Appreciation, an Accumulation of Wealth

Recently I had a wonderful lesson presented to me on value and the wealth inherent in appreciation.

Someone recently completed a task for me that simplified my day no end.

It wasn’t part of their job but they had noticed I was having some difficulty with it, they knew how to do it and offered to finish it. In what seemed like no time at all they sent an email letting me know it was done. I was touched that they had taken the time in their busy day to support me so swiftly.

I started to dash off a thank you in reply – “You are a treasure.” I was just about to press send and I stopped. It didn’t feel right, it felt like just a throwaway line, an automatic response, empty; what we usually say without thinking. In effect, not truly valuing or appreciating them.

I really did appreciate and value this caring gesture. So I wrote: “I treasure you.” And sent the email off and that was that.

Then yesterday I had a discussion with a colleague about valuing and appreciating ourselves and others. We realised this is something we don’t do enough, or if we think it and feel it we often don’t express it: all the beauty of value and appreciation kept locked up inside us, trapped behind the gateway of our lips!

There are many times in my life when I have been with someone and as we talked I have felt myself appreciating something about them – maybe the way they have dressed or applied their makeup, how they have attended to a task, admired what they are good at or simply the way they are – and though I might be thinking it in my mind, the words rarely passed my lips. I have gone away thinking that something was missing and then berated myself for not saying out loud what I felt.

At times I have thought that they will know how much I appreciate them, after all I am engaging with them and obviously enjoying being with them – right? And perhaps they do know, but words have so much power and so does the withholding of them. Each choice can be felt.

At times there may have been a comparison going on: jealousy maybe, envy, a begrudgingness, “How come they do this better than me?” etc. These are thoughts I have noticed in myself also; they are not things we want to contemplate but I feel we have all been there at some time or other.

An ex-partner had great difficulty saying appreciative words to me and the withholding could be painfully felt. Some time after we parted he told me he had always been jealous of what I could do and the ease with which I related to people, and owned up that he had deliberately withheld loving and caring words.

To be honest it was a relief to hear him say that as I had always known but had not let myself feel the devastation of it, even though as I know now, we feel everything all of the time.

My colleague and I also discussed the curious phenomenon of how people block your appreciation and valuing of them – reject it and deny it as if they can’t handle the beauty and the love coming their way.

I know how true this is having done this blocking many times myself: feeling not worthy of the words that have been spoken about me. We don’t see our own inherent worth or value.

As the person doing the appreciating we feel the weight of the reaction, the rejection, equally – and yes, it hurts.

It seems to me that compliments equally hurt when they are offered as a throwaway line, “You’re a treasure” etc. Words reeled off in passing without any connection to the person; resorting, as is so easy to do, to the polite platitude.

We can feel the emptiness in these words and brush it off. Maybe we begin to trust less and less, harbouring the unexpressed hurt and perhaps this is how we end up with a culture of surface ‘compliments’ but no real valuing, no real appreciation.

In recent years, as a result of the beautiful modalities and courses Universal Medicine has to offer, and in particular the Esoteric Yoga Stillness Program for Women, I have begun seeing and knowing my value and worth more. I have even been appreciating myself more. This has led to having so much more genuine appreciation of others.

Curiously, because of the simple action of bringing it back to me first, initially noticing the small things in myself that are so worth appreciating, it is becoming so much easier to appreciate and value others and to feel what to say that is absolutely true, spot on, full, real and which will then be accepted because the genuine-ness of it can be felt.

I have discovered that the more I connect to myself, to appreciating me and the way I am no matter what, the easier it is to express to others from a very true place; no longer a throwaway platitude but a genuine, “I noticed this about you and it is gorgeous to feel.”

An expansiveness happens in the body; it’s as if your very particles start singing and dancing, reaching out and connecting, mingling with the particles of others.

Woohoo, it’s delicious!

This morning I have looked at “I treasure you” again, realising there is so much more that could have been expressed. The things I have always felt about that person.

“I treasure you because of your warmth and your willingness and the way you notice what is needed. You go beyond what is expected of you. I really appreciate how much you care and I love the feel of you being there, the gorgeous person you are backing us up.”

Is that too much? : )

You know that the balance is shifting when instead of seeing the worst in yourself and people, you begin to see the treasure, and the more you see and feel that treasure in yourself the more there is to see and feel in you and in everyone else. And the easier it is to appreciate and to express that.

A fantastic accumulative equation.

It’s funny how the word appreciation is also used in banking terms as well. Money appreciating = an accumulation of wealth.

And it seems to me that it’s the same with us; when we value ourselves and make ‘appreciative’ deposits, we build up a bountiful fund.

No use leaving it sitting in the ‘Bank of Ourselves’ either, it absolutely needs to be taken out and shared.

Appreciation appreciates, an accumulation of true wealth.

By Jeanette, New Zealand

Related Reading:
Appreciation – A Pathway to Love
Appreciation, Appreciation, Appreciation…..
Appreciating the Role of a Housekeeper

Spara

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Spara

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690 thoughts on “Appreciation, an Accumulation of Wealth

  1. I have recently been looking at the times that I go into criticism of others, and that this means I haven’t fully appreciated the other person. What I have noticed is that I can have a picture of the relationship or the person needing to be a certain way and when they aren’t there is a hurt, which often then leads to criticism. Appreciation helps me to connect to the whole picture of the person, not just the one incident or behaviour, and connect to the wholeness of who they are and how much they bring into my life, instead of focusing on what I didn’t get from having an unmet expectation. Work in progress!

  2. Thank you so very much Jeanette, this was so supportive to read again today. Our love is definitely there to be expressed and to be shared and it very much leaves an imprint in the world. We have an unlimited supply in the Bank of Love. And, it can be expressed in so many ways, from small and large gestures and to words, or simply in the way we hold someone. And our love does not discriminate, it doesn’t need to even know someone, it’s there in full and ready for us to share if we choose to.

  3. “trapped by the gateway of our lips” This phrase so aptly describes how we can hold on to our expression and clam ourselves up further. It’s as if every time we hold something back it adds to the mountain of unspokenness inside which blocks further our freshness, aliveness, spontaneity and connection to what’s true, however when we do start to allow ourselves the space to say what there is for us to share all that turns on its head, and we feel more vibrant and more connected and more ourselves.

  4. I know that feeling of being not worthy of the words that have been spoken about me. We don’t see our own inherent worth or value.’ It is shying away from the power that lives inside. I always made it about it was normal what I did, or lived, and by looking at it I completely dismissed my own qualities. Still work in progress for me I would say.

  5. “An expansiveness happens in the body; it’s as if your very particles start singing and dancing, reaching out and connecting, mingling with the particles of others.” this is so gorgeous to feel within and with another. I am coming to understand that in my expression there is so much more for me to say as you have found when expressing your appreciation of all the qualities your feel in your friend.

  6. It is very worth making appreciative deposits in the bank. It has a ripple effect and everyone gets to party. Our bodies adore appreciation – whether giving or recieving and the world is crying out for it.

  7. Recently, this blog inspired me to open up more and express to a very close coworker friend of mine just how much I felt it was an honour to work with him and how much he inspires me with his level of integrity and willingness to stand up for the truth no matter what. I did this with no need for a response, but what I noticed is that by allowing myself to be vulnerable like that with him it then allowed him to express himself with me in a like manner, and our relationship deepened as a result.

    1. Michael that is truly lovely to read. We know so little about ourselves and each word of appreciation supports not only the relationship, but also the receiver to deepen their understanding of themselves and perhaps even build more self love and self worth as a result. I remember as a teenager in high school sitting with a circle of students and we passed sheets of paper around each with a students name on it and wrote something we appreciated about that person. I could not believe it when I read mine, because before then all I had really received were taunts and bullying comments. That piece of paper had a hugely positive effect on me and supported me to truly feel good about myself and feel a sense of self worth. We definitely need more love and appreciation to be shared in this world, to nurture people in who they are.

  8. We are not taught the significance of having an appreciation for ourselves or others; we are taught and encouraged by society to focus on the negatives of ourselves and of others – always looking for what is wrong.

    1. Yes every message from the world is pretty much saying that we aren’t worthy of appreciation. But when we look beyond the surface, there is an inundiation of messages about our worth. We naturally feel our own worth and the worth of others. We’ve just learned to suppress and stifle.

  9. “You know that the balance is shifting when instead of seeing the worst in yourself and people, you begin to see the treasure, and the more you see and feel that treasure in yourself the more there is to see and feel in you and in everyone else. And the easier it is to appreciate and to express that.” – This is a truly transformative statement, and one that made me realise how even though I have been good about calling out what may not be the truth or a loving way to communicate in others, focusing on these negative expressions has blinded me to the beautiful essence that resides within everyone and what they each have to offer the world.

  10. ‘….words have so much power and so does the withholding of them. Each choice can be felt.’ True Jeanette, in the Netherlands we say when thing are unspoken but tangible, ‘it hangs in the air’ between people. And more and more I become aware how painful it is to withhold and how absolutely powerful it is to just say what I feel to say.

  11. I know the feeling of ‘Oh I will do that later’ and that later often never comes! This happens a lot with appreciation, I think ‘I don’t have time now to appreciate myself’ (like just before whilst reading this beautiful blog) but is it really the time factor or is it how I feel uncomfortable with loving myself so deeply, exposing all the lack of self-worth in one go? We are worth loving and appreciation is a great way to feel this love tangibly in our bodies.

    1. Thank you Lieke, I had to laugh because you described me as well, putting off appreciation til later. I also appreciated your comment because I hadn’t considered that what turns me away is feeling the low self worth or hurts stored in me from not having experienced this type of love. Thank you.

  12. I never noticed that before, how appreciation is used to describe the accumulation of wealth- for me the greatest wealth I can have is to live with an open heart.

  13. “The more I connect to myself, to appreciating me and the way I am no matter what, the easier it is to express to others from a very true place” – I feel this to be true, and it just occurred to me how it would be actually impossible to appreciate myself in truth while not appreciating others, and vice versa. Love is love and once it is conditioned it actually is not love any more.

  14. Thank you Jeanette, it’s true what you shared about the way we reject appreciation as blocking all the love and beauty coming our way. And a great line here “when we value ourselves and make ‘appreciative’ deposits, we build up a bountiful fund”. This is a beautiful form of self care, as opposed to the detrimental effects of negative self talk and putting ourselves down.

  15. A great subject to look at more deeply, appreciation is one of the easiest and simplest things to do to self and others and yet we can make it so difficult, not do it at all or hold it back due to jealousy but as your blog proves the more we do it the better life gets.

  16. There is much value in appreciation and when it is expressed it is as if our stock has gone up. In expressing the appreciation not only do we confirm and deepen our appreciation of the other but the other gets to confirm and appreciate what they bring even more. Sounds like a healthy ‘economy’ to me!

  17. I love that you have highlighted how money appreciating is an accumulation of wealth – we miss out on celebrating each other and we hold back when in truth we all grow and evolve from appreciating others and ourselves – giving and receiving

  18. Very true how the more we appreciate ourselves the more we’re able to see how amazing others are, too, but in a true and real way where we actually feel appreciation and love for them from within our bodies – a far greater depth of appreciation than just knowing it in our heads.

  19. “words have so much power and so does the withholding of them. Each choice can be felt.” I find this is a truth for every level of communication, even the things that are difficult to say. Holding back doesn’t make the issue go away, we all know how much it exacerbates it. We need to look at what are the thoughts and motivations that put road blocks in our way regarding our necessary expression.

  20. I never thought I would get to a place where appreciating myself and those around me feels so normal, it is becoming such a natural part of my day and yet not so long ago I would feel like there was absolutely nothing to appreciate about myself at the end of the day.

  21. “words have so much power and so does the withholding of them.” What a truth you have shared here. The power of what we hear and what we feel. The unspoken words are essentially just as loud as the spoken words.

    1. True Lucy, and as much power as it has in expression it has that strong a backlash when we withhold what we feel. We do not realise enough how much force it takes to holdback and not do as we are impulsed form deep within.

  22. I have observed and pondered this pattern in myself of holding in my appreciation of others and myself what I have come to is that I have convinced myself that it is not safe or risky to be so vulnerable when actually there is a strength and a power in appreciation which I am just starting to discover.

  23. It is what I am finding too, that the more I appreciate myself and not focus on what I am not doing or bringing the more I can express appreciation genuinely to another… there is no trying as it is just there to tap into.

  24. I’ve been a little slow in getting this (like continental drift), but the power of appreciation is considerable and incredible. Totally free and ridiculously powerful why don’t we use it more?

  25. I have never really given much thought to how we compliment each other without sincerity, but it makes sense that the quality of our words would be functional at best. Reading this has highlighted for me the responsibility we have with our words and how we use them.

  26. ‘Appreciation appreciates, an accumulation of true wealth.’ This deserves to be coined. This is the kind of slogan I want to see on t-shirts instead of the jumble of misspelt french words combined with english to make a nonsensical sentence for the sake of text as a graphic. This phrase is a perfect reminder for all of us about what’s really worth investing in!

  27. I can feel the difference in these two sentences “You are a treasure” and “I treasure you” The first isn’t necessarily, but can sound like, a judgement, a compliment and in a sense an imposition and in this case is a kind of knee jerk reaction. The second is an expression of how someone feels. It leaves the other free to accept or not this statement. It cannot be argued. When spoken in truth it is an appreciation and leaves nothing out. It is a statement of love.

  28. This is gold Jeanette. I wouldn’t have believed that saying something pleasant to someone could be harming but it is obvious now that a throwaway compliment does in fact erode trust and there is nothing loving about that.

  29. ‘You know that the balance is shifting when instead of seeing the worst in yourself and people, you begin to see the treasure’ this I am savouring today as I realise how true this is and how slowly and steadily this is now changing in my life, and I am deeply appreciating that.

  30. When we appreciate ourselves we become far more aware of the self critical thoughts when we have them which makes them easier to stop.

  31. I loved reading this blog Jeanette, appreciation is an area in life we can continually expand and deepen with ourselves and others, there is such a beautiful flow on effect when we choose this as our living way.

  32. “And it seems to me that it’s the same with us; when we value ourselves and make ‘appreciative’ deposits, we build up a bountiful fund.” Investing in ourselves this way brings huge dividends and enriches our lives and the lives of those around us..

    1. Absolutely Elizabeth, we under estimate the power of valuing ourselves and making appreciative deposits, it is these that build the bountiful fund and enriches our lives and the lives of those around us.

  33. I love that feeling when I am noticing I am holding back. As I start to express my love and appreciation, I feel I become more me.

  34. Love your appreciation of appreciation here. I have also had that experience of an expansiveness and joy in my body like my particles are dancing when I have expressed to and genuinely received true appreciation from someone. It is like when we acknowledge the divinity in each other we give all of us permission to shine brighter which does feel delicious indeed! There are no losers in appreciation.

  35. I can so relate to these words, Jeanette, ‘…because of the simple action of bringing it back to me first…..it is becoming so much easier to appreciate and value others and to feel what to say that is absolutely true, spot on, full, real and which will then be accepted because the genuine-ness of it can be felt.’ Since I have been feeling and expressing appreciation in and of myself (sometimes out loud!) I have found it easier to express genuine appreciation of others in the sense that because I feel appreciation in my own body, my expression of it to and for others comes forth without the need to ‘think’ about it or how to express it. Reading the fullness of your blog however, the ‘You’re a treasure’ as opposed to ‘I treasure you’ and more, I can feel how much deeper my appreciation of self and others is inviting me to go.

  36. when we value ourselves and make ‘appreciative’ deposits, we build up a bountiful fund. Yes we do, the more we appreciate ourselves, the old self bashing talk from our heads has no space to play and run us off track!

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