Being Responsible for the Life I Live

Do you ever get the feeling there is more to life? That there is more to you than meets the eye?

This is something I’ve felt for most of my life, never feeling content, always on the search for more, always seeking outside of myself for the next thing that would “make me” feel content. This created a constant internal struggle, to avoid what I was truly feeling within.

Opting for a snack, a movie, a comfy chair and a good gossip magazine, a double session of Pilates, a nice distracting conversation or night out with a friend, none of which were really any different from the other. I used all of them to keep me from avoiding the little niggle within.

It got to the point where it became harder and harder to ignore, always being asked by my body to look at my choices, to observe the quality in which I lived, the way I was with myself, how much and how often I ate, and of course what kinds of foods I chose to consume. My body was always making me aware of how these choices affected me in many ways such as bloating, exhaustion, headaches, sinus, and the early stages of illness and disease, such as fibromyalgia. It was these external signs that made it impossible to for me to ignore the internal struggle I had been feeling for so long, yet I had done what I thought was a good job of ignoring it.

Alcohol, drugs and of course my main drug of choice – food, my ‘go to’ for relief, to avoid and bury all that I did not want to feel or face, at the time seemed like the ideal distraction.

We all have vices of some kind: some use alcohol, some use drugs, others food, shopping, hobbies, becoming a mother, mothering, becoming obsessed with work – distraction comes in many forms… some we do not even recognise as being that in the first place.

The feeling that there has to be more to life is a feeling we have mastered avoiding at all costs, building a life for ourselves that is comfortable, and one that allows us to exist without having to do or be more than that which we have created ourselves to be. When I realised this it shocked me at first; a realisation that I had created and was responsible for the life I live, the person I am and the choices I make.

It was so easy to blame others, to complain and play the victim, but how often do we stop to look at our responsibility for the way we are living and the person we have allowed ourselves to become?

I know for me life has always been interesting: I grew up in what you would call a middle-class family, getting an apprenticeship when I left school, ticking all the boxes you could say, and yes, with the occasional de-railing, but always jumping back on the roundabout of life to do it all again.

Even with ticking the boxes, living comfortably, having plenty of friends, being extremely social, having a successful career and a loving partner, no matter what was happening in my life, I always felt an emptiness, and that there was something missing.

Letting myself feel that everything I had done and lived up until that point was designed to keep myself living less, – to live up to a picture of how I thought I should be for everyone else, – was a huge OUCH!

Feeling the truth of who we are and the absolute grandness that is naturally there can be overwhelming and daunting, and can often attract a lot of attention that at times we may not know what to do with. The use of avoidance, distraction, discontentment, sympathy and not wanting to feel life makes sense when so many of us don’t want to take responsibility for the way we are living, and how far we have come from what a true community and true family is. Whilst illness and disease has gone through the roof, we are living longer, but our quality of life has lessened – how much evidence do we need that we are avoiding our true way of being?

I slowly began to make different choices, and to look at how and why I had got myself to where I was, – which let me tell you was a long way from who I truly was and living the life of love I craved.

Even to this day I wake up and feel constantly that there is more, that I am more, that what I am living is still not it.

I am far from perfect and still developing and deepening the choices I make, but with the commitment and support I have from the entire Benhayon family, Universal Medicine and the incredible unwavering, loving reflection from Serge Benhayon, there is absolutely no way I would choose to go back to the way I lived before.

I am now able to wake up in the mornings feeling vital, alive and appreciating the day ahead, letting myself feel how what I eat and the choices I make affects my body, and how this then impacts how I am with others and how I parent my children.

When a man comes along who lives, speaks, walks and is the absolute embodiment of what is it to live a life of love, true family and community, it is truly inspiring to witness. Serge Benhayon is this role model that has confirmed that there is indeed more to life, and that has inspired me to live a life of true responsibility.

By Nicole Serafin, Age 45, Tintenbar, NSW, Australia

Related Reading:
Change your life
Taking True Responsibility for my Behaviour
Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine – changing the way we understand life

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583 thoughts on “Being Responsible for the Life I Live

  1. How often do we take responsibility for our lives or indeed our choices yet rather preferring to use things to help us escape such as drugs, alcohol,or simply checking out in front of the tv or computer. When we do stop and feel how our body is and start to making changes from that feeling we start to take on a responsibility for the way that we live, and soon realise that there is no on off switch, and thereby we understand that there can be no time for checking out.

  2. It makes absolute sense that we are to be responsible for the lives that we live yet we seem to want to avoid that responsibility at every turn. The truth is that no-one can save us, we only save ourselves and the first step is to take responsibility for everything in our lives.

    1. Yes , we have been focussing a lot on things outside of ourselves and take responsibility for that.. But our true responsibility lays within, so we need to take a step inwardly and look at our life and see where our responsibility is needed.

  3. I think it really helps to see that ‘little niggle within’ as actually a friend rather than foe or something try and run away from, it’s like a pull back to truth, to connecting with a deeper part of ourselves and way of living true to that…

  4. Rather than feeling the tension of not living who we truly are we look to stimulate or numb ourselves with a variety of activities and substances in life.

  5. “It was so easy to blame others, to complain and play the victim, but how often do we stop to look at our responsibility for the way we are living and the person we have allowed ourselves to become?” A great question to ask oneself in every moment where blaming or victimhood sets in in our life. We have a hand in where our life is going and determine our truth and quality in every moment.

  6. Bizarre how I find myself back here yet again! There is always more to read in each and every blog which is surprising me less and less. “It was so easy to blame others, to complain and play the victim, but how often do we stop to look at our responsibility for the way we are living and the person we have allowed ourselves to become?” Taking responsibility for the choices we have made through our lives is the very first step to healing and yet it can feel overwhelming at first, but not taking responsibility leaves us at the mercy of a vicious cycle that perpetuates a very harming victim mentality.

  7. When we feel and acknowledge that internal niggle, that there must be something more to life than the life we’re currently living, it doesn’t go away. We can do our best to drown it out for years, with distractions like the ones mentioned in this blog, but deep down we know that these aren’t ‘it’. So what is this ‘more to life’? What does it look and feel like? For me, when I connect to it, it is how I feel: a total commitment to life, purpose and people, a deep settlement within myself, and an openness and a willingness to take great joy in doing whatever is there to be done – surrendering to a flow of a purpose and a plan that is far greater than just me and anything I could come up with by myself.

  8. No way back for me either Nicole.
    The depth of love to rediscover and the service to the world are not Giving me any doubt to follow my way of letting go my comforts And spirit games which are in between.
    Serge Benhayon on earth with us is the biggest give we could wish for as a support And example of Living that love in full.

  9. “When a man comes along who lives, speaks, walks and is the absolute embodiment of what is it to live a life of love, true family and community, it is truly inspiring to witness. Serge Benhayon is this role model …… ” How incredibly blessed we are to have this man walk among us, a reflection of how heaven can be lived here on earth through our divine particles. the energy of deep love, integrity and equality that emanate from his being is most certainly life changing for all who met him.

  10. I find it interesting and amusing to watch myself in unfamiliar situations as even if it is extremely obvious or not so obvious I can always detect a measure of control. I have realised that this is when I need to really deepen my connection and allow myself to move into ‘the unknown’ in accordance with the impulses of my inner heart and leave my head out of it as it usually projects the panic and anxiety of either ‘not knowing’ or the arrogance ‘knowing everything’ and then moving from this space. This keeps life very simple.

  11. ‘When a man comes along who lives, speaks, walks and is the absolute embodiment of what is it to live a life of love, true family and community, it is truly inspiring to witness.’
    After meeting Serge Benhayon and meeting the truth of my life there was no way I could deny it any longer. Everything that I had buried so carefully got exposed and came out as a start to make new choices.

  12. Letting ourselves feel how what we eat and the choices we make affects our connection and relationship with ourselves and others is the first step to taking responsibility for our whole way of being. By listening and honouring how we are feeling we are able to change our choices to be in harmony with our body’s true rhythm and flow and this supports us to deepen our relationship with ourselves and others and our commitment to living a more loving way of being

  13. Rushing everywhere was one of my main distractions ( along side food), I would never leave enough time to get to my appointment, so in effect I would set myself up that I had to rush…. Rushing feels so yuk in my body now, and not very loving for my body who has to suffer the consequences. This old habit likes to sneak in the back door now and then, but every time I clock it and show it the door again.

    1. Me too! I used to think it was so normal and that I never had enough time but never considered how I was setting myself up to fill the space that was available with everything and anything to avoid feeling the deliciousness of ease within my body. I will admit that once I felt how much I did that it was overwhelming to consider how to undo it, but here I am years later in the same boat as you and clocking any inkling of it sneaking in the back door!

  14. ‘Even to this day I wake up and feel constantly that there is more, that I am more, that what I am living is still not it’. I have this too. That said I do feel much more contentment in my life, but it is important not to ride on comfort or the ‘known’, but to keep saying yes and expanding.

    1. So true Jacqueline, that when we reach a certain level of stillness, joy, or contentment (such as after any Universal Medicine workshop or event) we tend to coast after that experience as if that is the pinnacle of our experience (even though it may have been in this lifetime). But knowing that there is no end to the depth of love, joy, stillness and harmony that we can feel, we can stay open to what is being offered to step into after gaining a certain level of awareness, so as to not stay stagnant and comfortable.

  15. We all have our distractions and our ‘go to’s ‘ to numb and dull our awareness. Alcohol, drugs, TV, gaming, working 24/7, stating all the obvious ones. But when it comes to food, not many would put food in that category as we need food for our bodies and to survive. So we can be fooled and unware that food like everything is a big numb-er if we are over-eating and eating food that our body has to work extremely hard to digest, or that the food we are eating is anti-evolving.

  16. I have always felt there was more to life than what we can see or imagine, and is why I was always searching for that something else. It took me to meet Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine to stop searching ‘out there’, because what he was presenting, I knew and felt it in every cell of my body, but here’s the thing, I was not living it. Having made many lifestyle changes over the years and still refining as I go, I can feel and have observed the unlimited support that is available when we live true to ourselves, in other words when we take responsibility for all our choices and where we find ourselves today.

  17. Yes, I constantly feel there is more to life, that I only have a glimpse of what might be truth and what I am living is nowhere near what is actually available to us, and my body aches for that.

  18. Nicole I totally agree with you that when a man called Serge Benhayon comes along who lives, speaks, walks and is the absolute embodiment of what is it to live a life of love, true family and community; it is truly inspiring to witness. And once it is felt in our body as something we can aspire to there is really no going back to the old way of life because our bodies confirm it was not a true way to live at all and this was what our bodies were trying to tell us all along.

  19. I have stepped into this path and begun exploring my part in the life I have created….“I slowly began to make different choices, and to look at how and why I had got myself to where I was,” Doing so is so supportive, honesty and responsibility changes lives, no perfection here but a commitment to not sit with the disempowering ideas that I blame others for what happens in my life.

  20. It is a shock to consider that ‘everything I had done and lived up until that point was designed to keep myself living less’ and in fact it’s still a shock for this is never ending, we can always live more the love we are, and it’s not a pressure to do so, but a willingness to surrender and allow that next level of love to be expressed, and really the only question here is how soon we choose it, the choice is always there.

  21. It is worth considering the comfort we live with when we look at responsibility in life. Comfort is a very interesting and perhaps I could say pernicious beast. On the surface it looks like something we should all ‘deserve’ and even invest in, yet my experience is that it keeps us asleep and turning a blind eye to things we should speak up about till we raise the bar on what abuse is because, what we once thought was abuse, is now accepted as normal. So comfort is something to watch out for.

  22. The understanding that we are all in it together and that it is not about going anywhere but that it is how we live and work together – lovingly and caring – is purpose for me enough to live my life fully in this way and embrace all that contributes to this world in a loving way.

  23. It empowers us to take full responsibility for the life we live, no longer victim, no longer blaming others and accepting it’s all down to us. Responsibility paired with love of self and humanity – awesome.

  24. ‘designed to keep myself living less, – to live up to a picture of how I thought I should be for everyone else,’ .. this line brought on a bit of a cringe, recognition in fact that I’ve lived in a way that is just enough to not get too much notice, to keep others happy, well really to keep them off my back so I can just do what I do without being fully who I am … this is changing and has changed hugely and there is more to go, but there always is, for it’s love we’re talking of here and that is endless and so are we.

  25. “It was so easy to blame others, to complain and play the victim, but how often do we stop to look at our responsibility for the way we are living and the person we have allowed ourselves to become?” I have come back to this one again, I can feel another layer being peeled off as I see the abdication of responsibility when we play the victim. We individualise rather than see the life lived to that point. There is much empowerment to be discovered by opening the door of self-responsibility to see what might be there rather than in denial of there even being a door.

  26. What you say is also very true for me Nicole. With the reflection of Serge Benhayon, there is no way in turning back to my former life of comfort. I might not live the life of Serge Benhayon yet, but I do deeply know that my life is about serving to humanity, and I do have the same potential as Serge.

  27. A great post Nicole. “When a man comes along who lives, speaks, walks and is the absolute embodiment of what is it to live a life of love, true family and community, it is truly inspiring to witness. Serge Benhayon is this role model …… ” I so agree. Serge is an inspiration – a man who treats everyone equally and brings understanding not judgement to all. He can see through all our behaviours to the beautiful essence that is in every one of us. It’s good to remember that on days when I feel less than….

  28. Yes every moment counts and the body speaks volumes when we are not living what we know is true. When we are willing to ‘get real’ and nominate the truth, it can be lived and expressed with others.

  29. That’s awesome Nicole. I too have chosen to question my habits that in effect cover up what I’m really feeling. It can seem like hard work from an outside perspective, but actually, it becomes so natural that you are able to nominate what’s going on in a flash and then you have a choice of whether to deal with it or not. And dealing with it also gets much simpler and quicker. There is far less complication in life when we deal with what’s in front of us.

  30. In the end we can no longer avoid or ignore the signs the body is giving us, how it is asking to look at our choices and how we live our life. When we take our responsibility for how we live, sleep, work, eat, etc. the quality of our choices can change as we are the ones in charge, always!

  31. That pull to know there is more is what I deeply appreciate about the love we are from, it is like the poles of a magnet, there is tension till they are together and however far apart they are their natural instinct is to be together again.

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