To honour our tenderness

by Rebecca Poole, Brisbane, Australia

Why do people say “Grow some balls”? Balls are weak and sensitive! If you really want to get tough, grow a vagina! Those things take a pounding! – Betty White

On one hand this is quite funny, and we laugh because it shows the ridiculousness of our world and the way we see ourselves, and possibly . . . if we didn’t laugh we would be crying.What this quote really exposes about our society is that we are championing toughness, and that we are in a constant battle of the sexes. Who can say that as a little kid they didn’t feel these two legacies of our current society thrust upon them? I know for myself as a young girl I thought that the tougher I could be and the more I could beat boys at anything I did, the better and more awesome I was. But what about the little boy who also has the pressure to be tougher? What about the shame of being beaten by a girl? Doesn’t this create resentment towards women at such a young age? We can’t pretend that this doesn’t happen or downplay its importance – it is everywhere. Is this just harmless banter between the sexes, or does it create a more insidious erosion of male – female relationships and a loss of a more feminine way in our society? What if it was normal for us to be told “Find some curves”, and it meant “Where is your tenderness?” If the world had more tenderness instead of the toughness that it is championing then maybe, just maybe, we as a whole humanity would be uncompromisingly sensitive to the welfare of our fellow brothers and sisters in the world. There is no way that abuse, aggression, violence and corruption of any kind would be tolerated if tenderness was one of the characteristics that was totally honoured in our world. What if we asked the world – Men, Women and Children – to re-develop their tenderness? I ask again, how different would the world be?

620 thoughts on “To honour our tenderness

  1. Perfect blog to read today. This blog invites me to express and move in a way that honours my tenderness to a whole new level.

  2. I work with people who are ill and the common thread amongst people who are ill is that they want to be treated with tenderness and care. I would now say that one of the main reasons we become ill in the first place is because we do not treat ourselves with enough tenderness and that this causes a dis-ease within us.

    1. I agree Elizabeth. I have noticed this longing to be cared for with tenderness in many people who are ill or troubled. And I also know that we do not give this to ourselves, generally speaking. It would be a great gift to ourselves to bring more awareness to how we treat ourselves and to consciously begin to be more gentle, tender and caring, treating ourselves as we would a very precious being, for in truth that is what we are.

    2. What a wonderful point Elizabeth – why do we need to get sick to allow ourselves to be cared for? Not caring for ourselves and others is already a sickness!

    3. This is a great observation, Elizabeth, that a major cause of illness arises from us not treating ourselves with enough tenderness. When one ponders this it seems such common sense.

  3. With tenderness and sensitivity there is a knowing of who we are, intimacy in being with each other, care, compassion, connection – surely a different world.

  4. Growing up, I knew I had to be strong, and I thought being strong meant being tough and hard. Even though some fairy tales would tell me that the true strength was found in being gentle, somehow I thought it was only in the story – probably because everyone around me seemed to be striving to be strong by being tough, and I was quite surprised to realise that I was actually tender in my true essence when I started to reconnect with myself through Universal Medicine.

  5. If as young boys and girls we were asked to be our tender gentle selves then we would not have the separation that exists now between the sexes as we would see each other as the same, expressing in our own unique qualities. Living with all men, I have seen how upset they have become when girls and boys are treated so differently especially at school. It’s so important for us all to individually feel how we add to the separation.

  6. Find some curves. I love that quote.
    We put everything upside down. We made things normal which shouldn’t be our normal if we use our common sense. We let ourselves getting mislead by forces around us. Very much time to re- claim ourselves. Serge Benhayon is a great lead in this and we all can be.

  7. Yes if tenderness was the benchmark within society anything less than this would simply not be allowed to continue. Also a tender world cannot be written off as some kind of fantasy utopia given that if one can choose to be tender then many if not all can. Perhaps the ‘utopia thinking’ is simply a way to avoid taking responsibility for the choices we are making on a daily basis.

  8. You invite the world to stop fighting.
    I feel I stopped fighting and started to surrender to the sweet delicate woman I am.
    Why I didn’t do that before as it feels so much more true and real than the hardness in which I was living for so long.

  9. Toughness appears to be safe, but it only makes us numb and ignorant to the hurts the underlying tenderness and sensitivity never ceases to feel anyway. With an awareness and honesty about one´s tenderness, we can truly care for ourselves and deal with hurts in a very supportive and healing away and even develop such an openness that most painful things don´t even stick anymore.

  10. ‘Find some curves’ is a lovely way of inviting tenderness – toughness has never worked, it just creates the illusion that we are getting somewhere and achieving things; but at what price?

  11. “What if we asked the world – Men, Women and Children – to re-develop their tenderness? I ask again, how different would the world be?” To answer you question Rebecca i would say that the world would be unrecognisable from how we now know it to be as when we will start to live from our inner qualities that each and everyone of us equally hold, such as tenderness, delicateness, deeply nurturing and caring. As these are the qualities in us that needs to be expressed in all its grandness we deeply know is our divine heritage and when lived in full will stop all the atrocities we nowadays see happening all over the world on a daily basis.

  12. A beautiful possibility Rebecca. A world open to feeling and sensing – and one that embraces sensitivity too – would help bring us back to our innately loving selves rather than negating who we are.

  13. I love this: ‘There is no way that abuse, aggression, violence and corruption of any kind would be tolerated if tenderness was one of the characteristics that was totally honoured in our world.’ And hence the responsibility each of us have to nurture our own tenderness and support and celebrate it in others. Tenderness is what every human being ought to know and be because all of us are that.

  14. Absolutely the honouring of tenderness is crucial if we are to stem the current tide of aggression throughout society. What I am recognising more and more is that it has to start with me and the way I treat myself and unless I am willing to let go of the layers of toughness that I have built up I cannot expect others to change their behaviour. Rather than feeling powerless about the state of the world this makes me realise that how I am with myself matters and can have an impact beyond my body.

  15. In the five years that have passed from this being published the world has continued to slide away from who we are. But, there is also more awareness of the tenderness we all possess but have just forgotten where we have put it. The mass movement back to our tenderness starts with appreciating to ourselves first!

  16. The world is set up in such a way that we learn to live in protection, numbing and hardening our body, so that we no longer feel our inner sensitivity or tenderness. We have disconnected so far from ourselves that we choose to not live from our true and natural way of being. Taking moments to be more gentle and caring with ourselves starts the process of surrendering our body to embrace and honour our tenderness again.

  17. Our world would be the opposite.. Nowdays we seem to make it about toughness, getting through and survive. Tenderness is not even discussed. Hence what you bring comes in naturally very accurate, as tenderness is something we are missing in our whole society, that might even be the eventual answer to our woes.

  18. Very different because championing toughness means that everyone is protecting themselves and being individual whereas if we honoured tenderness there would be more transparency and coming together.

  19. Toughness clearly doesn’t work as illness and disease is constantly rising, to honour our tenderness is a beautiful way to support our body and allows us to move in grace without any drive or push.

  20. Most of our current problems comes from the fact that we have constructed a life that does not honour much of what are true innate qualities in all of us. So, instead of what could help us all to live in a way that helps to bring each other up all the time, we have bought into the image that only some can make it up and I’d rather be one of them. So, life has become what we call life and what we would say it is normal and expected. Reverting this requires to start honouring ourselves and what is true about us. Tenderness is a great starting point to a life of honour.

    1. You are correct Eduardo tenderness and honouring this in life is a great starting point, there is so much more tenderness I can bring to my life, it amazes me how busy I get with everything else and seemingly being so busy that I rush and don’t even consider the quality of my movements. This starting point is really a great focus.

  21. Powerful statement and questions.. You make a very good point as you share that we have a loss of a more feminine way in our society. And this is our problem. We know no balance in our world today — hence things are going out of hand. What needs to be restored is our feminine ways (that come from a connection to our tenderness inside) , this is equal in men and women. So our answer lays within.

  22. If there is ever anything to “champion” then tenderness for both men and Women absolutely belongs at the top of the list.

  23. ‘“Grow some balls”? Balls are weak and sensitive! If you really want to get tough, grow a vagina! Those things take a pounding!’ Yes this quote reflects how much we have given up on ourselves, how much we are prepared to tolerate a sub-standard because perhaps we believe that anything more honouring is not possible or too unlikely so we should just take what we can get.

    1. If we truly allowed ourselves to feel what that so called joke is saying and showing we would weep not laugh. We laugh because it is so close to the bone and how we live, and yet we all know how very far from love it is and therefore what a travesty it is.

  24. It is in the re-connection to our innate tenderness that we will see a shift on how we move and interact in the world that will then see are larger shift of how the world truly can be. The surrender to our tenderness brings great sensitivity to who we are and also honesty to our relationships, which will redefine much of how we then interact and observe the world and not react or protect ourselves from what we feel all around us.

  25. In honouring our tenderness we offer a reflection to others which has the power to transform lives. Today I commit to honouring my tenderness as I move through my day.

  26. If we all just allowed a smidgen more tenderness the world would change, if we could then allow all the tenderness in our body out we would be transformed.

  27. ‘How are you?’ we usually ask someone. The reply that comes is inevitably couched in terms that relate to how well they are coping. But what if we were to approach this all differently and consider – ‘how tender are you?’. This might seem odd given how we’ve been raised but to me is actually the true way we are designed to be. Thank you Rebecca for encouraging this and for asking us ‘how deep with love are you prepared to live?’.

  28. We can see the out play of being tough and how it has not worked in the number of statistics for breast cancer, fibroids and the many other ill conditions that are so prevalent at this time in history.
    If we actually honoured our bodies and honoured our tenderness and sensitivities there would also be much less cruelty in the world because before we can hurt another we must have first overridden our natural tender sensitive way.

  29. Beautifully expressed Rebecca, there is a vast difference between two brothers that fight with each other to be the most recognised, and two loving brothers who help and honour each other in order to bring the best out of one another, the contrast is huge and humanity would definitely be a better place if we all lived from the true tenderness we are inside.

  30. Resilience and endurance = a gold medal. Vulnerability, fragility and illness = wooden spoon. These are the equations we have grown up with, but as you beautifully show Rebecca they seriously miss the bigger truth which is tenderness + awareness x understanding = the divinity we truly are.

  31. We champion toughness, celebrities are adored for it. But we have to question why? Is it perhaps that toughness is made to believe a quality that gets us on top of other, beating our fellow brothers and sisters? The feeling of victory makes us temporarily feel good, but how are the people feeling that were defeated? Not to mention that feeling victorious is an emotion that does not last.

  32. I agree Rebecca, if we learnt to reconnect to and honour our inner tenderness and sensitivity we would start to live from a true quality of being that would hold love above all else and each other in the same quality.

  33. What if we lived the love that we all truly are as a reflection and didn’t tell people how to be and didn’t impose on them at all what would their natural expression be. If a child was met and loved for who they truly are how would that be? Why does such a simple thing still sound like a pipe dream these days?

  34. The world promotes, even champions toughness, but what does it bring? `On the mere surface we could say it is entertainment, or an innocent game but at body level any form of toughness is abuse to the body, and if we accept toughness for ourselves, then it is easy to be tough, abusive, unloving, even cruel towards others. So changing the most evil things in the world, starts by changing not accepting toughness for ourselves.

  35. Feeling our tenderness shows up what an incredible farce our current way of living is. It’s not even close to the delicateness we are inside. The first step back? To be incredibly tender with ourselves when we slip and make a mistake. Thank you Rebecca.

  36. We can observe, that we are actually in a constant fight of our awareness and tenderness, that we as mankind lack acceptance of the love and tenderness we naturally are. For how can we fight something we don’t know? And why would we actually fight our origin? What fun is that about? It takes our clear and open eyes to start and be honest about how things become so hard, whilst actually it is that simple – we need to accept more of who we are and stop fighting it!

  37. I have been studying anatomy and physiology recently, particularly embryological development, and have gained yet another level of appreciation of the intricacy and vulnerability of the body. With this deeper appreciation I am inspired to be more tender in all that I do.

  38. What a great recommendation Rebecca, to switch our focus from toughness to tenderness. It shouldn’t need to take a serious illness or disease to bring us to our knees and see just how fragile and tender our bodies are, and what nurturing they really need to be vital and healthy. Also, the level of competition between sexes is quite silly when you consider that we are all the same at the level of our souls.

  39. ‘ If the world had more tenderness instead of the toughness that it is championing then maybe, just maybe, we as a whole humanity would be uncompromisingly sensitive to the welfare of our fellow brothers and sisters in the world.’ As long as we didn’t confuse tenderness with softness I feel this would work just fine.

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