Sensitive – We All Are It

Today there was a parade of men and women going past our house to commemorate a traditional rite of the village we live in. As I was standing at a window on the first floor watching them roll past on their horses, a man looked up and greeted me with a military salute and automatically I replied with the same.

In that salute I could feel how far away from each other we are – the salute gave recognition, but it also held the two of us at a distance. I realised this was not a true honouring of each other but a formal way of saying: “you are where you are and I will stay where I am.”

I compare this to a Singing and Expression workshop I attended. There was a group of men singing to me and other women. These men opened up to us, but even more astonishing: they were open to each other – they sang about their tenderness.

I cried like a waterfall both in relief and joy to feel a group of men in this way. They felt vulnerable without being soft, they were tender, lovely, a bit unsure here and there, but stood together, a group of buddies, not gathered to fight but to express who they are. There was something very strong in their tenderness. And I cried and cried, it was a sight I had waited for my whole life… and longer.

And I started to question how much do we support men in their true expression?

We seem to raise children differently if they are male or female, if they get injured or hurt and they cry, the daughter is typically held and told everything will be alright, but the boys are told to be tough, they are told that “boys don’t cry.” In short, they are sold a picture of what it means to “become a man!,” that men are not allowed to feel, or to be vulnerable, sensitive or tender.

We are fragile by nature – all of us.

Men are capable of many things, but what we ask them to focus on is what their reality becomes:

“Admire a boy’s strength and
He will become strong –
Admire a boy’s intelligence and
He will become very smart.
Admire the real him and you will see God’s Love.”
(Serge Benhayon, Esoteric Teachings & Revelations, page 561)

What the Presenter and Philosopher Serge Benhayon addresses here is the fact that the more we characterise men as rough, competitive, tough, strong and/or smart – the more we squash what is natural in our boys. We only seem willing to support them to go in one direction, unwilling to leave the way open for them to unfold.

Girls are easily allowed to have toys like fire-trucks AND dolls, they can wear pink AND blue, but boys are mostly limited here. It starts so early and it starts so subtly – boys are treated in a way that asks, encourages, even forces them to be something they are not naturally. At the extreme end are child soldiers, forced to fight and kill, but by not allowing men to be more naturally gentle and sensitive are we not putting them at war with themselves?

What impact has that type of manhood had on the world?

It leads them to want recognition, to competition, to be better, to win. It hurts them terribly and it divides us all.

To deny the vulnerability of boys and men is not just a habit, but a method to keep all of us away from each other – in short it serves to separate us. It is part of what allows wars, abuse, even greed, as sensitive beings struggle to find an outlet for what is being suppressed.

So – we all get lost. Tender beings become empty puppets in front of TV shows, lethargic hermits or screaming followers, fighters and perpetrators of violence. This is not an extreme version of ‘what boys (or mankind) are like’ – this is what we are acting but not who we truly are, not in any way.

To stop this we cannot just contain the extremes, we have to come back to who we truly are: sensitive beings. Therefore we have to invite ourselves back into our hearts and build trust within ourselves and with each other again.

While we can’t wait for someone else to change before we do, every one of us can support the other in expressing openly, with honesty and with tenderness – when we start to express like that ourselves.

When we start to see in the other that we are all equally sensitive.

By Sandra SchneiderField Agent, Licensed Therapist, Counsellor & Relationship-CoachCologne/Germany

Related Reading:
Indestructible
“Boys will be Boys”… I Don’t Think So
Men and expression – echoes from behind the wall
From suffering from withdrawals – to healthy relationships and true intimacy

536 thoughts on “Sensitive – We All Are It

  1. Is it any wonder that we go to war as men as we are made to toughen up rather than feel the sensitivity we innately are, so when we have nations fighting each other or even competing at sports we are disconnecting from our Essences, Inner-most-heart / Soul and thus this is set up by each generation putting a focus outside of themselves.

  2. Thank you Sandra, beautiful to read, the truth about our sensitivity and true nature. You’ve also inspired me to go deeper into my sensitivity to reflect to others it’s safe to do so. It’s always there within us, we just suppress and cover it – what a tension to live disconnected to something so innate that communicating loudly to us in many way, no matter how much we drown it out. And it’s true that many of the worlds issues around abuse, violence, wars, corruption, etc, could not exist if we lived honouring how sensitive we are. And what a great line “by not allowing men to be more naturally gentle and sensitive are we not putting them at war with themselves?”.

  3. I got to understand my sensitivity on a new level yesterday… it felt like being released from prison! It gave me permission to stay in my sensitivity like never before and open the door to exploring what I am feeling without shutting it down in the 1st nanno second.

  4. It is extremely beautiful to witness a man or a group of men open up to another with their true tenderness and fragility. It is something that we deny our young boys of so often, and encourage them to ‘toughen up’, which most of them do and then they lose this gorgeous connection that they have with themselves, and then everyone misses out.

  5. If we each honour our sensitivity, it has the power to change the world. We often underestimate the power of our sensitivity and hence fall for the notion that our sensitivity is a weakness when it is, in fact, our strength.

  6. I have said that I have had an issue with my sensitivity my whole life. But as it flares up again today I’d say the issue comes from the effort to squash and suppress or ‘protect’ it. I have to be something I am not to fight what I truly am. That’s the issue and tension not my sensitivity.

    1. Well shared Leigh, it really supported me reading your words, I sometimes get quite wired and racy, which is what happened to me today, after reading your words I felt quite settled. When we stop fighting who we naturally are that beautiful sense of settlement happens.

  7. It’s like, we don’t have to, but we want someone to give us permission to just be and express who we are, but instead what we get is how otherwise we should be. This world is not set up to just let us be, it needs us to morph into something else. We must be getting something out of this for us to be engaged in this for so long.

  8. We’re all sensitive, yet both men and women have denied this part of themselves. but more so men. When we as women reclaim our own tenderness and beauty, we’re more able to feel the same qualities in men.

  9. Extraordinary how awareness changes everything. We can thank Universal Medicine for the opportunity it offers to see and appreciate the true qualities of men. Now, whenever in their presence or observe them, I feel their essence before all else.

  10. When I read this – “I cried like a waterfall both in relief and joy to feel a group of men in this way.” – I wondered if you knew that you were missing that. Sometimes I find that we don’t know what we are missing out on until it is presented to us and you can realise there was an ache/tension there that may have been felt in the body but unsure as to what it actually is/was.

    1. You are right Sarah – I had no idea how much I missed ‘it’. Was the same when I heard the first time about Serge Benhayon and what he says. I realised that I had have a knowing about all of it and missed this expression in the world deeply. When I heard it, it was like finally coming home…after a looooong lean period. I did not know it consciously, but my body did know exactly and reflected me its knowing. Same like when I heard the men sing so tender together. This is interesting. Wonder what more I am not consciously but dearly missing….and what a blessing to know that I am on my way to discover all and claim it back.

  11. There is such beauty in men expressing their absolute tenderness and sensitivity. The idea that this ‘de-masculates’ is ridiculous and only based on the false images we have put on manhood. Seeing a man in all he is makes me feel whole, safe and held and allows me to be the woman I am.

    1. So true Carolien, when anyone we meet is not shy to express their sensitivity and tenderness, it invites us to connect to these qualities in us too. How beautiful it is when we do not shy away from being who we naturally are? Very beautiful!

    2. I like what you have shared Carolien. It is really time to let go “on the false images we have put on manhood” as that gave us women also the possibility to let go of our false images we have put on womanhood.

  12. “To deny the vulnerability of boys and men is not just a habit, but a method to keep all of us away from each other” Deny any part of truth ourselves and it will always ultimately end up in everyone missing out – Separation is not the way.

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