Healing the Energy of Terror

Over the last couple of months I have been dealing with a situation at work that recently began to intensify over a two-week period. Except for a chat with a good friend, I hadn’t spoken of this situation with anyone as I felt there was something significant going on and that going into conversation about it would draw me away from what this teaching was bringing for me.

I felt I had to stay focussed on the energy at play without diluting it and so creating a distraction.

It all came to a head quite suddenly, and I got smashed. Instead of staying with the bigger picture and observing as I had been doing, I was taking on everything coming at me. I felt my body going into the familiar ‘fight or flight’ mode with no escape – my reaction was instant and in-built, leaving no room for handling the situation in any other way. This in turn sent me into feeling the victim because that was my old accustomed pattern.

Since then however, I have noted that there was something different about the old pattern – about me, about the way in which I held myself in this oh so familiar energy of attack – that didn’t feel right anymore. It was as if a small part of my body had sidestepped the force of the attack and had not gone into immediate self-defence. I felt this in the way my body did not collapse in on itself as it were, allowing the energy to wreak its havoc; my whole body did not succumb and cower.

And, profoundly, I did not match the energy coming at me with a reaction of my own version of attack, as I would have done in the past.

I felt how I didn’t absorb the attack as deeply and, as I was going through the attack, I was present enough to understand that I was choosing to absorb the situation and the negative energy and not simply observe it.

As it blew over, I was able to extricate myself from the effects much quicker and so come back to myself, back to my centre, in a shorter period of time.

After I had spent a few days picking myself up off the floor, coming out of my stupor and recovering myself, there was space to allow for reflection, understanding, and moving back into the bigger picture.

Preparing for my forthcoming meeting with the company MD (managing director) and still holding on to the last vestiges of victimhood, I had composed in advance my list of all the points I wanted to make. These points clearly showed me in the better, ‘right’ light and my manager in the opposite.

Having made my list, I met with the MD without it.

In the lead up to our meeting, I had felt myself move into a space of clarity and grace, and as we met I had a deep understanding of why I did not need my list.

Words at this point were obsolete. All that mattered was the energy. I didn’t need to try to explain or get anyone on my side. The energy of the interaction between my manager and myself ‘spoke’ for itself and I simply needed to let it be felt.

I had an expansive knowing that not only could I feel the energy of what had taken place, but that everyone else could too. There was no need to go back into that energy and try to protect and justify myself. Very few words were needed and it was one of the most healing interactions I have ever experienced.

In that moment, coming to this realisation allowed me to step across the threshold from being a victim to being a woman who sees I have another choice: a woman who sees I have the choice of remaining the victim or of stepping into my true power and taking responsibility for my choices in the past that have brought me to this point. That, moment by moment, I have the option to choose again and to perhaps, this time, choose differently.


I was on my usual weekend walk along the river this morning, feeling, enjoying and appreciating the love and clarity that I had gained from this experience. In doing so, I was opening up space… space for an even greater healing to take place – the healing of the energy of terror.

The terror that I had taken on and stored in my body as a child every time I went through a similar confrontation with my mother.

Years and years and years of it.

You see, these energetic attacks, such as the one I recently experienced, were no stranger to me – I had been on the receiving end of such attacks since early childhood when an attack from a person of authority would come unexpected, uninvited and seemingly out of the blue. The coping mechanism I had developed in childhood as a means of survival I carried with me into adulthood.

As a victim, I was always on the back foot, always in protective mode… fighting these energies of attack with my own version of attacking back and so unwittingly leaving myself open to more attack.

Encountering this energetic attack at work brought to the surface the terrifying tension I lived with throughout my childhood, of never knowing when a similar attack would come, or from where.

As I walked I allowed myself to feel the full weight of this terror in my body, how destructive it had been and the layers of protection I had built to try to protect myself from it.

I also allowed myself to feel the lifetime(s) when I had inflicted this energy of terror on others. I was able to observe myself feeling this two-sided terror in such a way that it did not cripple me; it did not draw a single tear. Just an awe of the enormity of it and the many layers of how it had taken hold.

I felt both how my body had had to adapt in an unnatural way to store this energy, and the exhausting amount of energy it took to keep it there.

And I chose on my walk this morning to let the energy of terror go. (It was a very long walk!)

I could feel my body changing as I released this energy of terror. I could feel the appreciation of every single cell in my body for my decision to finally free each cell from the grip this energy of terror had had on them all these years.

This was felt in a joyous tingling, a lightly flowing current of movement throughout my whole body, like my cells were dancing in all the space that was opening up for them.

A miracle happened on my walk this morning – a miracle that could take place through the grace and support I have found in being a student of The Way of The Livingness.

The way I now live, based on the teachings of Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon’s presentations on The Way of The Livingness, supported me to observe, to feel and to finally let go of an intimidating energy that had held me in its grip for my entire life.

B.E. – Seeker of Truth, worldly woman, student extraordinaire of The Way of The Livingness

Related Reading:
Responsibility in the Workplace
Energetic Integrity and Energetic Responsibility

956 thoughts on “Healing the Energy of Terror

  1. The only way to truly change your life, from the core and not just on a superficial level is to shift the energy.

  2. It is such a great point to also consider the fact that there is a reflection here of the terror we have caused to others as well, and that we can be heard without being hard, when we surrender and express with our whole body.

  3. The energy of terror has been a big one for me too, and as I step up more to what is required from me in life I feel it re-surfacing. However, thank you for the reminder that I can see it and let it go as I have been recently experiencing more. It doesn’t have to define me. I also like the way you used the making of a list to support you in your own understanding but let it go when it came to just expressing your truth from within. Great combo.

  4. What an amazing sharing, and how powerful is understanding and observation and a willingness to see where we are, and how we’ve been and what patterns we may have from old, and how in a moment we can decide to let them go, and free ourselves and all others from their grip. This is true responsibility.

  5. It’s interesting that if we do not heal a situation that has deeply hurt us another situation which has the same energy will come along and present itself for us to heal. I had a situation just recently where the tension in my body was so great due to something I had witnessed recently, but I reacted because the situation was reminding me of a choice I made at age three. What I could feel was the momentum of having lived that choice ever since.

    1. This in itself is an amazing observation, Julie, that ‘What I could feel was the momentum of having lived that choice ever since.’ To allow yourself to feel having lived that choice ever since is part of the realisation and healing that this choice you made at the age of three has not ever truly served you. Isn’t it amazing that a new marker like this in your body will allow you to clock the next situation coming from an entirely different level of awareness? Although you went in to reaction, you were still able to observe that not only did you go in to reaction, but the why of going in to reaction – awesome!

      1. It is amazing and because the situation was connected to speaking up I have seen a difference in how I now communicate with people in person and in writing. There is this sense of something having cleared.

  6. You know how the words ‘Open Sesame’ opens the metaphoric gates? Well, reaction does the same thing to our body. Reaction lets in whatever energy is being expressed around us which makes it much harder to clear and understand because the root of the energy never came from within in the first place.

    1. Absolutely, Rachael. And reaction is as quick and stealthy as ‘Open Sesame’ in that regardless of whether you know the consequences of opening those metaphoric gates they open nonetheless. Once the floodgates of reaction are open they not only allow for the energy to re-enter time and time again but it leaves in its destructive wake an energy that is as you say, ‘..much harder to clear and understand because the root of the energy never came from within in the first place.’

  7. Thank you for sharing with us the whole of your process here. I love that you took yourself on a long walk, in fact, a walk that lasted as long as your body processing needed it to be.

  8. B.E what an experience thank you for sharing with us all, by you sharing we all learn. Why should we hang on to imposing energy when we can in fact choose love.

  9. When we’re putting lots of energy into defending and justifying ourselves and our choices, acting as a victim of our circumstances, we put ourselves on the back-foot. To be on the front foot and fully prepared for whatever comes towards us to deal with, is to be constantly moving forward, alert and awake and ready to respond to whatever is needed, moment to moment: no more, and no less.

  10. This is a wonderful expose of how we can store all the unresolved emotions from the past and carry these hurts with us in our everyday life. Whilst it is no picnic to face these as they occur in the here and now, we can draw a line and say no more will we react to them in the old way.

    1. It’s almost as if the pain we are living in becomes greater than the pain of facing ‘…all the unresolved emotions from the past…’ thus opening a momentary window which allows us to weigh up whether it’s worth carrying these old hurts around with us in our everyday life. If in this momentary window – whether it be a cold, the flu, a broken bone or cancer – we grace ourselves with the space to gently start unpacking the basket and tenderly laying these old hurts out on the picnic blanket of observation and true understanding, we can begin the process of taking responsibility for what we placed in the picnic basket and accept that those old hurts and unresolved emotions are well past their sell by date.

  11. I agree being a victim you are always on the back foot and you can feel the contraction and impact it has on your body along with your mind set. Taking ownership of our part in any situation and making changes that support true evolution has not an ounce of victimisation in it what so ever.

  12. Life makes much more sense if we see energy before the physical outplay – the trouble is we’ve been educated to just see the physical world so we need to retrain ourselves to see what’s really going on and that there is always something behind every behaviour, every spoken word and action.

    1. Yes Meg this is something I am retraining in also. Energy first .. not to go to the content but be with the energy as it presents itself, being spacious and allowing a response from my body – not in reaction but in a steadiness that honours the present by being very connected and observing how what is being expressed feels, if it effects me I know there is more love for myself needed and possibly something to look at. There is also more love needed not to react further or become involved in another’s reactions or to hear and receive a pull up if that is what is being offered.

  13. Thank you B.E.
    Great to read how another experienced this terror too And show me how to take responsibility about it.

  14. It is very inspiring the way you stayed with the energy of the situation rather than getting caught in the story or drama. Now I can see that when I do this, it is a way to stay stuck in a pattern and not learn from what is on offer.

  15. When we don’t react to situations we can observe what is going on and in doing this are able to hold others in the truth of who they are. This is the way we eliminate judgement.

  16. This is a powerful blog that looks at how energy plays out and how easily we can become a victim if we are not willing to look at the part we play in it and remain on the back foot instead of choosing to understanding what is as play. When we do, we grow up become responsible and no longer react to situations but see each one as a learning.

  17. Wow. It is Great to read from someone else similor experiences.
    IT supports me too to make different choices And to have a deeper look into those behaviors myself.

  18. B.E. I wanted to let you know how inspiring this is. Since reading this, when I have been on a walk and felt something, I have actually allowed myself to really feel it instead of pushing it away/down/ and/or distracting myself. One time, I felt really angry, and I allowed myself to feel the energy of that (more as an observer) and I could feel part of me (my spirit) having a tantrum about something and I saw it, felt it, walked with it, and then let it go.

  19. ‘… I felt there was something significant going on and that going into conversation about it would draw me away from what this teaching was bringing for me.’ This is hugely significant – how often do I avoid what is being presented until it becomes so in my face I can nolonger deny there is something for me to see. I love that you decided to feel what was there and not be distracted. I often get this feeling but override it. Now I’m appreciating I do feel it and can take the opportunity to deepen my awareness of what is being presented.

    What I have observed also is that there has never been a time when becoming more aware hasn’t brought me an understanding that is lovingly supportive, never. So saying I am too sensitive to be more aware than I am is a lie.

  20. Each and every day there are tiny miracles all around us where people face up to their greatest fears in the form of workplace aggression, demands and abuse. Until we reach a point of harmony as normal in the workplace, this will continue.

  21. It’s such a huge step in disputes, etc, to just let the quality of the energy to speak for itself. That takes away the need to be right, to justify etc, as the truth about the energy is unavoidable.

  22. “All that mattered was the energy. I didn’t need to try to explain or get anyone on my side. The energy of the interaction between my manager and myself ‘spoke’ for itself and I simply needed to let it be felt.” – we speak volumes energetically and whilst of course words are still needed the quality that the words come with are what really count and this is something that we can’t put out as a facade but comes from where we are genuinely at in ourselves.

  23. I am struck by your knowing to allow the space to truly feel what was happening in this situation so you could really deal with it fully. Once we have stayed with something we can respond in the way that is needed.

  24. A powerful blog B.E. “In that moment, coming to this realisation allowed me to step across the threshold from being a victim to being a woman who sees I have another choice:” We always do have a choice, although it may not feel like it at the time when we go into instant reaction. I am learning this one with a particular situation I have going on currently in my life.

  25. It is a great sign when you go into an old pattern, but it doesn’t feel the same. I have felt this before, and it’s like it is no longer coming from your body and there is no actual foundation for the behaviour. You get to feel in a very real way that you have a choice to continue or allow yourself to be open to a new way to respond.

  26. The only way to stop being a victim is to be honest about what we get from being a victim and then healing that.

  27. This experience could and does happen to us all and it is up to us how we act or re-act in it. Connecting to the effects it has on the body and allowing the space to ponder and ask whether it has ever been experienced in our life before frees up the barriers we might otherwise put in place to stop taking responsibility in it. Your willingness B.E. to look at the bigger picture has provided a powerful reflection of what is available when we claim the truth that there can be so much more going on in all our interactions. We have a choice in every moment to choose love or attack and defend.

  28. Being in fear of something unknown feeds a victim mentality that permeates everything and every conversation. It stops us embracing life and all it has to offer and makes sure we don’t shine or stand out too much, just in case the attack comes.

  29. Sharing your experience offers so much gold. Reading this today I’m understanding how important it is to not just write oneself off as having the same old pattern of reaction repeat itself, but notice the nuances and open up the chink in the armour of protection to let through what’s really going on and who we truly are. Part of my pattern is to berate myself for not making loving changes when often I have. It’s appreciating them that I then get to grow.

  30. We all want to be ‘well’ and stay alive but this fear is causing us to exist in a way that’s much closer to being dead inside. If we just stop being spooked by our own shadow we might finally get to see our true divinity.

  31. Whatever unresolved hurts that we are carrying in our body prevents us from truly claiming the joy it is to be us.

  32. ‘Except for a chat with a good friend, I hadn’t spoken of this situation with anyone as I felt there was something significant going on and that going into conversation about it would draw me away from what this teaching was bringing for me.’ The knowing you had at this point and was ready to listen to is inspiring. I’m starting to see that it’s when I try to avoid situations I find difficult and uncomfortable that I get myself into trouble and overwhelm.

    1. Yes and I like that you stayed with it in this way and stayed ‘focussed on the energy at play without diluting it and so creating a distraction.’ and not yet talking with anyone else until you had a really good handle on it for yourself. I have sometimes shared with others and become confused and even followed another’s advice when I knew all along it was not the true way for me.

  33. It’s extraordinary how things that happen in childhood can still affect our lives as adults as if we never really grow up from those experiences. But we as adults tell ourselves or expect ourselves to handle things differently because we are adults without having the skills or the tools to do so. So, situations that are stressful could be due to the fact that we do not feel equipped to deal with such situations and the reactions from childhood are still playing out.

  34. Just the fact that we are willing to reflect and go deeper, look at our part in situations is a massive step away from being on the merry go round of life.

  35. What is shared here is the experience of many through their life, how we have coped with such attacks has then become our go to way of living. To feel the true acceptance of ones complete role in having this experience and the absolute willingness to let it all go is paradigm changing for the many different aspects of mental ill health that our world is now plagued with.

  36. The Way of the Livingness and the teachings Serge Benhayon has shared over the years are the most practical and applicable foundation. Their simplicity builds the most wonderful and solid foundation if we bring a dedication and a commitment to ourselves and to be the change we want to see in our lives.

  37. When we constantly live in protection we miss out on the everyday beauty that is going on around us, and it is not until we let go of that protection that we start to realise how much beauty there is awaiting to be seen, and we feel the lightness in our walk and the joy in our heart.

  38. I have been finding that choosing to observe any situation in a bigger context of the whole and being open to expand understanding and awareness, disintegrates most if not all debilitating thoughts and emotions.

  39. ‘Words at this point were obsolete. All that mattered was the energy. I didn’t need to try to explain or get anyone on my side. The energy of the interaction between my manager and myself ‘spoke’ for itself and I simply needed to let it be felt.’ So often we can go into drive because we want to make things happen but we don’t realise that the quality of energy we are in is far more important than the words we impart and makes a much greater impact.

    1. So true.. words can sound ‘nice’ but be delivered in a completely cutting and abusive way. In the same way, we can talk the talk all we want, but if the words aren’t being lived, they feel empty – there’s no lived experience to back them up.

      1. As adults we can often talk a lot at our children – it really is no wonder so many of them like to switch off! We know, as we can absolutely feel when there is substance behind the words.

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