Time for a New Normal

While having an Esoteric Breast Massage (EBM), it dawned on me in the middle of the session, – that this healing modality might not be considered by some as normal!

I lay there imagining what someone might think if they burst in on my session. Considering our modern day society, I feel many of us would agree that a woman massaging another woman’s breast tissue – even performed gently with no sexual connotations –may not be considered as ‘normal’. And so, because the outcome of every single Esoteric Breast Massage I have ever had has always been exquisitely supportive and has felt like I was giving myself the gift of clarity and wisdom, a truly self-loving experience in many ways, I began to ponder on what actually is ‘normal’.

The Oxford dictionary defines normal as being that which “conforms to a standard: usual, typical or expected.” (1)

But doesn’t what is usual, typical or expected, change from person to person?

What we do because we are told it is ‘normal’ can be quite shocking. It is normal to see a fist fight outside a pub at midnight. It is typical to drink alcohol every day of the week. It is expected for many Muslim women to wear a veil over their face. It is normal to see men and or women sleeping around; it is typical for people to expect the doctor to always be able to fix their medical problems; it is expected that mothers put their children first, before themselves. And it is definitely not normal to express how amazing we are.

What this very basic insight highlights is that these are behaviours that not everyone does or would even consider doing themselves, yet they are ordinary, commonplace and quite conventional actions for some people.

So the definition of what is normal cannot therefore be normal as there actually is no set normal for everybody. And yet in our society we accept and even champion behaviours based on what we deem is normal.

How does something become normal in society? New behaviours are performed by a group of people and when enough people are exhibiting that behaviour, it can then be accepted. It doesn’t even have to be the majority who either exhibit the behaviour or who accept it. However, it is considered normal because it is a behaviour that is typical or expected by a particular group. Once behaviour is repeated, it easily achieves the ‘normal’ tag.

Is it possible we have it all wrong? Are we using ‘normal’ as a definition to allow ourselves to get away with something?

To get away with a behaviour that says if enough people do it, then by virtue of the numbers of people doing it, that then can become the new normal. But who ever said ‘normal’ was what actually serves us, is what is true for us, or is even what is good for us?

Is ‘normal’ what we should be aspiring to?

If we are so fixated on being normal so we can judge others and ourselves and establish where we fit into society, then it is most decidedly time to create a new normal. Yes, the world dictates what is normal, but should it be this way? Should the world be allowed to name, assess, criticize, judge, disapprove and then condemn so-called normal behaviours?

Is it not time to develop a new normal? A true definition of what is normal?

What if what is truly normal is what we quietly (or sometimes, actually very loudly) feel inside ourselves that feels right, feels true and is evolutionary in our growth as human beings?

What is Normal For Us needs to become the new normal, regardless of whether we’re the only ones doing it and whether it is typical or expected behaviour.

Written from living the inspirational teachings of Universal Medicine, Serge Benhayon and Esoteric Breast Massage practitioners worldwide.

By Suzanne Anderssen, Brisbane, Australia

References:
(1) http://www.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/english/normal

Further Reading:
Change your Life
Society’s Truth-Tellers Will Always Challenge The Status Quo

1,406 thoughts on “Time for a New Normal

  1. Having An Esoteric Breast Massage has always been very restoring and healing for me, to reconnect with my natural tenderness and beauty as a woman. So in appearance may seems it’s not normal, but to me it is. Not common perhaps but something that I deeply appreciate.

  2. Thank you Suzanne. Your sharing says to me ‘Live your way’ free of pictures and rules about how your life should or shouldn’t be. ‘Embrace your beauty, connect with your sensitivity and listen within what’s your normal’.

  3. Judging, gossiping and critizising others on media has become normal simply because everyone seems having the right to do it. But to me this is not a respecful way of being with each other, it shouldn’t be normal, even the majority is considering as normal the possibility of talking about someone in a critical mode or throwing false accusations, creating stories without cheking first if it’s true or not… Feels like we have forgotten that we are brothers and sisters, who deep down inside we carry a beingness that is so sensitive and loving by nature. If we have came so far this means we have lost the true connection with ourselves and each other, which is there to be restored and lived for all again.

  4. Our ‘normal’ is where it is at as a result of us being shut down to a true value, a standard that we originally belonged to, but instead numbing ourselves and lowering our standard to say ‘yes’ with no discernment. I feel ‘being open’ is sometimes reinterpreted to mean ‘anything goes’ – and that ‘anything’ can include being totally judgemental and annihilating of others.

  5. “It is normal to see men and or women sleeping around; it is typical for people to expect the doctor to always be able to fix their medical problems; it is expected that mothers put their children first, before themselves. And it is definitely not normal to express how amazing we are.” Oh my when you put it like this it is easy to see how warped this life is.

  6. “Is it possible we have it all wrong? Are we using ‘normal’ as a definition to allow ourselves to get away with something?” Its not only possible it is true – we have as a society and as race got it very wrong.

  7. When the earth was flat that was considered normal and some still believe in the earth being flat, go figure? All the Esoteric modalities are practical tool for our healing and will one day be considered natural and or normal.

  8. The fact of normal and not normal is a funny concept to consider – as Suzanne has shared in this blog we make normal that which happens a lot around us, rather than that which is natural to us. How much have we bastardised the word normal to mean something it is not?

  9. In conventional massage, breast massage has existed for a long time, and in some cultures massaging the breasts is a normal part of any massage you receive. Massage schools have taught breast massage to their students throughout the world, so in fact, massaging breasts is not that uncommon. However, there are differences between the esoteric breast massage (EBM) and conventionally taught breast massage. EBMs are only ever performed by women for women where as conventional breast massage is performed by any sex. In the EBMs there is a deep respect offered and a care and an established relationship of trust before any touch of the body and breasts is done for there is an understanding of this modality and how it can support a woman to return to her true sense of nurturing of herself and also an understanding of how incredibly sensitive this part of a woman’s body is, and in addition there is the physical support of very delicately increasing blood and lymph flow in order to clear any congestion. In conventional massage the focus is purely on the physiological aspects, and the breasts are just massaged with no prior preparation or building of a trustful relationship. So though we may choose to see EBMs as not normal, in fact the ‘not normal part’ is the extra respect care and deep healing that is offered, rather than it being the massage of the breasts that appears ‘abnormal’. In my experience, EBM’s have been super supportive for me in re-connecting to myself as a woman and the power I hold within. Perhaps this is why some people are seeking to shut this modality down – for otherwise women would have the choice to be truly empowered.

  10. After reading this I’m really inspired to bring a new normal into my life that isn’t based on what I see around me but what I feel within me, using what I feel to discern how I need to live. I’ve tried to copy others to fit in all my life. Comparing myself to another is an open invitation for self-doubt and a gaping lack of appreciation for myself and for others because I’m too busy being jealous or preoccupied with how I’ve not made choices I’d like to. When I feel the loveliness that is me (perhaps some days it feels a little buried under stuff I’ve taken on) I get to appreciate and move in that appreciation.

  11. Normal is judged on what is most common and that is our downfall. In a world where authenticity and standing out from the crowd is attacked and ridiculed it is difficult to see that sometimes the things that are less common are actually more natural and “normal” for us.

  12. ‘And it is definitely not normal to express how amazing we are.’ Because we have normalised abuse it is certainly not normal to express how amazing we are and if we do people are rather incredulous! Yet if we were to appreciate ourselves and each other in our essence and unique expression we would see that indeed we are all amazing. Every day I deal with kids who are crushed because no one confirms them in their awesomeness and the fall out on society in terms of mental health issues is extreme. It would serve us well to accept our innate worth and then express it.

  13. Thank you Suzanne for sharing your experience with pondering about the word normal. Such a pondering should be normal for us because otherwise most of us would live in a way that is not supporting at all what on the long run would lead into increasing illness and disease rates.

  14. We are in truth not happy with the normal we have created and that alone shows that we know of a normal that is truly normal for ourselves.

    1. I know what you mean Esther, the normal we have in today’s society is actually harming us because it is full of abuse that takes us away from a true way of living.

  15. I do not give value to what is seen as normal. I think I never really did.
    I always liked to check within my heart what God would say about it. Then I can feel if there is any truth in what is offered or seen or acted out.

  16. Hear hear it sure is time for a new normal and one that comes from how we feel from the inside first and what this is communicating in our bodies. It sure is a process of stripping away the pictures, ideals and beliefs of what we have been sold to be ‘our’ normal. Finding what feels true within has been hands down the most normal thing I have ever experienced.

  17. What is labeled as normal in society does not mean it is loving, safe, healthy or allowing for growth and learning. If our normal supports our essence to be expressed in all that we do then we need to claim it as our normal and in that others get to see a different normal which is not governed by popularity or numbers.

  18. What if what we consider “normal” is absolute abuse? The only way to find out is to listen to our bodies because our body knows truth.

    1. Absolutely Elizabeth, and I reckon we have arrived at our current societal normal that is filled with so much abuse because we have been ignoring our body and become driven by our mind.

  19. People can be very invested in their version of normal, even whole countries can, when across the ocean in other places the normals are quite different. Yet we can believe that our normal is a set truth when it’s can be very far from it.

  20. When normality and amazingness are interchangeable words, abnormal stings. Yet, in times when normality and amazingness are way too apart, anything that may help to bring them closer is a tremendous gain. That is in short what EBM offers.

  21. “What if what is truly normal is what we quietly (or sometimes, actually very loudly) feel inside ourselves that feels right, feels true and is evolutionary in our growth as human beings?” Yes. The current ‘normal’ is certainly not evolutionary – but steeped in distraction and comfort – and accepted by many – including myself very often. Time to wake up.

  22. If we accept normal to be what society dictates as being acceptable then maybe it is time for society to deeply look at where normal is taking us.

  23. Yes our normal needs to be assessed from our body because then we can take responsibility for the body we have and not blame fate or someone else when we get sick or don’t like the outcomes.

  24. In a world where we have lost touch with what sacredness, true intimacy and connection is we instead have bastardised the divinity of these qualities by sexualising them all so our considered ‘normal’ is one of abuse. If we are to look around with absolute honesty, it is evident that our ‘normal’ in every aspect of life are degrees of abuse that we allow and tolerate. Yet are these truly representing who we are in essence, do these standards signify the sacredness we are in essence, the true intimacy and connection we can live for ourselves and with others? It is time that we begin to turn within to be governed by love, by what it true, and allow this to set the standards of what will truly supports us to live who we are and evolve.

  25. “Are we using ‘normal’ as a definition to allow ourselves to get away with something?” – I would say a resounding yes.I know I do in parts of my life. Wanting to check out of an evening because I have worked hard that day and I deserve it, that is considered normal as so many of us do it, but there is no much tension in my body when I do that and I actually feel more tired from checking out.

  26. So by changing the meaning of the word normal we have been getting away with things that are in truth not normal for us at all. Then we find ourselves in this big confusion as all we do is normal right, yet how do we then explain so many people are getting ill and are burnt out? We might think it is our fault but what if it started with one change of meaning of a word?

    1. Good point! I mean we are ticking all the boxes of normal and good so why are we getting sick? Time to revisit that word and wonder if perhaps we have fallen for the reinterpretation rather than assessing for ourselves.

  27. Indeed something being called normal isn’t necessarily indicative of it’s worth or value to our society, that is something to keep discerning.

  28. If normal is what “conforms to a standard: usual, typical or expected” then we need to define what that standard is. By design, we are love and truth-full, but most of us do not live that and our ‘normal’ comes from a set of learned behaviour and cultivated personality to survive in the world.

  29. Can iT be that we as women accepting a lot what we shouldn’t.
    Did we take it for example as a normal that we express ourselves to the kevel that is accepted by men. That we know exactly when they get angry so we don t say certain things which are important if we want to honor ourselves again. To say a stop to certain behaviors. What Can we make as our new normal ladies?

  30. I think it’s really important to recognise that just because something isn’t common practice or in the majority it doesn’t automatically mean that it isn’t true – for that is something for us all to discern from within ourselves rather than just attributing truth to what is ‘normal’.

  31. It will be normal one day for women to receive the esoteric breast massage as part of their rhythm and routine of care and nurturing their being. It will be normal to take care of your body so you can be in your full power.

  32. Such a great sentence: Is it possible we have it all wrong? Are we using ‘normal’ as a definition to allow ourselves to get away with something? So true. humanity hides underneath lies by saying that something is true because we all do it. Ridiculous it is as we all see reflected how most of humanity is doing worse and worse.

  33. It’s crazy that what is actually normal, ie living in a loving and committed way is actually alien to us. What kind of normal have we accepted and endorsed?

      1. Exactly – while we accept the current normal we are actually missing out on the amazing opportunities life offers us every single day.

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