Find Me at the Lost and Found

I’ve been on the ‘missing list’ for the majority of my life. Along with a lot of other ‘missing’ folk.

And the truth is, I have really missed me not being around.

I, like so many others, had access to a knowingness as a child of how we could and should be. I was aware of it from an early age. I didn’t speak often but when I did, it was for all.

I spoke up about abuse and I loved humanity. However, it wasn’t long before I made a choice to keep quiet to avoid being told ‘the world didn’t work that way’ and that ‘I thought like a communist.’ I didn’t know what that was but it didn’t sound real good. And so I lost my ability to express.

I lost my innate sexiness as a woman in my early teens, right after I discovered it actually.

It was quenched by a family member whose own hurts told me not to flaunt who I was or someone would take advantage of me for doing so.

But here’s the thing – I wasn’t ‘flaunting’ it, wasn’t ‘selling myself’ as I was being accused of, I was merely feeling what being a gorgeous young woman was all about and I was celebrating that.

And it felt good.

I wasn’t doing anything to deliberately attract the ogling eyes of men, though I was accused of it.

I wasn’t parading myself through areas where men hung out to attract their attention. In fact, I soon learnt to avoid those places because I didn’t appreciate the offensive behaviour of the men hanging out of pub windows or building sites making crude comments about me, or the wolf whistling. It made me feel uncomfortable.

I wasn’t baring my breasts for all to see and I wasn’t wiggling my buttocks in an effort to attract the attention of anyone who would look.

What I did feel though, was a movement in my body that had a lovely flow when I walked, I enjoyed the feel of fabric around my body, I loved the soft curves my body was developing and the twinkle in my eyes that lit up my face when I looked in the mirror.

Slowly, that twinkle in the eye that I used to love when I saw myself in the mirror started to wane, eventually flickering out.

The sadness of missing myself started to set in and I slowly disappeared.

All that was left was the shell of who I used to be; who I actually am. When I looked in the mirror there was no light left to shine out to the world.

I wore clothes to hide what was underneath.

I began to walk in a way that made me less than who I was. It was a walk that sauntered my body along the street.

I walked without authority. I walked in fact and deliberately so, to make myself not stand out. I walked the walk that said “I don’t care about myself.”

I just wanted to fit in with what the majority of my age group had decided was acceptable.

I chose to be, to the best of my ability, a zombie. It simply brought less attention my way. And it asked nothing of me. 

And that is what I modelled to the world.

I obliged boyfriends even though I could feel in my body it wasn’t ok.

I physically worked like a man despite my body asking me not to.

I avoided mirrors and I ate what my taste buds desired and what would numb me.

There was a short phase of alcohol drinking in my late 30’s early 40’s after my marriage had broken up. It helped to further numb how I was feeling and it was socially acceptable. It made me feel like I was part of ‘the group’ but the after-effects made me feel like I was party to nothing!

I overrode every message my body was communicating with me.

When the emptiness became too much I began my journey searching out ways to reclaim myself back.

I wanted to reignite what had been there from the beginning. There were a lot of workshops attended and money spent that was difficult to find and unwisely spent.

The energetic imprint of some of those experiences held me back and created their own problems in my body.

The most wonderful thing though about that search was indeed the day I found my way to Serge Benhayon.

A flyer had arrived on my desk regarding his work and the workshops he was offering through Universal Medicine. I attracted a lot of similar brochures and business cards, all of which had been making their way to the bin. However, Serge’s remained on my desk, being shuffled around for close to six months before I made a move.

And so began my true journey back to me.

I, like so many others, have so much to appreciate this man for.

Serge Benhayon is so steady, walks the Truth he speaks and delivers in such a way that the Truth is felt in the body first and foremost. He provides a platform that is supportive for the change that is so desperately needed.

Sometimes I left his workshops angry at words he had spoken because they stirred a truth in me that I was not wanting to accept. Always I left his workshops a totally different person to the one who had arrived earlier in the day.

Regardless of the reaction, I always came home clearer than when I had left.

Gradually the excess weight started to disappear (approx. 20 kilos) and the self-appreciation is slowly returning. The blinkers obscuring the truth of this world and what I had been accepting as ‘normal’ have started to drop away.

Michael Benhayon has offered unwavering support on my journey back to me. The words ‘thank you’ substantially lack the grandness of what he has truly offered me.

What the Benhayons offer in their everyday livingness is inspirational, encouraging and it is so appreciated.

Despite the yearning for rediscovering my amazing self, I have come to understand that I can be pretty elusive. Out of fear, lack of self-appreciation, lack of self-love and self-worth, I can dodge, avoid and delay the most gorgeous rediscovery of me.

Slowly though, I am emerging. I’m somewhat like a butterfly making her way out of an almost solidified cocoon. I am emerging long after my youth has been lived. The woman who dares to look in the mirror now is coaxing herself to accept her older body, but there is a twinkle that is beginning to shine again and it is that twinkle that is encouraging the woman within to once again come out and play.

By Julie King, 57, Disability Care Support Worker, caring community member, gorgeous woman finding herself and sharing it with the world

Related Reading:
From ‘Don’t be a Nuisance’ to Claiming Myself – an Ongoing Journey
Woman Returning

561 thoughts on “Find Me at the Lost and Found

  1. Awesome Julie as when we come out and be play-full our life becomes a different kettle of fish and much more purpose-full, as we are aligning to our Soul as we were when we were young as you have shared.

  2. This comment that you made Julie,
    ‘I chose to be, to the best of my ability, a zombie. It simply brought less attention my way. And it asked nothing of me.’

    I have discovered for myself that there is a consciousness that feeds us to be zombies, we are given what to think, we think we think, but I have come to understand we don’t think at all. Every thought is fed to us by a cold energy that would have us wreck ourselves just so it gets its own way. We are all totally controlled and while we are allowed to ‘think’ it is us calling the shots the energy controlling us gets away scot free. It has taken me many years to understand that my family for example behaved in the abusive way they did, not because they were unkind and thoughtless but because the energy coming through them directed them like puppets on a string to behave in such a way. I spent all my life blaming them when it wasn’t really them at all but the energy coming through them. When we understand this we are set free of the grief the pain and hurt that we feel because there is no one to blame as such but the energy controlling their thoughts and actions. I also understand that I’m controlled too, so then, how do I live in a way, so that I am not controlled by my thoughts that I then inflict on other people? With this understanding comes a responsibility to be aware of my thoughts and actions to ensure I do not respond in reaction to what comes though other people, as I did as a child.

  3. When our movements change and the way we focus on being in the True harmony and delicateness of a “butterfly”, our reflection becomes our greatest contribution to those around us.

  4. “I walked without authority.” This short sentence says so much. Moving with the authority of who we are is to feel the power and purpose in every step.

  5. Lost-and-found sounds like a fairy-tale but the truth is we are all similar in the way we have returned to our essences or Soul as students of The Livingness as presented by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine so it is our own Living ways that returns the enrichment of our lives as you have shared Julie.

    1. To me, Serge Benhayon is simply informing humanity of the energy they are living under. That there is a different way to live free of that energy. Many thousands of people have listened to what was offered, made the changes and now live in a more harmonious way with themselves and all others. Having tried this way of living for myself, I cannot go back to a way of living that completely dominates every move I made so that I was checked out to the real beauty of myself and other people. At our core we are all very sensitive people, our sensitivity has been bludgeoned to pulp by an energy that seeks to control and dominate our movements. If it controls our movements we are lost because from my own experience you don’t feel that anything is wrong. It’s not until someone comes along (Serge Benhayon) and points out that we are entrapped by a movement that is not our natural way of moving, that there is a possibility of changing, some people do and some people don’t but at least now humanity has a choice.

  6. Julie what you have said here is fascinating
    “Slowly though, I am emerging. I’m somewhat like a butterfly making her way out of an almost solidified cocoon.”
    Because it feels the same to me the solidified Cocoon for me was my self rejection so that I withdrew from life. It is only by the reflection and support of Serge Benhayon and the students of Universal Medicine that I am emerging as a butterfly would from the cocoon of self disregard.

  7. What you have shared Julie happens to many of us in different ways and thanks to the presentations by Serge Benhayon anything that has been raised to dull our light is able to be lifted like a veil, so we can start to live in the True Joy and Appreciation of what life is actually all about.

  8. ‘And the truth is, I have really missed me not being around.’ When we shut down we become numb to how we truly feel, and as much as we try to dismiss those feelings they stick around like an ache that we accept and absorb as normal.

  9. There is an energy that is always pushing us to withdraw from life and give up and we are witnesses to this in our daily life and to me it seems to be getting worse in as much as when I was a child you always said hello to people you were passing in the street even if you didn’t stop to chat you at least acknowledged they were there. Yours eyes met and you said hello. Now when walking down the street people can have their head phones on listening to something, they are just walking along in a seeming trance. Then there are the people that walk with their head down, or there are people with eyes locked straight ahead not looking right or left and certainly not acknowledging that you are there.
    This to me is the zombie state you are referring to when all we can do is put one foot in front of the other to get through the day and sometimes we do not even know how we got through the day or worse if driving how we got from A-B, we have just accepted all this as ‘normal’ in our given up and withdrawn state. What is even worse is that until we were reintroduced to energies and how they affect or should I say infect our bodies we didn’t even realise we had been infected and had withdrawn from life. We can accept this happens in horror movies but what if those movies were reflecting real life?

    1. Great Mary and may I add that the re-imprinting of the footsteps around the world makes all the difference and is so simple to do by simply walking while being connected to our Souls.

  10. Thank you Julie for sharing your story, there is so much disharmony in the world and relationships are a huge contributor. I was reflecting on the words said to you as a teen which were to snuff out the light developing in you as a young woman, which could have been a repeating scenario also done to the person speaking those words. Regardless of the reason what came to me is how powerful we would be as a community if we confirmed and built up that true light in people, or helped them resurrect it if they were not themselves. At the moment we tend to do the opposite and cut people down, which is not a true way to be in relationships at all.

  11. Julie, so many people who read your blog will feel that they have had a similar experience – that they gave themselves away as a result of the unseen pressure to conform to the rest of society. I agree with you when you say that Serge Benhayon provides a platform that supports people to make changes to the way they live if they so choose.

  12. “Slowly though, I am emerging. I’m somewhat like a butterfly making her way out of an almost solidified cocoon.” – and what a gorgeous analogy of a transformation that we can offer ourselves at any time.

  13. Julie, this is really a heart felt sharing – one in which you bare yourself and also share what has been a similar journey for many of us as women. I can relate to the hiding, that covering up of myself, the working and dressing like a man, and guess what – I even called myself ‘Henri’ instead of Henrietta – all in an attempt to not attract the ‘wrong’ kind of attention and hence deny the woman I am. And with the support of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine therapies I have learned to accept and love and let out the woman – finally! after so many years of repressing myself out of fear of what could happen. The being a woman in full is still an unfolding journey and one that is at times challenging and yet a delight at the same time.

    1. Henrietta I agree with you and Julie so many women have a similar story to tell. The crimes against women are huge as for centuries women have been subjected to abuse in all it guises. The Benhayon women are living in a way that supports women to reconnect to themselves and not live in fear. Serge Benhayon is an amazing advocate of women and his absolute support of women has been instrumental in supporting women to open up and the support for men has been equally there, by supporting them to reconnect back to the tenderness they felt when they were young. Universal Medicine shows everyone that there is a way to live with each other that is harmless, it is a forever deepening experience that opens up new horizons to discover and explore within ourselves, there is no jealousy, comparison or competition because we all have a uniqueness to share.

  14. “I am emerging long after my youth has been lived.” I feel this is happening to quite a few people and it is certainly happening me, my younger days pale into insignificance to how my life is today, and shows that it does not matter what age we are there is always possibility for change and to allow that sparkle we once had as a child to return.

  15. I was raised in the old; ‘children should be seen and not heard, speak only when asked’. You can just fight the system for so long until it is easier to surrender and hold your tongue. But, speaking the truth is fun, and it can be an ice breaker, for truth will always stand alone.

    1. Steve speaking the truth can and does stop the other person in their tracks, this happened to me recently when I called a person out for lying. They were so shocked because they were using a wielding energy to successfully get their way. They had used this method before with me and it had worked because I went into sympathy and gave them what they wanted. This time I called the energy out and it brought the person back into their body and they apologised for their behaviour. I could feel that they were stunned because no one had called them out before so it was obviously a tactic they used many times to get their own way.

  16. I remember somehow being communicated as a young girl that there’s something not quite right about the way sexuality was expressed in the world, and I figured it was safer to pretend that I did not have breasts, periods or anything that would identify myself as a woman.

    1. That’s spot on Fumiyo – I too learned at a young age that it is safer to cover up and hide the woman than to celebrate myself in that way. I was never shown another way as a teenager – it was either be a slut or be a tomboy, and I picked being a tomboy. But deep inside I knew even that was not who I was and so it was a very miserable time until I finally felt a true reflection of what it is to be a true woman, shown to me through the Universal Medicine therapies and with Serge Benhayon and his gorgeous family.

  17. As we grow up we get bombarded by mixed messages through words and images, often by those who we see as our closest and trust as our caretakers, and with no true role models around for us as well as for those around us, many of us go missing and remain missing. It is a true blessing for the entire humanity that we have Serge Benhayon at this time so that many are finding themselves again.

    1. Fumiyo Egashira, I totally agree with you, we have all grown up being fed by an energy a concoction of mixed messages, ideals, beliefs etc., which we take on as being who we are. It’s a total entrapment for lifetimes. That is why as you say it is a true blessing for humanity that we have the reflection of Serge Benhayon given to us from God to light the way out of the darkness back to the light of who we are in truth. Not the puppets we have become.

  18. It is the men with the ogling eyes that bring unnoticed the abuse to women and make them hide their natural sexiness.

  19. This blog highlights how crucial it is that we have the reflection of people who have made it out of the zombie state because without that reflection we do not know we are in it.

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