The Science of Hurts

We have all felt hurt at some time in our lives. It is as common a human experience as eating or sleeping. Many of us accept that life is full of hurts and that is just the way it is. But what is a hurt exactly?

Most of us would probably say that we feel or register a hurt any time we do not feel truly met, understood and respected for who we are. On a more practical level, any time we do not feel respect, decency, love and honesty, we say we feel hurt by this. We then assume that this is how it is and that there is no other way. But is this exactly true? Could there be another possibility? Do we have to feel hurt by the lack of love in the world?

I know from my own experience that every day I feel the quality of everything that is occurring around me. From the way people speak, move or just look, it is all constantly communicating something to me. I have also noticed that some days or moments in a day, I feel more disturbed by others’ actions or movements and other days or moments, I don’t.

So what’s the difference? Well, I have noticed that the days when I can observe what is occurring around me and not be disturbed, are the days when I am feeling less disturbed inside of me. On these days I am more connected to an inner stillness and steadiness that is always present inside me. When I am connected to this inner stillness I feel much bigger and grander than the disturbance and therefore, to be hurt by this disturbance seems impossible.

So I have found this an interesting observation because it means that how I interpret what is occurring around me depends on my own choice of how I am with, and within, myself.

It is easy to think of a hurt as something that is being done to us; that we are innocent victims in the crime. That it is a simple case of someone hurting us and we have every right to feel hurt. But perhaps what is closer to the truth is that we are actually choosing to feel hurt due to a disturbing situation. We choose to focus on the relatively small disturbance and disconnect from the abundance of love and stillness that is all around us and inside us constantly. Therefore, if feeling hurt is a choice rather than a foregone conclusion, we could also just as easily make a choice to NOT feel hurt by any disturbing situation.

Another belief I would say we have around hurts is that we often like to think of them as a simple transaction in a straight line. We have the perpetrator who commits the unloving act upon the victim. There is a good guy and a baddie. We feel hard done by if we are the victim and wonder how on earth someone could possibly dream of not loving us as we know we deserve to be loved, because deep down we know we come from love.

However, have we considered that the hurts we experience in our lives may actually be cyclical in nature and not as lineal as may first appear?

Every time we do, say or think something that is not coming from a basis of love and truth, it creates an energetic disturbance in the universe. We have in effect created disharmony where there was none before. This contributes to the pool of energy or consciousness that surrounds us and also influences us. We in effect live in the soup that we create with our own daily choices.

So when we complain that someone has hurt us, it is wiser to understand that unless we can honestly say that we live our own lives with absolute truth and love all the time, we have actually contributed to this hurt we now feel coming towards us. It is a bit like wee-ing in the pool and then complaining that someone else in the pool has splashed us in the face with the collective urine!

So rather than constantly reacting to life and only seeing the lack of love that is obviously sometimes the reality of life on this planet, perhaps it would be wiser to stay connected to the love that we are and take full responsibility for what we express in the world, knowing that it is our collective expressions that make up the world we all have to live in.

I have experimented with this myself a little and have noticed that if I choose to be understanding and not react when someone is doing or saying something disturbing around me, then many times the person will change how they are expressing as they too sense the disturbance. Then other times when I choose to react, no matter how much right I feel I have to be hurt, I have observed that I am actually expressing the same quality of disturbance back to the person who I have decided is hurting me! The disturbance becomes the norm and neither of us have an opportunity to get out of it. We both stay in our protection and guardedness, which feels justified by our hurts that we are choosing to hang on to.

Inspired by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, I have begun to explore the science of energy – which includes the science of hurts – and I have realised that despite the reality of the existence of hurts on this planet of ours, they do not have to be the dominant or driving force behind our behaviours as they currently are, and that we do in fact have a choice as to whether we feel hurt or not.

By Andrew Mooney

Related Readings:
We are not our hurts
Relationship games – fear of losing love
Relationships – why we should come clean about our deepest hurts




1,019 thoughts on “The Science of Hurts

  1. Taking a step back from a potentially hurtful situation allows us to observe what is going on and more importantly read what is going on for the other. We then have an opportunity to gain an understanding of the situation and once we have this understanding we need not take it personally. Taking things personally is choosing to be hurt.

    1. Yes when we are connected to our bodies and feeling settled and still in ourselves we have much more space to observe what is happening around us which in my experience means that it feels like I suddenly have way more time to observe and respond than I do when I am not feeling at ease in me.

      1. Remembering also that everything that is being presented to us is a reflection for us to learn from and if we are not ready or not prepared to take responsibility for our part in the situation we then invite the hurt to counter the learning on offer.

  2. “knowing that it is our collective expressions that make up the world we all have to live in.” It is super amazing to realise that the moment we are expressing less than loving, even if no-one is watching, it adds to the energetic collective pool we all live from for to then be there and to be expressed by someone else. It makes life less personal when things happen and will explain why things happen on a way deeper level. We will only be able to stop abuse by collectively one by one stop adding to the pool of abuse and hurt.

    1. Yes I am realising more and more that in every situation not matter how challenging I am constantly being offered a choice to go into my hurts, and therefore be centralised and make it all about me, or I can choose to stay universal and consider the responsibility I have to everything around me.

  3. I realised yesterday that perhaps a hurt is really just when something happens that lays bare or exposes something we have not resolved in ourselves. So we believe it is coming from outside of us and then can quickly launch into blame, but really it is inside of us and therefore can be a great signpost to healing and evolution. So we can start by appreciating what hurts are showing us. If we view them in this way it also puts a very different perspective on why things happen in life.

    1. I love the turn-around Andrew, just to appreciate what the hurt is showing us, is a different choice. In the past when I felt very insecure in my own shoes, I would allow a hurt to completely overwhelm me, taking me over that I could not see any light at the end of the tunnel I was in. And every time I felt weighed down like a ton of bricks unable to manoever an inch. So in effect I made the hurt 100 times bigger than it was… ouch! I can still wobble a little when something pops up that is challenging, but these days I am much more solid in my body, and always seek support, so that any resistance I may have of letting go of the old way, is fed back to me, which brings a deeper understanding of where I am at and what I am clearing which is an amazing support and much easier to ‘let go’.

  4. Yeah it can be something we don’t fully want to accept that when we go into hurt, it adds to the source that has hurt us and allows it to circulate in our bodies and change our movements which then puts back into the world all that we have been hurt by- simply the absence of love.

  5. What I find as well is that dependent on how I am feeling… if I just don’t feel myself and someone brings that to my attention to be supportive, then in that state I can think I’m hurt but it’s actually really loving that the other person is helping me to come back.

    1. Yes I have also noticed that there is a difference when we react when someone loves us so much that they are prepared to present an uncomfortable truth that we need to hear and it is done lovingly, and when this information is not said with love, and so we are feeling the lack of holding and understanding in what is being said or presented. In both situations it is important to not react knowing that both situations are there to support us to learn.

  6. Protection and reaction are a great recipes for hurts. But as is so beautifully described here, these are both a choice we make of how to be. And in that we go further into hurts rather than healing the hurts we carry with us and then using them to not evolve.

  7. A very sobering blog to read, that nails hurts right on our head…and while reading I could feel just how much understanding you have on the science of hurts… And great for anyone who wishes to free themselves from the constant cycle and merry go round ( actually not so merry) of being affect by hurts, or perceiving that someone has hurt you. And that we have a choice to feel hurt that can dominate us for a while, or we can choose to stay steady with ourselves, connected with our body so that we do not get affected or disturbed. Great to reread this blog – there is so much gold in it.

  8. I find when I am presenting Esoteric Yoga, that a lot of people’s bodies go into a protection as soon as they open their eyes. They expect to get hurt by what they see and feel around them and the body hardens up. Over time I find that when people learn to stay with themselves when they open their eyes, feel their body and allow the world to just be, the hurt is not there. So, presence and observing feel very key to not creating new hurts or reacting to old ones.

  9. Andrew, this blog is a real game changer for us all. I never really consider having hurts as coming from a choice to be hurt or not. Even though I knew they come from our reactions, it seemed like our hurts are just there to be healed once we have a certain experience. But it makes so much sense that if we continue to read every situation and observe it without a need or picture of the way it ‘should be’ , then we can allow things to unfold to learn from without being affected by them and thus turning into a long lasting hurt that results in more sadness, protection, and disconnection from others.

  10. A great observation here Andrew – everything always comes back to being aware of our part in what is presenting itself to us.
    “Well, I have noticed that the days when I can observe what is occurring around me and not be disturbed, are the days when I am feeling less disturbed inside of me. On these days I am more connected to an inner stillness and steadiness that is always present inside me.”

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