by Sarah Davis, Goonellabah NSW
A lovely and wise young woman recently said to me that “the love I was holding back was not actually mine to hold back – that love is for all, equally”. This was in the context of a group discussion of how we ‘hold back’ expressing love, our true essence, in life.
When the young woman said these words it was like I had a ‘high speed download’ – or what some may call a ‘moment of revelation’ – where my understanding in one moment expanded. I immediately felt how the nature of love is unity, equality – that it cannot be separated – it cannot be for one person and not the other, it is always for All – without exception.
From this I then connected to the deep understanding and feeling that love is our essence, it is what we are made of and therefore it is everyone’s right to feel it and receive it. I felt how if I choose to hold back my love and natural expression (often through beliefs and ideals, i.e., ‘I am not enough’; ‘it is not safe to trust’; ‘fear of rejection’; etc) I am not only denying myself – I am denying others love, which through reflection can inspire them to re-connect to that same love which is within them.
Who am I to hold back something that is meant for everybody?
To be honest I have lived like I have that right – to hold back love like it is mine to decide what to do with, and what not to. I have placed many conditions on sharing love. The other person needs to do something for me first, then I will open to them or share with them. I have wielded this in many cases where I would be open and ‘loving’ to one person, but not to another. How would I pick and choose this? Generally I would be ‘loving’ to those who please me, or whom I want to please; ‘unloving’ to those who displease, annoy or threaten me. A note here that my being ‘unloving’ did not often look horrible or mean – it was usually in the form of ‘politeness’– for this is considered socially appropriate behaviour and is a way to ‘play it safe’. Though how ‘safe’ is it truly to hold back something which is both our essence and our right to feel and express? In the attempt to hold back or ‘protect myself’ from, I was not aware that I was hurting myself through being separate to the love that I am. I had the commonly held belief that I could love myself and not another – ‘be selective’ in other words. For me, politeness in the place of love became a way of being and interacting that led to superficial relationships whereby I always felt alone – however, in reflection I was creating this separation in the first place by not first connecting to the love that I am and expressing that to another. A world without love does not make for a common or inspiring vision, however we must be honest about the fact that politeness does not replace love. On a superficial level politeness can help a system function – turn taking, sharing, listening to others, etc. However, on a deeper human level, politeness alone falls short of bringing true connection and true relationship – life then becomes a game of ‘pretending’ and ‘not offending’, rather than true expression.
True, we have free will which allows us to choose our expression; though what part of us thinks it is ‘ok’, ‘fine’, ‘justified’, ‘normal’ or perhaps even ‘good’ to hold back love?
What part of us (belief, ideal, energy) allows ‘politeness’, ‘tolerance’, the ‘holding of grudges’, right through to the ‘us and them’ beliefs which justify atrocities – to be considered acceptable forms of relating? And furthermore, what part of us falls for the belief that we can live our lives holding back love, and then press some ‘on’ button for our friends and family? When the truth is felt, that love is for all equally, none of our loveless actions can be justified.
I imagine if I were in a desert with humanity and we were all thirsty – I carry an endless cup of water. I know that everyone can find their own cup of water, however many are not aware of this. When I offer my ‘cup of water’ to someone else, it can firstly be a reminder that they are thirsty and even need a drink, as well as a reminder and inspiration to seek out and claim their own ‘endless cup’, which is no further than right there within them.
However, I share it only with some, leaving others thirsty.
When I feel and connect to the truth of love, it is absolutely without a doubt for all equally – the ‘idea’ of holding it back seems totally out of place, however all too common, as under certain conditions we ‘pick and choose’, rather than sharing freely what is in endless supply and naturally for us all.
513 thoughts on “The Truth of Love – Equally for All”
This is really deeply touching to read, we could even replace the word ‘love’ with ‘ourselves’ and ask if we are bringing the fullness of ourselves to everyone equally? I was observing something in group work recently and how people can seem open and ‘loving’ with those that support their work or support them directly, but not have that same openness with others who may not endorse their work. I can see it in myself how the ‘love’ switches on and off based on certain conditions being met or not, which I have to say is really liking or approving of others, not truly love.
” the love I was holding back was not actually mine to hold back – that love is for all, equally” Wow this just puts it into perspective – our responsibility to be all we are.
I love the analogy of the endless cup. When we offer it only to a selected few, it is no longer endless, we can feel the leakage of a sort, and we leave ourselves very thirsty and constantly having to look for those who would offer it to us to make a mutual deal. If it is lesser love, it is not love any more.
‘Who am I to hold back something that is meant for everybody?’ Such an amazing question. I can feel the truth of it. When I hold back it feels like I’m just making life all about me and it feels like holding back the universe and how arrogant am I to do this. When I am transparent with whatever is going on this brings me closer to those around me, we all get permission to be ourselves. We can share this in lighthearted moments or sharing something deeply personal to them or however it is.
Even when we say unconditional-love it comes loaded with our ways of living and it is not until we reconnect to our inner-most and live from this most sacred place do we start to get the depth of what you have shared Sarah.
“For me, politeness in the place of love became a way of being and interacting that led to superficial relationships whereby I always felt alone”. As this is true for you, I wonder how many other people this is true for? And could it be a contributing factor to the current levels of loneliness?
Politeness has always felt devastating to me when it is a functional nicety. Devastating because it’s meant to be the highest accolade within a civilised society. But when there’s nothing beyond it, it serves as a barrier to intimacy, a silent protection. At least with rudeness there’s at least an honesty there, an opportunity for greater intimacy when we say, hey, what’s going on for you?
“In the attempt to hold back or ‘protect myself’ from, I was not aware that I was hurting myself through being separate to the love that I am.” That is really not a very common way to look at holding back but I like it very much as it showed us very clear that most of us can love so much more. How would the world would look like if we all would love without holding back or being polite!
“politeness in the place of love became a way of being and interacting that led to superficial relationships whereby I always felt alone” it is a very isolating place to be to not share all the love we are with everyone.
Politness is a way to manipulate others so no one will attack you. It is a strategy to buy safety.
Wise words Eduardo, as always. It may be time to start a bumper sticker company for all your gems of wisdom! 🙂
This is such a great blog to read as how many of us were brought up with the belief that we had to be polite no matter what provocation, not to show any feelings or emotion as this would give other people the upper hand. This seems to me to be a very robotic way to live as it completely disregards the fact that we cannot stop feeling, we can numb these feelings, but we cannot stop them as they are as natural to us as breathing.
I love the analogy of offering a drink of water and how we pick and choose who we offer the water too, it helps to see how clearly we select those that are worthy of our love and those that are not based on ideals and beliefs, (the lies) that we have bought into.
Politeness feels like control it crushes another’s natural expression to conform and fit in a box.
Yes, and here we find that our love is endless. Because we are from it, an forever supply that we know inside out.
“the love I was holding back was not actually mine to hold back – that love is for all, equally”. And the cup of love that is held within us is one that never runs out, in fact the more we express the love the more substantial it becomes, because it is not our own, it is the Universe.
I can so relate to what you have shared here Sara, especially this paragraph which describes my recent behaviour “However, on a deeper human level, politeness alone falls short of bringing true connection and true relationship – life then becomes a game of ‘pretending’ and ‘not offending’, rather than true expression.” Holding back love to protect myself in certain situations is not a game I am willing to play anymore as love is for all.
When we truly connect with someone politeness suddenly feels insulting.. like a facade and a front that we’re hiding behind. We have access to so much truth and wisdom, and when we can express that to one another why would we ever want to settle for anything less? Politeness might feel safe and comfortable but if we allow that to be the limit of our expression, it is stifling and stunting of our evolution.
What I can feel is how I try to place a line of acceptability in all those shades of lovelessness but what you share here clearly indicates what is not love is not love in no matter how well presented/disguised as something else, and ‘holding back love’ brings something else forward.
“Who am I to hold back something that is meant for everybody? ” That there is an arrogance here if we hold back is shocking to re-read. “When I feel and connect to the truth of love, it is absolutely without a doubt for all equally – the ‘idea’ of holding it back seems totally out of place, however all too common, as under certain conditions we ‘pick and choose’, rather than sharing freely what is in endless supply and naturally for us all.” So true Sarah.
Love is the word with more pictures than any other. In the world it seems to be something exclusive for a selective group of people, for your partner, for your kids…depending of who you are I would give you less or more. It has been sold as something that can be controlled, measured or even exchanged. However not many people live it or have it as a foundation of their life. Serge Benhayon, his family and many students of the Livingness are for me an inspiration because they makes me see what true love is about, it is about us, it simply is who we are.
Love is Truth and sometimes this Truth is not comfortable to see. It exposes how much we have separated from our essence seeking recognition and acceptance or playing safe instead of being honest or how arrogantly we performed believing that we are less or more…However Love is greater than any of that. It never punsih or demands us anything just presents us where we are at in a very simple and clear way. It is up to us embrace it or not.
Being selective in expressing love shows that we are holding ourselves not consistently in love. The moment we have ‘out‘ moments in our daily movements, we actually insult our being, as there are no breaks in being you and the love that you are.
Politeness is worse than someone telling me harsh words. As the truth is hidden behind being good and nice. It is not honest, as it only fulfills a certain picture instead of expressing in a true way.