“I don’t do that!”

Recently it’s come to my attention that when I claim that I am not a part of something, it comes to light that I actually am very much a part of that which I have believed myself to be immune to or separate from, and that my misperception arises simply because I do not display the same behaviours as someone who is expressing them in the most extreme forms.

For example: I considered myself to be very open and welcoming of all people. Having been brought up in a predominantly English town and countryside and attending a school with Christian beliefs, my interactions with those of other racial backgrounds and religious affiliations were limited. But because I was not outwardly verbal or actively engaging in hate speech or intolerance towards others, as I had seen some people do, I assumed that I held no prejudices, but was instead a very open person.

Last year I moved into an area of London where a large percentage, if not the majority, of the residents are from Africa and the Caribbean. Equally, there is a very strong Christian and Muslim community presence. When I moved into the area, walking through the local streets I had this feeling of tension in my body; on the High Street and in the local stores I found I was avoiding people. I was holding beliefs that I could not speak to, or be seen engaging with, these people because we were from two different worlds. Even before moving to this area, I often struggled to understand the Caribbean and African accents and would avoid conversations with people with such accents so I would not feel uncomfortable about not understanding what was being said and to avoid expressing that I didn’t understand.

It then occurred to me in conversation with another that I was, in fact, prejudiced against people! This grated on my pride, which was claiming that because I don’t outwardly make snide comments or verbal or physical attacks, that I was not a part of such a consciousness, and yet here I was doing the exact same thing, simply played out in another way.

Since this realisation, my relationship with my local community has opened up and continues to grow. The feelings of being uncomfortable or out of place are fading away and I am far more at ease approaching and speaking to those who live around me. It’s like a barrier broke down; the barrier of the belief that our outward appearances, religions and origins make us completely different and unable to connect to one another.

From this example I have started to take notice when there are these ‘I don’t do that’ thoughts. I’ve found that there is often something to pay attention to, because there is a tone of defence in those thoughts, and if I truly were not a part of that energy that can be seen in the most extreme and the more subtle behaviours, then why the need for me to defend in the first place? This comes up anytime I react to another’s behaviour and judge it as being wrong in some way, because in this stance, I believe I have the right to judge without looking back at myself to see if that same quality is also playing out in my own life and within my own choices, or has done so in the past.

This experience has opened up my understanding as to what Serge Benhayon shares about us all being connected at all times and that, just because our actions may not outwardly match those of another who is expressing the same quality in a more extreme way, it doesn’t mean our own downgraded version of the same energy is any less potent. It only indicates that we have accepted an illusionary scale of what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior, without looking underneath at the root energy that can only be love or not-love. A small dose of abuse and a large dose of abuse both, in the end, equal abuse.

At the same time, the love that Serge Benhayon shares is no greater than the love we can express, only that through his consistent choices we see the grander effect of what built upon expressions of love can bring, when compared to our own position of starting out and learning the basics of expressing love, rather than expressing harm. In this way it shows us that our expressions of love are not lesser, but that the deeper expressions that come through those who have worked on living a loving life are an example of the potential our loving expressions can bring, should we also choose to build on, and with, them.

Life’s outplays come from energy and when this is brought to the fore of our attention, it starts to break down this accepted scale of behaviours that we have deemed are loving or harming. Energy tells us precisely if a behaviour, word, gesture, or movement is love or not love. This allows us to understand life far better than when we rely exclusively on the physical world to present us with the extreme ends of the scale – and then hides the same ills in the perceived ‘good’, ‘benevolent’ or ‘tolerant’ ways of living.

By looking at my reactions and judgments towards others and flipping the mirror back to myself, I cannot stand before anyone and say, “I don’t do that,” or that I have never done that, for it is, in fact, a lie. Keeping myself open to understanding why people do what they do, and by learning and understanding how I do the exact same, just in my own style, indicates that we are not separate from each other, but in fact very related and connected.

With all of this in consideration, how then is it possible to believe that we are separate individuals when we are so relatable to one another? By looking at these behaviours, from another and within myself, I am learning that these reactions and ill ways are not me, thus they are not the other person either.

When looking beyond them and connecting to the beauty within me again, it equally opens up my ability to receive the beauty in others, who are also not exclusively their behaviours. Clearly, we all have greater depths waiting to be expressed and it is together, through our reflections, that we support each other to become aware of this.

By Leigh Matson

Related Reading
“He who casts the first stone”
My Experience with Refugees


















1,134 thoughts on ““I don’t do that!”

  1. It’s amazing how it is often easier to clock and call out what does not belong when it is reflected to us outwardly by others choice of action – it’s actually an amazingly designed blessing and a proof that we are all students and no one can leave any one behind. Sure, we have often fallen into judgement and reaction and its collateral damage, but the fact that we get disturbed is something very much worth appreciating, including the discomfort when we realise we actually do the thing we have just called out.

  2. The energy coming “through our connection” is a simple choice and then we move every step towards a deepen Love that is simply there for everyone equally, when chosen, and this is a True responsibility to be in the understanding of the energy we are aligned to. Thank you Leigh as this is a topic well worth a deep discussion.

  3. We can be so quick to criticise and see fault in another, but what if this is a reminder and reflection back to us to deepen our awareness of self and others but also to bring more understanding of another person to the situation on hand. I know this is something I am working on daily.

  4. When we hold an extreme view on something it is easy for us to see this as being an issue or something that needs to be explored and resolved. But when we hold less extreme views on things this is brushed off as being ok, whereas in fact these views are still acting as a deep hindrance for us seeing the Truth. So in the end it is the smaller subtler views that can be more damaging in the long run as they are the ones that are the less obvious issues and often can go unnoticed and unaddressed and hence fester for ages.

  5. “A small dose of abuse and a large dose of abuse both, in the end, equal abuse.” Leigh this is a very important revelation and hopefully we all can be more aware of the depth what you have offered.

  6. The more we are in our stance, judgement and reaction with ‘I don’t do that’ the greater there is to clear and heal within the body. With our willingness to just clock and sense the reaction, change begins to take place and healing occurs. There comes a point when we openly accept and live nothing but an understanding for another. Then the ‘I don’t do that’ no longer is a part of our life.

  7. It’s interesting how we let ourselves off the hook so to speak because we don’t hold extreme views about others and we are not verbal. In cases like these who is being more honest?

    1. Just because I only thought about yelling at the bus driver who almost trapped me in the exit doors doesn’t mean I am better than those who actually yell at him. I am understanding that the thoughts shouldn’t be allowed full rein. It helps to ask how these come in and how present am I with myself?

  8. We don’t realise what ignorance we live with till it is or they are triggered sometimes. I am so pleased to be out in life to see where I am at ease or where I find tension because it tells me if a picture is living under the surface that I may not have been aware of before then.

  9. I cannot remember anyone teaching me or those around me about energy first. Since I met Serge Benhayon this has been at the core of his teachings that life is energy before anything else and we feel energy all the time but do not read it. This is hugely detrimental to our way of living because we get locked into pictures of how life should be and then try to control life to be the pictures we have made and if life doesn’t match up to the pictures then we have the perfect excuse to say life is too hard and withdraw from it.

    1. Ditto in that no ever before Serge Benhayon taught that everything is energy with such detailed, practical application to daily life. Since understanding this it becomes more obvious how damaging living by and for pictures actually is.

  10. It is great for us to look at how we assume because we do not do that we are not part of, or responsible for certain situations. This happens all over life, in work, school or homes. So for example as a child we see a child get bullied at school, we do not say anything….are we responsible for that bullying? To some degree when we turn our cheek we are….we may not like to think about it or be aware of it, but this example can fit into any area of life, concerning, sex, gender, family, religion, work etc we constantly get opportunities to step up and live truth and speak truth, but do we we take them? and if we do not, what are we adding to?

      1. And that curiosity…truth radar….is a beautiful thing that will keep unravelling and exposing what is not love in this world. And so giving yourself and others a choice…a choice to choose another way.

  11. “I don’t do that” – sometimes it pays to be careful to exactly define “that” – treating people differently can both be very harmful and perfectly true – it depends on the context. Equating our behaviour with that of others who may have very different intentions may be something we could review.

  12. I agree – when we judge what we see in others and see it as something completely separate to us, we miss out on the amazing opportunity of learning. Even just by the mere fact that we have had our reaction means that there is something that has touched us and that we are somehow related whether we like it or not. And it makes much sense that we harden when going into judgment because we have to stop ourselves from feeling this inter-connectedness somehow.

  13. ‘I assumed that I held no prejudices, but was instead a very open person.’ It can be a bit of a shocker to find out that we are engaging in the same behaviours that we so dislike in others. This suggests that we are all too often blind to our behaviours. The time is now to start to see just how we are living.

    1. We can be blind to our behaviours but blessed to have them in our face reflected in another person. However I know I haven’t and don’t always see it as a blessing but it’s there to help me learn.

    2. Agreed Ariana, it’s so true that we are in fact so often denying in us the very things that we see and dislike in others only to then deny the opportunity for us to heal those behaviours if we bring them to life.

  14. We say I do not do that, by and large, looking at someone we pre-judge to be less than us. We kill the other right away. When we do this, we may feel confirmed, close that door (so to speak) as in nothing else to say regarding this and keep walking. Yet, what we close is way more than that.

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