What’s In A Hug?

What’s in a hug?

I hugged someone yesterday. It was the man I was in a relationship with a year ago. Coming full circle after our split, we are now in the position where we feel we can hug knowing that’s all it will be.

A year ago I was deep in the depths of this relationship. Masked by a connection that was deep and timeless and very lovely, we were blind to the fact that the nature of our relationship was actually based on need and not true love.

As I held him yesterday I could feel the dynamics between us and I could feel with clarity what I had fallen into when we first entered into the relationship. Hugging him yesterday I could feel how far I have come since we split, and the fact that I now have the ability to observe without reacting in the old way.

What I could feel as I held him was the hardness and protection in his chest. It was like a coat of armour. Underneath this I could feel the seeking for true connection. In that moment, I was aware of the vulnerability of us all, and how this is often not cherished or encouraged. He reveled in the tenderness of the hug, and I could feel that he did not want it to end.

What I did when I first met him was to respond in kind. Thrilled to have the attention and the affection on offer and excited by a new relationship, I responded to his need with my need and jumped straight into physical intimacy without actually stopping to explore the dynamics at play. This only led to the gradual disintegration of everything I had previously built up for myself in my life. It meant giving myself away, ignoring my inner wisdom, and without claiming and expressing what I knew to be true, simply getting lost in a pit of neediness, not wanting the hugs or physical intimacy to ever end.

Of course, this is not the way to true love. We cannot find what we are looking for from someone else. I knew this when I met him, but fell into it anyway, exposing a pattern that had yet to be healed. In this there was no respect for either of us, just an allowing of a momentum to run unchecked. I knew I had to end the relationship and cut the momentum… not at all easy at the time.

Exposing this pattern has been extremely valuable and has opened the way for greater awareness, a great deal of healing, and a new and very strong claiming of myself. Coming back to a platform of honesty and care in my own life is helping me to re-build my foundation, and I’m working once more on bringing love into my own life through the tenderness, love and care I can give to myself. Without this as a foundation, I do not have anything to share with anyone else.

Within the hug that we shared yesterday I appreciated the fact that I can now hold myself with whomever I am with, supported by the foundation I have re-built in my life. I am now free to truly love others in a way that I previously did not. With the honesty and awareness that I am now choosing to bring, I can hold myself and others in love – observe, and bring truth.

Our relationship is truer than it has ever been. There is more love than there has ever been. Yes, the need is still there, but we don’t need to act on it. We are free to respect and appreciate each other as we are, avoiding the bottomless pit and instead choosing a platform of love.

What’s in a hug? Oh so very much…

Inspired by the teachings of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, whose teachings have brought clarity to my life and relationships.

By Anonymous

Related Reading:
Relationship Advice
Living harmoniously with your partner 24/7
Relationships Re-Defined

308 thoughts on “What’s In A Hug?

  1. A beautifully well captured story Anonymous, it makes me feel just how much we cannot escape what another’s body, our body communicates, speaks, expresses energetically to others, and how the body responds to that energetic body language.

    1. Agreed Zofia, I love the fact that the body shows us everything that’s going on with ourselves and another. I notice how different hugs are with different people and they give an extremely accurate snap shot as to what truly is going on with ourselves, the other person and our relationship together.

    2. Yes true Zofia. And to add for me it makes me realise the responsibility we each have to make sure we bring a surrendered, open way of being to others as it is all felt. And from here trust in humanity begins to redevelop for those who have lost trust in others or are in a hardness. I know when I hug others whose bodies are very open and surrendered I am reminded of the level that is possible and also feel any hardness in my movements or hug etc.

  2. It is interesting how many of us are looking for another to meet our emotional needs when this transactional arrangement will usually never be enough to fill our emptiness and lack of self love.

  3. I don’t always feel to hug another and a couple of times I have felt to just hold them at the elbows and say hello that way.

    1. Sometimes just a look or a gaze or a smile or a touch can say just as much. It’s the level of connection we have with ourselves that can then be shared in full with others.

  4. I have been even more aware of the power of a hug since I first read this and even more willing to share one whenever I feel the impulse, the results have been amazing.

  5. The quality of our hugs depends on the energy that is running us at the time. It is wise to be forever vigilant about our movements and the energy we are in at any given time.

  6. Beautiful to read how a hug can feel when there is no need no expectation of anything more, just a heart to heart connection complete in itself.

  7. What is a teddy bear hug? It wraps you in a soft holding that is asking for nothing in return and reconnects you back to yourself. And, like that sweet that melts in your mouth and not your hand, it is meant for sharing the sweetness we all are.

  8. I arrived at my table at a restaurant last night and I very nearly hugged the waiter as he arrived at the table at the same time and I was thinking he was someone I just hadn’t met yet. Which got me thinking of how much closer we could all be if hugs were far more common with people we haven’t met yet.

    1. Well said Kev – I have felt a number of moments with people such as work colleagues etc. when the has been a pause when it has been felt that a hug would fit perfectly and there are other people who I know that originally felt a little uncomfortable having a hug and yet now if I do not go to give them a hug when we meet they come to me for one instead.

    1. Being open to learning feels key to a life lived wisely. If I hang back and try to control everything that happens so I don’t make a mistake, I don’t get to grow as a person. We have to trip at times and learn from the experience, rather than wrap ourselves in cotton wool ‘safety’.

  9. Thank you Serge Benhayon for presenting what love truly is. With this in my heart I have a better chance of a real hug. And hugs are so sweet! They are a great bridge to real love.

  10. It’s interesting to observe myself on sharing hugs, my head asks questions: “will we, should I?” etc. Hugs are from the heart not the head.

  11. It can be exposing to reflect back on how we have met another’s need along with the reciprocal meeting of our own by them but it is this which enables us to release patterns within relationships and to begin to observe what is at play before making choices how to proceed.

  12. “We cannot find what we are looking for from someone else…Exposing this pattern has been extremely valuable and has opened the way for greater awareness, a great deal of healing, and a new and very strong claiming of myself…” This is very insightful, and can be confirmed in a hug, as in this moment the hug is equally for yourself as it is for another as there’s no neediness in it at all.

  13. I love the expressed tenderness of this blog – the simplicity of bringing all we are to hug the beloved person in front of us, be they stranger or friend. This is tenderness on tap.

  14. ‘Underneath this I could feel the seeking for true connection.’ Everyone has this it is just that most people are wearing varying degrees of protection of various sorts. Hugs have the power to melt this away and in surrendering to a hug we are able to reconnect to the tenderness we all hold within and again express this.

  15. My wife and I when first started to attend Universal Medicine events discovered that we were also “blind to the fact that the nature of our relationship was actually based on need and not true love.” But we stuck to it and 14 years on we are still working on our issues, with a lot more Love, so the needs are dissipating.

  16. Sometimes we can use physical touch with another to elevate a lack or feeling or tension in ourselves. In that moment, all the other person gets is all our needs and expectations, rather than receiving a hug or loving gesture that carries no need because it comes from a body with an already established base of self-worth and love.

  17. ‘Coming back to a platform of honesty and care in my own life is helping me to re-build my foundation’ I find this is key for us to not get emotionally hooked by what can be found in a hug. Knowing ourselves, being honest and aware of the energies at play, is a great investment to discern and don’t get lost in what we feel.

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