What are we Really in Control of?

The topic of control has been a theme for me of late. Noticing the choices I make, both big and small, where I opt for the perceived safe and known way rather than feel a new and simpler way of being with life.

Control is the part that says, “Life has to be a certain way for it to be right, feel right, look right.” The crazy part is that I can apply this thinking even when I know what is ‘right’ in my head doesn’t actually work in real life.

I’ve learned not to be fooled by the control because it can appear happy-go-lucky. That is until things reach a certain point and, once I reach that point, it‘s like walking away from a wall with a rubber band around my waist that snaps me back to remind me of my place.

Control is the antithesis of allowing and acceptance; it is also the antithesis of self-responsibility.

This is the part that tripped me up. To make choices that were more supportive, I thought I needed some form of control but I’ve learned that there is a big difference between loving choices and controlling choices.

Take food for example. When food is a loving choice, I look at the food, I know I don’t feel great after eating it and I go “Why would I?” There is no battle because I have connected to myself and not to a mental picture of how great it might taste, or how deserving I am. In that moment there is no choice to be made, it just is.

When food choices become about control, there is an inner battle between the part that knows what feels right and the part that just wants to eat it, regardless.

So in one instance, there is almost no real choice, when it is a loving choice – it just is. And in the other, when it is a controlled choice – there is this inner battle.

This happened not just with food, but permeated every aspect of my life.

Over the years, I took great pride in winning these battles and in truth, I had gotten good at it. I became good at spotting the issue and applying my discipline and commitment to overcoming it. It took focus but it was worth the battle to make loving choices, right? WRONG! That is the trick…

The battle itself is just another layer of control.

I am at a stage in my relationship with myself where I know what making a loving choice feels like. For the record, this is worth celebrating and appreciating.

AND, if there is no choice to be made when I am being loving to myself, why would I slip into the battle between making or not making these choices?

Control!

The battle is just a way of feeling like I am working hard, but in reality it is just a way for me to stay locked in my mind. Winning the battle filled me with pride, of sorts, as I celebrated my ability to work through a situation and work out why I did what I did. As I say, this awareness is a good first step and it used to be enough, but not lately.

So, if a loving choice is not really a choice, but I chose control, what am I really in control of?

I am controlling how long I can delay reconnecting to a way of living where there is no choice, only a loving way to support myself.

In essence, I am prolonging my misery, even though I am convinced I am working for my best interest. This is crazy, backwards logic but that’s the point… it may be a kind of logic, but it is not love of any kind.

My level of connection actually precedes and determines the choices I have. SO choosing those things that support me in that connection, things like conscious presence, esoteric yoga, the Gentle Breath Meditation, all assist in reducing the battle that would otherwise ensue.

So now I know, if there is a hint of battle, I have dropped my connection: if there is any sustained battle, I am prolonging my own misery and in those moments, I am jumping back onto the merry-go-round of control.

I am forever inspired by the life and work of Serge Benhayon.

By Joel Levin

Further Reading:
~
First Time Mum: Realising Control is just too much Hard Work
~ Learning to Let Go of Control Over Life to Being Open to People
~ Using the Gentle Breath Meditation to Develop Conscious Presence

1,506 thoughts on “What are we Really in Control of?

  1. Life is full of merry-go-rounds, and to name just a few, such as wanting, trying, comparison, judging, jealousy, comfort, sympathy, complacency, desire, need and control and it is our relationship with our soul that breaks these rides that seem to have a controlling interest over the way we are with others.

  2. I’m starting to feel how this control is not me, so to answer the question “What am I in control of?” the answer is nothing. This energy of control isn’t me, in comes through and plays out in my life, yes, but is it a part of my essence? no. It’s an unwelcome guest that doesn’t deserve free rein over my life.

  3. I’m starting to believe we are not in any sort of control at all. If I understand correctly the Etheric body the only word I can think of is built a vessel that it could then posses and have control over and this is called the human-being. However it was not so clever because it failed in its arrogance to realise that all the particles in the universe belong to the universe and so no matter it incarnated into a physical form the particles will always align to the universe. And so we have this forever pull to align to the universe and the opposing pull to be in the Etheric’s creation as a physical human-being we have made a reality of a non-reality that doesn’t exist anywhere else in the universe.

  4. These days I’m observing that the mind is constantly working with thoughts, ideas, projections, pictures…trying to control what is impossible to control, and when I give my power away to them my body tenses up. It’s like our body is not designed to be dominated by the mind but it responds naturally to its impulses in a very simple way. It has a rythim, a gentle pulse within to honour…

    Surrendering the mind and allowing the body to just be is a work in process from which I’m learning a lot and yes, definitely the Gentle breath Meditation, Esoteric Yoga and working on my conscious presence is being a significant support to develop all of this.

  5. Great distinction Joel between a loving way of life where the connection to love precedes our choices, or a battle to work on love and feel we are nailing it and the one doing it all, instead of surrendering to the love we are and living from it.

  6. Joel this sentence is brilliant because it sums up the illogicality of what we actually do to ourselves
    “In essence, I am prolonging my misery; even though I am convinced I am working for my best interest. This is crazy, backwards logic but that’s the point… it may be a kind of logic, but it is not love of any kind.”
    This backwards logic is so hard wired in our bodies I have found it does take a lot of hard work to unpick why we want to prolong our misery because it just doesn’t make sense and I feel it all comes back to control. When we control it is all about me, I and not about the whole which we separated from to so we could indulge in the me and I.

  7. “So in one instance, there is almost no real choice, when it is a loving choice – it just is. And in the other, when it is a controlled choice – there is this inner battle.” I agree Joel. When connected life just flows – “it just is” as you say. When I try to control I’m manipulating affairs – thinking I know best, when that is often (usually) nonsense……

  8. “My level of connection actually precedes and determines the choices I have. SO choosing those things that support me in that connection, things like conscious presence, esoteric yoga, the Gentle Breath Meditation, all assist in reducing the battle that would otherwise ensue.” So true – retaining our connection allows for an amazing life to unfold.

  9. Joel is control the same as having conditions on life? I feel they are similar if not the same; as having a condition means we are controlling the outcome rather than just letting something be and going with the flow.

    1. I would agree Mary. Having conditions is similar to having expectations or pictures, and we can feel let down if those aren’t met, rather than allowing life to unfold – but to have a deep connection first.

  10. In this re-read I got the feeling of Control as in Maxwell Smart, in the TV. series Get Smart, and his arch enemies from KAOS as this somehow seems to fit into your blog Joel as truly controlling takes care of any chaos or ill energies in our life.

  11. Joel, I have come back to read your blog again and I appreciate your dissection of control and how you can use your radar for realising your are in a battle with yourself to understand that you are trying to control life whilst having forgotten your connection. As you have shared, the simplest approach for this is to come back and connect and then the control is no longer this distraction of a battle ground it appeared to be. Reading blogs like this give clarity and understanding of the universal challenges we are all faced with.

  12. “Control is the antithesis of allowing and acceptance; it is also the antithesis of self-responsibility.” – Wow this is something for me to sit with as I know that I work very hard to control things in my life! Very exposing to feel this and to be honest with myself about where I apply the control thing. Thank you Joel for this reminder.

  13. Joel I would say the battle is our spirit that wants us to eat something that it knows will take us out of our stillness as it absolutely hates stillness and will do anything to keep us away from the one thing it cannot abide because in the stillness it returns back to the soul, that part it separated from eons ago.

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