What’s In A Hug?

What’s in a hug?

I hugged someone yesterday. It was the man I was in a relationship with a year ago. Coming full circle after our split, we are now in the position where we feel we can hug knowing that’s all it will be.

A year ago I was deep in the depths of this relationship. Masked by a connection that was deep and timeless and very lovely, we were blind to the fact that the nature of our relationship was actually based on need and not true love.

As I held him yesterday I could feel the dynamics between us and I could feel with clarity what I had fallen into when we first entered into the relationship. Hugging him yesterday I could feel how far I have come since we split, and the fact that I now have the ability to observe without reacting in the old way.

What I could feel as I held him was the hardness and protection in his chest. It was like a coat of armour. Underneath this I could feel the seeking for true connection. In that moment, I was aware of the vulnerability of us all, and how this is often not cherished or encouraged. He reveled in the tenderness of the hug, and I could feel that he did not want it to end.

What I did when I first met him was to respond in kind. Thrilled to have the attention and the affection on offer and excited by a new relationship, I responded to his need with my need and jumped straight into physical intimacy without actually stopping to explore the dynamics at play. This only led to the gradual disintegration of everything I had previously built up for myself in my life. It meant giving myself away, ignoring my inner wisdom, and without claiming and expressing what I knew to be true, simply getting lost in a pit of neediness, not wanting the hugs or physical intimacy to ever end.

Of course, this is not the way to true love. We cannot find what we are looking for from someone else. I knew this when I met him, but fell into it anyway, exposing a pattern that had yet to be healed. In this there was no respect for either of us, just an allowing of a momentum to run unchecked. I knew I had to end the relationship and cut the momentum… not at all easy at the time.

Exposing this pattern has been extremely valuable and has opened the way for greater awareness, a great deal of healing, and a new and very strong claiming of myself. Coming back to a platform of honesty and care in my own life is helping me to re-build my foundation, and I’m working once more on bringing love into my own life through the tenderness, love and care I can give to myself. Without this as a foundation, I do not have anything to share with anyone else.

Within the hug that we shared yesterday I appreciated the fact that I can now hold myself with whomever I am with, supported by the foundation I have re-built in my life. I am now free to truly love others in a way that I previously did not. With the honesty and awareness that I am now choosing to bring, I can hold myself and others in love – observe, and bring truth.

Our relationship is truer than it has ever been. There is more love than there has ever been. Yes, the need is still there, but we don’t need to act on it. We are free to respect and appreciate each other as we are, avoiding the bottomless pit and instead choosing a platform of love.

What’s in a hug? Oh so very much…

Inspired by the teachings of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, whose teachings have brought clarity to my life and relationships.

By Anonymous

Related Reading:
Relationship Advice
Living harmoniously with your partner 24/7
Relationships Re-Defined

612 thoughts on “What’s In A Hug?

  1. I had a lovely experience with a friend today. She wanted to give me a hug as we had shared a very connecting time together, but in her hug I could feel a holding back, so I said lets do this again keeping your heart fully open. It was gorgeous and we felt the difference immediately… it was a full, heartfelt embrace.

  2. “What’s in a hug? Oh so very much…” So very true and it is probably why as a child I didn’t really like them and as an adult I avoided them as I didn’t want to express my true feelings and held back where ever possible, and by doing that all I felt was my own hardness. Today I love hugs, as I allow myself to be more open and willing to express and let go of the hardness that once ruled my body.

    1. So glad you now love hugs! You’re so huggable 😍. I dislike how we often force kids to hug other people. There is a good reason that they don’t want to usually as you share, as everything is felt.

  3. Hugging someone and still holding yourself is a double hug. If the other does the same, it is a quatro hug. Wow. What a difference with two people hugging each other from need and with an armour to protect themselves. It’s worth it for all of us to drop the armours and let each other in by opening up ourselves. For me today, I am looking forward for hugging people in this way!

  4. The quality of a hug depends on the way the person lives/ has been living. If we harden and push through life then it makes sense that this is the quality we offer when we hug.

  5. In our insecurity of ourselves we can very often fall for the kind, the need of another person for us to make us feel worthy. Only through cherishing ourselves can we stay steady when that comes our way.

  6. I find that when I am hugging someone it is so important to respect us both by staying fully present. If my mind wanders off I am not there with myself or the other person in the moment. Staying fully present and in fact going deep within my heart when I am hugging allows the moment to be felt as a deep connection between two people which is genuine and true, instead of simply a gesture of goodwill.

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