I Respectfully Disagree

Are we as one-humanity collectively ‘out of kilter’? Do we pay enough credence to how we relate to one another in relation to the health we individually and collectively experience? And is the next step in our evolution to bring a level of harmony to all our interactions, to seed forth a way of being in community far grander than our current model?

I recently had an experience in a group meeting where I was feeling the tension of something another was saying. A familiar feeling of unease started to arise in my body; tension caused by not agreeing with what someone else thought and was sharing. Yet I knew this was my own process of accepting the differences that can arise at any time when we are living and interacting in the world.

This, I’m sure, is a common experience where there is a strong desire for others to experience situations as we do, to relate in the same way and be in agreement with our views, for us to essentially be confirmed as right and thus justified in righteousness. When this doesn’t occur it often results in confrontation and argument, where one or both parties may go into shutdown mode, where we may silently curse another, feeling disbelief that they can’t see our point of view.

So how to respond when such feelings arise? In this example I felt it was important for me to convey what I was experiencing – what felt true for me. So I waited my turn to speak and then shared as openly as I could my viewpoint, but in this sharing I made sure I wasn’t forceful, that there was no imposition or pressing to be ‘right’ and I made it clear that this was my view, not one others had to share.

Towards the end of the meeting I could feel there was a remaining tension from the process and so I shared the view with the group that it was OK to disagree, that this was a natural process we had to go through, and that our relationships were more important than the outcome, that they were in fact part of the outcome. To maintain harmony in our relationship as a group was the key aspect of how we handle anything that arises. From this honesty, we were able to ‘respectfully disagree.’

These last two words are missing in our societies today, our tabloid style media, being a rather obvious example where points are pressed home to score hits with collateral damage, focussing derision on anyone who doesn’t fit into a predetermined social norm. It is also seen widely in social media and online forums where we hide behind our screens and aim barbs at those who dare to have a different point of view to our own – heightened by the anonymous ways we often interact.

Why such sensational outbursts? Why such anger in our confrontational manner? Where is our ability to respectfully disagree, to allow another to have their view? Have we become rather mean in our societies, unable to show allowing and understanding for differences?

And what is the harm to us and all those who experience this? What effect does this disrespect have on our bodies? Is this a poison that seeps through all who engage with it? How much simpler it is to have decency and love for one another regardless of our point of view. This for me is how we move as a society towards harmonious relationships and collective good health.

How we relate to one another is as important as any lifestyle choice. We can all choose to take that and start appreciating that we can always respectfully disagree, and that needing another to share our outlook is neither healthy nor realistic. We can give each other the grace to experience life in our own unique ways and let the truth unfold. I have been observing that truth always rises to the surface, and there can be no true learning unless I am respectful and considerate.

We can always choose to hold one another in regard, irrespective of our differing views. In the situation I shared above, I am learning to trust that the outcome will be guided by the process, one that I wish to be about openness in communication, respect for one another, and love for all.

May all our relationships move towards the level of harmony, love and truth that is our natural way.

By Stephen 

Related Reading:
Self-care: Expressing how you feel
How do you have communication without reaction?

689 thoughts on “I Respectfully Disagree

  1. ‘…we can always respectfully disagree, and that needing another to share our outlook is neither healthy nor realistic.” Great wisdom here to live by, and accepting differing points of view but maintaining our respect, decency and harmony together is so important. I’ve been very caught in that consciousness at times believing that others need to see things as I do, it’s an awful feeling in the body, and can be very tied to being ‘right’.

  2. Collectively💜 as 👩🏿‍🎓 students of The LIVINGNESS we have 🐬🐬🐬🐬 porpoise 🐬 🐬🐬🐬 in an ocean of space and are ABSOULUTELY not getting 💦wet 💦 and that is 🍑 peachy as we are spherical

  3. Being able to respectfully disagree is certainly healthier than pretending to agree and live with judgement or pushing ones own opinion onto others.

    1. Or walking away grumbling and talking about the person or situation behind peoples back. We can all feel when we are being talked about in a disrespectful way and it is very harming.

  4. Serge Benhayon presenting the Ageless Wisdom of the difference between an accepted reality and truth offers an ever deepening understanding of the meaning of the word ‘truth’.

  5. Is it not amazing to develop relationships that share everything and doing this with non-imposition is one of the most Loving things we can do. As True-love never imposes on another!

  6. “How much simpler it is to have decency and love for one another regardless of our point of view.” There can never be enough call to decency and respect, not just in disagreements but in every part of life. These simple values are the bedrock foundation that’s sorely missing in communities, it is present but not enough, and that is evidenced by both the subtle and more extreme forms of abuse. I was also appreciating your words about the process we are all in when disagreements happen, and to give everyone space to be where they are and unfold in their own way. Thanks Stephen, a timeless piece of writing.

  7. In all honesty, starting with absolute honesty can be too much for some as when we are ready to hear something it will be shared in a way that is non-judge-mental and thus is felt for it’s Livingness. The student and teacher can arise to the same level when we both see everyone as equals and allow another the right to make their own choices.

  8. “there can be no true learning unless I am respectful and considerate.” Completely relatable as recently I found myself judging another and I wanted to know why. In my judgment, I was completely blind to any form of understanding. When I took a step back with support from another I was able to be considerate, understand another angle sans judgment and from there become much more respectful of the other.

    1. I know for me I feel cut off from learning if there’s judgement, it’s a superior position and very tied to right and wrong, and so I’m not open to just observe, learn and understand. The judgement also means I can close communication, and feel the other is inferior which means I also cut myself off from learning from what the other person has to share, and from what they are experiencing.

  9. Stephen this is a great blog as it is asking us to go deeper and pick apart this desire or need to be right and if there is a right then there has to be a wrong.
    To hold someone in regard no matter that our views differ surely this is more important than the topic of discussion.

  10. Thanks Stephen, great to read this again, it’s true how we can want others to see it our way and not offer space to simply be with our own viewpoint and allow others theirs. It’s a key point you’ve raised about separating the person from the viewpoint and maintaining our harmony together despite the differences we have in how we see things.

  11. The very first time I listened to Serge Benhayon speak I heard things that challenged much of what I believed as fact but the resonance and vibration I felt in my body told me very clearly that I was hearing truth.

  12. Stephen this is a great question to ask
    “Are we as one-humanity collectively ‘out of kilter’?”
    And I would say yes we are, just recently I was talking to some men and they opened up about their experience of being in a war.
    It was obvious to me that both of these men had been completely traumatized by their experiences, they could relate incidents as though they were yesterday which shows me they have not healed the shock and horror of their experiences. We wondered why we go to war why we are so angry and abusive towards each other, how is it possible that these men who went to war when they were young are still carrying with them in their bodies the energy of their experiences so that now in their older years they have no settlement and find it hard to interact with others and life. And this is just two men there are thousands of others that are affected as well and all the families that have to cope with the death of a loved one or having to cope with the knock on effect of an injury. Why do we put ourselves through such suffering? Where has it got humanity absolutely nowhere.

    1. We don’t question things enough Mary, and we don’t hate things like war enough either, so we aren’t eradicating the things that don’t truly belong in human life. To me conversation has never been so important, to allow people to express how they truly feel and for us all to grow and learn from one another and keep evolving. We need to keep our sensitivities and values alive so we can identify issues we know are not true ways for humanity to be, and I find conversation great for this. Thanks for your comment Mary, it’s absolutely huge what those men have experienced.

  13. How we are in our relationships with self and others is a key factor in how we feel about ourselves and others – and this can change from day to day and moment to moment depending on which source of energy we are standing in. No different to looking out the window one day and feeling like it is an amazing view and space and then looking out the same window at the same view another day and feeling like it is all grey and lifeless – a constant reflection of how we feel on the inside and how we choose to perceive life.

    1. I agree Henrietta what we feel on the inside is reflected to the outside. So we need to constantly look within because it is with that our greatest treasure lies.

  14. When someone does or says something that we do not agree with, it is OK for this to happen – sometimes I have to remind myself of this, remind myself that the world does not all have to be like I would like it to be! This might sound silly and self centered but we do all carry ideas and pictures about how we would like things to be and then can be upset when they are not like that, and at the same time, when we have connected to the truth, then another might not be connecting to it and once again this is something to just learn to be OK with as they will in their own time and understanding come to a one unified Truth too. But most importantly it is not about being right or wrong, it is simply about allowing ourselves to observe, to learn and to grow on all levels.

    1. Henrietta there is something in what you say
      “This might sound silly and self centered but we do all carry ideas and pictures about how we would like things to be and then can be upset when they are not like that, and at the same time,”
      As a child I wanted everyone to get on with each other and not be at war with each other. I tried to be the peacemaker, it never worked because we are so entrenched in who’s right and who’s wrong, we seem to value this above anything else, which destroys any glimmer of harmony that could be brought to a situation.

  15. Stephen, this feels very true; ‘We can always choose to hold one another in regard, irrespective of our differing views.’ If we were respectful and understanding of other peoples views this would allow for more understanding and acceptance and allow for a more loving and caring society.

    1. This is very true and possible is we let go of the need or want to be right. I am discovering there is no right or wrong just a learning to accept and move on from.

  16. “May all our relationships move towards the level of harmony, love and truth that is our natural way”
    Yes and when we see it in our own lives so too we will one-day see it in the systems -education, law….that for now can feel so heartless.

  17. “I am learning to trust that the outcome will be guided by the process, one that I wish to be about openness in communication, respect for one another, and love for all” – this is just so poignant to me right now. I am about to have what could be a very uncomfortable conversation, and I can feel how I am already wanting to have an image of an outcome – whatever that might be, and I can feel how that posture could easily influence and dictate the quality and the course of communication, and I would be completely missing the point of the conversation to start with, that I am making it about something other than truth, love and harmony.

    1. Having an image about an outcome I have discovered is pure illusion a false reality. I was asked to do something and I felt I would be rubbish at the task. When the task was completed it actually wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be. This is a complete set up by the spirit that had me feeling that everything was much better when I had missed the opportunity to feel what was going on and move from that point. I went straight into the comfort of it wasn’t that bad. I feel this is something we do accept something less when there is so much more to discover.

  18. ‘tension caused by not agreeing with what someone else thought and was sharing. Yet I knew this was my own process of accepting the differences that can arise at any time when we are living and interacting in the world.’ I have found this article really supportive, when I feel tension in my body from something I do not agree with I have found that I can relax and let this tension go, this feels so much more steady and consistent rather than going in and out of tension depending on what is happening around me.

  19. “We can always choose to hold one another in regard, irrespective of our differing views.” As England goes through the Brexit process some politicians would bode well to read this blog.

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