Being Responsible for the Life I Live

Do you ever get the feeling there is more to life? That there is more to you than meets the eye?

This is something I’ve felt for most of my life, never feeling content, always on the search for more, always seeking outside of myself for the next thing that would “make me” feel content. This created a constant internal struggle, to avoid what I was truly feeling within.

Opting for a snack, a movie, a comfy chair and a good gossip magazine, a double session of Pilates, a nice distracting conversation or night out with a friend, none of which were really any different from the other. I used all of them to keep me from avoiding the little niggle within.

It got to the point where it became harder and harder to ignore, always being asked by my body to look at my choices, to observe the quality in which I lived, the way I was with myself, how much and how often I ate, and of course what kinds of foods I chose to consume. My body was always making me aware of how these choices affected me in many ways such as bloating, exhaustion, headaches, sinus, and the early stages of illness and disease, such as fibromyalgia. It was these external signs that made it impossible to for me to ignore the internal struggle I had been feeling for so long, yet I had done what I thought was a good job of ignoring it.

Alcohol, drugs and of course my main drug of choice – food, my ‘go to’ for relief, to avoid and bury all that I did not want to feel or face, at the time seemed like the ideal distraction.

We all have vices of some kind: some use alcohol, some use drugs, others food, shopping, hobbies, becoming a mother, mothering, becoming obsessed with work – distraction comes in many forms… some we do not even recognise as being that in the first place.

The feeling that there has to be more to life is a feeling we have mastered avoiding at all costs, building a life for ourselves that is comfortable, and one that allows us to exist without having to do or be more than that which we have created ourselves to be. When I realised this it shocked me at first; a realisation that I had created and was responsible for the life I live, the person I am and the choices I make.

It was so easy to blame others, to complain and play the victim, but how often do we stop to look at our responsibility for the way we are living and the person we have allowed ourselves to become?

I know for me life has always been interesting: I grew up in what you would call a middle-class family, getting an apprenticeship when I left school, ticking all the boxes you could say, and yes, with the occasional de-railing, but always jumping back on the roundabout of life to do it all again.

Even with ticking the boxes, living comfortably, having plenty of friends, being extremely social, having a successful career and a loving partner, no matter what was happening in my life, I always felt an emptiness, and that there was something missing.

Letting myself feel that everything I had done and lived up until that point was designed to keep myself living less, – to live up to a picture of how I thought I should be for everyone else, – was a huge OUCH!

Feeling the truth of who we are and the absolute grandness that is naturally there can be overwhelming and daunting, and can often attract a lot of attention that at times we may not know what to do with. The use of avoidance, distraction, discontentment, sympathy and not wanting to feel life makes sense when so many of us don’t want to take responsibility for the way we are living, and how far we have come from what a true community and true family is. Whilst illness and disease has gone through the roof, we are living longer, but our quality of life has lessened – how much evidence do we need that we are avoiding our true way of being?

I slowly began to make different choices, and to look at how and why I had got myself to where I was, – which let me tell you was a long way from who I truly was and living the life of love I craved.

Even to this day I wake up and feel constantly that there is more, that I am more, that what I am living is still not it.

I am far from perfect and still developing and deepening the choices I make, but with the commitment and support I have from the entire Benhayon family, Universal Medicine and the incredible unwavering, loving reflection from Serge Benhayon, there is absolutely no way I would choose to go back to the way I lived before.

I am now able to wake up in the mornings feeling vital, alive and appreciating the day ahead, letting myself feel how what I eat and the choices I make affects my body, and how this then impacts how I am with others and how I parent my children.

When a man comes along who lives, speaks, walks and is the absolute embodiment of what is it to live a life of love, true family and community, it is truly inspiring to witness. Serge Benhayon is this role model that has confirmed that there is indeed more to life, and that has inspired me to live a life of true responsibility.

By Nicole Serafin, Age 45, Tintenbar, NSW, Australia

Related Reading:
Change your life
Taking True Responsibility for my Behaviour
Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine – changing the way we understand life

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624 thoughts on “Being Responsible for the Life I Live

  1. Serge Benhayon presenting on the energetic facts of life is a revelation that makes sense of all the confusion and whys.

  2. “allows us to exist without having to do or be more than that which we have created ourselves to be” this bit stuck with me. We create a box for ourselves that only goes so far. Yet when connected to my Soul it feels limitless. We create a box that then we either complain about or become the ‘legend in your own lunchbox’ but either way it’s not a true life.

  3. “so many of us don’t want to take responsibility for the way we are living, and how far we have come from what a true community and true family is.” Honesty is such an important part of true change, to admit we know there is more to life and as you say to community and family, and then take the responsibility to live what we know is true.

  4. In answer to this question “Do you ever get the feeling there is more to life? That there is more to you than meets the eye?” The answer has to be yes, as I know someone who can read life to the finest detail and I find that absolutely fascinating because they get pleasure from the smallest thing. I have to ask the question why can’t I do this? We seem to have fashioned life to be Blah! Something to be endured and got through as best we can rather than seeing it as something magical and special.

    1. We have standardised mediocrity, and I agree life can feel like something to be endured, a heavy weight we wade through everyday as we put on a smiling face, when inside we can feel strongly that this is not it, there has to be more. Those feelings need not be unwelcome as they can lead us to a truer and richer way of life. If I’m not connected to my essence, to my soul, life feels very flat and colourless. It’s our true being that illuminates everything and brings life to life. 🙂

  5. Nicole, I woke up this morning with the light of the full moon streaming into my bedroom, the Blackbird singing and as the sun rose I watched the sky as it changed from Creams to Pinks and the trees and bushes were seemingly painted gold by the rising sun. What a beautiful way to wake up to a day feeling as you say vital and fresh ready to begin my day. This appreciation has occurred because of the different choices I have made concerning how I live which has changed my attitude towards myself and other people. This change in my life is the result of meeting Serge Benhayon and discovering like you that up until that point I had been living life as less. Now my life is full and rich where the possibilities are endless.

  6. “When a man comes along who lives, speaks, walks and is the absolute embodiment of what is it to live a life of love, true family and community, it is truly inspiring to witness.” I only can agree to have such a wonderful role model like Serge Benhayon is the best thing ever.

    1. While I agree with what you and Nicole are saying about Serge Benhayon to me it is not the man himself but what he represents and then allows through his body which is heaven on earth. By living heaven on earth to me Serge Benhayon shows humanity that we are so much more than we have been lead to believe or may be want to believe. And there lies the rub because some people do not want to believe that there is a different way to live other than the current model we are living and hence kick up.

  7. Nicole when I read this
    “Opting for a snack, a movie, a comfy chair and a good gossip magazine, a double session of Pilates, a nice distracting conversation or night out with a friend, none of which were really any different from the other. I used all of them to keep me from avoiding the little niggle within.”
    I realised it’s all about delay that there is a part of us that knows the road map, knows the ultimate destination instructing us on how to ‘get there’ but all the time leading us astray from our true destination with any and all of the above distractions because it has no intention of getting there.

  8. Nicole this is a great blog to openly discuss how we smash ourselves by using alcohol, drugs, sport, gaming, gambling, TV, books, sugar, coffee and as you correctly say the main drug of all, food. To distract, avoid and bury all that we do not want to feel or look at. We do all this subconsciously because we have dulled our awareness so much that it is as though we are like zombies getting through life rather than enjoying life to the fullness that is on offer, without the use of any of the above stimulants and distractions.

  9. I was so consumed by my distractions I was unaware of the ‘little niggle within’. However, when it was reflected to me an alternative perception that challenged my beliefs yet felt so true my bubble of illusion was pricked and eventually burst. That was 13 years ago and I am still unravelling the distractions which are subtler and subtler as I get clearer.

    1. I can relate to what you have said jstewart51, how there is always so much more to understand about ourselves and how we have used distractions to stop ourselves from claiming all that we know to be true. After all, we have all invested heavily in this current way of living, so to give that investment up can be hard as there is so much of me, the individual, in it.

  10. If we only rely upon our five basic senses of vision, touch, smell, hearing and taste to perceive life, then we miss out on a lot going on from the other levels – here I talk about feeling things from an energetic perspective. Because someone could be saying something in words, but you can get a sense that their body is communicating the opposite of what is being said. There is certainly far more to life should we choose to tune into that.

    1. So true Henrietta. It was having the energetic perspective presented to me and felt in my body that my whole way life and choices changed.

    2. I understand what you are saying Henrietta we have seemingly dulled our ability to sense what is going on around us, which puts us at a disadvantage. Do we do this out of a misguided sense of being nice and not wanting to upset the other person or people?

  11. It can be easy to point the finger and blame someone else when things do not go according to ‘our plan’ or picture, but true responsibility (our ability to Respond to life and what is needed) comes from a willingness to see past the situation on hand and see how we have played a part and also in our ability to see beyond a person’s behaviors and read the situation for what it truly is. The appropriate response then comes from this reading – and this is a learning and hence an opportunity for growth.

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