Find Me at the Lost and Found

I’ve been on the ‘missing list’ for the majority of my life. Along with a lot of other ‘missing’ folk.

And the truth is, I have really missed me not being around.

I, like so many others, had access to a knowingness as a child of how we could and should be. I was aware of it from an early age. I didn’t speak often but when I did, it was for all.

Truly Appreciating the People in my Neighbourhood

I live in a small and old neighbourhood just outside one of the many cities in Australia. Having lived there for over 10 years I have noticed families come and go, with employment issues and downsizing of family units. What has been interesting to note in the last few months has been the selling and buying of a number of houses near me, and in recent weeks the home next door and one across the road.

The same real estate agent was organised to sell both homes and dropped past my front yard one day while I was gardening, asking if I could give her a short summary of the neighbourhood, as she was setting up a profile for potential clients moving into the area.

Relationships as Far as the Eye Can See

It occurred to me that these days the word ‘relationship’ is mainly used to refer to an intimate, romantic or sexual relationship and I wanted to find out whether that had always been this way. When I looked it up, I found that before 1944 this had not been the case and it made me wonder how they got to the exactness of that date?

I also learnt that the word ‘relationship’ comes from the Latin ‘referre’, to bring back.

Sympathy – a Poison to the Body

In the last 8 months or so I have been looking at how sympathy has played out in my life, especially in my relationships with others.

But sympathy is a good thing, I hear you say with a puzzled look???

The more I unpack, feel, observe and be honest about how sympathy works its way in and through interactions, connections and relationships, the more I am understanding that sympathy is quite the opposite to what we have been sold and have believed it to be in life, and quite truthfully, how absolutely harming and poisoning it is for our bodies and for us to be in.

It’s Never Too Late For Love

About two and a half years ago I went to see my esoteric healing practitioner to talk specifically about what I felt was the inevitable end of my 23-year relationship with my partner. My usual steady emotional manner had been thrown into disarray and I was what can only be described as an ‘emotional wreck.’ I could see no way of preventing what was going to be a calamity, not only for myself, my partner and our son, but for our friends and family.

My assumed certainty that our relationship had come to an end was borne out of another certainty and that was that I could no longer continue in the relationship as it was. My feeling that there had to be more to this relationship – and all relationships – had been growing for a while and now I was simply unable to ignore it. Thinking about living the rest of my life in the relationship as it was brought up feelings of despondency, and yet prior to the last couple of years I had never once questioned our being together.

Why are we so Afraid to Truly be Loved?

I have had a deep yearning that craved to be in true relationship with others that was meaningful, supportive and loving and for which I have spent my life seeking but never truly established because I had not first developed love or acceptance of myself – I was expecting it to come from another initially. I was afraid to truly be loved and to be love.

All of my relationships were a great distraction from not feeling or taking responsibility for my choices. I blamed others for my not feeling loved, accepted or appreciated – imposing my own insecurities and lack of self-worth onto another.

Love

I recently watched a movie where two of the protagonists were trapped in an elevator for quite some time. Their initial dislike for each other, and being caught up in their own story, dissolves little by little when they decide to open up to each other and spend the unforeseen and uninvited time together, to get to know each other. And as the movies do… they fall in love.

What occurred to me is how something – Love – that is so natural to us, has been distorted and limited to just this one thing: to finding someone, to finding the love of your life who makes you happy and fulfilled.

But what if we always have the ability to see past this and see the true beauty in each other, to see who is behind all these facades of behaviour and ways to cope in the world, behind the stereotypes we use to categorise and behind all the images that can come between us?

The Tube or a Taxi? An Appreciation of Myself and What I Bring

I used to look to others to bring me clarity and support, thinking they had it all and I was the one who lacked in some way. However, since attending Universal Medicine workshops I have come to appreciate the innate wisdom we all have inside and the ability we have to connect to this and share it with people.

I was on my way for a day out in London with my niece, nephew and sister. I contemplated the choice between taking the tube or a taxi to our meeting point. My body felt tight at the thought of the tube and so I opted for the taxi option.

“I don’t do that!”

Recently it’s come to my attention that when I claim that I am not a part of something, it comes to light that I actually am very much a part of that which I have believed myself to be immune to or separate from, and that my misperception arises simply because I do not display the same behaviours as someone who is expressing them in the most extreme forms.

For example: I considered myself to be very open and welcoming of all people. Having been brought up in a predominantly English town and countryside and attending a school with Christian beliefs, my interactions with those of other racial backgrounds and religious affiliations were limited. But because I was not outwardly verbal or actively engaging in hate speech or intolerance towards others, as I had seen some people do, I assumed that I held no prejudices, but was instead a very open person.

How are You?

“How are you?” Such a simple question which we ask each other every day. It forms the usual conversation starter and is often followed by a “Good” from the other person.

But what are we really saying when we say “I am good”? The term ‘good’ could mean many things to many people. Once upon a time, ‘good’ to me meant “I am tired and in fact I am exhausted but with my coffee or energy drink this morning, I am feeling better and able to get through the day.”

Lately, to me it can mean: “I am going really well. I am feeling great in my body because I chose to eat foods that nourish and support me this morning, unlike the other morning where I realised the foods I ate made me feel rather heavy and dull before coming to work. And in addition I had a supportive rest last night, which left me feeling vital and jubilant when I awoke. Also, the self-honouring gentle exercises that I did before coming to work really supported my body for the working day, spent sitting at my desk.”