A few months ago I attended a family wedding. It was a beautiful occasion with great attention to detail. One aspect that supported this was the appointment of table captains, the idea being that one person would attend to the needs of their fellow guests and ensure that everything was running smoothly at each table.
Personally, being a table captain was interesting. As someone who has been used to taking a back seat and letting things happen, being appointed to the captain’s role required quite a change in my approach. No longer could I just let the event wash over me, I had to be attentive to the needs of the other guests and be engaged in the process of ensuring things were running smoothly.
It made me reflect on my wider participation in life, how each moment I can be that table captain, taking responsibility for how others are, tending to the needs of people around us: not at the expense of our own wellbeing of course, but definitely there is an exquisite opportunity to care for and be proactively in the service of others. Or to put it another way, “get ourselves out of the way,” a term I first heard described by Serge Benhayon.
I also considered how the more I take on the role of table captain in my life, the less anxiousness takes hold as the presence we feel in ourselves becomes stronger. A perfect example of this arises in daily meetings. If I go into a meeting knowing I am not the chair or not the lead on a project, do I sit back and say, “Well, that person is leading, what are they going to come up with?” or do I play my table captain role and see myself as equally responsible for what unfolds, regardless of the picture of what my role is, not being the appointed ‘leader.’
In such a scenario, when I have taken responsibility, my energy levels and enjoyment have both skyrocketed, and I have felt the positive impact I have had on those around me.
This scenario could be related to any aspect of life and the wider societies we all live in. Do we say, “That’s someone else’s job,” or “Can’t someone else do it?” or do we initiate, take the lead, set the example, make things happen, and stand up for it when we know something is corrupt, not true, or just needs doing?
And if we are someone who is used to leading, the opposite can be true. We can provide support to others to take the lead – a table captain gently inspiring others to be captains too. The most beautiful thing about being the table captain is that we are tending to the needs of others, yet we are nourished deeply from the way we then allow ourselves to naturally be.
By Stephen
Related Reading:
Being Responsible for the Life I Live
Change your life
Serge Benhayon – the universal man
Words on Serge Benhayon 
Thank you Stephen, what a way to understand our life as most just want to take a back seat when the truth is we can all be more responsive in every situation so that life become a full-fill-ment of our natural resources through our most divine connection to our essences / ❤️ Inner Hearts.
Communities live in harmony when everyone is aware and caring for each other.
I love that you took the opportunity here to take the lead and then saw how you could change this in all areas of your life. I also love what you share here as it brings it back to equality ‘And if we are someone who is used to leading, the opposite can be true. We can provide support to others to take the lead’.
How different would the world be if we were all table captains? All acting with care and sensitivity to each other, and feeling the purpose to bring our all? Thanks Stephen for sharing your experience, it’s a great concept that applies to life. How often do we all just sit back and let others take care of things, when we are all equally capable of contributing and taking the lead when called to?
Absoulutely Melinda, we can all stand up and be counted as every one has the same opportunity to steer their life into still waters!
I remember when I was at infant school I was asked to be a dinner monitor, the same as being a Table Captain. At the dinner table I was responsible to make sure everyone had something to eat and there was plenty of water, to ensure that everyone behaved at the table, no rowdiness or rudeness, to make sure that everyone took their plates away and that the table was clean and tidy for the next sitting. It gave everyone a sense of responsibility and to work as a team. The system worked very well and looking back it was a way to set standards of acceptable behaviour which is sadly lacking today.
Thank you Stephen as what you have shared gives the feeling of how much appreciation you have for yourself and others, and to appreciate is understanding of how divinity comes through us all equally.
“If I go into a meeting knowing I am not the chair or not the lead on a project, do I sit back and say, “Well, that person is leading, what are they going to come up with?” We all have a seat at the table of life and an equal share in the responsibility to enrich the conversation for all.
When somebody sees our potential, we have the potential to see it too. Many people grow up in households full of critique, judgement and abuse – how do we expect our children to be bright and decent when they have never been taught that way of being?
Or to put it another way, “get ourselves out of the way,” and deepen in our appreciation of who we are in essence.
As appreciation of our divinity offers so much, when we understand that connection and then energetically appreciate what we bring with the most Loving authority, this is confirming us and thus setting us on the path of True-purpose.
When the naughty kid gets given responsibility, they often shine bright. When we show people that we trust them and we see their potential, they have an opportunity to fill their boots and walk in them. When we are constantly criticising and picking faults, that is what others feel from us too & the response can be expected.
Absolutely Viktoria, appreciating our ability to step up and into a situation is a deepening of our connection to our essences and thus we are able to “shine bright.”
Thanks Viktoria, great comment. Criticism and fault finding is rife, we so often see what someone is weak at instead of seeing the potential. Criticism is so common in conversation too, but we rarely hear the word “potential” about people, and not usually about their being but if it’s mentioned it’s normally about skills.
So if we took this to be true then how would our work and role be with children and young people? It would be about meeting and connecting with them no matter what and giving them responsibility and opportunities to shine brightly ✨
As a society we are much more at ease criticizing and finding fault with each other I remember as a child being told that if you don’t have something positive to say to another then don’t say it. We very rarely praise people for just being themselves. I have noticed when we do praise children especially they seem to grow taller and gain confidence, surely this is what we should be encouraging children to be confident about their place in the world.
It is a great foundation for children to confirm who they are and appreciate and nurture their inner qualities. So many of us as adults didn’t receive that and are not just unaware of what we bring from the essence of who we are, and we are super awkward with receiving any confirmation as we don’t often know what to do with it. We could as a human race establish appreciating one another for who we are as a standard, and instead of criticising we could gently point out what’s not true in someone’s behaviour or expression from a foundation of knowing and holding the true essence of the person.
Taking responsibility, be it leading or taking a back seat, depending on our usual behaviour, has become more important as I evolve more. Going out of our comfort zone is one way to do this.
I love people working together, putting all they have to the table – bringing a dish to a community event, helping organise and tidy up, writing music for the occasion & performing from their hearts. How beautiful is life lived this way? How beautiful is this community!
This was great for me to read today. I appreciate your sharing.
I like the idea of everyone being a table captain, we can all chip in and support each other when needed, as there is always something that needs doing, from simple things like washing or drying the dishes to more responsible roles in life. If we all contribute even in a small way it makes a big difference in appreciation of others and ourselves.
As someone who always enjoyed taking the back seat and letting others take responsibility it has come as a surprise at how vital, strong and joyful I feel by choosing to be in the front seat.
‘…when I have taken responsibility, my energy levels and enjoyment have both skyrocketed, and I have felt the positive impact I have had on those around me.’ This is so true. I’m looking at all the situations where I am reluctant to participate – usually something where I’ve been ‘ordered’ to go because it’s mandatory and I think I’ve got better things to do! It maybe that I’m feeling insecure but whatever it is I’m learning to get myself out of the way and be open to what is being offered for me and everyone.
Interesting how taking responsibility is portrayed as a chore and something that is exhausting when in fact it often results in the opposite – you feel inspired and energised as you are working with more purpose.
I agree Henrietta. It really surprised me when I started to initiate more in certain areas of my life, as I was used to taking a backseat. Not exhausting at all!
When we do not want to take responsibility, it is easy to want to blame another when things go wrong. But in reality by choosing the back seat and not speaking up/stepping up in responsibility when it was needed, means we are just as responsible as anyone else.
As we step into greater levels of responsibility, we get to live and bring the authority of the table captain and inspire everyone around likewise. All too often we take the backseat in life, but really it is about asking ourselves what we get out of this, and when is it time to really show the world who we are.
Being the one seems to be something many of us shy away from. I don’t know, does that come with a sense of having to carry the burden on our own, forever? It’s like, we are so scared of saying ‘Yes’ to stepping up to take the lead as if that would be a life sentence, like we can never ask for help from others, or others wouldn’t be wiling to support and contribute.
This is really interesting and makes sense; ‘I also considered how the more I take on the role of table captain in my life, the less anxiousness takes hold as the presence we feel in ourselves becomes stronger.’ I noticed this when I went to a party, I was initially feeling anxious, I didn’t know anyone and was not enjoying being there. I could see that food needed to be cooked and served and no-one was doing this and so I started to take on this role, I asked people what they would like and really enjoyed serving them, with this I felt purposeful, made lovely connections with people and really enjoyed the event.
I have found when at parties if I take food around then not only am I serving and doing what needs to be done, but it is an easy way to meet more people and to feel settled in my body.
Could the tendency to take a back seat be our lack of willingness to take responsibility? And, also an opportunity to then blame someone else when something doesn’t go to plan? Humm, something for me to consider as I have been really good at taking a back seat.
I too have found this; ‘In such a scenario, when I have taken responsibility, my energy levels and enjoyment have both skyrocketed, and I have felt the positive impact I have had on those around me.’ After being inspired by your article, I have found that if I act as the ‘table captain’ and care for those around me rather than waiting to be served and sitting there, then I have found this role to be very enjoyable, it is beautiful to support others and to feel purposeful.
This is really inspiring; ‘It made me reflect on my wider participation in life, how each moment I can be that table captain, taking responsibility for how others are, tending to the needs of people around us.’ Since reading this perviously I have noticed how lovely it is to support and serve others, this I have enjoyed at work and at social events – thank you for the inspiration.
Being there for others without a ‘what’s in it for me’ agenda feels great. There’s an openness to being with others without the impatient waiting for a reward for my efforts. And it is an effort when I am expecting a prize. There’s none of this when I get my self out of the way.
I have noticed we are generally so much more prosperous if we all take the lead when it is our responsibility to do so.
And from here we can learn to deepen our purpose and brotherhood together.
So true Joshua, embracing true leadership brings joy to everything we do.
To me it is essential to be fully active in life and not sitting back waiting for others to do something. This doesn’t mean you have to ‘do’ lots but rather how you are in yourself, fully present, open, transparent, willing.
Spot on Vanessa, it is a willingness to be ready to participate in full no matter how that may play itself out. And with this of course we need to maintain an awareness and know when to act and when to sit back and keep feeling.
Irrespective of what the roles are, we are all responsible to bring our vibrations along and share them with others. There is a false belief that if you go into the back seat you may just forget all about it.
“The most beautiful thing about being the table captain is that we are tending to the needs of others, yet we are nourished deeply from the way we then allow ourselves to naturally be.” Yes it is our True nature to deeply care for people and to activate this in life is very nurturing.
An interesting and revealing scenario that we could all apply for any part of our lives… At home, at work, in our relationships, and in the world.
Having table captains at a wedding is a wonderful way to expand the energy of brotherhood, responsibility and love together. It takes the quality of the wedding to another level.
“Table Captains” are needed in life to offer the next level of evolution and growth we can go to. Without them we can plateau and stay in comfort. And this is exactly what humanity has chosen and why there are so few true leaders in the world today.
When I consistently take a back role or secondary role it might mean that I do not bring forward all that there is to express.
The responsibility of living as equals, working to our strengths and never shying away from an opportunity to lead, overtly or simply by reflection… this is definitely something to commit to.
Aye aye Captain! Well said Matilda – we love having people to lead the way, but in essence there is a true leader within each of us, and this must never be forgotten.
I love the idea of a table captain at a wedding and how you have expanded it to relate to life. It is a responsibility and like any other responsibility it can be abused or used for the good of all.
I agree. When given a choice, it’s always easiest to do nothing, not to change. But I’ve found that this can actually be more tiring and frankly boring than stepping up to the plate and taking the perceived harder choice of making a change.
Yeah this is an interesting one. I think a lot of people see responsibility as a burden. Like ‘ugh, I’m the table captain. Now I’ve got to DO something’’. I’ve definitely been that person. But I also know that life is a lot more enjoyable if responsibility is seen as an opportunity to have (a) purpose. It may not always be the most fun thing to do, but it is supportive to me and to others.
Totally Nick life is so much more alive when we take responsibility, it’s such a con that it’s a burden.
Getting myself out of the way has been one of the greatest lessons gained from spending time with Serge Benhayon. And not necessarily because of what or how he has said it, but because of how he lives this simple approach to life, with each person he meets and in each situation he finds himself, there always being an opportunity to move himself out of the way and therefore making space for the greatness that is in him to come out and to be expressed – for the benefit of everyone.
We all can be the “table captain”, that is be the one who brings a focus to any situation and with focus comes purpose and responsibility.
Love this Elizabeth, focus brings the purpose and with true purpose everything is possible.
I so agree Elizabeth. Seeing and feeling what needs to be done is so important. The quality we are in is even more so, whether we are ‘table captain’ or not.
I have never heard of the term table captain before, what a fabbo and practical idea it is.
We all have something truly valuable to contribute to society and the more we claim the power and wisdom we all innately hold, the more we share or respond with the truth of what is needed for us to support each other to evolve as a humanity.
I appreciate what you have shared Stephen, as I too have taken a back seat in life letting things just happen, I have since realised that in the group I am in, I have an equal responsibility to bring all of me to the table so to speak with no holding back, we each have something to contribute to the whole we are a part of ..
I find it very empowering and confidence building to take the lead in all that you naturally can offer another.
I agree Joshua as it is part of who we naturally are in essence as the wise, beautiful, all-knowing Souls and in our essence we know what is needed for us to step into and when, for in this quality it is not about us as an individual but us as a humanity.
I find that being attentive to the needs of other people always makes for an amazing experience – this is what life is about – us all taking care and supporting each other.
“It made me reflect on my wider participation in life,” A beautiful wedding gift to you in all your relationships with others.
I simply love sitting down at a table with a group of people having fantastic connections and conversation, the icing on the cake so to speak is the attention to detail when others are caring for you like you would them. Beautiful.
Moving through life with attentiveness, awareness and responsibility never goes astray, in fact, they are very handy allies to have along the way.
It is very easy in our busy days to forget about those around us, and be in our own little world. But there is a responsibility we have for everyone we meet, not to pander to them and put ourselves second, but to walk on earth with the soul that we each are as our guide. With that alignment to our soul, we are offering everyone we meet the truth of who they are, without even uttering a word.
I love this concept of Table Captain. It highlights the fact that in order to be able to be there for others in this way we need to be alert, present and vital, which means we have to take care of ourselves first. It brings it all into perspective.
Such a great example of not just rolling over and letting other people step up, it is up to us.
Being connected to what’s needed around is a real joy – whereas choosing to just take care of no. 1 and those we care about is so limiting and feels so constricted. I feel I once would have been much more comfortable being in the supporting table captain role rather than taking the lead, but actually being table captain is a role of observing what’s needed and acting on this, it’s not some mysterious set of skills I didn’t possess- as I once believed to conveniently keep me from stepping out and doing what I could see was there to be done.
If I’m working in a group or team together with others on something I’ve noticed how asking myself how I would contribute if I were the leader really helps me to be honest with what I’m feeling is needed, rather than sitting back and waiting for another to say what to do; it’s something I know I can develop more in my life and can see how really worthwhile it is to reflect and act on.
Being aware of what is going on around us is so important. If we are locked into our own little world we miss out on what is available through connecting with people and caring for others.
Stephen, this is interesting; “That’s someone else’s job,” or “Can’t someone else do it?” or do we initiate, take the lead, set the example, make things happen, and stand up for it when we know something is corrupt, not true, or just needs doing?’ I can feel that I am starting to take the lead and take more responsibility rather than leave things up to others. I have found that it is amazing what happens when we take the lead and initiate projects and how lovely it feels getting others involved and creating a sense of community with everyone working together rather than trying to do things on my own.
Any time we claim who we are we become the captains/leaders that are required in this world.
I love how when most of us are given a sense of responsibility we relish it. I see this a lot with children as soon as they are included in what is going on and asked to participate even if it is just doing something simple they feel a sense of inclusion and immediately step up to what has been asked. So I ask myself now do we need to wait to be given the responsibility or can we instead step up and offer it and by doing so take responsibility for what needs to be done. Most of my life I have played the waiting game but see the fruitlessness of it as nothing changes yet when I am on the front foot, so to speak, suddenly I feel much more involved and a part of what is going on rather than simply a bystander.
It is abuse towards another to take any of what they offer to support and nourish us for granted.
I was feeling pretty sluggish this morning and when out walking our dog I realised I had a very clear and simple choice: I could move sluggishly all day or I could check in with my body and stride out a bit, putting purpose and vitality into my steps… a choice we have with all of our movements and the quality of them.
As a Team Leader I have often fallen into the trap of believing that I need to command everyone to do things. But recently I have experienced a beauty in simply being and connecting with the individuals in my team and supporting them by meeting them first and foremost. From there I have been working ‘with’ them to discover effective ways of doing things. There is such a vast difference in this. There is more harmony, less stress, and more mutual respect. Being ‘table captain’ is simply being aware of everyone, meeting everyone where they are at, and supporting them by being present.
Having purpose and responsibility wakes us up and really does energise us. It makes all the difference and I find I enjoy everything I approach in this way.
To be at a table where you are the main focus of being looked after and that you are being cared for is one table everybody will want to sit at.
It sure is Natalie and should be the case at every single table we sit at. The more we all start by doing this in our homes at our dinner tables the more this is will become the norm and my feeling is the more it will help us address the way we eat and what we eat going from one of trying to cram as much in and indulge our sense to one where we eat to support and nourish our bodies without over stimulating or dulling it with the food. Why, because the company and the conversation is now the focus and not the food.
Being given a role at a communal event is such a great reminder to engage with people and all aspects of life and not just be a spectator that goes along with things but really contributes.
There is nothing more supportive and empowering than offering someone the opportunity to expand their awareness, responsibility and their qualities in serving others.
Stephen I love and appreciate the way your post is about us being each other’s student and also teacher too, meaning that at all times we are inter-changeably leaders and also supporters of leaders too – both being relevant, important and equal in their capacity to bring ourselves and each other mutual advancing and evolving.
I have been reflecting recently on not only how much the “holding back and allowing others to do it” mentality is not only impactful on me and how much I enjoy life but equally how selfish it is as it does not allow others to see the reflection of love and care I offer when I am in the lead.
Very inspiring to read and to feel how every situation invites us to take the lead; initiate and feel responsible for what unfolds and not just sit back and wait what will happen and afterwards blame others for what had happened, I know I have done that but I like what you say how much more enjoyment and energy comes from this active approach, being table captain.
This brings me to consider what responsibility we have in our daily lives, and be aware of whether we take that forwards to look at every situation we find ourselves in to be ‘table captain’.
We like to sit back and disengage if there is someone obviously taking a leading role in a group or work environment, but as soon as this person starts to do things we disagree with that’s when the office politics and ‘bitching’ can take place within this group. But how can we complain, if we are not open to taking responsibility for the team and having an equal say?
A beautiful call to responsibility. Thank you, Susie.
Too many of us are willing to take a back seat and just be a long for the ride, go with the flow so to speak, I have to say I am usually a classic example of this, but it is great to have a turn in the drivers seat from time to time to show how capable we all are as leaders when we get ourselves out of the way.
Isn’t this called being on the front foot in life – not being a bystander but jumping into life with both feet and making sure we play our full, amazing part.
It’s an important point about stepping back and letting others lead, and that this can be tending to their needs in a sense to support them to grow.
Taking the lead is something we can all do. It’s preferable to just simply sitting back and allowing everyone else to do things. If we all take responsibility to be a Table Captain we would have a much more vibrant world.
More often than not we surprise ourselves when we take the lead in something that we havent done before, and realise how capable we are. Interesting then that we so often choose not to do it unless we are asked, but then everyone misses out.
It’s true Sandra it’s amazing what we can find out about ourselves by being open to new experiences and responsibilities.
It’s easy to think you are playing your part but there is always more you can bring, more Love to be shared. The true breakthrough comes when you realise it was never your part but Gods all along.
Taking the lead and being responsible in every moment and situation does not look at all like the picture I had… there are so many inspiring leaders who never ever hog any limelight.
It makes sense that when we initiate ourselves to be there for others then we ignite something within us. It’s like there is a plan for us as “vehicles”.
It’s become super clear just how much I’ve made myself the recipient of life. When the truth is we have a huge part in everything that plays out. All we need to do is get on the front foot.
We all have different skills and abilities when shared in a Team without holding back because someone else is the lead, leads to what is potentially true team work.
Being ‘Table Captain’ is a great responsibility, and one that cannot be taken lightly. It’s a great metaphor for life and the value we can bring every single day if we are aware and willing to step up to this.
It is so true Stephen that we nourish ourselves when we allow ourselves to naturally be and it is easy to care and support others from this space and quality.
It is interesting how we can both make it about ourselves by taking a step back from life and from being always leading and not letting others lead. It shows it is the same even though we would say it is very different. It comes down to making it about ourselves either being shy or wanting it our own way.
This blog shows how simple it is to bring love and care into our everyday lives.
“…. a table captain gently inspiring others to be captains too.” A very loving and inspiring approach to life that is enhancing for all.
In openness the world has an opportunity to learn from the wisdom of what is being expressed.
It’s a great idea to have a table captain at a wedding (or anywhere we could be bringing more responsibility to our care for people!). I get the feeling most people go to a wedding to kick back, indulge in food, wine and chit chat and be waited on, rather than contribute to the event. The table captain means there is none of that but instead purpose and commitment. This is more like what a wedding/marriage should be about.
Leading is not dominating but serving and caring for others, or simply said the willingness to take responsibility for the role one plays in a constellation of people. It is not a fixed role, much more knowing when it is time to do what needs to be done just like everyone else has a role and task to play at any point in time.
There is a respect and care in this that builds self awareness and our willingness to observe everything that is going on around us.
Totally being a part of something means we are always being in tune with what is needed – when to step in and support and when to sit back and be – being a table captain is really what we should all do all of the time if we really wanted to grow and evolve and support everyone including ourselves! Thanks Stephen for your sharing!
How often do we take the back seat position and let things happen around us? And how different does it feel when we actually take on an activity that supports others? It is amazing to feel how much it can feed us back too in the process, something some do not realise at all.
Stephen, I love this; ‘each moment I can be that table captain, taking responsibility for how others are, tending to the needs of people around us’. It makes me realise that we don’t only have to look after ourselves in situations and that to care for and support others feels great and like a true way for us to be together.
I have to say my life is getting more and more rich, more enjoyable, more amazing and more intriguing and I know without doubt that this is a result of my choice to say yes to the growing responsibility that I have for myself and others.
It seems that it is all about being present. Present in our bodies, present with ourselves and present with whomever we are with. Being as present as we can we know when to follow and when to take the lead, and if we make mistakes those situations will present themselves again for us to handle until we live them in the truth and love that we are underneath all the impediments that inhibit this harmonious way to be.
I was chatting with friends about this article the other day and we were all saying how gorgeous it is to be alongside someone, super strong in their leadership qualities, who gives great attention and care to inviting others (not necessarily with words) to lead and explore their qualities.
Its amazing how when we are given something to do that would not neccessarily be something that we would choose to do ourselves, how well we are able to do it. By being pushed gently out of our comfort zone, we often discover we are capable of doing far more than we care to realise.
When I take responsibility I find my energy levels go up, a sense of purpose and commitment to others brings a natural feeling of joy.
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True leadership is less about the things that we do, more about a quality of connection and commitment to truth. We are made to say yes and bring all of us to everything we do. No hanging about.
I feel there would be different layers to being the “Table Captain” in life and seeing where we expect others to take care of life instead of making our equal contribution. It really asks us to look at where we draw the line and stop being responsible in contributing to and committing to life, for example is that line at home and work, or do we engage with community, and what about national and international issues? Where do we bring our input to as leaders? That means as everyday citizens willing to lead or advance humanity forward.
The term ‘get ourselves out the way’ is a great one that Serge has presented. It makes so much sense and can be applied to our everyday.
A lot of people including myself have not wanted to be a leader because of a lack of confidence within myself. Hence shyness was the sought approach and what this shows is that to be a true leader we must be connected with ourselves, living from our body as much as we can to the best of our ability.
‘shyness was the sought approach’ – I love that this shows us how we do choose behaviours and/or characteristics to assist (give us excuses for) holding back our expression in the world.
This world needs more table captains! When we sit back and hold back we are also letting corruption and lies take hold. Do not then complain about the lies and corruption, we have equally been the ones allowing it to happen.
Well said Joshua! It is the standing back that does more damage than we realise!
What a great way of bringing ourselves fully to the table in life.
Saying yes to life and being open to seeing everything actually gives us a sense of purpose: a willingness to say yes to whatever is in front of us that’s there to be done. Fighting against that natural yes depletes and drains us.
I love the way you describe being a table captain as an ‘exquisite opportunity’ and it encapsulates how I feel when I attend to other people with out feeling any need.
A great inspiration of being all we are and taking responsibility and the difference enjoyment and purpose this brings in everything.
I wonder what it would be like if we nominated ourselves as a “table captain” at home – so we took care of others needs around us rather than just our own – it might be a new way to eat dinner, because I know for me usually when there’s food involved that seems to become the most important thing – rather than remaining attentive to other peoples needs.
I love what this blog stands for. As a team leader I know what it feels like to take responsibility for a whole team. Keeping an eye on everyone, getting a feel for what is needed as a collective group and individually, offering support where needed, giving people the grounding they need in order to be able to shine. It’s an awesome job. It’s definitely a step up from simply caring for yourself.
We do not always have to know what to do or say in advance as as we step up it is waiting for us where we need it.
And we can be this everywhere … in our workplaces and families – leading the way, and nurturing each other and ourselves.
This is a perfect blog to re-read this morning before a day which includes meetings which are significant in this way – the choice to just go along with the way things are or to express what is felt regarding them with hesitation.
“In such a scenario, when I have taken responsibility, my energy levels and enjoyment have both skyrocketed, and I have felt the positive impact I have had on those around me.” I really like what you say here – and for me the next level of this offering, is a commitment to the fact that this needs to be a 24/7 way of being; not just when I am ‘leading’ or ‘table captain.’
I agree, the more open, responsive and present I am, the more vital, engaged and inspired I feel. It is here that my love affair with responsibility started and continues to develop.
I have to be my own table captain, otherwise I will sit back and let someone else run the show. So then the question becomes; who is then running the show? Call it what you like; life, my spirit, a consciousness – it doesn’t really matter – the point is that it isn’t me.
It is actually fun to be a table captain of life and take on our responsibility in any situation Stephen. Our movements and our actions makes us actively involved in every situation and we learn to honour everyone.
It is beautiful to get an opportunity where we can see how much we actually can do and are aware of that needs doing and take the lead to take care of it. I think most of us, me included, are so tired because we are often not acting on what we are feeling or constantly in overdrive and reaction to what we see and feel needs to be done.
Stepping out of our comfort zone, offers an opportunity to deepen our relationship with ourselves, to truly see and appreciate the potential of our limitless adaptability.
So true Lucinda – sometimes I have found that I have waited for the understanding to move out of a comfort zone but this does not work – we gain such an understanding in the process of moving out of it not from within it.
It is greatly energising when we accept our responsibility and support others in this way. The benefits are manifold and don’t just affect those we are caring for.
It is indeed about accepting our responsibility in the broader scale of life. It is endless. Wherever we go and are, we can take it up and take the lead. In that manner we can be a reflection for others.
What a fabulous game to invite someone to play. Fun, empowering and encourages responsibility and relating to other people. How amazing it would be if the games on the market were built on such a foundation.
We so often have the opportunity to lead, inspire, and even by our very presence, to show the way both forward and inward.
I used to really squirm at any time I was asked to take the lead, wanting to hide and sink back and not be noticed. Now I love taking the lead with others as my equal it feels really natural and I can appreciate the love and power I bring.
This is so beautiful Stephen, as it shows how we can still be responsible for being alert and take responsibility where we see there is a need whether we are the hosts or the guests, the boss or the employee, and the parent or the child. All the time in fact.
This is precisely the broader meaning of being Table Captain. We are captains wherever go, move and are with. For me it is a level of responsibility combined with belongingness: we are all captains and the world is our table.
“the more I take on the role of table captain in my life, the less anxiousness takes hold as the presence we feel in ourselves becomes stronger” – Beautifully said Stephen. Rather than trying to fight an anxiousness issue we can instead go and commit further to the things we know support us, and make us feel amazing, strong and steady.
I guess in life we can all be captains, captains of our vessels as we move through life creating ripples that either harm or heal.
Very true, Michael – we are all captains of our movements through life, but what are we responding to, are we being moved by love or harm? Something for us to be acutely aware of as our ripples are affecting everyone and everything.
When we lead by example, we are walking with others, not pulling or pushing!
It is so interesting how when we stay engaged in life we are actually vitalised rather than depleted.
I have been realising recently that in order for me to be a ‘table captain’ in every day life with every other human being I meet in my day requires a certain way of living which supports me to be in a place where I can really support others.
Being responsible in situations makes us so much more present at the time because we can’t check out… we are constantly aware of what is going on around us.
I like the balance in this, we can step up in ourselves to be table captains or if already one inside other to step up also so we can all be a part of taking care of oursleves and each other.
‘…equally responsible for what unfolds, regardless of the picture of what my role is…’ so we are all equally responsible for all that effects humanity despite what we feel our role is or our relative experience of life.
I love this blog. We are being offered to step into the shoes of living as table captain in every moment. What we choose is our choice. Do we resist what is on offer and carry on living in our ‘old’ ways or do we rise to the challenge knowing we are ready, appreciating what we bring and how we can support others, sometimes in ways that we may not at first be aware of, just by our willingness to say ‘yes’, yes to responsibility and evolution.
I have never heard of a table captain before but love the notion of it. As you say ‘The most beautiful thing about being the table captain is that we are tending to the needs of others, yet we are nourished deeply from the way we then allow ourselves to naturally be.’ One thing I have found is I love it when I am given something to do, as relish the purpose and responsibility it brings – so what if I could be a table captain everywhere I go knowing the purpose and role I have to bring. No matter how rough the seas may get and how stormy it is outside, I can help otherwise navigate the seas as I simply navigate them myself.
This is a beautiful way of looking at being a Table Captain, I expect there would be those that may take a different view and take it that they are in charge kind of let that go to their heads but seeing it as an opportunity to serve and also carry that over into everyday life is simply delicious.
I like what you say here kevmchardy. Being captain doesn’t mean you have to have all the answers. I had a big revelation of this recently. On the one hand you could say that my job has me as the table captain, but I am surrounded by people with astonishing experience and wisdom and skill in their various fields. I see that, I appreciate that very deeply, I express it openly and I am very transparent about that and make a very definite point of developing that relationship with them – which is a beautiful way for it to be and is very inspiring for them. BUT, despite all of this, despite appreciating them and developing this in them, I realised that I hadn’t really attended to myself in this dynamic and was still being very exacting on myself. It’s OK for me to not know everything, it’s OK for me to make mistakes, it’s OK for me to have not mastered every avenue of my job – that, after all is the point of having these brilliant colleagues supporting!
Gorgeous blog Stephen. Being the table captain in life and taking lead I have also found builds purpose in the body and gets the self out of the way. I absolutely love these words you use as they sum this up beautifully ‘tending to the needs of others, yet we are nourished deeply from the way we then allow ourselves to naturally be.’
When we do say yes to responsibility it absolutely feeds you back and you feel charged and totally equipped for the next moment. When we ignore or dismiss the call for responsibility then we feel that in the body big time yet we don’t want to feel it so we resort to ways of numbing this tension in the body.
I find it amazing how much more observant, considerate and purposeful I feel when I know I am responsible in a situation. What a great way to live all the time.
Very true Fiona we cannot take the back seat, switch off, check out or take the lead when we are responsible for a situation.
‘I also considered how the more I take on the role of table captain in my life, the less anxiousness takes hold as the presence we feel in ourselves becomes stronger. ‘This is very powerful. When we step into this way of being we are present with all that we need so there is no space left for anxiousness.
The building of purpose in the body and actioning what we feel and taking lead let’s us set how we are in life and the quality we bring, rather than being at the mercy of taking a back seat, letting others do it and being in the anxiousness of the unknown, the quality or the how. Anxiousness has no room when we choose to be present in ourselves and in our actions – and taking lead in this quality closes the door on anxiousness.
I feel, deep down, we all love responsibility when we choose to take it, it engages us with life, with those around us, offering us the opportunity to consider how our movements and actions are affecting not only those around us, but everyone everywhere – the beautiful ripple effect. Taking responsibility is very honouring of us and everyone else.
Completely agree Alison. When we actually see and feel where society is at and what people experience in life daily – people taking lead in a true attention to quality and detail is actually what is needed.
What if we continually made our life one of being in service to all of humanity what would that look like? Would it start by connecting to our essence so we would be “nourished deeply from the way we then allow ourselves to naturally be.”? Then what would life look like? Maybe we would all become so alive and focused on living in harmony nothing else would become a problem for everyone would be feeling each others reflection of divinity from their essence and life would be lived-in true Joy.
I love the example you gave of going into meetings, taking a back seat because you are not the one leading it. I recognise this, and I also see that the times I have done this, I was not fully present, so in other words giving my power away and at the same time not being responsible for myself and everyone equally, which were my old patterns.
Yes this is example is cool because it means that even though we may not be technically ‘running’ the meeting that we can still take lead in our quality and what we bring. A choice is always there.
In a recent conversation with a friend, I was expressing how unsure or tentative I felt about being a leader, and how this did not seem like something that I could ever do. However, my friend very gently and skilfully pointed out that sometimes being a leader can simply mean speaking the truth as you see it and sense it to be, that is, to be honest about your own perspective given all that you have experienced and know to be the truths of life.
It’s interesting isn’t it how our images of certain roles/activities are so fixed that we either think that we really want to do/be something or the exact opposite, that we really don’t want to do/be something. All images narrow our field of vision down to a distorted speck.
I had never heard of ‘Table Captain’ before but what a great way to build community – either for a table of 8, or to to a much larger group in the workplace.
A beautiful sharing of the joy and flow that comes from simply being and taking care of others’ needs naturally also.
Super simple blog – sharing a very great point that can be applied in all of life. Love it.
This example of table captains reminds me of true leadership where we can each step up and lead taking responsibility for overseeing the care of others in different aspects and moments in life.
And this is what stands out most – our responsibility for seeing the care of others.
For sure. And so, wise it is to develop our connection to truth, as we then are ever-ready to express what is needed and any given moment we are called to.
A beautiful call to embrace the responsibility we all have to lead at any moment the impulse is there for us to express and move what we feel is needed. We all are more than capable of taking the lead as we simply need to connect to and reflect the truth we feel in a particular moment and our openness to this is what allows our awareness to develop. There never is only one leader as we all know truth and all can feel that truth of what is needed as such we all have the ability to respond to truth and take the lead.
I am loving embracing being more present in my life, open to the awareness of what is needed. The thoughts that question what I bring to the situation are very much dying as I reflect positively on what I’ve said. Sometimes I’ve not said anything but I’ve felt the quality and felt that’s opened up the space. We are never bystanders but have a presence that brings quality or not. I see how greater presence brings greater confidence – and without arrogance. I’m seeing glimpses of humility as I understand what’s of quality that is being brought through isn’t of my making.
For me being a “Table Captain” is all about taking responsibility for how we are living and being with others and in the world. It is not the heavy, weighing down feeling of responsibility that so many of us have made it but a joy-filled knowing that my next choice could make a wonderful change in my life or in someone else’s. I am saying yes and signing up to be “Table Captain” of my life.
I really like this Stephen, as a fellow backseat person, if I see someone else doing something or that they have everything sorted I tend to step back and think the job’s done and I have no role here. But perhaps I need to approach life more as a table captain and look more into my abdication of responsibility and what possibly could be on offer that I am saying no to.
It is sometimes easy to sit back and allow events just to unfold which maybe what is required at times however this can also mean that we are non-committal in life and when so many issues facing society and humanity exist because we do not stand up to be counted in expressing what we feel to be true this is a great time to reflect on why we do not step forward as the ‘table captain’ all of the time and then choose how we feel to go on.
I love the point about the ‘table captain’ being someone who can lead and inspire others to lead. This is where we open ourselves up to the awareness of what is needed – in each moment and by those around us – whilst also taking into account how we respond to different situations… this requires a level of honesty with ourselves.
What I feel is there is no issue in leading or serving they are not separate with the one life we are living.
I feel one of the biggest things that can hold us back from expressing in meetings is this fear of being ‘wrong’, of being seen as less and being ridiculed. However, by holding back, we are already choosing to make ourselves less than everyone else, what we are feeling to share may be the very thing that takes the meeting to another level of honesty and truth. Our lack of expression is what keeps us small, allowing in the self doubt, we are the ones judging ourselves, not the other way around.
I love what you shared Stephen, I often sit back in meetings not realising that I too am an important part of the group as anyone else, I too can be a table captain, sharing and supporting others with what I have to bring.
I love the caring aspect of being a table captain and how true and beautiful to allow for that in every moment of our life.
Thinking that life is just about us has an emptiness that can never be filled. No matter how we strive to improve things, the only resolution is realising life is always about love and us all.
So true Susan – when we step into this we are then given all we will need. We can fall into the trap of waiting to have what we will need and so not stepping forward when in fact it works the other way around.
Thank you for this timely article Stephen. I have been taking a back seat and being the support person for the leader most of my life. But like you I have also found that my enjoyment and sense of purpose come alive when I realise I can be the ‘table captain’ at any moment, as we all can be. When you feel this responsibility you are no longer in the existence of life or the passive receiver of what comes to you.
This blog brings out some very points to really consider, it is easy to sit back and just let those that have the ‘leading’ role take charge and do all the work, it’s almost like, the others play a less role therefore they can sit back and not participate. But when everyone participates and cares something happens, there is an alchemy where everyone’s contribution becomes an offering to the group experience because the roles are not about where one person does it all but everyone has something to offer and this ignites inspiration, joy, ideas, etc and the group connection is one of care.
I’ve seen this in a workplace, where everyone came together on a project and the leading person included everyone’s participation, each person’s contribution offered a part to the whole and what worked was the caring factor towards each other in getting the project done. The group was able to overcome challenges and have inspirational ideas. If some sat back or others only led this would not have been possible.
Sitting back and allowing someone else to do things is so passive in any situation and we are actually missing the learning when we do this. When we take responsibility and sort things out ourselves, we learn, develop and grow.
And being passive in life and missing the learning, with that the thing is, we keep attracting similar situations until we learn the lesson…. stopping and holding the intention to learn the lesson opens us to so much support especially those challenging lessons – but I have come to observe that there is nothing we are given that we cannot handle – and sometimes I forget this little gem of wisdom!
Yes, Stephen, I too have recently been reflecting on how much we miss out on and how much we withhold when we sit back and don’t bring our all…it seems crazy now when I am starting to experience the joy of embracing a life full of purpose.
Even with a little tremulousness to begin with, it is a very inspiring feeling to step forward into situations and life rather than hold back.
How inspiring Janet, to be…”…embracing a life full of purpose” and living the joy that naturally flows on from there.
Stephen, I love the way you took the lessons from you role of table captain in one specific situation and applied it to other areas of your life. We can all learn from this. True learning informs everything we do.
Yes, when we share openly like this, there is a great potential of true awareness and learning for all.
I have not attended a wedding with table captains before but think that’s this is a great idea – the day is not just about two people but all.
I agree, Michael, it feels such a beautiful way to bring everyone together and ensure everyone is taken care of, whilst having a lot of fun in the process.
Indeed Alison and Michael. Plus it takes the pressure off the few to deliver to the many, and means that everyone is treated with equal care, respect and love.
The day should be about everybody coming together but we have made it all about the bride and the groom and that is how the majority of brides want it to be. It has become a competitive showcase for women and their families to outdo previous weddings. And this is a prime example of how we have bastardised life. We have turned it from the One Unified Truth that it actually is, into a fragmented illusion that most of us now believe to be real.
We have a responsibility to assist others in their evolution and what better way than to let them lead.
This is a cute idea to have at a wedding and be supporting everyone around you. And I love how you have looked at this on a bigger scale Stephen and have started to see how we can support others all the time. Keeps it very real and simple.
It is quite humbling and also inspiring for those who normally take the lead to step back and allow another to step up… it is also a great way to be of service for another – in the way of loving support should they need it.
A natural leader makes space for others to lead… it is brilliant to debunk the stereotypical image of a leader always being up front and centre stage.
Yes, there is a way of being responsible for ourselves and for others and not at the expense of our own well-being.
Leading with humility is true leadership.
How gorgeous it is to simply get ourselves out of the way.
I am getting to learn that leading also encompasses an ability to speak up, and out, from what we know – whilst holding a presence and authority of that knowing that is expressed from the body.
Leading in the interests of others is something that many leaders in our societies today could learn much from especially when you consider for this to be true the interests of all others should be considered equally.
When we stand up and accept responsibility for more than ourselves, everyone around us benefits.
This is brilliant. So true – when we avoid commitment/engagement and choose ignorance/irresponsibility instead of awareness/responsibility and act like a guest in life and let others run the show and complain afterwards. There’s no fun in that.
It is really lovely to get the opportunity to be a leader as it can make you aware of qualities you have without knowing it so. I had to be in a leading position today and at the start I felt like ‘I can’t do this’ but I did not go into that and stayed clam and with myself and I was able to do it very well. I loved it and it is really nice to act on the things you see are needed to be done instead of waiting for someone else to do it.
This reminds us that we can never really sit back and allow others to take the lead as we can all step up to the call of responsibility equally so.
When we can captain our table without the need to be recognised or rewarded, that’s true support and true captaincy.
When we step up our responsibility we begin to see more things that need attention and as we do others are inspired to take responsibility too.
What an experience for everyone, firstly the couple getting married can relax and know that their guests are being looked after with lots of care and attention. What a joy to be served by someone that is connected to the couple and for ‘Table Captain,’ best job ever, honouring the couple and all there, to celebrate the Love on offer. It’s a win, win, win!
Very exposing of how much we like to take a break and have someone else do it for us. When we live that way, can we ever be fulfilled? I think not.
Even in our own lives we have the opportunity to ask whether we are the captain of our own ship or whether there are other things influencing our course.
Being a “table captain” in other words is simply being a teacher of love. And love has no rank, or position, age … only love.
I love this Stephen, it means anyone of us at any time can be a captain, everyone having equal responsibility for the ship.
Two very beautiful words, Jeannette, ‘equal’ and ‘responsibility’… put them together and wowzers.
Hi Stephen, this makes a lot of sense and actually reminded me of a recent period in life ‘In such a scenario, when I have taken responsibility, my energy levels and enjoyment have both skyrocketed’ so why let it go and not be the table captain every day……thanks for the prompt.
Great Blog Stephen! I can clearly see how this approach to life in general benefits the whole.
A really great question in this is what we do when we see those around us taking responsibility? Do we sit back and go ‘phew’ knowing they have got it covered, or are we inspired to equally be responsible and so the whole table goes to the next level?
It seems we are all quite good at complaining about what’s wrong with the world we are living in. However, if we aren’t prepared to do something about it, in whatever way feels appropriate, we really have no business complaining, as by doing nothing, we are, in fact, supporting the very things we’re complaining about.
The Joy of working with everyone as equals brings a quality to meetings and projects that is not always present in the business scenario.
I agree, Carmel, it’s very beautiful to feel the space in meetings where everyone is equally valued and invited to contribute, without tension from competition, or feeling inferior, rather a shared joy in simply working together.
A deepening of love and responsibility all in all.
Taking responsibility actually gives us more energy….and opens the way for more as we become moe spherical with our ‘time’.
Being a ‘table captain’ in any occasion, we naturally step into brotherhood
Being captains of our lives means never withdrawing for relief or time off. Something that I personally find needs a tremendous amount of focus to get right.
Taking that responsibility is something I am finding challenging at the moment. It is something that I know needs to happen, but like a person on the edge of a pool waiting to jump in, I am resisting and hopping about on the edge!
Assuming this role is in fact a return to our true nature. We are all Table Captains at heart, just somewhere a long the line, other things were made to be more important. What a gorgeous way to celebrate a marriage by re-instating our innate care for one another other, the basis of all true relationships.
Reading your blog Stephen has made me realise the exhausting work we put in to stop our natural pull to be leader, in the true sense of the word. How many of us toil away at resisting this? and to an exhausting effect.
Totally! I resisted this and still do due to some idea and picture of what leadership is which is essentially a boss whereas leadership is being you in full doing what is needed be that to initiate or to support another’s impulse, all is the same when you don’t hold back.
That’s it Vanessa. We used to react to that ‘bossy’ idea of leadership that in fact, is far away from what true leadership is: stepping up for what is needed with our natural skills, allowing others to do the same on their own.
I know I have resisted it at times as I have not appreciated what I have to offer and share and I have been afraid to shine and stand out. Not anymore!
Purpose is one of the most important factors of health there is.
Without it we go no where.
The spark that inspires us out of bed in the morning and makes sense of the world… having a relationship with our purpose is very beautiful and very different from drive and ambition.
I love what you write about going to a meeting, are you just going to sit back and let someone else lead the way. As a natural leader myself, I love it when others bring things to the meetings and that we all grow the business together. I have often done this and had others think that I own the business when I don’t but to me it’s not about who the owner is, it’s about giving whatever I am a part of my all and not just treating one place of work as a job or less because it belongs to someone else.
Absolutely Rosie spot on, no job is more than another or requires less of you, it’s pretty awesome really.
Equality and responsibility in relationship with each other… super cool.
It is best when there is not one fixed leader, but that the responsibility moves from one to another depending on who is most connected and inspired in a particular moment, leading on an aspect of the business, using a different skill set. I’ve often noticed that a true chairperson in a meeting is quietly observing, feeling where the energy of a conversation is going and allowing space to those that can contribute… knowing that this will change as we move through the agenda.
When we work on only one set plan are we not stuck in the past? The world and all of us are always changing, and as you have said, Simon, we all have different skill sets, that grease the wheels of our evolution.
I like to see each skill set as a spark, and when we let all those sparks go off together we get an awesome fireworks show that there is no way we could have achieved on our own.
I agree completely Simon, it doesn’t matter what your title is, or how many letters you have next to your name, what matters is if you are connected and you feel inspired and feel like you are equally able to contribute to what is needed.
It’s not about titles, how many people we manage or even what we do in our job, it’s the quality in which we do everything that we do that truly matters. This is what has a very profound effect on everyone and everything in each and every moment.
The thing is, we have been taught that this is the way it is and it is normal. To me it is no longer normal and I love breaking those old patterns.
I have done it myself at various places that I have worked, in the past this is… and not cared, its too big and just little me down here… but that is just a cop out for not taking responsibility or for not appreciating my power and what I have to offer.
I did hear about this wedding and I thought what a great idea to have a table captain, not something I was familiar with but having been a captain many times at sea this all made sense to me!
It’s an awesome idea, I feel having a table captain facilitates bringing the table together as a group, allowing an ease for conversation to flow.
I love the humble way you describe true leadership here. For me a true leader serves others and supports everyone and inspires through this example.
I agree Andrew and this is what I have felt in reading this also – totally unimposing and of true service to others equally.
Absolutely and in this way this sort of leadership inspires love instead of the loathing, a dictator style, my way or the highway, I’m-the-boss type leadership might spark.
Table captain or being the lead does not necessarily mean you are the leading impulse. It can be a great starting point to be the leading support. This is what I see a true table captain is. We naturally love to help people. It makes sense that if this was our purpose much can be fulfilled.
If I understand you correctly you are saying that encouraging others to be all that they can be is something you find energising. This would be a great lesson for all managers because it can be more draining trying to control everybody instead of letting everyone be a leader in their own field of expertise or interest.
Once we return to the truth of who we all are and remember that there’s actually no such thing as individualism because we really are One United Whole, then this will transform the way that we behave with everyone else. We will be eager to constantly work at lifting everybody up to ever higher and higher versions of themselves, knowing that they are in actual fact us and we are indeed them.
Reflecting on the situation I have in my life in this way highlights when the responsibility is there to step forward as table captain all the more and no longer hold back.
I’ve noticed I take the table captain role when it’s asked of me. But I don’t necessarily bring those same qualities just because I can. What if I lived that same level of responsibility all the time?
Living the role of the table captain or not in life makes a big difference. We may think that others will do the work, and we only do what we are being told to do, but living life in that level of responsibility, or rather non responsibility is to me at the core of how our overall well-being is experienced and the state of our societies today.
How many times in a day do we see something that needs our attention but we do not feel as our responsibility to take any initiative on?
What I like here about this article is how you are not encouraging control or manipulation for power, but simply offering us the question of equality in all situations, where everyone has a responsive role to play in how life unfolds.
I’ve had more many situations come up lately where I’ve had to take ‘table captain’. The more I take it the more I get to see my qualities I offer others. All I can say is ‘wow’, we have so much to offer when we give ourselves permission to take the lead and support a team.
Children also respond to a level of responsibility and purpose, even if laying or clearing the table, they love being included or being designated ‘Table Captain’.
What a great way to honour and nurture the innate pull we all have to be responsible and contribute to the all we are a part of.
Yes it is completely natural for us, an ‘innate pull to be responsible and contribute to the all we are part of’ as you say. This is making me reflect on many areas in my life, and where I fight that innate pull, and the effort I have to make to do so.
Taking responsibility for how others are is a great quality to behold as long as we have first and foremost taken responsibility for genuinely looking after ourselves.
True Eva, that is our first and foremost responsibility to become the table captain of our own lives first. Only then we will have the connection and ability to deliver that in our services to other people, society and the projects we are in.
I love how after covering the merits of taking responsibility for ensuring everyone is taken care of like a ‘table captain’, you also mention the benefit of offering others the opportunity to be the leader too. In fact I see that as a quality of a true leader, not one that holds on to the position at all costs, but one who inspires and supports everyone to also be leaders.
Indeed Golnaz, a true leader supports everyone else to equally be a leader.
Spoken like a true leader, Golnaz!
Another consideration with fulfilling the role of ‘Table Captain’ in life is how valuable it is to then make choices that are based on how your decisions affect the whole of those around you and humanity at large, rather than reducing yourself into a smaller version of being human without seeing how grand and Divine we truly are and how each choice we make has a ripple effect on the All.
Learning that we purposely create situations as a way of excusing ourselves from stepping up and being in service and being open to seeing what they may be without judgment, as an awareness, is of profound value. Once exposed it is not possible to put the genie back in the bottle – a new platform of awareness reached – a new level of responsibility arisen to. The question is then what is the next level?
Stephen thank you sharing this is actually very beautiful to read, being ready to respond to what everyone needs. Love what you share about “The most beautiful thing about being the table captain is that we are tending to the needs of others, yet we are nourished deeply from the way we then allow ourselves to naturally be.”
Responding to the needs of others should not have to be a conscious decision that we make, it should be so absolutely ordinary that we wouldn’t even consider mentioning it, let alone having to instruct people to actually do it. How ridiculously far from our natural way of living have we allowed ourselves to get?
Goes to show how far we have strayed away from our innate qualities and that we actually need to re-learn that which is our natural way of being.
Agreed Eva and yet we strut around in absolute arrogance thinking that we are an advanced species, whilst not even being able to carry out the basic ABC of how to behave with one another!
We have a responsibility to express in this way and take the lead when we are aware of what is required with true purpose.
Yes that is it if we are natural leaders and get on with it what is more encompassing than to support those that don’t feel comfortable to lead to share their expression also.
Natalie I agree, I am a natural leader, but I love supporting others to take the lead and empower them that they also have that beauty within them.
Whenever we are given these situations, we realise that we do love supporting one another, but also that this feeds us. We receive so much from being attentive to others.
Yes we absolutely get the blessing back, as it does not come for a need, but a loving support and that is felt by all.
Taking on the table captain role, ie being more responsible in how we are in life, does mean less anxiousness because we are on the front foot so to speak – we are actively participating in life… rather than the back foot when we hold ourselves back.
Thankyou Stephen for the reminder of how much joy and fun can be had when we do take the lead on something that we may previously shied away from. We all have something to share that others can learn from, and it is for us to not hide our innate wisdom as we never know who may beneift from what we have to say.
I love this and am wondering about an event that I’m going to which I wouldn’t normally attend but if I speak to the host and volunteer myself as table captain what a lovely way to be fully engaged and active. I don’t even need to speak to the host but just be with this purpose of serving my table.
‘there is an exquisite opportunity to care for and be proactively in the service of others’ This is what our bodies are built for. In fact when I consider this, I can feel how much anxiousness builds in our bodies when we are not in the service of others. It’s as though our bodies know the minute we are out of step with being in that service. In a simple way, when I am not connected and present when talking with people, the anxiousness creeps in. But we don’t have to be running around after people and falling over ourselves to be in service and deeply caring of others. It’s actually in being present with ourselves and connected to our essence.
The link between anxiousness and sitting back/ not giving ourselves fully to a situation/ task is clear to see.
When we hold back and there is truth to be shared and to support others, our body brings that anxiousness as we are holding back to what is being offered to us.
Interesting that we can sometimes feel like we may be in this role in some areas or situations in life but not all. Good to ask the question of what quality do we bring to such a role when it is not truly lived but only brought out when expected of us.
Yes, there’s such a difference when I do something out of should and when it comes from a spark within that just lightens up the world.
When we ‘get ourselves out of the way’ we let go of the need to control and allow things to flow and unfold naturally.
The is so key is “getting ourselves out of the way”, have no expectations or images, just be a vehicle or expression, then there is no space for control, magic then unfolds naturally.
There is a part of us that naturally loves taking on responsibility, that willingly steps up to greater purpose in life and loves serving fellow brothers, humanity. You see it in kids all the time when they are young and you offer them self-responsibility. We can somehow lose or cap this along the way as we live through our hurts in life and in this way we hold humanity to ransom by not giving our all. Living true Responsibility is the greatest gift to ourselves and others.
We so often judge and compare when others are going better than us, try to pull people down and bring them to our level rather than supporting them to be all they are and in doing so, growing ourselves.
How often have I thought: “that’s someone else’s job” and leave it for some one else to pick up, only to find that ‘some one else’ is me! Slowly the realization is dawning that sometimes it is but most times it isn’t, so better to make a move to take care of it than have to pick it up two days later when it requires more attention than when first spotted.
A great way to present that we are all equally responsible and can all equally inspire others.
“We can provide support to others to take the lead – a table captain gently inspiring others to be captains too.” True support and true community… leading and inspiring by example, and allowing others the space to grow in their own unique way.
We are all leaders in our own way when we are living from our soul. Life is all about inspiring each other to be ever more of who we truly are. Bringing out more of that inner spunk and rocking our way through life sometimes requires another to not hold their amazing spunk back even in a smidgen.
‘I also considered how the more I take on the role of table captain in my life, the less anxiousness takes hold as the presence we feel in ourselves becomes stronger.’ – A great amount of people are walking around with constant high levels of anxiousness without even being aware of it, or if they are, they have learnt to see it as normal. When really as you say, anxiousness and tension will naturally be reduced and eventually disappear once we are present in our bodies and in all that we do.
The moment we claim being the captain we embrace and hold everyone as an equal. It is leadership in brotherhood without any dominance, privilege or burden.
Absolutely beautiful, you have expressed it so simply, “being the captain we embrace and hold everyone as an equal. It is leadership in brotherhood without any dominance, privilege or burden”
Strong point, when we support others, from a place of living truth we deeply nourish ourselves also, selflessness is not loving but true support offers something for everyone involved.
Any time we step up, which is taking responsibility for those around us we are like a captain of a ship who has to bring the ship to a safe haven and all we have to do is be connected to our essence and be a refection of heaven.
Taking responsibility in our day, at work and at home can seem difficult at first. But if we start to do it, holding back begins to be more difficult.
It’s interesting the way in which this way of living leads to not only one leader in life but many, expressing what they feel in any given moment. Leadership therefore comes from where such an impulse is expressed and not necessarily always the same person.
We are all leaders as we say yes to taking the captain role we are given the next impulse to share with everyone. Get ourselves out of the way and its all there for us to step up.
In life, just as in a meeting, whether we are leading or not, we are all equally responsible for how things are, which is why it’s so important to speak up when there is something which we don’t agree with, to share how we feel. To do nothing we are accepting what is going on around us whilst also dismissing and burying our true feelings. This is exactly how we end up with a world full of atrocities.
I can defiitely relate to the energising effect of putting one’s hand up and taking a lead, and conversely the exhaustion from not putting that hand up and not engaging in life. We can think we are conserving energy and letting others naturally take the lead, but we are just draining ourselves by not following through with our natural role as leader.
‘I also considered how the more I take on the role of table captain in my life, the less anxiousness takes hold as the presence we feel in ourselves becomes stronger.’ This is so true Stephen, If we commit, and bring our powerful light into our bodily presence then there is no place for anxiousness or for avoidance or any kind of withdrawal. The space is taken up by power. So lovely.
The one in charge serves everyone equally. A nice image.
Stephen I love this; ‘It made me reflect on my wider participation in life, how each moment I can be that table captain, taking responsibility for how others are, tending to the needs of people around us’. It makes me reflect on being active in our communities, supporting our elders and each other. This is a very beautiful way for us all to be together.
Such a beautiful way to encourage us all to become team players.
I agree Rowena – it shows how simple it can be for US ALL to be team players as well as team leaders.
Thank you Stephen. I like how we can each be table captains with each other rather than taking the back seat. There is a feeling of unity here, of a joint responsibility between us and for us all, that we can all step into, not to take over but to work together.
Getting up and being prepared to lead takes courage when you have chosen to be ‘a back seater’ all your life. But I have recently discovered the empowerment that comes when taking the lead is chosen, not only for self but for everyone else also. We all have amazing qualities that can be shared and felt… so why hide them and not share them by keeping small. Sharing means we can grow together. If we all held back, what then?
‘If we all held back, what then?’ – A great question, I think we all can imagine what that would look like..
When I read this article I had a sense of the simple but profound difference between slouching in a chair and sitting forward, ready for, and engaged with, what is happening around us. If we consider this, what is our posture with life?
A beautiful way to make an immediate assessment of our stance in life, are we slouching and attempting to take a back seat, or sitting tall feeling eager to join in. A simpler reminder that a change in attitude can begin by a change in our posture.
Great leaders don’t have followers but others also inspired to lead.
When I sit down and watch a movie or TV or just scrolling through social media I feel awful and drained afterwards….yet when I follow through on what needs doing and keep focused, even if I have been previously tired, I feel re-energised and not rushing.
Being involved and engaged in life and not putting things of but being pro-active has an absolute ripple effect for everyone, so long as we aren’t trying to prove anything, but just simple ourselves and enjoying the connections along the way.
We inspire more than we realise just by our example.
Love the way you grasped the challenge, or should I say rose to the occasion, that was not your normal taking a back seat and letting things happen kind of approach!
“…a table captain gently inspiring others to be captains too.” I love this! It’s not about being glorified. It’s about inspiring others to be leaders too.
Yes, simply through the way you move. Exhortations are often not necessary.
By taking control of our lives we are less inclined to feel the anxiousness that goes with taking a back seat and not knowing what is coming and seeing life as being a table captain is a great way to get amongst it and more involved.
To walk through life with true authority is to know how much or how little needs to be done in each moment and not being invested in needing to deliver more or less than what is required.
To walk through life with true authority is to walk God’s authority on Earth.
And not being invested in the outcome either as then we put conditions on life and relationships.
Great to feel where in life we sit back and do not express ourselves fully because we have a belief of someone else being a role to be responsible for this – in other words where are we not taking full responsibility for our awareness.
I love how you highlight the link between more responsibility and needing to consider others Stephen. Sitting back allows us to continue on in an idea of life being just about us, that just isn’t true.
That’s a really lovely idea to include everyone as responsible and part of the wedding
and how wonderful will it be when we include everyone as being equally responsible and part of The One Life.
Its interesting how when we are asked to do something that we would not usually do, for fear of doing it wrong or that we won’t do it as well as another for example, we very often surprise ourselves how well we manage in such situations and then wonder what we were shying away from. And we never know who is observing us and how much another may be inspired, simply by us being who we are.
This blog is similar to what I have been pondering on the last week which is, accepting power in the true sense. Do we accept the role of power and in turn take responsibility or do we hold back and hope that others will do it for us? The truth being we all need to accept power and all benefit from it.
Taking the lead and truly caring for ourselves and others – and when we are all doing this everyone lifts, and so it continues, forever expanding …..
All of this, and more by just accepting responsibility for more than only ourselves.
We are all equally responsible for everything, whether we are a designated ‘Table Captain’ or not. Living life with this attitude brings new awareness of how to support and care for each other, which does not necessarily rely on doing things for each other. Sometimes all people need is space, connection and love. What a simple way to enhance our lives and lend purpose to all our activity through the day.
‘Table captain’ is an attitude towards life and a relationship with people, not just a task.
Well said, Alexander, it’s a way of being with each other – our natural way of being.
Very true, being responsible doesn’t need to ‘look busy’, it just pertains to a particular quality of commitment and service.
Beautifully shared Alexander. Life is never about a job, but our attitude approach and willingness to be in life.
“The most beautiful thing about being the table captain is that we are tending to the needs of others, yet we are nourished deeply from the way we then allow ourselves to naturally be.” A great learning into the joy we feel being part of and supporting others and in the oneness and brotherhood energy we all know and are part of.
I feel a large part of our joy is feeling how we have ‘stepped up’ and are claiming our own amazingness to support others ‘in oneness and brotherhood’ rather than opting to play small.
We need to be captains of our own lives, and be on the front foot before the waves come crashing down on an unprepared vessel.
‘Or to put it another way, “get ourselves out of the way,” a term I first heard described by Serge Benhayon.’ I love this term – it’s so supportive to ourselves and others of course because truly supporting one another comes with an equalness that supports us all – equally! This phrase lets me see how I maybe putting my needs before another – even in situations that I may be looking like I’m being selfless when actually I’m avoiding being responsible by taking on the responsibilities of another and offering them an opportunity to be irresponsible too.
I can relate Stephen, as I am also some-one who has taken a back seat and just let things happen. But that has changed as I have committed more to life, have found more purpose, I now like to initiate and take the lead – and it feels great.
This is what the responsibility of every manager and company owner actually is: table captain, making sure the team/their employees have everything they need to grow.
I love how you describe how much more engaged you were with everyone when being appointed the table leader and how you realised that actually we can lead in any situation without needing to be labeled ‘the leader’ just out of a true impulse of care and co-operation.
Yes, so this article is simply a point of inspiration for anyone that reads it to spot the opportunities in every day to embrace the care and attention that being a ‘table captain’ offers.
Brilliant Stephen and brilliantly simple!
As a team leader I assume this position of ‘Table Captain’ every day. It’s my job to support my team and to make sure they have everything they need to be able to do a good job. It’s a position I am not used to and it is a fairly new role to me. It is a totally new way of operating to consider everyone at the same time and look at the team as a whole. It’s not about glorification of the self. It’s about taking responsibility for ensuring the smooth running of the ship!
Love the way you claimed the responsibility offered Stephen. No ifs and buts, but yes, and thank you.
Yes beautifully embraced because Stephen could feel the purpose of that day’s role.
This is a beautiful way to allow and support someone to be stepping up… to be focusing on others rather than on self and to be taking greater responsibility, which then can be practiced in life.
I was in a similar situation at work yesterday, as somebody who is new to the company I felt like I have to be in a meeting and sit quietly so that I could learn what’s going on. However, when an opportunity arose and I had a chance to contribute, it felt exactly like you describe it here – engaging.
When we can claim our value and what we can offer others, a gentle absoluteness is felt that comes from the body and not a false confidence from the mind. In making those movements we begin a cycle that feeds us back exponentially building on the foundation laid, raising its bar with each new re-claiming and action as a consequence of the ones before.
Yes, getting ourselves out of the way open us up to a whole new level of joy in life, as we are naturally designed to love and care for one another.
““That’s someone else’s job,” or “Can’t someone else do it?” -this is exactly the attitude as to why things are a mess in the world and why we have hardly any real true leaders who are really for the people, because many of us have taken this false belief on that it is for someone else to do.
Stephen I absolutely love this blog, fantastic insight –
The difference between making life about ourselves only or making it about us all equally is fundamental to our way of life and our relationship with it. Taking the lead and making choices to serve all equally is the natural way for us to be.
I have known people that would become physically ill if they were told they would have to be the table captain. The anxiety of stepping up becomes disabling. Could stepping up be the something that could elevate our bunny in the headlights anxiousness?
We always have a part to play and a service to offer. To sit back is to hold back all that we are and have to offer.
What a clever thing to do, so supportive for those getting married, but also how cool is that because we all want to be a part of the special day, to be able to look after others with the care and love that is being celebrated between the couple getting married, it just shows that love is everywhere if we so choose it.
Yes, definitely a very beautiful way to invite support and collaboration at any event.
The word responsibility is often viewed in a negative way – as something that is a burden… but in truth it brings so much joy, truth, wisdom and evolution for every one of us.
In reality we are all table captains as being responsible for ourselves brings responsibility to all our relationships.
‘I also considered how the more I take on the role of table captain in my life, the less anxiousness takes hold as the presence we feel in ourselves becomes stronger.’ The more we hold back the more we allow something else to take the lead which is not us, the more we go on the front foot, the more we allow all that is needed to come through us.
‘The most beautiful thing about being the table captain is that we are tending to the needs of others, yet we are nourished deeply from the way we then allow ourselves to naturally be’. Beautifully said Stephen. Taking responsibility can be nourishing and expansive of ourselves and others and not the ‘lead weight’ we have been lead to believe. True responsibility is holding all equally from a place of love.
It certainly brings a new focus and enjoyment to many situations where we elect or are elected to be Table Captains. Taking care of each other’s needs in different situations brings an added dimension of connection and engagement that might otherwise not occur if people are just left to fend for them selves.
Funny how we can so easily sit back and let another take the lead and in the process give away or even neglect our responsibility or natural and full contribution to the group. I too have noticed that if I attend a group or workshop etc where I am not in a leading position then I can take the attitude of ‘cool, I get to just sit back and relax now’ – which is really exposing of the attitude of letting another or others do the work instead of being an active and equal member.
The other night I was at a girls dinner and it was the most glorious evening full of fun laughter and wisdom – everyone heart to heart. Afterward I sat talking to a friend sitting next to me – someone I don’t get a lot of time to talk with because of our schedules. The conversation was so great – I suddenly realised everyone else was cleaning up and I thought ‘I should get up and help’ but then something in me communicated that what was needed here was to complete the conversation at hand. When we did complete both of us said almost simultaneously ‘That is the first time I have been out when I didn’t jump up and clean up afterwards, but this felt absolutely great that we sat and let others do it for once!’ It feels super beautiful to feel the next move and not go by any rules.
Love what you have shared here so simply Stephen – and it is the fact that when we step up and are proactive in any situation, participating actively in a group, family activity or other situation, it gives us energy and actually grows us. Essentially we are all captains, but how many times do we forget to activate this?
I am very inspired by what we are talking about here: the fact that when we take up the ‘table captain’ opportunity in any situation it actually vitalises and lifts us, rather than the apathy and exhaustion of holding back.
The more we ‘get ourselves out of the way’, the more God can work through us to bring heaven on earth.
I love the joy about responsibility which exudes from this blog.
My choice to take more responsibility for how I am living in each moment deepens my sense of purpose in connection with every thing and every one and along with this greater responsibility is the immense joy I feel from knowing I am helping to light the way for others to choose to re-connect with their own divine light and purpose.
A great example for life and also so relevant to weddings where people are often almost the audience at a wedding rather than truly participating and being part of it.
Samantha what you have shared about people’s behaviour at weddings ‘people are often almost the audience at a wedding rather than truly participating and being part of it’ also applies to people’s participation (or lack of) in life. So often life seems to happen without our active involvement, which is in fact true, because if we don’t claim our bodies and movements as our own, then our bodies will be hi jacked by an energetic consciousness that will, from then on in, run the show, leaving us to play the part of spectator.
Very Astute, it is true, we can be watching and not really committed to life and used like puppets concerning the emotions and behaviour we allow to inhabit our bodies.
I’ve never heard of a Table Captain before but it’s a great idea when embraced and expanded on as you did here Stephen. Love that you take it to the wider picture and meaning, and find the value in it for everyone.
Spot on Rosanna – table captain is a term I have not heard either but I love the idea and how supportive it is to the whole group as well as how it asks us to be involved and proactive.
‘The most beautiful thing about being the table captain is that we are tending to the needs of others, yet we are nourished deeply from the way we then allow ourselves to naturally be.’ – thank you for your gorgeous sharing, Stephen. Absolutely no coincidence that you were anointed ‘Table Captain’.
‘This scenario could be related to any aspect of life and the wider societies we all live in. Do we say, “That’s someone else’s job,” or “Can’t someone else do it?” or do we initiate, take the lead, set the example, make things happen, and stand up for it when we know something is corrupt, not true, or just needs doing?’ Reflecting on my own history I know that I very much used to take a back seat believing that “they” – the powers that be, those in roles of authority had to initiate change and ‘make things better’ but I realise just how given up that was and how if we don’t, as ordinary people, step up then we are the ones that are generating and creating the society we are complaining about.
I like this Stephen, being able to step back to see what needs taking care of at the table rather than becoming immersed in it, and “letting it wash over you” as you described. It means we are actively engaged rather than checking out. Even if we are the organising and taking control types we can be checked out and not read what is going on in the dynamics round the table and what needs to be done because of coming with our own agenda. I can feel how taking time to observe from a still and uninvolved non imposing place can bring a harmony to the group. Thank you for this, there is much to be pondered on in relation to many circumstances.
I agree Joan, that observation and holding makes all the difference to the experience of the group feeling looked after and cared for.
I can relate to how much energy and enjoyment you got from taking responsibility. Like something bigger is woken up and supports us to do what is needed at that point in time. I also experience a deeper level of clarity when I take my responsibility without delay.
It’s so true that the more we actually say yes to responsibility and being the leading light in situations, relationships etc., the less anxiousness we feel.
Beautiful Steven, an invitation to step up and out of the norms and appreciate the abundant opportunities & playfulness in taking Table Captain out into all areas of our lives.
It is interesting to observe whether we tend to sit back, take over or inspire in different situations. I know when I sit back and don’t say what is on my mind now, I can feel a tension. I can feel when I impose and feel how ugly the energy feels when others impose on me. So inspiration feels the way forwards, to be the table captain of life and take responsibility for my own actions and choices that support everyone.
I agree, Stephen, that it feels amazing to step into greater responsibility, as more love and greater joy springs forth from within us.
‘I also considered how the more I take on the role of table captain in my life, the less anxiousness takes hold…’ I have experienced the same, Stephen. I find there comes a feeling of self-empowerment which wouldn’t be possible by just taking a back seat.
Out of fear of appearing needy or controlling it is very easy to go into focusing purely on ourselves and not look out for anyone else. But this puts us in an isolated place which can be self-centred. I love what you present here Stephen about taking responsibility for others in a good way – for being active and observant and taking the lead. This is proactive and loving and inclusive.
Powerful stuff Stephen. If I even contemplate sidestepping something at work or at home I feel a great tension within my body and it’s like I’m instantly tired. This then gives me an excuse if I continue to leave it for someone else because I’m now tired. But I’m miraculously energised even if I’ve had a big day and have had lots on if I just follow through and do what needs to be done for others and myself.
Table Captain – Beats being AthleticsTeam Captain!
Lyndy, I would agree with you there! I love the concept of ‘Table Captain’… I’ll have to introduce it to my primary classroom. The kids will love it!
What a brilliant way of introducing to the classroom, what leadership is truly about Rachel, love it!
What a beautiful life lesson for primary school children – awareness and responsibility with true purpose.
They will Rachel, I can remember my boys loving it when they were the leader for the day in primary school and had to be responsible and take care of the different tasks associated with that. I feel they love the purpose and having an opportunity to be of service within their class and with their class friends.
What a beautiful blog Stephen. Fundamentally it is about care and love for others, and ‘Table Captain’ brings this to everyone’s awareness. Anything that does this in caring way is a great move! It not only brings love and care but also true equal-ness between people – because someone is always taking the leading impulse, and to feel who and what in that moment is so beneficial so that people who always sit back can come forward and people who are always coming forward can accept the care of others.
I love noticing and reviewing when I talk too much or not enough in any situation and what this is showing me about hesitancy or control… always learning.
I love how life reflects and presents lessons for us to consider more deeply how we are living. Great example.
We can be the “table captain ” in so many areas of our life -it is called taking responsibility for our own actions, responses and reactions. When we do take this level responsibility for ourselves it can be felt by all.
By stepping up and taking responsibility it ignites more engagement in others and invites a deeper connection between everyone and a shared sense of purpose which then supports any activity to flow more harmoniously with everyone feeling a part of the group.
I agree Anne. Taking responsibility for ourselves means we move in life without blame or victimhood and this is a breath of fresh air for the world.
Thank you Stephen. This article makes me appreciate how sometimes I can attend a meeting and just by holding myself as equal, without having to do anything different or special, there can be harmony there between us all.
This is a great call to responsibility… to step up and make choices that support everyone.
And, ensuring no one is left behind so we all evolve.
The beauty of responsibility and the understanding that we are all together in this, no-one gets left behind.
How many problems do we heap on our selves because we think someone else should deal with them? Slowly I am learning that responding to the impulse when first received saves a lot of time, effort and bother further down the road and cuts the blame game too.
I love this, it can be simple and flow when we don’t get in the way of an impulse we have felt, we all have equal responsibility no matter what ‘role’ we have taken on.
A great example of being the person that gets involved and becomes a part of life, connecting with all those around you and saying hi I care, I want to spend time with you and I want to look after you. Lets be honest we all want to have these relationships, to receive and to give in such away where we care for each other. As you say not at the expense of ourselves though. Great reminder.
I can so relate to being one of the ones who like to sit back and let others take charge. What I am finding is that taking charge when it is needed is far more joyful and fulfilling than I ever thought it could be.
Absolutely awesome Stephen because this turns caring on its head, from one that in the professional sense sees far too many ‘carers’ burnt-out and exhausted to the point of illness. Now if this approach was taken as a model we could have quite a different snapshot ..”The most beautiful thing about being the table captain is that we are tending to the needs of others, yet we are nourished deeply from the way we then allow ourselves to naturally be.”
Great and very relevant question, Stephen: ‘If I go into a meeting knowing I am not the chair or not the lead on a project, do I sit back and say, “Well, that person is leading, what are they going to come up with?”
Because it is just a role, sometimes someone just has the leading impulse, which doesn’t mean they are the lead. The end result of a project is up to the whole team.
Thank you for your inspiring blog Steven. The Table Captain role can be applied to many scenarios in life. Stepping up to more responsibility can be seen as daunting at first, but a great opportunity to serve and for everyone including us to evolve. “In such a scenario, when I have taken responsibility, my energy levels and enjoyment have both skyrocketed, and I have felt the positive impact I have had on those around me”.
I have found that when we see something to be done and wait impatiently for someone else to do it, it is often there for us ourselves to act on it as we might actually be the only one seeing it, or we are the perfect person to act on it. Learning to respond like this is great.
We all have the potential to lead and when we accept this then leading becomes no big deal, rather it becomes a surrender to the flow of what is needed.
Yes, we all can have a leading impulse and if we surrender to that the rest is simply there.
What I feel is being shared here is a totally different way to look at leading. That it is not about one person being the leader, but all of us being willing to stand up and lead, in any situation, when we deeply sense that our particular understanding of the subject matter is needed to enhance, support or unravel something. To not take the lead in these situations leaves everyone wanting.
Yes this is the way we can truly work together in a supportive way, the leading impulse can come equally from anyone and if that is honoured it is naturally evolving and expansive for all.
I have to say I have found this blog super inspiring and look forward to not taking such a back seat in the future.
I was pondering on this blog because I am more often the Captain but I am also really great at supporting and inspiring. I realised my thing is to do whatever is truly needed and in that it is equal whichever role I play.
When we sit back and laze or cruise along there is very little enjoyment and sense of well being – the human spirit enjoys it because it is ‘getting out of ‘ something, which is its bid to slack on commitment to life. As you say, when you take responsibility and care with life, everything feels heaps better: ‘In such a scenario, when I have taken responsibility, my energy levels and enjoyment have both skyrocketed, and I have felt the positive impact I have had on those around me.
True, it is an energy drain not to act or move on what we have felt no matter what ‘role’ we may have been appointed to. Leading doesn’t always happen from the front either.
Absolutely Victoria – as in the case of the ‘leading light’, it is the presence, volume and flow being held and shared by someone and not necessarily the amount of words or appearance of ‘standing out’.
I feel this is a very important point Stephen: ‘If I go into a meeting knowing I am not the chair or not the lead on a project, do I sit back and say, “Well, that person is leading, what are they going to come up with?” or do I play my table captain role and see myself as equally responsible for what unfolds, regardless of the picture of what my role is, not being the appointed ‘leader.’’ Serge Benhayon has talked about the ‘leading impulse’ being something that moves between us and that we all need to take that impulse when it is there. We do have to play our part in a project and keep the whole in mind all the time, even if someone else is the official leader.
So much depends on ‘how’ we share the lead with one another. Unfortunately, especially in the corporate environment there is an incredible amount of competitiveness and so people aren’t looking to share leadership roles and are more likely to see others speaking up as a ‘leadership challenge’. Our relationship with others stems from our own understanding of who we all are, if we see ourselves as completely separate human beings, all making our individual way in the world then we are more likely to have a more competitive outlook, whereas if we see ourselves as pieces in the United whole, then we’re more likely to welcome collaboration with leadership.
I love the way that you have expanded on this Alexis. True leadership must arise from equal-ness between us all and a recognition of the energies at play. Knowing that we are all vehicles of expression that, as you say, are ‘pieces in the United Whole’. I am welcoming this more and more in my life as I surrender to the flow of life with much less need for recognition out there. For some reason too here, appreciation of each other is coming in a vital piece in this flow of leadership.
This level of responsibility takes away the arrogance and instead brings to the fore purpose. If the purpose of a project is truly honoured it will not matter who brings forward the next aspect of the project. The openness to work together is truly honoured and respected. This is the only way our projects will bring true change in the world in which we live.
I have also experienced the difference between living on the front foot and responding to what I feel is next in a proactive way and living on the back foot where I am more reactive to life and often feel like I am behind what is happening which creates more anxiety and exhaustion.
I like the way you describe this andrewmooney26, it’s clear we can either have the win-win or the lose-lose scenario depending on how we engage in life.
I thought I was a responsible person, but I have to say I could feel myself cowering behind whoever is taking the lead, and even though I do my bits, not willing to go beyond, and I actually feel rather resentful if others don’t while I do. I can feel how conditional my sense of responsibility is.
It is the most beautiful care you can get, if someone is caring for themselves in the same way they care for another.
Taking responsibility for the harmonious flow of any meeting or gathering is a shared responsibility where one may inspire the others.
The moment we lay back and think others need to talk or announce or make things happen, we say no to the potential the group carries innately.
Mary I love this it brings responsibility back to us all the time, day and night – 24/7 wherever we are and whatever is going on. If we all embraced that life would be very different.
When we are asked to step up, it does expose our hidden abilities and allows an opportunity to accept responsibility for more than one’s self.
Yes this is interesting isn’t it Steve that challenges or situations we were perhaps not expecting often bring out the best in people.
What you have written Stephan is truly inspiring as it seems to be more normal that people do not want to take more responsibility for something they think they are not responsible for. Responsibility seems to be a burden and not a joyful thing to do as you have so beautiful described.
Responsibility would mean total surrendering to the power that we are. It would be amazing, if children would learn from young on that responsibility is something great- in fact, by not treating children as beings that don´t know anything yet and are just “small”, you will recognise how much children love to do things for everyone and be part of the “adult”life /responsibility. It is innately in us, we just need to rekindle it.
Awesome and inspiring article Stephen…there is a sit back and bring it to me vs a sit up and be equally part of what is happening going on in all aspects of life.
The most effective meetings are those where everyone works together towards a common purpose. If we view life as one enormous meeting – we are all here together and maybe our purpose is to lovingly support and care for each other, to be open and honest so we can learn from each others strengths and evolve back to a harmonious way of being together.
This is a great question Stephen…”…do I play my table captain role and see myself as equally responsible for what unfolds, regardless of the picture of what my role is, not being the appointed ‘leader.’ In truth we are each equally responsible for what unfolds in life all of the time … we are all equally responsible for how the world is today.
Being a table captain is a great reflection for life. Being willing to take responsibility and offer a purpose. I feel it was a very loving gesture by the hosts to make sure that everyone was looked after and no one was left to feel they were not part of the event.
When we dismiss something as ‘not our job’ we instantly miss out on what is on offer for us to learn.
It feels lovely when we take the initiative to get something done or learn something new rather than leaving it for another.
Feel inspired to change my work team meetings and bring this into play, thank you Stephen.
What a lovely thing to introduce into the home and school, where every kid could have a go at being a Table Captain. Caring for each other is very innate, so what better way to nurture and support us to express this care, so that by the time we reach adulthood, being proactive in work and life would be very natural.
What I love about this is that normally there is a tendency at events to ‘sit back and be entertained’ or ‘delivered too’ with introducing the table captains to the wedding it allowed the space for guests to participate more and bring their care to others.
It is a great example how we can support each other to take the table captain’s role, and it has a knock on effect to everything else we do in life. The more we actively engage, the more we receive.
I agree. Sometimes the most supportive act can be to do nothing. Or pausing if you can feel a reaction building.
We do all naturally care about one another, in every aspect of life. Being Table Captain is a great way to show other that taking the lead can not only be done in a way that is deeply caring and honouring of others at the table, but that is not an arduous task at all. In fact it feeds us right back.
I love this. Such a valuable example. Am I taking a back seat and letting someone else lead the way, or “do I play my table captain role and see myself as equally responsible for what unfolds, regardless of the picture of what my role is”. Such a great question to ask of ourselves whatever scenario we are in.
I love this, being a Table Captain of life!
So many meetings are unproductive/unsatisfactory as others sit back and allow the chair to carry the responsibility of achieving the goals of the meeting. I remember the question being asked at a conference last year ‘What have you done to prepare for coming here?’ which was a real wake up call for me that it was not just about me turning up on the day and being given information, but instead if I played an active part in the proceedings not only would I get much more out of it but that others would benefit from this increased engagement.
It is interesting to observe how many of us are passive in these situations. Certainly, our education system doesn’t really encourage every individual to recognise their worth and to claim an active part in what is going on nor to understand their responsibility in doing so. As a consequence, most of us remain disengaged, unwilling to lead – falsely believing it is not our role to step up and participate in full.
To manage that balance is to be the true table captain.
Being ‘a table captain’ in everything one does in life, rather than “That’s someone else’s job,” brings richness and depth to one’s life.
Very beautiful Stephen. It’s a super analogy that is inspiringly simple. Thank you.
When we are put into a situation where we are asked to ‘lead’ it can bring qualities to the surface that otherwise stay hidden or even unknown; also it will show us where we feel uncomfortable with taking such a role for different reasons all worthy to be explored and to learn from.
It also shows us how powerful we can be and be a great opportunity.
Stephen, I love how you’ve taken the ‘table captin’ and applied this to the whole of life, indeed when do we sit back and let others get on with it and when do we support those who are the ‘table captins’ at that time. It’s interesting to see the on-off switch relationship with life that this analogy exposes and offers such an opportunity to bring that ‘table captin’ and support to everything we do in life.
Beautiful description of taking responsibility not being a chore but an empowerment and joy. Worth to give it a go, try and know for oneself.
A great call Ariana – always bring it back to ourselves.
‘We can provide support to others to take the lead – a table captain gently inspiring others to be captains too.’
– Reflecting the fact that no one is more and no one is less – we are all captains of life if we so choose.
Also a captain is the master of the ship holding and containing what is occurring, wonderful energy, very different to a ‘leader’.
When we make choices based on only our own invested interested and self-gain, we could easily just take the back seat and let someone lead or lead in a way that disempowers people, through control and manipulation.
I have attended an event where everyone wants to be recognised for the part they played and there has been much internal gossip which had an unsettling effect on everyone.
To me just because you are not the appointed leader doesn’t mean to say that you don’t have anything to contribute. Even the smallest of things that are asked of us has a value and it is the small parts that go to make up the whole, just like the cogs and spindles go to make up the entirety of the watch; without them there is no watch.
So often in life we sit back and let others take the lead due to some kind of imagined ranking system. We all almost permanently rank ourselves against others in terms of our looks, our intelligence, how funny we are, how articulate we are, how good we are at this, that and the other and we calibrate our level of involvement accordingly. If we simply just dropped our subliminal ranking and lived life from the understanding that we all have something to contribute, then it would encourage us all to jump in and have a go.
Absolutely Alexis, there is so much wisdom and awareness in all of us that when we allow that to lie dormant we don’t realise how harming that is to our body, our relationship with ourselves and with others. Yes let’s drop the subliminal ranking and each step forward as and when we feel impulsed to.
Great point that you’ve shared here about how taking responsibility for something increases both our energy levels and our enjoyment of life. It’s like as soon as we say yes in full and commit to do something that is just naturally there for us to do, the energy to complete it is all right there, and it’s an easy flow. The moment something becomes difficult or complicated, it’s usually because I’m getting attached to wanting it to be a certain way, or trying to control or influence the outcome. When we relax and let go, and keep saying yes, life feels like a far more natural, and enjoyable flow. We don’t have to fight it or control it to justify our place in it, we’re simply just a part of it – and that surrender feels very lovely.
So true Bryony – there is nothing more exhausting than having the impulse and energy to do something and then never doing it, procrastinating it or even just altering it slightly from how it came through.
I love how we are recognising that leading or not leading we are stepping out of the way and bringing support to our fellow ‘brothers’ by feeling or just knowing what is needed at any given moment. I love the idea of table captains and also of having tables assigned to us. Sometimes we can get familiar with a certain group and not go out to sit with people we know less well. Having a place chosen for us is like entering a new family and a great way to extend our intimate relationships.
Meetings, yes, the leader’s role is to inspire everyone to take their part equally just as it is everyone’s responsibility to bring their all to the meeting and not just sit back and let it all happen. I have chaired many meetings in the past and I know how easy it is to feel you have to do all the talking. I am learning now to be more silent and allow others to speak and am forever inspired by what other people bring when given the space to do so.
Having sat on the sidelines of life for a very long time, choosing to take the back seat and let others take the lead I am learning to come out of hiding and get a taste of what it means to become more responsible.
I love the idea of table captain and also how you can bring this into many things in life, Stephen. It makes so much sense and I certainly am one who will take a back seat if I am not chairing a meeting – a big wake up to see that this is not truly serving others or supporting them but rather dragging the whole meeting down. Getting yourself out the way is so needed to be able to bring to others a very inspiring reflection and know relationships with others are not just about us but about the other person.
“The most beautiful thing about being the table captain is that we are tending to the needs of others, yet we are nourished deeply from the way we then allow ourselves to naturally be.” Gorgeous. Equality – regardless of whether we lead or support – and in any given moment these roles can change.
There are so many moments in every day, that can be seen as opportunities to deeply care and take responsibility – and none of those moments have to be anything huge, impressive or ‘wow’ – we do not have to be in the leading role or a visible role, we can be the support that helps to hold something together in order for the leader to be able to lead. The world would not be suffocated by people trying to take charge, but rather held by a population willing to consider outside of only themselves or their most immediate circle, and act for more than just self.
All those times when we go, ‘I wish someone else could do it’, we’re actually creating an issue that was not there to be had in the first place. If something is presented as a task or activity that needs to be completed, then it’s there for us to complete. Doing what needs to be done saves SO much time, stress and arguments!
Stephen, this feels very lovely. How amazing if we lived our lives like this, not only looking ourselves but also caring and supporting others too; ‘there is an exquisite opportunity to care for and be proactively in the service of others.’
“It made me reflect on my wider participation in life, how each moment I can be that table captain, taking responsibility for how others are, tending to the needs of people around us:.. ” – I so agree with you Stephen, through observation we open our eyes to care, to caring and to loving. This is leadership.
Great point Elizabeth that every situation calls for a certain response and this can be read and discerned wisely.
I agree Stephen when we take the initiative on acting on what we feel and don’t sit back and wait for someone else to take the lead it does feel great and very empowering and energising.
What a gorgeous blog to read this morning. I love that you have taken the ‘table captain’ approach and applied it to other areas in life – there feels so much love and care in this approach, and feels such a natural way of being able to get our small selves out of the way, without any effort or trying…
This raises the question that if we are at all choosing not to take the lead in life then what else takes it instead. Being resigned to others always doing so means a disengagement to the source of energy we are from and possible ill effects. Take the lead in our own lives and then in life itself, with Love, is the way forward.
Yes Stephen, we expand and grow every time we make our actions about all of us, rather than settling for a comfortable life just about me and mine.
I agree with you Elizabeth, and this happened to me recently. I was asked to teach an ESOL class in a mosque in London because the original guy could not do it, so I said yes. I was all set up ready to go, and the original teacher turned up, and he was happy for me to continue, but I could feel that he would grow from presenting to this small group as it was his first class. So, I took the support role and now he is running the class himself.
Love how you embraced your role as ‘table captain and understood the wider meaning, responsibility and being fully present whatever we’re called to do. Gorgeous. A metaphor for life.
As an observation from meetings where people have joined by phone and there is no visual reference – it is amazing how you can feel when they are distracted by something else, perhaps multitasking or simply bored and checking out! They may not be seen but they can still be felt!
I love this idea! what a great opportunity to see what we can bring to the projects we work on, how to equally engage if we are not the table captain but can equally be a full participating member of the team.
‘… do I play my table captain role and see myself as equally responsible for what unfolds, regardless of the picture of what my role is, not being the appointed ‘leader.’ – love what you share here, Stephen. Seeing ourselves as equally responsible in meetings is what being ‘a part’ of the meeting truly means. If we just sit back and leave things up to everyone else, everyone looses out on what we could have contributed had we been engaged.
I like the idea of trying this at home – just at a regular meal.
I love this. I love the concept and I love the opportunity it offers. Everyone should get a chance to experience being a ‘Table Captain’. What a gift this brings.
This is such a cute and fun and inspiring idea. And immensely powerful – both for the captain and the sailors; for, as sailors in life, I feel that too often we don’t allow that support, allow ourselves to be looked after, looked out for. I know that as a man it is a gigantic blessing when I let all those roles, ideals and guards go and give myself over, fully, to the support and love of another.
Beautiful Elizabeth – such a beholding way. Serge Benhayon is the greatest ‘table captain’ I have ever met and I have seen him in all three roles; up front, inspiring me and pulling me up….alongside me, supporting me with a loving hand on my back….or behind me, appreciating, expanding and deepening the steps that I am taking.
I find this blog so beautiful Stephen, it makes taking responsibility fun and all the great things that come out of it like increased energy levels and enjoyment.
So true Stephen, I have noticed it too how energised I feel and there is so much joy from within being letting out when I have committed100% regardless my role. It makes such a difference to my wellbeing and no doubt to the wellbeing of others when I say an absolute yes to what is being asked of me but it is interesting to note, become more aware and sometimes express if necessary those areas where I am still in comfort because it suits not just me but those around me too when table captain is calling and being asked of me. There are always opportunities being offered to us to go deeper in our responsibility as table captain in all areas of our lives.
What a great experience to be a ‘Table Captain’ and masterful how this has an impact to total health and wellbeing by bringing this approach into the everyday …”the more I take on the role of table captain in my life, the less anxiousness takes hold as the presence we feel in ourselves becomes stronger.
Being able to lead is having the confidence to accept the responsibility to ensure a project is completed. Following others and assisting them to lead is a greater responsibility.
What a beautiful way to deepen the connection with everyone at a wedding (or at any event) by introducing a ‘Table Captain’ on every table. It is very heart-warming to read this and feel how all-encompassing this is. A powerful raising of awareness, commitment and purpose.
“One aspect that supported this was the appointment of table captains, the idea being that one person would attend to the needs of their fellow guests and ensure that everything was running smoothly at each table”.
We all tend to have different pictures of what a leader should look like and how to behave with that image. But reading this blog I got the feeling that we are all leaders in our own way and never can let us to be led any other than by our inner heart.
Taking care for one another is so our nature and we all can do it. So lets make it happen and make the shift that is so needed in our nowadays societies by allowing yourself to feel how much you like to care but too, to allow the care to you of another.
I am becoming much more aware to observing those around me so when a member of my family is not themselves I am on the ball to call it out. You could say I have always been aware of this but held back because of self-doubt. I am also realising this is caring for another yet never considered it as a quality of leadership. It is interesting the pictures and ideals that can come up with what we think is a leader, for me especially on a grand scale eg. leading projects etc., yet leadership qualities can be found in the simplest of movements.
I agree Caroline, we tend to think that leadership is in leading people in big missions and projects but this may not be the full definition. True leadership is also in what we call smaller things, possibly already in taking leadership on your own life to start with.
I really like the idea of table captain I have found that when we take on the responsibility our levels of enjoyment increases we feel more self-confident that then feeds more joy into our lives and everything becomes so much more enjoyable. This is very infectious as we love to be around positive people don’t we?
A table captain-what a wonderful gift the hosts gave you to bring all of your love and care to that table and as you say Stephen something that we can bring in to every aspect of life.
It’s a great point you have made Stephen that we are all able to commit fully as leaders in whatever we attend to, knowing we are all equal and each can contribute at any time. It’s a common behaviour to sit back when another is appointed “leader” instead of bringing our all to life consistently no matter what our formal role or title.
Awesome Stephen , a great slant on the importance of responsibility to the greater world and others by getting ourselves out of the way and stepping up so to speak in life.
Yes.. being a leader doesn’t mean necessarily being the one to always lead and make decisions, but empowering and supporting others to take the lead so that everyone is equally involved. True leadership is about equality and brotherhood.
Indeed, Bryony, true leadership can be so completely different from what we think a leader should look and behave like. And I too can sense that equality and brotherhood are important but as well no ownership and being in full service to the greater plan you are part of and you have to play your essential role in.
It’s very opportune to read this just now, as I’m seeing more of where I’ve sat back in life and not engaged in the way I could, and how I’ve been willing to let things wash over me, without actually feeling and see how I can take care, and what is in fact needed. It’s a great lesson and at times a painful one, but one that been very eye opening in how I can live life, committed in full or doing enough and right now life is clearly showing the later is not it, so I’m embracing the former.
When we are captain we can capitalise on what ever catapults us into our true evolution, so no more back-seat-driving, just grab life with both-hands then express the ‘what is,’ which is our true nature.
Yesterday I walked past a rubbish bin that had been knocked over and it’s contents were all over the road, my initial response was to say ‘someone else can pick it up, it’s not my job’ but I walked a couple of steps away and then turned back and picked up the rubbish. It made me realise that particularly when a job is deemed ‘dirty’ or ‘unpleasant’ how we love to leave it to someone else.
!! I’ve had similar experiences recently and I love how it ties in with this ‘table caption’ blog. Every moment, every day, there are opportunities to take the lead, to take responsibility. And what I love about your rubbish story and the similar that I have had (I do lots of tidying up of the toilets on airplanes!) is that being a ‘table captain’ can be a totally unseen role. Leading does not mean that you always have to have people following you; it’s just about being the one of many who chooses to do what is there to be done.
Brilliant sharing Alexis. I would have walked past the bin in the past but now, I am so much more aware of the thoughts that can come in telling me to ‘leave it to someone else’ and if I walk past the bin this feels like I am being irresponsible.
That is a good point and I found one of the keys is to simply put back the rubbish and leave the bin as it would have been before. In most cases there is no need to draw attention to the matter.
Yes Richard, It is amazing when we say yes to something even when we don’t always know how to do it, how supported we are in every way. And then, as you say, not only do we we feel energised but so does everyone else because doing anything with this attitude and approach is hugely inspiring.
Love this! Having a moment of appreciation as I go into situations and life open to what I can bring and supporting those in the designated leader role. E.g. attending training days and fully participating in a way that is inclusive and knowing it’s all of us working together. But how do I handle it when given the title of table captain itself? This is an area I can be open to way more because I know when I am the leader I can tend to shut people out and rely just on myself to get the job done – there’s more control there because I can be in charge of myself more than others. But I’m missing out on what other’s can bring!
So I gave the example of supporting the trainer on training days – would I welcome another’s respectful contribution or would I want to shut it down because I wasn’t sure if I could accommodate what they had to offer? I do know, from reading this, that I can be much more open to opportunities that come my way to participate in life and welcome others to do so too.
I agree Richard… when we follow what feels true we are always supported, and often things work out so much better when we have no pictures of how things will be done and or an outcome.
Life is about knowing when to take the lead and when to step back, and stepping back doesn’t mean letting someone else do it, but supporting them in what ever needs to be done.
Very well said Alison and I agree. I understand a great leader is someone who is holding a team and supporting them to lead and allowing each person an equal opportunity to take part in the lead role whenever necessary.
We are constantly being pulled to evolve through taking responsibility for our life and our choices – whether we are the lead or not, we each have a responsibility for whatever we are involved in in life.
Awesome blog Stephen, the wedding you attended sounds like so much fun and very playful. What you’ve shared is so relatable, there has been many times where I have taken a back seat and let others lead. But this is becoming less and less comfortable. I now understand in truth, we are all leaders when we step into this role with purpose and love. I have witnessed true team work at play and this means anyone can step in to lead at any given time when it is needed, and the flow and harmony is exquisite. No one feels less or more than anyone else, and everyone is equally contributing towards a common purpose.
Very true Richard – I have had similar experience myself ‘it gets behind us fully’ and it feels like the whole body is moving forward with; yes, yes, yes!
These days all our personal ships seem to be set, quite adrift. Many are upturned, marooned or often wrecked in the ‘turbulent storms’ of life. But doesn’t this make perfect sense, when so very few of us have taken our true role, as captains of our vessel with a big say in it all? When you realise it’s not just about you, you get there’s a greater purpose to everything you do – and so you are finally given the map to which you are to sail to – the plan of God.
A beautiful example of how we do know how to step up when we have been handed the baton, so why not be more pro-active in the first place. As you say, the more we get our selves out of the way, the more we are nourished by our service to others, which in true brotherhood style, automatically includes taking care of our selves too.
This is a beautiful take away from a seemingly simple situation, but it is so true that we can be far more proactive and present in life, even when we are not in a seeming leading role, we can support others in everything we do.
Being a table captain as an analogy for our attitude in life is beautiful as it is simply offering us the choice to take responsibility for our share in the bigger picture.
Without anyone to steer the ship, we wander aimlessly through the night at risk of bumping into each other. It is up to each of us to take control of our vessel and save it from such a wayward course and this we do by immersing ourselves more fully into life and deepening our connections with one another. In this way we become a mighty armada working together and not against each other to guide our way through this sea.
Written like a true bedtime story 💛
I love the concept of a table captain as it spreads the care and responsibility for all the guests across different people and all get to enjoy. In life we can share responsibility as well, in all that we do, no matter what our part is in each situation. We always add to any situation, wether what we add is supportive, helping things move along, is bringing what is best for all or wether we choose to sit back, not engage and therefor make what needs to be done more difficult.
This shows how we can all become involved and take charge in any situation, we are equal and all have an equal say. Really inspiring Stephen to not sit back and also to support each other.
‘The most beautiful thing about being the table captain is that we are tending to the needs of others, yet we are nourished deeply from the way we then allow ourselves to naturally be.’ Thank you Stephen, this is deeply felt in what you have written.
Love love love what you have shared here Stephen. I lead on a project and at times get frustrated when it falls on my shoulders to be the main instigator as others wait to be led, but what was interesting as that I joined another project as a team member, I did exactly what frustrates me when others do it to me! It was tres cool to see that (albeit a bit ouch-ey!) It highlighted to me, how much I/we can sit back and let others lead/take responsibility/be the table captain when really it is up to all of us.
It is also very confirming when you join as a team member and you DO do what is needed and you can see how much it supports the person running the team.
“I had to be attentive to the needs of the other guests and be engaged in the process of ensuring things were running smoothly”. Being engaged in the process of life is the absolute key, that’s how we begin to make sense of life and when we begin to make active choices in order to bring about desired outcomes for the betterment of us in our lives; not from a me, myself and I standpoint but from the lived understanding that it is our choices that govern our experience of life.
I love how you saw your role as table captain and then felt how you could be this in all other areas of your life and not take a back seat. Very cool.
Stephen, I love this; ‘each moment I can be that table captain, taking responsibility for how others are, tending to the needs of people around us’. I feel very inspired by this. I have been aware that if I am with a group of friends and children for example and I consider the needs of all of the children and check in with the how they all are, rather than just my own child, then it feels very holding and caring and I love this role and I can see that the children feel supported and cared for.
I love what you are sharing Stephen. So often we can think because someone is ‘leader’ we hand all responsibility over to them, but in truth in any team everything is everyone’s responsibility. Sure we may have varying roles, but there is no reason why we all can’t step up in those roles and work equally together leader or not.
When we ‘get ourselves out of the way’ and let go of control, there is a natural flow to how things unfold.
I love the idea of table captain, but interestingly enough felt the smallest tug in my mind of ‘by if I was table captain at the wedding, I couldn’t just sit back and enjoy myself’ – seeing this call to responsibility and care for others almost as a hindrance to my desire to not really engage in life and just sit back. Which is really interesting is blown up to the bigger scale of life, because I often consider myself pretty committed and caring of others. But how often do I sit back and let others do things or wait for another to initiate what I have already felt to do. How often do I side step taking an active and responsible role in life in favour of a seemingly comfortable back seat. Sure, there I cannot make mistakes and I think I’m safer from hurt and rejection from others, and I think I get more enjoyment from life, but in truth I miss opportunities to grow and to support others to grow as well
Recently I said yes to a project as the person who was going to do it could not continue, or so I was told. Then when I turned up so did the original presenter, I realised that I could so easily take the lead but felt that he would benefit greatly from stepping up and me supporting him.
Leading is a matter of always stepping forward, to what ever is in front of you – the quality of step that says a big yes to godliness, and that knows that in that quality, everything we need is always with us.
I love this idea especially for those people who tend to hold back as I feel we miss out so much on what everyone can offer due to those who are louder dominating. It is of course the person’s responsibility to speak up but it’s a way to initiate balance in our groups etc.
“… a table captain gently inspiring others to be captains too. The most beautiful thing about being the table captain is that we are tending to the needs of others, yet we are nourished deeply from the way we then allow ourselves to naturally be.” I love this, a self generating cycle of nourishment and love.
Beautiful Stephen – this shows us how much care there is from being you and truly caring for others. An enrichment that is in your life. We should all be captains in our lives and changing it around !
Whether in a leading or supportive role – to approach everything from the quality of equal-ness and taking responsibility to bring all of us to everything, whether at a meeting or taking care of peoples’ needs at a table – this is to get ourselves out of the way and bring presence and connection wherever we go.
What an awesome sharing! I put my hand up to be a table captain always in every situation! It’s true Stephen – you are given energy and everything that is needed to be that captain, if you so give yourself permission and claim that as your purpose. I love this blog because it is truth! This is Captain Rik signing off! (hehe)
Life can seem easy and comfortable when we let others lead the way and follow when we feel like but there is a sluggishness that can come into the body when we live this way. By actually taking charge of our own life our body comes alive in a way many of us don’t know or have experienced for a long time.
Yeah, I recognise this sluggishness you described Lieke, it sounds all too familiar. Learning to embrace a leadership role with equality and love is incredible and I too have felt a shift in how my body feels when I step into this role with purpose and love.
There is no measuring in being a leader or “only” the supporter. Both parties are needed and there is not one that is more important than the other. Unless we don´t expose this, there will be always competition and misleading or holding back.
” or do I play my table captain role and see myself as equally responsible for what unfolds ”
We are all fully responsible for what unfolds by the way we participate no matter what form our participation takes.
I absolutely agree- taking on the responsibility we are innately made of to take on in this world sets an amount of energy free, you cannot imagine beforehand.
I had this today with something I had been putting off something, once it was done I had more energy, I felt it was because it takes up so much energy to not do something, and once it is done the energy can flow which is energising !
To reach the position of being a captain on a ship or boat, one needs to learn and go through many different stages to reach this position to be able to be responsive to circumstances and situations that they encounter. To become your own captain takes similar steps of understanding and learning as you unfold and unravel ourselves from what you have taken on until you become responsive or better said obedient to the call from within and captain ourselves to bring what is needed.
I love this Mathew. Captain of your own ship, captain of own body yet like a sailing ship having to be obedient to the rules and laws of the sea, a reflection of the Divine.
Love the table captain idea – it represents how we can all lead in life.
It is very enjoyable when we behave the same, regardless of our circumstances, whether we are in charge or barely involved or receive directions. Once that sameness happens it can be a lack of care or an expression of joy.
Inspiring and beautifully said, thank you Stephen. True purpose is very much enriching and something we can always connect or re-connect with regardless of our role…
Great idea. Being captains wherever we go: Captains of the street, at work, in shops, at home. And that we are all captains regardless the functional roles we have in those moments.
I’ve been a person to run away from positions of supervision in work situations many a time. And yet in the last few years I’ve enjoyed taking on training roles! sometimes I take the lead on things and others I need to sit back for and learn from other. It’s far more enjoyable than trying (with effort!) to stay at the bottom so no one will expect more of me. It’s enjoyable sharing what I have to share with others.
Very gorgeous and an amazing life lesson for all situations.
Love it Stephen – could it be that we all have the responsibility of being a table captain and paying attention to the bigger picture all of the time, we just need to be reminded of it?
Thanks Stephen I have never heard this term but can certainly relate to picking and choosing how proactive I am in meetings and how this affects how I feel about them. Useful to reflect how I disengaged yesterday in a meeting because I felt the first part was not relevant to me but I could feel how that was affecting people around me.
Yes this is key Helen, everything we do affects everyone, even being disengaged is very loud in its silence!
What a great way to look at and approach life. Thank you for making it so tangible Stephen.
I love what you are sharing here Stephen! ‘In such a scenario, when I have taken responsibility, my energy levels and enjoyment have both skyrocketed, and I have felt the positive impact I have had on those around me.’ A beautiful confirmation that when we step up, rather than feeling it as a drain, it energises us and supports with relationships!
Brilliant Stephen – you show how much we have bought into false ideas of hierarchy and tend to look for a parent figure to work things out, while we sit. Yet as you say, we then miss out on the true beauty stepping up and into life brings. Let’s say yes to that.
If we respond to the call to be more responsible in one area of our lives, when we are offered an opportunity to explore a new level, then we can use this as a model to bring all areas of our lives up to the same standard.
I love this Stephen. I know the experience of my energy levels and enjoyment sky rocketing when I take responsibility instead of sitting back. It makes me wonder why I do not do this all the time. It’s a great term to take away from this blog into life. I will aspire to be the Table Captain of my life!
The point about letting the ‘leader’ do the work is great and very relatable for me. I know I do the same when someone is running the shop… I will sit back and not action stuff because ‘they’re in charge’.
I love this Stephen, very inspiring. Being the Table Captain in life certainly offers us the opportunity, not only to care and support others, but to expand in our ourselves. I find that if I take the initiative (which has been a long time coming for me!) my sense of purpose grows and my energy levels increase. Rather proves that we can do anything if we are aligned to truth and not making it just about ourselves. Thanks for sharing this, I shall take it out to my day.
Some lovely observations here Stephen on roles we play in life, whether we step up or sit back and let others take responsibility. Meetings are a great example of this, especially what we bring; our whole self (in captaincy role) or measured self, taking our hands off the steering wheel and letting others steer the ship. True equality means we all have an equal role to play. Meetings are more purposeful when every member participates fully for the good of the whole, not personal agendas. Much to learn from this blog.
I have been pondering on leadership qualities recently and how we are all leaders in our own right. I too have been one to hold back and allow others to take on the role of leadership when in a group of people but what happens (as has been the case for me recently) when we can sense with clarity what needs to be expressed and done. What happens when we are given vital information to be shared, taking everyone into consideration, with no holding back to support one another to grow. Do I/we take on this responsibility and step up to the mark, as in this case, the position of Table Captain? Or do I/we contract and try to pass the buck onto someone else? I may once have thought I did not have leadership qualities but now in some situations and events that come my way I am beginning to realise it is me that has been given the responsibility because I have asked for it and because I am equipped to deal with it even though sometimes my mind can still get in the way!
“a table captain gently inspiring others to be captains too. ” Love this Stephen, the essence of true leadership.
Why is it that we need to be nominated to look out for others? How is it that most of us have got to live in a way that is so isolated and so focused on looking after our own needs and those that we specifically nominate as falling under our jurisdiction? Basically how is it that we have got such a long way from our natural way of living, which is to continually consider and include the whole of life in every movement that we make? Shame on us. Really, because we have all chosen our way into this life that we’re now living and therefore the only possible way out, is through our choices.
I love this post Stephen, what a super way at looking at leadership, life and responsibility!!: “And if we are someone who is used to leading, the opposite can be true. We can provide support to others to take the lead – a table captain gently inspiring others to be captains too” – yes, we’re all captains of the seas when we take those steps to be it.
Being table captain every moment of our life means that there is never any boredom and the question, “why are we here?’ never comes up. There is no quandary about the meaning of life and only the joy and riches of heaven to be lived.
I totally love this Stephen as it is a real wake up call for me, I always take a back seat where leadership is required because I always tell myself that someone else involved always likes that position, which there generally is someone there who likes to lead, but it doesn’t take away from the fact they might not be the best person for the job just because they think they are, and also everyone else’s input totally matters. Also though, when we are given or we do take the leading role we can usually surprise ourselves.
Stephen this is a short but powerful sharing, as when I read it I got the clear image that designating ourselves as a permanent ‘Table Captain’ in life somehow brings our very beingness into existence, rather than allowing a rather faded version of us to slip through life undetected.
Absolutely Beautiful Stephen! What you describe here is the expansion of evolution. The stepping up out of comfort and into grander opportunities is what brings us joy and vitality.
Ooh what a brilliant analogy… ‘Table Captain’ to be on the front foot in life, rather than waiting for someone else to take the lead.
Living how you want the world to be and not waiting until the others start. The world needs inspiration and true role models, we all carry the potential in us to be one of those.
Beautifully said Stefanie being and living what we want to see in the world. Sitting or holding back and waiting for others to change…nothing changes.
I love this analogy too. Really what a gorgeous thing to have experienced. Simply by reading this blog, I am invited to feel a solidity that comes with giving myself permission to step up. There is a deeper connection to my body in that I am feeling all of it and a sense of empowerment through that connection.
I love the concept of a ‘table captain’ and taking that role and the responsibility that comes with it out into the world. So often in life we wait for someone else to do, so much so that ‘someone else’ must be the busiest person on the planet. To know that we have an equal role in whatever situation we find ourselves in lifts us out of any need to pass the job to someone else and instead take responsibility for what is needing to be done, without any fanfare or need for approval, just simply because we care and we can.