Why are we so Afraid to Truly be Loved?

I have had a deep yearning that craved to be in true relationship with others that was meaningful, supportive and loving and for which I have spent my life seeking but never truly established because I had not first developed love or acceptance of myself – I was expecting it to come from another initially. I was afraid to truly be loved and to be love.

All of my relationships were a great distraction from not feeling or taking responsibility for my choices. I blamed others for my not feeling loved, accepted or appreciated – imposing my own insecurities and lack of self-worth onto another.

When I finally stopped, realised there was more, that I’d lived a pattern throughout my life and had been given plenty of opportunities to be loved and have true friendships, only to push them away, I realised that it was no-one else’s fault but my own. With that came an opportunity to make a change, to begin chipping away at the wall I had built around myself, to let people in and to learn to love, accept and appreciate myself. I am no longer keeping myself and my body in a state of protection and hardness, hiding myself away from the one thing I always wanted – to be loved.

I would only let people see as much of me as I felt was safe, in case they may hurt me, let me down in some way – I was holding them to ransom you could say, just in case. Crazy, because I have come to realise that by doing this I am actually hurting myself more than anyone else ever could.

How could I be truly loved by another if I was not first truly loving myself?

Observing how much I kept people at bay in the past, I am now more open to how I am with others and with myself. I can now feel that as a result of the choices made in the past I have been holding my body in hardness all of these years.

In developing awareness of whether I am being guarded or protected, I feel if my body is tense or relaxed: am I allowing another to see how fragile, vulnerable and gentle I truly am? Am I letting go of the protection and allowing myself to be seen, flaws and all; not expecting myself to be perfect or fit into any boxes?

I want to have true relationships and to be and feel loved and I now know none of this is going to happen unless it begins with me. I have started observing my body, such as my posture, stance, and tone of voice or if there is unease when I am around others. I am also noticing if I go into any form of judgement or comparison of another, an awkward conversation, or if I simply go into avoidance and walk the long way so I do not have to be around another.

These simple observations are small steps that are allowing me to open up and be aware of things that in the past I would never have thought to do.

I am now beginning to love myself, to accept who I am and know that my imperfections are actually perfections and they are what supports me to grow and evolve, that ‘all of me’ is what is required to live, that there is and should be no part of me that I do not accept, that all of me is worth being loved, that all of me is what another wants to love.

I have by no means mastered this. It is an ongoing development, one I am committed to and getting ongoing support with to stop going into the past patterns I created. It is easy to hold back, to keep others at bay, but how that feels in my body is not easy. For me there is a huge level of discomfort I feel in my body when I hold back, now that I am aware of it. I am also aware of the choices I have been making and how they impact on me, my family and everyone around me.

Having a reflection of what it is to be truly open, transparent and loving is not something I see or feel every day, but when I do I am inspired to live in and with the same quality. Universal Medicine presentations and the ongoing love from Serge Benhayon and his family provide a ginormous reflection that supports me to feel what it is to be truly loving.

I am left pondering on why we do not let others in and why are we so afraid to truly be loved, and why such amazing qualities of tenderness, gentleness and vulnerability are hidden and held back, all in fear of being hurt.

The tears I have cried over my life have not been from the lack of love of another, but for the love I have not given or allowed myself to feel. A love that I have missed and longed for, which has always been there, but have not until recently decided to let myself feel.

Beginning to surrender, allowing myself to be and live all of these incredible qualities, I feel I am only now beginning to develop true relationships with others and myself.

By Nicole Serafin, Woman, Wife, Mother, Self-employed hairdresser and Business owner

Related Reading:
Serge Benhayon Raises The Bar On Relationships
What is a True Relationship and How Does that Feel?
Being your own valentine – real love begins with YOU!



628 thoughts on “Why are we so Afraid to Truly be Loved?

  1. When we are at one with the love we are hurts do not exist, protection is not needed as the power of love is a superlative divine force like no other. It is only our will to step away from our connection to this quality and drop our vibration, that we take on a lesser existence and lose sense of who we truly are. It is not always easy to admit what we have chosen to leave behind when we begin to return to feeling the stupendousness, freedom and all-encompassing and ever-present power that love is.

  2. How truly wonderful to feel that we are loving beings and we only need to accept and appreciate this and understand that we have not made life about this beingness but instead about patterns, beliefs and momentums which only held us away from our beingness (that is love).

  3. When we enter a relationship there are many things we assume about ourselves and others which are not true. And, yet, we expect true love from it. The truth is that there is a long-standing relationship with untruth that is taxing us.

  4. I’ve recently understood deeper that it’s not that others can hurt me. It’s that they show me where and how I have hurt myself. The lack of love and awaress I react to in others is my own reflection.

  5. When being truly loved we are exposed at the lack of love we have for ourselves; a very necessary revelation while holding onto the illusion that it would be possible to be saved by the love of someone else like the maiden by the knight in shining armour.

  6. Yes, Nicole, we are only hurting ourselves by holding onto hurts, as we are missing out on the love that is inevitable when we open our hearts.

  7. In answer to the title of your blog: ‘Why are we so Afraid to Truly be Loved?’ If we allow true love in, the whole world changes. It is like you look at everybody and the world with new eyes and a new marker in your body. It made me realize that I have all the love I have been looking for inside, but also that I can share this love with everybody and can’t keep it reserved for one or a selected few. It changed the way my body feels and how I am with my body and it gave the words space and responsibility new meaning.

  8. It feels to me that we’re only afraid of being loved when we’re afraid of connecting to our bodies and allowing ourselves to feel whatever is there – be it layers of emotions, or old patterns and reactions to how we are in life. But by connecting to the body, bit by bit we get to feel that there is more to us than the surface swirling emotions, the apparent highs and lows of daily life.. underneath all of that is a deep well of steadiness, and love. We seek to find it outside of ourselves, yet we already have it – in plentiful supply- within.

  9. When we can feel that we are holding another at a distance it also means there is a part of us that is avoiding loving ourselves more deeply too – at least this is what I have experienced and once I let myself be more honest and feel that I am safe to deepen my own connection, then this makes it so much easier to do likewise with others.

  10. When we lack love for ourselves, then we are more likely to accept another treating us in a way that is not loving, but as we learn to love ourselves more then it is like raising the love standard and not allowing or accepting anything (in terms of behaviour from self or others) that may be below that standard. This is something I have observed over the years with myself and how as I grow and learn to be more loving with myself, this also needs to be reflected in the way I treat others as well as my boundaries with others and my capacity to say no, lovingly so.

  11. Allowing ourselves to be loved starts with simply appreciating… Both expressing appreciation, and allowing ourselves to be appreciated… I know this sounds really simple but this is the start, it has an extraordinary effect upon our bodies, our hearts and our energetic system that lays the foundation for a deeper connection which of course leads to self-love.

  12. Seeing our imperfections as something to embrace allows us to maximise the learning on offer. When we’re in the hardness of trying to be perfect, there is no room for making mistakes, and no room for expansion, either. Letting go, allowing ourselves to make mistakes and to learn, opens us up to a deeper and richer relationship with ourselves, and the possibility for that with others, too.

  13. I had some interesting conversations this weekend about wanting our partners to be or do all the things we weren’t doing. Whether it was being more honest, more loving, less in comfort or reflecting God and how demanding it was to not go there ourselves and blaming them for not doing it.

      1. I experienced afterwards how super empowering and setting free was is to look at my own hurts and issues and take responsibility for healing them. As a bonus, all of a sudden so much intimacy in sharing about this process with the close friend as well.

  14. I am experiencing that every issue with love, expression and letting it in, is coming from me and never it is the other person. At times it seemed almost impossible that it was my lack of love for myself, but when I looked deeper at the way I moved, thought about myself and how I saw myself in relation to others clearly shows there was indeed something for me to heal and change.

  15. “The tears I have cried over my life have not been from the lack of love of another, but for the love I have not given or allowed myself to feel.” This is all too common Nicole and certainly something I know very well. But the more we allow love to come in, the more we are able to deepen that love for ourselves, and this is where the true healing lies.

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