Find Me at the Lost and Found

I’ve been on the ‘missing list’ for the majority of my life. Along with a lot of other ‘missing’ folk.

And the truth is, I have really missed me not being around.

I, like so many others, had access to a knowingness as a child of how we could and should be. I was aware of it from an early age. I didn’t speak often but when I did, it was for all.

I spoke up about abuse and I loved humanity. However, it wasn’t long before I made a choice to keep quiet to avoid being told ‘the world didn’t work that way’ and that ‘I thought like a communist.’ I didn’t know what that was but it didn’t sound real good. And so I lost my ability to express.

I lost my innate sexiness as a woman in my early teens, right after I discovered it actually.

It was quenched by a family member whose own hurts told me not to flaunt who I was or someone would take advantage of me for doing so.

But here’s the thing – I wasn’t ‘flaunting’ it, wasn’t ‘selling myself’ as I was being accused of, I was merely feeling what being a gorgeous young woman was all about and I was celebrating that.

And it felt good.

I wasn’t doing anything to deliberately attract the ogling eyes of men, though I was accused of it.

I wasn’t parading myself through areas where men hung out to attract their attention. In fact, I soon learnt to avoid those places because I didn’t appreciate the offensive behaviour of the men hanging out of pub windows or building sites making crude comments about me, or the wolf whistling. It made me feel uncomfortable.

I wasn’t baring my breasts for all to see and I wasn’t wiggling my buttocks in an effort to attract the attention of anyone who would look.

What I did feel though, was a movement in my body that had a lovely flow when I walked, I enjoyed the feel of fabric around my body, I loved the soft curves my body was developing and the twinkle in my eyes that lit up my face when I looked in the mirror.

Slowly, that twinkle in the eye that I used to love when I saw myself in the mirror started to wane, eventually flickering out.

The sadness of missing myself started to set in and I slowly disappeared.

All that was left was the shell of who I used to be; who I actually am. When I looked in the mirror there was no light left to shine out to the world.

I wore clothes to hide what was underneath.

I began to walk in a way that made me less than who I was. It was a walk that sauntered my body along the street.

I walked without authority. I walked in fact and deliberately so, to make myself not stand out. I walked the walk that said “I don’t care about myself.”

I just wanted to fit in with what the majority of my age group had decided was acceptable.

I chose to be, to the best of my ability, a zombie. It simply brought less attention my way. And it asked nothing of me. 

And that is what I modelled to the world.

I obliged boyfriends even though I could feel in my body it wasn’t ok.

I physically worked like a man despite my body asking me not to.

I avoided mirrors and I ate what my taste buds desired and what would numb me.

There was a short phase of alcohol drinking in my late 30’s early 40’s after my marriage had broken up. It helped to further numb how I was feeling and it was socially acceptable. It made me feel like I was part of ‘the group’ but the after-effects made me feel like I was party to nothing!

I overrode every message my body was communicating with me.

When the emptiness became too much I began my journey searching out ways to reclaim myself back.

I wanted to reignite what had been there from the beginning. There were a lot of workshops attended and money spent that was difficult to find and unwisely spent.

The energetic imprint of some of those experiences held me back and created their own problems in my body.

The most wonderful thing though about that search was indeed the day I found my way to Serge Benhayon.

A flyer had arrived on my desk regarding his work and the workshops he was offering through Universal Medicine. I attracted a lot of similar brochures and business cards, all of which had been making their way to the bin. However, Serge’s remained on my desk, being shuffled around for close to six months before I made a move.

And so began my true journey back to me.

I, like so many others, have so much to appreciate this man for.

Serge Benhayon is so steady, walks the Truth he speaks and delivers in such a way that the Truth is felt in the body first and foremost. He provides a platform that is supportive for the change that is so desperately needed.

Sometimes I left his workshops angry at words he had spoken because they stirred a truth in me that I was not wanting to accept. Always I left his workshops a totally different person to the one who had arrived earlier in the day.

Regardless of the reaction, I always came home clearer than when I had left.

Gradually the excess weight started to disappear (approx. 20 kilos) and the self-appreciation is slowly returning. The blinkers obscuring the truth of this world and what I had been accepting as ‘normal’ have started to drop away.

Michael Benhayon has offered unwavering support on my journey back to me. The words ‘thank you’ substantially lack the grandness of what he has truly offered me.

What the Benhayons offer in their everyday livingness is inspirational, encouraging and it is so appreciated.

Despite the yearning for rediscovering my amazing self, I have come to understand that I can be pretty elusive. Out of fear, lack of self-appreciation, lack of self-love and self-worth, I can dodge, avoid and delay the most gorgeous rediscovery of me.

Slowly though, I am emerging. I’m somewhat like a butterfly making her way out of an almost solidified cocoon. I am emerging long after my youth has been lived. The woman who dares to look in the mirror now is coaxing herself to accept her older body, but there is a twinkle that is beginning to shine again and it is that twinkle that is encouraging the woman within to once again come out and play.

By Julie King, 57, Disability Care Support Worker, caring community member, gorgeous woman finding herself and sharing it with the world

Related Reading:
From ‘Don’t be a Nuisance’ to Claiming Myself – an Ongoing Journey
Woman Returning
The true power of women – no more holding back

317 thoughts on “Find Me at the Lost and Found

  1. I can say, I have been away for awhile, but I’m back now. It may have been a long time or even a few life times. We can never lose our way from ourselves, but can turn our back and refuse to see.

  2. We can so easily hide our beauty and spark in the way we move and knowing this is both exposing and revolutionising because we now know how to come back to ourselves too.

  3. How beautiful Julie! It seems the time has come to find and claim yourself as precious and show the world just how exquisitely gorgeous your light truly is.

  4. “Slowly though, I am emerging. I’m somewhat like a butterfly making her way out of an almost solidified cocoon. I am emerging long after my youth has been lived. The woman who dares to look in the mirror now is coaxing herself to accept her older body, but there is a twinkle that is beginning to shine again and it is that twinkle that is encouraging the woman within to once again come out and play.” Beautiful Julie – appreciate it’s never too late to find our own loving and amazing selves once again.

  5. I really recognise that when I loose connection with the real me and the sacredness that I and we all hold deep within as women that is when the sadness and frustration sets in. So the key is to stay with me in love and appreciation.

  6. One of the beautiful things about our innate essence or spark is that it is innate! And in that we can’t ever completely loose it as such but just not connect with and express it and so it is always there within us for us to re-connect back with and bring back out into our everyday expression, something that I’m learning to keep unfolding in my life.

  7. I didn’t come to understand that I had been missing me for most of my life until I had found myself again; then it became very obvious that the amazing me had been ‘missing in action’ for way too long. It has been a wonderful process finding me again, although sometimes extremely challenging, but one thing is for sure, I am never going to lose myself again!

  8. Such a key sharing in what it is to surrender to our bodies and sit with the truth of our choices. What Serge Benhayon presents is the truth, delivered in love, and constantly there to support us.

  9. The reflection we see in the mirror is seemingly about the physical body, but actually about the being within, and how much of that being is allowed to be see in the glory of who each of us are.

  10. “I spoke up about abuse and I loved humanity. However, it wasn’t long before I made a choice to keep quiet to avoid being told ‘the world didn’t work that way’ and that ‘I thought like a communist.’ ” How damaging it is for anyone of any age to be told to keep quiet about what they feel is true. It can literally cause someone to withdraw into themselves for the rest of their lives, making them doubt what they feel.

  11. It is a constant and enormous inspiration for me to walk alongside so many people working with Universal Medicine, emerging more and more beautifully into their true selves – consistent, confident, vital and inspired by their purpose in life. Properly cool.

  12. Never too late to find oneself, actually that´s what life is about, to find who we always have been but lost by choice so that we can be all that we are and were breathed forth to become. It is not a matter of time, but a matter of fact we cannot escape.

  13. I appreciate deeply the process of returning to me, by first being honest that I miss myself. I appreciate going through this process with others, revealing my hurts and working through them to realise that everyone is here to support one another to come back to themselves.

  14. And what I find about the whole ‘finding me’ thing is that there is no end point, which is something I definitely used to believe, that there would be an aha moment and the job would be done. The more I explore and open up the more I realise that the learning and unfolding is endless and there is such a rich depth, potential and expansion to this.

  15. Julie, it is very beautiful that there is again a twinkle in your eye and that you are ‘accepting your older body’ – this in itself is huge.

  16. We can circumnavigate the globe looking for ‘it’ but, then realising what we perceived was ‘lost’ was actually with us All the time… right under our nose, literally!.. the connection of body to Soul with our ‘Gentle Breath’.

  17. Missing the connection that is there with myself and my body is one of the greatest sadnesses of my life, and yet, as much as there is the desire to look around for something to take this sadness away and to make me feel whole again, either through activities or relationships, the truth is that the only thing that will take this sadness away is if I return to myself again, and it is just as simple as that – to turn back inwards again willing to see the great light that is there and to know this as home.

  18. Ever since my late teens, I can remember having this feeling that there was more to life than I was experiencing, that this couldn’t be all there was. Then I threw myself into work and remember looking around at my colleagues thinking there has to be more to life than working very hard to save up for two weeks holiday. Coming back and starting all over again. Then I threw myself into being a mother, wife and housewife, and once again the same feelings presented themselves. What I have now come to realise is that there was a sense that there was more to life but what I wasn’t getting was that there was more to me and that the outer was only reflecting back to the inner. The answers to our questions reside inside of us, and no amount of searching outside will bring us anything grander than what we already have inside of us

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