Buying a House – A Full Body Decision

I recently moved to the other side of the world to be with my new partner who interestingly, actually came from the same area I’d been living in for 30 years in the UK! Our courting was based on a few brief meetings at events in Australia, and continued on Skype for a year. Since then we’ve been physically together six months and have recently bought a house together.

Choosing a house was tricky at first because we didn’t know exactly what money we had until I transferred what I had from the UK, but once that was done we knew the maximum we could afford and we looked at houses up to that price. The trouble was everything we looked at had something missing according to our personal tick box, and the ‘perfect’ houses always seemed to be just above what we could afford.

We then expanded our ideas to see if we could share with another couple, but no one came forward within the timescale we set ourselves, so we looked at possible finance. That was a challenge because we are both in our late 60s and we didn’t want to commit ourselves to a debt for the rest of our lives.

The whole business of looking, making offers and waiting for results was making me feel very ill and tired, and I realised that we were making it a very mental process. I already knew that the best decisions are ones I make with my body, in other words, when I pay attention to what is crystal clear in terms of what I feel. So we decided to go with our feelings and let go of the tick list.

Eventually we relaxed and started having more fun – we enjoyed meeting with the estate agents on the open days and building our relationships with them, so they gradually got to know our requirements and would email us details of houses they thought might suit. Basing my decision on feelings not thoughts, I found that I could walk into a house and go “Nup.” Nothing to consider, just a feeling in my body that it wasn’t the house for us, so we could let it go and not waste time and energy on the what ifs. I knew our perfect house was ‘out there’ somewhere and that I would recognise it as soon as I saw it.

There was in fact one house that felt absolutely gorgeous and my body relaxed as soon as we walked in, but it felt cold, and I’d been struggling with the cold Australian winter with no central heating. The advantage was that it was well within our budget and would leave us some spare cash for other things, but it was in an area that many people recommended we avoid, although several of our friends already own houses there. We expressed interest but left it at that, not making any definite commitment.

Despite that, it came back to us time and time again, and even though we looked at lots of other options, this was the one house that felt good right from the start. Alcohol consumption and drug addiction were reported as being an issue in the area, but my house in the UK had similar issues with the flats opposite and I never personally had a problem, apart from occasional noise at night. There were many pluses to this house – a beautiful deck, spectacular views of sunsets, and it even had a veggie garden ready to plant and citrus trees, which looked promising.

So we bought it and it’s been lovely living here – I’ve been discovering plants in the garden that I only ever saw in office plant pots in the UK; we’ve had a few trees trimmed to let in more light and the house has felt warmer as a result. It feels like we are right in the middle of a very real family community and when it’s quiet, the birdsong is a delight. Sitting on the deck each evening enjoying the sunset has been an absolute blessing.

Red sunset with trees in the foreground and hills in the background

The longer I stay there the more I appreciate what we have, and the trust in my body that constellated everything making it possible for us to live there.

Published with permission of my partner.

By Carmel Reid, Age 67, BEng, DMS, CertEd, MCMI, Personal Development Coach/Counsellor and International Presenter

Related Reading:
The Body is Intelligent
What Does My Body Know?
Trusting What I Feel is True

571 thoughts on “Buying a House – A Full Body Decision

  1. My family and I are looking for a new home and it is very supportive to read your blog, Carmel. We haven’t yet agreed on a location so we will keep our options open and allow our body to guide us.

  2. I felt the same about dating recently. I’d go on dates but instantly knew it wasn’t going to work as my body told me so (but thought it’d be rude to leave after “Hi”). I knew my body would give me the best advice and stuck with it. No mental searching required when I allow my body to guide it’s as if situations and people come to me rather than my head to it/others.

  3. When we found our house in London I knew as soon as I stepped into the living room which at the time I thought was really tiny and it is but I still loved it. My body knew that this would be a great house for us and it has been.

  4. When we set out with a picture, anxiety and frustration very easily come into the process. Thank you for reminding me how taking one step at a time according to what feels right to the whole body very often surprises us with beyond-imagination unfoldment.

  5. We can make buying houses so complicated. Let go of the pictures and listen to our body and we will know which is the right house for us. I had a picture that I would never find a house that was spacious with lots of light without renovating and spending money on it ,and yet we found the exact house that was for us ( a new build) and it was the first house we saw. It was like it was there waiting for us and all we had to do is be open to it.

  6. I absolutely love the way you totally trusted your body, were so connected that you could walk into a house and say yes or no based on what your body was saying. When I bought my house I saw it and knew it was the one. People told me who knew the area well that it was a bit of a dodgy area and yes the local shop and post office were often robbed at gun point, ATMs have been ram raided etc. But I feel very safe here and people are lovely. A year in they’re building a new shopping centre, leisure centre, already there are 100s of new, lovely houses and a massive school is being built on my doorstep which is actually quite cool.

    1. I agree Eduardo, I have made some amazing decisions in the past based on listening to my body and they’ve always been super supportive and evolving.

  7. Wow just love the photo and everything you have shared about feeling your way and allowing the process to unfold rather than forcing the issue and trying to tick all the boxes in a mental kind of way.

  8. We can have all sorts of ideas of how things should be but in fact when we let that go and come back to the simplicity of the body there it is right in front of us and often in the most unexpected of places.

  9. I was looking at the title of your blog “buying a house a full body decision” and it occurred to me that really applied to everything – always best to be in full connection to ourselves and our bodies in all that we do or don’t do and of course any decisions we make.

  10. It is a great skill to be able to make major decisions without emotions interfering. That may take some time to learn but when we get it wrong there is often enough time to correct the emotion-influenced decision, especially if we are properly prepared.

  11. If we just keep tuned in to our bodies, we will have an ongoing readout of what is true and what is not… The thing is we have to stay tuned in, it is our choice.

    1. Very well said Cjames2012, and listening and staying in tune with our body support us to make more loving choices. It is when we ignore the messages from our body that disregard and abuse can occur.

  12. We have mostly live unaccustomed to being guided by the truth of our bodies, yet the more we surrender to the intelligence it offers us the more we realise that it serves to positions us to be in the precise place we need to be in for our evolution and the greater plan.

  13. The body is an amazing fine tuned instrument and when we listen to it and energetically read correctly what it tries to tell us, we cannot go wrong if there exist something like that as every experience we have is a chance to learn and open up to a greater awareness in life.

  14. I agree Carmel, sometimes things happen and you just know, but knowing when you are resisting or doubting that knowingness is important too.

  15. If we go straight to a whole body decision it cuts out the days, if not weeks it can take to decide with our heads. I also find if I make a whole body decision I never doubt it after it’s done, whereas if I just use my head I can doubt it for so long after – did I make the right choice/didn’t I? It can destroy you.

    1. Yes and imagine living in a house if you are only a head. For starters if you didn’t have a body you wouldn’t need a toilet – it would be a completely different house.

      1. Haha yeh exactly, your whole body has to live in that house, so it makes perfect sense to make a choice that every part of you feels settled with – rather than just your head or emotions or desires.

      2. Haha ha Nicola, you are too funny, your comment makes me realise how crazy it is that we ignore and dismiss our body.

  16. The moment we give our attention to something that is outside of us such as buying a new house as opposed to listening to the body, we’re gone. We think all the answers are ‘out there’ but the truth is, everything is given to us through our movements and what we choose to align to.

  17. “The longer I stay there the more I appreciate what we have, and the trust in my body that constellated everything making it possible for us to live there.” How different is this from how I bought my last house. It was mostly a calculated decision from the mind leaving the body behind that had to cope with this.

  18. Although I know that our next house we will be for sure directed by our bodies. As we are currently in the process of bidding to a house, I have also noticed that my mind at times tries to interfere and comes up with all kinds of thoughts that starts to make me doubt and worry about the future. Bet the funny thing is that when I stop that and return to my body there is only that steadiness and the knowing that this is a house my body has chosen to live in because it knows the bigger picture my mind is not able to even get a glimpse of.

    1. True Nico, the moment our thoughts start to interfere with doubt and worries we end up no where but actually we stayed very steady aware of what was and is on offer for us and we did not held back the love in our expression and the whole process was a completely different experience than the last time we bought a house 15 years ago.

    1. Doug, that word caught my eye as I too have not heard it used in a long, long time. I feel the term courting carries the energy of a deeper commitment that the word dating lacks.

      1. Well called Elizabeth, that feels precisely true, the word dating carries a shallowness and lack of commitment that means one can engage quick and walk away just as quick. There is a superficiality to it. It is more about excitement than it is about commitment.

  19. That glorious setting sun on the horizon – confirming that you are well placed and deeply supported to resurrect the same glory within you. All other ‘pictures’ we are sold are but cheap imitations that are sent to lead us astray from what is truly on offer when we say yes to that which evolves us.

  20. I could feel the change in the energy when you let go of the tick list and go with what you were feeling, and how much more space was created, making the whole process of buying a house a lot more joyful. A gorgeous sharing Carmel.

  21. I love this Carmel “Nothing to consider, just a feeling in my body that it wasn’t the house for us, so we could let it go and not waste time and energy on the what ifs.” It’s very empowering to honour your feelings. Even better than honouring and feeling your body is putting the perfect expression to the feelings — Gloriousness ++ !!

    1. If we surrender we know and I like what you say to just let something go, so no energy and time is wasted on the what ifs, in other words not giving space to any doubt whatsoever but to continue with commitment and purpose.

  22. interesting isn’t it when we have an idea/tick list of what we want it can actually get in the way of what is out there for us, as your example shows.

    1. Yes agreed Ruth and it is interesting to consider where the actual list comes from and what is driving force behind it. For in truth we are part of a far greater plan and our bodies are the truest divining instrument for us to be living and positioned in a way that allows our Soul to imbue it and reflect its light through the lives we live.

  23. ‘when I pay attention to what is crystal clear in terms of what I feel. ‘ and that’s the great clarity of our body and how things may not make sense in our heads at the time, somehow for our bodies it does and then later we come to understand with our minds why it all works. The magic of listening to and honouring our bodies.

  24. I love the photo of your sunset it is stunning, that must be the icing on the cake! Is there a metaphor that doesn’t involve cake or cream ? But you know what I mean it’s awesome !

  25. It feels like having dropped the tick list, and being more open to how your body felt opened the door to something you may have dismissed earlier on, because our body is a great marker of what is true.

  26. Our bodies do know so well if a place or house is it or not. Even if for our eyes the house does not look good because it does not corresponds to the image we hold, our body can tell us YES, this is the house we goanna buy. And it is wise to follow that impulse and to let go the yes but’s from the mind.

    1. This is so true. From my own experience the current house we live in was viewed when it was a building site yet both me and my now wife both knew instantly that this was it, even though we had not viewed any other properties.

      1. That is amazing Doug, that tells me that our body has a sense of quality and purpose we, in general, are not aware of. But by allowing our ourselves to listen more to what our bodies have to tell, its voice will become louder and louder because it never will not speak.

  27. Our body needs to have a shelter and a place to return to after a long day’s work, a place where it can be nourished and rejuvenate, but too can share the space with all the lovely people we know. There fore we have to let go of all the picture we hold from the mind and let our body be our guide in the process of looking for a new home.

  28. I love how you describe the simplicity that comes with tuning in with your whole body, in terms of sensing which house felt right for you.

  29. Viewing the picture is already amazing and a blessing, let alone when you are there in person, must be such a gift to have this view from your backyard. Your body is definitely your compass to live from, how could we ever doubt.

    1. Yes Annelies, how could we ever doubt as our body is definitely the best guide in life and too for looking for the new house we are looking for and will find.

  30. I have had the same thing Carmel when I was living in Holland. My then partner viewed a few houses, and immediately I knew I can’t live here, it was my first feeling. My partner would reply, lets at least think it over, to which I said, there is nothing to think about, I am not leaving where I am living to move in there. Something else will come, trust me! And it did, 2 months later.

  31. So much energy is wasted on tick boxes and thinking how it should be. Honouring your feelings just is and you realise and see all those small things that mean the world.

  32. The body knows so much 🙂 We recently bought a house in the UK and it did not fill my picture in my head but my body just knew it was right. So since we have said yes, it has been a fairly easy process and this is confirming of how we can trust our bodies and never stop learning from all that they offer us.

  33. I love this Carmel life can really be this simple – we come from our bodies and hearts and we know – we come from our heads and life becomes so complicated as we try to work out which of the illusions we are being fed are best.

  34. My husband and I are going through a similar process at the moment. After getting very heady about it we have let this go and come back to a flat we saw earlier which is in a housing estate – something we wouldn’t have considered before letting go of the pictures and tick lists we were carrying around with us. Like your community, it feels very real – no facade of beautiful buildings to hide the disharmony – and this realness has an openness and rawness to it that my body is saying yes to. We have just put in an offer, so watch this space!

    1. It makes the process of purchasing a house much easier when we let go of any pictures and tick lists, which creates space for the right house to constellate, and you can feel this so easily from your body.

  35. It’s fascinating that our body can be such a great barometer of everything in life including finding the home for us. Quite simple too if we allow it to be as it takes all that thinking out of it!

  36. “I’ve been discovering plants in the garden that I only ever saw in office plant pots in the UK” – what a joy that must be and it’s clear there is plenty of joy in your new (not so new now) home.

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