What’s In A Hug?

What’s in a hug?

I hugged someone yesterday. It was the man I was in a relationship with a year ago. Coming full circle after our split, we are now in the position where we feel we can hug knowing that’s all it will be.

A year ago I was deep in the depths of this relationship. Masked by a connection that was deep and timeless and very lovely, we were blind to the fact that the nature of our relationship was actually based on need and not true love.

As I held him yesterday I could feel the dynamics between us and I could feel with clarity what I had fallen into when we first entered into the relationship. Hugging him yesterday I could feel how far I have come since we split, and the fact that I now have the ability to observe without reacting in the old way.

What I could feel as I held him was the hardness and protection in his chest. It was like a coat of armour. Underneath this I could feel the seeking for true connection. In that moment, I was aware of the vulnerability of us all, and how this is often not cherished or encouraged. He reveled in the tenderness of the hug, and I could feel that he did not want it to end.

What I did when I first met him was to respond in kind. Thrilled to have the attention and the affection on offer and excited by a new relationship, I responded to his need with my need and jumped straight into physical intimacy without actually stopping to explore the dynamics at play. This only led to the gradual disintegration of everything I had previously built up for myself in my life. It meant giving myself away, ignoring my inner wisdom, and without claiming and expressing what I knew to be true, simply getting lost in a pit of neediness, not wanting the hugs or physical intimacy to ever end.

Of course, this is not the way to true love. We cannot find what we are looking for from someone else. I knew this when I met him, but fell into it anyway, exposing a pattern that had yet to be healed. In this there was no respect for either of us, just an allowing of a momentum to run unchecked. I knew I had to end the relationship and cut the momentum… not at all easy at the time.

Exposing this pattern has been extremely valuable and has opened the way for greater awareness, a great deal of healing, and a new and very strong claiming of myself. Coming back to a platform of honesty and care in my own life is helping me to re-build my foundation, and I’m working once more on bringing love into my own life through the tenderness, love and care I can give to myself. Without this as a foundation, I do not have anything to share with anyone else.

Within the hug that we shared yesterday I appreciated the fact that I can now hold myself with whomever I am with, supported by the foundation I have re-built in my life. I am now free to truly love others in a way that I previously did not. With the honesty and awareness that I am now choosing to bring, I can hold myself and others in love – observe, and bring truth.

Our relationship is truer than it has ever been. There is more love than there has ever been. Yes, the need is still there, but we don’t need to act on it. We are free to respect and appreciate each other as we are, avoiding the bottomless pit and instead choosing a platform of love.

What’s in a hug? Oh so very much…

Inspired by the teachings of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, whose teachings have brought clarity to my life and relationships.

By Anonymous

Related Reading:
Relationship Advice
Living harmoniously with your partner 24/7
From Hardness to Heartfelt – Hugs with My Dad

675 thoughts on “What’s In A Hug?

  1. True ❤️Love is definitely a learning curve as we venture back to our essences and reacquaint ourselves with the foundation that will support our forever deepening evolution.

  2. “bringing love into my own life through the tenderness, love and care I can give to myself. Without this as a foundation, I do not have anything to share with anyone else.” As we build our love through self-love when we enfold another in our arms in a hug our love is there to be felt by another.

  3. When fully present with ourselves we can feel so much, when connected to ourselves we know exactly the quality of touch and what is going on for another.

  4. When living in the Joy of our essences we can not help but appreciate the love that is naturally held between any relationship, and in appreciation we also have to have the ability to let people in or True-intimacy as you can not have one without the other, so appreciation and intimacy are like twins that are always together.

  5. “It meant giving myself away, ignoring my inner wisdom, and without claiming and expressing what I knew to be true, simply getting lost in a pit of neediness…” I can relate so much to this in a relationship with a friend, once the neediness got activated and the dynamic was established to fill my emptiness it felt like I got completely taken over and lost myself – I stopped living the full me -which is totally ridiculous as it meant I literally became more empty. Once the picture was offered like a dangling carrot of how great life would be with this new friend who delivered behaviours I felt I needed then I completely lost myself. I let go of all the things that truly bring richness to my life which come from within me.

  6. I love your honesty anonymous – it is an invitation to be more aware how we truly are in our relationships, to go deeper and to explore if there is any need what needs to be fulfill. For me a true relationship can be when both partners are aware of their needs and that there is not the expectation that the others should fulfill them.

  7. Hugs are so expressive because you feel the willingness to be open or the mechanical nature of the action and we can choose to be aware of this or brush off the momentary communication.

  8. My daughter said to me this morning that some of her friends called hugs ‘squeezes’ rather than hugs and this reminded me of how I have sometimes ‘squeezed’ people in protection rather than hugged them with openness, love and tenderness. We both agreed though that it does not really matter what you call them, but we can all feel the quality of a hug when it is given.

    1. So true and children have a wonderful honesty about the neediness that can come from and through a hug which is why some children can avoid them. It takes a willingness to be aware of what we are bringing to that simple gesture to feel the communication on offer.

  9. When we hug each other with no need but being all of us and being in our heart its a beautifull feeling ❤️

  10. We are not taught from young to care and actually cherish ourselves and this is crucial because as you say anonymous if we do not start with this foundation we do not have anything to share with others.

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