The Science of Hurts

We have all felt hurt at some time in our lives. It is as common a human experience as eating or sleeping. Many of us accept that life is full of hurts and that is just the way it is. But what is a hurt exactly?

Most of us would probably say that we feel or register a hurt any time we do not feel truly met, understood and respected for who we are. On a more practical level, any time we do not feel respect, decency, love and honesty, we say we feel hurt by this. We then assume that this is how it is and that there is no other way. But is this exactly true? Could there be another possibility? Do we have to feel hurt by the lack of love in the world?

I know from my own experience that every day I feel the quality of everything that is occurring around me. From the way people speak, move or just look, it is all constantly communicating something to me. I have also noticed that some days or moments in a day, I feel more disturbed by others’ actions or movements and other days or moments, I don’t.

So what’s the difference? Well, I have noticed that the days when I can observe what is occurring around me and not be disturbed, are the days when I am feeling less disturbed inside of me. On these days I am more connected to an inner stillness and steadiness that is always present inside me. When I am connected to this inner stillness I feel much bigger and grander than the disturbance and therefore, to be hurt by this disturbance seems impossible.

So I have found this an interesting observation because it means that how I interpret what is occurring around me depends on my own choice of how I am with, and within, myself.

It is easy to think of a hurt as something that is being done to us; that we are innocent victims in the crime. That it is a simple case of someone hurting us and we have every right to feel hurt. But perhaps what is closer to the truth is that we are actually choosing to feel hurt due to a disturbing situation. We choose to focus on the relatively small disturbance and disconnect from the abundance of love and stillness that is all around us and inside us constantly. Therefore, if feeling hurt is a choice rather than a foregone conclusion, we could also just as easily make a choice to NOT feel hurt by any disturbing situation.

Another belief I would say we have around hurts is that we often like to think of them as a simple transaction in a straight line. We have the perpetrator who commits the unloving act upon the victim. There is a good guy and a baddie. We feel hard done by if we are the victim and wonder how on earth someone could possibly dream of not loving us as we know we deserve to be loved, because deep down we know we come from love.

However, have we considered that the hurts we experience in our lives may actually be cyclical in nature and not as lineal as may first appear?

Every time we do, say or think something that is not coming from a basis of love and truth, it creates an energetic disturbance in the universe. We have in effect created disharmony where there was none before. This contributes to the pool of energy or consciousness that surrounds us and also influences us. We in effect live in the soup that we create with our own daily choices.

So when we complain that someone has hurt us, it is wiser to understand that unless we can honestly say that we live our own lives with absolute truth and love all the time, we have actually contributed to this hurt we now feel coming towards us. It is a bit like wee-ing in the pool and then complaining that someone else in the pool has splashed us in the face with the collective urine!

So rather than constantly reacting to life and only seeing the lack of love that is obviously sometimes the reality of life on this planet, perhaps it would be wiser to stay connected to the love that we are and take full responsibility for what we express in the world, knowing that it is our collective expressions that make up the world we all have to live in.

I have experimented with this myself a little and have noticed that if I choose to be understanding and not react when someone is doing or saying something disturbing around me, then many times the person will change how they are expressing as they too sense the disturbance. Then other times when I choose to react, no matter how much right I feel I have to be hurt, I have observed that I am actually expressing the same quality of disturbance back to the person who I have decided is hurting me! The disturbance becomes the norm and neither of us have an opportunity to get out of it. We both stay in our protection and guardedness, which feels justified by our hurts that we are choosing to hang on to.

Inspired by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, I have begun to explore the science of energy – which includes the science of hurts – and I have realised that despite the reality of the existence of hurts on this planet of ours, they do not have to be the dominant or driving force behind our behaviours as they currently are, and that we do in fact have a choice as to whether we feel hurt or not.

By Andrew Mooney

Related Readings:
We are not our hurts
Relationship games – fear of losing love
Relationships – why we should come clean about our deepest hurts




1,137 thoughts on “The Science of Hurts

  1. “it is our collective expressions that make up the world we all have to live in”. The more we deepen the love we live with the more abundant love is felt by all.

  2. This is a huge lesson to learn that we think we have a right to react to someone who we feel has hurt us in some way. So we can hold them to ransom and then nobody wins except the energy that set it all up in the first place. This energy feeds of our separation to each other and will constantly find way to feed it.

  3. Understanding others and where they are at, and also learning to not take situations personally is what I am working on at the moment so that I am not reacting but giving people space and staying connected to love. Andrew I liked your words about “the Science of Hurts” which opens it up as a study, and exploring reacting, and being hurt or not, as movements of different energies.

  4. Feeling the hurt we can choose to align to the energy or understand where it comes from and live with the Love of that wisdom but hate the fact that this energy can exist to hurt us! Thus taking the individuality out of the equation so we are greater than our individual hurts and with this awareness it is our responsibility to deepen our Love.

    1. Thanks Greg, your words “but hate the fact that this energy can exist to hurt us!” reminded me that it’s the same source of energy that creates the disturbance that also supplies the hurt.

      1. Absolutely Melinda, it is like a two edged sword that traps you both ways until we learn to Hate it with so much Love that we are passionate about our Hate-full-ness.

  5. “When I am connected to this inner stillness I feel much bigger and grander than the disturbance and therefore, to be hurt by this disturbance seems impossible.” Thanks Andrew, I can’t say with authority that I have had this experience as yet, but I can feel the truth to it and I know of times when I’ve stayed steady with myself despite a disturbance in someone around me. I’m feeling to deepen into my stillness and make that a focus, as disturbance has taken up much of my life for such a long time. It’s a really good common sense blog, thank you.

  6. Yes, we have a choice about whether we feel hurt or not and how we respond to that hurt. We can perceive what we want and then turn that into our truth. The danger is that everyone can perceive differently and then our experience becomes a melting pot of perceptions with many truths but not The Truth in sight.

  7. “How I interpret what is occurring around me depends on my own choice of how I am with, and within, myself” – interpretation is how we create our reality, and we have to keep repeating the conversion to keep our reality real – regardless of it being hurt or euphoria.

  8. Some days I can be in such reaction and no matter what happens around me I take it personally. And then other days I am much more aware and holding more understanding both of myself and others around me. It is part of growth to go through awkward and difficult moments as such – a little like how fast the body grows in teenage years and how you can feel so confident and strong and coordinated one day and then the next you feel like you have two left feet as your body has grown overnight. Growth is natural, change is natural and though it can feel awkward and frustrating, it is the thing that allows us to learn and adjust and evolve and I have found that with embracing this, it has allowed me to take one step back closer to my essence and hence an even deeper understanding.

    1. I love how holding and understanding of yourself you are here Henrietta – we definitely need to do this and see ourselves as imperfect students of life and love if we are to truly heal our hurts including the ones we have with ourselves.

    2. Yes I really appreciate what you are bringing here, a deeper understanding of the magic that comes from honesty. If we can bring that honesty without the judgement then we can deepen our relationship with ourselves, learning when we are being true and when we are not. It is when we are not that we get hurt because we are not reading where the behaviour is coming from, rather we are taking it all personally and being battered.

    3. Thanks Henrietta, I appreciate what you have shared here because I sometimes have great periods and then it feels like I fall back again into hurts and reactions. Your attitude to accept and embrace the cycles as they come is a good one.

  9. Thank you Andrew for this wise and supportive expose on hurts. Hurts do abound in everyone’e life and are here for us to explore, grab and understand and hence heal in the process. But to understand that we too are responsible in some way for these hurts is also important, as you have shared. And when I feel a hurt come up, I first acknowledge it and allow myself to feel how I feel and then I do my best to seize that as an opportunity to understand what it is that I am trying to shy away from in terms of my responsibility on a deeper level. This is not always easy to do but unfolds in layers if we are genuine in our approach to feel what is underlying.

    1. Thank you Henrietta, yes hurts can actually be signposts and great catalysts for change, growth and evolution if we are honest about them and where they come from.

  10. “How I interpret what is occurring around me depends on my own choice of how I am with, and within, myself.” – this is so true! Hence why we can have the same situation happen several times and yet react or respond completely differently each time. A bit like waking up in the mornings and looking out the window – the same scenery can look bright or grey depending on how we are feeling on the inside.

  11. “When I am connected to this inner stillness I feel much bigger and grander than the disturbance and therefore, to be hurt by this disturbance seems impossible.” Andrew you offer us all a possibility to deal with our hurts and reactions. Now it is on each of us to choose to be more in this inner stillness or not. I for myself can say I love to deepen this inner stillness day by day as it makes my life a bit more joyfuller.

  12. This idea of the goodies and badies feels really harmful, it stops any responsibility and stops the understanding that could otherwise be there.

    1. Yes and the mainstream media and politicians play on this idea all the time (as they have done for thousands of years) to get their own personal agenda through and to control/sway the population to go along with their plans.

  13. Andrew, what you are sharing here is really helpful and makes sense; ‘if I choose to be understanding and not react when someone is doing or saying something disturbing around me, then many times the person will change how they are expressing as they too sense the disturbance.’

    1. Yes if both people are in reaction then how is there any reflection or marker of anything different?! And so the whole world pretty much runs on endless reactions and therefore the huge amount of disturbance that this is creating in our bodies, our minds, on our planet and in the universe goes largely unnoticed.

    2. That understanding is so crucial, as is the bigger picture, otherwise I find myself taking it personally and making it about me, when it’s actually about the other person, even if it’s directed at me. I can still respond and pull the person up, but it’s a very different and empowered position by staying with myself, rather than making it about self and then feeling hurt and possibly withdrawing.

  14. We can get annoyed at our colleagues for not caring about their work, we can get annoyed at our family for not caring for our homes but the biggest annoyance, anger and frustration come towards ourselves – when we don’t care, when we’re in disregard we are hurting ourselves.

  15. I cannot feel hurt when I am aware accepting and living my purpose and the qualities I am to bring as a woman to the world. This way of being is a continuous unfolding and deepening of the love that lies within me.

  16. I have been surprised when an old hurt I thought I had healed from pops up again. I now recognise I am being shown that there is more to heal, deal with it and move on once more.

  17. The ‘fact (we) have a choice as to whether we feel hurt or not@ was a revelation to me when I fist heard this at a Universal Medicine presentation. What? It felt weird, but it’s so true. I realised – a while ago now – that I was indulging in feeling hurt, even wallowing a little. It’s important to deal with our hurts, but there does come a time to move on.

  18. To explain a hurt as the feeling of a disturbance in my body makes so much sense, and these disturbances I used to blame on others claiming they had hurt me. But by accepting that I am just as responsible for this disturbance as the other person, changes everything. This acceptance brings me to a point where I realise that I have a choice to say yes to this disturbance within my body, the hurt that I will probably hold on to for at least a little while, or to say no, ‘I am not allowing anything to disturb this body of mine’. The choice to be disturbed, aka hurt, is definitely all mine.

  19. Thank you Andrew, it’s such a powerful read and very healing. This morning I woke feel very unsettled and disturbed, but I began reading the comments of this blog and instantly realised this feeling within me was simply me feeling hurt and reactive. It’s been such a common feeling in my life often making it difficult to sleep or waking feeling completely out of sorts. Reading through this blog and the links in related reading I came across a quote by Serge Benhayon talking about our hurts relating to either us or another person not being love. This made so much sense to me as yesterday I chose a very familiar and repeating situation in my life which is essentially me disregarding what is loving for me, and letting others treat me in a disregarding way without speaking up. It was truly amazing to have so much clarity from this page and it’s resources and to feel such understanding of myself and others and begin the healing process, instead of putting down how I felt to “stress”, and not knowing how to support myself.

  20. “We choose to focus on the relatively small disturbance and disconnect from the abundance of love and stillness that is all around us and inside us constantly.” So true the hurt becomes our focus rather than the abundance of love that is always there waiting for us to re-connect to it.

  21. Humanity lives either in protection or reaction to the hurts we feel and this is how most people go through life without considering there is a possibility or need to change it. Your blog Andrew gives an insight into why we get hurt, and with this deeper understanding begin to unravel how much holding onto our hurts affects us all.

  22. There are so many things that we feel hurt about in society, in our lives and what I love about what Serge presents is that its not about not feeling that or denying that or even trying to fix that but first and foremost living from the fact and connection with the fact and truth that we are love before whatever has gone on that takes us away from being all that we are.

  23. Another thing I have noticed when I choose to be hurt by someone is I focus on the disturbance or error and disconnect from the love or divinity that is the essence of someone, which creates a disconnection and distance between us.

    1. And when I reconnect to the love that’s underneath all of that it’s like the giant distance never existed and in some instances, I feel closer than ever to the other person.

      1. Yes I agree it is amazing how close and equal we can feel with others when we come back to love and connection rather than focusing on our hurts and the ‘poor me’ syndrome.

  24. “It is easy to think of a hurt as something that is being done to us; that we are innocent victims in the crime. That it is a simple case of someone hurting us and we have every right to feel hurt. But perhaps what is closer to the truth is that we are actually choosing to feel hurt due to a disturbing situation.” This is revelatory and at times I still need to remind myself of this fact as it is so easy to say ‘because of you I now feel’ but never is this true.

      1. Still recognizing when we do go into it allows for a stop and the question of what our own investement, ideal or expectation was. We tend to project our own needs and wishes on others and then fel we have the right to be hurt when they are not met. In this case we can use these moments to learn to let go of that which gets exposed and so turn the situation into an evolutionary one instead of one where we accumulate more hurt.

  25. When I have a need for the world and its people to be a certain way, and when that doesn’t get delivered, I feel hurt – disappointed, betrayed and disrespected. It’s an interesting one really, because if I hadn’t known the truth of who we are, the potential we could be living, why would I ever have that idea in the first place? Having said that, that doesn’t have to mean I should have the need, I know. I like what you say about others’ response/reaction to your response/reaction whether it comes from hurt therefore justifying the disturbing energy the hurt operates in in that transaction. I have never experienced that myself, but it makes sense and I can feel the truth in that.

    1. Yes good point you raise here that even before the so called hurt we are setting things up in advance with projections and expectations of how we think things should be rather than accepting them as they are.

    1. Yes it can be very healing to be honest about our hurts and that they are there in the first place. As you say though the question is what do we do next with them?…do we wallow in them, hide behind them and use them as an excuse to stay in protection and guardedness and blame? Or can we observe them and heal them by bringing more love to them and understanding that we are not our hurts, they are not part of us.

  26. This makes sense, the more settled we feel within the less we will be disturbed by the outside. However, this does not mean to say we accept disturbance/abuse that goes on in the world just that we deal with this in a different way.

    1. Yes not reacting to the disturbance does not mean we put up with abuse or no response. In fact if we stay steady in our bodies and observe what is happening then our response is much more considered and balanced and open.

  27. That is what I experience too when I don’t react to dominant talking but just give it space to be. The others start to notice its own behavior clearly and start to adjust to a more loving way of communication.

  28. I love that expression “the science of energy” because understanding energy is a science. It is no different than understanding any other scientific topic.

  29. We do feel hurt when we leave the space of god we ought to live in and instead step down into creation.

  30. The more I take care of myself, hold a quality of stillness in my body the less I am hurt by others’ responses and actions, because I can observe and read situations more easily. Still very much a work in progress I notice that when I drop the attention to detail in terms of my own self care how quickly and easily I can revert to becoming hurt as I get caught in the emotion of moment.

    1. It is a ‘work in progress’ for me as well, but what wonderful work it is. To have less reaction in my body is so very welcome, but I also know that it requires a consistent commitment to care for my body so it feels settled and steady, therefore not offering any space for any perceived hurts to get a foothold. Not always easy but oh so worth the commitment.

    1. Indeed Elizabeth, as we are the creators of our own hurts we are also the only ones that can heal them.

  31. It is crucial to understand that despite of what is being thrown at us, we choose to be hurt. We choose to let go of our connection and that is what hurts more than anything that is thrown at us.

  32. Great sharing Andrew to read again. And something to remember: if I am more connected to me, choose to be more love, than I don’t get hurt by disturbing behaviors of others at all, or perhaps even slightly. So love is the ultimate protection. Love it!

  33. Building a body of stillness is the key for everything. The moment I loose my breath and the connection to myself everything around me becomes more important, as it feels horrible to actually feel the disconnection itself. It needs a Stop to realise that I am not in a fullness with me to then continue in a quality that observes, loves and flows in the rhythm of the universe.

  34. Andrew, what a powerful blog. Right in time for me to read and grow with it. I can feel the depth of pondering about the whole topic and I can very much relate to it. Let’s not waste more time in creating hurts, although it is important to realise first that something hurt us and we´ve chosen that. To then let it go and not make it something becoming real, that is the key.

    1. and this is why they are so welcomed on a certain level as we can use them as an excuse to not share all of who of who we are with all around us. Without our hurts there will be no need for protection.

  35. Thank you Andrew. Reading your blog again tonight, I’m struck by how clear cut the choice is: focus on what’s outside of us, and measure our sense of self worth by something that is constantly fluctuating; or, turn within to that steadiness, that sense of deep stillness, that is always there, never goes away and can always be relied upon. We have to reject our own sense of stillness and connection first, before we get hurt – and that is what really hurts the most. We can point the finger at others for ‘hurting us’ but what hurts most of all is usually our own reactions to others, more than their behaviour towards us.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.