What are we Really in Control of?

The topic of control has been a theme for me of late. Noticing the choices I make, both big and small, where I opt for the perceived safe and known way rather than feel a new and simpler way of being with life.

Control is the part that says, “Life has to be a certain way for it to be right, feel right, look right.” The crazy part is that I can apply this thinking even when I know what is ‘right’ in my head doesn’t actually work in real life.

I’ve learned not to be fooled by the control because it can appear happy-go-lucky. That is until things reach a certain point and, once I reach that point, it‘s like walking away from a wall with a rubber band around my waist that snaps me back to remind me of my place.

Control is the antithesis of allowing and acceptance; it is also the antithesis of self-responsibility.

This is the part that tripped me up. To make choices that were more supportive, I thought I needed some form of control but I’ve learned that there is a big difference between loving choices and controlling choices.

Take food for example. When food is a loving choice, I look at the food, I know I don’t feel great after eating it and I go “Why would I?” There is no battle because I have connected to myself and not to a mental picture of how great it might taste, or how deserving I am. In that moment there is no choice to be made, it just is.

When food choices become about control, there is an inner battle between the part that knows what feels right and the part that just wants to eat it, regardless.

So in one instance, there is almost no real choice, when it is a loving choice – it just is. And in the other, when it is a controlled choice – there is this inner battle.

This happened not just with food, but permeated every aspect of my life.

Over the years, I took great pride in winning these battles and in truth, I had gotten good at it. I became good at spotting the issue and applying my discipline and commitment to overcoming it. It took focus but it was worth the battle to make loving choices, right? WRONG! That is the trick…

The battle itself is just another layer of control.

I am at a stage in my relationship with myself where I know what making a loving choice feels like. For the record, this is worth celebrating and appreciating.

AND, if there is no choice to be made when I am being loving to myself, why would I slip into the battle between making or not making these choices?

Control!

The battle is just a way of feeling like I am working hard, but in reality it is just a way for me to stay locked in my mind. Winning the battle filled me with pride, of sorts, as I celebrated my ability to work through a situation and work out why I did what I did. As I say, this awareness is a good first step and it used to be enough, but not lately.

So, if a loving choice is not really a choice, but I chose control, what am I really in control of?

I am controlling how long I can delay reconnecting to a way of living where there is no choice, only a loving way to support myself.

In essence, I am prolonging my misery, even though I am convinced I am working for my best interest. This is crazy, backwards logic but that’s the point… it may be a kind of logic, but it is not love of any kind.

My level of connection actually precedes and determines the choices I have. SO choosing those things that support me in that connection, things like conscious presence, esoteric yoga, the Gentle Breath Meditation, all assist in reducing the battle that would otherwise ensue.

So now I know, if there is a hint of battle, I have dropped my connection: if there is any sustained battle, I am prolonging my own misery and in those moments, I am jumping back onto the merry-go-round of control.

I am forever inspired by the life and work of Serge Benhayon.

By Joel Levin

Further Reading:
~
First Time Mum: Realising Control is just too much Hard Work
~ Learning to Let Go of Control Over Life to Being Open to People
~ Using the Gentle Breath Meditation to Develop Conscious Presence

1,380 thoughts on “What are we Really in Control of?

  1. “My level of connection actually precedes and determines the choices I have.” The question I’ve been asking myself “Why do I choose to make unloving choices?” answered in one simple sentence.

  2. SO choosing those things that support me in that connection, things like conscious presence, esoteric yoga, the Gentle Breath Meditation, all assist in reducing the battle that would otherwise ensue’ I feel blessed to have re-read this article today For days I have pondered on the question of repeated patterns, without knowing how to moved out of them. To be reminded that all stems from the depth of connection and nothing else, simplifies everything and exposes the futility of self imposed battles.

  3. Control is the antithesis of connection.. so true. Learning to let go, all of the time, and about everything that we’re holding onto, is much easier and more likely when we’ve build enough consistency and trust with ourselves – to know that we have our own backs no matter what, so that the control begins to feel like unnecessary hard work. When we let go of control, life expands because we allow it to flow towards us, instead of feeling like we need to be relentlessly pursuing the next opportunity.

  4. There is quite an energy that comes with “control”. Just reading the title of the blog I feel how it can affects the flow in my body and puts a tension in my shoulders!

  5. Someone was trying to tempt me to eat something I knew would disagree with me. It was really interesting to observe because they wanted me to give in and eat it, so that they could feel better about their choice of foods that they like to eat. There was no way in the world I could cross that line to eat something that my body knows would harm me. My Body loves me so much it really is my best friend and when we listen to our bodies we cannot go wrong.

  6. I am really enjoying the open communication I now have again with my body. My body is my best friend; I am still not always listening to it. However my body doesn’t resent this and always has the channel of communication open. When I go against what my body is showing me then I know that I am abusing myself by making choices that is going against the love that my body is constantly offering me. That’s the control I have and actually it is very unpleasant to admit to; that I can actually harm my body in order to have control over it.

    1. Our body belongs to a greater body that is the Universe (Body of God) we all live within. As such our body is governed by a certain order and rhythm that is meticulous and divine. Our minds have a ‘mind of their own’ in the sense that through our capacity to receive thoughts dependent on the source of energy we are aligned to, we will either move our body in tune with the universal rhythm or against it.

  7. Beautifully expressed Joel you have exposed the illusion of choice! Yes when we are truly on there is no choice, no other way to be, it just is.

  8. This was an excellent read and has helped me identify that when I am at odds with myself I am in battle mode and simply need to reconnect, because its in the connection that the battle ceases to exist.

  9. This is gold Joel, ‘So now I know, if there is a hint of battle, I have dropped my connection: if there is any sustained battle, I am prolonging my own misery and in those moments, I am jumping back onto the merry-go-round of control.’ It is simple when we lose connection we become controlling.

    1. True Anna, only by our controlling mind we can lose that natural connect that will otherwise be there with our body and from the body with the universe we all are part of and naturally would be obedient to.

  10. I don’t know how you do it, but you manage to illustrate through words just how crazy we are sometimes and always offer the antithesis of that craziness.

  11. It is always good to remember that only we are the perpetrators of our own inner war. And too there is no one to blame, even not ourselves as when unaware we are ruled by an energy we are not from. It simply comes back to taking responsibility for our own life and to make the conscious choice to connect to the energy we belong to which practically can look like choosing conscious presence in our every days life, esoteric yoga and the Gentle Breath Meditation® to name a few ways.

  12. Thank you Joel, what I took from today’s read is the difference between the loving choice and when control is present and there is an underlying sense of battle. The battle can be subtle but when compared to the ease and flow of a loving choice it still stands out.

  13. This so well exposes the lies of trying and discipline. It’s quite astounding how this right/wrong thing is so deeply ingrained in us and I sometimes catch myself at times trying to get it right in being ‘loving’ – which cannot be loving in its true sense.

  14. ‘My level of connection actually precedes and determines the choices I have. ‘ Yes, absolutely nailed it. Connection first and then the choices are there and so it becomes how we move in a way that allows us to get to that choice and knowing that our next move can lead to a different choice if we choose.

  15. An inspiring article to read on control, thank you Joel, I well know that inner battle, the wanting to get it right, the merry-go-round the mind takes me on, why would I continue with this struggling when all the while it is connection that I am missing in my life, a letting go of trying to control and surrendering to the love I hold deep within.

  16. This makes perfect sense Joel. The key is not to reign triumphant over a self-propagated inner battle. The key is to not engage in the battle in the first place. Through connection we relinquish control.

  17. Joel, your blogs always bring things back into perspective of what is true and what is not. I am deeply appreciating the reminders in your words.
    “So now I know, if there is a hint of battle, I have dropped my connection: if there is any sustained battle, I am prolonging my own misery and in those moments, I am jumping back onto the merry-go-round of control”.

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