“I don’t do that!”

Recently it’s come to my attention that when I claim that I am not a part of something, it comes to light that I actually am very much a part of that which I have believed myself to be immune to or separate from, and that my misperception arises simply because I do not display the same behaviours as someone who is expressing them in the most extreme forms.

For example: I considered myself to be very open and welcoming of all people. Having been brought up in a predominantly English town and countryside and attending a school with Christian beliefs, my interactions with those of other racial backgrounds and religious affiliations were limited. But because I was not outwardly verbal or actively engaging in hate speech or intolerance towards others, as I had seen some people do, I assumed that I held no prejudices, but was instead a very open person.

Last year I moved into an area of London where a large percentage, if not the majority, of the residents are from Africa and the Caribbean. Equally, there is a very strong Christian and Muslim community presence. When I moved into the area, walking through the local streets I had this feeling of tension in my body; on the High Street and in the local stores I found I was avoiding people. I was holding beliefs that I could not speak to, or be seen engaging with, these people because we were from two different worlds. Even before moving to this area, I often struggled to understand the Caribbean and African accents and would avoid conversations with people with such accents so I would not feel uncomfortable about not understanding what was being said and to avoid expressing that I didn’t understand.

It then occurred to me in conversation with another that I was, in fact, prejudiced against people! This grated on my pride, which was claiming that because I don’t outwardly make snide comments or verbal or physical attacks, that I was not a part of such a consciousness, and yet here I was doing the exact same thing, simply played out in another way.

Since this realisation, my relationship with my local community has opened up and continues to grow. The feelings of being uncomfortable or out of place are fading away and I am far more at ease approaching and speaking to those who live around me. It’s like a barrier broke down; the barrier of the belief that our outward appearances, religions and origins make us completely different and unable to connect to one another.

From this example I have started to take notice when there are these ‘I don’t do that’ thoughts. I’ve found that there is often something to pay attention to, because there is a tone of defence in those thoughts, and if I truly were not a part of that energy that can be seen in the most extreme and the more subtle behaviours, then why the need for me to defend in the first place? This comes up anytime I react to another’s behaviour and judge it as being wrong in some way, because in this stance, I believe I have the right to judge without looking back at myself to see if that same quality is also playing out in my own life and within my own choices, or has done so in the past.

This experience has opened up my understanding as to what Serge Benhayon shares about us all being connected at all times and that, just because our actions may not outwardly match those of another who is expressing the same quality in a more extreme way, it doesn’t mean our own downgraded version of the same energy is any less potent. It only indicates that we have accepted an illusionary scale of what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior, without looking underneath at the root energy that can only be love or not-love. A small dose of abuse and a large dose of abuse both, in the end, equal abuse.

At the same time, the love that Serge Benhayon shares is no greater than the love we can express, only that through his consistent choices we see the grander effect of what built upon expressions of love can bring, when compared to our own position of starting out and learning the basics of expressing love, rather than expressing harm. In this way it shows us that our expressions of love are not lesser, but that the deeper expressions that come through those who have worked on living a loving life are an example of the potential our loving expressions can bring, should we also choose to build on, and with, them.

Life’s outplays come from energy and when this is brought to the fore of our attention, it starts to break down this accepted scale of behaviours that we have deemed are loving or harming. Energy tells us precisely if a behaviour, word, gesture, or movement is love or not love. This allows us to understand life far better than when we rely exclusively on the physical world to present us with the extreme ends of the scale – and then hides the same ills in the perceived ‘good’, ‘benevolent’ or ‘tolerant’ ways of living.

By looking at my reactions and judgments towards others and flipping the mirror back to myself, I cannot stand before anyone and say, “I don’t do that,” or that I have never done that, for it is, in fact, a lie. Keeping myself open to understanding why people do what they do, and by learning and understanding how I do the exact same, just in my own style, indicates that we are not separate from each other, but in fact very related and connected.

With all of this in consideration, how then is it possible to believe that we are separate individuals when we are so relatable to one another? By looking at these behaviours, from another and within myself, I am learning that these reactions and ill ways are not me, thus they are not the other person either.

When looking beyond them and connecting to the beauty within me again, it equally opens up my ability to receive the beauty in others, who are also not exclusively their behaviours. Clearly, we all have greater depths waiting to be expressed and it is together, through our reflections, that we support each other to become aware of this.

By Leigh Matson

Related Reading
Refugees
“He who casts the first stone”
My Experience with Refugees

Spara

Spara

Spara

Spara

Spara

Spara

Spara

Spara

Spara

Spara

Spara

Spara

Spara

Spara

Spara

Spara

Spara

794 thoughts on ““I don’t do that!”

  1. It’s so easy to judge people. We do it in a split second. More valuable is the ability to notice that we judge and being able to choose whether we want to run with this or not. We always have a choice.

  2. ‘..yet here I was doing the exact same thing, simply played out in another way.’ I totally love the candour, honesty and awareness you have arrived at here Leigh. So many of us are blind to or in denial about those subtle (or not so subtle) behaviours we go into in rejection of others. In arriving at this awareness, as you suggest, it is often enough to clear the block around it paving the way for more to follow. The inspiration you are offering here is huge. Thank you.

  3. When we become open to knowing people who come from different cultural backgrounds we soon learn that our so called differences only sit on the surface. We are all really the same. Love.

  4. Whatever we resist has some truth in it for ourselves. In reality we can not keep life flowing through us all the time, what we can choose is what do we want to be aligned and operate with.

  5. I am finding some of the DNA programs on TV fascinating when people realise their background and for example there is a white supremacists who discovers he is 14% Sub Saharan African. There is still something missing though in this understanding we are all connected everyday not just through our blood lines but by the very air we breathe.

    1. I agree and I feel thats where Jennifer’s comment above comes in. When we connect to others of different backgrounds we learn that we are all much similar than we believe. The more I open up to living connected to all others the more others get to feel we are the same and do share the same space.

  6. Thank you Leigh, and one day the energetic interflow and interplay that is happening all around and within us will be as visible to the average eye as it is now to those who choose to see and feel .

    1. And when we are given the opportunity to connect and say yes to the truth the protection starts to dissipate faster than we can possibly fathom.

  7. I never used to think my thoughts about others, those judgemental ones, were harming but now I know that is so far from the truth. Coming to understand that everything is energy I now know that includes our thoughts as well, so judgmental ones are therefore harming not only the other person but me as well. I actually hated having these thoughts but would find that they would be there before I even realised it. Now that is a pattern in my life that I am committed to understanding and healing because they serve no one.

    1. What is interesting here Ingrid Ward in what you have shared is that the thoughts that are coming through often leave me puzzled as I would never contemplate thinking that way about another. It brings to attention how we can be driven to accept all the thoughts that we are thinking are coming from our choosing rather than stopping to discern more and nominating that this is not true. In many cases when I do this the thought instantly disappears.

      1. I have really been noticing and appreciating lately that if I hold my posture a certain way (chest open, shoulders back, hips tilted back and standing tall) there are practically no judgemental thoughts. Whereas if my shoulders are rolled in, hips forward in a drive and push to get something done etc, then there is every negative thought possible. These thoughts are accepted by my choice of how I move my body, Serge Benhayon presents this over and over again but it’s really been sinking in lately.

  8. I have also found that whenever I am reacting or resisting something, my body is clearly communicating to me that there is something unresolved within myself to look at, let go of and to evolve from and the more Ioving and caring we are with ourselves the more understanding and allowing we naturally are with everyone.

  9. Yes we often have a tendency to distance ourselves from life without being honest that we may be, directly or indirectly, contributing to the mess in some way.

  10. If we choose to align to a lower vibration then we fill the gap between where we should be vibrating, to what we have chosen, with poison. If we continue to choose to align to the lower vibration we accumulate more and more poison which eventually will lead to an illness.

  11. The impact of society on our beliefs about the world is much greater than we know. Things we think are true are simply not. Ways we see ourselves also not true. There is much for us all to learn.

    1. Thanks for sharing this Heather Pope. There is so much that is fed to us and time and time again we can easily fall into searching for the answer from another when so often we already know the truth in ourselves. Could it be that the lesson learnt here is the willingness to make life simple and take on board what is offered in the easiest of ways?

  12. In reading your article Leigh, I am reminded of the word tolerance… The word that supposedly civilized religions use when they are talking about each other… And yet underneath these supposedly good words festers the beliefs that they actually do have about each other which are not really tolerant at all.

  13. I have a kind of policy that the minute I start judging someone or reacting to something they’ve done I turn it back to me – how can I possibly judge someone else over something I do and I’ve done and have not mastered myself? It’s almost crazy how our brains work sometimes, in that it’s ok for me to do something but it’s unbelievable when someone else does it.

    1. “it’s ok for me to do something but it’s unbelievable when someone else does it.” Very true Meg and today I had this situation right in my face. A colleague at work acting abusively towards others and myself, fighting back felt horrible and the ‘this isn’t right’ thoughts were also unsettling and then it hit me – I treat another in my life the same way. Our mind may say it’s ok to do but our bodies feel the truth of our expressions. And beautifully we have each other to reflect such choices to learn from.

      1. True what runs through our heads can be ridiculous, I think a good base value is: would I want another human being to ever be treated this way? OR would I want to be treated this way?

  14. It is fascinating how we can fool ourselves into believing that we are somehow ‘better’ than another because we don’t express the same level of anger, disrespect, or abuse, yet still carry and express these in a less obvious way. As you said a small dose or a large dose of abuse are still abuse. We have a lot to address and heal within ourselves first before looking outside to see what the world is doing that is not based on love.

  15. “just because our actions may not outwardly match those of another who is expressing the same quality in a more extreme way, it doesn’t mean our own downgraded version of the same energy is any less potent.” What you are saying here is so very true, there is so much judgement that we hold towards others, if they do not live or behave in a way that we do, this doesn’t foster love and connection, but separation and judgement.

  16. Hmmm this is really a pandora’s box of awareness isn’t it! There are so many subtle rivers and currents inside us driving our behaviour, and we can be so ignorant of this.

  17. What I really connected with in this article is how once we are honest with ourselves we no longer have anything to “hold at bay” or to “battle against”. This allows for our real, steady, true, selves to live in our life and embrace and enjoy all others who share the same space.

  18. Love, or not love, it is a simple yet powerful question/awareness to have in every second of our livingness. Your blog raised some interesting reflections for me Leigh as I come to a deeper understanding and awareness of my own behaviours, attitudes and beliefs that are not Love.

  19. Oh how easy it is to sit back and judge others for behaviours and ways of being that we do ourselves or do we. Maybe we have just denied, justified and buried the fact that the same energy is running through us.

  20. Yes, I too am guilty of the ‘I don’t do that’ mentality. it’s very very sneaky, but once exposed very clear and easy to spot. There have been many areas of life where I’ve perhaps been a little arrogant about my position in, only to realise that I’ve been enjoining the very areas that I thought I was not a part of. It’s a humbling thing really, and requires humility and a willingness to be open and transparent about it and then you have the space to make a different choice. The important thing I have found is not to go into judgement of ourselves, but instead to be aware, and then re-connect to what feels true for us and choose from there.

  21. We indeed are not our behaviours, however we are responsible for them. What you have expressed here Leigh is a great reflection;
    “When looking beyond them and connecting to the beauty within me again, it equally opens up my ability to receive the beauty in others, who are also not exclusively their behaviours”

  22. Thank you Leigh, I love the expression you use “I don’t do that” and how we often say it with defense, and that is super true and a great way to catch our patterns and prejudices, which are often subtle and we’re not aware of them. For as you so beautifully say “the barrier of the belief that our outward appearances, religions and origins make us completely different and unable to connect to one another.” no matter what the outside looks like there is a spark in all of us and we can connect to each other in this always.

  23. Its actually pretty hard to honestly look at our behaviours, especially the ones that are harming. However when we realise that we have chosen them based on the energy we were in at the time, which we also chose, it makes them easier to look at in the sense that we can beyond the look behaviour and see the root cause. This then gives us the opportunity to change the behaviour from a place of understanding and a greater love for ourselves.

    1. It is and I wondered today, I know I am making choices that are not fully supportive of the loving being that I am, yet if I cannot see them in myself, where are they being reflected outside to support me to look inside? Can it work on that flip side in that we look at and take notice of what does bother us in another to gain greater insights to ourselves and them in the process.

  24. The world around us is constantly reflecting to us what we need to know and learn. The more attention we pay the easier it is for us to know what the next thing is for us to discard and heal.

  25. Thank you Leigh, it’s a great point that we still contribute to the pool of prejudice (or other ills) even if we only hold subtle aspects of it. It’s common I imagine to not care about subtleties so long as we aren’t like “those people” who exhibit more extreme or overt versions of the same thing. We can use subtleties to kind of take ourselves off the hook and not be responsible in full for how we effect the world. This is the beauty of energetic integrity – it comes down to the quality of energy and how it feels even if behaviours are not overtly pointing to something being off.

  26. Thanks Leigh, I particularly picked up the point you made about avoiding people we find hard to understand, in your case those with Caribbean and African accents, and we choose to avoid any interaction with them. At work we have a few Nepalese speaking cleaners and although at first I couldn’t understand them, and it was easier to avoid the situation, now I probably understand one in every three words, but we still manage to communicate and it is lovely to feel that although we are not fluent in our exchange there is a shared moment where there is no separation.

    1. For the UK elections I worked at a polling station where people had to confirm their name and address to me. It was awesome asking them to repeat their words if I didn’t understand rather than remaining silent and uncomfortable. Not perfect but the difference in asking/not asking was more obvious than before.

    1. Definitely, I am reminded today that if I am bothered or affected by another’s behaviour then I cannot take the ‘I don’t do that’ stance but actually look at what is in me that I react to but have numbed myself to my own reaction to myself.

  27. We must keep always in our awareness that every situation and interaction is a reflection offering us learning and healing – never are we separate to the world in which we live, nor the grandness of the Universes within which we are held.

  28. It is convenient to look at others who are so-called more extreme in something and say ‘well at least I’m not like that so I’m doing ok’. This approach clearly distracts us from what we are needing to deal with ourselves.

  29. Beautiful and inspirational Leigh that you noticed the tension in your body and then took responsibility to name it and call out what was not true; certainly a work in progress as we become more aware of our reactions and responses.

  30. This is great Leigh, I agree there can be lots of things like this, and also when we perceive someone else is doing something to us, like presenting jealousy for example, and when we look into it deeper it is probably the other way round, that we are the ones initiating the jealousy, or, our lack of self appreciation is playing a part in not claiming the truth of our choices.

    1. Lack of self appreciation is playing a part in not claiming the truth of our choices….This makes sense because when I do make the choice to be me, to be love the next choice is instantly love, our choices are really powerful, we are really powerful and by not appreciating our choices we don’t get to be aware of the power that our choices have to change the people around us. When we reflect love and responsibility others start to do the same. Then the focus on what is not loving starts to die off.

  31. Being exposed for what we do and don’t do can sometimes be touching a raw nerve, but this simply shows how much our wily spirit does not like the exposure, instead would prefer to remain firm in it’s own arrogance and comfort.

  32. I love your honesty here Leigh ‘It then occurred to me in conversation with another that I was, in fact, prejudiced against people! This grated on my pride, which was claiming that because I don’t outwardly make snide comments or verbal or physical attacks, that I was not a part of such a consciousness, and yet here I was doing the exact same thing, simply played out in another way.’ I have had a similar experience to you in that I ‘thought’ I loved and accepted everyone as equal and that brotherhood was a strong quality I held within but when looking underneath this during a Sacred Esoteric Healing Level 4 course held by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine I got to feel just how much I judged and compared myself to others. Great that this has been exposed as now I can truly heal this. And yes beautifully said ‘I believe I have the right to judge without looking back at myself to see if that same quality is also playing out in my own life and within my own choices’ how many of us believe we have the right to judge another without first taking a good look at ourselves and how we are living and what we are expressing! Awesome call out.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s