To Moan or to Appreciate… a Choice?

When we stop to listen to what people are saying – the way they talk about their lives, relationships, themselves – do we hear moaning or appreciation? It appears that it is more common to have a negative slant on things, with a tendency to blame or complain about the situations we find ourselves in.

Our media industry demonstrates better than anywhere else that the supply and demand for negativity, drama and emotionalism is a feedback loop we have created and continue to feed with gusto.

Could it be that this endless diet of invasive interest in other people’s lives, mishaps, challenges and shortcomings keeps us in a distracted, irresponsible relationship with life, looking out at others in competition and comparison rather than simply taking responsibility for our lives and the opportunities we have to make a difference, by our choices and the way we live?

Yes, it is important to be very aware of what is going on around us – observing the social climates we have built. But that is where our focus can stop, inspiring us to consider what would really make a difference rather than getting in deeper and deeper, feeding off or lost in the quagmire of gossip.

Our magazines, newspapers and online news feeds are becoming ever more salacious, extreme, sensationalist and embroidered. Journalism is not the simple, clear recording of facts and dissemination of truth, it is the emotional dramatisation of events loaded with bias, innuendo and opinion. And we appear to love it: a diet of distraction and drama that we are loath to let go of.

It is in the disconnection within ourselves that we hunt for, and thirst after, the gossip about others; this keeps us in competition and comparison with each other – either worthless because our lives, our look, our home or our cooking are so below standard, or relieved about the fact that someone is worse off than us or has ‘stuffed up’ more than us.

Whilst we keep responsibility at arm’s length, nothing is going to change. Until we are prepared to look quietly and honestly at the quality with which we live, take care of ourselves, interact in our relationships, live in our homes, commit to our work, drive, walk, cook, think… we have to accept that we are part of the perpetuation of the cycle of distraction and abuse that is our media, online communication, everyday gossip and one-upmanship.

Exposing all of the above and being honest about it provides us with the always fresh opportunity to approach our lives differently; introducing appreciation and responsibility as a super strong tag team that can arrest our habits outlined above. When we wake up in the morning and before we turn on the radio, television, computer, could we take a moment to consider the anything, everything and all that we have to appreciate? The smallest to the vast: the warmth of our feet, the people in the house with us, birdsong, fresh air to breathe, the opportunity the day offers to meet others, the fresh slate that every day (actually every moment) offers and the power at our fingertips to make changes in our lives simply by the way we move, touch things, handle ourselves.

To moan or to appreciate?

Could it be that this choice is a life-changer?

Repeating patterns or calling the changes?

Over to us : )


By Judy Joy and Matilda Bathurst

Related Reading:
Serge Benhayon TV Episode 7 – The Science of Responsibility
What is the Science of Appreciation and how does it evolve all of our relationships?
Accountability

459 thoughts on “To Moan or to Appreciate… a Choice?

  1. “When we stop to listen to what people are saying – the way they talk about their lives, relationships, themselves – do we hear moaning or appreciation?” This prompted another question in me – which is; when we stop and listen to people, what do we WANT to hear them saying. If we accept that we live in a supply/demand world, is it possible that we are actually all dragging each other down? In that there are many of us who would rather hear their friends and neighbours moan about their lives, thus giving us relief from feeling less terrible ourselves. And so, if we do hear someone appreciating and loving their lives, we tend to cut them down rather than embrace and deepen that appreciation. If this is happening all over, then is it any wonder that it becomes the norm? So are we in fact demanding the supply of moaning that we are getting, simply so that we can feel better ourselves? If so, this is pretty gross and shaming.

  2. Brilliant! The word itself, ‘moaning’, has such a heavy feel about it and so obviously takes us down. It drains. Moaning always has a cost, it is undertaken not only at the expense of others but mostly particularly our own. To appreciate builds and lifts, it accumulates, much like having a bank account which accrues interest. It costs nothing.

    1. The word ‘moaning’, gave me a picture of an old wooden ship protesting from a lifetime of keeping out the sea and the masts caching the wind. What are we holding back when we moan?

  3. Appreciation changes life, I have no doubt I am more joyful because I appreciate. I can learn to do this more, but I would recommend it is a worthwhile choice to make life about what feels truth and loving and beautiful, it is great to be honest about it all and see the yuck, but to feed it and give it control well that just does not make sense…

  4. There is so much to learn here on the planet in every little thing that we do. How can we not appreciate that? To not appreciate this is to be totally resistant to learning. We can choose to moan about it if we want to, but that only reveals a laziness and lack of love for life.

  5. I find it super supportive to be aware of life around me during the day, especially a beautiful bird singing, a leaf falling just before my feet, a lovely conversation with someone or anything like that. It makes me feel the lightness in life.

  6. “Whilst we keep responsibility at arm’s length, nothing is going to change. Until we are prepared to look quietly and honestly at the quality with which we live, take care of ourselves, interact in our relationships, live in our homes, commit to our work, drive, walk, cook, think… we have to accept that we are part of the perpetuation of the cycle of distraction and abuse that is our media, online communication, everyday gossip and one-upmanship.” Absolutely. Taking responsibility for ourselves at a true level is key to implementing change in any aspect of our lives.

  7. When we wake up it’s becoming more common for our first attention to be our phone, the news, the TV etc., but as you’ve shared in your blog what about reflecting of the quality of our sleep, checking in on how we get out of bed, connecting with other people etc.?

    1. That’s so true, most of us probably sleep with our mobile phones right by our sides and we then continue to use them as a form of distraction throughout the day.

    2. My brother used to light up a cigarette as soon as he woke up…something that everyone would now recognise as pretty bad for our health…is reaching for the phone any less harming?

  8. Based on my own experience I would say that most of us moan or pretend that everything in our lives is ‘fine and dandy’ but on a closer inspection this is not the case at all. There is a propensity in us to put on a façade to the world that we are coping and there is some truth in this but we are coping with the aid of alcohol, drugs and food which take the edge off life so that we don’t have to feel what is really going on. More and more people are checking out on life and sooner or later this is going to have a major impact on the workforce.

    1. Social Media plays a huge part in this. The facade that we present to the world that thus makes each of us feel even lonelier; including the person who is sharing the false pictures, who is left with the emptiness – and thus why they need the ‘likes’ and ‘responses’.

  9. There is so much about the old institutions that are being shown up for the corruption and greed that is at the core of these establishments and as you have shared “ introducing appreciation and responsibility as a super strong tag team that can arrest our habits outlined above” and may I add Love and Joy seeing you bring it up Judy. Now that is a quartet worthy of any proponent of The Livingness!

  10. When we see life as an opportunity to learn in every moment then there is no need to moan as we have life’s rich tapestry to grow from.

    1. Very wise Fiona, and very true, and life presents those timely little packages, when we are ready to learn some more. And sometimes I have reacted to these packages which changes nothing, but every time I ask, what is the learning here, the answer comes, and things shift pretty quickly.

  11. I have to say I have moaned about things a lot in life and didn’t think I was someone who’d not say anything!! But this is so false.Now I’m learning to stop myself, something annoys me and I am starting to look deeper – what is it that disturbs? What is there for me to learn? Sometimes the want to go off on a moaning rant is great but it feels terrible and it never appeases the emotions. What stops them in their tracks is honesty and asking how I am involved in the issue because from there, I can see where I can bring harmony.

  12. There’s a big difference in how moaning or appreciating feels in our bodies: moaning has a dragging, contacted and heavy feeling, and appreciating feels light and expansive – and like anything is possible.

  13. ‘It is in the disconnection within ourselves that we hunt for, and thirst after, the gossip about others; this keeps us in competition and comparison with each other – either worthless because our lives, our look, our home or our cooking are so below standard, or relieved about the fact that someone is worse off than us or has ‘stuffed up’ more than us.’ – This really hits the nail on the head – how is it we have become so far from who we are in essence, when deep down, what we yearn to reconnect to is brotherhood and love?

  14. “Our media industry demonstrates better than anywhere else that the supply and demand for negativity, drama and emotionalism is a feedback loop we have created and continue to feed with gusto.” indeed it does, why would someone change the stories if the people want to read the stories that are being published even if they are full of lies?

  15. Judy and Matilda, I can feel how it is easy to get involved in moaning about things and people and actually this feels awful and makes life feel flat and hard. When I get involved in or instigate appreciating, this feels completely different, I feel a zest for life and life feels brighter and more joyful.

  16. We (humanity) are indeed living off this dramatisation of events… just look at the ‘real life shows’ about house building, cooking etc. They look to take something that could be simple, everyday and normal, and then focus on an emotional rollercoaster, the drama of things going wrong, the suffering that ensues to the people involved. This makes popular TV and indicates exactly what we are currently looking for from our media.

  17. We are the ones that have fed the media industry and have become comfortable sleeping with the beast. After all, it is our creation! I have heard that the time to worry for a manager, is when the staff stop moaning! Have we ingrained complaining as a natural part of life or, could it be a part of something darker keeping us from being all we are?

  18. ‘To moan or to appreciate? Could it be that this choice is a life-changer?’ – Beyond a doubt, one fosters struggle and misery and the other fosters harmony and joy.

  19. “Over to us : ) ” – we are the cause and the result of our lives. There is simply no way to escape the responsiblilty of that fact.

  20. Appreciation is so powerful, I stop for a moment to appreciate yesterday as I was working at my desk and I could feel everything around me shifted and it felt spacious and still. The yumminess in my body was a feeling of settlement. I am learning to appreciate more and more, to make these moments more of a regular occurrence throughout my day, as I can sometimes go into drive and distracted with what I am doing.

  21. Moan is such an English word that captures precisely the energy of complaining, whining, and all around negativity. Moaning is an enormous self indulgence that has seeped through every part of society, and ultimately brings us a miserable life. What’s great is once you know that, you can stop…!

  22. Just to go on a bit though…. if we don’t recognise what we are being fed, we will regurgitate that “bias, innuendo and opinion” and it becomes our normal way to communicate. Gossip and drama is what we search out because the truth just sounds so boring. Give me truth any day, it is far better for mental and physical health!!!

  23. To realise we are rarely left to make our own opinions because what is written is “loaded with bias, innuendo and opinion” is a bit of an eye-opener. It is only when you are on the receiving end of this abuse of the truth that you realise what you are being fed and learn to detach from believing everything you read.

    1. Yes – when you know a real life situation personally, and then watch how it is twisted in the media.. only then do you become fully aware of how much a story is edited to suit the bias of the newspaper and/or the reporter.

  24. In the wider context of global affairs, and with what is truly actually going on with and between people all over the world, does moaning about what is dis-satisfactory in our lives actually create a buffer against the real and in-depth conversations we could be having – conversations that could potentially lead to change?

  25. I met someone as I walked in the park today who was choosing to moan and I really observed and read it much more clearly than ever before as a level in their evolution that they will eventually come through.

  26. We always have a choice – every moment of every day… we can choose to live the love we are, or complain about our choice to not live it!

  27. The insidiousness of moaning and groaning shrinking us in our lives is the direct opposite of the beauty and simplicity of appreciating which allows expansion and joy inside us all.

    1. So true Tricia… moaning and complaining takes us down whereas appreciation is liberating and allows expansion.

  28. Nothing wrong with speaking with honesty about how you feel to bring yourself to a greater expression, but ‘moaning’ is very individual. Certainly not for the all!

  29. We learn so much when we reflect on our days with understanding and without self judgement and when we treat life this way appreciation of the choices we are making becomes natural.

  30. I used to watch the news, some tv series, and movies years ago when I realised how many of these types of shows are full of gossip, competition and highlighting people’s misfortunes and downfalls. It was so in your face, it was difficult to ignore how dramatised these shows were. After realising this, I couldn’t watch them anymore and I had a discussion with my family and they all agreed to not watch them as well. But one of my children said, ‘..but they are so addictive. ..’ and I realised this was a good reason to stop watching tv all together.

    1. I used to get so hooked into the drama of these shows, I would think about them during my day and look forward to seeing how the story panned out in the evening. After a while, though I got really irritated by the inflated drama and story lines, the gossip and the moaning. They got ridiculous and actually I felt repulsed ( a great addictive killer) by these shows, so in the end it was easy to not want to watch them anymore.

      1. I was exactly the same as you, Rachel, I found myself thinking about the drama and gossip from these shows and I replayed them again and again in my head. I got to a point where it was easy to not watch them anymore because I simply disliked what I was seeing. This came about when I started to listen to my body and started to be more self-loving and self-caring. I realised I felt so uncomfortable as I was watching these shows because I felt they were such a waste of time, and they were very disconnecting. Every time I finished watching a show, I realised I felt an emptiness and heaviness in my body which I no longer wanted to feel and then for me, letting go of this habit was easy.

  31. Could it be possible that the lack of appreciation has a direct link to us being fooled about the truth of reincarnation? And with respect to our way-ward-ways we all can return to a deeper understanding of the responsibility we have to live in a way that will be a reflection of our next incarnation so we can get a handle on our true path of evolution.

  32. I feel all of the reality tv programmes and magazines are designed specifically for this reason (even if the people making them, watching or reading them and in them are not currently totally aware of it) to keep us in the perpetuating energy so we are not truly connecting with ourselves. It is instead constantly looking outside of ourselves of what is going on around us to distract us from truth ‘Could it be that this endless diet of invasive interest in other people’s lives, mishaps, challenges and shortcomings keeps us in a distracted, irresponsible relationship with life’.

  33. It’s interesting how we are programmed to moan when we don’t like something in favour of seeing the beauty in the lesson and appreciating it. Worth noting this and catching ourselves every time we do this. We have an opportunity to view life totally differently if we want to.

  34. ‘Our magazines, newspapers and online news feeds are becoming ever more salacious, extreme, sensationalist and embroidered.’ I wonder how far it will get if we don’t call a halt to it now?

  35. I don’t feel that humanity realises just how damaging gossip is to our bodies ,it is very poisonous so is it any wonder we are so sick as a race of human – beings.

    1. I agree Mary, gossip can be highly addictive and I feel we as a race have become so used to numbing ourselves with addictive behaviours and choices to avoid our awareness and connection. And also, to block out feeling how amazing we all are. It has become accepted in our society to moan and it has become a rare event to see someone truly appreciate life and people.

  36. We, essentially have nothing to moan about. If we find ourselves calling out something that is not true it is not an excuse to have a moan but a wonderful opportunity to lead the way and offer inspiration.

  37. It is insidious how easily moaning creeps into conversations. It feels like an unmade bed that you crawl back into at the end of a day that you are seeking relief from the day.

  38. Every moment is an opportunity to learn and to deepen: what is the quality that we are in in any given moment: steady, consistent flow of appreciation, or in the drama and emotion of a situation? Any time we react, it drains our body and feel depleted for whatever is next.

  39. ‘It is in the disconnection within ourselves that we hunt for, and thirst after, the gossip about others; this keeps us in competition and comparison with each other’ – How true, and the sad reality is that growing up we do not learn the importance of deep and true connection with ourselves, on the contrary, we are actually encouraged to compare and compete, and end up living with disregard of ourselves as well as others.

  40. It has long been known that certain publishers use their bias with political articles, tainting their stories for their own reasons. Today the media has become the Lord of The Fly’s children, lacking adult supervision And, we have allowed it.

    1. ‘Today the media has become the Lord of The Fly’s children, lacking adult supervision And, we have allowed it.’ – Steve, this is scary but true, and we have allowed it.

  41. There is a vast difference between reacting to life, ie moaning and complaining, and responding to life – taking responsibility for our choices and appreciating the change we can bring not only to ourselves but to others.

    1. Yes, this is a huge difference Paula and when we choose to live a life that is filled with appreciation instead of moaning, we can feel more alive, more purposeful and loving. I reckon the moaning energy is slowly killing humanity and one of the best medicine is appreciation.

  42. We can moan and complain about life, blame others and situations for our situations… or we can take responsibility for our choices, review them, bring understanding to why we have made them, and then move forward in appreciation of positive change: most certainly the choice is ours.

    1. Great point Paula, moaning gets us nowhere, we can be so stuck in the energy of moaning that it can cause much pain and suffering, whereas appreciation is like Gold, it supports us to pull ourselves out of the deep murky mud of misery and from this, we can see life with more clarity and understanding. Appreciation supports us to grow and expand. The more we appreciate the more we get to see and feel how grand we all are and how amazing our world and life is.

    2. I like this statement/reminder Paula; ‘move forward in appreciation of positive change’, because lately I have been feeling kinda stuck, not able to move out of a certain situation.

  43. If you meet a moan with an appreciation it is amazing just how quickly the moan turns around. Appreciation pulls a moan up.

      1. Yes Gill, and it also pulls another out of their moan for who can keep moaning in the face of appreciation?

    1. Amazing Kathleen, this is how powerful appreciation is and also when we are feeling a bit down and negative about ourselves, others or about life, we can pull ourselves up with appreciation and through inspiration, this then naturally pulls people around us up too. It is incredible how appreciation works instantly as it supports us to expand and grow.

    2. After attending the Sacred Esoteric Healing Level 4 course held in the UK I am seeing more and more the importance of reading and understanding energy. So if we are moaning we are not observing or reading to get a true understanding of something but instead reacting!

      1. I still can go into this old habit of reacting…. Thank you Vicky for the reminder that when I am reacting I am not observing or reading the situation to understand the energy at play, and of course I then do not appreciate myself!

      2. That’s very helpful, thank you Vicky. Great understanding to have and with this be aware of when I do it.

    3. Love this, there is always something to appreciate and what a brilliant way this is to avoid getting drawn into a moan.

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