The Science of Hurts

We have all felt hurt at some time in our lives. It is as common a human experience as eating or sleeping. Many of us accept that life is full of hurts and that is just the way it is. But what is a hurt exactly?

Most of us would probably say that we feel or register a hurt any time we do not feel truly met, understood and respected for who we are. On a more practical level, any time we do not feel respect, decency, love and honesty, we say we feel hurt by this. We then assume that this is how it is and that there is no other way. But is this exactly true? Could there be another possibility? Do we have to feel hurt by the lack of love in the world?

I know from my own experience that every day I feel the quality of everything that is occurring around me. From the way people speak, move or just look, it is all constantly communicating something to me. I have also noticed that some days or moments in a day, I feel more disturbed by others’ actions or movements and other days or moments, I don’t.

So what’s the difference? Well, I have noticed that the days when I can observe what is occurring around me and not be disturbed, are the days when I am feeling less disturbed inside of me. On these days I am more connected to an inner stillness and steadiness that is always present inside me. When I am connected to this inner stillness I feel much bigger and grander than the disturbance and therefore, to be hurt by this disturbance seems impossible.

So I have found this an interesting observation because it means that how I interpret what is occurring around me depends on my own choice of how I am with, and within, myself.

It is easy to think of a hurt as something that is being done to us; that we are innocent victims in the crime. That it is a simple case of someone hurting us and we have every right to feel hurt. But perhaps what is closer to the truth is that we are actually choosing to feel hurt due to a disturbing situation. We choose to focus on the relatively small disturbance and disconnect from the abundance of love and stillness that is all around us and inside us constantly. Therefore, if feeling hurt is a choice rather than a foregone conclusion, we could also just as easily make a choice to NOT feel hurt by any disturbing situation.

Another belief I would say we have around hurts is that we often like to think of them as a simple transaction in a straight line. We have the perpetrator who commits the unloving act upon the victim. There is a good guy and a baddie. We feel hard done by if we are the victim and wonder how on earth someone could possibly dream of not loving us as we know we deserve to be loved, because deep down we know we come from love.

However, have we considered that the hurts we experience in our lives may actually be cyclical in nature and not as lineal as may first appear?

Every time we do, say or think something that is not coming from a basis of love and truth, it creates an energetic disturbance in the universe. We have in effect created disharmony where there was none before. This contributes to the pool of energy or consciousness that surrounds us and also influences us. We in effect live in the soup that we create with our own daily choices.

So when we complain that someone has hurt us, it is wiser to understand that unless we can honestly say that we live our own lives with absolute truth and love all the time, we have actually contributed to this hurt we now feel coming towards us. It is a bit like wee-ing in the pool and then complaining that someone else in the pool has splashed us in the face with the collective urine!

So rather than constantly reacting to life and only seeing the lack of love that is obviously sometimes the reality of life on this planet, perhaps it would be wiser to stay connected to the love that we are and take full responsibility for what we express in the world, knowing that it is our collective expressions that make up the world we all have to live in.

I have experimented with this myself a little and have noticed that if I choose to be understanding and not react when someone is doing or saying something disturbing around me, then many times the person will change how they are expressing as they too sense the disturbance. Then other times when I choose to react, no matter how much right I feel I have to be hurt, I have observed that I am actually expressing the same quality of disturbance back to the person who I have decided is hurting me! The disturbance becomes the norm and neither of us have an opportunity to get out of it. We both stay in our protection and guardedness, which feels justified by our hurts that we are choosing to hang on to.

Inspired by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, I have begun to explore the science of energy – which includes the science of hurts – and I have realised that despite the reality of the existence of hurts on this planet of ours, they do not have to be the dominant or driving force behind our behaviours as they currently are, and that we do in fact have a choice as to whether we feel hurt or not.

By Andrew Mooney

Related Readings:
We are not our hurts
Relationship games – fear of losing love
Relationships – why we should come clean about our deepest hurts




933 thoughts on “The Science of Hurts

  1. The hurts we feel are not who we are, and as you have greatly shared Andrew, if we are willing to be honest and allow ourselves to go deeper we will discover that the hurts we feel highlight that we have left who we are. In search for fulfilment and met with lovelessness, the loveless energy we also have chosen is exposed, allowing us the opportunity to return to being in connection to the love we are. The more we hold steady in our connection the more we can reflect the true quality of our essence, responding with truth and love whenever we are met with loveless behaviour.

    1. Thank you Carola, I appreciated your words about hurts being about our own loveless energy that has been exposed, and the opportunity this gives us to return to being in connection to the love we are in truth.

  2. Thank you Andrew, this is a brilliant study on the science of hurts. I appreciated your words about a hurt being a disturbance – it certainly is, and it disturbs and confirms something at the same time, that we equally know what love is, otherwise what is being disturbed? It is the love we know innately and each are in essence that feels the disturbance. Love is the true and solid marker we each know. Also very true, “We choose to focus on the relatively small disturbance and disconnect from the abundance of love and stillness that is all around us and inside us constantly.”

    1. Great point Melinda that the very fact that we feel a disturbance confirms the abundance and existence of love and that we know what love is and that we come from love.

  3. I feel that not being met for who we truly are is a whopping hurt, because we are love we can feel love in our bodies. However the world around us, family friends etc are completely ignoring the love that we are and instead focus on something else entirely, or are so jealous of you that they deliberately want to hurt you so that you can feel some of the pain they are in too. This is anything but love, and because we are so sensitive we contract and some of us contract so much we invert in on ourselves and shun the world because we don’t feel there is any other way to cope.

  4. Living in a human body as we do, there are times that we do feel hurt, if I register the hurt when it happens and not go into a story around it or feed it in any way, I can bring understanding to the situation and am then able to let the whole thing go.

  5. It makes sense that responding with the same negative energy that was directed at us in the first place is not going to solve anything, but simply add fuel to the fire. My experience is that it can be very disarming when you don’t get a response you are expecting if you are the perpetrator of this negative energy. It does usually stop the energy and ends in a speedy resolution. It’s quite groundbreaking to consider that we have a choice as to whether we feel hurt or not, but I have experienced it in action.

  6. I find myself back here Andrew reading your wise proposal and understanding that over the last few months I have understood more about how much choice I have to feel hurt or not. The point is we feel so much more than we acknowledge to ourselves therefore the reaction to what we feel can play a dominant role. Building a relationship with the body means we can clock when we feel something that is trying to impose on us and make a more conscious choice about how to respond or react. Clocking that we feel something is vital in the first place though.

  7. Thank you Andrew for sharing your wisdom I very much appreciate the light you are sharing on hurts. I have been trying to understand my part in the hurts i am experiencing of late and your blog has given me much to consider and feel into especially since i do have a choice in this matter.

  8. I have noticed that the days when I can observe what is occurring around me and not be disturbed, are the days when I am feeling less disturbed inside of me. This is so true Andrew, when we have that settledness inside of us, there is this whole or complete feeling, so you are better able to be the observer and not go into reaction or emotion. but just be in allowance.

  9. There is a little paradox when it comes to hurts. On one level it is important to let them go and not focus on them, but on another it is very important to feel them. I felt hurt the other day by what someone did, and I allowed myself to feel this in full. It literally physically hurt in my body across my chest. Allowing myself to feel it allowed me to feel my vulnerability and I could feel my true essence underneath the hurt. By feeling it I allowed it to shift and I was left feeling more in touch with myself. It’s very easy to be so keen to not hold on to our hurts that we do not take the time to feel them and then we simply bury them. Only by fully feeling them can we heal them and allow them to go.

    1. I agree Rebecca, things another does can feel hurtful, but to wallow in the hurt and let it deeply affect us it almost a greater hurt in itself. It can be a form of drama to not live our potential. If someone does something hurtful we can either learn and grow, bring understanding and become bigger ourselves, or we can let it swallow us whole and shrink to a lesser state. That is always up to us.

      1. Thanks Stephen. It’s true, wallowing does not get us anywhere. But I feel it’s possible to feel without wallowing. We can always hold the awareness and knowing of the greater part of ourselves while allowing ourselves to feel. In my case the feeling was much older than that moment, and by feeling it I allowed myself to clear lifetimes worth of an old pattern that had been controlling me for eons. It was very worth allowing myself to feel the hurt, as I am now more free to be the true me.

      2. Very true Rebecca, there is a big difference between feeling and wallowing, and I mention it as I know for me wallowing or dramatising has been my way of not actually deeply feeling the reaction that is occurring, and thus not reading and understanding the situation presented. But absolutely, to feel is essential and is the most natural part of our make up, one that we should embrace and learn from.

  10. ‘Do we have to feel hurt by the lack of love in the world?’ No, we don’t have to. We just need to accept it. And that’s where the challenge can lie – in recognising what we are both able and unable to accept, then delving underneath that to discover the vulnerability there.

  11. As a society we need to explore much more the whole view of victim and perpetrator and bring in a deeper understanding of what is playing out in relationships. Often we look to find who is right and who is wrong instead of looking at how do we bring this back to harmony and love. When we focus on right and wrong it can often cement people further into their choices.

  12. So is it the case then that there is no such thing as victims as we are contributing to the ill energy in the first place with our thoughts and actions, and that energy is then being used or comes back around to be used against us. So in effect we are giving the energy for people to abuse us in the first place.
    So we might ask ‘What about people who are violently attacked, surely they must be innocent?’ and for this you would have to take a look at the broader/wider picture of re-incarnation and see that energy does not necessarily play out only during one life time. So could it be that things that happen which appear to be random in this life, can be as a result of us having contributed towards this pool of energy in a previous life.

  13. The wee-ing in the pool is a huge one to ponder on. As it makes us all responsible ourselves what is coming our direction. It is all either love or not love. And all the not love we lived gets added to the consciousness of not love which is called astral energies and those forces are coming back to us.

  14. Thanks Andrew, another healing read for me. Today what I have taken out of your blog is the responsibility, that we each contribute to the collective pool of hurts and and they will come back to us, until such time we can simply choose to be love consistently and observe the mess we have all helped to create here.

  15. I used to be bound by my hurts. My frustrations and resentments, and not being able to let go… all were based around hurts that I was carrying. A seemingly unfathomable mess that felt overwhelming to begin with. But once I started looking inside myself, feeling and understanding my hurts, it was impossible for them to stay with me and Love took their place. A dedicated, simple and beautiful surrender to Love.

  16. So feeling hurt by someone, or something is a choice! Like you Andrew, if I’m feeling great inside then the other person’s actions has no impact on me. However when I’m feeling ‘less than’ it is all too easy for those outside hurts to affect me and bring me down. Recognising it’s up to me to deal with and heal my own hurts so that I don’t get affected by others is ongoing for me.

  17. You say that the hurts we do feel can be hurts returning to us that we have contributed to in the past – because we have lived less than completely loving lives. Taking reincarnation also into account, feeling a hurt is thus an opportunity to clock this, feel it and heal.

  18. It is easy to be caught up in our hurts and blame someone out there who was insensitive enough to cause our pain. As we travel through life we start to see we are the common denominator in all our hurts therefore we must see and take responsibility for our part or choice in feeling hurt.

  19. If I feel hurt because of a perception something is not happening in a way I want it to, or others are not relating to me as I expect, it is possible to transcend this state of play. For example, rather than react, move away or wait for someone to move towards us, we can choose to move towards them and be the one to make a connection. Ultimately, it is how we are with ourselves and what we bring that is an antidote to hurt.

  20. When I feel hurt these days I see it as an opportunity to grow, for it is showing me something I have not resolved in myself that is being triggered by another’s actions. So in a way hurts can guide us to our next step of evolution as a person and a being.

  21. ‘…have we considered that the hurts we experience in our lives may actually be cyclical in nature and not as lineal as may first appear?’. This is such a great question, because it immediately suggests that there are always 2 to tango, and places responsibility on both parties. When we play the blame game, it doens’t end, and it perpetuates the cycle. Understanding our responsibility and involvement in why we were hurt is huge. And this does not mean that if you are brutally attacked for example that you deserve it. The question is far deeper and starts with, what led you to being in that situation to begin with, what ideas did you have about yourself that would allow the possibility of someone treating you that way…

  22. It is true that when we do not take life personally and see all that occurs as an opportunity to observe and to learn we are afforded great understanding and wisdom and the knowing of the deeper love on offer that is asked of us in that moment.

  23. If we are responsible for every choice we make in our life, which I understand we are, we are therefore responsible for the consequences. So if we find ourselves feeling hurt, instead of blaming someone else for how we are feeling, is this not the time to ask ourselves why?; why am I feeling hurt?; what I am holding within me that has gone into reaction to this event? Responding to the feeling of hurt in this way, I have begun to understand me even more, and this can only be so very healing

  24. Understanding that the hurts we feel are not who we are was an absolutely life changing moment for me. Learning to look after my feelings and what triggers different reactions, an understanding that I believe every human needs.

  25. Great blog Andrew that to feel hurt is a choice, just like anything else. That’s not to say we’re feelingless robots – feeling is part of being human – but there is always a choice to stay in and react to what we can feel, or to bring ourselves back to that natural steadiness and stillness. The more I make choices to stay connected to what I can feel in my body, the easier it is to stay there when something comes up – an emotion or a hurt – instead of getting caught in it.

  26. So much wisdom in this one blog Andrew… you could ponder much on just a few of these sentences. This one was a standout for me today – “We choose to focus on the relatively small disturbance and disconnect from the abundance of love and stillness that is all around us and inside us constantly”. Check. I have started to realise how much I can do this and how extremely limiting it is when I do it. It does cut me so off on all the amazingnes that is surrounding me, when I focus on the aspects that I dont think are.

  27. Being hurt has many forms, and is as you say as common as eating or breathing. Understanding that we have a choice of whether to be hurt or not is the first step to halting the pattern of hurts.

  28. Whilst here is choice in allowing hurts to dominate our lives or not, the fact that we feel hurt is very real. Accepting that we feel hurt because we ourselves have chosen to separate from the glory of our soul is the most challenging, not because the hurts hurt, but because we find ourselves in a situation where we know, without doubt our biggest hurt is the separation from our wholeness that we then palpably feel.

  29. I am coming to see that having a hurt triggered is not such a bad thing. It feels like a correction, social surgery if you will, of a wound that has festered too long. Harbouring a hurt but being unaware of it or believing you do not hold this hurt in your body, leaves you handicapped in life, avoiding those trigger situations without realising you are. To face it and feel it is nothing compared with who you are is very liberating and creates more space for the real you to shine.

  30. Making a choice not to be affected or dominated by hurts is so freeing and brings with it a loving responsibility. Learning to understand, accept and let go of our hurts; enabling us to live from the love and truth of who we truly are, is the key. Thank you Andrew for sharing your experiences and wisdom.

  31. Great blog Andrew – you have described hurt to a T and did you notice that if you add the letter T to h-u-r-t you get the letters of truth.

  32. It is an amazing awareness to come to when you recognize that you only get disturbed by the outside world when you are disturbed inside yourself first. This is a great motivator and deeply empowering, for the quality of your life is then dependent on how willing you are to connect to an inner stillness and steadiness within.

  33. I learned to see lately how empowering it is to observe when someone speaks. Then we easily can feel the quality of energy behind the words. And what that energy is doing and in this it is my choice to stay observing and not take it personally or to go into that same energy. In case it is a harming, not loving energy the loving choice is to stay out of the energy the other was choosing to align with.

  34. I love to return to this awesome blog written with so much understanding, love and clarity around the subject of hurts – a must read for everyone to support understanding about how we ourselves contribute to our own hurts if we are not choosing all that is love. Perfect example to share. Only yesterday I was feeling hurt by some-one’s lack of communication which made me go into making assumptions and going round in circles and creating a lot of tension in my body. I had to stop, I was draining myself! I knew instantly I had to honour my body and rest which I did for a few hours. I made a delicious meal and went for a lovely walk, and through this self-nurture I was able to bring understanding to the situation and when I did I felt expanded, lighter and felt a lot more spacious. And what was my lesson which became very clear was how much I was invested and how the heaviness of my own investment was draining me NOT the other person. A great lesson which I am grateful for.

  35. Thanks Andrew… yes it is huge isn’t it…. The science of hurts…how much carnage has been wreaked upon the planet by hurts… imagine if Hitler had passed his art exam instead of feeling the enormous hurt of rejection. And this is just one example of what hurts have done to humanity… so when it is proposed to us to address this, as Andrew does in this article, it is of global importance, no less.

    1. Carnage is the word. Even from a one person perspective our holding onto our hurts have resulted in significant illness to our bodies and yet we still continue to carry those same hurts as we die. And that is one person.

  36. Great blog Andrew, as you ‘how I interpret what is occurring around me depends on my own choice of how I am with, and within, myself.’ We are soo quick to blame others and look outside of ourselves (well I am) that we do not 1st stop and say so what is my part in this? The moment we do this and thus choose to take responsibility suddenly the picture becomes much clearer and we can then respond to the situation rather than reacting to it only to make it worse and then take it with us.

  37. And when we are in the reaction of a hurt we fail to see what it is we are being offered here in terms of learning or the part we have played in the situation.

  38. We all know too well the pain that is felt when reacting or saying something from a hurt. The level of responsibility that is presented here is how we can feel the extent of how this hurts is in our body yet have we bothered to feel that impact of the whole – the part we play in being part of this planet.

  39. “Therefore, if feeling hurt is a choice rather than a foregone conclusion, we could also just as easily make a choice to NOT feel hurt by any disturbing situation.” This is a great point you make, we can change the situation by bringing a loving understanding, we have a choice, or we can add to it and keep that energy going and no further change takes place but a deeper hole or disturbance.

  40. When I read your blog today Andrew I am aware of the responsibility we have to not get stuck, and operate from, our hurts. As you say it comes down to our choices;
    “how I interpret what is occurring around me depends on my own choice of how I am with, and within, myself”.

  41. What you share about the cyclical nature of life is huge. When we cause an imbalance it will always come round again and again it is resolved. How much wiser it is instead of reacting to issues we don’t like, to leave no stone unturned to take our understanding and awareness deeper, and bring love to the mix.

  42. Our skills of observation and awareness deepen as we deepen our connection to our own internal connection. I am finding this a great tool for reflection on how I am living and when and where I drop my connection or allow distractions to evade me.

  43. This is such a great article on the science of hurts and puts the responsibility of how we deal with hurts back onto us. We can and do get very hurt by the world but how we deal with it is up to us. We can either be crushed by our hurts or actually acknowledge them and heal them. The choice is always ours.

  44. With Esoteric Healing, we can truly heal our hurts so that we do not hold ourselves and the world to ransom for something we think someone has done to us.

  45. I love the description of holding an inner stillness not bending to the outer disturbances, then our hurts are just a swirling that does not touch the sides.

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