To honour our tenderness

by Rebecca Poole, Brisbane, Australia

Why do people say “Grow some balls”? Balls are weak and sensitive! If you really want to get tough, grow a vagina! Those things take a pounding! – Betty White

On one hand this is quite funny, and we laugh because it shows the ridiculousness of our world and the way we see ourselves, and possibly . . . if we didn’t laugh we would be crying.What this quote really exposes about our society is that we are championing toughness, and that we are in a constant battle of the sexes. Who can say that as a little kid they didn’t feel these two legacies of our current society thrust upon them? I know for myself as a young girl I thought that the tougher I could be and the more I could beat boys at anything I did, the better and more awesome I was. But what about the little boy who also has the pressure to be tougher? What about the shame of being beaten by a girl? Doesn’t this create resentment towards women at such a young age? We can’t pretend that this doesn’t happen or downplay its importance – it is everywhere. Is this just harmless banter between the sexes, or does it create a more insidious erosion of male – female relationships and a loss of a more feminine way in our society? What if it was normal for us to be told “Find some curves”, and it meant “Where is your tenderness?” If the world had more tenderness instead of the toughness that it is championing then maybe, just maybe, we as a whole humanity would be uncompromisingly sensitive to the welfare of our fellow brothers and sisters in the world. There is no way that abuse, aggression, violence and corruption of any kind would be tolerated if tenderness was one of the characteristics that was totally honoured in our world. What if we asked the world – Men, Women and Children – to re-develop their tenderness? I ask again, how different would the world be?

683 thoughts on “To honour our tenderness

  1. We put far too much value in being tough especially when it comes to sports. I had no idea for example that some sport coaches are so derogatory towards females in the way they goad their players not to be sissy like a girl, or much worse. So then is it any wonder that there is such a high rate of domestic violence among the top players in the USA or probably anywhere else in the world. How is it possible to train someone to be so aggressive on the field of play (take no prisoners) and then expect them to go back to their families and be loving and gentle. A celebrity player of a sport in America was asked by a TV host what was he going to do now he had lost in a game and without missing a beat he said go home and beat up my wife! And this society we all live in accepts this as ‘normal’ and allows because he is a big entertainment star and we seem to value entertainment above the value of someone’s life and the ripple effects it has on society. As a society we are giving a green light to bash women as long as it is out of sight of the public eye.

  2. We don’t give enough consideration to values and how they form the foundation of our society. Valuing toughness has led to all kinds of behaviours, issues, illnesses and injuries, relationship problems, and so on. And likewise if we were to value and instill tenderness, gentleness and self care again this would be a foundation which our daily choices and behaviours would stem from. Values are not something physical but boy do they impact the physical world.

  3. The roughness and toughness of the world is not what most would say they prefer, however tenderness has been buried to the point that most know nothing other than the rough and tough. That, I am finding is why it’s so important to honour my sensitivity and my delicateness, to highlight that it does exist and isn’t something that can be squashed. Delicateness is actually super strong.

  4. I resist my own tenderness, it was natural as a child, I then lost it and now reclaiming it back – because I can feel in tenderness there is great power.

  5. We are told that the only way to survive in this world is to toughen up or we say its a ‘dog eat dog’ world. But it doesn’t have to be this way at all as this goes against our innate qualities could this be the reason we crave things like coffee and sugar to mask the fact that we are so exhausted because we are constantly fighting our innate qualities?

  6. I don’t remember how many times I have visited this blog, but this time, when I read the first two lines, I got a very strong and clear ‘No’ from my body. This is way off the truth. There is absolutely no part in our make-up that would take any kind of pounding. Whatsoever. Men and Women.

  7. Tenderness is a natural quality in us all as babies – we all have the capacity to bring it back and to live it – and with this change the world – “There is no way that abuse, aggression, violence and corruption of any kind would be tolerated if tenderness was one of the characteristics that was totally honoured in our world.”

  8. Wow this quote is laughable and terrible but at the same time as shared so well by Rebecca, very much exposing of the way we run our world: Why do people say “Grow some balls”? Balls are weak and sensitive! If you really want to get tough, grow a vagina! Those things take a pounding! – Betty White

  9. The world would be a very different place if tenderness, sensitivity and gentleness were ways of being that were encouraged rather than toughness, hardness and competition. It would support boys and girls to be themselves rather than try and live up to the expectations of society.

  10. When we surrender to whats inside we can not help but be tender, it’s when we refuse to honour that love inside us that’s when we build the walls of hardness and protection always to our own detriment.

  11. We are fighting ourselves as there is duality within us part of which is the etheric spirit that is so wayward it will do anything to resist the stillness it separated from to explore its own creation. It wasn’t until Serge Benhayon presented what was actually happening to our physical bodies and why that I became aware that for many of us living in this unaware state allows the Etheric spirit to have its way and it drives our bodies to be in constant motion as it knows if it goes back to stillness it will go back to the one soul which is the stillness of God. This resistance is the constant unease we feel in our bodies.

  12. ‘We laugh because it shows the ridiculousness of our world and the way we see ourselves, and possibly . . . if we didn’t laugh we would be crying.” This is a raw and exposing look at the hardness we have been championing for generations. Now it’s time [and overdue time] for us to consider the truth of who we are, it’s perfect that such hardness is being exposed.

  13. Returning to my innate tenderness – an ongoing and deepening process – has been life changing to how I used to live and be and with that has come love and self-assurance.

  14. It seems that toughen up is the way to survive in this world. But my experience with Universal Medicine is showing me that I don’t need to live in protection, hiding or in a defensive way. There is a flow of tenderness inside me that I can honour and melts any picture or belief about how I should or shouldn’t be in this world. Certainly we can walk in life a very gentle way, letting go all that we are not and embracing the deeply super tender beings we all are. This is a choice accessible to all. No other revolution was so effective as this.

  15. It is what we subscribe to and consequentially live due to this choice that keeps us in the roughness and toughness of this world.

  16. Girls want to beat boys while boys do not even bother to beat them (they take the fact that they will beat them as a given) and concentrate in what they see as the real thing: the competition between themselves. This reinforces the struggle of the girls to toughen up to be taken seriously. A truly perverse dynamics.

  17. Growing up as a girl I could definitely feel that being a boy was valued more than being a girl and the traits that made them up were what we should aspire to. I wonder if this is where the whole shoulder pads things came from in the 80s, with girls growing up feeling that to succeed or be taken seriously they needed to be like men.

  18. ‘Tenderness’ may appear to be weak or soft, but that is only until we get to know that it is the gateway to a power beyond any toughness or mere physical or mental force and completely free of any imposition, threrefore never seeking to dominate or reign over any other but quite the opposite, empowering everyone equally to embrace their innate grandness and glory.

  19. Very tangible how just this one thing, the quality of tenderness would put the world upside down. As we obviously cannot wait for the world to do it for us it is up to each of us to ‘tender up’ and gradually we will see the changes occur around us.

  20. The moment I am in self critique or self judgement I am dishonouring the sacredness that is within me. Appreciation on the other hand offers a deep honouring of what is within.

  21. There is no aggression when we are connected to our tenderness and delicacy, when we are fully with ourselves any desire to fight simply falls away.

  22. ‘What if we asked the world – Men, Women and Children – to re-develop their tenderness? I ask again, how different would the world be?’ This is a great question to bring to our consideration. For in tenderness there is everything we can be, we can learn to be with one another in a very different way.

  23. I remember being mildly amused when I first heard that quote by Betty White, yet now I see it as confirmation of the horror as a society we now find ourselves in, as women we have come so far from our sacredness, our divinity and our delicateness.

    What is amazing is that no matter what one goes through and how low they may fall with true healing sacredness, divinity and delicateness can be reignited once again.

  24. ‘I know for myself as a young girl I thought that the tougher I could be and the more I could beat boys at anything I did, the better and more awesome I was.’ Yikes this was me in bucketfuls! I wanted to be a boy and boy was I competitive. It’s wonderful to start giving myself full permission to be delicate and tender. My body can’t cope with the hardness I once demanded of it.

  25. We could definitely do with some changes to our approach to each gender, for me I feel seeing past the gender to just meeting the person and appreciating them works very well. We each have such an exquisite collection of qualities, so beautiful to see and receive from others, and leaves for dead all the ideals and beliefs about genders we impose and how they should or should not be. We can instead let people be and appreciate and love them as they are.

  26. Tender-ness as we feel our body more and more becomes a natural way of living as the feeling of being tender in all we do is so missed when we do not continue to deepen into our essences. So our connection to our essences is also innate in nature and feeling our Sacred-ness and True Tender-ness as were from young can so simply become our normal way of living again.

  27. “There is no way that abuse, aggression, violence and corruption of any kind would be tolerated if tenderness was one of the characteristics that was totally honoured in our world.” YES I agree and therefore I have to start to live my tenderness to the best of my ability . . . it always starts with ourselves.

  28. I am often surprised at the resistance i have to my own delicateness, in truth its a resistance to the mighty power i feel within.

  29. It’s interesting how we use sayings like this to create exactly what we don’t want in society, and what effects a saying such as “grow some balls” can have. It’s essentially telling us to go against our sweet and delicate nature to harden up and become something else. Perhaps it could be time for us to distinguish between being hard and tough and keeping the world out and being naturally strong in a difficult or challenging situation.

  30. We are sensitive beings, living in a world that contains of two different types of energy, that is truth and evil.. Living in disregard of this sensitivity is therefore not so clever.

  31. When I first heard that quote from Betty White it made me cringe, have we really come that far that something so delicate and sacred can be used in such a way?

  32. I think tenderness can sometimes be dismissed as somehow being impractical or a bit soft and only for certain occasions but in truth there is nothing wishy washy about true tenderness in my experience and although we have our world currently set up in the main to not honour this quality we can bring about change through the way that we live our lives in each moment.

  33. I agree with you Suse when you say,
    “The erosion of the relationship between men and women starts when we are boys and girls.”
    I so remember as a child wanting to be and act like a boy because they seemed to get all the attention, and in the fights that we had I hated being beaten by a boy, as I felt that strength had nothing to do with equality but did not know how to express in this way.

  34. Oooo, I love the thought of us being called to be more sensitive. You can feel immediately that we would be more caring and more considerate. We wouldn’t wait for someone to be bashed we would pick up that what they were saying and the way they were moving had tension and there was something unexpressed. That would surely be early intervention.

  35. “If the world had more tenderness instead of the toughness that it is championing then maybe, just maybe, we as a whole humanity would be uncompromisingly sensitive to the welfare of our fellow brothers and sisters in the world” – I agree, and of ourselves, too, and put a stop to the pattern of self-abuse.

  36. We are indeed championing the wrong characteristics in society, and society is bombarding us with those ideals, which most of our parents then take over. Being tough, not crying, is one of them, which enforces us to suppress our sensitivity and tenderness, women AND men all have. It is our innate nature.

  37. My life has changed considerably since I have brought tenderness into my life. If I had not, and had continued to live in the hardness that I (almost) championed, and I know was supported by the world, I think I would have got severe depression, ill or even taken my own life as it is very bleak when you are super hard on yourself. Tenderness is a beautiful antidote to hardness and one that is sorely needed – equally for all.

  38. Upside down our world would be.. Exactly where we need it. Inviting us all for a change; a change that invites us to be who we are, in any way shape and form, tender we are.

  39. Allowing ourselves to feel and be tender is incredibly empowering and opens us up to be sensitive to everything around us rather than what so many of us have learnt to do, shut down and harden and dismiss the very thing that could change us all, stop abusive behaviours, and make the world a more loving and gentle place to live.

  40. It would be a constant uplift seeing other people in their tenderness, instead of how it is today: you have to be connected very much to yourself in today’s world, as almost no one is moving and expressing with tenderness-the quality of our heart. There is no support whatsover to be who you are, in fact it gets championed the more you are not who you are.

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