The Science of Hurts

We have all felt hurt at some time in our lives. It is as common a human experience as eating or sleeping. Many of us accept that life is full of hurts and that is just the way it is. But what is a hurt exactly?

Most of us would probably say that we feel or register a hurt any time we do not feel truly met, understood and respected for who we are. On a more practical level, any time we do not feel respect, decency, love and honesty, we say we feel hurt by this. We then assume that this is how it is and that there is no other way. But is this exactly true? Could there be another possibility? Do we have to feel hurt by the lack of love in the world?

I know from my own experience that every day I feel the quality of everything that is occurring around me. From the way people speak, move or just look, it is all constantly communicating something to me. I have also noticed that some days or moments in a day, I feel more disturbed by others’ actions or movements and other days or moments, I don’t.

So what’s the difference? Well, I have noticed that the days when I can observe what is occurring around me and not be disturbed, are the days when I am feeling less disturbed inside of me. On these days I am more connected to an inner stillness and steadiness that is always present inside me. When I am connected to this inner stillness I feel much bigger and grander than the disturbance and therefore, to be hurt by this disturbance seems impossible.

So I have found this an interesting observation because it means that how I interpret what is occurring around me depends on my own choice of how I am with, and within, myself.

It is easy to think of a hurt as something that is being done to us; that we are innocent victims in the crime. That it is a simple case of someone hurting us and we have every right to feel hurt. But perhaps what is closer to the truth is that we are actually choosing to feel hurt due to a disturbing situation. We choose to focus on the relatively small disturbance and disconnect from the abundance of love and stillness that is all around us and inside us constantly. Therefore, if feeling hurt is a choice rather than a foregone conclusion, we could also just as easily make a choice to NOT feel hurt by any disturbing situation.

Another belief I would say we have around hurts is that we often like to think of them as a simple transaction in a straight line. We have the perpetrator who commits the unloving act upon the victim. There is a good guy and a baddie. We feel hard done by if we are the victim and wonder how on earth someone could possibly dream of not loving us as we know we deserve to be loved, because deep down we know we come from love.

However, have we considered that the hurts we experience in our lives may actually be cyclical in nature and not as lineal as may first appear?

Every time we do, say or think something that is not coming from a basis of love and truth, it creates an energetic disturbance in the universe. We have in effect created disharmony where there was none before. This contributes to the pool of energy or consciousness that surrounds us and also influences us. We in effect live in the soup that we create with our own daily choices.

So when we complain that someone has hurt us, it is wiser to understand that unless we can honestly say that we live our own lives with absolute truth and love all the time, we have actually contributed to this hurt we now feel coming towards us. It is a bit like wee-ing in the pool and then complaining that someone else in the pool has splashed us in the face with the collective urine!

So rather than constantly reacting to life and only seeing the lack of love that is obviously sometimes the reality of life on this planet, perhaps it would be wiser to stay connected to the love that we are and take full responsibility for what we express in the world, knowing that it is our collective expressions that make up the world we all have to live in.

I have experimented with this myself a little and have noticed that if I choose to be understanding and not react when someone is doing or saying something disturbing around me, then many times the person will change how they are expressing as they too sense the disturbance. Then other times when I choose to react, no matter how much right I feel I have to be hurt, I have observed that I am actually expressing the same quality of disturbance back to the person who I have decided is hurting me! The disturbance becomes the norm and neither of us have an opportunity to get out of it. We both stay in our protection and guardedness, which feels justified by our hurts that we are choosing to hang on to.

Inspired by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, I have begun to explore the science of energy – which includes the science of hurts – and I have realised that despite the reality of the existence of hurts on this planet of ours, they do not have to be the dominant or driving force behind our behaviours as they currently are, and that we do in fact have a choice as to whether we feel hurt or not.

By Andrew Mooney

Related Readings:
We are not our hurts
Relationship games – fear of losing love
Relationships – why we should come clean about our deepest hurts

Spara

Spara

Spara

1,053 thoughts on “The Science of Hurts

  1. The bigger picture of hurts presented here shows how we all impact each other, and indeed everything around us … there is no getting away from this and the image of the pool is apt, we all can pee in it and then complain of being splashed but in understanding that we all add to hurts with holding onto our own, we offer space and understanding to any hurts that come our way and we find another way to be with ourselves and others. It’s really the only way to move beyond hurts for each of us holding onto our own just means more of us getting splashed with pee. No contest at all.

  2. When we project needs, judgements and expectations on others and situations this hurts us far more than if we simply observe everything that is happening without projection or judgement.

  3. I love it what you write Andrew.
    When we react to something ‘bad’ coming our way we just make that field of ‘bad’ bigger.
    It is to hold our love and deal with what touches us in our own pains of the past.

  4. “Therefore, if feeling hurt is a choice rather than a foregone conclusion, we could also just as easily make a choice to NOT feel hurt by any disturbing situation.” It is so very empowering to not be a slave to anything, including our perceived hurts.

  5. To be honest of our part in our hurts is a healing in itself. And I have also observed how I can bury hurts deeply and think everything was fine, when really there are hurts we deny that stay with us until we are willing to be honest about the truth of what we felt.

  6. We live in a sea of so much love and space and a disturbance is just a denser vibration or form of energy which is no match for the grandness of space. So when we are choosing to be hurt we are actually choosing to align with the denseness rather than the space. It is then our own alignment and compression of ourselves into a more dense form that hurts us not the disturbance although it is a convenient excuse to blame the disturbance to cover up our own self-abuse.

  7. It has really taken me quite a long time to understand that I don’t need to be hurt and that it is a choice. This shows that as humans we are so keen to lose our connection and choose to get hurt by reacting etc. I love this blog because it shows us that we have a clear choice- a choice between the love that we are part of, made of and from, or the hurt which is a small disturbance to that connection within us that is very grand and can’t be disturbed unless we ask for that. This blog reminds me of what I know – that life is about energy first and the responsibility of knowing that how we are with ourselves effects the level of disturbance we experience.

  8. “how I interpret what is occurring around me depends on my own choice of how I am with, and within, myself.” I read a whole lot more into this sentence as I read it today as I am taking time to take more responsibility for my own behaviour and reactions to events around me.

  9. Like you Andrew I have been inspired by Serge Benhayon to reawaken myself to observe energy and how it plays out. The more I feel settled in my body the less disturbing it is when it comes through someone. This fact has been the biggest ‘eye opener’ for me to understand that energy comes though us it is not actually who we are. There are only two types of energy to choose from, something else I didn’t know and it is a constant choice which one we chose to align to. I feel that this is actually what we should all be learning about at school as it is life changing to understand this. How many people in the world know that life is all about the energy we chose first and the consequences of that choice thereafter?

  10. Observing the science of energy keeps us honest in that we get to see that how we are in life affects another and that it is our responsibility to deal with our hurts otherwise we are harming another with our unresolved emotions.

  11. As a sensitive person, we can look out at the world and see that things are not quite right, that there is so much chaos and madness, murder and rape and war etc. And we know this is not living to our capacity. So on some level we must have a marker of some kind of what love is, for if we did not have this marker, then how would be ever know that war rape or murder etc was not normal? So what if it was simply about connecting to a deeper part of ourselves, and realising that what hurts more than anything else is when we do not connect deeply? Seeing a mess around us will still feel awful, but at least from that connection we will have a different understanding of this and be in a position to offer true support to ourselves and those around us.

  12. “how I interpret what is occurring around me depends on my own choice of how I am with, and within, myself.” So true Andrew. This highlights the responsiblity we have with the choices that we make in our daily lives, as ultimately they impact on everyone around us.

  13. There is a real invitation here Andrew to, when we feel hurt by something, rather than going into it (and getting something out of it, which we do) we can simply nominate it and then, this offers us the opportunity to look at it deeper. Often when we feel hurt we react and then want to blame someone else, but really all this is highlighting is how we don’t want to look at our own part – how we have contributed to the ‘wee in the pool’ so to speak (great analogy by the way). When we give ourselves the opportunity to look at something deeper we see the energy behind the disturbance rather than a person who is hurting us. Very big difference.

    1. Yes hurt is not a dirty word and we do need to be honest about our hurts and not try and avoid them for they can guide us to knock out the things that are stopping us accessing more love in our lives.

  14. “It is easy to think of a hurt as something that is being done to us; that we are innocent victims in the crime.” Um yes!!! What is a bit of an awkward moment in all of our lives though is when we realise we have a choice to feel hurt or not and that the choice is often made faster than our brain can process how we will react or respond. Building a body that can observe life and not be pushed from pillar to post is a great focus as it builds a foundation away from any ‘crisis’ or ‘situation’. Then slowly but surely you build a body that responds in a different way faster than your brain can process and the outcome is not feeling hurt but understanding how it all came about!

    1. I love here Lucy how you are mentioning the body and that this is where the alignment is made towards response or reaction (i.e. hurt) and that it is not a thought process that takes place in the mind. it is has been my experience also that I can build a body in daily life that is prepared for life’s ups and downs and inevitable challenges and disturbances so that when these situations occur my body is ready and more willing to respond to them with love rather than go into hurt, blame, reaction etc.

  15. We use our hurts to reason and justify why we behave in certain ways, but truly, even though we may have some, we are not our hurts. and can step into that grander place that allows us to look at and unravel our hurts and not be run by them.

  16. The more we are connected to our inner heart, to our essence, the less we get disturbed by the ugliness of the world, of people, which can be a reality, coming to us. It may still hurt us, but it won’t disturb us.

  17. The biggest hurts are the ones we cast upon ourselves, when we are not loving, or when we do not express… these things create holes in us that are beyond imaginable.

  18. “how I interpret what is occurring around me depends on my own choice of how I am with, and within, myself.” how we are within ourselves is reflected out into the world, and it is this reflection that comes back to us.

  19. ” But perhaps what is closer to the truth is that we are actually choosing to feel hurt due to a disturbing situation. ”
    This is very true and absorbing feeling hurt can be a method for oneself to distract from the truth of what is really going on and allow one to relinquish personal responsibility for hurtful situations.

  20. That is also what I experience. When I react to someone talking, for example in a heavy mental way or aggressive it just get more intense. And when I do not judge and understand why the person is behaving like that I feel my love in my heart and then the person starts to communicate different.

  21. There are no victims, it is a choice to see oneself as such and an unnecessary choice at that. What I found when I chose to be a victim is that there was a wallowing in it that I would go into which was a bit like maximising the misery. How would it be if we maximised the joy instead?

  22. I think it’s natural to feel hurt when we see all the loveless actions and behaviours in our world but what matters is what we then do with that hurt – do we indulge in it or to we connect with a deeper sense of purpose and commitment to bringing the love that we know to all areas of life.

  23. ‘Every time we do, say or think something that is not coming from a basis of love and truth, it creates an energetic disturbance in the universe. We have in effect created disharmony where there was none before. This contributes to the pool of energy or consciousness that surrounds us and also influences us. We in effect live in the soup that we create with our own daily choices.’
    We all contribute to the pool of energy by every choice we make, without wanting to realize it doesn’t matter whether you are the victim or the perpetrator.

  24. Registering a hurt is very different to re-acting to a hurt. We will always feel what is not love and this is a disturbance to a body that knows love… I like the ‘weeing in the pool’ analogy.

  25. One day something that happens doesn’t hurt and we can simply observe and the next day it does and mostly this is because of how we have been with ourselves and how much love we have expressed.
    A hurt doesn’t come from outside, we carry them inside and often choose to hang on to them. Letting go of hurts offers us an opportunity to let go of protections and deepen the connection we have with God, ourselves and others.

  26. What is not love hurts us. This then tells us that we know what love is otherwise we would not know what was not love. Our hurts therefore are showing us that underneath the hurt is love and that the way to heal any hurt is through love.

  27. A great observation here Andrew – everything always comes back to being aware of our part in what is presenting itself to us.
    “Well, I have noticed that the days when I can observe what is occurring around me and not be disturbed, are the days when I am feeling less disturbed inside of me. On these days I am more connected to an inner stillness and steadiness that is always present inside me.”

  28. Andrew, this blog is a real game changer for us all. I never really consider having hurts as coming from a choice to be hurt or not. Even though I knew they come from our reactions, it seemed like our hurts are just there to be healed once we have a certain experience. But it makes so much sense that if we continue to read every situation and observe it without a need or picture of the way it ‘should be’ , then we can allow things to unfold to learn from without being affected by them and thus turning into a long lasting hurt that results in more sadness, protection, and disconnection from others.

    1. Well said, feeling like we have to have the answers there and then or even defend/attack just buries hurts and experiences deeper in our bodies to come up again and again and again. If this is our experience of life it is hard to imagine it can or could have been any other way. Yet building a body of love, away from the crisis moments offers space to consider a different approach and response in those ‘groundhog day’ moments.

  29. I find when I am presenting Esoteric Yoga, that a lot of people’s bodies go into a protection as soon as they open their eyes. They expect to get hurt by what they see and feel around them and the body hardens up. Over time I find that when people learn to stay with themselves when they open their eyes, feel their body and allow the world to just be, the hurt is not there. So, presence and observing feel very key to not creating new hurts or reacting to old ones.

  30. A very sobering blog to read, that nails hurts right on our head…and while reading I could feel just how much understanding you have on the science of hurts… And great for anyone who wishes to free themselves from the constant cycle and merry go round ( actually not so merry) of being affect by hurts, or perceiving that someone has hurt you. And that we have a choice to feel hurt that can dominate us for a while, or we can choose to stay steady with ourselves, connected with our body so that we do not get affected or disturbed. Great to reread this blog – there is so much gold in it.

  31. Protection and reaction are a great recipes for hurts. But as is so beautifully described here, these are both a choice we make of how to be. And in that we go further into hurts rather than healing the hurts we carry with us and then using them to not evolve.

  32. What I find as well is that dependent on how I am feeling… if I just don’t feel myself and someone brings that to my attention to be supportive, then in that state I can think I’m hurt but it’s actually really loving that the other person is helping me to come back.

    1. Yes I have also noticed that there is a difference when we react when someone loves us so much that they are prepared to present an uncomfortable truth that we need to hear and it is done lovingly, and when this information is not said with love, and so we are feeling the lack of holding and understanding in what is being said or presented. In both situations it is important to not react knowing that both situations are there to support us to learn.

  33. Yeah it can be something we don’t fully want to accept that when we go into hurt, it adds to the source that has hurt us and allows it to circulate in our bodies and change our movements which then puts back into the world all that we have been hurt by- simply the absence of love.

  34. I realised yesterday that perhaps a hurt is really just when something happens that lays bare or exposes something we have not resolved in ourselves. So we believe it is coming from outside of us and then can quickly launch into blame, but really it is inside of us and therefore can be a great signpost to healing and evolution. So we can start by appreciating what hurts are showing us. If we view them in this way it also puts a very different perspective on why things happen in life.

    1. I love the turn-around Andrew, just to appreciate what the hurt is showing us, is a different choice. In the past when I felt very insecure in my own shoes, I would allow a hurt to completely overwhelm me, taking me over that I could not see any light at the end of the tunnel I was in. And every time I felt weighed down like a ton of bricks unable to manoever an inch. So in effect I made the hurt 100 times bigger than it was… ouch! I can still wobble a little when something pops up that is challenging, but these days I am much more solid in my body, and always seek support, so that any resistance I may have of letting go of the old way, is fed back to me, which brings a deeper understanding of where I am at and what I am clearing which is an amazing support and much easier to ‘let go’.

    2. Well said Andrew, for the deepest hurt is the one we all have from when we chose to turn to the outside world for the answers and separated from the absolute love, truth and wisdom of our innermost.

  35. “knowing that it is our collective expressions that make up the world we all have to live in.” It is super amazing to realise that the moment we are expressing less than loving, even if no-one is watching, it adds to the energetic collective pool we all live from for to then be there and to be expressed by someone else. It makes life less personal when things happen and will explain why things happen on a way deeper level. We will only be able to stop abuse by collectively one by one stop adding to the pool of abuse and hurt.

    1. Yes I am realising more and more that in every situation not matter how challenging I am constantly being offered a choice to go into my hurts, and therefore be centralised and make it all about me, or I can choose to stay universal and consider the responsibility I have to everything around me.

  36. Taking a step back from a potentially hurtful situation allows us to observe what is going on and more importantly read what is going on for the other. We then have an opportunity to gain an understanding of the situation and once we have this understanding we need not take it personally. Taking things personally is choosing to be hurt.

    1. Yes when we are connected to our bodies and feeling settled and still in ourselves we have much more space to observe what is happening around us which in my experience means that it feels like I suddenly have way more time to observe and respond than I do when I am not feeling at ease in me.

      1. Remembering also that everything that is being presented to us is a reflection for us to learn from and if we are not ready or not prepared to take responsibility for our part in the situation we then invite the hurt to counter the learning on offer.

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