About two and a half years ago I went to see my esoteric healing practitioner to talk specifically about what I felt was the inevitable end of my 23-year relationship with my partner. My usual steady emotional manner had been thrown into disarray and I was what can only be described as an ‘emotional wreck.’ I could see no way of preventing what was going to be a calamity, not only for myself, my partner and our son, but for our friends and family.
My assumed certainty that our relationship had come to an end was borne out of another certainty and that was that I could no longer continue in the relationship as it was. My feeling that there had to be more to this relationship – and all relationships – had been growing for a while and now I was simply unable to ignore it. Thinking about living the rest of my life in the relationship as it was brought up feelings of despondency, and yet prior to the last couple of years I had never once questioned our being together.
Continue reading “It’s Never Too Late For Love”
I have recently been to three uniquely different, absolutely gorgeously beautiful wedding celebrations. Three wedding ceremonies like I have never experienced before, that have changed my life and the way I am in the world.
I have been married twice: the first time was a large traditional formal white wedding, then some years later a small casual wedding on a beach in a faraway place – both later ending in divorce. Both of my past wedding celebrations were costly, stressful to organise, and centred around myself as the bride, and the groom – with no focus on a celebration of the guests, friends and family. Continue reading “Wedding Celebrations and Purpose”
by Angela Perin, Brisbane, QLD
I was at the beauty therapist’s the other day. I had my eyes closed so I couldn’t see the therapist’s face, but could feel that she was a little surprised (or perhaps confused) when I mentioned that I had been to the movies with my ex. The therapist knew I had recently separated and simply asked ‘Do you guys still hang out…?’ Because it felt perfectly normal to me (we still work together and see each other every day), I didn’t realise until afterwards that this is not the norm, and hence why it had so obviously puzzled the therapist.
My ex and I have been married for nearly 22 years, and our separation 4 months ago was mutual. It came out of an honest admission that our relationship had never been based on ‘true’ love. The actual separation happened more lovingly and with more support than I believe either of us could have ever imagined possible in the past, especially considering the history of our relationship. There was no animosity, no financial tension, no blame and no judgment. Of course, there was (and is) sadness and hurt for both of us (and our children), and this is something we are all individually working on in our own way and timing, but it has not been the emotional, bitter experience that is evident in many separations. Continue reading “Marriage & Separation (Part 3): there ‘is’ a Different Way”
by Angela Perin, Brisbane, QLD
When I was growing up (up until I went to high school), I didn’t personally know anyone that was separated or divorced. At the time, I had a notion that all the marriages I personally observed and knew of were ‘happy’ ones… (which included my parents). In retrospect, and as I got older, I realised that ‘happy’ was perhaps not the right or most appropriate word. ‘Committed’ or ‘dedicated’ may have been more apt or descriptive, because it described marriages and relationships that stayed together through thick and thin; separation or divorce wasn’t entertained no matter what was going on in the relationship.
I adopted a belief that keeping a marriage going ‘no matter what’ was a ‘good’ thing; that staying together was a great accomplishment and something to be heralded. The longer the marriage, the greater the commitment and love – or so it was portrayed to be. In contrast, whether expressed openly or not, marriages that did break down were somehow considered a failure, and were viewed with sympathy and sadness. Continue reading “Marriage & Separation (Part 1): Failure versus True Love”
by Sonja Ebbinghaus-Vuckovic, Germany (English 2nd language)
Huu, I just read the article‚ ‘Divorce: nothing to be ashamed of’, and yes as to all comments I read – it also deeply resonates in me.
I am after 18 years of being together with my husband, now in the phase of ‘separating’. What unusual word for me.
As far as I know you fall in love, you are together, you may get married, you have kids, you see it is not it, you try to rescue it, you fail, you struggle with giving up, the pain and sadness increases and all family suffers – then finally you decide to separate – you move out – one year later you get divorced. That’s it. A whole lifetime story.
After this whole setup – you are marked as ‘failed, used’. You may end up on the market of singles again or you may never open again to anyone.
But what if this whole process is not about failing – but about being true to yourself, your partner and all around you? Continue reading “About Marriage and Divorce”