Stillness and Aloneness

by Anne Malatt, Australia

I used to think I had to be alone to be myself.

When I was with others, I was always trying to fit in with them, calibrating myself to them, measuring myself to make sure they (and I) were comfortable.

I was an expert at this, but it could get confusing.  I was such a chameleon that I could not be with more than one of my friends at a time, for I was a completely different person with each one of them!

I have always enjoyed my own company. When I am with myself I get to do as I please, how I please, when I please. I don’t have to fit in with anyone, and no-one argues with me!

I have spent much of my life trying to be alone, working hard to make sure relationships failed, working extra-hard at work and at home, all to make time to be on my own. When my children were little, I was a single working mother, and this was quite difficult to do! I would spend my whole day in motion, just doing what I had to do to get through the day, so I could be with myself at the end. I felt like I was always trying to get away from people, even my adorable children.

I have come to realise that I do not have to be alone to be with myself, to be still.

I have come to realise I was running away from reflections I did not like to see; from parts of me I did not love; from behaviours that I did not want to look at, let alone change.

I have come to learn to let people in, to allow them to be part of my world, to share myself with them, to see what they have to show me, so that I no longer have to run from them.

I have come to learn that we are all equal, all one, and that what I see before me is there for a reason, for me to observe and to learn from.

Having said all this, many of these understandings, insights, revelations, came to me in the early hours of the morning, when I was alone with myself.

Having finally learnt to go to bed early and rise early, I found what I had always been searching for – a moment of aloneness, silence, stillness, to be with myself, to deeply connect with myself and with God.

From that connection, that living stillness, that love that I am and that we all are, I can move through my day with grace – in stillness, but never alone.

598 thoughts on “Stillness and Aloneness

  1. We often think that staying away from people is the answer to our stresses in life but since attending Universal Medicine presentations, I have realised that hiding is not the answer and can retard us. Now when I choose to go to people I feel energised and have a sense of purpose – hiding never gave me that, in fact, quite the opposite.

  2. The life of a chameleon changing backwards and forth to suit your environment is an absolutely exhausting way to live our everyday.

  3. So many people live such hectic lives rushing around from one thing to the next that stillness eludes even though it is something we also all desperately seeking. I have found that by being aware of movements and choosing to stay in my own rhythm and not get caught up in the momentum of the busyness that is constantly around me, has made working so much more enjoyable. I am by no means perfect and very much a work in progress but when I stay with that stillness magic happens.

  4. The alone time we seek is thus a substitute for the stillness we so yearn for and know to be eternally ours.

  5. In the stillness we connect to something much greater or grander than what we perceive ourselves to be and from this place it doesn’t matter what is going on around us as we feel safe and equipped to deal with life’s ups and downs.

  6. When we are having difficulty coping with life, it is easy to blame others and to think that that is where our problems stem from but what I have come to realise is that keeping away from people did not improve the situation but only made the feeling of isolation worse. It’s healthier to be around people, and if this is difficult, then the problem lies within ourselves and our unresolved hurts.

  7. Changing our perspective to see that the people we meet are there as a reflection back to us, or we are the reflection they need to have for me takes away any comparison. It shows me that we are all equal and we all have something different to bring which makes up the whole of who we are.

  8. The truth is we are never alone, it is from building a connection with ourselves and living from the stillness within that we start to appreciate this fact.

  9. When we reconnect to the essence of love and stillness we naturally are we also reconnect to something much bigger that we are all a part of – God, the Universe, and the Soul that is the true inner essence of each human being.

  10. I used to look for relationships that suited good with my needs to not be alone. And I rejected those who didn’t fit in my own interests. Today I’m learning to open up myself to others from my heart, the only place from where I can feel complete and embrace every interaction that I have along my day. I can be on my own but the yumminess of feeling me, from my body makes me feel really held and loved.

  11. There is a place within us where there is no need to protect, react or change anything but an endless joy of being who we really are. Thanks for this beautiful reminder Anne.

  12. “I have come to realise I was running away from reflections I did not like to see; from parts of me I did not love; from behaviours that I did not want to look at, let alone change.”- This is the line that really stood out for me while reading this blog that I felt has also been a pattern of mine in my life. I have felt guilty when I have tried to be alone and keep to myself from my wife and daughter at times, and this blog helped me to see the illusion of how I thought I needed that to reconnect with myself. But now I can look forward to allowing people to see the real me without reservation, and grow from the interactions that come from letting that out with people.

  13. Beautiful Anne. I was pondering on how people say they hate people or they’re not a people person, but if that was a universal truth, hating people would work and as we have seen by wars, separations, fighting, competition, jealousy, illness and disease etc. it most definitely I’m sure we can all say does not and has never worked! Therefore, this line is more apt on what we are avoiding, “I have come to realise I was running away from reflections I did not like to see; from parts of me I did not love; from behaviours that I did not want to look at, let alone change.”

  14. Love this prompt to go within and look at what we’re not willing to see, or be reflected, when we’re around others. So easy to blame another for not being or behaving how we would like them to, instead of fully accepting them for where they’re at, letting go of our own needs of how we want others to be, and fully embracing and maximising all the learning that is on offer, in every moment.

  15. No one is ever truly alone, a wall made of bricks and paper does not constitute a separation, only a marker of land. In truth we are all connected all of the time because we are all human, and what stands between us in material terms cannot ever actually separate us in the energetic factors of life.

  16. Being alone to escape your day and being alone to be you will feel totally different. One just keeps looking for the escape and the other brings more connection to you, others and God.

  17. When I was constantly trying to gauge how other people needed me to be it was exhausting and I craved time on my own to recover. Since re-connecting to my inner stillness I am out in the world being me and not worrying how others respond or not and I love it. For me the key has been to build on my inner stillness so that I can be steady whatever or whoever is around me.

    1. The blog communicates such an important theme, that we may crave time alone because we need space to just be ourselves, which can also highlight that we are pressuring ourselves to be different with others placing an unnecessary strain on ourselves. Life is so simple when we can just be ourselves.

  18. ‘I have come to realise that I do not have to be alone to be with myself, to be still.’ Well said Anne, to grace everyday life with stillness – beautiful.

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