Men Being Men and Women Being Women

I have been a tomboy most of my life and have only just started feeling like I am woman!

It has been a slow transformation. I started life on the sea as a sailor: I was tough and I could do most things the guys could. I then worked with horses and again, I could unload a container full of heavy bags of feed and think nothing of it. And even recently in my house renovations I cut timber and laid the floor with the guys. I thought I had to do all this to prove that I could.

However, after having a recent conversation with a man in my life, I realised that the guys know we can do it, but the truth is we don’t have to do it or prove it!

This man has always been in relationships with tom girls and has recently started dating a woman who’s comfortable in her femininity and knows how to live and express as a woman. He was sharing how different it is and how lovely it is to be with a woman who is not competing with him and who allows him to be the man.

We talked about this and I realised that when we as women live in our natural delicate and tender way, we give men permission to hold us in that delicateness and it also gives them permission to be more tender with themselves, but if we as women harden and compete there is no marker or foundation for either of us to connect with our feminine side or our natural sacredness.

So in my new relationship I am opening up and surrendering to being supported, to allowing the support, allowing a man to carry the heavy things, and I am also enjoying being a woman, being more delicate and sweet and sharing these qualities that I have always had but have kept hidden for a long, long time.

By Rosie Bason, Massage therapist and healing practitioner, Goonellabah

Related Reading:
Who Creates the Image of Women?
Our Delicateness
For Men Only (unless you’re a woman)



815 thoughts on “Men Being Men and Women Being Women

  1. Absoulutely Rosie, when we find True inner stillness 🥰 everything else that our life has offered pails into a fading memory and our life becomes one of magnificence at every corner.

  2. Women have a responsibility to reflect to young girls and young boys the beauty and sacredness of living in a woman’s body. And men have a responsibility to reflect the strength in their tenderness.

  3. Sharing our True sensitivities and tenderness has to be understood from the way we can appreciate our essences and the True-intimacy we develop with everyone. We would definitely appreciate and hold intimacy with others when we understand the energetic meaning, and that is to be more intimate is a process of letting people in the most religious way. And thus appreciation and intimacy go hand in hand as we relearn to let people in and deepen our relationship with our Soul.

  4. This was great reading this as it gave me space to reflect how have I been in relationships in the past and I have seen that I have not allowed myself to just be the woman I am or surrender to truly being supported I have always had a feeling of ‘I have to do things myself!’. Thanks.

    1. When we eliminate the “I” and “ME” in all our relationships we develop an inner wisdom that connects us to a divine way of living that eliminates the self and opens us to be the tender delicate beings we all innately are.

  5. The world looks very different when you embrace the gender you feel is most natural to you. I spent much of my childhood wishing I was a boy because boys had so much privilege. Life looked so easy for them, or so it seemed. Now I can see that whatever gender you identify with there is an embracing of sensitivity needed because if we are constantly trying to be something we are not, then that tension can make us mentally and physically sick.

    1. I agree with you Lucy, I wanted to be a boy because from my perspective as a child growing up my brother had all the privileges that the girls in the family did not have. But actually males have a pretty rough time of it too, because they are also stereotyped into a male role that is as false as the role females are squeezed into. And we have no one to blame except ourselves because we all collectively made society what it is today.

  6. Having played all these different roles over many ,many lives we all understand the games we are playing when it comes to sexuality and as you have shared Rosie we can now appreciate we are more than this physical vessel and thus learn how to live in a True way as a True responsibility.

  7. ” . . . when we as women live in our natural delicate and tender way, we give men permission to hold us in that delicateness and it also gives them permission to be more tender with themselves . . .” I only can agree Rosie and I love it that you wrote about it as so many women are hard and fighting their delicateness – hence perhaps this is one reason why we as a society are a bit out of order so to speak.

    1. Being pricked by these women on many occasions it is so much more Loving to be open, and let every one in (true intimacy), which developed a true fragility and delicateness that women are innately.

  8. As woman we have nothing to prove, equally when I am around men who are open to being tender and sweet it supports me to let go even more and be more of the woman I am.

    1. Ah interesting, are we pleasing the other because they’re already disconnected & showing them up could be detrimental? Well in that case we’re not doign any favours for anyone…

    2. Absolutely, we can simply end up with walls of so-called-protection, and being open and transparent re-parents us to the true sensitivities and deliciousness we all are and we simply feel the true power that this connection brings without any persona.

  9. I’ve never thought about how a man perceives women in the sense that they could be tomboyish or more feminine and yet it is obvious. What occurs to me is how important it is for us men and women to reflect our true qualities and not those that we have created to fit a picture. It puts a new meaning on what it means to ‘get to know yourself’.

  10. We can do it but we don’t have to prove it – I need to remember this. I have often found it hard to allow others to be part of life and preferred my own company and its simplicity, but what I can now feel is how accepting myself plays big part in this and there’s a different kind of, spherical simplicity arising when I can accept that I don’t have to go alone.

  11. It makes so much sense, that if we as women, are hardening up to try to be like the men, needing to prove we are just as strong and capable, that the reflection the men get from us, will really be confusing. And all this needing to prove ourselves, only takes us further and further away from the naturally delicate and beautiful women we are.

    1. Yes, very true. The picture we give is incredibly confusing and has both genders confused and resentful at one stage or another that the other is just not ‘getting them’! But that is like a labrador dog trying to convince a poodle they are a poodle and not, in fact, a labrador!!!

      1. Laughed at your dog analogy Lucy, but only because it is so true. The sooner we claim who we are the sooner men and women will have an opportunity to live in the harmony that we naturally know is possible.

  12. It is a travesty when we deny such divine qualities as delicateness, tenderness, sweetness and preciousness.

  13. I love your title Rosie, Men being Men and Women being Women, lets get back to basics of what it means to a man, to live tenderly honouring who he is and not the ideals that he has to man up to. And for women to live surrendered to her delicateness and sacredness and not think she has to be super woman and do everything and be everything for everyone. The world then gets a true reflection of how it is to live in this world free of the ideals and beliefs we have imposed on both genders.

    1. How often do we talk and have discussions about women being in their delicateness and sacredness? We really need to do this more and not just in talking but really allow ourselves to go there and feel what this means to/for us both in woman and men.

  14. I love it when a man and women come together and they open up and show each other their true-selves, Nothing is more beautiful then sharing the real you with another.

    1. Yes I agree SCE and when we truly connect with each other there is no facade or hiding of who we are. It is a blessing to show the world our true selves.

    2. It is not only ‘more beautiful to share the real you with another’ it is also so much easier than trying to be someone we are not. And the longer we live this version of ourselves the further away from who we really are we wander. making it a long journey back to the naturally wonderful us.

  15. Whether we are a man or a woman, sacredness is a quality we can choose to connect with and live. It would seem that there has never truly been a competition between genders, just a constant strive among us all to avoid at all costs the quality of sacredness. Competition, and repression are just a consequence of this initial choice as neither are in any way part of true sacredness.

    1. Yes the competition and the repression are consequences of the initial choice to not embrace the sacredness of ourselves. We have been trying to plug a hole in a bucket without seeing that the tap is still on.

  16. In being with ourselves, in connection to our essence, our sacredness and our exquisite delicateness, our strength naturally radiates through the grace of our movements as an expression of a woman who knows who she is. A woman in her power does not need to compete or prove herself she just simply honors what she knows is true, something I have discovered over the past few years is what allows us to freely live in celebration what it is to be a woman in this world.

  17. I was a tomboy too – growing up I rejected being female as that spelled vulnerability for me. But now I love being taken care of. I have no need to prove myself physically capable when once I did big time. It seems crazy I wanted to do that and how I pushed men away whilst feigning vulnerability. I must have been very confusing because I was very confused!

  18. I see this play out in work situations where a man holds the door for a woman or waits until all the women are out of the elevator before moving out himself. It’s not that they have to but they want to and when we reject that then there is a hesitancy thereafter for the man who then doubts what he is doing. If we appreciated and accepted the qualities we bring as a man or a woman then we would take the self out of situations and instead see it as our responsibility to bring our innate qualities to everyone equally.

  19. It is gorgeous being a woman and I feel more woman than ever in my 6th decade. It is a quality that has its own power and expression and competition or comparison does not even enter into it.

    1. Wow Nicola, what a beautiful and empowering way to live, you are inspiring and what a bless it is for anyone who meets you? They are met with grace, wisdom and joy.

  20. Men long for the women to live in a way which is truly honouring of their nature as this supports us to let go and be only that which is in our true nature also – otherwise we get lost in the excessive doing of life.

    1. So beautifully said Michael. Young boys equally crave seeing their mothers express and parent from their true nature as a woman also. When I am being hard, I see how my sons then try and match that to try and protect themselves but when I drop that, then they express in the gorgeous tenderness they are. The ripple effect when we don’t honour our innate qualities is huge.

    2. We have created a world where women feel, to be accepted, they have to be hard like men and men have to be harder because being tender is viewed as being weak. When women embrace their sacredness and men accept and live their tenderness is that not harmony?

  21. This short and simple blog is totally gorgeous. It confirms that men and women complement each other and that we need to honour our own essence so that the other gender can honour theirs. When a man is tender it gives a woman permission to be her delicate self, when a woman is delicate and nurturing it gives a man permission to be more tender in turn.

      1. When we strip everything back to the essence we are and can express it in full, there is nothing more powerful and gorgeous. The wisdom, steadiness, playfulness – especially between the genders, makes for a joy-filled, rich and vital life.

  22. In our pursuit of equality as women we’ve attempted to out do the men, and often failed to consider our own nature and what we bring for in truth there is a delicateness and sacredness we women have and almost none of us live it, and it’s missing in the world for if we harden to fit in we cannot be that innateness we are and we all lose out then.

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