Unravelling “Busy’s” Fabricated Web

I have been meaning to have a chat with you, ‘Busy’, about a few things that I have realised – and you might have already noticed that things between us have been changing. All my life I have believed that keeping busy meant being productive – not a ‘loafer’ or lazy – and that ‘getting things done’ was an important part of being mature and responsible. Since I can remember, you have always been there. Yes, I grant you that you have been very diligent in keeping track of me and how I was going, relentlessly urging me on when I slowed down, but I’ve connected with an inherent wisdom recently and am now taking back responsibility for this part of my life.

Here are a few things I have been reflecting on and why I feel it’s time for us to part ways:

  • Your daily ‘to do’ list is impossible to achieve – even when I have managed to tick off nearly everything on the list, there is always more left to do and then the list grows again as a new day starts. I have long been a slave to your insistent demands, but it just doesn’t make sense anymore.
  • Constant worry about how I am going to get ‘everything done’ leaves me with low-grade anxiety: my sense of self-worth is diminished with feelings of failure… there is barely time for a fleeting acknowledgment for achievements before your discontented voice tells me “yes, but – you still haven’t…” or you “should have…,” “don’t get too far ahead of yourself, that’s just one thing, now what about …?” or you insist “you’re behaving arrogantly – how disgusting! Cut it out right now!”
  • I’ve noticed that in my ‘busy’ mode I tend to get single-minded about things with a ‘this is the way it should be’ attitude. It comes with irritation and judgment when others don’t share the same storybook ending that I’ve envisaged. You just open the doors and invite in your friends: Ms Right, Ms Wrong and Mr Righteousness. Please note: they are very unpleasant characters to be around!
  • Demanding perfectionism – well, don’t even get me started there or we’ll be here for weeks!!
  • You clearly thrive on competition, urging me to watch what others are doing and compare myself to them. Sometimes the ugly flames of jealousy are ignited, causing me to wallow in blame, regret, justification etc. This reaction in turn reinforces the belief that I need to be tough to prove myself.
  • Wow, all this time you’ve had me convinced that worrying about ‘time’ and keeping a close eye on the clock was very important; a big key to getting things done efficiently and effectively and proving I’m a ‘good worker.’ Workplaces champion ‘time management’ and this concept fits in perfectly with the picture you have sold me and which I have also unconsciously come to ‘worship.’
  • I feel exhausted and it has occurred to me that maybe the way you have long touted as the ‘only way’ to behave as a ‘good’ person isn’t on the right track after all. When I go to bed at night I feel a nervous energy, a raciness throughout my body, that makes it hard to sleep soundly. All day I have been super busy, rushing from one task to the next and even multitasking a lot of the time. Little wonder I don’t feel refreshed and invigorated at the start of each day!
  • You love to remind me that “I haven’t got time for this” when people are just chatting about inconsequential things. So, I put my head down and get back to work which indicates “I’m too busy if it’s not important.” Ahhh – how arrogant, offensive, rude and uncaring is that!
  • In terms of my relationship with myself, your brand of ‘busy’ leaves me cold, harsh and distant from me. Self-care is functional rather than self-loving or nurturing, while self-acceptance and self-appreciation for my worth as a human being are completely disregarded. This just all adds up to utter self-abuse.

‘Busy’ – your love for weaving the above types of complicated webs clearly demonstrates you don’t have my best interests at heart. Little wonder that the more I’ve opened my eyes and seen what’s really going on, the less your offerings appeal to me! I’ve been making many changes in my life, initiated by the understandings I have gleaned over time with the enormous support of Serge Benhayon and various other Universal Medicine practitioners.

I’m gradually learning what my strengths are and how I can best utilise them, recognising what is really being asked of me so I can direct my energies and time more purposefully. I now see that the façade of ‘busyness’ is simply a hiding spot I’ve adopted which keeps me separated from others. It’s been an excuse to hold back from showing the world who I really am, to play small when I know that’s not true. We are all uniquely grand and I am no exception. As the reflections in this blog present, pretending otherwise and colluding with ‘Busy’ actually drains rather than invigorates oneself.

I’m finding that time takes care of itself when I work at my body’s natural rhythm and pace. I’m learning to allow myself to do what tasks I can being present, gentle, flexible, and realistic about what happens and what can be achieved in a day. This results in simplicity, spaciousness and less nervous energy as I’m not pushing, criticising and driving myself all day. Yes, I still need to meet those deadlines, especially in the workplace, but there is a much calmer approach to the whole situation these days.

In the past I have obediently done your bidding, yet despite following your instructions with dedication and commitment, it hasn’t helped me get to the finish line any quicker. Furthermore, the work quality from past to present day is incomparable.

Lastly, but very importantly, my relationships are becoming more meaningful as I am re-learning the dance steps of how to best connect with both myself and others and the true value of intimacy. I find I’m a better listener which subsequently helps me understand and respond more appropriately at the time.

The transformations have been gradual and not always smooth sailing, but definitely worthwhile. Frankly ‘Busy’ – there is just no room for you in my life anymore and I know beyond any doubt that my current direction is the right path for me. You have been a very enthusiastic teacher and I have been an extremely dedicated, devoted student, but it’s time for me to take back the power and responsibility for how I live my life and unquestionably, The Way of The Livingness (Universal Medicine) is now my way.

By Helen Giles, Social Worker, Townsville, Australia

Related Reading:
Building love in our life
A Sacred Relationship with Self – Inspired by Natalie Benhayon
Self Care Tips

790 thoughts on “Unravelling “Busy’s” Fabricated Web

  1. Love your blog Helen it is a great reminder of how busy creates so many problems and issues in life. There is a saying ‘that if you want something to get done ask a busy person’ but what they don’t say is check the energy they are doing it in and what does it feel like afterwards.

  2. When we lose ourselves in surface busyness there is no space to access the full potential of joy and connection that we all have the potential to feel. We can only override the body for so long before it shows us loud and clear the consequences of how we have been living.

  3. A great expose of busy and how it’s a convenient hiding place for us to not just be us in the world and it’s all about a comparison against something out there; there’s always a drive behind it, and an underlying anxiousness, coupled with a need to prove oneself. And just writing this reminds me that busy just takes us out of ourselves and away from who we truly are.

  4. “Busy” stops us appreciating the magic and important moments in life. If we constantly operate in busy we miss moments that could be critically important for other people, and we miss actually being present and focused in a moment and the opportunity every moment gives us.

  5. Since meeting Serge Benhayon I have been supported to take back responsibility for the way I live, I now live The Way of The Livingness not in perfection however my life has become quite simple and yet full of joy.
    I am learning to be with me first before I do anything bringing all of me to everything I do feels very fulfilling it’s like running on a full battery all the time.

  6. I have noticed lately how addicted I am to ‘busy’, when I do not have this in my day, I feel the tension. At first, I don’t want to feel this tension so I get back into being busy so to numb out my day. But now, I realise it is OK to feel this tension and allow myself to feel and understand why.

  7. As I read you blog Helen I could really feel how we can use busyness as a form of identification and dare I say it, to make ourselves feel important.

    1. Also, it is a common way to keep people out, they dare not approach you because you are busy and won’t have time for them. How awful does this feel for our own body and for people around us?

  8. It is great to expose how we adopt behaviours and let in thoughts to convince ourselves that in keeping busy we are able to achieve so much more and feel successful in life, and yet we find this way of living is actually draining our body and keeping us in a momentum that never lets us truly rest or be able to surrender and find true settlement within our body.

  9. One of the most effective ways of keeping ourselves busy and disconnected is by procrastinating and never completing anything.. it’s the perfect excuse to stay where we are and avoid more responsibility, to avoid letting go and expanding.

  10. ‘your brand of busy leaves me cold, hard and distant’. Ouch… I have had it pointed out to me time and again how when I go for it in my busy-ness I become wooden. It’s such a common pattern, always trying to prove myself, never allowing myself to settle.

  11. In busy there is no time for connection. We rush through our days on our merry way to achieve whatever goal it is that will give us the recognition we so desire and ignore the repercussions on our body and all around us.

    1. You are spot on Viktoria and by being busy it compresses our body and makes our movements harsh, protected and destructive.

      1. Which results in us being harsh, protected and destructive – a never ending cycle until we recognise the effects and choose to not have this momentum in our lives. We can stop, connect with the people around us and make our working day something we actually want to be a part of, rather than dreading every Monday morning and waiting impatiently for Friday.

  12. Busy also likes you to think that your worth is determined by how much you get done. Wrong again busy!

  13. Busy means we miss out on life – on what it offers, what we can observe, the space around us to appreciate – busy condenses all of this and yet we totally buy into this way of life. This blog starts to present the truth of busy and offers us a choice in terms of what we allow into our day.

  14. I love the analogy used here to learn the dance steps of connecting to ourselves and others … and to honour and feel the rhythm of what is needed and where we need to focus … busy is constant drive and diminishes the quality of who we are and what we bring.

  15. Oh Mr. Busy, old buddy, we know each other well. Familiarity binds us together, a contract made I don´t remember when but just because we go way back we are not really friends, at least not in the true sense as in deeply caring and lovingly supporting one´s well-being, At a closer look I have to admit I used you just as you used me, an arrangement of comfort and safety. But what are you going to do when I no longer choose comfort, will you let go and respect my choice or will you seek to keep me in the old tracks for your own benefit no matter what the costs?

    1. This is beautiful Alex… speaking to an old friend letting them know that you have changed, that there are different choices that need to be made and perhaps its time for both of you to move on (into space).

  16. Giving off the appearance of being busy is a smoke screen that says to people “leave me alone because I am so busy”. It is in that way a form of protection.

  17. Very cool to read how you’re learning what your strengths are Helen and where best to direct them so that everything you do is more purposeful and not just doing for the sake of it. I reckon we waste a lot of energy doing things that aren’t actually needed at all, so bringing awareness to what we’re doing and why we’re doing it – even just noticing how we feel afterwards: drained or revitalised – feels important to arrest that pattern.

  18. It is great to notice how, when we address the ‘busy’ behaviour, that not only does the relationship with ourselves deepen but also, how this flows on to improving communication and relationships we have with others.

  19. If I go into busy and overwhelm I immediately feel exhausted, when I stay with myself and take one thing at a time and only do the priority thats in front of me I have much more energy to see it through.

  20. This is a brilliant blog, with every corner covered on the topic of ‘busy’, and how being busy all the time actually creates stress and anxiety, and thus the quality is less. When we let go of being ‘time controlled’, space opens up, and there is always enough time for the things that have to be done that day, knowing that there is another day tomorrow.

  21. ‘I’m learning to allow myself to do what tasks I can being present, gentle, flexible, and realistic about what happens and what can be achieved in a day.’ I love the simplicity of this. How gorgeous to work at our natural rhythm without push and drive – how very nurturing for our body and for everyone we come into contact with.

  22. Making ourselves constantly busy feels like we’re just keeping ourselves on the surface of life, afraid to stop in case we don’t like what we’re faced with or what we’ll feel. But when we do stop, and feel, we get to feel that the busyness is only ever surface level, and that underneath that, and any feelings of emptiness that might be there, is a profound place of stillness and space that is always available to each of us. It’s like it’s just waiting there ready to be connected to, whenever we remember, and allow it.

  23. I think it’s a good point that we can be dismissive of people if we’re thinking we’re just too busy to listen to anyone else but also would say it is important to honour when we feel not to get caught up in purposeless chat as that’s not really caring either…

  24. Kissing ‘busy’ goodbye, with much love and understanding, will be one of our most profound farewells. ‘Busy’ might not realise what is on offer and resist the parting, but when we are clear about the decision, everyone benefits.

  25. It feels like we are making us busy because if we dropped that we would have to surrender to something bigger, which for me is a connection with the universe and its delicate order.

  26. It is so great to name all the ‘cons’ that busy leads to. Exhaustion, distance from self and others, unachievable perfectionism, anxiousness and drive, competition and an obsession with time. Busy may make us believe we get lots done, but clearly it is done at our expense and without the kind of quality that nurtures ourselves or anyone else.

  27. “Time takes care of itself’ – If we set the rhythm and pace, rather than focussing on pressured deadlines and how many minutes there are left in the hour or hours in the day, anything is possible in a single day and our tasks are not determined by time.

  28. We can say we are super busy over and over again, exhausting ourselves in the process without actually getting anything done, I wonder how much time we waste thinking we are busy rather than just getting on with whatever is needed.

  29. Yes we like using the excuse of being busy as it keeps people away. It is the ultimate self protection tool.

  30. Busy is such a loaded word. Purpose on the other hand opens one’s World to what needs to be done, with not an ounce of busy-ness. Simply a willingness to work diligently, focused and doing more than one has ever done before.

  31. A web is only confusing to the one who is trapped in it and not so to the one who elegantly weaves it. Thus complication is a sign we are forsaking an innate simplicity, losing sight of the bigger picture.

  32. Have you noticed it’s really hard to stop being “busy”? As in – at the end of the day it’s very difficult to stop and deeply rest because there’s a million things going through your mind about what you could do next? Being busy effects the whole cycle of our day – not just the parts where we are awake.

    1. I completely agree Meg, stopping at the end of the day can be so hard as our ‘to do list’ never seems to end and we push on beyond the feeling of tiredness normally with some form of stimulation to enable us to keep going.

      1. Yeh true, I find even move than the motivation to finish a to do list is the momentum of the day, it’s a bit like bringing a runaway train to a stop, and even when it’s finally brought to a stop (ie bed) the engine is still running, and the rest is not deep or nurturing.

  33. I used to write lists and tick things off as I went and then adding more to the list, I found I was never satisfied with how much I had got done in the day because there was always more to do, now no lists, I lovingly start the day with what needs to be attended to, and move onto the next, with no drive or picture of how it should be.

  34. “it’s time for me to take back the power and responsibility for how I live my life and unquestionably, The Way of The Livingness (Universal Medicine) is now my way.” Me too – no more ‘busy-ness’ in my life – just doing what needs to be done. Inspiring article

  35. Who would have thought that just one word can be bound to so many things. It shows that words are not just words but so much more. As you show, a whole web of behaviours can be linked to one ‘simple’ behaviour that we think we portray.

  36. Being busy is a real trap, it can blind us to how we’re being and the quality of what is produced and it’s a perfect ruse to be left alone, a way of keeping people out.

  37. Every human being needs to read this. We are not racing time. Time is here to support us. We just have to be connected to our rhythm within and in that steadiness work our way in life with a wisdom that is innate.

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