Sensitive – We All Are It

Today there was a parade of men and women going past our house to commemorate a traditional rite of the village we live in. As I was standing at a window on the first floor watching them roll past on their horses, a man looked up and greeted me with a military salute and automatically I replied with the same.

In that salute I could feel how far away from each other we are – the salute gave recognition, but it also held the two of us at a distance. I realised this was not a true honouring of each other but a formal way of saying: “you are where you are and I will stay where I am.”

I compare this to a Singing and Expression workshop I attended. There was a group of men singing to me and other women. These men opened up to us, but even more astonishing: they were open to each other – they sang about their tenderness.

I cried like a waterfall both in relief and joy to feel a group of men in this way. They felt vulnerable without being soft, they were tender, lovely, a bit unsure here and there, but stood together, a group of buddies, not gathered to fight but to express who they are. There was something very strong in their tenderness. And I cried and cried, it was a sight I had waited for my whole life… and longer.

And I started to question how much do we support men in their true expression?

We seem to raise children differently if they are male or female, if they get injured or hurt and they cry, the daughter is typically held and told everything will be alright, but the boys are told to be tough, they are told that “boys don’t cry.” In short, they are sold a picture of what it means to “become a man!,” that men are not allowed to feel, or to be vulnerable, sensitive or tender.

We are fragile by nature – all of us.

Men are capable of many things, but what we ask them to focus on is what their reality becomes:

“Admire a boy’s strength and
He will become strong –
Admire a boy’s intelligence and
He will become very smart.
Admire the real him and you will see God’s Love.”
(Serge Benhayon, Esoteric Teachings & Revelations, page 561)

What the Presenter and Philosopher Serge Benhayon addresses here is the fact that the more we characterise men as rough, competitive, tough, strong and/or smart – the more we squash what is natural in our boys. We only seem willing to support them to go in one direction, unwilling to leave the way open for them to unfold.

Girls are easily allowed to have toys like fire-trucks AND dolls, they can wear pink AND blue, but boys are mostly limited here. It starts so early and it starts so subtly – boys are treated in a way that asks, encourages, even forces them to be something they are not naturally. At the extreme end are child soldiers, forced to fight and kill, but by not allowing men to be more naturally gentle and sensitive are we not putting them at war with themselves?

What impact has that type of manhood had on the world?

It leads them to want recognition, to competition, to be better, to win. It hurts them terribly and it divides us all.

To deny the vulnerability of boys and men is not just a habit, but a method to keep all of us away from each other – in short it serves to separate us. It is part of what allows wars, abuse, even greed, as sensitive beings struggle to find an outlet for what is being suppressed.

So – we all get lost. Tender beings become empty puppets in front of TV shows, lethargic hermits or screaming followers, fighters and perpetrators of violence. This is not an extreme version of ‘what boys (or mankind) are like’ – this is what we are acting but not who we truly are, not in any way.

To stop this we cannot just contain the extremes, we have to come back to who we truly are: sensitive beings. Therefore we have to invite ourselves back into our hearts and build trust within ourselves and with each other again.

While we can’t wait for someone else to change before we do, every one of us can support the other in expressing openly, with honesty and with tenderness – when we start to express like that ourselves.

When we start to see in the other that we are all equally sensitive.

By Sandra SchneiderField Agent, Licensed Therapist, Counsellor & Relationship-CoachCologne/Germany

Related Reading:
“Boys will be Boys”… I Don’t Think So
Men and expression – echoes from behind the wall
From suffering from withdrawals – to healthy relationships and true intimacy

540 thoughts on “Sensitive – We All Are It

  1. “not gathered to fight but to express who they are” – no wonder that moved you to tears, it is how we are meant to live and deep down we all know that. And therefore when we dont live that, and live far from it, it can cause sadness and a tension so when we see it, we are glad.

    1. Yes, to fight seems to be so instinctively natural – but it isn’t. Or should I say, it is for the human part of us, only that we are in truth so much more. So if we do not want to stay human but divine again, we have to let go of the fight and surrender to what we are (and see what comes through than). This will be always for the salvation of all of us and not just me (one).

  2. A military salute is proper of a body deeply trained to move and work unnaturally to the point that it is able to bury any trait of what is true about us. It is also one that is heavily fed by beliefs and ideals that truly believes that the enemy is outside. A very clear example of how to hide and move in avoidance of your power.

  3. “We are fragile by nature – all of us.” It is true we are all fragile sensitive and tender, you only have to look at a baby and you can see it in every movement they make, but as we grow older we let go of our tenderness and we stop honouring this first in ourselves and then with each other.

  4. Seeing another as different and not equal to us is always asking for trouble, on one and the same scale it cause tension in our homes and it is the very energy that feeds separation and starts wars.

  5. Meeting someone who is not afraid to show their sensitivity is deeply healing, it helps me drop away any hardness and protection because they remind me of my sensitivity too.

  6. Years and years of living disconnected to my sensitivity with a tough and independent approach to life I was ignorant of the fact I am deeply sensitive. Letting these layers of protection go thanks to the modalities and healing with Universal Medicine as taught by Serge Benhayon I am allowing more and more of this quality to be allowed to be and embracing it. Feels truly beautiful.

  7. Yes really… Just imagine if we really opened up to how sensitive we were, each and every one of us, and then treated each other with the awareness that comes from this sensitivity and delicacy… what an extraordinary foundation this would be for humanity to return to who we truly are and where we truly should be.

  8. Gorgeous, we need to come back to our tenderness, that is our power, not weak, but oh so sensitive and real. Observing this more and more around me in men and equally feeling the depth of beauty & delicateness in myself. Inspiring to see what is actually possible to life by all of us – and how far we have come away from that. Time for a change, or I should say, time to come back to what is truly normal !

    1. The idea that sensitivity and tenderness are a weakness is not only false but a blatant and deliberate lie. We are infinitely more powerful with it than we could ever be from protection and hardness.

    2. Beautifully expressed Danna, this is exactly what we all crave for, to give ourselves permission to be in our delicateness, sensitivity and tenderness without any form of apology or hiding.

  9. Sensitive. I feel we really need to debase and get to the truth of this word and this became more apparent to me when I was speaking with a young person the other day saying I felt he was sensitive, he felt instead of it being aware of his surroundings and environment that I was saying he would cry at any little thing someone said … so did not take this as a compliment. We had more of a discussion about it but it just showed me how far away from truth we have come with regards to words and our true nature.

  10. In embracing and surrendering to our sensitivity, the expression of who we are in essence is the magnification of the power of love that is our innate way of being as the Son’s of God we are.

  11. “While we can’t wait for someone else to change before we do, every one of us can support the other in expressing openly, with honesty and with tenderness – when we start to express like that ourselves.” So true Sandra. How we live we reflect out to the world – what will that reflection be – healing or harming – our choice.

  12. Yes we are all the same in essence and have been focusing too much and too long on the differences between the genders. We are all love, wanting to love and be loved with every cell of our body. If you don’t allow yourself to be all the different qualities you are, including being tender, delicate, graceful and fragile then everybody misses out.

  13. ‘…Admire the real him and you will see God’s Love’ SB. This is the power of appreciation and just allowing others to be. Such a simple thing to do yet it ‘moves mountains’ as they say.

  14. I could imagine just how beautifull it was to feel the group of men singing together as how often do we see groups of men being open and caring towards each others and in front of others. Gathering to express who they truly are .. very powerful indeed.

  15. ‘“Admire a boy’s strength and
    He will become strong –
    Admire a boy’s intelligence and
    He will become very smart.
    Admire the real him and you will see God’s Love.”
    (Serge Benhayon, Esoteric Teachings & Revelations, page 561)’

    Thank you for sharing this, it is absolutely beautiful.

  16. Beautiful article. I am also letting go of the beliefs on things like “I have to finish this, although I feel tired” overriding that the body says otherwise. Being tough, and not honoring our sensitivity plays out for men on many levels.

  17. It is beautiful to see that more and more men are claiming back their tenderness and sensitivity because the world needs it.

    1. We do indeed Elizabeth and our world currently doesn’t support men to be sensitive, so I admire men who are willing to go there and be all that they are and are not afraid to go against the current trend.

  18. Men and women are exactly the same. There are both super sensitive and have no different interests only because they have different genders. It´s an absolute lie in society, that you have to raise boys different to girls. You have to raise your child accordingly to their unique essence which is never the same and not because of the gender.

  19. Fancy telling anyone when they are hurt and want or need to cry that they can’t just because they are a boy. When we cry we release endorphins which is why we feel so great afterwards. Why would boys and men not be entitled to that same release?

    1. Crying for me has the beautiful effect that I am much closer to myself afterwards and connected to my body. If some accident happens and we hurt ourselves it is a stop that allows us to truly feel how we are and what choices we make- feeling our body again. If we suppress the moment of crying we are not taking full advantage of this offered moment.

    2. Suse, I didn’t know that crying releases endorphins. This makes sense because every time I’ve had a good cry, I feel great. Holding it in when we feel the need to cry feels so uncomfortable, it’s like our body is holding together a dam that is about to burst, the tension is huge.

  20. Girls are also socialised to not allow themselves to cry and be fragile, I remember growing up and hurting myself and crying and being told to “Be a big girl” which meant stop crying and possibly that crying and expressing feelings were for babies and the immature. Also, even if girls are able to express more as per what we feel is socially acceptable it doesn’t necessarily come with a loving connotation because we still may idealise the toughness we impose onto boys and see emotion and vulnerability as weakness and a sign of being inferior. It’s great what this blog offers about boys but let’s be honest the socialisation of girls is just as toxic but in a different way.

  21. Love can be expressed in many ways. Even a salute or responding to one can be done with love, even in a country with an allergy to military as Germany is at the moment.

    1. Yes Christoph, even a military salute can be done in love. In my case I can say, the greetings had have some ‘I see you’ in it. But it was like a reflex and done in an energy of shelter and keep us in distance. That was how it felt.
      Interesting that you use the term ‘allergy against military’….an allergy is hypersensitivity, an intolerance of something. And I would say: to be very sensitive about forces and how to use power, as well as intolerant against misused power is not a bad approach….

      1. I agree and love : ” to be very sensitive about forces and how to use power, as well as intolerant against misused power is not a bad approach….”

        – military is nothing I regard as something natural or loving. Fighting against each other is so far away of our innate truth we carry inside us.

  22. A beautiful quote from Serge Benhayon. Thank you Sandra. A reminder for all of us to stay connected to the love that we are

  23. Competition brings on comparison, yet when we connect to our gentleness we feel the stillness from within, and we realise that we are all equally the one.

  24. Gosh I can really see now how the suppression of men and their natural sensitivity and tenderness hurts us all and drives so many things we don’t like about the world as it is.

  25. “We are fragile by nature – all of us.” – Absolutely, and that doesn’t mean we are weak, but are naturally sensitive as you say and men no less than women. I do think there is a somewhat pervading consciousness that asks men to suppress this in themselves and that the more we are aware of this the more we have the opportunity to change it through instead supporting men to know and appreciate their tenderness and strength with that.

  26. “but stood together, a group of buddies, not gathered to fight but to express who they are. There was something very strong in their tenderness. And I cried and cried, it was a sight I had waited for my whole life… and longer.”

    Sometimes we don’t know what we are missing/craving until it is right there in front of us. A reminder that it is up to each and everyone of us to reflect the true way of living so that our fellow brothers and sisters will re-connect to what is missing. This connection to ourselves, to each other, to God.

  27. Yes the way we greet each other can be a way of keeping each other at a distance. The only way to not do this is actually through opening up ourselves and not by any words or gestures alone.

    1. Absolutely Lieke – what vibration do we reflect when we meet another? Is it the one of uncompromising love which represents and confirms who we all are, one that also always seeks to pull us up to be greater or do we drop our vibration to meet another and offer an agreement that settling for living less than who we truly are is what our current standards expect.

  28. I remember being told to stop being too sensitive as if it was a problem or something not acceptable. All this squashing down of our true sensitive natures causes so much of the worlds problems, it is truly beautiful and so gorgeous to experience men living and honouring their deeply tender and sensitive natures.

  29. What a beautiful quote by Serge you have shared. That we see God in our young boys when we see them simply as they are with no imposition.

  30. ” When we start to see in the other that we are all equally sensitive. ”
    This is very important for once this way of living is begun , then the lies of our past living will be exposed.

  31. The squashing of men’s sensitivity has had a huge ill effect, both on them and on the world. It is time for this to change.

    1. I agree Elizabeth, and I feel humanity is ready for this change. I am seeing more and more people around me who are open to sharing and expressing their sensitive. It is a blessing to witness and I am also deeply inspired to do the same.

  32. If we look at the state of the world right now, it is rather obvious what we have been subscribing to has not worked, and allowing ourselves and each other to be just who we are seems to be the only thing we have not given a go.

  33. It says a lot when ‘being sensitive’, in the English language at least, can be used in a derogatory way to refer to someone we have judged as being pathetic, hopeless and a loser.

  34. Very powerful words “So – we all get lost. Tender beings become empty puppets in front of TV shows, lethargic hermits or screaming followers, fighters and perpetrators of violence.” To some degree this happens to our children, each generation keeps on continuing this cycle of careless rejection. We do not hold our children in the tenderness they are born with…fact.

  35. It is gorgeous that men are starting to talk about their feelings, although they can find it difficult to express them, and it is super important that women don’t keep men trapped in the behaviour and patterns they are used to but honour men for the sensitive beings they are.

  36. I remember at a workshop or retreat Michael sang a song about men and their tenderness and what they bring and we as women sat and looked at the men as it was being sung, it was so very beautiful, like you I cried with relief and joy at feeling the amazing tenderness within each man that was now being able to acknowledge and freely expressed.

  37. Just imagine if the beautiful quote from Serge Benhayon was given to the family of every boy that was born and these divine words became the foundation on which they were raised. I can feel that if this was the case the boys of today would be supported to honour and retain their natural sensitivity and their tenderness as they grow into the men of tomorrow.

  38. when I observe young boys interacting with each other it is so natural for them to be tender and loving with each other. An embrace, a giggle. We say boys will be boys when they get more rough and competitive but the truth is that this is not coming from who they are but from what the adults and society is imposing onto them.

  39. When we are told to deny who we truly are and do so from a sense of security and protection we do indeed become at war with ourselves, a war that will never cease until such time that we reconnect to the truth of who we are.

    1. Well said Carolien and I feel no matter how many times we are pushed by people we know or by society to deny who we are, ultimately the choice to do so can only come from us.

      1. This is true chanly as no-one holds power over us in truth, which I myself have found both greatly empowering and confronting at the same time as it means that I am the creator of my own life by choice.

  40. Our sensitivity as Men and as Woman has been pushed down and ignored. The way the world is we are not encouraged to express this side of us as we may seem weak or pathetic. But what I have found endearing and beautiful to see in others and experience within myself also is to allow this to be a part of who we are and it is extremely freeing. In the sense that the guard of protection that has been up and front that we have it all sorted drops away and the effort it takes to keep that up is exhausting so when you stop that you actual feel very free.

    1. Beautiful to read Natalie and I concur that it is exhausting keeping up the show and it is freeing to finally just stop trying so hard.

  41. There are so many ideals and beliefs around raising children that it is easy to get swept up in the ideals of raising boys, education, sport and so much more, but if you value connection above all else then it is not possible to let those ideals run away because injury, illness or another marker comes swiftly from your body to bring you back to the fundamentals of sensitivity and love you are made of and from.

  42. Sandra, reading the quote you shared here presented by Serge Benhayon inspired my question, how often do parents adore their children for being themselves, by allowing their sensitivity to shine?

    1. How often do we adore any normal person – including ourselves? We have the tendency to adore people who are playing a game of fame and glamour -but this is not true adoring I would say now. To adore someone for being themselves…this is pure joy. A joy that is to reclaim again.

    2. Your question is a very exposing question Chan. For a parent would need to be prepared, through nurturing and supporting their child’s sensitivity to feel and see their own and on the flip side see where they are not being that themselves. So really the current ‘norm’ is a very comfortable space.

  43. I feel we disempower boys from young. As children we do not expect the same off our sons as we do with our young daughters, when it comes to supporting themselves and others. We “take care of them” more, which translated means, we make them more dependent on us and disempowered within themselves….

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