“I don’t do that!”

Recently it’s come to my attention that when I claim that I am not a part of something, it comes to light that I actually am very much a part of that which I have believed myself to be immune to or separate from, and that my misperception arises simply because I do not display the same behaviours as someone who is expressing them in the most extreme forms.

For example: I considered myself to be very open and welcoming of all people. Having been brought up in a predominantly English town and countryside and attending a school with Christian beliefs, my interactions with those of other racial backgrounds and religious affiliations were limited. But because I was not outwardly verbal or actively engaging in hate speech or intolerance towards others, as I had seen some people do, I assumed that I held no prejudices, but was instead a very open person.

Continue reading ““I don’t do that!””

How are You?

“How are you?” Such a simple question which we ask each other every day. It forms the usual conversation starter and is often followed by a “Good” from the other person.

But what are we really saying when we say “I am good”? The term ‘good’ could mean many things to many people. Once upon a time, ‘good’ to me meant “I am tired and in fact I am exhausted but with my coffee or energy drink this morning, I am feeling better and able to get through the day.”

Lately, to me it can mean: “I am going really well. I am feeling great in my body because I chose to eat foods that nourish and support me this morning, unlike the other morning where I realised the foods I ate made me feel rather heavy and dull before coming to work. And in addition I had a supportive rest last night, which left me feeling vital and jubilant when I awoke. Also, the self-honouring gentle exercises that I did before coming to work really supported my body for the working day, spent sitting at my desk.” Continue reading “How are You?”

Revelations from a Journey to Work

The drive to work is a time to be with me, to reflect, to ponder the day ahead, and to feel. It is just 20 minutes and 9 miles long but traverses country lanes, passes green fields and purple heathland, through a tiny village with just a few houses, a church and a school, and then vast gated estates of grand mansions, whose staff are just arriving for work. Further down the road there is a golf course to one side and stables to the other. Then, about a mile from the office there is a major acute care hospital, with comings and goings of a variety of vehicles of different colours, shapes and sizes – and where, inevitably, there can be a build-up of traffic.

Like me, others are on their daily commute and there can be a sense of ‘driven-ness’ in the air. Continue reading “Revelations from a Journey to Work”

How Well Can You Hear Me?

How common is it to have a hearing issue, and how willing are we to admit it? Often when we are in groups it can be quite challenging to hear properly, even for those that do not have any hearing issues, but for those who do, what exactly happens?

I asked a few people and discovered that this is one of those hush-hush topics that are rarely discussed; hearing problems are looked down upon. It soon became apparent that there are many ideals and beliefs associated with hearing and the loss of it, and how that loss is often associated with being old, ageing, losing the plot, the onset of dementia, and even ‘being dumb’. Excuse me, can you repeat that? Continue reading “How Well Can You Hear Me?”

Walking Life with my Hands in my Pockets

This morning, as I was walking along the beach with my husband and we were having a deep discussion about our relationship, I noticed that I kept my hands in my pockets and was feeling quite tense and reactive.

I then made a conscious choice to take my hands out of my pockets. I allowed them to swing with my body as I walked and was surprised to feel the tension leave my body – I could feel the calming rhythm of my walk. From that place I was able to express more openly and honestly with my husband and our walk became more harmonious. Continue reading “Walking Life with my Hands in my Pockets”

We’re All Married to Everyone

Have you ever noticed how couples who have broken up often continue to behave and fight the way they did while married? Even for years or decades after separating or divorcing?

The same could be said for siblings, friends, teachers, students, workmates and business contacts who come into conflict and part company because of it. Or even public figures like politicians and celebrities who we choose to dislike for whatever reason. Sometimes the participants (even the unwitting ones) in these conflicted relationships who have moved apart may not even communicate directly at all, but the hostility, jealousy, frustration, judgment, etc., goes on and on within each person… like a festering splinter… Continue reading “We’re All Married to Everyone”

Trapped in Conditional Love

While we would never want to admit it, conditional love is very much the predominant expression of love in the world today. It is something we have accepted as close enough to love and therefore we have begun to accept, and even expect, this type of love time and time again.

So what is conditional love?

Conditional love has many layers and many forms, all of them designed to show the world just enough of our true self (our essence) so we don’t appear soulless, but not enough that other people might freak out, run away or point and say, ”You’re different,” “We don’t like you” etc.

Conditional love is the voice that says, “Don’t shine quite so bright, don’t say what you actually feel, don’t step on toes.” It is also the voice that says, “You’re better to wallow in your woes, because when you wallow, others leave you alone or give you attention and sympathy.”

Continue reading “Trapped in Conditional Love”