Raw and Uncut

Sometime ago while attending one of the Universal Medicine presentations, I got to talking with a dear lady friend of mine, sharing our experiences. As we talked I became aware of how close our bodies were to each other. We were standing in the hallway, which was quite crowded with people going to and fro. Being this close and looking into my friend’s big deep blue eyes felt very intimate and beautiful.

As we continued sharing I sensed a feeling come over my body. It was as if a shadow had passed through me and in its passing I could feel it pulling me back into hiding, a very familiar way I had lived my life and not just this life, but for many lives.

I was born into this world with a disease called Neurofibromatosis – it was very mild and not picked up until my sixties – which I feel was the result of a complete denial of my light, the truth of who I am deep within and where I truly come from.

It was interesting to see the path I took as a young child of wanting to serve God. I grew up with the idea that self-sacrifice for the good of others was ‘good,’ with none of ‘me’. I didn’t want a ‘me’, and that is exactly what it was, I was caught up in the being ‘good’ and doing ‘good,’ with none of my true self. Religion for me was a perfect place to hide, a huge illusion of thinking I was with God doing his work while all the time hiding and denying my light.

I went and stayed with another dear friend that night after the talk and pondered on what had taken place. The next morning I awoke with these words, “I want to be raw and uncut.” They were such powerful words for me, I wanted to hide no more, I wanted all of me seen just as I am, no apologies, this was me, I am enough, and I am ok.

During my life I was always apologising, saying sorry for this or that; even if it wasn’t my fault so to speak, it was like I was apologising for even being here on earth and breathing air.

The uncut part was interesting, it was like a movie going through the editing process where the story would be reviewed and little by little the undesirable parts or the parts that did not fit into what the movie wanted to convey, were cut out.

This was my life, literally cut to pieces with all the parts that made me real and a part of this world, cut out, discarded unacknowledged. Why? Because they did not fit the picture of the ‘good’ and the ‘right,’ the picture I had been sold and had taken on, as the way to God.

So what did not fit in with the ‘picture’ of ‘good’ did not even exist in my line of sight; I was like one of the three wise monkeys not wanting to hear, see, or speak what life was really about. I wanted to be perfect. I held onto the bible text that said “Whatsoever is good true and holy, think on these things.” So you see this cut out a lot of life by putting on those rose coloured glasses. Of course I often slipped and fell from the ‘good’ and the ‘right’ which brought with it times of regret, remorse and condemnation, and then a needing of God’s forgiveness for never being good enough.

Looking back now, from where I am today. I just shake my head at how empty and in denial I was to have taken this on and all in the name of God. But what God? Not the true God that I have come to now know, the God who touches my heart and holds me in absolute love, but a false God – one who judges and condemns, with no love or compassion for the fragility of my being.

I have come across people in my life that I have felt drawn to, simply because of their openness, their realness, showing the rawness in just being who they are, no apologies no excuses. In them I saw an honesty that I was not able to give myself because I was so tied up, literally, with the ‘good’ and ‘right.’

Since I have come to know that I am not what I do, that life is not about the good and the right but about a connection to who I truly am in my inner heart, I am, piece by piece, able to cut the ties that have bound my beautiful precious being from living the realness of who I truly am.

I can now allow myself to feel that whatever comes up for me, that it is ok, in the knowing that I now have a choice in that moment to feel without judgment the fragility and vulnerability, the rawness in my body, with an honesty that I had not allowed myself to feel before. And oh, what freedom to just be, with no perfection needed whatsoever.

By Jill Steiner, Tweed Heads South, Australia

Related Reading:
Living a religious life – connecting to the divine within
Stories from people in religion, who look just like you and me
My Connection to God and Finding Real Religion

Spara

Spara

724 thoughts on “Raw and Uncut

  1. I love this Jill, your honesty shows our deeper level of responsibility we have by seeing how we have choices in every moment of what energy to allow to run us. When we are honest about this, we allow our self to see how we have ignored these moments that are continually on offer, lovingly repeating themselves for us see. When we blind ourselves of these moments, we ignore the responsibility of bringing all of us to every moment, relationship and movement, which in turn avoids evolution to ourselves and others.

  2. What an opportunity Jill! I have felt that rawness and mistaken it so often for the feeling you get when you are getting a cold. As I have developed a relationship with my body I have noticed that each time I feel it I find any way possible to not feel it, eating, television, movies or any other form of distraction mostly! I always saw it as something bad. I am starting to see it as an incredible opportunity…

  3. It is in the allowing of being real that we grow and find our true selves. It is the expression that makes us embrace our flaws and raw edges. We all are part of this imperfect world, that isn’t really our place to be in the first place, so it is only beautiful to allow ourselves to expose this in the most honest of ways.

  4. After reading your blog the other day and commenting I had one of the most raw days I can ever remember and in the midst of it I came back to the words raw and uncut. By choosing to see what is there to be seen it is an enormous opportunity for growth. There is great love and support when we take that step and embrace all of who we are and step back into life.

  5. ‘‘good’ and the ‘right” are one of our greatest forms of protection – we can tick all of the boxes in life, yet not reveal the deeper layers of who we are.

  6. A beautiful, honest and inspirational sharing Lucy, thank you. Today as I read through your blog I could really resonate, and was struck by, what you expressed here;
    “I can now allow myself to feel that whatever comes up for me, that it is ok, in the knowing that I now have a choice in that moment to feel without judgment the fragility and vulnerability”.

  7. There is something quite haunting about this image of cutting out parts of our life that do not fit in with the picture of who we are. The enforced perfection of living to an ideal. All those fragments we leave out can’t really be discarded, they float down into our bodies through a lifetime and resurface be that as dis-ease, behaviours or just a disconnection to the all. How can we feel everything if we have already cut ourselves into pieces?

  8. Being raw and uncut brings a deeper understanding to our world and allows us to access a greater awareness of where we are at without judgement but a curiosity to the patterns or old movements we may still carry that fit a certain belief or image of what we see as being us when in truth it is just an old well used momentum we hold onto for comfort. Seeing these patterns for what they are and allowing ourselves the space to explore and release why we do them gives our bodies the freedom to express in full and the difference in our movements is exquisitely healing too.

  9. Being raw and uncut allows us to share our Divine qualities and fulfil our purpose for being here on earth.

  10. Very revealing of a ‘good life’ when we can do all the ‘right’ things and yet feel empty inside…

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