we can feel, essentially making us feel like we’re cut off from ourselves and others: a limiting and reduced way of living.
Every so often you meet someone who is intrinsically ageless and wise. Today such a man, tender, young man and in his early twenties. He told me how he started a degree course in a subject he had always wanted to do, only to find, amongst fellow students, a culture of competition, ambition and unkindness. He graduated and knew this culture was not for him, walked away and applied for jobs in different fields. He said in life ‘there is no failure, only learning’ and expanding from there. He had no regrets about his first choice of career, what mattered more was staying true to himself. It was like being in the presence of an angel so gentle and loving was this young man.
Once an esoteric practitioner pointed out to me how actually perfection is boring. Imagine everyone and everything being perfect.
That fact that there are “no mistakes just a new learning” is one of the most liberating lessons ever. This is one valuable lesson I am passing on to my grandchildren, and any other children I spend time with, as it would have been one which I would have loved to have been presented with. It definitely would have made a huge difference as to how I lived my life; there would have been one less reason to beat myself up.
Thank you Kelly, it’s prompted me to look at where perfectionism and attachments to certain outcomes are in my own life. I’m sure I’ll find it anywhere there is stress!
We are so programmed with things judged as being right or wrong – to move beyond this and to know there are no mistakes either, is so refreshing and deeply inspiring – every perceived mistake is simply a beautiful blessing to be aware of the opportunities that every encounter offers us .
“I have learnt a very important truth lately, and as the title suggests, that there is really no such thing as a mistake, for every day opens up new opportunities to explore with a greater understanding in all facets of life”.
There’s something I’ve learnt from ’new learnings’ – and that is to give everything I know to every task. Another task is not different because I don’t want to do it or a lot of work is required and I’m too busy and I cannot give the same quality. I usually come undone when I now do not bring my all when another task comes my way. So, it helps to stay focused to just that and not be distracted and detach from what it is that is required else, I will go through the learning again and it will hurt much more the next time round. It is worth learning from each opportunity that is presented because in truth it is Gold that is being offered not a mistake!
Reading the energy in our words rather than the mere content gives us greater understanding.
Reading this I can see how much we grow up with right and wrong and that we take that to all of life. Even though when we make a mistake, even when it is not pleasant at the time, we can learn from this and it is way more important that this is learnt to be the way than to learn to beat ourselves up for mistakes and celebrate ourselves for our successes.
I am more and more seeing that what I long strived for the be ‘good enough’ or ‘worthy’ came from pictures I had adopted from outside of me, used to fill the gaps within myself. These pictures however are designed to always leave us short of the mark. This is the perfect set up as we try, work hard, fail and then eventually give up.
Who is actually defining when it is perfect or not ?
Great question.
There is something so liberating to be able to accept that there is no such thing as a mistake, but rather an opportunity for learning something more deeply about ourselves and our place in the Universe.
When we come to a place where we have the understanding that “everything in life is imperfectly beautiful in its own unique way”, including us, we will find acceptance of everything as it is and everyone around us as they are. In this place there is no judgement, simply the opportunity to truly appreciate this amazing world and all those who we share it with.
It feels like appreciation is important in this process too. Do we appreciate that we are divine and therefore everything that can come through us is from the divine too?
I love what you write here Kelly about how being steady and calm offers you the opportunity to receive a greater awareness of life. So true. I know the steadier I am, the clearer I am to seeing the bigger picture of what is at play in any given moment. When I get caught up in an emotional reaction, the window closes and I am much more fixed in the my thinking.
Perfectionism is designed to crush us in self criticism.
Perfection – “a brutal path that inevitably leads nowhere.” Never a truer word spoken. After being on that path for a really long time, I can confirm that it is indeed a brutal path that leads no-where. I am slowly but surely heading away from that path and realising the illusion that perfection is.
Or, maybe there is perfection possible like in the universe but then we have live in a way that is obedient and in line to this governing precision.
A super approach to life: I never know where I will end up – feels so spacious where things can flow easily to you.
Striving for perfection just leads to exhaustion and also a sense that we are never enough.
Such a great point that there can be growth and evolution in the simplest of tasks, the simplest of reflections. Life is constantly communicating to us, reflecting back to us more of who we are, through our bodies, through others, through situations. There is always more to learn, as long as we’re open to it.
What I am learning is that when I give things space, so much just naturally unfolds effortlessly, and with that comes the reminder that life is not meant to be as struggle.
No mistakes just a new learning – this title says it all and is perfect reminder for me today as I made a big mistake at work last night which I have been reflecting on and wondering if two jobs is too much, starting at 5 in the morning for 5 hours and going to second job from six till ten pm.
Who actually sets the standard for perfection? Only us. If you would show that piece of drawing to a 100 people everyone would give different feedback. So how much is our perception tainted by a picture we once accepted as truth?!
It is the push for perfection that exhausts us. In fact pushing in anyway is bound to tax our energy.
Never say never because we don’t know what’s ahead and what life will present. It’s a constant unfolding and staying open and responsive to the here and now a great path to learning as is participating in life with curiosity.
Absolutely, if you choose a life in constant evolving, things and opinions do change quite a lot, as layers of illusions fall away. So I would never say never!
I recall an Aha moment. Many years ago I reflected on the different way I responded to two groups of birds, one, dirty grey London pigeons and the other pretty ducks that walked by. I clocked the disparity: dismissiveness and rejection of the first and delight and welcome for the second. I asked myself is this how I treat people and view the world? True equality is God’s all creatures created equally and all worthy of being treated as such. It is with insights such as this that we deepen our understanding of life. Life is our classroom.
How much do we actually let ourselves be influenced by a look? If something is pretty in our eyes we tend to like it more than something that looks ugly. Do we feel energy first or do we measure through sight?
Thank you for this Kehinde, l know this disparity based on pictures I have, how it should be or should look like or how I should be or look like. When I come from this place of measuring it will never come from a foundation of equality.
‘I wasn’t being accepting and allowing time and space to share what is there to be shared when it is ready’. I can get very impatient when things do not manifest as quickly as I would like, but I have since realised that I make it about time which reduces and constricts the space for all to come to me naturally without effort when the time is right! Super lesson as well.
What becomes clear when reading your words is that perfection requires an outcome and that it does not honour every moment and the quality of every moment. It is in life that every moment counts and thus it always comes back to the quality we allow ourselves to be in.
Great contribution Esther! It is about the quality we do the things in that makes them “perfect”- better said :aligned to the quality of the universe.
‘I never know where I will end up – that’s what makes life so much more fun, don’t you think?’ I love the lightness in this approach, very playfull and takes or removes all the seriousness we humans have taken on that feels like a dead weight!
I totally agree there are so many things we could just push aside, not look at anymore and think we are over it, but if in that moment we did not ignore it and think it will be gone forever, but felt into it and accepted it as it is, the healing then would be humongous not to mention we don’t have to come back to this acceptance somewhere down the line.
Striving for perfection reduces us and cripples us in our expression. How freeing is it to just be us and throw out any pictures of how we think something should look like.
Hi Kelly, the line that struck me in reading this blog today was ” It’s a brutal path that inevitably leads nowhere.” as your description to our drive for perfection or to make things work as we think things must work. It is indeed brutal and abusive to who we are from nature. We are not perfect and we live in a world with a flow which we can be with or against and to how I see it our strive for perfection and to have life in a certain way is the way against this flow, and as you say a brutal path to go as it in essence abusive tour our nature.
It’s super interesting how you had a favourite art work you were working on, just reflecting on my life I wonder if I categorise almost everything into favourites – from clothes to food to things I like to do, I wonder how life would be different if rather than seeing things being placed on a scale of favouritism – that instead I saw that each different thing had a different purpose and and brought a different angle to the world.
Surrender, to surrender to and allow ourselves the space to express what is needed in a given moment, without a picture of what is needed, but an acceptance that what is expressed is just what is needed in that moment.
When we start to drive or push to get things in a perfection we want it from our mind, we are missing on what is on offer in the imperfection life presents itself to us on a daily basis.
In a world where there is a great emphasis on getting everything right and feeling rather stupid if we get something wrong it is so liberating to come to understand that there is actually no wrong, no mistake, simply an opportunity to learn. And when we begin to live with this understanding it becomes so clear that every day we are offered many moments to learn but of course whether we live the lesson, or not, is always up to us.
Yes Ingrid, so true. It is completely up to every one of us individually to make the choice to make life about learning or not. But one day we will find that we actually do not have a choice to go there or not, but that we only we can delay the moment in time where we will make that choice. And if delaying making this choice is wise or intelligent that too is for everyone to consider for themselves but for me again that is what life will one day present to us in its support it is constantly providing for us to make the choice to return to our souls by making life about learning.
Very true Nico – it’s a simply choice to make life about learning or not, but that simple choice completely revolutionises the way you approach everything.
Indeed Meg, it might sound revolutionising that the way to go is for simple choices in life. But it is so much more in our nature to be like that that going for the complexity we can create, that I would rather call simplicity to be our normal.
We all have our own way to express in any moment, and doubting that something isn’t good enough means to me judgment is running the show, which overrides our heart felt connection and purpose. Imperfect purpose is far more loving than perceived perfection.
Recently I found myself getting annoyed by what appeared to be a mistake made by someone, and it was immediately followed by me repeating the same ‘mistake’ to lead to a further ‘mistake’ to occur and it really stirred up all those involved. But really, it was just an opportunity for us to deepen our connection and expression. It is only when I hold onto my ideal of how things should be that what get unfolded can arise friction and what appears to be disharmony. The flow is bigger than what my mind thinks it knows.
Great lesson Fumiyo, that the so called mistake actually was highlighting an opportunity to connect with each other on a deeper level, being honest and transparent. Recently, I was finding a relationship somewhat challenging, but when I shared honestly my old pattern that had popped up, this allowed the other to nominate the pattern that they were in, and wow, so much shifted with the understanding grace brought.
Beautiful blog Kelly on the power of surrender. When we observe, accept and surrender to the flow of God we see there is no need to push, for life is unfolding without us needing to do anything.
If we are looking for perfection in everything we do we miss out on the endless opportunities of growth. If we see ourselves as a forever student in life we learn to reflect, be present with ourselves, read and accept ourselves in situations building on the love for ourselves knowing the endless opportunities that will come our way to support us in our evolution.
Beautiful Kelly. I love the fact that there are no such things as mistakes and that when we’re prepared to look at why something doesn’t work, we get the opportunity to learn something we perhaps hadn’t been aware of. It’s pretty simple and very cool.
Every stroke is a masterstroke as we are all Masters returning 😉
Appreciating our every stroke is a potential master-stroke absolutely supports – in fact opens our hearts, to our return to the Masters we truly are.
Perfection is one of the biggest illusions that we have bought into, as it simply does not exist. The entire search for perfection keeps us away for accepting the glorious being we already are.
As we age, time seems to fly by, but life is made up of new experiences that include making mistakes that give us markers. For us to evolve there needs to be movement. Without forward motion, life just becomes an hourglass with the sand running out and going nowhere.
Profound and steady so – perfection is something that does not exist and so our desire to become or do so is an illusion and fall.
Thank you for this Kelly. I can really feel how ‘It was like I was throwing away a piece of me: I was giving up on me.’ And how, you keeping it and not trying to make it perfect but just giving it space to be feels very healing and a lot more fun. I can feel how my drive for perfection and ideals is like being on a fast train to nowhere special and the view is missed all along. This has really inspired me to just stop and observe what’s there to see – dropping the it’ll only be good until the house is all perfectly decorated or I’ve qualified at this or that. I’m trying to steam roll crucial parts, lessons and observations because I’m scared at what I might see but what I might see and feel is also the beauty of the world and the loving support that is available to us 24/7 should I really let go and surrender.
The seeking of perfection is like a surreal plot totally designed to keep humans running blindly on a hamster wheel… Where no one is served but those who benefit by total distraction.
Whether something is perfect or not depends upon its purpose. Imperfection can be a perfect foundation for evolution because it offers us so many opportunities to learn more about ourselves and to connect more deeply to all that we are. If we have an image of what the perfect world and perfect life looks like, then we have set ourselves up for disappointment and disillusionment.
There can be no mistakes as this is a one take movie. Everything is here for us to learn from if we are willing to stop pushing and step back and observe.
I have bimbled my way through this life for extensive periods leaving a trail of what I had considered mistakes in my wake. But, on reflection, they have, lead me to where I am today. Now, I don’t have to wait for years to see the insight into my poor choices for they have always been there to appreciate the wisdom offered. It’s a new level of responsibility.
“Perfection is not an achievable goal. It’s an endless road that just comes with more obstacles” – So true, hence why having this as our purpose in life – to achieve perfection – can only be attempted through force and drive rather than true commitment, unfolding and so forth.
Understanding that there are no mistakes in life, just opportunities is a great place to get to. It allows us to relax and to flow harmoniously, without judgment of ourselves for ‘getting it wrong’. This understanding has made a big difference to me – allowing me to live with less fear of rejection and self-criticism.
When we lace a situation with ‘that was good’ or ‘that was bad’ we immediately go into right and wrong…this serves naught and is a complete complication to an otherwise simple teaching being offered.
The push or drive we can go into when completing something really affects our quality, especially when I can see the finish line I want to rush through and get it over with so it becomes a tick boxing exercise instead of allowing the space and grace for something to naturally complete.
We take things on as mistakes only when we have expectations of what a particular outcome will be. Looking for the ‘wrong’, ‘error’, ‘can do better’. Whereas with no expectations of life, everything is about learning. Sometimes these learnings are very uncomfortable because we need to see the part that we played, but despite the discomfort the learnings can be massive.
And sometimes the ‘mistake’ turns out to be absolutely perfect. If we hold on to expectations we will be blinded from what is true or needed.
I find that this idea of things being and looking perfect starts very early on. If students make one small mistake on a page in their exercise books they will often rip it out and start all over again. It is very ingrained and much of it comes from our education system. Mistakes are how we learn, in fact they are a necessary part of learning.
There’s a destructive side to perfection – in this example the pages are ripped up if there’s a small mistake, but we also often inflict this harshness upon ourselves, by tearing ourselves to pieces if we make a mistake. Perfection comes with a smallness, control, judgment of ourselves and others, that leaves no room for growth and learning, no room for just being and expressing who we naturally are.
Whenever I made a mistake on a birthdaycard for example, I first reacted, because it was not perfectly written and made, but then painted a heart on the mistake. From there often other creative impulses came and the card looked very unique at the end. It is always from what angles we look at things and what perspectives we have towards incidents and moments in life. It is always our choice to either let the moment flourish or get stuck in aspirations and pictures that we want to have fulfilled.
When we are doing something and things are not flowing then the best thing to do is to walk away for awhile because when we try to push through something the quality of what we are doing gets affected.
Absolutely- in the universe there is no such thing as perfection. Just flow and perfectly set timing in space to let things and moments expand. If you connect and follow that, you know when to break of a project or a conversation, e.g., and when to come back to it….
I had a loving reminder from a nine year old today that there are “no mistakes, just a new learning” when she held up a picture of a rainbow that she had drawn and over the top of it she had written: “there are no mistakes in art”. It was definitely a wow moment, a precious moment when I was reminded again of the wisdom of our children.
“as I realised that nothing is perfect, everything in life is imperfectly beautiful in its own unique way, much like we are.”” Perfectly imperfect ” these words are so powerful they bring tears to my eyes as all my life it has been tied up with the good and right trying to be perfect, what a prison that has been and a huge judgment. Perfectly imperfect gives me freedom to just be me as I am.
If we are in truth searching or seeking a result for a task or something we may have done, then we are in effect locking our bodies into a particular configuration and or movements that stop us feeling the fullness that we are already and then bringing that quality of movements to our daily life. This is a learning unto itself and shows that the more space we allow our bodies to move in, then the more space we then have to share and connect with which not only deepens our understanding of who we are but of all others and this feels very important indeed.
So often we are hard on ourselves when we make a mistake, we will go over and over it and berate ourselves yet rarely do we give this same level of attention to all the gold.
Yes letting go of all outcomes is a big one. How often are we wanting a certain result, which in many cases isn’t obvious until we don’t get it…
We are perfectly imperfect and the more we accept this the easier it is to let go of the right and wrong paradigm. When we are stuck in “I am right” and “you are wrong” no truth can be expressed.
Surrendering to the fact that there are no mistakes is like surrendering to the love and understanding of God. This is probably why we have been avoiding the surrender and hence being more focussed on what is “wrong, right, mistake or fault”. Which are elements that hold judgements only. And so surrender is so much greater to give our attention to and space to explore..
Being hooked into achieving an outcome is very normal in our world, in fact it is championed in sport, in workplaces, and even in our desire to be in relationships and have children. But the drive for an outcome or a picture leaves us without a key ingredient – that is the soul that offers us a flow of working and expressing who we are in life.
From my experience the strive for perfection means we miss so much magic along the way. We can actually miss the magic altogether, in fact, because we are so busy trying to re-create the picture we have in our head. So many missed moments of magic!
In our imperfections are our greatest lessons – for that which we are not perfect at, is for someone else to take care of or for us to re-master. Both – as simply incredible things. We are truly magnificent when we are accepting our imperfection.
A great reminder that there is no such thing as a ‘wrong’ in life, just that we either make choices that are true or not. When we consider everything is a learning it is impossible to be hard on ourselves…
In the search of perfection we lose ourselves allowing abuse and disregard to our bodies until such times that compromises our health and wellbeing, there is no such thing as perfection as it is through the honouring of our imperfections that we become wiser and more in tune to who we truly are.
A perfect understanding that there is no perfection.
Yes I agree, every day opens up many new opportunities, and with my recent move, I am feeling so many are awaiting for me to embrace, as long as I stay steady and with myself.
“So never give up on finding your true masterstroke, it is there – it’s not a mistake, it just needs clarity and space to flourish in its own unique way, just like us.” thank you Kelly for these words, this I am about to find out what my true masterstroke is.
Although there may be takes on life that we (choose to) miss, these are no mistakes.
Being hard on ourselves for making mistakes can start very young – I recently met a little boy of about age six years, and he stresses every time he makes a mistake. It is easy to see how this behaviour can accumulate to making life very hard indeed.
Perfection is a mental health ill condition that keeps us a prisoner in our own life; it disallows joy and vitality and kills the zest for life.
When we take away judgment there are no mistakes, only moments of learning by living life.
If we approach life with the attitude that we are here to learn and that we learn through making mistakes, it takes away any tension or self-bashing that we got it wrong. Some people have said that their greatest learning has been through making mistakes.
‘So never give up on finding your true masterstroke, it is there – it’s not a mistake, it just needs clarity and space to flourish in its own unique way, just like us’, I love these words of inspiration to take into my day.
THank you Kelly for showing us another way to be with all our imperfect perfections.. That is very lovely to receive.
‘No mistakes, just a New Learning’ was brought home to me recently. Working on a house project, things went horribly ‘wrong’ and I was thrown into turmoil as it scuppered an expectation I had of how things would be. The disruption turned out to be divine intervention, forced me to slow down, get out of the momentum I was in and accept the situation as it was. Most of the learning took place at points when nothing much seemed to be happening, standstill almost. In this space, I was given an opportunity to deepen my understanding of what was being offered. I embraced it and began to deeply appreciate myself as I and the project expanded together.
Musicians in many fields are brought up thinking that perfection is the only way to be … this places an enormous pressure on the body … it is not natural and the results are clear to see.
Letting go of the need to be perfect is like releasing the valve on the pressure cooker.
There are no real mistakes – without the opportunity to learn how would we know what to work on?
‘I never know where I will end up – that’s what makes life so much more fun, don’t you think?’ Yes, yes and YES.
Yes Jacqmcfadden04, I know what you mean. I often say ‘I don’t know where I’m going with this’ and allow things to unfold organically.
Beautiful Kehinde, all we have to do is give things space including ourselves, and in the surrender, grace can flow….
Yes jacmcfadden04 as it is in the letting go of a destination or outcome we are saying yes to expansion and learning. Count me in for that too.
I too love imperfection especially in creative works as to me that is what they are all about. That uniquely individual masterpiece!
Perfection is a perception as it never stays the same, it just wants this unattainable ‘perfection’. I love seeing life as a student, knowing you are always learning and so in that there are no mistakes, rights or wrongs or perfections just all learnings. In this way we can appreciate the steps we make knowing that we are learning or possible re learning the way we are truly meant to be.
This is such an important process to go through, we can learn so much from books and from other people, but the most solid lessons we learn are through our own body. Therefore making mistakes are a way to learn what works for our body and what doesn’t, no comparison to another, just a deepening of the relationship we have with our self and the love that our body is made from that is communicating with us all the time.
This is often where and how it needs to be, a life with our own lessons and when we say lessons we don’t use it in a way to say we don’t actually know something. This quality of living through inspiration to choose to live in a way that truly supports ourselves comes from being reminded or reawakened to what you already know. It’s more to say we do know it all but have just made life about putting things in front of what we already know and hence any ‘lessons’ are a re learning or an unfolding back. We are way too hard on ourselves and in this we are continually spun around to repeat the same patterns a similar way over and over.
We can get so caught in our ‘pictures’ of how things should be and in doing so we miss out on what’s there to learn and express. I love what you’ve shared, it reminds me that even my muck-ups are exactly what might be needed and just an invitation to consider and see something new, maybe something I need to bring attention to or just showing me I’m trying too hard to fix something which is not supposed to be how I think it should – in fact it’s perfect seeing this now as I can understand that I’m being asked in those moments to let go, to discern and to allow what ever is happening, and that muck up might be just what’s needed.
Wow, this was a huge realisation to read, “I was giving up on me. I wasn’t being accepting and allowing time and space to share what is there to be shared when it is ready.” I can see now how it is a beautiful beholding of ourselves when we become aware of a part of us that needs a little more support and space to develop and unfold. And how powerful that is to nurture and allow it to blossom then to shut it down and hide it. Every quality can be expressed with love. How gorgeous is that!
I can absolutely relate to this Kelly. If I don’t see something as a mistake, then I get to see how much opens up from the experience and how much I grow from it. In the past, I could have easily used times like these to be hard on myself, and instead, I look for the opportunity that will present itself in the very next moment for me to learn from.
Giving space – to ourselves or another – allows us to learn what we need to learn, to grow and to flourish. Without space there’s no room for growth and expansion: we remain the same.
Being dismissive in any shape or form is not loving. We can choose not to engage with someone but everyone deserves at the minimum decency and respect.
Imagine how often we throw relationships and friends away because they don’t fit our picture. Imagine how flippant we can be with words – striving for perfection and belittling everything we do that does not match our picture of perfection. In fact, every moment is a moment to learn and therefore it is best not to strive for perfection because we will miss the true gems along the way.
It is mentioned here the tension we place upon our bodies when we try for perfection, the sad reality is that the high incidence of anxiety and depression can be traced directly back to a picture of perfection that is unattainable.
Kelly this is pure gold and great for me to read today. I know that attempt at perfection you speak to here, and it’s only in reading your words today I got to see another angle, how striving for perfection is an amazing game of distraction, how that constant trying to find other ways to get to that ‘point of perfection’ is a perfect way to not in fact feel and see what is in front of us, and that each thing unfolds in it’s own time and rhythm and if we let go our perfect picture we often find we arrive somewhere we would never have imagined, and we stop trying to control life and we live and enjoy being us in life. So perfection is a con, a distraction and a form of control, taking us away from us.
Beautiful Kelly Zarb! Imagine reading a blog that was all about confirming how amazing you were?! Written so whoever read it knew it was about them. It is possible, because we hold all the same qualities just different expressions of them. We all love being confirmed too. What has supported me the most, in my new way to live, is how I confirm myself and, the most important thing here is I appreciate to the best of my ability and do not stop as much as I can for every moment in everyday. Why? to be amazing is to feel it in every way every day in my body.
There is a big moment here – the point at which you stop and take a step back. It breaks the momentum that you are in and allows a different perspective (be that one coming from you, or a reflection from someone else) and an opportunity to reconfigure. Its a huge step, and one I am learning to embrace.
And such a gift I’m starting to realise too Simon…not an opportunity to negate ourselves from seeing the beauty and truth on offer.
There is a lot to learn from your sharing Kelly. Especially about not valuing everything in our lives as nothing is perfect as you say.
We can’t be invested in perfection if there is no image we are trying to attain – so a life run by my images of what things should look like is bound to have perfect goals. Living life from our body, from the heart and by the quality of how we do things, knocks out perfection.
I agree there is no such thing as a mistake but sometimes I can feel I am still holding on to mistakes that I have made in the past which offered me a greater responsibility and I said ‘No’ at least to begin with creating a lot of unnecessary drama but I am learning and choosing now to not be hard on myself when I do slip up or make mistakes as I see those mistakes as my friend helping me to gain more understanding of myself supporting me to grow.
I love imperfection! When we buy something that is expensive, we place it higher than other things. A new car is special that we treat like a baby until the reality of world steps in and your door gets mysteriously dented in a parking lot or a small scratch appears. It is almost a waiting game because we know it is coming. Do we do that with our lives where we make choices that we feel are right, until we find out it was a wrong decision we are back to choices, to move on and learn from it or slowly stew away?
I totally agree re: the very fact that there is no such thing as a mistake. And even more so, I’m starting to appreciate how there isn’t any such thing as a bad situation. Before this statement gets misinterpreted, what I mean is that, if we are willing to look at why a ‘bad situation’ arises, then we’ll see the learning in it. Nothing happens for no reason.
I am realising that too Elodie, I am starting to see there are environments I create and situations I conspire to make happen. If I track back there are so many offshoots of decisions I made or could have made. What are we conspiring to have as our future?
Everything happens for a reason and there are no coincidences. And good and bad are just judgments based on the outcome we desired, on how we think life needs to be.
Perfection is so crushing and draining, and just a big distraction that gets in the way of us moving on to the next thing, the next moment. It keeps us stuck and fixated on something that has already past, rather than free and moving forwards.
‘…there is really no such thing as a mistake, for every day opens up new opportunities to explore with a greater understanding in all facets of life.’ This is a beautiful realisation and one which enables an ability to be with life rather than fight against it.
I loved the title of this blog, ‘No Mistakes: Just a New Learning’ when we think we make a mistake we tend to beat ourselves up, yet when we allow it to be a learning, we understand that it’s all about the choices we make, no expectations and no need for perfection.
For me there is no such thing as imperfections , just judgements . Because at our essence we are from Soul anything less than this will be at a lower vibration and so adjustment must be allowed for, but these are not imperfections . These ” imperfections ” are a logical consequence of living in a lesser vibration to the Soul.
To me perfectionism about control and security – I want things to be a certain way, for everything to be ok and then I can feel safe and like I have some sort of control over life. But it’s hard work and feels like a tightly stretched rubber band that will snap at any moment. Accepting life, myself and others and all the imperfections that come with it, instantly loosens that rubber band and the body is at ease.
If we see our mistakes as opportunities it changes the whole way we play the game of life.
Is something imperfect because it does not meet the picture we hold in our heads or is it perfect in its reflection of how things are in that moment? Everything holds meaning and a special message for the one willing to look more deeply.
It is when we say to ourselves that we have made a mistake that the judgement can come in. When we say we have just learned something we didn’t know before, then we let go of the judgement and are open to what has occurred and the learning that can come from it.
Focusing on quality rather than perfection brings a completely different and enhancing experience of living.
I always liked the ‘no perfection’ in theory but in real life, I held myself to it for a very long time. As the hold loosens and I realise it is actually impossible and not a benchmark anyone holds me to but myself, I find myself more open, more honest, more willing to admit when I get something wrong or mess up, and to not miss a beat for it. We can never be less for our mistakes if we are already everything before we even start.
“The continual push for attaining perfection leads me to exhaustion and a never-ending story plays out in my head of other ways I can reach my desired point. It’s a brutal path that inevitably leads nowhere.” So true Kelly. Trying to achieve perfection just leads to loads of self-criticism and disappointment. Far better to say ‘oops’ – thanks to Tanya Curtis and Desiree Delaloye’s amazing children’s books) and move on – appreciating what we do have, and who we are in truth.
Yes, the children’s books are a gorgeous inspiration and how amazing for children to be supported in this way.
A beautiful blog to read Kelly. I love that there is no such thing as perfection, just opportunities for new learnings and adding to our toolkit of life;
“This ever growing awareness and sense of calm allows greater opportunities for new ways of looking at life overall and I feel that is a pretty awesome tool to hold in my ever growing toolkit for life”.
“Perfection is not an achievable goal. It’s an endless road that just comes with more obstacles. It pushes us out of our natural rhythm into a never-ending game of trying to achieve an unobtainable marker that depletes us “quick sticks”.” I use to get caught up in the perfection game, to find myself depleted, exhausted and never good enough. When I came to the awareness and understanding that there is never a perfection but we are forever evolving the self press dropped and my body was so relieved.
In truth there are never mistakes or complications in life as that is an indication that our minds are running the show, but as if aligned to the pull of evolution we understand that everything presents us with opportunites to be more of who we truly are.
Gosh I needed to read this today, thank you. The line about perfection being a brutal path that inevitably leads nowhere, is so so so true. It is a brutal path and incredibly unforgiving. So I can see it very clearly and then the end about all of us having our own inner master stroke and allowing that to flourish was a pertinent reminder for me…thank you.
Perfection is an ideal that keeps us in an endless loop of never being enough, and never getting it right.
I had to come back to this blog today as what has played out I would have in the past berated myself for such a mistake. Today and after reading this I can see many lessons to learn. In this case I learnt 1. Forgetting something and hardening my body to correct it doesn’t work 2. Assuming I am going to be late for work is not necessarily true as everything is flowing when I let go of holding myself to expectations 3. I can still feel the love within me regardless of the situation 4. I don’t have to change how I feel about myself. I could carry on but seeing this as a learning and not a reason or permission to bash myself is very cool.
When we go after an image of perfection – whatever that is, we become afraid of making ‘mistakes’ or getting something wrong. But what if it was the image that was off the mark in the first place, and everything was part of the plan? It is not for us to plan or plot. All we ever need to do is just surrender.
I find striving for perfection is suffocating, restrictive and suppressing but I realised I have been driven by the energy of perfection most of my life. Letting go of this is a loving choice and at times when I find myself resorting back to this energy of striving for perfection, I know I need to centre myself and appreciate more and allow myself space to learn.
It is very freeing to know that there is no such thing as perfectionism, just opportunities to learn and evolve. An inspirational blog to read thank you Kelly;
“I have learnt a very important truth lately, and as the title suggests, that there is really no such thing as a mistake, for every day opens up new opportunities to explore with a greater understanding in all facets of life.”
This time the theme of perfection really stands out for me and how limiting and debilitating it is when we think that this is in any way achievable.
I love the fact that there is no such a thing as perfection. It actually creates a great sense of freedom in the body.
We can only ‘make a mistake’ if first we hold a belief that there is a ‘right’ and a ‘wrong’ way of doing things. This is a big impost we are all under but the simple truth is that there is no right or wrong, there is only what is true and what is not. Thus, life is a continual unfolding though which we peel back the layers of what we have been living that is not true to the love that we are. Therefore all that happens to us in life is an opportunity to release more of what is not of truth, leaving more of what is truth in its place. In light of this, how can we think that we can make a mistake, if the situation we find ourselves in is alerting us to the fact that more love needs to be brought into our expression? Sounds more like a blessing to me…
This idea of mistakes for me seems firmly routed in the belief of a right and wrong and when I feel wrong I feel less or small when really I am the same being no matter what I am simply choosing to express with love or not and this choice can be instantly noticed and changed if it is not loving.
‘Perfection is not an achievable goal. It’s an endless road that just comes with more obstacles. ‘ So true Kelly, perfection keeps me in this continuous cycle of feeling less so you do end up feeling exhausted, learning to let this pattern go has been life changing and has allowed me the space and grace to simply accept and apprectiate the qualities I bring without any need or trying to be perfect.
I’m a huge fan of the ‘overnight test’. Recognising when to stop, pause and reflect or simply leaving well alone is an important part of many processes. For one it provides an opportunity to put our drive to perfection to rest. And you get to see your project with fresh eyes – without the reaction.
Me too Victoria. The ‘overnight test,’ offers us a pause to truly feel and appreciate what the next movement shall be and keeps us from getting stuck. It’s in some ways a moment of repose before we move into motion to confirm the last movements made. Pretty cool.
I love that life is constantly offering us moments of revelation and deeper understandings about ourselves in lessons to be embraced should we be open to them… there is nothing that can be discounted or thrown aside that does not offer us something to support us in our evolution back to who we truly are.
Thank you for his blog, I have come back to it several times and feel that each time I do I allow a deeper level of acceptance.
“Perfection is not an achievable goal. It’s an endless road that just comes with more obstacles. ” This is a great reminder as I can be so critical of myself if I do not do things ‘perfectly’. Less so than I see to be but I still find it very easy to get caught up in needing things to be perfect rather than accepting any choice that I make that I don’t like is a simple opportunity to learn.
There is great learning to be had when we accept our choices and move into our next as a confirmation of who we are because it is in these movements we can simply build consistency and a deeper respect and love for who we are and the qualities we instill and that is true mastery of the divine vehicle we are housed in.
Exactly, as in that pressure our body is in response to our own judgement as how can we judge that what comes from our inner heart and is expressed through our bodies naturally so?
Beautiful to feel in reading this blog is that we either work in creation or in co-creation. When we work in creation we tend to have judgement on that what is dictated from our mind for recognition and reward, compared with co-creation in which we fully can appreciate and let unfold that what comes from our inner heart and thus brings healing to us all.
Leaving work and coming back to it is a great way to prevent the drive coming back into the body. This has been one of the great tools I have l been given by studying the work of Serge Benhayon. The push to get the job done, tick it on the things to do list or invest in unrealistic expectations is a sure way to not bring the true quality to the product or process.
Recently having had my fair share of anxiety after starting a new job, and stressing over the mistakes I was making. I have come to realise that the anxiety does not have any hold on me unless I want it to, in effect I choose it. This became evidently clear when I choose conscious presence instead of the anxiety, and found that by not accepting that I will make mistakes from time to time only goes on to feed the anxiety, and being hard on myself. Which in itself is abusive.
Julie it sometimes feels as if the anxiety is a protective mechanism we can adopt to inevitably hold us back from what we know is true and that is that we are amazing and from this amazingness we offer a quality of movement that is divine and when confirmed in our daily life be it the way we wear our clothes or how we greet the sales assistant in a store. It all offers an amazing reflection and series of movements to the world and what a way to learn and live in society today?
When we let go of the need for perfection then life does become so much more enjoyable and free because the space is there for things to unfold in their own way rather than in our pre-determined framework.
Lovely to feel how you took the opportunity to go deeper with your self-questioning around the painting and learnt an awesome lesson that there are in fact no mistakes unless we impose that judgement on ourselves in our striving for the unattainable perfection which is always an illusion.
Sometimes we just forget that we are human and we are not perfect. Along with perfection comes control. I reckon these 2 are great friends. I have seen how controlling something so that it fits in with my ideal how how things should be (or perfection) creates so much tension in my body. One day I will let go of this need.
We have the opportunity to grow and learn in every moment; there is always more to unfold from within ourself.
‘It’s an endless road that just comes with more obstacles.’ A great way to describe the illusion of trying to be perfect.Choosing to be a student of life can be a challenge but I learn to be a true student without blaming myself or others and without striving for perfection and then life turns out to be our playground to become ourselves again.
“Perfection is not an achievable goal. It’s an endless road that just comes with more obstacles. It pushes us out of our natural rhythm into a never-ending game of trying to achieve an unobtainable marker that depletes us “quick sticks”.” – Kelly this is spot on, ‘perfection’ sure is an interesting little creature to contend with. I find perfection wants to creep in in so many ways, and yet as you have said, whenever I make it about perfection the focus becomes what I do rather than the how and the quality of what I am actually doing. In other words, I over-ride my body, I push and go into a drive in order to have things done ‘perfectly’ from an image perspective. But when we let go of this image, and the perfection and realise that the only perfection that truly supports us and our body (and hence all those around us), is the quality in which we do things then it changes everything. With this ‘quality in which we do things’, I mean how relaxed is the body doing what it is doing? How much joy and fun have I brought into the activity? How much have I allowed my natural tenderness to be a part of this process? Such simple ingredients that we can forget to include in all that we do, yet which make it or break it when it comes to the perfection of expression.
What I thought about when reading this title was how we judge ourselves and what we deem as right or wrong. I know that there are many times when I can be quite hard on myself and critical if I get something wrong or make a mistake. I don’t often give myself the grace and understanding to know that it was just a moment of learning and that maybe that moment was exactly how it needed to be so that I could go deeper or see something or learn something that I wasn’t yet aware of.
Going into the judgement about our imagined mistakes and stressing out is very hard on the body, not only do we physically go hard in the shoulders, arms, chest, upper thighs but we harden our bodies on the inside also – is it any wonder we feel rough or out of sorts when we over react to situations, which inevitably leads to dis-ease in the body.
I was at a women’s presentation where perfection was discussed. I got a stronger sense of how big the perfection ideal is for women in particular and how it keeps us on an endless treadmill of striving rather than the stillness and contentment that can so naturally be ours. There is nothing more restful than being around another person who is at ease with themselves. They accept they are not perfect, and enjoy exploring and growing from the imperfections. This gives those around them permission to not be perfect and offers a role model of how easily it can be done.
“Perfection is not an achievable goal. It’s an endless road that just comes with more obstacles. ” Yes I know what this feels like, I use to be so caught in perfection that the road seems so long and challenging as obstacles kept presenting, leaving me very exhausted physically and mentally.
Just reading it, it sounds exhausting. Where is the simplicity and flow in that constant striving?
“I have learnt a very important truth lately, and as the title suggests, that there is really no such thing as a mistake, for every day opens up new opportunities to explore with a greater understanding in all facets of life.” This is true living in the joy of life unfolding. Thank you Kelly.
‘Perfection is not an achievable goal. It’s an endless road that just comes with more obstacles.’ Thus it is a waste of precious time and joy-less when we strive for perfection.
Whether we get something ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ the most important aspect is how we are with this. Do we judge and condemn or do we enjoy the fact that we have just become more aware through experience.
‘Perfection is not an achievable goal. It’s an endless road that just comes with more obstacles’ It is exhausting and takes the joy out of each moment we are striving for it.
I can sometimes go into a push at the end of a project, just to get it finished. It is at these times I lose the connection, flow and sense of space, and time suddenly becomes the enemy. It is far more loving to come back and feel from my body what needs to happen next, for that is where the wisdom lies.
I couldn’t agree more Jane, as it feels so unnatural to go against the connection and flow, knowing that the body is going to cop it later and then have to deal with the consequences of our pushing. Then to add insult to injury by being hard on ourselves for supposedly making a mistake, instead of looking at it as a learning. The body is far wiser than our minds and has the ability to see things for what they really are.
I agree Kelly, this push for perfection is a never ending circle of exhaustion with no end point and I have found there is no joy in anything I do if I am pushing hard for a result.
If we woke up and approached every day like this – what could it bring and what could we learn if we had no fear or worries about the mistakes we made, meaning we gave the day everything – life would be pretty cool.
Working with most children when they are young I often admire their ability to not be attached to their paintings, to just keep making and playing to see what is next rather than judging and trying to assess what it is that is coming. We become so controlling in an order to create a false sense of safety.
And even after it’s created we can be attached to the response or reaction from others towards the art, writing, behaviour etc. But the waiting around I find leads to stress and worry. It feels much lighter to let what we do be just that, what we do rather than basing who we are or how we feel based on the outside world.
I deeply enjoy coming back to this blog Kelly as it exposes the consciousness of mistake making holding us in a sense of failure, or at a point of no return. When in-truth as you say, there are no mistakes, for if you look at it there are only choices, a choice to be love or not, through which every single choice we make we have an opportunity to learn, heal, grow and evolve.
“Perfection is not an achievable goal” It is only when we understand this in our bodies that we can let go of the drive and push through that eventually takes such a toll on our vitality and wellbeing, and embrace each and every situation as an opportunity to evolve, be more loving and understanding with ourselves and others.
Thank your for sharing another way of understanding that our mistakes are just a learning. There are so many loaded beliefs around this word that often leaves images of perfection and ridicule of ourselves leaving us upset, carrying a hurt or stewing over the situation rather than accepting that this is a simple process in life that is part and parcel of how we live and grow. This is a great example that if shared and lived in full with others could support so many to feel that there is another quality that we can tap into that is far from scratching the surface of delving into harming our self worth.
Thank you Kelly, if we look at life from a learner’s, student perspective, all we will find is that nothing is wrong and all is there for a reason. This is quite mindblowing. And totally leaves you to surrender to that which is called God, Universe, All there is.
Letting go of preconceived pictures and ideals of how life should look like and trying to control it, it opens up space for life to be seen as what it is and relate accordingly.
Choosing to stop gives us time and space, two elements which can foster a response rather than a snap reaction. I’m working on this myself and I’m loving it.
I just love the ‘Oops’ book by Tanya Curtis and Desiree Delaloye, which presents that mistakes are a way of learning – and no big deal – hence the Oops title. Traditional schooling somehow has a way of making children feel bad for their mistakes. I remember red pen marks all over my school work and never felt what I did was good enough. ‘Must try harder’ was the thread running throughout my life which became ingrained – and a very unhealthy way to live. Nowadays I see my mistakes as opportunities to grow and evolve.
“….nothing is perfect, everything in life is imperfectly beautiful in its own unique way, much like we are.” This is gorgeous Kelly. Striving for perfection is a thankless task. Accepting and even appreciating our imperfections allows us to accept we are all equal in this – as we are all equally imperfect in various ways. Hence comparison is deadly.
This drive for perfection can actually kill us slowly. There’s such an ease with accepting things for what they are and a great opening for growth – it’s beautiful!
It’s a very ingrained belief that a mistake is wrong, especially at school. I often tell students that when they make a mistake its the biggest opportunity to learn, but many don’t even want to try, for fear they might get it wrong. It’s a culture we definitely need to change.
Art projects have a way of revealing how we run our lives and our bodies, such as frustration, pictures we hold of an outcome, control issues, self worth issues to self loathing, giving up easily, wanting recognition for producing a great piece or going into perfectionism – the list is endless.
I have reached a place in myself where it’s ok to make mistakes, they are an opportunity to learn from, this takes the pressure off getting it right .. perfect. There much less stress and tension in my body as a result.
‘So never give up on finding your true masterstroke, it is there – it’s not a mistake, it just needs clarity and space to flourish in its own unique way, just like us.’ This sentence is such a great reminder that we have so much space available to us to find our true masterstroke when we make life about learning with no perfection necessary.
I have loved the process of finding my “true masterstroke”. It has been a wonderful process of peeling back layer upon layer of all that is not me, being inspired by glimpses of glorious colour, and appreciating every single thing that has been revealed, no matter how small.
The quest for perfection in our lives creates an unnecessary tension in our bodies that with time is harmful and limiting of the volume of greatness we can bring through for the good of all.
I find that life is continually providing opportunities for making different choices and taking greater responsibility, which in turn leads to new learnings and a deeper relationship with ourselves.
‘I never know where I will end up – that’s what makes life so much more fun, don’t you think?’ I would not have agreed with you several years ago but now I know and feel, that surrender to what is there to unfold is the (amazing) way to go.
Yes, nothing is a mistake, right or wrong, is it… it is actually our reaction or response to a choice that brings about a pathway that leads to a consequence. When we see this, our relationship with ourselves and with life changes…
“The continual push for attaining perfection leads me to exhaustion and a never-ending story plays out in my head of other ways I can reach my desired point.” This is a gem Kelly and very timely for read and reflect deeper. I can feel the resistance to go deeper and discover something new about myself and my choices to that point and just be in my head and go around again. If I go around again I’ll get more of the same, bringing tension, which is totally exhausting.
I can create a ‘boogie man’ status out of going deeper and I’m discovering that I’m only trying to protect myself. But more and more I can feel that staying stuck in my thoughts is the boogie-man and not only offers no protection it is the antagonist.
I totally agree Kelly that there are no mistakes. When we can step back and observe we allow space to see what is truly happening. I know when I’m in it and wanting a certain outcome there is a push for my image to be fulfilled, I’m invested in it being a certain way instead of seeing it for what it is
Acceptance is understanding that as humans we cannot be perfect but there is a divinity and universal order that we are a part of and that we can access that is perfect in the sense that nothing about it needs to be changed because it is one harmonious whole that sings with precision. Therefore part of our path in life is to learn to accept both the ‘good’ with the ‘bad; so that we can be at ease with our imperfections and not constantly striving for an unattainable perfection that only serves to create discord within this harmony.
how important this is…”accepting and allowing time and space to share what is there to be shared’ – to allow ourselves and another this grace.
In every moment we are offered an opportunity to be open to evolving. Therefore how can we make a mistake?
A beautiful blog on what surrender offers, it offers movement in connection with God.
Great blog Kelly, reading it again reminds me of how exhausting it was to try and live a life of perfection. It simply didn’t work and the tension I felt in my body was a clear sign of this. Now, living with an understanding that there are no mistakes but a continuous journey of learning, life is now so much more light, joyful and loving.
A wise young man said to me recently, he would much rather a person who just got on and did things, had a go, perhaps making supposed ‘mistakes’ along the way rather than someone who tried to be perfect, fit in, or who kept looking to others to see what they think they should be doing rather than trusting themselves no matter what. There is an honesty and openness in making the attempt and more is learned that way.
Perfection is unattainable and totally unrealistic; the bar is continually raised higher and the pursuit of perfection ends in dissatisfaction and exhaustion.Why have we fallen for it?
True – the illusive, never-ending quest for the metaphorical pot of gold at the end of the rainbow… it is time we wised up and became more realistic that we are all learning and students of life.
We all know how awful self criticism feels and to give ourselves permission to make mistakes goes a long way to stopping those thoughts – after all being hard on ourselves and putting pressure on ourselves to be perfect is an endless task, and only sets us up to fail.
I love saying this to myself when I have on oops moment; “no mistakes, just a new learning”. Somehow it supports to integrate and truly learn to change patterns and behaviour that harm myself and others.
Kelly I could relate to myself being that piece of artwork, and allowing myself the space to just be and let what is within flourish. We are always in a state of some kind of incompleteness in terms of evolution and cycles completing, yet the completeness of our being is there waiting to emerge – if that makes sense! I can really appreciate what you have shared about allowing space for myself (the art!) without expectation.
I love the title of this blog “No Mistakes – Just Learning” makes life so much more joyful living this way.
There is no ‘right’ and ‘wrong’, only what is true and thus our willingness to live this or not.
So simply and beautifully written Liane. And there is no room here to make the ‘no right or wrong’ an excuse to be irresponsible.
This is a perfectly timed blog. I always say I am perfectly imperfect, a constant student but it seems to be forgotten when it comes to stopping behaviours that are clearly not supportive. Taking a step back to understand where the drive is coming from is just what I need. The stop moment to create space to just appreciate the essence of me and my purpose in life. What a gift.
Thank you Kelly, so well and playfully put, we are masters, and when we allow ourselves to feel that we can instantly feel that we are learners at the same time, and that by virtue of us learning we come accross things and choices in our way that requires a new wind and action from us. A responsiveness to change and evolve from. It’s lovely to feel how we can never ever truly evolve if we keep patterns or comfort up high. And to leave perfection behind is one of them.. The same for behaviors as judging or contemplating on previous choices is one of the comforts I have held onto for way too long, and if I observe truly, I am not the only one. Hence, it is time to respond. Love your input.
Recently my life can go into overwhelm as I feel to busy, and as I catch myself my pace slows and I focus on my movements starting with making my breath as gentle as I can.
It is so easy to get caught up in the busyness and business of life that we leave no room for appreciation of ourselves and our place in life. We just need clarity and space to flourish in our own way and this is something we can give ourselves, as you quite rightly show here. I recognise that this is not something I may have been doing so well and am finding that as I do my appreciation for myself naturally grows.
I am realising how much wanting to get it perfect and right first time is actually very stressful, and causes an anxiousness that is with me throughout my day. I would judge and criticise everything I did. Appreciation with no goal, and a realisation that no one expects me to be perfect other than myself, has allowed me to let go of a lot of the anxiousness that I carried, it is on going learning as apperception is not something I naturally allow myself to feel.
What I get from this is we can either look at ourselves and at life for all the imperfections and judge this or we can choose to look at life from all the things we have to appreciate- same life but much different quality depending on how we choose to live it.
Striving for perfection is doomed to fail and it causes a lot of tension and stress. And where did this idea come from anyway?
Yep, I agree Gabriele. This was exactly how I felt when I was striving for perfection. Totally not worth it as the illusion of perfection just keeps us in constant stress and tension, which doesn’t do anyone any good as it also affects people around to us when we are expressing from this illusion.
Letting go of being perfect and the fear of making a mistake is truly healing. I remember never being able to feel settled in myself, always having to do something and if I wasn’t my twitchy leg would be on the go. This I noticed yesterday on the train, something as seemingly harmless as a twitchy leg would often be driven by a high level of anxiety in my body that is not there today. I used to scrunch up and react when a friend would say ‘Oops, Take Two’ as the need to get something perfect and for everything to be perfect was so strong. And today I feel so much lighter in and with myself and others by not holding onto perfection so tightly. We aren’t perfect and if we were there would be no room for growth but when we don’t grow we feel stagnant. Being imperfect allows us to see where we can grow.
Wise words Kelly, thank you. Perfection feels like a rigid frame we put around our expression and in my experience closes us down. I love what you share here about the ‘endless road’. This is a great awareness. What a relief it is to turn off that road into a space where we are self-loving and self-accepting – rather than beholden to the demands of unattainable images.
Rightly so Richard for I have found that it is also the ‘endless road,’ of recognition and or being seen as being good that locks us into a pattern of not feeling good enough that holds us back from who we truly are and keeps us stuck in ways of moving that no longer serve us. Releasing the pressure on ourselves and knowing that we are enough just as we are, re-connects us to simplicity and the choice to simply say yes or no to the energy, nothing more and nothing less, simply a new choice to expand or contract.
letting go of the need for perfection allows us to be all that we are… In our expression in so many ways without voice, with our movements, the need for perfection pervades everything, influences everything and without it we can really get on with what we are meant to be doing.
Kelly, I could feel the lightnesss in your piece, that you really have no attachment to any outcome of what you’ve painted or even written here. That is to say, without attachment there is no need or pull for perfection. Simple!
Hi Nick, yes it is the letting go of an outcome that expands us because we have no attachment or picture of what things will look like, that offers us the true moment of expansion and discovery. Simply another moment to enjoy our bodies connection to the world.
I totally agree Kelly in fact I always have said there is no such thing as a mis-take as this is a one take movie;
and, as you say, another opportunity to learn and grow.
Ahhh, deep sigh… you mean I don’t need to be perfect.
This is a 101 life lesson.
How often do our perceptions cloud the brightness of a day or the potential joy it may bring because we view the picture through differing eyes.
No Mistakes: Just a New Learning…this is a beautiful way to look at life and making errors. They are simply new opportunities to develop and grow. It could be said that we learn far more from them than when do things ‘right’!
Overlaying a picture with a picture, rather than let the qualities be revealed. It’s quite a lesson especially when I paint, that some of my biggest mistakes have led to a complete new style and the result unimangined. It just shows me there is so much more to be revealed outside our current reality.
When we look at life with critical colored glasses on it can be dangerous and we cannot always trust what we see. There tends to be a focus on the what is not rather than the appreciation of all that is. At times I struggle to take these glasses off and just surrender to what is there to be felt, I cling to these glasses out of fear, fear that I will make the wrong choice, that I will fail somehow, ironically, in all that fear and critic I have already failed in my connection to self and the joy that I am naturally.
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Isn’t that awesome – to me it feels like a wonder of an opportunity when this happens. Usually we don’t like to dig too deep in our not so proud repertoire of behaviours but in this way we can actually grab them in broad daylight and have a look at them without being ashamed.
Going for perfection is a great distraction. It allows us to be somewhere else, planning for the goal, rather than with the process at that moment and feeling what is happening. Beautifully describes.
When I was younger, I used to travel a lot. The best journeys were always the ones when I didn’t really know where I was going. I was so much more open to the world around me, the people around me, the opportunities and the offerings. This is the same as life. Attach to the destination and you’ll miss the wonders of the journey.
I agree. I did the same, I just wandered around in a new place. I missed the sights or some of them but I got a great feel for the place.
There have been a few times in my life when I have let go of resistance to something that is happening and to do so has been such a release. Inherent in my resistance was a judgement – as sense of unfairness or that a thing was right or wrong in some way – but when I let go of my judgement, ‘hey presto’ the resistance vanished too and was replaced by a deep feeling of acceptance. This is not to suggest that we simply accept everything the way it is, but living in resistance creates tension that really doesn’t help or resolve anything. I have found that when I drop my judgements about a situation then I am more able to deal with it – and sometimes, simply letting go resolves things in itself.
Beautifully said Kelly “So never give up on finding your true masterstroke, it is there – it’s not a mistake, it just needs clarity and space to flourish in its own unique way, just like us.”
The expectations we can have of ourself to achieve ‘perfection’ are brutal and so far from the loving essence we are naturally. Recently, I have been allowing myself to feel the harsh judgement I have of myself in not reaching these expectations. Crazy really, as the expectations aren’t even real, they are just made up, a yard stick to measure myself against, when there is no reason or purpose in actually doing this! Letting these go and seeing myself for the amazing being I am is healing this momentum of self-judgement (self-bashing) and I am feeling a significant amount of space to explore what it feels like to not be weighed down by this way of relating to myself.
The more I allow the space for what is within to emerge, the more confirmed I am that what I need is already within. Leaving the artwork for another day provides the space for what is possible to reveal itself. Beautiful sharing Kelly.
Beautiful Kelly, showing us that we are not perfect and that the more we try, the more we actually deny our nature, which is to be love – not perfection! Which we can use in life to only cover up all the love that we can give and receive!
The pictures we hold ourselves to, as how something should be or should look is what limits us, holds us back and restricts us to learn, grow, and evolve. When we are held to such images we are shut down to reading the energy of what is being delivered or expressed in that moment, and as such we are shut down to being guided by the impulses of our Soul. Love what you say here Kelly ‘…accepting and allowing time and space to share what is there to be shared…’ as in truth our Soul is always ready to express and share that light of who we are through all that we do.
Absolutely gorgeous Kelly. The fact that there are no mistakes shows there is no justification for being harsh with ourselves or anyone else. Absolute yes, loving, yes, understanding, yes and most definitely responsible but not judgmental or nasty.
What does self-criticism achieve spending more time on that is the supposed mistake we made… no, thank you.
However, don’t misread that we disregard our oops moments and continue to commit them…
The title says it all … no mistake – just a learning. Leaving no room for judgement but an openness to stand back and observe, nominate and move on.
I love this description of perfection: “It’s an endless road that just comes with more obstacles.”. Oh boy does it ever and these obstacles for me included the building frustration if I didn’t achieve this perfection, and this would be accompanied by the feeling of failure followed by ‘what will others think of me’, all beliefs engineered to burrow into my self-worth and keep me feeling lesser than I naturally was. To have finally let go of the need for perfection feels like throwing off a backpack filled with rocks that had weighed me down for so long, and leaving me with a feeling of lightness and liberation throughout my body and being.
I remember when I did art at school how part of the mark you gained was found in your workings. And yet I had few workings as I found it hard to let go of the ideal of perfection. Yet in that art it really does imitate life, for in not wanting to make mistakes was found an unwillingness to just give things a go. And yet now I know that life is much more about saying yes to opportunities than it is about needing to be in a perfect state.
The pictures we hold of how life should look and feel like, are what keep us back from truly learning from our ‘mistakes’ rather than the norm of self-bashing and a built propensity of self-doubt
Bringing what is not who we are into our awareness (which often means playing it out) is a vital part in re-discovering who we are.
I love that you have introduced finding our own masterstroke, and how it is to be found within the space we open up within ourselves. Our attempt to control our naturally aligned creative juices by trying to cram them into a picture of what we have judged as acceptable means that we miss out on so much of what is calling for us to truly express!
The heading says it all really Kelly; no mistakes just opportunities for new learnings. The key is to actually learn from, and take responsibility for, mistakes and patterns of behaviour that do not serve oneself or others.
I love that, ‘perfectly imperfect’. As you say Kelly, there are no mistakes. We can miss so much when our images cloud what is.
When we are open to our natural expression, the end results feel very different. And yes Kelly your words ‘I never know where I will end up – that’s what makes life so much more fun, don’t you think?’ I agree as ‘doing ‘ energy is laced with a heaviness and takes away the joy.
I love the simplicity and wisdom of what you share Kelly, trying to be perfect gets so exhausting because as you near your goal you always end up raising the level of perfection anyway. Learning to accept and appreciate myself has been an absolute game changer as this has supported me to drop any ideals or beliefs around being perfect and just allows me the space to truly be me.
“Perfection is not an achievable goal. It’s an endless road that just comes with more obstacles.” totally agree Kelly, striving for perfection might offer us the comforts in life but if we are honest living this way only creates complications in the long run for our health and wellbeing and those of others.
I had a great opportunity at a Teachers Conference last week to talk with hundreds of Teachers from elementary and secondary school systems about perfectionism in the classroom. Many shared extreme and more subtle examples of how perfectionism played out for their students, however, all had the same flavour which was how held back and restricted and controlled and terrified students were of not being perfect and not getting the perfect marks. It’s rampant in today’s society and if left unchecked can and does affect every part of our lives. I have lived most my life with the constant sinking feeling of not being good enough but this has changed remarkably by bringing understanding to, so called ‘mistakes’, and the beauty they offer with growth and a deeper awareness of myself.
There really aren’t any mistakes, just opportunities for more learning and expansion.
Reading this I can feel how perfection operates like a corset and when we remove it not only can we breathe again but our organs can return to harmony.
I’ve felt very restricted with processes and wanting to get everything ordered and perfect but in a very ridged harsh and unforgiving manner. Allowing space to breathe, work to flow and trusting in this allows a beautiful grace and an order greater than anything I could have imagined or imposed.
I simply do things to the best of my ability with no aim for perfection and then my life flows with much more joy and satisfaction for my day’s work. I have found that without the drive for perfection and its twin brother recognition, life has become all about service.
Every moment of vulnerability and imperfection is to be deeply appreciated, as appreciation builds the confirmation within ourselves to see the bigger picture, the deeper learning, the understanding required for more spaciousness to open up and expand.
Allowing myself to be imperfect has showed me also the power and beauty of true group work, appreciating the inspiration and contribution from others, as well as the ‘mistakes’ I made that consequently enabled others to come up with the next step to offer ‘correction’. The world and life starts to make more sense when we understand that we are all in this together.
Life just feels so much simpler and freer when we choose not to bludgeon ourselves with guilt and regret.
Yes Julie it is the self bashing that halts us feeling the truly amazing being’s we are and holds us in a pattern that feels familiar but no longer serves our naturally light and playful connection to who we are.
‘Picture perfect’ is a lie and a myth that we are sold on tap from young. Not even the pictures we see in magazines are true and have not been airbrushed, doctored or digitised in some fashion or other.
Surrendering to allow ourselves to be, to breathe our own breath, to cease comparing or striving for a result, perfection or image enables us the space to appreciate all that we naturally are – that we are grand beyond any ‘image’, ‘picture’ or ‘ideal’ which leave us empty, feeling unworthy and wrong when we are magnificent, grand, all-knowing and infinitely Loving and wise – without perfection.
Thanks Kelly, I find sometimes I need a gentle reminder like this to show that perfection and getting it right is something that definitely is not supportive and just causes stress and competition. When I’m striving for perfection I feel blinded against the love that awaits right there for me to reconnect to.
I love the comment above by Eduardo that says we are designed to evolve, and life has many things in store for us to help us along the way. It’s true, if you see everything that happens to you as an opportunity to evolve and grow life takes on a very different hue, and suddenly something so massive suddenly doesn;t feel as massive.
Very true and real and exposing us what is not real that which we had mostly made our reality.. Is hard to come out of.. But that is why it is so important to speak about these things and re-awake and help each other become awake again to things that actually hold no truth. So that we can detach, unbind and become our real selves again in a world where unfortunately we have not been met or taught that way. Which is actually so important to start with… As this blog so well describes , which is real food, food supply for all that supports us to grow.
There is such a freedom to not feel the guilt, regret or feeling less when we make mistakes. Great learning comes from all experiences, and if we are ruled by how we think something needs to be we miss out on the opportunity to grow.
As I read this blog, I was remembering the freedom of painting and making things when I was a child. There was no goal or perfect idea of how it should turn out. There was simply an innocent joy of creating, expressing, and moving. I loved the feel of the bristles on the brush, mixing the sloppy paint around and the sound of the water as I cleaned the brush. This was all part of the joy of painting in the freedom of having no outcomes or need for the painting to turn out to a standard. We can re-learn so much from our younger selves!
You demonstrate how much stress and strain we inflict on ourselves when we strive for perfection; what is it that drives us to pursue something (perfection) that is actually unattainable but provides the ‘perfect’ and most precise weapon we can wield against ourselves?
Ah – the freedom to put the stick down, stop beating ourselves up, and actually learn from this thing we call life.
My stress levels have decreased markedly since I have been willing to consider that what I once called a mistake is actually something for me to look at and learn from. I put myself under so much pressure to not get things wrong, but also conversely did not live with the care and attention, and so I was often in situations where I did trip up….being more aware, with care and understanding is transforming how I experience life.
How different are these words when we say them out loud? There is an element of perfection to an ease in having another go. I know which one I would choose!
“I wasn’t being accepting and allowing time and space to share what is there to be shared when it is ready”…I felt my whole body drop and expand when I read this as I took on the feeling of allowing time and space within my body. It feels so different to push and drive. I appreciate that I am beginning to know the difference.
I love this blog for me it just gives the reader permission to be. Beautifull. And also a great reminder that there is no perfection and exposes ‘attachment to an outcome or push for perfection’ are just that … an attachment and push that is not natural or loving.
I have noticed recently that when I let go of the need for perfection there is a flow and I enjoy being with me. I seem to get so much more done in my day.
Absolutely Caroline, I had a similar experience to what you and Kelly have shared. Although my life is not consistent, I can feel that when I do things to the best of my ability with no aim for perfection, I also seem to get more things done.
Wow Kelly what you have expressed here is a powerful indictment on the pitfalls of perfectionism, it is indeed a brutal path leading to self destruction;
“The continual push for attaining perfection leads me to exhaustion and a never-ending story plays out in my head of other ways I can reach my desired point. It’s a brutal path that inevitably leads nowhere”.
Life has many things in store for us that we need in order to evolve, yet we go through it guided by images of how it has to be. The mere idea of mistake comes from the world of images. There are no mistakes.
Can we look at how we live as an experiment – but with the consistency of holding ourselves in full. So everything we do receives equal love. Can we experiment to the point where we don’t beat ourselves up about getting it wrong – because we don’t see things as ‘wrong or right’? Can we simply live by what is loving and what isn’t? Wouldn’t that be a huge shift in the world today; riddled with hate and judgement and comparison when really each and every one of us can do our part to dissolve that?
Such a powerful piece of writing Kelly. It is so true that as soon as we give ourselves over to seeking perfection we have disconnected from, relinquished and diminished all the greatness and brilliance we naturally are within. As when we surrender to the will of our Divine essence we are moved in a way that reflects the majesty of who we are, bringing the lightness to all we do. And so mis-takes are an opportunity or a signal for us to let go of the picture or images that are reducing us so we can deepen and return to moving in the flow of the ‘more’ of who we are.
“Perfection… pushes us out of our natural rhythm”, how true this is. In trying to be perfect we harden and push which means we do not have a natural flow of movement, we do not have a relaxed and ease-full body which can feel, discern and have a spaciousness in which to make choices which will perpetuate that flow and connection.
It is a strange thing, this drive for perfectionism – the perfect setup to feeling forever incomplete, lacking and not good enough, a twisted confirmation of something we are not in defiance of our true innate nature.
“My stress levels for getting to the desired destination of perfection have dissipated and I enjoy the journey a whole lot more”. How beautiful to hear what can happen just by dropping perfectionism. We miss out on so much joy when we focus on getting to the end point, expecting it to be a certain way.
We are so conditioned to try to get things right. It is hard to drop that trying and belief that if things are not going ‘well’ we are a failure. Or it is proof that we are not enough. Then comes the slippery slope of self-condemnation, which makes it impossible to learn anything. It makes a huge difference when we can observe what has happened and learn from it, rather than reacting, as this just cements us further.
I am learning to accept the choices I have made and at the same time learn from them. Then I do not waste energy in beating my self up and I give myself the opportunity to not repeat the same ill choice. It allows me to move onto the next moment without the baggage from the past.
Running with the belief that making a mistake is a bad thing, is just another tool to beat ourselves up with and be hard on ourselves, but there is so much to learn from what we perceive as mistakes and they are in fact blessings, and an opportunity to deeper our relationship with ourselves and others.
In the drive for perfection it’s like we’re locked into an image of how things should be and have put blinkers on in the striving to attain it, rather than sensing our way forward from our whole body, without attachment to a specific outcome, just taking care of the quality of the way we express.
A mistake is there to be learned from. Where it goes wrong is that we make ourselves wrong because we attach what we do to who we are. We are not our mistakes.
This notion of mistakes being wrong is so strong amongst many of us and we hold back our expression rather than risk the possibility of feeling ashamed/not good enough. How we get used to being recognized by what we do and having an image of perfection is one thing, but if we can really understand ourselves as just a vehicle of expression and we do not own what comes through us – maybe making mistakes won’t be that scary as there’s nothing personal about it.
Perfect to read this morning as I was going over an incident in my head which I didn’t have the sensitivity I could have, and it’s difficult to look back and wonder why that got expressed in the way it did. But it did and I can’t judge myself as maybe that was what needed to be expressed…. as you say Kelly ‘ No Mistakes’.
When we allow the love we are to guide our every move, each movement we make is a masterstroke of Heaven upon this plane of life.
Having stepped away from the drive to get things right or to get the outcome to live up to an expectation or a desired image has meant that I have become far more allowing – allowing not only of aspects of my own doing but also how I work in relationship with others. There is an ease all round which will in its turn be felt and enjoyed in the end result.
When we look for perfection we are setting ourselves up to fail, when we give ourselves the grace to make mistakes we open up the opportunity to learn.
If we try to be perfect in everything, and are’, we would be a race of robots. Imperfection allows for brotherhood and appreciation of what another can bring is a very needed and crucial way to be.
Perfectly imperfect, I love it. I can admit I have been and still am to some degree a bit of a perfectionist. I think there is a part in it that is true though, a part where I love when there is a harmony with things, it can be the furniture setting or with colours. But not letting it get out of hand of course.
Mistakes are only an option when we are governed by images of how it has to be and we are not getting it. It is the reflection of a way of moving in anxiousness trying not to break the eggs that are laid on the path.
No push for perfection this is great, when we let go of trying to be perfect we allow more of who we are to be shared. No trying is required just being in our essence.
Striving for perfection is a dead end for sure and it leads, as you say, to disappointment and exhaustion. Why do we wield this weapon against ourselves and others? What do we actually get out of it?
Perfection is poison – it drains us of the freedom to be open and allowing of life. Perfection feels like the gateway to control, or is it the other way around? Both go hand in hand and when life is about control it becomes very hard, measured and obsessive. I like the saying ‘go with the flow’ – although it sort of comes with a carefree approach, there is a truth there of being open to the flow of life and not restricted by the ideas of being perfect.
With a destination in mind we are ruled by the image of what we think will be – when we enjoy the process and honour our next move without investment, we are leaving it up to God’s Magic and will probably be surprised with the result.
Could our masterstroke in life be our ability to see and feel the opportunity in all imperfection?
The effects on our bodies as result of seeking perfection in life can be quite detrimental to our health and wellbeing, committing to develop our relationship with our own quality allows us a deeper level of trust and surrender to the flow of life.
It’s amazing what space can open up when we allow it, as opposed to having a single minded focus on a certain outcome or image of life, and the subsequent drive.
I recently did something that didn’t work when I was cooking and rather than berating myself, I said ‘well I know not to do that again’ which also made me realise how many opportunities we have to learn from our own mistakes if we stay lighthearted and we don’t go into self-doubt or sympathy.
I see how perfectionism is something that really affects our young, especially when they arrive at school and begin to paint pictures of what is deemed good and bad, my kids attend a school that is very attached to neat hand writing and i have observed my children become very hung up on what their hand writing looks like as opposed to the far greater details of what they are expressing.
Totally agree Kelly, perfectionism can be so debilitating, its a self inflicted cap that stops us from feeling the true purpose of our colours.
Perfection and perfectionism is really just a picture in itself – Nothing is perfect in the way we imagine perfect to be; and yet everything is perfect in ways we cannot see.
I do agree that there are no real mistakes. It’s like every little ‘oops’ is just one form of a sign, one form of information showing you that perhaps you’re not being quite yourself, perhaps you are distracted. What lead to that so called mistake? It’s pretty fascinating when we approach life from this angle!
Giving space to something by walking away and coming back to it makes an enormous difference to the energy. As a jewellery maker, I have days when I’m completely off, upset about something, or exhausted or just not quite myself. On days like this, small things feel like big things, and everything feels wrong, or many careless mistakes start to happen as I’m being distracted by my thoughts. Simply stopping what I’m working on and putting it to one side and starting something new is a sure fire way to help recalibrate. You can always come back to what you were working on, but next time with a more present approach.
Yes Kelly- we are masters and by virtue of meeting Serge and all of his teachings I am reminded of that and all my responsibilities. This blog writing shows us how there is more to the eye than we think and that by virtue of connecting and letting love in – we are back in this mastership, we all know deep within.
I have come to understand that life is full of opportunities to learn and expand; that is if we are open to what is before us. Very often these opportunities come through perceived (and real) mistakes, our challenge and our responsibility is to view these as new learnings. A lovely blog Kelly to remind us of there are ‘no mistakes just new learnings’, thank you.
” there is really no such thing as a mistake, for every day opens up new opportunities to explore with a greater understanding in all facets of life” I love this Kelly, I know when I think I have made a mistake or even think I may make a mistake I can feel a familiar feeling of dread. Knowing it is all a learning takes so much pressure of ourselves. Thank you Kelly great message for us all.
Great description of Perfectionism Kelly; “It’s a brutal path that inevitably leads nowhere”. Perfectionism can only be built on images and expectations – neither of which are true, they are simply ideas held of how something should be, rather than the reality of what is. The reality of ‘what is’ offers me the opportunity to question more deeply and come to understandings – far preferable than the arduous pursuit of something that does not exist!
I love your simple examples of where growth and learning can occur in the simplest of occurrences in the day. This fills me with a sense of awe that everything in life is configured to support us to grow. This makes these simple activities come to life and keeps me engaged in life rather than just existing in life.
The modality of Esoteric Yoga keeps showing me that I, and many others tend to judge and categorise events in our life as bad and good, right or wrong. We like the good stuff but react to what we don’t want to see. At times we even put blinkers on and pretend we can’t see it! This reaction pushes away the learning and opportunity that the event is there to show us. When I am able to observe and say an inner thank you for the experience, it is amazing how much growth comes from that. The fight in me stops, humbleness and harmony can return.
I absolutely agree Kelly, there is no such thing as mistakes. I love the fact that therefore there is also no such thing as Perfection. Every day is an opportunity for us to appreciate this and allow ourselves to be open to learn without perfection.
We learn the most (if we are open) when we make a mistake. If we always get things ‘right’ then there is nothing to learn, and of course what is right for one person may not be right for another. Our education system teaches that there are right answers and usually questions are set in exams that require a specific answer. Its hard to teach that its OK to make a mistake when our education system only rewards those that get it right, or get the high grades. This striving to fit, achieve or be ‘perfect’ is unobtainable and keeps us on an exhausting hamster wheel. Teachers and the education system is one place where we start to buck this trend.
No push for perfection or attachment to an outcome. Great to have in your tool kit for life. I had quite a drive to get things just right, quite exhausting and took me away from enjoying what I was doing. Having much less of that drive there is much more of a flow to life and the space for things to come.
Kelly I love how you share about imperfection here – it is so important to let go of the grip of perfection – striving to get somewhere that is most likely unrealistic. To step back and allow the space to express what is needed in full – is all we need to do.
Perfection is an unachievable goal, and there is another side to this, that is that order and rhythm brings a flow to life. Some people may think that having order in your life is trying to be perfect, but actually it is about self-care and a dedication to self.
We develop this idea that mistakes are, well mistakes – the word itself is synonymous with a fault, error, something to be avoided at all costs. And yet what I am learning is that although I might not like making them, mistakes are an amazing way to learn and grow – they are a part of who we as imperfect humans.
We are not perfect, and that is something I am very much still learning – that no amount of control or trying will stop us from needing to learn the things we are here to learn, and grow.
Kelly, you have described perfection, it’s a rigidness that destroys our natural pace and rhythm and in being so, it means we do not share our unique take and feel on the world. It’s an impossible standard that sets us up to fail and to be less, and yet many of us (me included) have been in it’s throes. It’s now lessened considerably but reading today you remind me to explore more, to celebrate my rhythm and to know no matter what that we learn and evolve as we do, and that there’s a fun to not knowing. This is not the place I expected to be in life right now, yet I wouldn’t change it, I’ve seen, felt and learned so much and there’s a quality in how I express which was not there before and I could not imagine being without it, and it’s not perfect and that is amazing, so yes to feeling and embracing our expression, and coming back always to our bodies which ever and always tell us clearly what is true or not – they are our greatest guide.
I learnt at an early age that nothing I was ever going to do would be perfect and this used to bum me out as I would slide into comparing my talents or lack of them to others whether this be thinking I was better or worse. Learning that comparison is a truly evil thing has been most liberating even if it is comparing one thing I have done to another thing I have done.
When we caught between right and wrong our path presents with more obstacles because they are only our creation.
Perfectionism is an absolute killer, and cannot be exposed enough Kelly, thank-you. We judge ourselves so readily, based upon what we ‘do’, rather than, if something actually doesn’t feel right, taking a step back to ourselves and re-connecting more deeply… Appreciation, as you’ve brought to the table here, is an absolute key, inclusive of appreciation of our apparent ‘mistakes’ along the way, and our willingness to learn and make our lives truly about love.
This is a beautiful sharing of developing a relationship with oneself where it’s not about ‘what we do’.
In the knowing that there is intrinsic gold always within, it’s our relationship with ourselves and the way we go about our day that sets the framework for the true gold to express, isn’t it….
I’ve found Serge Benhayon continually inspirational in this regard. The way he lives 24/7 allows the gold to be there – on tap, and without hindrance. There is no striving for perfection, but rather the deepest of foundations in himself and in his relationship with God and the all that allows such consistency in his life.
The desire for perfection or “getting it right’ has had me stumbling many times and sometimes had me holding back big time and sometimes giving up altogether. All this coming from a perception and projected outcome – pure fabrication. Other times it has had me striving so hard over something that is actually not working and has ended up making me ill – I just have been too stubborn to gracefully surrender to the truth of a situation.
Trying to get everything perfect is such a set up for failure because perfection simply does not exist. We are told from a young age to strive for perfection so no wonder we end up exhausted and unhappy.
Perfection for me comes with comparison, I could do something well but there will always be someone able to do it better, and this brings in a lack of appreciation of what I have done, that feeling that it has to be better. But accepting ourselves means we need not be the best, only give our all to each situation and leave it at that. Imperfectly perfect!
Bringing more understanding to situations helps enormously to not being attached to getting things right or the need to be perfect.
It’s funny, if we learn to enjoy the journey then the destination is a lot less important!
After feeling like I have been making ‘mistakes’ today, I stopped and allowed myself the grace to feel why I was making the choices I was making and what I did not want to feel. It made me realise that the so called mistakes are nothing in comparison to the way I react to them. I can either go into self critique or I can see them as an opportunity to learn.
So much about life is the way we choose to look at it, it is either a clear or distorted observation depending on what we choose. We can choose to relinquish responsibility, be an investment in the outcome or be honest about what is truly at play.
It has taken me a long time but I an learning the value of mistakes. I remain frozen in time if I am afraid of making one. Nothing changes, I shrink. Making a mistake is not the end of the world, it is the beginning of true change should we take responsibility learn from it.
A huge learning for us all Kelly, to drop our quest for perfection and allow each moment to unfold and to appreciate each for the unique angle it offers us. There is a beauty there to be seen.
How amazing to go “whoops” and start again, with no attachments to what we are ‘achieving’. From a base of solid love and building our foundation as such, life can become very rewarding, fulfilling and mistakes to not shake the building.
Looking at life in this way – as if there are no mistakes, or not thinking of mistakes as ‘bad’ but rather fully embracing life in full throttle brings so much learning and understanding.
Perfectionism comes to me in the form of mental thoughts and pictures of beliefs and ideals, It certainly does push me out of my natural rhythm and inner knowing. It shuts me off from feeling these qualities and puts the energy into thoughts and trying to achieve, which leads to exhaustion, and more negative thoughts about being imperfect. There is no joy in loosing our rhythm just hard work.
Trying to be perfect can only come from a mind that can not feel itself. When we sit in our own company and feel that love, there is no room for anything else.
Kelly it is great to talk about perfection like you have – we have made it a good thing in society when really, as you say, it is a hinderance that makes us always strive for something that is not achievable. We really have made perfection about playing a game and never feeling enough.
There is always a lesson to learn, celebrate and appreciate in all that we do.
How wonderful that the ugliness of the myth of perfection is being written about… Because it really is that… Something that pervades so many people’s lives and never contributes to our well-being.
Out of clarity and space, space is the thing that I really relate to in order to allow our true and natural expression to flourish. By choosing the quality of our movements, we offer ourselves the space within us that is totally within our power to hold and it is in that space that clarity arises.
Hi Kelly, I find it very encouraging the connection you have made between the artwork and our own journey back to soul. All that’s needed is clarity and space
It is so confirming and encouraging to reread your blog Kelly; the heading sums your blog up beautifully.
No mistakes just a new learning; what wonderful opportunities mistakes give us to expand and evolve.
It is so liberating when we allow ourselves to do something we are passionate about without any pictures of perfection of the way it needs to look like for if we approach it with the innocence within our bodies we realise it is just another opportunity for us to be more of who we are without any pressures or tension but true quality of movement within.
When we describe something as a mistake we are in that moment demanding ourselves to be perfect. What a huge pressure this places on ourselves and therefore everyone else.
I love the idea of us all being a work in progress that just needs space and clarity 🙂
Those drives for perfection can be very subtle indeed and very exhausting. For me control and perfection make great bed fellows but the results can be disastrous on our bodies for we are continually living in the tension of ‘this is how things should be’. Why do we even need to live life in this way?
Yes Jennifer control and perfection can definitely ruffle the sheets of our lives so to speak and the way in which we go about our lives. It’s the control and strive for perfection that exhausts our bodies and leads to the undoing of our health. This is where I find returning to simplicity and our presence in every moment really does offer us so much for our health and wellbeing.
Our unique essence is intertwined into everything we express in this world and that includes that single piece of paper I was so haphazardly going to throw away.
What if we were to change the word ‘Piece’ in this paragraph with ‘Person’…”The (piece) ‘Person’ was not perfect in my eyes in that moment; it didn’t meet my perception of what I thought to be pleasing to the eye, so I disregarded it and threw the artwork (Person) to the side. However, I stopped and reclaimed it as I realised that nothing is perfect, everything in life is imperfectly beautiful in its own unique way, much like we are.” What a great lesson is herein about what we also do to others, not just to artwork or objects.
“I felt I gave one much more attention than the other and it made me stop and question why I was doing this. Why did I not like each piece equally? I actually considered throwing away the piece I didn’t feel met my standards, but there was something about it that was begging me to go deeper with the self-questioning.” Imagine if we considered ‘distasteful’ persons like this? To stop and check our reactions before we disown, dismiss and discard them.
I have been coming back to this very important blog quite a lot lately as I am in the middle of a huge learning period in my life and I have been very conscious of focusing on the learning and not on the “mistake” I could possibly be making. We humans, me definitely included, seem to spend a lot of time and precious energy beating ourselves up over things we have supposedly done wrong, so how refreshing and liberating it is to no longer consider them mistakes and in turn ourselves a failure, but simply a valuable lesson in life, a lesson to take on and live, or to discard and to continue living in the same old way; it is always our choice.
Hi Ingrid, yes it is beautiful that we have the opportunity to make a new choice in any given moment. It is the expansion offered in these moments, we can simply stop and connect to who we are. This is where we gain a deeper understanding and appreciate the learning and let go of the judgement that can ensue.
Perfectionism is pure evil. Not only does it place an impossible end goal on ourselves, it also sets us up to judge and cast criticism over ourselves if we do get something wrong, and this closes the door to any true openness to learn and expand as we all naturally can.
The whole world is geared to accepting that if you don’t do something right or something so called bad happens, there is something wrong with us and the mistake is who we are. We get labelled with that badness and believe that to be us. Instead of coming from knowing who we are first, realising at that time we were not ourselves and hence the resulting situation, or so called mistake, which is actually a gorgeous learning and stop moment to say, hang on, where were you, come back to your amazing self.
I love the spaciousness of acceptance and appreciation of the revelation that this blog expresses. Observing young children learn also reminds me of the ridiculousness of always trying to be perfect or to avoid making mistakes … we would never learn to walk if we were not willing to keep exploring movements, some successful, some not. I recall trying to meet parental expectations from when I was very young, but crazily I then went on to meet internalised expectations. Now I am allowing myself to express more fully and to appreciate and learn from the experience.
I’m finding I’m making a lot of choices lately that are not supporting me. It’s an easy cycle to create, as one choice always leads to another and another. Now that I have the awareness of what I’m choosing, I also have the choice to accept that the choices can’t be undone, but that they are there simply for me to see that they are not working….a mistake that helps me choose differently next time an opportunity presents itself.
Coming to a new awareness about something is something we can celebrate. Only then can we appreciate and accept what we are learning.
The only time it could be considered a mistake or a failure is when we openly read and understand the situation and decide to go against everything that we have learned.
However even in these cases, there is a deeper level to address which requires deep honesty, support and self-nominations.
No attachment to the outcome is very important because quite often we can invest too much of how we want something to look and it ends up causing problems and stunting or slowing down the process. So stepping away and detaching seems to give space to allow and then the complication suddenly falls away, things miraculously change without our input.
Is there even such a thing as a mistake? Every moment leads to a lesson of some sort even if it’s to never make that same choice again?
“The best part is that my stress levels for getting to the desired destination of perfection have dissipated and I enjoy the journey a whole lot more.” l feel so much stress in our daily lives can be attributed to this endless pursuit for perfection. If we stop to deal with our fear of rejection and our self worth issues, it seems logical to me that this would eradicate much of this stress, built up in our bodies.
“Perfection is not an achievable goal. It’s an endless road that just comes with more obstacles. It pushes us out of our natural rhythm into a never-ending game of trying to achieve an unobtainable marker.” This feels deeply true to me. It has been a great cause for concern all my life and exacerbated such dreadful self loathing. To find ways to let perfection go would be most beneficial to one’s quality of life.
The steps that led me to standing in front of Serge Benhayon were a huge part of my masterstroke, unfolding, in this lifetime.
Those steps were graced with many mistakes along the way, but the grace of God is never wanting or waning in all of our lives.
What l have learnt from him is that every moment of our lives is a potential masterstroke, depending on the quality of you that you bring to it. Bring all of you and be love and this cannot fail to be a masterstroke in your life.
Thank you Kelly, this is a subject I have been concerned with of late due to the pressure I put on myself and the continual rush and disappointment at not finishing, or even starting something, because I have not got the time to do a good job! If I don’t start then of course I will never know what the end result will be anyway so self sabotage is the result. It would be lovely and a much more stress free world if we were allowed to make mistakes or at least knowing it is OK to! Surely it is better to start a painting or project, than not even try.
What if we teach children the importance of making mistakes instead of chastising them? Teachers would never have to own a red pen. The ripples in the pond that would result in the evolution of everyone would look like when it rains on a still pond!
Making mistakes is one of the most precious parts about life on Earth. Mistakes are the way back to the truth because they show us in real terms what is not true, what is a mistaken path. Mistakes are our own loving way of guiding ourselves back to what we already know.
Dear Kelly,
I am back reading your article tonight and I can feel how through making one simple choice (to not throw away the artwork) that such a profoundly different way to live life opened up for you, and all of us, through your exquisite sharing of your experience.
The pursuit of perfection is a never-ending pointless quest for an outcome that we will forever be dissatisfied with.
Striving for perfection is a very easy way to get distracted from the purpose of what we are doing. When we allow perfection to be more than purpose, we are saying it is OK to get lost in something than to continue to stop and step back and look at the bigger picture. It also brings in frustration and comparison which can totally throw us off track. If you look at nature, nothing is perfect, but it is still absolutely beautiful in its own way. Sometimes as you say Kelly – to stop and step back is the way to really get us out of the game of perfection .
“So what did I do next? I simply stopped and left the artwork for a day, and boy did that feel fantastic!” I love this line Kelly because it reminds me to discern when I need to let go of something rather than push for an outcome out of an ideal or push. Thank you.
Kelly how very true. I have recently begun a new job and have been making a lot of mistakes, mostly because I simply did not know. One of my colleagues has never pulled me up for making a mistake, but she does let me know when there is a new learning opportunity. It has quite a different effect. What I am learning is that A) There is no such thing as perfection and B) that everyday is full of new learning opportunities.
Perfectionism is very sneaky and it crops up in most unexpected places – I often catch myself trying to get things ‘right’ and not wanting to put my foot wrong, and this puts me in much anxiousness and consequential exhaustion. Accepting that I do make mistakes and not feeling less for it has been my lesson lately.
Being attached to an outcome is a very narrow prison cell that leaves no room to move.
When we have a picture in our mind of how we want things to be this influences our movements and we often miss out on something much grander.
‘…it’s not a mistake, it just needs clarity and space to flourish in its own unique way, just like us.’ I love this, instead making it tight and narrow, seeing and thinking there is just one road to go, clarity and space opens up and light can enter to make it clear what is truly happening.
‘The continual push for attaining perfection leads me to exhaustion and a never-ending story plays out in my head of other ways I can reach my desired point. It’s a brutal path that inevitably leads nowhere.’ Indeed perfectionism leads to nowhere and I do know how my head has been trying and trying until I got headache and all this leads to a given up on myself and life. Making mistakes is what I am learning step by step, quite joyful actually.
Striving for perfection was like constantly moving the goal posts because as soon as there was a hint of being pleased with my efforts the thoughts of ‘oh you could have done that better’ would creep in. Striving for perfection has an insatiable appetite and it is never satisfied.
I can see how we are boxed in once we have a set picture of how things should turn out. What if there is an even grander outcome waiting to happen? No picture, just an openness to allowing things to unfold?
A tenderness with self and an acceptance of imperfection is a deep blessing as we find our way back to our true selves.
‘The continual push for attaining perfection leads me to exhaustion and a never-ending story plays out in my head of other ways I can reach my desired point. It’s a brutal path that inevitably leads nowhere.’ Kelly the way my push for perfection plays out is to reject myself where I am at and give-up because of the elusiveness of that end goal. On the other hand, accepting where I am at in any given moment allows me the space to take my next step with fullness and commitment to all of me.
When I choose to see the bigger picture, rather than getting caught up in the personal story, it is so much easier for me to let go and surrender to the lessons being learnt.
Kelly I like it very much how you expose the evil of perfectionism. For me nearly the whole world (including myself) was falling for this way of exhausting living and I was wondering who was introducing it to us. I am lucky as I met a man who showed me with simplicity the evil game of perfectionism – his name is Serge Benhayon.
“Perfection is not an achievable goal.” I have been working with letting go of perfection lately and I’m not good at it (that is a little joke). So instead I am surrendering to noticing when it creeps in (almost everywhere) and letting go bit by bit.
Life truly is an adventure, everyday opportunities abound for us to grow and evolve and who is to say what is a mistake…..that which may appear as a mistake may be the catalyst to further understanding/exploration and an unexpected but truly perfect outcome.
“I wasn’t being accepting and allowing time and space to share what is there to be shared when it is ready. ” This is a really beautiful line as it offers the reader an insight of letting go of control and allowing the time and space to let unfold what is there. But when we are in drive and control, it is very difficult to let what is there to be said/done happen but much magic happens when you do. There is a divine wisdom that exists within and around us all and when we listen to our bodies, the wisdom can work through that.
I have also noticed that striving for perfection creates incredible tension in the body, a single-pointed and very hard linear pointedness that knows only one thing – how to push and strive towards an imagined end result at the expense of everything (and at times everybody) else.
‘I never know where I will end up – that’s what makes life so much more fun, don’t you think?’ I have always been living a life based on security, so not knowing where I would end up was a very scary idea because I used control and perfectionism as a form of survival. In ‘new’ situations this old pattern of not being me can kick in again but more and more I enjoy letting life unfold and not knowing where I will end up. It asks me to surrender to my body and the purpose of life.
It’s letting go of the need to control that opens the way for new opportunities and connections too Annelies van Haastrecht.
I love the way you debunk perfectionism and its hold over us; perfectionism, ideals and beliefs of how things and people should be actually leave us no space other than the very narrow line it demands we follow down all the way to its desired endpoint. And what might we find then? That the bar has been raised, most likely.
I feel that a lot of the exhaustion issues we have at the moment have to do with perfectionism and the feeling that it is never good enough. When life is never good enough, we keep on trying to change. It is this trying that drains us and keeps us away from just being ourselves and surrender to what is in front of us.
“Perfection is not an achievable goal.” I’m really starting to take note on how perfectionism stops me from doing so much of what I want to do in life for fear of failure or making the dreaded mistake. I’ve placed myself under so much pressure and yet I observe people who don’t have this tendency to such a degree that I do and life is so much simpler for them. Decisions are much easier to make and if they turn out not to be true they don’t give themselves a hard time but simply make another decision. Easy. And the more I accept my own imperfections the more I can accept them in others.
What would the world be like if children never made any mistakes? Life would not become black or white, just grey. Mistakes are what puts colour in our lives.
Perfection should never be the goal as this is unattainable. Instead appreciate the learnings that are possible through such imperfections.
I just love what you say about perfection Kelly: “It’s an endless road that just comes with more obstacles”, and oh do I know that obstacle course well, it just keeps on going and going until you simply drop with exhaustion and in the process look at yourself as a failure. In total opposite, when you begin to understand that perfection is just an illusion and there are absolutely no mistakes, life and learning becomes so much more enjoyable.
This blog is a perfect way to approach life, and all situations and events as opportunities for learning and growth
i love your title for the blog Kelly, it knocks out the beliefs that mistakes are a bad thing when in truth there are only new learnings. This changes our understanding of life and opens up so many more possibilities to learn from our experiences. When we use the word ‘mistake’ it automatically says that we have done something wrong and reduces our awareness and caps us from looking deeper into what our learning could be.
What a powerful lesson and truth Kelly; there is no doubt that we are forever learning and the forever student;
“I have learnt a very important truth lately, and as the title suggests, that there is really no such thing as a mistake, for every day opens up new opportunities to explore with a greater understanding in all facets of life”.
Mistakes are just signposts providing us with useful information about our life and our choices. We can and do ignore what these stop moments are offering to us. At our peril, we choose not to heed the ‘bridge out ahead’ sign.
it is amazing how beauty can emerge when we give something the space to be what it is, rather than forcing it to be what we want it to be… great article Kelly.
It’s the manipulation of perfection which erodes us from enjoying the true learning available to us constantly. Allowing ourselves the grace of space gives us a greater awareness of life and the joys to be found.
Kelly I really enjoyed reading your playful piece again. The line ‘ I feel that is a pretty awesome tool to hold in my ever growing toolkit for life’ was great for describing how we do collect tools along the way that support us in life. Life gets lot easier when we have a collection of tools at hand to support us in different areas of our lives.
I feel one of the greatest barriers i have put up to doing things and perhaps achieving things in my life is that need for perfection. I would be one to not do something if I felt I wasn’t going to make a complete success of it. There just wasn’t the comfort in my own skin to take on challenges where I might fail as I didn’t love myself enough to not succeed. And that is such a throttling way to live, far better to pull ourselves out of our comfort zone and see where that takes us.
Hi Stephen I also feel that perfection also takes us away from trusting our own knowing of what feels true in any given moment. The perfections stops us reaching our full potential as it wants us to keep searching for more, which means the cycle never ends. Letting go of perfection allows us to surrender to the truth of our own connection and the wisdom available to us always.
It is actually our imperfections that make us not only human but guide us to learn and grow as a person. So instead of seeing them as our faults and liabilities it makes sense to me for us all to start actually embracing and appreciating the wisdom and truth they unfold for us.
Kelly,
I love how you have outed perfection here. How where there is no perfection there is simply the space to express.
Thank you for sharing this Kelly. What a beautiful example of a new revelation. Perfection is unachievable and the constant striving for it leaves us feeling less as we are never quite “there”. Learning to accept our imperfections and surrender to this in no way means that we are accepting a lesser quality, rather, it allows more space and a greater connection to what is true.
This also brings up the topic of trust for me. When something goes awry in my work on the computer for example I can choose to get annoyed and frustrated or realise that in some way I have been responsible for the blip in my working. I can see how I have not been as present as I might have been and appreciate this ‘mistake’ in showing me where I can deepen the intimate relationship with myself in a loving and more supportive way.
Loved your blog Kelly, reminding us that we are enough just the way we are – no perfection required.
With more self acceptance and self appreciation there is no room for self doubt or feelings of low self worth.
So wonderful to know that I am imperfectly perfect! And I don’t need to be anything at all – just myself.
This need for perfection and obtaining the preconceived outcome causes all kinds of stress within the body and chips away at our self worth, so much so that sometimes we give up on things and us, telling ourselves that we are not good enough or we can’t do something.
This labeling of things as being ‘good ‘or ‘bad’ and ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ tends to be usually made from a purely visual perspective or a weighing up against an expectation or an image we are holding. These are in fact judgments and therefore are a reject of our self as we are discounting the fact that we are feeling beings and can actually feel what is of true value, evolutionary, or not, despite visual appearances.
So true Kathleen, it is when we allow images to rule that cloud our true knowing from our bodies where we see things as mistakes rather than feeling that these moments are actually full of learning and growth.
Best line about perfection – “It’s a brutal path that inevitably leads nowhere”. So true, it is so brutal and goes nowhere. And when you are on this path, it is exhausting but there is never an end because once you ‘get there’, ‘there’ moves again, and again, and again. Going nowhere.
I loved this line too Sarah – it’s the first time I have seen perfection called out as the brutal force it is – in absolute opposition to the grace and sensitivity we all naturally possess.
When we are striving for perfection, which is a continual tension, we can never truly appreciate and enjoy ourselves for exactly where we are at now.
This is a great blog highlighted how we can give up on ourselves. I have a habit of putting things aside too early in anticipation of it not meeting my expectations. Soon after doing away with the object or task I find that I was still in need of it and was too quick to throw it away. This shows an element that is impatient and can delay real progress with the issue of being afraid to get things wrong. Highlighting a shade of not being able to accept myself.
Its interesting to consider what we deem as ‘beautiful’ art and not beautiful. I know over the years I have looked at some artwork that is supposedly ‘amazing’ but I found it wasn’t what I considered amazing. Shows we really can’t follow any trends but just need to back what we feel.
Amazing how much our eyes cast out with expectation and judgement of how things “should” look or be. Staying with ourselves, and seeing through eyes which receive and observe what is there takes away the expectation and judgement. What is there just is.
The moment we stop trying and surrender in our bodies to what is divine we find a flow of our true potential ready to be expressed forth for the good of all equally.
And I agree, “perfection is not an achievable goal”, but striving for it or constantly judging ourselves against our ideas of perfection can become all consuming, leaving one exhausted and with a constant dissatisfaction with oneself and life. It’s super supportive to really examine our own relationships with perfection – to track down where it creeps into our thoughts and our lives – thank you Kelly for the inspiration!
What a learning indeed Kelly! Your line “there is really no such thing as a mistake, for every day opens up new opportunities to explore with a greater understanding in all facets of life” really resonated with me. Imagine if from young children, we were taught this, rather than the emphasis being on getting things “right”?
Striving for perfection will narrow one’s view of the world. The energy required to run to the top of the hill on an escalator that is moving the opposite direction is futile and exhausting. But so many still try.
We are continually being given the chance to go deeper with love and compassion for ourselves and in that grow compassion for others also.
‘The continual push for attaining perfection leads me to exhaustion and a never-ending story plays out in my head of other ways I can reach my desired point.’ Awesome point Kelly, the amount of energy I wasted striving for perfection affected my self-esteem and overall well-being greatly. Learning to let go of perfectionism has been a game changer in my life allowing the space for things to naturally unfold.
“It involved no drive or push for a perfect result.” Even reading this I can feel the freedom in our bodies when we allow and give ourselves space to feel what next, instead of pushing on through and then being numb to what is really needed.
Perfection is something I have been obsessed with through most of my life, and whenever that energy has been with me nothing would ever be good enough, because however ‘perfect’ something became there was always way more to go. What this meant stayed blinkered to the beauty and grace in the subtle moments that were around me, but even more debilitating was that I never saw the beauty and grace in my own expression either. Allowing the unfolding of our expression as well as what is around us without judgment or expecting perfection is a great way to go. Thanks Kelly.
“nothing is perfect, everything in life is imperfectly beautiful in its own unique way, much like we are.” Very true Kelly, and each of us is learning in our own different way too. As even though we might share the same theme and colours etc, nothing comes out the same way twice.
Leaving something for a day when we got ourselves stuck is a great recipe for going deeper and bringing poise and stillness back into the process.
One of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves is to see that there are no mistakes, we just have opportunities to learn and that everyday life is the most incredible school we can ever go to. We can learn so much by observing what goes around us and in us and to discern what is true and what is not and then learn from why we chose one over the other. From someone who perfection and control were pretty constant companions, to allow things to have their own space to flourish (or not) and to let things be and allowing myself to see life as a learning, is truly lovely.
I love the truth that came to you by putting the piece aside and allowing time to open up and bring such an important truth about expression.
Hi Naren, yes it’s the clarity we gain from our own self awareness and connection that can ultimately change the way we see the world and the many opportunities for learning.
it is so easy to throw away, dismiss or remove ourselves from something that doesn’t feel like it is working. I find I am prone to doing this and it is a bit of a warning sign for me now, it feel like I am burying my head in the sand rather than stopping and asking myself what is the reaction, what do I not like.
Knowing that we are enough just as we are is so foundational in terms of how we go through life. It affects how we are in life and it affects everything that we do. The unfortunate thing is that our parents did not know this and neither did their parents so it is something that we now have to learn in this generation so that we can pass it on to the next generation. Blogs like this support this process.
I love this quote from your blog Kelly…”Everything in life is imperfectly beautiful in its own unique way, much like we are”…..because it is so absolutely true, everything and everyone is totally unique and possesses their/its very own beauty and gift to offer the world.
So true what you share Kelly, recently I was hard on myself because of a mistake I had made, but when I could step back and observe what had occurred I could feel it was a beautiful opportunity to learn and grow from.
Trying to be perfect is a goal that you are guaranteed to never reach, and your poor body has to pay for your constant efforts to achieve that unreachable goal. And as beautiful friend recently reminded me, it’s harder to not be yourself than it is to be you. There is only ever judgement in striving for perfection, whereas loving who you are right now with no perfection, is a huge out breath for your body.
Perfection is the ultimate illusion that is always changing. We are challenged to jump through hoops, only to get ready to score, and the game is changed to darts and the cycle continues. These actions as you Kelly have shown is just a treadmill we have chosen to run our life until we drop from exhaustion. What happens in contrast when we just learn from our mistakes? We grow with new understandings and have another go!
The picture and perceptions you had of the artwork you considered throwing away are very similar to how I can hold myself. I can have an image of how I am supposed to be and reject myself if I don’t meet this, instead of appreciating all that I am and bring to the world – picture free.
Perfectionism very much drives us to exhaustion and giving up when we realize it’s not attainable. Discovering that there is so much more than the end goal allows space for what is there along the way to be felt, understood enjoyed and expanded on. Without a pre-determined goal we never know where we may end up and this is where the true essence and beauty are inspired from in whatever we are doing.
I couldn’t stand making mistakes, but through the Ageless Wisdom teachings as presented by Serge Benhayon, I am learning to see myself as a vehicle of expression, and it really does turn everything upside down and inside out, the want and the need to manipulate to get a desired outcome is fast disappearing and it takes away so much stress and anxiety I am used to carrying around.
Kelly I loved what you shared that there is no perfection in life, and when we try to achieve this, which is unattainable, it only leads to exhaustion, beating ourselves up, and feeling that we have failed.
I feel appreciation is the key, and on a daily basis perhaps stating what we appreciate about ourselves and others, so that it becomes the norm.
“I wasn’t being accepting and allowing time and space to share what is there to be shared when it is ready.” This is a great line, how many of us don’t allow the time and space, we get caught up in life. When we accept and allow time and space, what is ready to be shared is available to be shared, this is when miracles do happen.
Kelly I really resonate with you taking out the perfection and rather looking at the quality and equality in what you do. I agree that every little thing we do is an opportunity to grow. So folding washing, walking etc – the day to day stuff, the stuff we think is simple, is actually a great place to start – to redefine our foundations with a solid way of approaching things in a certain quality. My whole body can feel the difference of when I fold washing a certain way. If I am present and take care, it flows, and people cannot help but notice how I have folded their washing for them. But if this is rushed and uncared for and I am distracted, the washing is then not put away by other people because the same level of disregard is passed on to them. It’s a little experiment I’ve been doing lately and it has blown me away how yes this is s simple and basic action, but the difference in my quality changes everything!
Einstein’s said ‘anyone that has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.’ What a boring way to live one’s life surrounding yourself in darkness. Mistakes are just moments for us to pause and look at things from a different angle. These small stops allow us to look at our compass to ensure we don’t get lost.
It was ‘perfect’ to read this this morning, and be reminded that something supposedly imperfect or a mistake is not necessarily a mistake. It can be so easy to put ourselves on the perfection roller coaster, it always takes us for a wild ride but leaves us dishevelled at the end.
It is amazing how many people seek some kind of perfection at great cost to themselves… for in the striving they deny the perfectly imperfect beauty they already are for an illusionary ideal that will never be achieved.
I had a job that I still work in that mistakes allowed only one mistake and would be corrected immediately… high voltage with death. There are brain surgeons, pilots and a raft of other tasks that also require the same requirement to be as proficiently accurate with the task at hand. But, the rest of life is our playground to explore. I love making mistakes and the hidden treasures that were discovered. I have found that things we have created whatever it is including writing that the first draft is raw and real and if it is polished too much it loses its original essence.
Beautifully expressed Steve and the beauty of all of us is indeed our natural, raw essence which is with us always. Awesome thank you.
Having previously been known as a perfectionist, I can vouch for the drive, self-bashing and ‘never quite being good enough’ that comes with trying to control a perfect outcome. What I experienced with this is that there was never a point where I felt something was complete, because even when something seemed perfect, there was the next thing I hadn’t completed to the same standard etc. A great recipe for stress! I’m slowly learning to let go of this behaviour and to understand that this comes from a lack of self-worth and so as I work on loving myself more, the less need there is to strive for perfection and to feel that things are complete just because I’m doing things more present with myself.
This blog has brought up our perception of perfection and it relationship to mistakes. Is it that we are so strict on the way something is meant to be that anything that falls short of this, that does not meet the expectation we have set up becomes a ‘mistake’? This is set up to keep us all feeling less than. The circle of always searching for ‘perfection’ becomes a never-ending game that keeps us from discovering how amazing and intrinsically gorgeous we are. Mistakes are a ‘lie’ that we perpetuate moment by moment, day by day and it is time we stopped the judgment that reflects so harshly on ourselves and others.
The name of the game is awareness and the endless possibilities and flow that comes with the understanding that we do not have to control or “do” anything other than just appreciate and love our own unique qualities and the love that we are.
Letting go of the images that we hold about perfection creates space that allows us to truly appreciate and accept the imperfections within the perfection and divinity of life.
This is a great blog Kelly highlighting to us all the importance of understanding that fundamentally we are imperfect beings who are blessed with the opportunity to learn from our mistakes and imperfections everyday.
The pursuit of perfection in sport is chasing the smoke ring, we feel the answer and if we do for a moment get there to the top and grab the ring it is only a bare moment of achievement and then it is gone. So we try harder to reach the top, but there is always someone more hungry and willing to sacrifice themselves to be the best. The only right thing we become good at is body memory! We override our natural rhythm and reprogram it to perform in an unnatural way that takes a heavy toll on our body at what cost?
The notion of perfection is like a noose around our neck as it chokes the life force out of us. It is not about being perfect, it is about being true to ourselves at all times.
This is priceless and something I wish I had been taught at an early age…it would have saved me much heartache and am sure I would not have got myself into many of the things I have done. Being true to oneself is the best bit of advice there is.
I had overheard a person ask a colleague if they were ready to take an important exam for a professional qualification they were studying for and said that had already sat it but failed. When asked by the other person who had this piece of paper themselves wondered why they did not mention they had taken the exam or asked for help before the exam, just replied they were embarrassed for not asking for help and then failing! Expectations of others and self, investments in outcomes that may be unrealistic at the time and lack of self-worth will be due for a start with comparison and jealousy being the cherry on the cake are all things we can do to keep our self-small. Rather learn from our mistakes and move on.
Perfection is unattainable, something I often need reminding of, it can be so easy to put ourselves under pressure, but I know if I remember that if I apply myself to the best of my abilities I need never do more than this, as this brings everything I can ever offer and everything I will ever need. Procrastination is my enemy, the delay in bringing my all, often coming about from a misconceived image that perfection must be attained.
Hi Stephen. There is no room for perfection when we allow the truth of who we are speak. Procrastination is a killer, I myself have felt this at time to time, but what helps me, is that the delay we allow stops us from being our true awesome selves. Not only are we missing out but everyone else too.
Wisdom comes with age, but only if you learn from your mistakes. With age, you make far fewer mistakes, but they usually have a higher significance that shows you something that you have held as truth for a long time.
‘No mistakes: Just a new learning’ allows us to let go of feelings of regret which would otherwise be so debilitating.
Yes elainearthy, it is the reaction and regret we go into when we make what we deem to be ‘mistakes,’ that takes us away from the true learning opportunities available to us everyday.
‘This ever growing awareness and sense of calm allows greater opportunities for new ways of looking at life overall and I feel that is a pretty awesome tool to hold in my ever growing toolkit for life’.And we donot need control, perfectionism and drive so lets leave them behind so there is space for tools that supports us along the way and one tool that must not be forgotten is appreciation!
“there is really no such thing as a mistake, for every day opens up new opportunities to explore with a greater understanding in all facets of life” How gorgeously simple and inspiring this is. Each moment is a new opportunity, to evolve – a true gift from God.
‘Perfection is not an achievable goal. It’s an endless road that just comes with more obstacles. It pushes us out of our natural rhythm into a never-ending game of trying to achieve an unobtainable marker that depletes us “quick sticks”.’ it is strange that we chose to strive for perfection when in truth everything about it is wrong. It hurts us and others, through the push and struggle, the comparison, the chase…instead of accepting and appreciating who we truly are, as we are.
‘Mistakes’ are such great opportunities from which to learn and evolve if we are open to and willing to.
I loved rereading your blog Kelly, your sharing offers so much to ponder. particularly I was struck by;
“there is really no such thing as a mistake, for every day opens up new opportunities to explore with a greater understanding in all facets of life”, simple, succinct and powerful.
Yes I love this too Shirl, so very true, when we allow ourselves to know and accept we are not our mistakes, it opens it up to so much more, very empowering.
This says a lot for keeping things simple!
I”ve experienced the same thing Brendan. So often we consider that our choices (& those of others) are ‘mistakes’ and we end up judging, criticising, being resentful etc. This reaction to our choices does not provide us with a true opportunity to learn but keeps us further away from making different choices. I love the way you describe to simply ‘acknowledge a choice that was not true and simply get on with it’ – without indulgence. This to me, is a great way to support ourselves through observation of choice in preference to a berating of our mistakes.
Perfect writing Kelly, the point you have raised is gold
Connecting with what I feel is my divine essence which is equal and part of all of us has enabled me to observe what I have called mistakes as choices that I make. I now know that they are small specks in the scheme of things, but these small specks if ignored or obsessed over, or dramatised become bigger and more uncomfortable. Practicing to allow them to be what they are, an opportunity to learn allows harmony and appreciation to grow in life. I am still learning but feeling more free of the pressure of getting it right!
What this shares for me is how working on the inner and becoming more aware of ourselves develops more understanding for ourselves and our choices which allows space to grow and learn rather than self recrimination. This can only also support others around you, learning to be understanding with ourselves has ripples far and wide. No more blame game whether it be directed at ourselves or the world.
More learning and less of what we call ‘mistakes’ and I also “… enjoy the journey a whole lot more” Still practicing, but can feel a lightness in life that has come from not ‘trying’ so hard.
Yes davidsonsamantha, I have had a direct experience with this, not trying so hard that was basically forced upon me as I couldn’t place where I had put my study book and so couldn’t do any study and it is due in a couple of days. I just had to let go and boy did it feel good to do that and have a relaxing afternoon.
Yes my feelings too davidsonsamantha. It is like giving ourselves a moment to stop and breathe. It allows for a greater depth of awareness and as you say a real ‘lightness,’ to life.
Yes Linda and when we strive for perfection we are missing out on the wonderful opportunities of expansion we feel in our own rhythm too. Perfection also takes us away from feeling our own connection as we are on a trail of continuous thinking and not feeling from our bodies the true wisdom it possesses.
Beautiful Brendan, simple, powerful and wise. Not indulging and or wallowing but learning and moving on.
Great blog Kelly. I do a few artworks every year and some of them end up in the bin , and some of them are redeemable .I really love this quote “So never give up on finding your true masterstroke it is there it is not a mistake, it just needs clarity and space to flourish in its own unique way, just like us”.
Kelly you bring great awareness to how we are continually learning while we do everyday tasks in life. A real inspiration not to beat ourselves up over a mistake but to see it as an opportunity, to look deeper and learn from it.
Hi Sally yes life is about the small details and it helps us stay connected to who we are as we are not focused on large goals. Being present with every moment and the beauty of every detail.
Yes Brendan, and if we are critical with ourselves in a choice we make it can be much more devastating than the first choice we made.
I agree Brendan it is a set up to stop us to freely express and be who we are. Understanding that life is not about being perfect…
This sense of perfection is evil and insidious. It stops us appreciating where we are at and all that we have. Instead we replace the glory of all we do have within with a perpetual chase for something outside of us.
How great is it when we don’t hold back to avoid reactions or challenging situations but to trust that everything that happens in our life also when we make mistakes gives us opportunities to learn and heal.
Hi Janina yes I love this. Surrendering to the all is hugely expansive and offers us true learning in all areas of life. Trusting that is deeply healing.
“So never give up on finding your true masterstroke, it is there – it’s not a mistake, it just needs clarity and space to flourish in its own unique way, just like us.”- so beautifully said Kelly.
We all have unique qualities just wanting to blossom in our own time frame. It is important to appreciate where we are at in all that we do, and especially the innate qualities we all hold within.
Beautiful Loretta. Absolutely, time offers us the grace and infinite space to be where we are without judgement, but with deep appreciation for who we are within.
When we walk our every step with this truth, that all is a lesson and nothing is a mistake, the wisdom we can tap into is endless.
Yes absolutely Kim and not letting go of the images of perfection which engulf our lives stops us from evolving and learning too.
Your spot on Kelly, allowing any form of images in, is saying no to evolution.
No mistakes just new learnings, what an inspiring heading. I love coming back to your beautiful and wise message Kelly, thank you.
I feel that in making mistakes there is much to learn if we embrace them and are open to the greater truth that they present.
I love returning to this blog and being reminded that whatever bad choice we make is never the end of the world, and that what is important is not our past choices but our next move that counts. It’s totally invaluable advice for anyone who frequently makes ‘mistakes’!
‘What is important is not our past choices but our next move that counts’, these are words that should be a reminder that are put on everyone’s wall. If we wish change our future we need to remember that it’s our every next step that does this.
I love it – your next step can change your whole future – how powerful is that!
Absolutely Meg, now the commitment to live this power in every step.
Well said – the theory is super cool, but it’s the commitment to live it in every step that will actually make the difference.
“So never give up on finding your true masterstroke, it is there – it’s not a mistake, it just needs clarity and space to flourish in its own unique way, just like us”.
Commitment to life, learning and finding our own unique inner wisdom is the key. Thank you Kelly for highlighting this in such a playful and interesting way.
There’s something super reassuring about taking the time to really know and let your masterstroke flourish in its own unique way. The commitment to life and to really knowing who you are is so cool.
Allowing clarity and space when we are unsure of something rather than going straight into discarding it as not being right, is a great learning and I have found that amazing things can come from it.
This is a beautiful message how every situation presents learning, thank you Kelly.
I have heard at numerous courses I have taken as an adult ‘to ask questions, because there are no stupid questions’. But where did we get the feeling that we were stupid, from? The school grading system of our schools with those marks that put us in boxes! By not asking questions for clarification for fear of it being Unacceptable or a Fail the only thing we learn is how to hide. Without asking questions we will never learn.
The title of this blog is beautiful, and so much can be learnt just from those few words. ‘Mistakes’ are opportunities to have more awareness, learn more about ourselves, and essentially to evolve. If we start to see the mistake in this loving way, then there is no space for the self criticism that we often put on ourself after making a mistake.
Yes Eleanor the mistake expands to a new learning which holds no space for criticism to reign free.
I can feel that I still strive for that perfection in many things that I do, and inevitably with it, I become critical of myself or disappointed as perfection is unachievable, and more importantly, a very unloving pressure on myself. The wanting to do things perfectly is there because of a silly belief that people will accept me more. A great marker for the acceptance that I need to build for myself so that I no longer seek it from others.
Great read as I have been and still have some of these strokes of wanting things to be perfect. And as you say when we let go of the want to have what we perceive a ‘perfect’ outcome, then life suddenly becomes very easy flowing and the tension leaves the body.
Great point Brendan, because we do use A LOT of energy to bash ourselves, sometimes relentlessly. Inject that energy into true support and bringing understanding, well, life would be very different and my body would be absolutely loving me for it!
So true Brendan and Sara, a simple ‘oops’ then bringing more love and understanding to ourselves and others feels much more the way to go.
“Opportunities of growth can be found doing everyday tasks like folding your washing, driving your car and painting a picture…” – Yes, there are opportunities for growth in every moment. We do not have to be meditating in a cave to have great realisations about life!
This blog has opened up the importance of mistakes and the causal affect they have on us all.
Looking at life in this way, that there truly are no mistakes is certainly a game changer. I have always felt that everything that happens in my life happened for a reason, and that there are no real ‘mistakes’. But at the same time, I used to be consumed by a drive for perfection in everything I did. This is certainly draining in many ways, and realising that mistakes only lead to greater learning has taken the pressure off and allowed me to appreciate all that life presents to me.
This is s great blog, for worse than mistakes is the guilt and doubt we go into as a result of having made them. As a baby falls and gets straight back up, so should we.
I often talk to my kids about honesty. It’s interesting how they learn to not be honest for the fear of being punished and how this is then reflected into how honest we are with ourselves.
Yes Matthew I remember myself how open and honest I was and was told to be careful or you are speaking out of line. But we then carry that belief into our later years. The beauty shared from our honesty allows a lovely reflection for all. It opens a platform for everyone to share their own experiences and that is so deeply inspiring.
I have found that making a mistake and being honest about it often opens the door to a deeper connection with another, for when we always want to be perfect doors can be quickly closed and connections are harder to make.
The other day I sent out an email to the wrong mail recipients and normally I would turn red, feel ashamed and bash myself for doing this, Now I just observed, noticed that this was a learning in details and being more aware of the details, I emailed and said woops sorry guys and that was it. How awesome was that.
That is awesome Mariette and it shows that we really can learn so much from all areas of our lives. It feels so much better in the body too.
This is so true Brendan, I used to be very harsh on myself for what I believed were mistakes, but now I am seeing the value and the growth that can be ours if we look at these moments as learnings – it just takes away the anxiety because I can feel the potential.
it just takes away the anxiety because I can feel the potential. Absolutely Julie, that space that comes with allowing ourselves to just be with what has occurred, opens it up so anxiety just isn’t a player.
It is so important to not beat ourselves up, it’s like there’s a microchip programme within the brain that can send me down that route if I don’t catch it and stop it. I love this understanding of everything that happens to us is an opportunity to learn and grow, so what if I need more opportunities, I get more chances to change something. Keeping our eyes on the bigger picture of how we learn, we can see when we progress, that’s to be appreciated constantly.
I love this Gill yes it is so expansive to view the world from learning as it takes the pressure off us and opportunities for growth are always available. Thank you.
Kelly thank you for sharing your blog on “No mistakes”! I too believe that there are no mistakes! Quite often we don’t see the value or beauty in what we say or create but all is from the same source.
Yes Roslyn everything is apart of a much grander picture and is equally important for our learning and evolving. That is where the beauty lies.
Roslyn, Kelly I love this blog “no mistakes” because viewing life as a constant learning allows us to move forward from each moment or choice, viewing life as right or wrong and full of mistakes is what I’ve come to understand keeps us stuck. From someone that held onto each mistake tightly it’s great to see them as new learnings.
When we get hung up on our mistakes our bodies also pay a huge price. Allowing ourselves the grace and opportunity to learn in these moments, allows for more openness within ourselves too.
Kelly that’s a great point, it can be easy to forget that our mental healthy can directly effect our physical health. I certainly noticed that my body gets tight and can be painful when if I put the focus on my mistakes instead of what is going on in that moment.
What beautiful awareness for your week shared here Mary. Everyday offers us so much to discover and learn from even just the simple things in life, but that’s what makes it so much fun.
Everyday we are presented with the opportunity to be more of who we truly are and let go of the trying and striving we have made life to be, life is not about perfection but a reconnection to the essence within us.
Yes well said Francisco. I had a profound experience of this today, I got caught up in something and felt a little depleted after that which in most occasions would have made me go into reaction about towards myself in saying I could have done it another way. This time I did see it as a learning, like the whole situation was saying to me: you are more than this you do not have to get so caught up in things. Learning from a situation like this makes way for even living more in the connection within myself, and is a beautiful opportunity.
That’s a great example Lieke and a super tip to keep by ones side in moments like this..”you are more than this”, exactly… We are far more than the imagined gain at the end of the unattainable perfected task.
Life is a great learning ground, and all that happens is a reflection of what we have left and need to re-learn, for in core we are all knowing when we connect to our essence. This brings an allowance of making mistakes, and not discarding any part, always being aware of the whole that life in truth is.
Stunning Benkt. Yes everything is indeed everything.
Life becomes so much simpler if we look for the truth in any given situation rather than making it about right and wrong. When we make it about right and wrong we see things as mistakes rather than lessons to be learned.
Yes Elizabeth, when we judge something to be right or wrong we go onto familiar patterns and behaviours to manage the situation and not feel what is there to be felt, missing out on the learning.
Yes Elizabeth and Francisco, this is so true, going into right or wrong was an all too familiar pattern for me and it was a tool that took me completely away from learning the truth as I was so busy in my head trying to validate a point, so then no connection to my body at all.
learning to make mistakes is fundamental to life. As a parent I watched my children follow their impulse to walk, but stumble and fall over many many times. Each time as they got back up again it was as if the fall never happened because now life was on a new chapter of trying to walk again and although they learnt from the fall, they did not carry it with them into the next moment. This seems to me something that all people experience because we all go from not being able to walk to actually walking. And maybe there is a message in this for everyone that we can carry on in to adult life but choose not to because then we would not have the the pleasures of all the drama that indulging in our mistakes can bring.
There is not such thing as a failure in life but an opportunity to learn and pave the way for others to learn from our experiences in life.
Yes Francisco. That is the beauty of expression. Sharing our own lived experiences for all. Inspiration is everywhere and in everyone. Thank you.
Being aware that we all uniquely have something to offer the world completely blows the myth of competition and compassion away. There is no need to struggle and compete but instead learn to express ourselves, with the understanding that we are learning.
Yes Samantha inspiration is everywhere as we each have so much beauty and wisdom to share from who we are . The world is a goldmine of opportunities to learn and grow all of the time.
So true and yet I know I still fall into a trap of, “I already know this so why can’t I ‘live it’. ‘do it'” when I make mistakes “Perfection is not an achievable goal. It’s an endless road that just comes with more obstacles.” I am also learning that allowing for mistakes to occur and that knowing I do not need to be perfect actually does free me up to be more courageous and not hold back so much, it liberates me and allows me to fulfil more of my potential.
The trap of expecting ourselves to ‘know it all’ and ‘get over it’ is huge. Those thoughts sound reasonable, as if they understand that we do know why what is happening in life is happening and the lessons that are being presented to us. But as Universal Medicine has taught we are asked to ‘Discern everything’ – is it coming from spirit or soul? As reasonable and steady they may appear but if there’s tension in the body then it’s not true. Mistakes happen and Love does not judge or berate, it just loves and is at ease with the mistakes, this is something I have yet to live fully but totally worth working towards as the ‘reasonable perfection’ is not a joyful or healthy way to live.
I find that if I go into a drive or push for perfection then it creates a lot of tension in my body and mind and can make me stuck because nothing is ever good enough. Whereas if I let this go and allow myself to express from a flow in my body there is a beautiful connection present in whatever I may be doing.
This is lovely Brendon, ‘Approaching life as an opportunity to grow and expand prevents us seeing learnings as mistakes, and allows us to correct whatever is needed and just get on with it.’ I can feel how this would be a wonderful way for children to be at school, at the moment it feels like there is a lot of self-criticism amongst children, rather than appreciating their own unique expression and celebrating the differences and what each child brings and that they are there to learn, not to do everything perfectly.
It’s always great to appreciate the fact we each have unique master strokes to share with the world.
That is gorgeous Abby, and so true, we all have something to share with the world that supports the whole, which is why it is so glorious when we do not hold back who we are for the sake of what we view as a possible mistake.
You are so right Brendan. How many times have we all experienced that we are told by someone that something we are doing is wrong… and use the defense that it was the way I was taught and have always done that way and it works… only to find out we were doing backwards or the same result as traveling only east to get to some place west of you when all you needed to do was turn around.
‘there is really no such thing as a mistake, for every day opens up new opportunities to explore with a greater understanding in all facets of life’ These words caught my eye today and resonated within me. I realised how much, although not so much as before, I look at mistakes and try and see where ‘I went wrong’ I know this is not necessarily helpful and a greater level of trust in myself and in an opening to allow whatever to unfold is called for and to trust in the support that is always with me.
What comes to me after reading your blog is acceptence, accepting things for what they are
“This ever growing awareness and sense of calm allows greater opportunities for new ways of looking at life overall and I feel that is a pretty awesome tool to hold in my ever growing toolkit for life”. Certainly an awesome tool to have Kelly. On reading what you have written here I pondered on my ever growing toolkit and felt a deep appreciation to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine for teaching us about these tools.
The more often I raise my hand and say Oops, the easier it gets to no longer have any attachment, fear of exposure, criticism or the long list of why we don’t like to admit we are wrong! This is from the group of men that would drive for hours rather that stop and ask for directions because we were lost… in more than one way! I have been there done that in the past.
Saying Oops has got to be one of the most healing words available to us today. Like you say Steve the more we say oops the less of the bashing, berating, worry and drama occurs.
Being imperfect is a fact of life – there is no perfection here but an element to us that is divine – so striving for something that does not belong here on earth is such a big illusion and one that takes us away from the simplicity and love we are.
How liberating to celebrate and appreciate the fact of our imperfections in the same way as all other areas of life. I wonder if the fact that so many of us hold our bodies in incredible tension is down to the fact we seek perfection rather than being open to a constant learning and evolution. The more I let go of holding onto “mistakes” the fuller my life becomes. As you say striving for the ideal/perfection takes us away from all that we are.
A very big illusion indeed and one that keeps us very small.
Beautifully said Brandan – just that word ‘approaching’ brings so much clarity with it – how am I approaching my day? It feels to me very much about perspective; how much of life I am willing to understand and how much of me I am willing to live in all I do.
The last few days I have been worrying over something, trying to work it out. trying to let go of the hurt of it and feeling like I was failing. Yet it is all learning and of value. Today I have a much deeper understanding of what it means to love so feeling like all that was a mistake is silly really, it is all a new learning and so valuable for healing.
I have made many so called ‘mistakes’ in my life Amanda, but once I realise that there is no such thing as a mistake, I created everything that has happened to me, I can then see them as a blessing to evolve and not stay stuck in past regrets which stops me from evolving even further!
This is beautiful Amanda to read. When we are open to the awareness of our lives and the connections we hold, great learning and healing is available. Absolutely awesome.
Very healing Amanda and very beautiful. Gosh we can be so hard on ourselves…and all for nothing, just to keep ourselves less and reduced to a fraction of the love that we are.
I actually get caught on ‘why aren’t I feeling that way’ when one might say it’s normal to be upset and for some reason i’m actually not – I can go into ‘what’s wrong with me’ to not be upset – still a lack of acceptance and holding back but the awareness is very healing and i’m soon feeling great in the body again.
Thank you Amanda, this is exactly what I needed to read today. When we bring it back to love in these moments, all the chatter in our heads, the self bashing and feeling we are failing can melt away and we are left feeling we have an opportunity on offer to learn from.
Yes absolutely Brendan. Things aren’t then left to stagnate and we don’t judge ourselves from the so called mistakes. We see all opportunities as another way of learning what does or does not work.
It can be hard sometimes to accept that mistakes happen and that they are just a part of one’s own learning journey. I find that this requires a momentum of having a non-judgemental approach to life in general in order to be able to give that kind of love to oneself. So everyone is non-judged, yourself included.
I agree Shami, letting ourselves off the hook so to speak goes a long way to accepting that there are things to learn and that we don’t have to know everything. What I now find fascinating is how much we learn from our mistakes and how valuable they are.
Looking back over my life I can honestly say that the person I judged the most was me, at times very harshly. I can remember being so embarrassed to make a mistake and would replay it over and over again, in the process blowing the guilt out of all proportion. To have finally come to the understanding that there are no mistakes, just an opportunity to learn, was the most wonderfully freeing realisation – it changed the way I treated myself and in turn it changed my life.
I can relate to your comment Ingrid, blowing the situation all out of proportion and torturing myself for getting something wrong. These days I am so much lighter with myself when I get something wrong and it feels more loving to be this way, and like you have written ‘it has changed my life’.
Yes I too can relate to what you have shared Ingrid. When little mistakes happen, I now just say to myself ” That’s cool Kelly, no big deal. What can we learn for next time?” Complete game changer.
I can so relate Ingrid and Julie to having blown situations out of proportion, and am slowly coming to realise it is this approach that harms more than heals. As this blog and you both have shared, learning to see that there are no mistakes only opportunities to learn, grow and evolve is so refreshing and freeing.
So very relatable your comment here Ingrid, and even though at times that thought monster can try to come in, when I feel that tension and angst against myself, I say, “thank-you, you’re my prompt for bringing me back to me because my soul would not make me feel less”. Blows any unloving thought, right out of the water.
It is huge what you say here, I also was my own worst critic and I know I can still be hard on myself, but it is less often and I come out of it so much more quickly. I feel there is truth that there is something to learn from what we call ‘mistakes’ and I am living this every day. I have found that taking responsibility for my life has also supported a general feeling of self worth and love, treating myself well means that when something comes up where I could self sabotage I already have a foundation of love and care there to support me and so I can feel the difference, the love and self abuse and I have a choice to make, what do I align with? The more I connect with that Love the more I choose it and so what I called ‘mistakes’ are now becoming ‘learnings’.
I relate to this too Shami but am getting so much better at holding myself with so much more love and understanding to allow for the healing and growth that is on offer. If I ever find myself judging another, I know for sure this has come from my own judgement of myself first. So being non-judgemental, begins with me, of course.
I am learning that more and more and more Sara – that being non-judgemental starts with yourself first. The more love and understanding you can bring to yourself, the more you can naturally bring to others.
Beautiful Sarah, yes it just makes sense.
‘This ever growing awareness and sense of calm allows greater opportunities for new ways of looking at life overall and I feel that is a pretty awesome tool to hold in my ever growing toolkit for life.’ When we remain aware and calm, we are able to be more aware of the opportunities that are there for us to learn from.
Yes so true Sally and life opens up because we are not caught in a game of perfect pictures that we can never really win. Seeing all opportunities in life as learning allows for growth and a greater understanding of the all.
We often think getting rid of what we do not deem perfect will lead to more perfection without realizing that the sum of the parts do make up the whole. Discarding or ignoring what we think is imperfect actually guarantees we would never come to the whole.
We are like our own little solar system. Each of the little planets may be full of craters or rock some may have rivers or lakes. But all in all they are all needed to bring together the magic of our own little universe. That is the magic of who we are, intertwining the imperfections to complete the whole.
Gorgeous Kelly, and I am learning more and more that each part is as equally important as each other. That we cannot tend to one part of our garden or solar system and keep that perfect whilst the rest rots away somewhere because it all effects everything.
Just beautiful Kelly. Loving every part equally.
Beautiful description of what we think are our imperfections but are in fact the soil for our uniqueness to flourish and blossom.
Very lovely, I can relate to this, I feel how we are a universe in the making and there is a natural flow and order within it. We are what we are, all perfectly imperfect so to speak, everything is intricately placed with purpose for us to learn and understood ourselves and divinity.
Beautiful Adele! A reminder of the power of acceptance
it is such an arrogance to control life in that way, not taking the whole into account but leaving it to what parts we enjoy most. Don’t take the responsibility for that what we still need to learn in this life, as there are many things we know, but so many we still have to learn.
Gorgeously expressed Adele as it offers a moment to stop and know that all parts are needed to create the whole.
The wake of our life is littered with what we have discarded for being imperfect… Adele you have shown and given new meaning to pick up the pieces of our life and move on.
This is definitely something I am experiencing once again. As long as we hold onto perfection, once we get the reflection that there is more to us than what we have right now a repeated pattern of mine has been to drop everything that does support me in my life – this is not supportive! It’s the perception that what I have is not enough and the drive to ‘scrap it all and start again’ with no appreciation for the choices that I am making that do truly support that really needs to go.
Oops! can be such a loving word to say to ourselves.
I love an oops too Jane. The power of its learning is huge.
Today we where on a journey in the morning we left with plenty of time, we got caught in a major road closure with many road diversions, we kept going round in circles then to end up going back on ourselves. Eventually we got back on our route, but this whole expereince lost us an hour, so we reached our destination half and hour late. We could of blamed each other for taking the wrong turning, but we just allowed and accepted that there was a learning in what had happen. What was beautiful, was that there was a great reflection in my life where I have been delaying moving forward and our journey just showed me the delay in the physical daily life.
Amita this sounds like a pretty amazing reflection and what that is so valuable for us all. Everything in life can offer us true learning, that’s what makes life so fun its all about discovery and wonder for the everything.
Replace the word ‘artwork’ with ‘thing’ and this blog can relate to everybody as we go about our activities.
Coming back and just in reading the title alone Kelly that there are no mistakes, only learning – I realise more deeply that even though I understand this on one level I still can find myself trying to control the outcome of something in order not to make a “mistake” – running through the many scenarios of what could happen and trying to base my decision from this so as to minimise any repercussions instead of appreciating as I’ve been shown many times that everything is perfect as it is and to accept whatever learning is on offer and so take the pressure off myself of having to get everything “right”.
I would have been in deep trouble over the years if I hadn’t used mistakes to learn from, never being an A student or anything like that, I really love the fact that each of our expressions have their value in their own particular way.
Perfectionism keeps us small in the continuous seeking with no end result. Caught up in the cycle of perfectionism is just another excuse to delay responsibility.
Well said Caroline –”Caught up in the cycle of perfectionism is just another excuse to delay responsibility.” The question is why are we so fond of avoiding responsibility?
Yes Caroline, I used to indulge in perfectionism, and it was a trap, trying to make everything outside of myself perfect whilst neglecting what was going on inside of myself and not being responsible for the quality of energy I allowed to run me.
This article has become a rescue flare fired at night by looking at the replies! Why don’t we teach children this amazingly simple act of learning that should be fostered for what it can show us. By giving the answer or never getting it wrong… what have we learned?
I used to live my life thinking that growth was all about promotion, expanding, moving forward in my line of work and while there is nothing wrong in this I have come to realise that the greatest learning is in the simple, mundane, every day tasks. How I am with myself while doing these tasks is an every day learning and one I am beginning to appreciate.
“… there is really no such thing as a mistake, for every day opens up new opportunities to explore with a greater understanding in all facets of life.” As I live my life more and more in the knowing and understanding that there is no such thing as a mistake the need to beat myself up has reduced considerably. A pressure has been lifted knowing that the cycle will come round for me to have another opportunity to learn and grow. It is a foundation for life as life is a never ending process of being presented with opportunities to evolve.
‘As I live my life more and more in the knowing and understanding that there is no such thing as a mistake the need to beat myself up has reduced considerably.’ This is true for me too Caroline Francis. I see so much more easily how I have been delaying my true evolution and yet I am more accepting of myself. I know that it is my own choices that take me through life and that as I love and care for myself more the quality that I live is what I feel and the choices follow on from that.
Yes Brendan, I recognise this behaviour of avoiding something because I am afraid of making a mistake but becoming aware of this pattern is helping me to do something about it and learn to take responsibility.
I love coming back to this blog, it is such a beautiful reminder to learn from mistakes and to take responsibility for changing unhelpful behaviour and patterns. I have also found that appreciation is the key to reframing mistakes as opportunities to learn.
Absolutely Shirl, appreciation for who we are first helps to stay an observer in our lives so that when love isn’t present and we slip up, we know we are still amazing and can stick to what needs to be learnt from.
Yes, everything is a learning, ‘there is really no such thing as a mistake, for every day opens up new opportunities to explore with a greater understanding in all facets of life’, this feels much more liberating and expanding.
Learning to accept that the mistakes I make are a part of my everyday and that this will go on forever, is huge. Because for so long there has been this image fed to me by books, films, tv shows, family, friends, etc. that there is a perfect moment when perfection will arise and everything will be perfect and no more mistakes will happen and everything will just be in this blissfully suspended time. However, what I see everyday is that this is simply not ever going to happen and the search for that elusive state only leads to exhaustion and a sense of defeat. I am learning how, when we accept that mistakes happen for a reason and that we are here for the long haul, that there is no free pass to get off this merry-go round of life, that it just continues again and again each day, actually this leaves much more room for playfulness and love.
The fact that you questioned your standards or perceptions of perfectionism is huge Kelly. Rather than holding onto the ‘I am right and my perceptions are the be all and end all’ you could sense that something was not right in this stance and life has become lighter as a result. This certainly questions the parts of us and life where we hold onto set ways things should be or perceptions about ourselves and others, what if how we live life is not the way if we find ourselves in an end result that is miserable or ill etc?
Opportunities for growth are definitely found in the everyday things we do. So often we think it’s only in passing a test or exam and becoming qualified in something.
Yes Brendan the criticism of self is far more damaging than any perceived mistake we could make.
Thank you Kelly, such supportive and inspiring words for times when we are doubting ourselves. “So never give up on finding your true masterstroke, it is there – it’s not a mistake, it just needs clarity and space to flourish in its own unique way, just like us.”
“there is really no such thing as a mistake, for every day opens up new opportunities to explore with a greater understanding in all facets of life.” I have been able to really reflect on changes around my life and work, whereas before I would feel I made a mistake in a choice, I am no longer getting caught in that. I now see things as an opportunity, and when I have trusted what I thought was a mistake was a blessing, which in truth was never a mistake. So now I see things differently.
pondering more on the word and meaning of “mis-take” I am reminded of the words of a great Philosopher (Serge Benhayon) who said to me once “there is no right or wrong, only learning”
I am seeing more and more that if I do not hold a picture then there really cannot be in truth a mistake as what would I compare it to? There would only be exploring, feeling and then deciding if this feels right or not. If not then try something else. Letting go of the pictures is allowing me to simply learn as I go.
When we are coming from the place of right/wrong, we have more chances of making mistakes – something needs to be judged and corrected, and I have been in that place for long. What I am discovering is everything has something to offer, even what appears to be a mistake can tell me what not to do.
No matter how successful we can be, if we end up with exhaustion, there is failure somewhere in that process. A failure to recognise that the body is sliding into being depleted faster than it is being supported.
Great point Mathew. Whenever I do new projects now I am constantly checking as to whether I am giving too much and neglecting my body… a big learning process but one I am appreciating more and more.
The ‘mistakes’ I find quite harrowing are the choices I make knowing that they will affect my body adversely and even knowing how I will be affected yet I still choose them. Of course viewing these as mistakes is not really being honest, but perhaps there is a deeper level of mistaking what life purpose is about in allowing such delay to occur – the delay that ‘takes me out’, back into a comfortable place misconstrued as being safe.
Yes Simon I can very much relate to your comment. It is a very uncomfortable feeling in my body when I am doing something eg.rushing to get somewhere knowing that it will come back to me later through feeling tired or exhausted. I agree it is nothing but delay and comfort to not step forward to claiming more of me and my power. I know it is in these what may seem small tasks throughout the day that can make all the difference to my wellbeing and how I am feeling.
No attachment to the out come in anything we do brings a freedom to be ourselves and an openness to what life can naturally bring to us.
Agree rosemarydunstan, the more we learn to live with no attachment the greater the freedom we have.
Perfection and the desire for it was a big one I had to explore and look at and as this writer found it boiled down to a lack of acceptance and appreciation of myself. As my acceptance, love and appreciation grew my desire for perfection has slowly slipped away, when it creeps back in it is a sign I need to look at how I am feeling about myself in general.
That’s great Toni, and it makes sense what you found. Acceptance and appreciation of self is magical in so many ways.
Yes tonisteenson I agree and I am finding that opportunities keep arising to build more love, acceptance and appreciation for myself. It is never ending and some thing I have come to accept as part of my unfolding.
The ideal of perfection is one most of us have experienced or carried through our lives. I Love how this point of writing explores and shows perfection is an unattainable unrealistic ideal that is unachievable.
The amount of historical mistakes… now called discoveries are vast. Here are just a few; penicillin from moldy bread, radium and then X-rays. Where would we be now without our greatest mistakes?
Yes Steve and even in our own personal lives some of our seemingly greatest mistakes can be the biggest “Aha” moments….moments of great understanding and healing.
good call Steve if we keep looking for a certain outcome how can we ever find something new?
That’s got to be one of the best arguments for learning from our mistakes I’ve heard. It’s true, I’ve often learnt more from making a mistake than not making a mistake!
“Perfection is not an achievable goal. It’s an endless road that just comes with more obstacles.” Great line Kelly and one to remember. When ever I become driven by the need to get something right the more I find problems get in my way and the more problems that get in my way the more I feel I have too strive to find perfection and so begins the endless road and the never ending cycle.
“The continual push for attaining perfection leads me to exhaustion and a never-ending story plays out in my head of other ways I can reach my desired point. ” I know how this feels chasing perfection to only be disappointed and exhausted as perfection is never reached, and lots of obstacles along the way. Now I have come to appreciate that I am a forever student and always learning and no perfection is required and no more exhaustion.
It is easy and a lot less challenging to carve a life where we are mostly placed in situations where we feel comfortable. Exploring why I feel more myself in some aspects of life than others shows me areas where I require more development. Addressing these areas lifts my entire life and has a HUGE impact on my overall vitality.
Mistakes are like a day old curry… always better the next day.
That’s a classic Steve. Hilarious. If we are not being hard on ourselves the curry can even taste fantastic on the same day. Sometimes, though, it can take time to appreciate the learning.
I love this analogy. Giving ourselves space to feel what needs to be felt, rather than pushing through something such as some work for our job the next day, feels amazing.
Have to agree with you Steve, over the years there have been many times, in frustration, I was going to throw out a piece of work (painting or drawing) only to find the gems revealed when I returned a day or two later.
Steve this made me laugh – do curries really taste better the next day? However I do agree mistakes are easier to digest with a little space 😉 though I reckon if we keep working on them, they’ll reach a point when a mistake is instantly an opportunity to learn and grow from, and the next day will be a totally different lesson to learn.
Hahaha that is really a funny observation Steve Matson.
Brilliant Steve absolutely hilarious. Yes it gives everything a chance to marinate and develop in its own time. Even a curry. Thank you.
I love how you have shared how leaving your painting for the day allowed what needed to unfold to do so. It is very easy to get caught up in wanting to finish something when it is completely the wrong timing. When we surrender it completes when it needs to without any control and struggle.
When we feel this need to have something finished where is this need coming from? Is it recognition or a true impulse? It really is about listening to our bodies and honouring what we feel. Always reading all situations keeps us connected to the all.
I have recently been finding this more and more, ‘When we surrender it completes when it needs to without any control and struggle.’ I just have to get myself out of the way, let go and allow for ‘divine’ timing.
Yes, divine timing is key Lorraine. I can still at times convince myself that I ‘know’ better but I am continually shown that if I choose to let go it all falls into place as needed.
Very true Vicky and this is something I am noticing in my life too. When there’s a struggle I know I’m complicating things and I know I will only end up feeling frustrated and exhausted depending on the length of time I allow it to carry on. When I let it go and go back to it, every thing falls into place, effortlessly.
Likewise Brendan, I find that appreciation kills perfectionism.
Perfectionism is after all only a word that we have used to stop us from being fully responsible for living the love that we are. It doesn’t exist within our forever and all encompassing love.
As I read your comment Julie I realised the desire for perfection is the desire for an end or completion that closes the door to things growing and evolving as we do.
Toni, your comment helped me to see that the desire for perfection can really be a form of control when we want to bring something to completion in a certain pre-expected way, and don’t allow for another path to be taken. It’s as if we are on auto-pilot then, with some kind of ideal or belief of what is ‘perfect’, and a fear that we will be exposed for not being able to make that happen, even though the ideal is very subjective and unique to us!
Perfection holds us on this constant treadmill to reach a said goal, that we can in effect never really reach. This keeps us small and doesn’t allow for the grandeur that we are.
“The best part is that my stress levels for getting to the desired destination of perfection have dissipated and I enjoy the journey a whole lot more.” This is such a simple sentence but makes so much sense. How can we enjoy anything when we always have a picture of what it should look like, a measure of how it should be according to…uhm, someone else’s ideal? The world is as it is, constantly evolving and definitely not perfect so letting go of perfection is part and parcel of the best medicine you can live in life.
True, Lucy, how can we enjoy us when we have a picture how it should look like..
This picture always will let us behind with frustration, as we never meet the ideal it wants to sell us. To understand how harming these pictures are is a healing process in itself.
Yes indeed Lucy. Letting go of perfection allows us to be us. The best medicine in the world.
Is perfectionism a spirit’s feeble attempt at out-doing what the Universe offers, trying to prove its point?
I have been noticing how much I have been conditioned to think it is wrong to make a mistake and how successful I became at avoiding making one. For fear of making mistakes, I would shrink myself well inside the borderline, holding back my expression, calibrating my behaviour. Avoiding mistakes puts me in constant tension, while making mistakes allows me to learn and gives me a choice not to repeat.
That is so true Fumio, I can very much relate to this. The fear of making mistakes would basically rule my life as opposed to seeing every mistake as a natural thing and something that we all need to be able to learn and grow as human beings.
When I am conscious of the outside world and what it might think I am fearful of making mistakes. When I am full of myself I do not have “mistakes” in my world, they just doesn’t exist.
Well said Elaine – this is my experience as well, the more I stay steady in all that I am, the ‘mistakes’ disappear and are instead turning into necessary learnings in life.
How can there be perfection in an imperfect world?
Great question Adam, or actually great statement 🙂
“there is really no such thing as a mistake, for every day opens up new opportunities to explore with a greater understanding in all facets of life”.
Very wise words indeed Kelly.
Striving for perfection stifles appreciation and vulnerability, so necessary for our evolution.
I appreciate what you share here Kelly, its deeply healing for me to consider the depth of self abuse that results from perfectionism and the capacity to hold back my true expression as a result.
I am knocking down the walls I have built up that don’t allow me to see the beauty of what really exists in being open to the fullness of the landscape within. Thank you …
I had never realised that the pursuit of perfection could be self-abuse but it makes so much sense. Any overriding of our natural expression in order to pursue and goal outside of ourselves is indeed abuse.
Striving for something that we know does not exist, as in perfection, would have to be self-abuse.
I have to agree with you Kelly when you say you are having more fun by letting go of the expectations to do something in a certain way. Looking back at the unrealistic expectations I put on my self now looks more like self punishment, and the thought of cutting myself some slack would not have even been a consideration. But what I did notice about my behaviour as a perfectionist was how I would not be hard on others and not expect them to get things right first time, but I wouldn’t give myself the same consideration.
Yes Julie I too have found the level of perfection expected within myself is far greater than that expected of others around me.
Once seeking perfection I place walls around myself and can only see one outcome which leads to control rather than the gentleness of surrender and appreciation for what is. When I allow myself to drop the need and attachments for something to be perfectly as I wish it to be from my ideals natural movements take place without the need of force and feel naturally expressive with grace and love.
Yes Nicole, we are super hard on ourselves, I can see how when I strive for perfectionism I’m always setting the bar too high for myself. When I accept and appreciate, Living has a different quality about it. Gone are the goals and deadlines, more of what is really needed through impulse can be allowed.
Yes I too can relate to what you have shared Julie. I was great at expressing to others they were being hard on themselves, but in return I would bash myself for making my own mistakes. So I began to ask myself what was the difference between others and myself? Appreciating myself was the key factor. Once I started to appreciate myself more, the harsh and critical words had no place live in my vocabulary anymore. I had more space to appreciate not only myself but others too.
The more appreciation and acceptance I have for myself, the less perfectionism creeps in as there is no room for it. Perfectionism feels like an ever critical voice saying ‘that’s not good enough’ and is often based on comparison either with ourselves, or with others. Appreciation feels like the key to saying no to perfectionism.
I agree Sandra, that’s a good point. It feels to me that there are so many external influences asking us to meet certain imposed standards or conditions that we have developed the idea of perfection into something else that we can achieve by looking outside of ourselves.
Beautifully said Sandra – appreciation and acceptance of ourselves heals the old hurts of ‘not good enough’. Super important if we are ever going to get out of patterns of self abuse and self bashing.
And patterns they are Eva…young children don’t bash themselves when they make a mistake for something new they are learning…it is something that they learn and by the time we are adults, it is a learnt and ingrained pattern…bring on self appreciation as one of the tools to unravel this pattern.
Beautiful sharing Sandra Dallimore and I agree, appreciation is the key to say no to perfectionism.
It’s such a great thing to recognise that we can learn from everything we do, therefore as you say no mistakes, just learnings and I have to say I have done a lot of things that I can learn from.
Looking at it from the point of learnings kevmchardy I’m with you as I also have plenty of material from which to learn.
The pressure we place upon ourselves is crazy. We expect to know a new job on the first day of the new job and stress out for weeks that we don’t know ‘everything’ and judge ourselves repeatedly, adding to more stress. What are we doing to ourselves!
It is crazy Matthew – I love saying I do not know and that I will find someone who does – If I am asked a question I am unsure of at work – so often we get fobbed off with lies because people do not want to admit they do not know the answer to something. But what is wrong with not knowing something. It does not mean we are dumb or stupid, just do not know the answer to a certain question! We put so much pressure on ourselves it is crazy.
It is crazy Matthew and it applies to so many situations at home or at work. We can learn a lot from looking at a baby learning to crawl, stand or walk – they are just with what they are doing – they don’t yet know judgement and simply have a go, fall, have another go, over and over until they are able to do it on their own. It is such a joy to see.
This is a great reminder for me Sandra, to learn like a young child learns and not be afraid of making mistakes. I see how I can not make decisions in some areas just because of the fear of failure. I feel that when I can respond without the hesitation, it comes from a deep inner knowing I have within myself.
Yes its so true Matthew. When new staff members start work they want to be the CEO on this first shift but the pressure is insurmountable on them in the process. Everyday there is new learning that come our way and work is no different. There is no fear in asking for help and no question is a silly question, its all about learning and be open to the possibilities of what’s on offer to be shared in that moment. Everyone has something to learn and everyone has something to teach. Inspiration is everywhere.
I wonder – where has this pressure and expectation come from to think we need to have all the answers and that there’s something wrong with us if we don’t? Could it perhaps in part lie with schooling and the constant need to remember everything for instant recall….
It really is crazy the amount of pressure we put on ourselves, normally just to meet another person’s expectations that on the first day of a job we will know everything! Time to start deeply valuing our worth, and not measuring it by what is going on outside of us!
Great call Meg it is crazy that this how we have become to think it is our normal way of being. Constantly looking out and never feeling we are enough. I totally agree it is time we start to deeply appreciate who we are, what we offer and how we are all just as equally beautiful. This deep self-worth is a great one to nurture and build. For me it has been something that is extremely supportive in developing my self-confidence and by no means have I mastered it but I have come to realise that it requires constant attention and that I am actually worth that attention.
I have found the same – rebuilding self worth requires a constant dedication, as so many of the behaviours that destroy the feeling of self-worth are almost automatic, but then I guess building low self-worth also requires a constant dedication too 😉
Yes absolutely Meg. Everyone is bursting with wisdom and its just itching to be shared. There is no barrier when we express who we are in full. That is the gift of the divine within us all.
Totally – I love the thought that everyone has something equally important to share.
Yes Meg, so much of the pressure comes from what we put upon ourselves, and it’s not even true, just a story. We give ourselves such hard time for no reason at all.
You make a great point that much of the pressure we put on ourselves is simply a story we create and embellish in our heads, and it’s often so far from the truth, which makes it all the more crazy!
If we focus on something and judge it as not this or not that, where is that coming from, it certainly isn’t coming from a wise and loving heart.
Wise words indeed Julie. Judging ourselves can really bring us down quickly and doesn’t allow all of who we are to shine.
We come across this need for perfection all the time … it is one of the driving and destructive forces that stops peoples appreciation of their own unique quality that they can bring to the world, and it is always that uniqueness that is needed.
I agree – there is nothing in this universe that is perfect, and yet you cannot but look at nature or the human body or the stars and see something beautiful and amazing, perfect in its imperfection and carrying something greater than perfection, a higher order.
I agree Chris, perfectionism is a killer – it is an on going drive that is never fulfilled or achievable and can be extremely destructive. Appreciating what we each have to bring is key, otherwise we are setting ourselves up to fail.
This is so profoundly true James. I’m learning to embrace appreciation and let perfectionism go.
That is great Deborah, me too! The more I allow myself to embrace my mistakes and learn from them the simpler and more enjoyable life has become – it is also a lot less stressful not getting too caught up with outcomes, especially ones I do not have that much control over!
I love what you present here Kelly around perfectionism and how it reduces life to parts and does not honor our lives as a continual unfolding – thank you.
True Sarah, how can we live in parts and the possibly expect to feel whole.
Well said Sarah and Dean…I have been thinking about that a lot lately because when we focus on just one part, we lose sight of everything else around and within us. And it separates us…..this line sums it up really “It’s a brutal path that inevitably leads nowhere”. Everything is part of everything and it is a loving choice to see it like that and to accept it as part of that.
Yeah I agree Sarah and I have noticed that even if I am delivering what I consider great work in one area of life but have neglected another area, the balance doesn’t feel right, all because each part of life affects the part. It’s a fact of life that we are all bound to.
So true what you are sharing here Sarah and Dean.
At the end of the day we are all in the same boat.
I agree Sarah, compartmentalising life down to parts, and trying to control them to be perfect, reduces our ability to see the ever unfolding beauty of life, that is not perfect, but is in its imperfection.
This experience echoes a similar one I have had recently where I too was drawing on card as a bit of fun, exploring what was there to share and came up against a wall of self judgement and critique for it not meeting my standards. This force is what causes us more harm than ever as no one else was saying there was anything wrong with my work, just me and my oversensitive critique.
I echo that Joshua the picture I have often held about how something should look and the frustration when it does not look that way. In that process there is no understanding, appreciating and celebrating all that I bring. It also allows me to feel the fact that we are designed to work together, each one of us having skills that support another. If we could do everything in our “perfect” perception then perhaps we would live even more separate lives to that which we do today. I do love the perspective of viewing everything as a learning though, for the truth is it is just that.
Feels like living with the innocence of a baby. When they fall down, they simply get back up, no judgement, no issues, no expectation. Just a pure joy.
Totally relate to what you and Joshua (and others) have shared. I am becoming more conscious about prioritising some parts at the expense of others. I don’t particularly want to acknowledge certain parts because they spoil the picture I have created in my mind of how I want things to be. Yet the Ageless Wisdom reminds me that the key to true strength lies in working on all parts and actually giving special attention to the weaker areas, rather than trying to ignore or dismiss them.
This is what I was feeling too Joshua, there is such an allowing and accepting and even enjoying as baby’s learn, like learning to stand up or walk, when and why do we stop being like this with others and ourself?
Awesome realisation Joshua. What is this ‘standard ‘ we impose upon ourselves, it is a massive stumbling block to our ability to allow vulnerability and self acceptance as we explore our way of freely and confidently expressing.
Thanks Kelly for bring us back to the offering of Divinity in every moment, a reminder that it is our willingness to see what is there. As you have said – ‘Opportunities of growth can be found doing everyday tasks like folding your washing, driving your car and painting a picture’, – it is only in our connection to truth that this becomes evident.
Absolutely Brendan – the only true ‘mistake’ is to beat ourselves up after a mistake.
it is so true that we have pictures in our mind of what life should look like – from the way we get up, dress, look like, talk like, eat, the car we drive, the job we do, our family and friends and partner – these picture perfect expectations hold me back from appreciating life for how it is – in its imperfect beauty.
True Rebecca, we have all these pictures of how we want life to be instead of being an open canvas and allowing life to flow and unfold. I am learning to let go of this ‘perfectionism’ and allow and appreciate more and more.
I agree – i know when I have an idea of a drawing or painting it never comes out quite the way I want it, and the same with life – when we just allow it to be what it is, i have often found it is amazing with no guidance from me.
To see each day as an open canvas is a great opportunity to let the flow in. And whenever an expectation, an idea of an outcome or perfectionism kicks in, we just need to nominate that. I find myself practicing this daily, being open to life and allowing it to flow through me just as it goes.
Yes Rebecca these pictures are the poison preventing us from living life from our own connection in every moment.
I have been feeling uncomfortable about getting in touch with someone because I felt that I ought to. These obligations I put on myself are ridiculous and yet they can niggle away. Doing what I feel is true to me gives me the freedom to be more.
So well said – obligations are a huge one – I don’t want to go to the party but I feel I should. I don’t want to get them a present but I feel I should. Obligations put what you feel to do and what is true to you at the bottom of the priorities list. There is nothing wrong with doing things for people, but when it comes from an obligation to rather than a genuine want, what’s the point?
Yes Rebecca, these pictures that come in take us away from the present and appreciation. The more these pictures get broken down the more we can live from our essence and allow ourselves to be.
The picture really do need to be taken down, piece by piece, looking at what it was that cause us to build the picture in the first place, and to begin to look at life with new eyes, not filtered by pictures of how it should be but appreciating it for what it is.
This is a really great blog for so many to read. We live in a world where so many suffer from the illusion of perfection. I agree ‘perfection is not an achievable goal’, because it only exists in our minds.
Just the title of this blog says it all ‘No Mistakes: Just a New Learning’.
If we are open to learning and let go of a need to control then so much can unfold. I had this experience recently at work and the shift to gentleness I felt in my body from letting go of a subtle control that was running within me felt really lovely. I can still feel there is more control to let go of and this will happen, the new marker I have been given in my body shows me it is most definitely worth letting go of control or wanting to control.
Letting go of control seems to be hard, but as you share here Vicky, when we make the choice to do so, that natural lovely tenderness that we are, is right there to know and feel, and as you say, leaves a beautiful marker.
In a world that is imperfect to begin with, it is naive and very damaging to believe that we need to achieve a life of perfection. It is simply not possible in a world that is not configured to support such an ill founded ideal.
So knowing we do live in an imperfect world, is perfectionism a way of attempting to control our own micro environment to give us a false sense of everything being ok?
Is it no mistake that so many people have people found it so easy to comment on this blog. Mistakes are great, perfection is just one of those distractions outside of us and need to treated like the billboards on the road promising us something… as we drive by.
I agree Steve, today I got to feel just how much I have given myself a hard time in life and held myself a prisoner. The beautiful thing in seeing this was there was no judgement or beating myself up moment instead it gave me an opportunity to let all of it go and give myself permission to just be.
What I have come to realise lately is that there are no mistakes…what we perceive as mistakes are just another opportunity for learning about ourselves and everyone we come into contact with. Sometimes they can be very personal but even within that there is always a bigger picture at play too.
The hurt we can create from self-criticism becomes like links in a chain that we keep dragging around. Eventually our chain, as we continue to add links to it and are dragging it everywhere we go causes others to trip over it that can cause them to add links to their chain.
This blog really helps me to see art no different to an other medium of communication, such as the written word, speech and sound. What I find interesting about this is that it is not acceptable for someone to be yelling abuse to you in utter anger, yet when artworks are created with and from this same emotion, we can glorify them.. the same with music.
Abby I second that, I accepted that behaviour as normal even “artistic nature” rather than calling abuse and anger for what it is. The more I understand everything is everything then its not possible to have a great artwork being painted whilst being deeply angry or partaking in some abusive activity. For that is the quality of what the artwork will be regardless of the colours on the canvas. Yet in my experience the large majority of art and music are based on depression, struggle, emotion, hurt etc.. All things we are told to “channel”.
Also I am still amazed sometimes at how I managed to block out the communication of my clarity of feeling (as in years to come I shall be astounded at the level I am doing that now). I used to read these artworks from my mind or my emotions and so they were acceptable. Now, as I allow the clarity of my feeling to take precedence everything changes.
..”Now, as I allow the clarity of my feeling to take precedence everything changes…” That’s a truth to the world needed to be expressed. Awesome***
Yes Abby what I have come to feel and understand more and more is that everything is truly everything. The quality of how we are and the connection we hold with ourselves, really does set the foundation for all facets of life.
I love that you claimed your mistakes by having fun with them Steve – a light-hearted approach goes such a long way, for the person that made it and for the receiver of it. Less reaction = less hurt = more lightness = more joy. It’s a win win!
You make a great point here Brendan. It is so true – we can spend days feeling bad about something that we have done that was a mistake, and it can be utterly exhausting. We can hold onto feeling the guilt of it even for a lifetime, however small the mistake, and it can get deeply buried in our bodies with the potential of eventually becoming a health problem.
How long have we made a mistake and our first reaction is; did anyone see or know it was me! Then we have; can I cover it up or have someone else to blame? I can put my hand up to both of those reactions in the past. I had found years ago a way to have fun after making mistakes when people expect you to lie when confronted with ‘did you do this’ I would matter of fact just say; Yes, I messed up and it would leave them speechless most of the time. You could say we are all mistakes on how we got here… but it has not stopped us from becoming amazing.
I love the truth that you say – ‘we just need clarity and space to allow for our own unique way’. This is exactly what we need to do and then we can learn what is true and what is not along the way. There is no Love in self-bashing. Being gentle and loving with ourselves also means giving ourselves the grace to learn. Every child needs to be taught this at the earliest age possible. That we are enough just the way we are and there is nothing that we need to be or do. The world would be a different place for sure.
Reading the word ‘mistake’ in your blog today took me back to my school days where our ‘mistakes’ were scored out or marked wrong with a big red X by our teacher. Getting it ‘wrong’ and making mistakes thus always seemed such a big deal and it felt like many of us worked under a cloud of anxiety for fear of getting it wrong. Your lovely blog exposes the lovelessness in this approach whether it comes from others or we do it to ourselves by self bashing. To let go the chains of needing to be perfect and to see there are ‘No Mistakes: Just a New Learning’ is freeing indeed!
Yes this is great what you have shared Jane. I actually hated using red pen at all as it reminded me of the teachers using it to highlight so called errors during my schooling years. It is funny that even from a red pen so much emphasis on making mistakes can be felt. Coming from the new understanding that we are forever learning in the school of life, frees us from control and allows for us to be who we are in full.
All too often I see people, including myself, giving ourselves a hard time when we make mistakes. I see the judgement that arises in me and then the self criticism which I then allow to batter me down into feeling not great about myself. This is such an abusive cycle, that in actual fact I am inflicting on myself. But when changing this around and seeing mistakes as just another opportunity to learn something new, it puts a new spin on things which makes life a series of events that we can choose to evolve from or not. Being a forever student, I’m going to try and opt for the latter option as giving myself a hard time doesn’t get anyone anywhere, just the opposite in fact.
I love your playful blog Kelly which holds such an important teaching. It has actually made me realise how I am still looking for perfection in a lot of the things that I do or that I often compare outcomes and expect one thing to be as good as another. But I can really feel in your blog the freedom which letting go of the strive for perfection has given you, which has inspired me to go deeper with my own letting go of ideals. Thank you!
Beautiful Eleanor. What I love about choices and life is that there is always another opportunity to learn something new and that’s pretty awesome for us all. Always learning and always allowing more to unfold.
Having a picture perfect image of how something should be or should turn out is actually a very harmful thing to hold onto. Any time we hold an ideal of how something should look, be or play out then we are shutting doorways on what may actually be possible. We may also end up punishing our selves if it doesn’t turn out how we think, so a convenient set up to never feel good enough. This goes for conversation also, where if we have any ideal of what we need to say or what point we need to get across and how then we end up controlling the discussion. Instead of surrendering completely, and feeling what is there to be said in conversation, for those present in the conversation, and being open for it to go in any direction.
Yes Danielle we become very good contortionists. Bending and manipulating all situations to control an outcome. These patterns just set us up to bash ourselves for not being enough. When we surrender and let go of control, magic unfolds and new opportunities for growth and evolvement flourish.
Absolutely Kelly, the most uncomfortable part to feel is that we are not just bashing ourselves but also everyone else around us and in our life when we live like this.
There are so many ways we can beat ourselves up based on decisions we have made that are not ‘great’ – but in this is also an opportunity to learn from our choices, and we can really learn a lot.
Recently I have been listening to my body and what it needs -and in doing so I am able to clearly distinguish choices that are loving and choices that are not – and it has been very fascinating to observe how my body is feeling based on what is happening around me, or how I am feeling inside.
When I let outside situations affect me I tend to make more unloving choices, when I let how I feel guide me, then my choices are more loving. But what I am enjoying is allowing myself to feel all of this and start to consider not just the choices I make but what is driving them. So to me this confirms that we are aways learning all the time. And it is not about beating ourselves up but rather choosing to be aware of what is going on and why.
That is so true Brendan “Striving for perfection always comes from a lack of acceptance” It is time that we should learn something like this from day one otherwise this merry-go-round will make us feel dizzy and sick and than the doctors will not have a medicine against it.
I agree Brendan, the self criticism is lethal and is far more damaging than the perceived mistake, and like you say uses up far more energy.
Brendan the story of many years of my life, I am starting to deeply appreciate life as a constant learning based our choices. The less I “strive for perfection” in areas of my life the greater I feel in myself about my whole life.
There are no mistakes just an opportunity to learn how freeing and what expansiveness can come from this. The understanding that there is no perfection really does allow one to breathe more deeply let go and just be and takes the pressures we impose on ourselves off lovingly. Thank you for such a great blog and insight offered.
Reading your blog Kelly has reminded me of working on a jigsaw puzzle. When I get stuck, instead of going into my head and get caught up in ‘trying’, I walk away and bring my presence to something else. When I return later I always reach out and connect to the one piece that allows things to flow again. Life is about unfolding and flowing, it is never about entering into judgment or disregard around what is happening.
When we enjoin with the judgment and disregard that is happing around us we are lost in a floatation tank where we rob ourselves of all feeling. You are right ch1956 that life evolves when we stop ‘trying’.
I agree and have experienced this many times, Steve Matson, ‘life evolves when we stop ‘trying’.’
Nice, ch1956, we can obsess over something or allow it to come together,
Beautifully said ch1956 – allowing the loveliness of the flow as opposed to the harshness and force of pushing through.
I love this ch1956. Yes allowing everything to flow and come together in its own time, allows space for us to be ourselves. A beautiful way to be.
Just allowing the love that is, to be there. I am SO inspired.
it is so true, there are no mistakes, because of the greatness we are, everything is a learning and opportunity to see that our expression isn’t always perfect. And that imperfection is all that can be ever achieved, there is true beauty in that. As there is no drive to make it perfect, and no need for a certain outcome.
I agree Benkt, there is beauty in perfection. To me, the imperfection is perfect.
The shift from viewing a mistake being a shameful failure to a learning opportunity is one of the greatest realisations I have had over the years I have worked with Universal Medicine. A mistake is now a door opening, rather than one I have slammed in my face.
Lovely said, Matilda! Same here. I truly welcome every situation that might be named “mistake”. It will always tell me something to learn.
Our life is a work of art and yes, we all have our own pallet to offer the world.
Again a master metaphor: this time to a blog of someone else. It makes me feel the call to offer my every day little master pieces, my way of art by being me. Thanks Joel, Thanks Kelly.
Yes Joel – if we offer our own unique expression, we would all colour the world differently.
“nothing is perfect, everything in life is imperfectly beautiful in its own unique way, much like we are.” Understanding that we are imperfectly beautiful and that in that there is a divine sense of order, and having this as a foundation to come back to when I am feeling like rubbish helps me stop, and come back to myself with less criticism and judgement.
It is true Nicole, there is divine order, thank you for the beautiful reminder.
Kelly this is a lovely sharing, I can understand the drive for perfection especially, when drawing or painting. I used to be part of art class but found there was always that feeling of pressure to do as well as someone else in the group. This I now see as something I don’t want, I am more with pleasing myself these days, no pressure just for pleasure and joy, not competition.
Great point Roslyn, with perfection there always comes the ever so harmful competition.
There are no mistakes in life, but series of opportunities for us all, to choose and learn on the way. Life is full of opportunities, it is our choice to be connected to ourselves and to choose what supports us, there are times when we might make a choice we feel is not quite right, that is a learning and not a mistake, as we have an opportunity to make another choice.
I am just pondering about how much stress in the world today is due to us constantly striving for perfection and not accepting that perfection is not possible.
“nothing is perfect, everything in life is imperfectly beautiful in its own unique way, much like we are”
Once we accept this as truth our lives can be more joyful and less stressful!.
Hi Kelly, there is no such thing as a mistake is indeed a piece of wisdom since every so called mistake gives us an opportunity to learn and grow.
Yes Judy, this is what it comes down to. When we see a mistake as an opportunity there is a great understanding that comes with it.
We are so hard on ourselves with our rigid and militant expectations! It’s interesting that our mind holds an ideal of perfection, which we give our full power too, meanwhile our life is unfolding beautifully which such grace and precision, completely held in love – yet we miss the whole show of evolution because of our mental pictures. We are judging ourselves and life so harshly when in actual fact, something very magical and miraculous is unfolding for us every day.
True Melinda, these pictures are very loud so to speak and seem to ruin what is true. It is only when we start to see that these pictures are never coming from us, that we acknowledge that mistakes are a great learning and a way to evolve when we are open and loving.
This is a good point, Melinda. We miss evolution because of our mental pictures and the investments we have in them.
I love your blog Kelly! Today the gift it’s given me is to not cut any process I am in by focusing on what I perceive as not right, but to let go of expectations and judgments and give myself time and space to see what wants to evolve.
Freeing ourselves from some perceived ideal outcome and/or perfect result, opens up every moment as an opportunity for revelation and learning… every part of the process is equally important rather than just having the end result as the focus. This makes life so much more fun and so much less stressful.
This is true Matilda, this is the only way that there can be a so called ‘mistake’ if we are attached to an ideal of how it should be. If we let go of any ideal of how things should look, be or end up then it’s impossible to make a mistake, because there is not set end point.
I love that Melinda, I am taking a leaf out of your comment today, thank you.
I agree we spend more time beating ourselves up about having made a mistake than the time we have actually spend on making a mistake. And this all only happens because we believe making mistake is bad instead of taking it as a learning.
A Dandelion is still a flower… it is just growing some place we don’t want it to. Nature has no mistakes and continues to evolve!
Wow Brendan that is a really a good point you mentioned and I only can agree – it seems that after making a mistake our self criticism and beating up knows no real end so to speak. And I only can admit that this could be very exhausting. It is really worth pondering about to stop this bashing up as soon as possible as it seems not a really healthy thing to do.
“So never give up on finding your true masterstroke, it is there – it’s not a mistake, it just needs clarity and space to flourish in its own unique way, just like us.” I love this – it is very encouraging and inspiring.
Kelly, your whole blog is full of pearls of wisdom. “Our unique essence is intertwined into everything we express in this world and that includes that single piece of paper I was so haphazardly going to throw away. It was like I was throwing away a piece of me: I was giving up on me. I wasn’t being accepting and allowing time and space to share what is there to be shared when it is ready. So this is true in life and in art, as they are one and the same.” A beautiful reminder that ‘everything is everything’.
“The piece was not perfect in my eyes in that moment; it didn’t meet my perception of what I thought to be pleasing to the eye, so I disregarded it and threw the artwork to the side.” Reading this brought to mind a very old but very true proverb ‘Beauty is in the eye of the beholder’. Once we connect with and appreciate our own beauty it opens our eyes to see the absolute beauty that surrounds us.
Very well said Tamara. This point is missed by so many. We will only see what we allow ourselves to see.
This is a beautiful realisation Kelly “nothing is perfect, everything in life is imperfectly beautiful in its own unique way, much like we are.” A simple yet profound truth.
This is a great point Brendan. The problem is not the mistake but the self criticism that occurs after the mistake has been made. This is what harms us.
The ideal of perfection can be so undermining – a great weapon to use against ourself to hinder our expression!
That was exactly my experience. The more I would hold onto “the ideal of perfection” the more I would stop actually expressing and instead be in the mode of constant calculation and assessment. Very exhausting. The more I let go of that the freer I feel to express me.
I agree David, the more we hold on the more restricted we become. Having given myself the permission to make mistakes has brought an ease to my body and a sense of freedom. After all if we run with the perfectionist way of thinking, it’s just a recipe for lack of self worth and self loathing, as we know the thoughts of perfectionism are extremely harsh towards ourselves.
True Fiona – I can very much relate to what you are saying here, I used to think I could not express a single word until I was absolutely sure that what was being said was ‘perfect’.
It is a great relief to let go of perfection and accept the what is.
I agree Alexandre, letting go of the pictures we have of life to accept it all exactly the way it is, is very freeing and powerfully still.
Lovely said! And this creates the space that allows us to prepare for the new and be open to receive moments to grow. Awesome, isn’t it. And so simple. If we but only choose to!
Yes, absolutely awesome Christina, and as you say ‘so simple’ so lets choose it!
This blog holds such a beauty and blessing for everyone in acknowledging our very own unique essence and expression in full. It brings a joy to life that is so often lost in our seeking to attain the unattainable perfection.
It is the direct speedway to a greater understanding for each other: allowing and accepting the what is. That’s a big part in the base of living together without war. Which is the first step towards a living in love and support for each other in any state of evolving we take.
Where would the fun in life be without mistakes! Oops, is an adventure into discovery.
This is such a rich blog Kelly, with so many gems. I love how you have described just leaving something and giving yourself and it the space to determine what is next. There is an art in feeling when to stop something, knowing that it is complete for now.
I agree Vicky – I have read this blog several times, the gems are multiple. And it is amazing to feel the inspiration that this blog brings out in others by all the comments.
What I love about your blog is the inspiration to see myself through exactly these eyes: the eyes of understanding, openness for the new – and the fact that there are no mistakes, only steps to learn. Immediately I can feel more love for myself. Just in one moment of a choice of surrender and acceptance.
Very powerful to see myself through these eyes of understanding that have no judgement or hardness, but allow myself to lovingly hold myself and to joyfully move on step by step, instead of rushing for perfection and getting lost and exhausted along the way.
Agreeing moment; Michael Kremer: brings up an confirming power* The base to evolve* I love it!
Thanks Christina, knowing that there is no mistakes really stops any self criticism coming in for me, and allows me to be gentle and loving with my self and reach a greater understanding of the choice that was made and the energy in was made in.
Thank you so much for sharing this Kelly. Life is so much more enjoyable when we are not seeking perfection !
Isn’t it Jade.. Letting go of perfection allows an acceptance of how things are.
Jade, I love the simple truth of this – thank you.
These words stand out for me Kelly, “Our unique essence is intertwined into everything we express in this world and that includes that single piece of paper piece of me: I was giving up on me. I wasn’t being accepting and allowing time and space to share what is there to be shared when it is ready. ” Much for me to ponder on thank you.
Love your blog Kelly, and love this – ‘nothing is perfect, everything in life is imperfectly beautiful in its own unique way, much like we are.’ – A fabulous reminder to not hold back our unique and true expression.
I love that sentence as well Eva – yes it is really a good reminder “to not hold back our unique and true expression” and with that allow ourselves to invite the joy and playfulness back into our lives again.
Yes esteraltmiks. The greatest invitation for life, is to express all of us, as uniquely amazing as we are in full. There is nothing better than that.
Beautifully true Eva, a great reminder to us all to see the true beauty and uniqueness in what we all bring to the world.
It is a fabulous reminder Eva that we have a unique and true expression, and all expressions are one, not one is more or less than the other when we live who we truly are.
I love your comment Eva, ‘nothing is perfect, everything in life is imperfectly beautiful in its own unique way, much like we are.’ – A fabulous reminder to not hold back our unique and true expression.’ I spent years being critical of myself for not living up to the perfect picture I had of how I should be, what a waste of time and energy, more and more I adore who I am and do not strive to be a certain way, instead enjoying who I naturally am.
Yes, how can there be perfection, when we live in an imperfect world, ‘everything in life is imperfectly beautiful in its own unique way, much like we are. ‘ What a ‘fabulous reminder to not hold back our unique and true expression.’ Yeah!
Have you ever driven to work and not remembered the trip? Is this not the same as our drive to perfection? By being so in our heads, we miss out everything around us and never reach our destination.
Yes Steve it is like we are on autopilot and never really stop to enjoy the journey as it unfolds in its own time. We can get so stuck on the picture of what the destination will be like that we shut ourselves off to everything else just to reach that elusive place of perfection.
How very timely and appropriate that I’m reading this now as I am about to embark on a 7-8 hour drive home from visiting my father. Thank you Steve and Kelly for the wonderful opportunity to enjoy the journey.
I agree Steve, seeking perfection is like seeking the unobtainable, and in the process of focusing intently on the perceived goal we are in danger on missing out on the actual truth of the situation.
And the disappointment of never reaching the destination is a hard one to swallow. I just had this this week where I set myself some pretty unobtainable goals (or not really clear ones) and when I got to the end of the week, I spent the day in anxious energy because i was not where I wanted to be. And it discounts what actually went on during the week.
Good point Steve, we miss out on so much by holding so tightly onto a picture of what life should look life, and then wonder why things have gone so wrong when something or someone comes along and smashes our picture.
Absolutely Steve, I have worked on a painting or carving, so intent on getting it to be perfect that it is all I want to do, missing out on everything around me, never being able to reach the end because I can always do or make it better, there is a point where I just have to stop, because the striving for perfection would have me go on forever.
So true Steve, when Im thinking I feel that I miss out on what is happening in the present moment, and this puts a stress on my body by trying to live in the past or future.
Kelly what you have shared in your amazing blog is gold. How easy life would be if we allowed ourselves to be more aware of this wonderful experience you have made: “I wasn’t being accepting and allowing time and space to share what is there to be shared when it is ready.”
Indeed esteraltmiks, perfection is distracting us so powerfully from all the gold that we are, bring and have in every moment.
Good call Michael. The striving for perfection, which is an illusion, is a complete distraction. To attempt to become perfect we have to constantly look at and think about what we are ‘doing wrong’. Yes, what a distraction indeed!
“There is really no such thing as a mistake, for every day opens up new opportunities to explore with a greater understanding in all facets of life”. This blog is sharing something so important to come back to at times as it is the basis of life and the learnings from it and why we are all here on earth. Remembering we have a choice and that there are often no real right and wrongs as we are quick to go into instead of seeing and appreciating the learning offered. This makes for a very different loving way of living and evolution for us all thank you, Kelly.
Its true Tricanicholson – appreciating the learning offered rather than being anxious or crushed by getting it wrong would be a far more loving way of living and evolving.
Tricianicholson, I too am learning that there is no need to attach oneself to the belief that there is set in concrete ‘the right way or the wrong way’ that seems to have been our programming for a very long time, perhaps even before childhood in this lifetime and I am discovering for myself also there are no ‘ mistakes’ – only opportunities to grow in wisdom. I remember hearing many years ago a strong proponent of perfectionism would repeat to assist me to also attain the goal of perfectionism “good, better, best, never let it rest, till the good is better and the better best”. I see now, quite a set up for anxiety and stress as a consequence.
Wow Roberta this is a huge set up for feeling you have never done enough and or feeling you are never enough.
“good, better, best, never let it rest, till the good is better and the better best”. This shows us the way we keep ourselves in this idea of perfection, the driven way of life with no end to it.
So true Kelly, ‘Perfection is not an achievable goal. It’s an endless road that just comes with more obstacles. It pushes us out of our natural rhythm into a never-ending game of trying to achieve an unobtainable marker that depletes us “quick sticks.”
True Jenny, the seeking of perfection is incredibly draining what Kelly shares shows when we give ourselves time and space, things unfold in the most unexpected ways.
Yes seeking perfectionism is very draining and limiting, it is us wanting things to be the way we want them to be, in effect control. Whereas surrendering and allowing allows for a natural unfolding of something greater than us.
Yes, Jenny, perfection is a perfect way never to change and to be in seeming complete control.
Spot on Christoph – ‘complete control’.
At work I am currently faced with challenges which have allowed me to realise that perfection can not be attained and that all we can do is to work on bringing all of our true selves to each moment and choice we encounter.
Perfection is simply an unobtainable ideal, designed to confirm for us our own lack of self worth. For what is perfect? There is always a flaw, even in the most perfect diamond. To one who is looking for a soft cushion for their head, a diamond is the most imperfect thing in the world. And so we can find fault with anything, if that is our underlying intent, allowing ourselves to be deceived by our own perception of what we think we need the world to be.
How boring would life be without messing up? How can we grow if we are never challenged… we would just become hydroponically grown heads of lettuce in a factory.
Perfection is not an achievable goal and knowing this allows so much freedom and expansion to just be the love we are. I love this blog and all you share.Mistakes are just an opportunity for learning and this is an amazing realisation to live with. What a beautiful blog thank you
No Mistakes: Just a New Learning – this has become something I now tell myself when I am looking for something to be hard on myself for. Catching those thoughts and refusing to entertain them is one of the most healthy things we can do for ourselves, along with having appreciation. If we don’t allow ourselves to make mistakes we are just setting ourselves up for failure, because we will never be good enough.
So true Julie, catching those thoughts of being hard on oneself and making the choice not to entertain them is definitely “one of the most healthy things we can do for ourselves” – for when you allow one thought like that to slip by without addressing it, similar thoughts multiply quickly.
Could it be that we know exactly what we are doing and that the ‘never good enough’ has actually become a comfortable place to stay, as it confirms that we can stay small and contracted?
In re-reading you blog Kelly I came to the understanding that indeed we do not make mistakes, but everything we experience is just a new learning. I come from the understanding that making mistakes is wrong and self judgements like ‘I should know better’, ‘how could someone who pretends to be that smart be able to make that mistake’ popped up instantly. I can now see that for me that I glorified my intelligence and lived from there, pretending myself to be someone that does not make any mistakes in life. But how different life actually seem to be, we are just allowed to make mistakes, as everybody does. We are all on our way of return to the grandness we originate from and the path to that is just a way of re-learning, remembering what we deep inside already know. And because we have not lived this for such a long time it seems that we are making mistakes but in fact these are just new learnings in our return back to soul.
I really appreciate the quality of space in relationships and allowing one another to arrive at learnings with grace.
The fascinating thing about perfectionism is that who in fact decides what perfect is? We all have something unique and what seems perfect to me, is for another far from perfect. That just shows that perfectionism does not exist, only what is true or what is no true.
Yes indeed Mariette – what may seem perfect to me could be far from perfect for another. Blows comparison out of the water.
Seeking perfection feels stifling, I feel it inhibits our true inspirational work from being produced when it is sought “Perfection is not an achievable goal. It’s an endless road that just comes with more obstacles.” I used to worry about making mistakes a lot, I still do come up against it as an issue some times, I could feel it almost paralyse me from trying new things or stepping off my comfort zone. Learning to appreciate what we call ‘mistakes’ as learnings changes life.
If we judge something as a mistake or failure we set ourselves up to be critical with ourselves or others. If we see it as learning with the understanding that we are not perfect we choose to be loving with ourselves and others.
Would life not be such a bore if we ever stopped learning, especially if we were too pig headed to accept that we were wrong and learn from it. At times I need to learn things over and over again and in many different ways before they become part of who I am. Call me slow and I won’t argue with you. Only yesterday I was reminded of the fact of how my life is so much about self and how little my big picture was at the moment.
It is pointless to strive for perfection, for this can never happen, yet we give ourselves a hard time for not being perfect. Making mistakes is how we learn and it also keeps us humble. Life can be a beautiful learning ground of exploration and discovery if we allow our curiosity and let go of constantly having to get it right.
Yes Rebecca the joy that playful curiosity brings opens up space for such learning.
I know how hard I can be on myself – but it doesn’t stop there, it will be the way I would hold the others and the world too – expecting them to deliver and meet my expectation, unforgiving of mistakes – and I have learnt that the life can only be a struggle this way.
Perfection is complicated, what I find is if I am willing to be honest I can instead accept how things have worked out. When I deliver a session to a group of people I know in my own body if it is a good session or not. But I can often complicate this by wondering how it was received, in spite of actually knowing the quality that was delivered. In this simplicity of my own feelings, I can reflect on where I need to improve aspects of how I presented, and how the lifestyle choices I make will support this with more clarity in my body, but this all needs to be done with no picture of perfection, and not relying on external feedback, just a willingness to keep working to offer more.
Yes Shirley-Ann I have had those times too where something like you are describing happens and you are able to just move on and start again, and then there have been times where the situation seems to be more personal and causes a reaction, and that’s when judgements can sneak in. I am learning to catch those times more now though and remind myself, it’s a choice I have made, but nevertheless, I am still amazing.
This blog reminds me of how sometimes I want something in my time, on my terms, rather than letting it unfold naturally and appreciating the grandness of this.
It does make you wonder Gill, especially as we all have different ideas of what perfect is, so being perfect cannot exist but we still strive for it in some aspect of our lives or should I say many aspects of our lives. It seems to me to be just another way to be self abusive, because with perfectionism you never let yourself off the hook and the goal posts keep changing. Like a dog chasing it’s tail.
I feel our entrapment with ‘perfection’ is entwined with our ‘ideal and beliefs’. We create pictures about how things ‘should be’ and we strive to meet these pictures, this will mean we’ve ‘made it’. However, these pictures are all false, ideals and beliefs are a trap to keep us separate. Once we let them go we start to understand what life is truly about, we start to see the big picture and feel the liberation and joy in allowing ourselves just to be who we naturally are.
When my children were young and we went somewhere in the car and it would appear that I was lost (men don’t ask for directions), I would reply that we were just site seeing and finding a new way to someplace we had never been before. Most times we would discover new places and things we would never have seen… if I had stopped and asked for directions.
Kelly reading this is very supportive of the truth I know I need to absolutely connect to; “Each piece of artwork was able to be exactly how it was, with no attachment to an outcome or push for perfection.” While it isn’t actually artwork it is still a piece of art where all the components will come together. It is in the ‘getting it right’ approach that causes the strain and stops the learning that might be just what is required if/when it arises.
Beautifully expressed Sandra. Yes ‘getting it right,’ is a one way street which goes on forever into the distance and you never really see another side street to change into. But when we are not attached to an outcome the roads are there in all directions and you have much more opportunities to experience much learning. The joy on the open road, with the wind in your hair is glorious.
Yes thats beautiful Sandra and Kelly. There is not joy in “getting it right”. But it feels spacious and playful if we just open to experience what will happen in whatever we do.
Coming back to this blog and the comments was a great reminder that mistakes are made, perfectionism is a self-created and maintained tension and that there is always a lesson in every part of life should we allow ourselves to be open to them and not closed down in a strive to get everything ‘right’ or drive to not be ‘wrong’. Thank you.
I agree Leigh as I knew I would never be perfect I rather choose to give up and not even try which is not a great approach to live neither. And it stopped me from learning and doing new things, I rather played small and stayed safe doing only things which weren’t too challenging. This has very much changed now!
‘I’m not perfect so why bother’ is a HUGE thing in the world that goes about it’s say unspoken. Like you say Janina it hasn’t done us any good. The most successful people, success being gauged by the vitality, joy and love they have in their lives, I know in life are those who have embraced being imperfect.
Yes I too felt safe in the comfort of playing small Janina. Not being fearful of playing and trying new things brings such lightness and joy to life. We become grand from the life learning every moment of the day. The stress and tension I used to hold in my body has greatly reduced too. Our bodies say yes to play too.
Yes, Kelly our bodies love to be playful and experiment, being set free of any outcome, simply the magic and joy of the moment is everything it needs.
‘perfectionism is a self-created and maintained tension’ – very well said Leigh. Perfectionism is a game we are playing, an excuse for not being all that we are. In fact it is the perfect (pun intended) set up to keep ouselves small.
Thats really beautiful Brendan. We can actually do exactly the same thing in two different ways. We can observe, understand and learn form a mistake with a smile on our face and being caring and gentle about ourselves.
Or – we can do the same thing while berating ourselves and being very critical and harsh.
What is the point of the latter? It does not achieve anything.
There are so many people that are berating themselves when they make mistakes and consider it to be part of normal life. Instead of living a life being pessimistic we just need to look up and carry on. It is a simple choice.
It is a very strong habit perhaps partly fueled from beliefs held onto from my catholic upbringing to be repentant and overly attached to my mistakes, hanging onto and rehashing the gnawing feeling in my stomach and giving myself a hard time. I do it far less now and I have learnt that it does not resolve or heal nor is it true. There is forever learning I am not perfect nor is anyone asking me to be expect myself when I want to give me a hard time.
Loved your blog-Kelly. What stood out for me was the reminder that when we push to get a result or are impatient with ourselves, nothing works- we get into an emotion rut. The reason being we aren’t accepting and allowing time and space to share what is there to be shared when it is ready.
And the importance of surrendering to the need to control the outcome, trusting and knowing that we are enough.
“The continual push for attaining perfection leads me to exhaustion and a never-ending story plays out in my head of other ways I can reach my desired point. It’s a brutal path that inevitably leads nowhere.”, I can completely relate to this, there use to be a time when I would constantly strive for perfection, it was exhausting and made me very ill sometimes. When I came to understand there is no such thing as perception, but a forever learning, I felt such a relief letting that behaviour go.
Perfection is a unrealistic desiree of being someone that is based on a ideal picture of what we are told is required to be normal. When you stop and read it and see it for what it is then it looks and sounds as ridiculous as it reads. To be who you are and allow yourself to evolve there needs to be a grace in learning. Allowing yourself to be where you are at and what needs to be shown to you at that time.
Perfectionism is indeed a brutal path that leads to nowhere but misery and self-destruction. Time to give ourselves and others a break. The more we stop that form of judgement, and rather appreciate and confirm who we innately are and what we are, then naturally we will grow into a greater and more true version of ourselves and everything else gets taken care of along the way.
Are mistakes just the right answer to the wrong question?
I really like that Steve Matson.
Very playful and fun. How life should be!
“I wasn’t being accepting and allowing time and space to share what is there to be shared when it is ready.” I also looked back over the time of a relationship and realised that everything happened in the perfect order for me to come to the awareness of what I needed to understand and heal. Being in the understanding and acceptance of this then allowed me to know there were definitely no mistakes. I could then appreciate even more of what the relationship was bringing by reflection for me and the other person.
I had a picture of how a relationship ‘should’ look and didn’t appreciate that it had it’s own points of reflection for me to stop and understand what it was showing me. Fortunately I didn’t ‘throw it away’ and I am only now appreciating the beauty that was there all along.
I love this Elizabeth, and a great place to find yourself in on seeing the reflection and appreciating what was there. A win win all around.
How strange is it in our pursuit of perfection we sacrifice ourselves!
Great comment Steve Matson, This is an age old dilemma and one that definitely needs uprooting
Classic point Steve – it is often the ridiculousness of a situation we avoid in order not to accept that it is ridiculous, in this instance sacrificing who we are for an unattainable that doesn’t actually exist.
Indeed Steve – it seems to be a game most people learn to play from a very young age.
I’ve noticed that there is a tendency to act all knowing when someone has a ‘higher’ position and there is little value or appreciation towards those that seems to hold a lesser job. It creates a them and us situation. Also the greatest mistake is holding someone higher than ourselves because of position or title, causing great separation with behaviours and thoughts that devalue ourselves.
So true, matthew brown, this can also be said about those who are very wealthy … maybe this is where the sense of ‘entitlement’ comes from, because others have ‘pandered’ to them.
Good point Matthew. I have played along with this false pretense and found it leaves us both lesser. It is much better to let our natural talents flow without expectations or competition.
‘Perfection is not an achievable goal. It’s an endless road that just comes with more obstacles. It pushes us out of our natural rhythm into a never-ending game of trying to achieve an unobtainable marker that depletes us “quick sticks”.
The continual push for attaining perfection leads me to exhaustion and a never-ending story plays out in my head of other ways I can reach my desired point. It’s a brutal path that inevitably leads nowhere’ – beautifully said Kelly.
Trying to obtain perfection is like being a rally driver driving on unpaved mountain roads without guardrails and driving fast. It requires all of your attention all of the time. It is physically and mentally exhausting… crashing is factored in as just the part of the process. The finish line is never the end.
The ‘aha’ moments are beautiful, and happen when we allow ourselves to stay in observation and appreciation about our unfolding learning in life.
Beautifully said Jenny – “observation and appreciation about our unfolding learning in life” is key.
My feeling is as well, that the entire education system doesn’t support us at all to be who we are. I’m asking myself, why had I chosen this school, this teacher and this person, who tries to tell me, that my worth depends on how I perform and if I make mistakes or not.
I agree with what is being expressed here about education, but I feel the way we educate is a reflection of how we are all living, and how in general children are given the message of right and wrong, good or bad from the beginning, from their parents, and the adults around them. Perhaps, like all things, it begins with ourselves, not just the educators, changing our ideals and beliefs around what it is to allow a child to grow and develop in their own true way, in thier own time.
When a new situation starts to take shape, I am learning to already at that point let myself know that there will inevitably be some mistakes made on my part. This is not to say that I am setting myself up for failure, but rather because I am allowing myself to be aware of the fact that I still have so much to learn about life, and especially about relationships.
I wonder if there is anyone perfect in the world? Obviously the answer is no – there is no such person, and yet many strive for it!
Yes Heather, a great way to chase our tails!
I suppose that as long as we are distracted by an idea of perfection ‘out there’ that we can seek to achieve, we don’t have to look inside to find we don’t need it, because we are enough.
As you say, Heather, there is no such thing as a perfect person. Perfect suggests you can’t improve in anyway, that just is not so, ever. We never stop learning, unless we choose to do so. Each and every one of us has a different path through life, depending on our past choices and things are constantly constellating around us because of our choices, presenting the opportunity for learning, acceptance and new choices.
Yes Heather this ideal is ever sort and strived for – yet as you say has never been attained. Ever.
This is brilliant Kelly I love how you share about perfection ‘It’s a brutal path that inevitably leads nowhere.’ This has been my experience time and time again – slowly I am letting go of the need to control every step to achieve a result that in an instant is no longer perfect because everything is changing all of the time. The path is also shifted to search and strive for more – it literally never ends. Time to get off and stop this game.
these words rung true for me to. Perfectionism is a truly brutal path than lead to nowhere, well to, frustration, drive, control etc…
This has recently been shown to me in minute detail and eye opening as it is the default message to choose, this has been stuck and persistent in every little thing I have done. The subtlety and disguised perfectionism is equally as brutal for when you realise the depth of control and drive it hurts to the bone.
I was reminded of an interview I saw of a young woman who was asked how she felt about being a sex symbol. She replied, “who’s to decide who’s sexy?” And that stuck with me. Who says what’s perfect or beautiful as we are all unique in so many ways and can be appreciated in so many ways. So we can enjoy each moment of what we do and who we are when we are truly present and love that with open hearts.
Yes Amanda – the only authority on beauty is the emanating heart.
“Perfection is not an achievable goal”. When I sit with this phrase, I realize the absoluteness of this. Life is a forever unfolding and expanding process. There is a flow and requires surrender and willingness to co-create with it. I find there is a big difference between choosing love, truth and harmony or choosing ‘perfection’.
‘Perfection’ has us impose our own thoughts, beliefs and judgments on the world. In contrast going forward with love, truth, harmony requires reading the moment and saying ‘no’ to what is not aligned to that energy as well as making responsible choices.
I agree Golnaz. One could say that the pursuit of perfection is, by definition, anti-evolutionary.
“I wasn’t being accepting and allowing time and space to share what is there to be shared when it is ready”. This is very resonant. And particularly timely for me. A strive for perfection, a lack of acceptance and appreciation of everything that already is, means that I can miss the gold that confirms this to be true – thus keeping me on the merry-go-round of pursuit of perfection.
Thank you ottobathurst – a beautifully honest awareness you’ve shared here. I’ve heard say many times that there is NO perfection here, yet there is an aspect of us that is divine. So in being blinded by the pursuit of perfection we loose sight of the beauty and majesty of imperfection. It’s a slimy trick really, to be after something and on a constant mission for something that is effectively unattainable.
It’s funny. When I first read this comment I thought it said “..it is a simple trick…” Then I re-read and saw that is said “…it is a slimy trick..”. Slimy is much, much better!!! Reptilian, sneaky, stealth. It is our absolute responsibility to self-appreciate and to honour the beauty of everything that we are, warts and all.
Trying to obtain perfection is like spinning plates on sticks. You need to constantly keep adding plates and it requires everything to try and maintain it, which is always an epic fail in the end with everything crashing to the floor. Life is like a pinball machine and being the ball, failure is not the end of the game just learning how life can bring up unexpected things on our path and how to react or not to them.
Love the visuals Steve – it is just how it is!
Constantly spinning and not wanting any of them to fall – how relentless this pursuit is…
This needs to be taught at such a young age that you never make a mistake, that we are here to learn and that it is about exploring life and feeling what is right for you. I know my life would have been completely different if I was introduced to the way I live with this knowing and grace. I have to remind myself on a regular basis as it has been my default mode to beat myself up for not getting it right and have ridiculous expectations on myself which also leads to having them from others.
Lets face it, we do make mistakes but there is no mistake about making mistakes because the lesson for us is in the mistake. We’ve just come to see a mistake as something dreadful instead of the love and truth available to us in that moment. My biggest moments of truth have been in the mistake. If we start to embrace this word, reimprint its purpose, then we will welcome the mistakes.
‘So never give up on finding your true masterstroke, it is there – it’s not a mistake, it just needs clarity and space to flourish in its own unique way, just like us.’ ….. this is beautiful Kelly, thank you. When we take away the trying, it’s amazing what magic is there, just waiting to shine through.
Absolutely Alison, I have experienced when I let go of what I think it should look like, the magic then happens, and I realise I had myself in the way of what was there to see all along.
Beautifully expressed Alison. When we get ourselves out of the way and let go of trying to make things happen the way we want them to, ie controlling situations, then we allow the space for the magic to happen. We can end up learning so much about oursleves that we didn’t know about before.
Maybe there is a knowing that living in a human body has restrictions and is felt on some level, so we get caught seeking something that is greater but it is unattainable physically.
I love what you say here Matthew, we have to appreciate where we are at, and although we are that much more, we have once chosen to descend into our physical bodies and because of this choice we have lost the abilities that were available to us without living in this body. Now we have to learn, to the best of our abilities, how to live our lives with the knowing that we are that much more than our physical body and five senses are making us to believe we are, and to be open and willing to surrender to the possibilities that this understanding brings.
That is such a great question Gill – where did we get the idea we were designed to be perfect when it just holds us back from accepting ourselves just as we are and encourages self bashing when we don’t feel we are quite up there in the perfection stakes.
I loved to read and to ponder on this peace of blossoming art, you have written here, Kelly. So true, if we are just striving for perfection, it is the only thing we are looking at, even not knowing, how it would maybe look like, because it is unachievable. As it “should” as striving for perfection is a part of an self-abusing behaviour to not realize the awesomeness down to our feet, ready to blossom. So your stop moment, to not look with the critical and perfection eye, but with the loving eye is gold. How much beauty is then able to fortune us – just, because we are able to become aware of it, as it is always there. In us and around.
Kelly thank you for your writing on perfection as this destroys our relationship with ourselves if we strive for it. I love how you suggest to walk away, give your self some space and then come back to what you were doing and reassess.
Beautiful Sally. We can tend to get a little bit of tunnel vision when we are focused on an end result. Giving ourselves space can just open up our awareness and new opportunities can be available that we may not have seen.
Yes Kelly, focussing and keeping our eye on the ball, is an expanding awareness that includes everything.
Yes, the sheer fact when talking to another of trying to achieve them to understand something is a mistake and it can be difficult not to regret that mistake.
Each piece of artwork was allowed with no push or drive for a perfect result. How about we treat our selves in the same way.
!!! Good call Josephine. We are tougher on ourselves than we are on anything else.
We are all tougher on ourselves, and that toughness can spill out onto others as unrealistic expectations. It’s worth addressing the root cause, committing to appreciating ourselves, and letting the love and joy that we naturally are be our new normal.
Yes Heather. It can feel like I am wading through treacle. But the craziness is that the treacle is all my own making – it is me that makes the path a hard one to tread. And when I commit to the self appreciation and walk in everything that I ALREADY am, then….well then, it’s just super simple.
This seems to be the normal and I know I have found myself at times really being hard on myself and the spiral of feeling like I am the worst person in the world is a dark place to be. Letting go of this and giving myself the grace to learn has been a game changer.
Oh wow Josephine! I am my own work of art.
Copy that Simplesimon888!
Absolutely Josephine – this should be taught at school as I feel it’s quite the opposite that happens there. Perhaps school is where we learnt to be critical and self judgmental with all the competition and race for the good grades to get approval. I remember mistakes being seen as stupidity, or at least that’s how I felt when I made one. We teach children to get along with each other and play together, but do we teach them to get along with themselves?
Simply and beautifully put Rachael. No, I don’t remember ever being taught to get along with or love myself, I thought I had to get it all from the outside.
A great point Rachael – do we teach the children to simply get along with themselves? To trust that they are enough, irrespective of the ‘mistakes’, which is really just an opportunity for learning and understanding.
“The best part is that my stress levels for getting to the desired destination of perfection have dissipated and I enjoy the journey a whole lot more.” This is such a great point Kelly. When I let go of how it ‘should’ be, I found I can really enjoy the situation just as it is.
I agree Kelly and Lieke there is a whole lot of tension that we carry in the body when we are arriving for perfection. Enjoying ourselves as we do things is so much more fun and freeing.
Love what you say about enjoying ourselves Sally, makes me wonder, is perfection enjoyable? What happens if we manage to achieve it, does it mean we have to do it again, or do we not even try for fear of failing. That feels really stressful to me, give me imperfect enjoyment any time.
That is so true Sally and for me it is not only a lot of tension it is also happening that I was disconnected to have a lot of joy – joy just disappears in the presence of perfection and so everything becomes heavy and sometimes even more complicated.
Love what you are saying Esther, perfection takes the joy out of things. Ernest, serious, nothing else matters is the name for perfection, no time to smile and have fun. Perfection is a very serious matter, very stiff.
Yes Lieke it’s as if we are giving ourselves space. It feels so good in the body too, when we let go of the pictures we carry of what the destination will look like.
You remind me Lieke of how we can laugh at our mistakes and be very light around them. I am aware of how, when I make a mistake whilst presenting a course at work – which happens often – there is a moment of tension in the room which I just acknowledge and am playful about, making the mistake a natural part of the process and permission for the participants to be light and have fun too. Learning can be fun and light when we take all the tension and need for perfection out of it.
Yes so true richardmills363 and it is the way to feel we are all the same making little mistakes. It is when we feel that we are absolutely fine the way we are that this is possible to do.
It is so freeing to not take oneself too seriously and to be in the playful flow of life.
I agree richardmills363, when no perfection is expected or aimed for then there is a willingness to learn in a way that does not exist if there is a pressure for perfection.
Reading your comment, richardmills363, I can feel how pivotal the way in which we accept and deal with our mistakes is. The fact that you are playful would immediately endear you even more (if that’s possible) to your students. You’re showing them you’re ‘real’, everyone makes mistakes and it’s no big deal. If you reacted, felt embarrassed, lost your mojo, people would feel uncomfortable and possibly start to disengage to protect themselves from feeling your angst. I’m starting to feel there’s no such thing as a mistake, just another opportunity to learn and maybe, choose differently.
‘Learning can be fun and light when we take all the tension and need for perfection out of it.’ All it takes is a different approach to life and a different understanding of what is really important.
What a way to live life – enjoying learning each day and evolving – playfully and simply – instead of being stressed and anxious at the thought of not getting it ‘right’.
Ahhh… a fresh breath of allowing as opposed to the heated grunt of trying. Life is meant to be lived, not mulled over and beaten into a way that fits a mould. Who said it was the right way anyway? Love your comment Simon – bring on playful and simple living!
She true to me too Lieke and to me this reveals to me that perfection is something we in a way have learned to strive to but in truth seems to be something that is unachievable in our daily lives and in the activities we perform. Life to me seems to not be about perfection at all, but is about to live the life that is needed, needed to support not only myself but everybody equally with. And when I do that to the best of my ability, could I say I live a perfect life or is it just what it is, ‘to the best of my ability’ and I go for the latter as perfect sounds for me as being complete, finished, and end product, but there is always that next step in life to evolve to which we would stop to do if we would have reached the perfection. Therefore to me perfection is a false idea and when I choose for that I will loose sight of the next step and stop in my evolution.
With no controlling expectations or rigid outcome life is a wonderfully rich, spacious and playfull.
“Perfection is not an achievable goal. It’s an endless road that just comes with more obstacles.” Absolutely agree – if we were taught this from an early age, life would be so very different.
Indeed, perfection is such a distraction from everything life has to offer, as it kind of blindfolds us for anything other than the goal we have set.
The perfection of nature is in its imperfection, leaves of different shapes, clouds of different colours, and an ocean that changes in every second. It is the same for people, none of us are the same, not a single two people, and yet we strive for some ideal of perfection. Time to change the game.
True Michael, and what a horrible way to go through life, blinkered so we cannot enjoy the beauty life has to offer when we allow ourselves to not only accept but celebrate our imperfections.
‘Perfection’ is an outside distraction taking us further away from the fact that we already have what we think we are looking for. What a trick!
Well said Michael. Perfection is like being blindfolded. In the blinding thoughts get fed that perpetuate the cycle until the choice to see the truth again is made.
This is a great point you make Heather, there is nothing that is identical in this world when it comes to our natural form and yet we have made perfection our goal. We have really set ourselves up and it is indeed time to change this default.
Very true Michael, I have been told that self appreciation is the antidote for this poisoned perception. ‘Coincidentally’ one of the issues that I am working on right now.
Spectacular and life changing! How many of us are imprisoned by an image of perfection we will never achieve.
Which in truth just keeps us busy and distracted from the things we do not want to see.
This is true Hannah. I remember feeling so much pressure to be perfect growing up.
Yes Abby, it crazy the pressure we create for ourselves when we succumb to these ideas of perfection.
Yes, Abby the pressure of getting it right, perfection, and achieving was massive.
I agree Abby, and not just as I was growing up but well into my adult life. In fact, it was not until I came across Serge Benhayon’s teachings that I understood how much this pressure had affected my life.
Yes Abby I can relate to that feeling and I can still fall into that pattern every now and then. Fortunately I recognize it for the illusion that it is and make different choices.
“Perfection is not an achievable goal. It’s an endless road that just comes with more obstacles.” I absolutely agree also Hannah. Perfection is such a debilitating way of being in the world.
Yes Shirl, it’s well and truly time to try a different tack and kick this perfection business to the kerb. All we have to lose is a recurring sense of failure and never being good enough.
Yes Shirl. Perfection cripples our true expression and that is debilitating for us and the world. Everyone loses in the game of perfection.
Yes Shirl , it crushes the fullness and lightness that we naturally are.
This is what we are taught to be from a very early age, a picture of something other than who we truly are. We may not be consciously aware of it at the time and we definitely forget it as the years pass on but when we experience life and ourselves as perfectly imperfect (just the way we are) we begin to uncover the deceitful picture that plagues mankind all over.
A deceitful picture indeed Cherise – one that forever hovers just out of reach. Being a slave to this picture is no way to live.
Jane that is simply beautiful – to love one’s imperfections just as much as one’s qualities is an awesome place to be. And it’s true, when you walk in the world with this acceptance of yourself, not only do you continue to learn (and appreciate) more about yourself, you walk with an openness that allows you to connect with and understand others on a whole new level.
Truly beautifully said Jane – it is indeed something humbling about the fragility of knowing we are imperfect, and a forever opportunity for learning and deeper understanding.
What an interesting view of the world for what it would be like if everyone from an early age was encouraged to strive to be themselves!
Yes Steve, or if we were encouraged to simply be ourselves, no striving required, simply encouraged and supported to feel that we are already enough.
I love it very much what you have shared about imperfection – it is very inspiring and invites me to see my imperfection in a much easier way.
Beautiful and touching comment Jane, ‘There is something humbling about the fragility of knowing I am imperfect..’ I am looking forward to getting there too.
In reading the comments to this blog I am inspired to really feel the beauty in making mistakes. In it we can feel the support that is all around us to keep evolving back to who we truly are by ceaselessly being offered learning opportunities, the grace and humbleness of accepting that making mistakes is part of being human and the expansion when the learning has been accepted.
Over the past few years I have been learning how to be with myself when I make a mistake. I used to really criticize myself and consider myself totally foolish when I made a so-called mistake. These days I learn so much when things do not go according to how I think they should go.
Absolutely agree Elizabeth, when I am training staff at work I actually encourage them to make mistakes, because that’s when the real learning occurs, when things don’t go according to plan. Not only do you learn more about the system you are working with, but you gain a greater sense of confidence that you can handle whatever situation you are presented with, rather than going into shock or panic.
It is incredible just how exhausting it is for our bodies to try and get something so-called ‘right’. It uses up so much energy because it takes us away from ourselves in the effort to be something that we are not. If we connect, trust and allow, it is all there, no effort required.
Yes I agree Donna it is simply exhausting to want things to be a certain way. I feel always like fighting the flow of life and vitality when I am doing that.
There is so much freedom that we have, to just learn from our mistakes when we realise that there is no perfection attainable in this life. For perfection fits in with the right and wrong in life and if you don’t get it right then comes in the judgments, the comparisons, the beating up on one’s self with the, I should haves and could haves and then it would be right or perfect, what a bind we place ourselves in living this way.
I don’t know what you are all talking about I am perfect the way I am; Yeah if only. Looking at every mistake as a learning does actually mean there are no mistakes if we go on learning, but sometimes I feel as if I have been making the same mistakes for thousands of years, stuck on a carousel watching the same things happen over and over again.
Actually you are Kevmchardy!
Perfection is such a trap – unattainable, aloof, removed from reality, otherworldly and something to beat ourselves up with, the lack of it that is.
Gabriele, well said. And with that trap we not only retard our evolution but we degrade it. Through approaching life as a cycle of ongoing learnings and unfolding I’ve found I’ve been far more willing to take responsibility for what I do or how I feel. Holding the ideal of perfection, something I did for many years, simply cemented my irresponsibility.
I can totally relate David, holding onto the ideal of perfection makes it near impossible to take self-responsiblity as it simply hurts too much to feel that you have not lived up to the ideal and failed in some way – surely there is someone or something you can blame?! The only way out of this torturous cycle, is as you say, to approach life “as a cycle of ongoing learnings and unfolding”.
Kelly, I love how you were able to pause the moment and see the greater reflection on offer. That the quality of the ‘end product’ is the sum total of the quality of every movement that has got us there. If we produce something in drive and obsess over the end product, we lace the outcome with the expectation, no matter how ‘good’ the final piece may look. That is, the quality of energy with which we produce a work of art, or perhaps a book, an email, a presentation etc. will determine the quality of energy that imbues that final piece and therefore the quality of energy received by those who receive it. I love your ending paragraph. We need more reminders to remember to give ourselves space for the beauty to unfold.
The endless strive for perfection is a game we play to thwart what is otherwise so natural for us to express – love. By making it about an ‘end product’ we focus all our attention on something that lies externally to us when really, our true masterpiece lies in our ability to express the love we are in every thought, word, action and gesture – no perfection required, just the ‘all that we are’ expressed from where we are at.
As you say ‘enjoying the journey’, if we allow ourselves to learn to let go of the shadow of mistakes in our lives, we empower ourselves to say, it is ok we can learn from this, it is an opportunity to heal and develop ourselves further.
Katie, this is absolutely true, profound and said so simply: Often the greatest of learnings have unfolded from so called mistakes.
Great learning indeed; perfection is not attainable, nor needed. Thank you for sharing your observation for us to ponder on. I love your words: Never give up on yourself – what a great point, because if we get caught in striving for perfection, we inevitably can feel like a failure, as perfection does not exist – a great trap to fall into and then the next step is just there, where we could give up on ourselves. It needs to be exposed for the lie it is, to keep us from re-connecting how amazing we really are.
When using the right or wrong approach, it conforms you to a rigid set of rules and has to ‘be’s, something the body definitely does not flow well with. When you bring focus to whether something is true or not, then now we’re talking true nourishment and expansion in the body.
I embrace my ‘mistakes’ more and more – they provide me with the opportunity to read the energy behind what occurred and as long as I understand myself as the subject of energy and not the creator of it there is no judgement possible, just the space for an a-ha moment. They are the antidote to the perfection ideal.
An antidote to the perfection ideal! Now that is something worth sitting up and taking note of. We have all subscribed in some way or another to trying to make things perfect when there is no such a thing. I agree that the more I come to understand that I am the subject of energy the more I understand that there is no such a thing as perfection or a mistake, just an opportunity to feel where I was at within myself when I made the so called “mistake” and then to learn from that.
Yes Elizabeth and Helen, having no judgement is the antidote for that ‘perfection ideal’ and it allows to go deeper and focus on the quality of beingness we live moment to moment.
The perception of being right or wrong is limited and part of a set of conditions we individually apply – it is entirely self-serving.
I am constantly recognising how I apply this to things and justify it with the pictures I carry of how things should be. All this does is tick the box that validates me as the centre of my creation which is completely untrue and yet perversely satisfying for the part of me that seeks this kind of identification.
I love your sentence “I never know where I will end up”. That you were able to create space and to have no attachment to the outcome, is very inspiring to me.
In the past I felt always driven to achieve something and the result was, I was very exhausted. Today I know it is not about the “doing” it is about the “being” first and to be me is enough.
I totally agree – there is a huge freedom and surrender in this line I definitely do not yet experience on a daily basis. Almost like a deep knowing the future holds everything it needs to and there’s no need to interfere or control the outcome. Beautifully said.
I am learning that there is no such a thing as right or wrong. Something is either true or not true and there is a huge difference between the two. Trying to fit into a world that focuses on right and wrong has squashed our essence. It is time to come out from under that cloud and to read life from a place of whether something is energetically true or not. It makes life so much simpler.
I agree Elizabeth Dolan, the “Right” and “Wrong” kind of approach has not gotten us very far indeed, as it comes from a dis-connection to the truth we all know deep inside, but many have given up on, and it seems easier to just do what’s right, instead of feeling if it’s the truth.
Lovely comment Elizabeth ‘Trying to fit into a world that focuses on right and wrong has squashed our essence’ I have exhausted myself on this one so often. It is definitely time to read life energetically.
Beautifully said Elizabeth, we can all get caught in right or wrong, but reading if something is true or not true is so much simpler and gives a much more accurate picture of what’s really going on.
So true what you are saying Elizabeth. And I would like to add that nobody has an ownership on the truth – like one has the truth and another doesn’t. There is one universal truth.
The inspiration behind the creation of artwork is held rather significant. The majority of artwork I have experienced in Galleries represent the entire range of human emotions, from remorse to happiness. Artists are often celebrated for their ability to evoke emotion in another. What you have presented here Kelly is a depth of Art beyond emotion, which really brings the responsibility back to the artist and the quality they are in when they produce and Artwork.
How judgement can lead us astray hey. Love how you totally evolved through taking responsibility for the way you were feeling. Simple, solid stuff.
Agreed Phill a great point that when we stay in judgement or judge in anyway we take ourselves far off course from the truth and the reality of life, we avoid all responsibility as a result. Yet this is the common way to be and the fact that I would hold personal and external judgement as a daily activity shows the levels we go to avoid all responsibility. Today things are very different and each day that changes the more I simply feel and take responsibility for how I feel.
In an imperfect world, it is illusionary to think that there can be perfection. Accepting mistakes is part of the humbleness required to understand our own true divinity.
Beautiful words Adam, accepting mistakes is part of the humbleness required to understand our own true divinity.
Yes Esther, I agree, Adams words here, are absolute gold.
beautiful Adam, and exposing of the arrogance hiding in the strive for perfection.
Awesome Adam Warburton, beautifully expressed.
Coming back to this blog only days later I realise that saying that no perfection is necessary and that we should always embrace mistakes is one thing, but to actually surrender and let stuff go when we mess up is another. Having made numerous mistakes in the last few days I am for sure feeling less certain about myself and much more critical. What I feel is the killer is Expectation, I expect myself to be great or unaffected by certain situations, when in reality anything is possible at any moment.
‘Perfection is not an achievable goal.’ This is something worth reading again and again. It is truth simply put. Perfection is not achievable and pursuing it is a way to avoid living one’s truth.
This is so true Michelle, what Kelly shares about perfection not being achievable. When we focus on trying to be perfect, we are actually choosing to keep ourselves held in a pattern of feeling less and not taking responsibility for our own choices and eventual outcomes, and we are then, saying no to love.
Definitetly our mistakes when not looked as bad or wrong mistakes and understood can be a great path to evolve or learn. Being rigid and hard and getting caught up in the perfection of things feels heavy for me, as I was once a upon a time a perfectionist ,hard on myself first and always feeling the hurts as the world or people could match my false level or standard .
Our masterpiece is what ever is needed by others to look at and see. It could be for others to feel the gentleness in your strokes or the love and greatness in which you work and create. Beautiful reminder Kelly of the fact that there is no mistake, only learning.
A lovely reminder Aimee that we can offer such scope in any one thing, so to not underestimate the power of a masterstroke (or mistake!); it is for that other person to take from it what they need.
The great thing about making mistakes is that we are never to old to learn new things. We may have done something the same way for many years and a grandchild will show us a simpler way. We never stop learning… some just choose not to see or feel what is being presented.
Yes Steve, I agree in full! What I love about your comment is the appreciation of both yourself as (your) grandchildren. That it’s not only that ‘we’ as adults have / are to teach our (grand) children, but that teach us just as much (if not more, because they’re still so connected). That’s simply pure wisdom and allowing our young to be an equal part of society, rather than compartmentalise life into segments of age that you count (18-65) and don’t count. Thank you.
Just something important to add is that if we relate to our (grand) children this way, they will relate to their (grand) children the same way. In which everybody grows. Considering that we’re coming back to live again and again is making so much sense this way. That in fact we’re preparing this life for our next life. There’s an absolute beauty in this. A tenderness, a warmth, a natural responsibility. This feels very one, true togetherness.
Great point Floris – we love compartmentalising life and what you have described in regards to age…Every age has something special to offer the world. Compartmentalising does not work, as all is the same and our fullness is needed in everything we do, wherever we go, without perfection.
Yes Esther, what if we would foster the fullness of our young throughout their whole lives. Wouldn’t that be AMAZING. That we’re raised to shine. Which is the natural way and the way it’s supposed to be! How different, light and joyful would life be then. And how much joy would we feel being on this earth while we’re learning, growing and letting go. It starts with one generation that turns the wheel around! That lives with energetic integrity in full. I love it and am (slowly at times) accepting that this is indeed The Truth.
The inner heart’s ability to see and understand life is greater than any pair of eyes I have ever encountered.
Today I realised on a deeper level the power of connecting to our body. I was very hard on myself for things that I chose in the past. A friend said that I didn’t have to bash myself for not taking responsibility back then. But to me that felt empty. Also realising that bashing myself and being hard on myself weren’t the answers. When I connected to my body and started feeling I dropped and dropped and dropped and actually felt that there was a lot more underneath then I could ever have imagined… And, it was very stilling at the same time. So no mistake, even not in the (dark) past, just a possibility to learn…
I love what you share here Floris, it felt very lovely to read.
Thank you Julie. It felt very lovely to receive your warmth and connection. It made me smile. And realise the power of expression. That by sharing whatever I share, I’m offering people the possibility to connect, learn, share, reflect as well. And so do you Julie with expressing your appreciation.
What was great for me to feel yesterday was that I actually put this blog into practice. I sent an email at work that was not totally honest and in truth I could feel that as I sent it. Within a day it became clear to me that I had not acted with utmost integrity. In the past I would have felt dreadful about what I had done and would have felt the need to rush into correcting it, however yesterday I saw it simply as something that I can learn from and know inherently that when the same situation arises again I shall have complete awareness around it and therefore I shall make a different choice.
It is great Alexis when those old patterns start to shift and we become less judgemental of ourselves and how we actually do then allow ourselves to learn from situations, rather than just get critical and fall into the same habit time and time again.
I love this blog Kelly. I used to do a lot of painting and can picture myself in the same scenario. I also remember trying to decide if a piece was good enough to put in my exhibition because I didn’t like it, it wasn’t good enough to me. In the end, I put it up regardless and I was really shocked because I had so many compliments on this particular painting and it sold straight away. What I learnt from that was we all perceive things differently, and what may not be perfect to me, because of my own judgement can seem perfect to another and just what they like.
Yes Rosie this is great. What we may judge as being not quite right from our perceptions and judgements may not seem that way to others. This is why I love being open to the flow of our own innate expression because it can ultimately inspire many, when we let go of our own pictures of perfection.
I enjoyed painting when I was really little but when it came to having to create a specific picture I felt pressured and would give up, because I had a ‘picture’ of what I sensed others were after. Imagine if we connected to what others needed to see or have hanging in their homes and painted from there…. not from it should look a certain way…..but painted from our amazing qualities and then see them run out the door. Not for what they look like but for the quality emanating from them.
There’s a sense that those red crosses were an indicator of the consciousness of education, Susan: even today, when we no longer do red crosses and some of us actively promote ongoing learning, and the making and accepting of mistakes, the students still carry the perfectionist ideal and play it out to the hilt.
This is interesting coleen24, however even if some schools are not using red crosses, many students’ parents are still from the day where red crosses were used. This has been a big learning for me over the years my sons have been going to school, to watch that I’m not imposing any of my own schooling experiences on to them. Perfectionism is such a trap that keeps us always striving and not simply being who we are.
Those perfectionist ideals remain very much embedded in the education system, Aimee, with or without red crosses. Correct and incorrect, good enough and not good enough, right and wrong are the very in breath and out breath of our current system of education.
I agree it is like this coleen24, and the thing with right and wrong is one side is perceived greater and something to celebrate and the other something to either strive to never be that again or there is something wrong with you. Feeling them and acting both sides out feels the same to me, like being on a seesaw.
Clarity and Space – two of my absolutely favourite words, Kelly, and whatever they are applied to can only expand and flourish in ways our imagination has no grasp of – thankfully!
Lovely Coleen, for pointing this out again from Kelly’s blog – clarity and space – how much possibilities they create together …
I came back to re-read this blog and found I read it afresh with a new perspective. This sentence hit me right from the start “every day opens up new opportunities to explore with a greater understanding in all facets of life.” These blogs offer us the opportunity to look at life at a deeper level, I appreciate them so much for getting me to question the pictures I have painted and continue to paint in life and to question again and again if they are supportive or not.
What you express here Lucy is so important – to identify all inner pictures we have about life and to check if the pictures still support us or not.
Life is about learning, every mistake is a new learning, therefore there is no mistake just another opportunity to learn. When you see life like that your body does not go into anxiousness, reaction or hardening, it stays open to the next possibility.
Schooling is surely one source of perfection but for me it was also religion. At church I always felt that there was a perfection to aim for but with it a clear message that we cannot achieve it because we are all ‘sinners’. I can recall feeling that my life was inevitably full of mistakes because of this sinful nature. It felt like an impossible task and yet one we were still expected to strive for – and in the effort of all the trying we would gain redemption of our sins. I thank God for ‘The Way of the Livingness’ – at last a true religion and one that truly ‘wipes away the sins of the world’.
Part of my work is to deliver training courses and I can remember the impact of realising that I didn’t have to be perfect, didn’t have to know it all and that it was ok to make mistakes. It is very human to accept this and breaks down tension between me as a presenter and my audience. They don’t expect me to be perfect and I don’t expect it of them. What I do ‘expect’ is to learn from mistakes and move on – but definitely not to dwell on them and be self-critical. Just to accept it as part of my learning and the learning of others and leave any judgement out of it. Without this attitude to facilitating courses, I would be full on anxiety and in truth, not be able to communicate anything effectively with participants.
Yes, I find that perfection debilitates, Richard, both the perfectionist and all those with whom the perfectionist relates. Humility, I feel, constellates and is open to the awareness of the ever-present possibility of temporal error.
Isn’t it great that we are always learning and therefore it’s okay if we don’t get it right the first time. I often remind my daughter that I am not always right and I do make mistakes.
And I’m 100% sure that this humility, self acceptance and appreciation was deeply felt by your audience. An equality like that is very rare in the presenters, teachers, mentors of this world.
To let go of perfection is to let go of the resistance to take responsibility. Perfection is a game which denies our true power.
Hear hear kerstinsaltzer15 – well expressed and right on the mark.
Well said kerstinsalzer15, a game we play instead of claiming who we are in full.
Wow, I feel the strength in your words kerstinsalzer15; Perfection is to let go of the resistance to take responsibility. Perfection is a game which denies our true power. That is pure Gold.
Kerstinsalzer15, is it possible that in being in our true power we ARE living our perfection, and so could it be that living in our true power there is no need to strive for perfection outside ourselves?
I love this quote ‘Perfection is not an achievable goal. It’s an endless road that just comes with more obstacles.’, it captures so aptly the trap of perfection and how we chase our tails with it to no avail.
This stood our for me too Monica. Wise words of warning about endlessly striving for the unattainable – which may be part of the lure to create our own reality, to be the master over our domain.
Yes, we only chase something because we haven’t got it and hence the chase, often if not always, simply serves to confirm the sense of lack.
This is music to my ears, eyes and body … to be able to let go of and simply allow ourselves to learn means the pressure that we put on ourselves disintegrates. Being free to learn and not make mistakes is the most loving way I have been with myself and others. Giving ourselves this grace means we can relax and take each moment as it comes to us instead of trying to anticipate what is coming.
“Giving ourselves this grace means we can relax and take each moment as it comes to us instead of trying to anticipate what is coming.” I love this Natalie. Its like we are playing the lead role in a suspense movie. We are waiting for something to happen or jump out from behind a door, which causes a lot of stress and constriction in our bodies. When we allow ourselves to just be and not focus on outcomes life flows with harmony and grace.
Everyday I make mistakes, some make me cringe and some make me smile for how ridiculous they are. But always, every time the mistake helps me to learn something more, about life, myself, and relationships, because I am learning not to judge who I am from the mistakes I make, and see them instead as part of the journey.
It’s beautiful that you even ‘see’ the mistakes. That in itself is the biggest step of evolution.
This is a truly beautiful understanding to come to Shami ” I am learning not to judge who I am from the mistakes I make, and see them instead as part of the journey.” This is such a loving and gentle approach to ourselves and the many so called “mistakes” we will encounter as part of our journey.
No mistakes only learning, turns the blame and guilt game on it’s head, life becomes truly interesting, and full of opportunities, on our return to ourselves.
Exactly Rosemary. In every choice we have the opportunity to develop more understanding and awareness. How can we not celebrate and appreciate that.
I love your words guilt game. I played this too long in my life. I’m very glad, that I stopped this game, and the entire drama which comes with that. We are love and this fact we can celebrate every day.
It’s amazing alexander1207 that when we stop playing the game, and disentangle ourselves from the self created drama, we come to know ourselves as the deep love and beauty that we are, and this is truly worth celebrating every moment of every day!
“there is really no such thing as a mistake, for every day opens up new opportunities to explore with a greater understanding in all facets of life”
What a great realisation and how different life can be from this knowing and the real healing and expansion that comes from this way of living.
Definitely tricianicholson. The way we live determines everything.
Exactly well expressed and to the point tricianicholson, and this approach has such an impact on our lives as we can receive the learnings and explore them with a much greater sense of self-worth and acceptance.
This highlights a unique perspective to approach art from – one that takes responsibility for the quality you are in when creating art will less (if any) focus on an outcome.
We really do have to look at what lies behind our need to be perfect. Trying to be perfect tells us that we don’t feel enough as we are, that somehow there is a “better” version of ourselves out there somewhere. But what if it was a matter of going inwards to find the true perfection that we all are rather than looking outside of ourselves to find this. This as you say Kelly requires space on our behalf to discover what is already there.
I agree Elizabeth, and as you say we have always images and pictures in our head how it should be. When we detect, oh this image is not true we replace it immediately with another picture of which we think this is it which is the way to truth or true love, until we anew detect, this does not work. How would it be to have no picture or image ? Just the body as a tool to refer to.
Yes I agree, to let go of any images we hold about anything will allow us to come back to our bodies as a form of discernment of what is true or not.
So true Elizabeth, we put such an effort into chasing down a magic, super-duper version of ourselves, when it’s inside us all along. The moment we are able to relinquish the endless hoops we like to put ourselves through and see them for the distraction they truly are, we can begin our inner journey of connecting to and being bowled over the immense loveliness that resides in us all. Once felt it becomes easier to hold strong to this and then a mistake can be seen for what it truly is, an opportunity to do something different next time around.
well said Elizabeth, the need for perfection is more a symptom then a cause. Taking the time and space to meet ourselves for who we are within, reconnecting to what is already there will take our focus away from everything outside of us that only keeps confirming there is something not quite good enough about us.
Beautiful. “The need for perfection is a symptom”. It is a symptom of lack of appreciation.
I think you are starting a series of wall tiles here Otto, you just clarified for me that it is not lack of self worth that is the problem but lack of appreciation.
What a game Perfection is, always keeping us busy chasing the tail of some imagined nirvana. In the chase it prevents us from seeing and appreciating the divine design of every moment. The more I consider it I can see it’s just a way to stop us learning and evolving. Thank you Kelly for painting this clear picture of how we use perfection to distract from true purpose.
For sure, any ideal takes us away from the moment and its potential for us to evolve, Joseph, and usually into some type of headspin: that is the nature and function of ideals as I understand them.
Beautifully said Joseph, and so true.. ‘…the divine design of every moment’ is most certainly not worth missing, stillness in motion with every step – walking with God.
I am more and more embodying the understanding that I am awesome just for who I am and that my worth is not measured by what I do. The more I can feel this from my body the easier it is to allow for mistakes because they then stay just that..a mistake which is nothing other than an opportunity to learn.
I agree Carolien. If we make a ” so called mistake” we can simply say oops and continue-no big deal and certainly nothing to stop us from expressing the amazingness that we know we are.
Beautiful Carolien – in true self-acceptance and honouring our worth as to who we are, allows for so much more grace in all we do, and the opportunities for learning that come our way can be so much more appreciated.
As the body can’t lie – so too can it not spin tales and feed you the garbage of self-doubt and judgement.
Can we make that wall tile Otto? (if that is an English word) I love it and it is a clear and simple truth that you cannot get around.
Unfortunately my wife no longer makes tiles – otherwise we could have made one up for you and sent it over!
I love the title of your blog Kelly and it is a sentence I am repeating to myself often lately. I have always found it very hard to make mistakes as I would devalue myself for it. It is as if I should get it all right in one go which really is ridiculous if you stop and think about it. These days I still feel a strong reaction (and self-rejection) when I make a mistake but now I simply stop and ask myself, what is the learning here, how can I move forward from this and then the feeling goes.
I can relate to this Carolien, I can also still go into oops I made a mistake or I did something wrong. Then I start judging myself while in fact nobody else around me is doing that. It just shows that I am my own worse ‘judging enemy’. Being aware of that and like you say, really stop, has helped me a great deal.
That’s a great point Mariette we are usually our own worst critic and see our oopses in a rather biased and different light than anyone around us would. It goes to show how easy we can spin off in a story to keep us occupied for a while as to not move forward.
Yes, I sure do use my own inner critic as a great way to not just get on with it and move forward. We make a story around it like you say and before we know it, two days have passed. I am really learning to see it as a woops, learn from it and know that life is always there to support me and not to be against me. Every moment is there to learn and grow and that gives life that extra glow to it.
I agree Mariette and Carolien, judgement caps our expression in so many ways and learning to let go of it and not have any expectations is the way forth in our evolution.
And well said Francisco, judgement and self-criticism does cap our expression. We put ourselves in the way of what otherwise would naturally flow through us.
This is great Mariette. Life is not against us but always offers support if we are but willing to see it. And the extra glow you added in is an inspiration to how we can view daily life.
I agree Carolien, when I get into a rut I realise that I only have to change my thoughts to love and appreciation and the fact that I am so amazing in what I bring and then those thoughts are no longer there. It’s so simple to choose our grandness but we have to allow the love in first.
I agree too, Donna and Carolien. These days I am able to prevent that downward slide into depression by changing my posture when I walk, allowing my spine to straighten and my chest to open, reminding myself that I am not my sullen thoughts but a divine and glorious woman, so I had better start walking in a divinely glorious way! It works!
Donna this is so true what a difference our life can be when we stop and actually connect to who we truly are. The grandness that is undeniable is worth every appreciation and celebration under the sun. This Love is all knowing and all encompassing and is glorious and this is our essence – what is not to Celebrate.
Caroline this is something I have been working with of late and when I perceive something as being a mistake there are always thoughts waiting on the sidelines to come in, so what you have written here is really helpful ‘I simply stop and ask myself, what is the learning here, how can I move forward from this and then the feeling goes’.
Thanks to the stupendously awesome Serge Benhayon, I can now add a new way of looking at it. This week I got to experience what it is like to express something I have not done or done that was an oops in a way that I can really move on from it. For me the words ‘don’t justify, no regrets and no judgment’ are now my new way of looking at everything up to this point in my life. It is already proving a huge difference.
I am very aware Kelly, after reading your blog again, that the care and attention I give to expressing myself gently and tenderly in every day activity is a co-creation in itself, and if I am consistent in this way, then, as it unfolds from day to day, magic happens, and the masterstroke is just there waiting to be felt. My “art” was dancing and mime and movement as a profession, and I used to be elated by what I thought was the joy of moving. Moving around the kitchen this morning, so gently and tenderly after a beautiful gentle breath mediation and body meditation, I suddenly felt the true joy of moving my body. It felt like the masterstroke, simply being and moving with me. The past experiences now feel like I was striving for the joy by pushing myself to a perfection beyond my body’s capabilities. The masterstroke can be so subtle and pass unnoticed if we are looking for more.
True wisdom joanchristinecalder. Yes, when we are constantly in the pursuit of more we are in the denial of who we are and we miss the simple joy of just being ourselves. Awesome.
Yes Richardmills363, and I am discovering that the simple joy of being myself leads to more! It comes to me, I don’t have to search for it.
Joanchristinecalder I could feel the tenderness in your words so beautifully. “The masterstroke can be so subtle and pass unnoticed if we are looking for more.” When we bring life back to simplicity and gentleness every subtlety of life is a masterstroke. That is where true art resides.
This is such a beautiful awareness joanchristinecalder – “The masterstroke can be so subtle and pass unnoticed if we are looking for more.” Living truly is so very simple, and all we need is presented to us in this form. Except if we ignore or deny it and choose to make it complicated and turn it against ourselves making a drive for perfectionism a massive detour and decoy away from simplicity and what is truly there to be felt.
Joan, absolutely gorgeous, what it is to truly move and be with us – ‘It felt like the masterstroke, simply being and moving with me.’, and these can be so subtle, yet they’re always there when we move to allow them.
Such tenderness here joanchristinecalder in how you’ve described moving around the kitchen. It really is about being very present in all our movements and to feel how lovely that is.
yes, Sandra, Sometimes I can hardly believe the loveliness, it is so new and incredibly “moving” in every sense of the word. I have felt and watched the inspiration of the entire Benhayon family when they move, with such rhythm, consistency, gentleness, purpose and grace, — as you say, present in every moment. This continual education and supporting me to connect with my own movement, is at last bringing me home to myself.
I’ve done various forms of dance over the years and always said that I loved it at the time, however looking back, it was the dance and/or music that created the feeling of having a good time. But of course once the music and dance finished, it was back to where I was. The difference now is that when I move or dance, it just confirms what I already feel and doesn’t create a feeling that then leaves me when I stop. It’s still heaps of fun to dance and I love music, but the way I move now is from the inside out, and I find it confirms the delicateness and tenderness I feel in my body.
The fact that there are no such things as mistakes, simply choices and with that consequences and learnings turns upside down the way we are and the way we can approach life. A great blog to ponder on.
Waking every morning I affirm to myself this is a beautiful new day and a new start with all the opportunities that every day brings. Whatever that brings is down to my choices I make in every moment.
This is gorgeous, gillrandall. It is all about the choices we make and we can make a different choice in the next moment- so no mistakes but choices that could have been different. As you say each day offers us so many opportunities.
Very beautiful to read Anne “no mistakes but choices that could have been different.” This feels inviting to live in that way.
Gorgeous Gillrandell. Every step you take on your morning walk would confirm the beauty in every moment. What a lovely way to start your day.
Gillrandall I really love this. We have a new choice in every moment and if something is repeating itself it’s another opportunity to learn the lesson or put it into practice.
No mistakes just a new learning, something that I could remind myself of everyday. And learning is a fun way to live life.
I agree Susan. I am training in Coaching at the moment and did a session recently after it I was asked what went well. I replied directly what didn’t go well, that was my main focus even I did a really great session.
When we stop viewing things as right or wrong and see each circumstance as an opportunity for growth and learning then we take a whole lot of pressure off. By giving ourselves a hard time for getting it wrong, we hold ourselves back, so really there is no point in indulging in what we think are mistakes, but use them as a point of evolution.
The ‘right and wrong’ mentality is a killer Donna I agree, it just creates more complication and separation. In truth there is no such thing as a mistake, there are in reality moments when we choose to not be fully present that then affects the quality of the choices we make. These days I am able to not pitch into right and wrong straight away, I have managed to create a bit of distance that stops me crushing myself and others and can see each mistake as an opportunity to learn by.
Really love the wisdom you express here. It’s never about being right or wrong but whether one is fully present or not. Such a responsible way to live that doesn’t crush who we are but brings us to ourselves.
I love what has been shared here Donna and rowenakstewart, the right or wrong aspect has never truly served anyone. And like you said rowenakstewart – it’s about presence in what we bring to what we do. If something feels like a ‘mistake’, instead of berating etc., etc, we can look at ‘where was I when…’ and then gently reconnect and have another go with the learning received.
I agree Donna, having spent many years being hard on myself for making what I saw as mistakes, but in actual fact we learn so much from our so called mistakes that they are blessings in disguise. Seeing them as opportunities to learn does have a feeling of freedom and dare I say it as sense of fun, when the realisation hits and understanding is noted.
I agree Julie and Donna and understand that the “right and wrong mentality” is indeed a set up to stop us from expressing freely. Who determines what is actually right and wrong? If we make it about energy what matters is only in what quality do we do everything we do and not focused on the outcome. It brings a total different focus to life.
Beautifully expressed Donna. What i find interesting is that when we live from a point of right or wrong its like we are capping ourselves and our own evolution. When we live from the point of learning from our choices it frees us from constriction and allows for our own rhythm to flourish.
And the beautiful thing is that when we return to our connection with our body we realise that it is the key in helping us to see where our learning is. It is our thoughts and our minds that judge ourselves as being ‘wrong’ where it is the body that reveals and shows us how we can grow.
Right or wrong is a mental concept. It is not bad, but limited, as the mind cannot discern truth, it can only discern inconsistency.
Christoph – the way you express is so great. The make-up of your sentences deconstructs age-old preconceptions. It’s super cool. In great appreciation.
Well said Donna “a point of evolution”. If we are not living to evolution then we are only creating more heartache for ourselves.
Great point Donna – every time we think we made a mistake we can use this moment as a point of evolution. What can I learn from here ? What is my next step to go ?
Re-reading this blog once again brought me to the realisation that striving for perfection, as I am honest with myself I know form my own experience is not possible, is giving a lot of stress in my life. And another aspect of perfection is that when I find my work imperfect, it is a way to loath myself and feel myself less than before that happened. Therefore the question came up in me: why have we the word ‘perfect’ as it is something we cannot realise in our worldly life?
Thank you Kelly for sharing your observations. I have always said that there is no such think as a mistake as this is a one take movie, yet still I catch myself cringing instead of reading and learning from the lesson presented. This is an interesting observation in itself.
What deliciousness Kelly Zarb. You may be surprised but the art of dentistry is just the same. I have completed work, like a filling and felt ho hum about the look of the result, yet the patient has hugged me for the level of care and tenderness they felt.
What comes to mind is throwing out the baby with the bathwater. The water may not appear to our taste, but in it is a pearl, perfectly imperfect.
Let us discard no more because of these things we have learned to call mistakes…for they are learned and not innate. Let us educate ourselves to see them not as imperfections but us doors opening wide to deeper awareness of our beautiful selves!
Love your blog, Kelly, especially “my stress levels for getting to the desired destination of perfection have dissipated and I enjoy the journey a whole lot more”. That is something I really needed to read.
The idea of perfection is one that destroys many lives. There are many images we drive ourselves towards in order to get somewhere, or be something – as then we will have ‘made it’. This drive is so contrary to how our lives can actually be – and that is an unfoldment of what is within, as whatever we are or ever need to be is already there. This most important quality is love. We do not need to try, or push – all we need to do is to stop and connect to the fact that we are already everything and the most important thing we can ever do is bring us – Love.
Beautiful Amelia, so in fact there is no need ever to go out in search of whatever we deem will make us who we think we need to be, but to let go of all that stands in the way of our most natural way – Being.
In labelling an action/or inaction a mistake are we not in fact closing ourselves off to the abundant opportunity available to be found in accepting and learning from what has/or has not occurred? It feels to me that with dedication and commitment to our own steps taken with conscious presence, so too can be our appreciation of these choices and the intention behind them.
Yes Giselle, when we stop beating ourselves up for making mistakes, we can actually feel the energy of what was behind the decision we made. When we stop and seek understanding with ourselves, instead of being hard on ourselves, we can arrest what brought us to the ‘mistake’ in the first place, and this is of course what we truly need.
Thank you Kelly for sharing this beautiful piece. I find that, like you have shared, if something isn’t flowing or doesn’t feel right it is best to set it aside and allow the space for it to just be. There will be a time later where it will flow to complete the task or project or there won’t be the space because it does not require to be completed.
The cage of perfectionism is so tight and restrictive.
In this self made prison we are bound and gagged of our true expression.
Appreciating our selves and that there is a message in everything is one step towards even realising that we are in the CAGE!
We are supposed to explore and learn in life and making mis-takes is the KEY to setting us free. 🙂 🙂
A mistake is just that. A MIS-Take. A moment to read, allow and learn. Such a beautiful Blog Kelly. Just like your artwork 🙂
Taking the punishment out of mistakes and allowing them as a opportunity to learn and grow in awareness is beautiful and joy to feel and know and brings a love and freedom to life that is beautiful and how it really is.
It can be seemingly comfortable to avoid addressing the areas in our life that we are repelled to address, however if left unaddressed our bodies do catch up and we find ourselves having to face and deal with what we would have never otherwise chosen for ourselves.
I realised recently that when I am attached to an outcome my whole body changes. If I am using my hands I can feel my grip tighten, my forearms harden and can trace this all the way to my jaw which becomes tense and I get a furrowed brow. This is certainly not a caring way to treat my body – I feel blessed that my body is so quick to respond to the demands I put on it for it offers me a moment to stop and feel what I am choosing which is not supporting me at all.
Once we let go of the idea of being perfect we set ourselves free to be who we are and serve in a way which is needed.
Well said Janina. Trying to be perfect is like trying to mix oil and water – THEY WILL NOT MIX! We are naturally not perfect, and it is indeed very freeing to let go of this ideal and accept where we are at.
Acceptance is a great key Susie if we live it and let go of the ideal to be perfect we can start blossoming into our potential and can trust that everything will be given to us.
“The continual push for attaining perfection leads me to exhaustion and a never-ending story plays out in my head of other ways I can reach my desired point” Such is the nature of Perfection, it keeps us spinning in that unending quest. From my own experience I know that perfectionism and needing to do the best job possible, has actually been a way of controlling life so that it feels OK, but it is actually exhausting as it keeps us from going to, or accepting, the places that offer the learning and ease – mistakes.
It is so freeing to let go of the mindset that we have to constantly get things right and correct. The very idea that we call them mistakes shows that we are already coming from the ideal of correctness. Correctness is so complicated because there’s no single unit of it that everyone can agree on. It depends on what ideal you have bought into. Truth on the other hand is constantly there. It is simple because even though not everyone might agree with it, it is always true due to the very definition of the word.
How freeing is it to know that there are no mistakes, only an opportunity to learn – it takes all the self bashing out of a situation.
Yes Julie, knowing that there are no mistakes, frees you up in so many situations and ways, leaving you to just be your naturally lovely self and being an observer of life. That’s a great loving reflection.
Giving up on perfection makes life a whole lot more enjoyable and allowing it to just unfold gets me out of the way and presents numerous opportunities for learning for myself and others.
The seeking of perfection leads only one way and that is into a life of complication and eventually exhaustion; I know because I grew up believing that I needed to be perfect to be loved. I hated making mistakes and used to give myself such a hard time when I did, and along with the accompanying shame and embarrassment, it certainly made living my life incredibly challenging at times. Oh the freedom to have finally realised that there is no perfection, no mistakes, simply just a wonderful opportunity to learn something new, and possibly life changing.
Making mistakes will only allow us to move forward if we feel into what they are telling us and choose to learn from what has been presented.
Steve I love your comment – this is such a great point, I have experienced that regularly – if we don’t learn from what has gone wrong, it’s almost impossible to move on from it. I find I’m almost stuck in a kind of limbo between past and present until the truth is known and I’ve learnt what I needed to.
So true Steve. Rather than pushing the mistake aside we can allow the message to gently show and the learning can be life changing.
I experience what I call perfection when I have a reflection from the world that confirms that there is more to life than just what is seen. It comes in many guises, colours and situations. Perfection for me is being able to recognise these and confirm the magic of these moments.
I just love coming back to your blog Kelly; the heading could almost be my mantra; no mistakes just a new learnings.
Thank you for the very beautiful reminder.
It’s a great saying! The word ‘mistake’ doesn’t offer the richness of learning and evolution offered in that moment.
The perfection paradigm (wanting things to be better and perfect) sneakily masks the beauty that is already there in every single one of us. When we really stop to examine every part of our life, we find great beauty and joy (even through the most challenging circumstances).
Well said Dean, when you put it like this it shows how silly the striving for perfection is as it only takes us away from the divine beauty and harmony that is already there within us. I once explained it to someone saying it was like really wanting your hair to be blond and trying to make it blond all the time when you were already born blond.
Trying to be something you’re not is so awful. It keeps you forever away from being simply yourself and enjoying the qualities you already have.
And yet Dean, it seems like the majority of us have become so refined and skilled at the trying that the simple act of surrendering to what is already there becomes quite challenging. The force of ideals and beliefs, of wanting to belong or accepted is a strong component in this.
A beautiful piece Kelly, much like your artwork I’m sure. This drive and strive for perfection is such an illusion, a cage that imprisons us in a stream of images of how it SHOULD be and rarely accepting life as it is. Exhausting indeed, and we can all relate – the perfect body, partner, family, house – the list goes on. And while we are busy trying to be perfect the sense of appreciation and confirmation gets lost.
Isn’t it bizarre how comparison enters into every aspect of our lives, even art has ‘standards’ we can impose on it or be met by others. Many years ago I would have seen life without comparison as abnormal or impossible, yet now I can experience a mind and body free of comparison and it is a totally different experience of joy and wonder – the wonder including how even the most mental tasks can be performed with ease and grace.
Yes Kelly – imperfection is quite a gift if we are willing to consider what it is offering. Being quite the perfectionist for most of my life has lead me to view things and others through quite a critical lens. It saddens me to acknowledge that I have shown a lot of disregard for what ever I have come across that isn’t quite measuring up – which shows the high degree of expectation and imagery around how I want things to be before I am OK with them. So much hardness comes from this way of being. As I am learning more ways to enjoy imperfection, I am finding the burden I have been carrying around is becoming lighter by the day and now stands out far more easily for me to clock what is happening and to change direction. As you and others have said – there is beauty waiting to be discovered in the imperfection if I choose to seek it out.
From every mistake can come a true learning what a gift and so beautifully presented and this blog brings a true light to the falseness of perfection and allows a freedom of expression and evolution that is beautiful to feel.
So true tricianicholson – we can learn so much from our mistakes, there is no reason to judge ourselves. More important is, what is the purpose behind our actions – love or not love ?
“Perfection is not an achievable goal. It’s an endless road that just comes with more obstacles. It pushes us out of our natural rhythm into a never-ending game of trying to achieve an unobtainable marker that depletes us “quick sticks”. On re-reading your really great blog this morning, Kelly, this paragraph really stood out for me today, particularly the beginning, “perfection is not an achievable goal”, so why do we spend our lives beating ourselves up for not being perfect. We have all done it, feel ourselves less when we find we cannot do things perfectly, comparing ourselves to others who at first instant we may think they are doing perfectly, but how are they doing in other aspects of their lives? There is truly no such thing as perfection, we all make mistakes, we are human, let us accept that, and stop comparing ourselves, but come to truly know ourselves and what we are here for on this planet.
Kelly I could feel my body relax at the thought of allowing everything, including myself to just be where and how it is right now. The desire for myself or other people/situations to be different or ‘better’ creates so much tension and doesn’t allow me to enjoy what is actually there. Thank you for sharing your aha moment.
Reading this blog again and some of the comments made I enjoy the tone you have set in opening up this discussion Felix.
I am totally into not trying to get it right or correct or energetically clear. I am instead very much focused on just feeling, feeling and feeling.
My mistake has never been the perceived mistake I have made but the beating myself up afterwards, thinking I have made a mistake. How much more loving it is to see what I have chosen and go ‘whoops, not doing that again!’ Simple and evolutionary!
Yes Jane, very simple and evolutionary to just go, whoops, not doing that again. This kind of choice would have certainly saved me from the harsh and critical thoughts that I inflicted on myself in the past thinking I had made a mistake. It is such a lovely place to be now to catch this and simply call it out, knowing it is only a thought fed to me.
Absolutely Jane, I feel like that’s the trick. Playing on our perceptions in order that we react to this and do the real harm to ourselves in our self-criticism and punishment.
I love that Susan – we are then developing and healed by our awareness.
The fascinating thing is we do this with so much of life, we put more effort into one part than another, feed and nourish one area and neglect other parts. What you have reminded me is that everything we do is equally important, and each part of life needs to be approached with the same intention and the same quality.
When it was first presented to me by an Esoteric Practitioner that I was not to dwell on my mistakes but to see them as an oops, I was horrified and it challenged my beliefs about what being responsible was. And at first it felt strange to make a mistake and then say to myself ‘oops I’ve made a mistake and then ask myself what can I learn from this’, but slowly I started to feel the wisdom of this and my body welcomed it, as it comes with a sense of freedom of not holding on. Also who does it serve if we hold onto things and berate ourselves for the smallest of things – no one.
I can so relate Susan. I read your comment and just had to smile. What was the favorite saying to children ‘do as I say not as I do’. Is this not living in comfort without ever evolving?
I would be in serious trouble if everything I did had to be perfect or I couldn’t make mistakes, because Lord knows I have made a few. The old saying you learn from your mistakes is definitely a truth.
When we open to the understanding that there are no mistakes, that every thing is designed with our growth and evolution in mind, and that opportunities are constantly being presented to us, life becomes truly magical.
There is so much opportunity to learn in the everyday things we do if we have the self reflection and a marker in the body to use as a reference. This is where I have found self care to be so incredible and a way that I can claim the joy in the smallest of things.
Self reflection is a powerful tool.. it can be twisted into being a perfectionist, or embraced as a tool to lovingly evolve – there’s a book to be written there Matt!
I agree Brendan in letting go of the need to be perfect there is space within to feel the joy and fun in whatever we are getting on with.
No mistakes only learning such a beautiful way to reclaim the joy in life.
It truly is Andremooney26 – and I feel this is only the beginning now, to peel off the suit of perfectionism.
Wow, I truly do wonder…
When did we suddenly think we had to be perfect? When did we put on this suit? For it is not us; as underneath we are all joyfully ourselves…and as children we were lively, joyful, not worried about mistakes and just being ourselves – not trying to conform to this world.
When did we link perfectionism with our self-worth and to be so strict on ourselves? Perfectionism feels like a jarring. When did we begin to strive to be manufactured in our ways, possibly all to be liked in this world?
The learning brings an awareness to the choices that make us act as less than we are, and remind us of the love we are, always there waiting to be connected to.
This is so important to ponder how it leaks into our own lives. lt can be an indulgence for ourselves as we get lost in the pursuit of the task and not in enjoyment of just being with ourselves and doing the task lovingly with presence. lt feels like perfection versus conscious presence.
“The best part is that my stress levels for getting to the desired destination of perfection have dissipated and I enjoy the journey a whole lot more. I never know where I will end up…” This truly is a joyful way to experience life Kelly. This allows for flow and creates space to express what is there to be expressed.
I have recently been much more aware of the pressure I place on myself every day and the constant tension of trying to avoid mistakes. But if I am controlling things in this way I am actually denying myself the opportunity to grow develop and expand and deepen my awareness.
I agree andrewmooney26 and with our attempts at control we not only straight-jacket our development we also don’t leave space for magic to happen!
Yes I can relate to this pressure to avoid making mistakes. The busier life becomes the more intense life seems to be – but is that because I think there’s more chance I’ll make a mistake by missing something so put myself under great pressure to not miss anything but convinced I will miss something. What a horrible way to live!
What am I so afraid of? Finding out I’m defective, not needed, useless?! So much of my worth caught up how I perform and what I do. When I notice I’m feeling like I’m spinning too many plates (which may not be that many but the feeling is the same) I am coming back to my breath and just being me. This gives me the space to appreciate what is to be done and if I make a mistake what learning there is.
Mistakes as invaluable tools for learning is a wonderful way to approach life when I take out the belief that making mistakes means I’m worth less as a result.
Yes andrewmooney26 the amount of tension I hold in my body through trying to avoid mistakes is huge and keeps me trapped in fear. Letting go of outcomes and trusting I will be given what is needed in any moment is so much more expansive and as Nicola says allows me to appreciate the magic of God moments that surround me.
Well said andrewmooney26 and great addition Nicola . . .we all need space for the magic to happen!
Yes good point andrewmooney26 and so true.
I agree the two are very different ways to travel the day and night, one is infinitely more than the other can even imagine.
Sometimes I will say to myself when working on something ‘ I don’t know what I’m doing here’ but stay open to see what where I am taken. My quest for perfection meant I used to over prepare for courses, now I more likely to have an outline, connect with the group and allow the course to unfold according to what happens in the moment and on the day. Much more enjoyable and no stress.
Thanks Kehinde2012, I feel the wisdom held within the content of your comment “…allow the course to unfold according to what happens in the moment…”.
Thanks Kelly this relates to so many things in life, writing, being in relationship, our work, our diet… The whole trap of seeking perfection is a huge energy drain and totally takes us out of rhythm. You have made this very clear and there feels to me to be a lot of love for mankind in how you have expressed this.
Yes, Simon, it is awful how we drain ourselves so badly when we look for our imperfections in all aspects of our lives, and then beat ourselves up for it all. Not a very loving way to live and seeking perfection is very draining, and the truth is there is no perfection possible. No one is perfect. So we are actually abusing ourselves.
I agree the more I let go of trying and the drive to do good and be seen to be great at something the more I can do things very easily and with completion. Life becomes much simpler.
It brings a joy to stop berating ourselves for the poor choices… and space to start appreciating all the many great choices we are probably not seeing!
Thank you Simon. Perfection can be traced to any areas of our lives but what I find beautiful is that we can really change our old ways and beliefs by looking at things without judgement and punishment for our choices and simply learning from them. That is very special.
I agree Simon – perfection is a big trap. The other day I had to learn for an exam, and the moment I tried to learn everything, I lost my rhythm. Now I know again, that my rhythm comes first and rather I don’t pass the exam than losing the connection to me.
What I find very encouraging Kelly is your ability to stop and enquire. You felt that you were treating one piece differently and it is through your willingness to enquire, that you have gained more understanding.
Shevon this is a great point because when we do something that we deem to be wrong we start to be very critical on ourselves and this self bashing is not doing us any favours. When we have a curious approach and a willingness to look and understand things then we are able to learn, expand and evolve from this point and the outcome so to speak is a someone that is loving life and feeling fulfilled.
What I find is that as we get older we sometimes lose our childlike abilities to see life for the amazing school it really is. We tend to get really serious, but when we stop and appreciate where we are at, it opens up this childlike wonder that we all have. We just have to go into the cupboard and dust it off. It’s always there.
‘What I find very encouraging Kelly is your ability to stop and enquire.’ I felt this too shevonsimon and this same inspiration sparks me after a course or presentation by Serge Benhayon. Too often we can just go through our days in autopilot, yes we can be somewhat present and gentle with ourselves, but are we really feeling and reading what is happening in our body or in our environment? I love the inspiration in knowing the power I have in my day to understand further, read and inquire with myself as to what I am feeling and why I am moving like that – it really builds a relationship with self and a foundation of knowing oneself.
So true Shevon. An inspiring self reflection about the willingness to look at our own “stuff”. This allows for true insight and understanding.
Great words Kelly, it is indeed a brutal path – ‘The continual push for attaining perfection leads me to exhaustion and a never-ending story plays out in my head of other ways I can reach my desired point. It’s a brutal path that inevitably leads nowhere.’
I agree this is a powerful sentence Jenny, and goes some way to explain the epidemic of exhaustion we have in modern life. The constant hamster wheel of chasing unattainable perfection must drain our energy and exhaust our bodies. It is like running on a treadmill, thinking we are getting somewhere, but staying stuck in the same place.
Agreed Jenny – perfection is a brutal path that leads nowhere. Knowing this I then have to question why I still choose to tread this path at times.
As I read this blog today I get a sense of having a clean slate. It allows me to feel that I do not need to punish myself for the mistakes I have made. Thank you Kelly.
I agree Leonne, without holding ourselves to be perfect we continually have a clean slate. Continual leaning and always moving forward and expanding – no beating ourselves up over the past.
As I read these comments and appreciate the beauty in having a clean slate, letting go past mistakes, images of perfection and being open to forever learning I have gotten wonder about habits I repeat.
Usually I give myself a hard time for repeating them and a downward spiral can commence. But what if, rather than sweep them under the carpet, I make the space to see what’s beneath. I suspect it’ll be a bit like turning on the light and I’ll discover what’s there isn’t worth covering up with old habits but something I can handle.
The clean slate is exactly how we were as kids. We didn’t berate ourselves for falling when we learnt to walk. There was no judgment, ideas of how long it should take or how it should look. It was simply something we knew we could do and was natural to keep exploring. It creates so much ease and space in our body to come back to this clean slate state of being.
It’s staggering how much we hold ourselves back from being a full, glorious selves in life. I would go so far as to say that I feel there is not anyone who has not given in to giving themselves a hard time. There are some who no longer do it and are a massive inspiration – thank you Serge Benhayon 🙂 It is endemic and yet it is a choice. Time to get off the roller coaster and see the big picture.
The ‘clean slate’ feels like Grace to me. Like a constant wave washing over the sand to wipe away and renew what went before leaving a fresh canvas to play with. Perhaps one day we will simply look at the canvas and say ‘wow, this is simply glorious’.
I agree Leonne, if we do not seek perfection, yes, then we have a clean slate. How absolutely freeing that is, rather than beating myself up for all my imperfections.
Absolutely not Leonne, punishing ourselves is just another form of self abuse and we have spent too long doing that already. Realising there are no mistakes and no perfection frees us up to just be our glorious, already complete selves 🙂
I agree Sandrahenden because often the so called mistake is not a mistake at all but an opportunity for learning – if there is any such thing as a mistake then that would be the punishing ourselves and self-abuse after the so called mistake – but then again that too is a learning to discover this is not the way to carry on!
Fresh eyes and a fresh heart never go astray..
So simply beautiful Abby, and so very true.
True Leonne – there is absolutely no sense in punishing ourselves when we make a mistake – a mistake actually provides us with the opportunity to step back and review how we got there so we then have the choice to take a different path.
I love having a clean slate, and pretty much give myself one every morning. What I’m noticing now is that if I couple that clean slate with observing and really understanding my choices, it becomes an “accountable” clean slate… and so I develop.
Great addition to ‘the clean slate’ Heather – adding ‘observing and really understanding my choices’ adds responsibility.
This is an awesome point Heather. I have been working on this balance for a while as ‘accountability’ often tips over into ‘harsh and nasty with myself’. It has been really helpful for me to ask myself if my soul would say the things I say to myself in my head … 99% of the time the answer is no. Lately I have realised that the harshness is just another level of avoiding responsibility and avoiding the opportunity to hear what my soul really has to say.
It is amazing that we even consider punishing ourselves for our mistakes, but I know all too well from my own experience that that has been exactly what I have done, or even punishing myself for punishing myself (try to figure that one out!). The clarity that has come by introducing myself to appreciation of me and who I am has brought such amazing dividends to my life in countless ways.
Changing from berating for mistakes against the backdrop of meeting the ideal of perfection to a stance of ‘I wonder what that means?’ or ‘what am I here to learn?’ changes life so much. One puts you into a spin of crazy thoughts and emotions like a roller coaster and the other allows you to pause for a moment and take in more than a passing glance of what possibly could be the reason for the situation. On the roller coaster we might get glimpses then learn to stick with that glimpse as if it were the all and the truth, taking us off onto a much rockier situation. Being curious on the other hand I have found to be much more steady and bringing with it a sense of stability and confidence in moving past the lesson rather than having to come back and repeat it.
Beautiful Leigh. Taking the learning from the situation rather than beating up on ourselves for not getting it right 100%. Your last line is so true, if we don’t learn from the experience we will inevitably repeat it until we do get the learning.
I love this Lee. It takes all the pressure off getting it right, as though it’s our last chance to do so. I find anytime I step back from the intensity of getting it right, things flow so much easier and it’s so much more enjoyable to be in life and to be me.
Absolutely Leigh you describe the two choices perfectly – not that there is perfection ha ha – one spins you out the other lets you get on with what is needed next. One is responsible the other is not. Simple.
Yes Vanessa, I feel that is it in a nutshell – “One is responsible and the other is not.” when referring to beating ourselves up or learning from the experience.
That’s very straight forward Vanessa and as it really is. It’s about either making the responsible choice or the one that doesn’t care about the consequences …there’s no in between.
Beautifully expressed Leigh. There is such wisdom in what you say here. It is far more beneficial and healthy, to be curious about why something happens and to reflect on that which then leads to the likelyhood of that same situation not being repeated, than to have glimpses of why it happened but to override what we see for a more comfortable and so called ‘easy’ life.
Yes I agree Mary, I often consider myself to be my own scientific experiment!
Well said and exposed Sandra – love the opportunity to reflect, but it means we must be honest with ourselves, our choices and actions – sometimes that can be confronting and we choose comfort or something familiar to override such inquisition. That’s why this blog is so special – the loving way that Kelly inquires with herself and feels the honesty of her actions when drawing allowed her space to observe it.
Yes Mary, being a bit playful while walking through this life makes it much easier. Exploring what works and what not. A good advice is to listen to what our body offers us as wisdom and reflection.
Being playful in life is a must I would say! We are being given messages all the time that reflect how we are living and they are an amazing opportunity for us to keep light and open. Every time, an opportunity to be aware that when something didn’t work, to simply be aware of it, and to then make a different choice. What gifts we are given.
Well said Leigh, your wisdom continues to amaze me! It is marvellous and empowering to realise that we don’t have to keep repeating our lessons once we stop and pause to consider the moment, and in that moment make the choice to take on to the next lesson, without perfection but with steadiness and confidence, because there is always so much more calling for us to evolve.
Yes Leigh, making mistakes and berating ourselves makes it difficult to learn from the mistakes as emotions run high.
As a wise man once said to me when I berated myself for a mistake: “no mistakes just learning” which often means that a mistake is not a mistake at all but exactly what was needed if we learnt and evolved from it!
Curiosity also returns us to a sense of wonder, joy and lightness in life. There are no rules about how we should be, just an exploration of the possibilities.
Beautiful Fiona. Take away the rules and there is a natural lightness about life. The hardness of thinking we have made a mistake is worlds apart from the lightness we can bring.
I love this Fiona, curiosity does return us to these qualities. Reading everyone’s comments and appreciation of the qualities of curiosity I could feel the connection to a child’s curiosity, wonder and joy as they go about discovering life. Before they take on any ideal about perfectionism. We all started this way so It’s actually already in us we just need to simply choose to re-connect to it for ourselves. I read a great article yesterday on how when can take on one person’s comment and let it shape us for decades. http://bit.ly/19uE2h7
Well said Fiona – there are no rules. Rules are for me the opposite of feeling what is true. A rule would override everything what I sense otherwise. Rules imprison us.
I love your analogy of the roller coaster, Leigh, very perceptive. I relate to that, it is a crazy way to be living life. Time to get off that and really stop to look at what is truly going on. I love the steadiness and stability in that approach, quietly looking at the lesson that is there to be learned, learn from it, and hopefully not repeat it. A much better and more enjoyable way of life, lived lovingly and with a completely open mind, open to whatever possibilities are there for us to learn.
Beautiful Leigh. Yes one is expansive and the other very lineal. Living with curiosity in all situations and areas of life encapsulates all.
Thank you Leigh, this comment is just what I needed to read this morning — self-bashing having been my default for a long time. I can feel the gorgeousness of simply being curious, enquiring like a child in all its innocence in what it’s being shown by God, by the wisdom of our Soul so that we can become that bit more aware and evolve.
Awesome observations here Leigh. Thank you.
I love the word curious here Leigh. When I read it, I could feel that curiousity in me is always there to be connected to. I feel like a child when connecting to this quality. There are enough situations that I am asking myself from a critical point of view why it happens, but reminding myself of the curiousity is supporting me. It goes for me hand in hand with allowing what is presented to be felt. And, very important to me, I don’t have to get it right instantly. I am learning that it’s okay to make mistakes.
That’s another key to learning you’ve touched on Floris – the allowing what has been felt to come in into its own rather than getting everything right instantly. I am still learning to accept this aspect of life but in the moments I have – to just hold steady in myself to the best of my ability, the answer comes and it may not be instant but thats ok, the answer comes.
That’s so powerful Leigh. “To hold steady in the moments that we don’t know and allow the answer to come”. That’s the foundation we’re building to live life from. To let go of all the attachments and pictures, so we’re truly free to allow every moment to present itself, just for what it is and allow our response the same way. Being it in silence or in any active expression (writing, talking, singing, etc.).
Being a perfectionist is not something I would say about myself, but as I reflect on how I do lament all those mistakes, I can see I have been holding myself to some perfect picture. Observing my choices to be loving (or not) is a much more caring way to support myself in evolving.
I love what you bring in here Leigh, I think for most of my life I have been on that rollercoaster of reactions and emotions when something would happen, never considering there was another way. Since I have been learning to observe and see things more and more as an opportunity to learn I am less and less finding myself already in the rollercoaster just before going on the crazy ride.
I wholeheartedly agree, Leigh. Curiosity of why things are the way they are creates that space in ourselves for something new to come in and expand our perception and awareness of who we are.
Beautiful reply Leigh, so true. I can feel how when I truly stay with myself, with my body, I can look out at the world and ask what does it show me? And I can wait to feel the answer. But on those days when I have abandoned my self, then I get caught in the spin, take it all personally and usually end up with the emotional equivalent of grazed knees or a bloody nose. Not fun. The more we learn to watch and feel life, but not pick it up and try to cuddle it, the more we can allow our curiosity to fully expand.
Those emotional spins we can get into are like physical injuries if not worse because they go unaddressed! After a few rides on that rollercoaster I can feel like I’ve been hit by a truck, my whole body aches and yet in this battered from emotions state has for some become the norm. Our emotions are a considerable factor in regards to our health that we have given credence to.
Great comment Leigh, having a questioning mind rather than a critical one turns your life into a wondrous journey.
I agree Leigh I have also experienced repeating the same situation time and again until finally I have realised and understood my part (lesson) and the beauty of what I eventually came to understand.
So graceful, Kelly. Such an honoring and self-loving expression. Once again you lift me up with your wisdom about God.
Beautifully said Felix, I agree Kelly has a very strong and powerful way of expressing.
I love your expression here felixschumacher8. What Kelly has shared is absolutely a god-sent message to let go of perfection for it is a sure way to constantly keep attacking ourselves. We can be riled by it — mistakes can be seen as negative, to be avoided. Our societies have put perfection at the goal posts at both ends. But that is not what we are about, what life is truly about. We are forever peeling off the layers of who we are not, we come from something that is so stupendous but not of this earth. Perfection can never be attained here. Perfection is the opposite force to love.
Beautifully said Katerina, I have definitely played this card and continue to when I reflect back. It is a trap in our own connection to ourselves and it stops us from being playful and natural, this is a great one to expose and fully let go of.
Beautifully and gracefully expressed Felix. And I love what you’ve added here Katerina, we are from a vast grandness which is not of this world and we obsess over getting it perfect here when that is not possible and not needed and in doing so we avoid our own grandness, what a game. Each thing has it’s place and way as Kelly shows so clearly here, and perfection has no place.
I love how you have come back to the complete simple truth that there is always learning in all we do, down to folding one’s washing or driving a car. Not a day goes by that I don’t learn something within myself, and some of these days I don’t even leave the house. The best thing is the learning is on tap, take it as a drip or fill your cup to your heart is content, the water never runs out.
Very true kimweston2. And the level of learning depends on our level of honesty.
Or one could say the quality of learning depends on one’s honesty.
What fun it is too, to see the smallest of everyday tasks providing us with deeper awareness. The inquiring body – so much opportunity to learn from the things we do.
Recently I was a witness to a colleague who was getting quite frustrated around a situation at work. As I wasn’t directly involved in the situation, I was able to just be detached which was very interesting as I didn’t get hooked in but I did get a feeling in my body from a time when I was in that same position, but I was able to just hold myself as the feelings came up and then could see my part in it. And also felt how the other person was not the issue. This resulted in a beautiful letting go within me, just by being an onlooker and holding myself steady.
Thank you so much for sharing Kelly – one of the many things your blog highlighted for me was the importance of space when we feel judgements about imperfections (our own or others’) starting to crowd in. Just taking a step back, not trying to immediately fix or figure a solution can totally transform the situation.
Yes Hannah we can be very quick to jump on ourselves when we make a mistake, but when we stop and take moment you can see the world for so much more and a new way of looking at things is right there.
Absolutely agree Kelly!
That phrase “perfectly imperfect” is such a great reminder that nothing is really perfect but that it can always be everything it needs to be. What a wonderful gift we give ourselves (and each other!) when we accept that there is no perfection to be strived for. I can certainly feel the space that opens up when I take this pressure off myself and accept that each outcome is an opportunity for learning.
When we view the world with a lens of perfection we will always have a picture that will never be complete and will always leave us seeking. We are already perfect and whole therefore seeking perfection makes the perfection an imperfection.
“Perfection is not an achievable goal”. Thank heavens for that. It is very stressful trying to be perfect.
Perfection is not an achievable goal. Full stop.
The number of times I have stopped myself and abandoned a task or an artwork or a sentence even because it wasnt perfect, is rather painful to contemplate, it certainly diminished me. To allow flow from a solid connection with oneself and let it become what it already was waiting to be is so much more freeing and expansive. No attachment to outcome just pure joy in the activity.
To me perfection often felt like having to meet everyone’s expectations of what this man made concept is to be and therefore is in itself impossible.
It is very freeing to view things as though there are no mistakes, just steps we take towards evolution – this is indeed love.
“I never know where I will end up – that’s what makes life so much more fun, don’t you think?” and I fully agree with that Kelly. It is so freeing to let go the prefabricated outcome I tended to strive at, and instead to live with the knowing and the experience that everything needs to be expressed as it is a natural part of living an evolving life that expands itself through giving free expression to it. Compare to how I used to live where I expressed from a restriction that caps and provides no expansion at all, I now choose with the gained experience I have, to give to the best of my ability expression to what lives within and with that to allow life to unfold for me instead of striving for a specific outcome or goal.
‘Perfection is not an achievable goal. It’s an endless road that just comes with more obstacles.’, I really like this quote, it takes the perfection out of perfection.
I’ve started to really not take things personal. I work in a very challenging environment what on a daily basis how something is done may not be liked or agreed upon by others due to individual preferences. When a criticism comes, I am able to follow up immediately within myself that I am still incredible and amazing, no matter what emotion comes towards or is directed at me and it in fact changes the situation because I’m not reacting on the inside.
That’s awesome Matthew, the workplace is a hub for the vagaries of perfectionism and we can easily take things personally as they are projected towards us. Well done and thank you for inspiring us to work towards the same.
It is amazing what we can learn about ourselves when we stay open to everything around us, paying extra attention to situations that could easily be dismissed out of judgement or criticism. I am learning more and more how judgement and criticism play a huge part in stifling the true flow of my day,
Learning to explore the mistakes in life as part of the journey that makes up life itself, has been an incredible discovery, very freeing and at times a saving grace against the tidal wave of self abusive thoughts that can follow from when mistakes are made, which, when looked at lightly, are usually quite simple and actually not that big a deal at all.
Exploring the mistakes in life….that is very cool! I can feel how freeing it is, wonderful…
That’s true actually, to explore our mistakes …rather than to want to sweep them under the carpet, is way more graceful.
And much more appealing, it sounds like fun.
Well said Shami, creating space for ourselves and stepping back leaves room for the light to enter and the darkness to dissolve.
Life is a learning, from every obstacle to every great moment, each has a learning within it. I can feel how this is often not appreciated enough, or the tendency to get down on oneself when we fall or maybe ‘could do better’ even when something has been done well. Learning to have appreciation in either event really takes that self-inflicted pressure off, and allows the learning.
This is indeed such a different approach, life as a learning. It brings a lightness to it all and introduces appreciation to all moments.
I love this realisation that there is no such thing as a mistake, it just offers a place for understanding healing and our choices. A beautiful way to be in life instead of the constant blame and putting ourselves down that happens all too often. A joy to read and feel the playfulness that is offered with no perfection in just being ourselves with appreciation and love.Thank you
A wise woman recently said to me ‘self abuse is the worst type of abuse’. Having experienced many types of abuse I found myself in agreeance. When I make myself wrong or be hard on myself I feel more imprisoned than ever.
What a great sharing Abby, it is the same for me. Self abuse is not only imprisoning, but crippling.
With allowing and accepting, comes time and space for learning and unfoldment, but with perfection, comes trying, which brings in its wake, disappointment, frustration, and judgement.
It occurs to me at times if I didn’t make mistakes and learn who would I actually be at this moment? I’m pretty sure I would have totally worked myself into exhaustion with want of striving for perfection. It’s the stopping and considering my choices along the way that has opened up possibilities to learn from my experiences and choose another way. With an incredibly forever deepening appreciation to Serge Benhayon for all he offers in livingness and wisdom reflecting there is another way.
I like your blog Kelly, I have been fooled too looking for perfection when sometimes appreciating the what is, is just as good if not better than always striving for perfection, looking for something unobtainable.
This sharing reminds me that we do not have the whole picture, and so whatever has transpired in ‘painting the picture’ has an offering. There is something beautiful that has unfolded Kelly as you shared your experience, and had you not ‘made a mistake’ (which in hindsight wasn’t) you would not have had the reflections to share and we would not have had the opportunity to also look more deeply into the meaning it has offered us. Thanks Kelly.
I love how you have seen this unfoldment ch1956, and the very real concept that we do not have the whole picture. This can be relayed into many situations and somehow something in my body lets go of needing to know, and feels ready to accept what is there.
‘Perfection is not an achievable goal. It’s an endless road that just comes with more obstacles. It pushes us out of our natural rhythm into a never-ending game of trying to achieve an unobtainable marker that depletes us.’ This is the best and truest definition of ‘perfection’ that I have ever read. Thank you Kelly.
I concur Michelle. Perfectionism leads us on an endless road of hurdles and trip wires – it is as deadly as it sounds; no one drives onto the road and drives off in the same state.
There is so much in what you have written here Kelly. Perfection really is something that can be so debilitating, it can keep you in a place of never feeling that what you do is enough. This was my experience, always feeling like I was never enough, nothing felt like I achieved an outcome that was satisfying. Because it never was, through my own doing. I created the self imposed bar that I could never reach, or if I did, I would move it immediately to another place. Which was extremely exhausting and made for a very unhappy life. Life is very different now, one where it isn’t about perfection and bringing love to the process of my unfolding.
Reagankcairney, I can completely relate to this. I set the bar one place, and then all of a sudden just as it’s within reach, I move it further away! A ridiculous game I’ve played with myself and others to keep myself small and to stay in control. It is absolutely debilitating and serves absolutely no one.
Yes raegankcairney moving and manipulating this bar of perfection just brings in more control. Imagine what affect this has on the body too? Ouch?
Good point Kelly, the affect this controlling and manipulating behaviour of perfection has on the body is to control and manipulate it, tighten and morph it, squeeze and hold it in contortion… very ouch, and yet we accept it every day.
So true raegankcairney, the ideal of perfectionism is so self defeating, because as soon as we reach or think we have reached that golden moment, we raise the bar and say we that was just not good enough, we need to be more, do better, go higher. It is a very clever way to mimic true evolution, we trick ourselves into believing that we forever improving ourselves because we always invent another ideal to step up to. Knowing now as I do that true evolution is about deepening my acceptance of my beautiful essence, assuming my full responsibility, expressing all of my love, I have been able to relinquish these high ideals of mine in favour of accepting the imperfections of my living journey. Awareness is worth so much more than perfection and brings true evolution to all.
‘Our unique essence is intertwined into everything we express in this world’ I love this expression, it reminds me that although we are all equal on the inside, in our outward expression we are all different and each one is of equal value to all others.
I feel exhausted reminding myself of the strive for perfection that held its grip over me for so many years. As you say “Perfection is not an achievable goal. It’s an endless road that just comes with more obstacles.” The blessing of life without a need for perfection but in the awareness of a constant opportunity to learn and evolve is nothing less that an everyday miracle.
I think the most perfect thing we can hope for is a state of self love and appreciation
And then Joe to realize that even that is imperfect as we are so much more 🙂
Wasn’t America found by mistake, when looking for a short cut to the far east? Science through history has made major advances at times from…mistakes. Marie Curie and her discovery of Radium was a failed experiment!
It is crazy how we get so attached to how we want things to be, that they have to look a certain way to fit the picture of what it should be. All these pictures based on ideals and beliefs that have these ridiculous hoops that you have to jump through before you can even consider that you are on track of meeting the picture. And once you get there you realise that it isn’t all that and why all the hype and question the outcome. All this is a perfected way of trying to meet the demands of a certain way of being. It leaves you no space to be who you are and express from your essence. Perfectionism is a killer.
Well said Natalie, I couldn’t agree more. Perfectionism only leads to self criticism and setting ourselves up to fail, and jumping through all those self imposed hoops is exhausting. My question is who are we doing it all for anyway?
Yes Susan, it’s the sense that if we are perfect, then no-one can come back to us or say anything (bad), like we’ve covered all our bases…and so it becomes a form of protection or closed door and provides no opening or new space for learning, which in itself is an arrogance… because learning is forever ongoing and necessary for evolving. The quest for or the promotion of perfection, is then the promotion or cessation of one’s evolving.
The trap of perfection to avoid evolution – the mind is so devious and we allow it to hold us back. No more – let’s embrace life in all its perfect imperfections.
Yes it’s funny that we all know and tell ourselves that there is no such thing as perfection, and yet at the same time though we still hanker after or suffer from it because of its seemingly ability to validate our worth, though as we know there’s always ‘something else’ to perfect, to make us feel not worth it, or quite good enough. It is relentless. Accepting as you did your two paintings Kelly and self-acceptance ends the misery of perfection, allowing space to look at ‘mistakes’ without the otherwise judgment that seeds perfection. True worth is from a foundation of self-acceptance.
Well said Zofia, true worth does spring first from self acceptance.
I love this simple yet very powerful message Kelly. In my teaching career, spanning over 40 years, I consistently touted the message that students are not bad or need to be punished, they simply have more lessons to learn and it is our job to show them another way. So that they can find their masterstroke teach them about consequences and responsibility; that there are no mistakes just new learnings!
That’s beautiful Shirl and your students are richly inspired by the wisdom and love you hold. Thank you.
Such wisdom! And what a blessing your students over the years have received from you!
Awesome Shirl Scott for all to have and have had you as a teacher, for understanding this and showing so many a different way.
Holding whatever be the image of perfection in sight, allows not an appreciation of what can be truly viewed.
We certainly need to question how we have got to such a place where we seek perfection and not allow ourselves to learn and grow. It is insane that we want to be able to do it all and with an arrogance that you need no help. What a hard, impossible way of living. Letting ourselves learn through different choices is giving ourselves grace to be who we are.
The worry about making mistakes stops us from expressing so much. Imagine if we didn’t have this idea at all, about ourselves or anyone else, but came from love in everything and learnt so much as we accepted the beautiful imperfection of each day and each moment.
It is so much more fun to explore the learning and unfolding along the way.
Children do this all day for as long as they are given the space to express and be who they innately are. It’s not until adults start imposing should and don’ts that the perfection belief starts to be installed – yuk!
Perfectionism at its core is simply a form of protection. “If we get it perfect, then no one can fault us.” It is a form of control designed to keep us feeling safe and secure.
I fully agree with this, said from my own experience of striving for perfection and protection. It has been the letting go of perfectionism that I have found a very freeing experience.
And I love your ending words of wisdom “So never give up on finding your true masterstroke, it is there – it’s not a mistake, it just needs clarity and space to flourish in its own unique way, just like us.” Beautifully said.
Definitely beautiful words of wisdom to never give up, it is there “just needs clarity and space to flourish.”
Absolutely Tamara. And what is beautiful about what Kelly has shared is that she has confirmed that our ‘masterstroke’ never actually goes away or gets damaged. Although we can choose to express in a way that isn’t true to us, we always have the choice to change back to our true way of expressing.
Kelly, I love how you have discovered the joy of the journey or process rather than focusing on the outcome. To me, life has become about the quality of the process and much less about the outcome. For I now know if the quality is maintained in the process, the outcome is guaranteed.
Beautiful Lee. ” For I now know if the quality is maintained in the process, the outcome is guaranteed.”
Absolutely Lee I agree, the most important thing in life for me is now about developing the quality that I live and express with.
Thank you Lee – your comment really struck home as I can often fall for focusing on (and worrying about) the outcome and in doing so the quality of the process drops, which in turn makes the outcome even harder to achieve. It’s absolutely true that “if the quality is maintained in the process, the outcome is guaranteed” – it really is that simple!
Lee, this is gold and delivered succinctly. Often there is not just the focus of getting something done there is also a time pressure or several things to do within a certain amount of time – this is one of the main ways I fall into the trap of focusing on the outcome. When there is a drive to get something done or tension about time the effect on my body and in particular my nervous system alerts me to this. The more I experience myself free of this nervous tension or anxiousness the easier it is to notice it. When I can loosen my grip on the desired outcome, that is, detach from the expectation then there is more space to bring a quality to activity.
Kelly, love this blog, a lot of food for thought here. I love these lines “So never give up on finding your true masterstroke, it is there – it’s not a mistake, it just needs clarity and space to flourish in its own unique way, just like us.” It seems to me that the key is for us to get our good old thinking self out of the way. To be constantly striving for perfection is crazy, perfection does not exist. But if we get ourselves out of the way, connect to the divine that we have within, and then the space is made for whatever may be meant to come through us. This is how the true masterstrokes can appear, they are not from lots of physical striving, but are what is required for humanity, for us all to learn from. A very different way for us all to be working.
Thank you for introducing a different way to look at this subject.
Yes I definitely agree Kelly, life is so much more fun when we take away any need for perfection. The striving for perfection is hardwork, intense and stops us from feeling the magic at play.
Perfection is perceived as ‘having or being with the greatest strength’, and yet loosing it (perfection) is what actually arises our greatest strength.
So true Zofia. Perfection is seen as the holy grail of strength and achievement, but what we usually achieve in perfection is success at the expense of ourselves and others, driven by the great fear of not being enough.
Wise words Zofia “losing perfection is what actually arises our greatest strength”.
How much is perfection entrenched in us, or the aversion to making mistakes, even in writing a comment on a blog, does this run to some degree – I want to get this ‘right’, or have the ‘perfect’ comment, so it’s not a mistake or wrong…or we feel and express what it is that is to be expressed with no holding self to ransom it has to be a certain way?
“no holding self to ransom” great comment Karoline, so often we not only hold ourselves to ransom through our perfectionism but the world too, because we dramatically stifle our expression in the drive to get everything perfect, which is impossible. What we fail to see is the perfection within us, within our bodies and our relationship with nature and one another, the perfection of what we feel and receive from the world around us. These qualities are so innate, so natural that we ignore them in favour of an ideal or belief that we have to do something in order to create perfection, rather than allow, appreciate and express from the perfection that has always existed, deep within us all.
This blog is simply gorgeous Kelly! I loved when you expressed ‘Our unique essence is intertwined into everything we express in this world and that includes that single piece of paper’ Our essence in expression has no judgement of what is more important, greater, better, it is all equal even the tiny piece of paper….yes whilst we strive for perfection, we miss the moment and stop the unfoldment of how things are naturally to be and unfold – if there is any perfection, that is the perfection!
Love that, Karoline, “Our essence in expression has no judgement of what is more important, greater, better, it is all equal even the tiny piece of paper….yes whilst we strive for perfection, we miss the moment and stop the unfoldment of how things are naturally to be and unfold – if there is any perfection, that is the perfection!” What a beautiful way to look at perfection. I agree with you, that is where perfect comes in, yes, the unfoldment of how things are naturally to be and unfold. That is the key, thank you. Because otherwise, there is no perfection in anything that we do with our thinking minds.
Stunning Karoline thank you.
Beautifully expressed Karoline! “…yes whilst we strive for perfection, we miss the moment and stop the unfoldment of how things are naturally to be and unfold”.
This is so true Kelly “Perfection is not an achievable goal. It’s an endless road that just comes with more obstacles. It pushes us out of our natural rhythm into a never-ending game of trying to achieve an unobtainable marker that depletes us “quick sticks”.”
I have found they can be no joy in the search for perfection, and searching for perfection develops criticism and dishonesty.
Very true Abby – “searching for perfection develops criticism and dishonesty” and cements one in perpetual dissatisfaction…what a terrible way to go thru life!
Kelly I found it very interesting and inspiring to read about your painting experience in that, despite your intention to paint two equal quality paintings, you were drawn to give more attention towards one than the other which was clearly reflected back to you. And then in pops judgement and you even consider throwing the ‘lesser’ piece away because “The piece was not perfect in my eyes in that moment; it didn’t meet my perception of what I thought to be pleasing to the eye, so I disregarded it and threw the artwork to the side. However, I stopped and reclaimed it as I realised that nothing is perfect, everything in life is imperfectly beautiful in its own unique way, much like we are.”
Yes what I learnt from this experience Tamara is that when we are connected to ourselves our awareness kicks up a notch and we can see our choices with much more clarity. The simplicity from that is amazing and the learning everyday is so rich.
I’m sure that if we ever achieved perfection it would be rather boring.
“Perfection is not an achievable goal. It’s an endless road that just comes with more obstacles.” I love this line and I then asked myself what exactly is perfection? I often have a picture of how I want things to be and this is my idea of perfect. But in constantly trying to fit things to this picture I not only do not see what is in front of me, I don’t allow for life to unfold. The drive for perfection is very limiting.
I agree, nikkimckee, “the drive for perfection is very limiting” . It is also ridiculous, for perfection just does not exist, so we are trying to do the impossible. There are some words here that now put a shudder in my body, e.g. drive and trying. I have used both those for most of my life, and it has taken me a lifetime to realise that both those activities are so damaging to my body. I have tried to please everyone, tried to keep harmony, tried to do a perfect job. And in the trying, I have used so much drive, of course my body has been in nervous tension most of the time. It has taken 9 years of knowing Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine for me to now gradually let go of all the trying and drive which has stopped me from just being with myself and letting what is needed come through me. Still a work in progress, but what a beautiful way to be learning to live.
I agree nikkimckee – if I try to make life work towards a picture then it’s like putting on blinkers and being rigid about how I think things should go rather than feeling my way and responding to life.
… and feeling our way and responding to life opens up all kinds of opportunities and potentials that we would never had thought of had we carried on buying into these pictures that we are being fed.
Even though we all have an inner knowing that “Perfection is not an achievable goal. It’s an endless road that just comes with more obstacles.” Yet, this does not stop us from endlessly pursuing ‘perfection’. So crazy really when you stop and truly consider it.
Yes spot on nikkimckee. I find that the pictures we hold really stifle how glorious we naturally are. There is no room to grow and learn when we hold ideals on how life should be.
Perfection is worse than drug addiction. The thing this addiction steals from us is our time, effort and energy we feed the process of obtaining the nirvana of perfection that is always just out of reach.
So true nikkimckee – this striving for perfection is like putting our spherical selves in a square box – not only are we never going to fit inside “perfectly”, but there is no room to expand and grow – a perfect recipe for discontentment.
Well said Hannah. We are designed to expand and a box definitely doesn’t allow for that!
I love this realisation: ‘It was like I was throwing away a piece of me: I was giving up on me’… How much it hurts to give up on ourselves because we don’t meet our preconceived picture.
Well said Kylie. It shows how much we are capped continuously by our ideal of ‘perfection’ which can be a mask that stops us expanding and embracing more of who we truly are.
So true Joshua, we don’t allow ourselves to expand or develop when we chase this preconceived ideal of perfection. We get so locked in to a lineal construct of what something needs to look like that there is no space for innovation or creativity.
I agree Joshua, it was only today that I was talking to my friends and we realised how hard we are on ourselves at not coming up to our ‘ideal’ of perfection. Criticising ourselves is a form of self abuse, as there is no such thing as perfection, which is just having expectations of ourselves and others that are not met because we have gone into comparison, which as you rightly say, caps us. It comes back to the same old chestnut, accept and appreciate who we are and commit to love, every day and in every way.
Not to mention it is so ingrained sometimes we don’t even realise we are thinking in a self critical way!
Absolutely perfection caps us from expanding and evolving. Life is about learning and evolution if we seek perfection, we limit ourselves and stop evolving. Wow.
Yes that’s beautiful Kylie and Kelly, often we have a set idea in our minds about how we or things should be and in the process we miss out on the magic of who we are and what we bring. And yes we do indeed give up on ourselves when we get set in these ideas, it’s more healthy to consider if the idea actually truly supports us or not, and discard it. It’s odd really to think we’d keep the idea, stick on it and attempt to meld ourselves to it, thus contorting ourselves and our natural expression in the process. What I feel is that there is no perfection here, just a continual discarding as we come back to being and expressing who we truly are.
I agree monicag2. So often in our strive for perfection, we miss out on the possibility of learning what is and what is not a true expression of who we are. I know that I have held back my expression through a need for perfection, and as a result have not done many things for fear of the outcome of what I wanted to do not ending up as I wanted it to. As a result, I have missed opportunities to learn for myself and to evolve, and humanity has missed out on what I have to offer, without perfection. Thank you for writing this blog Kelly. It is inspiring.
Sandra, this is just beautiful, that we can approach anything with child-like wonder, seeing it as a way for us to learn and evolve and actually figure our for ourselves is this is part of our expression or not. Your comment is perfectly timed (no coincidence of course), as I prepare for an interview this week, which I’d been unclear how to approach and now I can feel how I can explore and see how this may be, and not get to caught in the outcome – it’s an opportunity to play. And that’s what play is, which children show us to well, they’re just themselves and they approach things with that, nothing less.
Yes, its truly liberating to let go of any expectations we may have had about something, and trust that we will know what to do and say so long as we stay true to ourselves. Have fun at your interview monicag2! ; )
Yes Monicag2, a continual discarding and calling out of the energy that is not loving or supportive in any way, from a place of no judgement, supports us all.
Awesome monicag2. What I find is these pre-conceived pictures we hold of how something will turn out usually leads to restriction and push. But when we express without these pictures or ideals we are more able to connect to the joy of just being us.
Yes, Kelly we can flow when we let go those ideals, and just express our joy.
It makes me wonder monicag2 – as you say there is no such thing as perfection so what is this elusive or imaginary thing or place we’re striving (in vain) to get to?
I had the opportunity to stick with an idea recently and there is great comfort in sticking with what we know and how we want something to be, to let go and allow what is next is very freeing but also for someone who likes to be in control like I do it is scary and the more I am able to stay present, breathe and know I am ok just being me I am capable of much more than I ever could imagine.
Bulls-eye Vanessa, that’s why we stick to ideas, control, and I know this one very well. It can be scary to let that go, and you’ve reminded me of the anecdote, to stay present, breathe, and be in our bodies – perfect timing to read this too, I needed to be reminded today – thank you.
I like the way you have phrased this monicag2 ‘It’s odd really to think we’d keep the idea, stick on it and attempt to meld ourselves to it, thus contorting ourselves and our natural expression in the process.’ It leaves me aware there is a difference between trying to contort oneself to fit the picture versus moving forwards out of comfort to allow for more of one’s natural expression.
That’s such a great distinction you make Deanne, ‘moving forwards out of comfort to allow for more of one’s natural expression’ is so different from trying to squish ourselves and make ourselves smaller. It feels completely different, a growing edge, an evolving edge to show more the love we are, to expand out and not stay small. I’ll be taking that image into my day!.
Giving up on ourselves is one of the deepest hurts that we inflict on others as well as ourself. In that giving up we not only bash ourselves, but we withhold who we are from the world. We all need all of us. There is not one of us who is not contributing to the light of this world, it is just that so many of us have decided, due to those preconceived pictures, that we do not belong. It is a travesty, it is extremely sad and we are all the worse off for missing those who have made that choice due to the pressures to live up to an unachievable ideal foisted upon them.
It is so true Naren. Everyone of us is unique in how we express and that is so very valuable and needed in the world today. It is the ideals, beliefs and comparisons that stops us expressing our truth.
“We need all of us”… I love that Naren. I so appreciated reading your words this morning because it reiterates to me that we are all equal, we are all one, no one is more and no one is less, beautiful isn’t it, and if we remain steadfast in our Light then we can pull up the others who unfortunately have stumbled and fallen and need support along the way 🙂
Indeed sandrahenden. By doing so, we offer them the opportunity to make that choice to stand up for themselves, and realise they are not alone.
I loved what you have shared here Naren. We are all part of the picture and all just as important. There is a video going around at the moment of a girl at high school filming students in her school. Before she takes a picture of them she tells each person ‘I am doing a project on what is beautifull’ and to see how some of these young people respond in disbelief that they are in fact beautifull shows to me that we have a lot of work to do in valuing and appreciating ourselves just for who we are.
I agree with what you have written here Naren, giving up is travesty. More and more I am seeing the importance of not giving up in any aspect of ours lives, be it with family, friends, work, humanity.
So true, giving up on ourselves gives license for others to do the same. We are here to inspire and evolve, and not let anyone hold themselves back. We are here to lead the way.
I agree with you Naren so much so that it seems my lifes work now is to support young people to not give up on themselves in the education system. This is not something I planned to do but it has evolved as such, and it is a travesty and deeply sad to see how early we give up on ourselves and how we torture and inhibit our natural expression. It is truly evil.
It is evil indeed, Vanessa. And it is something that starts shockingly early in our lives.
Me too Kylie and it sure does hurt when we give up on ourselves because we don’t meet our preconceived picture which can be more often than I allow myself to feel at times.
I find that the more connected I am to my essence, the more I let go of ‘trying’ to be perfect, just allowing myself to be is enough. And if I stumble or wobble a little I just treat myself as I would a tender little child and pick myself up again and have long since stopped giving myself little slaps that never really served me in the first place, just made me feel worse!
I have also had this experience Kylie, the ongoing blame on myself was a ongoing battle (an internal fight) that was never ending, trying to cut off the parts I did not like instead of accepting and making necessary changes lovingly. Having a preconceived picture is deadly.
What’s funny about the game and strive for perfection is that it really is a one way street that does keep us small and separate as you say Mary, but it also stops us learning and evolving through our connections with others too. It cuts us off from the joy that is life in connection.
Very true Kylie, the deeper hurt, that sits underneath every part of our day, underneath everything that we do. The seemingly invisible hurt that has no real identifiable indicator, giving up on ourselves, a debilitating plague so many don’t realise has been the choice.
I agree Kylie, and this picture is made up of so many ideas and beliefs that this world is full of and continues to be full of adding more and more just in case you release and let go of them. The understanding that our relationship with ourselves is a huge factor in society, an important part of really allowing our awareness to be all that it can be and not being fooled by the ongoing reflections of what we are meant to be, look like etc..
Absolutely Kylie, we can be so quick to judge ourselves before we even take a second to consider or question where our preconceived pictures of perfection come from. If we allow ourselves to examine these pictures honestly, they loose their appeal and their hold over us.
These preconceived pictures are insidious and need to be questioned and broken down until we can clearly see and understand them for the unnecessary pressures they are.
Absolutely well said Kylie, once we have an image/ideal / perception we seem to aim to achieve whatever we have in mind and when it is not being achieved we most of time feel said, disappointed, frustrated etc. I recognize this pattern in my life where I have dis-empowered by following ideals and believes instead of my heart, since knowing Serge I have re-learned basically everything about my inner -heart (although there is so much more) and now I know the difference between when I am being idealistic and unreal and when I am connected to my heart. I love that !
That is so harmful, when we treat ourselves like this. We have a picture in our head we want to live up to. What of course can’t work. The opposite is self-love and self-nurturing – the way back to what we are – love.
“Perfection is not an achievable goal. It’s an endless road that just comes with more obstacles. It pushes us out of our rhythm into a never-ending game of trying to achieve an unobtainable marker that depletes us ‘quick sticks'”.This really stood out for me Kelly although I don’t paint I can see how easily it is to give up on ourselves when we are always looking for perfection.
All mistakes can bring you to a new level of understanding and awareness, if we choose to see it that way.
A beautiful reminder that we are not here to be perfect and not here to make anything else perfect, just being all of who we are and allowing things to be as they are is beautiful.
I can relate to that “fantastic feeling” of leaving something to give it space. It is easy to get stuck in that belief that things need to get finished when this often compromises the quality it is done in. Having been held in this belief it is amazing to feel the difference that stopping, even for a few minutes, can have on the quality of what is being done and how this feels in the body.
Opportunities for growth in every task, it is so true that every action we undertake has the potential to offer us an ability to feel more, to act with more care, to bring attention to tasks and perform them with responsibility. I love the premise that everything is energy and that therefore everything is because of energy. It makes total sense and brings a new dimension to what previously would be a mundane task such as folding clothes or washing the car. I now understand there is ripple effect of my every action that affects the whole (everyone) and am slowly starting to grasp that there is also an effect for my every thought too, though this one is taking me a bit longer to accept and embody.
I was reminded of this constant struggle recently when I was swimming… I was trying to be more, do more than I could and it was proving very painful. A few words from the inspirational Simone Benhayon and I got an appreciation for what I was doing wrong… trying to be something I’m not, achieve perfection, be better. How about just appreciating who we are, where we are and enjoying that and allowing life to evolve and grow as we bring our attention to it?
I can feel the load you have let go of here Simon in appreciation of yourself and the words of wisdom from Simone Benhayon
I have found that it doesn’t even need to be perfection but attachment to achieving any set outcomes in my work or life prevents me from appreciating exactly what is there to be felt in every moment. It also seems to me to make reaching any goals more difficult in itself and that simply focusing on bringing my all to any situation brings a natural result which is better than a plan made by me anyway.
Re-reading your blog again this morning, what strikes me is how we are set up as children to believe there is always a right answer. Schools reward those who get things right, and being wrong or feeling ok about making mistakes is not part of the ethos of schools. I see children crippled by this and will screw up page after page if they have not written the date and title neatly enough. This is even before they have attempted any written task. These pupils will often not try things because there is a nervousness about ‘getting it wrong.’
Kelly, reading your article I can feel how true it is that there are ‘No Mistakes: Just a New Learning’, this is lovely and takes the pressure of getting it right and trying to be perfect, it makes life more fun if it is all about learning, a friend of mine shared with me how at the school she works at, children are so scared to make a mistake that they wait for her to be there before they continue with a project because they do not want to get it wrong, I can feel how this fear of making mistakes stops us having confidence in ourselves, creates a lot of tension and makes learning hard rather than fun and joyful.
We learn so much from our mistakes… its almost a crime not to make them! We are all so creative, and have so much to offer but very much in our own very individual way and that is the thing we really need – to just be ourselves without any restrictions.
There really are no mistakes. When I look back I see choices I have made, some not the wisest, but not mistakes. Who knows what unexpected magic or experience we may meet when we take a ‘wrong’ turn. It is how we view it that makes the difference.
I can relate to the need for perfection in a piece of artwork and in other areas of my life also. To read the way you have expressed this striving and throwing away of a creation or activity, and how that played out for you to take a deeper look at this behaviour is great learning for me to take a look at what this means for me too. As you say “there is no perfection” in this life yet it was perfect in its imperfection. Thank you Kelly.
And what is a mistake? Is a mistake something that we have deemed as not being perfect? In truth there are no mistakes but steps along the way in which we take on our path of return.
What is perfection anyway? It is an ideal that we have of something having to be a certain way. When we drop our ideals we are then open to feeling what is true rather than be governed by a picture that we have created.
I love this line “there is really no such thing as a mistake, for every day opens up new opportunities to explore with a greater understanding in all facets of life.”
And it is our willingness to grow our understanding that builds our responsibility in life and the ability to make different choices.
Perfection is an elusive dream that is a nightmare that never ends.
The never ending nightmare indeed Steve. Thank god we are waking up to it!
I start to understand reading your blog, Kelly, how much this wanting to be perfect story is wanting to control life. I get aware how much I am striving to have control in wanting to be perfect, wanting things and situations to be perfect and only in allowing to get deeper in reading your blog and looking behind the scenes I detect how ingrained this behaviour is and appears in all sorts of situations. It starts with which clothes to wear, is it to look perfect or is it a true expression of me and goes on how I talk, walk, move, act and work. The perfectionism and control is so hidden that it needs constant awareness and calling it out for what it is.
Wouldn’t it be great if we all lived with this concept ‘there are no mistakes, just a new learning’ and actually did truly learn .. so change the way we live, speak, move. Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine are bringing that new learning. They have helped me to feel and see a much deeper and clearer understanding with energy, life and the Universe. It then just becomes a choice, to choose to live what I have learnt and know deep within.
For years I have been trying to be okay with making mistakes. It is easy for me to allow kids to make them, and actually really enjoy watching them do their best as they fall over, scribble out of the lines, watch their block tower fall to the ground. There is usually no strive for perfection nor any need for things to be a certain way and it is definitely a freeing way to be. I loved reading this blog, hearing how others deal with their own need for something to be a certain way certainly helps me.
Beautiful comment suzanne and valid point about how we view children and their mistakes so differently to our own.
Our lives are often crippled by what we perceive as mistakes when really they are an opportunity for learning. What strikes me is the lack of love involved in trying to make things perfect.
True Elizabeth, there is no love whatsoever in perfection
Kelly – you have brought up an interesting topic of discussion: perfection. In my experience perfection comes with a drive and most often comes with an image of something that is either close to impossible or totally impossible to achieve. There is something about this image that hooks us in and then we go into the drive to achieve it. This means that if we begin the chase for this image then we are actually setting ourselves up to fail. This is one of our biggest catches – like a trick, a mouse trap with peanut butter. You get enticed into it and then when you are chasing the thing that you think is what you want then two things occur: 1) you get drained from the drive and the chase and 2) you get distracted from what you truly should or could have been attending to or doing. A double whammy – a double loss…and actually a triple loss if you consider everyone else around who has missed out on you and what you could have been capable of bringing if you had not been caught in the trap. This is not said to beat ourselves up – but just like you have said Kelly it is the learning that can be gained from each and every opportunity that is the key value in this – and from here we can make the change, we can choose to do things differently, not driven by an image, by perfection, but instead surrendering to what is there for us to bring through.
Just a new learning is something I adore in children. They are usually very open to receive feedback. Whether that being from ‘life’ or people around them. They act, accept and continue. Without going into the self-bashing as I can (still) do, even though it’s getting less and less. To me it feels that it has to do a lot with accepting our natural fragility and not having to be perfect. It’s inspiring and I applaud myself for ‘daring’ to see the true reflection in this, rather then disguard it and judge as ‘false’ or ‘not real’.
Love it Floris – and spot on, children are very open and accepting – certainly more so that we are as adults (or at least more often is this the case). And hence they can move on faster and more easily than we do. And so once more another opportunity is offered to us as adults to learn from the little men and women around us.
Your comment Henrietta made me think instantly about a world where we would benefit and learn from the 2 – seemingly – different worlds. To me I can understand in full that the adults’ world is very very boring to many children. They are enjoying constantly the magnificence of the felt world around them. Where as most of the adults only share ‘small talk’. What if we would both fully open and engaging each other. What a paradigm shift and a great loop forward in our evolution!
Spot on Floris – as adults we tend to forget to connect to the magnificence around us and appreciate things in full. And so children are there to reflect that to us – they are a direct bridge to the divinity within us, a constant reflection and gorgeously so.
Very tangible example of how we are detected of perfection in Life. It´s only a belief, but one that is very common in our casual life style. And unfortunately it is of a very harming influence on our body and our minds.
So why still hang on perfection? I choose to be more and more the one I am…that´s perfection in all.
With perfectionism comes judgment, and caring how other people view us and our work, and measuring ourselves against others, and not being good enough. How we approach a piece of work or a creative project reveals much about how we view ourselves. The example of claiming that “imperfect” painting Kelly, feels like you claiming yourself as perfect with all your imperfections. Perfectionism is an illusion created to keep us separated and feeling less than we are.
I couldn’t agree more joanchristinecalder, there is huge judgement of ourselves and others and an investment in the outcome. Setting ourselves up big time by measuring ourselves against others can only lead to disappointment and lack of self worth.
Yes Julie Matson, and we end up throwing parts of ourselves in the bin! There was such a beautiful and precious part that Kelly discovered, of herself and her art, when she reclaimed the piece she had thrown down as not good enough. Inside us all are those parts we hate and want to get rid of because they do not fit everyone else’s ideals (or our own), and we feel they show us up in some way. But they hold a gift of gold for us if only we reclaim them and see them for what they, and then we become perfectly whole.
What a wonderful piece of writing on the illusion of the drive for perfection. There is a perfect piece waiting to be expressed, it just may not be the picture we have conjured up in the wayward mind.
‘So never give up on finding your true masterstroke, it is there – it’s not a mistake, it just needs clarity and space to flourish in its own unique way, just like us.’ Wow, this statement brought a whole package of joy to the surface of my being, my true masterstroke is there, I knew it!
Perfection is a constant striving for something that doesn’t exist – a never-ending seeking, and consequently quite depleting and exhausting!
Allowing ourselves to stop and appreciate what is right before us allows golden moments of truth and understanding.
Perfection is indeed a prison that doesn’t allow freedom for the magic and spontaneity of life.
I have found that I am harsh to myself when I call something a mistake, an impatience and intolerance with myself like there is something wrong with me. This stops me from seeing what I have done in its true perspective, and this stops me from learning an important lesson that life is showing me. Your light-hearted approach has a free flow to it that appreciates the process of learning, thank you Kelly.
“Each piece of artwork was able to be exactly how it was, with no attachment to an outcome or push for perfection.” I liked this a lot Kelly. This is how we should allow each other to be also.
Giving up on perfection and its unrelenting demands is such a relief. Going with the flow of life and viewing every aspect as an opportunity to learn is so much more fun. Mistakes I have made a fair few and will continue but I will not retreat in a dark hole as I did in the past. And what a great tool to put things aside and get back to them later with so much more clarity.
Striving for perfection is the certain way to create exhaustion in our bodies and will always keep us striving for the next thing never giving us a chance to stop and appreciate the beauty that is already there.
Absolutely Francisco, I agree wholeheartedly! I have experienced how exhausting it can be to strive for perfection and how it also brings a sadness because in that striving we have to reject ourselves in truth. Letting that go and appreciating the beauty that is already within helps me to connect and express with all of me instead.
Francisco the illusion of perfection is something that myself and so many that I know would chase, to no avail. The fact is no matter how much we chase perfection we never reach it and as you say we then miss out on appreciating the beauty all around.
Agreed, and its why we have this epidemic of exhaustion and total addiction to stimulants… we’re all trying so hard to be something other, rather than just being ourselves.
I have learnt the greatest lessons from mistakes… The moment I deem it a mistake is the moment I have judged it to be lesser or not deemed not good enough. In that moment I have dismissed ‘ the flow’ and gone into judgement. That’s the point I need to step back and look at my investment in the piece being a certain way.
Everything in life has something to offer and it is up to us whether we choose to allow it to unfold or not. Small diamonds in everyday tasks – Thanks Kelly.
‘Small diamonds in everyday tasks’ = The Way of the Livingness
Beautiful, a diamond is a diamond, small or big!
This article reminded me of how supportive it is to ‘put things aside’ once I start to question or become unsettled with what I am doing. Otherwise I am choosing to disconnect from ‘me’ and allow beliefs, ideals and expectation of myself to dominate. Always when I return, the unfolding occurs as it naturally would have if I had not judged myself or brought in expectations. Thank you again Kelly.
This is quite profound bernadetteglass. I like things to be complete before I move on to the next thing so often I doggedly continue when really I need some space to re-compose myself. I get what you mean by being dominated by beliefs and expectations and this explanation gives me the space to liberate myself from them.
I have gradually come to trust that what I need to complete is already there and the fact that I don’t have access to it immediately always means that I have lost connection. The trick is not to go into judgement of myself for it and trust myself. I use to get stressed and like you say ‘doggedly continue’ but it served me not! When I leave something in these situations, I know it will be there and it is reassuring and confirming when what I need presents itself Bernie.
“No mistake, just a new learning” – so true. It is a killer, this expectation of how things ought to be – so is the reaction when things are different to the expectation. I find that when I am caught in this way of being, I spend loads of energy trying to force the outcome and get annoyed with life and with myself when I fail to force things into the perfect scenario. What a waste this is. In contrast there are moments when I can let go, be in the moment, bring all of me to the table and observe – truly observe, with fresh eyes – what is required and learn, enjoy and unfold as an integral part of the whole.
I love watching children paint as they have no attachment to the picture (generally – there are exceptions) and I often have to stop myself from wanting to interfere and say that’s great leave it now… they have no concept of great or good until we tell them so.
Thanks for this reminder Vanessa. I remember that feeling as a child, in the early days – there was no expectation just a brush and some gorgeous paints and then… the gorgeous invention. It was great as did not even have to worry about tidying up either!
Well said Vanessa, the criticism and “making mistakes” is something we introduce into a child’s life and then they learn very quickly to measure themselves by this. No wonder as this is how we live as adults and we are their role models. Even though we may not criticize them directly they feel our self criticism all the time and that life is lived by the what is not with little appreciation. It is how we stand in life and how much love we hold for ourselves that teaches them to be the amazing love they are.
Great point Vanessa. We teach them that. Symbolically, when a child falls down when learning to walk, we say ‘oopsie daises’ or we panic to see if they are ok. As innocent as this may seem, they are learning that there is something different about falling down, that the response is somewhat a negative thing, rather than a natural stumbling block as we navigate life or something new.
I agree Vanessa, the ‘Great’ already IS at the hand of the stroke.
Too true Vanessa. Young kids simply express and leave the picture complete or unfinished as they feel, already complete in themselves. There is no need to push to express more or less than they need to in the moment. When adults come along and pass judgment they are saying perhaps to the child they are not complete and not enough, try harder.
There is no such thing as a mistake, only a learning. I love it and it gives so much more understanding and allowing. It keeps life simple.
Ah yes keeping life simple Mariette, if we stop giving ourselves such a hard time about making mistakes, and accept our learning, it is true it feels so much more simple, and to just keep going with expanding awareness.
Yes Marietta, if we lived like this as you say “There is no such thing as a mistake, only a learning”..we would live differently and appreciate all that is actually supporting us to develop and go deeper, deeper to who we are and the amazingness within.
I love this comment, “there is really no such thing as a mistake, for every day opens up new opportunities to explore with a greater understanding in all facets of life.” How much more do we learn from our mistakes than from our successes?
“So never give up on finding your true masterstroke, it is there – it’s not a mistake, it just needs clarity and space to flourish in its own unique way, just like us.” what a beautiful way to see life and the opportunities that present. I really enjoyed the awareness you have shared here Kelly.
Love what you share Kelly as it reveals the truth that nothing is perfect, everything has a place, and when given time and space to flourish we can learn so much from our supposed mistakes. It is a beautiful way to see life and a great reminder to me to let go of the push and enjoy each moment and opportunity that presents itself.
Awesome Jade. Yes there really is no such thing as a mistake, because we are always learning, shifting and evolving in this vast school of life.
I enjoyed reading your blog Kelly, and I agree with your words above – ‘…there really is no such thing as a mistake….’ – it seems to me that indeed there are no mistakes, only opportunities to grow in love.
It’s very expansive when we stop judging ourselves or things that we do as imperfect and become much more accepting of how things are! I know when I make a pieces of jewellery – if I am hankering after an outcome it moves further away and the piece will never feel right, yet if I just let things flow – out they come. They may not seem perfect to me, but maybe for someone, the piece is just what is needed.
Jo when you say “you let things flow – out they come” it can be a point of evolution as you are not getting in the way of what is there to be expressed. I find this is when magic happens, even so called mistakes can take us in unexpected directions and require a deeper level of trust to stay out of the way and stay with the process.
What you share is an age old truth Jo.
Exactly Jo, who are we to judge, if what we do is from our natural impulse to bring it, then it IS, simple as that.
Incredibly awesome what is being shared here,
I love how you chose to see the artwork in a different light and now see its value. Everything can teach us something, everything has something to offer us. Now that’s truely perfect!
Yes, it teaches us Felicity. Everything we put out in this world represents the beingness we are in at that given moment. And though it may not be ‘perfect’, it is a perfect reflection of where we are at. And even this cannot be judged as it is constantly changing and evolving.
How gorgeous to see that everything has it’s value. My daughter always says either everyone is perfect or nobody is perfect, depending on how you look at it. Either way, there is no such thing as perfect, but rather the way it needs to be for human evolution, big picture view.
It’s interesting with mistakes because if we are in the mindset of beating ourselves up, we can have a very sensitive radar for detecting potential events that we can turn into mistakes and thereby adding fuel to the fire of self criticism. To break the cycle, it really needs the dedication to stay loving with oneself and let go the of ideals we have bought into.
The ideals come back to all the pictures we have created about how the world is supposed to look. The problem is everyone’s idea about how the world is supposed to look is different, and so there is no picture that is real, but there is a quality of how we are being that is all important.
Even our own ideals and pictures of how we or the world ‘should’ be or look changes through the years and so seems crazy we would hold onto them. It is us in essence that ever remains the same and when we leave that loving quality, we then go in search for it in some ideal or belief.
A great point to have made Heather and Jinya. When we can let go of our ideals and “supposed tos”, self bashing and self loathing and simply feel the truth in any moment that is there to be felt we can focus on our quality and allow that to be the most important aspect of any moment at any given time.
Great point made here Heather, it is not about the multiple pictures we have created about life, but about the quality we live in. And that quality can be equally loving.
Yes Heather, we are fooled by so many of these pictures, all thinking we are right yet all of us not working together on the only real task at there is – brotherhood.
Having an ideal of how something should be is the fastest way to sabotaging the very thing I am dealing with. The ‘ideal’ isn’t motivating, or isn’t me giving something my all; it is setting myself up to fail, with a picture of how I think it needs to be, which is very limiting as perfectionism comes into play, which further serves to limit my potential.
I remember this too. It’s like an invitation for applause, self aggrandising in disguise! Same quality of arrogance even though it looks different. Playing oneself down does nothing to support the richness that we innately bring and leaves no room to allow another in equality.
This is just gorgeous Kelly. I enjoy reading your blogs immensely. This one reminds me that I am always going to be a masterpiece in progress.
Your comment made me smile Leonne. You are, as we all are, indeed masterpieces in progress – or are we already the masterpieces, and just taking off the layers to reveal the stunning beauty that was already there?
And it made me smile too Jo, as it is so true. I would have to say that we already are the masterpieces, but have buried ourselves under the layers of life’s struggles, strains and our many hurts. To slowly peel back and discard the layers of what we are not, to reveal the glorious masterpiece that we are, and have always been, is one restoration process that I wouldn’t have missed for anything.
Love this Jo, it is a shame or more accurately a crime that we are not taught from day one that we are masterpieces and already divinely perfect. Instead we are taught to strive, compete and be better.
‘I am always going to be a masterpiece in progress.’ I love this Leonne, thanks for reminding me too.
Beautiful Leonne. Yes we are living masterpieces always adding more light and colour to the world.
To be defined by our mistakes is one of the most insidious ways to hold us back from expressing the amazingness we are.
Absolutely rachelandras it is insidious and a record we like to keep the, I am not worthy one, that keeps us entrenched and imprisoned, all by our own making!
You are so right here Rachel. Perhaps because quite often we define ourselves this way this gives others permission to do the same. To understand and have insights into why we make mistakes or choose those unloving choices would go a long way in redressing the balance.
Absolutely Rachel – to want to be perfect clearly shows we see our selves imperfect! To see ourselves as imperfect is actually painful, in the sense of forever striving for that sense of perfection. When simply there is a perfection in our imperfections!
Karoline, wow what a great way to put it – I honestly couldn’t have put it better!
Love it Karoline ‘simply there is a perfection in our imperfections!’
That is beautiful Rachel… and also sometimes, those mistakes may be stepping stones (in disguise) back to our divinity.
very true Dean, sometimes we need to make mistakes for us to learn. If we are forever trying to be perfect we miss out on the opportunity to live life and instead are ruled by it.
True, forever at the mercy of judgement, in leashed by outcome, and enslaved by drive.
So true rachelandras…it is a subtle but powerful way of staying small, and because this is what we show the world, then what is reflected back to us confirms that contraction.
However, if we see our ‘mistakes’ for what they are – learning opportunities – we grow and develop who we truly are…and that brings so many more golden opportunities, and so life keeps ever expanding!
I remember how it was almost a sign of good behaviour to play oneself down, this was called humbleness and not being arrogant or proud and it is the false picture of not wanting to attract jealousy and comparison. By playing down oneself comparison is already at play as in this case I always felt me being superior, no equalness. This is an insidious game, rachelandras, I agree and dismisses not only the amazingness we are but the amazingness of every person we meet.
Kerstinsalzer15 this is brilliant, what a great blog this would be.
Spot on rachelandras it is what binds us and keeps us from embracing the truth of who we are. Yet when we see our mistakes for the choices they really are we are also given the opportunity to reflect and see them for the gift they often are. For they remind us of our humanity and the simple truth that we are not meant to be perfect.
Amazingly put rachelandras, and how true this is. Never should we hold ourselves in anyway or define ourselves by our mistakes. But this is a trait that I see happening everywhere, so important to call it out.
Yes Aminatumi, unfortunately today we have a number of systems, including education, religion and families that ask us to be perfect at the expense of our freedom to grow, learn and evolve.
Powerful statement Rachelandras and very true. In fact defining ourselves by anything that we do, is insidiously keeping us from being all that we are.
So true Rachelandras, indulging in our ‘mistakes’, shortcomings and being hard on ourselves simply delays us from enjoying the imperfect perfection that has been there all along.
An indulgence it is Kylie, well said, delaying what already is has no place in truly living.
Well said rachelandras. Focusing on our mistakes is a very effective way to loose sight of how amazing we are.
We hear the word ‘perfection’ very often without considering how damaging it can be – looking to have a flawless skin, perfect figure, job well done, perfect finish – all create a tension of striving instead of allowing what is there to be expressed to come out however it comes out. Simply being ourselves and expressing that is all we need to be because in truth we are already everything.
Perfection, hope and disappointment pretty much always go together.
Indeed they do christophschnelle. I love this description that Kelly writes about perfection “It’s a brutal path that inevitably leads nowhere.” So many of us ‘suffer at the hands of perfection’ and it is leading us all no where and the path is filled with hope and disappointment. And hardness I might add – we become so hard on ourselves when we strive for this perfection.
So true christophschnelle and with it lies a path of unfulfilled ideals and beliefs that stop us from seeing the truth of life which is we are enough as we are.
Absolutely christophschnelle – feels like the concept of perfection is designed this way to try to prevent acceptance and appreciation.
Yes they do Christophschnelle. It’s like aspiring to something that doesn’t exist ~ ‘hoping’ you’ll get there to the ‘perfect’ outcome yet when reality hits ‘disappointment’ kicks in. Such a set up and yet the whole world has fallen for it.
With reading your comment I was accessing a deeper level of the destructive nature of our striving for perfection. Our world is constructed on achieving something we are not when this only distracts us from the truth that we already ARE everything.
Perfection takes away from what is already there. I have focused on many things and how I think they should be and in doing so have completely missed what is right in front of me, in turn missing out on its magic and beauty.
So true there are no mistakes if we learn from something it is not a mistake its a learning experience
I have come to understand there are never mistakes, it’s always a learning, as we are all forever learning and evolving in life. If we understand this we would see everything as an opportunity to learn and grow, not beat ourselves up and go into contraction ever time we make a mistake.
Very true, as long as we learn from our mistakes they are no longer mistakes and instead are an evolutionary moment. When we try and be perfect and not make mistakes we in fact keep ourselves stuck in patterns that stop us from evolving.
There are no mistakes, it is an unfoldment and always a learning for our own evolution, however if we want to control life and any aspect with judgement, this is a mistake, that is not – then that is a reflection of our lack of trust of something deeper within us, our essence, that knows so much more, than our little world of how things should be.
In school kids get crippled by being told they are either right or wrong. Even if some teachers express that there is no right or wrong – just a learning, the overarching consciousness within the system does not support it and children do not embody it. It is so important to knock out this right/wrong consciousness as it caps our relationship with ourselves and stops us from truly appreciating ourselves and what we we each bring. Acceptance that we are going to make mistakes and are not perfect is key.
Perfection of the linear construction of things in the world is of the mind, the mind wants things structured and placed a certain way for them to be ‘just right’ according to how the mind thinks they should be, but the heart doesn’t work that way, it is always offering us more, the opportunity for us to go deeper to feel more of who we are and where we come from. Being open to allowing that magic to be in our lives is a deeply joyful and playful way to be.
So true katechorley. I love how you show the flawed thinking of the lineal mind. What came to me in reading your comment is that, even if we could construct something perfectly, it would only be perfect for a point in time. Everything is in constant flow or motion, so what was perfect at this point will no longer be perfect at the next measured point in time. Even if perfection were possible, it would not remain. The constructs of the lineal mind do not hold true in our imperfect world.
Beautifully said katechorley.
Well, as much as I started to not strive for perfection, but loving appreciation of all I am and bring out in my daily life – your blog Kelly made me feel where the parts in my life are which I do not hold equal with the parts which I consider as a ‘masterstroke’. hmm…
I also love that you talk about not knowing where you will end up …. That it makes life so much more fun to live with the curiosity of allowing each moment to unfold. I am reminding myself these days that I can actually have fun, I am allowed to let go, I don’t have to be in control all of the time!
I too love how there is no end point, we can develop and develop, but there is always more to go. Letting go of the perfection and the outcome is very revealing and releasing, allowing ourselves to simply unfold in every day.
When I read the title of your blog Kelly, I related it to my own experience of learning that making mistakes is actually an essential part of life. Something that I am learning currently, that to speak up and express when the impulse is there is really important because whatever the outcome, however it turns out and even if I ‘look silly’ doing it, there will be a moment of evolution for me to feel and grow from.
Yet, when I reached the conclusion of your blog, it brought another dimension to my understanding of this subject. ‘So never give up on finding your true masterstroke, it is there – it’s not a mistake, it just needs clarity and space to flourish in its own unique way, just like us.’ This is illuminating to me, someone who has been consumed by the desire for perfection, to getting it right and constantly questioning my choices and where in fact I am heading in life? And yet, as Serge Benhayon keeps presenting, to simply commit in full to what I am doing, to take full responsibility for my presence and the quality I bring, everything will become clear and flourish!
I can say from experience that there is no greater way to place pressure on oneself than to dedicate oneself to perfection, for it is but an ephemeral ideal that keeps us forever striving, and never accepting that which is before us.
I love your expression “masterstroke”. That’s a lovely way to truly met what we are: beautiful in our imperfection!
Yes, I agree Kelly the strive for perfection does disconnect us from our natural and innate rhythm – the in-breath and out-breath of God. When we seek within the answers to life’s many questions we are reaching out to the wisdom that is God given and eternal – when we seek perfection we are seeking identification in creation – something that will separate us both from ourselves and from others.
There is no perfection in life because we are ever evolving and so – always in development, never perfect, ready or what ever. The moment we mastered one thing – the next step is offered to us. The grace and beauty of evolving is denied and ignored by us in the illusional ideal of perfection.
This is beautifully expressed, Sandra. ‘The grace and beauty of evolving is denied and ignored by us in the illusional ideal of perfection.’
Perfection has the energetic stability of a mirage.
I love this Alexis it shows perfection to be unobtainable and forever just out of reach, but near enough to keep striving for. I will remember this when I next feel I am seeking perfection.
Oh so true! What a great way of looking at the ‘evil’ perfection. One thing that seems just within reach, but in truth is far from achievable, in fact it doesn’t even exist! Something we can use to pile the pressure on ourselves, and use as a distraction from everything that actually lies before us.
great comment Alexis “Perfection has the energetic stability of a mirage”
I agree Margaret, Alexis’s comment certainly stood true for me as most of my life I strived to attain perfection and never did I reach it, as you say Alexis, it is only a mirage that you convince yourself you will eventually get to. Thank-fully I have let go of a lot of that old pattern and am seeing it for what it is when aspects of it try to sneak in, and it has been my commitment to my own self love that has supported me to keep choosing love and accept that I am perfectly imperfect.
So true Kelly, we are so quick to judge and condemn ourselves because we have enjoined the ideal of Perfection. I can remember agonising over a piece of ceramic sculpture that I had felt had turned into a disaster because it hadn’t turned out the way I wanted it to, only to have a friend turn up and exclaim what an amazing piece of work it was! When we are able to relinquish our self imposed perfectionist standards, we can enjoy and fully benefit from the process of enquiry, experimentation, learning and growing, which is the natural way of evolving ourselves. I have found the work of Serge Benhayon so supportive in enabling me to cut the self criticism, stay open and aware to what is it I need to learn, rather than disappear down a rabbit hole and wallow in my own negativity whenever I don’t get something right straight away.
Kelly I love this blog and the reflection it offers as to the ridiculousness of chasing perfection. Perfection is unrealistic in all its guises and only serves to be a carrot on a stick. I love the appreciation you have for our perfectly imperfect lives.
The time and energy we spend on attempting to attain perfection can consume your life. In the end, the results have the same success rate as picking up your shadow.
Perfectionism is reductionism at it’s best as you can actually feel how it holds us tightly bound by our thoughts of how things should or shouldn’t be – how narrowing is that.
What you just share here is a turning of the accepted and forced way of living these days: “it has to be perfect”. But what is perfect In everyones eyes this means something different. It is individual. And such is the character of perfection. It is and will always be individual and with that “imperfect”!
Extremely narrow and constricting.
It’s funny what we think is right at times may not be our true learning.
Have you ever bought something that was hand painted? Every item started as a blank canvas and the person decorating it may have had a photo of what it should look like but everyone is just a little different and some a lot different. We all started as a blank canvas and look how amazing we turned out… but we are still all the same.
Kelly thank you for sharing your experience of painting and how you detached yourself from it being an investment in perfection.
It is just beautiful to read that there will always be a choice for us to do things in a way where we do not hold onto an outcome but rather continue to learn and grow with each expression.
Perfection doesn’t exist and can never do so, yet it is in the imperfection that we find the many beautiful qualities we can see and feel in ourselves and in others, these we should really cherish. Like partners who grow to love the quirks and imperfections of one another, the more we can appreciate our imperfect ways the closer we are to our beauty and grace. That in itself is as perfect as it gets.
“The continual push for attaining perfection leads me to exhaustion and a never-ending story plays out in my head of other ways I can reach my desired point.” To consider this point and reflect on it can change our entire life. I know for me the more I deeply ponder it the more I see the depth of the trap that seeking perfection is. For in truth there is no perfection in the way I envisage it, no end point, no goal where we get to and that’s enough. For it’s not about getting anywhere, reaching any perfect point but as I’ve come to understand though Serge Benhayon and my re-connect with myself, an ever deepening return to who I am. Therefore there is no perfection just learning and deepening. The more I hold that as a lived truth the greater gifts I allow.
What a great blog Kelly. I have learnt through life, and particularly in my art work, some of the biggest so called “mistakes” have been my greatest learnings. I now look on difficulties and challenges as gifts from God, gifts that allow me to see more of the what is not me, so that I can embrace more of the what is.
The innocence of what you share here is so beautiful yet so revealing as imperfection and the drive for perfection is a jail cell that locks us away from simply enjoying and appreciating life in-full. As you say it is our perceptions of perfection that set us up for this.
Yes, a trap that when truly seen can easily be released from as we embrace the joy of being.
Love what you’ve shared here Kelly as it cuts through the controlling behaviours and thoughts that we can have and all the pictures we can invest in. What if we dropped all of our expectations, ideals and beliefs and just lived the gorgeousness ‘now’ that is us right now? How glorious life would be and how absolute our knowing of what is right and what is next… I have a funny feeling that this is deeply what everyone wants, to be free from the tension of perfection or of ‘getting somewhere’ and seeking recognition.
What’s to seek when you are everything?
The push for perfection – I see it deeply routed within me. In recent times I have been holding myself back by holding onto an image of how life should me more strongly that how life actually is, which ironically is more lovely that any picture I can come up with.
I can relate to what you share here. And the beauty behind is: what can come out as a result when not trying to be perfect is astounding! It allows itself to turn out to be what’s truly needed and not what we thought how it should be. That’s a “creation” in service for the all – not in self.
It really shows how rigid we are when we allow our minds to decide what is right and wrong. But where there is love this ‘right and wrong’ mentality simply doesn’t exist – it’s either true or it’s not.
“So never give up on finding your true masterstroke, it is there – it’s not a mistake, it just needs clarity and space to flourish in its own unique way, just like us”.
Yes just like us Kelly, as you so beautifully pointed out nothing is a mistake just an opportunity to learn.
I loved what you expressed about perfection; it is not an achievable goal, how very true. Thank you for your sharing.
I love it when I thought I had made a mistake and later it turns out whatever happened was just perfect for what was needed at the time. This not only gives a sense of relief but it highlights the fact that I was holding an image of how things should be and makes me wonder where that image came from in the first place.
Hi Kelly. What you are writing here is showing that we can have self awareness and be able to look at ourselves not in a critical way but a way that is philosophical and evolutionary. We don’t give ourselves the time to be self reflective and learn from ourselves. It feels like we are the student and the teacher wrapped up in one if we allow. Are we willing to be the teacher as true wisdom is most definitely living within.
Indeed perfection is a killer, my kids go to a school where hand writing is considered very important, after their first year there we realised that their natural expression was becoming stifled by this pressure to have perfect writing. For by setting an expected high standard many of the students feel they are failing, letting themselves and the school down. Surely the wealth of gold expressed by our children cannot be less important that the style of the writing that holds it.
Great point Lucinda it shows how early on in life we are taught to strive and be praised and recognised for perfection and how quickly our own expression can be stifled by this controlled way of teaching.
Yes Lucinda when I was in primary school we had something called a pen license. We were allowed to use a pen to write with only once we mastered the art of joining our letters together. I actually remembered how hard I pushed myself to get my writing style up to scratch to earn my beloved pen license. I never enjoyed writing in this way because it did not feel right. Allowing everyone including kids to express in their own natural way is an amazing way to be and learn in the world. Encouraging and supporting everyone’s own innate way only allows for a greater opportunity to learn from a wider net of boundless inspiration. Now that’s my kind of learning.
“Do you know what the best part of the process was? It involved no drive or push for a perfect result. Each piece of artwork was able to be exactly how it was, with no attachment to an outcome or push for perfection.” Gorgeous Kelly, this feels lovely not to have the drive or push, simply an allowing and accepting of what it is we have done or created, knowing that it is exactly how it should be.
And what fun ‘getting it done’ can actually be without the weight of the internal critic on one’s shoulders assessing every stroke.
So true Giselle, doing away with the internal critic allows fun and lightness in all that we do.
“Perfection is not an achievable goal. It’s an endless road that just comes with more obstacles. It pushes us out of our natural rhythm into a never-ending game of trying to achieve an unobtainable marker that depletes us “quick sticks”.” Perfectionism for me feels like it comes from a false belief that I am not enough right now as I am, complete, gorgeous and amazing, it’s an insidious seed that gets planted when we are young that tells us we need to be something or somebody to be loved and accepted, we then strive for the rest of our life to achieve the un-achievable, this is ugly and depleting set up or situation, that we have bought into.
“The continual push for attaining perfection leads me to exhaustion and a never-ending story plays out in my head of other ways I can reach my desired point. It’s a brutal path that inevitably leads nowhere.” So beautifully and succinctly put Kelly, this continual push for perfection (which know all to well) I find exhausting and because it’s not achievable sends us on a never ending cycle of going round and round, like a hamster on a wheel!
A great example of how things transpire in every day life to knock us off our perfection perch and provide us with a lesson to support our very own evolution, if we have sufficient awareness to notice.
“I never know where I will end up – that’s what makes life so much more fun, don’t you think?” Totally agree Kelly, I really enjoy that aspect, the unfolding that art takes as it develops – what a great way to approach any task, without expectation but enjoying the process!
This statement can have us a little squirmy in our seats! And I would say it is because in ‘never knowing where we will end up’ means that we have dropped our investments, our expectations, wants and needs and with this we drop our ‘secure’ or ‘comfortable’ way of life for something that is far more true and REAL, a way of life that reflects the magic that comes from our connection and honouring of ourselves and therefore embraces whatever is round the corner.
Well said Cherise, I’ve found that holding expectations and beliefs have created a certain reality but what can be shown here is that these devices that make us feel secure are in fact providing an illusion. The REAL Real is experienced by “a way of life that reflects the magic that comes from our connection and honouring of our selves and therefore embraces whatever is round the corner.”
Wow, great evolutionary comment there Cherise. I have read it a couple of times and there is so much there to take away and ponder on. Just imagine letting go of my little plan for ‘The Grand Plan’?
Wow Cherise I love what you have shard here. Connecting to ourselves brings us to life and that’s where the honesty and realness thrives. Living within the confines of comfort only keeps us small when in truth we are all so grand.
This is fantastic Kelly, what I can feel from this blog is that I am on my way letting go of this perfection (in the meantime I was writing ‘protection’ is that funny?!).. I actually feel that I used that playing game of perfection to not allow and or accept where I am at , and who I am instead. I have been flying around being in my head, figuring out how to be better – this is simply exposed by reading your blog. I am up for more, let’s expose this ideal (perfection) in every part of my life – I can let go and finally accept and allow.
Overcoming perfection is not an easy task as we have spent so many years conditioning our minds on what we believe to be ‘right’. So much more enjoyable to truly and lovingly accept and embrace where we are right now – without perfection!
Well said, we have habit ourselves thinking we are never enough and that we need to achieve things to become someone or something, this is utterly false. knowing now this, I am beginning to understand that life is not about achieving or perfection but actually love and embracing myself for who I am and not “right or wrong” myself any more, I am letting go of the need to be perfect, which is perfect!
I actually feel that I used that playing game of perfection to not allow and or accept where I am at. This line here Danna, is just what I needed to read as it exposes another way I used having to be perfect in my life, to stop me. Thank-you.
I agree Kelly the need for perfection leads to exhaustion. Having no attachment for a desired outcome enabled you to trust and enjoy the process of allowing the art to come through you in full acceptance of what was on offer for all.
Thanks Kelly, a great reminder that nothing is a mistake and all is expression.
Great learning Kelly, I love how you came to the fact that our expression is in everything we touch, and how our very own perception is what critiques this, naming it and boxing it as it chooses. Coming to an acceptance that all is an expression, even if it’s not our desired outcome.
I know striving for perfection so well. With it we give ourselves licence to manipulate and control the life out of anything and stay righteous while doing it.
Yes and I have found during this drive for perfection and control needed along the way I miss what else is happening in life as my ‘vision’ is narrowed as I have a picture to fulfil.
Beautifully expressed Golnaz “to control the life out of anything”. Perfection is a silent killer for it stifles our natural expression.
“nothing is perfect, everything in life is imperfectly beautiful in its own unique way, much like we are.” I loved this Kelly. Yesterday I was using liquid eye-liner to do my eyes, they were different in each side (so not perfect but similar) ). I liked the way they looked but because the weren’t symmetrical was going to rub them off. Then I remembered- who says they have to be symmetrical and perfect anyway? My eyes actually aren’t symmetrical. And so I went on enjoying my day with my awesome eyes. Everything is much more joyful when we don’t focus on perfection. I loved how you shared that each moment is a moment for learning… A great way to look at life.
Yes Emily I love to use liquid eyeliner too and find that the lines are never perfect. But that does’t matter as we are still highlighting the amazing light we hold in our sexy eyes with our own unique flavour.
Science has found that perfect symmetry is statistically pleasing to look at… but boring! We are all like snowflakes where everyone is different and everyone is beautiful.
When ever I have gone into ‘trying’ to get it right or be perfect I can feel my ability to feel the quality of life narrow…”This ever growing awareness and sense of calm allows greater opportunities for new ways of looking at life overall and I feel that is a pretty awesome tool to hold in my ever growing toolkit for life.” It is like the blinkers come on. Being accepting of where we are at and appreciating it allows for a surrender to develop, less resistance, less narrow focus and so a sense of freedom.
I can definitely relate to that Samantha, that if I go into trying to be perfect how my awareness gets narrowed and blinkered, overly focused on one thing without a connection to it’s relevance in the all.
Beautiful blog Kelly. It is so lovely to not to have to be perfect or making something that is perfect. It feels to me like holding myself so tenderly in one big warm hug observing everything I do but constantly knowing who I am and that is one amazing loving woman.
I love how you’ve said that Lieke- super beautiful x
When we change the way we perceive the world from ‘making mistakes’ and ‘stuffing up’ to accepting that something’s are out of our control and something’s are down to our choices then life seems to become far less complicated and a whole lot more enjoyable.
‘I never know where I will end up – that’s what makes life so much more fun, don’t you’. I have always loved this about life that there is no way of knowing where we will end up, so it definitely begs the question why not focus on enjoying the journey all the more.
This is lovely Fiona, enjoying our path home back to ourselves (or life’s journey as is more commonly said) takes the stress out of always striving to achieve something outside of ourselves, enjoying what I’m doing all brings a presence and keeps me in the moment not thinking about some event in the past or future.
Agreed, Brendan, and yet even without that (self) imposed pressure and resulting tenseness, the same attention to detail still happens anyway, just in lightness rather than seriousness, wonderful.
Much to ponder here, thank you Kelly. Yes, it is great to let go that great need to have everything perfect around me, do everything perfectly etc. There is no way that we can ever truly find perfection, it cannot exist here in our human life. The big word that is needed here is acceptance, acceptance of what is. And yes, I agree, every so called mistake is a great opportunity for another learning, if we treat every mistake as an opportunity to learn, wow, just look at all the opportunities to learn that I have. I know I have made many mistakes in my life, but that too is great, look at those opportunities I have had, unfortunately not always taken advantage of them, but I still can rectify many of them now. And yes, life can truly be much fun if we allow it.
When our mind takes over when we are doing something creative it feels like the lights have gone out – everything afterwards feels derivative and pale. When the mind supports our creative process, helpful but not dominating, then it can be wonderful.
” … It pushes us out of our natural rhythm … ”
Spot on, Kelly, and yet because we have been living out of our natural rhythm from an early age, generally we have forgotten or do not even know what this is anymore. When I see little ones being hurried along by an adult’s voice tone that is quite unfriendly, I feel some distress … we have all been hurried along as children by an imposed timing, thus begins the loss of natural rhythm. Finding our way back to moving in life from our inner flow is a lovely intention to keep hold of and to develop on a practical level. I’m finding that self appreciation assists with staying true to oneself, and even have a self appreciation buddy whom I text twice a day with appreciations of me (as she does to me). 🙂
That’s a brilliant idea Marian. Self appreciation texts with a buddy, I may have to join in on that fun.
Great point you make Marian that as children we have rhythms imposed upon us and so grow up loosing connection with our own natural rhythm. The regimented school timetable at an early age is one of the most destructive.
Kelly I loved your blog. It made me realise that life is one big learning field, where there are no mistakes, just new learning and deepening of our awareness to redo, and reimprint our patterns of behaviour to live more true to our divine essence.
It makes life sound like so much less of a struggle and something to enjoy everyday !
Hi Loretta, yes we never really leave school as everyday we are learning and connecting in this vast playground of life. Inspiration is always there in every moment.
Brilliant piece Kelly. I love the part of how we often discount or doubt what we have expressed due to the picture of perfection we carry in our heads. As with this we are essentially giving away and giving up on what we have shared. When we express from our essence through the things we do, in other words if we come from our hearts, from love then whatever comes is what is needed to be shared. As this expression is for all to feel as it is from the all that we are all from. And when we accept this we accept that we are exactly where we need to be, deepening our connection to our knowing and simply expressing what is there. And as you have shared this feels so much freer than the push, the drive to perfect to achieve a goal so as to be appreciated as the appreciation now comes from trusting all that we are and have to share from within.
This is a great sharing Kelly, thank you. I can absolutely feel what you are saying. How dismissive can we be when something isn’t living up to an ideal of the perfect scenario? How we are quick to discard rather than sit with what we are really feeling and discover what is really there for us to learn, that what we have initiated isn’t a mistake at all but a masterstroke in the unfolding divine plan of our lives. If we discount this masterstroke because we don’t like it then what do we ‘think’ will come in its place?
Not only that, but you never know when our ‘imperfect’ master piece might just be something someone else needs to see.
This perfection business is a killer if you ask me and you are so right Kelly it clearly is “not an achievable goal’ yet the world seems to think it is or shall I say most of the world.
I was at the hairdressers today and did not have my studying notes to read so I picked up what I call a ‘trash’ magazine which is just full of celebs and wannabe celebs and gossip. What I noticed was this airbrushing stuff they talk about as it really looks bronze beach sun kissed look on a woman in her 60’s. HELLO
Is it any wonder we have got so many people wanting to be like these people and the real life raw facts are, it is impossible because they look ‘perfect’ because of technology and not the same if you met them on the high street in your town.
The younger models and celebs have huge social media followings and it has to be said – Have we lost the plot?
I thank GOD every single day as I met Serge Benhayon ten years ago and have applied the practical way of living that he teaches which is simple and works. I no longer have a need for perfection in any way shape or form and it’s a great way to live with freedom inside me and no tension, as I don’t have to be anything just the real me.
So true Bina Pattel, its super alarming how many of these trash magazines are out there today. If feeding on these airbrushed celebs becomes our weekly fix then quite simply we have lost the plot!
Great point Bina; revealing one of the many ways that the ideal of perfection is propagated and maintained in our society, in this case through printed media portraying a false body image as an ideal. This runs through almost every part of our society and lives through many different ways that we have created and so our children grow up into. It is so amazing that they will now have a choice thanks to those who are living in connection to truth and without such a drive or desire.
And really, what could be better than that, a life of true freedom without tension, I bet this is actually what these celebs are seeking for themselves deep down through every other means bar developing a truly loving way. Perfection is a trap that has never worked and never will, maybe we should just give up now?
When we accept our imperfections, when we cherish our little oops moments and see our essence play out in those things that are so not perfect, that’s when we really fall in love with ourselves…
You have expressed this so beautifully Katerina; how we are truly free to “really fall in love with ourselves”, when we let go of all judgment of what we perceive to be our imperfections. We are then free to accept and appreciate ourselves in all our amazingness.
Thank you Katerina and Ingrid, for both expressing so beautifully that letting go of our perceived imperfections can allow us to ‘really fall in love with ourselves’. Your comments evoked a deeply loving smile within myself.
Katerina, this is so beautiful and deeply inspires me to allow these moments – not crush them!
Katerina love it, Definitely something to cherish and remember in those moments, it’s time to fall in love again and again and again….
Ahhh imagine to fall in love with ourselves! I remember Sara Williams sharing at Esoteric Women’s Health presentation that she had fallen in love with her self and I just loved that and thought I want some of that! It is a beautiful thing to accept your essence is always there even when you make a ‘mistake’.
What a beautiful light comment Katerina
The strive for perfection seems to be quite common and yet deeply insipid… forever chasing an unattainable tail… lacing everything with the anxiety people go in to achieve what is unachievable. Accepting things can be beautifully imperfect and allowing for what transpires is a far lovelier way to live.
Far lovelier and much more realistic too Samantha.
So true Samantha, the anxiety that chasing perfection creates can be crippling. Accepting our lives in their full beauty and imperfection is a truly lovely way to live life. No beating up on ourselves, no chasing the unattainable.
When we subscribe to this Perfection energy it’s like we take what God has painted and say ‘I like what you’ve done here God, but I think it could be better’. In this way perfection is a relentless lie that stops us seeing the true masterpiece that is right before our eyes. Thank you for sharing this experience Kelly.
Gosh, how silly that sounds Joseph – “I like what you’ve done here God, but I think it could be better’. But it’s such a great point as that’s essentially what we’re doing.
Yes Emily, I fully agree. We seem to have much arrogance and pride, thinking we know more and better, while in fact all there is (God) is enough and no need to be better. This exposed a lot for me. In the meantime I feel more closer to God, Simplicity and Love.
Yes it makes it a bit crazy doesn’t it when you read it like this?
You could say that striving for perfection is a form of control, and the more we try to control, the less perfect life becomes. Letting go and get God ‘pencil in the details’ always works out perfectly.
When we are truly with ourselves, where there is no need to control, the magic of God comes to meet us, and as you say sandrahenden, life works out perfectly.
Yes I can relate to that, I use to be caught up in being perfect that before I knew it I became a very controlling person this reflected in my body as it became hard. People around me could see and feel how controlling I was. As you say the “less perfect life becomes”. Letting go and letting “God pencil the details”, is definitely the better way.
I love that line sandrahenden about letting go and leaving it to God. Being dominated by perfection stops us from surrendering and feeling how much love and support we are constantly receiving.
Gorgeous Joseph love it, exposing the ridiculousness in considering perfection to be real.
Yes absolutely Joseph. It’s like we are cutting ourselves off from the flow we carry already. It’s all there on tap all of the time and it is not for us to judge it or change it, just go with it. Awesome.
Thank you Joseph, this is a beautiful way of expressing this and very relatable. And having a clear understanding of how we are moving and what energy we are aligned to when we move ie. create, allows us the understanding of what reflection we are leaving behind.
So true Joseph. I can feel that arrogance we have in what you share here, that we can improve on the picture painted by god. I love how you have exposed perfection as a relentless lie – perfectionism is only there to serve as a distraction to keep us chasing and searching rather than being all that we are…in our imperfection.
“I like what you’ve done here God, but I think it could be better” – this is such a great exposure of relentless pursuit of the next new iPhone, tallest building etc.
Thank you Kelly, it is freeing when we let go of the need to be perfect and allow what is there to be expressed to come out without any picture of what it needs to look like.
So true Francisco. You flourish when this happens and everyone feels the true beauty.
..and the proof is the flow in the sentences you have written. Isn’t it amazing how beautiful things we can write and speak when we are connected to our heart and have no idea what will come out (except that it feels as a still flow in the body).. I mean sometimes my head wants to figure out things it actually does not need, and instead letting go and surrender and let it come to you – could work very well.
Could work very well indeed Danna.
Yes Emily – it does makes a lot of sense!
Very true Danna and just a glimpse of what we are capable of when love is at the for of our actions.
Definitely Abby just a glimpse of what we are capable of when like you say Danna we let go and surrender to a flow that does not involve the mind!
Exactly Francisco. Through letting go of the need to be perfect all that needs to be expressed will flow forth perfectly.
Beautiful Francisco, no picture means not need or investment and it is our needs and investments that runs us down and leaves us in the constant drain of life.
So true Francisco. Our natural expression is perfect in its imperfection.
Great point you are making Francisco Clara, the moment we have a picture in our mind we already set ourselves up and are invested into an outcome.
This can then lead to the striving for perfection in the attempt to match the picture as close as possible in the result.
At other times we may give up before we even started because we feel we cannot reach that goal. Either way, once we have a picture in our minds, we are caught.
And then it all goes pear shaped Judith! We are so conditioned to get somewhere to have an end goal that we are constantly striving outside of ourselves – exhausting and void of love and true creativity.
It literally does, all the time we keep worrying and striving will be available for so many other things.
I have been setting myself up to feel miserable every morning. I take lots of work home and plan to do it. When I don’t, I give myself a hard time and start the next day feeling grumpy at myself. Last night I did not take any work home. Hurray! My day started off on a better footing.
The fear of ‘putting brush to paper’ is crippling. “What if I make a mistake?” If we never made mistakes we would never learn and sometimes what is seen as a mistake is not that at all but instead an opportunity.
Yes Jeanette, the fear of making a mistake can certainly be crippling. In many areas of life we can hold back from our true expression in fear of what we will look like, or how we will be regarded by others, but in the holding back we are never going to truly find ourselves or experience the joy of being truly alive.
Your sentence “It involved no drive or push for a perfect result. Each piece of artwork was able to be exactly how it was, with no attachment to an outcome or push for perfection.” feels so good. Instead of going for perfection and for an outcome, just to create space and the rest will be taken care of.
We are so very much trained to be striving for perfection that it is no wonder a mistake is feared by almost all and many of us even say they are perfectionists. And how very much we have been deceived as there is no way for perfection. Even if we think we have achieved perfection in one area we are still not satisfied and keep going perfecting something else or even the seemingly perfect. So perfection is obviously not it.
I very much agree with you Kelly “So never give up on finding your true masterstroke, it is there – it’s not a mistake, it just needs clarity and space to flourish in its own unique way, just like us.”
I can relate to the distraction of perfection and how I can override my body and push it way beyond what is sustainable for it. I have learnt to be more honest with where I am at and then evaluate what is needed to get the job done and take more responsibility for making that happen in a supportive way.
What I feel you are presseting here, Kelly, is to give yourself the grace of just being yourself and not needing to be anything more. From there, you can paint, draw, build, teach, cook, clean and perform any other tasks effortlessly because there is no need for them to be anything more than what they are and by extension, you don’t need to be anything more than what you are. Who you are is by nature perfect. We are perfect, our actions and expressions cannot be as imperfection is part of being human.
Get it done instead of trying to get it done with perfection.
Succinct Alex! I like this.
Lovely observation, chasing perfection so often prevents us from enjoying each and every moment.
So very true, with perfection we are always in pursuit of something and will thus never feel complete, always on the run and never satisfied.
So true Fiona – so much is missed including celebrating the glory that we already are.
In making art and music, I have found that often there are great discoveries made from ‘accidents’. When we invest in anything needing to be a certain way, we close down the potential for that thing to grow openly. But we also need to be discerning about what we are expressing. There is a balance to be struck. Trying is the antithesis of trusting. When we give up on ourselves, we adopt perfection as a criteria of what is ‘successful’. Perfection kills slowly, and giving up on ourselves is the root of the poison.
Thank you Kelly. It’s always great to be reminded that there is no such thing as perfection and that it’s from our mistakes that we experience some of the most amazing opportunities to evolve and grow.
I like it deborahmckay, to see mistakes as opportuities to grow and evolve.
What a gorgeous blog Kelly.
lts like in letting go of perfection you were able to discover so much more of you in you life.
I love your description of perfection as brutal Kelly. I had never considered this before, but I feel this is correct. Having very firm expectations of ourselves to be perfect in all things is an impossibility and a complete set up for not seeing that we can learn something in everything. It also stops us from seeing that we are actually here to work together because we cannot be perfect at everything.
A beautiful piece of truth, thank you Kelly! I exactly know the feeling of being trapped in perfectionism and going into a drive about an ideal I put myself under pressure on. Right on time I read your blog and calm down what I am doing- it is not about the end result, but the quality we do it in.
Kelly, I was drawn to read this blog because of the title … recently I’ve had a little inner mantra, ‘permission to learn’, which has been useful in causing my perfectionist drive to just drop, it immediately melted away. So yes your blog is wonderful timing to mirror this, and to support coming back to a true approach to life.
This line really stood out for me Kelly as it embraces the uniqueness of our unfoldment – ‘So never give up on finding your true masterstroke, it is there – it’s not a mistake, it just needs clarity and space to flourish in its own unique way, just like us.’
This is a beautiful sentence Abby. This part particularly touched me “it’s not a mistake, it just needs clarity and space to flourish in its own unique way, just like us.”
Great story Kelly, I particularly love ‘Perfection is not an achievable goal…. It pushes us out of our natural rhythm’. I sure can vouch for this and it’s exhausting to. Letting go of being ‘perfect’ can be tough at times but like you said, there is an opportunity for growth with everything we do.
Reading this again today has given me a new understanding of commitment and dedication, and how it’s about equal application in different areas and most importantly that time and unfolding is needed and allowed. Right now I’m learning to give myself grace and allow something which feels difficult (and in the past I would have walked away from), to be an open learning experience with no quick fix or solution needed – all there is to do is stay steady with me and be with it.
I was drawn to read this blog again today, no coincidence right now as I’m feeling pulled to look at 2 things and one is more difficult and seemingly requiring more effort than the other and bringing with it old feelings of inadequacy and not being able to cope, yet I feel no matter what the outcome here, there is an opportunity for me to explore and see, to let go any perfection and ideas on how it should be and allow it to unfold – reading this today reminds me to stay steady with myself and stay open and be light and playful with my commitment and dedication.
Living with this philosophy is much more enjoyable and less draining on the body than trying to always live up to a perfect ideal set up. I’ve learnt so much from my mistakes and I’ve accepted that it is a part of my unfolding.
The headline already made my day!
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Made your day too?!?
Awesome statement – isn’t it!
Yes very much so, something we cannot hear often enough.
Very true, Esther! Commonly there seems to be a constant call to be “better, faster – perfect!”. There’s rarely the call to “do what you can to the best of your ability – but don’t let go of love. There’s no such thing as perfection.
I totally agree christinahecke, I feel so much lighter knowing there are no mistakes, just opportunities to learn.
It’s a knowing we always had and have. We simply agreed to live seeking perfection because everyone around us does. Them not accepting their imperfection under the umbrella of competition does not reflect to us the beauty and the fact of imperfection. So we have to find out again who we truly are – in our imperfection. Which is amazing to explore! And what feels good then is the fact that we let go of the pressure we used to put on ourselves trying to be “perfect”. Right?
To know and love ourselves again is to clearly see our imperfections and to deeply love ourselves with these imperfections, which I agree christinahecke is amazing to explore, this then extends to seeing the beauty and truth in others regardless of their imperfections.
It does open up the picture imprinted mind to ourselves and others, indeed! There are many images we have about us and others. And they are in standing the way to a present living moment for moment.
When I stop and feel the joy and magnificence that I am within, there is nothing else, just being this. With this feeling there is a lightness and an ease within me, and I figure that is how it is….no perfect or imperfect….just truly loveing ourselves just because we are.
Absolutely beautiful, rosemarydunstan…!
Perfection is not an achievable goal, this is a great wisdom and understanding that really does change our lives. Thank you for your beautiful sharing and realisation and all you offer with accepting and allowing time and space and the beauty and stillness this creates. What a great sharing about art work in the world and where it comes from.
This is a beautiful learning of acceptance of who we are and where we are at, Kelly, without striving for perfection but appreciating how we develop and grow every day.
I also do art and like what you have shared. Sometimes i don’t like something because I want it to look a certain way, but I have found the best art pieces I have ever made have had a completely different process than striving for perfection or for an end result. The best art I have ever made came naturally from expressing how I feel and it looked amazing at the end, better than if I had ‘tried’ to make it look good or accurate.
To live with complete acceptance of our imperfections and the imperfect world we live in is something I am learning more and more is the key to life. For years I have put myself under pressure to be perfect, something I can never attain, and yet life is so much more fun when we stay open to learn and grow but also appreciate who we are and all that we bring. Thanks Kelly for sharing your experiences.
Excellent blog! I love that life is all about learning, and that there is no mistakes only lessons.
Thank you Kelly. Without the desired image, outcome or investment we can enjoy our master strokes in every movement with our grace and stillness.
Yes, do we act impulsed by the need for a desired outcome or do we act because what we are going to do feels true in the moment we make the choice?
Thats it Alex! The distinct difference, and question worth asking myself if ever there were any doubt.
Yes Alex, that is the crucial question to ask ourselves in any endeavour we take on, for the outcome will be entirely different depending on our choice.
When we don’t have any images of how things will be we stop feeling wronged when these pictures do not materialise.
Yes Fiona, the expectations, pressure to perform or achieve the image is exhausting enough followed by the double whammy of being disappointed when the image doesn’t materialise with the stories of not good enough or I’m doing it wrong. What a major set up!
I am a true master stroke, perfectly imperfect as i unfold and flourish in every step i take.
I love that Marcia – perfectly imperfect, and flourishing in every step you take.
So often mastery has been lumped together with perfection but this blog opens up the possibility of that not being true. We can master many things in life but if we are constantly comparing that mastery to an image of perfection then where is the space to appreciate that which we are good at and amazing in?
Thank you, Leigh, this is key to self-appreciation, which is key to self-acceptance and joyfully living 🙂
Comparison, the old automatically running sub-voice – gotta nip that one in the bud and dismiss it!
Awesome point Leigh, taking perfection out of the equation opens up the space to appreciate the mastery at hand.
As you say Leigh, in striving for perfection there is no space for appreciation of ourselves, others or of what we can do.
The strive for perfection is most definitely an endless road of disappointment as its destination does not exist.
I love this Giselle. Very wise words.
Absolutely Giselle, what an illusion does our mind create to keep us chasing behind the carrot, although there is actually no carrot. You will never be satisfied, whatever you reach you set as a goal, if you don´t change the way to go forward with whatever you do. Letting unfold what is there with no control is a beautiful development and an ongoing process for me to discover.
Beautiful indeed steffihenn – ‘Letting unfold what is there..’ as natural as a flower opens to bloom.
And the beauty steffihenn in letting unfold what is naturally there is that you are allowing God’s will to unfold, a million times greater than anything we could conceive, it will always be encompassing of everyone involved and the things work out in the most beautiful and unexpected ways.
Absolutely Rosemarydunstan, a life without control and surrendering might be scary for the mind but the most beautiful gift for our bodies.
So true steffihenn. Surrendering the control of the mind to listen to the wisdom of the body is truly a great gift to give ourselves.
And yet I find it (the strive for perfection) can tease us onward as there is the occasional attainment of perfection which provides a deep satisfaction and sense of completion … enough to persuade the striving to keep going. I’ve found exposing the drive for perfection comes from checking self-esteem and self-acceptance, rather than relying on any outer referee.
A destination that does not exist – so very true!
I agree Giselle, perfection is a continual striving which has no end.
Love this Kelly. At school especially in Art lessons I can do the same – finish a piece of work, go into reaction because it doesn’t exactly look like what I had expected and throw it in the bin! Some of my friends have a joke about how I sometimes do this in other lessons too – begin writing on a page, but if the notes aren’t up to my pristine standard and quality – with colourful headings, clear diagrams and important information standing out, I rip out the page! I will certainly put into practice what you’ve shared about just leaving the Art/page be for a day, and coming back to it!
Brilliant Susie. Yes these perfect little images or scenario’s we play out in our heads, take us away from the beauty of what is already right there in front of us. One of my favourite sayings but what I say to myself at the moment is to just let it sit and marinade for a moment. Super cool.
Absolutely, and this can be applied to a lot of things too (not just art pieces). When we do or produce something and it doesn’t look identical to the perfect image or expectation in our head we automatically renounce it’s power or beauty. This is happening a lot in my life at the moment, for example when I go to school a lot of my friends do drugs (both out and in school) and a lot are depressed or have mental health problems in some way, and I go into school taking on a bit of a big sister/mother role; talking to them about their problems, but getting involved and taking on their issues because I think I need to help them and get them out of it. When I am supportive and do reflect love to them this doesn’t end well either, because I have this expectation that they will stop drugs or stop self harming if I show them someone cares about them… Expectations are pretty deadly.
Some years ago Susie I started putting my “mistakes and messes” in my artwork aside, sometimes leaving them for weeks, and invariably when I came back to them I would find a gem, something would stand out that I could continue working with, or perhaps I would turn the work upside down and discover something I had not seen before, I have finished some really lovely pieces of work this way, but what else it has shown me is that there are no mistakes, if we look at things from a different perspective we can always find the gem, and also that time and space away from an issue can bring a deeper clarity.
Perfection is an unattainable image.
I once heard the term: “Better a good idea today than a perfect tomorrow.” I really liked that, as although my mind tries to hold on to perfection and the thought that the good idea on the next day would be superfluous it cannot be denied that actually ‘tomorrow never comes’, it is a construct, a hope, a striving, an ideal that keeps one from living and being now.
Kelly from young I remember starting down the path of right or wrong, good or bad, success or failure and mistake or perfection. The problem with all of these is it ensures I hold a highly critical way of treating myself, there is no willingness or room for growth, no understand and no evolution. What I’ve also found is that when we start to get rid of any of these such as mistakes and appreciate them for the learning we have not only are we far more accepting of ourselves, appreciative of life but we actually don’t need to repeat the same learning again as we can move on from it. When we treat it as a mistake we often, in my experience, end up repeating it over and over. Life is one constant opportunity of new learnings.
Great blog and revelation Kelly. We can get so stressed trying to get everything perfect we actually miss out on what is in front of us. There is always going to be something better or more perfect so we are essentially always set ourselves up to fail. The quality of the way we do things and how we are is far important and something I have learnt over the years to value more and more.
Yes, James, we’ve been misled and chosen to believe that the physical outcome is the only thing that matters when, as you say, it’s the quality in which something is prepared that is paramount. For example, presenting an information session in a workplace can be correctly done but boring as heck and not much info is retained, whereas having it presented by someone who connects to the topic/s and finds it meaningful can provide a very different and deeper experience of learning, even if they aren’t fully organised or have to correct themselves sometimes.
I agree Marian, it makes such a huge difference. There is so much more to purely what meets the eye, when we get caught up in wanting the picture to look right or perfect we get trapped because we do not take into account everything else. Whereas when we take in and consider all angles and factors we no longer are so attached to what the picture or outcome looks like because we have an understanding for the whole.
Reading the title of this blog again today ‘no mistakes, just a new learning’ made me realise how light this is. Writing this makes me joyful and warm. It’s really allowing me to see and admit (!!) that I’ve been the one choosing (!!) heaviness, complications, seriousness, etc. Even writing this is embarassing, but nevertheless very true. Thank you once again Kelly.
I thank you Floris for sharing your joy and warmth, it brought a smile to my face and an inner glow to my heart to feel your understanding deepen in realising the truth in the title “no mistakes, just a new learning”.
And reading your comment rosemarydunstan makes me smile. What a beautiful and simple world isn’t it. The power of just expressing what is there to be expressed is just phenomenal. Thank you rosemarydunstan! Let’s keep on smiling:).
To connect with another whom you have never met and share in their joy and to feel the warmth of them in your heart is truly phenomenal as you say Floris….. your reply to my comment brought another sharing of this warmth and a smile to my face…..we could go on like this forever……but really it goes to show the power and beauty in expressing, and the fact that we can connect, feel and share in the beauty of another at anytime….and the responsibility this entails. Have a great day Floris.
Yes rosemarydunstan, the depth of our connection – even though we’ve never met – is (much) deeper than with a lot of people I know already for a long time. Just by simply and purely sharing our joy and warmth to each other. We could indeed go on forever and we actually will. Even if we stop replying to each other, our connection will continuously grow, eternally. And whenever we’ll meet again next time, we’ll share an even deeper connection than now. Naturally. How powerful and divine is that. You have a great day too dear rosemarydunstan.
Absolutely beautiful and so true Floris, once the connection is made from the heart it can never be broken and will continue to grow and deepen eternally.
Reading your confirmation made me smile again and feel the knowing and stilness of our connection deepen. I can’t wait until next time. Lovely to feel and receive the warmth, gratitude and humbling (powerful) love! Thank you rosemarydunstan.
Thank you for your honest sharing Floris, I too have a tendency for seriousness and the associated stress that comes along with that. Time to take the pressure off and have some light and playful fun, even with writing these comments.
Yes Katechorley, and I can feel the light and playfulness coming through when reading your comment. For a long time I thought that I had to seek it, but now – as confirmed in your comment – I feel that it is so so simple. Just connect and allow the connection and the playfulness is there! Your comment has resulted in at least 1 smile:).
This is very beautiful to read Kelly, working as a photographer I can feel how I used to always want everything to be ‘perfect’, I was so critical of myself if I could see any flaws in the pictures and would focus on these flaws and not see and feel how the overall picture was beautiful, it is much like how I have lived in the past, not seeing my beauty and instead always focusing on the little things that I do not like about myself, articles such as this really support me to let go of trying to be perfect and to accept myself as I am.
“Perfection is not an achievable goal. It’s an endless road that just comes with more obstacles. It pushes us out of our natural rhythm into a never-ending game of trying to achieve an unobtainable marker ” So true Kelly. Since learning to accept my imperfections I am more appreciative of myself and also more accepting of others imperfections too. Seeing mistakes as an opportunity to grow – what a turn-around!
So true Kelly and a great reminder that there is no perfection in anything or mistakes. Its about accepting everything as it is.
Striving for perfection is a far more common trait than I ever realised – we are all probably striving in different areas to attain the unobtainable in a world that is not supposed to be perfect. I love what you say ‘So never give up on finding your true masterstroke, it is there – it’s not a mistake, it just needs clarity and space to flourish in its own unique way, just like us’ as when we give our mistakes space to flourish we are learning to accept ourselves for who we truly are in our essence. God does not judge our imperfections so why would we feel we have the right to be so harsh?
Choosing to appreciate and to act from the understanding and awareness that a mistake is an opportunity to learn and evolve, rather than judging myself bad, a failure or some other form of put down, is a massive dose of self-love.
I agree Jonathan, seeing the mistake as a God given gift from which to learn and evolve, rather than a critical judgment of oneself, is truly a massive dose of self-love.
The perfection lies in the moment, the presence we have with whatever is there to be done, not in the outcome/result of what we create. We are perfect as the divine beings we are and anything we express in presence of our divinity is perfect in its expression and this is all what counts. By achieving recognition and acceptance from the outside we have placed perfectionism onto the doing instead of embracing the absoluteness of our being.
Wow, rachelandras, I just love how you have expressed this. Now this is TRUTH with a capital T. “The perfection lies in the moment the presence we have with whatever is there to be done, not in the outcome/result of what we create.” And yes, we are “perfect as the divine beings we are and anything we express in presence of our divinity is perfect in its expression and this is all what counts”. I am feeling to put this on my mirror AND on my fridge. What a reminder for me every day of my life. I thank you from all of my heart.
Beautiful said rachelandras! It is not the outcome we should focus on but the source we are expressing from – it will guarantee the outcome.
Beautifully said rachelandras, “perfection lies in the moment, not in the outcome”.
Kelly what a beautiful blog. I love when you write “It was like I was throwing away a piece of me: I was giving up on me. I wasn’t being accepting and allowing time and space to share what is there to be shared when it is ready.” This speaks volumes to me. I am so ready to dismiss things and toss them when they have not met my perfect standards, but the reality is that in that I am not accepting anything, least of all the glory of me.
Wouldn’t it be amazing if our education system had the same view on making mistakes and being perfect. No longer would there be right or wrongs, just opportunities to learn from. And students would have a whole new concept of learning that they could take through to their every day lives, instead of it being something just done at school with a test at the end of it.
Wow, that would be an amazing education system, Eleanor, I don’t think that will happen in this lifetime of mine, but let us work towards that possibility for the future. That is a great new concept for learning, how it should truly be.
Imagine our capacity to learn, especially as children, if there was no right or wrong, and we were encouraged to see “mistakes” as an opportunity to open up to another way of seeing things. We would not contract at the feeling of being stupid or wrong, and a wonder and openness would be fostered. As I am writing this I can feel what a difference this would have made in my attitude to school and learning as a child.
I too find it very supportive to sometimes step back from what I am actually doing and get a fresh, more observing view again. It is so easy to get involved into ‘doing’ and ‘outcomes’ and with that misled.
Yes Sandra we can become so fixated on something that we don’t actually see the bigger picture, stepping back can often allow a very needed fresh perspective.
My feeling is we have to look at the way we see mistakes growing up and how we pass this onto others and our kids. There is such a fear and worry in children in getting things wrong, like full on in their body at ages as young as 7 or 8. I see it when they come to ask about their work, they look so worried, when I ask why, in case they have done it wrong. My feeling is this has been brought about in the way we mark work in schools, and the use of a red pen, kids associate red with doing something wrong, a failure, instead of seeing it as an okay it just needs a little bit more work. It also brings in competition and comparison to others, instead of looking at okay what have I got to work on and bringing self confidence back to the person or child. I know this has affected me in my adult life. It can also inhibit kids and adults as we grow up from speaking up, or expressing our truth in case we get it wrong. So maybe this is something we need to address too, that there is no right and wrong, only truth or not true.
I agree with so much of what you share here, gyllianrae. Yes, our looking for perfection reflects how we were brought up in the beginning, I feel even earlier than you suggest, I sense it begins in many families where there is a lot of judgmentalism and comparison. A very young child absorbs so much of the comments made around them. Of course this is exacerbated once they start school, and I can relate to your mention of the use of a red pen, oh, I used to dread that, but I remember once there was a lot of red on something I did, and I found that it was not bad, the teacher had written some very complimentary remarks, still using her red pen, what a relief!
But I too have come to realise how much I still judge myself, still looking for that elusive perfection. Time to really let it all go. As you say, “there is no right and wrong, only truth or not true.”
Perfection is certainly futile pursuit and as you say Kelly draining. I recognise the process you describe of discarding something (a part of ourselves) because we consider it to not good enough. I have done this many times in the past and got myself into a real knot. I remember when I drafted my first grant proposal, I only saw it’s imperfections. Then I forwarded it to someone more experienced for feedback and he saw it’s strength and potential and only reflected a few changes to be made. Sometimes we can be so focussed on what we perceive isn’t there, we miss what is right before our eyes.
There was only one mistake (and a big one): to enter in this plane of life. This was totally unnecessary. Perfection is an image; a spotless one, through which we are dominated (images dominate us). It is a bit like we go to them and if do not land in the right place, this fact triggers us.
Wow, Eduardo, I agree, that was the big one, and what a crazy one it was. I like your idea of perfection being an image yes, it is an image that we receive that we feel we have to live up to in what we are doing, making etc. But it is fed to us, it is not the truth. Thank you for the sharing.
Well said Eduardo, pictures and images of how we think or imagine our life, our relationships, work etc. ‘should’ look like are fed to us, we then attempt to fulfil and live out this dream or idea in our lives. If this is not possible and life does not turn out this way we feel deeply hurt and possibly even give up on life, or in contrast and even worse, we manage to achieve the ideal life and get what we thought we wanted, but then feel deeply dissatisfied and that our lives are empty and have no meaning. There is great harm possible when we allow external pictures and images to dominate our lives rather than living from what we feel inside.
Thank you Kelly for writing about this. Having sculpted for five years I can see how the perfectionism would get in the way and I would discard my pieces all too easily. I found the sculpting so easy to do and would spend a couple of months on a likeness of someone, finish it and then move onto the next project – the process would be so fast that I in most cases I didn’t even take photos. This was all because in my eyes it was not perfect or living up to my expectations, and it didn’t matter what anyone else said about the piece. It just shows how we can get stuck in this abusive cycle of perfectionism.
I have read an amazing book recently all about making mistakes, and would recommend anyone to read this, kids and adults love it – it’s all about letting go of perfection and learning from our mistakes, “Whoops is one of my favourite words”. You can read a great review of it here http://www.sunlightink.com/reviews–blog
Gorgeous to read Kelly, and the title says it all; there are no mistakes in life (or art) there is only ever learning in this school we call life. And from the learning we grow and change and evolve – growing back into the love that we all are.
“when it is ready.” this is the key, so often we push and drive in life to attain something or be somewhere when this puts so much pressure both physically and mentally on ourselves and our bodies. When all along we miss the amazing gold that is right there underneath. Just the amount of light, joy, wisdom, love, care and understanding we do have and hold in our body.
“The continual push for attaining perfection leads me to exhaustion and a never-ending story plays out in my head .” I can attest to this being the truth, seeking a continual path of perfection is in fact abuse.
You are so right Susan, our imperfections are what makes us who we are. How boring the world would be if no one ever made a mistake!
This is really inspiring, Kelly. I can get caught in that spiral of perfection, always tinkering with something until it meets a certain standard that I have arbitrarily set for myself. But what you have presented here is simply awesome.
It has been shown to me so many times how giving something that I am working on some space, that it feels so different when I come back to it, and I often reconnect with the potential within it. The only reason that I do not do this as often as I would like is because I do not give myself the time to do that in the first place usually because I have to meet a deadline, and I have not allowed enough time to take advantage of what you describe here. But I am realising that this space is a truly vital part of any project.
Thank you!
I never allowed myself to make mistakes and when I did I was ashamed and was my worst judge and I tried to hide the fact i made a mistake by being dishonest. A very contracted way of living. Now I understand making mistakes is a beautiful learning for all of us and that perfection is a path that leads us to anxiousness and exhaustion because of the feeling that we are never enough despite all the effort we put into it. My life has become more joyful and spacious now I allow to be imperfect but I have to admit sometimes my ideal of perfection creeps in but that’s just a mistake and to be treated as a mistake no more no less.
Being imperfect is embracing the whoops factor in our life that can open up a world of opportunities.
Perfectly imperfect is one of my favourite expressions, it is celebrating the learnings that we have in every moment of every day. I also love the analogy of your artwork with your life, the idea that leaving it for a day gave you space and it felt great. I have found that sometimes the constant naval gazing that self analysis can become is destructive and simply letting ourselves be and living rather than analysing is incredibly valuable.
The seesaw between striving for unattainable perfection and being complaisant can be a trap. When we produce something that is to the best of our ability at that moment we can accept that life is an opportunity to continually learn and that there is no end point.
A need for perfection can feel like a condensing of time, so that suddenly there is never enough of it, we can seem to run out of it very quickly, and it (time) can become our enemy. All in the pursuit of something mythical, such as the perfect…. This pursuit is demoralising because it diminishes our innate ability to be masters in synchronicity with the natural flow of time.
it is such a beautiful thing to feel that there can be no mistakes, because there is no perfection, we can only learn from what wasn’t right and go on and do it differently next time, I am coming to accept that everytime I make a mistake it is a big learning.
Wow Benkt, I absolutely LOVE the wisdom that you share in this line: “There can be no mistakes, because there is no perfection’. What if we as a human race would embody this in full. For myself I can definitely say that my life would be hugely more joyful and light. Very inspirational Benkt! Thank you.
What’s the problem with making a mistake? As that’s all it is a miss-take. Just take another take if it needs correcting.
Ha ha – I love your play on words Luke, and the truth, a miss – take, everything is a draft, time for take two,
Luke, I love your play on words: ‘miss-take.’ We all know film making is based on re-takes and how the out-takes are often the best bits. I recently experienced a ‘miss-take” on a course I frequently present It was a struggle and didn’t flow in the way it usually does. I did feel a momentary ‘ouch’ but didn’t beat myself up afterwards, just reflected honestly, got to the truth of what happened and moved on. Painless really.
That is really awesome to hear kehinde2012
Breaking it down to simple understanding, love it Luke.
Thank you Kelly, you have reminded me of the fact there there are no mistakes as there is no perfection possible and in that everything has a right to exist and to happen as it supports us in our return to become soulful again. It is such a relief to allow myself to make so called ‘mistakes’ while in truth mistakes do not exist, and to just see for what there is to learn for me. Now I can laugh and feel joyful about myself when this happens while in the past I felt myself less and tried to improve or undo the mistake that in fact never gave me the same satisfaction as the joy and appreciation I now can feel when I find myself making ‘mistakes’ in life.
I agree, Nico. Mistakes are such a valuable part of our lives, yet we come down on ourselves so harshly when we make them, and in doing so we wipe out the possibility of learning that is being presented.
It is never about perfection, only refining and bringing joy to our missteps.
Seeking perfection can be the biggest delay and stop us from completing anything because there is always the strive to do more or for it to be better. If we focus on our quality of how we are in each moment then there can only be perfection in imperfection and the two will dance.
Yes Donna, it is always about quality. The quality in the way we do things always reflects back where we are at.
Kelly, I love this sharing. It is so playful and full of analogies. Sweet and full of wisdom that can be applied to every moment of the day.
You are very true in saying there are no mistakes. Life is a school of learning.
I will take this sharing into my day today. Thank you
I love your expression “life is a school of learning”. Life can teach us every day, when we get ourselves out of the way.
Wow Kelly, this is so inspiring. ‘Now the artwork is as perfectly imperfect as the other piece’ I love this part. It really strikes out the notion of having to always be perfect, there really is no such thing and like your title states ‘No Mistakes: Just a New Learning’. I absolutely agree and a brilliant masterpiece of writing Kelly.
I love what you have written here, I love your wording it is so unimposing and I love how it feels but most of all what you are expressing ‘Our unique essence is intertwined into everything we express in this world and that includes that single piece of paper I was so haphazardly going to throw away. It was like I was throwing away a piece of me’. Indeed we are all interlinked and what if by you not throwing this piece of work aside or ignoring it gave another somewhere else in the world an opportunity to appreciate something about themselves that they had never done before?
Indeed Vicky, while we are not able to see the grandness of what all of our expressions bring to the world it is great to consider the fact that we cannot make mistakes and that striving to perfection is only something of our mind that in fact withholds us from expressing what truly needs to be expressed and will serve humanity as a whole.
The brutality of perfection, I’ve never heard it expressed so starkly Kelly and it’s absolutely true. When we go into this, we narrow, we shut down and we can miss what is there to be seen.
Agree Monicag2 and Kelly, the illusion of perfection is a brutal and tricky tool we use to not do what is needed to be done and avoid our responsibility.
Great point Sandra, we use that perfection as a way to not take the responsibility we know we can. Perfection can then feed into blame and being a victim, and it allows us to stay in our small bubble and not step out into the grandness we all truly are.
“Perfection is not an achievable goal.” Well said! Absolutely let’s be committed and take care of things to the detail but to hold ourselves to ransom with perfection is a killer.
Thank you for sharing this perfectly imperfect piece Kelly. Chasing perfection ends up putting us on a never ending treadmill with much momentum but no true forward motion or no true learning. These imperfect moments provide so much opportunity for learning and growth.
I love how you relate perfection to our rhythm and how seeking it takes us away from what is our natural rhythm. I can feel just how true this is. Thank you Kelly.
Perfectly imperfect! I love that. I have found that when I have a fixed outcome in mind then I do fall short of the mark often, and especially in the past this has been the excuse to give up or not even attempt something, just to avoid the stress or feeling of not being good enough. By accepting myself as I am and appreciating my qualities I can then expand in my own unique way.
Perfection doesn´t allow you to learn and grow and expand, acceptance honours where you are at and invites you to take the next step.
Every choice in expression builds the momentum of our whole expression, we are the masters to re-discovering our true selves and this discovery is indeed joyful Kelly, as every moment someone recognizes they are a Son of God, there will be another reflection on earth for more to realize this for this themselves, that we are all Sons of God.
Dear Kelly, your experiences made me aware of the game of perfectionism. There’s a huge drive in me going for perfection. I’ve got a lot of pictures in my head to when something’s right or wrong. There’s a strong belief (or ideal) that I can’t let go of this. Where would be the order if everything’s (im)perfectly fine… But I also feel the enormous stress I’m putting myself under by being attached to these pictures. I can feel the anxiousness in letting them go, but it’s time to do so…
That’s an important point you raise here Floris. By projecting perfectionism onto the doing we are at the mercy of the outcomes of our doing and with this totally driven by anxiousness, nervousness, etc. to achieve. There is no perfectionism and can never be perfectionism in human creation as it is not meant to be. We are made to believe that we have to achieve something as individuals, but perfectionism is the absoluteness in our expression of our divinity as a whole.
I can feel how trying to get things right has this constricting, suffocating feeling to it. Labelling my own expression as wrong/not good enough/less than others and dismissing it – I have done so much. Reading your sharing I can feel that that is one of the biggest self-abuse I have inflicted on myself.
Perfectionism is a seed for anxiety, and it arises when doing becomes more important than being. I am learning to let this one go as well. I didn’t have to have a clear target/goal for this image of perfection, whatever I did, however I did it – didn’t matter, it was already destined for failure. Being open to what may appear to be mistakes is a great way to learn about other possibilities that I wouldn’t meet if I get stuck on the narrowness of having an idea of perfection.
I really like that Fumiyo, perfectionism is a seed for anxiety, this is so true and how many of this worlds population could take the stress out of their lives if they just stopped for a minute and pondered on the fact that we are not meant to be perfect or achieve perfection, as we are human after all and perfection can wait until we have evolved out of the restriction of these human bodies.
Love that kevmchardy spoken by one who has embraced his imperfection lovingly. I reckon perfection is simply an ideal that hangs around here on planet earth.
I love what you’ve written here as it resonates so truly with me – ‘perfectionism is a seed for anxiety’. I’ve certainly been there and still am working on it. It makes me think back to when I was in school taking notes in class. If I didn’t like my handwriting at the top of a new page I’d rip it out and start again. Now to view that situation as simply a new learning.
Thank you Kelly. It is so important for us to appreciate each of our ‘Master strokes’ as we move through life. Each day really is a ‘master stroke’ as we live more of the love we are. Letting go of images of how our days should look, or a place we are trying to get to is so liberating. The only choice we need to make is to connect to the love – that we already fully are – and take each step with that. What happens thereafter can only be more love – and what more could you want or need?
Absolutely Amelia – beautifully said. ‘The only choice we need to make is to connect to the love – that we already fully are – and take each step with that. What happens thereafter can only be more love – and what more could you want or need?’ When we connect to love, no-thing is needed. As to want or need some-thing more highlights that we have in fact separated from the fullness of love we naturally are.
“So never give up on finding your true masterstroke, it is there – it’s not a mistake, it just needs clarity and space to flourish in its own unique way, just like us”… I love this Kelly, I am so inspired by your words as I have spent too much time exhausting myself for not being perfect, instead of appreciating who I am already, without trying to be something that I am not. And I am already amazing, so no trying to achieve more is necessary 🙂
Imperfectly perfect reading. I love how it actually makes sense what you share on living with the openness to constantly learn and evolve. With that there comes no bashing or perfection!
Evolution= only growing and presence
No evolution= Bashing, doubting, anxiousness being in the past or future.
I agree Danna! Imperfect perfect comment – thank you 🙂
Throughout my life I have allowed myself to be deceived by the outer, ie how something looks or sounds, rather than taking time to feel the love (or lack thereof) and energy in which a painting, room, item of clothing or song was created. As Einstein said, “Everything is energy” and added to that by Serge Benhayon, “Everything is because of energy”. When looking at a ‘perfect’ painting, the drive, resulting exhaustion and lovelessness that was used to create this can be felt (should we so choose to). Now, I would so prefer an imperfect painting created in and emanating love to adorn my room than the energy of the latter.
Such a great blog that’s left me wondering how much of my expression do I disregard because I am distracted from appreciating and building on what I do express when striving for perfection. All that trying to obtain the unobtainable is such a waste of energy and leaves me exhausted. Far simpler to just be and express from a beingness.
Yes Karin, it is exhausting trying to obtain the unobtainable. Perfection is impossible yet it is the one things most of us strive for, why? Perhaps to distract us from truly appreciating how amazing we are already, it is our minds tricking us to seek more and more of this illusion, forever chasing it so we don’t get to see what is right in front of us, or rather what is within us.
Thanks Kelly for a great blog and something that is very timely for me to read. I have long struggled with perfectionism and outcomes and – not surprisingly – found that I and my world have been hardened and narrowed as a result. The process of accepting imperfection and seeing the positives in mistakes is taking time but as I slowly chip away at it, I am seeing that more space opens up and that in that space there are far more possibilities with each having their own rhythm and flow. The ripple effect is often totally beyond anything I could have otherwise imagined, which simply reminds me that mistakes are actually treasures.
Using the word “mistake” seems so judgmental of self and often results in self bashing. Whereas the phrase a “new learning” feels so loving and supportive and is more spacious. a lovely sharing, Kelly with many themes to explore.
I just love the light and playfulness of this piece Kelly and great that you have claimed yourself back from the brink of perfections hold, which only blocked your natural ability to feel and express from your own unique essence which you do so divinely. We are more the richer for your light, thank-you for sharing.
I too have fallen into the trap many times of ignoring areas of my life that require addressing and focusing on everything that is going well, i.e my strengths. Recently I attempted to focus more on the weaker areas, however this didn’t work out to well because I had let go of developing and appreciating my strengths. Hence, I have come to realise that everything I do and each of my relationships deserve equal commitment and dedication so now I am building on my strengths and working on my weaknesses.
As women I would say, we tend to focus on what we are not so good at pretty much. Like you, I realized how powerful appreciation is and how much it actually at the same time irritates people around me, when I do appreciate myself in full. It is uncommon and often labelled as being arrogant or too narcissist. But who should care about reactions if this is the only way to reflect truth :).
Yes Steffihenn, we are accustomed to being comfortable with not being the whole deal, focussing on our weaknesses. And it is often the way we have been brought up (or down). Thus it is challenging to appreciate ourselves and oh my God if someone else is actually doing that about themselves, that just makes little me all the more uncomfortable! I say go for it – we all need to appreciate ourselves and others so much more.
Appreciation and supporting each other in growing into the power we are and NO comparison is the key!;)
Exactly! Comparison is the killer because we do not appreciate ourselves as we are enough.
Perfectly imperfect, I love that, thank you Kelly.
Kelly, I have found that life in general seldom fits the pictures of how we think it should be. Letting go of an image of things and that certainly includes the ideal of perfection is not always easy I have found, some images are more of an attachment than others. However, when I do let go, I let go of the angst of imposing my will upon it and I experience so much more joy, space and an openness to see what unfolds and the choice to embrace it. Then it’s possible for life to open up in a whole new way I didn’t think of and is way more vital.
Great reflection Josephine. When we have fixed expectations of ourselves, our work, and other people we often hold images of perfection (how things should be) in our heads. Letting go of false mental pictures opens us up to be more responsive in the here and now makes us ‘way more vital’
Very huge, what you are expressing Josephine. Images are like ideas and beliefs, they can easily control us. It is so important to come back to what we feel regardless of the images we could hold in our heads.
True Alexander, if it is a true feeling and not an emotion as I observe that my emotional reactions are often (perhaps always) linked to my images, ideals and beliefs.
Wow, Kelly, I so loved reading this and what lovely timing it was, too. It feels ridiculous to me now after reading it, how many times have I thrown away what only needed a bit of time and space to fully shine in all its imperfections?
Your words here rang particularly true, “The continual push for attaining perfection leads me to exhaustion and a never-ending story plays out in my head of other ways I can reach my desired point. It’s a brutal path that inevitably leads nowhere.” True in my experience, also. I feel much more open now to trust in my own master stroke, that it is not a mistake and to simply allow in its natural state of grace. The lightness and love you are living is shining through so beautifully, Kelly….keep writing, please!
I agree Peta, Kelly’s writing is so playful, relate-able and deeply inspiring. Kelly’s lightness and love certainly shines through for us readers to truly appreciate and be totally inspired.
Thank you Kelly. I can relate to what you have shared as I still have the stress of wanting to get things right. What I realise from reading your blog is that the pressure of a certain projected outcome stops me from feeling moment to moment what’s truly needed and what I can learn. It also stops me enjoying just being me and all I am as I work. Letting go of perfectionism opens up the space to simply enjoy all that we are, which is already so much more than enough no matter the outcome of our every day.
Perfection doesn´t ask you to be you, it even doesn´t care about the person at all, it is only about the ideals that promise to give you what you miss because you don´t allow yourself to be you to begin with.
Well expressed here Alex – perfectionism would have no hold over us at all if we gave ourselves the permission to be and live fully the truth of who we are. We create the loophole for perfectionism to rule by choosing to be living less than the true qualities we are – Love, Stillness, Joy, Harmony and Truth.
Thank you Serge Benhayon for the Ancient Wisdom Teaching you present for all to know Truth, equally so.
I really appreciate this piece Kelly, you are right perfectionism is brutal game and one that I often don’t even realise I am playing. By setting myself standards to achieve, instead of accepting where I am at that moment and learning from it, only serves to keep in a state of self rejection. It was very helpful to read this today, thank you.
‘Self-rejection’ & brutality, Tim. What great analogies for perfectionism! We are our own worst enemies and unless we are committed, stop the fight, the truth of how we are cannot fully support us.
So true 1timrobinson. The perfection game sets us up to fail as perfect is never achievable. This allows us to stay in a loop of self-rejection and not being good enough. How freeing to be perfectly imperfect and learn from our mistakes.
Really appreciate your sharing, you are right to say perfection is a brutal game, leaving us completely exhausted in the process. I was caught in perfection for so long and this controlled my life and my body. Effected my relationships with colleagues, friends and family. Now having let go of the perfectionist, there is more openness and honesty amongst us all.
Thank you Tim I have realised from your comment that perfectionism is very self-destructive and abusive. I need to sit with that and actually feel the extent of that and all of it’s subtleties.
I agree 1timrobinson, this self rejection is more like a self-attack where we up the situation in order not to take responsibility of what needs to be done in life.
Very true Tim – ‘perfectionism is brutal game’. I too have played this game and as such have been entrapped in the self-abuse that ‘perfectionism’ delivers for not achieving the ‘picture-perfect’ goal. Such a limited way to exist that leads to exhaustion as we miss all the while knowing how beautifully complete we already and only ever need to be our natural selves.
Kelly this so great, I love what you have written here! The joy in your writing is tangible as you describe how you stopped and reclaimed the discarded art work and began to see the game of relentless power that the well known tyrannical master (perfectionism) grips us with. What an awesome tool kit you are re-building for life!
“Perfection is not an achievable goal. It’s an endless road that just comes with more obstacles”.
Thank you Kelly for a beautifully symbolic reflection on the idea of perfection. I love this line – ‘So never give up on finding your true masterstroke, it is there – it’s not a mistake, it just needs clarity and space to flourish in its own unique way, just like us’.
What amazing and beautiful lessons in life you are learning Kelly from doing your artwork with each master stroke. Thanks for sharing.
What a lovely and simple way to explore such a big topic – the drive for perfection. We are harsh on ourselves, and we push or drive ourselves to achieve a particular perfection which is … whose evaluation anyway? And what really is perfection? As you say let things be perfectly imperfect. Thanks Kelly.
I have felt this harshness towards myself Maree in the search for perfection in its various guises. This harshness is not a loving way to treat ourselves and I have found that when I am harsh towards myself, it is easy for this harshness to be transferred into the way I treat others.
That’s a really important observation Lee. However we treat ourselves is also how we treat others.
Lee I feel the judgement and comparison when we talk about perfection, there is no end point to reach, just lack of acceptance of ourselves and others along the way. Very harsh indeed!
That’s great Kelly. A relatable story for me. Just to maybe add another layer to it, sometimes I find I make something out of reaction or in a complete rush, and as a result I’m never happy with it. In this instance, I know that it is because I was driven by an outcome. When I do this, I don’t allow myself the space to create something naturally, instead I’m forcing an idea to conform, which, like anything you try to control, doesn’t really work. You might have an object/outcome to show, but the quality of energy it was made in is felt. There is also no mistake here. It is purely a reflection of the energy one was in at the time. So, woops! Connect, start again.
I can relate to this too Elodie – any awareness that I have now that contains push or drive seizes me up and unless I stop, connect and start again, the work is not mine. It belongs to anxiousness, disregard or perfectionism and I can feel the harmfulness in that.
Great points here Elodie and great article Kelly, amazing really when we keep things that simple and do not get caught in any ideals and beliefs of how things should be or life for that matter. I have been very caught in this way of living and can say that my body was always exhausted as a result.
Kelly, this is definitely a blog I can relate to as my life has previously largely been about perfection, and as you describe – this is exhausting (!) because we never reach an end point and it seems there’s always something else we can improve on. What I found with this way of living (that I didn’t realise at the time) was that I saw life and events as lineal – meaning there was a start and an end point and always something to get to or something to achieve. And somewhat like an athlete who reaches the end of the race, – after the momentary high, there can then be “but I could have run faster” or “I could have done better” or “now I need to do even better in the next race” … so no wonder it’s exhausting because we put ourselves under enormous pressure to ‘do’ more because even the ‘more’ achieved never seems to be enough. Since being introduced to the teachings of Universal Medicine, I have come to understand life as a cycle (no start and no end) but just an opportunity of choices that either keep repeating or allow me to make different choices, and so in this, it has removed a lot of the perfection that I was previously driven by. One of the beautiful things I’ve experienced about this is that not only am I less driven by perfection and in this accepting myself as I am, but I am much more accepting of the imperfection of others.
You offer so much in this comment Angela. The never ending striving for perfection that keeps us in a momentum as there is always a point that we could have done better. I particularly like the last line that accepting our own imperfection allows us to accept imperfection in others – I would also add that it allows us to see the fullness of others and what they have to offer, rather than only seeing the imperfect part.
Great suggestion Lee, if we accept ourselves and others in full we accept all the imperfections and equally so the fullness, greatness and love we all are.
It’s interesting that we don’t consider the striving for perfection as exhausting, but it so makes sense that it is. The tension in the body is incredible and is constantly there. Holding onto that much tension must be exhausting. No wonder getting more sleep does not ‘fix’ exhaustion.
Perfection is such a set up. I have been in the trap of striving for it for years and can relate to much of what you share here Angela. Seeing life as a series of cycles does help remove that striving for the end point.
Beautifully expressed Angela, when we understand that life consists of cycles we can let go of the need for perfection in life and see life as a continuous learning opportunity accepting the grandness of who we are and equally that of others around us.
Once Chris James suggested in one of his seminars to us to go out and make mistakes and that was such a relief for me not to strike for being perfect. But let myself and things unfold, develop and surprise myself with the outcome this is so much more joyful way to live.
So true Janina. How liberating to go forth and make mistakes! I have always found that I have learned much more from my so called mistakes than my successes.
I agree we are bound to make mistakes especially when we step outside of our comfort zone and this is how I best learn and grow.
Even the word mis-takes suggests there is something wrong/miss with the undertaken action. When we step out of our comfort zone we enter the learning zone and this is where magic and grow can happen.
I have always loved mistakes! As you have said Janina what fun would life be without ever experiencing life unfolding and offering us new opportunities.
I am not quite there with loving mistakes, but I am beginning to embrace them as opportunities to learn and not use them as something to beat myself up about.
I agree Steve this blog offers us to open up to the possibility that we are here to learn and that there is nothing such as mistakes.
I love this Janina…. oh, to have this gorgeous attitude from when we are little! What a joyful and freeing way to be with ourselves and the world.
I agree Katerina, life can be joyful once we allow ourselves to be who we are and to learn and grow each moment without the need to prove ourselves or to be better or perfect.
This invitation Chris James gave us made it possible that i start to lead singing groups. Whenever something happens out of sync i stay light and playful and start again. And the magic i have experienced once when i was stuck and the group supported me to move on was amazing.