Rebelling against Responsibility
Most of my life I have not enjoyed hearing the word ‘responsibility.’
… It conjured up reactions within me about life being a burden or that someone was expecting me to do something I did not want to do.
During the sixties and seventies when cultural values and norms were being questioned, I was ready to join the masses and rebel against what we perceived as conservative beliefs and values.
On reflection, there was a lot to rebel against as my generation was brought up being ordered to do whatever was asked of us at home and at school. There didn’t feel to be any understanding from our elders that we had feelings and there was a lot of pressure to succeed materially in the world.
I wasn’t properly prepared to manage life in a responsible manner as I had never been shown what true responsibility was.
I played at life and it feels like I played at being an adult by getting married, having children and trying to cope with day-to-day events. I had no true foundation for life, only a book of rules. This meant that I was trying to cope by following these ‘rules’ but with no confidence or awareness that I had any of my own innate wisdom to call upon. In fact, if I did try to ‘do it my way’, I felt squashed down again by outside opinions and pressures. This played out by my turning to all sorts of distractions away from committing to life, such as alcohol and tobacco dependence, fractured relationships and creating constant emotional drama.
The rebel in me was growing as my disillusion with life intensified.
I acted this out by changing my lifestyle many times. I lived a hippie lifestyle in the bush with basic accommodation and no electricity and, when that didn’t work for me, I became involved with women in the feminist world and joined them in acting out anger towards men. I turned to ‘new age’ and alternative philosophies, always searching to make some sense out of life. I felt I was protecting myself from the society that expected me to be ‘responsible’ and to act in a way that fitted in with others’ ideals and beliefs. This way felt harsh to me so I tried to escape from it.
I changed relationships regularly and gave birth to children I had little means, financially or emotionally to care for. I did not attend to the general responsibilities of life. At times I drove cars that were unregistered and I also was known to drive without renewing my license. I neglected many of the general responsibilities of life that most others take for granted. I did not always attend to financial, legal or community responsibilities and was arrogant and neglectful about health matters for myself and my children as I was not trusting of the mainstream medical services. I felt like a child myself and felt incapable of attending to ‘adult’ tasks, such as earning an income and buying a home.
Over the years, there were many ups and downs. My energy was depleted; I had chronic fatigue and felt incapable of finding any permanent employment.
I did stop drinking and smoking in my forties and tried to get my life back on track. Life did eventually become more manageable, but the feeling that things were not quite ok persisted. Life still felt like a struggle to survive.
I felt guilty that my children had suffered as a result of my irresponsible choices and I tried to make this up to them by taking on their responsibilities, but this only added to my exhaustion and prevented them from taking responsibility for their own lives.
Being Introduced to Serge Benhayon & Energetic Responsibility
Serge presented “Everything is energy, therefore, everything is because of energy” (Serge Benhayon, 1999). Wow, this was a huge revelation!
What energy was he talking about?
Turns out there are only two choices of energy for us to align with. One is the Divine Energy, which we originally come from and which flows through everything, including our bodies. This is the energy of love, harmony, stillness and joy, which we can feel in our body. When we are aligned with it, we feel connected to our body instead of living mostly in our head. We become aware of our connection to a greater whole, which brings a feeling of surrender to the body.
The other type of energy known as spiritual or astral energy is not in line with the cells of our body and therefore is a disruptive energy that causes all our suffering. When we don’t align with the Divine Energy, the astral energy has its way and our bodies feel disturbed, racy, disconnected and we act in a way that is loveless and harmful. The divine energy is the energy of our Soul and the astral energy is the result of our Spirit choosing to continue its waywardness by running its own agenda away from the original Divine Energy. It is easy to understand the effect this astral energy has by observing the state humanity is in.
Sounded simple but how could I choose this energy in my day-to-day living?
Serge presented the Gentle Breath Meditation™, which allows us to re- connect to the Divine Energy we are originally from. It is a simple and short meditation that allows us, through this connection to our bodies, to be active in the world in a more gentle and loving way.
The word ‘responsibility’ took on a new meaning for me and I was able to make a lot of changes in my life.
I began to understand that my first responsibility is to myself, by making a choice to connect to this Divine Energy. At last the word ‘responsibility’ and the possibilities of how I could choose to live made a lot of sense to me.
Knowing it was my choice and my responsibility which energy I connected with felt like a huge freedom to me.
I also realised that my past choices came from a place of emptiness, which allowed the astral energy to enter, and not because I was a failure or a bad person. I was able to understand that astral energy is the energy that enters us when we are not connected to our true nature. This led me to understand further why the world had felt like an unsafe place for me and why I found it difficult to trust others. From here I could understand the choices others make and not be so judgmental about their words or actions. I was also able to remove the blame I had placed on others for any suffering I had experienced and feel the full responsibility for my own life.
I know this to be true, not because I read or heard it, but because I have experienced the difference in choices of energy many times and have felt in my body how different the energies are.
True Connection through Divine Energy
When I connect to the Divine Energy I have a sense of true connection, a feeling of being part of the whole and something much bigger than just me. I can feel a flow and yumminess in my body and I feel a sense of surrender and trust, which brings a feeling of confidence in all I do. Things seem to ‘fall into place’ and I feel a real sense of purpose, and that being part of the whole, I have a responsibility to live my life not only for me, but also for the whole. My body is the best marker for me to know which energy has entered.
I can feel when I allow the astral energy to enter my body as I become anxious and feel I am being driven. I can feel the nervous tension in my body and a sense of fear and trepidation instead of a sense of trust and surrender.
Now that I know I am totally responsible for the energy I choose to connect to, and also understand how this affects others and ultimately, the whole of humanity and beyond, I am able to live my daily life with this awareness.
This is not always easy, as everything we do, every move we make, every food we choose to put into our bodies has an end result which, as Serge presents, either heals or harms.
Perfection is not the goal here but a gentle unfolding awareness that responsibility is a personal choice and not something imposed from the outside.
Once ‘energetic responsibility’ is understood, then our worldly tasks become easy and we experience joy as we work, bring up families and attend to daily chores.
My life is now lived from this knowing and as I age, I am becoming healthier, more joyful and have more energy. I still have moments of rebellion against taking this responsibility by making choices that do not support my body but my body soon lets me know that the energy I have chosen to let in is harming me and others.
We can all feel how disturbing it is to be around people who are racy, disconnected, angry or running on their emotions. We have ‘normalised’ this way of being for a very long time by shutting down our own feelings and as a result, there is a lot of disturbance in the world. This is a far cry from our natural state of love, stillness, harmony, and joy.
When I make the choice to re-connect to the Divine Energy, I can feel the natural flow in my body and I am able to reflect this to others, which allows them to feel the difference and know what is there for us all to choose.
Once we choose to take ‘energetic responsibility’ in our lives, the word ‘responsibility’ does not feel like a task or a burden, but a natural flow of energy that comes from our commitment to living in this world.
By Irene Sheard, Full Time Grandmother/Guardian, Goonellabah