Raw and Uncut

Sometime ago while attending one of the Universal Medicine presentations, I got to talking with a dear lady friend of mine, sharing our experiences. As we talked I became aware of how close our bodies were to each other. We were standing in the hallway, which was quite crowded with people going to and fro. Being this close and looking into my friend’s big deep blue eyes felt very intimate and beautiful.

As we continued sharing I sensed a feeling come over my body. It was as if a shadow had passed through me and in its passing I could feel it pulling me back into hiding, a very familiar way I had lived my life and not just this life, but for many lives.

I was born into this world with a disease called Neurofibromatosis – it was very mild and not picked up until my sixties – which I feel was the result of a complete denial of my light, the truth of who I am deep within and where I truly come from.

It was interesting to see the path I took as a young child of wanting to serve God. I grew up with the idea that self-sacrifice for the good of others was ‘good,’ with none of ‘me’. I didn’t want a ‘me’, and that is exactly what it was, I was caught up in the being ‘good’ and doing ‘good,’ with none of my true self. Religion for me was a perfect place to hide, a huge illusion of thinking I was with God doing his work while all the time hiding and denying my light.

I went and stayed with another dear friend that night after the talk and pondered on what had taken place. The next morning I awoke with these words, “I want to be raw and uncut.” They were such powerful words for me, I wanted to hide no more, I wanted all of me seen just as I am, no apologies, this was me, I am enough, and I am ok.

During my life I was always apologising, saying sorry for this or that; even if it wasn’t my fault so to speak, it was like I was apologising for even being here on earth and breathing air.

The uncut part was interesting, it was like a movie going through the editing process where the story would be reviewed and little by little the undesirable parts or the parts that did not fit into what the movie wanted to convey, were cut out.

This was my life, literally cut to pieces with all the parts that made me real and a part of this world, cut out, discarded unacknowledged. Why? Because they did not fit the picture of the ‘good’ and the ‘right,’ the picture I had been sold and had taken on, as the way to God.

So what did not fit in with the ‘picture’ of ‘good’ did not even exist in my line of sight; I was like one of the three wise monkeys not wanting to hear, see, or speak what life was really about. I wanted to be perfect. I held onto the bible text that said “Whatsoever is good true and holy, think on these things.” So you see this cut out a lot of life by putting on those rose coloured glasses. Of course I often slipped and fell from the ‘good’ and the ‘right’ which brought with it times of regret, remorse and condemnation, and then a needing of God’s forgiveness for never being good enough.

Looking back now, from where I am today. I just shake my head at how empty and in denial I was to have taken this on and all in the name of God. But what God? Not the true God that I have come to now know, the God who touches my heart and holds me in absolute love, but a false God – one who judges and condemns, with no love or compassion for the fragility of my being.

I have come across people in my life that I have felt drawn to, simply because of their openness, their realness, showing the rawness in just being who they are, no apologies no excuses. In them I saw an honesty that I was not able to give myself because I was so tied up, literally, with the ‘good’ and ‘right.’

Since I have come to know that I am not what I do, that life is not about the good and the right but about a connection to who I truly am in my inner heart, I am, piece by piece, able to cut the ties that have bound my beautiful precious being from living the realness of who I truly am.

I can now allow myself to feel that whatever comes up for me, that it is ok, in the knowing that I now have a choice in that moment to feel without judgment the fragility and vulnerability, the rawness in my body, with an honesty that I had not allowed myself to feel before. And oh, what freedom to just be, with no perfection needed whatsoever.

By Jill Steiner, Tweed Heads South, Australia

Related Reading:
Living a religious life – connecting to the divine within
Stories from people in religion, who look just like you and me
My Connection to God and Finding Real Religion

Spara

Spara

753 thoughts on “Raw and Uncut

  1. I love this Jill, your honesty shows our deeper level of responsibility we have by seeing how we have choices in every moment of what energy to allow to run us. When we are honest about this, we allow our self to see how we have ignored these moments that are continually on offer, lovingly repeating themselves for us see. When we blind ourselves of these moments, we ignore the responsibility of bringing all of us to every moment, relationship and movement, which in turn avoids evolution to ourselves and others.

  2. What an opportunity Jill! I have felt that rawness and mistaken it so often for the feeling you get when you are getting a cold. As I have developed a relationship with my body I have noticed that each time I feel it I find any way possible to not feel it, eating, television, movies or any other form of distraction mostly! I always saw it as something bad. I am starting to see it as an incredible opportunity…

  3. It is in the allowing of being real that we grow and find our true selves. It is the expression that makes us embrace our flaws and raw edges. We all are part of this imperfect world, that isn’t really our place to be in the first place, so it is only beautiful to allow ourselves to expose this in the most honest of ways.

  4. After reading your blog the other day and commenting I had one of the most raw days I can ever remember and in the midst of it I came back to the words raw and uncut. By choosing to see what is there to be seen it is an enormous opportunity for growth. There is great love and support when we take that step and embrace all of who we are and step back into life.

  5. ‘‘good’ and the ‘right” are one of our greatest forms of protection – we can tick all of the boxes in life, yet not reveal the deeper layers of who we are.

  6. A beautiful, honest and inspirational sharing Lucy, thank you. Today as I read through your blog I could really resonate, and was struck by, what you expressed here;
    “I can now allow myself to feel that whatever comes up for me, that it is ok, in the knowing that I now have a choice in that moment to feel without judgment the fragility and vulnerability”.

  7. There is something quite haunting about this image of cutting out parts of our life that do not fit in with the picture of who we are. The enforced perfection of living to an ideal. All those fragments we leave out can’t really be discarded, they float down into our bodies through a lifetime and resurface be that as dis-ease, behaviours or just a disconnection to the all. How can we feel everything if we have already cut ourselves into pieces?

  8. Being raw and uncut brings a deeper understanding to our world and allows us to access a greater awareness of where we are at without judgement but a curiosity to the patterns or old movements we may still carry that fit a certain belief or image of what we see as being us when in truth it is just an old well used momentum we hold onto for comfort. Seeing these patterns for what they are and allowing ourselves the space to explore and release why we do them gives our bodies the freedom to express in full and the difference in our movements is exquisitely healing too.

  9. Being raw and uncut allows us to share our Divine qualities and fulfil our purpose for being here on earth.

  10. Very revealing of a ‘good life’ when we can do all the ‘right’ things and yet feel empty inside…

  11. Great to read Jill that you freed yourself from that imprisonment. God is the beholding of love and does not have any conditions he holds us in his love no matter what and no one less.

  12. ‘Good’ and ‘right’ are two things that keep us away from being who we are, the attempt to be good and right is measured against what society thinks is good and right when there can only be truth.

  13. Living life based on good and right offers us only an illusion of that which an be lived, it’s never real as to live in true harmony can only be achieved from the truth of our soul.

      1. Yes jstewart, we don’t realise the significance of getting honest as a starting point. If we cannot be clear what our starting point is, then there is no clear way forward from that point. It makes perfect sense really. Mostly we try to work back from symptoms and discontents, which usually leads to any number of solutions or remedies to address what is immediate and uncomfortable. This however doesn’t support a true healing process unless at the same time we begin the honesty of why we are where we are.

  14. It goes to show that in striving to be perfect, we go against our true flow and are at odds with ourselves… there is little wonder that a great tension results from living in a way that is contrary to our body’s natural intelligence and our infinite wisdom.

  15. Thank you Jill is it not lovely when we feel the truth and then we known instantly what is not true. There is no real or false God there is just God. God cannot be false, its just humans selling lies .

  16. This really exposes the complicated manoeuvres we employ in order to fit a picture of ideal. We would not have known it unless we have a taste of what it is like without it. Beautiful to feel the spaciousness that has opened for you, Jill.

  17. I often reflect on this blog when I feel the rawness of another layer of protection coming up to be noticed and discarded. The feeling is definitely ‘raw’ and quite fragile but if I can stay with it and not be afraid of that feeling, I notice that it becomes normal and I find I am more tender with myself. Your blog has really supported that process. Thank you.

  18. True transparency is a beautiful thing because in that we’re not putting out a facade, just being open and honest without dumping on another or being indulgent in emotion. And by not putting out a facade we give others the inspiration to see that it’s ok to be open too and that we don’t have to be ‘perfect’.

  19. Life is not about ‘good’ and ‘right’ but about completely being ourselves.. awesome blog Jill and a reminder that our number one job is to just be who we really are. To let go of all the things we think we need to be, and allow ourselves to be just as we are, knowing that this is more than enough.

  20. You touched on a great point in your last line Jill, ‘freedom’. It’s freedom we feel when we have felt, seen and nominated something that has owned our movements for far to long, and then chose to move in a way that says no to this in our lives.

  21. Picking up the raw pieces from the editing floor and reclaiming and showing them is initially scary but with time becomes not only normal but a glorious blockbuster.

  22. Life in the raw can be confronting but there is no other way to Heaven except to be honest and feel and know the ‘raw and uncut’ as it is. There is a beauty in this allowing no matter how confronting the facts are.

  23. When we allow ourselves to be raw and uncut we let go of the need to constantly edit what we say and do by recalibrating to the world around us instead of simply being ourselves in full, imperfections and all.

  24. It’s only through being raw & uncut that we give ourselves the opportunity to move forward, make mistakes, learn and evolve.

  25. I can relate to the being right – that gate keeper that keeps us shackled, holding back all the wisdom we have to share by continually questioning, ‘do you really want to share that’, ‘are you absolutely sure’ …? I am learning more and more every day to respond with a resounding yes, to claim myself in full and know that whatever I am feeling, it is there to share.

  26. It is refreshing to meet someone who is completely transparent in expressing their true self, this is rare in my experience and deeply inspiring…

  27. When I calibrate and control myself I’m limiting the natural flow of my expression. There’s no need of this kind of interference as there’s nothing richer and more fulfilling than being as I am, raw and uncut.

  28. Being raw and uncut is surrendering to the expression and flow of who we are and it is only when we try to control or protect ourselves from hurts that we cut this natural expression down to size. Being raw brings a great level of strength in vulnerability and honesty to all connections and this can only build deeper relationships all round.

  29. Living in the authority of who we are, without apology or compromise of the truth we are is the only true way forward for humanity.

  30. I can relate to this Jill; ‘I didn’t want a ‘me’’ Interesting isn’t it that we apologise for being here and taking in space. We don’t want to be seen or heard. The moment we take responsibility for being here, in a body, we feel more and more who we are and how we are needed in this world by just being our true selves, reflecting the love we feel inside.

  31. It is the transparency where we discover the real joy of our innate qualities that really brings such richness to life. Through sharing our qualities of vulnerability, fragility and the delicateness of our movements we begin to ignite tenderness within our relationships and we see the true essence of who we are come to it’s full power.

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