When I first started practicing Optometry 20 years ago, and for many years thereafter, I felt like I was an actor on a stage, but seldom the true me.
My approach was to ‘mimic my patient’ or ‘to follow their lead’. I was never taught this explicitly at the time, but just recently I attended a Customer Services workshop where this was recommended as a way to ‘wow’ your client.
I reflected back to a time when I was constantly measuring how another person was from the minute they walked through the door. If they were friendly and jovial, I would be too. If they were quietly spoken, I would drop my voice. I have always seen a lot of paediatric clients, many with ADD: when they were in my chair, I would rush around in a frantic spin trying to get everything done that I needed to do in as quick a time as possible.
At the end of every working day I was exhausted. Not because of the physical aspects of my job, but because of the energy I put into being what I thought everyone wanted me to be, and my constant measuring of everyone else. I thought, though not consciously, that I was meeting each person where they were at.
When I look back now, and if I think of the ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) child, what reflection did they get from me? Did they get a gentle person who could calmly work, being present with each task in every moment, without judgement? No! Did they get a reflection that there could be another way? Definitely not!
Since coming to the work of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, I have been presented with another way; a true way that supports not only me but everyone who walks through my door.
The reflection I have received from Serge Benhayon is that he is always the same, with everyone in every moment. He meets everyone with his full presence and attention. He never tries to be ‘nice’ or ‘polite’ or play social games. He is just himself, consistently – he ‘breathes his own breath’ and never holds back his truth and love.
From attending Universal Medicine events I have learned to support myself at work. To approach each person and task with my full presence. To work and move gently throughout the day and to honour what I feel in every moment.
I have learned to connect to me, to feel the true me and to express from there (without perfection, as I still have ‘wobbles’). I am naturally a friendly person who loves people: I love to chat, to listen and to share. Some days I feel tender and delicate, and I honour that too. Because I can now feel the loving essence inside of me, I am able to truly meet another. In other words, connect to that loving essence in everyone else and allow them to express however they so choose.
Now when you walk through the door, instead of the exhausted, racy actor, you get the true me!
By Carmin Hall, B.Optom Grad.Cert.Ocular Therapeutics
Further Reading:
That Monday Morning Feeling – Not Living the True Me
Words on Serge Benhayon 
The joy and simplicity of being with people, how much is communicated when we connect, unhampered by trying.
I have been that racy actor too, now however I am me, and people can love me or hate me, as I have re-learnt that really all that matters is my connection to God and my soul.
Le when I was in my late teens I really didn’t care what people thought about me, that was their problem not mine. When I had a mental breakdown in my early 20’s everything changed I apologised for taking up space in the world.
Like you meeting Serge Benhayon Carmin – it was life changing and it is so worth repeating.
“The reflection I have received from Serge Benhayon is that he is always the same, with everyone in every moment. He meets everyone with his full presence and attention. He never tries to be ‘nice’ or ‘polite’ or play social games. He is just himself, consistently – he ‘breathes his own breath’ and never holds back his truth and love.”
Serge Benhayon has shown the world that there is another way to live with a connection to God and our soul and this now means everything to me.
How Serge Benhayon has been with myself, and hundreds more people over the years, has been a game changer; he shows us, by how he lives that there is another way to live in this world, a way that is both loving and honouring of ourself and everyone around us.
“The reflection I have received from Serge Benhayon is that he is always the same, with everyone in every moment.” Yes I agree. This inspired me to change from being the chameleon I used to be ( thinking it was good to adapt to each and every person – becoming what they needed me to be – ) to being the truer version of me.
We have this amazing sensitivity that lets us know the exact detail of what is in front of us, naturally so. What I can feel is how when something is not fully accepted and embraced for what it is – be it our own sensitivity or its subjects – we start narrating side-stories that would justify our reaction and make sense of missing pieces, and that is very detrimental to our being.
I wonder how many people have been also deeply inspired by Serge Benhayon. He has reawakened in so many the simple fact that we are divinity. No need to exhaust ourselves pretending to be something we are not.
He, Serge Benhayon, has reminded us of so much, like how important being in our essence is, connected to God, and our Soul.
When we are the same with everyone the reflection is felt and our authenticity builds trust and as you share it is way less exhausting than trying to be all things to whoever you are with as I did for so many years and wondered why I felt so depleted. We constantly clock how others are and observing Serge Benhayon over many years his consistency is inspiring along with his willingness to share the choices that lead to living with this loving consistency.
Yes, it is the authenticity and consistency that is so inspiring. Everyone can shine for an hour or so – but to hold that always – amazingly inspirational..
Serge Benhayon is consistently living a life of Love, as a God, and reflecting that for All to see and feel.
The many layers of distraction we have to keep so we are distracted from living our essences simply is showing us how power-full we are when connected to that essence, as you have so lovingly shared Carmin.
gregbarnes888 not only is it exhausting trying to keep up all the distractions that you mention in the effort to stop us from feeling our own true power. Have we stopped to ask ourselves the question why do we do this?
Often we can hold a raciness or anxiety or play a role when we are uncomfortable with the power and beauty that we can bring and how this might make another feel.
Serge Benhayon has inspired so many people to connect back to who they truly are, nothing is so precious then that feeling of connection, knowing you are with God.
Crazy how we are taught to not be ourselves, no wonder we have a world where most people have no idea of who they are, the norm is to sell out – no wonder we have so much illness and disease when everyone is playing a role and not being them, it creates so much disharmony.
Many years back, before meeting Serge Benhayon, I had no idea who I was, what I wanted, why I was here, or what the purpose of my life was. Crazy, crazy.
It’s a tremendous gift to be ourselves, both to our self and for others.
Why wouldn’t we be ourselves, it keeps it simple, and feels wonderful.
What I like most if I am customer is that I am not overriding through the person how serves me. Therefore I love what you have shared Carmin as if you be who you are you will give me the space also to be me.
It’s amazing how quickly we can adapt to the behaviour of those around us losing us in the process. Serge Benhayon has absolutely inspired me with his consistency, his steadiness, and the fact that each time you are with him, he feels the same person as the previous time. He does not take on the behaviours, dramas and emotions of others, but stays true to himself, always. Now that to me, is the ultimate in inspiration.
The ability to observe how others are and not absorb what is happening around us supports us to remain true to ourselves but is an ongoing process when so much of life around us is trying to distract us from our inner steadiness. Reflecting without judgement on how an interaction has unfolded has supported me to become more present with others and not get pulled out.
Helen I can really feel that the more I step back to just observe life there is a part of me that wants to stay in the emotional drama of everything. It’s as though there is a part of me that is saying what is life without drama? I know this is my spirit hanging on and in total resistance to what is on offer. It’s really interesting to now feel just how much we are dominated by our spirit that is always working unseen in the back ground but now it has exposed itself as I re master myself.
Observing life is always super important, otherwise we may get enmeshed in life and allow complication in, which is complicated and harmful.
The reflection of Serge Benhayon is incredibly inspiring, ‘The reflection I have received from Serge Benhayon is that he is always the same, with everyone in every moment. He meets everyone with his full presence and attention.’
I think you have nailed why so many people are tired in life…especially when they have to ‘put their face on’ to be with people. We get a lot more energy when we are being our true selves.
When we start measuring how to be with people we are reflecting back something that is a long way from who we are, we are actually reflecting back judgment, calculation and dishonesty.
Moving in response to others is whole body decision to attack oneself.
When we are simply ourselves, we give others the space to be true to themselves too, how simple that is when we just stay with who we are.
Giving others space, is a truly loving movement.
When we don’t have a connection to our bodies, as in we choose not to be aware of what and how we’re feeling, we don’t have that anchor, that connection, to being ourselves and being and absolutely knowing who we are in every moment – we become reliant on others to take the lead and show us the way. Re-establishing that connection with our bodies, and commitment to ourselves and life, by staying with and owning what we can feel, is an immense support to knowing ourselves from within – and learning to live from there.
A doctor’s consultation room is definitely an important place, because this is where everyone goes – regardless of culture, status, history or background. This is the great meeting point of all people, where we are all in a position of receiving care.
When we are consistent with the truth of who we are everyone will meet the true you.
Wise and simple words. Thankyou Mary.
Not being ourselves is one of the quickest ways to feel exhausted because it requires us to draw in an energy that does not belong to us and it depletes our own energy at the same time.
Yes, it is absolutely exhausting Chan, and I know this feeling so well as this is how I lived for a huge part of my life. So, I wonder why I didn’t want to be myself? Maybe it was simply because I didn’t know who I really was as I was living in a world that from young, was encouraging me to be someone that I wasn’t. These days I can see how crazy that is, but at the time I simply thought it was normal, which now I realise it definitely wasn’t.
Having a deeper understanding of ourselves and how we live life, like you share here, is priceless and a true form of living medicine.
It is truly exhausting to be a chameleon and try to figure out how to act in different situations with different people, once we feel our essence and move our body full of ourselves, we don’t need anything else and can just be there for who ever comes through the door, being the reflection of the Son of God that we are.
The levels of self – doubt and self – loathing that is rippling at alarming rates in our current global interactions is showing that there is something that is not quite right going on for us all. To read of a person that has made healing and monumental changes due to the inspiration of another shows us that there is another way to live that can support the all.
Carmen I agree with you the consistency of Serge Benhayon is amazing in this world of shifting goal posts and with everyone being inconsistent this inconstancy has to be loaded with anxiety because there is no settlement in our bodies which is probably why we feel so stressed.
I can honestly say that by attending the Universal Medicine workshops and presentations I have also supported myself to live in a different way, and this was brought home to me just how much I have developed and grown my steadiness since knowing Serge Benhayon where a situation occurred that should have had me in an emotional puddle on the floor ranting and raving at the injustice of it all and the why me victim of old, I admit there was an initial reaction but then I read the situation saw the game being played and that was it on to the next thing. I would never have seen or read the situation so clearly if I had not the support of the teaching of Serge Benhayon, what Serge teaches should be part of the education curriculum, sales techniques; actually incorporated into everyone’s daily life. For a start we would all lead far less stressful lives that’s for sure.
For many years prior to meeting Serge Benhayon, Universal Medicine and the Ageless Wisdom I thought I was being ‘me’, how ever much I may not have liked being that. On first meeting Serge, when attending Sacred Esoteric Healing Level 1, I realised that I was not in Truth about myself. Over the coming years I came to realise I had been in a complete illusion, and that how I was was not me and that was why I did not like myself – in fact, there is far more to me than I had ever appreciated and am still learning to discover and appreciate.
Returning to who we are in truth, and living that is very beautiful for all of us.
Beautifully shared Carmin and I can very much relate to the chameleon way of life you are describing trying to fit everyone’s needs and moods and it is such a freeing process to come out of this step by step and allow oneself to just be without any need to try, fit in or be someone.
Ah… ‘meeting people where they are at’ – the way I used to do this, I would abandon myself to enjoin them and I think that is actually called sympathizing.
So simple yet so true Fumiyo.
Choosing to simply be ourselves is something we did naturally as children before we learned to self-censor to please others around us.
Most adults tend to have the opinion that we are smarter than children but I get the feeling that children are much wiser and smarter than we think.
chanly88 I totally agree with you from my many years of being around children they are definitely much smarter and wiser than adults. When my child was young she had this ability to go straight to the problem and then it wasn’t a problem any more. A lot of adults reacted to her clear sight
Children do seem wiser than adults, they are certainly more joyful, they live in space and go with the flow, being in the moment with what they are doing.
The first few times I met Serge Benhayon it was his steadiness and his sameness which fascinated me; he appeared to be the same no matter what the situation. Whether he was sharing some life-changing wisdom, presenting some practical tools for life, or sitting with us at the lunch break, there was no difference in his demeanour, no stage presence and a personal presence; what you experienced was of all Serge, all of the time. What an inspiring reflection this man has been to so many, reflecting back to us the endless love he is and lives in every moment.
Re-connecting to our true selves is the gold we always wanted.
At the end of every working day I was exhausted. Not because of the physical aspects of my job, but because of the energy I put into being what I thought everyone wanted me to be,” Living like that is exhausting, being a chameleon. I know as I’ve done this too, wanting people to like me and avoiding confrontation. Rediscovering our true self is like coming home.
Have we ever stopped to consider the way we behave either inspires or puts people off? I have noticed for example that over the years certain sales managers do not inspire their colleagues to work collectively as a team; it’s interesting to see how some use money as an incentive to work harder, this doesn’t work. What does work is someone who is steady, consistent and reflects a way to work as teams to support the customers, not sell them something they don’t need. I have learnt from years of experience that it is all about customer satisfaction. When a customer knows you have their back and are willing to support them through thick and thin they stay with you.
How crazy that we should be teaching each other to mimic one another’s behaviours rather than having the confidence to be true to ourselves. Surely what we all need is more consistent steadiness in our lives and to get out of the underlying nervousness that we are used to. Reactive behaviour is on the increase and panic attacks, ADHD, increased anxiety, demands for instant gratification and of course the more intense situations such as cutting in schools, self abuse and even suicide. Mimicking each other is not helpful although of course to be inspired by another who is really being themselves so that we allow ourselves that too can be very healing, steadying and confidence building.
Yes inspiration feels so different from mimicking. As you say we need to be true to ourselves – and this may express in different ways for each of us.
Before meeting Serge Benhayon and attending Universal Medicine Workshops I was constantly striving to be someone and/or something and believe by doing so I would then be ‘me’ as I never believed or felt that I was enough in myself. Since meeting Serge and practicing the tools and techniques presented in the workshop I have come to value myself just for who I am and not for what I do – what a joy – and in doing so found that I have always been ‘me’ and required nothing external to make me whole.
Great point Doug that we are building un-truths upon un-truths – no wonder that when truth is presented it is so often not accepted.
Like you Carmin, I have learnt so much about myself and others and I’m much more able to be me, this has been a great support in life as by being present with myself I am much more confident about my abilities and life in general. All this has been achieved by a reflection of the way Serge Benhayon lives, as you say, he is the same with everyone he meets and he lives a very simple yet very inspiring life.
There are so many opportunities and ways to inspire another by just being ourselves.
Exactly Suse, I find when I am being myself, others are more likely to be themselves too. Not trying or needing to please anyone takes the pressure off our relationships and opens us up to more honesty and opportunities to deepen our connection.
True Chan, that trying and needing to please is both a burden and imposition on others.
Being true to ourselves, and being steady, is such a great reflection for all to receive.
I don’t think we consider enough our reflection in the world, and I find your point about what reflection did the ADD child get inspiring. What actually are our choices, our movements, our mannerisms saying to the world around us?
When we really and honesty look at how exhausted we get from trying so hard to fit in, match up and be driven by the expectations of what we think we should be doing or how we think we need to be to be liked, accepted or respected, it makes sense that we reach the end of the day not only exhausted but feeling sold out, and not at all feeling complete. Yet as you have beautifully shared, our connection to the love we are within is already everything we need to be and in simply allowing this quality to be shared and expressed with all is what brings to life, effortlessly so, the greatest gift we can offer anyone; the vibration of love.
I love your picture at the end of your blog, people who walk through the door will definitely get the true delicate you with your genuine love for people you are a blessing for them all.
Absolutely – how our connection to love transcends all, reflecting the truth of all that we all are in essence.
Wow you look amazing Carmin, Its so important that the people are representing health care look the part. Unfortunately its not so common for practitioners to look and feel so vibrant. You are testament to the fact that it can be done.
I so agree Sam. So many health professionals talk the talk, but don’t practise what they preach. The photo of Carmin feels amazing, because she looks beautiful, open and healthy. Fortunate are her clients to have such a role model as their practitioner.
I think it’s really key to understand the difference between when we’re energetically exhausted or drained by the way we have been doing something or interacting with others and being naturally physically tired – there is a significant difference between the two.
Mimicking others’ behaviour is what is often taught in HR professional development type workshops around building communication skills, interview skills etc. It feels so fake, for us and the other person, and actually generates more disconnection than if we were just honest about what we were feeling and where we are at.
That is a great point Bryony – we are actually taught in professional circles to mimic certain behaviours and adopt certain characteristics – there is never any importance placed on authenticity and simply being a true representation of who you are.
Generally when we talk about being fit it’s usually referring just to our physical health but I’ve heard Serge Benhayon present on the importance of being energetically fit for life, like you have presented here, and I think it’s a really key aspect of life – the quality of relationships and interactions that we have and our subsequent wellbeing…
Well said Fiona for as a society I am wondering if we have in some ways separated physical health and well-being and don’t appreciate their interactivity nearly enough.
I can relate to a lot of what you share Carmin as this sounds like how I moved through life in the past – constantly deferring to others, not holding steady, giving my power away, taking my cues from others and not from the truth within me etc. All this behaviour compromises the very fabric of our being in the sense that it puts ‘holes’ in us, which means we then absorb other people’s emotions and energy and thereby invite into us a whole host of complication and agitation that has no place being in us as it does not match the exquisiteness of who we truly are in essence. I have found that observation is the key to less absorption. Allowing ourselves to truly see and feel all that is going on around us, without diving headfirst and with our eyes closed, into it all. This level of observation actually connects us more deeply with not only ourselves but also with each other and the world we live in. It simplifies life and opens up space.
I recently attended the 2018 Australian Universal Medicine Retreat and observed Serge Benhayon on many occasions. He truly does meet ‘everyone with his full presence and attention’, it was quite the thing to watch. When he was walking past, and someone stopped to get his attention, he turned, full body and was fully with them, even if it was for the briefest of moments.
It’s scary to think that ‘mimicking’ is taught as a customer service technique nowadays, especially as we are clairsentient beings who can spot a fake a mile off. It feels very uncomfortable when someone is overdoing the acting role to get a sale and turns me right off. I used to be in sales and was given the award for top sales three times in a row, and when asked how I did it, I just said ‘I don’t sell and enjoy meeting the customer, and the rest takes care of itself’.
I was exactly like you Carmin – constantly changing depending on who I was with. A chameleon and actually quite proud of it! For sure it was so others would feel comfortable around me, but the biggest payoff was that if someone felt comfortable around me then they would like me – I would be accepted by them. Needing to be liked has been a difficult one to let go of, but step by step and choice by choice, I am realising I actually love who I am without all the masks, and if someone doesn’t like who I am it’s their loss.
It is indeed inspiring being met by someone who is reflecting the fullness of the love that they are. Instead of pandering to each other’s limitations, what a blessing to be offered the reflection that we too could be expressing the glory of our true essence.
Sometimes it can be uncomfortable meeting another in their fullness if we ourselves are holding that back because this contraction is instantly exposed in their presence. But on the other hand, there is an exquisite reflection we can receive that says to us ‘all you see here lives and breathes within you also’ and if we are open to that, magic happens.
” that I was meeting each person where they were at. ”
The humour of life is that we meet people with where we are at, and that’s what is reflected.
And what a gift that is for everyone coming into your clinic room – to meet you being truly you.
I guess we all don’t need a workshop or training to learn how to please and mimic people. The interesting thing is that it does not support any of us because we are not showing each other another way when we mimic and therefore stay stuck in a way of living that is not working.
I’ve been a master of the chameleon approach to life – adjusting to whoever is around me to perfectly mimic the situation – and I’m still working on it. What I love about your blog is that it shows that we don’t change for other people we change for ourselves – if it was truly about other people we would live in a way that inspired them and supported them to move forward, not supported them to stay in the same place.
“it shows that we don’t change for other people we change for ourselves” yes exactly, it is for our own temporary comfort to do this and not truly to support others and inspire by a true way of living.
For the most part the majority of us get so caught up playing various roles in life based on who we think others want us to be, that we forget who we truly are and how to be ourselves. The irony here being that we cannot try to be something we already are and so the key is thus revealed – stop trying!
Serge Benhayon has taught me to be very understanding and considerate of others from a steady connection with myself that allows me to be open and loving and yet not to ‘absorb’ another’s emotional state. This is priceless, and although I don’t live it perfectly it is something that I can keep refining and developing my consistency with, supporting both myself and everyone else as well.
It’s lovely Carmin to share so openly about where we used to be, and how profoundly different it is now to live soulfully. It translates to big changes in every part of life and with everyone we interact with.
When people walk through your door Carmin, they not only will see the true you, but they will also receive the blessing from the love you are so strongly connected to.
It’s funny how we can turn ourselves inside out trying to fit what we think suits another and that is so exhausting and then when we drop that and just be ourselves life is simpler and we’re allowing ourselves and others to just be.
It takes some re-learning to be ourselves, which is just nuts. I used to be a chameleon myself, always calibrating to others simply so I wouldn’t stand out and could be easily liked. I don’t do this so much anymore, in fact rarely, but like old habits, it’s always there at the ready trying to get a look in, I’m just a whole lot more aware of it. Realising we have nothing to prove is a gateway to freedom.
“What reflection did they get from me? Did they get a gentle person who could calmly work, being present with each task in every moment, without judgement?” I love these questions, what if your job is simply to inspire people?
” When I first started practicing Optometry 20 years ago, and for many years thereafter, I felt like I was an actor on a stage, but seldom the true me. ” When I read this I thought of a Shakespeare play and where it says ” all the world’s a stage ” as you have explained Carmin the sad thing is that a lot of people are not playing their true part and are caught up on the false acting of others around them. It is only with those of us who play our true part will others be ” directed ” to play their true part.
I used to think being understanding meant being sympathetic – feeling others’ pain and all, and more often that not, emotionally caught in that too. It still happens but life does not have to be about being tossed around in reaction. What I am learning is that I cannot possibly just be observing without absorbing if I am not allowing myself to just be me first in full.
Constantly adapting the way that you act depending on what you receive from others is a trap I think we have all fallen for. I know that this is how I lived most of my life, it is so freeing to just be myself and observe what others might be feeling or doing now, without thinking that I have to fit into any mould.
The chameleon is a common role. I played it for many, many years, ending up not knowing who I was without others around me. I still find it challenging to be by myself at times, but by being honest about this I am able to see it as an opportunity to deepen my relationship with myself – use it as a reference point and a signpost as to what I need to work on to be at ease with myself – alone or with others.
And nothing could be more glorious than getting the ‘true’ you Carmin.
It’s true what are we reflecting to someone if we are mimicking and constantly measuring how the other person is? All we are saying when we do this, is that they are ok as they are, they may have a few problems but the reflection we are offering back is the same as their behaviours. We can only truly inspire another when we remain true to ourselves and live this with an openness knowing there is always something we can learn from, who ever we are with.
Yesterday I was on a training course and for one of the activities we were asked to appreciate someone we felt inspired by. It’s a lovely thing to do, and feels just as rewarding to be the one giving the appreciation.
It is so freeing to leave behind the idea that we have to ‘wow’ a client or another to communicate with them.
With deep appreciation for the inspiring reflection that Serge Benhayon offers – to simply
walk with oneself in full and express from our body is all that is needed to truly connect with others.
It was great for me to read this as I can feel how much I do change and measure myself based on how others are with me, I read them first and then calibrate to this. Today I am just going to work on being open with everyone.
Changing ourselves to mimic another is toxic to our own body, as it requires us to completely adjust ourselves to someone else’s rhythm, pace and quality. No wonder we feel exhausted afterwards…
You can feel the shift in your body when you are not expressing from who you are and instead adopting an identity we think we should be to please, achieve, be liked etc. The palpable difference is found in how we feel to move and then moving with this purpose.
https://wordsonsergebenhayon.wordpress.com/2015/04/05/inspired-by-serge-benhayon-universal-medicine-feeling-the-true-me/
it’s interesting, this journey to becoming the ‘real me’. For much of my life I’ve thought I’ve been me, only to realise, fairly recently I might add, that I have been living versions of me – versions to please others or tick a box, basically. I’m discovering there’s a real sense of solidity in being oneself, a steadiness and consistency. This, I feel, is ultimately what supports us in life; prevents us from being at the mercy of life. It helps us ‘rise above’ the falsities of life so we can live in the world but be less buffeted by it.
Yes I feel this too.There is a real strength and solidness that comes when we stay with ourselves and are true to ourselves. The more we do this the more steady and consistent we become and this is felt in the body. Being so present in the body we have a new kind of confidence and naturally enjoy ourselves, bringing a sense of harmony to our lives.
Moving at other people’s movements constantly is truly exhausting and leave no trace in another one of the encounter with us. Just confirmation of their movements hence relief of knowing that they will not be confronted with anything different from what they have chosen.
It is exhausting trying to be someone we are not! The body just loves it when we are just ourselves and live true to that.
It’s truly amazing what we feel and the level of detail we can feel also, all within an instant. What we do with these feelings and whether we allow ourselves to feel them is a choice. We may live in a certain way that almost deletes part of what we see automatically and so we can go through parts of life blind. It is like some cruel joke to have access to everything but only see a part. To be open for your eyes to continue to truly see what is going on in front of you regardless if you choose to be aware of it or not is the true freedom we can have in this world at every point.
Meeting someone with our full presence and attention, without trying to please, entertain or change who we truly are is genuinely loving, for all involved.
This is a super example of the importance to stay with ourselves and breathe our own breath, because when we allow another to dictate our movements we are no longer with ourselves but hostage to another’s energy.
You just exposed the craziness of mimicing another Carmin, it’s like being a method actor in your life but not being you and people sense that and cannot relax. But when someone is just themselves, it’s simple and then there is the space to just be ourselves too, no games, no pretense, life is so much simpler. Thank God for having met Serge Benhayon, who reminded me that my main job in life is to be me, that’s it, everything else is secondary.
Serge Benhayon through his lived example inspires many to know and be who they truly are.
To live life other than who we truly are is so tiring. Babies and young children express themselves freely from who they naturally are. As we learn – and are taught – to change our true nature to ‘fit in’ and please others, so our natural expression changes and we try to become someone we are not naturally. Returning to who we are in essence frees us up and we have more energy.
“To approach each person and task with full presence.” To live like this, without any expectation of outcome, gives life a whole new meaning. All my relationships have changed since attending Universal Medicine presentations. Just naturally being all of me – no agenda – no trying – makes a huge difference, of course!
You show the importance to be ourselves in everything we do and in every encounter. Not only is it of great support for others it also leaves ourselves less exhausted as all the effort of being someone else and the many different roles we are used to take on fall away.
Absolutely, this applies to all areas of life – at work, at home, with friends… Having that inner connection allows us to truly connect with others.
When we mimic others endeavouring to make them at ease not only is it manipulative we are also not being honest and truthful. If we are not being truthful how can we expect the other to be so? How do we know that they are also not putting on an act of how they think they should be? No wonder there is often mis-understandings and feelings of dissatisfaction.
This observing way of life, instead of absorbing by measuring what we think others need, was an eyeopener to me and still is. And I can find myself fitting in like I used to do before I met Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine but my body is very clear that fitting in, pleasing and thus measuring my expression is not it. I learn everyday in every interaction that it is about me holding me so I can hold everyone in the same light and love we are all coming from.
This is a great example of how we can bend and mold ourselves to stop reactions from another. It becomes a very exhausting way to live, always calling in an energy that is not of who we truly are.
When we follow anothers lead without discerning the quality of their intention and or integrity we need to be aware that we may well being led the long way around.
We can only be who we are and we are the only one qualified for that job – being who we truly are. Trying to be a chameleon and so-called, “do the right thing by people” is very draining and takes us further and further away from our essence.
This is an awesome blog Carmin, I love rereading it and being inspired by your experiences and your wisdom. By you being the true you everyone is truly blessed.
I have also had the blessing of meeting Serge Benhayon who is absolutely himself. By Serge being himself and meeting me from his essence, it has enabled me to meet my true self because we are all of the same essence. So really if we are ourselves we are connected to the true other and offer them that grace to reconnect to themselves. The mimicking you are speaking about that is so harmful is us mimicking the other person in their expression of all that they are not in truth – so we are confirming that harmful and false expression.
I have quite often read of this method of mimicking people and their gestures as a way of connecting and making them comfortable but as you so well describe it not a true, supportive or healthy thing to do at all.
Being the true you and never wavering – awesome Carmin!
You being you would already be a healing for anyone’s eyes before they even received your optometry treatment.
Being ourselves, living who we naturally are feeds us back – being who we truly are means the truth we live is a living truth, present with us all the time.
Such a great point Carmin about mimicking and conforming. That is just the best example of why we should just be who we are. Because others actually need us to be us, even if it is confronting as sometimes it will be. I know for sure I would feel inspired by anyone who is just being themselves and not pandering to anyone. And how much healthier is it to just live our lives without squashing ourselves to fit.
Being able to hold everyone as equals, being open and loving with everyone no matter who they are really comes from the relationship we have with ourselves. Sure, the expression may change from person to person, but if we hold ourselves as divine and precious it is almost automatically the same to those around us.
Ahhh… “meeting each person where they were at” – I can so relate to that. Feeling their pain, pandering to their needs, I thought I was offering them support. But really, who is meeting who? “I” (for the lack of a better word) was not present to meet anyone.
We can see why the world is so exhausted when you consider the amount of energy that is going into a simple hello! I saw a man this weekend who was sharing how he had come to accept himself as enough and because this was the truth and not an ideal of what he wanted to be true it was immensely healing to feel and experience. Being ourselves is so powerful.
Carmen what you have so beautifully expressed here is that it is our quality shared and the essence of who we are within that when connected too allows us to move in a way that not only supports us and revitalises us but also holds all others equally in that too. An amazing way to live and shows the level of responsibility we hold from the quality of energy we express in.
I like what you are sharing here Carmin, as it is something so many of us deem normal, to adapt to the situation at hand and act accordingly. It is really like being an actor all the time never allowing oneself to just be. But there is another way and it is ok and actual very normal to just be ourselves and live from there.
“At the end of every working day I was exhausted. Not because of the physical aspects of my job, but because of the energy I put into being what I thought everyone wanted me to be, and my constant measuring of everyone else.” – This is such a key revelation! How often have we blamed work for making us tired rather than being willing to see the WAY in which we were working and how this could have been energetically draining us… In my experience there is a difference between feeling energetically drained and physically tired…
work of course should physically tire us – that is natural and indicative that one has dedicated their all. However, never should it deplete us or exhaust us – for that indicates that we have absorbed that which is not ours to absorb. This is the key to true vitality.
I know I have been really convinced that meeting where people were at was the best thing to do, to have an entrance to a relationship the way I wanted it to be ( me in control).When I think about this it is actually manipulating, to mould someone to be safe myself. What a difference with being myself, expressing me, opening up to people not wanting anything from them.
When we try to please others it is so exhausting! When we truly make it about love and by this I mean loving ourselves first and giving ourselves the space to just be it automatically gives another permission to do the same. Serge Benhayon is truly inspiring on so very many levels and this is just one of them ‘He never tries to be ‘nice’ or ‘polite’ or play social games. He is just himself, consistently – he ‘breathes his own breath’ and never holds back his truth and love.’ From knowing and observing Serge I know much can be learnt and healed purely on what another is reflecting from their livingness.
To work and move gently throughout your day in presence, honouring what you feel in every moment and expressing from there is a truly beautiful and inspiring way to move through life. This is a reflection that is sorely missed in the world and one that is desperately needed.
I recently realised I was doing this at work, I had done it throughout the years but wasn’t as conscious of it as I have been lately and that is that I will race around or being a little louder or be jumping up to do this or that to show others around me that are doing the same thing that ‘see I’m busy just like you’. Where this came from was a belief that if I didn’t act the same then it would look like I wasn’t busy or being ‘efficient’. Crazy hey, how can it be efficient to race around from this to that? Efficiency has everything to do with presence and the quality we are in… that is what has been glaringly obvious to me for some time now and especially with training others. Without this we are just acting ‘efficiently’ but being left exhausted because it takes so much energy to look the part instead of just being ourselves.
It sure is exhausting playing roles that are not our true selves, the fact so many of us do this and actually feel completely empty and out of touch with the essence that lies burning inside is deeply sad when you really feel it. Devastating is probably a better adjective. How wonderful then that we now have been presented with many tools to assist in reconnecting to that divine spark within and how to just be and live that in all interactions. Very cool.
What you are sharing here Carmin is exactly how I used to live in all areas of my life. I was like a shape shifting amoeba constantly changing to fit in with what I thought everyone needed and I was good at it. I was exhausted from it too and all the while I was trying, no one got to meet the real me. Thanks to meeting Serge Benhayon who was and is a huge inspiration, this has been disappearing as the real me emerges and boy does that feel lovely within my body and my life.
Like you Carmin I am learning to deepen the connection with myself and express fully from that space; there is a freeing and expansion that is felt when this happens. I love coming back to your blog as it is such a beautiful gentle reminder to respond from what is simply felt in the body.
I love the fact that in every moment shared with another we have the opportunity to reflect the true us to them; not in a judgmental way as if we consider them to be lesser than us, but in a way that they can feel that there is another way to be with the choice to accept this always being theirs and theirs alone. We never know when someone will be inspired by us so it is up to us to live the fullness of who we are in every single moment.
How gorgeous Carmin that the patients who visit you get the true, loving, tender and wise you and not the ‘mimic’. How important it is that we all express who we so naturally are; what you have expressed here is real, true and loving;
“I have learned to connect to me, to feel the true me and to express from there (without perfection, as I still have ‘wobbles’).
Being who we are is the greatest reflection we can give another and it is “…a true way that supports not only me but everyone who walks through my door.”
Raises the question if we wanna meet another where we are at or as who we truly are, ie essence to essence? That´s some of the magic I learned with Universal Medicine, that we can see and meet a person by addressing and connecting to their essence, the core of their being, even when they themselves are not connected to it but play out taken on and learned behaviours. But we can only really do that when we are connected with our innermost to the best of our ability; then our essence is felt by the other person and invites them to resonate, ie to allow their essence to be activated as well.
Beautiful picture Carmin – so full of the real you. I’ve been a chameleon in life, actually quite proud of my ‘ability’ to connect with anyone and everyone where they are at. I used to think it was a great thing and that I could ‘keep the peace’ wherever I went. But if this is done in a way that denies our true self then we are just actors playing roles and not bringing anything true to relationships. The experience of simply being myself is by comparison delightful. What a blessing your customers get when they see you today.
So great to read this again and really appreciate the questions it has brought up for me. ”What is the reflection others get when we are not ourselves but instead mirroring who they appear to be?’ When someone comes from their solid connection to themselves it can be felt, every movement, look, word has the truth of lived experience but if we are not bringing this then what or who is? Everything either heals or harms and being true to who we are no matter where we are or when it is – energetic responsibility is being lived.
Sure Carmine, when we are just copying others behavior in fact we are avoiding to be our real selves and, if we become more aware of what we then bring to the other person we can come to the understanding that there is another responsibility in life and that is energetic responsibility. This tells us that everything matters as it either heals or hurts and when we look to the first example where we tend to react to the behaviors of others, we definitely have to admit that we do not heal, but actually add to the hurt we all carry with us from living this separated way of living.
Such a simple but important sharing as in life we can forgo the quality in our connections and make it about getting things done- when it is the quality that makes the difference to others.
Beautifull how you no longer pander to anyone. Your blog made me reflect and see how I have changed. I used to be the joker or be/act a specific way so people would feel comfortable with me and I used to always feel contracted around my heart – because I felt I could not truly let go and be me and had to be ‘someone’ else around others. I deeply appreciate this contraction is now barely there at all and instead, with the love, reflection and support of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine I am feeling more and more comfortable within my own skin and just being me.
Lovely to read this Carmin. My days of feeling like a shape shifting amoeba, constantly adjusting and fitting in with what I thought was needed are over. it was exhausting and not the true me. Through attending Workshops run by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine I have found life and relationships are much more joyful when we connect to ourselves and live who we are.
How beautiful to feel the true Carmin, thank you for sharing you coming back to the true you. I lived in the empty world of playing roles especially the good and the nice, being what I thought people wanted. There was no sense of a true me until I came to feel the deep love and equality reflected by Serge and know that same love lived within me also. No need to be anybody else but me.
This is cool, I was teaching a class I didn’t know the other day and could feel all the behaviours that kids can go into when it is not their regular teacher. I could initially feel my body go into anxiety because of what was before me, but I observed this, pulled up and addressed what was needed with the kids but didn’t go into the ‘game’ or ‘battle’ with them and held myself in the situation. It was amazing to then feel the kids settle. A teaching assistant commented that this was the calmest they had seen the class. I found because I stayed steady within myself I was more able to see what was going on, what the kids needed and respond without reaction.
And you connected to them Kristy and wasn’t separate from them because they weren’t ‘your class’ or you weren’t their Teacher. I wonder if that’s why historically in schools students play up with substitute Teachers, because its how the Teacher approaches the class and how the students are about not having their regular Teacher there.
“I have learned to connect to me, to feel the true me and to express from there”. What a beautiful and powerful lesson that you have shared with us Carmen; as you say without perfection and with ‘wobbles’ but with purpose and commitment. I love the appreciation you have for Serge Benhayon and now yourself.
I used to be like a Chameleon and change my colour to suit the person I was with, what is shocking is that I used to pride myself in this thinking this was the best way to get on in life. This is basically what your Customer Services workshop was asking you to do, instead of being you and offering the true you to all your customers. It is an insidious and draining way of being and the crazy thing is that customers can see through this and feel the falsity of it.
A beautiful testimony of when someone is inspired by Soul to give and live the love he or she felt, and so to give back the love they received and continue to receive. It is a matter of allowance that then makes that one step bigger and bigger for it does not take long until it is Our true path again.
Somewhere we pick up that it is ‘good’ or even advantageous to mirror others, especially in a service environment. No wonder you were exhausted, having to change costumes so many times in just one working day. And as you describe so aptly, what would your customers have felt?
When I am in the presence of someone who holds themselves steady and does not sway or change to suit the crowd, they stand out. It is a very powerful reflection and one that makes me then very aware of how I am being.
This is a beautiful sharing Carmen as we really get to feel the real you which feels truly lovely and a gorgeous way for another to be met with that loveliness that we can feel.
“He (Serge Behayon) meets everyone with his full presence and attention. He never tries to be ‘nice’ or ‘polite’ or play social games. He is just himself, consistently – he ‘breathes his own breath’ and never holds back his truth and love”.
What a gorgeous, inspirational and true testimony to Serge Benhayon Carmen; also to yourself, what a joy to be greeted by you.
And it is a delight to walk through your doors Carmen and be greeted by you, it is just as you say.
We can make it about not disturbing a movement already in motion. But as we know there are movements and movements. Some are not worth it. If there is no one who reflects that, the movement will continue. We have the opportunity to be that loving reflection. It is just a choice.
“The reflection I have received from Serge Benhayon is that he is always the same, with everyone in every moment. He meets everyone with his full presence and attention. He never tries to be ‘nice’ or ‘polite’….” I too have found Serge Benhayon to be an inspiring role model. I used to be a chameleon with people, changing my behaviour to fit in – and to be liked by others. I thought this was ‘a good thing!” However I have learned that being my true self- with everyone – is the way to go.
“I have learned to connect to me, to feel the true me and to express from there (without perfection, as I still have ‘wobbles’).” Its the courage and commitment to living life responsibility that keeps me coming back to who I am and allowing myself to share all of me with the world, with the odd wobble as you say Carmin. For that I am so deeply grateful to the continued love and inspiration shared by Serge Benhayon and Universal Mediciine.
Thank you Carmin. The work of Serge Benhayon supports people to live an authentic life because you have you with you everywhere that you go!
We can confirm where people are at by mimicking them, or we can offer a reflection of us so they feel it independently of where are they. Mimicking is a great way to hide. Reflecting is a great way to enlighten; to offer something different, something that will forever remain with them and one day will inspire them to move forward.
And often that reflection can be uncomfortable to give and receive. It might not always be gratitude we get for being truthful and loving, but actually often hate and abuse. I guess that is where we find out true strength.
Serge and other’s consistency has kept me from wrecking myself through life’s glamour and illusion.
Your comment alone shows how being nice and not wanting to expose someones misery by enjoining them is very harming, and that being steady and consistent in living a true life you are very supporting for the people around you.
As you say Carmin calibrating ourselves to fit in, emulate and please another can be exhausting and so debilitating. By living and breathing who we truely are brings such a loving presence and reflection to all that we serve. Thank you for the beautiful gentle reminder.
There is so much to be said for breathing your own breath and holding yourself for only then are you truly bond with another. Thank you Carmin.
I loved your opening line Carmen, that was certainly how I was living my life too like an actor playing out parts, each one dependant upon the other characters I met throughout my day. I was great at pigeon holing myself into what ever felt comfortable and not confronting. I have learnt so much about life through Serge Benhayon, knowing that the only true way to live, is by being myself in full
If another is living as an actor, not as who they truly are, by meeting them in kind we confirm the need for that false life to be lived and deemed as acceptable. It’s true what you’ve shared here Carmin in that Serge does not play socially nice or polite. He lives as who he truly is to show us all that there is a difference between the ‘I’ we have created and the ‘I’ we truly are.
How lovely it can be to be ourselves in any situation, beautiful Carmin that you recognise that you love to connect with people and are good at doing so, when we recognise those qualities in ourselves it is much easier to just let our personality shine out and not try to be different with different people. Being genuine is something I have found people love to feel and respond to, and surely that is the best customer service anyone can offer.
I can definitely identify with the chameleon approach to life, and very much like the chameleon I would change my personality to fit into whatever situation I was in, primarily for my protection. It played out most between my family and friends when I was a teenager, I was two different people, but were either the true me? I don’t think so. I’ve found the more I build a solid and long-lasting relationship with myself, the less likely I am to ever change that.
To “‘mimic my patient’ or ‘to follow their lead’.” on the surface can appear a very loving way to be, making the person feel at ease by being in sympathy with them. But if how they are feeling is not the best, then one is just joining them in the same state. However, with the amazing marker given by Serge Benhayon by his constant steadiness and consistency we are given a reflection of another way of being that is so uplifting. Being in his presence is like stepping into a pool of stillness, calm and spaciousness that is supportive, reassuring and loving. To replicate that quality is a blessing
Wow you are stunning Carmin, and what a joy it would be to be met by you. It is so true that through living and breathing who we are in essence we bring our loving presence to all we do and meet, offering a glorious reflection of who we all are.
I am noticing more and more that how I am around others definitely influences how they are with me, especially if I haven’t taken as much focused time with someone and then they become distracted also. It really is catchy.
No matter how hard we try, living up to everyone’s expectations is ‘mission impossible’!
‘The reflection I have received from Serge Benhayon is that he is always the same, with everyone in every moment.’ Well said and very true, Serge Benhayon is a man that walks his talk and is consistently loving with everyone he meets. Thank you Carmin for the simple reminder of the power of our reflection and the enormous effect this can have on others.
We all have a responsibility to reflect the truth to others. We can do this in the simplest ways such as being gentle in the way that we move, looking people in the eye and connecting with them etc. These things seem simple but they make a huge difference.
‘He never tries to be ‘nice’ or ‘polite’ or play social games. He is just himself, consistently – he ‘breathes his own breath’ and never holds back his truth and love.’ How refreshing and deeply healing this can be when we begin to hold each other in love and simply be with each other coming from the deepest truth that we know in that moment.
‘The reflection I have received from Serge Benhayon is that he is always the same, with everyone in every moment’. This is so true, he doesn’t show any favouritism and he treats everyone the same as his own family, there is a steadiness and equalness that has inspired me to change the way I live, and make different choices.
Having been a master chameleon for most of my life (until the last few years) I can relate to adapting my behaviour to that of those around me in order to help them be more comfortable around me and to be accepted and liked in return. But all we do when we mimic someone’s ill-behaviours is to confirm them in that so they don’t get to feel that perhaps there is another way to be – a way that is gentle, tender, loving and nurturing.
So relatable Carmin. I am experimenting with holding myself no matter the situation in front of me. But this story does very much remind me of how easy it is to slip into an energy that isn’t yours. I have done all sorts of weird things to ‘match’ the person I’m with, from changing how I speak, choosing to dress a certain way, reacting differently etc. It’s so weird. Why do we try to mimic others?
Makes you think how much most of us act everyday.
Serge’s reflection, his equal presence with everyone, is a consistency that offered something so steady that trust was easily restored where mistrust was once the only thing I knew.
The unrealistic expectations we place on ourselves and others in reaction to ideals and beliefs imposed from how we think we need to be is not only exhausting but often the opposite of our true natural expression.
I just love what you have expressed here Carmin; there is no doubt that Serge Benhayon is the ultimate divine inspiration for us all;
“He meets everyone with his full presence and attention. He never tries to be ‘nice’ or ‘polite’ or play social games. He is just himself, consistently – he ‘breathes his own breath’ and never holds back his truth and love”.
The idea that to really meet another on their level, so to speak, we need to mimic or take on their behaviour is really damaging and false in my experience too! I can honestly say that the truest connection I feel with another is when I am sharing me with them, as in just being myself, no pretenses or facade.
We can all feel when another it ‘putting on an act’ so to have the reflection of someone else being their true selves is much needed in society today and supports others to express their truth.
I can totally relate to being a chameleon in my interactions with others and how exhausting this was. Inspired by the consistency of Serge Benhayon I now focus on being present in every situation and feeling what is needed rather than reacting to how the other person is, I don’t always manage it but can more easily recognise when I am out and come back to myself.
Great points you’re making Carmin about how we easily can get affected by the energy of another. Sometimes people talk about energy thieves, people we feel can be energy draining to us, but isn’t that just us not staying present with ourselves? Maybe we are so used to be complacent with others so we blend with them energetically but as we know that can be very draining and not at all necessary. If others are in a state of stress or any other state that is stressful maybe they need a healthy reflection back which requires us to be steady and “with” ourselves.
I often hear people say that they are tired, but don’t know why as I slept well last night etc… but there is so much more at play that makes us tired that we know and your blog gives us a great insight into this. The roles we play – even momentarily – if they are not true to us, they will take up energy and drain us. Where as we are energised when we are ourselves.
This was a great reminder for me to connect to my true essence and express the truth throughout my day. I am becoming more aware that there are times when I go into nice energy, I am realising in truth this is not supportive for anyone me or my staff.
With all the hype of how one should be or how to elicit the wow factor in another, any chance of true connection falls by the wayside.
Thank you Carmin for sharing this, it’s such an important topic – exhaustion is huge and so many people are tired because of energy they are taking on or reacting to rather than from true physical exhaustion. I know for myself if I react to something or loose connection with the true me then I get drained much more than just through physical work.
How utterly exhausting to change our colours to match another, I totally relate to that way of interacting, and can catch myself being harder in my interaction around certain people. Yet there is a great power and strength in standing as who we are in every interaction, not talking up or down but just being me, being us, nothing more is needed.
It’s awesome to be able to live ourselves in full and share this with others. And at the close of the day be with ourselves and not lost to the exhaustion and emotions of the day. It’s a great eye-opener to observe how much of what is around us that we absorb and try and calibrate to, for no true purpose.
Living up to other’s expectations is a sure fire way to get oneself exhausted.
Living in a self caring way radiates to everyone which offers a true healing
It’s huge drain to mimic another’s behaviour or to measure our expression according to how we want to control a situation. And it’s super helpful to have the reflection of another truly being themselves in life and showing that it is totally possible.
“When I look back now, and if I think of the ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) child, what reflection did they get from me? Did they get a gentle person who could calmly work, being present with each task in every moment, without judgement? No! Did they get a reflection that there could be another way? Definitely not!” This is a very powerful reflection Carmin. It would be wonderful to master letting go of judgement but I find it is so sneaky and slips into every given opportunity. Slowly but surely it will happen!
“At the end of every working day I was exhausted. Not because of the physical aspects of my job, but because of the energy I put into being what I thought everyone wanted me to be, and my constant measuring of everyone else. I thought, though not consciously, that I was meeting each person where they were at.” I believe that each and everyone of us, at some level, can relate to this Carmin.
What you have expressed here Carmin is about awareness and choice, I love the way you changed the way you connected and responded to clients, very inspiring;
“I have learned to connect to me, to feel the true me and to express from there”, certainly without perfection but with true purpose, thank you Carmin.
We can so easily get swept in how someone else is feeling and end up not offering them a true reflection and therefore the opportunity to feel that what they are choosing is not them. This is not loving, as it allows the other to remain where they are. How different our relationships would be if we remained our true selves all of the time, constantly offering a true reflection to the world.
How much more engaging, honest and healthy would our relationships be if we all listened not only with our ears but with an open heart that comes from a foundation that truly appreciates one anothers unique differences and sameness simultaneously. No mimicking or impersonations required just your lovely self.
Its a simple choice – to mimic the same as everyone around us no matter what, or to be ourselves and allow others to be the same (themselves).
Holding onto images about being accepted and or liked by others is exhausting and detrimental to our bodies, connecting to our bodies and honouring what it communicates allows us to be the love that we innately are and that is an amazing reflection that is so needed in our world today.
So true Francisco, no one is picture perfect and nor should we ever stress ourselves with trying to be.
“The reflection I have received from Serge Benhayon is that he is always the same, with everyone in every moment.” This is the beauty of Serge Benhayon, he is reflecting to us and showing how simple it is to stay connected and consistent with everyone. Just being ourselves in our own connection is what’s needed.
Its crazy how we change ourselves to be like another thinking that by doing this they will like us more! I can remember doing this as a child, and would behave differently with each of my friends. But as you say Carmin, by behaving in this way we never give another the opportuntiy to see that there is another way to be. Thank God for Serge Benhayon who has shown so many that we don’t need to be anything other than who are. I bless the day I met this man.
Carmin, I love looking at your photo, and your beautiful eyes letting everyone in no matter what they do or who they are. That is a blessing for sure for all your clients, and for us who come across your blog.
“The reflection I have received from Serge Benhayon is that he is always the same, with everyone in every moment.” Serge Benhyaon consistently shares the love of all that he is with everyone and we are all blessed with his presence in humanity.
To be able to connect to the absolute essence of who we are and to bring that to another is the most magical feeling that touches every part of you. It is not about doing anything for a reward or recognition but simply to offer the other person a loving reflection of what is possible.
It’s quite fascinating Carmin that you were taught in a customer service workshop to ‘mimic your customer and follow their lead’ – it would have felt like you were in an acting school for the whole day! But more importantly, how can this be considered quality service when you are holding back your own qualities with the actual service you deliver? For wouldn’t it be our own flavour that brings out the best in all the other ingredients….
Your sentence “The reflection I have received from Serge Benhayon is that he is always the same, with everyone in every moment.” is so true. Serge is living a consistency in love, integrity and harmony, that is just awesome – he is the real deal. Once we have connected to our true me, all the roles we played are fallen away. No need to pretend anything any more. Just be ourselves is enough.
I really love how there is a doctor working with so much care and consideration, down to the smallest detail of her presence in the room and the impact this will have on every person she meets. There is not a single profession that does not affect other people and therefore that cannot take inspiration from what Carmin Hall brings.
Acting and playing roles is a lot of hard work and straining on our bodies. Living from who we are allows far greater ease on our bodies and brings true service to the forefront of our everyday ways.
“From attending Universal Medicine events I have learned to support myself at work. To approach each person and task with my full presence. To work and move gently throughout the day and to honour what I feel in every moment. “This is beautiful Carmen being in the presence of Serge Benhayon offers us a reflection of who we really are and the inspiration to live it consistently.
This is one of the many things I love about Serge, his consistency. For me this shows without doubt he is the real deal, there is no pretence ever, what you see is what you get, and you will always get the same. Serge’s Livingness has been truly inspirational to me, I now know without a shadow of a doubt that one can live this way.
“…‘breathes his own breath’…” gosh this is of the utmost importance I have found for me – being in another’s rhythm and not my own seriously limits my expression.
Your blog has also made me aware Carmin that if the other person we are interacting with is not being their true selves either and we are measuring ourselves and calibrating to them, then what we are conforming to is actually an illusion and the shadow of another. How crazy is that.
Beautiful blog Carmin. When we calibrate ourselves and align to where others are at we are doing a profound injustice to us all as we all lose out when we hide the true expression of our own qualities, our own personal spark and spunk by pretending we are something or someone else other than ourselves.
I like the word “calibrate”. It exposes all our behaviours, when we please other people or do something to get recognition and love from the outside world. In these moments we are not ourselves and it feels terrible. Once we are connected to our true selves, there is no need any more, to be nice. To be ourselves is enough.
I agree Katie, when we are met with nothing that is staged or fake its beautiful to feel a greeting that is real and true. In fact it is so powerful it can completely change the direction of your whole day.
Not having to play roles in life is a glorious relief on our bodies too. As we are constricting ourselves and our natural presence by manipulating who we think we are supposed to be instead of being just as we are. Thank you Carmin.
Love this. It is what the world needs is people who are themselves and stay steady to that. The whole world is either in a reaction of a whispers breath away from one. The more steady we can be, the less reactive we are. Note to self as I write this 😀👍🔥
The example Serge Benhayon presents is consistent, true and equally loving to all, thanks for the writing Carmin.
Thank you Carmin a really beautiful blog to read, returning to the true you by just being.”Since coming to the work of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, I have been presented with another way; a true way that supports not only me but everyone who walks through my door.”
I love what you have so honestly and beautifully expressed here Carmin;
“I can now feel the loving essence inside of me, I am able to truly meet another. In other words, connect to that loving essence in everyone else and allow them to express however they so choose”; very inspiring.
Reading your blog Carmin I was reminded of a conversation I had with a female friend recently. She shared with me how she felt like an amoeba that shape shifted to fit in with whatever she thought was needed by the person she was with. She shared that she was exhausted living this way and it made me consider just how exhausting it is for any of us when to try to fit in at the expense of simply being our natural loving selves.
‘At the end of every working day I was exhausted. Not because of the physical aspects of my job, but because of the energy I put into being what I thought everyone wanted me to be, and my constant measuring of everyone else. I thought, though not consciously, that I was meeting each person where they were at.’ Thank you Carmin for your clarity on this, I know I have fallen for this same behaviour and sometimes still do and all I really did or am doing is playing safe and avoid making mistakes. I know being me is such a light and spacious experience and there is all the space of the world to meet the other and to feel how much we love each other, no exhaustion in sight.
How gorgeous Carmin to walk through your door and be presented with the true you; loving, considerate, tender, honest and professional. What a joy it would be.
“I have learned to connect to me, to feel the true me and to express from there”
Trying to be someone else or being what you think someone needs you to be is absolutely exhausting. I have tried this too and it is just misery making as it is also isolating and deeply dissatisfying for everyone when nobody really knows you and they do not get to see you. In all those moments when we pretend we are someone else, we have disconnected from ourselves and we are adrift. It is very freeing and more loving to express the real person and a true gift to the world. True connection with yourself and then with the people around you is essential for a loving person.
Mirroring and matching someone’s body language has been a trick of the manipulation trade for eons, I have come across it in several industries from sales to therapy and each time it’s lack of sincerity concerns me. For in doing so we have no choice but to lose ourselves to emulate another in the name of building rapport… but this comes naturally when you express lovingly from your heart, no tricks needed.
Serge never puts on a front, a shield or a guard. He never filters his expression for certain people or holds back his truth. When I was growing up I never thought such a way of living was possible but he is living proof that it is
I agree Joshua, thanks for Serge Benhayon, he is the walking proof, how to live a life in love, integrity and harmony.
This is a great reminder to come back to Carmin that when we try to mimic or fit into how we ‘think’ we should be, rather than how we truly feel ourselves to be, it’s exhausting and also far from being inspirational for another. How different it feels to just be ‘us’ and how different it feels for another!
I love returning to this blog as it is such a great guide and reminder of the gift you are sharing and the consistency required in our lives to truly live being one self all the time. A great daily reminder 🙂 and the responsibility of this is so important and true love.
“The reflection I have received from Serge Benhayon is that he is always the same, with everyone in every moment. He meets everyone with his full presence and attention”.
Thank you Carmin for your reflection in this blog; what you have presented here is simple yet very profound and wise.
Serge Benhayon is certainly a truely inspirational teacher and role model.
Reading your blog I can feel how many choices you took – over and over – again and again – that lead to you being you again. It’s something quite humbling to observe. It’s not a spontaneous “Oh, I choose to be me now” show. It takes effort, dedication, consistency, work to undo the ill patterns. And the way you present it shows that you are not identified with the effort you put in, you’re simply there now!
I love this blog and the simplicity you present of being the full me in everything and with everyone especially with oneself consistently . A lovely inspiration Thank you
I feel that most of the world are great at one thing, being an unqualified and unpaid actor through life. Life has been a constant show that I have been playing on set for for a long time, only recently to come off stage and be real and take it seriously. These are the sorts of people the world needs.
The consistent inspiration and reflection form Serge Benhayon is learning to reconnect to our hearts the love we are and to live and communicate from here . What an amazing gift for humanity.
‘Niceness’ and ‘politeness’ are like cloaks that stop others from seeing our real beauty. We ought to get our eyes checked when we play these games, because we are not seeing clearly the harm and distraction that comes from using these ‘tricks of the trade’ to get by, all the while presenting a lie.
I know the ‘niceness’ and ‘politeness’ so well and it always gives me the feeling (if I choose to be aware) of not getting enough air, not being able to breath freely. Getting honest and more honest everyday is something I am learning to come back and see me and everyone else with ‘true’ eyes.
Ahhh, the old chameleon of many colours trick. I can very much relate to this – becoming what one needs to become in order to fit in – thereby confirming the illusion that everybody lives in, and for ourselves.
Love what you say Carmin and what I have discovered too, I love people but before being inspired by Serge Benhayon I was exhausted and drained by all the emotions they carried and by measuring my expression. Opening up to ourselves to our loving essence is the only way to truly meet another and to enjoy the time together.
Beautiful Carmin what a gift to have ‘ have learned to connect to you, to feel the true you and to express from there (without perfection),’to learn to connect to ones loving essence really does allow us to connect to that in others and life and is a gift so true and real from there and a joy and to be part of.
This is beautiful Carmin as it is to see so many living themselves truly from meeting Serge Benhayon. He is the inspiration for the world and simply allows us to be who we really are and live this love in our lives fully embraced and not held back by any ideals, beliefs, rules and indoctrinations. Thank you
The need for us all to be our natural selves in this world is greater than ever. It is easy to get overwhelmed by the chaos everywhere but it makes such an enormous difference to those around us when we are walking the talk that Universal Medicine has inspired in many of us around the world.
Measuring how another person is from the minute they walk through the door sounds like hard work Carmin. I just love reading how you became aware of this and transformed the way you are with people who seek your expertise; how blessed are they.
Having the ability and the resource in the understanding and the knowledge to actually be ourselves, and to take this connection and understanding into the workplace is really a very big paradigm shift… Most people feel that they cannot bring their true selves to work because it is not safe… I’ve heard this expressed many times, and so mask develops and so people are not able to connect truly with each other… What is possible is that this mask or shield can be let go of and that we can, with the connection inside, have the strength and the resource to actually be ourselves,… What a blessing for others.
Beautiful Carmin, that is so special, as you share how your connection to you, has become your loving way – and the door where other people will walk through. How powerfull that you made those choices that connected you to who you are, which is not a racy actor, just a mask! Look at that picture, look at you, total calmness, no spark of racyness. Thank you for your contribution to make the world better!
‘Feeling the real me ‘what a beautiful aspiration and way of being for us all thank you for sharing this so simply. The consistency and love offered to the world by Serge Benhayon is the gift of gold if we choose to open our senses and see it.
Thanks Carmin this is such a good blog to come back to re-read and check in on how well I’m doing with being true instead of nice and to be honest I’m still too nice, more work needed.
“he breathes his own breath”…when I read that I re-connected to my own breath and realised that I was not breathing my own breath but a breath that was racy and tired and upset. Thanks for the reminder – and if you are reading this comment and wondering how you can breathe your breath (or if that sounded a bit silly because you wondered whose breath might you be breathing???) check out: http://www.unimedliving.com/meditation/gentle-breath-meditation/what-is-gentle-breath-meditation.html
‘Did they get a gentle person who could calmly work, being present with each task in every moment, without judgement? No! Did they get a reflection that there could be another way? Definitely not!’ – this really opens our eyes to how much we hold back from another when we become the actor, play a pleasing game or measure how much of ourselves we can be through judging them. There is great potential in every meeting we have with another person for evolution through the expression of our truth and not being this holds them and us back.
There is a ‘Magic’ that happens between people when we fully hold ourselves in the truth of who we are – asking ‘no’ thing of another. Holding and being responsible for self allows another to open all of who they are in your presence. It is a gift to truly experience the confirmation of this and afterwards the other person takes away a little more of who they know them selves to be also. Serge Benhayon lives this everyday and in my interaction with him have had this same experience – to feel the truth of who I am and feel that solidly in my body, a ‘Blessing’ never forgotten. Thanks Carmin 🙂
You are truly beautiful Carmin. Thank you for this gorgeous sharing of your return to feeling, living and expressing who you truly are. Through the teachings of the Ageless Wisdom as presented through Serge Benhayon I too have been inspired to discover that who I truly am within is only a breath away at any moment, waiting to be connected to, expressed and lived. And that this choice to be me, to breathe the love that I Am, is always mine to make. I have also found that when we choose to not be and hold ourselves, we are living in resistance to who we naturally are, and holding back is what leads us to feeling exhausted at the end of the day. Rather that choosing to be in the natural flow of who we are in essence.
Being you in every moment is the greatest gift you can give and receive. It doesn’t exhaust us, as there is no need to take on anything that we are not to fill the gap that is there when we are not truly ourselves.
So true Benkt, when we are being ourselves we are full and complete and although we still have imperfections we can learn from, there are no gaps that need to be filled by any other outer sources. Imagine if we were taught this truth as a child…. how different would today’s and tomorrow’s world be.
Very true Benkt – once we are connected to our true self, there is no need to identify ourselves with something or with our job or with the “doing”. To be ourselves is enough.
Playing a role in any situation is a loss for everyone. And as you say in your blog, it is also exhausting. Beautiful how you have turned this around Carmin and offer people a true reflection of who you are.
“Because I can now feel the loving essence inside of me, I am able to truly meet another.” Carmin, this is very beautiful and the greatest gift we can share.
Hi Carmen, thank you for sharing your reflections. We all have the opportunity to learn and experience so much about ourselves when the space around us is clear of others emotions, dramas, stories and distractions. The choice you have made to be who you truly are and to breathe your own breath is a gift that your clients may not have the opportunity to experience in other places. What you are offering is true service with love.
This is all we ever truly need to be .. ‘the real me’ but we go into so many acts and notions of ourselves and concepts and beliefs and ideas of who we think we should be in life. So many people and missing out on just living naturally and easy. I have been missing out on living effortlessly and naturally but I’ve all been learning from Serge how to just let everything so and live from my heart.
Yes we can re-learn to live from our hearts again and be real- how beautiful is that!
🙂 coming from a of place intensity in my life .. To living from my heart again and being more real than ever before is purely incredible and so simple 🙂
It’s so beautiful indeed Geraldine and it feels so expansive and free too. We have all of the parts there already we just have to learn to let them express in full again.
The pressure to be something else – either to match a picture we have created or someone else has – is ultimately exhausting and yet something we are often not consciously aware of. Being aware that we have these pictures and being honest about how they affect us has for me been a huge step in letting go of these pictures and instead beginning to live more and more of the real me!
Growing up in a world where pictures are everywhere around us, pushing and pulling us to be everything we are not, has such a huge impact on us all. It’s the subtle signs in magazines, advertising on TV that slowly effects us all. I love that Esoteric Women’s Health and Universal Medicine have supported so many in developing a way back to appreciating and living the fullness of themselves. Feel very honoured to be apart of both areas of support, health and wellbeing for all.
Great point Angela regarding the pictures. The moment we have pictures of ourselves, we are not connected to our true self. It is really time to expose all these pictures – by doing so, the pictures don’t have any power over us any more. Our life will get easier and easier.
I could feel profoundly that what you are offering by being all of ‘You’, is a reflection to your clients, an opportunity to experience who they truly are also. Where and how often does humanity have this opportunity to feel who they are? A beautiful sharing about the power of holding your own presence and the gift we bring to Humanity by being all of that. Thanks Carmin.
Very inspiring to read Carmin. You are right – Serge is such an amazing role model – he is really consistently himself, always loving and tender to everybody. There was a time, when I also tried to be nice to get the recognition from the outside world and I’m so grateful, that I have understood now, that to be ME is enough, nothing else needed.
Not being ourselves means not being love and this is utterly exhausting. I can very much relate to what you share here Carmin and it is not that obvious how we transform from one personality into another. We are educated into adjusting to situations, aligning to what is there on the outside all based on the need to be liked and recognized. I had chosen the rebellious way going against the current believing this was the way to be more myself, but I was totally wrong it was still the same stage, just playing a different role. Through the teachings of Serge Benhayon I was introduced to my Soul and from there I started to be truly me and with this live in the equalness of knowing that we are all ‘chips off the same block’ and walking the path of embodying this.
I would love to one day walk into your shop and be welcomed by your Love. There are moments that I Truly hold myself. But I can also see that the measuring is still alive. I am really now feeling myself when I am on my own. Feeling how Delicate and Sweet I am. To be with myself when being with others is what I am learning. To Truly be Soulful and feel my Soul’s incredible Love running through me, blessing both me and everybody else.
“At the end of every working day I was exhausted. Not because of the physical aspects of my job, but because of the energy I put into being what I thought everyone wanted me to be, and my constant measuring of everyone else. I thought, though not consciously, that I was meeting each person where they were at.” I recognise this Carmin…it’s a trick and one that I fell for – being all things to all people – it IS exhausting. It’s so beautiful and freeing when we realise that being ourselves is where it’s at. People feel and appreciate this and it allows them the opportunity to do the same.
Your Blog Carmin is a great reminder of the power of being with our naturally alive and awesome selves and holding this same way of being with everyone we meet is truly inspiring for all.
Beautiful, Carmin, the beautiful you is shining through. A lovely reflection to all who come through your doors.
This has been my observation and inspiration “The reflection I have received from Serge Benhayon is that he is always the same, with everyone in every moment.” It never felt right to me, having favourites in life but I did it, out of protection, fear, control…and yet I know I wished to be equal with everyone. I am living more in this way and it feels awesome to share the same care and connection with everyone rather than be exclusive. As I have began to do this I have become so aware that we are all connected. It is an illusion that we are separate on this planet.
So true Carmin. Serge Benhayon is an inspiration and he has inspired many so that when you participate in a Universal Medicine event you can feel the truth and love in everyone “He is just himself, consistently – he ‘breathes his own breath’ and never holds back his truth and love.”
There is certainly no ‘sight’ of an exhausted racy actor in that photo of you Carmin! What a blessing you give to those who come to your clinic. It is not able to be expressed in words the difference we make to others, just by connecting with them deeply. Thank you
The idea that we have to match the client/patron ‘s behaviour is a common one in the service industry. But how much easier and natural to be ourselves in all circumstances regardless of the situation or the person in front of us. Truly meeting another can only be done from a quality of sincerity and trust not a make believe one and it does not exhaust you. Your blog Carmin is a good reminder to be in my essence in whatever I do.
I agree with your words above Patricia, and the sentence that stood out for me this morning is “Truly meeting another can ony be done from a quality of sincerity and trust not a make believe one and it does not exhaust you.” So true, and I shall carry that with me as a reminder today. Thank you.
Exhausted because of the energy of acting or performing, this constant measuring is so common in many professions. I work in Sales/Recruitment Carmin, and it’s the same there too, if I speak enthusiastically in regards a sale or anything really, I can feel this whisking up in my head where everything speeds up, and I leave being at the same time as the person I’m with. Connection is gone. Which does not help instil clarity or allow for insight – especially key when giving any counsel.
“The reflection I have received from Serge Benhayon is that he is always the same, with everyone in every moment. “- yes this is so inspiring to see and know .
He gives an amazing reflection of true brotherhood.
I loved reading this Carmin and hearing about how you meet people now – that is true customer service 🙂
“At the end of every working day I was exhausted. Not because of the physical aspects of my job, but because of the energy I put into being what I thought everyone wanted me to be, and my constant measuring of everyone else.” I can very much relate to this Carmin. Feeling the need to constantly calibrate where people are at and for ‘me’ to meet them in that. Instead of feeling where I am at and bringing that to everyone I meet. This is still a work in progress, as I still fall back into that pattern at times. But I continue to deepen my awareness and therefore creating a space where I can change the way I am with people more and more.
I cried reading this today – “To work and move gently throughout the day and to honour what I feel in every moment”. I allowed myself to feel what was there and it was sadness so I cried. I had been avoiding that until now so thank you – it is so quick to feel it and let it out than to spend so much time being busy to avoid it. Crazy stuff some days!
I love your honesty Sarah. I am realising that unless I honour myself and my body, all sorts of mistakes and overriding happens which is a reflection. This is very uncomfortable and requires a STOP and review of my responsibility. Thank you!
Beautiful Carmin. I love the real you too, you’re awesome.
“Did they get a gentle person who could calmly work, being present with each task in every moment, without judgement? No! Did they get a reflection that there could be another way? Definitely not”
How very awesome that people do get the gorgeous divine you now; lovingly reflecting another way.
“The reflection I have received from Serge Benhayon is that he is always the same, with everyone in every moment. He meets everyone with his full presence and attention.” I love how you have developed these same qualities yourself Carmin, and how it shows we are inspired by others. Your true beauty shines in your writing, and how awesome that you now appreciate and share your tender loving essence with your clients.
Awesome Carmin. I do that so much with the people I meet as well. Slowly learning to enjoy me more though and so sticking with that instead of becoming what I think others will like. Life’s one big learning curve…
We learn as children of a very young age to mimic the behavior of those around us and it becomes an automatic thing to do and before we know it we are doing it all the time as part of the social norms. Unfortunately this behaviour takes us away from who we truly are and we sometimes lose the true us. The age old social norm Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine presents is becoming the new norm for many people and that is, no games just be true to yourself first by being present and connected through breathing your own breath; this supports and present the true you to the world. I have found this supports me to connect with another no matter what the situation. I find expressing from the true me I am able to meet another and connect with the true them, not just what they present on the surface.
I have recognised it can feel like a fine line between staying with oneself whilst observing and supporting another to enjoying others in how they feel, your blog explains this very practically. I will staying with me as I approach into my day..
It is amazing with Serge Benhayon and increasingly many patrons of Universal Medicine events that immense warmth and love can be shared without the niceness and need for recognition that I have felt accompany some other groups in my life. It allows one to feel very safe to explore the big and expansive ideas and to express freely how those ideas sit with you. There is no feeling of pressure to fit in or to have to say the right thing. I always leave events conducted by Universal Medicine feeling very nourished and supported to go back into my daily life more connected to the wisdom shared and the confirmation that it was there in my body and being all along.
I completely agree Brendan, staying true to ourselves seems like such a simple thing to do, and something that is often argued we all already do “we are unique individuals” however in reality such a vast majority of our behaviours and traits come from the way we have been shaped and moulded for society, thus nowadays it can actually be difficult to determine who we are in the world, when really all we need to do is start making choices and behaviours that come from how our bodies want to express rather than our predetermined idea of how to act from our head, often coming from many picked up perceptions from others
“At the end of every working day I was exhausted. Not because of the physical aspects of my job, but because of the energy I put into being what I thought everyone wanted me to be” The power of what you say here Carmin is quite profound, for we often look at our lives and think we are getting tired from the amount of activity or physical activity that happens during the day, however from my experience what wears me out the most is quite simply not being true to me, whether that be changing myself for another, over extending in the amount of energy my body could put into something or getting lost in going into a crazy state or not acting like my real self, this I have found can leave me totally exhausted, even if I haven’t really done much during the day.
Gorgeous Carmin! Somewhere along the line we buy into the belief that we need to be more than who and what we are in order to be enough…but the truth is the racey actor doesn’t hold a candle to the real you. And people who are used to getting the racey actor respond when they get the real you.
“I thought, though not consciously, that I was meeting each person where they were at.”
I used to think this too but now know that this was keeping everyone in their ‘holding pattern’ and not presenting a true way to be. These days I’m able to ‘hold’ my presence much more and others are thus shown a more ‘solid’ way of being in the world.
For many years Carmin, and at times of late, I feel like an actor on a stage; although I am much more aware of when I might slip. I am now much more able to “catch myself” and bring back the true me.
To be able to drop the masks and present the real you is indeed a divine gift.
How lucky for us Carmin that we get to share the real and true you. It’s like a breath of fresh air when we deliver our true selves to another in our interactions in a natural and tender way, and their responses reflect back exactly that respect and care we have taken, as confirmation and appreciation, for delivering them, their due, true grace.
Thank you Carmin, acting is so exhausting… I can remember being so tired I could just drop down and fall asleep after a day at work, now its very rare for me to feel drained. But if I am, it’s a good indicator for me that I have pushed or acted in a way that was not me. Speaking with Serge Benhayon always shows me if I am being myself or not as soon as I just say ‘hello’, as he reflects such a solid, consistent and loving reflection of just being himself.
“Now when you walk through the door, instead of the exhausted, racy actor, you get the true me”
And how gorgeous and inspiring would that be Carmin to get and feel the true you.
How beautiful for the people walking through the door to see and feel the real you Carmin – there are very few reflections of another way to live in the world today. Serge Benhayon is one such true reflection – he consistently lives who he truly is and the love and steadiness that is always there is very inspiring for others – many of whom have turned their lives around because of his reflection…as you have Carmin, and my life has also completely changed.
I perfected the art of calibrating to everyone else and to what was going on around me, and in the process completely losing who I was. The constant anxiety of calibrating was exhausting, and life was a struggle – something to get through.
Since attending Universal Medicine I calibrate much less, I’m not exhausted at the end of the day, I have way more vitality, and it is a joy to get out of bed in the morning. There is purpose in my life – to be the true me.
And what is amazing about what you have written here and are living now Gill is that others will get the message of what you hold in your body as a living memory, and also be inspired. Your comment has reminded me that whatever we are living and holding within our body is felt by all around us. And so inspiring me to live in a way that supports me and therefore others to do the same. Thank you.
‘From attending Universal Medicine events I have learned to support myself at work. To approach each person and task with my full presence. To work and move gently throughout the day and to honour what I feel in every moment.’ A real reminder of what Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine really bring to humanity. Thank you.
A very inspiring blog and great photograph Carmin. I fully agree – Serge Benhayon is a great inspiration and the quality he lives in reflects consistently, 24/7 to me (and others) that there is another way to be and live – “He meets everyone with his full presence and attention. He never tries to be ‘nice’ or ‘polite’ or play social games. He is just himself, consistently – he ‘breathes his own breath’ and never holds back his truth and love”.
Carmin thank you, what greater gift can we share with another than all that we truly are, fully, openly, deeply, without imposition. I used to be quite a chameleon always changing colour to match others, fit in, and feel comfortable. Conveniently camouflaged whenever it suited me, as you say, it’s exhausting. To live life expressing your true shining colours, allowing others to express theirs equally so, we realise that together we form part of a most amazing rainbow.
You really are revealing a truth quite profoundly so Carmen. We are taught the way to meet people is to calibrate and mimic their moves to build rapport and then you can lead them to wherever you want to lead them. I was taught this technique when studying NLP but I was already doing this in my life, just not consciously so. Since being associated with Universal Medicine and observing the consistency Serge has presented since I first met him over 15 years ago, I can honestly say that there is so much more joy in my life. I now know how to connect to the place within me that is who I am and it deepens more and more each day. When I connect to this place within me I can meet others in the truth of who I am and I no longer need to be anything else, simply me!
Carmin the last paragraph washes over you as you get to feel the real you and it is magnificent.
I so related to everything you wrote Carmin and it reminded me of how I used to work as a paediatric physio. I was ‘amoeba’ like shifting shape into whatever I thought I had to ‘be’ to make the child I was treating feel comfortable in my presence. I did not consider at the time that there was another way that would support both myself and each child I met. Each night I came home exhausted and wondered why. Life is so much more simple and heaps more fun now that I do not ‘think’ about how I should be with everyone I meet but just bring me. Space then opens up for a true relationship.
Carmin has described how she reacted to the various personalities she met and how this continual shifting shape into whatever she thought she had to ‘be’ to make the person she was treating feel comfortable in her presence is quite revealing of how vacillating human nature is. The fact that there are many courses, trainings etc where they teach you how to mimic or ‘align’ to customers or patients is quite frightening. The use of ugly tricks to influence and/or manipulative, just to communicate, is beyond my understanding. It feels like it could be labelled as emotional abuse! Thank goodness we are at last recognising that when one stays connected and true to their own self, then the reflection we bring to others is proper and pure.
Yes its so draining jane176 to keep ‘shape shifting’. What is crazy though is that when we partake in this game of changing to suit another person, it comes from our own perception of what we think they would like us to be!! No wonder it’s exhausting, no wonder we feel so empty at the end of it.
What else I’ve also felt is what the person receiving a ‘star performance’ gets. Being on the receiving end for me feels like the other person is just not there, there is no twinkle in their eyes or warmth in their gestures and a feeling like they don’t truly want to be with you… no judgement, its just interesting to consider.
Hi Carmin, I have enjoyed re-visiting your blog again and the words that stood out for me were “Since coming to the work of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine I have been presented with another way; a true way that not only supports me but everyone who walks through my door.” I agree, and I have discovered that just being able to naturally be, in all circumstances that may confront us, being able to choose to be affected or not by the ill behaviours and woes of our fellow human beings makes the world of difference to our own position of health and wellbeing.
I agree Carmin, Serge is such a powerful role model – he treats everybody the same, and I love your observation about Serge “He never tries to be ‘nice’ or ‘polite’ or play social games.” Sometimes I still catch myself, that I try to be nice towards another person, but I’m getting better and better.
Being nice to be liked, and being good to gain recognition never evolved anyone. For me, being nice is a difficult habit to break but catching myself is the key and one I am very much working on day by day. I have realised, thanks to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine that my true reason for being is to evolve back to who I truly am, and my evolution is everyone’s evolution, and what a huge responsibility that is.
We all benefit if we don’t go down the path of aligning and measuring each other and everything. We are not ourselves when we get lost in other’s emotions and dramas.I have observed people watching the news and with every story presented their moods align, be it a tragedy they get morose if it’s a good news story the world is a better place again. The emotional roller coaster ride we engage in is a choice we don’t have to take. “Observe but not absorb” is a reminder I often use to not lose myself to outside influences and from there choose.
‘Oberve and not absorb’ is one of the many precious gems that I have learnt from Serge Benhayon and something that every child should learn at school or better still, at home and right from the start.
To Observe and not absorb is something that I have had to relearn – as it is so often presented in the world that the way you help another is to take on their issue to sure the load so to speak. What I now know is that by doing this you are actually taking on the other persons poison and this is even more poisonous for the one absorbing. We are poisoning each other with emotions that do not belong to us. We are from a stillness that is so deep and of which there is no emotion what so ever.
Serge Benhayon “He meets everyone with his full presence and attention. He never tries to be ‘nice’ or ‘polite’ or play social games. He is just himself, consistently – he ‘breathes his own breath’ and never holds back his truth and love.” This has been my experience of him and it has been an awesome inspiration and reflection and I have been open to learn more about myself. I am now living with more consistency throughout my life, I am as I am with all who I meet, no special treatment for anyone. I am loving with all, not perfect, but definitely very consistent. What this has done for my own well being is beyond measure, I have vitality, I have love and joy in my life every day. Awesome changes have occurred…
This is so lovely to read, Samantha, how you are loving with all and you are as you are with everyone you met.This itself support consistency and love for ourselves. Always good to know that we haven’t to be anything else than love.
“When I look back now, and if I think of the ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) child, what reflection did they get from me? Did they get a gentle person who could calmly work, being present with each task in every moment, without judgement? No! Did they get a reflection that there could be another way? Definitely not!” Very powerful Carmin.
Carmin, it is so true how so often within life we choose to measure the way we are with others, taking on a role, trying to please rather than just staying with ourselves and being who we are. I can feel in myself the more I am me with others, the more I feel they too are allowed the space to be themselves, without the need to try to be anything other than who they are. I find since being more of my self the connections I have with others feel more genuine and I don’t get caught up in trying to please or reacting to how they are, instead just connecting to the fact that underneath we are all the same. Thank you for sharing your experience.
Pleasing and reacting to other people is the game we play, a game in which we keep each other from expressing who we truly are. As you say Jade, “the more I am with me with others, the more I feel they too are allowed the space to be themselves” and that is so beautiful about being with me with others. That not only I am with myself but through this expression I invite or inspire the other to also be who they are in essence, to be with themselves.
Yes this is our true power to feel this in ourselves and in others!
This theatre is truly a game of confirming the false in each other and keeping the game rolling. The game changer is being authentic and living the real deal regardless of the moves at play around us. Only then will others remember the magic of living a True life.
Yes nvanhaastrecht that is so beautiful. Once you have felt the magic this brings to yourself and others, it is the only possible way forth.
I agree Deborah I too feel that “This theatre is truly a game of confirming the false in each other and keeping the game rolling.” And for me my commitment of being authentic and living my livingness to the best of my ability helped me to stay with me regardless what was happening around me.
Absolutely Jade, there is a falsity that lies when we have relationships with those that are based on us acting in a way that isn’t actually true to ourselves, I know I have felt it for myself and it feels very much so like a game or a fantasy and I often then feel as if the person doesn’t really know me, but then why would they if i’m not truly acting as me!
Beautifully said Jade.
Wow Carmin, what a fantastic learning and one that has been known and experienced in your body. A marker that will never be forgotten – a blessing for everyone that enters your practice. In reflection I am giving a moment to all those other people attending the same workshop and have taken on that same belief and way of working and ending up with exhaustion, whilst modelling everything they are not. Thanks for sharing.
Thanks Carmin this really reminded me of the chameleon I used to be and still catch myself doing from time to time. Serge truly is the most inspirational person I have ever met and you are so right, he is the perfect example of someone who is constant in being himself and being that self with everyone equally.
Yes he is a great example of this – so consistently himself without all the stuff that we cloud our lives with. Gives you an insight into how he can do all of the things he can as we can spend so much time worrying about things, or being nice/polite/recalibrating to others.
Chameleon is the right word for when we swap, change and adapt constantly to what we think is expected of us and, as just about everybody has expressed here, it is also very, very exhausting.
True Gabriele it is indeed. And we should allow ourselves to be “the true me” always.
So true Gabriele, it is exhausting and leaves us still empty of ourselves and the truth of what can come through us. Geraldine we could say we should allow ourselves to be the true me but I would say we always have the choice, but do we always make that choice?
Very true and as a former chameleon shape shifter, it takes enormous effort to maintain being what we believe we need to be for everyone else and never are we at ease with ourselves or with life. I often reflect on what the other person makes of this as well – it would be difficult to trust someone who is constantly playing a role and not being True and to know where you stand with them.
And me kevmchardy. I also realised how annoying and unsettling it is for people around me when I am this way. I now understand some irritation I have felt in people at meetings. I see that they have wanted me to just say what I thought, even if they didn’t agree with it, and to just be myself.
Yes, sometimes there are people who feel that we are hiding ourselves because we are possibly afraid. Meeting someone who recognizes this and doesn’t judge you is a true blessing.
I agree with your words kevmchardy. In the several years that I have been a student of the Way of The Livingness I have not once seen a divergence or distraction from Serge Benhayon that takes him away from being all that he is – such a reflection of God’s Love – indeed he truly is an inspirational being.
Carmin your blog reminded me of when I did my Life Coaching training back in 2002. We were also taught to calibrate to what the client was feeling and mimic their moods. I have to admit I was never any good at it and now know why! I don’t feel we truly understand just how damaging it is when we measure ourselves. Serge Benhayon was the VERY first person I have ever heard who made it about our inner knowing and wisdom first… about how we truly feel about ourselves and living from our essence instead of looking outside for answers – pure GOLD for all who are willing to listen.
I found it really interesting to read your comment Donna, and that calibrating ourselves according to another is actually ‘taught’ as a technique in courses. I have come to recognise that there is a stark difference between connecting with another as a result of being first able to connect to ourselves, and (seemingly) connecting to another by DIS-connecting with ourselves… It’s crazy when we really think about this because in the latter how can we possibly have a true relationship if we have to ‘not’ be ourselves, and if so, what is the other person really connecting with?! I’m still working on this one… And it has required a level of honesty and taking responsibility for my own relationship with myself and re-learning to listen to my body which invariably always speaks truth… Just that sometimes I don’t want to listen to it!
I got to feel some kind of these abusive and manipulating ways to connect with people as well and it is far away from the truth and from what we are.
The teachings presented by Universal Medicine are truly transformational, divine and delivered to all equally. The consistency of this organisation has helped me to trust the world again and myself in it.
Accepting that I am the barometer of change in the world at times still trips me up. I am learning to not underestimate just what I bring and also the power that is in the ‘unseen’. I am learning to accept this responsibility and actually love it. Building a foundation of truth in my body has been important, then from here I’ve watched and witnessed this in others, namely Serge Benhayon, I couldn’t have asked for a more loving inspiring light.
This blog explains beautifully the power of connecting with your self with simple gentle breaths, and then being able to meet someone in who you are. Love it.
It really sits deep, the adjusting to other people, their possible expectations or my projected ones, the need to be liked, the habit to comfort the other, to relieve the tension that might be or is felt due to the difference in mood or way of being etc. It takes choice and action to be truthful to oneself and hence to another, to accept the tension or awkwardness of a situation, but it is so worth the effort, actually life changing, as being oneself is the only choice that truly works on all levels.
To see and speak to people who are just being themselves, with no agenda for you to like them, to be polite or socially accepted based on the environment they may be in at any one time (Work, with friends etc) is a refreshing difference to how the majority of human interactions are conducted in the world. To be able to experience such and to feel that everyone can do the same is deeply inspiring.
The choice of conscious presence as consistently presented by Serge Benhayon produces a platform for evolution when embodied as an integral part of one’s Livingness. As Carmin states,” Serge meets everyone with his full presence and attention.”
It actually hurts every moment I catch myself not consistent in being the true me. If it hurts me, it certainly is hurting others too, there is no way around it. It hurts hearing myself sound different, seeing myself breathe and speak differently. Simply experienced, living a measured life expressing in less that who we truly are, is a conflict within the body, which impacts the whole of us, as well as the whole world.
The question that comes to me is, what right do we have in putting everyone else in harm, with our own choice to hold back? With that fully felt, then how would it be possible to hold ourselves back in not expressing? Nothing, absolutely nothing would be an issue to stop us from expressing ourselves, there would be no issues at all.
Carmin, I can relate to what you have shared. The good old chameleon act! This is something that I have realised that I too have mastered. Fitting in to please, to be liked not to upset or disturb anyone. I am seeing more and more just how untrue this act is and in the end, doesn’t help anyone. I am working on being the true me in all situations and as you have shared, it uses up so much less energy.
We can calibrate to each person and even celebrate this ability. This is great way to play safe. No one will mess around with you if you become like them. The problem is that playing safe does not offer anything but confirmation of where someone is or pretends to be. A great management tool. Yet, a tool whose foundation is the lack of appreciation for what we bring to the world and the difference we make.
It would be a pleasure to walk through your doors to look into your eyes as you did into mine Carmin. For me, within or outside of my workplace, this is what I notice most, connection can be made at first glance when connection is with us first.
I felt to read your beautiful blog again Carmin – and the word that springs to my mind on reflecting on my own reflection gleaned from one of the many wisdoms that I am constantly learning/re-membering from the Ageless Wisdom teachings and presentations through Serge Benhayon is ‘consistancy’, and not be allowing my responses to be fluctuating at the whim of the wind or the tide of the emotional sea that seems to surround us at times.
This is awesome Carmin! What a life-changing reflection we can bring: Serge Benhayon is such a huge inspiration in that “he is always the same, with everyone in every moment.” This is the way to truly be – and I am working towards this.
This is a great point and example you have raised Carmin about how I might believe I am ‘meeting’ another by running around chasing my tail attempting to accommodate their behaviour. But I am actually reflecting to them that I may be very efficient while underneath feeling just a little afraid and lost, instead of who I truly am. Instead, it is clear that in the full acceptance of myself, I can accept another’s behaviour as their own responsibility and bring space and true understanding to a situation, so they have an opportunity to feel where they are and claim that responsibility and be held in the loving support of me claiming mine.
The more I can feel the true me, the more I love surrendering to it. It is like the deepest and sweetest reunion that keeps building. We look out at the world and see many disconnected people and I have often dropped my connection because it hurts to see another in that way. But this doesn’t actually help them or me. To hold fast to love is the only way, then we all grow.
Thank you Jinya- well said! It doesn’t help either of us, whereas being ourselves helps everyone.
You make it very clear how exhausting it is when trying to measure up to what we think is expected of us and how clients should be treated – or would it be more honest to say, how clients must be manipulated so they walk away with a favourable opinion of the business and its operators even though, in truth, they might have been manhandled into this stance? How freeing it is to be our natural gentle selves and to work and play from there.
This is such a great observation Carmin, how easy it is to get impacted by the energy of another and equally how our energy effects others. This understanding is so important and should be one of the first things we get taught. Truthfully not sure what algebra has done for me but understanding energy and how it impacts on others and myself has changed my life.
All that has been shared is so true and its is through Universal Medicine that I have learnt and will continue to learn how to live in a loving and supportive way in all aspects of my life. It is freeing and less exhausting to not feel so influenced by all I that had been told or thought life should be like.
And I bet, when you realised that all you needed was to be yourself, your patients absolutely loved it and your energy levels would have almost instantly balanced out. Is being ourselves possibly the most sustainable way of living? I reckon!
Must be beautiful to come into your room and to meet you in your presence! This is the most powerful and healing reflection, you can give to any client. They are able to feel their own essence and start to build a connection, as you did too. So great, that your presence now is emanating your essence and within your way back to it.
I absolutely agree! Being in presence of someone who is truly there and open to listen and deeply understand is healing in itself.
Being my natural self, letting go of any mask or role to play , has been the most beautiful journey of unfoldment – exposing and tricky at times – but always coming back to Love. Thank you Serge Benhayon for accepting no less than who I truly am.
Through the teachings of Serge Benhyon and Universal Medicine I am also learning who the true me is without changing depending on who I am with. Life is so much more simple and natural.
I also find that life is so much more fun when we are being ourselves.
A great description of the futility of trying to be what we think others want us to be or of living as a chameleon, with the resultant energy depletion it brings. When we’re just ourselves, there’s no exhaustion because we’re merely confirming who we are to ourselves and others. Building this as a consistent way of going about our day is key to it all and certainly the quality that Serge Benhayon lives, exemplifies and inspires.
I can relate to how you were with your clients Carmin- calibrating to their behaviour. I too would do this in nursing. We were taught to be empathetic and sympathetic. This behaviour I have found to leave me drained and feeling less empowered. Thanks to Serge Benhayon and the presentations I have attended at Universal medicine I have learnt how to reconnect to the real me and in doing so when I speak or walk I do so from my whole body. I feel energised, more spacious and more empowered.
Carmin, what a difference between being exhausted at the end of every working day to meeting everyone who walks through the door in your full presence. All that it took was a choice to be the real you. Putting energy into playing roles that one thinks are expected of them and constantly measuring everyone else can be so draining yet we all fall for it. Thank you for this powerful reminder.
Carmin I can feel how beautiful it would be as your patient. It is a great reminder that being ourselves and honouring ourselves, consistently so, is a beautiful gift to everyone and doesn’t take heaps of energy like when we play the chameleon.
I really love your sharing Carmin. My experience of being myself is not something very much liked by the world sometimes. But that is okay. This is not a fight or something to be recognized for, but simply because it feels untrue to be anything else.
That said, I have tried all sorts of ways to measure myself with others, and truly as you have shared, when we do this, I have lost being my true self, and the more this is done, the more I have forgotten who I am. Until thinking that I do not know myself when I actually do, becomes too painful a consequence to bear.
This is a revelation Adele, the more we try to live up to others’ expectations we start to forget who we truly are and before we know it we are living someone else entirely. Thank you for sharing and knowing it is possible to return back to who we truly, just requires a bit of work and focus but is well worth it.
Such simplicity in ” moving gently throughout the day, honouring what we feel in every moment “. Thank you Carmin
I too had spent a life time being influenced by either the environment or the people around me. What a relief to finally learn that it’s ok to just be myself.
I am forever deeply grateful to Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon for showing and teaching such practical tools in supporting me to return back to how I truly am. The healing that I have experienced has been one of deep Love and Truth which has been the key to feeling the amazing, beautiful Woman that I know I am today. Thank you from the bottom of my inner heart.
To get to know oneself deeper and deeper is such a beautiful journey. I started this journey when I met Serge Benhayon 5 years ago. And from that time on my life changed hugely in a life filled with joy and love.
It is interesting to consider that knowing ourselves comes from a feeling and not a thought or idea about who we are.
Very true Vicky, i used think I would know myself by my thoughts which meant whatever crazy thought I had was how I felt about myself. Knowing myself by feeling is a completely different and actually allows me to feel who I truly am, and then know myself from there.
I really like this line “Now when you walk through the door, instead of the exhausted, racy actor, you get the true me”. Pretending to be someone that we are not is exactly that – acting. No wonder so many people feel disconnected from themselves when so much time is spent trying to be someone else. Connecting to our true selves stops all that.
What a lovely honest blog Carmin which made me think back on all the times I have not been myself or changed to suit a certain situation, thankfully through Universal medicine I have learnt that it is fine just being me.
If you asked the version of me that existed before I came across Universal Medicine, if I thought / felt that I was being me, I would undoubtedly say yes. That ‘me’ is all I knew so of course I would proclaim that I knew who I was. But having explored this notion with greater depth and honesty, I am finding out how ‘me’ is something else entirely from what I though it meant all those years ago. It is the love that emanates from my beating heart, tangibly so. To feel it is at once a diving gift and a natural homecoming.
Beautiful Carmin so lovely thank you for sharing this. I love how you say I have learned to connect to me, to feel the true me and to express from there. This is amazing and I am learning this too also and it is really joyful:)
What a turn around that must have been for you: just bringing you instead of ‘mimicing’ the other where he/she is. It is so simple, yet in practice a conscious choice. To breathe your own breath and share stillness and gentleness in each connection. Great reminder.
I loved reading this blog and if I’m totally honest I can still be judgemental of other people and myself. I know I can still measure a person when I see them, in the sense of how open I can be, it’s almost like I am working out how much I can let my guard down – this is an exhausting way to live and be, and as you Carmin, what I am reflecting is not an openness, love and consistency with all equally. This is great and something I am going to consciously work on. i know when i have met Serge Benhayon and he has held me in absolute presence and love, my body lets go of every aspect of protection I have put up. It feels amazing to be accepted just for being me.
As practitioners of health and well-being modalities, we are taught the physical attributes of the body, and ways to deal with it and sometimes the psychological, but rarely are we taught how to be with people, that the way we are with patients and clients is equally important as the modality being practiced. It’s a great point you make here regarding this Carmin. Thanks to Serge Benhayon, we now know that the way we are with people is equally important to the modality and that is determined by the way we live our own lives.
‘Because I can now feel the loving essence inside of me, I am able to truly meet another.’ …. and that allows the other person the space and opportunity to be themselves too. Gorgeous. Thank you.
Carmin your sentence “the energy I put into being what I thought everyone wanted me to be” resonated with me. That is where I lived 100% of the time along with what I thought I should be (good, nice, polite etc). I had no idea of where I was or who I was, let alone that something else was even possible. Gradually, as I have deepened my understanding of the work of Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon, I have also been discovering a truer me. As this has unfolded, I have moved from groaning at the start of each day to jumping out of bed with a wonderful sense of excitement and expectation of what my day may bring.
This change in the way you live now Glen alone is a miracle. A true everyday miracle that is worth celebrating in full.
That is a miracle in itself!
How many people working in the world, many in very responsible jobs, feel like they are never being their true selves. How many artists musicians and actors are just waiting to be ‘exposed’ as having no talent. To be able to feel ourselves, who we truly are, is one of the greatest gifts we can receive, and this is the gift that Universal Medicine offers to everyone, no exception, the door is always open.
So true cjames, when we connect to who we truly are, that fear and shame we carry that we will be found out as a fraud or not good enough melts away.
No wonder work is exhausting when at work we put on the ‘work face’ and adopt the work role. When someone says ‘hello, how are you’, we reply with ‘good, how are you’. It’s just acting and not really living the truth of who we are.
Yes, it is difficult to work and to be an actor simultaneously. Two simultaneous full-time jobs.
Yes exactly Matthew it really is hard ” work,” in the truest sense, because we are continually on all the time and shifting from one role to the next. What a long running acting career with no rewards as they are not seeing and feeling the real shining light of the amazing person within.
It’s a horrible feeling not being true to yourself, a bit like you are standing back and watching someone else act it out in your body. I agree Universal Medicine is a game changer.
Presenting, feeling, being and living the true me is the greatest gift I have learned from Serge Benhayon with his inspiration and reflection. What a beautiful blog sharing this with simplicity and love Thank you .
It is true that Serge does not play at being nice, polite or any social games and refuses to get drawn into such things – this is great for us to feel that it’s ok to not entertain others who want to indulge and that going along with things just because everyone else does, is doing no one any favours. I know I need more consistency with this one and alarm bells go off when I choose to override my feelings, under the guise of fitting in or feeling important.
I love the freedom that comes with being myself.
Dear Carmin, what an awesome reflection and blessing they get when they walk through the door.
I have also calibrated to the world around but now I am in the awareness of listening to my own inner knowing … such a vastly different way to be.
It is amazing how we ‘read’ people to determine how we ourselves ‘should’ behave. How much simpler it is to be ourselves, steadfastly so. Yesterday on my way to work I saw a bird of prey up in the sky, hovering as they do, using its wingbeats to stay absolutely steady and focused – it was a great reflection of how we too can be steady and focused in our everyday lives, and less dependent on what else may be happening around us..
Great observation Carmel. It takes a great deal of inner strength to focus on ourselves and not loose ourselves to what is happening in the world, but we all have this inner strength inside of us and with this awareness comes the choice to remain still and focussed. I find focussing on my breath and dropping my shoulders supportive in bringing myself back to my body and to me.
I just did that then after reading your comment and it did just that. I felt the return to me. Lovely. Thank you.
Agree Carmel, it is so much simpler to just be ourselves instead of trying to be something we are not.
And trying just takes the fun and joy away…what a relief it is to just be what is innate and natural and just ‘you’.
Yes Elizabeth and we are naturally so gorgeous when we are being ourselves that it’s rather silly when we try and be anything more or less of who we are!
I agree Elizabeth, it seems to take such an enormous output of energy to be that which we truly are not – when it feels to be so much easier to just be ourselves when connected to that place of stillness within.
I love the simplicity of what you say here Elizabeth, it really brings it home.
great analogy Carmel and so true: “be steady and focused in our everyday lives, and less dependent on what else may be happening around us”..
Beautiful Carmel, when we open our eyes we get reflected everywhere the messages to become our true self.
A great reflection Carmel, as those little birds beat their hearts out around the clock yet as you say “hold steady and focused”.
I perfect reflection for you
Yes Carmel it’s like a massive veil is lifted and the world becomes gorgeous and clear.
Yes, we need to stay connected with ourselves and feel for ourselves what is required in each moment. The moment we stray from that it gets very complicated.
The change in my life is undoubtably the best thing that has ever happened to me . This change was completely inspired by Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon, taking time to connect to the true me and feeling how still, familiar and powerful I am in this connection I knew I was returning back to who I truly was. Over many years and with the support of the Gentle Breath meditation – http://bit.ly/14HgdR5 – I have been able to bring the quality into my everyday. Life is completely different. I actually Love life now.
I totally can relate to this and feel the same, life has completely changed for me and the Gentle Breath Meditation has been amazing and a great way to really get to know myself again.
I agree Amina, the Gentle Breath Meditation is an amazing tool…..it brought me back home to myself.
And the same for me too Natalie, I find it amazing to think that something as simple as the Gentle Breath meditation, which I first experienced at one of the early Universal Medicine workshops, was the tool that supported me, more and more consistently over the years, to connect back to the real and true me so that now it is just a normal and natural thing to do. Like you I have a vastly greater love of life and what is lovely is that it continues to grow – there is no end to it.
The Gentle Breath meditation was challenging at first as it shows where I truly was at in my day and whether I had or had not been honouring of me in it. It was a gentle building and deepening of a living quality throughout my day that has supported me to make huge changes in my life and it has been deeply inspired by the living ways of Serge Benhayon and other students of Universal Medicine
It is true Joshua, the Gentle Breath Meditation is still challenging sometimes, showing me where I have been and beautifully encouraging me to come back. The amazing thing about it is that when you do come back it is always at the last marker and foundation of connection we have made and therefore although it can show us how far away we may have been, it also confirms to us how far we have come, how amazing we can really feel, and how much there is to support us.
I agree Natalie, this simple technique is as powerful for me today as it was when I first learnt it 9 years ago and it’s also available free. What a gift it was for me and for every person I have shared it with since.
Absolutely Tricianicholson, Serge knows himself so completely and so is able to be himself in full because of that complete knowing of himself and who he is, and he naturally lives and shares that with everyone he meets, and that is what you feel when you meet Serge, absolute presence, pure and simple, and an equal Divine, reflection for us all.
Thank you Carmin for this beautiful blog and i too agree that “The reflection I have received from Serge Benhayon is that he is always the same, with everyone in every moment. He meets everyone with his full presence and attention. He never tries to be ‘nice’ or ‘polite’ or play social games. He is just himself, consistently – he ‘breathes his own breath’ and never holds back his truth and love. Serge Benhayon is the inspiration and role model for humanity.
Serge Benhayon teaches by example, your testimony is so true Carmin – “consistent, never holding back his truth and love”.
My work in progress is to uncover those qualities within myself, connecting to and reflecting my loving essence.
Having experienced the true you in an eye examination yesterday I can say that you are truly beautiful Carmin. It was a very healing experience and confirmed what I knew, I need glasses, the explanations and care provided was very supportive. Thank you.
Thank you Carmin for this de-light-full blog exposing a few of the ploys of some of the ‘how to run a business’ gurus reminding me of a time long ago as an Amway distributor that those who were ahead in that game would encourage the potential salesperson to actually mimic their client – e.g. if the client crossed their legs, then we were to cross the legs, if the client leaned forward on the desk, then, must follow, we then lean forward on the desk etc – giving a false mask of being at one with the customer – oh man! the games that people play – the games of a specific consciousness, and as I have learned since meeting Serge Benhayon, and attending the presentations of Universal Medicine these are not the games of honesty and integrity. It was a joy to read of your beautiful unfolding journey back to you.
So true it is exhausting putting on an act of who we think we should be, I used to have a different act for different people in my family. Now I allow myself to be more consistently myself and it feels much better. I actually used to say “I don’t feel like putting my happy act on today because I’m not feeling happy” now I am more honest and everyone can feel the real me.
Brilliant to read this again Carmin, it is a great reflection you offer and one I feel I benefit from revisiting, for the old ways of bending to the way of another is still so strong in me. It is powerful to feel the way we can hold a stillness and a steadiness if we so choose and offer that as our true reflection as you have beautifully shared.
Your photo says it all – absolutely gorgeous 🙂
I worked with a very sharp salesmen once, someone who had trained with the biggest names in sales in America. He was always completed exhausted because of the myriad of lies he was running and the ever changing persona he put on.
You’ve explained this really well Carmen. I used to behave in a similar way and it IS exhausting. It’s been such a blessing to come across the work of Serge Benhayon and to realise that I’m actually ok as I am if I just come back to being who I truly am without the performance.
Sounds beautiful that your clients get the full version of you every time. I know I have also fallen for that trick of being what I think another wants me to be, but really what most people want to see is just who we naturally are.
Hi Carmin, I too can remember up until a few years ago feeling like an actor and always feeling like I had to adapt myself to different people or situation in order to be recognised. This can be so much so that as young adults we forget what the true you feels like. Practising the gentle breath meditation has allowed me to start to connect, hold & develop that true sense of who I really am. Connecting with others from this place is a truly lovely and most definitely not exhausting.
I work in a customer service role and whereas in the old days I’d have put on a fixed smile and been ‘nice’, now I’m just being me – it’s much simpler and the smile is there because I’m having fun truly connecting with all the people I meet.
The children with ADD not only did not get the reflection of the real you, a ‘gentle person who could calmly work, being present with each task in every moment, without judgement?’ but a confirmation that being frantic or racy was OK. Reading your experience it is amazing to feel the beautiful opportunity that the children you meet are now being offered.
Thank you Carmin I can so relate to your sharing having spent my life being a chameleon. I am now so much more able to meet clients where they are at and get myself out of the way which is much less exhausting and much more productive for us both.
Yes I agree, the benefits of just being who we truly are, are huge. It is so draining to try and second guess how we think another wants us to be, crazy! Just being me is much simpler and healthier for all concerned.
Carmin, a co-worker of mine recently shared that at their management training they were taught that you can’t change another person to understand you so you have to change yourself so they understand you. It sounds quite exhausting as it was described to me that you have to work out how you speak with different people so they don’t get offended but they get the work done. It reminded me of your blog of how we should meet people. It would be much simpler if the focus was first on connecting and living from our truth and then meeting people from that.
Absolutely Ariana, Serge Benhayon is a true role model for self love, self care, self responsibility and true service to humanity and all of that is because of his choice to accept and live in full his deep and forever love so that others may know themselves equally as that.
During our University Teacher training we were told that a ‘teacher is an unemployed actor and the classroom is their stage’! Oh dear, I can’t believe that 30 years of acting really produced a ‘Big Star’ – it was only since I participated in Serge Benhayon’s presentations and workshops that I became a ‘Big Star’ in my classroom. What a difference being and feeling the True Me is when teaching both for me, and the children, I taught. Instead of seeing the students as the audience, I made true and loving connections and meaningful relationships with each one of them – thus giving them a genuine loving reflection all day every day. When we connect to the stillness and wisdom that is innate in all of us, the beautiful result is everyone appreciating and valuing their True Me. No more raciness and falseness – just pure love between, and with, each other.
As I explore the journey of connecting to my feelings of tenderness, my true essence, I am able to now allow and respect others tenderness. Just having this understanding has changed my interaction with others.
A celebration of consistency and responsibility – thank you, Carmin, and reading this blog has invited me to a greater awareness of how and when I change in different situations throughout the day.
Great to have the reminder that we can just simply meet people from the true and steady sense of our selves. So much seems to depend on not investing in an outcome from the meeting. Not needing to protect myself from what another might say or do. No need to get a gratuitous high from the attention of a compliment. When I want these outcomes, it seems I am choosing to not meet myself first as being the loving person I am.
“I have learned to connect to me, to feel the true me and to express from there “- I too, like you Carmin am learning to trust and express more from by body, and not be governed by my head. In doing so I am more of me, and a true reflection for others.
Carmin what a lovely read, how taking your full presence to meet people has made such an impact. I have found when I meet someone in my fullness I get so much back in return from the other.
It has more and more been shown to me that the more I choose to be open with others, the more they are open with me. Trouble is, I’ve learnt to wait until the other person opens up first. Or at least that was how I used to live all the time. In total defence, waiting for them to make the next move…Thinking I was in control. Control I suppose is the right term, as that is what I was doing. Controlling how much I let people in, how much I let love in and therefore how much I loved back. But that measured life is what left me feeling empty and fed a cycle of shutting myself off a little more. To know a different way now, to know that being and holding myself as open towards others first, has been an incredible experience and honouring of how I am truly feeling. Yes if we are open we get it back, but it starts with us accepting who we are and choosing to drop all of our defences, with no investments.
And what a divine you – you are! I loved seeing your photo shining through at the end of your writing and I would love to walk through a door and be met by you – what a gift you are to the world.
Beautiful Carmin – what a gift you are offering to all your clients. “I have learned to connect to me, to feel the true me and to express from there (without perfection, as I still have ‘wobbles’)”. I love the way you acknowledge ‘without perfection’ as if we don’t accept that we aren’t perfect, and we will have wobbles, we will not be able to fully appreciate all that we are, where we are now, which is so important.
How lovely to meet the true you Carmin. Thank you.
“Just“ being you and meeting others with the love and truth that you are is the greatest inspiration you can bring, as this means there is no judgement or expectation, but room for every one else to choose if they want to be inspired or not.
After years, or maybe even life times of self worth issues, I am coming to the realisation, that I’m Ok just being me and let me tell you that’s a pretty amazing feeling. Many thanks to you know who and you know who’s family and you know what organisation.
This phenomenon of calibrating to the outside world that Carmin refers to is also endemic in the way that people speak in our society, to the point where most people do not know their true expression. One of the most liberating facets of what Universal Medicine presents is that in the knowing of oneself, we also stop calibrating the way we speak, be it for approval, fitting in, etc but we truly find our own voice, and this is what is needed in the world now
“Because I can now feel the loving essence inside of me, I am able to truly meet another.” So true and I find that the more I connect to the loving essence, the less needy and demanding I am of other people and the world and can connect more to their loving essence as well.
How different it feels when we behave according to our own feelings rather in reaction to our perception of another.
The power of being true to ourselves is huge. I have observed the same from Serge with almost amazement – nothing before him and nothing you can do no matter how bad can phase him or changes him or makes him react – there is an unshakable steadiness.
That’s exactly it Meg, Serge is true to himself at all times, no wavering or changing coats and as a result nothing ruffles him.
I agree – there is a true steadiness.
Yes there is a deep power when we take all the roles away Meg. Steadiness is spot on, and Serge has always reflected that we all have this ability if we allow it.
Totally – his boundless power is incredibly inspiring.
An amazing blog Carmin Hall, such a super important thing to share – we can reflect to others that they are so much more than the reactions, the dramas, the illnesses etc. that they identify themselves with, and that there is actually a pure and very accessible essence inside all of us, but it can only truly be reflected if we are living from that essence ourselves.
No perfection required, just the amazing acceptance that all is well and we simply need to share ourselves honestly and openly with others. Thank you, Eva and Carmin.
Feeling the true real me is such a joy and gift which I have found and am allowing myself more and more since meeting Serge Benhayon, his family and Universal Medicine. Thank you for such a beautiful simple blog reflecting this so clearly.
” My approach was to ‘mimic my patient’ or ‘to follow their lead’. I was never taught this explicitly at the time, but just recently I attended a Customer Services workshop where this was recommended as a way to ‘wow’ your client.” I remember being taught this too – to copy their body language as a way to establish rapport. Such a relief to drop that and just be me.
Not only a huge relief to drop our fronts but others can instantly feel and recognise what is authentic or not, so the only thing left is our own fear of being hurt if we reveal who we really are.
It is a relief and release to drop this behavior as it is also exhausting. If we are not breathing our breath and living to our beat we are breathing and living another’s and another’s infinitum! No wonder exhaustion and burn out is so high amongst people.
‘I have learned to connect to me, to feel the true me and to express from there’
Carmin this is the key to being an awesome sales person, real and sincere. If only this is what we were encouraged to express when we work. The true ‘wow’ factor. ✨
Carmin, I used to be exhausted at the end of every working day. Like you this was not ‘because of the physical aspects of my job, but because of the energy I put into being what I thought everyone wanted me to be’. It was not until I met Serge Benhayon and heard his presentations that I realised that there was another way to be in life, which did not involve roles, just me being the true ‘me’.
Giving ourselves permission to just be ourselves is a huge step in the right direction.
It sounds like a paradox but it is very true Elizabeth – it starts with giving ourselves permission to just be who we are.
Thank you Carmin for writing this blog. This line feels like a breath of fresh air and a relief “He never tries to be ‘nice’ or ‘polite’ or play social games.” It is like it gives me permission ( crazy I know why do we need permission) to just be me. I still get caught up in the game or roles of trying to please or be nice. When really this helps nobody and just tirelessly continues the merry go round, the facade, the many faces and games we play. It’s exhausting even just thinking about it, it is time to definitely stop and get off … for good.
Gyl the roles of trying to please and being nice are exhausting aren’t they? Yes Serge Benhayon has inspired me in many ways and one of those is to keep it REAL ✨
I know that I would much rather a practitioner that is steady and solid in themselves that offers their expertise than someone that is all over the place trying to fit into their clients needs and ways. I have experienced both and with out a shadow of a doubt the connected, steady and consistent practitioner is the one that can support me in what it is I need.
I agree Natalie. The real, consistent, steady practitioner is always going to be the one I choose. No techniques and persuasion thank you.
“Feeling the true me”. It’s all about connection and presence and how we establish and nurture this lovely (and incredible) way to live.
The way we have been taught from an early age to play roles depending on each situation is such a trap. As you say Carmin, it leaves us reading others and then adjusting ourselves accordingly without realising that we are actually depriving others of the opportunity and the blessing of our genuine presence.
Going from being what others might want to being the real you is not a subtle transformation, it is everything. The world is a brighter place because of your connection to your beautiful self
Exactly Bernard, by becoming and living our real selves, we light up not only our lives, but the whole world with the beauty, joy and lightness we then live.
‘The world is a brighter place because of your connection to your beautiful self’ is so true Bernard. If it just takes one person to brighten the world, then what humanity could do if everyone shone from a connection to their own ‘beautiful self’ is beyond imagining! We would start to have Heaven on earth!
Lovely summary Bernie…Not subtle but deeply needed and valued by all.
So true Bernie. Being real is everything and so much more enjoyable ☺️
True Bernard – it is everything. To be who we are and not hold back is absolute love. We feel it, and so do others.
A beautiful statment Bernard – thank you.
True, just look at that gorgeous photo.
“At the end of every working day I was exhausted. Not because of the physical aspects of my job, but because of the energy I put into being what I thought everyone wanted me to be, and my constant measuring of everyone else. I thought, though not consciously, that I was meeting each person where they were at”.
I so resonate with this, feeling exhausted at the end of the day for being someone I am not. I am more aware of who I am in the day and like yourself, I still ‘wobble’ and when I am exhausted, it gives me the opportunity to feel into when I wasn’t being the real me.
What’s interesting, Carmin, is that what you’re talking about was also part of the way that I lived my life when I met others. Now that I’ve been with Serge Benhayon I realise that the way that he is with others and the consistency that he brings is actually the only real way of building true relationships. This helps us both to grow and evolve. Perfectly said.
And perfectly said again Michael, There is only one real way to build true relationships and one of the key ingredients is definitely consistency.
I agree Michael. It is the consistency that seems to be able to break down beliefs and ideals about how we should be. So much is communicated through consistency and I am constantly amazed at how much I learn through this.
Vicky I too am finding, the more I am consistent with my self, the more I am learning. More and more ideals and beliefs are breaking.
Yes, being ourselves is the only way to build true relationships, thank you Michael.
I used to be proud of my ability to be an actor in situations. But now I know the difference of how it feels within my body and how it impacts others when I bring the full me to the table. I also know how it feels in my body and how inspiring it is to witness another person expressing themself unreservedly. There is no contest. I am a fan of expressing fully and will continue to work on healing the areas that bring out the actor.
Well put Golnaz, acting out many different roles was something I slipped into, often without realising. After a while, since Universal Medicine, it became more obvious what I was doing. It is far more enjoyable to be me in every situation than the actor.
‘It is far more enjoyable to be me in every situation than the actor’, I really feel this, I used to change myself depending on who I was with and this felt exhausting. It feels lovely now to be more steady, know who I am and be the same with everyone I meet (it’s a work in progress, but feels great).
I love your expression here Golnaz, about being the actor, so very relatable for me. Most of my life involved me being the actor in roles like, being good, doing the right thing, and probably on equal par, the being nice role. The way those choices feel in my body now, definitely let me know when I am starting to go there again, it’s a great stop moment to then reflect on what is happening for me and why I am choosing to step away from a much truer, more loving version of who I now know and claim myself to be.
Julie, i also can relate to what Golnaz has expressed about being an actor. I was always able to morph and change into any situation or experience. Because I had such little faith in myself of being able to present the real me. Heck I didn’t even know what that meant, the real me, I was so lost from that. But now that I have taken time and it has taken time, honesty and dedicated responsibility, to heal a lot within myself and claim who I really am. This does feel amazing and worth every cent and time I have dedicated into being forever student.
I agree I was also an actor – the thing is when I was young I could feel that my parents were both actors too. When they changed their roles I was always confused and could not understand why they get so “strange”. Unfortunately I could not remember when I was not aware of this strange “change” anymore. It had to be the moment when I decided to play as an actor as well.
Being an actor really resonates with me too. I knew exactly what to say and do to remain invisible – or that’s what I thought! But when I meet Universal Medicine practitioners they’re like, what are you doing? Be you, you’re wonderful!
And looking back I feel there were those who believed my facades but actually knew I was playing an act but if they addressed this fact they too would have to stop acting and the game would be over. I too have watched people act and not said ‘forget the show I want to meet you’. There’s a responsibility on both sides – actors and audience’s participation. This blog is calling me to ask where am I still playing this game?
Great point Golnaz, I reckon most people are living their lives like actors and measuring what to say and how to act in the different situations, and most of them don’t even know it themselves.
To just trust that who we are is enough is huge! I love your honesty here, what a wonderful work in progress.
Your article reminds me of how powerful it is when one is truly heard and understood. I’ve only really felt that with professionals when with Universal Medicine practitioners. When they connect to the wisdom and stillness in all of us, they invite those who are with them to do so too. All that raciness and falseness is hard to keep running and a word doesn’t need to spoken even. Very powerful.
“To work and move gently throughout the day and to honour what I feel in every moment.” What an inspiring way to bring all of us to anything and everything that we do, and how wonderful it will be for all those we meet each day when they are able to feel all of us, in our fullness.
That’s the beauty when we meet people in their fullness, it inspires us and makes us connect to that energy within us. So the more we are in our fullness the more people we reflect to and inspire.
Gorgeous comment Amita. It makes being anything less than in our fullness a no-brainer- without perfection.
So true Amita. This is how the world becomes a place we can be ourselves and celebrate that.
Yes a great comment Amita, our fullness speaks more than anything in this world.
Lovely Amita I couldn’t agree more. Being in our fullness invites others into our lives to be that for themselves too. That’s an amazing way to be.
All these techniques out there in the world of how to ‘meet’ someone are just distractions! I am forever grateful that I came across Universal Medicine for I am sure I would be on the floor exhausted and with a kidney condition if I had carried on with a life filled with empathy. Literally would have drained the life out of me. Now I can just be myself and I feel tired sometimes but never exhausted.
“Now when you walk through the door, instead of the exhausted, racy actor, you get the true me!” And I did – meet the true you – when I met you in Vietnam this year. Great blog, thank you Carmin.
When we are truly being ourselves, is very difficult to not meet another. It takes the ‘act’ of customer service and throws it out the window. Meeting another and not pandering to their ‘needs’ can only result is the greatest service to another human being.
I Love this blog Carmin – I can relate so much to ‘changing faces’ based on who I’m with.
I love that you point out that being the true you, staying with who we are in our day offers another a reflection of something different, that you can be your natural self in this crazy world of ours. I know I certainly appreciate these reflections as it gives me the confidence and trust that I too can express the true me. So no excuses from me anymore to hold back and mould myself to what I think people want to see / feel / experience.
Hi Carmin I love the picture of you it says it all.
Such a beautiful sharing Carmin, to find the real you, that connection, and express from there is just so wonderful. It is such an amazing unfolding you have shared, thank you.
I so agree, connecting from the heart is absolutely priceless, to the point that if you spoke a word, it would lessen the quality of that moment.
And I can feel the difference between a social smile and a real smile, and sometimes a smile is not even necessary, in the sense that connecting from the heart can have many different flavours.
What I observe is that when I am being me, I offer the other an opportunity to settle and connect to themself. Often they will express how different they feel after being with me.
It is so simple as it is not what we say but the quality we be in that supports the other.
Carmin, it feels very beautiful reading what you have written … Gorgeous and very yummy … What a blessing and joy you are to everyone you meet 💝
I love how you said Carmin, what reflection did the child that has ADD get from you. I too, in the past have changed myself to fit into others that I am with, so much so that I could never have all of my friends together as I wouldn’t know which ‘me’ I would be in that moment. If I was one way, the rest would not recognise me. This is crazy and as I am writing this I can feel the intensity that this had on my life. No one got to see the real me, until now, and even that is still a work in progress,
The quality you present here Carmin sets a benchmark for all healthcare practitioners, showing there is indeed another way to be, thank you for sharing such a beautiful reflection
The awareness of true love and importance of being the true me has been very inspiring from reading this article thank you, a great sharing and joy to be part of Universal Medicine and the presentations of Serge Benhayon.
Playing the chameleon, fitting in to my surroundings and with others – was a form or protection I used consistently. That is until I too re-discovered the absolute joy of true connection – with myself and with others. Thank you Serge Benhayon for being the first one to show me the way back to me!
I Agree Helen, connecting with others is a full body experience where we allow ourselves to express just who we are, not a head experience where we bring all measures, ideals and expectations of ourselves and others making us be something that clearly is not who we are.
And how different it is to be with someone who is just themselves – as Carmin writes about – there is so much space and freedom for us in that, its a great big PHEW all round!
I remember being like this and aligning myself with clients whenever I met them. In training we received, we were told we should mimic the client’s mannerisms, as this would endear us to the person. How draining and imposing! Since becoming aware of how this affects both myself and the person I am with, I now bring all of me when I meet someone. This change has been a direct result of knowing Serge Benhayon and attending various Universal Medicine presentations. Being all of me has been life changing and the person I am with feels this and it allows them to be all of who they are. So much lighter and uplifting for all.
When can I book in 🙂
I am due for an eye test and this is the quality I want to have in my practitioner
Great blog Carmin. What a difference it makes when we are our authentic selves, us being truly who we are offers others the safe non-threatening loving opportunity to reconnect and drop their masks and be themselves and express from who they truly are. I also see the amazing difference this makes in the work place.
truly and deeply connecting to another is one of the most divine feelings ever. Why do we complicate life so that this is seldom occurring ? (:
For years i have calibrated through my interactions with those around me. But why? To fit in, to feel needed, in sympathy, but mostly to confirm the cycle of our involution. Through the inspiration of Serge Benhayon and his remarkable family, the relationship I now have to self is steadier and more confident which in turn dissolves the need for calibration. I am learning to stay with me in social situations and read in between the lines, without enjoining or reacting.
I am with you there Lucindag. The ironic thing about staying with myself in all situations is that I feel much more confident and joyful, so the question is, why would I ever choose to not be with myself?
What amazing holistic care you are offering your clients Carmin. They not only get the medical help they need on a practical level but they get supported and connected to as an equal human being and inspired by your presence.
Yes I agree andrewmooney26 they get all of it and it is a real blessing what Carmin is offering.
This is something I can see everyday but it feels so gorgeous and so empowering to give them back the full me instead of playing ball with their games 🙂 absolutely beautiful!
“He never tries to be ‘nice’ or ‘polite’ or play social games. He is just himself, consistently – he ‘breathes his own breath’ and never holds back his truth and love” This is such an amazing thing Carmin, I am truly inspired. Not only is it exhausting and no fun when we aren’t being ourselves in all that we do, it is holding back our truth and love. We actually have something to bring to the world, and not bringing it is giving the way the world is full permission to just run its course, and nothing ever changes.
A beautiful sharing of what it means to truly serve. Being connected to our heart and stillness we all bestow this gorgeous quality within. Thank you Carmin.
It’s interesting to see how willing we are to change for others, becoming more like them when it is not necessary. I have done this all my life and it feels like I am not only cheating myself, I am cheating others from not truly getting the real me.
I love the question you posed, ‘Did they get a reflection that there could be another way?’ because I can pose this question any time I don’t feel what’s around me is self loving. I can join in with what everyone else is doing or I can offer another reflection – something as simple as taking the allocated lunch break if I feel that is what will support me for the rest of the day.
The way you look in your photo in absolutely no way resembles an exhausted, worn-out practitioner. Your turnaround is inspiring Carmin.
Carmin thank you for this insight, as I was reading I was pondering that nearly everyone calibrates to others to a certain extent, some more than others. I have always thought of myself as independent of mind but now can identify the ways where I am also reading the feedback from others and responding in line with that. It is not so harmless. You never have a true conversation because you are not there 100%. I now realize if I do that even a little I am dishonoring myself and disrespecting the other person.
Carmin I can so relate to what you have shared here. Reflecting back on how I used to work, for the most part it was calibrated to the person in front of me – but in a way where I lost myself. These days – also knowing all I know from the teachings of Serge Benahayon and Universal Medicine – I have begun to work in a different way where I can feel where the person is at but not change myself in the process. Me staying with me and connected I’ve realised is the most vital part of the interaction. It then actually allows me to be of much more service than if I am changing, calibrating or ‘racing’ as you have said. The value of what you, I and many others have learnt here cannot be underestimated – how many other people out there are running around exhausted from the way they are living their days? Thank you for sharing Carmin, its something I’m sure many will be inspired by.
And the most beautiful thing is when meeting someone from your heart instead of trying to measure up to them, that everyone regardless of how they are, are graced by the natural openness and love that can be felt when we are just who we truly are.
It is incredible how trying to please others, or trying to protect oneself against others, is so draining. It is also amazing, how Serge Benhayon has, through Universal Medicine, presented how powerful and revitalising it is to connect with a wellspring of joy inside us, which is so nourishing and confidence building, Never does this mean withdrawing or imposing on others. Only meeting them with the fullness of who I am, and not shying away if they meet me back, but allowing myself to truly feel that I deserve this love in my life.
Beautiful Carmin, I too have found that I often measure where the other person is at, and respond in a way to make them feel at ease or comfortable, but it is calculated, even subconsciously – and yet there is such a difference to when I am fully being myself and just meeting the other person with that. They mark it too, and the communication feels much more honest and equal.
Wow Carmin, your story inspires me to reflect on my own unfolding.
So much has changed for me since committing to my healing and evolution as presented by Universal Medicine.
I too was a practitioner who was exhausted from performing as a practitioner rather than just being myself. This is really quite an unhealthy way to live, running your body on an energy full of everything but me. It is such a marked difference now that I just be me with my clients and as I continue to live in line with my soul and unfold who I truly am, my body becomes even more vital and radiant.
This is something that I have consistently observed “The reflection I have received from Serge Benhayon is that he is always the same, with everyone in every moment. He meets everyone with his full presence and attention.” This level of connection with others, equally has been deeply supportive and inspirational to me and how I communicate with people.
“From attending Universal Medicine events I have learned to support myself at work. To approach each person and task with my full presence. To work and move gently throughout the day and to honour what I feel in every moment.” The simplicity and power in these words is inspiring, thank you Carmin.
Yes I love the reminder to ‘approach each task with my full presence.’ so simple and a discipline I am really starting to work with. I’ve been so surprised at how I am not feeling overwhelmed at work when in the past I would have done and could easily still do by distracting myself with what I have to do next. I’ve been an expert in overwhelm and now am learning another way.
So beautiful to read how Carmin, you’ve brought yourself into your workspace because this supports me in mine. Thank you
‘I’ve been an expert in overwhelm and now am learning another way.’ I laughed when I reads this Karin because I could so relate and it is so amazing to be learning another way to be which makes me so much more effective at work.
I too Jule have learned how to support myself at work. it starts before work in how I prepare for the day and goes into the day in how I am with myself (fully present and gentle) and with the client (honest, open, clear). This way I’m not feeling the exhaustion i once did.
Same here Kehinde – from a state of manic panic and consistent rushing and flitting around to being far more present and loving throughout the day. Simple techniques yet life changing.
Yes they are David. I have found that when I am more present and loving with myself, I bring these same qualities to people I meet and work with.
I love what you share and it is one I can relate to. I am currently working on how I am at work because I can feel as you mention that there are times when I choose to become what the other person needs or expects me to be. Unfortunately this hurts enormously and likewise I can feel drained at the end of the day. Thank you for the reminder to always express from the true me and in my case not get swept up in the rush or stress of how another chooses to be.
This is so beautiful Carmin, I can relate to what you have shared around ‘mimicking people’ or ‘following other people’s leads’. I was a really great chameleon, not knowing and honouring that true essence that you speak of, that we all have. Now through the love and support of Universal Medicine therapies and presentations, I can connect to that essence, I too have wobbles still, but have developed a connection to myself and have a marker of what that feels like, so when I do wobble I know what feeling I am wanting to come back to. So supportive and it is not reliant on anything outside of myself, just me connecting back to me.
Yes raegancairney, that’s so well said; it is so empowering, knowing fully that everything we need in order to feel awesome, we have all ready inside of us; we just have to make the choice to reconnect to that essence. Thank you Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon for reminding us of this all important fact.
It has such a massive impact on ourselves and everyone that we engage with that no wonder the world is where it is at today… This separation from ourselves is the key issue we need to look at. Thanks for sharing and your honesty.
Hi Carmen, I spent a long time working in Hospitality and Customer service and I know exactly what you mean. I have always been applauded by employers about being such a “people person” but all I was really doing was hiding in a wave of ” politeness” and being a bit of a chameleon to become what ever I thought was needed. This worked okay – mostly just looked good and so people could never say that they got anything but the best. Since I began doing courses and workshops with Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon – something has absolutely changed. It’s hard to describe in words but when you really open up and let people in, and allow them to receive all of you – the depth of care, warmth and the steadiness of just being you – it is a whole other world. And people feel it. It’s not pandering or ” sticky ” and just telling them what they hear. It’s honest and real and it holds them as an equal human being – not just a “Customer” to be appeased so the come back and spend more money. Awesome Blog! Thanks.
There is a difference between staged customer service and and genuine service from the heart, touching all you meet with openness and love. There’s no trying to please when we’re truly with ourselves and certainly no pandering, just honest and true connection with people.
It is remarkable that there are trainings out there for hospitality and service roles that teach exactly that way of sizing the other person up to pander to their needs and delivering a staged politeness. I used to be proud of doing that well, however I never liked being at the receiving end of it – I never paid much attention to that. But now that I have learned what it feels like to express and be treated with a fullness of expression, I know exactly why I did not like being at the receiving end of the calculated polite method – in comparison it feels quite yucky.
Beautiful Carmin the gift Serge Benhayon has given to us to be our real essence of true love is beyond this world. To present ourselves to the world in full and live this way is the only true way to live as we relearn this in our lives from his reflection and inspiration and the ancient teachings revealed to us all. Thank you for your lovely sharing.
Tricianicholson, yes it is beautiful that we are able to present ourselves as the real essence of who we are and we are working on truly claiming this from the teachings of the Ageless Wisdom. Serge’s support in this journey has been amazing for all of us.
Gorgeous that you can now offer the real you to your clients Carmin, what a grand reflection! And such a beautiful gift…
Thank you Carmin. The reflection of the true you, who could ask for anything more beautiful than that?
Carmin your shining beauty reflects the delicate loving essence that you are. What a blessing for your clients, and for me reading your blog.
That’s true Carmin you are a blessing.
Breathing our own breath seems such a logic and simple thing to do. Yet as you write, this is what it is all about. Do people meet us or are they an actor oscillating to the needs / behaviours of others? You express the essence of what in the end we all want in our encounters with others: a reflection that just shows us that it is okay to breathe ourselves, be connected to ourselves and express from there.
Caroline a lovely summary of the article. It brings everything back to a very simply way of being and makes me ask is it really the latest car or gadget that I want or simply the support and confirmation to breath my own breath and be met for who I am not what i do, buy or have.
“Since coming to the work of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, I have been presented with another way; a true way that supports not only me but everyone who walks through my door.” I so agree Carmin. Having made – and still am making – new healthy life-style choices that support me and therefore everyone with whom I am in contact, make so much more sense than the way I was living before.
Absolutely Carmin and Sue, the same for me – how I live now makes much more sense than how I was living before studying with Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon.
Exactly the same with me. When attending my first Universal Medicine Course there was suddenly a feeling of “this finally makes sense” inside of me. Seeing that I was not the victim of my life, but the one responsible for it has been confronting at times, but so empowering as this means, that I am free to choose to change my life.
Connecting to our true loving essence, there is so much to offer and share, as you have done with your article. Thank you.
Thank you Carmin for so beautifully presenting the amazing difference that being true will make. Once we are ourselves in every moment, we allow others to open up, remove their masks and be themselves, as they do not meet judgement or pressure from our side, but love. Being true is an amazing gift we can give to ourselves and to everybody else.
Well said Michael, when we are true to ourselves it is the most amazing gift we can give to ourselves as we deserve to feel amazing but also bring so much wisdom and love for humanity so they receive that unique gift too, so why hold back?
What a gift to optometry and your patients you are. It is so important to simply connect to the true quality within us and live this as consistently as we can so we reflect this truth to humanity.
Carmin it sounds and feels so beautiful reading this line – now you walk through the door, instead of the exhausted, racy actor, you get the true me! This is very inspiring for me to continue the journey of getting to know the true me and allowing her to stay true no matter what the situation.
Christine thank you for sharing as I also feel the support in that many of us spend time getting to know and connect with ourselves yet as soon as we go into the world or face a tough situation or work environment we drop who we are. Indeed in that we all miss out. It is great to read so many reminders to stay true to who we are.
I agree David. I am trying to make my connection with myself a priority. First and foremost I am connected to me and everything else flows from that. This is a work in progress, as I still loose myself in some of the situations you describe.
Well said Christine and an important step for us all no matter what situation we encounter.
I used to visit children in a special needs school. At first I was all jolly and enthusiastic and the kids ended up hyperactive, so I learned to be calm and gentle and we still had lots of fun but in a calm way.
Carmin it’s great to read your sharing that you now live the real you, I can feel how much steadier and calmer this would be for your patients. It seems important that we all have a strong sense of who we are and what our personality really is, for otherwise we can play games with ourselves to fit in to other peoples way. I have no doubt I am doing this at times so it is also a great reminder to “breath our own breath” what simpler but wiser advice can there be.
The way you speak of how you used to mimic clients is taught by some sales techniques as a way to build rapport. What you expose in this blog is that when we are our real selves no such adaption to gain favour is needed. People know when they are speaking to someone genuine, and one such person is Serge Benhayon.
Hello Carmin, How fortunate you and your patients are to have the true you. Thank you for sharing.
“The reflection I have received from Serge Benhayon is that he is always the same, with everyone in every moment.” In a women’s group this week we were discussing how we calibrate our expression depending on who we are with – (which I used to believe was ‘a good thing’. Serge is a great role model in that he treats everyone equally – not one drop of calibration.
Carmin, what you are talking about here is conscious presence in everything you do or not do (rest). It is the importance of our mind being present with our body every moment of the day. This allows you to have this connection with yourself, your essence and to express from that. A very beautiful reminder, thank you for that.
I can so relate to your blog Carmin. I can still catch myself enjoining another in their chosen way, or morph myself to be how I think I need to be in a situation to be accepted. It feels so unnatural and unloving for everyone concerned, and no-one gets to feel their own truly loving reflection through us just being our amazingly loving and natural selves together.
Thank you Carmin – this has truly resonated with me. How I can calibrate with people to adjust to their ‘mood’ – totally taking myself away from where I was and how I truly am. It feels like I am giving my power away, going into sympathy, wanting them to like me, worried they may become jealous of me – and all the while thinking I am being great with people. But as you say, what reflection is there for them? Why change how I am in myself to be aligned with someone who’s had a whole different set of events leading up to the point where they enter our interaction, thus making them who they are. How totally crazy. And how great this blog is for bringing super clarity to this situation.
I can really relate to your blog Carmin. It is all too easy for me sometimes to mirror how I perceive another person I am with, to be. It is exhausting constantly having to shift my position or constantly changing who I am to be something that is not too offensive or uncomfortable for the other person. I am still learning how to just be me no matter what the situation or who I am with but when I have done it, it feels so much less tiring.
How truly amazing Carmin, that you remembered there was nothing more for you to do but present you! What a blessing for everyone walking through your door. I knew this acting job well, pushing myself, changing to appease and being left exhausted but how freeing it was when I realised I was choosing this.
Beautiful observation Carmin. I too have been the chameleon but now are more and more choosing to rest deep within myself. The day flows more smoothly as a result, and I am available to provide the person with the support they need in greater quality than if I am trying to please them or make them (or myself) feel ‘comfortable’.
There is much taught these days about creating rapport by mirroring the mannerisms of those we are with, changing our voice tone and facial expression. Not so much is taught about simply being the amazing you. Give me the latter any day. I’d much rather be met by someone living the truth of themselves. Thank you for the blog Carmin.
Thank you Carmin. What a beautiful experience to come and see you as a client to be offered openness, honesty and real inspiration from true connection, communication and being met.
Our greatest efforts are spent in not being ourselves. The world is exhausted from monitoring and measuring how we think we should be in every moment, in trying to be someone we admire or living out our mothers dreams. Thank you Carmin for sharing the opportunity to just be ourselves and how that can offer space for others to do the same. However that may look for that person.
Being adaptable was something I absolutely believed was the best way to be because it meant I would be liked/loved by everybody… until I was presented with the fact that it could be the reason I have always felt tired, drained, exhausted. It makes complete sense that if I try to match the other person in whatever state they are in, that I am not being myself. I am acting, playing a role that suits the other person, in order to make them feel comfortable, but upon reflection, no one has ever asked me to copy them, and the mere thought of being asked that feels awful. So it’s interesting the lengths we will go to in our minds to justify why we shouldn’t just be ourselves with people, when in fact it’s all anybody truly wants.
There’s nothing quite like being yourself through and through. It’s better than any persona one can enact.
Ain’t that the truth Oliver! Being yourself is easy, it comes naturally and yet we put a lot of strain and effort into overriding this and trying to be someone we are not. Hmmm, it’s really worth pondering why this is I think?
Agreed Oliver – and far less exhausting!
What a great blog Carmin, and how exposing. For so many years I felt cut off from communicating with people and when I found that I could communicate by ‘acting a part’ I felt really pleased – and was not aware of how draining it was to constantly hold the true me at bay. It was a manipulation on my part to allow the relationship to develop a deeper and truer meaning – but it was still a very calculated move. I am letting go of the need to do this and it feels so gorgeous when I can begin a conversation telling someone the truth of how I am feeling and to expose the fullness of me to the light.
What a lovely blog and what a joyful person on the photo. Thank you Carmin.
Thank you Carmen. You offer many insights to reflect on. I recognise so much of what you describe and acutely now feel how exhausted I feel when I play a role or change myself to mirror another. Great point that you make in relation to techniques that we are taught as practitioners to mirror back language and body language of a client. What struck me was how manipulative this is and how we mould ourselves to illicit a certain outcome or response. Completely exhausting and insincere. Rather an imposition than a true connection.
So true Anne-Marie, by imposing this falseness we cap any true connection and create a space of dishonesty. And yes, it feels really manipulative as you say. It feels so yummy to be working towards connecting with people’s essence and knowing full well that our behaviours are not who we are. There is so much growth on offer when we are ourselves with everyone, equally so. I love this work! Thank you Serge Benhayon for lighting the way.
I agree Annemarie, we can be so cleverly manipulative to get just the interaction we want, and what is interesting is we are more often than not choosing to not be aware of what we are so cleverly doing!
Yes Rosanna, we are choosing to not be aware of all our manipulations that we play! Its convenient is it not? Otherwise by seeing the games we will have to stop playing them.
No need to recharge and no need to hide from others, what a blessing you speak Carmin. Living the true me and not what version I think another might want or need me to be.
I can so relate to all you’ve shared Carmin. How different it feels to be solid in who I am in my interactions with people, rather than conforming to a version I think fits. No facades, no superficialities just the true me open to meeting the all in you.
Thankyou Carmin for this deeply inspiring piece! This has really got me reflecting on the true me, and how often I let him come out with others. This ‘actor’ role which you describe so brilliantly is just so exhausting! Im tired of it and and letting go more and more everyday of it. Lets “let ‘er rip” 😉
Carmin now that is a practitioner that I want to go see, I instantly feel drawn to you and know that I will have the space to be me… so much ease and openness in every meeting, what a refreshing change for your clients.
Agree Natalie, and for the clients to feel an ease and openness would mean communication between the client and Carmin is most likely going to be more honest – I would guess the resulting treatment or programme would be positively impacted by this also.
Its funny (not in a good way) how we are so effectively trained to be someone else, a performing monkey if you will. All these theories of how we should be, what people are to expect. No wonder it feels so false in stores, especially with sales people, and I find myself instinctively mistrusting staff when I feel them performing in this way, as there is nothing genuine.
Indeed Simon efficiently trained with mannerisms and niceties – all popped into a box called politeness. Look outside the box as Carmin has and you realise the absurdity of the constraints that we have accepted in society.
This reminds me of how, if I were around depressed people I would sometimes become more actively positive as if to make up for their lack or to protect myself from becoming that way myself.. As I nurture the true me, free of any strategy or coping mechanism I become more and more full of myself in the best sense of the word, more and more often and I can feel a sense of what being consistent is.
Thank you again Carmin. I have read this blog several times and each time something different stands out for me. Today it is the part where you talk about the consistent reflection offered by Serge Benhayon – that he is the same no matter who he is with or to whom he is presenting. This is truly inspiring. This confidence to be the real you, no matter what, comes from a deep knowing of who you truly are.
I can feel in this that if we are measuring how others want us to be then they are likely doing the same and so we all end up on this crazy merry go round changing how we express who we are at each turn. But what you present Carmin is that if we simply bring our true self we offer another a reflection of another way. It feels very important that we take responsibility for what we reflect to the world.
Exactly Michelle – it can all get very confusing and crazy if we are all putting on certain faces/fronts with different people depending on what we ‘think’ they want us to be like.
“Now when you walk through the door, instead of the exhausted, racy actor, you get the true me!” I love the joy with which you say this Carmin…So much more lovely to be the real you – for you, rather than the chameleon you were for others!
Its a real shame we spend so much time being actors in what we do. If we consider what does that feel like for the other person its no wonder we have lost trust in the world. What I felt from first meeting Serge Benhayon is there is no acting there, simply someone who presents all of themselves and with that I felt a level of trust I had not felt for many years. In turn the many thousands who have been inspired to be themselves something that is so evident in the blog by Carmin.
True David, to find Serge steadily the same every time I met him and observed him, meant that I reconnected to what it was like to have another that I could trust – beyond my at-that-time-understanding of what ‘to trust’ meant.
It’s an interesting process to go through to stop mimicking people when you get so use to doing that. I use to (and sometimes still do) change the way I am, while you are around someone so they are actually getting someone else instead of who I am in our interaction. I also am working on staying with the real me and how Ariel interacts without coming out of myself to speak with someone. this is actually very refreshing… and it gives the person in front of me permission to do the same.
I totally agree with you Bernie, being our own gorgeous and amazing selves is worth celebrating.
I agree Bernard it is draining to be what other people want and I know this from years of trying to please everyone and doing what is expected. If a person isn’t genuine we can spot it instantly, isn’t it so much better to be yourself and be at ease with yourself and others – surely that’s true customer service.
Julie I agree yet it seemed so normal to “be what I thought everyone wants me to be”. With everyone not being themselves no-one stands out so when you start to be yourself it becomes more and more obvious to spot those that are not genuine. Thinking about it however, I am sure we all know people are not genuine yet accept it as the way life is. When we meet people that are genuine it certainly stands out and touches us deeply. From the checkout person at the shops to the conversation at the bus stop.
Whilst appreciating how much I have changed since working with Universal Medicine, I know I still mimic the world – become an actor – in many situations. This article is a beautiful and clear example of the pitfalls of this and the magic available when we don’t. Thank you.
You’re right Matilda – when we become an ‘actor’ (or actress) rather than just being ourselves with everyone, we miss out on a lot of the ‘magic’ available.
Thank you Carmen, what you have shared is so true. Your blog shows how beneficial and practical the techniques presented by Universal Medicine are, which ultimately results in exhaustion being replaced with wellbeing.
From a young age, I remember having a close family member teaching me to ‘mimic my patient’. Ok, well it wasn’t a patient, but he was referring to clients in business, or practically everyone; the idea of being able to communicate yourself like them, was according to him the way forward in life.
I’ve since learned that it’s wonderful to relate with all people sincerely, by remaining the same version of myself, as best I can. But, to mimic, be a shape shifter, or Liar Bird type of person – is so disingenuous and absolutely exhausting. It’s possibly the worst feeling in the world when that’s what you’ve been doing most of your life and don’t know who you actually are.
Great blog thanks Carmin. May we all be, just be.
It is so draining trying to be what other people might want. The best you can give them is you just being yourself, and that is glorious.
Revealing how there are courses that actually teach you a way to be when doing customer service work which in fact is promoting a way of living that is always pleasing and pandering others and what they need of you to be. Wow!
And the irony is that underneath it all, all they actually really want is the glorious you!
Here here Rosanna.
It’s true rosannabianchini and there is no course needed to teach that!
Great point Josh – when people are uncertain what to do, when they are looking for help to grow and manage things the very courses that are delivered end up pointing people down a route that will deplete them further, that may mean they get home feeling less of themselves as they become a chameleon to others. As you and the article share everyone then misses out. Great to reflect on.
So many professions put so much effort in a training in order to manipulate the customers. How beautiful would it be to focus on the gentleness which is naturally in us all and stay truthful with everybody. Probably the industry would be more successful then.
This is such a great topic to raise Carmin. It is just so exhausting trying to be someone/something we are not. I love how you equate this to the actor, for this most certainly occurs through taking on a role we think we need to play – a role that may win approval or attention, or may keep us feeling safe or serve some other need or purpose we feel is necessary.
I have been similarly deeply inspired by the consistency with which Serge Benhayon is 100% himself, showing us that we needn’t ‘try’ of force anything.
It’s so fabulous when we can acknowledge that a whole level of the trying has dropped, that we are more present and centred, and the effect this can have on those around us. I would love to hear more writings from you, about your client relationships and how they develop Carmin, for this is such a vast and important topic for us all. Thank-you.
I too have been deeply inspired by Serge Benhayon and the absolute responsibility and consistency that he lives. Observing this evaporates all the complexity and struggle I indulge in. This is pure simplicity – living truth.
Absolutely, Matilda. Unadulterated, pure truth, that gets the ‘struggling’, vexatious, resistant self completely out of the way, and let’s the truth of the soul express on earth, unhindered.
I will take that way anyday.
Thank you carmen, learning to simply be oneself with everything and everyone fully and expressing is an amazing gift we can all give ourselves and the world as a result. It is through Serge Benhaynon and Universal medicine that the inspiration of this flows lovingly for us all to connect to who we are and live as this. Truly world and life changing.
I have been adjusting myself to fit in with others since childhood and I even was pleased with myself at how good I was at doing this. No wonder I had chronic fatigue for years. Since attending Universal Medicine I have come to feel more of my true self and now am able to reflect that more when with others. I work in community aged care and at times when I am with a client, a thought comes in that I am “boring” and that they are disappointed in me because I am not “entertaining” them. I soon realise that offering my true reflection is allowing another the opportunity to be themselves as well. Thank you for sharing this Carmin. What a crazy place the world is, where everyone is running around being dishonest and in disregard of their bodies.
Great point Irene. When we become entertainers, we are supporting others to not be themselves and to enjoy the distractions we offer. Being ourselves is so much more engaging of the person in truth and my feeling is, this is better than any form of entertainment.
‘Breathing your own breath’ An awesome shift and a wonderful reflection.
Great bit of of exposing another way that I have left myself to do my job. Thanks for sharing this. Interesting because in some of my customer service roles I have had to use a script and how different it has been when I could just be me. The results from the customers said it all. They never wanted the robot, they preferred a real life person…me.
That is so real and heart felt Rosie, Thank you ” they never wanted the Robot, they prefer the real life person…” How sweet is that! Loving the feel of the smile that comes with this claiming. ☺
In reading this again I was reminded of a young girl I teach who can look quite glum and is very softly spoken. I would be lying if I said I didn’t find this more challenging than teaching someone who is sparkly and full of life, however I can see that is a great measure for me to reflect on how consistent I can become where I can get to the point where there is no difference in my manner or outlook.
You make a great point here Stephen G and how we see someone or something and its like we have an internal filter with all our stuff that fogs the Truth. I have been learning more and more that if I can understand me and my feelings and act on those feelings, I can develop and deepen my internal steadiness and stillness. When someone is in front of me who appears to be challenging, I need to remind myself of the word “understanding” and this helps me with my reactions no matter how small they are.
This is so true, then we impose on that person how we ‘think’ they are or what we ‘think’ we know about them instead of just letting them be. We can respect where others are at but do not have to ‘join’ them in where they are at. I was talking about something similar with a friend today that if you are you then no matter how another person is they get feel a different way of being and it may actually inspire them to be/feel more of themselves.
I agree Bina, understanding is a key word for me too having recently started a new role in training. Its having an understanding that we all learn at different speeds and by reacting it only makes things worse.
I can relate to this Stephen and have seen how much I have measured how I will be based on how someone else is, usually trying to help them feel more sparkly and full of life if they are what I have deemed as flat, down or dull. In truth when I do this it’s actually a judgement and imposing for me to assume that they should be or want to be more sparkly and full of life or that there is in fact something wrong with how they are. When I do this they feel this as a judgement and I’m not actually meeting them or letting them in. Instead I can just be my loving and playful and not worry about what is going on for them, let them choose how they want to be. This will allow me to truly meet the person, and give them the grace to also be themselves.
I love what you share about being an actor on a stage. I work in the teaching profession and have heard this many times too. The idea that you are there to sell your subject, that you are putting on a performance each time you teach a class. This did not feel right to me, and I would disagree. It feels an exhausting and dishonouring way to live and teach, and the kids will totally know it too. They can tell when you are not being yourself. I have found being myself and being honest the best way to teach, I am constantly unfolding and learning each and every day, just as much as the kids.
Most definitely Doug, anyone can see and feel the difference between an act and the real deal. Even if they don’t vocalize or act on it.
Good comment Gyl, as it highlights the difference in our energy levels so succinctly… to just be ourselves (effortless), or to constantly have to put on an act. I am sure if you asked an actor to do that professionally all day every day they would swoon at the thought! It just makes no sense, and creates a world full of robots rather than a world full of human beings that are out there expressing everything that they are.
So true Gyl, I so often observe teachers putting on a front, a strong, confident, fake front. But really, there are times when you can feel just how terrified they are deep down, that is all held in, and hence in that momentum the lesson is taught
I agree Gyl. I facilitate a lot of training in my work and know that when I try to make it entertaining it doesn’t really work and everyone can feel that I am trying. Learning to just be me when I teach is wonderful and I find that the students are so much more engaged with the course when I am.
Thats a great example Gyl. In so many areas – when we are taught to present to an audience – we are taught to be a certain way and get a certain reaction from people. But as Serge Benhayon has shared, we are presenting all of the time – and in that – we have a choice to just be our true selves and not change based on the situation.
“At the end of every working day I was exhausted. Not because of the physical aspects of my job, but because of the energy I put into being what I thought everyone wanted me to be” I so get this too, I look back at the end of the days when I feel exhausted and realise it is not a physical thing, but it’s because I have been constantly stressing and thinking lots in my head, and not fully present in my body, each moment, and the joy and freedom that comes with that.
Same here Gyl, I am finding more and more it’s not about what I’ve been doing during the day but how I have been with myself that makes the real difference to the way I feel in the evening and the sleep I have.
Yes, I have found the same David and Gyl. My being exhausted stems from what emotion and motion I have been in. My vitality comes from self-connection and steadiness. I have been learning what it means to live with self-conneciton moment by moment and what needs to be done to support living with this and building consistency.
This was a little bit of an ouch for me to read as I still do this at times ” measuring how another person was from the minute they walked through the door” I don’t feel in judgement but more of a protection from me. To gauge how open and loving they are, then I could be the same. It a very hurtful game, for everyone – not allowing myself to be love rather than need someone to be love first with me. It puts so many holds and binds on us all, I can feel the joy and playfulness in letting this need go.
Gyl I recognise in myself what you have said here. I have constantly measured how another person was/is before I let myself open up in full. Yes it does put so many holds and binds on us all by choosing this way of being with others.
I know this game so well. Your last sentence did it for me Gyl ” I can feel the joy and playfulness in letting this need go”. There is no joy in calculating how to play a game of strategic give and take – but when we free ourself up and truly meet another…wow! Regardless of what the other person’s response is, the warmth in our own heart as we hold them in love and express this, is absolutely gorgeous.
‘Regardless of what the other person’s response is, the warmth in our own heart as we hold them in love and express this, is absolutely gorgeous.’ Gorgeous Golnaz.
Your comment, “When I look back now, and if I think of the ADD child, what reflection did they get from me? Did they get a gentle person who could calmly work, being present with each task in every moment, without judgement?” really resonates with me Carmin. I have learnt that rushing around in an anxious spin serves no one and by remaining calm, steady and connected to myself and meeting others in that quality offers something else entirely!
Carmin, it does indeed feel strange when we are trained to ‘act’ in our professions. I have had training in customer service which teaches us to be a certain way with customers. I find this way totally exhausting and very false. It takes much less energy to simply be the natural me and meet the customer as an equal human being. I feel the customer appreciates this so much more and can trust me as a result. And the added bonus is that my sales figures are usually higher…so better for everyone.
I too was trained to be a certain way with my clients as a psychotherapist instead of just being me, and living in a way that offered them something to be inspired by – Just be yourself! Crazy that we are shown ways in our professions to not be ourselves and offer no inspiration.
so true Vanessa, there are so many professions that train us to put on a face to clients, rather than being real.
It certainly is crazy how professionals in the caring professions are taught not to be themselves when with clients. What’s being role modeled here? Basically the message is it’s not ok to be yourself. It’s saying I’m a professional and I’m not enough if I’m myself so you are not enough either.
I’ve sat with therapists who didn’t relate with me from who they are but from a professional ‘mask’. I was being asked to trust a make believe mask. This felt crazy to me and I felt despair – these are the people I have turned to for help after all.
All I ever wanted was to be understood and confirmed that I was alright, that I wasn’t crazy in a world that I saw acting crazy. This couldn’t be done by someone who had bought into the craziness that we are not ok just for being who we are. The person who brought true sanity and met me for who I am was Serge Benhayon. I am so deeply, deeply grateful.
Wow Rebecca, we have all the Customer Service people feeling exhausted because they’re trying to be a certain way. It’s not surprising then that this is going to impact on their inclination to actually service customers! They are being trained to do a worse job than they may naturally do. As you say Vanessa…Crazy.
Rebecca I too have had many customer service training, and I always use to wonder what’s the point, it’s very false. Most customers can see through it. When you are yourself it is easy to engage a customer, you provide better service and likely to sell more without trying.
Lovely Rebecca! We all know when someone is false so how crazy that training in customer service is teaching someone to be false. Now they get the real you – not only a bonus for your sales figures but for everyone you meet.
This is scary – I used to train people in customer service – and it makes me wonder just how real I was being in the position of trainer and what harm I have done. Now, in a customer service role myself I simply enjoy being me and my smile is genuine as a result of enjoying the connection with others. I guess if I were training now, I would say start with you – appreciate yourself first support yourself first, and from there you can appreciate every customer in a way that feels natural, and provide a service that is truly serving.
“Now when you walk through the door, instead of the exhausted, racy actor, you get the true me!” This can be felt from the quality of what you have written here Carmin.
I have always thought that I was one of those people who ‘recharge’ away from people. Carmin, your blog highlights for me a similar aspect to yourself where I was trying to be what I thought others needed me to be. How amazing it is to know that we can be our true self with everyone and bring healing to ourself and every one we meet.
Hi Karen, the notion of getting drained by people says a lot. Have we ever stopped to consider what we are being drained of? It takes so much energy trying to be something you are not.
Yes Nicole. It is not until we actually try it out: staying open and loving towards a person whilst not supporting their behaviour, as opposed to closing off to the person and reacting to their behaviour, that we actually feel the difference for ourself. This shows very clearly that what drains us is our own choice to entertain those thoughts and reactions not actually the other person! This is a huge lesson in life.
Beautifully said Golnaz.
I too was one of those that needed to ‘recharge’ away from other people, which meant that at times I did not let others in for fear of being overwhelmed or hurt by them. It is so freeing to experience letting in others fully to experience the true me and not absorbing others’ emotions and issues
Thank you Golnaz and Jenny, this has been a big lesson for me and one I am still learning. Letting go of reacting to another’s behaviour and staying open and loving, whilst feeling all that is going on and not closing down to that. A very liberating way to live.
I was also one of those that needed to ‘recharge’ on occasions where I felt zapped by others. Now that I am aware of not absorbing others emotions and issues, life is so much easier ‘out there’ and I can be who I am without needing to bend and fit in to their needs.
Jenny I love what you say about no longer not letting others in ‘for fear of being overwhelmed or hurt by them.’ I lived like this all my life and felt very lonely. It certainly is a freeing experience to know I can be anywhere and be myself with others. I’m certainly not perfect in this regard but each day I make a choice to be open and present.
I am learning I am not at the mercy of the world like I used to be when I was trying to protect myself by putting up barriers.
Thanks for sharing Jenny, I have just recently become aware of how I shut down, shutting others out so I don’t feel overwhelmed, or hurt, as your comment puts it perfectly.
I have recently really been enjoying stepping out of that behaviour and communicating with people and feeling the joy in me and others.
Very true Karen. I shared this belief as well, that we need space and time for ourselves to recharge. However I’ve found that the full engagement with life and people in a loving way actually keeps me vital and recharged.
This is a great point to highlight Karen, I too thought that I could ‘recharge’ away from people’, I can find it draining being with people sometimes and this reflects to me that I am not being my true self, this is great to be aware of.
So great to read your words Carmin and also everyone’s comments. How incredible is it to see that in part or full all of humanity has been living in a play? With everyone deciding on their own version of the plot and making up roles and responses with no ‘true’ reality to be felt until now. Stepping outside the learnt ‘roles’ and leaving the scenarios behind and being us is just so great!
This is very beautiful Carmin, thank you. It is wonderful to read that your clients are now going to be met by the true you! Your gorgeous photo says it all; “I am naturally a friendly person who loves people: I love to chat, to listen and to share”.
Very true Ryoko we often fool ourselves that changing who we are for the person we are with is what they want yet if I look at my experiences it’s the people that stay with who they are, the people who walk with the love they are that are the most inspiring support. The photo of Carmin certainly says it all.
Awesome Carmin; you’re glowing in your photo too by the way. “At the end of every working day I was exhausted. Not because of the physical aspects of my job, but because of the energy I put into being what I thought everyone wanted me to be.” This sums-up my everyday still; slowly but surely the consistency of knowing thyself shines through, evening-out each day that goes by. A ‘take-it, or leave-it, this is who I am man’ approach is developing and the ‘this is who I am man’ part refers as much to my natural tenderness and fun loving nature, as it does every other part of me. Great blog.
well said Oliver!
Thank you Carmin for the reminder to breathe my own breath and be true to myself in all situations offering my reflection to the world.
Carmin this is so beautiful- thank you. I can relate to everything you have said. I recognise that chameleon changing actor so well! It is great to have this brought to my attention as there is no greater gift I can give someone than being the true me.
Hi Carmin, thanks for your great blog, I felt this following sentence sums up perfectly what Serge Benhayon reflects to us all constantly and consistently in his daily life. “He meets everyone with his full presence and attention. He never tries to be ‘nice’ or ‘polite’ or play social games. He is just himself, consistently – he ‘breathes his own breath’ and never holds back his truth and love.” To bring this way of being into our lives can only deepen the love and respect that we give and share with each other and everyone throughout our day.
Thanks Carmin, lovely reminder to express the full me all day today.
It IS so exhausting to try and fit in with other people. I have realised looking back at my own life how much effort that took, I always had to be on the look out, and I was in defense, not being true to myself at all, or bringing the true natural me to any relationship. I have observed Serge Benhayon too, Carmin, and that is one of the most noticeable things, that he is the same with everyone and never loses himself. This means I trust him implicitly, whereas if someone is trying to fit in with me I wouldn’t trust them, and if I was trying to fit in with someone else I wouldn’t expect them to trust me, for it is not the true me they are relating to.
That is a great point, Joan. We can all feel when someone is insincere and this just confirms to others that no-one can be trusted. How awful for everyone to be on this constant merry-go-round of pretending and perpetuating mistrust. AND we think we are doing the ‘right’ thing by being nice and polite.
Your new tender way is very felt in your blog Carmin, so lovely. When we choose to fall into another’s rush, we leave all of that natural tenderness and openness behind and really do exhaust ourselves and miss the opportunity to show a truer way for another.
This is a great blog to read and then have a moment’s reflection on where I’m at and where I used to be. Thanks Carmin.
Not breathing our own breath is totally exhausting. Thank you Carmin for this inspiring blog. I have found that there is no love in anything that comes from me unless first I am breathing my own breath.
‘Not breathing our own breath is totally exhausting’ – Absolutely Shelly; changing who we are depending on who we’re with can take quite a toll on the body.
So true Carmen. I especially related to the exhausting part. I have been observing how more exhausted I am when I work in charge, compared to when I don’t. My work is quite physically demanding, so on the surface it doesn’t quite make sense as when I am in charge the work is often less heavy. What I am noticing more is that it’s the effort that I put into trying to control everything, to make sure it’s all ok for everyone at work, and leaving myself behind in the process. No wonder I feel exhausted! Thanks Carmen you have given me much to ponder.
Thank you Carmin. Your blog has helped me look at the consistency (or lack of) that I meet others with.
Really beautiful read. Thank you Carmin. I could feel your tenderness, care and openness.
I too fall into the trap of wanting to please others and leave the real me behind. Being aware of this pattern, helps me to gently let it go.
… and I get to share the out of work moments with this truly amazing woman and can attest to the commitment Carmin brings to her every aspect of life, which in turn is truly inspiring.
How gorgeous, that’s a very beautiful proclamation Greg.
This is really revelatory. It is so crazy and yet true how so many people try to act and fit into how each person they meet is acting. The simple and clear way you presented this and how you came to realize it and how it was affecting the people who came to see you, and how you are now making a different choice to just be you is powerful.
How amazing that we now get the true you Carmin. This blog feels light and joyful and is a gorgeous reminder that none of us need to try to be anything for anyone. There is so much freedom in this.
‘Mimicking’ and ‘adjusting behaviour’ has been the focus of many psychological and behavioural studies that suggest it is the way to healthy social interaction. Whilst these may be significant findings they are only findings based on a society that knows and practices no other way to relate to one another. So when we start to do studies on people like Carmin, who bring all of themselves to life, then we’ll have some very different findings.
This is so great and helpful to read and I can so relate to it all, changing and measuring to fit with others and how horrible and exhausting this feels . The joy and simplicity of being myself, as I have been learning to know with the reflection of Serge Benhayon and his inspiration, consistency, truth and love is beautiful to feel and bring to life everywhere.
It is amazing how this is a topic a lot of people live yet no one really talks about or discusses. Mimicking others comes loaded with a lack of self love – but we don’t have public discussions of why this is so common. I know I was like this too – and never was it spoken about – thank you for honestly sharing and starting a true conversation.
It was very draining to ‘put a face on’ or ‘step up to the mark’. In a way customer service wants the perfect employee. It just so happens that once we become or return to being ourselves, we naturally step up to the mark. We cannot help but be full of joy and engaging, responsible and really meet every person. Who would not want to employ someone like that.
It was interesting how I felt the difference of the impact in my body when I just read the two states you talked about. How you used to constantly measure how another person was from the minute they walked through the door and how you now connect to you, to feel the true you and to express from there. With the first scenario I tensed up and with the second, I let go and breathed more easily, there was almost a silent sigh. What a blessing is the change you have chosen, to all the people in your life.
‘At the end of every working day I was exhausted. Not because of the physical aspects of my job, but because of the energy I put into being what I thought everyone wanted me to be, and my constant measuring of everyone else. I thought, though not consciously, that I was meeting each person where they were at’. With levels of exhaustion as high as they are this would be an invaluable blog for many people out there who will be caught in the same trap you were Carmin. How beautiful that, ‘when you walk through the door, instead of the exhausted, racy actor, you get the true me!’
Thank you Carmin. To be met by someone being their true selves is an absolute blessing.
What you share is so true. When we are with our selfs and don’t try to act the way you think they would like you to be. Brings a beautiful reflection to all around us.
Thanks Carmin. Your article reminds me of how I felt when I first started going to have esoteric healing sessions a few years ago. The therapists were always super calm and gentle and not trying to impress me in any way. I have to say at the time it felt quite weird as it was not what I was used to, but after a while I realised I could relax too, stop trying and just let the facade go. This in itself was so beautiful and healing just to have that reflection.
That is so true Kate. We almost expect people to ‘put on a cheerful face’ and impress us when we go into their office, it happens so often that it becomes the norm, and then we do the same in return. It does feel weird at first when you are truly met with no need to be anything but yourself, when all masks are dropped. As you share, it is beautifully healing.
Im thinking how many times do I need to see an optometrist because seriously Im lining up more often If that’s the beauty of what your greeted with each time you step in to the shop, it’s amazing
Your patients must love being met by a beautiful women in presence: what a blessing for them. Far preferable to the “customer service” line.
Yes Coleen, I can really feel the difference of the quality brought from ‘ a beautiful woman in presence ‘ and ‘ customer service ‘ .
Wow Carmin thank you for this beautiful, simple and inspiring blog. Those children and their families that come to see you get way more than an eye test.They get an eye-full of a woman truly loving and truly caring for them- what a healing for them all on so many levels.
Your right Carmin nothing beats being your true self when interacting with others, its far less draining and it also puts the other person at ease
Great, simple and valuable insights for everyone. I think many of us can relate to what you say, and also for many through the work of Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon, like you they now attest to the joy of living as ourselves.
I can certainly testify to how draining it is try to keep up with others or take on their way of doing things. If their way is not your way then the energy you are calling in is debilitating. It is exhausting just feeling this. I too have realised that a constant steady presence is the support that is needed to feel vital. When I start to get racy and come from my head I can literally feel my energy getting drained!
Very true Michelle. ‘A consistent, steady presence is the support that is needed to feel vital.’ I have experienced this too, and notice how drained I get when I come out of this.
To “move gently throughout the day and to honour what I feel in every moment.” This is beautiful Carmin. Staying true to ourselves is the way to go.
This is really interesting to re-read Carmin, what stood out for me this time was ‘I reflected back to a time when I was constantly measuring how another person was from the minute they walked through the door. If they were friendly and jovial, I would be too. If they were quietly spoken, I would drop my voice’, I spoke to an old friend of mine on the phone last night and noticed that I took on a similar way of speaking to her, rather than speaking in my naturally, gentle voice, I spoke more loudly and tried to be funny and was much more chatty than I wanted to be at that time of night – interesting how we do this. I have a young son and notice that his voice doesn’t change depending on who he is with, he is the same, himself with everyone.
Hi Rebecca, I can relate as well. Only recently I discovered (and equally had the courage to admit) that my focus has always been on others while being with others. That was just my normal, that was how life is. There’s so much control coming from that. The world has to be as I want it to be. How crazy and manipulative. Draining too. Now I’m in the process of making a constant effort to stay with me and observe what’s going on. Especially within myself. Lots, ha ha. Am I worth it is one of the questions that come to me? Will people still accept me / like me? And why is that so important. Much to discover and allow unfoldment. Thank you for your honesty, it made me realise this. What a wonderful journey life is.
Carmin, the true you is beaming out of my computer screen in all your divine beauty. I would welcome the love you bring through my door any day.
That’s inspring to hear Carmin. I often remind myself of the choice I have in the way I am at work instead of being in a default setting.
The honesty in this blog helped me take a deeper look at areas in my life where I still maybe putting up a front or not totally being me. Thanks Carmin.
Kevin it has that effect on me as well to consider how am I with people, in different situations. It makes me appreciate the strength, steadiness and love that Serge Benhayon is and overall it supports me to look more deeply at how I am.
An amazing sharing Carmin, thank you.
The question of ‘What are we actually reflecting to others?’ is so valuable and totally blows the lid off the whole mimicking someone as a way of meeting them. Mimicking them is simply enjoining and saying that the way you are being is ok, when this may not be the case.
I can vouch a thousand times over the steady and true reflection that Serge has presented- it is a reflection that is without judgement but says ‘hey we all have a responsibility to this’.
Carmin you article echos what I and so many others are also experiencing. It really does feel like a ground swell at the moment. A growing movement of people returning to who they truly are. It feels like we have a real foothold now. It also feels like this returning to who we truly are is all that is meant to be going on and that everything else is paraphernalia .
Carmin, you are so beautiful!
The psychology of current customer service is to sell and sell more. People can feel this, I know I can. Add a good looking male or female to the mix, then the pressure mounts. There is something very beautiful about being left to be and not imposed upon, but met and connected with at the same time.
Indeed Matthew, you can feel every comment that is made is just a tactic into subtly pushing you to buy more i.e. “Would you like this with that”, rather than be allowed to make the choice with no persuasion.
I find it exhausting and frustrating trying to be someone I am not – just to be liked or accepted. I notice that when I am not being me I automatically do things in resentment, I am no longer enjoying what I am doing and my body becomes tense. It is no fun not being me!
“To approach each person and task with my full presence. To work and move gently throughout the day and to honour what I feel in every moment.” How could work be anything but amazing for you and everyone around you. Beautiful blog, thank you Carmin.
If it wasn’t for Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon I would still be playing the chameleon and changing to suit each person I meet. I can still feel myself doing it in certain situations, but it feels uncomfortable and I can feel myself change and shrink in size which is a great marker for me to know that I am doing it. Like you say Carmin, it is exhausting and in my case leaves me anxious, whereas being the full me with no acting parts is so simple and enjoyable and happens so naturally without me trying to be someone.
You are beautiful Carmin, wow, how blessed is everyone that walks through your doors. It’s amazing what you are sharing. The environment I work in is very similar and it would be very easy for the clinician to change who they are at the time to suit a client they are seeing. When I observe them and they do not change, they stay present and with themselves as they get their client to come with them into their room, I am always inspired. I also have the free-will to do the same for myself sitting at the Reception.
How amazing to have that reflection from the people you work with, Ariel!
“..the energy I put into being what I thought everyone wanted me to be, and my constant measuring of everyone else. I thought… that I was meeting each person where they were at.” Wow, Carmin, what a great myth-bust of ‘customer service’! And your experience shows just how important for healing, of both practitioner and patient and in fact everyone, a steady loving presence can be.
I agree Dianne, this is a great myth-busting blog on what it means to provide great service. I have worked for the last twenty years in customer service environments and this mimicking/mirroring technique is taught as to how one should be with customers. Since attending Universal Medicine events and meeting Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine practitioners I am much more myself at work and absolutely love my job and my time there, to the point that after being a perpetual job changer, the seven years I have been in the same post and love what I bring to my job and enjoy going to work everyday.
I’ve observed that this mimicking/being what you think others want or expect is that, for one thing, you come across as very inconsistent and shallow. There is nothing for a customer or anyone else to ‘get hold of’, to know you, to see a steady reflection in you, to learn anything valuable from you. For another, the effort and strain of trying to be something other than yourself blocks you from actually being able to feel the other person in their truth. And for another, it’s exhausting. All these block real communication, relationship and growth. It’s no wonder the statistics show that a vast majority of people don’t like their jobs, are unhappy at work, feel that what they do is meaningless, and can’t wait to get home. Connection and being the real you – easy, and the answer!
I like the way you have referred to this as us all being a practitioner and patient – when we are simply being ourselves we are offering everyone around us the permission and encouragement to be themselves as well. If everyone was encouraged this way that would be a lot of healing going on, all at the same time!
Sometimes I thought: How can we thank Serge Benhayon for all that he brings and holds for us each and every day? No flower bouquet, no jewelery, no bottle of wine (haha, just kidding) would in any way, shape or form match the love that he is. Reading your article, sweet Carmin, makes the answer obvious: Being who we are can be our way to say: Thank you, Serge.
Absolutely
Great post Felix. I have had this same thought, but not until I read your post did it occur to me that of course, what you say is spot on; the best way to thank Serge is to simply live who we truly are.
Brilliantly said Felix. I have no doubt this is so for all those who truly support us.
In the past when people have been supportive and loving I have got caught up in how can I ever repay them. But actually there are no attachments or debts to be repaid. When I recognise and appreciate I am an integral part of this love we all share, and express and appreciate this in my everyday life, this feels like a thank you. In this love I know I am with everyone equally so. That each step I take towards love is held in such love, I cannot but feel deep gratitude.
So true, Felix!
I loved reading this – thank you Carmin. It has allowed me a moment of appreciation as I realise how much I have changed how I am at work. Working as a physiotherapist, this was how I used to ‘act’ with patients, with no true connection with them, I seemed to mould into what I thought was needed all the time, rather like squishy Play dough that could be squeezed and pressed into whatever shape was wanted. Having attended Universal Medicine workshops over the past 8 years this has changed dramatically. Like you, I can now see how shape shifting to fit in was doing nothing positive in terms of patient care and left me feeling utterly exhausted, so now I bring the true me to work and it is less tiring and so much more enjoyable for everyone.
Thank you Carmin and Jane, the true me feels like our essence in its divine presence, therefore absolutely never a judgment on self or others.
Love your blog Carmin. I used to always think of myself as having quite a strong personality, and that I never shied away from that no matter who I was with… Then I hit college, and boy oh boy the pressure to fit in was amplified tenfold. I lost a lot of that ‘spice’ and confidence I brought when I was younger, and similar to you began to change my behaviour depending on who I was with. Only recently did I realise how far from myself I’ve strayed, and how important it is to begin claiming myself in all situations again.
Oh wow I remember being like this in my uni work, and first job, basically doing anything possible to please people and it is draining!
Me too! I’ve spent a life of trying to please especially at work in order , so I believed, to be liked and recognised for ‘good work’ so I’d keep my job safe. Very exhausting.
I felt I needed to take breaks from people in an attempt not to lose myself completely. I’d get anxious if I was around people all day as I was afraid my facade would crack. The more I appreciate and accept myself the less I have the urge to hide.
That’s great Karin, I can totally relate to not wanting to be around people all day, maybe also because I really missed myself because of the fake self I had to hold up around others. I’m so glad that I now know I can be myself with people and have the tools to develop the confidence to do this.
That feels similar to ‘me time’ (wanting to have breaks from people) but sometimes if I am busy with tasks I want ‘me time’ even if I am on my own! This just exposes how I am not with me during the day in all that I do, because if I truly was I wouldn’t be wanting ‘me time’. Awesome to see and learn in order to heal.
Wow that’s a revelation Vicky – needing breaks not only from people but also from what we are doing, even if we are alone. I just had a light bulb moment of what this means, it’s the same as not being myself with people, so when I’m not myself in my computer work or writing a project of course I’m going to want regular breaks, or as you put it ‘me time’. Instead I can choose to be me in my work alone also, not lose myself, then not need the breaks to come back. Wow.
All those years – trying to be like someone else, chasing a self-image to attain what I thought was success – all utterly exhausting… and only to rediscover later that true freedom is in being yourself – the quirky, unique and beautiful.
“The true freedom is being yourself” Thank God I see that now, I don’t think I could have lived my whole life trying to be someone I wasn’t – by now I would have had either chronic fatigue, adrenal fatigue or chronic depression.
Me too, though i am still getting know how to truly relax and be myself…
Hi Carmin, I too have done what you have described here – changed myself like a chameleon according to whomever I was around, thinking I was being sensitive to how the other person was feeling. Although it still comes up sometimes, I am finding that being ‘just me’ is exactly who I need to be at any given moment!
Yes, I have likewise Melissa, being trained to have rapport as we were taught with our patients. Now, I can see it is another form of disregard. All I ever need to be is connected to myself in my fullness and so bring the true me to everything and everyone.
I have also been impressed by how “Serge Benhayon is always the same with everyone in every moment” Carmin. It sounds so simple but it is a very extraordinary thing to behold. I don’t know anyone else with that level of consistency and brotherhood. What a great role model!
“Now when you walk through the door, instead of the exhausted, racy actor, you get the true me!”
And the true Carmin is gorgeous!
Thank you Carmin for reveling the true way to be seen. That is, why hide who we truly are as it takes a lot of energy to be constantly portraying ourselves as someone that we are not. How would it feel if everyone stopped playing the game of charades and just be the love that we all are naturally, in full. We might see everything as Heaven on Earth.
Carmin, that was a great blog to show how we give our energy away by not breathing our own breath.
Wow Carmin, you have an amazing job, and how lucky are those patients that get to look back at you bringing the true you, it must fill them with a trust and confidence in you.
The world is upside down, wrong way around and spinning fast and I was a part of it and going nowhere. Thank God I came across the work of Serge Benhayon (as you did Carmin) who showed me there is another way to live that really is simple.
The realisation that still sticks with me is how our world is really geared to keep you away from your natural state of being. Having a quality in your breathing, daily routine and living is not a bad thing. It supports you to then do a great job and help others. Above all your health and well-being improves. I am living proof that since applying what I have learnt from Serge Benhayon, I have not had a doctor visit in over 6 years.
Considering I was a serious medical statistic, that is a miracle and there are hundreds and hundreds of people with similar miracle stories since they met Serge Benhayon.
Final note – just for the record, if something was slightly wrong I would go to the doctors and get it checked out. I learnt that from Serge Benhayon and he is pro-medicine, contrary to what is being said by some.
The great thing that happened for me through meeting Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine is that I met ME. Serge has fully connected to his essence and lives and expresses from there. There seems to be some science to it that by him meeting me from his essence it allowed me to reconnect to my essence ie the true me. Now that I have been reintroduced to the true me, I have a choice as to which one I live with and express from. It is still a work in progress, but the true me is so yummy and gorgeous that I am more and more getting to see what is not of that quality and letting it go.
Inspiring words Nicola – thank you. I feel the choice here is; live with the ‘me’ I have known most of my life, or live from ME, open, and loving life.
“From attending Universal Medicine events I have learned to support myself at work. To approach each person and task with my full presence. To work and move gently throughout the day and to honour what I feel in every moment.” This is just gold Carmin. The power of this is huge and should not be underestimated.
Super simple and simply beautiful – being the true you in life gives silent permission to everyone to be themselves too.
How beautiful it is to read your blog, Carmin*
This addresses to me also the appreciation of a deep self loving feeling and understanding of me first. To grow the honesty with me about where I’m at. So that it’s not me trying to get along or let people feel good – that by getting clear about my patterns and issues the investment appears. And this leads to the beauty of true connection.
Great blog, Carmin, with awesome insight. What I get from your blog is be yourself in every situation, with everyone, no matter what. Let go of the roles and the trying to fit into outer circumstances / people. Makes life simple, really. Thanks for the reminder, as it’s all about just being who one is, – always.
“At the end of every working day I was exhausted. Not because of the physical aspects of my job, but because of the energy I put into being what I thought everyone wanted me to be, and my constant measuring of everyone else. I thought, though not consciously, that I was meeting each person where they were at.”
This is a huge realisation Carmin and one I relate to well. So easy to fall into giving ourselves away and so amazing to now know and feel the difference in being all we are for others instead of being what we feel they need us to be.
If you think of how much energy it costs to play the social games and being everything we are not, no wonder we are exhausted and drained at the end of the day. Just being our natural selves allows another to be that too, which deepens our interactions and connection with whoever we meet.
and this “true you” is radiating with so much stillness and love from your beautiful eyes… amazing Carmin.
Great question, ‘what reflection did they get from me?’ and such an important one.
What you share Carmin is really beautiful and true. When we are all of us with other people they get a reflection that there could be another way.
It was a great reminder for me to not go into roles and pleasing behaviour with people, reading your blog Carmin. Its so automatic for me I still forget and need to come back to myself and simply be me, when I do this I also allow the other person to be themselves so they don’t have to play a role too.
Standard ‘sales’ training used to encourage you to mimic your clients so that they felt comfortable with you – now how does that help us all to evolve? I love that by you being you, you are reflecting how they too can be.
“he ‘breathes his own breath’ and never holds back his truth and love”. There’s so much to study only in this little part of a sentence. I can fully relate to this, whenever I breathe my own breath, I feel the love, my love flowing through my heart, lungs and rest of the body. Which is a truly lovely feeling. That I haven’t experienced for a long time. Thank you for the inspiration and confirmation, Carmin. What a blessing people get by walking in ‘your’ door.
Carmin, I too have come across these techniques of mimicking the person you’re talking with to make them feel at ease – it’s very manipulative when done with this intention (and unnerving actually – it does the opposite of what is intended). However, I have noticed how 2 people do sometimes naturally start to mimic each other’s body language when they are connected… I don’t know if this is natural or not, so will pay more attention to how this feels if I see it in others, and when I’m part of a conversation. Thanks for the blog Carmin.
Beautiful observation Carmin, and to add on to that I have found that we tend to slip into different behaviours simply when conversing with different people. We act like chameleons changing to suit the location we are in, how sad. Sad because no one gets to see the real us.
Great blog Carmin, and a great reminder to be me with all no matter what. I deal with many customers in the shop that I work in, and so I can so relate to the mimicking game that can happen so easily. I had never looked at it in the detail that you have shared it in, so it has left me to ponder on things very much and to observe how much I fall into that game versus how much I offer the person who I really am. Thank you!
That’s beautiful Carmin. I know how exhausting being ‘the actor’ can be. I couldn’t agree more with these words “I have learned to support myself at work. To approach each person and task with my full presence. To work and move gently throughout the day and to honour what I feel in every moment.”
Carmin, it is real joy to be met by someone who lives in a way where self-care, and honouring of their bodies comes first. This is what the world needs, for us to live in connection to the essence and love that we are and reflect that to all. Thank you
So true Francis: ‘this is what the world needs, for us to live in connection to the essence and love that we are and reflect that to all’.
As i read this, it is powerfully soothing in the quality of loving calmness that it is written in, feeling you in your truth and reflection. Now i would love to have a consultation with you anytime and when i leave i know i will walk out with my eyes seeing so much more.
I have learned from Serge Benhayon to breath my own breath and this has for the first time in my life supported me to be me instead of as you describe being someone you thought the other would like you to be. With the Gentle Breath Meditation I have a wonderful tool to connect to my breath and feel myself again.
Oh God!! The mimicking of your patient is a technique that is taught and recommended in psychology, social work and mental health care. It is in fact exhausting and completely inauthentic, and when you think about it, very patronising to the patient themselves. It is something that I am going to be much more aware of, now that I have read your blog. thanks Carmin…lovely photo by the way!!
Beautiful Carmin. Our energy, our state of being is communicating with everyone we are with and I love feeling that throughout the day.
Carmin what a powerful reflection you now offer the world. Stunning
Dear Carmin, I love this blog, a beautiful reflection to the world, that we don’t have to try to be something we are not. That being ourselves is super joyful and way more than enough. In truth without trying everyone gets an amazing reflection to be themselves. We don’t have to play any games or roles but just be ourselves. I know for me and I am sure many others this is and would be a huge relief. For years I have thought I have to prove myself, or be something I am not, to please others or be accepted ( how crazy and not true is that) The tension in our bodies we carry when we are not being true to ourselves can be really heavy and tiring. Whereas there is such a lightness and joy when we are ourselves.
Abolutely, love what you’ve said here Gyl. Being true to ourselves is a service to everyone, no games or roles, just all of who we are.
So beautifully said Gyl “The tension in our bodies we carry when we are not being true to ourselves can be really heavy and tiring. Whereas there is such a lightness and joy when we are ourselves.”
And everyone feels how we feel, so its incredibly lovely (and essential when caring for humanity) if the feeling that others are left with is lightness and joy.
What a blessing to get the real you Carmin, I love how simply you shared about changing (much like a chameleon) to fit in with whomever you were with at the time, I have definitely done this and in doing so everyone misses out on the quality and beauty that I get to naturally bring.
Beautiful sharing Carmin, I look forward to seeing you in action; working as the real you, no need to pander, but just being you.
Thank you Carmin I can so relate to what you have described so well. . . so great to get over this way of measuring our self as you are correct this behavior is ever so draining.
Carmen, this is lovely…the sight you bring to the outside you are now matching on the inside…I guess they call that insight.
Your blog post reminds me of the many trainings I have had around getting into rapport with the customer/client. Ultimately this way of being is about manipulating yourself and another to get a desired outcome that you would be in control of. It’s used a lot in sales training. It always felt like a really really awful game or trick to play on someone. Being the real you sounds like a lovely place to be Carmin, not only for yourself but for anyone you come into contact with – no pressure to be something you are not and therefore far less anxiety and exhaustion for everyone.
What a beautiful honest sharing Carmen. You’ve made a very important point that what exhausts us more than anything else is when we give our power away to others, thinking we are meeting them …. Whereas all we have to do is stay with our natural selves and shine 🙂
Gorgeous Carmin, couldn’t ask for anything more than the real you!
When we are truly with ourselves and not trying to be anything other than who we are, this is where true connection with others begins.
‘A true way that supports not only me but everyone who walks through my door’ – fabulous Carmin. Consistency is key. I used to be such a chameleon with everyone, adapting to what I felt they wanted, but let go of the true me in the process. Learning about a true way has supported me to be who I naturally am.
You have so perfectly expressed a massive human dilemma Carmin. We drain ourselves doing our job as we act out a role, trying to satisfy others on every conceivable level. Of course we do not and we cannot. And everyone is left so far short including and perhaps especially us.
You have nailed the absurdity that all we do is reflect back to everyone the state that they are already in. Nothing in such a world says Stop, there is no need to be like this. That is where Universal Medicine is so utterly unique. It is the only organisation that reflects the truth of what it is to be a human being, and allows us to stop and discover the same within ourselves.
Serge Benhayon is the living embodiment of a human being who makes life the expression of essence and nothing else.
He is a great teacher and inspiration, as are the beautiful people like yourself Carmin who have chosen to live from that same source and to show the people who come to see you that there is another way.
Rachel you have summed it up so succinctly. Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine is the only organisation which truly presents something different to us. Something which allows us to stop and feel the truth for ourselves, making the option of living from our essence a viable option.
Jenny loving your comment, and this is so very true. Boy oh boy living from essence becomes the only thing that you could ever want. Then energy of that in our bodies, when it moves and expresses is magnificent.
Absolutely Rachel, beautifully expressed.
That is so true, Rachel. If is wasn’t for Universal Medicine, I would be running on the same hamster-wheel, because nothing in this world showed me there was another way. I am truly appreciative of Serge Benhayon’s teachings and livingness.
What a blessing to read this. I could feel how I know that way of being: simply being myself in every moment, no matter what may come at me and how this is such a great way to live. It keeps me vital, joyful and not so drained after a day of working. Thank you for sharing Carmin.
Carmin, what an inspiration you are! The description of how you used to ‘mimic your client’ by either being friendly and jovial or rushing around in a frantic spin is something I recognise – not with clients but in my earlier years of just being rather like a chameleon turning into what ever was needed at the time to conform in order to be approved of, to please and loved – the exhausting pretzel syndrome (whatever shape required I could turn into). So utterly exhausting and nothing to do with love in any way.
From attending presentations by Serge Benhayon there have been huge changes in my way of living and being just as you state – “Since coming to the work of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, I have been presented with another way; a true way that supports not only me but everyone who walks through my door”.
Your photo reflects these amazing changes you have made – emanating a natural confidence and warmth from the inside out. Simply beautiful.
I can relate to what you say here Carmin, in the past I was always trying to be all things to all people – which is ridiculous really, because no-one gets to feel the real you. What a drain on our energy levels living in this way – the choice you made to be your ‘true’ self at work gives everyone an opportunity to feel your presence and quality, inspiring many who walk through your door.
I too can relate with what you share here Anna, yes a complete drain of our energy, instead of being true to ourselves connecting to who we are and bringing our full presence to each situation. This latter choice feels so much more vital and alive.
Interesting conception you talk about here Carmin. I know I used to do this with customers all the time, not so much anymore though…I didn’t realise it was called ‘mimic your client’. Now I tend to be myself and have fun regardless. You are spot on when you say it is less exhausting.
Wow thank you for expressing and exposing how medical practitioners (and anyone), change and think they should be around patients/people to ‘accomodate’ and keep it all ‘comfortable’ (consciously or subconsciously). Measuring and constantly dropping, rather than staying consistent in ourselves and our expression, with no compromise…even if it does push some buttons 😉 Serge Benhayon is an absolute inspiration in his consistency to being himself, expressing and holding EVERYONE and anyone he meets in the exact same love he holds himself and all others in. A true inspiration of never compromising for another or a situation, regardless if people may react.
Great blog Carmin, it’s true trying to be something for others is truly exhausting. It is a joy to actually get to know yourself, there is a spaciousness and love within that is glorious to be with and express through and feels so natural when being with others. It is through the love and support of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine that I have found my way back to this true me within.
Beautiful Rosemary, Universal Medicine is that factory of True Me’s.
Yes it is Simone and I’m hot off the ‘True Me’ press too. Universal Medicine is the real deal … or should I say ‘True Deal’
How crazy is it that life’s teaching us / reflecting to us to NOT be ourselves in every way, shape and form. From birth – even before – everything that is reflected is roles, roles, roles. No wonder we get confused in life. And no wonder that so many don’t feel to re-turn – knowing – as a master of their own being – the damage they’ve done to themselves. Thank God for Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine and all the support from Heaven – by breath:-).
Thank you Carmin. Your blog highlights precisely that we are very capable and are all able to read energy. This is the easy part, the hard part is then calibrating our whole being to manufacture a situation that is devoid of love, but we do it so well as it is a very rehearsed performance. Do we receive Oscars for this, no way, this is real life and real people who just want to be met and deserve a version of ourselves that is true to our very core.
i remember once being told about an interview technique where the interviewer mirrors and copies the interviewee to make them feel at ease. I would say that this would make me feel very uncomfortable! Far simpler just being ourselves!
In the past I found this technique good – but from my currently perspective I would say: I like to be a part of a conversation, like to offer me to my interlocutors. It is maybe a bit more scary because you never know how someone will react on you, like you or not – but it starts with me, being me and me, standing by me. So there is love for me, from me – then I do not need the love from someone else. But bringing our two loves together – we can enjoy, celebrate and evolve.
Carmin, you describe it all so well how we run around trying to please others and in the process exhaust ourselves and what exactly is the other getting in that moment, but a mimic and what does that do? Your words today allow me to see this clearly and the silliness of the game, and yet i know I can still play, I’m increasingly aware that it doesn’t work and the more I’m just me the easier it is, and it’s just natural and joyful, it’s still a work in progress and your blog today is a gorgeous reflection.
Monica, I feel the same way; I can still get caught in rushing around when others wait, but the quality they receive then is not the real me. A work in progress indeed.
I agree Monica, if we all go round copying everyone else, trying to fit in and be ‘normal’ then who are we really copying and fitting in with? If we all live the same way no one gets to see a different choice, and in a world where there is a lot of suffering, breaking the mould can be a very good thing.
So true Monica. We tend to forget that our behaviours impact everyone else as well. When we’re not being our true selves we are offering a shadow of who we are to everyone we meet, they don’t get to meet us but an empty role, a ‘hat’ without the person really in it! And that is not much fun…
What you have lovingly revealed Carmin is the simplicity of living as the ‘true me’.
Why complicate life by ‘trying’ to live as someone else or to put on a pretense to be something we are not? Perhaps it’s better to leave that to actors.
I agree Kristy. It goes to show how powerful we truly are when being ourselves is true support of others.
Great blog Carmin and one I can relate to as I too lived like this once. It is so deeply honouring of ourselves and others to be ourselves, as it allows others the space to be themselves too if they so choose. I can attest to how supportive and lovely it is to have you being you as one of your clients. My greatest understanding of my eyes and healing have come through you offering all of you with me each time.
Very inspiring Carmin. I know this one too. Adapting to fit in to what I think each person will be comfortable with. It is indeed exhausting. Since meeting Serge Benhayon I too have a growing ability to simply be myself with others, no matter who they are or how they appear to be. It takes much less energy and is much more enjoyable.
What a lovely expression of where you started from and where you are now at, Carmin. I could feel the difference of how you used to approach your working day by following your patient’s lead, to the true you now greeting everyone who walks through your practice door. Very refreshing!
I too can sometimes slip into being nice or polite, and it does really feel quite yucky inside. It’s like all of those little nadis inside go, Oooh really, that’s all you’ve got, no way?
I love this thank you Carmin. The photo of you is absolutely beautiful! I too can relate to not being myself with people and choosing a persona that fits in with how they are feeling ~ this is exhausting and leaves you feeling false and disconnected. I am finding the more I give myself permission to be the real me and bring this quality of presence and love to my interactions the more people are real and themselves around me. When I am interacting with a person who is simply being themselves it feels like we are given permission to simply be and not perform, we can let down the guard we normally walk around with and let people see our vulnerability and how lovely we are.
It’s easy to see why we get so exhausted when we are not being our true selves and trying to fit in and be the same as someone else.
When I was reading your blog Carmin I could see how much I still play the social games of change who I am to be ‘nice’ or ‘polite’. I can see how this isn’t being real with the person I am with and that I actually hate being this way. So today I am going to go out to the world and observe where I start to act ‘nice’ or ‘polite’ instead of being Madeline.
That indeed blows the lid on being ‘nice and polite’ Madeline, it reveals that it is just another act or role we use. Your picture Carmin, blows me away I would love to be met with that quality of presence when having my eyes checked.
We continue to complicate and over think the simplest things. Most, if not all business models tell you and talk to you about customer service and how to deliver the best thing for the customer/patient while also telling you most of time the customer doesn’t really know what they want anyway. So you should study trends and watch their shopping habits or target them or just treat them as quickly as possible. News flash, customers or patients these days just want to be seen as a person, they want you to feel a genuine care and consideration for them and beyond that really is just the end product of this first part. Universal Medicine has been showing the way in this for the past 16 years. If you are in business as a practitioner or anything really and you don’t really know the people coming in your door well then I would consider you are not really ‘in’ business you are ‘in’ something else that is dressed up the same but doesn’t deliver. People need to truly care about each other and so we are no longer a number, a client, a customer etc we are a person, one that has a name.
So true Ray!
Great blog. i found myself only this morning getting into “getting it together time” and my body went hard as i held – or should I say braced – myself for the task in hand and was not relating truthfully to my workmate. I really thought I was over that and it wasn’t like I caught it and changed because this way kept coming back incessantly till I finally managed to out it. I had made the task bigger than me and lost my power and focus. Great when I finally was myself again and could let my job be fun and even playful….thanks to the wagtail trying to get into my window for reminding me of this fact too.
This is beautiful Carmin it must feel so much better now at the end of the day meeting evryone just as yourself. I used to think being me was a bit boring so used to act it up a bit sometimes but now if I appear too boring well it is just too bad.
I know this type of customer service all too well. Isn’t it interesting that “meeting someone” has turned into us mimicking them instead of being completely present and connecting with the person.
It is very interesting Nicolesjardin. Is it because we don’t feel we are enough just being ourself, or that we therefore don’t see everyone else as equal and enough just as they are.? Do we think they won’t be able to see and feel us and connect with us as we are? Its really strange indeed, how this became the norm.
Gorgeous Carmin. Your beautiful connection is felt through your eyes. I’ve often mistaken niceness as love and so have expected that and given that to others. Now I am becoming more aware of the emptiness in it or how the nicest comment or gesture can be quite loaded with expectations.
Its amazing how just being yourself impacts another. It allows the space for them to truly feel themselves. When you just be yourself is when you develop trust with another, there is nothing to hide and it is felt. Thank you Carmin awesome blog
I too have noticed and been inspired by the way Serge Benhayon is always the same with everyone in every moment and how he never holds back his truth and love. In his reflection I have come to realise that I was calibrating to every one else in search of recognition and acceptance. It was an old ingrained and unconscious way of being. It was exhausting as you say Carmin. I still do this at times, but now I am aware and can stop myself and return to just being me. It is so lovely.
You have shared some wonderful insights that are relevant to us all – especially about how we are at work and with our clients. It is easy to think we are being ‘client focussed’ by changing the way we are to suit each person. But if we go home exhausted at the end of the day something isn’t right. It just shows how important it is for us to be consistent, loving and most of all just be ourselves so everyone else gets the real deal.
Lovely blog Carmin, these simple words speak volumes to me: ‘because I can now feel the loving essence inside of me, I am able to truly meet another’.
Beautiful to read Carmin, that you now offer the real you to whoever you meet, what a blessing that is. The greatest gift we can offer another is for us to just be ourselves, no roles, no masks.
Thank you Carmin for this gorgeous sharing. What you present is true – the degree to which we ‘act’ and adjust ourselves in order to fit in or please… when really all people want, and all we want, is the reflection of the steady, true us. I imagine your ADD clients in particular are really benefitting from your increased sense of presence.
I am not consistant in being the real me yet but when I am my energy levels feel great and my communication comes from a different place within me, from my truth.
Thanks Carmin for your honest sharing. I too can relate to calibrating to my work colleagues, family, any situation to not get a reaction, to fit in, to be accepted. But this is not evolving anyone. It is saying it is OK to remain small, contracted and not be seen. Since attending Universal medicine I am now learning that I am enough, just the way I am. I don’t need to prove anything. All that is required is for me to walk through the door being all of me, and express in full what is being impulsed. This allows another to feel that they too are equal, and that there is another way. A work in progress.
Gorgeous Carmin! I was just at a training session last week, and one of the participants spoke about how to present yourself in an introduction with impact. It was all founded on not being yourself, with a bunch of techniques all driving you to hide your real self in order to be ‘liked’. It was horrible, seriously! Every cell in my body was screaming ‘No, no, no’. But that is the way communication techniques are commonly taught now. And I have to totally agree with you, there is a much simpler and natural way – just be yourself. How refreshing ♥
Ha ha, too funny Janine! Well sort of… I too have attended my fair share of ‘how to’ rah-rah courses. There is an incredible amount of energy expended on these things, teaching us how to… be completely inauthentic. On a similar note, in a services marketing class the other night I heard for the first time the term ’emotional labour’ – the component of the job spent relating with the consumer when you’re not feeling up to it. According to this theory there are three options: act (put on a happy face), hype yourself into feeling good, or actually being real with the customer. I vote for option three.
I can very much relate to this Carmin. From when I was quite young I figured out that it was easier (seemingly) to just do as was expected, or act, as you say, in accordance with what those around me were doing. Even though I pretty much held firm to my values, it was never done in full – always a measured version. The thing I realise now, from knowing the steadfastness of Serge and Universal Medicine, is that all that acting and measuring meant that no one ever got to meet the real me and now I know this was confusing to them. Much simpler to be our true selves.
It is mad how we take on everyone and everything around us, for as you share how do we learn anything different? Hindsight is always an amazing opportunity for us to reflect on how things could have been…to have this example with the child with ADD is fantastic for you got to see the repercussions of not being you. Sometimes we have to see and feel this for ourselves to understand the importance of truly being us. From that, everyone can benefit.
Thanks Carmin for sharing your experience. I can see that your earlier practices stand out as definitely the way not to be now that you have experienced what it is like to live and work connected to ‘you’. What a beautiful reflection for your clients to be met by all of you.
Hi Carmin, I can relate to exactly how you were living. I was brilliant at mimicking the people I was around. I was an actor absolutely – matching peoples personalities because then it was more comfortable for them to relate to me, and I got seen as the tolerable nice girl.
An amazing game I played for years. But now I am beginning to know my true me – and it is so refreshing to just be that – consistently!
I really enjoyed reading this Carmin – having also practiced a frantic way of being to control and make sure I was safe in the world. Quite amazing that when you get to see how exhausting it is and that no one really gets to meet you – you have to ask what’s going on?
Good question Lee – why do we perpetuate this crazy behaviour? Life is much easier when we drop the mask.
And its a lot more fun Victoria.
Thank you for sharing that, Lee. I can feel how this way of being does come from control and wanting to feel safe.
Beautiful Carmin, when I walk through the door I would love to be met by the true you! No pretence, Thank you
“Now when you walk through the door, instead of the exhausted, racy actor, you get the true me!”
As you say Carmin being yourself and being present takes such little energy where as the racy actor is on stage all of the waking hours and so its no surprise exhaustion is pandemic in the world today.
Great point Alison. This is surely a big contributor to the exhaustion we feel. It gets scarier too when you think of all the products we consume that promote raciness – caffeine, sugar and all manner of stimulants. I know the 25 or so years I spent living in racy energy not being the real me has had a big impact on my body. It was thanks only to Universal Medicine that I was able to start arresting the momentum and start living more sensibly and authentically.
This is so true Victoria. I am still dealing with the impact that living in racy energy had on my body–the exhaustion. Living now from stillness and self-love arrests the momentum, but it takes time to heal the previous self-abuse.
Thank you Carmin for your blog. I know I used to be exactly the same, calibrating myself to how another is behaving and being exhausted because of it. Like you, Serge Benhayon has shown me there is another way to be and that it is OK to be and express from the real me. And as you say, when you express from the real you, it gives others permission to express from the real them.
What a beautiful sharing. I loved reading every bit of what you shared. From what others want you to be to living the true you, just reading it feels expanding. I can feel being in that chair in your presence will be such a beautiful experience. Thank you.
Awesome blog Carmin, truly inspiring me to stay being myself no matter who I encounter. I can totally relate to the exhausting way of being, like you said it is very exhausting to try and be someone that we are not. I am also working towards building that consistency to be myself all of the time and to express in truth and love.
I have also felt this, ‘The reflection I have received from Serge Benhayon is that he is always the same, with everyone in every moment’, I am learning more and more to be me consistently, this is a work in progress, but when I am my gentle, sweet self I notice that I feel well, my day flows and is enjoyable. It is when I over ride my natural, gentle way that I start to feel tired and emotional.
Thank you Carmin for sharing this and how lucky your patients are that they get to meet and feel the real you and know that there is another way.
About 6 years ago, I attended a presentation by Serge Benhayon and he said to the audience “Be the real you”. I had a stream of thoughts why that just could not be possible, like my accent is very ‘common’, I don’t speak posh and it made me realise, like you Carmin how I changed to fit in with others. So at a business meeting, I would speak and behave very differently than if I was with my family. It really was ugly and very exhausting.
Anyway, I trusted Serge Benhayon as he sure seemed to know what he was talking about and that was it. From that day, I really did not care who was in front of me, I would be the same same and today I am known for it. I just say it as it is and am not phased one bit who it is.
The bit that initially shocked me was how easy it was and the response from others was amazing. It really does pay to be the real you – always.
Awesome illustration Bina and having seen you around and about on a couple of occasions over the years I know how authentic you are – with everyone. I feel inspired by your example to make doubly sure I’m me in every situation!
I’ll second that Victoria. Bina you have a consistency that is undeniably true and are indeed inspirational. Always great to spend time with you.
Gorgeous Bina. Very inspiring.
I feel inspired by what you have shared Bina – to be absolutely consistent no matter who you are with.
Carmin, it’s so common how a lot of us have been caught in the same pattern. But how beautiful it is to find another way which is honouring the self and others we interact with.
A great blog Carmin, you opening your eyes, seeing and feeling the real you and sharing it so. Beautiful.
This is a lovely sharing Carmin and you can feel your steadiness in the photo. As a client to have someone be totally present with you is rare these days and when we are, it allows others to feel they don’t have to play the game, they can relax and simply be themselves.
I was recently at a gathering where everyone seemed to be vying for attention and no one was actually being present or listening to one another. Everyone wanted the connection but was not allowing the space to receive it. Our world could do with more steady reflections like yours.
I’m not sure why it is with your blog Carmin, but I feel a deep appreciation for the love and commitment of Serge Benhayon and how so many people have changed their lives like you have described. Because there is no imposition and he holds those he meets in a way that reflects exactly who they are, there is a natural pull to support ourselves more as you have shared. Thank you, sharing this experience is powerful, beyond what you may know!
Such a wonderful, inspirational unfoldment, from the racy “actor”, to the “true you”. What a gift for all those who walk through your door at work, and those you connect with in all other parts of your life; and of course what a loving gift to give yourself.
Thats a beautiful point Ingrid. As it is us who craves having an intimate and joyful connection with ourselves the most.
Yes Madeline, it’s very lovely for us. And then there’s the added joy of inspiring others to present their true self in our reflection. From Serge Benhayon, to Carmin, to everyone else she meets. At this rate one day we may all return to remembering who we are and to confirming this in each others reflection. How divine would that be.
Carmin, fabulous blog to read. Your fortunate clients are now seeing YOU fully and no doubt feeling your natural essence and friendliness. I feel to have my eyes checked!
Constantly calculating where I thought others were at so that I could adjust my behaviour accordingly was truly exhausting.
I owned many masks that I would slip into and change numerous times during a conversation if I felt that was what was needed so that others would keep ‘putting up with me.’ I kept trying to be all things to all people while overriding my natural ability to be me.
Thankfully with the consistency, simplicity and truth with which Serge Benhayon presents I am choosing to be seen in the fullness of who I already am.
Thank you Carmin for your post has supported me to reflect and feel how far I’ve come.
Yes likewise Julie. I was (and still do but to a much lesser extent) always calculating my behaviour and constantly readjusting myself to different people and situations and yes it was exhausting! What Serge Benhayon presents is incredible…how he inspires so many people to see beyond what we have been so quick to judge and to hold ourselves and our friends/families/clients/ strangers in equalness and to be open to each other. It is amazing.
I feel the ‘true you’ Carmin in your honest sharing of the changes, including the “wobbles”, you have made since coming to the work of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
Carmin, I think most of us can relate to trying to fit what we think other people expect of us ie, ‘nice’, ‘friendly’ etc. As you point out, that is missing the point completely. Since attending Universal Medicine presentations I am now understanding more and more the difference between presenting a certain persona to people (depending on their presentation) and truly being myself and then meeting them from that energy. What a marvellous difference it makes!
Same here Helen, I would often brag about my skills to be a chameleon – thinking that was the uptime way to live, how sad for all those years of not only not being me but everyone missing out of the true strength I bring. I am pretty sure there were many situations that were overly complicated and upsetting simply because I was not being the true me. Exhausting or what. Learning to accept me and be me no matter who I meet is one of the biggest gifts in the world.
In the past I attended, and went on to run courses which developed those ‘chameleon’ skills championing them as being part of good customer care.
As you write David, so exhausting, when all we need is us.
Carmin, this is so simple yet worth sharing, posting and discussing the two possible ways we can be when we are with others. Considering the way of being with others Serge Benhayon has demonstrated and spoken about it is ridiculous to mirror the frantic energy of somebody else but I know I have done this many times too. I remember another person could be frantic and I mirrored back a degree of anxiousness as a way to confirm, actually, it was to manipulate them into feeling like I cared just as much and felt the importance of what they were frantic about even though inwardly and initially I read the situation with understanding, surrender and that a practical response was all that was needed.
There are many degrees of mirroring and calibrating to others, I know I can adapt myself to be around another to not press any buttons and of course not reflect anything true either- again it is a manipulation so I don’t have to feel any rejection that might result from that or feel my self worth is under threat. The next layer to feel and understand is that not wanting to feel rejection is another manipulation to avoid self responsibility as in truth I can only be rejected by what I give my power away to.
I love what you have shared here Deanne, playing the game or mirroring is actually an irresponsibility and selfish when we see it for what it is as it doesn’t offer truth rather keeps both in the dark. This is often seen as an admirable quality, such as empathy. Seen from a broader perspective though, it is either a choice to join the misery in this case or offer inspiration to arise out of an emotional situation.
This is so true, Deanne!
It is so obvious to see and feel in that photo that you live what you say. So upfront and honest of yourself, Thanks Carmin.
This is so easy to fall into Carmin, it’s easy to get swept into the wake of another’s way of being when we are trying to make them comfortable or when we are trying to fit in. I love the way you have presented this so clearly.
It’s lovely to feel the responses of the people around you when you are truly yourself. It’s lovely meeting people from the platform of the real you, and the bonus is that you are not left with that hollow feeling that things did not go well or the exhaustion of chasing something you are not, but the full and awesome feeling of having a complete moment of truth with an equal person.
I agree with what you have written here Amanda ‘It’s lovely meeting people from the platform of the real you, and the bonus is that, you are not left with that hollow feeling that things did not go well or the exhaustion of chasing something you are not, but the full and awesome feeling of having a complete moment of truth with an equal person.’ I know these feelings, if I have not been the real me with someone then it feels horrible, empty and pretty pointless and if I have been the real me, I feel vital, complete and joyful – very different feelings.
I love what you say Amanda about the full and awesome feeling of having a complete moment of truth with an equal person, instead of trying to make it happen, make them comfortable or fit in! Great blog Carmin.
I love your honesty Carmin about how you were constantly measuring how another person was from the minute they walked through the door. Judgement is such a seemingly automatic and normal behaviour and is almost subliminal in the way we can totally sum-up someone (or have them ‘sussed out’) within a few seconds of meeting them. When the truth is the moment we hold another in judgement we put a barrier between us as if saying ‘I’ll only let you in so far’, or in some cases, ‘I’m not going to let you in at all’. It feels so brutal to not see and connect with another as our equal and is the antithesis of the love that we humans know innately. When as you share there is another way ‘a true way that supports not only me but everyone who walks through my door’. As you have so beautifully shared, when we allow ourselves to feel the loving essence inside ourselves, we are able to truly meet and be with another. This totally redefines what customer service has the potential to be when we choose to connect with ourselves and the love that we are first.
Gosh yes judgement .. as soon as that is there you cannot truly appreciate the other person and are shutting them out and they cannot feel, see and appreciate you either. I thought of another thing we do ‘you only get to see this much of me’, by hiding and not allowing ourselves to be all that we are.
The whole world seems at times to be geared to get us to be anything but who we naturally are. It’s so beautiful to read about your return to just being you, and for me the responsibility in that we have to reflect that natural way of being to another. Thankyou Carmin, and your photo is simply gorgeous!
Awesome Carmin, never compromise.
As you say, how many people will miss out on our amazingness/awesomeness and grace, if we measure what we express and play small.
When we finally master the art of ‘observing and not absorbing’ we start to live from the fullness that we are and become a reflection for another to also be the all that they are in every given moment. I love what you have shared here Carmin, it is a blessing to feel. I’d take the real you any day!
This is great advice…to just be ourselves.
Yesterday I was met with a reflection of how I too used to be…racing around the room, being loud and needing to be the centre of attention. I reacted to this person (internally) and found myself being extra slow and quiet in an attempt to (imposingly) slow the other person down, so that I would not have to feel uncomfortable! Once I recognised what I was doing, it was as simple as feeling how I truly felt in that moment…and then I became aware of another layer (of comparison) where I actually felt small and inadequate next to this person…
I then realised there was a part of me holding back and (instead of focussing on the other person) I simply began to allow my greatness out in expression…
Funny thing (although not when you understand how energy and true inspiration works) is, later in the evening, I looked up and noticed that the other person had settled and become more true to themselves in their expression. That was a true miracle to experience and your blog has given me a chance to reflect back and appreciate this gift, a testament to the power of being the real us!
This is just great Carmin, wow yes, this has made me pause and take stock in my job via your example and words here “When I look back now, and if I think of the ADD child, what reflection did they get from me?”. Reflecting back the truth of us reflects this quality to another that then gets reflected back to us. I’ve noted that when I present who I am and the stillness of truth delivered/counselled, that the busy person/client who entered my space or room eventually becomes less busy or distracted and more aligned with the reflection. Our reflections call to each other. We are all our own reflection.
Thank you Carmin your blog is a perfect reminder for me and for us all to simply allow our innate magic of selves to shine through and to pop the mask in the cupboard for a long, long break.
Fantastic! what a gracious picture of you, so open and so welcoming.. I would definately love to come and see you if I was a patiënt. You eyes are so welcoming. I love what you are sharing here with the world. It is so deeply worth it to be you, be truly and feeling really yourself and natural. I love that feeling.. I too start to feel it more and more(without perfection). I just love to be and express this and be this with everyone around me.. I often experience less struggle, more fun and way more fun chats and movements with people! This was never the case for me. My life has incredibly changed since I had found Universal Medicine. What a true blessing and womb of love in my life.
Carmin, what a lovely way of being fully committed to yourself which is effortlessly transferred to your patients and their care.
It’s a beautiful and liberating truth you have come to Carmin, that is when we come to that place of realising, witnessing and experiencing that all our patients, clients or customers need is the steady loving essence of who we are without the role playing mask wearing persona.
Such a great reminder Carmin, of how we enjoin with another and something I did all the time in the past. I am now noticing in my work with aged care clients that I am being much more of me and not just joining in conversations that I think will please them. At times when I stay with me I have thoughts that ” I am boring” which I readily dismiss and just stay in the stillness which allows them to feel something different. I remember how exhausting it was to be constantly “entertaining” others and feeling I had to perform so others would like me.
Thank you Carmin for a great reminder to stay present through my day and just be me, and of the gift I bring to others when I do this.
I can relate to your chameleon description so well Carmin, it has run my life and it is exhausting. Your description of how Serge is, its an inspiration – so simple , just be yourself – I would definitely feel more relaxed visiting you as my practitioner now – and knowing how it feels with the equalness that Serge brings we can see what an inspiration you will be for everyone who comes to you. Thankyou for sharing this, it is confirming.
Your blog is Lovely to read and I can really relate with what you are saying about being the true you. I always used to rush around trying to please others. What Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine present and live is beautiful because it reminds us or shows us to STOP, feel, re-connect and go from there. There really is another way to live that is so more loving than how we are currently living.
Wow Carmin your love is shining out through your eyes. I can see and feel your photo is reflecting your true expression of love. What a wonderful gift and healing for the clients when they come to see you- they receive the true you.
Thank you Carmin – you express here very clearly the “show” many of us feel we need to perform in order to get through life – be it at work, with family, or friends. It is an exhausting game to play, constantly calculating what you should be, say or do – and seems ridiculous when it is so much more enjoyable to be yourself, to say what you feel – which is in turn such a true support for everyone around you. Yes, it does take a little while to build the trust in yourself when you have been living everything but that, but as you have shown through your own experience, this steadiness and connection develops naturally once you commit to making different choices.
Thank you Carmin and Hannah, I agree life as presented by Serge Benhayon is definitely about our choices.
Yes it most definitely is Greg, you nailed it in one succinct sentence!
This is awesome what you share here Carmen, this weird ideal of having to be an actor and please a client in customer service, when all we need be is ourselves.
I remember working alongside a team member in hospitality who would be on stage the whole day, he was loud reckless with little awareness of the other staff, bumping and having little accidents through out the day while entertaining the customers. I never feel the need to compete, fit in or keep up with him, as being my usual self feels enough to enjoy a friendly exchange with the customers. By the end of the day he complains how exhausted he is.
Meanwhile I get to feel the loving essence inside me all day and enjoy myself without feeling exhausted.
I love your blog Carmin. Lovely to read how you have changed the way you connect with your clients now, bringing the TRUE YOU to them fully, rather than feeling to accommodate to how they are at the time. I can imagine how it would be for the ADD child, yes they are very full on, and wonderful now that you can now be the calm, loving person who truly connects with them. It is really wonderful the difference we can bring to all our interactions when we really connect to who we are and live from that. I also am learning to live from that place within me, a wonderful journey.
This is really interesting Carmin, I wonder how often we do mimic each other just to be liked or accepted without even realising that we are doing it? I certainly do this sometimes, but it is becoming less, and now I have started to ask more questions about why I have chosen this way, instead of just blindly going along with it.
There is nothing more gorgeous than being met by someone being themselves and expressing from there compared to one who is nice and polite and mirroring how you are to achieve rapport. It is really beautiful to read how you have developed a deeper connection to your own loving essence and I can imagine so deeply healing for another when you connect to and honour them in theirs.
Thank you Carmin – I giggled at the thought of you meeting people and ‘reflecting back’ – the ADD child must have wondered what you were on!! What a blessing it is to have experienced a person being consistent through Serge Benhayon and now be able to be that for others. Consistency is a rare commodity in our society…up there with the price of gold perhaps.
Thank you Carmin for sharing the photo of your beautiful self as well as your story, I feel warmed by both, reminded and inspired.
I have also been an actor in the past, as a nurse. Putting on my uniform in effect shut down the real me as I took on the role of what a nurse should or was expected to be, truthfully I actually hid behind the role and yes, it was super exhausting. It is so feeing to let them go and just be yourself.
“Now when you walk through the door, instead of the exhausted, racy actor, you get the true me!” That is so evident in your photo!
Awesome sharing – I can totally relate to what your saying, subtly or sometimes not so subtly changing my behaviour, tone of voice, humour, interests and mood depending on the people and the situation. But then not only do I never get to feel who I truly am, but neither does anyone else.
I love your honesty. By reading this I realised that I too have often done this very same thing. It exposes what masters we are at reading people. We would know how to act from the minute they walked in the door and then calibrate ourselves to fit in with this. All happening so very quickly.
Hello Carmin, I can relate to ‘being’ whatever you need to be to get the job done. I always thought this was the way to be and actually used it as one of my many ‘good’ traits that I would tell people. I was able to be relatable to everyone but it was exhausting as you relate to. The change came with Universal Medicine and the fact that none of these ‘faces’ were true and most of the time acting this way would leave me confused and always looking for more from life. Universal Medicine broke it down for me, it was simple, be yourself and don’t be what the world outside ‘wants’ you to be. I already knew this and had been able to do this when I was younger and still in parts when I was older. But never had I done this consistently in my life. Now my commitment is to myself first and not what is in front of me. The commitment or connection brings an awareness of what is in front of you and I ‘deal’ with the situation from that commitment or connection. If I loose it well than as soon as I’m aware of this I just commit back again. I have seen for me and felt a fullness to life that doesn’t leave me exhausted and makes more room for everything. The ‘looking’ for more from life has stopped too because I feel like I have found the ‘more’ and it was with me all the time. Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon just helped me find it again.
It is wonderful Carmin that you share the joy and lightness you are with the people that walk through the door. You are such a gift for the children as they must feel some degree of uncertainty about an unfamiliar environment and something needs attending to with them. The children would be so much more relaxed in themselves in your loving, caring, tender hands.
These different roles we can put on are more than exhausting. Learning to trust, that how we are is enough is huge – thank you for sharing your story and inspiring us to be all that we are in every moment, with no holding back or manipulation.
I completely relate to being the ‘actor’. I used to adjust myself, the things I say, the way I am and what I do, according to situations and people because of how I think I should be, what is expected and even what I want to get out of it. Very clever, actually. But like you say, it’s exhausting and each person got this varying fake version of me. The chances are we are all doing this, perhaps to different degrees, so none of us are sharing our true selves with each other, and we are just confirming to each other that this is the normal way to be the ‘actor’. Now I’m working on getting to know the real me, and being that real me with everyone, whatever the situation or whoever the person is, it is easy to slip into the acting routines, so it’s not an overnight turnaround. But definitely worth it, I’d rather be showing others, especially children, that it is ok and normal to just be yourself.
Thank you Carmin for this blog, after reading I stopped to consider the different characters and faces I put on around certain people. I can’t help but question – why? As I feel more of who I am it’s like looking at all these different masks is rather unnecessary. But then they were required when I had lost sight of who I truly was. Thank you for the reminder that being who we are and how we feel is the best person to be.
Beautifully expressed Carmin and I can see and feel how deeply caring you are.
Carmin, I can feel your gorgeous expression in your eyes. I want to come and see you when I need an optometrist! I too, also marvel at how Serge is so constant in how he presents himself- love, truth, joy, harmony and stillness.
Thank you Carmin for this very true blog. Once we do stay with us and do not let ourselves get influenced by any turmoil around us, suddenly there will be less turmoil.
We have the chance to really bring big changes to the world by the simple fact of choosing to be ourselves and live this in full – this is such a powerful reflection, that one can only look with humbleness and amazement at the magic it sets free to unfold.
Carmin, I remember this well. On one course we were encouraged to mirror the behaviour and emotions of the other person, just as you describe, as a way of building rapport. If sad, lower your voice, if energetic raise your energy level. This method focused on the other person, never the self. Inspired by Universal Medicine I’ve learned to be present with myself first and connect to the essence of the other person, not their behaviour. Often when I am steady and loving within, others become the same.
Beautiful
Thank you Carmin, I so get what you mean ” I was exhausted. Not because of the physical aspects of my job, but because of the energy I put into being what I thought everyone wanted me to be,” living this way is absolutely exhausting and draining. But more so, as you have expressed, and something I hold as very important, is what do I present to a person, what do they deserve, stress and overwhelm or me in my fullness, power, stillness, love and gentleness reflecting there is another way. A very simple choice to make.
Wow! Are we quick to judge, and not even give the other a chance to be or to show who they truly are, where they may be at in their life and what may be going on. As you say so well, it is simply just about connection. Nothing more nothing less.
Carmin, I love the examples you give of how you would morph and mirror, depending on who was in your consulting room. And what a great antidote you are when you are your loving essence and meeting them with this instead.
Thank you for sharing this Carmin. The world needs us to offer our true reflection. I love being a steady, consistent presence at work. Someone people can rely on to bring the same quality at the start of the day and at the end of the day, day in and day out. It feels lovely to be me at work and not someone I think I have to be.
This is a great sharing Carmin and one that is familiar. I too was the actor and could be anything anyone else was, and always at the expense of sharing who I truly was, and yes as you note here it was exhausting. From the presentations of Serge Benahyon and Universal Medicine I have been able to really see this clearly and let go of the roles I chose and step into who I am and share that with others so they have a reflection of the true me instead of me mirroring them.
Thank you Carmin for not holding back in this Blog. It is a great reminder to be yourself and not hold back. We all have something worthy to say whether it be deep or shallow – if it is there to say its best to express it. My experience when you start to really honour what is there to say it is a confirmation of the Truth. If we all hold back what we feel we do not confirm each other for how great we all are. There is moments of Greatness but they are few and far between and usually have a stigma about these events like they are planned. Why cannot we feel this Greatness all the time?
Since Universal Medicine and learning “Expression is Everything” – Serge Benhayon, and not holding back has brought meaning and purpose back to my life. The more I express, the more I feel and the more I know about life !!
Thank you Carmin, I relate to much of what you have written. For many years I would go with what I thought a person wants or needed, calibrating myself to others. I love how you have written about Serge Benhayon, he has shown me another way to live, just to be me and as I do this more my relationships with all people are changing so much.
I loved this, Carmin as you wrote so tenderly about yourself with such open hearted honesty. Thank you.
Carmin you have shown how changing old patterns of pleasing and niceness is so transformative, I will keep paying attention to these not-so-nice tendencies. Today my husband and I enjoyed a special moment with the lady checking out our groceries at the supermarket when we connected and spoke to her, not trying to be nice, but just being ourselves. We noticed the change in her, the sparkle in her smile, and we walked out carrying heavy bags, feeling light.
what I love about your blog Carmin is that you realised that not only did not being who you are exhaust you, but it did not bring what you had to offer to others. I used to do the same, I was a great actor, always smiling and when someone was down I thought it to be my responsibility to get them up. I thought this is what was helping and supporting others.
Now I know I am only responsible for my own quality and presence and that when I offer all of me the other has a choice to pick themselves up..or not. This is not for me to change, judge or react to.
Thank you Carmin a great reflection how harmful it is for others if we adjust to what they bring or even play nice to please them. If they are not getting the full me they are not getting anything, but held back in expressing less too. How inspiring that in everything we do we make a difference!!!
I love how you use the term actor to describe the ‘mirroring’ we so often do. Have you ever caught yourself laughing along with someone even though you have missed the joke. You find yourself mirroring them before you even realise what you are doing. This is us not being ourselves, not breathing our own breath, but living to a rhythm based on getting recognition and acceptance — it is no surprise that many actors are driven by the same need. I love your transformation, it is so real and relatable.
Ha! Gosh, yes Rebecca, I have… It is as if we are so desperate to ‘blend’ into the crowd we forget that what defines us so gloriously as our true selves, is also that which ultimately unifies us. Is our desire to ‘blend’ with the crowd actually an aberration of a true call to be one with each other? But because we have separated from this unified way of being, we call in the actor to mask this?
I love what you have expressed Liane!
I feel what has been shared in these words applies to every occupation and the way we relate to others. I too am a naturally friendly person and seriously love meeting different people and chatting. I have also found that connection to the loving essence inside of me supports me to truly ‘meet’ someone and connect to the loving essence that they and everyone else holds as well.
Carmin, your blog has really made me stop to consider the reflection others receive from me. Up till now it has been one of inconsistency, but having spent much time in the presence of Serge Benhayon and reading your blog this is a timely reminder that I do have the power to change this. Thank you.
Copying or mimicking another person must surely be a fool-proof way to give our power away; no wonder it left you exhausted at the end of the day. Great to know that the real Carmin is standing up now, and what an inspiration that is.
Thanks Carmin, your awareness about what reflection others received from being an ‘actor’ is an important point. This can be applied to all areas of life, what do people get from an ‘actor’? No truth, no living example of the love that we are or of how to be gentle and caring of ourselves and others. It’s beautiful to read what you bring now.
Wow, and I would much prefer you Carmin and all that you offer us than the performer. Thank you for sharing your transition from being everything for everyone to simply being you. This makes a huge difference to all of us.
Oh I love this Carmin, so strong and true. The simplicity of being ourselves, instead of changing how we are, so as to not put anyone in discomfort. When we do something to ensure that social etiquette has been achieved it leaves us all feeling like we missed something……real connection.
Bringing gentleness to a workplace is a huge thing. I have seen the power of it change the nature and culture of a work place and this all took place because I chose to be more of me, I didn’t have to say or do anything but go about what I needed to do at work in gentleness.
Carmin I can so relate to what you’ve written, I was always looking for how I needed to be, in order to be liked. Exhausting it definitely was, and took me till my 40’s and the support of Universal Medicine to start seeing the pattern more clearly. It can still catch me out, and play out in more subtle ways… a crazy game really and one you make very clear thank you.
Getting all of you is what we all want Carmin. Elvis said something like ‘the world’s a stage and we must all play our part’, well that part feels much more wholesome if it’s the whole of us playing it.
The photo of you also tells a thousands words. There is something warm and deep that comes through your eyes and it’s certainly not the look of an exhausted woman, rather one of someone feeling their own natural beauty and self-contentment… so whatever you have been doing, keep it up because it works!
Absolutely beautiful Carmin. And that photo is full of the true you…you are sparkling! What a fantastic example of how a health care professional can not only be at their absolute optimal for their clients but also for themselves. This is true service Carmin.
Carmin, it is lovely to feel the joy in your words as you describe the true you, that you now share with all your clients.
I know exactly what you are talking about when you described how you used to feel like an “actor” in your own life. I used to feel like that all the time. It was absolutely exhausting. Thanks to the teachings of Serge Benhayon I learned to stop and re-connect with myself and that has changed my life.
Carmin, I am inspired by your commitment in letting go of the roles to be the true you and the beautiful photo says it all.
Carmine this is such a great blog and it shows so clearly how little it helps another if we compromise our own being by wanting to accommodate this other. Thank you I can very much relate to it.
Carmin, what you;re sharing here is gorgeous. To go to an optometrist, doctor, therapist of any kind and actually have them be with you as a person first is so, so special. It should be the most normal thing, but sadly in our day and age it isn’t, we so often go into roles and put on masks, and become actors as you say. Which is why what you bring to every person that comes to see you now is monumental, they don’t just get their eyes checked, they get their whole being met and confirmed simply by you being who you truly are with them. Amazing.
As you say Katerina, to go to a therapist of any kind and have them be with you as a person first ‘should be the most normal thing’. Unfortunately this is not so, and most professionals we meet are usually playing a role that they have calculated will best engage or attract a potential client. Carmin is setting the new ‘normal’ and inspiring others to follow suit. As she says, ‘when you walk through the door, instead of the exhausted, racy actor, you get the true me!’.
This constant callibrating is what wears us out. I too have experienced that a lot in my life, as I would first measure what the others needed me to be. I would sometimes feel the cramp in my face trying to be nice and saying the right things.
As you say Carmin, what kind of a reflection are we if we do that? It is so much more natural and gentle to stay with us at any moment.
I agree, Delorme, I spent most of my life trying to be ‘nice’ to people and always say the ‘right’ thing. It is exhausting I now realise. And just how false it is.
There is such falsity in the calibrating and measuring all to either make ourselves or another feel comfortable, but sometimes the greatest evolution comes from the discomfort.
This is a great blog. A great observation that you initially learnt a way to be without being conscious that you had done and were doing that. I can relate so well to that. How often is that we take on patterns of behaviour and beliefs without knowing that we do? By doing so we are at the whim of external forces. Learning to ‘breathe one’s own breath’ is such a powerful and self-empowering game-changer.
I can very much relate to your development from trying to please everyone to simply being yourself. It is very ingrained from childhood on that pleasing someone and meeting their needs is the way to be with each other – basically to be liked and accepted and not rejected. But it is skewed with terms like politeness, good behaviour, being courteous or in the business world mimicking and following the customer´s lead, so that it seems to be a good and normal thing to do.
In fact it only adds to the emptiness and longing for being met and being oneself, perpetuating the cycle of not knowing and being who we are in truth. Being oneself allows for meeting the true person (forever inside) and not just their outer persona, needs and behaviours.
Yes Alex, well said, it does just perpetuate the cycle of emptiness and coldness in the world of business interactions, or any interactions really.
The warmth it brings to be yourself is irreplaceable, as the warmer, or the warmed 🙂
Beautiful. I can relate to what is written here. What strikes me most is the extent of how exhausting it is to ‘fit in.’ This makes so much sense to me as and something to observe more deeply. Thank you for sharing.
A great blog Carmen thank you for sharing. I can fully say the same when you state: “The reflection I have received from Serge Benhayon is that he is always the same, with everyone in every moment. He meets everyone with his full presence and attention. He never tries to be ‘nice’ or ‘polite’ or play social games. He is just himself, consistently – he ‘breathes his own breath’ and never holds back his truth and love.” It truly is something to practice every day with every person one meets, including one’s Self.
Carmin your customer service course sounds like the way I used to think customer service was. In effect to act like and mimic the customer so they got what they wanted and you got liked. Quite yucky and manipulative to think about it like that. Yet what are people truly wanting? Most people I speak to on the phone are in some issue and so if I pander to that they stay in that issue and I feel constrained as I’ve not spoken what I felt. If I be myself they get a different reflection and can choose to look at what’s going on for them differently. And all of this as you say comes from being consistent. I look forward to exploring this deeper as it’s certainly a work in progress and against the current “ideal” of what customer service is.
Great point David – we do so often think that’s how customer service is meant to look. In one store I worked in I found myself very naturally greeting most customers to the store – but when the owner observed this she made it blanket policy for all staff – which was not necessarily natural and came across quite imposing and off-putting (and exhausting!). On the same spectrum is the supermarket chain in the US that had the catch phrase compulsorily parroted to every customer as they were leaving the check out: ‘missin y’ already’….! No wonder we crave authenticity and openness so much, its all too rare to meet such qualities and great when we can do as Carmin has and drop the roles, the masks and just be who we naturally and gorgeously are.
I love Carmin, how you have come to see that all we need to ever do is be ourselves. How cool for every patient to get to meet you, and get the insight that they can be this way too.
Gosh Carmin I know this “I was constantly measuring how another person was from the minute they walked through the door” also very well. And thought I do this for them… But finally this was my way to control situations and the behaviors from others. I love how you brought it to the point that this measuring has its source in me, being not connected to the true me. That makes sense to me – If I am not connected to me I feel unsure and then I am using control to bring safety…
This is a great realisation Sandra for when we disconnect to ourselves we are a puppet to the elements losing our innate wisdom and our knowing of how to approach any situation that presents itself… thus bringing uncertainty and a desire to control the situation to feel comfortable… but done by manipulating ourselves and another… exhausting indeed and so much easier to just be yourself…. the rest just comes naturally.
This is a strong picture Samantha – what I like. By ‘being me’ I am strongly connected to where I am coming from and going to and so, I am solid like a rock. Otherwise disconnected I am ‘a puppet to the elements’.
So very worthwhile to build a strong connection to ourselves (as soon as we find who we are 😉 ) and support this connection with our daily rhythm and choices.
It´s funny that you say that because I did a course at the hospital about conflict resolution and they advised us to adopt the same posture and copy their energy or tone of voice to have “rapport” with the patient. I agree that they then feel enjoined and not alone, but when I am myself and in my essence they get me, and have the chance, though some may not take it, to feel their own.
Thank you Carmin, I Love the way you share your process.
It reflects very well the difference between presenting our selves as we are in Truth and living calibrating our expression according to who is in front of us.
There are a lot of great reminders in your blog Carmen. The first is the statement that Serge Benhayon is “always the same with everyone in every moment”. That I know is the truth. The other is you say “I have learned to connect to me, to feel the true me and express from there”. I have been a little like you were to begin with and I have felt quite exhausted by doing that, changing to reflect the other person. For instance, being someone different for each of my friends or family. So who am I? To be more of myself and less of a people pleaser is so much more self Loving! Thank you Carmen for a great blog.
Carmin fantastic blog! I can relate to almost everything you have said here, acting, pretending to be something I’m not, rushing around, calibrating to other people, and for sure the profound effect knowing Serge Benhayon has had on my life. I love how you asked yourself what the reflection other people were seeing from you, a question that I will definitely ask myself more 🙂
It’s really a question of: what do I contribute to the world? You’ve really shown how being true to who you are is important.
Hi Carmen, your blog beautifully points out the importance of living the true you, this allows others to see the reflection of another way.
Thankyou for sharing your experience Carmin. As you say, Serge Benhayon offers a great reflection in consistency in that he is the same with everyone he meets. ‘I have learned to connect to me, to feel the true me and to express from there’. Love this.
Thank you Carmin for a simple little blog which says so much. I am only just getting to feel the benefits of being myself at work instead of being what I think others want me to be.
I am also finding that getting any expectations of work out of the way is helping in a big way to not react so much and therefore I am finding I have more energy at the end of the day and sleep better.
In all the times I got to see a practitioner I would just tell my family and friends allways about only one of them. My doctor, a man who every time he enter his office I felt the warmth and got the feeling he was waiting for me. He touched my heart forever. So Carmín the only thing I can say is that I celebrate your new coming “true you”
This is the real gift every body we can offer
Thanks for sharing your experience of trying to mimic the behaviour of all your different patients Carmin and how exhausted it made you feel. I remember putting a lot of effort into being a certain way, a way that I thought I should act. It really wore me out, because it was an act. I have learnt so much from attending Universal Medicine events and now I am appreciating the uniqueness and value of just being me. Allowing myself to just be is far less exhausting.
I can very much relate to the measuring and observing where people are, and then adjust to that. I am letting that go and this feels very freeing. And what an awesome reflection you give back now to everybody that walks through your door, the moment they enter your office, they meet somebody who is herself and with herself. That is already a big present!
What a blessing for your patients to have the beautiful, true you greet them at the door. I can relate to your words too Carmin, I was an absolute chameleon, changing my colours to suit the people around me, blending it so I wouldn’t be seen. This eventually became tiresome and I was left without a real connection to anyone. And same is true for me, it wasn’t until I came to Universal Medicine that I started to feel what it was like to be the true me, and that I was enough just being me, and the journey began to get my sparkle back. My connection to people is growing now, and that is because I am deepening the connection to myself.
Thanks Carmin for sharing your blog, what a change you have gone through. I too am a student of Universal Medicine and have gone through much change. It is truly exquisite to honour and appreciate how far we have come in a living connection with our self and people at work, home. Where ever, its glorious to be living.
What a great journey you made and describe here: from pleasing to being with yourself and meeting others from there. From giving your power away to honoring you and from looking outside yourself to connecting within. The effect this has on others is huge. They now get the opportunity to feel how that is and make different choices themselves. Thank you, Carmin.
I enjoyed reading this Carmen as I too for many years have worked with the public and been a chameleon, at times adjusting myself to people and their moods. Customer service as I am developing it now, is presenting me in my full presence and being true and not pandering but of course, treating people with decency which flows naturally. Recently a customer who was trying to manipulate me into giving her more than we could offer, good-naturedly told me that I wasn’t very nice. I replied “I am not here to be nice, I am here to be true” that being nice didn’t support her. It completely stopped her, she understood and we continued our interaction much more openly.
You go girlfriend! What a blessing for her to hear you deliver truth so powerfully and not pander to her manipulation. It’s funny cause usually the things we attempt to achieve through measuring, calibrating and being a chameleon, all come naturally when you stay connected to the real you and express from your heart, no manipulation necessary.
Thank you Carmin for a simple and inspiring blog with the invitation to ‘be ourselves’. It seems crazy that this does not happen as in light of what you have shared it is quite likely that the person or situation we are measuring ourselves to or putting on an act for is not being true to themselves either! I love what you share here “I have been presented with another way; a true way that supports not only me but everyone who walks through my door.” It makes sense to live in this way as it is a win/win for everyone and there would be far less exhaustion.
That is awesome Carmin, thank you for sharing your unfolding with yourself. It makes such a huge difference when we stop trying to be someone for everyone else and simply be ourselves – so much less exhausting!!
Thanks Carmin, this is a great blog. It is interesting how you have described yourself as an ‘actor’, as I have felt this too, like putting on a show. This is a good way to describe what it feels like when we are not ourselves and we are being something completely different.
So true Robyn and Carmin – its like we pick up different scripts and play the role or act the part we think is expected of us in different situations – like masking the true us off from the world – exhausting and false. Love the transformation you describe Carmin – inspiring.
Beautifully said Carmin. “The reflection I have received from Serge Benhayon is that he is always the same, with everyone in every moment.” I also have learned from Serge that when I try to second guess how I think others expect me to behave it is exhausting as I am trying to be something I am not. When I choose to stay connected and just be myself there is no trying and I develop a consistent and gentle way with others and myself.
Amazing Carmin! Thank you for giving this very tangible example from work, which really is a very profound teaching. That when we lose ourselves we are just run by the energy that comes through the door, which is super exhausting. For me it really highlights the importance to be ALL that I am every moment of the day, to the best of my ability.
So simple, so sweet. Apart from immediately wanting to make an appointment, Carmin, I am inspired by the transformation that has occurred for you since working with Universal Medicine. From morphing yourself to whoever came through your door to honouring and holding yourself in true service to everyone that comes through your door. Brilliant – thank you. Dispensing with roles and performance we truly serve, in that we do present another way, one that celebrates living connected to ourselves whatever we are doing.
Hi Carmin, what you offer here is a true sharing on the answer to exhaustion. Acting, whether it be as a profession or as a way of getting ourselves through life, is an extremely exhausting craft.
Beautiful, Carmin. It’s so true we are often presented with the ideals and beliefs about how to be with another, as if our natural way of being is not acceptable, and we end up being like a chameleon. There is a beautiful way to live and let live in compassion if we re-connect to our true self.
How awesome for you and your clients Carmin. In my work I too worked in a way that was constantly draining me. I have in more recent times discovered a way to work that honours my body so that I can keep going everyday, day after day. In that honouring I can better engage with my clients and truly support them with what they need.
Wow Carmen I love what you have shared. It has really supported me to see how I can still slip into changing how I am to match the energy the person is in. I can see how just being me in the steadiness I have developed with the support of Universal Medicine is all that is what truly is needed when I am with people.
I relate to that Sharon, I know in the past I have acted that ‘fitting in’ role with most people I meet – and its exhausting. Now its so lovely to meet people with who I am. I still, like Carmen have the odd wobble, usually when I haven’t taken true care of myself, so it becomes a learning for me, a marker to take time and reconnect.
“Being me in the steadiness” – I love this Sharon. Of the many things Universal Medicine and the Benhayon family offer, this is it – how to consistently be yourself. When you think about it, it seems like such a silly thing, that we struggle to be ourselves. But it is so true that for so may of us, we are consistently not ourselves.
Being a chameleon as Carmin describes, or contrary (doing the opposite to another), clearly seems to be about seeking an identity through how others perceive and respond – whether it be through recognition and acceptance or through attracting attention by ruffling feathers. These roles are seen to be a socially normal way to interact and in fact, most ‘character building’ strategies are based on adopting different roles, misunderstanding what it means to simply get to know one’s self and feel the greatness we all have within us that is natural to us. In his Universal Medicine presentations, Serge Benhayon describes a way to be natural and let go of roles. From this perspective, we could say that there is another way to be and more so, there is a true way to be.
Thank you Carmin Hall, for you refecting on how you went along with your clients. When we ask ourselves what do we truly deliver with behaving like this is a great question to ask ourselves. I can relate to the way you described you used to work in the past, to measure your behaviour to that of the client. I did this as well, and sometimes I feel I still do, and when I do this and allow myself to feel the consequences I always feel the hurt and discomfort in my body because I am disregarding a part in me that has now to be limited in expression. Compared to my natural expression where there is a great amount of love, joy and playfulness , I express in a lesser way, and almost always I am losing my playfulness that I know is always bringing a blessing both to my clients and myself.
Yes, I too lose my playfulness. This is a great marker for us that when we are serious we are not connected to ourselves.
I relate Nico I am just so much more myself now than I was when I was trained to be psychotherapist, now I am me meeting the person and I much much less exhausted!
What a great blog Carmin and one which I can very much relate to! I too have observed how I used to often change my behaviour according to the situation or person, often out of recognition, or wanting to be liked / accepted etc. What I have since realised is that many of these behaviours were not the true me, but were my efforts to get confirmation from the world outside that I was o.k.. Since coming to the work of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, I have realised there is nothing outside myself that can ever fill or provide what is already naturally inside me, and that instead of looking outside, what I needed to do was to connect back to what was within. For me this began with a process of self-care and developing a connection back to my body, and now more and more every day I am able to appreciate not only the ‘true me’ but also who others truly are, regardless of whether or not they are choosing to live that.