A woman’s strength is ‘KNOW’ and ‘NO’

by Rebecca Poole, Brisbane, Australia

My strength doesn’t come from my ability to bench press a weight. It certainly doesn’t come from my ability to fight. My strength isn’t in the size of my biceps or the width of my shoulders.

When I was young I thought I had to be physically muscular, athletic, rough and tough to be strong. My experience was that soft girls got walked over, teased, abused, and experienced inappropriate sexual behaviour from men. Understandably, this I didn’t want, so I chose toughness because I thought it was strength.

In my 20’s I began to ask myself “has this toughness really helped me in any way?” I still had experienced abuse and bullying. I still had experienced inappropriate sexual taunts and many, many unwanted breast and arse grabs by “friends” and strangers alike. It hadn’t really prevented any of these things as I thought it would when I was a little girl first experimenting with toughness.

Now at 30, I try something else. . . True Strength, what some might call INNER STRENGTH.

  • The strength that allows you to KNOW what is true, just, loving or fair – and the strength that allows you to say ‘NO’ to what is not true, just, loving or fair.
  • The strength to do this for yourself, and the strength to do this equally for others.
  • The strength to know and say ‘no’, even if you are the only one.

MY strength is in my KNOWINGNESS. That feeling I get in the core of my being that tells me if something is TRUE or NOT. My strength is in my NO. This NO can be loud, quiet or silent because its real strength is in the unwavering quality it is delivered in.

232 thoughts on “A woman’s strength is ‘KNOW’ and ‘NO’

  1. I recently experienced some intense anxiety which I felt came from my childhood, what I came to was I knew what I was sensing was not true and didn’t truly belong to human life, once I reassured myself of this knowing deep within me I felt it helped to alleviate the anxiousness and intenseness I was feeling. It is so important to cultivate this awareness and embracing of what we know in children and adults.

  2. It’s super empowering reading you Rebecca. Love what you shared about what true strength is about. It’s in this honouring of what we feel within, in our ability to read and discern…thank you

  3. At the age of 62 I have at last come to understand that being tough or playing tough isn’t it and that I have mistakenly played this game all my life. It actually goes against the grain of who we all truly are. When we reconnect back to our fragility then we can feel our inner strength, which feels so solid that no matter what comes our way we can stand solid in what we know to be true.

  4. “The strength to know and say ‘no’, even if you are the only one.” This is the strength to feel the power of saying ‘yes’ to being who you are.

  5. Inner strength is a valuable resource to re-align self with self. Without it and deep love for ourselves, we become wayward, self disregarding and fall back. With inner strength we see the game being played and constantly bring ourselves back to what is true.

  6. “The strength to know and say ‘no’, even if you are the only one” Opportunities to live this abound daily as we’re are tested and challenged to take easy street rather than stay aligned to self and reject what is not true.

  7. When we see something that is not right we can react and fight it or we can come back to the truth and be in our true strength from knowing what is true.

  8. So true, we toughen up thinking it will protect us from life but it clearly does not, great example Rebecca and delivered with that knowingness.

  9. We are witnessing this currently
    “The strength to know and say ‘no’, even if you are the only one.”
    In our so called modern high tech 21st century society there is a Witch hunt in progress, and there are people who are willing to stand up and say no. They have become pariahs within their own communities but in years to come the world will know the truth. My question has to be why is it we always try to silence the messenger that comes with the truth of who we are and the origins we come from? Why are we so resistant to change even though we all know our current way of living isn’t working?

  10. “The strength to know and say ‘no’, even if you are the only one.” To stand out from the crowd and be the beacon of light takes great strength from the depths of our being. The pull to conform and be swayed by others is designed to take us away from ourselves. The call is to surrender always to love and what we know is true.

  11. “This NO can be loud, quiet or silent because its real strength is in the unwavering quality it is delivered in.” It’s about trusting how we feel and if we can’t then exploring why and letting that go, like wanting to be liked and compromising our truth for example. It’s such a common theme to believe that to survive life the way it is we need to change who we are, when all along being all of who we are is what is truly supportive.

  12. I feel my strongest when I’m connected and surrendered to my inner beauty and knowing. When I don’t doubt myself or give myself a hard time for getting it ‘wrong’. When I love and treasure who I am, not for what I do but the beauty I bring when I do it.

    1. That’s lovely Rachel, I feel the same, my expression of my true inner self feels very beautiful to honour and deliver, as does trusting how I feel.

  13. ‘The strength to know and say ‘no’, even if you are the only one.’ And that’s strength, the true kind the one that know what is true or not. Love how you’ve expressed this Rebecca, a reminder and inspiration for us all.

  14. Opening our hearts to being still so we can feel our inner-strength is definitely very power-full and is what should be taught to all parents before giving birth so this form of energetic truth is passed on to us from birth and then through our youth.

      1. And so simple with amazing results as energy always comes first and when taught with an understanding of what divine energy of our essence by opening our heart can bring.

  15. Sometimes you do not even have to say NO by the way you hold all around you in the respect to know they are amazing and maybe do not know or live it. It is saying yes to all that you know and feel inside.

  16. Beautifully said Rebecca, for the integrity of our inner strength and knowingness is far more powerful than any brute force we can muster.

  17. There is a deep wisdom and Sacredness that lies within each and every woman, some may have forgotten about these divine qualities we hold, but they are forever waiting for us to connect to them and live.

  18. There is a knowingness in my body that I’m learning to honour. Sometimes it takes courage to listen and express from it but there is an authority, a simplicity and clarity there that holds me so much. The more I allow myself to express, stronger and steadier I feel in my body. Thank you Rebecca for your sharing about what true strenght is about.

  19. I so KNOW what you mean Rebecca. A knowing from my body feels complete, strong and stable and from there saying yes or no is simple and easy to do… unlike when I say I know something from my head, I can feel anxious after and doubt is often not far away.

  20. Our strength is in speaking the truth that comes from our inner knowing of what the truth is for us, with no holding back.

  21. ‘This NO can be loud, quiet or silent because its real strength is in the unwavering quality it is delivered in.’ This is a powerful reminder Rebecca that a woman’s strength has a beautiful and inspiring quality when it is truly lived.

  22. I have done tough all of my life and the more I go into that the more abuse comes my way. However, when I look after and honour myself- the more this same quality comes back to me in how others are with me.

  23. Being able to totally trust what we feel and know is true makes us very strong, and that can only come from deepening our connection to the inner-most. True strength doesn’t require an enemy to prove its might. It stands beyond fighting and defending.

    1. I agree Fumiyo. Being truly strong has nothing to do with imposing or defending anything, it’s all about connecting with our essence and trust with what it is there to be felt and expressed.

  24. Yes Rebecca, I am finding so much strength in my gentleness, vulnerability and willingness to feel. Not qualities that I would have valued or wanted to openly express in the past.

    1. I can relate to this as well Debra. By allowing ourselves to feel vulnerable and to not hide it from others really does allow us to feel more and as a result not hold that back from other people. It’s actually very empowering, rather than disempowering which is how vulnerability is so often seen.

  25. Rebecca, I can feel that true strength is in our inner knowing and being true to this and not how much we can carry, I used to think that being tough and carrying heavy things showed how strong I was, but this just injured my body and stopped me from feeling my femaleness, now I connect more to my inner strength and live from this rather than trying to prove anything with false strength.

  26. Sometimes NO comes easy, sometimes the NO feels like if I say it the world will end as I know it. The more I keep practising the NO in those latter moments, the more I realise that the world does not end, and even it becomes a bit messy, it still does not end. I keep upping my commitment to NO.

    1. It’s a really good point Sarah, I’m sure many women cave and dishonour themselves by not saying “No” when they need to because they feel they are holding it together for everyone. In some of those situations the “No” might mean a mess whilst everyone adjusts and goes through whatever is there to learn, and it might even offer a step up. Sometimes we hold others back by not saying “No” and stepping in when we don’t truly feel to. Note to self 🙂

  27. MY strength is in my KNOWINGNESS. That feeling I get in the core of my being that tells me if something is TRUE or NOT. Powerfully expressed Rebecca: strength is all-knowing enabling us to say NO in many different ways, but always with authority.

      1. Thank you Melinda. A question to ask moment by moment is whether a choice is soul inspired or comes from forces outside ourselves. When we give ourselves space to feel what is true, we’re more likely to say Yes to ourselves.

  28. It is becoming clear that there is no doubt that I know what is true in every moment. I make mistakes and not get some movements straightaway because of the lack of connection to myself but I know what love is and giving myself space and love at these times are crucial in supporting myself along the way.

    1. Beautiful Caroline “but I know what love is’ Our relationship with self is a continuous process of unfolding and deepening. Observing where we are without judgement and knowing what love is supports us to return to ourselves again and again.

  29. When we connect to and know our inner strength it allows us ‘to say no to what is not true’ – so true Rebecca.

  30. The inner strength when you know who you truly are is very powerful and doesn’t use any physical muscle strength.

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