What are we Really in Control of?

The topic of control has been a theme for me of late. Noticing the choices I make, both big and small, where I opt for the perceived safe and known way rather than feel a new and simpler way of being with life.

Control is the part that says, “Life has to be a certain way for it to be right, feel right, look right.” The crazy part is that I can apply this thinking even when I know what is ‘right’ in my head doesn’t actually work in real life.

I’ve learned not to be fooled by the control because it can appear happy-go-lucky. That is until things reach a certain point and, once I reach that point, it‘s like walking away from a wall with a rubber band around my waist that snaps me back to remind me of my place.

Control is the antithesis of allowing and acceptance; it is also the antithesis of self-responsibility.

This is the part that tripped me up. To make choices that were more supportive, I thought I needed some form of control but I’ve learned that there is a big difference between loving choices and controlling choices.

Take food for example. When food is a loving choice, I look at the food, I know I don’t feel great after eating it and I go “Why would I?” There is no battle because I have connected to myself and not to a mental picture of how great it might taste, or how deserving I am. In that moment there is no choice to be made, it just is.

When food choices become about control, there is an inner battle between the part that knows what feels right and the part that just wants to eat it, regardless.

So in one instance, there is almost no real choice, when it is a loving choice – it just is. And in the other, when it is a controlled choice – there is this inner battle.

This happened not just with food, but permeated every aspect of my life.

Over the years, I took great pride in winning these battles and in truth, I had gotten good at it. I became good at spotting the issue and applying my discipline and commitment to overcoming it. It took focus but it was worth the battle to make loving choices, right? WRONG! That is the trick…

The battle itself is just another layer of control.

I am at a stage in my relationship with myself where I know what making a loving choice feels like. For the record, this is worth celebrating and appreciating.

AND, if there is no choice to be made when I am being loving to myself, why would I slip into the battle between making or not making these choices?

Control!

The battle is just a way of feeling like I am working hard, but in reality it is just a way for me to stay locked in my mind. Winning the battle filled me with pride, of sorts, as I celebrated my ability to work through a situation and work out why I did what I did. As I say, this awareness is a good first step and it used to be enough, but not lately.

So, if a loving choice is not really a choice, but I chose control, what am I really in control of?

I am controlling how long I can delay reconnecting to a way of living where there is no choice, only a loving way to support myself.

In essence, I am prolonging my misery, even though I am convinced I am working for my best interest. This is crazy, backwards logic but that’s the point… it may be a kind of logic, but it is not love of any kind.

My level of connection actually precedes and determines the choices I have. SO choosing those things that support me in that connection, things like conscious presence, esoteric yoga, the Gentle Breath Meditation, all assist in reducing the battle that would otherwise ensue.

So now I know, if there is a hint of battle, I have dropped my connection: if there is any sustained battle, I am prolonging my own misery and in those moments, I am jumping back onto the merry-go-round of control.

I am forever inspired by the life and work of Serge Benhayon.

By Joel Levin

Further Reading:
~
First Time Mum: Realising Control is just too much Hard Work
~ Learning to Let Go of Control Over Life to Being Open to People
~ Using the Gentle Breath Meditation to Develop Conscious Presence

1,466 thoughts on “What are we Really in Control of?

  1. Life is full of merry-go-rounds, and to name just a few, such as wanting, trying, comparison, judging, jealousy, comfort, sympathy, complacency, desire, need and control and it is our relationship with our soul that breaks these rides that seem to have a controlling interest over the way we are with others.

  2. I’m starting to feel how this control is not me, so to answer the question “What am I in control of?” the answer is nothing. This energy of control isn’t me, in comes through and plays out in my life, yes, but is it a part of my essence? no. It’s an unwelcome guest that doesn’t deserve free rein over my life.

  3. I’m starting to believe we are not in any sort of control at all. If I understand correctly the Etheric body the only word I can think of is built a vessel that it could then posses and have control over and this is called the human-being. However it was not so clever because it failed in its arrogance to realise that all the particles in the universe belong to the universe and so no matter it incarnated into a physical form the particles will always align to the universe. And so we have this forever pull to align to the universe and the opposing pull to be in the Etheric’s creation as a physical human-being we have made a reality of a non-reality that doesn’t exist anywhere else in the universe.

  4. These days I’m observing that the mind is constantly working with thoughts, ideas, projections, pictures…trying to control what is impossible to control, and when I give my power away to them my body tenses up. It’s like our body is not designed to be dominated by the mind but it responds naturally to its impulses in a very simple way. It has a rythim, a gentle pulse within to honour…

    Surrendering the mind and allowing the body to just be is a work in process from which I’m learning a lot and yes, definitely the Gentle breath Meditation, Esoteric Yoga and working on my conscious presence is being a significant support to develop all of this.

  5. Great distinction Joel between a loving way of life where the connection to love precedes our choices, or a battle to work on love and feel we are nailing it and the one doing it all, instead of surrendering to the love we are and living from it.

  6. Joel this sentence is brilliant because it sums up the illogicality of what we actually do to ourselves
    “In essence, I am prolonging my misery; even though I am convinced I am working for my best interest. This is crazy, backwards logic but that’s the point… it may be a kind of logic, but it is not love of any kind.”
    This backwards logic is so hard wired in our bodies I have found it does take a lot of hard work to unpick why we want to prolong our misery because it just doesn’t make sense and I feel it all comes back to control. When we control it is all about me, I and not about the whole which we separated from to so we could indulge in the me and I.

  7. “So in one instance, there is almost no real choice, when it is a loving choice – it just is. And in the other, when it is a controlled choice – there is this inner battle.” I agree Joel. When connected life just flows – “it just is” as you say. When I try to control I’m manipulating affairs – thinking I know best, when that is often (usually) nonsense……

  8. “My level of connection actually precedes and determines the choices I have. SO choosing those things that support me in that connection, things like conscious presence, esoteric yoga, the Gentle Breath Meditation, all assist in reducing the battle that would otherwise ensue.” So true – retaining our connection allows for an amazing life to unfold.

  9. Joel is control the same as having conditions on life? I feel they are similar if not the same; as having a condition means we are controlling the outcome rather than just letting something be and going with the flow.

    1. I would agree Mary. Having conditions is similar to having expectations or pictures, and we can feel let down if those aren’t met, rather than allowing life to unfold – but to have a deep connection first.

  10. In this re-read I got the feeling of Control as in Maxwell Smart, in the TV. series Get Smart, and his arch enemies from KAOS as this somehow seems to fit into your blog Joel as truly controlling takes care of any chaos or ill energies in our life.

  11. Joel, I have come back to read your blog again and I appreciate your dissection of control and how you can use your radar for realising your are in a battle with yourself to understand that you are trying to control life whilst having forgotten your connection. As you have shared, the simplest approach for this is to come back and connect and then the control is no longer this distraction of a battle ground it appeared to be. Reading blogs like this give clarity and understanding of the universal challenges we are all faced with.

  12. “Control is the antithesis of allowing and acceptance; it is also the antithesis of self-responsibility.” – Wow this is something for me to sit with as I know that I work very hard to control things in my life! Very exposing to feel this and to be honest with myself about where I apply the control thing. Thank you Joel for this reminder.

  13. Joel I would say the battle is our spirit that wants us to eat something that it knows will take us out of our stillness as it absolutely hates stillness and will do anything to keep us away from the one thing it cannot abide because in the stillness it returns back to the soul, that part it separated from eons ago.

  14. Yuk this is a great analogy of control ‘it‘s like walking away from a wall with a rubber band around my waist that snaps me back to remind me of my place.’ I am right up for cutting that rubber band! From my experience both from myself and others control is so limiting, ridged, overpowering, intimidating and well just plain toxic.

  15. It sounds crazy and backward to the mind but it makes a lot of sense when connected to the body. A great reminder that a loving choice isn’t a choice but a surrender to what is already known as being a loving move.

  16. I have discovered we are not in control of anything, it is another complete illusion that has us on our bellies scrabbling around in the mud of creation. I have the most utter respect for Serge Benhayon and what he presents because he is the only person that I have met that is prepared to tell the world what is really going on and if we use the teachings as a support we can free ourselves from the illusion of life we actually live in. I have always felt I was living in a nightmare and actually I am. The night mare is this false life which we have made a reality that in years to come when we break the illusion we will discover wasn’t a reality at all but an illusion.

  17. “The battle is just a way of feeling like I am working hard, but in reality it is just a way for me to stay locked in my mind. Winning the battle filled me with pride, of sorts, as I celebrated my ability to work through a situation and work out why I did what I did. As I say, this awareness is a good first step and it used to be enough, but not lately.”
    Joel I agree our spirit is very cunning and devious and we can think we are working hard on our issues and getting somewhere only to find that it is a trick to stop us from reuniting with our soul.
    We / our spirit works extremely hard to avoid the one thing that we actually want to do the most and that is reunite with our soul this is the only reason we are here on this plane of life. And we will keep going round in literal circles until this occurs. We can kick and resist but all resistance in the end is vain. I absolutely hate the fact that when we make the choice to return to our soul we are interfered with even more.

  18. “The battle itself is just another layer of control.” What a realization Joel! I love it as it showed very clearly how trapped most of us are in this game of control and fight. How liberating is it to stop this game and choose differently!

  19. Joel – you are spot on here; ‘Control is the antithesis of allowing and acceptance’, I have noticed that when I am trying to control situations and people then there is a tension and hardness in my body, when I allow and accept there is an ease and a flow in my body and in my relationships – very different feelings.

  20. Joel, what you are sharing is really interesting and makes complete sense; ‘So now I know, if there is a hint of battle, I have dropped my connection: if there is any sustained battle,’

  21. “there is a big difference between loving choices and controlling choices”. Agreed! and the tension we feel from our bodies warns us of the difference between the two.

  22. We can try and control all aspects of life and ourselves and yet we actually have no control over anything. Control is something that is talked a lot about in the area I work in, palliative care. Possibly because it is the point that our body says no we don’t have control, when we have spent our whole life thinking that we do have control. But like you say Joel the ‘battle’ is the give away. If we are battling, having the sense of control is controlling us, rather than accepting everything that life is offering. Not always easy when we are trying to control it.

    1. What you share here is something for us all to consider as it is the one great leveller in all our lives – we will pass over or die (whichever word you prefer). I have been around enough people who have passed to see there are many ways to do it but what distinguished the struggle and the quality of life is the level of surrender. Those who have surrendered have been so much more at ease and had more fulfilling relationships to the end of their time with us.

  23. Love has not an ounce of control or holding on, or needing anything to be anything other than it is. Love allows space.

  24. Joel this is a great blog to read as it exposes how we use self-inflicted misery to prolong our waywardness in creation.

  25. Control is so disruptive because in truth we cannot control anything, everything comes from free will, the more we try to control something the less control we really have.

    1. Wow, that makes so much sense Sally. I find trying to be in control can be very addictive and one of the reasons is it gives us the illusion that we are moving forward when in fact we are contracting.

  26. I watched one of the episodes of Serge Benhayon TV, episode 2, the other day where he talked about just this. That if we make a choice from our mind it never can be sustainable and that it is about having a body that says no to these things that are not good for us. So from that and your blog I can see how every time my body does not say no to these things I have to deepen in myself or look at why my body is in that state instead of making the choice mainly form my head ‘because it is not right’ to do it.

  27. I find control to be a cover up for a hurt. Because it is painful to disconnect from the effortlessness of love.
    If I control the situation I avoid feeling what’s underneath the pride once it deflates which it quickly does if not pumped up again.

  28. If we are all trying to control situations we have a constant battle field and when we realise control is not part of our natural way of being we have an internal battle going on too. When we surrender to the truth the battle simply dissolves itself.

  29. When we think we are in control all we are trying to control is the maintaining of an image that we have chosen and attempting to coerce the world to align to it.

  30. I would strive my whole life to control situations, I would try everything and almost always just as I convinced myself I had it under control, something would come in to show how I was not in control of any of it. What I realise now is we can’t control but we can work with whatever is going on.

  31. When we live from Soul, control does not exist and there is no battle to win, we then simply respond to the impulses of it.

    1. So true Nico, and there is no tension because there is no control and it is like there is no thinking involved either.

  32. Control is a paradox in that we can believe it is what gives us security and governance of our life while in reality it confines us in a self-made prison which we are constantly having to maintain when in fact if we let go of the chain of control, surrender to our Soul, then we have true security, freedom and governance.

  33. So true Joel. When we ‘try’ to control we are bullying ourselves and when we make a loving choice to honour our body there is no choice, it just is.

  34. When you really feel how manipulative control is and how much energy, force and effort goes into masterminding it, it makes sense why everyone is so exhausted and craving for the next caffeine or sugar hit.

  35. I have found, usually the hard way, that to want to be in control of my life results in me living a lesser life than I am actually here to live. Control is really quite exhausting as we are not allowing a natural unfolding of our lives and are always working in opposition to what is possible. Letting go of the need to control can be quite challenging but in the end, it is so very worth the commitment to do so, then life begins to flow with ease and simplicity.

    1. We have to come to the point that we get to see what misery we are creating while we think we are in control.

  36. This is such a timely read – as I was just contemplating whether to place an online order for some food or not. My body has already indicated that it was not very keen on it any more, and I obviously want to do the ‘right’ thing for my body, but there’s a but, a few buts – which already tells me that it’s not about this food, or any other food, for that matter. And is it so true that some of the things I do are not even a choice, it just is with no question. This is such a great point to keep coming back to as I know how deeply we are ingrained with a notion of getting somewhere and having an image about points of progression, and that is what jeopardise the nature of us living the more of who we are.

    1. Fumiyo I can so relate to what you have shared
      “I know how deeply we are ingrained with a notion of getting somewhere and having an image about points of progression, and that is what jeopardise the nature of us living the more of who we are.”
      I can feel how I’m fighting to hang on to my individuality because this defines who I am and it feels that to not have this identity I will become nothing. And so I resist being more of who I am.

  37. I think one reason why we can go for trying to control others is out of a desire for security in whatever form we believe that to be e.g not letting people get too close so to speak, to not really see who you are in essence in case that gets rejected and the hurt that would result from that, and in that we can make the thought of how it would be having to deal with the hurt much worse than it needs to be…

    1. This sounds very familiar to me Fiona and I get the sense that control is a way to keep people at arm’s length and a way to avoid being love. When we simply just connect to love, control is no longer in our space/body.

  38. We often think we are making our own choices but what if our choices are not ours but they belong to the energy we align to? And, control comes in when we think we own our choices.

  39. Your blog exposes our spirit and its waywardness. What I’m learning is that it has no care or regard for the body at all and we can see this play out in our daily lives, as people wreck their bodies with food, alcohol, drugs, extreme sport, social media the list is as vast as the spirits will to dominate the body for its own gain.

  40. I am discovering the more I deepen the love I have for myself the more I love humanity with all the problems that we face, I feel what the world was lacking was a reflection of pure love and we have this reflection now via Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.

  41. A message sharing with us all the importance of being honest in what ways we live that actually control things to be a certain way rather than allowing the space to let things unfold.

  42. Aah control, that old chestnut, so simply and clearly debunked here, once it’s there, our connection is not, and as Joel notes ‘My level of connection actually precedes and determines the choices I have.’

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