My Relationship With Me And My Body

What I have noticed recently is that the way I am in one relationship has a direct impact on how I am in all my other relationships. This shows me the responsibility I have to not hold back in any relationships and to be open with everyone I meet. I have spent so many years putting on a façade that I am OK, so it is a big change to be more transparent about what is really going on for me.

For me a huge barrier in deepening my relationships has been my propensity to play the ‘nice’ card. This is my default position in any situation and means that for so long I have suppressed any feelings of hurt, frustration and rage in order to not “rock the boat.” The wall of protection I have erected means that the other person cannot see my vulnerability and then I am left with the intense pain of feeling isolated and that nobody understands me. Once I put myself in the position of being a victim of circumstances it is an easy step to feeling powerless rather than choosing to take responsibility for working through my issues, and letting go of waiting to be rescued by others.

Dismantling the persona that I have displayed to the world has been an ongoing process, which has been accelerated recently with my renewed commitment to becoming more honest in my relationships. I have also started to take deeper care of my body, which is such an amazing and sometimes painful reflection of where I am at. In the past so many of my actions were disregarding of my body, e.g. being rough in my movements and expecting it to cope with whatever I decided to do, often without enough rest and eating foods that I know do not agree with me.

Earlier this year I had a cyst on my breast that erupted like a boil and was intensely painful. It was also an incredible reminder of how much I have not taken care of myself as a woman and have held back from expressing in so many situations for fear of being rejected. With the guidance and support of my doctor, I have taken several courses of antibiotics, had repeated scans and discussions with specialist consultants, and the lump is settling somewhat. I am now deciding whether to have the remaining lump removed.

As well as being supported by the medical profession, I am nurturing myself as a woman. I have obtained a beautiful essential oil blend from a friend that I am lovingly applying twice a day. The difference already is clear to see and I feel much more accepting of what my body is showing me. The daily changes in how the lump is provides a marker of how I have been in my day – how connected I have been to myself and how much I have cared for myself, in whatever I am doing.

In this process I have had the support of lots of different people who have been amazing, and I have been open to accepting it all and not feeling that I have to do it ‘on my own.’ This has been a massive shift for me. I know that this cyst happened for a reason and I have embraced the learning that is being offered.

When I sat down to write, I intended to write about a particular relationship and how this is supporting me to be more open with others, but what I am now feeling is that the most important relationship I have is the one with myself. It is only when I can truly become intimate with myself and willingly share this with others that all my other relationships have the opportunity to expand.

For me, being intimate has included appreciating and celebrating that I am a woman, and that I have an innate beauty – a beauty that I have struggled to accept in the past. This has been a very gradual process, which has involved being willing to really listen to and appreciate what other people were saying to me, and letting go of all the negative tapes in my head that told me I was not enough.

Committing to exchanging texts with a friend each day – nominating different aspects that we appreciate about ourselves – has supported me to confirm my growing awareness of what I have to offer to myself and others. The deepening and equalness I feel within this relationship is something that I now take into my other relationships, which increases my connection with them.

Recognising that my foundational relationship is the one that I have with myself, and that it is my responsibility to commit to exposing anything that compromises this, as well as truly accept and appreciate myself, is an ongoing journey. In the process, I am falling in love with myself, and it feels awesome.

By Helen Elliott, Ipswich UK

Related Reading:
A Sacred Relationship with Self – Inspired by Natalie Benhayon
Building love in our life
Esoteric Women’s Health

636 thoughts on “My Relationship With Me And My Body

  1. If we were to understand that our bodies are very responsive and extremely sensitive to every move we make maybe we would take more care of ourselves and not abuse ourselves by ingesting the wrong food and the wrong liquids. As long as we carry on with the belief that we can treat our bodies like a rubbish bin we will not get to grips with the soaring rates of illness and disease. This blog clearly shows that there is a correlation between taking care of one’s self and what happens when we don’t.

  2. Being more transparent with ourselves and in all our relationships.. starts with getting honest and real about where we’re at, our choices and what we’ve invested in and reacted to, with no judgment. When we’re prepared to go there with that level of honesty, it leads to closer, deeper and more enriching relationships-with ourselves and then with others.

  3. You have described the horrible impact of nice on yourself and your relationships really well. It is a protection and way of letting people see who you are and how you feel. It does create isolation and certainly doesn’t deepen relationships. It really just keeps things controlled, safe and superficial.

  4. Health in this current society doesn’t mean a lot, it basically just means that you are without cancer or some bad illness that you need medication for. And even then, when we have the disease we just use the medication to mask, reduce and stop the symptoms of what our body is showing us. We need more role models like you Helen, to lead the way in listening to the body, heeding it’s word and making the changes that is called for. Sure, medication and all of those things still and will always have their place – but first things first, listen to the body.

  5. There is just no on and off switch and even though it can seem to be the case, we can’t just turn our loveliness on when we don’t feel this loveliness within ourselves. We can say nice things, be kind and smile but it is impossible to truly share the quality of loveliness, love and care if we don’t feel in within ourselves.

  6. So often we think we’re connecting to our bodies, but because we live so fast-paced, are we ever still enough to truly feel? I remember a friend asking me how I felt whenever I wasn’t doing anything.. not reading, walking, doing something, and I couldn’t answer the question. If we don’t ever just stay still for long enough to feel the effects of our choices on our bodies, eventually they have to scream to get our attention and demand that we live life differently. The key is to make those choices for ourselves, because we know we are worth loving and caring for, before our body forces us to.

    1. Your comment, Bryony, gave me a stop moment. ‘I remember a friend asking me how I felt whenever I wasn’t doing anything.. not reading, walking, doing something, and I couldn’t answer the question.’ Such a reflective question to ponder, and for me sometimes the answer is ‘uncomfortable’. While I have moved away from the drive I used to be in, there is still some way to go to just ‘being me’ and not having to fill moments with things from the to-do list in my head! Thank you for this reflection.

  7. For a very long time I was working on improving relationships with people around me, especially with my partner, so that people would like me. I was managing my behaviours to be liked. It just does not work. The big choice is that I work on improving the relationship with me, building a loving relationship with me: and from that all other relationships change. Automatically.

  8. It is definitely in relationship with my body, listening and responding to its sign posting, that I am less hood winked by the accepted dogma of society and the superficial veneer that conceals the real mess we are in.

  9. How absolutely beautiful Helen, to fall in love with yourself and of course then others, for indeed our relationship with ourselves is the basis of all other relationships.

  10. ‘I have spent so many years putting on a façade that I am OK, so it is a big change to be more transparent about what is really going on for me.’ Helen, I can so relate to this. Under the facade, there has been a lot of hardening as I have been very unforgiving of myself for the mistakes I have made. Simply being open to loving myself more and recognising that I have been hard on myself is a great first stepping stone to letting go of the protection I have been in and to indeed loving myself more!

  11. I appreciate the honest way you share that we can put up a wall of ‘protection’ and/ or project out a facade to others then feel hurt when they don’t appear to really see or understand us! Great to see the hand we can play in feeling hurt because then there is the opportunity to change…

  12. I have heard many times about the importance of having a loving relationship with ourselves and I used to scoff at it. But recently I have discovered that when we do cherish ourselves we become a vehicle of ever greater love, and so I now appreciate that loving myself and my body is a key responsibility and a joy.

    1. I know this one too Janet, it is only when we truly earnestly apply it that we can feel if something works or not. When we know it in our head only it still is a bit of theory and we can ignore it.

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