Do you ever get the feeling there is more to life? That there is more to you than meets the eye?
This is something I’ve felt for most of my life, never feeling content, always on the search for more, always seeking outside of myself for the next thing that would “make me” feel content. This created a constant internal struggle, to avoid what I was truly feeling within.
Opting for a snack, a movie, a comfy chair and a good gossip magazine, a double session of Pilates, a nice distracting conversation or night out with a friend, none of which were really any different from the other. I used all of them to keep me from avoiding the little niggle within.
It got to the point where it became harder and harder to ignore, always being asked by my body to look at my choices, to observe the quality in which I lived, the way I was with myself, how much and how often I ate, and of course what kinds of foods I chose to consume. My body was always making me aware of how these choices affected me in many ways such as bloating, exhaustion, headaches, sinus, and the early stages of illness and disease, such as fibromyalgia. It was these external signs that made it impossible to for me to ignore the internal struggle I had been feeling for so long, yet I had done what I thought was a good job of ignoring it.
Alcohol, drugs and of course my main drug of choice – food, my ‘go to’ for relief, to avoid and bury all that I did not want to feel or face, at the time seemed like the ideal distraction.
We all have vices of some kind: some use alcohol, some use drugs, others food, shopping, hobbies, becoming a mother, mothering, becoming obsessed with work – distraction comes in many forms… some we do not even recognise as being that in the first place.
The feeling that there has to be more to life is a feeling we have mastered avoiding at all costs, building a life for ourselves that is comfortable, and one that allows us to exist without having to do or be more than that which we have created ourselves to be. When I realised this it shocked me at first; a realisation that I had created and was responsible for the life I live, the person I am and the choices I make.
It was so easy to blame others, to complain and play the victim, but how often do we stop to look at our responsibility for the way we are living and the person we have allowed ourselves to become?
I know for me life has always been interesting: I grew up in what you would call a middle-class family, getting an apprenticeship when I left school, ticking all the boxes you could say, and yes, with the occasional de-railing, but always jumping back on the roundabout of life to do it all again.
Even with ticking the boxes, living comfortably, having plenty of friends, being extremely social, having a successful career and a loving partner, no matter what was happening in my life, I always felt an emptiness, and that there was something missing.
Letting myself feel that everything I had done and lived up until that point was designed to keep myself living less, – to live up to a picture of how I thought I should be for everyone else, – was a huge OUCH!
Feeling the truth of who we are and the absolute grandness that is naturally there can be overwhelming and daunting, and can often attract a lot of attention that at times we may not know what to do with. The use of avoidance, distraction, discontentment, sympathy and not wanting to feel life makes sense when so many of us don’t want to take responsibility for the way we are living, and how far we have come from what a true community and true family is. Whilst illness and disease has gone through the roof, we are living longer, but our quality of life has lessened – how much evidence do we need that we are avoiding our true way of being?
I slowly began to make different choices, and to look at how and why I had got myself to where I was, – which let me tell you was a long way from who I truly was and living the life of love I craved.
Even to this day I wake up and feel constantly that there is more, that I am more, that what I am living is still not it.
I am far from perfect and still developing and deepening the choices I make, but with the commitment and support I have from the entire Benhayon family, Universal Medicine and the incredible unwavering, loving reflection from Serge Benhayon, there is absolutely no way I would choose to go back to the way I lived before.
I am now able to wake up in the mornings feeling vital, alive and appreciating the day ahead, letting myself feel how what I eat and the choices I make affects my body, and how this then impacts how I am with others and how I parent my children.
When a man comes along who lives, speaks, walks and is the absolute embodiment of what is it to live a life of love, true family and community, it is truly inspiring to witness. Serge Benhayon is this role model that has confirmed that there is indeed more to life, and that has inspired me to live a life of true responsibility.
By Nicole Serafin, Age 45, Tintenbar, NSW, Australia