What’s In A Hug?

What’s in a hug?

I hugged someone yesterday. It was the man I was in a relationship with a year ago. Coming full circle after our split, we are now in the position where we feel we can hug knowing that’s all it will be.

A year ago I was deep in the depths of this relationship. Masked by a connection that was deep and timeless and very lovely, we were blind to the fact that the nature of our relationship was actually based on need and not true love.

As I held him yesterday I could feel the dynamics between us and I could feel with clarity what I had fallen into when we first entered into the relationship. Hugging him yesterday I could feel how far I have come since we split, and the fact that I now have the ability to observe without reacting in the old way.

What I could feel as I held him was the hardness and protection in his chest. It was like a coat of armour. Underneath this I could feel the seeking for true connection. In that moment, I was aware of the vulnerability of us all, and how this is often not cherished or encouraged. He reveled in the tenderness of the hug, and I could feel that he did not want it to end.

What I did when I first met him was to respond in kind. Thrilled to have the attention and the affection on offer and excited by a new relationship, I responded to his need with my need and jumped straight into physical intimacy without actually stopping to explore the dynamics at play. This only led to the gradual disintegration of everything I had previously built up for myself in my life. It meant giving myself away, ignoring my inner wisdom, and without claiming and expressing what I knew to be true, simply getting lost in a pit of neediness, not wanting the hugs or physical intimacy to ever end.

Of course, this is not the way to true love. We cannot find what we are looking for from someone else. I knew this when I met him, but fell into it anyway, exposing a pattern that had yet to be healed. In this there was no respect for either of us, just an allowing of a momentum to run unchecked. I knew I had to end the relationship and cut the momentum… not at all easy at the time.

Exposing this pattern has been extremely valuable and has opened the way for greater awareness, a great deal of healing, and a new and very strong claiming of myself. Coming back to a platform of honesty and care in my own life is helping me to re-build my foundation, and I’m working once more on bringing love into my own life through the tenderness, love and care I can give to myself. Without this as a foundation, I do not have anything to share with anyone else.

Within the hug that we shared yesterday I appreciated the fact that I can now hold myself with whomever I am with, supported by the foundation I have re-built in my life. I am now free to truly love others in a way that I previously did not. With the honesty and awareness that I am now choosing to bring, I can hold myself and others in love – observe, and bring truth.

Our relationship is truer than it has ever been. There is more love than there has ever been. Yes, the need is still there, but we don’t need to act on it. We are free to respect and appreciate each other as we are, avoiding the bottomless pit and instead choosing a platform of love.

What’s in a hug? Oh so very much…

Inspired by the teachings of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, whose teachings have brought clarity to my life and relationships.

By Anonymous

Related Reading:
Relationship Advice
Living harmoniously with your partner 24/7
From Hardness to Heartfelt – Hugs with My Dad

714 thoughts on “What’s In A Hug?

  1. When fully present with ourselves we can feel so much, when connected to ourselves we know exactly the quality of touch and what is going on for another.

  2. When living in the Joy of our essences we can not help but appreciate the love that is naturally held between any relationship, and in appreciation we also have to have the ability to let people in or True-intimacy as you can not have one without the other, so appreciation and intimacy are like twins that are always together.

  3. “It meant giving myself away, ignoring my inner wisdom, and without claiming and expressing what I knew to be true, simply getting lost in a pit of neediness…” I can relate so much to this in a relationship with a friend, once the neediness got activated and the dynamic was established to fill my emptiness it felt like I got completely taken over and lost myself – I stopped living the full me -which is totally ridiculous as it meant I literally became more empty. Once the picture was offered like a dangling carrot of how great life would be with this new friend who delivered behaviours I felt I needed then I completely lost myself. I let go of all the things that truly bring richness to my life which come from within me.

  4. I love your honesty anonymous – it is an invitation to be more aware how we truly are in our relationships, to go deeper and to explore if there is any need what needs to be fulfill. For me a true relationship can be when both partners are aware of their needs and that there is not the expectation that the others should fulfill them.

  5. Hugs are so expressive because you feel the willingness to be open or the mechanical nature of the action and we can choose to be aware of this or brush off the momentary communication.

  6. My daughter said to me this morning that some of her friends called hugs ‘squeezes’ rather than hugs and this reminded me of how I have sometimes ‘squeezed’ people in protection rather than hugged them with openness, love and tenderness. We both agreed though that it does not really matter what you call them, but we can all feel the quality of a hug when it is given.

    1. So true and children have a wonderful honesty about the neediness that can come from and through a hug which is why some children can avoid them. It takes a willingness to be aware of what we are bringing to that simple gesture to feel the communication on offer.

  7. When we hug each other with no need but being all of us and being in our heart its a beautifull feeling ❤️

  8. We are not taught from young to care and actually cherish ourselves and this is crucial because as you say anonymous if we do not start with this foundation we do not have anything to share with others.

  9. Indeed so much in a hug. We could judge and recoil from what’s on the surface, but holding and accepting what’s underneath is what we can offer.

  10. This feels key and yet is not something we are told as we grow up, more often than not we grow up looking for love outside of ourselves from someone else; ‘We cannot find what we are looking for from someone else.’

    1. So many of us hold ourselves back physically when we hug, we dig our toes in to stop us from allowing our bodies to fall into the other person’s. We hold our chests and our bellies back, all of which creates tension in our bodies and makes it very hard for the other person to hug us back. But if we’re able to surrender our bodies into the body of another person then this is truely a divine feeling, it really is. I have often asked others when they’re hugging me to ‘give me their shoulders’ and it has often had quite a dramatic effect on how the hug has felt.

  11. The beautiful thing about a hug is that it can be given without being physical so long as your heart is open and you hold another with warmth. So there are times when that physical contact is needed but other times when it is not needed, and so it is not the physical contact that determines the quality of the interaction, but rather the openness of the heart that is the key factor.

  12. As a child I recall thinking that there are those who are easily hugable and those who are less easily hugable. This was based on two things – how much physical padding they had and how soft that was (so the more plump and soft that a person was the more comfortable it was to sit in their lap and hug them) and of course how open they felt in terms of what I could now call openness of the heart and a willingness to have some touch without being needy or desperate for it.

  13. It’s true there is a lot we can learn about someone from the hug that we receive from them and likewise the way we hug in return.

  14. ‘Thrilled to have the attention and the affection on offer and excited by a new relationship, I responded to his need with my need and jumped straight into physical intimacy without actually stopping to explore the dynamics at play. ‘ I keep coming back to this blog because it’s gold in reference to myself and how I am slowly discarding how needy I’ve been in relationships in my life. Too often I stayed on the superficial and looked across the candle lit table and saw only what I wanted to see and yes a beautiful man, but didn’t feel the dynamics at hand.

    1. Neediness in relationships can serve a purpose which is why we choose not to see them, but the moment one or other changes the dynamics, the ugliness of the need comes to the surface.

  15. So much is communicated in a hug when we open up to feeling ourselves and other people. We can do this without hugging them but in that embrace of another it is more in your face, literally so!

  16. Holding ourselves in love when we hug is essential for the person we are hugging and ourselves. This is equality, no need or checking out. This is Love.

  17. You can tell so much about someone from a hug – if it’s stiff or hard or protected or if it’s open and warm and loving. This isn’t just a hug but the energetic imprint of how someone conducts and lives their life.

    1. Yes absolutely Meg how we live in each moment has a ripple effect with everything we do and what others can feel.

    1. So well said Caroline because if we’re not able to observe ourselves then we’re not going to be able to observe another because everything becomes a dangled distortion of the truth.

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