My Relationship With Me And My Body

What I have noticed recently is that the way I am in one relationship has a direct impact on how I am in all my other relationships. This shows me the responsibility I have to not hold back in any relationships and to be open with everyone I meet. I have spent so many years putting on a façade that I am OK, so it is a big change to be more transparent about what is really going on for me.

For me a huge barrier in deepening my relationships has been my propensity to play the ‘nice’ card. This is my default position in any situation and means that for so long I have suppressed any feelings of hurt, frustration and rage in order to not “rock the boat.” The wall of protection I have erected means that the other person cannot see my vulnerability and then I am left with the intense pain of feeling isolated and that nobody understands me. Once I put myself in the position of being a victim of circumstances it is an easy step to feeling powerless rather than choosing to take responsibility for working through my issues, and letting go of waiting to be rescued by others.

Dismantling the persona that I have displayed to the world has been an ongoing process, which has been accelerated recently with my renewed commitment to becoming more honest in my relationships. I have also started to take deeper care of my body, which is such an amazing and sometimes painful reflection of where I am at. In the past so many of my actions were disregarding of my body, e.g. being rough in my movements and expecting it to cope with whatever I decided to do, often without enough rest and eating foods that I know do not agree with me.

Earlier this year I had a cyst on my breast that erupted like a boil and was intensely painful. It was also an incredible reminder of how much I have not taken care of myself as a woman and have held back from expressing in so many situations for fear of being rejected. With the guidance and support of my doctor, I have taken several courses of antibiotics, had repeated scans and discussions with specialist consultants, and the lump is settling somewhat. I am now deciding whether to have the remaining lump removed.

As well as being supported by the medical profession, I am nurturing myself as a woman. I have obtained a beautiful essential oil blend from a friend that I am lovingly applying twice a day. The difference already is clear to see and I feel much more accepting of what my body is showing me. The daily changes in how the lump is provides a marker of how I have been in my day – how connected I have been to myself and how much I have cared for myself, in whatever I am doing.

In this process I have had the support of lots of different people who have been amazing, and I have been open to accepting it all and not feeling that I have to do it ‘on my own.’ This has been a massive shift for me. I know that this cyst happened for a reason and I have embraced the learning that is being offered.

When I sat down to write, I intended to write about a particular relationship and how this is supporting me to be more open with others, but what I am now feeling is that the most important relationship I have is the one with myself. It is only when I can truly become intimate with myself and willingly share this with others that all my other relationships have the opportunity to expand.

For me, being intimate has included appreciating and celebrating that I am a woman, and that I have an innate beauty – a beauty that I have struggled to accept in the past. This has been a very gradual process, which has involved being willing to really listen to and appreciate what other people were saying to me, and letting go of all the negative tapes in my head that told me I was not enough.

Committing to exchanging texts with a friend each day – nominating different aspects that we appreciate about ourselves – has supported me to confirm my growing awareness of what I have to offer to myself and others. The deepening and equalness I feel within this relationship is something that I now take into my other relationships, which increases my connection with them.

Recognising that my foundational relationship is the one that I have with myself, and that it is my responsibility to commit to exposing anything that compromises this, as well as truly accept and appreciate myself, is an ongoing journey. In the process, I am falling in love with myself, and it feels awesome.

By Helen Elliott, Ipswich UK

Related Reading:
A Sacred Relationship with Self – Inspired by Natalie Benhayon
Building love in our life
Esoteric Women’s Health

673 thoughts on “My Relationship With Me And My Body

  1. ‘…the most important relationship I have is the one with myself. It is only when I can truly become intimate with myself and willingly share this with others that all my other relationships have the opportunity to expand.’ Wonderful you share this. I’ve felt like I should always be there for others but never myself. this is shifting and I’m feeling how I am able to be there with me I am more present with others and this offers a depth that was never there before.

  2. It’s wonderful when we realise that we may not be being true to ourselves and are willing to peel back the layers that we have allowed to pile up over the essence of who we are. Being kind to ourselves in this process is crucial – deepening the care and love for ourselves – without pandering or critique.

  3. Thank you for writing this blog Helen because I feel that you are opening up a subject that we tend to brush over and that is developing a deep intimate relationship with ourselves. I’m just starting on this journey of rediscovery and it is the most beautiful experience I have ever had. Actually allowing ourselves both men and women to feel our exquisite beauty and delicateness is something I feel we all struggle with. To be honest it is only since knowing Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine that I have felt supported enough to let go of my hurts and fears and in doing so discovered a depth of love I had no idea existed towards me and everyone else. It is actually quite fascinating to see how deep I can go with these feelings.

  4. I love witnessing and feeling expressions that reflect the magnificence that is God. Values that make my heart sing such as holding everyone in love and honouring; a harmony that embraces the All; a truth that clarifies, inspires and expands and a level of transparency and care that represents the flow and vastness of the Universe. When I witness and appreciate these qualities I find that there is a natural expansion of them in my life – within and around me.

    For many years I have been blessed in seeing these qualities lived consistency by one man – Serge Benhayon – then also in every member of his family and now I am seeing it lived with hundreds of students of The Way of The Livingness.
    It took a while for me to realize that I too could be this amazing reflection for others, and the way to do it was to develop my relationship with myself, start to appreciate those qualities within myself, regardless of how small they seemed in their expression at the time, and to build on them.

  5. “For me, being intimate has included appreciating and celebrating that I am a woman, and that I have an innate beauty – a beauty that I have struggled to accept in the past.” I have recognised this in myself too Helen, we are so conditioned these days by the media to improve our looks, and encourage us to be someone we are not, instead of celebrating and appreciating the qualities of being a woman and let our natural beauty shine through.

    1. And with something as simple as realising that we hold within the most glorious and sensitive being we allow the world to see us like a cherished bloom that blossoms in the Spring.

  6. I had to pause for a moment after reading this ‘The wall of protection I have erected means that the other person cannot see my vulnerability and then I am left with the intense pain of feeling isolated and that nobody understands me’ and it came to me, oh my goodness, how we put up a wall of protection so not to be or get hurt, but this in fact actually leads to a deeper hurt of not being met, feeling isolated and that nobody understands us!!! I feel what you have described here is what many, many people within the world do but we do not either have the full awareness of this or know how to truly change it. My experience is similar to yours in that when we start to love ourselves and make the first and most important relationship the one we have with ourselves things start to change, barriers come down, hurts are let go of, we no longer feel alone because we are truly there for ourselves and in turn our relationships start to flourish. ✨

    1. And the beautiful thing about this is that we are not the only ones to feel this. Everyone gets to feel our vulnerability and our gorgeousness – and then we can feel the joy of connection.

  7. To be honest and transparent with ourselves is great medicine, because the blinkers come off and as we see more clearly, we gain more understanding of all we have chosen and why, and from that space there is the potential to choose differently.

  8. ‘The daily changes in how the lump is provides a marker of how I have been in my day – how connected I have been to myself and how much I have cared for myself, in whatever I am doing’. Just shows how our health is truly in our own hands, and that we are responsible for all that we create – ouch!

    1. What you have said is so true jacqmcfadden04 If we listen to our bodies they can tell us so much. For example I got really cold the other day and quite honestly I didn’t do anything to change this I just carried on feeling very cold. The result I have a slight cold. My body hates being cold was telling me loud and clear it was cold and if I do not listen there are consequences. Our bodies are amazingly strong and yet very delicate at the same time but how often do we treat our bodies like a machine and feel that we can bulldoze our way through anything?

  9. How true our relationship is with ourselves will form the foundation from which all our relationships with others can deepen and evolve.

  10. Thank you Helen, this is so lovely to read. I can relate to everything you share in terms of not fully sharing all of you and keeping up a facade by being nice, etc. I’d say it’s pretty common, we are not a very real society and don’t share often what’s really going on for us. We are very held by images and appearances and how life ‘should’ be, instead of being in the moment, being real, and sharing it all openly as appropriate.

    1. So very true Chris. But so often the tendency is to put the emphasis on our relationships with another way above and beyond that with ourselves. Its amazing to build this inner connection and trust that what we feel from within first and foremost, is what will guide us to have deeply true and loving relationships.

  11. It’s really simple, the more accepting and loving of myself the more at ease I am with others. The insecurities that can get in the way (comparison, fear of being targeted, etc.) then don’t take up space and relationships can flourish. True transparency, me just being me and not hiding, this can be felt and magic can happen.

  12. Today I shared with a colleague that I was feeling a bit teary and had felt this for the last few weeks it was a normal conversation of me just sharing something with her about how I felt, not even needing a response and the conversation went on to something else but on reflection years ago I would l have never shared so openly how I felt with a colleague. Its a great thing when we peel back the layers of protection both with ourselves and others and choose to instead deepen our relationships.

  13. We are not encouraged to look after ourselves but to put others first, and I’m sure many of us, because of this, have many negative thoughts that undermine how we feel. Something is definitely amiss with our society when we have so many young people committing suicide. How many of these people feel heard or accepted, or do they feel isolated and so withdraw from life? Having had experience where I withdrew from life it does leave you feeling isolated and some how the odd one out. But actually if more people were honest about how they were truly feeling and if they felt able to cope with life we would get a true reading of the overwhelm that people are silently living with.

    1. Mary if we were to open up we could actually be supporting each other. There is so much to learn from honest conversation, and a lot of potential for healing just by sharing openly what is going on for each of us.

  14. When we’re being nice instead of doing what we know and can feel is truly needed in that moment, we’re out of alignment with a greater rhythm that takes everything and everyone into account. There’s no room for nice when we make it about love: feeling what’s true for us and by extension, everyone else.

  15. The quality of the relationship that we have with another starts with the quality of the relationship that we have with ourselves.

  16. The doing it on our own is a trap many of us fall for and feel that we are failures in some way for showing how vulnerable we are and at times in our lives we need support. Freely giving support is one thing but how worthy do we feel of receiving support when we need it?

  17. What you have presented makes me consider how my relationship with my body reflects my relationships with people. I say I love and appreciate it, but it seems to be only when and how it suits me. I can be dismissive and uncaring of my body and have an on-off switch with the depth I will go to. There’s a lot to be learnt from this!

    1. I can relate to the on-switch about the depth I will choose to go to. Lately I felt how I do have a solid connection with God and how painful it is that I dip in and out and do not choose to stay in this connection consistently.

  18. So often hear others share how they are in relationships – coupled with another but feeling alone! This would not make sense from the literal sense yet when we sit and truly express what is going on in the relationship we seek to feel from another is the quality we miss in being with our divine and exquisite self that then changes the quality we can offer another.

  19. It is extraordinary isn’t how being nice embeds itself so deeply within us… in our body, on our face, in our muscles… So when we actually do let go of this really dysfunctional paradigms it has an extraordinary effect upon us both within and without

  20. If we were to understand that our bodies are very responsive and extremely sensitive to every move we make maybe we would take more care of ourselves and not abuse ourselves by ingesting the wrong food and the wrong liquids. As long as we carry on with the belief that we can treat our bodies like a rubbish bin we will not get to grips with the soaring rates of illness and disease. This blog clearly shows that there is a correlation between taking care of one’s self and what happens when we don’t.

  21. Being more transparent with ourselves and in all our relationships.. starts with getting honest and real about where we’re at, our choices and what we’ve invested in and reacted to, with no judgment. When we’re prepared to go there with that level of honesty, it leads to closer, deeper and more enriching relationships-with ourselves and then with others.

  22. You have described the horrible impact of nice on yourself and your relationships really well. It is a protection and way of letting people see who you are and how you feel. It does create isolation and certainly doesn’t deepen relationships. It really just keeps things controlled, safe and superficial.

  23. Health in this current society doesn’t mean a lot, it basically just means that you are without cancer or some bad illness that you need medication for. And even then, when we have the disease we just use the medication to mask, reduce and stop the symptoms of what our body is showing us. We need more role models like you Helen, to lead the way in listening to the body, heeding it’s word and making the changes that is called for. Sure, medication and all of those things still and will always have their place – but first things first, listen to the body.

  24. There is just no on and off switch and even though it can seem to be the case, we can’t just turn our loveliness on when we don’t feel this loveliness within ourselves. We can say nice things, be kind and smile but it is impossible to truly share the quality of loveliness, love and care if we don’t feel in within ourselves.

  25. So often we think we’re connecting to our bodies, but because we live so fast-paced, are we ever still enough to truly feel? I remember a friend asking me how I felt whenever I wasn’t doing anything.. not reading, walking, doing something, and I couldn’t answer the question. If we don’t ever just stay still for long enough to feel the effects of our choices on our bodies, eventually they have to scream to get our attention and demand that we live life differently. The key is to make those choices for ourselves, because we know we are worth loving and caring for, before our body forces us to.

    1. Your comment, Bryony, gave me a stop moment. ‘I remember a friend asking me how I felt whenever I wasn’t doing anything.. not reading, walking, doing something, and I couldn’t answer the question.’ Such a reflective question to ponder, and for me sometimes the answer is ‘uncomfortable’. While I have moved away from the drive I used to be in, there is still some way to go to just ‘being me’ and not having to fill moments with things from the to-do list in my head! Thank you for this reflection.

  26. For a very long time I was working on improving relationships with people around me, especially with my partner, so that people would like me. I was managing my behaviours to be liked. It just does not work. The big choice is that I work on improving the relationship with me, building a loving relationship with me: and from that all other relationships change. Automatically.

  27. It is definitely in relationship with my body, listening and responding to its sign posting, that I am less hood winked by the accepted dogma of society and the superficial veneer that conceals the real mess we are in.

  28. How absolutely beautiful Helen, to fall in love with yourself and of course then others, for indeed our relationship with ourselves is the basis of all other relationships.

  29. ‘I have spent so many years putting on a façade that I am OK, so it is a big change to be more transparent about what is really going on for me.’ Helen, I can so relate to this. Under the facade, there has been a lot of hardening as I have been very unforgiving of myself for the mistakes I have made. Simply being open to loving myself more and recognising that I have been hard on myself is a great first stepping stone to letting go of the protection I have been in and to indeed loving myself more!

  30. I appreciate the honest way you share that we can put up a wall of ‘protection’ and/ or project out a facade to others then feel hurt when they don’t appear to really see or understand us! Great to see the hand we can play in feeling hurt because then there is the opportunity to change…

  31. I have heard many times about the importance of having a loving relationship with ourselves and I used to scoff at it. But recently I have discovered that when we do cherish ourselves we become a vehicle of ever greater love, and so I now appreciate that loving myself and my body is a key responsibility and a joy.

    1. I know this one too Janet, it is only when we truly earnestly apply it that we can feel if something works or not. When we know it in our head only it still is a bit of theory and we can ignore it.

    2. Yes, discovering even the tiniest possibility of actually loving myself is a joy, from which I have felt great love coming through. Being self-loving was something I knew I should be doing but was failing at because I preferred to carrying on indulging in things that were harmful. Writing this I can see how I have a choice to fully commit without reservation.

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