My Relationship With Me And My Body

What I have noticed recently is that the way I am in one relationship has a direct impact on how I am in all my other relationships. This shows me the responsibility I have to not hold back in any relationships and to be open with everyone I meet. I have spent so many years putting on a façade that I am OK, so it is a big change to be more transparent about what is really going on for me.

For me a huge barrier in deepening my relationships has been my propensity to play the ‘nice’ card. This is my default position in any situation and means that for so long I have suppressed any feelings of hurt, frustration and rage in order to not “rock the boat.” The wall of protection I have erected means that the other person cannot see my vulnerability and then I am left with the intense pain of feeling isolated and that nobody understands me. Once I put myself in the position of being a victim of circumstances it is an easy step to feeling powerless rather than choosing to take responsibility for working through my issues, and letting go of waiting to be rescued by others.

Dismantling the persona that I have displayed to the world has been an ongoing process, which has been accelerated recently with my renewed commitment to becoming more honest in my relationships. I have also started to take deeper care of my body, which is such an amazing and sometimes painful reflection of where I am at. In the past so many of my actions were disregarding of my body, e.g. being rough in my movements and expecting it to cope with whatever I decided to do, often without enough rest and eating foods that I know do not agree with me.

Earlier this year I had a cyst on my breast that erupted like a boil and was intensely painful. It was also an incredible reminder of how much I have not taken care of myself as a woman and have held back from expressing in so many situations for fear of being rejected. With the guidance and support of my doctor, I have taken several courses of antibiotics, had repeated scans and discussions with specialist consultants, and the lump is settling somewhat. I am now deciding whether to have the remaining lump removed.

As well as being supported by the medical profession, I am nurturing myself as a woman. I have obtained a beautiful essential oil blend from a friend that I am lovingly applying twice a day. The difference already is clear to see and I feel much more accepting of what my body is showing me. The daily changes in how the lump is provides a marker of how I have been in my day – how connected I have been to myself and how much I have cared for myself, in whatever I am doing.

In this process I have had the support of lots of different people who have been amazing, and I have been open to accepting it all and not feeling that I have to do it ‘on my own.’ This has been a massive shift for me. I know that this cyst happened for a reason and I have embraced the learning that is being offered.

When I sat down to write, I intended to write about a particular relationship and how this is supporting me to be more open with others, but what I am now feeling is that the most important relationship I have is the one with myself. It is only when I can truly become intimate with myself and willingly share this with others that all my other relationships have the opportunity to expand.

For me, being intimate has included appreciating and celebrating that I am a woman, and that I have an innate beauty – a beauty that I have struggled to accept in the past. This has been a very gradual process, which has involved being willing to really listen to and appreciate what other people were saying to me, and letting go of all the negative tapes in my head that told me I was not enough.

Committing to exchanging texts with a friend each day – nominating different aspects that we appreciate about ourselves – has supported me to confirm my growing awareness of what I have to offer to myself and others. The deepening and equalness I feel within this relationship is something that I now take into my other relationships, which increases my connection with them.

Recognising that my foundational relationship is the one that I have with myself, and that it is my responsibility to commit to exposing anything that compromises this, as well as truly accept and appreciate myself, is an ongoing journey. In the process, I am falling in love with myself, and it feels awesome.

By Helen Elliott, Ipswich UK

Related Reading:
A Sacred Relationship with Self – Inspired by Natalie Benhayon
Building love in our life
Esoteric Women’s Health

574 thoughts on “My Relationship With Me And My Body

  1. In my experience “falling in love with myself” has been the best and most wonderfully true romance ever. It has been so enriching, so surprising at times, so delicious and so worth the choice to take the time to do so. It has been a period of exquisite grace and the most priceless gift I have ever given myself. I have definitely found the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow; and that pot is me!

  2. Thank you Helen, for what you share is true. We are forever with us – so deepening our relationship with ourselves is eventually the foundation we live with others and bring to all of our relationships.

  3. I also wonder who benefits from being ‘nice’. I may not like to hear what someone has to say if it challenges me, but at least I know how they feel and can enter a discussion about it or not. If they don’t say what they are truly feeling or thinking anyway, it just oozes off their body and is open to misinterpretation. No-one feels heard, met or understood.

  4. Playing the nice card to not rock the boat feeds the victim mentality because you are constantly at the mercy of the buffeting seas with no sail, no oars, nothing to navigate – simply at the mercy of whatever is around you.

  5. Could it be that the root of self-worth issues is very linked with the huge disregard that we have accepted in our bodies? Just by feeling the sadness for compromising ourselves – not being who we really are – in order to be approved or accepted, we can say no to the patterns that we learnt and prevented us to bring our gorgeousness and true beauty out.

  6. By coming across Universal Medicine I realized how linked is the way we are with our body with how we feel. Even the situations and people we atract has a relation in how we move, our posture, our alignment to love or not…Every single choice determines the quality and the standards that we set up in our life. So it’s a matter of choice and it’s in our hands feeling amazing or not.

  7. Thank you Helen for such an honest sharing that many of us can relate to. Falling in love with yourself is a true success to be deeply appreciated and celebrated.

  8. Empathize or being nice in rocky situations is a mechanism of defense that I learnt in my childhood. Since a very early age I accepted to not express how I really felt, to not say ‘no’ to verbal abuse that I sometimes received. These days I’m noticing how quick I can be nice. As if it would be an alarm clock inside me that senses tension and then this pattern activates automatically. I’m learning – being lovingly supported by sacred esoteric healing modalities and the gentle breath meditation – to content this old way that exhausts and drains me very much. By being connected with my body I can feel a solidness that makes me feel steady, really confident and truly strong to face up whatever tension may be around me. It’s being a wonderful journey that brings me so much appreciation and respect towards myself and others.

  9. I don’t feel that we really understand just how many ideals and beliefs we take on as children growing up from our parents and the world about us. To the point where our actions and responses are guided by them. In many cases even when our parents are long gone we still have these ideals and beliefs embedded into our way of living. Why is it that we live in such a negative world full of put downs, why is it that we are seemingly unable to cherish one another just for being sweet and tender. We can do this with babies we can easily connect to them as their love is so open and they are so adoring. But then we seem to throw a switch and crush this innate beauty as they grow up and instead cruel them with our put downs, Why do we do this?

  10. ‘It is only when I can truly become intimate with myself and willingly share this with others that all my other relationships have the opportunity to expand.’ Makes sense to me to love yourself first, building the intimacy with yourself and in that process becoming more confident to share who you are and what you feel with others. A completely different story than ‘playing the nice card’.

  11. Suspending disbelief and the many patterns and behaviours we have adopted through our lives; letting ourselves quietly, consistently and surely fall in love with who we are and our natural qualities, changes everything… our inner environment informing every experience we have out and about in the world and with others.

  12. “What I have noticed recently is that the way I am in one relationship has a direct impact on how I am in all my other relationships”. This is so very true and gets rid of the notion that one relationship is more important than another because if we are not true in one relationship we will not be true in all relationships.

  13. The title alone should have us stop in our tracks and feel what this means to us. What is my relationship with myself and how do I treat my body? Am I as loving and caring and tender with myself as I wish others to be with me or am I already there going below the standard I know I deserve and am absolutely worthy of?

  14. The allowing of more tenderness and delicateness to be expressed through my body and feeling it in my body lets me appreciate more and supports a deepening of the relationship I have with myself, that then ripples through to other relationships.

  15. Our body give signals every moment and if we do not honor the small messages and we go off track it will give bigger messages.

  16. I allowed so much vulnerability to be felt and expressed consistently recently, it was a lot for someone else to feel in this reflection. The reminder is to remember that Truth has to be expressed with love, and to all.

  17. I’ve noticed lately that when I start feeling needy or waiting for someone else to give me attention I know I need to commit and deepen my relationship with myself.

    1. Yes, so true and so beautiful and so very simple, there is no waiting for anybody just the deepening of one’s own understanding and love.

  18. When I am in true surrender with me and my body and feel the stillness that is then on offer, nothing( no thought, no story, no comparison, nor judgement….) should be more worthy than that. It is a choice I make to leave that place or to live that spaciousness in every moment and through every moment.

  19. The moment we get distracted by outside reactions we make it about them instead of making it about our power to reflect whatever needs to be reflected. In fact it is then all about ourselves, what WE need ( i.e. being accepted, liked) or how we want others to be ( judging them for where they are at). Instead of bringing out what needs to be brought out for everyone to grow.

  20. “The wall of protection I have erected means that the other person cannot see my vulnerability and then I am left with the intense pain of feeling isolated and that nobody understands me.” I love realisations like this Helen, it gives us the opportunity to ask why, what is it that I am avoiding, what is underneath this, what’s the truth if I prefer to keep people out and live in the pain of isolation?

  21. It’s easy to blame others for ‘not understanding us’, but when we look at the whole situation, can we honestly say that we have been living the full and true version of ourselves, expressing ourselves in full with others? Because when we don’t, we leave a gap that gets filled with another’s interpretation- we give our power away, and in that void, our relationships are diminished and not fulfilling their full potential and purpose.

    1. What if the ” not understanding us” and a misinterpretation can be also their resistance of seeing the truth?

  22. To commit to expose everything where I compromise.
    Every time I read your blog Helen I read something else, a different angle from what your blog brings. Magical.

  23. What you have shared here Helen I can feel is true
    “what I am now feeling is that the most important relationship I have is the one with myself. It is only when I can truly become intimate with myself and willingly share this with others that all my other relationships have the opportunity to expand.”
    I have noticed that the more honouring of myself the more I allow others to see the real me and not the pretzel I have shaped myself to be. And I allow myself to express what is there to be felt rather than bottling it up left unsaid. To be able to feel and touch life again is amazing and something I had totally forgotten coming back to myself has awakened all these latent attributes that we all have.

  24. How can it be that the way I am in one relationship will affect all my other relationships and the way I live one aspect of my life will affect all other areas too? This puzzled me for a while. Now it makes absolute sense, whatever I choose and align to, has its impact on myself first and foremost. And it is this quality I have now aligned to that I take everywhere with me. For most of my life I have played the ‘nice’ game, convincing myself that this meant people did not get what I considered the ugly stuff. Amusing and kind of ironic to discover that the niceness itself is one of those ugly stuff I was trying to hide!

  25. When I look back at my life and look honestly at all the times I been nice instead of true, it make me feel a bit sick, but being true with absolute love is an art in itself as being brutally honest with someone can also cut them down when they least need it.

  26. We need to keep deepening our relationship with our body if we are to keep up the messages it constantly sends us.

    1. Good point Elizabeth and that includes continually refining our diet by eating and drinking substances that support us in becoming more aware and not falling back on former ways that will hinder this process. A very good reminder to truly honour the body and move in a way that confirms how far we have come.

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