This Beauty

Bombs in stadiums, houses reduced to rubble, children with limbs blown off, whole nations displaced, toxic chemicals in our water stream, politicians who plot to skim off all the cream, brutal bashing of our closest partners, drug addiction through the roof, sex trafficking and child abuse. One look at the world today and it is clear things aren’t going so well.

This beauty.

Whilst we might live in peaceful suburbia with our widescreen TVs, pretty gardens and nice neighbours, if we are honest there’s a knowing underneath that somewhere else there’s great pain and distress for other people who are our brothers. Yet this chaos has gone on for so long… all of history it seems. What possibility is there to end it?

This beauty. 

No charity, movement or leader has ever been able to change this warring world and those that tried have typically been hung, drawn and quartered.

So we proceed to ‘make the best of it,’ to keep a stiff upper lip and look after our own patch of dirt, as long as we have our entertainment, sport and technology. All the time – chaos reigns.

So where on earth to from here?

This beauty. 

Yesterday I met my son. I’ve seen him on video screen two times before but back then he was pretty much a big-headed blur.

But yesterday, as my wife lay down and the scan was done of her body, my son’s 21 week old physique appeared up on the monitor. I heard his heart beat rapidly and saw his perfectly formed arms and hands move about. He wriggled as if to say, “Look, can you keep this photo shoot quick?” and “I’m not a fan of paparazzi.” But as the nurse moved the scanner around, I felt myself welling up, so deeply touched inside.

This beauty. 

Like a picture of the universe miniaturised into a human form, this young but ancient being looked back at me from the TV screen and said, “Hey Dad!” As I marvelled at his gorgeousness, I began to cry. I worried for a moment about what the nurses might think of my seeming weakness, but I couldn’t contain the tears inside. It was beautiful and such a relief to let them out. And then it dawned on me.

This beauty.

Since finding out I was going to be a dad four months ago, I’ve found myself getting easily upset, feeling distant, hard and overwhelmed. During what seemed like it should be a time of joy, I was struggling on. As my wife was sick, I dedicated space to focussing on her, on organising everything she needed and keeping the house in order. And yet I seemed to be in a permanently bad mood.

I talked to friends occasionally and got some support of sorts – and was encouraged to consider my secret fears about this great new responsibility. Yet this distance in me remained. What was going on?

This beauty.

Things started to occur: our internet connection went down, the central heating failed, and my car was crashed into – as if something or someone was trying to get a message to me. But I didn’t have a clue.

I met with a friend, Michael Benhayon, and he suggested there was something I hadn’t let myself feel. But what terrible thing could this be I wondered?

This beauty.

As I sat crying in the scan room it came to me. I had been holding back from feeling the absolute beauty of my son, being pregnant and us all being one. As this sank in, I cried with my wife in the waiting room – just standing there with my heart.

As I did, it became clear to me that there’s no strategy or political program that is needed to fix this world, no ban on armaments or world summit to solve drug abuse. All of it, every last bit is not coming from horrible human beings but from us fighting and denying our beauty.

This beauty.

It’s not a physical or intellectual thing or what clothes you wear, but a quality you can feel – a grandness that connects us to the universe. It’s the ‘wow’ you get when looking at the sweetest flower, a vast landscape or array of stars – something you feel in your heart. It’s like a magnetic pull for me.

I’m starting to see we feel it all the time, but do not let it be at all. We wait till those close to us are nearly dead to reveal how much they have meant to us; we dismiss the subtlety of our sensitivity and think we need to toughen up. We hold back the pure poetry of our sweet dear heart in case its preciousness is not welcome in this world. But in doing this we perpetuate the very hurts and hardness that we hate.

Even as I write this here, I can feel myself battening my feeling down in case it gets out of hand – how ingrained we are!

For too long we have subscribed to a view of ourselves as wicked, flawed and vicious beings. There is something in us that wallows in this. But it’s all just a game to let evil reign. This is the biggest case of mistaken identity known to man, like a delicate bird that is trying to be a bull. It’s quite absurd.

This beauty.

Is it possible that terror need not exist if we just cease and desist from holding back our heart?

Yes, this world is full of examples of horrors that we create and it’s revolting to feel how far from that beauty we live. But the way forward is to reconnect to our true nature, not to bludgeon it.

As I lay with my wife in bed last night and I placed my hand on her belly, it felt like I could hear my son speak. He let me know that the beauty that I felt with him is there in everything, in me too, and all I need to do is live knowing this is true.

Yes, we have frail imperfect bodies but our beings are so much more than that. I figured he should know as he has come back to do it all again in another lifetime. I went to sleep holding him, holding me, appreciating what he is teaching me.

This beauty.

I know that the way I’ve written here is normal and equally felt by people all around the world. Imagine if all 7 billion of us started to share the beauty that is within us all. There surely would be no room for petty arguments and squabbles. Just because we have ignored our divinity for aeons past doesn’t make the mundanity true – who we are. Our hearts are full of so much love. Holding it back is poisonous.

We are this beauty – can we handle that?

Published with permission of my wife.

By Joseph Barker, Beautiful man, Designer, Drawer and soon to be parent, Melbourne, Australia

Inspired by ‘I am Beautiful’ by Bianca Barban (1), Michael Benhayon and the teachings and presentations of Serge Benhayon and Natalie Benhayon.

References:

1. https://womeninlivingness.wordpress.com/2013/02/01/i-am-beautiful/

Related Reading:
I am beauty-full just for being me – a message from the author
Opening my heart to love again
Building love in our life

389 thoughts on “This Beauty

  1. Our way of life reflects that we have not been living who we truly are to the point that we have forgotten that we are not part of the life that we have created and rather something beyond beauty.

  2. ‘I know that the way I’ve written here is normal and equally felt by people all around the world. ‘ Yes, we all know this and this is very powerful to acknowledge, that we are all equal and do know beauty and do know the ugliness when it is not lived.

  3. Often something small connects us to the grandness of the Universe, and we become aware that there is a bigger picture than what we may observe in our tiny world of the every day. Your new baby has connected you to your deep tenderness within and to feeling your love you are within.

  4. We have become so desensitised to everything that is going on in the world, it’s almost as if we’ve torn our hearts out and handed it to the dogs. Gun wars in schools and bombs chopping off limbs used to be traumatising, nations used to mourn the loss of their children and today it has become a norm. What is it going to take for us to wake up? How far can we really go?

  5. On the one hand we can give up, drown in our own hopelessness; and seeing the state of the world this could easily be justified. But if we see beneath this we get to feel the beauty that is always there. I know I struggle with the awfulness and my own actions at times but I know this is because I am missing the beauty I know is there and that I could live 24//7. So, instead of giving myself a hard time for any failings, why not just surrender to this beauty even if it does mean a journey through feeling all that I’ve chosen that isn’t from this beauty so I can return to it?

  6. I know for me it is easy to slip into the ‘make the best of it’ way of living but there are many moments in every day that remind me of the exquisite beauty that is possible to be connected to and to live with every day. This is the potential to really thrive not just survive.

  7. We spend so much of our life looking with our eyes at the physical manifestations and surface layers of our world, but feel a little deeper, feel underneath and the gold will be seen clearly underneath.

    1. So true Rachael, looking starts to take prescedwnt over feeling so we forget the connection to the divine beauty within us constantly.

  8. Ignoring and dismissing whatever has already been felt in life can interfere with what we are aware of, as it is the felt sense that allows us a whole body intelligence in life.

  9. Children are pure gifts from heaven, and whether we have children ourselves or not, every one of us can learn so much from their innate wisdom.

  10. True beauty is in the eye of the beholder … we must feel beauty within us to be able to truly see it for all the glory that it is.

    1. Ah yes and beholding for me means to truly observe, allow and accept everything is the way it is and to not project or expect things to be the way I want them to be or wish they could be. Whenever I place demands on the world around me I stop seeing the beauty.

    2. No amount of self help ideals and beliefs can begin to truly support us until we recognise that we are precious beyond words and that we are love rather than be taught to seek love.

  11. ‘…this chaos has gone on for so long… all of history it seems. What possibility is there to end it? This beauty.’ Sometimes the answer is right under our nose and yet we seem hell bent on pursuing the same methods which have as yet not resolved our issues.

  12. It is a choice to see the beauty that is there, instead we tend to focus on all that is not to our liking in this world.

  13. Reading this has made me appreciate that often what I resist isn’t because of something horrible about it but allowing myself to feel the beauty of it and perhaps the sadness of not allowing myself to feel it for so long.

    1. This is such a perceptive insight. We can deny beauty because we are hurt that we have disconnected from it. What a slippery character the spirit is – to catch it is so healing. We can indulge in the sadness and go on a merry-go-round with it for lifetimes, when it only takes just one moment to reconnect to it and to let the sadness go in the appreciation that we have now given ourselves permission to go there.

  14. “One look at the world today and it is clear things aren’t going so well.” It’s great to look and ask how much that is reflecting to us about how we live and contribute to that, or, is it asking us to be more of who we are and to walk that in the world – both questions to ponder.

  15. I got told today a young man is about to become a father. The first thing I thought about was your blog. I know he’ll probably never read it or have much of an interest in doing so, but I just felt me having read this will bring a perspective and understanding that I never had before that, without saying anything, I will somehow bring when I am with this young man.

  16. This beauty we carry within is beholding and when all around us is chaotic and warring, we’re able to hold steady within, be still and quietly emanate the love that we are.

    1. This week I’ve been revising about how to communicate empathy and get to understand another’s frame of reference. It’s felt like falling down the rabbit hole in order to satisfy educational demands and certain standards and, I’ll be honest, I’ve felt like I lost myself. So reading your comment fully confirms what I know and emanate when I hold steady. There is no need to walk into another’s mental and emotional frame of reference and both be lost in the quagmire when what connects us is love.

      1. Yes Anon, ‘what connects us is love’. It can be draining to try to reach another. When we surrender to the Love we already are there is no need to do or try to be anything other than be yourself.

      2. I’ve recently stepped back from always being the one who connects with others, phone calls, emails etc. The desire to constantly keep in touch with family and friends was part of a picture I held about being a ‘good sister or friend’. I’ve left this behind, the focus now is to deepen my relationship with God and self and appreciating the new spaciousness in my body.

      3. It sounds like you are studying counselling as that is what I am studying too. Indeed its easy to get lost in that world with regards to what people want you to do, believe or know in order to tick boxes; so its great that you have been able to take a step back, see this and reconnect to what is true for you .. after all is that not what it is about anyway?

  17. Very touching blog Joseph, what really comes across to me from your writing is how touched we can be by the birth of a baby and the responsibility of what comes next, and that there’s always more to feel.

    1. Agreed Julie with our Son and Daughter we feel the grandness they are and yet the delicateness at the same time, the power and yet the responsibility to support and nurture this incredible being to be all that they are.

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