Raw and Uncut

Sometime ago while attending one of the Universal Medicine presentations, I got to talking with a dear lady friend of mine, sharing our experiences. As we talked I became aware of how close our bodies were to each other. We were standing in the hallway, which was quite crowded with people going to and fro. Being this close and looking into my friend’s big deep blue eyes felt very intimate and beautiful.

As we continued sharing I sensed a feeling come over my body. It was as if a shadow had passed through me and in its passing I could feel it pulling me back into hiding, a very familiar way I had lived my life and not just this life, but for many lives.

I was born into this world with a disease called Neurofibromatosis – it was very mild and not picked up until my sixties – which I feel was the result of a complete denial of my light, the truth of who I am deep within and where I truly come from.

It was interesting to see the path I took as a young child of wanting to serve God. I grew up with the idea that self-sacrifice for the good of others was ‘good,’ with none of ‘me’. I didn’t want a ‘me’, and that is exactly what it was, I was caught up in the being ‘good’ and doing ‘good,’ with none of my true self. Religion for me was a perfect place to hide, a huge illusion of thinking I was with God doing his work while all the time hiding and denying my light.

I went and stayed with another dear friend that night after the talk and pondered on what had taken place. The next morning I awoke with these words, “I want to be raw and uncut.” They were such powerful words for me, I wanted to hide no more, I wanted all of me seen just as I am, no apologies, this was me, I am enough, and I am ok.

During my life I was always apologising, saying sorry for this or that; even if it wasn’t my fault so to speak, it was like I was apologising for even being here on earth and breathing air.

The uncut part was interesting, it was like a movie going through the editing process where the story would be reviewed and little by little the undesirable parts or the parts that did not fit into what the movie wanted to convey, were cut out.

This was my life, literally cut to pieces with all the parts that made me real and a part of this world, cut out, discarded unacknowledged. Why? Because they did not fit the picture of the ‘good’ and the ‘right,’ the picture I had been sold and had taken on, as the way to God.

So what did not fit in with the ‘picture’ of ‘good’ did not even exist in my line of sight; I was like one of the three wise monkeys not wanting to hear, see, or speak what life was really about. I wanted to be perfect. I held onto the bible text that said “Whatsoever is good true and holy, think on these things.” So you see this cut out a lot of life by putting on those rose coloured glasses. Of course I often slipped and fell from the ‘good’ and the ‘right’ which brought with it times of regret, remorse and condemnation, and then a needing of God’s forgiveness for never being good enough.

Looking back now, from where I am today. I just shake my head at how empty and in denial I was to have taken this on and all in the name of God. But what God? Not the true God that I have come to now know, the God who touches my heart and holds me in absolute love, but a false God – one who judges and condemns, with no love or compassion for the fragility of my being.

I have come across people in my life that I have felt drawn to, simply because of their openness, their realness, showing the rawness in just being who they are, no apologies no excuses. In them I saw an honesty that I was not able to give myself because I was so tied up, literally, with the ‘good’ and ‘right.’

Since I have come to know that I am not what I do, that life is not about the good and the right but about a connection to who I truly am in my inner heart, I am, piece by piece, able to cut the ties that have bound my beautiful precious being from living the realness of who I truly am.

I can now allow myself to feel that whatever comes up for me, that it is ok, in the knowing that I now have a choice in that moment to feel without judgment the fragility and vulnerability, the rawness in my body, with an honesty that I had not allowed myself to feel before. And oh, what freedom to just be, with no perfection needed whatsoever.

By Jill Steiner, Tweed Heads South, Australia

Related Reading:
Living a religious life – connecting to the divine within
Stories from people in religion, who look just like you and me
My Connection to God and Finding Real Religion



872 thoughts on “Raw and Uncut

  1. Thanks Jill as much is learnt from us being responsive to life without any reaction and thus we sleep and eat to serve our body and deepen our relationship with God.

  2. I find the word God very difficult to say because it has been taken by the many forms of religion and misinterpreted so that many of us baulk at the word. I wonder if this has been done deliberately so that we never want to actually take the time to discover the true meaning of the word God. What is the truth of the word God?

    1. Great question Mary and could it be the development of the Love and space we all come from and thus being in the presence of the innate God that is within us all equally if we remain open to who we Truly are. Then is it any wonder that the so called religions pray on our worthy-ness to be an equal to God?

  3. Thank you Jill, being good and right and serving God is an absolute un-truth that I for one have lived with all my life. All under the guise of serving God as such, yet what God is that again the God that does not exist, except on the outside of me. I have also come to feel the God within in my evolving process of living life in a totally different way and as you say with no perfection.

  4. I love reading this Jill, being raw and uncut is something we need in society, and I can see I still have more work to do myself on living un-edited. “… they did not fit the picture of the ‘good’ and the ‘right,’ the picture I had been sold and had taken on, as the way to God.” What touched me about this line was “the way to God”, as we have this thing that most of what we think we need is outside of ourselves, it’s a place to get to, a destination, even our relationship with God, instead of it being ready made and the move we need to make is actually to just go deeper within. We seem to find it preposterous that we are enough, and there are so many messages in education, the media, magazines, religion, etc, that we are not good enough, that there is a place we need to get to to be acceptable, enough, and so on – it’s quite abusive really when you think about it. The more I reconnect to my inner essence, the true me, and deepen within into it, the more I realise we have it back to front, we are amazing beings and fully connected to God, but we left it and separated from ourselves so then began the chase outside of ourselves to be something. Thank you Jill.

  5. “Of course I often slipped and fell from the ‘good’…” I’ve been looking at feeling or doing good or bad in my own life, which is such a set up, as soon as I drop from doing well there’s that harsh thought process waiting to say “that’s not good/you’re not doing good” which can lead to me being harsh with myself, instead of “Am I being love and if not, how can I love myself back right now?” With the beliefs about being or doing good or bad it’s like a knife edge, it always has a tension of trying to stay with the good, or the awful feeling of the bad, but love has none of that.

  6. Being intimate, which energetically is letting people in then we can not but then move into it’s twin sister appreciation, and this is all post the Joy we are living, and to simply appreciate knocks out any form of judge-meant.

  7. It is very liberating when we can see through the game we play. It feels yucky to be playing small. It suffocates us but somehow we get off on that. And it suits so well with believing in a god who is judgemental as it guarantees a personal relationship with him where we would forever be condemned for being not good enough.

    1. Fumiyo Egashira I agree with you it does feel yucky playing small but we must be getting something out of it or we wouldn’t do it.

  8. We are sensitive beings and there is nothing weak about this. In fact, true sensitivity is a strength and is simply put as our capacity to feel all there is to feel around us. Often we shut this down because we are not sure of how to handle what we feel or do not like all that we feel, but really it is about being OK with feeling what we are feeling. And so sensitivity becomes a gift, a means for us to know exactly what is going on and when and where.

    1. Henrietta I really appreciate your comment, what has brought clarity to me was how focused we are on thinking, and how little support we receive to honour what we feel, or develop ways to understand what’s happening within us and respond in a self-caring way. It’s like we have sectioned off feeling and sensitivity, and numbed ourselves from feeling it, but we can’t stop what we are sensing and feeling, just distance ourselves from it.

  9. It’s a beautiful read Jill thank you. We subscribe to pictures of how life is to be but we don’t stop and ask who these pictures are coming from, or what the intent is behind them, we just give our power to them. This is something I need to look at also, as when we chase pictures we are disconnected from our beautiful selves and allowing an emptiness that the picture promises to fill.

  10. What a wonderful honest blog Jill – Thank you. I love this sentence: “And oh, what freedom to just be, with no perfection needed whatsoever.” This is for me the ultimative way of living!

  11. I feel we are fed this false picture of God from some main stream religions and once we allow these thoughts or pictures to enter our bodies then we are capped from knowing any different. It’s very difficult to get out of the mud when you are in it and surrounded by it. It take someone else who is not in the mud to point out where we are and what we are doing. Only then is there a possibility to extract oneself out of it.

  12. Jill you are spot on – life is about being raw and uncut – no edits, no perfections or trying to make it look like something, just simply allowing the honesty for us to be where we are at and how we are at any given time. And always the knowing that we are here to learn and deepen our relationship with our Soul and that with the Soul we cannot hide, for it is about letting everyone see who we all truly are.

  13. Part of intimacy is about being free to feel and express what one is feeling in full honesty with oneself or another. This can be a scary thing to deepen as there seems no end to this beauty in the vulnerability that we can feel – but each step towards this is a step towards deepening our relationship with self and all others.

  14. I have noticed recently people coming close to me or asking me to be close to them. At times I could feel a little a discomfort in my body however I chose to work through it immediately allowing myself to drop deeper into my body to feel the intimacy between myself and the other. I held myself setting a marker of physically being close to another and feeling comfortable in my own skin. It is indeed very beautiful when we allow ourselves to connect more deeply to one another by addressing what comes up within us.

    1. Great that you held a marker of this for yourself in your body and could feel the difference of when we let energetic barriers down how beautifull it is just to be with another.

  15. I so recognise apologising for being alive, which I now know to be a total waste of time and a cop-out for not shinning. Adhering to any lies that say we are worthless is such a waste and I look forward to the day when we raise our children to hold onto the love that they are and know.

  16. Do we ever ask how God was changed from pure absolute unconditional love into a judgemental and vengeful God. Its hand came from Rome and the institution has never been held accountable for this huge evil perpetrated on mankind.

    1. Doug what you have shared is very beautiful, But we allowed this institution to take over and for millions it still dominates their life. Is this because we didn’t want to take responsibility for our actions? Was it easier to live a lesser life then go to a priest say a few ‘hail Mary’s’ give money to the church and all our sins would be forgiven? This feels such a cop out but we still do it !

  17. We do so much but often our doings are what stands in the way of us simply being and enjoying being who we are.

  18. A lot of people are fascinated by bloopers and out-takes from movies. We want to see what goes on behind the scenes. Perhaps this shows we are all aware, consciously or otherwise, that our lives are an edited version and we are missing out on the real, uncut version.

  19. ‘Good’ and ‘right’- just reading these words to describe how we live conjures a lot of discomfort. We are walking around so far from our realness and truth. What would happen if we edged into being ‘Raw and uncut’ instead?

  20. I can very much relate Jill. We can walk around being all sorts of things to all sorts of people, but are we being real? Is this truth? Have we scratched the surface of who we are beyond all the things we’ve tried and pretended to be?

  21. Self-sacrificing for the good of others may sound as pure altruism. But, it is a strategy that has self at both its core and its primary goal (the idea of keeping self in a very downgraded position) fed by the recognition given by others.

  22. Living with teenagers has really exposed where I do good and right and wrong. All they want is for us to be ‘raw and uncut’ because their radar for lies and hypocrisy is full on. I can remember when I was a teenager how I craved adults just saying the truth and hated game playing.

    1. Aimee what you have said resonates with me, all through my life I have hated when people told me lies as I could feel that’s exactly what they were, lies. Or, when people try to brush things under the carpet pretending something doesn’t exist when it absolutely does. I have an in built radar for when someone is not telling the truth and also I know when I’m not telling the truth, I can feel it in my body as an unsettlement.

  23. The need for perfectionism is not something that comes from the soul because the soul knows we cannot be perfect in this plane of life.

  24. Being caught up in being ‘good’ and ‘right.’ is a killer. It crushes so much of our natural beautiful joyful playful powerful delicate truth bringing selves.

  25. Allowing oneself to see all there is to see about oneself is very helpful in finding out and unraveling all those habits that we have adapted to cope with this world.

  26. I love the revelation you have come to here Jill. Being identified with what we do and measuring ourself by this, serves only to remove and separate us from the innermost essence. How liberating to be aware that ‘What we do is NOT who we are’.
    “Since I have come to know that I am not what I do, that life is not about the good and the right but about a connection to who I truly am in my inner heart, I am, piece by piece, able to cut the ties that have bound my beautiful precious being from living the realness of who I truly am”.

  27. How beautiful and deeply inspiring this is Jill, from being governed by ideals and beliefs of perfectionism, nice, and good, to the revelation of being the truth of who you really are. “I want to be raw and uncut.” They were such powerful words for me, I wanted to hide no more, I wanted all of me seen just as I am, no apologies, this was me, I am enough, and I am ok.

  28. It is great to expose the ‘internal editor’ that is always changing, editing, cutting and adding according to what is seen and felt from the outside. It is not much different than the photoshopping that is being used everywhere these days, the raw truth is being covered with a sleek veneer that we say is beautiful but through its emptiness (as not from within) comes nowhere near the true beauty that is in our rawness.

  29. There is nothing more honoring of God and humanity then being all of who we are, raw and uncut in all the beauty, glory and magnificence.

  30. Slowing ourselves to be totally transparent is like taking the lid off, and when we live in that transparency of being all that we are, we realise that there is no need to hide.

  31. Coming closer to ones own soul means deepening the intimacy with everyone at the same time. Reconnecting to this intimacy and letting go of the pressure of needing to play a role or to protect towards another is pure joy to me.

  32. When we are open to being and sharing all that we are we can meet and inspire others to feel the joy of appreciating all that they are.

    1. As our body is open and don´t absorb situations in the outside but observing from a stillness point of view. That doesn´t change the incident, but we have more space to handle the situation and read what is truly energetically going on, before we might get drawn or pulled into the humanly story.

    2. I would agree Elizabeth as in the allowing ourselves to be open we can see all that is coming at us exactly for what it truly is and from the connection within ourselves we will know exactly how to deal with it.

  33. The absoluteness of your self-acceptance, Jill, is inspiring. It is so freeing to no longer be bound by the shackles of self-loathing and even condemnation, but instead open up to the truth that God has been lovingly holding us without judgement the whole time and it was only we who banished ourselves from the grace of love.

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