A number of months ago I started to ‘feel,’ for the very first time, my shoulders. I didn’t feel the beauty of them or even their connection to my arms and the rest of my body. What I felt was how frozen they were.
Frozen as in a numbness that went so much deeper than numb, I can only describe it as frozen. I would reach back and press my fingers into different areas across my shoulders and not feel a thing. All that was there was a solid wall, if you will, that no feeling could penetrate. It was the oddest sensation and I kept pressing my fingers into my shoulders and upper back area at different times of the day as if checking that it was true, that I couldn’t feel a thing and I would ask myself how this could be possible.
It wasn’t that I didn’t have movement in my shoulders or that there was a total disconnection – it was, I realised, that my shoulders and upper back area were always tensed. Once I started to tune into this feeling of tenseness, I became curious about how it would feel to be without tension in these areas and I started focussing on relaxing them every time my attention was drawn to them, whether walking, sitting at my desk at work, driving or cooking. What I noticed most however, was the way I woke in the morning.
I would wake up with my head halfway off the pillow, my jaw clenched shut and my entire body braced for fight or flight. A lifetime of sleeping and waking this way eventually takes its toll – no wonder I was completely and utterly exhausted!
I made a choice to nominate on a daily basis this manner in which I woke. I started setting my alarm clock 15 minutes earlier than usual to spend those extra minutes focussing on and feeling my body, in particular across my shoulders, as I lay in bed.
I did not judge or question my body or myself: I simply spent time relaxing the areas of my body that were tense and poised for fight or flight. It wasn’t easy at first as the minute I would relax the muscles in a certain area, they would be tensed and ready to jump again before I knew it.
Although I continued to wake with my jaw clenched and my body braced, these 15 minutes every morning were introducing the opportunity to re-learn how to be in my body with less tension for longer moments of time. Moment by moment my body started responding and slowly the unfamiliarity of this new way of being in my body began to abate.
I also started to feel a new sensation across my shoulders and upper back area, a sort of tingling, like the burning/tingling sensation you get when the tips of your fingers are starting to thaw from being out in the snow for too long. At times this burning sensation in my shoulders was difficult to endure as its presence was fairly constant, however I welcomed it as a change from the frozen feeling of numbness and accepted that it was a very physical indication that some sort of transformation was beginning to take place.
I had intensely disliked my shoulders from the time I was in my early teens. I swam and did springboard diving as well as gymnastics throughout my teenage years and I took on the belief that it was the strength I was building in my shoulders that made them look and feel so broad. On a subtler level there was also the understanding that I was actually wielding them as a weapon to keep people out and my true self locked in.
Looking back now, I can see and feel how what I was doing was simply building a fortress across my shoulders as a response to, and to protect myself from, the energetic attacks directed at me from the time I was a child. I had been living with the energy of terror as a result of these attacks from a very young age … the fight or flight reaction eventually became automatic and a learned way for me to be in my body.
While I was growing up I was unaware of all the many little choices I had been making and the consequences and impact they would have on my body and wellbeing. Being able to neither fight nor flee, the energy began to accumulate in my shoulders.
All these years I thought it was my shoulders I hated. Over the last few weeks I have come to realise that it was not my shoulders I so despised but the energy stored in them.
As the freeze continued to thaw, the burning/tingling sensation across my shoulders would come and go depending on how present I was with myself and with my body. When I wasn’t present in the moment, I would find my body automatically defaulting back to its familiar holding pattern of old but with the added burning/tingling sensation; it became a great joy to actually feel this as an uncomfortable feeling in my body rather than feeling absolutely nothing at all due to my shoulder area being under the ‘big freeze.’
This tingling sensation became my sign to pause, gather myself and adjust the way I was sitting, walking, driving and moving. In doing so, I started feeling a newfound freedom in my muscles and cells that has allowed for my shoulders to drop to a much more relaxed natural position. My neck and jaw have responded accordingly and this then has filtered down to how I am moving with and in the rest of my body, allowing for a deeper stillness that I can feel building from which my movements are expressing forth.
In an afternoon, some months ago my body started to shake. This shaking started from my shoulder area and went the length of my arms, with my hands shaking uncontrollably. My upper torso was shaking too, to the point where my son had to support me to get from the car into the house. Rather than freaking out, I started observing this shaking in my body which had moved down into my legs as well. I had a very strong feeling that I needed to come back to my centre and that my body needed to be handled with tenderness and great care. After several failed attempts I somehow managed to connect to the stillness within me and as I did so, the shaking lessened and my jaw relaxed somewhat. This ebb and flow continued for several hours but at some point I was able to lie down in bed and fall asleep.
I woke the next morning completely and utterly drained, with a high temperature and a splitting headache. I stayed in bed all day, mostly sleeping. As my body restored itself, I began to understand that my body was undergoing a mega clearing of the energy stored.
The high temperature, the shaking and the clenched jaw were the coming to the surface and the release in action of the energy of terror that I had been keeping imprisoned within my shoulder area for a lifetime.
Several weeks ago, I woke for the very first time with my head resting on the pillow, my upper body muscles relaxed and a new feeling in my body – close to what the feeling of being rested must be like. Waking up in a body void of being braced for attack felt almost a defeat at first, like I was finally letting the destructive energy win.
As I lay in bed allowing myself to feel the truth of what was taking place, I began to feel a sense of awe. The realisation that this must be what waking up is all about… feeling rested and refreshed, filled with joy for waking in a body that feels amazing.
This deep inner healing has reflected for me the truth of what true healing is all about and that there is no one else who can bestow true healing or indeed a miracle upon me. The Esoteric Practitioners of Universal Medicine can lovingly and beautifully support me in my healing, however it is I who chooses my own healing and my own miracle; the loving choices I make on a moment by moment basis enable me to move in such a way as to those movements being ones of self-love and healing.
Re-learning to make my choices loving ones has come about through my attendance at Universal Medicine workshops, courses and sessions presented by Serge Benhayon and Natalie Benhayon, and by being witness to the absolute commitment and dedication to truth that these amazing beings and their family live with and move in.
By Brigette Evans, a woman re-claiming and returning to her true self, Worcestershire, UK
Related Reading:
How to listen to your body
The Body’s True Intelligence
Self Care Tips
Words on Serge Benhayon 
The instantaneity of loosing our connection through a wayward thought can be devastating to our bodies.
This is such a telling sentence,”All these years I thought it was my shoulders I hated. Over the last few weeks I have come to realise that it was not my shoulders I so despised but the energy stored in them.” Like so many people reading this blog I have never considered the energy I have stored in my right shoulder, by hanging onto to all the nervous tension, hurts and disappointments of a childhood where I didn’t feel heard or understood. The truth is we are so much more than the energy we have absorbed, we have a tendency to focus on this rather than understand that if we were to let go of the ideals, beliefs, and tickets on how we think life should be, it would be possible to open ourselves up to a life of greater magnitude and more magic.
Gill I was struck by the use of the word honour, we do not seem to honour ourselves but treat our bodies as some sort of mechanical apparatus.
Thank You Brigette, as when we are aligned to an ill 👽 thoughts the energy 👽 that we are aligning to brings so much discomfort to our bodies eventually but when we align to God and the Love❤️of our Soul 😇 our bodies has no need to feel the ill-ways of the past.
“feeling rested and refreshed, filled with joy for waking in a body that feels amazing.” A beautiful marker from your body of living your truth.
I have found the Universal Medicine Esoteric connective tissue therapy a modality that supports the connective tissues in our bodies to soften and thereby allow a flow of energy to move through our bodies. This supports our bodies to free up and not hold ourselves in the tension that we call life. Holding our bodies in so much tension is draining and is it possible that this draining of energy is the cause of exhaustion that many of us struggle with in our everyday lives?
❤️ Absoulutely Mary, Esoteric Connective Tissue Therapy (ECTT) definitely is a modality that works on many levels 😇 and with the most gentle and Loving 💑 movements 🔑 ECTT brings the most amazing healing 🙏 to our bodies 🔥.
Our bodies can tell us so much about ourselves that we otherwise would not care to listen to.
I loved coming back to this blog – what healing there is on offer the moment we begin to take notice and then give ourselves permission to let go! This really feels like the most miraculous of realisations, Brigette, as it has taken you and your body to whole new level of awareness and loving expression.
Amazing healing you have shared Brigette, and adding the space to heal ourselves in the early hours of our day makes perfect sense to be part of a normal rhythm.
It is very revealing how much energy of childhood experiences is stored in our body and beautiful that your understanding through Universal Medicine has offered the opportunity to be free.
I went to see a Universal Medicine practitioner many years ago and they asked me if I had fallen out of a tree when I was young? I was astounded as I had, I had fallen about 20 feet out of the tree I was climbing onto my back, it took the wind out of me that’s for sure. But how could they feel that in my body after all those years had gone by? I now know that our bodies store the energy of any experience that is out of harmony with it. I had been carrying that experience the body felt for years and the whiplash from a car accident which they also found! So Mary, I know from my own experience that our bodies store incidents and accidents and they do have an effect on our mental and physical wellbeing.
‘I did not judge or question my body or myself” This is great Brigette, I recently began approaching my own body this way, accepting more where my body is and being more open to what it is showing me, without criticism of myself but with understanding. I always enjoy your writing, I hope you will publish a book – I would love to keep reading.
This happened to someone in our team, she went through a similar experience…..thanks for sharing
This is an amazing blog and a great discussion topic because we do store our hurts in our body and it does go somewhere. By releasing the energy stored in our bodies enables us to relax and recuperate then we don’t have to live our days feeling so exhausted all the time as living in nervous tension is the exhaustion we feel and live with every day.
Observing how during Esoteric Yoga sessions I have noticed how long it takes me to really feel my shoulders and now reading this great blog by Brigette, I feel inspired to dive deeper into connecting with my shoulders and understanding why they may feel more numb than other areas of my body, even if I have great mobility in them too. This blog also makes me realise how our bodies are a veritable playground of wisdom, and if we simply choose to connect to them deeply, each area of the body has a story to tell and to teach us about ourselves and how we have been living in the world, and once connected to it can open up a whole new way of being.
Michaelgoohart36 I agree with you, my body is constantly communicating with me. When I am not open to everyone it is usually my right shoulder that starts to ache and it draws up towards my ear as I contract away from something I don’t want to see, hear or feel, so therefore deal with. We are constantly reacting to life and when we do this we put our bodies under unnecessary strain. It is the constant reaction to life or the world that keeps us all in this emotional turmoil, the energy that is produced is then used by another life force that we for now cannot see, but it doesn’t mean it is not there feeding off our emotional reactions. A bit like the story/film Monsters Inc.
Brigette, I have just re-read your blog and appreciate deeply how you gave yourself the time and space to build back your relationship with your body and your shoulders and allowed what needed to be released so that you could return to the more natural way of being in your body. This is very inspiring to anyone, to simply learn to listen and feel and not judge nor try to fix what is happening but rather to understand the body and its messages.
When we give ourselves space our bodies will talk loud and clear, when we distract ourselves with whatever flavour of distraction we choose we have effectively silenced our bodies but they are being affected none the less. Living in a way that supports our bodies so that we sense what is happening around us is the best medicine there is.
I rarely feel a beauty or the true sensation of the body, usually it is covered by aches and pains. Even when I try to consciously connect to what’s truly underneath i find it quite difficult. But in recent times I have been doing Esoteric Yoga and there the focus is that, to connect to the natural beauty within and I have started to get snippets of what that actually is. It is not an exaggerated thing where all of the sudden i feel like the beauty queen of the world or that every man would want to be with me – quite the opposite actually, this beauty i don’t care if it is seen, it doesn’t need to be recognised, acknowledged or admired. It is simply for me and if so happens that another person clocks it, then the delight felt is different. I don’t get pumped up or my ego doesn’t get a boost, I simply feel a sense of ease within myself.
Thank you Viktoria, I really enjoyed reading all you have shared, and yes that beauty within is not for others, but they may feel it and realise they have it as well – how truly beauty-full for all.
It really makes you question the purpose of beauty contests and competitions, doesn’t it.
Beauty in your shoulders… what?! I love what you are presenting, that perhaps there is more to our bodies than we care to admit. I am used to complaining about a pain here, an ache there – but to connect to what’s beneath it is all new, all an exploration and a good one at that. Sometimes when my move my shoulders and get a sense of delicacy, i get amazed – amazed that this is a movement I am capable of. When we are used to the harshness (I know I am and i know that I have never thought that delicacy was up my sleeve), you would never think that it is so natural, so innate and easy, the movements come as a surprise, almost like a gift. But this can be built upon and it can become our normal – imagine that, delicacy becoming our normal… now this is something worth working towards 🙂
Wow. I really get a sense that healing is our own reconciliation within, and this undoing can only be initiated from within, by ourselves.
For generations we have been led to believe that God will at some point come and save us all. I remember being taught this at school. But what if we had to save ourselves? What if we were tricked or lied to and we have all been hanging around waiting for God to rescue us. What if we were the ones that decided to separate from God surely it would be our responsibility to reconnect back to him then we would have saved ourselves.
Our body is the constant communicator and barometer of how we are handling what we are feeling.
I appreciate the timely reminder Henrietta that my body is showing me that I am dulling down my awareness so as to not really feel what is actually going on. I’m trying to fix something that actually is unfixable because it’s all about energy, and if someone chooses to use a negative energy I cannot fix that, or make things better but instead hold what I know to be true and walk from that knowing.
Brigette, I too am aware of the tension that I can hold in my shoulders and in my jaw. I often wake up with a sore jaw or even have some trouble opening it as it cracks. This shows that I too am holding the tension I have felt in the day, and expressing it with the tightness in my jaw and shoulders at night…This is good to be aware of and I can admit that I hold tension and that I can hear how my body is communicating this to me. Next step is to sit with the what and the why of the tension to understand it and myself better.
It’a amazing how much our body posture reflects the way we live life.
And equally how the way that we live is then reflected in our body posture. If I live a life of sadness then it’s guaranteed that I won’t have an elongated spine, an open chest and a wrinkle free forehead.
‘I did not judge or question my body or myself: I simply spent time relaxing the areas of my body that were tense and poised for fight or flight. ‘ I love how loving you are with yourself. Recently my shoulder blades have ached so much I’ve not known why. They feel incredibly tender so, after reading this, I shall move them in great tenderness.
I can hold tension in my shoulders pretty easily – I will be doing a job or working on my computer and realise how much tightness I am holding. It is a common area to hold tension and is often called the stress triangle as we can be tight in the shoulders and neck. The first phase of this is to bring awareness to what we are doing and then in the process we can begin to make a change however big or small in the way that we are moving and learn to let this stress out in a different way. Thank you Brigette for this gorgeous sharing and a gentle reminder for me to keep an awareness of how I am holding myself so it does not take over and become a ‘permanent feature’! 😉
Sometimes, when we first begin to feel things and give ourselves permission to go there, what we feel is not pleasant, but it is a start. A beginning of opening up the eyes and ears to our body and being honest with what is actually happening.
‘This deep inner healing’ – words that are music to my ears as they invite me to explore ever deeper and not just put up with what is shown on the surface.
I can so relate to what you share here Brigette … although my shoulders were up around my ears from living in constant nervous tension and anxiousness, breathing shallowly whilst being super busy fixing everything and everyone else so then I would be ok = all about a lack of self worth and a totally exhaustive way of living! Asking myself, how would it be to have my shoulders down and relaxed all the time has been a game-changer – a very simple question but profound in effect.
Paula we can also go into sympathy with another’s situation and try to help them, this is something I have done for years, it started when I was a child. I’m just starting to understand that sympathy is not at all supportive for the other person/ people because I do not know the entire history of why they are behaving or acting in a way that I feel they need my help, that also brings judgement into the mix as well, after all who am I to judge another for what ever situation they are in. This is a huge learning for us all.
“…. is I who chooses my own healing and my own miracle; the loving choices I make on a moment by moment basis enable me to move in such a way as to those movements being ones of self-love and healing.” This shows us the power of choice. How we choose to live, move, eat etc makes a massive difference to our health. One day Western medicine will truly wake up to this fact and there are signs in some quarters this is happening.
At times our bodies show us that there is a way of movement that is not helping our wellbeing and needs to be corrected but we have this attitude of ‘when I’ve done this then I’ll pay attention’ and then we resent the body for showing us that we need to pay attention. The signs are always there but we are masters at ignoring them.
‘I simply spent time relaxing the areas of my body that were tense and poised for fight or flight…’Focusing on areas of our body like this really does bring a space that healing can work its magic on.
Our bodies are such wise counsels and patient like I have never known patient before.
Our bodies do shout out loud and clear with messages about what is needed to look after it.
I love the example you have offered here of a choice to reverse the disconnection most of us have with our body, and showing how it is not always an instantaneous change, but may require step by step rebuilding. “…no one else who can bestow true healing or indeed a miracle upon me”, how true.
I have never had a frozen shoulder but when I read ‘the Big Thaw’ my body responded noticeably and even though I have worked through many layers of withdrawal and protection from the world, I am inspired by the fact that there is always more surrender and letting go to experience.
This is so amazing. That through observation, and awareness with your body and a willingness to take time for you your body had a huge release that even when it was happening you made it about connecting to you and did not panic. We could all learn something from this.
It does not matter how great the healing support is that we receive, at the base line “… it is I who chooses my own healing and my own miracle…” This is so true and when we realise this our whole approach to our healing changes as we then no longer looking to someone else to fix our problems.
I love that time last thing at night and first thing in the morning when we can bring our attention to our body and allow ourselves to deeply feel.
I too hold a lot of tension in my shoulders and have recently been spending 20 minutes most mornings just being with me, my breath and my body. Time to focus more on my shoulders and surrendering. Will be interesting to observe the effect this has. Thankyou for sharing Brigette.
Bringing our attention to our bodies offers endless opportunities to get to know ourselves better; to understand the way we feel and to realise the changes we can make in our day to day lives.
I agree with you Matilda. Bringing awareness to our bodies develops a relationship that we may not have had before, as we seem to take our bodies for granted and expect them to function in a similar way to a machine. When we make life all about function then we have lost the grandness of who we truly are and our amazing potential.
“Re-learning to make my choices loving ones has come about through my attendance at Universal Medicine workshops, courses and sessions presented by Serge Benhayon and Natalie Benhayon, and by being witness to the absolute commitment and dedication to truth that these amazing beings and their family live with and move in.” This applies to myself too and to many students of Universal medicine. It’s amazing how making different lifestyle choices can make such a change to our lives.
Brigette this is a huge confirmation of how we can if we chose change a life time of self protection and the damage this has on our bodies.
To me Serge Benhayon and his family are offering a space and opportunity to reconnect back to the love that resides within us all. All the presentations and workshops that take place are all in this vein; a support.
Though everything they say, and how they are with themselves and as a family reflects back to us all that there is a more loving way to live our lives if we so chose.
Impressive program you did put yourself on. I will try the same for my legs as well. Thanks for the inspiration Brigitte.
‘these 15 minutes every morning were introducing the opportunity to re-learn how to be in my body with less tension for longer moments of time.’ Our bodies really do have a wisdom that we can let be when we don’t restrict them.
Its amazing how much tension we can hold in our bodies without even being aware of it. And often its not until something snaps or breaks as a result of the tension that we clock the severity of it. Not allowing tension to build up in the body is hugely important when it comes to helping it stay supple.
And there is always meaning!
We have been living with the tensions we are living with for so long that we have become oblivious to the harm living in and with such tensions cause. And as you point out, Shirley-Ann, even in quite small amounts these tensions are harming but we don’t want to know so we soldier on until the levels these tensions reach become a stop moment and we are suddenly confronted with having to look in the eye the choices we’ve been making which got us to this point and start taking responsibility for how got here. Or not. Either way we will have to make room for taking back the responsibility of our choices – freely or through illness and dis-ease.
‘it was not my shoulders I so despised but the energy stored in them.’ What a revelation and we could look at any part of our body in this way. Start to detox and change the energy and we begin to bring back love and acceptance and even appreciation.
This is revelation indeed. It may be off point but the part of myself I’ve struggled with all my life has been my hair. I’ve hated how unruly it’s been, how it has not conformed to the magazine pictures of hairstyles I wanted. Accepting my hair for where it’s at is a process. I have even had vague panics about how it is but there are days when I marvel at how amazing it is. Detoxing myself from ideals I’ve absorbed about how I should look and be to accepting and being.
Having ideals and pictures of how parts of our body ‘should be’ is a killer. Accepting and even appreciating what we have and what we have chosen, rather than self-judgment, does make a huge difference.
Too true, Shirley-Ann. And I would so much rather be in the process of displacing all that I have been holding on to regardless of the discomfort, allowing me to move in to the ‘…amazing expansion and return to all that we are…’! Rome wasn’t built in a day and neither will my return to the all that I am happen overnight, but I am the architect of my own design mastering the art of the blueprint.