by Jinya, UK
The Internet seems to be growing limitlessly. With this has come the explosion in the use of images, and especially the proliferation of the female image in many forms. The Internet being a largely unregulated platform, has become a breeding ground for the quick sell disposable images of women. Highly sexualised imagery has become the accepted norm; the Internet has been instrumental in spreading this denigration of women across the whole media in general. Magazines for the top shelf have existed for a long time, but in recent years the distinction between the age-restricted porn, the ‘lads mags’ and other trashy ‘coffee table’ media has become less defined. It’s all the same offensive rubbish, coloured differently.
The judgment of women based upon their outward appearance is a deeply rooted behaviour. And on this false foundation, the sexualisation of women has become so ‘normal’ and so accepted by our collective psyche that it carries on with no regard as just another facet of life in the 21st century. It has become so accepted that women are mere objects, and their attractiveness is their main ‘commodity’. They have learned to play ball with this as their point of existence, rather than truly live from their quality. The media has gone berserk without once stopping to consider – is anyone being hurt by this use of another human being?
Women are being hurt by this. I know because I see it everywhere, and most women have come to accept it as their preordained fate. I work in a male dominated industry where I see the denigration of women happening every day. However, I am also fortunate to know women who are living in contra to this abusive way: they are women who are no longer accepting such awful treatment in their lives. They inspire by standing up for what is true and reminding us that we (women and men) are much greater than this.
So what happened? How did we get to a point where it is commonplace for women to be maligned and abused in the media, their workplace, at home or anywhere, and to be judged to be ‘less than’ the impossible ideals that have been set for/by them – all at the same time? This abuse is constant… there is no letup.
How did we get from the natural feminine grace that women exuded only 50 or so years ago, to this point where they are lauded for being rushed off their feet trying to meet the demands of being a 24/7 mum, a career woman, a good daughter, a loyal friend, a loving wife; a veritable Swiss army knife of a person – all whilst holding a backward dog yogic asana, baking a pie, and looking effortlessly sexy in an apron? This is what we have come to accept and expect as ‘normal’ (slightly caricatured but true): this ‘normal’ is indeed very strange. No wonder caffeine is the second highest selling substance in the world, and alcohol and drugs are very much relied upon to unwind at the end of the day.
What is going on when men need women to be this way? What’s going on when women need to be this way for society to consider them equal to men?
I have always appreciated the beauty and sexiness of women, but until recently I had always put those qualities before who they truly are – underneath their skin. I have always loved women and being in the company of them, but I have to be honest and say that the ‘love’ (or need) I have felt was measured against what women could do for me. Women have been a source of affection, companionship, distraction, amusement, fun, mental/physical turn-on, infatuation, lust, sympathy, empathy, guidance, appreciation, admiration, inspiration, recognition, acceptance and approval. This might sound like a fairly innocent list on one level, but what I wasn’t being honest about was that I was seeking them from a need that grew out of a consistent dissatisfaction with myself and my choices. Without judgment, I can say that I had been used to being very self-orientated – with little or no love for myself. The distraction from, and the numbing of, my emptiness was my barometer of what my ideal ‘love’ looked like.
Before I started to deal with my hurts, I was going through life hurting and blaming others. It’s an ongoing development, but I have realised that what really hurts me is not allowing myself to be tender, and looking outside of me for fulfilment. The abuse of women is there because of the hurts that men carry around beneath their tough exteriors. Women do have a responsibility to themselves to no longer accept, and to speak out against, the abuse that they suffer – likewise, men have to start listening and changing. As it has for aeons, the cycle of hurt goes around; being passed from men to women, women to men, men to men and women to women like a never-ending doubles tennis match… wearing wooden clogs instead of Nikes. Something has to give!
Is it possible that true equality is not so much about women achieving the same status as men in society by ‘beating them at their own game’, but more about men dealing with our hurts and letting go of ideals and beliefs so that we would not need a woman to be anything other than her already glorious self? We need the true essence of women in our homes, our companies, our shops, our schools, our hospitals, in industry, in government, communities and every single part of life. Imagine when men stop imposing on women, and every woman you come across is being naturally amazing and that became the accepted ‘normal’. Then we would experience the naturally heart-melting tenderness that all men have the potential to express.
Hurts would stop going round and round.
The world would become very still.
That would be true equality.
Maybe even harmony.
767 thoughts on “In the company of Women”
I’ve come to learn that if I experience a moment of feeling disrespected, ignored, rejected, abused etc., the bottom line is at some point or currently I have/am doing the same to myself. Address that and I will never allow it from another. No one is a victim in life, we all have had a role in everything we experience in life.
The way the media treat women is horrendous, what is very evil is that it’s done in a way over time that we are now so accustomed to we turn a blind eye.
“Before I started to deal with my hurts, I was going through life hurting and blaming others” Ah that old chestnut! yes I am sure we all know this one well, you hit the nail on the head Jinya, if we don’t deal with our hurts we will be forever blaming others.
Whilst I am not condoning any form of sexism, as women we have to take the ultimate responsibility for how we are treated. We are treated this way because we have allowed it by seeing and believing ourselves to be lesser. By connecting back to our essence we become empowered and in this empowerment we have that ability to show both men and other women the falseness of what we have aligned to.
“What is going on when men need women to be this way? What’s going on when women need to be this way for society to consider them equal to men?” – these are the questions that require and deserve deep honesty if true change is what we are after. How do we know how else to be other than our natural innate way? Unless of course we are being driven by the ultimate negation towards the essence of who we truly are.
I appreciate having role models like Natalie Benhayon and many other women today who live their power on a daily basis. This is not because they have accumulated wealth, achievements or have a succesful career but by their connection with themselves, the honouring of who they are, the way they live and the beauty they share is something that inspires me so much.
Finding a woman who moves completely free of any ideal, belief, image or expectation is really inspiring, nurturing and makes me see that this is the way of being we all deserve.
As a woman I’m becoming more aware about the huge self-demand and expectations I’ve placed on to myself and how conditioned I was during the most part of my life. Feeling inadequate, not good enough brought me to seek relationships that wouldn’t have to be in the first place and at the end resulted not as fulfilling as I expected. Today healing my hurts and taking the responsibility about the abuse I’ve allowed with myself is a choice that truly empowers and makes me see what true equality is about.
‘a veritable Swiss army knife of a person – all whilst holding a backward dog yogic asana, baking a pie, and looking effortlessly sexy in an apron?’ Love this line, it’s so apt. And it’s great to call out that there’s an underlying critique of women when they don’t fulfill this perfect picture of beauty, health and excellence in all that they put their hand to.
The way we live as women and energetic truth of who we are as women are poles apart, but it doesn’t have to be a huge traverse to get across. In a moment we can connect to that essence, the learning (and journey across) is how to stay connected and live in a way where the balance is tipped.
When the focus of supply and demand changes to us all demanding to be met for who we truly are then the supply of denigrating material will have no market.
I love the wisdom of what you share, Mary… no demand – cuts off the supply. We simply need to understand what it is that we are truly missing so that we don’t seek anything that lessens us.
When we can appreciate who we truly are the qualities we have outshine any outer picture or ideal. If we can collectively do this gone will be the filters we use to measure each other up and in its place a deeper awareness in the acceptance of everything we reflect to others and they to us.
When we don’t impose on others our needs but live beholding of ourselves and one another then we can truly appreciate ourselves and each other.
There is no way we could have girlfriends if we don’t have appreciation for ourselves, what we can have are relationships based on who’s thinner & has better hair but never an intimate, open and loving relationship.
Both men and women are born into a world that from the first moment places them in little boxes of beliefs, as to how they are expected to grow up. Blue for boys and pink for girls, is the first box, and many other soon follow; boys expected to harden up as they age and girls expected to look a certain beautiful way. So, it makes sense that when men and women come together, relationships often suffer as neither of them are living as their true selves, but as their societally determined, false counterpart.
When men denigrate women, they also denigrate themselves even if this is not the idea.
True attractiveness comes from the spark and self acceptance/ appreciation from within. It does not matter having the perfect size or eye colour. We feel and respond to what we feel way more than what we see, as we are all vehicles of expression of energy- it is a lie and a great reductionism if we treat each other as superficial objects and make it about looks, instead of energy.
The media we currently have is just a reflection of how far we have strayed from men and women living in truly loving equality, not with women fighting to outperform men but with both genders fulfilling their innate purpose to live from love and express it to all in whatever shape that takes without pictures of an outcome.
And what does it say about men’s view of women and women’s view of themselves and each other?
We are ingrained in our perception as being only physical. Living disconnected to our much higher greatness as energetic beings develops an instant hurt in us. As we don´t want to feel that hurt and having only a few true reflections in this world that we are so much more, we try to fill that gap with desire and mere physical excitement. Leaving us even more empty as we were. Only through renouncing the lies that play out in this world that keeps us as living robots, something like porn will be reduced and acknowledged as pure poison to our sensitive beings that only search for true intimacy.
Women have so much to bring but not in the way they have allowed themselves to be fashioned into.
There is a gap for women to claim themselves for who they are not what they do. This is so evident to me and such an opportunity for us to live in a different way.
If both men and women dealt with their hurts the world would be a less abusive place to live.
Expression is so valuable in this situation, expression where it does not only mean the use of words but to be ourselves in every move we make, every eye contact and every touch. This is what is repressed, and this is what is to be brought to the fore because through that a steadiness is built and no disrespectful comment or stare can bring a woman down who has this settlement in her own body.
Women and Gentle-men living from their essences is what we as a society are actually searching for but in living in that re-connection as is presented in The Way of The Livingness we need to take Responsibility and live with a Deep-Humble Appreciative-Ness of our Sacredness.
Ahhh my whole body relaxes at the thought of more harmony, stillness and truth where we drop the incessant drive for solutions.
“Hurts would stop going round and round…The world would become very still….That would be true equality. Maybe even harmony.”
Now this is one world I would really want to live in and would absolutely appreciate every single day. Is it possible? Yes, it is. It all begins with making different, deeply loving choices, not just for ourselves, but for all.
I think in many ways women have created this situation for themselves, if we don’t hold ourselves as precious and if we don’t consider ourselves as beautiful and if we don’t take care of ourselves and never disregard ourselves – are we not asking the same from the world around us?
There is a lot to say on this subject – and for me, I would start with, why do women feel they need to be something they are not? It’s not even a matter of being more than who they are, because who they are is greater and more grand and gorgeous than they could ever imagine. So, from a woman’s perspective, we are not trying to be more but actually being FAR LESS then the beauty we are all within.
Being someone we are not takes up a whole lot of energy. Energy that plays out with deeper levels of disregard in the body that we often ignore but are impacting ourselves and others greatly.
We are always far more then our skin colour, our nationality or our gender – we are multidimensional – and when we realise this we have no more need for any equality law – we just know we are all one and the same unique expressions of God.
A blessing for women to have you around then Jinya.
It is beautiful to be around men who love, appreciate and cherish women.
True essence of women comes with an invitation and lets us know the way of our world is not it. Having invested thousands of life times creating and maneuvering, trying to prove we are as good as god, I don’t think many of us want to hear that, even though we have had our inkling. There’s nothing to prove. We are god.
When there is no imposition we can be ourselves. When we are ourselves there is no imposition as what is within us does not impose. When we allow the imposition in from the outside is when we crush ourselves. And it is the now inner imposition that seeks to falsely defend and protect itself, all the while allowing more imposition in.
Well said Leigh. And for me, that imposition is there waiting for each child from the moment they are born, and continue to be placed on them as they grow; the impositions are endless, imprisoning who each child naturally is. And the only way to counter these impositions is to honour our children as the amazing beings they are and to support them to hold and expand this awareness as they grow into the adults of the future.
Until you lay it out like that you don’t realise the extent of the games we have all played for way too long. To look behind the masks, to stop playing the games, to let each other in and, quite simply, be ourselves. Yes, that would be a harmonious world.
I love how you call out the abuse from the media but it equally needs to be looked at, why women allow this abuse. You are not a victim of something if you but allow it to happen. Where is the disempowerment of women in the first place?!