Committing to work is one of the best things that has ever happened to me. I say ‘happened’ to me, as it only seemed to begin after I had a major operation and STOP in 2010, yet it is one of the most empowering and loving things I have ever experienced for myself.
I did not grow up this way. As far back as I can remember, to age 8 or 9, there was the ideal that one day I would grow up, romantically fall in love, have a family and live happily ever after (which fell well short!). I did not do well at nor did I enjoy school, thinking that careers were for the smart ones; for others who did not want families and therefore had nothing else in their lives.
However this was all based on a belief, a picture I had in my head about how life should be. While love and commitment to having a family and raising children is important and needed, the same dedication was not there for myself and my life first (which included having a job) and therefore I was not truly there for my family either.
As independent as I looked on the outside to everyone else, I was forever happy to hand my life over to someone else – usually a boyfriend/my husband – and then just become a chameleon and adapt to their way of life. This was easy for me to do and so I did it… but at what cost to myself?
This lack of commitment extended to the fact that I couldn’t commit to a job or regular work.
After being introduced to Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon, I remember in 2006 in one of my sessions with Serge where he suggested that I get a job… any job! I heard his voice saying this, but at the time could not feel it at all in my body and certainly wondered about the benefits versus being able to freely have coffees down the road with friends, then take myself off to the shopping centre to see what more I ‘needed’ there!
Clearly this was not IT as it left me feeling very lonely even though I was surrounded by people, something deeper was totally missing. I was in so much illusion thinking that my life was fulfilling when in fact there was a massive void of emptiness.
Getting a job… committing to life?
What did that mean?
I felt getting a job had to look a certain way and that I needed status so I looked important in it and that it paid well without my having to do very much. The arrogance superseded everything else.
I decided to try temping and casually did this for a couple of years. It had its ‘benefits’ financially, however there was still no true commitment from me and I would find reasons why I needed to stop working. It took a number of years as I worked on my own self-worth to appreciate the value of working and truly begin to support myself fully.
One of the things I felt as I began to heal from the STOP I had in 2010 was the strong need I had to take better care of myself, but more than that I had such a strong pull to take responsibility for my own life, mainly financially. I had hardly worked for the past 15 years, using children as an excuse to not engage with employment opportunities. The thought of having a career suddenly felt so strong and supportive and quite frankly a necessary and practical part of life. How had I not seen this before?
This was a completely new feeling for me but empowering and wonderful to feel. I had never felt that level of care for myself.
I began to see Universal Medicine practitioners who were trained in Esoteric Breast Massage, and Esoteric Chakra-Puncture and did several programs that supported me to address the lack of care and self-worth I had for myself.
This was the turning point as I could feel the most basic support of looking after myself with food and rent was grossly lacking and I wanted to change this more than anything.
It was only when I cared enough for myself as a woman that I began my journey back into employment. It was really hard at first, with several wake up calls to where I was actually at, so I started at the bottom….
I made a commitment to myself that I was going to earn money no matter what I had to do, as long as I could remain integral with myself. I sold GF (gluten free) eggs for a while, then did some house cleaning and the odd temp job with agencies. One day I asked an organisation if I could volunteer in their clinic to gain some experience, which I did for 3 months. After that I applied for a job as a receptionist for a super clinic and got the job.
I could feel myself going from strength to strength, not in a career driving way, but in my body; I could feel how this was truly supporting me and my life. I could feel that I had been at the other end of the same spectrum, withdrawn from life, and that the difference was to not go into driving a career, but ensuring that I bring all of me to whatever I am doing: this is what is truly fulfilling and what truly grows my confidence and the way I am with myself and others.
I’ve learnt also that a STOP, in my case an illness, can be the most amazing blessing in disguise – a healing journey that evolves us if we choose to adhere to the learning being asked of us.
In growing me, I automatically grow my career without having to go into a driving force.
I now know that there is no bottom or top of the ladder, it’s about committing to being ME first, then working in places that need my skills and expertise with a whole lot of ME in it!
As long as I am being my playful self, live in a way at home that supports me with my daily rhythms, my food and time to connect to myself, then work/careers take care of themselves. So while my commitment to life at first was about me getting back on my feet to support myself financially, what in fact it really was about was taking better care of myself, developing self-worth and re-connecting to something deeply beautiful within.
By Donna Harris, Dip BA, Brisbane