My Relationship With Me And My Body

What I have noticed recently is that the way I am in one relationship has a direct impact on how I am in all my other relationships. This shows me the responsibility I have to not hold back in any relationships and to be open with everyone I meet. I have spent so many years putting on a façade that I am OK, so it is a big change to be more transparent about what is really going on for me.

For me a huge barrier in deepening my relationships has been my propensity to play the ‘nice’ card. This is my default position in any situation and means that for so long I have suppressed any feelings of hurt, frustration and rage in order to not “rock the boat.” The wall of protection I have erected means that the other person cannot see my vulnerability and then I am left with the intense pain of feeling isolated and that nobody understands me. Once I put myself in the position of being a victim of circumstances it is an easy step to feeling powerless rather than choosing to take responsibility for working through my issues, and letting go of waiting to be rescued by others.

Dismantling the persona that I have displayed to the world has been an ongoing process, which has been accelerated recently with my renewed commitment to becoming more honest in my relationships. I have also started to take deeper care of my body, which is such an amazing and sometimes painful reflection of where I am at. In the past so many of my actions were disregarding of my body, e.g. being rough in my movements and expecting it to cope with whatever I decided to do, often without enough rest and eating foods that I know do not agree with me.

Earlier this year I had a cyst on my breast that erupted like a boil and was intensely painful. It was also an incredible reminder of how much I have not taken care of myself as a woman and have held back from expressing in so many situations for fear of being rejected. With the guidance and support of my doctor, I have taken several courses of antibiotics, had repeated scans and discussions with specialist consultants, and the lump is settling somewhat. I am now deciding whether to have the remaining lump removed.

As well as being supported by the medical profession, I am nurturing myself as a woman. I have obtained a beautiful essential oil blend from a friend that I am lovingly applying twice a day. The difference already is clear to see and I feel much more accepting of what my body is showing me. The daily changes in how the lump is provides a marker of how I have been in my day – how connected I have been to myself and how much I have cared for myself, in whatever I am doing.

In this process I have had the support of lots of different people who have been amazing, and I have been open to accepting it all and not feeling that I have to do it ‘on my own.’ This has been a massive shift for me. I know that this cyst happened for a reason and I have embraced the learning that is being offered.

When I sat down to write, I intended to write about a particular relationship and how this is supporting me to be more open with others, but what I am now feeling is that the most important relationship I have is the one with myself. It is only when I can truly become intimate with myself and willingly share this with others that all my other relationships have the opportunity to expand.

For me, being intimate has included appreciating and celebrating that I am a woman, and that I have an innate beauty – a beauty that I have struggled to accept in the past. This has been a very gradual process, which has involved being willing to really listen to and appreciate what other people were saying to me, and letting go of all the negative tapes in my head that told me I was not enough.

Committing to exchanging texts with a friend each day – nominating different aspects that we appreciate about ourselves – has supported me to confirm my growing awareness of what I have to offer to myself and others. The deepening and equalness I feel within this relationship is something that I now take into my other relationships, which increases my connection with them.

Recognising that my foundational relationship is the one that I have with myself, and that it is my responsibility to commit to exposing anything that compromises this, as well as truly accept and appreciate myself, is an ongoing journey. In the process, I am falling in love with myself, and it feels awesome.

By Helen Elliott, Ipswich UK

Related Reading:
A Sacred Relationship with Self – Inspired by Natalie Benhayon
Building love in our life
Esoteric Women’s Health

290 thoughts on “My Relationship With Me And My Body

  1. “I am falling in love with myself, and it feels awesome.” This is beautiful Helen. Isn’t is strange that we are not taught to love ourselves when children and have to rediscover this as adults?

  2. After a Universal Medicine session I had sometime ago, I remarked to the practitioner that I could feel that at last I could have a relationship with myself and it felt in my body as though I was going to go on my first date with me. It might sound an odd thing to say but for years I had been ignoring what my body has never stopped trying to tell me. That all relationships start firstly with ourselves get that right and every relationship we have with others will be based on this foundation of self love. When we truly love ourselves then no one can hurt us because the love we hold for ourselves is too powerful to be touched. What we then reflect to others is the possibility that they too come from the same pure source.

  3. Often within our relationships, we put a lot of emphasis on the things we do for another, i.e. cooking, cleaning, being a good wife, a good husband, but what we fail to understand is that we need to know and love ourselves first. That doesn’t mean that we do nothing until we love ourselves but that we take out the trying and the doing to be something for someone else.

  4. Just lately I can feel myself needing to go to a new level of nurturing and awareness with my own body, and a deeper trusting in what I in my essence feels is true for me, not anything anyone else is doing, and to honour that.

  5. Reading this today has been very timely for me Helen – thank you for sharing… particularly this line…”… appreciating and celebrating that I am a woman,” This is something I am starting to do and a whole new way of being with myself, and therefore being in the world, is opening up.

  6. I love the simplicity and practicality of getting to know the quality of our relationship with ourselves by paying attention to how we move (I am more aware these days of when I hurt my hands opening a door, unscrewing a lid, turning on a tight tap etc.), how much attention and care we take when preparing our food and how much consideration we give to our preparation for sleep. It is really supportive to have these tools to work with day to day as a way of developing our relationship with ourselves, which as you say, Helen, has a significant impact on all our other relationships, with people, work, our homes, life, nature…

  7. Helen, you show us your vulnerability so beautifully here and how amazing is the body that when we are open and listening, it brings us such an opportunity for healing. Changing your patterns and re-imprinting them to love yourself more is huge, something we can all learn too thank you.

  8. Lately, I have been struggling and going back to my old patterns of blaming others for my issues with them in relationships. When this victim approach had proven, yet again to be fruitless, I decided to get some support. I had a walk with a friend that cleared things up for me and coupled with this empowering blog, I realised that, it is my relationship with me that defines what then becomes my reality. So, as I bring the responsibility back to me, adjust and support myself in all the small key areas, my reality and relationships are shifting, all the things that I thought were being done to me were not what they seemed, and now the way I move is the focus, and the results are astounding.

    1. Thank you for sharing Sarah and I can so relate to how changing my movements transforms my experiences of life and relationships.

  9. So good to read your blog Helen and your final line so delicious! I have been detecting lately that there is still an underlying thread of lack of full acceptance of myself as I am and that the old pattern of trying can sometimes get in the way of me just being myself. It is so great to recognise when this happens and then take the loving steps to change this which as you and other commenters have mentioned changes everything, and every relationship.

  10. Helen, this feels gorgeous, simple and natural and wow what a beautiful way to be each day and how amazing to bring this love to your other relationships; ‘I am falling in love with myself, and it feels awesome.’

  11. Our relationship with ourself is fundamental to how we then are with others, it’s like the foundation we give ourselves for how we then relate and are with everyone else, and is something we can continually and eternally deepen and evolve with.

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