Writing about appreciation seems to bring up a lot for me. Today after weeks of delay, I asked myself, “Why is this so hard?” I am pretty good at clocking the beauty that surrounds us all – the sun, the sky and the stars. I know I am blessed to have a job, family, wonderful partner and an incredible group of friends. Many times I have been in awe of the way incredible opportunities have opened up, or of the colours of the sky during sunrise or sunset. When I speak to people I find it easy to tell them how much I appreciate them, the way they light up my life and what they bring to the world, – I do it often. Last and certainly not least, I’ve had more things to appreciate than I would have thought possible since I discovered Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine around seven years ago. So seriously, what’s the problem?
In some recent research I was involved in, I was surprised to find that in terms of therapy techniques, walking and talking therapy came up with quite low search numbers, whereas couples or relationship counselling, when couples sit with a counsellor, was much higher. This went against my experience of the beauty that can occur when walking and talking together to discuss matters between two people.
Walking in amongst the crowds in London central the other day I caught a glimpse of my reflection and was stopped in my tracks, suddenly being drawn to the sound of everyone’s footsteps vibrating through the pavement!
Where were we all going?
Why did it feel so loud and so heavy?
What’s in a hug?
I hugged someone yesterday. It was the man I was in a relationship with a year ago. Coming full circle after our split, we are now in the position where we feel we can hug knowing that’s all it will be.
A year ago I was deep in the depths of this relationship. Masked by a connection that was deep and timeless and very lovely, we were blind to the fact that the nature of our relationship was actually based on need and not true love.
Recently I had an experience that made me feel very vulnerable in an emotional as well as physical way.
I got myself into an argument with somebody over a situation where the other person was at fault. I got quite angry and didn’t want to let it go. The result was that I was met with aggression and threatened with pretty drastic violent and destructive actions. Those sorts of threats go to the bone in me. I had nightmares that night and couldn’t rest the next day until that situation could be somehow resolved. I felt fearful, very vulnerable and tense, and also found it very hard to let go of my position of being right and that I was the victim.
What I have noticed recently is that the way I am in one relationship has a direct impact on how I am in all my other relationships. This shows me the responsibility I have to not hold back in any relationships and to be open with everyone I meet. I have spent so many years putting on a façade that I am OK, so it is a big change to be more transparent about what is really going on for me.
It came to my attention that I very much do the things that I judge wrong in others. Opening up to this arrogance and actually making statements such as “I can’t say I don’t do that” or asking myself, “Where do I do that in my life?” has deepened my understanding of myself. This in turn brings a deeper quality to my relationships with others as I am now able to be with them and not the perceived pictures I have formed in my mind of who they are, based on their actions. My actions may not be the same as others, but when I ask, “Where do I do that?’’, I am asking about the feeling of the action and if that action also plays out in my life. Chances are that if I am reacting to another person’s actions then I am in some way doing the same thing, OR I have done the same but have yet to learn the full impact of what that choice has on others.
For example: Continue reading “Where Do I Do That?”