by Anne Malatt, Australia
I used to think I had to be alone to be myself.
When I was with others, I was always trying to fit in with them, calibrating myself to them, measuring myself to make sure they (and I) were comfortable.
I was an expert at this, but it could get confusing. I was such a chameleon that I could not be with more than one of my friends at a time, for I was a completely different person with each one of them!
I have always enjoyed my own company. When I am with myself I get to do as I please, how I please, when I please. I don’t have to fit in with anyone, and no-one argues with me!
I have spent much of my life trying to be alone, working hard to make sure relationships failed, working extra-hard at work and at home, all to make time to be on my own. When my children were little, I was a single working mother, and this was quite difficult to do! I would spend my whole day in motion, just doing what I had to do to get through the day, so I could be with myself at the end. I felt like I was always trying to get away from people, even my adorable children.
I have come to realise that I do not have to be alone to be with myself, to be still.
I have come to realise I was running away from reflections I did not like to see; from parts of me I did not love; from behaviours that I did not want to look at, let alone change.
I have come to learn to let people in, to allow them to be part of my world, to share myself with them, to see what they have to show me, so that I no longer have to run from them.
I have come to learn that we are all equal, all one, and that what I see before me is there for a reason, for me to observe and to learn from.
Having said all this, many of these understandings, insights, revelations, came to me in the early hours of the morning, when I was alone with myself.
Having finally learnt to go to bed early and rise early, I found what I had always been searching for – a moment of aloneness, silence, stillness, to be with myself, to deeply connect with myself and with God.
From that connection, that living stillness, that love that I am and that we all are, I can move through my day with grace – in stillness, but never alone.
Words on Serge Benhayon 
I had to stop when I read this ‘working hard to make sure relationships failed’ it sounds ridiculous yet I know we (humanity) do it all the time!!!! Work hard at making things be hard and … not work. WOW WOW WOW. Why?
It’s a beautiful thing to find stillness in relationship and know that Love is the quality we carry within. Where-ever we are, it is and never for self alone but to share with all others.
I used to think that being alone kept things simple and easy, and having others around was a cause for complication and frustration. Walking down the crowded street, people were getting in my way. Basically, others were to blame for my predicament in life. Always. Where we feel we can just be ourselves – we all want that, and we try proving that it is not possible because of others, but it is never about others.
We feel like we want to be alone but we can be escaping the imposition we place on ourselves by changing who we are to fit in. It take so much pressure off ourselves to just be who we are and enjoy the simplicity of being ourselves.
There is so much wisdom in what you have shared Anne and from your sharing we can all learn how to deepen all our relationships starting with the enigmatic self.
I used to have an low level of anxiety whenever I was in public and alone. I still have this every now and then, but now its a marker for me that I have disconnected from myself. Anxiousness is not present at all when connected.
I love stillness too because when I am still I am not alone at all – in stillness I am with god.
When we choose a moment of stillness to connect to who we are we know we are never alone.
When we are still and with ourselves, we are not by ourselves, but swimming in God’s light.
“a moment of aloneness, silence, stillness, to be with myself, to deeply connect with myself and with God.” I find these moments to deeply be with me, with God, and to nurture myself create a beautiful foundation for my entire day.
Feeling alone has nothing to do with the number of people we are with it is all about how connected we feel.
Interesting that stillness can be a quality of being that can be experienced regardless of whether we are on our own or not, or in a quiet place or not.
It is interesting how ingrained this concept of ‘being alone’ actually is. As a recent example, I was recounting the birth of my now 5 year old daughter to her the other day was sharing with her that she was born so fast I did not even have time to get to the hospital and her dad was not even in the room as he had gone to phone the midwife so when she was born, I had to catch her ‘all on my own’. Her simple response was; “And God”, meaning God was there. That stopped me in my tracks and made me fully appreciate that when we remain connected to ourselves, we remain deeply connected to the All that is there within us and all around us.
That’s beautiful Liane. And so beautiful that a child can express the truth so easily.
What I now understand of both, Stillness and Aloneness the two are totally different. Aloneness is stagnant, draining and like sitting in the bottom of a well in the dark. Stillness is settling, unifying and connected to others and to energy beyond the physical world we see, it is energising.
It is lovely to read about you embracing the people in your life, knowing that your love is strong and resilient.
It is beautiful to be alone with ourselves in the early hours of the morning before the day begins, this beautiful stillness we can connect to can then be taken into the rest of our day as we connected with others.
Being myself by being alone – I have tried this life times, and what I am discovering is that being in a relationship is a big part of being myself. Connecting with others, expressing myself, being heard, holding others in their expression is part of being myself. Embracing people, embracing the world is part of being myself. When I am not doing that, I feel a dent in my heart, that lets me know that I am holding back myself.
“I was such a chameleon that I could not be with more than one of my friends at a time, for I was a completely different person with each one of them!” This is so true Anne I was the same, so no one really got to see the real me, and created unneccessary complications, because I wasn’t being honest enough to let myself be seen.
It was the same for me also. The irony here being that it takes more effort to live the pretence than it does to drop the guard and live from our hearts.
Absolutely Liane, but the guard was my ‘protection’, or so I thought. I can remember thinking to myself that if I keep who I am to myself then I won’t get hurt. Seems crazy now and a total illusion and as you say it is such an effort, and the truth is people can see through all the pretence anyway, so the only person we are fooling is ourselves.
Unnecessary complications, drama, distraction and exhaustion… all a smokescreen which we think keeps us protected from being seen, even though everyone else can see through it. Sooner or later we get tired of the effect that this has on the body, and the only option left is to surrender to the simplicity of being who we are.
I had never considered why I have been uncomfortable in the past when I have had several friends together at once, but what you share here Anne makes so much sense. I too was a different person with each friend. Wow, no wonder our world is full of anxiety.
I too learned to go to bed early, and when I am tired instead of my old habit of staying of late to watch a film, and then be exhausted in the morning and then needing a sugar fix to get through the day. A sugar fix is no longer necessary or craved.
I am also learning to express myself, share more of myself, to show myself to others, and as I do, I can feel how much I let people in, and how easy it is to connect with others, when I am just being myself, with no protection or pictures to get in the way. Isn’t this how we related as children, with our hearts open and playful.
I love the clarity and the honesty in this blog, plus I can relate to so much especially; ‘ I have come to realise I was running away from reflections I did not like to see; from parts of me I did not love; from behaviours that I did not want to look at, let alone change’. In being honest with ourselves, so much can change as we get to see how our old choices were not so loving, nurturing or caring. Self-care is how we begin to self-nurture/self-love again step by step.
I love what Anne has shared in this blog, and can really relate with what she so frankly has shared.
We often think that staying away from people is the answer to our stresses in life but since attending Universal Medicine presentations, I have realised that hiding is not the answer and can retard us. Now when I choose to go to people I feel energised and have a sense of purpose – hiding never gave me that, in fact, quite the opposite.
I know when I used to shy away from people, the thing I craved most was to actually be with people. This is why I felt so alone in the hiding.
The life of a chameleon changing backwards and forth to suit your environment is an absolutely exhausting way to live our everyday.
So many people live such hectic lives rushing around from one thing to the next that stillness eludes even though it is something we also all desperately seeking. I have found that by being aware of movements and choosing to stay in my own rhythm and not get caught up in the momentum of the busyness that is constantly around me, has made working so much more enjoyable. I am by no means perfect and very much a work in progress but when I stay with that stillness magic happens.
The alone time we seek is thus a substitute for the stillness we so yearn for and know to be eternally ours.
I used to seek alone time, now I love stillness.
In the stillness we connect to something much greater or grander than what we perceive ourselves to be and from this place it doesn’t matter what is going on around us as we feel safe and equipped to deal with life’s ups and downs.
When we are having difficulty coping with life, it is easy to blame others and to think that that is where our problems stem from but what I have come to realise is that keeping away from people did not improve the situation but only made the feeling of isolation worse. It’s healthier to be around people, and if this is difficult, then the problem lies within ourselves and our unresolved hurts.
Blaming others puts us into the victim mentality, is that a way we really want to live, or do we want to be responsible for how we move and live. We are powerful beings.
Changing our perspective to see that the people we meet are there as a reflection back to us, or we are the reflection they need to have for me takes away any comparison. It shows me that we are all equal and we all have something different to bring which makes up the whole of who we are.
The truth is we are never alone, it is from building a connection with ourselves and living from the stillness within that we start to appreciate this fact.
When we reconnect to the essence of love and stillness we naturally are we also reconnect to something much bigger that we are all a part of – God, the Universe, and the Soul that is the true inner essence of each human being.
Melinda, what you share in your comments is so beautiful; this one is particularly exquisite, that it just has to be expressed again, ‘When we reconnect to the essence of love and stillness we naturally are we also reconnect to something much bigger that we are all a part of – God, the Universe, and the Soul that is the true inner essence of each human being.’
We are never alone but it is only through our loving connection with ourselves and in the stillness that we come to deeply know that.
I used to look for relationships that suited good with my needs to not be alone. And I rejected those who didn’t fit in my own interests. Today I’m learning to open up myself to others from my heart, the only place from where I can feel complete and embrace every interaction that I have along my day. I can be on my own but the yumminess of feeling me, from my body makes me feel really held and loved.
That love within us is gorgeous as it doesn’t have preferences. Only the pictures we hold have limitations.
There is a place within us where there is no need to protect, react or change anything but an endless joy of being who we really are. Thanks for this beautiful reminder Anne.
It is only when we are truly with ourselves that we can be truly with another.
How important then is it to be truly with ourselves in every moment of every day.
“I have come to realise I was running away from reflections I did not like to see; from parts of me I did not love; from behaviours that I did not want to look at, let alone change.”- This is the line that really stood out for me while reading this blog that I felt has also been a pattern of mine in my life. I have felt guilty when I have tried to be alone and keep to myself from my wife and daughter at times, and this blog helped me to see the illusion of how I thought I needed that to reconnect with myself. But now I can look forward to allowing people to see the real me without reservation, and grow from the interactions that come from letting that out with people.
Beautiful Anne. I was pondering on how people say they hate people or they’re not a people person, but if that was a universal truth, hating people would work and as we have seen by wars, separations, fighting, competition, jealousy, illness and disease etc. it most definitely I’m sure we can all say does not and has never worked! Therefore, this line is more apt on what we are avoiding, “I have come to realise I was running away from reflections I did not like to see; from parts of me I did not love; from behaviours that I did not want to look at, let alone change.”
There’s much we can learn about ourselves if we open up to reflecting on how we are with other people…
Beautiful Anne, in the stillness we feel we are enough for we know are all.
This shows just how important it is to have the reflection of others to learn more deeply about ourselves and what we can focus on to be more loving in all our relationships.
Reflections of others can be seen as a blessing for us, though at times they can be challenging, ‘I have come to realise I was running away from reflections I did not like to see; from parts of me I did not love; from behaviours that I did not want to look at, let alone change.’
Love this prompt to go within and look at what we’re not willing to see, or be reflected, when we’re around others. So easy to blame another for not being or behaving how we would like them to, instead of fully accepting them for where they’re at, letting go of our own needs of how we want others to be, and fully embracing and maximising all the learning that is on offer, in every moment.
No one is ever truly alone, a wall made of bricks and paper does not constitute a separation, only a marker of land. In truth we are all connected all of the time because we are all human, and what stands between us in material terms cannot ever actually separate us in the energetic factors of life.
Being alone to escape your day and being alone to be you will feel totally different. One just keeps looking for the escape and the other brings more connection to you, others and God.
Why are we wanting to have space on our own, could it be as simply to feel the presence of God, although at the time we may not have always been aware of this, ‘Having finally learnt to go to bed early and rise early, I found what I had always been searching for – a moment of aloneness, silence, stillness, to be with myself, to deeply connect with myself and with God.’
When I was constantly trying to gauge how other people needed me to be it was exhausting and I craved time on my own to recover. Since re-connecting to my inner stillness I am out in the world being me and not worrying how others respond or not and I love it. For me the key has been to build on my inner stillness so that I can be steady whatever or whoever is around me.
The blog communicates such an important theme, that we may crave time alone because we need space to just be ourselves, which can also highlight that we are pressuring ourselves to be different with others placing an unnecessary strain on ourselves. Life is so simple when we can just be ourselves.
Building our inner stillness creates a strong foundation, and as you mention Helen, whatever life presents to us, we are more than equipped to deal with it. More and more I am beginning to embody how much we are truly loved and held.
‘I have come to realise that I do not have to be alone to be with myself, to be still.’ Well said Anne, to grace everyday life with stillness – beautiful.
I spent many years being on my own, but this was an escape from the world and kept me very safe and protected from others, not to mention how exhausting this was. Learning to drop this protection and let others in has been a game changer for me and has allowed me to feel a deeper connection with myself and others, this is something I always craved but hadn’t chosen for myself because of the hurts I was carrying.
It’s interesting reading everyone’s comments, it seems that our problems with being alone or being with other people stem first from our relationship with ourself, and if we get that right then while we will always be learning both situations are experienced in a completely different light.
There is nothing wrong with wanting to be alone but if that’s all we want then it’s not so great. For me, there is so much evolution on offer with others. For example, I love living on my own. It’s easy yet there is little evolution on offer – I can stay where I am and have things as I like them. Living with others I am constantly challenged and offered reflections. I have to look at my stuff, my reactions, how I am and so on. More and more I’m discovering what people have to offer me and whilst it may seem easier to be on my own, I far prefer evolution.
I agree, life is naturally designed to help us grow and other people are a massive part of that, essentially – we’re all here to help each other.
We learn from one another in so many ways, ‘I have come to learn that we are all equal, all one, and that what I see before me is there for a reason, for me to observe and to learn from.’
” I can move through my day with grace – in stillness, but never alone.” when we are in connection with our selves we are never alone, in being connected to our inner heart we are connected to everyone.
This is familiar trap for many, “I just want my ‘me’ time” “my alone time”. We often spend all day not being ‘us’ going through the motions, until we have these moments where we are ourselves. It’s quite a pressure we put on ourselves when we live like this, as it is not how we are designed to be. We are designed to be naturally ‘full of ourselves’ and to bring that everywhere we go. Just look at children and newborns – they live it in full. It is a source of much tension for this human race.
Being and holding my true self in a crowd is something that I am constantly learning. I can feel a little trigger that could topple me into a reaction when my environment is jarring, but trying to be alone when we are actually all totally inter-connected is a much harder task, well actually, impossible.
Well said Linda, the many reflections around us are beautiful opportunity’s that support us to truly evolve.
‘From that connection, that living stillness, that love that I am and that we all are, I can move through my day with grace – in stillness, but never alone.’ Such a beautiful reminder Anne, there is nothing more exquisite than feeling the deep stillness we can all connect to.
I realised recently how much I measure relationships, I am open when I feel it is safe and then not as open when I have stuff going on, this lack of consistency has an impact on the quality of my relationships because people become a little wary never knowing what they are going to get with me. I can then think it is others who are keeping their distance, when in truth, I set it up.
Letting others into my life and allowing myself to be me with them has been huge and life changing. The more I let others in, the more I see how we are so much more alike than different, and my life has become richer for it.
Trying to fit in with others by being a chameleon is very tiring, as is being in constant motion. I used to feel I was more worthy or deserving according to the amount of things I achieved in a day. Connecting to my inner stillness gives everything a different starting point, and I get to stay with myself while I am living my day.
I too became very good at fitting in with people, which was totally exhausting as I was never myself, I have come to realise that by just being with myself allows others to be themselves too, and I am no longer exhausted by pretending to be someone I’m not.
It is not surprising that the counterpart of being alone as in “doing as I please, how I please, when I please” is pleasing others when I am not alone. These are different manifestations of the same outward movement.
True Eduardo and something I recognise from how I have been living, it was the reward of not being myself but never fulfilling in anyway.
I love having this rhythm of early to bed and early to rise in my daily life – it makes space for that stillness and re-connection with God that was unavailable when diving into bed exhausted and crawling out of bed having overslept.
‘Having finally learnt to go to bed early and rise early, I found what I had always been searching for – a moment of aloneness, silence, stillness, to be with myself, to deeply connect with myself and with God.’
This has given a great insight into different reasons for choosing to be alone and separate from others.
“I have come to realise I was running away from reflections I did not like to see; from parts of me I did not love; from behaviours that I did not want to look at, let alone change”.
So true Stephanie for the quality of relationship we have with others is a direct reflection of the quality of relationship we have with ourselves.
Great point about running away from the reflections of others.. from what we don’t want to see about them, or ourselves. When we’re feeling lonely in a group of people, it’s basically a simple reflection of not feeling connected to ourselves. When we’re in a group and feel alone because everyone else around us is doing something or talking about something that we can’t connect to, it’s a weird feeling, but not the same as loneliness. Great reminder that to be connected is to simply be ourselves, and to enjoy it – and that it’s a choice in every moment.
We are never alone truly, as even if we are physically alone, we are still connected to all around us.
I have found life is back the front in many ways and upside down. This is another one of them, the fact that I always was looking for time off, time out and time to myself. You would move the day, the week and even your entire life around to get to the point of having all of these things when you want them. What I have found now is that at any time, anywhere I can be with myself, it’s a true connection I was looking for and I can have this as I said anytime and anywhere and what’s more with anyone. The true connection isn’t dictated to by what goes on the outside, it’s all about what you feel inside. Life has changed so so much since the outside is just seen as a reflection or an expression of what you hold inside.
The early hours of the day are precious to me too, as then I experience a connection with a clarity that make life to me so much more profound than it used to be in the past. As from that connection there comes the knowing to be part of something so much more grand than I have ever felt before.
I love how you bring it back and say that most of these revelations have come to you in the early morning hours when you were alone. And not because of the aloneness but because you were being truly with you.
Stillness in the body is not something that a lot of people have experienced, but it is clear many search for with meditation and yoga being huge in our society (but almost always not delivering). The Gentle Breath Meditation offers an experience of stillness within a few minutes, and thenceforth that true experience is known.
I used to think I had to be alone to be myself. I used to think this also Anne, but the truth is, you can be so called alone, but still not choose to be present with yourself, so your actually not alone because all of those people in your head are keeping you company, and it’s not always the nicest company.
Anne, I love the way you express, always so real yet so gentle. And you are correct, I can definitely feel how connection to stillness allows me to feel myself whilst being with others. It’s the best of both worlds for, as you say, there is great merit in ‘alone’ time as much as there in ‘with others’ time.
Even though I can get annoyed by what I observe and what is in front of me to learn from, I would not change it for anything…. the awareness and understanding I can walk away with is gold.
It’s funny I spent a lot of my life doing things for others and not really connecting with them, it was something I did to be seen and recognised but in truth I never really enjoyed spending time with others preferring to be by myself when I could. I now love connecting with all people and when I feel the stillness in my body in the way I move it fills me with joy and a deeper understanding for others and life is so much more enjoyable as I don’t have anxiety running my life. Appreciating our natural expression and the stillness we hold allows us to deeply connect with others equally and to observe and learn in all opportunities we encounter. Thank you Anne.
I can relate to this a lot. Running around trying to do everything for the end goal of eventually being able to slump on the couch or just be on my own once I’ve attended to all matters. I’ve realised though, that it’s a silly game that doesn’t work and living in that way is so exhausting as the ‘me time’ isn’t rejuvenating in any way at all because there is no quality in it.
‘in stillness but never alone’ … I love that Anne, and what you share here is deeply valuable, we have these mirrors around us all the time the people in our lives and of course how we are with us and with God determines how we are with them. And I’m now considering how when I react to those around me, it’s something in me I don’t want to look at … this will be useful to know and observe some more in my day to day life, I can feel I will have fun with this!
“in stillness, but never alone.” when we are in stillness it allows an awareness that God is always with us.
This I now know to be true Mary –
‘when we are in stillness it allows an awareness that God is always with us’.
And we know the difference between running away to avoid evolution and saying ‘No’ to that which does not support us. There is a vast difference and it is down to us to discern that which is true.
‘I used to think I had to be alone to be myself.’ I used to relish my ‘me time ‘ for that very reason and had no trouble at all being by myself . Now I adore and feel so much more open to people – not just friends but any one I meet.
I find myself back here again! Always a pleasure to read this and a valuable reminder of the chatter that can tell us we need more alone time when in fact our bodies are calling for more connection.
Yes Lucy, something that I particularly see with teenagers and can remember being the same way. Believing that we only want to be alone because we are then ‘left alone’ but in truth we are craving connection and openness.
It’s so true Anne, the more we calibrate to others the less we are of ourselves.
If we have spent much of our life avoiding being still, which many of us have done, stillness will at first bring up all that has been lurking around us that we’ve not been wanting to feel. We feel the unsettlement we’ve been living with, the anxiousness, and beneath that the immense sadness of missing ourselves. Feeling alone is normal when this comes up, but if we let ourselves go deeper and allow all these emotions that have been buried to come up, we very quickly feel the warmth that lies beneath – the warmth of our connection. It is this inner warmth that nurtures our entire being. And then we realise we can be alone, never be left out in the cold, because we have come back to our true home – the love that resides within us and is us, that we melt into when let ourselves be still.
“I have come to learn that we are all equal, all one, and that what I see before me is there for a reason, for me to observe and to learn from.” So every moment in life is one of learning and becoming more aware of oneself and everything around us.
It is fairly early in the morning reading this blog and I also appreciate the stillness that is present in me while the day wakes up. And while I read what you share the kookaburras are having a wonderful sing along, confirming that the joy of now, the lovely stillness and simplicity that is present is my choice to hold through the day.
On reading your blog this morning Anne I was particularly struck by what you have expressed here. What a beautiful learning to share with us, thank you;
“I have come to learn that we are all equal, all one, and that what I see before me is there for a reason, for me to observe and to learn from”.
Knowing that connection with God and growing that is everything to me. This has been my guiding Light within. The more I confirm this within myself the more it is reflected back to me.
When one is truly still after not having been for a very long time, one is often hit first by grief. That is a common experience. To feel alone is when one has stopped for long enough to be free of the busy momentums of their day, but has not yet re-connected to their essence. And it is the latter ability that we have lost touch with most of all.
Moving through our day in stillness, but never alone; what a beautiful reflection to take into the day Anne, thank you.
It is truly important to be comfortable in one’s own company. However, like much in life, there is a true way to go about this, and a way that is not true. Should one seek one’s own company out of protection from the world, and as a way of withdrawing from life, then that is not healthy. However, if it is done as a way to reconnect to one’s self and develop an inner strength that gives one the inner confidence derived from understanding their true nature, then it is a true thing to do. That being said, in the case of the latter, once that point is reached, it is time again to re-enter the world and hold nothing back of the glory you have reconnected to so that others also may be inspired to come to the same realisation. So, how do you know which one you are doing? Simply, if you have not found yourself opening yourself up to the worlds as a result of turning inward, then you are in the protection of the first category, and not the glorious expansion of the second.
Alone time is a great moment to feel my connection to what is going on inside, if I’m squirming in the possibility of stillness then this is a gift. It is what I do with this that matters.
Thanks Anne this is a message from heaven. I too always struggled with ‘alone time’ and I am sure you are right when you say what we struggle with in ‘alone time’ is being confronted with all we don’t want to feel so , in fact, we manufacture dramas and situations that make ‘alone time’ a very rare commodity. In truth, since building a rhythm that allows me more space to feel there are in fact opportunitites to be with me all the time, I have also found that there is a sense of togetherness and connection that I never felt in my search for ‘alone time’.
I love my own company and I actually get to be alone quite a bit of time – being myself, doing as I please. You say “I was running away from reflections I did not like to see; from parts of me I did not love; from behaviours that I did not want to look at, let alone change” – this makes me wonder how could we really be ‘ourselves’ when we are actually preferring to be isolated from others when at the core of what is fundamentally propelling us is a pull towards evolution, back to the oneness we all come from, whether we like it or not. Being alone definitely feels like we can do whatever we like, especially when our environment doesn’t allow us to be who we truly are. But when we start believing that we need to be alone to be ourselves, who is that ‘we’?
There is a divine beauty in being able to be alone and be so connected to the love within to not need another to bring you anything, however to let others in and share this beauty within is truly exquisite, reminding them that they too can embrace and share another way of being free of needs or self-protection
There can be protection in needing to be around others, as much as there can be protection in being on one’s own. The truth is we need to learn to be comfortable in our own skin, either way, and transparent to the world in such a way that it affords others opportunity by way of reflection to do the same.
I so relate to this blog Anne and especially: I used to think I had to be alone to be myself. I too liked my own company and my old pattern or belief was if I am on my own nobody can hurt me…. ouch, fact is I hurt myself by cutting myself off from people when what I truly desired was to connect with them…. Thankfully this old belief can no longer hold true in my body as I now love to be with and connect with others.
We live on this planet with over 7 billion people yet we can sometimes feel so alone. What does this say about our connection, with ourselves and with each other? Is it possible that we often feel alone because we have forgotten how to truly connect, in a loving way, love, with truth and honesty?
How is it that you can be in a room of people and feel alone, and you can be on your own but not feel alone? I think you’ve pinpointed it here in that to be alone does not mean loneliness, and that actually when we are feeling alone we are simply missing the connection we have to ourselves, and by virtue of that, to everyone else.
I have been like this also most of my life, always hanging out for the next opportunity to ‘relax’ and just ‘be’ on my own. But I’ve certainly learnt over the years that being myself around others actually allows them to be themselves and then when we get a bit more real with it all, we don’t feel the need or pressure to fit in and be someone we’re not. So hanging out with others becomes far less taxing because you don’t have to be ‘on’ in an exhausting kind of way, you just need to be you.
Being ‘on’ is exhausting, hence the need to retreat to re-coup the drain. Letting go of living in this osculation is also very freeing of the isolation that occurs in either scenario.
We are never ever alone….. we choose to think that we are alone when we are still in our comfort zones and indulging. Having deepened my self-love, I can feel just how much unlimited support there is for each one of us.
Thank you Anne, it was great to come across this blog this morning. I am having difficulties relating to someone in my life right now and need to be able to see what reflection I am being offered. and stay with it.
I know for me I have often enjoyed time on my own away from people but never for too long or I would sense that something was missing. It seems that it is important that we do have time to reconnect to our essence and who we are, but we definitely need to be out there with people also to really grow and deepen our relationship with love and ourselves.
It is an interesting concept to think that we need to be on our own or do a certain activity to spend quality time with ourselves as in fact we are with ourselves 24/7 we cannot escape that fact, so we may as well embrace each moment we have with ourselves bringing all of who we are with us no matter where we are, what we do and whom we are with.
Realising that I don’t have to be alone and that it has been my choice through my own self imposed exile of knowing that trying to fit in and be a chameleon was not it, and did not come with an honesty that I saw in other people. Realising that I didn’t really like people was my first step in becoming more honest with myself, and from there see that it was because they were often reflecting things to me I did not want to see. As I started to be more honest more humble and less arrogant and started to let people in, I found that I not only liked people, but I loved people, and I am now in a job where it is all about people and I love it,
To know the quality of stillness, and that it can be lived throughout our day, whilst we are in motion, is a bit to wrap your head around, but when you do, it is a gorgeous and steady way to live your life.
http://www.unimedliving.com/unimedpedia/word-index/unimedpedia-stillness.html
There is a quality to the early morning stillness that is so special. It has a stillness to it. I used to be freaked out by this stillness as it is not what I was used to, it is not what I lived, yet the more I have brought stillness into my day, the more I have embraced the stillness of the early morning. Having time to get ready before the rest of the house wakes up gave me space to start the day as I wanted to, kindly, gently and with understanding about how others were feeling, not rushed, harassed and irritated.
Thank you Anne for a beautiful sharing, I can relate to wanting to be alone with myself, those days it was a hiding, an avoiding of people. Now when I connect with myself in the early hours of the morning with love and stillness I no longer need to avoid being with people through out my day, but feel open to share more of the true me.
Anne – I love this time to be still and be with myself in the morning too, ‘Having finally learnt to go to bed early and rise early, I found what I had always been searching for – a moment of aloneness, silence, stillness, to be with myself, to deeply connect with myself and with God.’ I have a couple of hours in the morning before the rest of my family wake up and this really supports me in my busy days, it feels like my foundation for the day.
So it is not really being alone that we yearn for but being ourselves that we are missing.
I see that I ‘like my own company’ not because I like being alone but because I feel so much in the reflection of another. Yet, when I do allow myself to open up and let another in it is a wonderful thing. With another an amazing opportunity is presented, to see the truth of who I am, to see the truth of who they are. So why avoid it is the question?
Funny that we often do not want to see what others show us, how in fact they reflect how we are, and the parts of us we do not always want to see. You remind me to embrace what is shown, to be tender with myself and others, and to allow them in, to allow them to be, and allow myself and them the grace to see and learn from each other how to be the whole love we are.
It’s fascinating the games we play with ourselves to avoid dealing with things, and ultimately dealing with our own ideals and beliefs, which we use as an excuse to not connect to ourselves and others. The gift of having others reflect back to us is priceless, and never lets up no matter how much we resist.
Letting people in… Truly letting people in is something that we really do need to practice… In this fast moving world this is most definitely one of the ways that we can replace protection with connection.
I can relate to having to retreat from the world in the past Anne, yet now when I am connected to the stillness within me, there is space so vast that all are within it.
I know this very well and it used to be a relief when I was on my own. But what I’ve realised is that it was easier for me to check out when I was on my own. When I was with others there was plenty being reflected to me which I may not have liked. Checking out wasn’t so easy.
I wonder how much of the being myself version I know from being alone is actually the true me. How much of myself can I actually know without the reflection of others? I suppose that the full me is only known when I am me with everyone.
Oh I love this. These moments are all around us, they are just itching for us to make the connection inside so we will recognise the moments outside!
This is brilliant. To be with myself does not mean I have to be without the others. Joy is to be had when I am with myself, as well as the others.
As I feel my stillness it is becoming a way of existence that I take more of into my day. As I live with a greater consistently of stillness it expands into every aspect of my life.
I remember not wanting to celebrate my birthday because I didn’t want to invite my friends together, as I felt I played a different role with each one and that my cover would be blown if they were all in the same room!
This is really interesting and something I have never considered “I have come to realise I was running away from reflections I did not like to see;” this is something I am going to look at, for I can be quick to judge another, but in fact are they reflecting something of me that I don’t want to look at. It can be quite hard to see or to want to see how awful we treat ourselves in a reflection from another person especially if we think we are doing okay.
So much of my life was me thinking I was doing okay, when in reality I was lost, judgmental, abusive and all mainly about myself. As I am slowing learning to reconnect to my stillness I can now relate more to the uplifting reflections from others.
We can learn so much from reflections in life if we accept that every reflection presented is there to help and support us to evolve whether we like it or not.
I can remember from my experience of needing to be alone how exhausted I always felt. This seemed to be even more incentive to be alone because I needed the rest. How very different is the truth. The more I engage in life and enjoy people the more vital and joyful I feel. Could living a life of connection be the essence of living a full, vital and joyful life?
You are onto something there Leigh! Engaging and connecting takes so much less energy than running away and hiding. Just as understanding takes less energy than judging, hating and blaming.
So true Lucy, it is the opposite to what we think…so where do those false thoughts come from? And are we using them to stay stuck in a familiar behaviour that we identify as being normal?
Gaining the understanding that when I feel alone it is because I am not connected to myself, to my Soul, has been a revelation that has resulted in such joy as I have (re-)discovered how joyful it is to be with myself.
This is a true purpose on our way back to who we truly are: being ‘ourselves’ while we are with others. The tension we may feel when we are with others can be a bit released by adjusting but it can also be used to grow. Tension will always be there as we are connected to the Universe which does and will always expand. So the pull for more is always there. And we can surrender to this pull and develop, expand who we are, or adjust to the tension we feel between us humans to not rock each others boat of comfort (which is rowing against the Universell pull). Do we go for ‘the human aspect’ of us – or do we go for more?
When we are truly still we are never alone but connected to everything and everyone in the universe.
I so love how you write and express Anne. It is also my experience that when we are in connection to who we are and move in union with our Soul, we are and can never be alone. As in truth we are the sparks of God and so when we are with ourselves we are with God. Being with ourselves when we are with others is what allows for true connection and relationships to unfold and develop, and more of this is what our world is calling for today.
Thank you Anne. I was big on being alone when I was younger and I spent much of my life engrossed in novels and escaping into the versions of life they represented. I no longer do this as I have come to find the the people around me far more interesting and wise than anything I could derive from a novel.
It’s interesting as I go through a couple of days of feeling flat and so desperately wanting to be alone – to hide, but also feeling lonely at the same time. It’s like a yearning for connection whilst pushing people away. Makes no sense of course…but gosh do we love to complicate things when we lose ourselves in our stuff.
I used to feel like this the majority of the time. These days it comes up only every so often, and so sporadically that I have to appreciate the many choices I have made for this feeling to no longer be my norm, despite how familiar it feels.
I can relate to this complication too, Elodie, this yearning for connection whilst choosing to be lonely at the same time. It is actually sense-less as we are always connected, however much we ‘think’ we want to hide and feel lonely (by choice), the truth is we can never actually be alone.
“feeling flat and so desperately wanting to be alone – to hide, but also feeling lonely at the same time. It’s like a yearning for connection whilst pushing people away. Makes no sense of course…but gosh do we love to complicate things when we lose ourselves in our stuff”.
Your writing and exquisite insights moved me to tears this morning, thank you. From a fellow runner who is also learning to be with people and with God again.
“I have come to learn that we are all equal, all one, and that what I see before me is there for a reason, for me to observe and to learn from.” – Love the Law of Reflection!
This blog is very supportive as it offers me the next steps in my own evolution. I am someone who is still getting used to being with others as I have avidly lived my life on my own and not let others in. I am learning to drop this guard and live myself with others.
How sensitive we are, that I would say many have felt similarly Anne. I spent much of my life very much ‘needing’ retreat-space, away from it all – time to just be with me, with nature…
And then how truly empowering it is, to be able to know and hold oneself and simultaneously let everyone in… Knowing our own inner stillness, and deepening our relationship with this in our bodies, is what I have found to be the absolute key – it has transformed my life, and my capacity to truly be with people, and not seek relief from all that I feel.
Thank you for bringing more understanding to the reasons why we retreat Victoria. The ability to hold yourself in the world with others is a modern day miracle but Serge Benhayon leaves me with no doubt it is possible as he consistently demonstrates that we can hold all others as equal and let them in.
I agree Victoria, to be able to hold myself and let everyone in simultaneously, is now possible from the work to ‘get out of my head’ and thus re-connect and deepen my relationship with my body. Esoteric Yoga has been a very large key in deepening this awareness.
I love this sharing and it made me laugh- all the ways we can concoct to get our alone time. I find that I often like to come home and have some time on my own as I am still learning to hold myself and not take on others’ stuff during the day.
I love this blog Anne, I can so relate to everything you say here. Just goes to show we are all one!
This is beautiful as I too have learned this very important lesson . . . .”I have come to learn to let people in, to allow them to be part of my world, to share myself with them, to see what they have to show me, so that I no longer have to run from them.” . . . we learn so much from letting people in particularly from the people who annoy us the most.
Having struggled with finding my own connection and stillness, I have learnt that it’s available all the time, and when I lose it I simply do the gentle breath meditation to bring me back to me, or do something that I know always supports me in my reconnection.
This is amazing, we don’t find our true self only in the moments we are alone, but in the moments that we are in relationship with others brings a deep connection if we do choose. Knowing ourself is a great asset, knowing and commecting to others learns us most.
In the stillness we can truly connect to God and ourselves, when we are in this space there is a beautiful flow on effect to others – an opportunity for all to truly connect and feel the expansiveness of this ever deepening love and grace we all equally have within.
‘Having finally learnt to go to bed early and rise early, I found what I had always been searching for – a moment of aloneness, silence, stillness, to be with myself, to deeply connect with myself and with God.’ A very self loving habit to take time in the morning for yourself and appreciate our part in the universe and to honour the connection with ourselves and thus with God.
I love how the stillness we hold actually creates space and allows people to be more connected to themselves too. Thank you Anne.
I realise through reading this today that I need more time for this – “a moment of aloneness, silence, stillness, to be with myself, to deeply connect with myself and with God.” Thanks for the reminder.
Grace, the simple elegance of stillness that has the ability to lovingly hold us all in its wake.
So true Anne, I feel lost when I am not connected and for me my connection is what life is all about. The way I see my connection to God now is that it is all about me feeling that deep stillness within, which I have always welcomed and never known how to hold until I heard the presentations by Serge Benhayon. Now with greater understanding of how my stillness is more of ‘that which I am’, I am slowly and simply maintaining this connection more and more, to the best of my ability!
This is such a beautiful reminder Anne “From that connection, that living stillness, that love that I am and that we all are, I can move through my day with grace – in stillness, but never alone.”
What you have shared here Anne is very powerful. If we truly connect to the stillness within, there is no need to go on a retreat, or feel annoyed if we have not had a moment to ourselves. I am enjoying making it a habit to connect to that stillness. It enables me to observe and be with others without getting drawn into any dramas or chaos. It doesn’t drain my energy. When I do feel overwhelmed it’s often because I have taken things on and am invested in the demands of others and even self-imposed demands.
Yes I really get the message here about how we strive for those moments when we can be alone and experience serenity – time for ourselves – and this came without understanding how stillness is there inherently within us – and so was an outer striving. Having opened up and experienced this stillness within through the encouragement of Serge Benhayon, it is very clear that such a connection offers in itself a purpose to life, of bringing this quality into relationships and sharing it and that there is a healing we can partake in as we go about our daily routine.
Calibrating ourselves to people makes life super complicated – speaking from experience, it was actually really difficult to remember who I was with certain people so I could keep up the facade of being what they wanted or what I thought they needed me to be… crazy! Life is so simple now I am choosing to be myself consistently to the best of my ability.
The idea of aloneness is such an illusion – all we are really saying is that ‘I don’t want to connect to who I am’. Because, when we are in connection with who we are, we are then connected to everyone and everything – so we can never truly feel alone unless we choose to disconnect from ourselves.
I can relate Anne – wanting to be on my own, but most of all I actually want to just be myself with everyone I meet. I’m learning a lot with allowing people to see me for who I am and not trying to hide aspects I think are not any good.
I’ve come to feel and know that I am love and I am never alone. To truly live with this knowing in my body and not oscillate from feeling confident and powerful to wobbly and uncertain requires me to move in a connection to who I truly feel and know myself to be in every moment. It makes complete sense.
My feeling is as my connection deepens then the more I am feeling my connection to everyone equally.
I also used to think that I had to be away/separate from the world to be the real me and nobody understood me – now when I feel this coming up I know that in wanting to hold back and keep world out, I am already not being myself.
Anne, ‘what I see before me is there for a reason, for me to observe and to learn from.’ shook me beautifully today to remind me that life is always there as a support and to observe it, and allow it to show me what is there, not to want it to be another way but to understand it, and be love in it. This is something I can struggle with as I can feel the need to protect myself and want to withdraw and yet I know that is not it, as the instant I do withdraw, I’ve left me and others and my love is not there in the pool that is life, that is all of us.
The more I am able to be still within myself in different situations the less need I have to be on my own and the more connected I feel to others.
The constant calibration I practised around others was exhausting so therefore I needed regular doses of time on my own to recover before returning to my chameleon-like existence where I expended lots of energy suppressing me to fit in! Learning to observe and not absorb other’s stuff has freed me up to stay more centred within myself so that I need much less time out to recover from being with other people. I love how you describe it as a living stillness which captures the activity we can engage in from a place of connectedness to the greater whole.
Great blog Anne. So many truisms….”I have come to realise I was running away from reflections I did not like to see; from parts of me I did not love; from behaviours that I did not want to look at, let alone change.” Every day brings us a choice as to whether we want to evolve – or not.
It’s a great big lovely gift we give ourselves when we connect with ourselves and feel the stillness that is present when we are totally with ourselves as we go about our day. What is going on around can then be observed more and not taken-on, so by the end of the day we don’t have to get away from people and things to have some peace and quite. We are already living this with-in, it is our stillness we miss and is so more powerful and supportive than just escaping for a few minutes or days from what is created around us. We have the choice to live this 24/7 and that is our loving gift to ourselves.
It really is a grace to be able to be still in our days, whilst completing our work. Yet when I fully choose this, my body feels amazing and I never feel alone, because each moment I have with another is full and there is no need to look for the next moment, but instead a steadiness that carries me to the next moment ready to again connect and be with whom so ever appears. I love living this way.
‘I used to think I had to be alone to be myself.’ I remember that feeling exactly Anne. Thankfully now it is a memory and now I am actually and absolutely enjoying being myself with others.
I too, spent so much of my life running away “from parts of me I did not love; from behaviours that I did not want to look at, let alone change.” But this running got me absolutely nowhere except to create more loveless behaviours that also needed running away from: how exhausting and futile was that. To finally stop running, and turnaround to take a long and honest look at myself and my life, was the day I took off my running shoes.
What you have shared Anne blows a hole in the myth of needing time out. What I can see and certainly from my own experience, if I am needing time out then it is important to check in and see why. What I have found most of the time is that I have taken on something during my day. That takes a toll. But by simply observing things during my day and living and working from my stillness I find that the need that I had for time out is no longer there.
Being alone is separating from the true power of living as one with all. Allowing ourselves the space to surrender to our stillness brings us back to steadiness and the ability to be open and share who we are with everyone. There is so much joy to be shared from our stillness.
This idea of getting away seems to be a modern malaise. There is a total acceptance in the world of the importance of getting away from it all, disengaging, having personal space, retiring early and amassing enough money to do so, the list goes on. With all this swirling around us, this sense that being with people, connecting with people, living with them in harmony seems to be abnormal. As a group of humans we appear to have lost the stillness within us and instead of coming back to that we have mistakenly thought that being alone is its substitute.
Reclaiming the stillness within gives us the foundation for our harmonious life in community together.
Letting people in, is the finest art form that life can have.
And stillness is not found in being alone when we are not in connection with ourself, and others. This connection is so important to have and not let ourself be shut down by all the “difficult” things that are there in life.
I so recognise all that you share here, preferring to be alone not being the true me with others, and it is true that I didn’t want to see what others reflected, which is such a false way to be. As it is holding myself back from the truth of who I am and not allowing myself to grow. It is great to see this, and know that I am the only one to change. It is great to show myself more and more to others, knowing that there are many things that I have to learn.
When we shut ourselves down from connection to others to protect ourselves it can be a very lonely place but when we open ourselves to the love of the inner-heart we feel the presence of God in the stillness and we are never alone.
Thank you Anne, great to have sharing of different perspectives of how we all attempt to hide our light and feel the need to adjust ourselves when around other people. When I began to understand the most appreciation came when I was just being myself, it opened up a whole new world of stillness, joy and playfulness that is still being discovered today.
Thank you Anne for sharing so simply, in the stillness we get to feel who we are, the love that lives within and that everyone else is this love also, and we are never alone. we are energetically connected to everybody and everything in this world.
I’ve had many thoughts over my life of how I would be more able to be myself if I wasn’t with this person or if I was by myself or with someone else. It was such a narrow view of what was really going on for me and what was coming up when around others, until I met Serge Benhayon and came to understand reflections and what I was being shown. I have healed and let go of many hurts from seeing my reflection in those around me of how I have been living, or as a confirmation of who we are deep inside.
We should all learn to be content in the presence of our own company. It forms a trust and foundation from which we are better able to remain open to others. True Self love is not narcissistic by nature, but rather a means by which we can embody a way of being that is then unable to be contained within, and therefore is constantly being expressed outwardly. In other words, know love, and you cannot help but express love to the world.
“a moment of aloneness, silence, stillness, to be with myself, to deeply connect with myself and with God”.
What a very precious and divine moment Anne.
I have avoided people most of my life in preference to being alone… I still feel challenged at times by not being able to hold myself in another’s presence… in part feeling like I needed to perform in some way and in part not wanting to see what the reflections were offering me of what I needed to learn about myself. It is beautiful to be reminded of the power of connecting to ourselves and the stillness within and observing from this place… letting in both people and the revelations that are there to evolve from and bless us when we choose to face rather than avoid them.
A great reminder that people with whom we come into contact always provide a reflection to us of something to look at in or about ourselves and so if we hide away from people, preferring the isolation and safety of our own company, we’re in effect stifling our own growth.
‘Having finally learnt to go to bed early and rise early, I found what I had always been searching for – a moment of aloneness, silence, stillness, to be with myself, to deeply connect with myself and with God’. Explains why I love going to bed early!
When we let people in and share ourselves without any holding back, in effect we are letting more of ourselves be seen, letting more of our true beauty shine!
True Jacqueline, it is beautiful when we can be transparent and open with others.
All of the advice from everywhere is nothing compared to the advice that comes from our own heart.
I have recently been feeling the balance that comes to me when I take a walk alone in nature. It seems to offer me the space to give myself my undivided devotion, and in that a reconnection to myself. I came back restored, feeling rejuvenated, clear and connected to the wonder of God. I love the space that self love offers.
‘I have come to learn to let people in, to allow them to be part of my world, to share myself with them, to see what they have to show me, so that I no longer have to run from them.’ Anne, I so relate to this having kept people out for so long.
I can relate to that too Sally, and have observed how all my relationships have improved especially the relationship with myself in how easily I can appreciate myself and all that I bring.
I can relate to what you have written here Anne no wonder I was finding life exhausting putting all that energy into not being myself.
Awesome reminder that we can be in stillness throughout our day with or without people. I love the fact that we are never truly alone, even when we are physically alone we are energetically connected with everyone and everything.
We are never truly alone because we share this planet with over 7 billion people. It is the space we create with barriers that gives us the perception that we are alone. Space is also what connects us, energetically there are no barriers and therefore we are never alone even when we think we are. Being alone is created in our head but in our heart we know we are never ever alone.
Well said Chanly88, I totally agree. In the past when I lived with layers of protection, many times I felt alone, which was something I created – an emotion which kept me in the victim mentality. No longer wearing my armour of protection from the world, I can now feel my body and now listen to its intelligence and as a result I can feel so much support that flows to me easily and this is something I can deeply appreciate.
I can so relate to the part about being a chameleon, I did this more so when I was a teenager and I found it to be exhausting and felt horrible. After a while I decided the best way to be was just be myself.
Stillness is a beautiful quality, but doesn’t mean being alone, it is a quality that we can choose in every moment of the day. The connection with people through this stillness is a beautiful thing to behold.
Great wisdom, Anne, lived wisdom. It’s a good reminder, whenever I want to be ‘on my own’ I can stop and observe where in my daily activities am I not with myself.
Brilliant Felix, this reminds me of when I first became a mother and how I craved time to myself, unbeknown to myself that it was because I had (and still do at times) put on a mothers belief and ideals straightjacket and walked around all day not being myself. This gem of understanding is so powerful because it can help us to reconnect and stay connected to everyone else.
In stillness but never alone…….never ever are we alone, isn’t that just beautiful? Life is beautiful and God is always with us, no matter what.
when we make the choice to let people in, everything changes… It brings in those wonderful experiences like trust, connection, it is a bridge to expression, and even surrendering, where we start to let go of control, and then we are back to trust.
“I have come to learn that we are all equal, all one, and that what I see before me is there for a reason, for me to observe and to learn from.” Hear hear Anne, this should be a statement all kids learn at school as a life principle!! So beautiful, profound and simple.
Oh absolutely..”I have come to realise that I do not have to be alone to be with myself, to be still” This has been a revelation for me recently. I am constantly with people, different people, different situations. I could so easily worry about not having time for myself, but actually for one of the first times in as long as I can remember, I am quiet in my head and this means I am finding I am not needing time alone as much as I used to.
I have found my way back to this blog for good reason, there is such clear messages here that pertain to most if not all people. How crazy that we calibrate ourselves to fit in and make others comfortable. I am learning just how poisonous comfort is and that I would not wish to dull my true self down in favour of this state at all. Sure, when we are ourselves we may challenge people’s beliefs and ways of living but this is part of purpose, for us to learn through and with each other, that’s part of evolution here.
I agree Rachael that it is crazy how much energy and effort we put into calibrating ourselves so we can comfortably fit in with another person, or even sometimes a group; being so very careful of what we do and say so we don’t push any buttons. Oh how this has hurt us in so many ways, as well as denying those around us the opportunity to see and be with the amazing person we are; even if this does make them uncomfortable at times.
I love what you share here Rachael that even if we do bring up something for another and rock their world a bit, that there is a divine purpose in that and something not to shy away from or to see as bad. I’ve had my false foundations completely rocked earthquake style from meeting reflections like Serge Benhayon, Natalie Benhayon and many other amazing people who express who they are in every way. I am very grateful that they do not change or calibrate themselves to make anyone feel comfortable!
To be in stillness in our daily activities, whether we are alone or not, is the magical way of being, I feel, but something I am still working on!
I’m working on this too Anne! It’s not always easy because I’ve had a lifetime of doing and being in drive and push, but now I’m learning that I can have / be stillness in everything I do, even when I’m physically in motion.
Me too Anne and as you say it is the magical way of being and feels the most true for me.
I had also been one of those cold blooded reptiles that adapts to ones environment for protection. It got to the point where being a hermit was just so much easier. Why do we put so much effort into trying not to be who naturally are? We are sacrificing ourselves by throwing a spanner into our own works… when all that is needed is to choose to be who we are meant to be by nature… love.
Yes, and we all miss out if those ‘hermits’ stay tucked away…such a shame. It is a very good question…why do we work so hard to not be who we are?
It is as if we try to escape life instead of knowing that being with ourselves is being with everyone equally at the same time.
Thanks Anne, you have really given me something to reflect on. I have always looked for ways to spend some time on my own and even as a child I loved solitude. But as you have pointed out, we all have our place in the world and others can teach me so much and visa versa if I am prepared to do my bit and fully participate in life.
“I can move through my day with grace – in stillness, but never alone” Anne this is so true. For when we are connected to our bodies and can feel the essence of who we are there is joyfulness and Love.
“From that connection, that living stillness, that love that I am and that we all are, I can move through my day with grace – in stillness, but never alone” Thank you Anne – this is beautiful.
There’s much I can relate to here Anne. For me I would change myself to whoever I was with, as did you, but when alone I didn’t know who I was so although I was craving alone-time, when I had it I had no reference to tell me who I was so I would become almost catatonic, not able to do anything – a kind of paralysis. I still feel this sometimes but like you Anne, am learning to let people in and also to get to know who I truly am without having to look to others to tell me. What I love is that I know all of who I am is right here within me, I just have to let it all out. At the moment I just show some of it, but step by step, more is being revealed.
I love this blog Anne. This part jumps at me ‘I have come to learn that we are all equal, all one, and that what I see before me is there for a reason, for me to observe and to learn from’. When we spend time with others but don’t calibrate to fit in and simply hold still we seem to become so much more aware of the reflections we get from them. This is how we all evolve ✨
I have also spend much of my life choosing to be ‘alone’ because of what I felt I went into when I was around people. The many tricks and acts and chameleon behaviours that were not truly me always came out to be played out. I could deeply feel the ‘falseness’ in this and was always so rocked and confused by it.
This sounds very familiar Anne “I have spent much of my life trying to be alone, working hard to make sure relationships failed, working extra-hard at work and at home, all to make time to be on my own.” I can relate to this. A way to not let people in due to self-loathing and fear of my own magnificence if they did happen catch a glimpse of the real me.
Another wonderful sharing from you Anne. I love especially your revelation “I have come to realise I was running away from reflections I did not like to see”. For me in other words, I was running away from myself – I was hiding and at that time I was not willing to look at my issues. As you share, it is so amazing, to be still and connected to me and to be with others at the same time, no need any more to be alone.
‘I have come to realise I was running away from reflections I did not like to see; from parts of me I did not love; from behaviours that I did not want to look at, let alone change.’ Oh Anne I totally relate to your story. I was (and still can be) torn between the tension of being alone and the desire to be with others. Now my family has grown and I am alone it is amazing what I can do to crowd out that alone space when I am not in my stillness, or am avoiding it.
I always thought I had to take ‘some time out’ to go somewhere by myself to be with myself and to actually be still. I actually did quite some silence retreats to find that place of stillness. But all of these things did not work at all, I was still very anxious, racy and not with myself. Through Universal Medicine I have come to understand what it actually means to be still and that I don’t have to go somewhere or do something (yoga, standing on my head etc.), but that it is there all the time, if I choose to connect with it.
I agree Mariette, we search all over the world to finally discover that it has been within us all the time. So within reach just by choosing to connect to our self.
“I have come to realise I was running away from reflections I did not like”. Great words of wisdom. This is exactly what we do and don’t realise it, filling our days and weeks with things to ‘avoid’ our inner struggles and anxieties.
Ahh, so true, my life was a jumble, filled with “I’ll just do this and then I will have some time for me”. That time never really came and if it did, I didn’t like how I felt when I did get the space so I would push on to the next thing all to avoid as you say Matthew, my inner struggles and anxieties. This still can sometimes happen.
I can relate to this blog so much Anne, that I could have written it myself. Especially the part where you say that you were a chameleon and could not be with all your friends at once as you would not know who to be. I am learning to be all of me regardless of who I am with. This is so much easier and feels great.
I have had the same experience Anne. The only one I was really comfortable with was myself. I never realized that I was always busy trying to create time to be on my own until I read your blog. I loved cancelling appointments for then I had extra me time. Always afraid that seeing other people would compromise being with me, the only place where I could relax and (as I believed) ‘really be me’. These days I still love being with me but I also love being me with others because (most of the time) I really am me now.
That is spot on iljakleintjes – I was the same and I can feel there are more people out there who are feeling the same. That is in a way sad because to be with you in every situation is the most treasurable gift we can find, It is also very joyful to be me with others and also infectious inspiring.
“These days I still love being with me but I also love being me with others because (most of the time) I really am me now.” I love this iljakleintjes. It’s a beautiful confirmation for you of the commitment you have made to being you.
I can relate to wanting to be alone and I’m pretty sure I would have succeeded had I not found Universal Medicine, but now I am looking at life, as though from a different angle and the people I once saw as a nuisance are in fact my best form of healing, due to the reflection they bring.
Stillness and aloneness are two entirely different things. One allows us the space and grace to feel connected to the entire universe…and the other makes us very small and separate and somewhat dense.
Very simply and clearly put Sara. Thanks.
So true Sara. One expands us and the other contracts us. ✨
This feels absolutely true to me. I have felt both in my body very clearly and I know which one I prefer. Stillness is completely natural, aloneness feels desperately awful.
When I feel aloneness I am often around people but disconnected from myself. When I feel stillness I can alone by myself or I can be with people either way doesn’t matter I feel full with a deep connection to myself and with God.
Thank you Anne, I found reading this today to be very stilling and like many loved being on my own and my company and still do, but I can see now that this is not how we are designed to be all the time, as I have come to learn through the teachings of Serge Benhayon it is only with these reflections that we can evolve. “I have come to learn that we are all equal, all one, and that what I see before me is there for a reason, for me to observe and to learn from.”
There is a great line in a song …. “Running to stand still” …. Such a paradox but it is true. “Let get all this done so I can have some time for me”. Once I had built a strong connection with the stillness in me, I can be anywhere, with anyone or group and the remarkable stillness is still there.
Anne, I can so relate to this, I was also more ‘comfortable’ on my own, finding it difficult to be with people, but at the same time craving connection. It’s still unfolding for me, but more and more I’m learning to be more myself around others. Thank you for your inspiring and revealing blog.
I really enjoyed reading this blog Anne and can relate very well to what you share about craving alone time, this was purely because I was never with myself ‘in stillness’. “From that connection, that living stillness, that love that I am and that we all are, I can move through my day with grace – in stillness, but never alone.” Yes, this is the way to live, thank you.
Beautiful Shelley, I agree, and how beautiful is it, knowing and feeling even when I’m alone, I’m not truly ever alone, as there is always an all encompassing love within and around me.
In the stillness of ourselves we discover the grandness that we are a part of and in this feel all others with us also. And so it does not matter if we do this ‘alone’ or in the company of others, for we are always here together but just not always so aware of it.
Wow Liane that is so beautiful expressed and my whole body said yes to what you share in such a simplicity. I love it to be aware that we are here together . . .
Thank you Liane for bringing a greater depth of wisdom. When we understand what you have shared, and feel is as a living truth, we will never feel alone even if we are alone.
‘From that connection, that living stillness, that love that I am and that we all are, I can move through my day with grace – in stillness, but never alone.’ Thank you Anne.
Being with people is a blessing nowadays as before I was a chameleon just like you Ann and ended a lot of days spending with a friend or some friends with a terrible head ache or even a migraine from frustration of not being myself with them. Now I am able to observe and stay with myself appreciating what life is bringing me in every moment.
I can so much relate to this Anne. It’s an amazing learning to be always still and with myself no matter what. I was always “disturbed” by people and needed time out to gather myself and get back, as you say it was almost impossible to stay myself with other people. Also to hold my true rhythm I could only do by myself, so actually I realized I was never in my rhythm as it could be so easily altered. It was more being in control if there was no distraction and I could do things. I realized that it is this functioning and doing that gives me this feeling and how conditioned I am to be functional. Today I am learning to let things more unfold and stay with me, I let go of control and the doing and enjoy whatever is there.
Wanting to be on my own was also my chosen way for me in the past, but then I realized that being by myself in my own world and connecting with me and my body are two totally different things. Being on my own gave me the feeling of safety, comfort, seclusion, and when I feel into it, a false sense of okayness, but when I am connected to me and really feeling my body, I can be anywhere and with anyone and that feeling of loveliness and connection just expands out and and I feel absolutely complete and connected to everything and everyone.
“The grace of stillness,” flows within us all and enriches our lives with so much joy. There is no room left for aloneness only connectedness.
Beautiful Anne. I can totally relate to all that you have shared and feel a real clarity from your words ‘I have come to learn that we are all equal, all one, and that what I see before me is there for a reason, for me to observe and to learn from’. This is indeed how we learn to evolve all our our relationships with not only ourselves but all others.
I found this is interesting point. As I can describe from my experience and feelings, I can say that I use to be very lonely, feeling I had no one, always trying to meet people and to fill up the spot. It is since recently that I have deeply felt who I am. At that moment that I could feel that strength within myself – for the first time in my life I did not need anything or anyone, I was free and feeling fully myself. I felt very still. This highlighted for me that I can be alone, very still – but actually not feel alone at all. As I know and feel that everyone is with me.
Well said Danna. Alone but never lonely is a gorgeous space to be.
Everything you have written really resonates with me, I look back on my past and realise I had shut a lot of people out because I didn’t want to see the reflection, thanks and well written
It is beautiful how you share building the stillness in your body, by early to bed early to rise creating that space to connect to you. It is lovely how we can connect to this stillness very quickly and be able to take it into our day for others to feel. Feeling this connection in stillness is a confirmation to our connection to God. We are never alone, as we create the connection.
Funnily enough Amita, I only really felt this stillness outside of me when I woke early in the am, I never felt it when I stayed up late at night. It was like the morning didn’t add anything to my head, I was aware of my thoughts were busy but I was given an opportunity for them to not be. Such a period of grace that we can bring in to the rest of our day.
I can relate to so much of what you have said Anne. I had always felt like the hub of a wooden wagon wheel and the spokes were the people I knew, all slightly different from each other and I would also calibrate to each one and become something different to each one. Stillness now is like charging my phone… It fills me up with who I am to connect with everyone.
This is interesting sjmatsonuk …. Feeling like the centre core of the relationships and then calibrating to them rather than holding the stillness so that our consistently supports others. The holding of that stillness is true love isn’t it? ✨
I love this Anne. I was the same, always thinking I needed to be alone, always trying to get away from everyone to have some kind of peace, but even then I still felt empty. Whereas being in stillness actually fills me up and this is something I can bring with me when I am with others and when I am by myself. With this, I can be still and can be by myself yet I will never be alone again.
Same with me Sara. Always doing my best to have ‘me time’. I never really considered that in fact I was escaping the burden of my many ‘faces’. I have never properly considered how exhausting that has been, and sometimes still is, being a different person to everyone and trying to meet what I have assumed is the expectations of others. Those expectations, are simply ideas I have created, not anyone else. So interesting.
Such a lovely sharing Anne, talking about stillness and how powerful it is. When you go deep within yourself to that inner rich place where everything makes sense, everything is connected and you can never feel alone.
I can relate to a lot you say here Anne. What I have come to realise is because I did not have a connection with myself and have a solid sense of who I was, I would get lost in all the emotional turmoil going on around me. I found it difficult to know what was my stuff and what was actually the emotions of others I had taken on. A solution was to have one on one relationships, any group work would have me feeling alienated and so I would go back into my shell where I felt safe and secure, always enjoying my own company. As I build a stronger foundation within myself and in my body I am less affected by the world around me as I don’t take it in. Responsibility has shifted from feeling responsible for others to being responsible for myself and each of my choices. This has made a profound difference to how I live from moment to moment and in that I am eternally grateful to Serge Benahayon and all the other students of The Way of the Livingness for continue to confirm how we live determines how our life unfolds before us.
Hi Suzanne
This part ‘. Responsibility has shifted from feeling responsible for others to being responsible for myself and each of my choices.’ This makes such a difference to being able to observe and simply enjoy life more rather than take on the world.
I used to have this feeling of needing to have time with myself- it changed the moment, I decided to not be any way shape or form for someone or that I have to fulfill a certain picture that was expected. Since then, I love being with people and the interesting bit is, that I realized, that I was never truly with myself when I am on my own- I always needed distraction to “do my own thing”. Learning and focusing now to truly spend time with ME when I am on my own, changes everything around as well and I can feel how my quality with people now gets even grander.
It is beautiful what you share, stillness is not about being on your own and shutting the world out. Stillness is that deep connection within ourself and God. When we connect to this stillness we can walk with thus stillness in the world and be amongst many people in our truth, not having to be someone different. The power of stillness brings the truth of who we are and allows us to share this deep love with others, what reflections we receive allows us to go deeper in this connection.
Learning that: “stillness is not about being on your own and shutting the world out” was a most eye opening realisation for me too Amita. And then to follow this realisation with another, that this stillness is actually within me, coming from connection to me and to God, was totally life changing. The days of hiding away to be with me have certainly ended as I now know that I can be with me in every moment, wherever I am.
Thank you Anne for sharing the joy of stillness “I have come to realise that I do not have to be alone to be with myself, to be still.” When we connect to the stillness of our inner-heart we can feel the love that we are and the love of God that we share equally with everyone.
“From that connection, that living stillness, that love that I am and that we all are, I can move through my day with grace – in stillness, but never alone”. This is very beautiful Anne and very powerful. I am reminded to, in every moment, as I move through my day with grace and stillness. Whilst reflecting on your blog Anne I realise how much I have to learn and feel to deeply experience and feel that grace and stillness.
Thank you for this lovely read Anne, your words felt very familiar. Learning that every relationship is a gift that offers us great opportunities to deepen our relationship with ourselves is in itself a very great gift.
Anne I really did enjoy your blog as I too have often felt more “comfortable” in my own company. Yet what I feel you have exposed for me is the fact this comes from not truly honouring myself and that in truth I do love connecting with others. I too find that when I honour my body by living more loving rhythms like going to bed earlier I find I naturally create the space for me to connect to the stillness within and it is from this space I then can bring me to my connections with others.
When I allow myself moments of expressing honestly with friends and family, the stillness and repose that comes thereafter when I am by myself is so much deeper.
Thank you Anne for writing this. Its beautyfull to see this:
I have come to realise I was running away from reflections I did not like to see; from parts of me I did not love; from behaviours that I did not want to look at, let alone change..
That is such powerfull revelation, it’s so true and i regognize how i have been avoidiing dealing with reflections in my life that were not so comfortable to face. I have come to learn that the more I get to know who I am , i feel less identified with my behaviour and so I can more easy and clearly face my behavior, learn from it and let it go. A very liberating choice and powerfull too!
When I am truly still, I am never alone even if I am physically so. I feel embraced, held and cuddled by the whole universe. I am with God. So, when I am still, I cannot ask for a better company. To be alone is not guarantee to be still though.
Absolutely beautiful emfeldman.
Being alone is not a guarantee of being still, I have experienced this one. Sometimes when I am alone with myself I can be anything but still and instead very racy in my mind. What I am learning though and feeling is that to be still is not being alone, because when I am still I am with God and this I can feel when with others or out in the world if I so choose to. Being more willing to see what it is that another is providing the opportunity for me to see is something I have been playing with recently, it is bringing more understanding and much less reaction into my life than seeking to escape everyone in every situation.
Thank you Leigh, for this gem: ” … to be still is not being alone, because when I am still I am with God … ” It’s sort of obvious and well-known but today it has provided a deep understanding for me, thank you again.
I agree Leigh and this..”I have come to learn that we are all equal, all one, and that what I see before me is there for a reason, for me to observe and to learn from.” As you say this is an opportunity to see. A reflection for me to feel me, my own choices and actions.
That other person is offering me a golden realization about myself if I choose to accept it.
The being alone not being a guarantee to be still is absolutely spot on, our heads are sometimes the noisiest and most disruptive contributors in our life. Taking time and finding a practice in order to quiet the mind, to bring it in line with the body, is the most empowering tool. Both Esoteric Yoga and the Gentle Breath Meditation were my tools.
Wow, absolutely beautiful emfeldman – I can feel the holding of your words.
emfeldman those are really wise words you share here with us. I agree to be truly still is really an embracement and in the moment we are feeling this”cuddle by the whole universe” we know exactly that we were and are never alone.
I too thought that it was impossible to be in stillness with people around me. And I do still find it easier when I am on my own, but I know that I also love the connection with other people. I realise that the connection with me is what brings me to the stillness inside of me and when I then connect with other people it is a huge difference.
Diana1975 I too thought that it was impossible to be in stillness when people are around me but it was also not so easy to be still on my own. I am now discovering that both is possible even if it is a bit of a funny feeling for the people around me and for myself because I am now different in my interactions – not so engaging and I have to admit that am very much appreciating this new way of being.
Same here Diana1975, I find it easier to be in stillness when I’m on my own, but am still working on maintaining my stillness when I’m around people and at work… it is unfolding.
That is great jacqmcfadden04 and it gets easier the more we build it in our everyday life, because it is actually very natural to us.
Moving through our day in the stillness we have connected to in the morning is certainly divine. And it’s true Anne, we are never alone, but always connected intrinsically to all others, such is the grace of all being equal parts of the one whole.
So true Jo and particularly this…”I have come to realise I was running away from reflections I did not like to see; from parts of me I did not love; from behaviors that I did not want to look at, let alone change.” Without people as our reflections we will not evolve, as we are all connected intrinsically, as you say, and everyone offers us a gift.
Very true Irena, it would be so easy to sure X ourselves with people who just agree or potentially avoid people altogether…mmm yes, probably done both of those. However, my greatest learnings have come from the people I have found most challenging. They end up being such a gift as I learn from each of them so much about myself.
Beautifully said Jo. Thank you for sharing this and I totally agree, we are certainly all connected.
Such a relatable story Anne. I’m enjoying being less of a chameleon these days. I notice I can sometimes fall into an old pattern of being a certain way that I think is expected of me, but just having the awareness of what I’m doing is so helpful in learning to shake it off and come back to me.
I notice this too Elodie. There is so much that we take on…it’s like we absorb what’s around us when we are not connected to ourselves. Sooner or later it gets very uncomfortable to take on all of these expectations and ideas, so we have to learn to let them go and reclaim that our stillness is everything already.
So lovely to return to your most delightful, but very revealing blog Anne. When I stopped “running away” from all that I didn’t like in my life, with the accompanying never ending craving to be alone, I suddenly realised that everything I was running away from was still with me, and it actually had something to teach me. Running away and wanting to be alone, are now well in the past, and there is nothing I love more than being with me, and being with people.
I too have tried to run from things I didn’t like about life in the past, but I have discovered that it is just as silly as a cat chasing her own tale. And agree, the more I learn to embrace life, the more I love being with me and with other people.
Beautiful blog Anne, I can relate to having different ways of being with every person I knew, and that it makes such an uncomfortable way of being, constantly calculating how to be. Being alone was always “easier” so to say, but actually was truly alone. But now I can treasure the time with me and with everyone because I have to calculate my expression less and less.
“I can move through my day with grace – in stillness, but never alone”.
Such a simple yet oh so powerful message for us all Anne, thank you
there are many others who have felt we have really had to “ make it” by ourselves… We are not used to really letting people in and working with others. Attending Universal Medicine events introduced me to a wonderful word…: Co-Creation … And if you are one of those people like above, this is really a radical concept. Letting people in so much that you actually are able to create something that is actually bigger than yourself, and that has the potential to really serve humanity. And it is much more fun!
Wonderful blog Anne, and a gorgeous reminder that with that connection “..I can move through my day with grace – in stillness, but never alone.”
Beautifully expressed Anne – my favourite line, ‘From that connection, that living stillness, that love that I am and that we all are, I can move through my day with grace – in stillness, but never alone.’ – What a gorgeous reminder.
I have come to realise I was running away from reflections I did not like to see; from parts of me I did not love; from behaviours that I did not want to look at, let alone change.
Thank you Ann for this beautiful piece, I can relate to what you have shared deeply. I have always adored time with myself too, never have I felt alone being by myself. I could get away with everyone in my life, until when I had my son and ended up parenting him alone, there was no where to escape to, although I still tried–I had to learn that stillness does come from within me, no matter how interfering the external may be–so there is no need to shut the world out. True stillness stands in the heart of all, letting humanity in, as through accepting the reflections from my son as well as others, I am learning so much about myself.
Such a beautiful reminder that that stillness is always within and we only have to make a choice to connect to it in every moment. I also find that taking some time for me in the early morning to connect to that stillness allows me to bring it to the rest of my day, so that I don’t feel like I am being tossed about on the sea of life. I don’t have to be that chameleon, I can just be me.
I’ve been a lonely rider for quite some time but it’s quite lonely (!) to be honest. Allowing people in and letting them see me, feel me is way better and sparkles up life enormously.
I was always needing time on my own for the same reasons Anne. I didn’t understand stillness to start with but as I stay with my body more and more by feeling my hands and feet how my body moves I have come to feel and experience it. The Gentle Breath meditation presented by Serge Benhayon helps me develop my stillness and so take this into life and be with others.
Thank you for sharing this Anne. It is beautiful to feel the stillness and connection to self while with others.
Beautifully expressed Anne. It touches a deep chord as I still can go into motion to avoid feeling what is there to be felt at times.
I have learnt to look at my life in a new way and have realised that there are many different ways and sneaky tricks that I have learnt that are running away from things I think I do not like or make me uncomfortable. I can make myself so busy just to not feel hurt, sadness – the crazy thing is when I stop and just allow that to be there it passes so quickly and then something so much more amazing is always just sitting there and waiting.
In stillness we know God. The irony is that we may rush all day to get to the end of the day to have ‘me’ time, but by the time we get there we are so racy that we don’t get to enjoy or even get to truly feel the beauty of ourselves in that ‘me’ time as we are left to feel the effects of our day.
“I found what I had always been searching for – a moment of aloneness, silence, stillness, to be with myself, to deeply connect with myself and with God.”- to build this into my daily rhythm I have found to be very important and beneficial. From here I can bring all of me to what I do and with whom I’m with.
Anne, to foster a rhythm that allows us to check in with ourselves, particularly at the start of the day, as you have experienced, builds a beautiful foundation of connection and stillness to take into our day. I have found myself that I then do not crave ‘alone’ time – as I have been with myself throughout the day (as much as I am able to).
Francene, so true, I have taken such inspiration from exactly what Anne has presented. Such a simple way to connect and bring stillness to oneself. To do this in the beginning of the day to set a solid foundation to support.
This is gorgeous to read Anne, ‘I have come to learn to let people in, to allow them to be part of my world, to share myself with them, to see what they have to show me, so that I no longer have to run from them.’ I can sometimes get caught in the thinking that I can only really be myself and be still when I’m alone and not when I’m with others, it’s great that you expose this Anne, it is my consistency that I am working on, knowing that I can be myself when I’m with others and that I do not need to get excited and exhaust myself and try and be liked, that I can stay steady and still and be consistent in my day.
The irony and the trick in life: we spend the whole day in motion, to get one moment for ourselves. But it is in every moment that we are naturally to be with ourselves, and live in the world from this connection. As inspired by Universal Medicine.
The word TRUST springs to mind, Anne, and in this you’re definitely not alone. Like you I have to learn to trust and let people in. I’ve always put people first and love having everyone around but it’s a whole new step to really open up to them – and rest assured with this you, I, we will never be alone.
Having been a ‘runner’ myself for most of my life, I relate much to what you shared here. Fortunately I am also learning to connect with stillness as well – it is a game changer. It is super great now (but still challenging at times) to hold still and not run and be open and to simply feel what is being presented. A skill I am developing but it beats running for sure.
I love what you share here Sarah and can totally relate to holding steady and allowing myself to feel rather than run from the discomfort of what is being brought up. Which is actually no big deal in the end and allows for so much more. In saying that I can feel that we are not brought up or educated in a way to understand our issues and evolutionary processes as humans or how to deal with them. If this was a part of our natural way since birth it would be no big deal to take responsibility for our learnings.
Isn’t it funny that we run from ourselves and who we are – stillness and people.
I agree. Just crazy Marcia!
i agree Marcia it still puzzles me at times, we run from what we crave the most!
Being with ourselves and letting go of expectations and what we seemingly ‘need’ is the most freeing experience ever. Through choices that are loving and supportive for ourselves we will start living a loving and simple life full of joy. From there connecting with others will be totally different as we do now truly meet them where they are instead of using them for what we need to feel at ease ourselves.
The quality I feel in stillness is directly related to the connection I have with myself. This is work in progress for me but the difference I feel in myself is amazing – a beautiful blog Anne.
This is beautiful Anne, you now have the best of both worlds.
Anne this is as lovely reminder as I start my day that everything is connected to the decisions we make in each moment. For instance if I don’t want to be around others that is OK but if I am avoiding people then this needs to be looked at. I also like my alone time and value this but would I value it as much if I had it every day. I love your words “I can move through my day with Grace- In stillness, but never alone.”
“Having finally learnt to go to bed early and rise early, I found what I had always been searching for – a moment of aloneness, silence, stillness, to be with myself, to deeply connect with myself and with God.” I love this line Anne. It is true for me as well that when I start my day with a moment of deep connection with myself and God, I am with me in my day. If I am already busy with the day ahead in my morning I can feel the whole day like I want to be alone as something is missing. Great insights Anne thank you for sharing. Something to ponder on 🙂
Thank you for sharing Anne.
I especially like what you have said… “Having finally learnt to go to bed early and rise early, I found what I had always been searching for – a moment of aloneness, silence, stillness, to be with myself, to deeply connect with myself and with God”. It is a lovely time for ‘me time’.
You have shared so beautifully my own experience Anne, of not letting people in for fear I would get overwhelmed with their motion. You describe that indeed when we learn to connect with our inner essence of stillness and move through our day with this quality that there is indeed no need to keep others out. Again when I address the level of motion or disconnection I live in, I can instantly feel connection with others and divinity and that I am not alone.
Thank you, Anne. I can relate to this very much. I used to think that I had to be alone to be able to connect to God, and also became resentful at times when others were around, as you describe. It has taken me a while to appreciate the divinity in every single person or thing, and to feel intimately connected to God by opening up to being connected to every part of him.
Being alone connected means you are not alone at all – very much in touch with all that is in the universe.
So true Lee, when we are connected it is impossible to be alone. We automatically align to the universe and find that we are in fact connected to everyone and everything.
It is quite beautiful to give myself time to be alone with me. I find these moments, be it 10 or 15 min, are quite lovely. Just allowing thoughts and feelings to cascade through me and feel where they are coming from. If I have something to consider or something to work on, I propose the question to myself, then allow the relationship I have with me to bring through whatever is required. For me, I cannot feel alone, as there is always the wisdom of God delivering another gem.
Yes Matt, when I allow myself to feel the stillness within, God is always there offering the next revelation and reflecting to me the true awesomeness that I am and we all are ~ a reflection of our oneness.
I love what you are presenting here Matthew and that is that if we build a true relationship with ourselves then we can trust that relationship to deliver any answer that we need. This is what I would call living from the inside out rather than the other way around.
Gorgeous Elizabeth and so true. Once we trust and nurture our own relationship with ourselves we have all the answers we need. Love it thank you.
That is beautiful and very inspiring Matthew. I find that in those moments I can easily get distracted away from myself and into all that still needs doing. I can feel from how you describe it the absolute yumminess of how those moments can truly be. Thank you
Gorgeous Matt. What I’m also loving about comments such as yours, and many others on this thread, is the absolute acknowledgement of the relationship with God. I don’t know about you guys, but I feel a sense of expansion just by claiming it, instead of thinking I need to conceal it just because it’s not ‘cool’ to talk about God, or because of a hang up from a past connection to an institutionalised religion. God was always there, from the beginning and as child. A disconnected few decades later, he’s back. Or rather, I should say, I am.
I tend to use if I feel alone a marker for myself that I am truly connected. Because as you say we can never really feel alone, there is always someone there, the divine, god, ascended masters, always. I do have a lot of time alone and I can sometimes not like it, but other times embrace it, developing more deeply stillness, is truly another gem.
Often when I am alone without the distractions of work or family life, I discover just how racey my body feels from being nonstop and all consumed by the pressures that can be there in these places. And sometimes I can put a lot of effort into avoiding this feeling by continuing to make myself super busy or by eating certain foods which I know will dull my senses. I realise now however that actually wanting to be with myself when I am alone is part of self care and feeds greatly into self worth, which in turn has an effect on work and family life.
There is a double insight for me here… the fact I can stay with me when I am with people and the fact the drive to be alone can be a way of NOT being with me but with my issues or beliefs…avoid other people so I don’t get shown there is another way.
This is a great point Joel and one that resonates with me, choosing aloneness to make a point and perpetuate stubbornness is another way of being truly alone without the connection to the essence of us.
True Joel, that is a very tricky aspect as well. Often when I am in a really stubborn pattern or in irresponsibility the only way to stay in it and not get exposed is to not connect to others.
Nicely put Joel, Lee and Carolien. Avoiding others to avoid the painful reflection that there is a another way…
Thanks for pointing that out Joel. That makes sense to me as this is partly how I have been living.
This is so beautiful Anne and so very true. In our stillness we are with and connected to the immense love that we are, with God and therefore never alone.
There is a lot you share in your blog Anne, from the fact of not wanting to show others who you truly are to the belief that we need to be alone and in quietness to be able to be with ourselves. I have found connection, first to myself and then to all others, to be something I can choose at any moment and under any circumstance.
Yes, carolienbraakenburg, it is really beautiful to be connected to yourself and then to others. There is such an expansive feeling of being a part of something greater. When I am not connected to myself, the world becomes smaller and I no longer feel God all around me. This blog reminds us how important this choice is in every moment.
There was a time when I often felt alone in company, more alone than when I’m by myself.”When I am not connected to myself, the world becomes smaller and I no longer feel God all around me” explains it all. Now, if I lose that connection and feel less, lonely again, I know why, and choose to reconnect
We are never alone – when I read this, I felt a pang of sadness, because it felt so true, yet still something I do not allow into my everyday life in a consistent way. For me, this was about the divine being with me and in me and how simply Anne put this in our daily lives was beautiful and very touching.
I too feel that sadness Simon about not living my connection with others consistently and I have realised with what you share how foundational my relationships with others are to my every day and thus how vital it is for me to nourish and value these connections for my own sense of wellbeing.
An inspiring and deeply touching blog Anne, I feel the truth in the simplicity of your words within my body. I have known the isolation of seeking for stillness from the arrogance of believing that I had to remain alone and cut off from others to find it. How far from the truth this has proven to be – it is being open to others and letting them in, that I am in deeper connection with the natural quality of stillness residing deep within. Thank you Anne for the grace you bring.
“Having finally learnt to go to bed early and rise early, I found what I had always been searching for – a moment of aloneness, silence, stillness, to be with myself, to deeply connect with myself and with God”.
What a beautiful description of allowing a little space in the early hours of the morning to connect with yourself and in that stillness connect with God and to take that with you for the rest of your day feeling your own and everyone else’s divinity in all moments of your day. Exquisite, simple, possible.
Yes we can bring a divine connection with God into our normal everyday life, no big deal and nothing mystical, just who we are.
Yes Dean, even if we don’t have that ‘relationship’ with God, the connection is there within all of us.
True Matt, it actually never leaves. We leave it..
Oooh I loved this Deanne, confirming Anne’s ritual of connection in the morning and what she takes into her day, but also your words at the end. . . including ‘possible’ – this made it so accessible and not just something that someone else does, but possible for us all. Gorgeous.
I relate so much to this Anne. I was always seeking solitude but I have come to feel that it was a way of avoiding hurts. We are truly ourselves when we are in communion with others.
I can also relate to this Patricia, thinking that solitude was the answer and avoiding spending quality time with others.
This is very touching Anne. I used to think I needed to be alone to be myself but lately I am finding I am more myself and more full in myself when I am with others, feeling the love that can be shared. Sometimes we may need a moment to recollect but as you say we are never alone.
I love what you’ve shared here Fiona.
So many beautiful quotes in this piece Anne. I love the way you write.
“I have come to learn that we are all equal, all one, and that what I see before me is there for a reason, for me to observe and to learn from.” I have come to learn the same and it is such a powerful thing to realise and then embrace.
I really love this too Jeanette. I have a big family day today with extended family and I am going to be aware of the learning for me in being with them , the observations I make, the equality I feel and the stillness I am in when sharing with my gorgeous family.
What a beautiful and unimposing way to be with family. Enjoy yourselves.
Anne I know exactly what you describe in your amazing blog . . . I l was also a person who wanted to be alone . . . and now love the early mornings . . . beautiful.
‘From that connection, that living stillness, that love that I am and that we all are, I can move through my day with grace – in stillness, but never alone.’
So beautiful Anne and so true. ✨
I know this feeling of looking for a gap to “be me”. Not with others – as if this would be a pause from constant running. Running from what or where? I can’t tell. I only know that I agree all the way what you are sharing. For me it still is a way of showing me truly, not giving everyone around me what they need. That would be me again behaving somehow – because there’s the relief of being alone waiting. This spiral is very lonely… And today I know it is the stillness, the joy, the connection that guides me constantly – if I choose to live it – so I am never alone. And that meeting people from that inner strength and peace “acting” is no more needed…*
It’s so true I have also felt that I need to transform my self into somebody that I’m not in order to please other people and to be love and recognised. This way of being is exhausting and one that, through the help of the practitioners of Universal Medicine, I am slowly letting go of, and becoming more comfortable simply being the amazing me.
Wow, I can imagine you throughout your day after beginning it with such stillness and grace. Very beautiful.
I’ve seen Anne throughout her day, at work in her busy practice, and she is very beautiful indeed, not to mention still and graceful. Anne, it’s working big time !
From that connection, that living stillness, that love that I am and that we all are, I can move through my day with grace – in stillness, but never alone. It is the connection with our true selves that brings the wisdom and all else we may need, and the truth is: we are truly never alone.
This is very beautiful Anne “I can move through my day with grace – in stillness, but never alone.” A wonderful way to live every day, thank you.
We are never alone – so true Anne. In stillness we know this to the very core of our being.
Yes well said Anne and Vicky ~ stillness confirms without a doubt that we come from a Oneness that excludes no one.
For sure Bianca – that stillness excludes no one and INcludes everyone equally.
Yes Bianca, and in that stillness we feel our connection to everyone and a part of the whole and most of all how all that we do affects another.
I remember that feeling of wanting to escape from the company of my kids, always looking for a quiet space and staying up really late to find it, then being tired the next day and hanging out for that moment alone again. If I had looked after myself with early nights and in other ways, I may not have been in such conflict with myself. I have found since that I am a lot calmer within when I am looking after myself. I can feel how still I am within myself and alone or not I am never searching to escape. I am finding that I feel fully engaged in the present moment and that is lovely.
Anne, I can easily relate to what you have written. I still very much enjoy being on my own and enjoy the silence. The trouble is that I am not often in my stillness in those moments. I am slowly learning to deepen my connection to myself and as I accept myself more and more I am also starting to feel the stillness. What I have also discovered is that along the way, it is easier to be around people and to open up and let them in. True unity at work.
Absolutely beautiful blog, Anne.
Thank you Anne, reading this blog this morning ‘I have come to realize I was running away from reflections I did not like to see ; from parts of me I did not love, from behaviours that I did not want to look at, let alone change and had created a pattern of this. I am learning to stay connected through my stillness.
Thanks Anne. So timely reading your blog today as I have been pondering on how I cleverly avoid moments of stillness and connection as there are things I don’t want to feel or see about myself. I’ve come to realise if I don’t commit to doing these things I block my evolution and stay on the merry-go-round of existence, which means living a life without meaning and purpose. Time for me to choose differently.
I recognise much of what you have shared Anne. I’ve lived on my own since my twenties. I rarely feel lonely but know the comfort of being able to do things when and how you want, no one to constantly reflect back to you where you are with yourself. There’s also insularity and the potential to cut yourself off from the world. I too was a chameleon unable to hold myself in the presence of others, a shape shifter changing depending on who I was with. For two years, I’ve worked in a live-in role, it is 24/7 and almost become part of the family I live with. It’s been a revelation. Many beliefs I previously held about living with others have been dispelled. Instead of an uphill struggle, I’ve found an ease and enjoyment in being and relating to others. The potential to learn an grow has been huge through constant daily reflections I’m given. Most of all, I now can be wih others and be truly myself.
It is strange how the natural impulse to connect with oneself and with God through Stillness has become diverted into antisocial behaviour in our world. Whereas the truth, as you present it here, Anne, is that once that connection is made, it can remain while we are with others.
As I read your blog Anne and the comments I remembered how I used to love coming home after a busy day and close the front door and switch off and that would be my ‘me’ time. What I now realise. like you I was a chameleon trying to fit in with everyone around me during the day and really I was exhausted and needed the ‘me’ time to recharge my batteries so that I could do it all again the next day. What I have realised is how much this has changed – I no longer need to shut the door to be with me and I no longer come home tired and exhausted.
Thanks for your blog Anne! I also spend a lot of time planning for when I am going to be alone! And you’ve reflected to me that when we are with others we could be chopping and changing who we are like a chameleon to fit in and be liked by people. This is an old habit I find has many layers and it takes a daily commitment for me to truly be still and be myself with others. Because what I have noticed is that I have found it very easy to be at ease with myself, when no one is around (like you) and when I have come back to being alone after being with others or even when I’m with others I begin to feel that I’m uncomfortable and I dont feel that connection and easy-ness. It’s because I haven’t set a true quality with others, one that has the stillness that I feel with myself and then just accepting what I am with others when I am with them and being in that stillness.
“I used to think I had to be alone to be myself”. I used to think that too. Nowadays, thanks to the teachings of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine I have learned to be myself anywhere and anytime.
To be yourself in every situation is a blessing.
Hi Anne, I remember I used to go and have a bath because no-one could reach me there for some alone time so I related very much to your blog. Now I simply have to breath to be with me and no alone time is necessary. Great reminder.
Wonderful Anne. It’s this innate living stillness that helps us reflect on our lives and allows us to connect with others on a deeper level.
On re-reading this beautiful blog Anne these words really jumped out at me; “I felt like I was always trying to get away from people, even my adorable children”. I can remember those moments very clearly; the urgent need to be alone, to have my space so I could dive into some sort of comfort that served to distract me from what was happening in my life and would numb how I was truly feeling. My excuse was that I was tired, exhausted even, but I know now that I was actually missing me. These days if I ever start to feel like “running away”, I stop and allow myself to feel what is really going on at that moment, and then breathing very gently I slowly bring me back to me – the only place to be.
This is very powerful, especially “I have come to realise I was running away from reflections I did not like to see; from parts of me I did not love; from behaviours that I did not want to look at, let alone change”. This really resonates with me. Thank you Anne for writing this.
Everything in front of us is a reflection, I love that. It makes me feel humble and shows me how every moment is for me a moment to learn, to grow and to see what needs more acceptance and understanding.
I too have sought ‘alone’ time, yet it has been learning to build stillness into my life, that the need for this alone time has diminished, that I have more capacity to be with people and enjoy that connection as the stillness allows me to find that connection with myself at any given time. This has transformed my life.
Thank you Anne, just the picture of being such a chameleon, and having to change with every different person one’s with, is a great image, as so many people will relate to this. People’s voices change, the way they even look, certainly their energy changes according to who they are with. And this takes so much energy, that to truly know ourselves, and to be ourselves at all times, is amazingly liberating.
I agree Chris, It takes so much energy and being a chameleon is just exhausting!
I totally agree, cjames2012: the chameleon lifestyle is completely exhausting and enervating.
Thank you Anne. I hadn’t really given this a lot of thought but I can definitely see I have craved ‘alone time’ throughout my life. I even cut myself off from my family as a child and teenager – losing myself in books so deeply that I would not hear a word that was said to me. Now I can feel that often I am not even there for myself. When I neglect my connection with me it also affects my ability to connect with others.
Beautiful insights and words Anne, connection is everything and the path back to our true selves, and so to the stillness God is, and that we are.
This is lovely Anne. I can see a lot of behaviour patterns in what you describe here that I have also used to keep people away.
Beautiful Anne, I too have often craved that ‘alone time’ just with me – it felt like the only place that I could totally just let go and not try to be anything for anyone. As I am learning to be more myself, and not what I think others want me to be, I feel I need this ‘alone time’ less and less – because if I am just being myself, all the time is ‘me time’!
A great read Anne and the comments have touched me to ponder when I feel the need to be alone I need to look at where I have lost connection with myself. Thank you.
YUM – I love this Anne Malatt – in stillness we are.
I totally relate to this Anne.. I too was a completely different person with each of my friends and would separate my time with them. I used to think I needed to do that to connect at ‘their’ level but all I was doing was dropping or lifting myself to fit in and be liked. This meant none of them got the real and true me because I believed that stillness was only possible whilst alone or with an intimate partner… so that was the only time I experienced it. I now know that whilst having time alone is important it is equally important to bring that consistency and stillness to all that we do and ALL whom we spend time with.
I can relate to the wanting to be alone and loving my own company, yet, I have also found that I love having people around too. It seems that when you find a balance in yourself that allows you to remain not disturbed whilst with everyone then being with others doesn’t feel like a hard thing. Cause then you’re with yourself (even though around others) and won’t need to feel like you have to be alone to be with yourself.
Anne this is a beautiful reflection of aloneness. Something precious to take into my day. Thank you.
…In stillness, but never alone. Lovely words.
I can really relate to wanting to get away from people and be alone to not feel the hurts that come up. As a sensitive person I had no idea of how to deal with the many things I felt inside, and I regarded people as being rough and insensitive, needy and imposing. I’m coming to realise that regardless of how others are or feel to me, I can choose to connect to my essence and theirs, and by being in conscious presence fully connected to me and my body, I can let go of all the energetic dross I feel and just focus on being with me.
We can often mistake the longing to reconnect to our innate stillness to needing time out to be alone, away from people, but as you so beautifully say Anne, when we choose to live in a way that honours the natural rhythm of our bodies, we reconnect to that stillness within. And we realise that this quality of stillness can be with us anywhere, with people or without, a quality that comes from us honouring our bodies and ourselves.
Beautifully expressed Katerina.
To bring that stillness and sense of self into a group of people feels so healing, Anne. I have longed for that aloneness when I am with a group of people all my life, and then soon afterwards, when I am alone, I have started to feel lonely. This shows the untruth of what I have been living. Now, however, as a student of Universal Medicine, there are many more times when I can feel the stillness in me and the room, through the connection with the divine inside myself, and therefore others, and then I am not longing to get away for some respite, but come away energised and feeling supported.
I can relate to the change you are describing, that feeling in the quiet with yourself, with god, in the stillness, and taking that into your day knowing you can just be yourself no matter who you are with or what you are doing.
I love this Anne. I spent much of my life always making sure I had ‘me’, alone time. Time by myself was much coveted and treasured. I now have a large family and many people staying with us on a regular basis. Any alone time is non-existent! I too have come to realise that it is about the quality of connection to myself, the stillness, that I was always craving. When I am connected to that I can be around people all the time and still have ‘me’ time. When I start craving alone time I know it is a moment for me to stop and look back to where I lost that connection.
Thanks Anne, I found this blog very healing. I too am now learning to open up my stillness and truth in the company of others and let go of the many chameleon faces I have used in the past. Being all of me in my stillness and presence instead of calibrating myself constantly to what I perceive others want. This in turn allows them to relax and be themselves too.
It is so true – when we are with people they do reflect things to us that maybe we don’t want to see. No wonder we sometimes like to be alone!
I always felt I had to protect myself from all the rigours of life and people and the only way was to withdraw and be alone. Alone and feeling lonely, because I did not really connect when I was with people. So either way did not work!
I am learning to let people in and be with myself, as well as being alone and still letting people in…
Stilness is the source all from where that can happen.
Stilness and being connected.
I can recognise being a chameleon and fitting in with others to feel accepted and to keep everyone else happy. But that doesn’t work and I would still feel lonely even when I was with people and used to spend a lot of time avoiding people, craving that peace and quiet.
These days my mornings to myself, getting up early so there is no rush are very precious to me and set me up for the day. There is more of a feeling of preparation for how the day will unfold and the situations and people I will meet.
Thank you Anne, this is a really beautiful blog, and time being still and alone so to speak is deeply scared, especially in those early hours, something I so love too. But what I also love as you do is people, this line “I have come to learn to let people in, to allow them to be part of my world, to share myself with them, to see what they have to show me, ” feels beautiful, and I can often feel how when I stress and rush I don’t allow time and space for this connection and reflection from and with other people,( it’s a good way to guard and hide) … ultimately letting them in and letting them see me in full too.
As this blog unfolds with more and more comments, what surprises me is how many other people feel the same way we did, Anne – needing to be alone away from the noise and bustle in order to be ourselves. Thank Heaven for Serge Benhayon and a new way to be!
I second that Dianne, Thank Heaven for Serge Benhayon and a new way to be.
Thank you Anne. I can really relate to what you have expressed here. All of the early part of my life I loved being alone and could only spend a short amount of time with people before I wanted to get away. I’ve come to realise that this was because I wasn’t staying with myself and felt needed to get away to come back to me. When I maintain being with me, I can be with people for hours and I don’t feel drained. This is still a work in progress for me, but I now love being with people more and more every single day.
As a single mother myself. I can totally relate to this Anne. Every women who mothers small children that I talk to always wants space, time to be with themselves to recoup and take stock, have a bath on their own, even relax or get on without interruption. If we’ve set it up this way, are we merely looking for an escape, a relief at the end of the day as you suggest because we’re running away from the reflections we do not like and behaviours we do not want to look at or even the full responsibility of parenting i.e. we want to parent the bits we want but not the tense parts when our children lose it and we then join them. I know I was. Rush through bedtime so I could be on my own and finally make it about me. It’s of course important to carve out a little alone time to take care and nurture but what if a little space each morning to carry us through the day was enough and the rest of the day that space was always there, deep within us, where we could always choose to be and honour ourselves even when we’re with others? Would we still need that escape or could that stillness be that space, a place with which to feel how lovely we are, listen to what we feel is needed, to connect to the all and enjoy it no matter what is going on around us? Would that in turn not then be a magical reflection for everyone around us? Without perfection, this is my ongoing practice. I often still get to the end of the day and breathe a sigh of relief, noting it was full on but at least now I look at how I was being and why I allowed myself to get so caught up rather than just observing the chaos, so next time I might choose to do it differently.
I can so relate to what you have shared Anne. I have spent my life wanting to always get away from people so I can be on my own – and yes, making sure relationships failed too. I always look forward to that moment of stillness I can have with myself when the day stops, but slowly I am learning to bring this stillness with me into my day and be myself with others instead of the chameleon that bends to fit in with everyone else. I also love my early mornings. The time I can spend with myself before the day starts is a real preparation for how I can continue my day.
Absolutely beautiful Anne, thank you! I agree we are never alone and at times when I feel like I am alone this is a real sign for me to come back and reconnect to me by breathing in gently and bringing my presence back to my body. When we are connected to ourselves we feel a connection with all.
Yes, I have felt lonely so many times in my life, and now I do see the difference as I can be alone and still want to be in relationship, but when I am present, as you say, in my body, and enjoy that connection, there is less need, or no need sometimes. This is probably the biggest learning of my life, taking responsibility for me in those moments, and what quality I want in my life, whether I am alone or not.
I can relate to the running away Anne, I did this all the time, now I am learning to deal with what is being presented to me by life either by what hurts inside or from what is being reflected to me, the more I stay connected to myself the more I deal with this as it happens.
I am so in love with what you have written and discovered about yourself here Anne. I love being me and people love me for that; yet I often doubt myself and calibrate to comfort. I can be myself and be with my stillness anywhere; work, home, family occasions etc.. As you say, that time of early morning is so important as it lays the foundation for the day ahead. Thank you, I will read this more than once 😉
Thank you Anne for writing this blog because I was exactly the same as you and it is nice to know I wasn’t alone in this (pun intended). I have come to feel and experience how being with people is a blessing – for me and for them – because by nature we are a social bunch. I also appreciate the quiet moments I have just with myself as well. I feel the balance in both now rather than the crazy unending quest for ‘alone time’ that I once had.
Allowing the learning and the reflections that come from being with others, has been a slow unfolding but totally worth it. I now feel my love for people is held deep within me and I really enjoy people’s company now – in fact, I look forward to it.
Yes Anne, I agree with Robyn, such a joy to read your sharing here. Your line here Robyn, “I feel the balance in both now rather than the crazy unending quest for ‘alone time’ that I once had.” So many times my head would judge the thing I was present with and wish to be doing/being somewhere else. Now when I catch myself going there, I gently remind myself, that’s not necessary, breathe you, then the energy totally changes in that moment. And as you say, you really do start to enjoy people’s company, as we are naturally drawn to each other when we allow and bring our true loving nature to them.
“…we are naturally drawn to each other…” This is so true. And by allowing the quest for ‘alone time’, for separation, we are in fact going against our true nature. I have only rediscovered this naturalness of being with others since being a part of Universal Medicine, as I used to think that I had to keep people at a distance in order to have some down time. It is certainly the example I was shown growing up from all those around me. It feels great now to have time by myself without the feeling of having to ‘get away’.
This is inspiring to read Anne. ‘Running away from parts of me I did not Love’ – particularly resonates. Thankyou for sharing this.
Wow, Anne, I can relate to so much in what you have written that it is like you have written my biography! It has been an eye opener. There is lots for me to reflect on further, especially your comments around the connection between wanting to be alone so as to avoid looking at parts of myself that I haven’t accepted. A sincere thanks.
Like you Anne I used to panic if I did not have my ‘alone’ time, where no-one could ‘get’ to me or ‘at’ me. I just wanted to separate myself from the noise, the demands of my life. In fact sitting under a boddhi tree for years on end sounded good to me. I find now that I rarely crave ‘me’ time and it is only at times when I haven’t been being myself that I feel that old craving. Now, I actually like being myself, I can be still even when there is lots of action happening around me. Thank you for your honesty.
I too can relate to what you have shared. When I stay with me and don’t make those around me comfortable I enjoy spending time with others and am amazed by how this changes the relationship.
How great it is to discover and feel stillness so that we no longer feel lonely.
‘Having finally learnt to go to bed early and rise early, I found what I had always been searching for – a moment of aloneness, silence, stillness, to be with myself, to deeply connect with myself and with God.’ When I wake up I will remember this line and I know this will deepen the connection with myself and God in the early hours. Instead of what I can do now, already starting my day with thoughts about what I have to do and achieve.
This is so clearly and beautifully expressed Anne, I particularly related when you said,
“I have come to realise I was running away from reflections I did not like to see; from parts of me I did not love; from behaviours that I did not want to look at, let alone change.’
This is something I have been very aware of lately and am still in the process of understanding how these behaviours relate to parts of me I do not love. Thank you for such a clear account of your own experience.
I love what you have written Anne. I can relate to rushing through the day to get to the end so I could have some time on my own especially when my children were very young. I would look forward to them being in bed so although I was already very tired I could sit up and have a few hours alone but not really as I would get absorbed in some T.V. show and sometimes end up going to bed quite late. What a difference now that I choose to go to bed early and am ready to get up early having time to enjoy the early morning with no rushing. I also “have come to realise that I do not have to be alone to be myself, to be still”
Very beautiful Anne. You have offered huge insight for me here. I too always wanted to be alone and I realise now that it was because when I was, I was free to be myself. When I was calibrating myself with every person I was with, I didn’t enjoy it and so preferred to be alone. As I learn to do this less and less and bring all of me to everyone equally, I no longer crave time on my own. In fact, I now enjoy being with people which is something even 2 years ago I never would have thought possible!
With this blog you show that your awareness is growing, and I can learn about myself and how I live because of that. It really helps me to read it, because I realize how I avoid places to not meet certain people, or i don´t avoid them but still get anxious in advance about the reflections I think I am going to get from them. “Everything I see is there for a reason, to observe and learn from it.” Sometimes the hardest but biggest lessons come from those reflections that we don´t like, that we don´t want to face, that we don´t want to see or feel, let alone change, as you say. Thank you Anne, I love your writing, so natural (no artificial flavourings) and yet so deep.
I too can so relate to your blog Anne. I spent a good part of my life hiding away from the world thinking that that would shield me from anything horrible, like, if I didn’t know about it, I was okay, but in that, as you say, there are no reflections.
It is so draining on the body to hold onto that resistance, so much better to let go, get out there and experience real life. I am learning to really love being with myself and feeling my loveliness and getting out there and sharing that with others.
Thank you Anne. I loved this line ‘I have come to realise that I do not have to be alone to be with myself, to be still.’ I realised when reading it, the endless ways I used to have to escape and be alone. At the time I thought it was a great coping mechanism for being a single parent but all it did was leave me feeling disconnected and exhausted. How lovely it is to no longer need to run away from people and escape life and to instead return home to the stillness within me.
There is a lot in these words to learn from I feel. I too have gone throughout life trying to distance myself from others to avoid seeing what I have been trying to bury within me. But as I have learnt if I avoid others I miss out on seeing the love and joy that comes from my role models and I miss out on feeling that same love and joy within myself. If I avoid seeing and feeling myself then that’s where it all starts, to reject myself is to reject all others. Thank you Anne for sharing that if we choose to put in the effort and work to BE with ourselves and not DO, to ‘be’ opens us up to so much more than just the game (and ensuing chaos) of trying to be.
Wow Leigh, thank you for this deep wisdom to ponder. That was precisely the hint I needed tonight.
You made my day :o)
Thank you Anne I am still working on this letting people in and allowing myself to connect to Stillness, something I fight at times, but absolutely love – it doesn’t make sense. There is no other place I would rather be, than connected to myself, stillness and with God. This line really stood out for me – “in stillness, but never alone.”
“a moment of aloneness, silence, stillness, to be with myself, to deeply connect with myself and with God” I love this sentence and can relate to it , Thank you Anne.
Awesome blog Anne. The always calibrating who I am rang a huge bell for me. I have found it easier to be alone as well for the reasons you mentioned…It wasn’t until I started to become more comfortable with myself that I found being with people and being alone can be the same.
“I used to think I had to be alone to be myself.” Anne, that sure used to be true for me too. My reasons for seeking solitude were different from yours, but the outcome and the ‘cure’ were the same. Isn’t it wonderful that by letting people in and living self-lovingly, we actually get all we ever wanted (including some lovely silent, still time with self) and yet even more?
wow this is really beautiful Anne. I am struggling at the moment to be around people because of what happens to me. I too change and mould and adapt to suit them and this is super draining. I am calling for some space and time for me at the moment and in doing so am finding an inner stillness that does allow me to ponder and deeply reflect and inspire me to go back out into the world and be around people again. I am still very tired at the end of my days and still looking to have ‘alone time’ quite a lot but the more I ask for space in my life where I can do this the more quality connection I get with myself and then the more I want to be in the world again. Its a very lovely cycle thats happening, A very timely article indeed.
I can so relate to your experience Ann. I too chose to hide away on my own to allow myself space to be me. I used to hanker for the end of the day so I could return to my comfortable bubble. Finding stillness and presence has changes all that, for now I, like you, can hold my presence with others and don’t long to escape to my own little world. Like you I still love my time alone – alone but not lonely and isolated, alone but still connected with the world.
I realise that all my life I learnt to be the chameleon depending who I was with and in what role I chose to play. I calibrated my light to fit in and be accepted, or recognised.
I also longed to be alone at the end of the day so I could be myself. But I can feel how this pattern of behaviour left me disconnected from me and God, and exhausted from giving my power away to others.
Thanks to Serge Benhayon and Universal medicine I have now learnt to connect to my stillness and bring all of me to every person and every situation. A work in progress. Very empowering.
Most of my life I felt I had to be alone to be with me. Universal Medicine supports me to align to my inner stillness and as I do so more I find I can be with others and still be with me rather than going into a reaction.
Thanks Anne I could so relate to every word, had a little laugh about “.. . just doing what I had to do to get through the day, so I could be with myself at the end. I felt like I was always trying to get away from people, even my adorable children”… as this was my main ambition each day when I was a mother of four young children… had to have at least a couple of hours to myself after all the children had gone to bed or the guests had left . If I had only known then that it is not about escaping but more about connecting. Now I too go to bed early and love the time in the early morning to connect and start my day in the stillness of that connection with no need to escape from anything or anyone that presents in my day. All thanks to the teachings of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
“Not about escaping but more about connecting” – love this.
It is so simple Jen, and yet if we do not make life about connection simplicity goes out the window and complications come right in.
So true Kathleen. As a mother I can relate to this. I couldn’t be with me until everything was done and my son was in bed. But then I was so exhausted. I had no awareness that I was so exhausted because I had spent the day in disconnection.
It is all so ironic Nikki, the set ups we find ourselves repeating. It’s a bit like a dog chasing it’s own tail.
The only way to see what is truly going on is to come to a full stop and reconnect to our self, our body, our breath.
So beautifully written Anne…especially the last line…”From that connection, that living stillness, that love that I am and that we all are, I can move through my day with grace – in stillness, but never alone.” I too am learning that we are never really alone and how divine that truly is.
Observing, realising and learning is a blessing. Coming to terms with the fact that learning from the reflections we don’t like is just as important to our unfoldment as the reflections we do like (if not perhaps even more so), has helped me a lot to observe more and react less.
I love this David – “…helped me a lot to observe more and react less.” I can relate to this too, thank you for sharing.
Thank you David, I am finding this, as I observe and understand what is being reflected to me I am reacting less.
I used to love being alone – waiting for that time to breathe my own breath, so to speak. I was never bored, it was the best time. But I was just pushing others away and selfishly keeping myself to myself. Now I have the joy of being able to connect and be with others in a new way – being and sharing – and allowing them to feel and be with the love and grace in me.
I love this development as I open more and more . . . an ongoing opening up to humanity.
I love the simple way you explain that running away from others was really about running away from yourself, from the self-loathing that you didn’t want to look at. I can recognise this pattern in my life too and have so much more energy and vitality now that I’ve stopped running. Connecting back to the essence of who I am and to God, dealing with the self-loathing, and coming to know the stillness that’s in me does mean each day is now lived in a completely different rhythm, one that includes joyful interactions with many people.
Anne I think what you have described is common to most. Few would say that they are the same person at work as they are at home, which begs the question who are we being ? Literally who are we being ? The marvelous thing about returning to the real you is that it feels so glorious that you never choose to not be the real you, regardless of where you are or who you’re with. When someone is being their real self then that inspires others to be their real selves also and together we evolve x
Thanks for your blog Anne, I can very much relate to it. Being the chameleon is something that I too can relate to and am very much exploring the pockets that I still do this. I love being alone at times and love being with people equally. My challenge is how to just be me, like how I am when I am alone but be this same person when I am with others, unwavering and unchanging no matter how they take me.
I can relate to a lot in your blog Anne. I am now learning to deepen my relationship with self. “I have come to realize I was running away from reflections I did not like to see, from parts of me I did not love, from behaviours I did not want to look at, let alone change.”
This is so timely for me Anne, what you have presented that we do not need to be alone to connect to our stillness, that through developing a loving rhythm we can create a space for ourselves and bring this with us throughout our day. Thank you for your sharing.
Thanks Anne! I totally relate to this. I’ve always been a bit of a loner…but with lots of friends. Always feeling like if I’m on my own then nothing will be expected of me and I can just get on with whatever I want to do. In the past I was also very adaptable….tweaking my performance to match that of another’s so that I wouldn’t stand out too much….keeping it comfortable but not very real.
I’m so much more me now. I never completely left me, and I feel comfortable saying that whilst I tried to be a bit of a chameleon, there was always a very strong part of who I truly was present, which I believe is probably the real reason people liked me and not because of the part where I tried to be something I wasn’t.
I loved your article Anne. It resonated deeply with me as I grew up being a chameleon myself, using it as tool for protection against being hurt. I suppose the skewed logic was if you reject me when I’m not being myself then it won’t hurt as much because it’s not really me. Crazy really, because in-truth I was just rejecting myself. As I develop and deepen my connection with myself and holding that with others, it has been lovely to realise that not only do I enjoy people again and not want to run away and hide, but I enjoy who I am with them.
Stillness within can always be with us, whether we are with others or alone – but I certainly did not know this a few years ago and also used to relish being on my own to get a break from pleasing all and sundry.
I wholeheartedly agree Anne. I spent my life hiding from people and shutting them away. To open up and let people in and to feel the grace of my connection to stillness and to God with me, is so very beautiful.
I love it when you write “a moment of aloneness, silence, stillness, to be with myself, to deeply connect with myself and with God” – it reminds me that it is in stillness that we get to meet God, and what a great place it is!
Anne, I too always thought I had to be alone to be myself, but since attending Universal Medicine presentations, I have started to realise that I can be myself in what ever situation I am in. When I am in connection with my inner heart I now know. I am never alone, whether I am on my own or in company.
We can carry a moment of stillness in the morning with us throughout the entire day. Thank you for sharing this Anne.
Thank you Anne, what you have written is so true. When our children were young I was always bemoaning that I had lost sight of who I was as there was no time for me. This continued until like you I “finally learnt to go to bed early and rise early, I found what I had always been searching for – a moment of aloneness, silence, stillness, to be with myself, to deeply connect with myself and with God.” I am learning that when
I am most alone is when I am too busy but when I am still there is no feeling of being alone as I am with me and with God.
I have come to “agree with you”
Anne I could feel the love that you are oozing out of that blog. It was beautiful to read and filled me with love. I can feel how I live in a way you explained but you have shown me how much love there is in choosing another way. Thank you.
Reading this reminded me of a really exposing time when I went out with work friends and friends at the same time years ago, it was really awkward and exposed how much I wanted to please everyone or was different depending on who I was with, very uncomfortable and never happened again! But the reason it was uncomfortable was because I was not being honest with myself and letting myself just be me. Thankfully I have learned this now … although forever learning more : )
“When I was with others, I was always trying to fit in with them, calibrating myself to them, measuring myself to make sure they (and I) were comfortable.
I was an expert at this, but it could get confusing. I was such a chameleon that I could not be with more than one of my friends at a time, for I was a completely different person with each one of them!”
Anne, this is a very interesting blog, I had never fully considered that I might run away from building relationships as they brought reflections to me that I don’t want to see or address. Being around people is a great measure of how we are, and I can certainly feel the difference in whether I react or observe the behaviour of other people, this always relates to how well I have been looking after myself. The more care I have for me the less I am affected by others and the more I want to be in the company of people.
You write so beautifully Anne, and the your closing words about ‘moving through the day with grace, in stillness’ resonates deeply with the truth I know.
Anne thank you for your beautiful blog. I always thought I wanted more time alone but a few years ago I went into a black hole and found that the one thing I was afraid of was being alone. As I have healed with the help of Universal Medicine Practitioners, family and friends I now feel that a healthy balance of both time alone and the company of others is great. I agree with you when you say we can connect to ourselves anywhere and how lovely is that .
Anne I can relate to desperately wanting some time for me and feeling that I needed to be alone to have this. Its quite revealing for me to be in the middle of a “busy” day and to be able to connect back to myself and feel the fullness of me even with heaps of people around me. I now spend less time wishing for “me” time and appreciating me in all that I do – it is a work in progress!
I love the way reading a blog brings connection with self, with the person writing it and with all others. I am remembering how I always felt taken for granted and just longed for the day when I would finally have only myself to look after. I came to realise that it was the connection to me that was missing and I was the only one that could change that. Living from that connection with all others is a beautiful thing which I am still working on. Thank you Anne for the invitation to go deeper in that understanding.
Lovely reflection Anne. I have always enjoyed being alone although at these times I never actually feel alone or lonely. I use to spend a lot of time, days and weeks even at time in silent meditation and on retreat with the belief that the more time I spent alone, the more I would be able to connect with my inner essence. In fact it was the opposite it actually lead to disconnection and a life of renunciation. It is funny how we can equate time with the quality of connection but in truth it only takes a moment to re-connect and we can choose this at any moment. Then as you beautifully say, “From that connection, that living stillness, that love that I am and that we all are, I can move through my day with grace – in stillness, but never alone.”
I could not agree more. The only thing retreating from the world teaches us is that our issues do not leave us when we are alone. We take them with us wherever we go, and therefore they are independent of what happens outside of us. So often we think if the world changed, or if people changed, that we would then be OK. But we actually have the ability to be still amongst the chaos. We have the ability to be free whilst others around us are in chains of their own making. We have the ability to be joyous when others are miserable, and that is an extremely profound experience to have.
Beautifully said Adam and a timely read for me as I am even more discovering that I can be myself in this world whatever goes on around me. That indeed staying inside my house does not make my issues of not wanting to stand out in this world go away.
So well said Adam. I used to blame others for everything and focus on how messed up the world was. It was all of the external things that needed to change in order for me to feel ok. Now that I am taking more responsibility for myself and connecting with me, I am no longer in the constant turmoil that I took with me everywhere but steady within myself and accessing my stillness more and more.
Wonderfully said Anne. When we deeply connect with ourselves early morning, connect to that innate stillness, we can be with everybody during the day and let them all in. For me it feels like embracing them all with that stillness. I can clearly feel the difference between a day which started with that deep connection with stillness or not. It is like me being with me or not. The need to be alone is purely because I deserted me in the first place with the only option to adapt to others. I have learnt that when the latter happens, I stop, feel and re-connect again to that stillness. Then it doesn’t matter where and with whom I am. In fact I am with me ánd me being reflected back to me.
A very clear, concise and powerful blog. Reading this blog this morning has been very timely and supportive for me. Thank you.
Thank you Anne Malatt for sharing your revelation. A timely article as I too experienced the exact same thing you are talking about here also recently, I now understand more why. “From that connection… I can move through my day with grace – in stillness, but never alone.” Deeply beautiful, as it shows that there is another way we can have a relationship with life and people, rather than hiding from reflections.
I used to dislike being alone. It would bring a sense of loneliness and sadness up for me to feel. I would distract myself with doing so I wouldn’t feel it. I have also found myself in company of friends sometimes who seem to bring out qualities in me that I didn’t realise I had. Each person would reflect back to me what I am voiding in myself and also what I am holding in. I have found every interaction gives me a moment to reflect on how I was with each person. Was I truly being me? When I am honest this allows me to learn and grow from each experience. Now when I am alone I no longer feel lonely or sadness. I don’t have the need to have to be alone or with other people when I am with myself every moment.
Its when I was with friends that I felt most alone, as they reflected things I didn’t want to either see, or be. Now I too can learn from each experience, and look at any issues raised for me which need addressing, but allow others to be, without judgement.
It’s nice to read about the other side of the coin Chan of what being alone can be for someone. And how being with people reflects back to us things that are happening within us but also an opportunity to reflect on how we interact.
Two things stand out here Anne – a) Your closing words because they are so poignant and true and b) your wisdom, strength and understanding in not running away but choosing instead to see completely what the learning is in difficult situations. There is much I can learn from this.
I can very much relate to your words. When I had met people for some hours I would take 2 – 3 days and be alone as much as possible to come back to what I called at the time ME, but that was just a more relaxed version as I could let go of the tension I had gone in when being alone. Today meeting people activates the purpose of truly being me when I am with them. It is a different life.
This is a beautiful reflection Anne. Thankyou for deciding to share yourself with us all – too good a secret to keep.
“I can move through the day with grace and stillness – but never alone” . That is so beautifully expressed Anne, a reflection of your connection with God. What a lovely place to live.
Hi Anne thanks for your honest sharing, in truth we are never alone. Seeking to be alone or seeking company is attempting to manipulate and control rather than being aware of what we are feeling or what is being offered in truth.
Love this Anne – exquisite and so very true about aloneness and being truly still – and yes, we are never alone…
I also calibrated always to have everybody feel comfortable. I was always the entertainer, and in that way I had control over every situation. Since I stopped doing that, some of my old friends complained that I became a bit’ boring’. A good sign,it means I don’t calibrate.
I also don’t get invited to all the parties anymore…..
No problem, I anyway go to bed early!
Anne I felt so connected to you while reading your beautiful blog. I spent many, many years hiding myself away from others and not letting people in. But I am learning to embrace myself more and by doing this I am able to let people in. It’s a wonderful feeling.
So simple, so beautiful Anne. I have switched between wanting to be alone when super busy and in drive, lots going on, to being alone and craving company, so feeling both ends of the spectrum. What is really interesting on reflection, is that at both these polar opposites, I have not felt connected to me, because at both these ends of the spectrum, i was always seeking something, from others, or when alone, hiding/protecting myself. It wasn’t about connecting with me, connecting with stillness. Which i have now learned is the most important aspect of being with me, when i am with me i do not feel alone.
Anne; how beautifully you have expressed the vast difference between Stillness and Aloneness. I too always craved being alone, but I have come to realise that I didn’t actually want to be alone, I was simply searching for the stillness, everywhere but where it actually was – within me, whether I was alone, or not.
“I have come to learn to let people in” – this really resonated with me Anne. It was only when I actually started to ‘let people in’ that I got to truly feel how much I’d been keeping everyone out, keeping my distance. It’s taken me a long time but I’m loving the results.
Anne I can so relate to what you write about being alone> I used to be busy with all sorts of things not giving myself time to really meet people and avoiding to connect with the stillness in me. This made me feeling myself alone, not being part of any group or community, disconnected from the real life.
But in real life I am never alone. I am always in relation with everybody around me and myself.
Now as I am also learning to let people in I can clearly see that I am always in relation with people including myself. This relation with myself brings me to the stillness in me, where I always can resort to, even when I have interaction with other people.
The challenge is to be totally ourselves all of the time, no matter who we are with. Since attending the presentations by Serge Benhayon and learning to simply be myself I have been able to do that more and more, that is stand in my own shoes so to speak no matter whom I am with.
The being alone trap, it’s funny really. All I ever used to say was leave me alone or I want to be alone when in actual fact I was screaming from within, eventually I listened
Life is so much simpler if I can just stay with myself and just be me. I have been self employed for years and work on my own much of the time so alone time is never a problem, its when I encounter other people that I sometimes struggle to stay with myself and not be affected by the energy that is around me.
This is a really powerful blog, it spoke to my heart – thinking we need to be alone is just a cry out for the stillness – our innate quality – to then share that with another is the most beautiful thing.
Being alone is something I am familiar, comfortable with. Only since I stopped watching TV have I realised just how much that, like Anne, being alone was all about escaping from feeling. From feeling the reflection that others offered me, be it something to accept or something to learn, it was just easier to be alone. It gave me a false sense of being safe, no one could hurt me. Being alone now is not about escaping or being ‘safe’, and connecting with others, sharing our experiences is the way we evolve. Beautiful.
The gift of space and time to be yourself. We seek it via recognition for what we do, we seek it from others, in books, entertainment, self-help courses, womens /mens magazines and so on. Ironically the gift was there inside us the whole time waiting to come out if only we’d let it. No need to be all things to all people – just be all of who you are.
Thank you Anne for a great blog. Letting EVERYBODY in is work in progress for me as I am developing a deeper love and acceptance for myself.
Re-reading this blog brought an understanding to my past behaviours of thinking how I needed to be alone but actually I can feel it was the stillness and connection to God I was craving – “a moment of aloneness, silence, stillness, to be with myself, to deeply connect with myself and with God.” This is when I feel the least alone but I am learning I do not have to be on my own to feel these moments. Thank you Anne.
‘I can move through my day with grace – in stillness, but never alone.’ If only this was taught. I have met so many people who say they can’t leave a situation because they couldn’t make it alone.
Interesting topics ‘stillness’ and ‘aloneness’. Reading your article reminded me of how I used to feel about ‘aloneness’. I have enjoyed my own company but often sought others to attempt to stop the feeling of being lonely that I sometimes felt, this was a dark shadow of a feeling I carried with me for years. Reconnecting with the ‘stillness’ that you mention in your article and feeling that I am never alone has been profound for me. I find support and connection within myself and so I can never feel alone.
What I have found Anne is that I feel more ‘alone’ when I am not with myself, which may sound completely the wrong way round. But to connect with myself and with God in that still and silent way you describe, is when I feel the least alone.
I agree Rosanna, I never feel alone with God and the stillness of my presence.
I can definitely relate to everything you say Anne, the measuring, the calibrating, especially the chameleon, but I had never connected to it being why I could be only be with 1 friend at a time but that makes total sense. I had presented a slightly different picture of me to each friend and was then unsure how to be with them if they were both together. Confusing for me and confusing for them.
I used to be very much the same. I loved being on my own, quite often to indulge in my thoughts which were not always healthy. The pleasure I got from that is nothing if compared to the very rewarding feeling of letting people in. Not just getting on with them, but truly being present with them. And in any case, we are never alone, even if we think we are. We are sharing a planet with 7 billion other people. I do feel though that time on my own nowadays is a great opportunity to catch up with myself. Reset the stillness button and repose in self-care. Then with cobwebs cleaned and batteries charged, I can go out to the world and unleash the amazingness that is me!
Great to re-read this Anne, and feel more of what you share. I notice how much i want to fit in, to not stand out and how I can compromise myself when I do this – learning to let this go and your blog reminds me that it’s being me that is my main job, and well being liked is not for me to decide, it’s for the other, but if I don’t present me, really what are they liking.
Wow, what you have described is so similar to what I used to also feel – that to feel connected and with God I needed to be alone. Though I always still treasure these moments I now know thanks to Universal Medicine it is possible anywhere.
Thank you Anne. I can see so much of myself in your article. Keeping myself and everyone else out is a very lonely place to be. Choosing stillness to reconnect to me and to God allows the light and love to flow back into me with the joy of sharing this with others.
Great blog Anne, and so opportune. I’ve spent a lot of my life alone and yet I love people, but on my terms and in my way, and I’ve not always been willing to truly show them me, all of it, messy bits and all. So I too became a chameleon and, well, it got confusing and stressful and didn’t help my anxiety. I’m learning now to be more me and to deepen my relationship with me and then I find it so much easier to be with others. Your comment on wanting to be alone to avoid the reflections others bring stopped me a little to consider the people I currently avoid or feel uncomfortable with – what is it that I’m failing to see in that reflection, something to look at, and play with. Thank you.
Gosh the title of your article really made me aware of how much I have changed and what stillness really is because I now know that stillness is allowing me to let myself be, to feel all that I know I am with no trying or effort. It is the complete opposite to being alone because with stillness I am connected to me so can never be alone. When I was alone it shows how I was in emptyness, numbness not wanting to feel me or life that goes on around me.
Lovely sharing Vicky, so true, we’re never alone when we’re truly still. It’s like that space Anne described in her early mornings when she’s with herself and God is there.
I can relate to this blog Anne. In the past I have often changed myself to fit in with others and get them to like me (and then got upset and disappointed and felt lonely when they did not understand me!). Through being more honest and deepening my relationship with myself I have grown more confident in just being myself with others and interestingly they prefer it anyway!
Great article, Anne. Your observation, “I have come to realise I was running away from reflections I did not like to see” is so profound. As you share, by not ‘running away’ it can be life changing.
This is a lovely blog Anne and there is a lot I can relate to. Avoiding people so as not to look at my own baggage and what a waste of time that is. I have turned that around as I now work full time and am more social than I have ever been in my entire life, no longer avoiding people.
This is beautiful Anne and sounds very familiar to me. I too did the chameleon thing and got quite lost with it. So lovely to explore, expose and express more of the truth of who I am without trying to fit into anybody’s expectations or any expectations I have set up for myself.
Great point Beverley, about those expectations we set ourselves – chameleon for our own sake, this means we would definitely get no space to simply be ourselves.
A great sharing Anne, I too have sought isolation rather than engaging with humanity and life. So much time wasted because like you it wasn’t what I was really looking for. Thanks to the teachings of Universal Medicine I discovered that it was the real me that I was really looking for, but I had lost the awareness of its existence.
Dear Anne. What a great article. Growing up I sought to be alone so I could get away from my family because this is what I thought I had to do to have a chance at knowing who I was. It wasn’t the best plan because the people around me were reflections for me to acknowledge in myself and heal.
What ‘I was running away from was reflections I did not like to see.’ Being alone but still being with these ‘parts of me I did not love’ was as bad because it confirmed to me that I could not run.
But being with people was tricky too. I felt I needed to have a short time span with people before my facade would crumble and I’d reveal those parts I chose not to deal with or accept.
Thanks to the practitioners at Universal Medicine who have supported me to deal with reflections that have challenged me with honesty and acceptance of myself and others, I am slowly beginning to appreciate being me whether I’m with people or not.
Thank you Anne for a beautiful sharing. I can relate to this throughout most of my life. However I have made changes within myself and this blog helps me appreciate these changes made.
Anne, your comment about wanting to have time for yourself to be still while having beautiful children in front of you definitely hit home for me. I realize now that I have done a similar thing, looking for time to connect with myself alone, instead of seeing that I can use the time playing with my daughter to connect in the same way, especially if I let go of preconceived notions about what “needs to get done” during the day.
I find it interesting to look at the reasons I have chosen to spend so much of my life alone, yet would always enjoy and sometime crave the company of others. There is a struggle with intimacy and allowing others to see me just as I am. It is a bit like wanting an off switch to life, measuring every interaction and not letting anything evolve more deeply and meaningfully. It is great to appreciate that this has been going on through reading this blog.
This is very insightful – I feel you’ve hit the nail on the head – part of wanting to be alone is wanting an off switch to life, and to the pressures and strains we feel.
Thank you Anne, I can relate to to living a life and being a chameleon. Someone years ago told me that ‘you can run away from your problems…but you can’t run away from your feet’… until you deal with it it is always there. My undealt-with issues are now a small in-box on my desk… it had been a large storage locker. I am now able to be more open with every one and it’s great.
I can relate to the chameleon thing too – it’s been great to be more aware of it (albeit a bit uncomfortable at times!), and to realise that I can be the true me with everyone.
It is so easy to compartmentalise everything in life so that we can “manage” and control it and remain in our comfort zone. I have often kept my friends apart from each other, thinking I couldn’t say yes to one coming to see me when another one was there. Eventually I began to see how ludicrous and rigid and protective this was. I was scared about how it would turn out. But gradually I have discovered how there is room for both if I connect with that still place inside and let things take their course. Then I can embrace both my friends and enjoy them meeting each other, and so we all benefit. Who am I to determine who will get on with who, or protect my relationship with each one? What arrogance — like playing God!
As a single mother and a bit of a chameleon myself, I can very much relate to your article. And I am finding that the consistency of being very real with myself when I am alone, has supported me immensely to stay true to myself when I am with other people, and especially with my children.
Thank you Anne for this beautiful, simple and inspiring blog. I can relate to all that you say here from being a chameleon, keeping myself away from others and since attending presentations by Serge Benhayon, being more open with others, enjoying the connections and learning from their reflections.
Like you share, I too have found that avoiding people has not brought the outcome I truly wanted – to be me. Only by letting people in, seeing the reflections they bring for what they are, a support, I have felt that I am more supported to be who I truly am.
So true leigh…this has been my experience also.
Hi Anne, there is such a stillness and, thanks Simon, a spaciousness in this blog. The part which hit me the most was where you talk about ‘running away from reflections I did not like to see; from parts of me I did not love; from behaviours that I did not want to look at, let alone change.’ because this resonated strongly with what I do sometimes and being honest with what the reflection is may not always be the first response. Thanks for the reminder.
It struck me too Judy, Its as if I’ve put all the stuff I don’t want to see in a box and shut the lid. In the past I would only open the box if I absolutely had to, but am finding that as I expand that spaciousness Simon wrote about, I am more able to lift that lid.
The other word that I have been playing with these last few weeks is spaciousness – it does not take much time, but makes a world of difference to how I feel and I don’t need to be alone to experience it.
I can very much relate to the chameleon ability or the decision to be one way with one set of people and another way with others. Reading this reminded me of my younger teenage years when I would find it excruciating to be on the phone to a friend and have my parents in the room at the same time – I just didn’t know which me to be!
I laughed when I read your reply Rosanna, that was me too, not knowing which me to be! I was such a chameleon and was certainly different when my Mother was around to hear my conversations with friends on the phone! Great blog Anne!
Great comment Rosanna, I know this one. When I was younger I would get stressed if I had two friends from different groups together. They each knew me differently and I honestly spent most of my time trying to ensure they got on and not really being sure who I was. And it was exhausting.
Yep – can totally relate to this one too! How much effort when we were younger did we put into different personas? It’s exhausting just thinking about it!
Thank you Anne, you have expressed all this so simply and beautifully, and really brought our attention in a gentle way to how we try to run away from the intimacy that opening up to others and welcoming their reflections for us brings,
This is so beautiful and profound, and you have presented it so simply on a topic I feel is so important. We all try to live alone, but in truth when we begin to let people in we really begin to realise what life is about.
Great blog Anne. I love how you share “Having finally learnt to go to bed early and rise early, I found what I had always been searching for – a moment of aloneness, silence, stillness, to be with myself, to deeply connect with myself and with God.”, I have experienced the same. So beautiful.
Wowie Anne, that’s just what I needed to read. Simple and very clear! Thank you
Truly beautiful Anne, thank you so much. I could feel that moment of morning stillness in your words. Love it.
This is such a beautifull blog, while I was reading what I felt was that even when I have been on my own I haven’t really let myself BE alone with me. I would still have issues, worries or anxiety in my body but this is now slowly starting to change for me.
This is so beautiful Anne, I really appreciate all that you offer here. The crux of it for me is that you never have to leave yourself. Being alone to be with yourself can just be a form of escapism as you described, yet when we make the choice to be with ourselves in every moment, making the choice to honour that may involve quiet time to yourself, yet it will be created from an honouring, not an escapism. That is the key.
Dear Anne, thank you so much for this. I can relate very much to working hard to get away from people and wanting ‘me time’ so that I could relax and ‘be myself’, but really just not wanting the reflections that being in relationship would bring. When I am honest with myself about my choices and how I have been living, I find I am now more open to being with others, as there is nothing I am trying to hide.
Thank you Anne, I can relate to much of what has been shared from how my life used to be but am now enjoying being with others more in life as I learn to keep feeling the stillness within no matter who I am with. It can sometimes be more challenging when I am with others but it just means there is something to learn.
Very inspirining Anne, I also could not be with different groups of friends or friends at the same time as I was a complete chameleon. However as I spent so much time like that – I also avoided alone time with me – because I didn’t know me, didn’t live me and didn’t like to feel how uncomfortable that felt. Today things are different and I am starting to enjoy more time just me – although its early days as I still find tv and Internet a big distraction!
I find waking early in the morning a great time to connect with myself. When I do this, I can take this connection with me out into my day. This particular sentence of yours I felt was very beautiful – ‘a moment of aloneness, silence, stillness, to be with myself, to deeply connect with myself and with God.’
Yes beautiful this this was a stand out sentence for me too.
What a beautiful blog. I relate to wanting to be alone to not face other reflections. Beautifully written. Thank you for sharing
I can relate to this too Rhiannon and I loved what Anne shared about ‘to see what they have to show me, so that I no longer have to run from them’. This is refreshing to read.
Anne I loved the simplicity and honesty of your blog, I could relate to being a chameleon and how confusing this was not only for myself but for everyone around me, so it always felt easier to be on my own. This last sentence is beautiful and such a lovely reminder, “From that connection, that living stillness, that love that I am and that we all are, I can move through my day with grace – in stillness, but never alone.” So true, thank you Anne.
Anne this is simply beautiful. I really relate to what you have written, changing the way I have been with different people to fit in , be liked and more, quite exhausting. As I work on connecting to my stillness I find I can just take me to meeting with another and it feels really lovely.
Anne this a lovely blog that I really feel a connection with. I also have worked on the stillness you talk about and it is absolutely divine, that connection with God. It is no fire works or party it is a choice to connect and be with that quality and as you say it is there the whole day if we so choose.
Hi Anne. I recognise this so well. I too used to only see one friend at a time because I was a different person with each one of them. I even dressed differently to see each friend! This was exhausting! It feels wonderful as I learn to simply be me, and be the same ‘me’ no matter who I am with. Work in progress but unfolding more and more…
Thank you Anne This really resonates with me. I too used to act as a chameleon to my different friends, always wanting to please. With the support of Universal Medicine I am reconnecting with that stillness already inside and with this stillness comes the strength to just be me with whoever I meet.
Yes this is so beautiful and so true…truly grace-full. Thank you Anne for sharing in this way.
Wow Anne – what you write here is really beautiful and so inspiring for me to read right now. It has become clear to me that I also need to go to bed earlier and I have run the pattern up until now of also believing that I can only be with myself when I’m alone. I love that you have seen that there are parts of you that you have been running away from when you have run away from others. I’d never seen it like that but will stay open now to doing so. Thank you Anne.
Thank you Anne a timely blog that resonates deeply with me. Only yesterday I was having a conversation about what I call the chameleon effect. I remember from a young age not wanting friends from different groups to mix as I would find it too stressful and exposing to have them all together in one place as I was such a different person with different friends. I can feel the tension and stress that this has produced in my body and the falseness and half measures of myself that I have presented to others. Stillness and connection to my body has greatly assisted me with this. When I connect to my stillness I am feeling the whole of me. From there I am learning to bring the whole of me to life.
I agree Anne-Marie, I can remember a time when I would really panic if lots of people I knew got together in one place. I can remember seeing my dad at the local shops and I didn’t know how to be with him outside of the family home.
Beautiful Blog Anne. ‘ In stillness, but never alone’ – how gorgeous is that!
I love this blog, thank you Anne, a lot of my life, I have avoided stillness, confusing it with loneliness. Now I love and embrace every moment I have with me and my stillness.
Loved your blog Anne. I had also for years calibrated to others and became a chameleon and would adapt myself to not be seen as different, Now, I love my stillness and truly being me, in a world for all to see.
Thank you Ann, powerful insights. I recognise all the steps you mention, I know the chameleon and callibrating myself to whoever is around so well, and I remember years of rushing back how from work or gatherings in order to get away and hide alone. It was never satisfying and the more I did this the less confident I felt.
I appreciate your reminder of the importance to let people in, to allow them to be part of my world, to share myself with them. And that what I see before me is there for me to observe and to learn from.
The ending of your article is beautiful : ” a moment of aloneness, silence, stillness, to be with myself, to deeply connect with myself and with God. From that connection, that living stillness, that love that I am and that we all are, I can move through my day with grace – in stillness, but never alone.”
I can really relate to this blog and the comments that have followed. A friend of mine has just texted me as I was reading this article. The text was simple, expressing how we spent time together watching a movie and how her children remember that. And now thinking about my friendships I realise how I have kept myself isolated because of the chameleon act and how exhausting it is.
Thank you Anne for a wonderful blog that reflected strongly to me. I too have calibrated myself to others and their ways and not been true to myself, only making choices that truly support me when on my own. It is so much healthier to make the choice to be around others and yet be in my own rhythm.
Really great awareness. I too used to look for moments of solitude for so long, to purely escape. There is no truth in that for me, only running away, shying away from me and what my soul is allowing me to see, what I am ready for. Appreciating a moment of stillness is a joyful and hugely expansive thing I find and I love how you reflect that for us all.
Thanks for highlighting that the need or longing for aloneness can be wanting to escape/run away. It feels that it has been that way for me. I feel safe and comfortable in solitude, yet really what I long for is stillness, and harmony in me when I am with others.
What you have written has put voice to a similar pattern in my life Anne. Thank you for sharing so honestly.
Yes, I completely agree with you Jane.
So simply beautiful, thank you.
I know that feeling so well of isolating myself… gorgeous to hear your blog, about the benefits of connecting with others, and yet still creating time for yourself to appreciate that too.
Hi Anne, I can relate to being a chameleon in the past. It was quite exhausting. I also did a similar thing as a mum when my children were small. The day was a 12 hour long rugby tackle, something to get through, so that I could flop out on my own in the evening. Now I actually engage with my day and I am more present with myself, so even when with people I can feel and connect to that stillness within me. Thank you for sharing.
What beautiful expression – I relate to so much of what Anne says about having wanted to be on her own. It has given me much to ponder.
Great post Anne, I also enjoyed my own company and spent many a year avoiding people and when I was with them calibrating to fit in. My ideal would have been to not work at all, live on my own and basically not have to deal with life. These days thanks to the presentations by Serge Benhayon, I am working full time (after 18 years of working part time here and there, plus retiring for five years), I do not and do not want to live on my own and whatever happens in my life, I have a different way of looking at it.
A great article. In the past when I was by myself I always felt lonely. Now I realise that we are never alone and when I am with myself I am with God and never lonely.
Beautifully said Anne. I had always enjoyed my own company because then you wouldn’t have to justify anything you did to anyone but I now realise, for me that was just a lack of confidence.
Yes, Tim, I can relate with what you have shared.
Me too Tim, But now, like Anne, I am more often myself even with others as my confidence and self trust grows.
I truly love this piece, it sings to me.
Thanks Anne, I can really relate to what you have written.
What an amazing blog Anne, thank you for sharing it so beauty-fully. It opened my heart reading it this morning.
Absolutely sublime.
So beautiful, thank you. What you said about having a moment, not just to connect with yourself, but also God, is truly inspiring, and we are never alone.
Anne, you have expressed something that I too have felt, the challenge of being with more than one person at one time. It has been difficult to wear two or three personalities at once! Life becomes so simple and lovely when we let people in and let them see who we are to the bone. That lovely early morning time alone becomes a beautiful enriching bonus, not a desperately sought escape from others.
I once had a surprise party arranged for me, in my chameleon days, where all my friends were invited. It was my worst nightmare, as all the different groups I behaved differently to were all under the same roof! When I began to be more myself and learn that I did not need to put on different acts with different people, but could just be me with everyone, I found I didn’t need to engage with some of those behaviours anymore. I’ve found that Life indeed does become very simple and lovely in turn.
Hi Golnaz I had a surprise party arranged for me and it was my worst nightmare too, I behaved very ungraciously, I didn’t like the spotlight on me and it exposed how I didn’t like to be seen, although at the time I didn’t see it that way.
Thank you Anne, this really is a wake up call for me and how I have been, it’s interesting though as I spent most of my youth running away from being alone and since having children and a partner I have focused like you on the need for alone time, like you I have found one on one friendships more comfortable and have certainly realized how I changed for each one.
It is so much more fun just being all of me with everyone. This I’m working hard on and has been brought to my awareness even more since reading your blog. Thank you Anne!
Thanks Anne. Like Jane said, “I have come to realise that I don’t have to be alone to have stillness” – I am working on exactly this, I love that this blog reflects exactly what I am building more awareness of. Most appreciated!
Thank you Anne, could feel who you truly are, through you writing.
Thank you Anne, very lovely to read this and it also delivered a bonus revelation!
I too was aware of how I used to calibrate myself to fit in and how I used to find it very difficult to be with more than one person at a time – but I had not put those two pieces together until I just read this. What you say makes complete sense. I also just realised that I don’t have that issue anymore. 🙂
A beautiful piece Anne. I too can relate to enjoying the time in the early morning being with myself but never alone, it is very still and silent. It is spent deeply connected to God and to everyone. I love the dawning of the day and I use this consistent reminder every day as a reminder that I can take how I am in this early morning into my day. I can share this with others and then learn so much from them.
Anne, I also found I had put no effort into fostering and developing relationships in my life, all the relationships that were present were there by default ie family, work etc. I had never chosen to create friendships of my own accord and I had done this to avoid people reflecting to me the things I needed, to grow back to a more loving version of myself. Your post is an awesome reflection for me as I had not linked in my need to be alone, thank you Anne for you lovely reflection.
This reflection is so poignant for me, thank you Anne!