We have all felt hurt at some time in our lives. It is as common a human experience as eating or sleeping. Many of us accept that life is full of hurts and that is just the way it is. But what is a hurt exactly?
Most of us would probably say that we feel or register a hurt any time we do not feel truly met, understood and respected for who we are. On a more practical level, any time we do not feel respect, decency, love and honesty, we say we feel hurt by this. We then assume that this is how it is and that there is no other way. But is this exactly true? Could there be another possibility? Do we have to feel hurt by the lack of love in the world?
I know from my own experience that every day I feel the quality of everything that is occurring around me. From the way people speak, move or just look, it is all constantly communicating something to me. I have also noticed that some days or moments in a day, I feel more disturbed by others’ actions or movements and other days or moments, I don’t.
So what’s the difference? Well, I have noticed that the days when I can observe what is occurring around me and not be disturbed, are the days when I am feeling less disturbed inside of me. On these days I am more connected to an inner stillness and steadiness that is always present inside me. When I am connected to this inner stillness I feel much bigger and grander than the disturbance and therefore, to be hurt by this disturbance seems impossible.
So I have found this an interesting observation because it means that how I interpret what is occurring around me depends on my own choice of how I am with, and within, myself.
It is easy to think of a hurt as something that is being done to us; that we are innocent victims in the crime. That it is a simple case of someone hurting us and we have every right to feel hurt. But perhaps what is closer to the truth is that we are actually choosing to feel hurt due to a disturbing situation. We choose to focus on the relatively small disturbance and disconnect from the abundance of love and stillness that is all around us and inside us constantly. Therefore, if feeling hurt is a choice rather than a foregone conclusion, we could also just as easily make a choice to NOT feel hurt by any disturbing situation.
Another belief I would say we have around hurts is that we often like to think of them as a simple transaction in a straight line. We have the perpetrator who commits the unloving act upon the victim. There is a good guy and a baddie. We feel hard done by if we are the victim and wonder how on earth someone could possibly dream of not loving us as we know we deserve to be loved, because deep down we know we come from love.
However, have we considered that the hurts we experience in our lives may actually be cyclical in nature and not as lineal as may first appear?
Every time we do, say or think something that is not coming from a basis of love and truth, it creates an energetic disturbance in the universe. We have in effect created disharmony where there was none before. This contributes to the pool of energy or consciousness that surrounds us and also influences us. We in effect live in the soup that we create with our own daily choices.
So when we complain that someone has hurt us, it is wiser to understand that unless we can honestly say that we live our own lives with absolute truth and love all the time, we have actually contributed to this hurt we now feel coming towards us. It is a bit like wee-ing in the pool and then complaining that someone else in the pool has splashed us in the face with the collective urine!
So rather than constantly reacting to life and only seeing the lack of love that is obviously sometimes the reality of life on this planet, perhaps it would be wiser to stay connected to the love that we are and take full responsibility for what we express in the world, knowing that it is our collective expressions that make up the world we all have to live in.
I have experimented with this myself a little and have noticed that if I choose to be understanding and not react when someone is doing or saying something disturbing around me, then many times the person will change how they are expressing as they too sense the disturbance. Then other times when I choose to react, no matter how much right I feel I have to be hurt, I have observed that I am actually expressing the same quality of disturbance back to the person who I have decided is hurting me! The disturbance becomes the norm and neither of us have an opportunity to get out of it. We both stay in our protection and guardedness, which feels justified by our hurts that we are choosing to hang on to.
Inspired by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, I have begun to explore the science of energy – which includes the science of hurts – and I have realised that despite the reality of the existence of hurts on this planet of ours, they do not have to be the dominant or driving force behind our behaviours as they currently are, and that we do in fact have a choice as to whether we feel hurt or not.
By Andrew Mooney
Related Readings:
We are not our hurts
Relationship games – fear of losing love
Relationships – why we should come clean about our deepest hurts
Words on Serge Benhayon 
“it is our collective expressions that make up the world we all have to live in”. The more we deepen the love we live with the more abundant love is felt by all.
This is a huge lesson to learn that we think we have a right to react to someone who we feel has hurt us in some way. So we can hold them to ransom and then nobody wins except the energy that set it all up in the first place. This energy feeds of our separation to each other and will constantly find way to feed it.
Understanding others and where they are at, and also learning to not take situations personally is what I am working on at the moment so that I am not reacting but giving people space and staying connected to love. Andrew I liked your words about “the Science of Hurts” which opens it up as a study, and exploring reacting, and being hurt or not, as movements of different energies.
Feeling the hurt we can choose to align to the energy or understand where it comes from and live with the Love of that wisdom but hate the fact that this energy can exist to hurt us! Thus taking the individuality out of the equation so we are greater than our individual hurts and with this awareness it is our responsibility to deepen our Love.
Thanks Greg, your words “but hate the fact that this energy can exist to hurt us!” reminded me that it’s the same source of energy that creates the disturbance that also supplies the hurt.
Absolutely Melinda, it is like a two edged sword that traps you both ways until we learn to Hate it with so much Love that we are passionate about our Hate-full-ness.
“When I am connected to this inner stillness I feel much bigger and grander than the disturbance and therefore, to be hurt by this disturbance seems impossible.” Thanks Andrew, I can’t say with authority that I have had this experience as yet, but I can feel the truth to it and I know of times when I’ve stayed steady with myself despite a disturbance in someone around me. I’m feeling to deepen into my stillness and make that a focus, as disturbance has taken up much of my life for such a long time. It’s a really good common sense blog, thank you.
Yes, we have a choice about whether we feel hurt or not and how we respond to that hurt. We can perceive what we want and then turn that into our truth. The danger is that everyone can perceive differently and then our experience becomes a melting pot of perceptions with many truths but not The Truth in sight.
Absolutely Lucy as the energetic Truth should be felt first before we look for any way of responding.
“How I interpret what is occurring around me depends on my own choice of how I am with, and within, myself” – interpretation is how we create our reality, and we have to keep repeating the conversion to keep our reality real – regardless of it being hurt or euphoria.
Some days I can be in such reaction and no matter what happens around me I take it personally. And then other days I am much more aware and holding more understanding both of myself and others around me. It is part of growth to go through awkward and difficult moments as such – a little like how fast the body grows in teenage years and how you can feel so confident and strong and coordinated one day and then the next you feel like you have two left feet as your body has grown overnight. Growth is natural, change is natural and though it can feel awkward and frustrating, it is the thing that allows us to learn and adjust and evolve and I have found that with embracing this, it has allowed me to take one step back closer to my essence and hence an even deeper understanding.
I love how holding and understanding of yourself you are here Henrietta – we definitely need to do this and see ourselves as imperfect students of life and love if we are to truly heal our hurts including the ones we have with ourselves.
Yes I really appreciate what you are bringing here, a deeper understanding of the magic that comes from honesty. If we can bring that honesty without the judgement then we can deepen our relationship with ourselves, learning when we are being true and when we are not. It is when we are not that we get hurt because we are not reading where the behaviour is coming from, rather we are taking it all personally and being battered.
Thanks Henrietta, I appreciate what you have shared here because I sometimes have great periods and then it feels like I fall back again into hurts and reactions. Your attitude to accept and embrace the cycles as they come is a good one.
Thank you Andrew for this wise and supportive expose on hurts. Hurts do abound in everyone’e life and are here for us to explore, grab and understand and hence heal in the process. But to understand that we too are responsible in some way for these hurts is also important, as you have shared. And when I feel a hurt come up, I first acknowledge it and allow myself to feel how I feel and then I do my best to seize that as an opportunity to understand what it is that I am trying to shy away from in terms of my responsibility on a deeper level. This is not always easy to do but unfolds in layers if we are genuine in our approach to feel what is underlying.
Thank you Henrietta, yes hurts can actually be signposts and great catalysts for change, growth and evolution if we are honest about them and where they come from.
“How I interpret what is occurring around me depends on my own choice of how I am with, and within, myself.” – this is so true! Hence why we can have the same situation happen several times and yet react or respond completely differently each time. A bit like waking up in the mornings and looking out the window – the same scenery can look bright or grey depending on how we are feeling on the inside.
“When I am connected to this inner stillness I feel much bigger and grander than the disturbance and therefore, to be hurt by this disturbance seems impossible.” Andrew you offer us all a possibility to deal with our hurts and reactions. Now it is on each of us to choose to be more in this inner stillness or not. I for myself can say I love to deepen this inner stillness day by day as it makes my life a bit more joyfuller.
This idea of the goodies and badies feels really harmful, it stops any responsibility and stops the understanding that could otherwise be there.
Yes and the mainstream media and politicians play on this idea all the time (as they have done for thousands of years) to get their own personal agenda through and to control/sway the population to go along with their plans.
Andrew, what you are sharing here is really helpful and makes sense; ‘if I choose to be understanding and not react when someone is doing or saying something disturbing around me, then many times the person will change how they are expressing as they too sense the disturbance.’
Yes if both people are in reaction then how is there any reflection or marker of anything different?! And so the whole world pretty much runs on endless reactions and therefore the huge amount of disturbance that this is creating in our bodies, our minds, on our planet and in the universe goes largely unnoticed.
That understanding is so crucial, as is the bigger picture, otherwise I find myself taking it personally and making it about me, when it’s actually about the other person, even if it’s directed at me. I can still respond and pull the person up, but it’s a very different and empowered position by staying with myself, rather than making it about self and then feeling hurt and possibly withdrawing.
We can get annoyed at our colleagues for not caring about their work, we can get annoyed at our family for not caring for our homes but the biggest annoyance, anger and frustration come towards ourselves – when we don’t care, when we’re in disregard we are hurting ourselves.
I cannot feel hurt when I am aware accepting and living my purpose and the qualities I am to bring as a woman to the world. This way of being is a continuous unfolding and deepening of the love that lies within me.
I have been surprised when an old hurt I thought I had healed from pops up again. I now recognise I am being shown that there is more to heal, deal with it and move on once more.
The ‘fact (we) have a choice as to whether we feel hurt or not@ was a revelation to me when I fist heard this at a Universal Medicine presentation. What? It felt weird, but it’s so true. I realised – a while ago now – that I was indulging in feeling hurt, even wallowing a little. It’s important to deal with our hurts, but there does come a time to move on.
To explain a hurt as the feeling of a disturbance in my body makes so much sense, and these disturbances I used to blame on others claiming they had hurt me. But by accepting that I am just as responsible for this disturbance as the other person, changes everything. This acceptance brings me to a point where I realise that I have a choice to say yes to this disturbance within my body, the hurt that I will probably hold on to for at least a little while, or to say no, ‘I am not allowing anything to disturb this body of mine’. The choice to be disturbed, aka hurt, is definitely all mine.
We have a choice to be dominated by hurts or not. These days I find if I am experiencing a hurt I know it has no power if I reconnect to the love within myself.
There is a reality to hurts but they are not the end point. There is a deeper level of understanding that we can explore around how and why they occur.
Thank you Andrew, it’s such a powerful read and very healing. This morning I woke feel very unsettled and disturbed, but I began reading the comments of this blog and instantly realised this feeling within me was simply me feeling hurt and reactive. It’s been such a common feeling in my life often making it difficult to sleep or waking feeling completely out of sorts. Reading through this blog and the links in related reading I came across a quote by Serge Benhayon talking about our hurts relating to either us or another person not being love. This made so much sense to me as yesterday I chose a very familiar and repeating situation in my life which is essentially me disregarding what is loving for me, and letting others treat me in a disregarding way without speaking up. It was truly amazing to have so much clarity from this page and it’s resources and to feel such understanding of myself and others and begin the healing process, instead of putting down how I felt to “stress”, and not knowing how to support myself.
“We choose to focus on the relatively small disturbance and disconnect from the abundance of love and stillness that is all around us and inside us constantly.” So true the hurt becomes our focus rather than the abundance of love that is always there waiting for us to re-connect to it.
Humanity lives either in protection or reaction to the hurts we feel and this is how most people go through life without considering there is a possibility or need to change it. Your blog Andrew gives an insight into why we get hurt, and with this deeper understanding begin to unravel how much holding onto our hurts affects us all.
There are so many things that we feel hurt about in society, in our lives and what I love about what Serge presents is that its not about not feeling that or denying that or even trying to fix that but first and foremost living from the fact and connection with the fact and truth that we are love before whatever has gone on that takes us away from being all that we are.
Another thing I have noticed when I choose to be hurt by someone is I focus on the disturbance or error and disconnect from the love or divinity that is the essence of someone, which creates a disconnection and distance between us.
And when I reconnect to the love that’s underneath all of that it’s like the giant distance never existed and in some instances, I feel closer than ever to the other person.
Yes I agree it is amazing how close and equal we can feel with others when we come back to love and connection rather than focusing on our hurts and the ‘poor me’ syndrome.
“It is easy to think of a hurt as something that is being done to us; that we are innocent victims in the crime. That it is a simple case of someone hurting us and we have every right to feel hurt. But perhaps what is closer to the truth is that we are actually choosing to feel hurt due to a disturbing situation.” This is revelatory and at times I still need to remind myself of this fact as it is so easy to say ‘because of you I now feel’ but never is this true.
Yes the blame game is an easy one to play but it gets us no closer to resolving the hurt or preventing the next one.
Still recognizing when we do go into it allows for a stop and the question of what our own investement, ideal or expectation was. We tend to project our own needs and wishes on others and then fel we have the right to be hurt when they are not met. In this case we can use these moments to learn to let go of that which gets exposed and so turn the situation into an evolutionary one instead of one where we accumulate more hurt.
When I have a need for the world and its people to be a certain way, and when that doesn’t get delivered, I feel hurt – disappointed, betrayed and disrespected. It’s an interesting one really, because if I hadn’t known the truth of who we are, the potential we could be living, why would I ever have that idea in the first place? Having said that, that doesn’t have to mean I should have the need, I know. I like what you say about others’ response/reaction to your response/reaction whether it comes from hurt therefore justifying the disturbing energy the hurt operates in in that transaction. I have never experienced that myself, but it makes sense and I can feel the truth in that.
Yes good point you raise here that even before the so called hurt we are setting things up in advance with projections and expectations of how we think things should be rather than accepting them as they are.
Registering a hurt is a good thing. What we choose to do afterwards with it, is up to us.
Yes it can be very healing to be honest about our hurts and that they are there in the first place. As you say though the question is what do we do next with them?…do we wallow in them, hide behind them and use them as an excuse to stay in protection and guardedness and blame? Or can we observe them and heal them by bringing more love to them and understanding that we are not our hurts, they are not part of us.
This makes sense, the more settled we feel within the less we will be disturbed by the outside. However, this does not mean to say we accept disturbance/abuse that goes on in the world just that we deal with this in a different way.
Yes not reacting to the disturbance does not mean we put up with abuse or no response. In fact if we stay steady in our bodies and observe what is happening then our response is much more considered and balanced and open.
I love that expression “the science of energy” because understanding energy is a science. It is no different than understanding any other scientific topic.
Energy is indeed very scientific and since everything in life is energetic then life itself has a science that is precise, simple, universal and practical.
When we stop feeding the reactions, the reactive way of behaviour becomes so obvious for all.
We do feel hurt when we leave the space of god we ought to live in and instead step down into creation.
The more I take care of myself, hold a quality of stillness in my body the less I am hurt by others’ responses and actions, because I can observe and read situations more easily. Still very much a work in progress I notice that when I drop the attention to detail in terms of my own self care how quickly and easily I can revert to becoming hurt as I get caught in the emotion of moment.
It is a ‘work in progress’ for me as well, but what wonderful work it is. To have less reaction in my body is so very welcome, but I also know that it requires a consistent commitment to care for my body so it feels settled and steady, therefore not offering any space for any perceived hurts to get a foothold. Not always easy but oh so worth the commitment.
We only feel hurt from others when we are not living the fullness of the love that we are.
It is our responsibility to deal with our hurts because no one but ourselves can heal them for us.
Indeed Elizabeth, as we are the creators of our own hurts we are also the only ones that can heal them.
It is crucial to understand that despite of what is being thrown at us, we choose to be hurt. We choose to let go of our connection and that is what hurts more than anything that is thrown at us.
Building a body of stillness is the key for everything. The moment I loose my breath and the connection to myself everything around me becomes more important, as it feels horrible to actually feel the disconnection itself. It needs a Stop to realise that I am not in a fullness with me to then continue in a quality that observes, loves and flows in the rhythm of the universe.
Andrew, what a powerful blog. Right in time for me to read and grow with it. I can feel the depth of pondering about the whole topic and I can very much relate to it. Let’s not waste more time in creating hurts, although it is important to realise first that something hurt us and we´ve chosen that. To then let it go and not make it something becoming real, that is the key.
Hurts get in the way of us living from our essence. That then is one great reason to deal with them.
and this is why they are so welcomed on a certain level as we can use them as an excuse to not share all of who of who we are with all around us. Without our hurts there will be no need for protection.
Thank you Andrew. Reading your blog again tonight, I’m struck by how clear cut the choice is: focus on what’s outside of us, and measure our sense of self worth by something that is constantly fluctuating; or, turn within to that steadiness, that sense of deep stillness, that is always there, never goes away and can always be relied upon. We have to reject our own sense of stillness and connection first, before we get hurt – and that is what really hurts the most. We can point the finger at others for ‘hurting us’ but what hurts most of all is usually our own reactions to others, more than their behaviour towards us.
Our hurts are made up from our own choices which often allow us to justify certain situations because of our hurts, however if we let go of our hurts we are able to live the truth that we know rather than the truth we don’t want to see.
There can be these moments when we feel it is ok to be hurt or ok to be rude as we are having an intense time. But do we realise what we are contributing to the world and whole universe at such a moment and do we realise this might be coming back to us? It is about realising that we can be in life and never have that off moment or that moment when we deserve to lash out so we are not adding to the pool of this energy at least.
Our Spirit just loves to circle around itself. It prefers to indulge in the situation that was “unfair” and painful towards it, instead of taking the responsibility of every action made beforehand, that contributed to this “unfair” situation. There is nothing like unfair, there is just truth and responsibility to be looked at and to grow from that. Everything else is pure distraction, attention seeking and delay of becoming soulful and truly powerful again.
Stefanie I totally agree with your comment, this part of us that we have called the spirit is such an attention seeker and loves to delay because it knows it is not ‘the everything’ it likes to think it is. And that is why it is in total resistance of the greater part of itself our soul. And so it manipulates, controls and does everything it can to stay as the individual, it’s ridiculous how we fight our own divinity and this makes no sense to me.
We simply cannot move forward in life if we do not deal with our hurts.
Andrew what you are sharing is a pot of gold for humanity
“Every time we do, say or think something that is not coming from a basis of love and truth, it creates an energetic disturbance in the universe. We have in effect created disharmony where there was none before. This contributes to the pool of energy or consciousness that surrounds us and also influences us. We in effect live in the soup that we create with our own daily choices.”
If we could all get this concept the world would be a more harmonious place to live.
Feeling hurt strikes me as eminently reasonable. Remaining with that feeling without looking deeper is a missed opportunity as many hurt feelings evaporate when the situation is understood more fully.
“But what is a hurt exactly?” This is a great question to ask. Our vulnerability to feeling hurts may have many underlying causes. When we hold steady with the truth of who we are we are better able to observe the hurt in another that may be causing their reaction.
When we get to a place where we are able to connect to our inner stillness it doesn’t take long for any disturbance to be felt. It’s like a big rock being thrown into a very still pond with the energetic ripples from the disturbance rippling right through us. But it is the next choice we make that will determine whether we allow these ripples to affect us, or not; it is always our choice.
When we’re feeling hurt or emotional, what helps us the most to get out of it, is someone else’s steady reflection, and not them jumping in the emotional pool with us, as much as we might want them to at the time. Holding steady is actually then a great gift that we can offer to ourselves and others: that rock solid stillness and steadiness that we all have and hold within us, but sometimes forget about.
Great point Bryony, it is that holding, understanding, steady, non-reactional love that brings us back to reconnect to who we are. This definitely works for me when I am ‘out of sorts’!
The greatest hurt we carry is the choice we made so long ago to separate from our divine essence, returning and reconnecting to our essence allows the divine love we are to heal all our hurts.
We like to hold onto hurts as an excuse to not move forward.
Yes and I have found that hurts can be used as a great excuse to not lead the way and make the first move as it were – we like to complain about life not being what we want it to be and people hurting us etc but are we willing to be the one who puts love first and holds it and leads the way back to love for everyone?
Yes, and we need to deal with them eventually – that interval is often a complete waste of time. Sometimes hurts need time but not in all cases.
“…. we do in fact have a choice as to whether we feel hurt or not.” This is a very profound and transformational understanding.
The beauty of this article is that it exposes what really hurts us. That being to step away from the love within that we all innately are. Then it is easy to be hurt as we seek for another to do what we have chosen not to.
Just by understanding hurt as a science changes the whole game of how to heal them immediately.
There is an ill- consciousness that incites us to think that we are our hurts and we have to just live with our hurts, that this is a part of life as such we have created countless ways for us to numb, ignore and distract ourselves from feeling them. However, in deepening our connection to our love within, we know what then is not of this love, and it is this disturbance that we need to allow ourselves to feel, as from this point of feeling lovelessness our purpose is ignited to not allow this ill-quality to be part of our lives. And so, we then are open to addressing, healing and letting go of our hurts as this is what allows us to walk with greater power to say ‘no’ to that which is not love for ourselves and equally so for any other. We are love and living anything less than this hurts as it is an abuse to the divinity we are here to live, and only by honestly feeling the quality in which we are living can we willingly bring the greater quality, love, to life.
Yes I have definitely found this to be the case that the more I deeply honour and care for myself and my body the steadier I feel in myself and then the greater my ability to observe what’s happening and respond without reaction.
Yes, that is very honest and beautiful.
Hurts can linger for a long time. Once we are very honest we can see whether we are expressing or acting from a hurt and can observe when and how we do it. That can give us an understanding what is precisely happening and respond to it.
Beautiful, it is the disturbance that we have let come through us that than creates all pains, distractions and problems (complexity). We can from now on start recognizing this. As it no longer has to be our way..
Yes and this disturbance is actually inside us far more than from outside of us and this is what hurts us far more than the perceived negative event or situation.
Agreed Danna and Andrew. It is the extent of the disturbance we have allowed that we need to honestly feel and be disturbed by, in order for us to say ‘no more’ and step up to the responsibility of living with the greater love that we innately are.
“the days when I can observe what is occurring around me and not be disturbed, are the days when I am feeling less disturbed inside of me.” This is such an insight-full observation Andrew, one that made me stop and feel deeply into what you are offering the reader. And yes, I could really feel how this is so true for me too and so I now have a marker for those days where everything around me seems ‘off’. I will simply ask myself – what is going on inside of me?
To observe is so key here. The world is not a smooth sailing place and there is a lot of dis-ease and dysfunction going on. But in that we have a choice to take it on and react and feel hurt, or to observe and read what is being communicated and see what is behind everything that is presented to us.
The bigger picture of hurts presented here shows how we all impact each other, and indeed everything around us … there is no getting away from this and the image of the pool is apt, we all can pee in it and then complain of being splashed but in understanding that we all add to hurts with holding onto our own, we offer space and understanding to any hurts that come our way and we find another way to be with ourselves and others. It’s really the only way to move beyond hurts for each of us holding onto our own just means more of us getting splashed with pee. No contest at all.
When we project needs, judgements and expectations on others and situations this hurts us far more than if we simply observe everything that is happening without projection or judgement.
“Therefore, if feeling hurt is a choice rather than a foregone conclusion, we could also just as easily make a choice to NOT feel hurt by any disturbing situation.” It is so very empowering to not be a slave to anything, including our perceived hurts.
To be honest of our part in our hurts is a healing in itself. And I have also observed how I can bury hurts deeply and think everything was fine, when really there are hurts we deny that stay with us until we are willing to be honest about the truth of what we felt.
We live in a sea of so much love and space and a disturbance is just a denser vibration or form of energy which is no match for the grandness of space. So when we are choosing to be hurt we are actually choosing to align with the denseness rather than the space. It is then our own alignment and compression of ourselves into a more dense form that hurts us not the disturbance although it is a convenient excuse to blame the disturbance to cover up our own self-abuse.
It has really taken me quite a long time to understand that I don’t need to be hurt and that it is a choice. This shows that as humans we are so keen to lose our connection and choose to get hurt by reacting etc. I love this blog because it shows us that we have a clear choice- a choice between the love that we are part of, made of and from, or the hurt which is a small disturbance to that connection within us that is very grand and can’t be disturbed unless we ask for that. This blog reminds me of what I know – that life is about energy first and the responsibility of knowing that how we are with ourselves effects the level of disturbance we experience.
“how I interpret what is occurring around me depends on my own choice of how I am with, and within, myself.” I read a whole lot more into this sentence as I read it today as I am taking time to take more responsibility for my own behaviour and reactions to events around me.
Like you Andrew I have been inspired by Serge Benhayon to reawaken myself to observe energy and how it plays out. The more I feel settled in my body the less disturbing it is when it comes through someone. This fact has been the biggest ‘eye opener’ for me to understand that energy comes though us it is not actually who we are. There are only two types of energy to choose from, something else I didn’t know and it is a constant choice which one we chose to align to. I feel that this is actually what we should all be learning about at school as it is life changing to understand this. How many people in the world know that life is all about the energy we chose first and the consequences of that choice thereafter?
Observing the science of energy keeps us honest in that we get to see that how we are in life affects another and that it is our responsibility to deal with our hurts otherwise we are harming another with our unresolved emotions.
As a sensitive person, we can look out at the world and see that things are not quite right, that there is so much chaos and madness, murder and rape and war etc. And we know this is not living to our capacity. So on some level we must have a marker of some kind of what love is, for if we did not have this marker, then how would be ever know that war rape or murder etc was not normal? So what if it was simply about connecting to a deeper part of ourselves, and realising that what hurts more than anything else is when we do not connect deeply? Seeing a mess around us will still feel awful, but at least from that connection we will have a different understanding of this and be in a position to offer true support to ourselves and those around us.
“how I interpret what is occurring around me depends on my own choice of how I am with, and within, myself.” So true Andrew. This highlights the responsiblity we have with the choices that we make in our daily lives, as ultimately they impact on everyone around us.
There is a real invitation here Andrew to, when we feel hurt by something, rather than going into it (and getting something out of it, which we do) we can simply nominate it and then, this offers us the opportunity to look at it deeper. Often when we feel hurt we react and then want to blame someone else, but really all this is highlighting is how we don’t want to look at our own part – how we have contributed to the ‘wee in the pool’ so to speak (great analogy by the way). When we give ourselves the opportunity to look at something deeper we see the energy behind the disturbance rather than a person who is hurting us. Very big difference.
Yes hurt is not a dirty word and we do need to be honest about our hurts and not try and avoid them for they can guide us to knock out the things that are stopping us accessing more love in our lives.
“It is easy to think of a hurt as something that is being done to us; that we are innocent victims in the crime.” Um yes!!! What is a bit of an awkward moment in all of our lives though is when we realise we have a choice to feel hurt or not and that the choice is often made faster than our brain can process how we will react or respond. Building a body that can observe life and not be pushed from pillar to post is a great focus as it builds a foundation away from any ‘crisis’ or ‘situation’. Then slowly but surely you build a body that responds in a different way faster than your brain can process and the outcome is not feeling hurt but understanding how it all came about!
I love here Lucy how you are mentioning the body and that this is where the alignment is made towards response or reaction (i.e. hurt) and that it is not a thought process that takes place in the mind. it is has been my experience also that I can build a body in daily life that is prepared for life’s ups and downs and inevitable challenges and disturbances so that when these situations occur my body is ready and more willing to respond to them with love rather than go into hurt, blame, reaction etc.
We use our hurts to reason and justify why we behave in certain ways, but truly, even though we may have some, we are not our hurts. and can step into that grander place that allows us to look at and unravel our hurts and not be run by them.
The biggest hurts are the ones we cast upon ourselves, when we are not loving, or when we do not express… these things create holes in us that are beyond imaginable.
“how I interpret what is occurring around me depends on my own choice of how I am with, and within, myself.” how we are within ourselves is reflected out into the world, and it is this reflection that comes back to us.
” But perhaps what is closer to the truth is that we are actually choosing to feel hurt due to a disturbing situation. ”
This is very true and absorbing feeling hurt can be a method for oneself to distract from the truth of what is really going on and allow one to relinquish personal responsibility for hurtful situations.
I think it’s natural to feel hurt when we see all the loveless actions and behaviours in our world but what matters is what we then do with that hurt – do we indulge in it or to we connect with a deeper sense of purpose and commitment to bringing the love that we know to all areas of life.
‘Every time we do, say or think something that is not coming from a basis of love and truth, it creates an energetic disturbance in the universe. We have in effect created disharmony where there was none before. This contributes to the pool of energy or consciousness that surrounds us and also influences us. We in effect live in the soup that we create with our own daily choices.’
We all contribute to the pool of energy by every choice we make, without wanting to realize it doesn’t matter whether you are the victim or the perpetrator.
Registering a hurt is very different to re-acting to a hurt. We will always feel what is not love and this is a disturbance to a body that knows love… I like the ‘weeing in the pool’ analogy.
One day something that happens doesn’t hurt and we can simply observe and the next day it does and mostly this is because of how we have been with ourselves and how much love we have expressed.
A hurt doesn’t come from outside, we carry them inside and often choose to hang on to them. Letting go of hurts offers us an opportunity to let go of protections and deepen the connection we have with God, ourselves and others.
What is not love hurts us. This then tells us that we know what love is otherwise we would not know what was not love. Our hurts therefore are showing us that underneath the hurt is love and that the way to heal any hurt is through love.
Being hurt is a choice. That is a truth to deeply feel and understand.
A great observation here Andrew – everything always comes back to being aware of our part in what is presenting itself to us.
“Well, I have noticed that the days when I can observe what is occurring around me and not be disturbed, are the days when I am feeling less disturbed inside of me. On these days I am more connected to an inner stillness and steadiness that is always present inside me.”
Andrew, this blog is a real game changer for us all. I never really consider having hurts as coming from a choice to be hurt or not. Even though I knew they come from our reactions, it seemed like our hurts are just there to be healed once we have a certain experience. But it makes so much sense that if we continue to read every situation and observe it without a need or picture of the way it ‘should be’ , then we can allow things to unfold to learn from without being affected by them and thus turning into a long lasting hurt that results in more sadness, protection, and disconnection from others.
Well said, feeling like we have to have the answers there and then or even defend/attack just buries hurts and experiences deeper in our bodies to come up again and again and again. If this is our experience of life it is hard to imagine it can or could have been any other way. Yet building a body of love, away from the crisis moments offers space to consider a different approach and response in those ‘groundhog day’ moments.
I find when I am presenting Esoteric Yoga, that a lot of people’s bodies go into a protection as soon as they open their eyes. They expect to get hurt by what they see and feel around them and the body hardens up. Over time I find that when people learn to stay with themselves when they open their eyes, feel their body and allow the world to just be, the hurt is not there. So, presence and observing feel very key to not creating new hurts or reacting to old ones.
A very sobering blog to read, that nails hurts right on our head…and while reading I could feel just how much understanding you have on the science of hurts… And great for anyone who wishes to free themselves from the constant cycle and merry go round ( actually not so merry) of being affect by hurts, or perceiving that someone has hurt you. And that we have a choice to feel hurt that can dominate us for a while, or we can choose to stay steady with ourselves, connected with our body so that we do not get affected or disturbed. Great to reread this blog – there is so much gold in it.
Protection and reaction are a great recipes for hurts. But as is so beautifully described here, these are both a choice we make of how to be. And in that we go further into hurts rather than healing the hurts we carry with us and then using them to not evolve.
What I find as well is that dependent on how I am feeling… if I just don’t feel myself and someone brings that to my attention to be supportive, then in that state I can think I’m hurt but it’s actually really loving that the other person is helping me to come back.
Yes I have also noticed that there is a difference when we react when someone loves us so much that they are prepared to present an uncomfortable truth that we need to hear and it is done lovingly, and when this information is not said with love, and so we are feeling the lack of holding and understanding in what is being said or presented. In both situations it is important to not react knowing that both situations are there to support us to learn.
Yeah it can be something we don’t fully want to accept that when we go into hurt, it adds to the source that has hurt us and allows it to circulate in our bodies and change our movements which then puts back into the world all that we have been hurt by- simply the absence of love.
I realised yesterday that perhaps a hurt is really just when something happens that lays bare or exposes something we have not resolved in ourselves. So we believe it is coming from outside of us and then can quickly launch into blame, but really it is inside of us and therefore can be a great signpost to healing and evolution. So we can start by appreciating what hurts are showing us. If we view them in this way it also puts a very different perspective on why things happen in life.
I love the turn-around Andrew, just to appreciate what the hurt is showing us, is a different choice. In the past when I felt very insecure in my own shoes, I would allow a hurt to completely overwhelm me, taking me over that I could not see any light at the end of the tunnel I was in. And every time I felt weighed down like a ton of bricks unable to manoever an inch. So in effect I made the hurt 100 times bigger than it was… ouch! I can still wobble a little when something pops up that is challenging, but these days I am much more solid in my body, and always seek support, so that any resistance I may have of letting go of the old way, is fed back to me, which brings a deeper understanding of where I am at and what I am clearing which is an amazing support and much easier to ‘let go’.
Well said Andrew, for the deepest hurt is the one we all have from when we chose to turn to the outside world for the answers and separated from the absolute love, truth and wisdom of our innermost.
“knowing that it is our collective expressions that make up the world we all have to live in.” It is super amazing to realise that the moment we are expressing less than loving, even if no-one is watching, it adds to the energetic collective pool we all live from for to then be there and to be expressed by someone else. It makes life less personal when things happen and will explain why things happen on a way deeper level. We will only be able to stop abuse by collectively one by one stop adding to the pool of abuse and hurt.
Yes I am realising more and more that in every situation not matter how challenging I am constantly being offered a choice to go into my hurts, and therefore be centralised and make it all about me, or I can choose to stay universal and consider the responsibility I have to everything around me.
Taking a step back from a potentially hurtful situation allows us to observe what is going on and more importantly read what is going on for the other. We then have an opportunity to gain an understanding of the situation and once we have this understanding we need not take it personally. Taking things personally is choosing to be hurt.
Yes when we are connected to our bodies and feeling settled and still in ourselves we have much more space to observe what is happening around us which in my experience means that it feels like I suddenly have way more time to observe and respond than I do when I am not feeling at ease in me.
Remembering also that everything that is being presented to us is a reflection for us to learn from and if we are not ready or not prepared to take responsibility for our part in the situation we then invite the hurt to counter the learning on offer.
It is so true – some days I am more reactive and other days I am less so, and if I repeat it, it becomes a pattern that can further be ingrained and before I know it, I have created myself a pet-hate, and I can the reaction starts to feel like a part of my identification. It is really silly, but I know I do that sometimes, like I get drawn back to the familiarity of it even if I don’t like it.
” Therefore, if feeling hurt is a choice rather than a foregone conclusion, we could also just as easily make a choice to NOT feel hurt by any disturbing situation ”
Yes this is very true, it’s important to feel and observe the disturbance, therefore no reaction or personalizing of the disturbance, but a response.
“how I interpret what is occurring around me depends on my own choice of how I am with, and within, myself.” and here in this sentence we have the foundation to everything. How we are with ourselves determines the quality of our life we always have that choice.
“I know from my own experience that every day I feel the quality of everything that is occurring around me. From the way people speak, move or just look, it is all constantly communicating something to me.” This is so very important to honour, how much we can feel and are actually aware of, because if we are not we are denying a huge part of ourselves and keep us in the dark to what is truly going on.
Recently I watched a child I now do something very loving for another. It got rejected and he was starting to go into hurt. I asked him if he could read what was going on and he gave a very clear reading. He let himself feel the hurt and then with his observations of the situation was able to drop it. The things people do can hurt, but when we stop making it personal and read what is truly going on, it takes the sting and the hold out of it.
” how I interpret what is occurring around me depends on my own choice of how I am with, and within, myself. “. This is very important for this is where a person begins the choice to react or respond to what’s happening around them.
There are some hurts that run very deep, childhood hurts that come into adulthood that have lived below the surface till they can live hidden from view no more. What is worth considering is whether the fact they have remained hidden from view has built them up into a bigger hurt, how if they had been addressed at the time they might have been simpler – not easier – but simpler to deal with. When we cannot re-live the past, it is worth bringing that consideration into the present and practicing expression rather than holding back.
What a powerful blog Andrew. I will definitely reread this blog again, as it does carry so much wisdom and responsibility in how we interact in this world. I like the fact you are presenting here: you choose if you feel hurt or not. It definitely needs limits set, when someone is not respecting you, but how you further interact is truly your choice. Announcing that how the other person acted towards you was painful is absolutely necessary, because it is obviously the truth, but hanging on or blaming someone is definitely not supportive in any way shape or form.
Thank you Andrew, every time I read this I have changed and can understand all you have shared from a new and expanded point of view. This is still my favourite line and very true “We choose to focus on the relatively small disturbance and disconnect from the abundance of love and stillness that is all around us and inside us constantly. “We simply do not bring focus to all we are, it’s more to what we do and to what others do, and this can at times be coupled with a negative slant towards all that is wrong or we criticise. We have overlooked the mighty beings we are in essence and as souls to focus on what we are all, not including the hurts.
A hurt is a ‘pocket of denseness’ we hold onto in order to not feel the magnitude of who we are, what we bring, and what needs to be put in place (lived) for this beauty to express. Holding onto our hurts is our way of choosing to play less than the true majesty we are.
In effect, when we hold onto the hurt with another we are not seeing the magnitude in them either what they actually bring and are. We only see the horrible face they showed towards us and hold them in that. So either way it is not bringing any beauty and magnificence forth.
Great point Liane that we must be getting something back in return for being hurt, for hurts are painful so why would we choose to hang on to them or go into them? It does not make any sense unless we understand that there is a part of us that actually prefers the denseness over the grandness that we actually come from.
” The Science of Hurts ” I just love this title , it explains the truth about hurts, hurts are a mechanism of science , and therefore can be understood and deconstructed , the key being that a person takes responsibility for their expression in what ever form.
I agree John what really supported me to start to deconstruct my hurts and decrease their hold on me and my life was understanding that there was an energetic science behind it all that we all know and understand and therefore can master.
I like the way you explain the cyclical nature of hurts and how our choices contribute to the disturbances created that then keep coming back to us.
“when I choose to react, no matter how much right I feel I have to be hurt, I have observed that I am actually expressing the same quality of disturbance back to the person who I have decided is hurting me!” This is a beautiful awareness and an opportunity to break the cycle of creating more disturbance.
Perceiving, understanding and responding to hurts as you suggest, Andrew, is very empowering and greatly relieves and can resolve the hurt(s).
Only recently I have allowed myself to see the extent to which hurts play a role in my life, and that I love people deep down but I let the fear of rejection get in the way of opening up to others. It is quite sad that this plays out in so many ways and holds me back from being me with others.
This is definitely a topic to be studied and understood. If the science of energy were part of the school curriculum the world would be quite a different place to live in.
Gosh Yes ! In our world you actually have the right to be hurt and you can justify acting disrespectful because you got hurt in the first place. It is such an evil game to keep the denigration going instead of returning to the grandness and love we are and connecting from that with each other..
Yes, it is literally like living in a parallel world and the crazy part is that we create even more parallel worlds with all the movies and virtual reality (games) etc., all the while there is a stupendously grand world we are coming from, the universe, that we deny to see or at least understand.
Sometimes the hurt is in not expressing. Yes there may be reaction in expressing we are hurt or we do not want to be treated in a disrespectful way, but if we hold back in expressing what we feel, things carry on in the same way too, as silence can be a reaction too. The way for me to work through hurts is to feel them so thoroughly that I can then let them go, and in the process express all that is necessary and still hold myself and others in understanding and forever deepening in communication.
Yes Adele, sometimes holding back is equally hurtful. I like the way you allow yourself to feel the hurts thoroughly rather than avoid them with distractions or numbing.
This is super interesting Adele for I feel what you are saying here is that we sometimes try to avoid feeling our hurts or even try to avoid them altogether but in this we can think we are better off but actually we are more lost in life for we are denying ourselves the opportunity to learn and grow from what our hurts are showing us. Sometimes it has to get messy or ugly and to try and avoid this I find does not work.
In victimhood we feel that we can’t change anything, and really that the world is against us. So to know that the we have contributed to the disturbance makes us feel less of a victim and that we can actually lessen the disturbance by how we are being. Thank you Andrew, this is a great and timely reminder.
‘how I interpret what is occurring around me depends on my own choice of how I am with, and within, myself.’ This is a great lesson in taking responsibility for how we feel. Are we observing ourselves as well as observing the disturbance around us?
Yes I have found that it is super important to observe myself in any situation, and how I am feeling, rather than just focusing on the disturbance that may be around me.
I have come to realise that we cannot really love another if we do not heal our hurts because we are always going to be on guard about getting hurt again and therefore not be fully open and transparent with others therefore not be able to hold ourselves or another in love. This then makes a commitment to healing our hurts incredibly important.
Keeping life simple, uncomplicated and taking care of the relationship we have with ourselves supports the way one responds to life’s twists and turns, as quite beautifully shared … “how I interpret what is occurring around me depends on my own choice of how I am with, and within, myself…”
To understand that we choose to feel hurt because we are disturbed and that even with that disturbance there is an abundance of love in us and around us that we can choose to connect to, shines a whole new light on hurts and asks that we consider where we focus and that if we choose to only see that hurt, that is our choice and it’s ignoring the love we are.
I think it’s great to really ask what a hurt is and to raise our awareness of when we are holding onto hurts – in effect justifying it to ourselves to hold onto it rather than being willing to see the bigger picture and observe more clearly all that is going on…
“Well, I have noticed that the days when I can observe what is occurring around me and not be disturbed, are the days when I am feeling less disturbed inside of me. On these days I am more connected to an inner stillness and steadiness that is always present inside me. When I am connected to this inner stillness I feel much bigger and grander than the disturbance and therefore, to be hurt by this disturbance seems impossible.” These words are golden. They offer a balm for any hurting heart because they feel so true. They are uplifting and inspirational for all. They provide alchemy if we allow it in. Thank you.
Thank you Irena, your comment reminds me once again that we are so much grander and wiser than our hurts and in order to be hurt we have to first reduce or contract ourselves down into something less than who we naturally are.
Every moment is truly a choice… we can respond or react to whatever is going on around us and or within us – either way it is our choice what we choose next.
“So I have found this an interesting observation because it means that how I interpret what is occurring around me depends on my own choice of how I am with, and within, myself.” Andrew what you have shared here is the essence of life and that the fundamentals of how we live and connect to the world offers us a grander scope for how we feel and interact everyday. Connecting to who we are from within allows us to remain aware and observe the all that happens around us without it disturbing our inner truth and this is a very important key to living life from who we are and not letting the outside world or reactions steer us off course.
I agree, bringing our all to everything we do, say and think means we can respond in the moment and express all there is to express leaving each situation complete. The ability to express in that way comes from building a relationship with yourself that trusts an inner stillness that is always loved, always connected and never less than the love we come from.
When we notice a change in someone or someone does something that is offensive, hurtful, deceiving or directly abusive, we can actually raise the standard in this relationship by not taking it personally but calling the behaviour out for what it is and observing how that person changed, and why. This is how we stop hurts from escalating into long term issues that might affect relationships for years.
“…. how I interpret what is occurring around me depends on my own choice of how I am with, and within, myself.” So true Andrew. When I am full and connected with myself I can bring understanding to a situation rather than the judgement I often used to bring. .
I am much less reactive and absorbing of life when I bring my fullness and feel all and express all that needs to be expressed and to not keep silent.
Yes this is true Adele, and I would add, when we are connected, the ‘way’ we express is from a loving space which in turn offers another space to feel, allow and be. This is a work in progress for me, everyday.
“So rather than constantly reacting to life and only seeing the lack of love that is obviously sometimes the reality of life on this planet, perhaps it would be wiser to stay connected to the love that we are and take full responsibility for what we express in the world, knowing that it is our collective expressions that make up the world we all have to live in.” This entire blog is gold Andrew. Your understanding of the science of hurts brings to the fore that it is our choice and our responsibility as to whether we feel hurt by others or not.
“how I interpret what is occurring around me depends on my own choice of how I am with, and within, myself.” with a deep inner connection to our being, hurt is impossible at those times, but when we do feel hurt and react we are then given the opportunity to look deeper at the hurt we are carrying in our own body that is being triggered to come up, be seen and healed.
As someone who is reacting to a situation at the moment, your blog is a timely reminder to bring more understanding to the person and their situation and to spend less time in reaction to it.
Admirably exposed Sarah, very honest, “bring more understanding to the person and their situation”.
“Therefore, if feeling hurt is a choice rather than a foregone conclusion, we could also just as easily make a choice to NOT feel hurt by any disturbing situation.” Ah yes indeed. Its a sometimes squirm-inducing truth but a truth nonetheless. All that drama and hurts is all of our own making.
Once we understand the science of hurts we also understand the science of healing them, ie we are empowered to set ourselves free from the imprisonment of reaction and the emotional turmoil that comes with it.
Looking back through my life I can see that I lived in a bubble of hurts, being bounced from one to another, feeling helpless as I believed that I was always being hurt by someone. The bubble got bigger and bigger until I finally realised that I had invited the hurts into the bubble; yes, I was shocked to see that it was actually my choice to allow the hurts in and therefore I was definitely not a victim of the behaviours of others. The bubble has shrunk to almost nothing as the hurts have been healed and even though one two try to pop in every now and then, they don’t get very far.
How does hurt relates to disturbance? We feel disturbances all the time. It is impossible not to feel them. But it is only when we say yes to it that disturbes us, hence we choose to hold on to it, that we register a hurt that stays with us.
“We in effect live in the soup that we create with our own daily choices.” Just reading this one line explains everything that has happened around me this week and today. It all comes back to us and it all comes back to choice and how we live. This is medicine.
‘how I interpret what is occurring around me depends on my own choice of how I am with, and within, myself’
‘we do in fact have a choice as to whether we feel hurt or not’
This two sentences are massive and clearly summarize the science of hurts. Everything is at our hands.
“So I have found this an interesting observation because it means that how I interpret what is occurring around me depends on my own choice of how I am with, and within, myself.” This is a very important point and a great reminder that we can go through life with filters on because of the hurts that we carry. This prevents us from really opening up to people and being free within ourselves.
Its very true Andrew in what you say its a choice to live the energetic quality of life we want to have in the present and what the future holds as a result .
Rising above hurts allows us to observe and bring understanding to situations in life where we can offer another an opportunity to evolve and feel what love is.
This is true Francisco. There’s something here for me about how when we indulge in our hurts, we are individuals and it’s ‘all about me’. But when we let go of hurts and live in a way that is not contributing to the disturbance Andrew talks about, we realise that hurts are not and never were about just us. That when we hang onto hurts we are continuing the incarceration of humanity as a whole in the energy of hurts. It is those who choose to step out of this energy and live free of hurts who offer the reflection to those still stuck that there is another way to live that is a choice.
“Therefore, if feeling hurt is a choice rather than a foregone conclusion, we could also just as easily make a choice to NOT feel hurt by any disturbing situation.” this is a great question if its a choice then we can choose not to feel hurt … it changes everything. We have to take more responsibility in what we choose.
What a truly amazing blog bringing so much depth and understanding to a subject that most of us want to avoid, ie we will use a variety of distractions (food being a biggie) not to feel our hurts, and the fact that we have created them on some level. The Science of Hurts now in black and white is available for everyone and will be found by those who are ready to awaken from living in ignorance, and from this awakening can feel that living from our hurts is no longer working or evolving and that they have the power and free will to make different choices – one being to heal and clear those old hurts from the body.
The more I understand myself and the world around me the less I seem to get hurt and react to what I am feeling.
I feel the same Andrew, the days that I feel disturbed within myself, I tend to react more to people and situations. When I feel connected to myself and loving, I feel I am able to handle any situation with love and understanding too. Often, I only feel hurt when someone or something has not met my expectations and I feel my hurts are very much self-created.
” how I interpret what is occurring around me depends on my own choice to how I am with and within, myself ” This is very true Andrew one of the keys is to understand once a person have given their power away to a situation , one has already hurt themselves in this process , once this is done on comes the reaction in response .
I feel that understanding that we live in a collective pool of energy and that everything we do can affect others is key to resolving hurts.
And it takes away the right or wrong and replaces with clarity. I like to look at where I do something that I’m reactive about too… it might look differently on the surface but 9 times out of ten it’s the same kind of energy playing out.
I have read this many times before, but I am appreciating it much more today than any other times previously. Thank you, Andrew. I really get how it indeed is science. “Do we have to feel hurt by the lack of love in the world?” – wow. This is such a great question to ask, a real show-stopper. What I have realised is how lightly I have taken ‘not being connect with myself’ to be – it is actually a very unloving choice that every single hurt and so-called issue stems from.
Great question Andrew ‘Do we have to feel hurt by the lack of love in the world?’ It is simply a choice as to whether we allow ourselves to feel hurt by the lack of love in the world or not, and that choice depends on how much love we have for ourselves, yes we should feel that there is not enough love lived in this world, but to be hurt by that only adds to the misery the world is already in, to reflect love back shows there is another way to live life.
Thank you Andrew – so well said.
The disturbance is one we choose – not one we are. Hence the will of power is in our hands of what we choose to be our reality. Truth is disturbance is an outer force of who we are.
Inspiring! What a beautiful and thought provoking read.
I love the description of holding an inner stillness not bending to the outer disturbances, then our hurts are just a swirling that does not touch the sides.
With Esoteric Healing, we can truly heal our hurts so that we do not hold ourselves and the world to ransom for something we think someone has done to us.
This is such a great article on the science of hurts and puts the responsibility of how we deal with hurts back onto us. We can and do get very hurt by the world but how we deal with it is up to us. We can either be crushed by our hurts or actually acknowledge them and heal them. The choice is always ours.
Our skills of observation and awareness deepen as we deepen our connection to our own internal connection. I am finding this a great tool for reflection on how I am living and when and where I drop my connection or allow distractions to evade me.
What you share about the cyclical nature of life is huge. When we cause an imbalance it will always come round again and again it is resolved. How much wiser it is instead of reacting to issues we don’t like, to leave no stone unturned to take our understanding and awareness deeper, and bring love to the mix.
Yes and that cyclical nature is a gift because nothing doesn’t matter. If something we do, say or think is not in harmony with the love we are from and live within, it will come round to rebalance. Our awareness will determine if we spot it and change the vibration to one of love, or let it go to come round again.
When I read your blog today Andrew I am aware of the responsibility we have to not get stuck, and operate from, our hurts. As you say it comes down to our choices;
“how I interpret what is occurring around me depends on my own choice of how I am with, and within, myself”.
“Therefore, if feeling hurt is a choice rather than a foregone conclusion, we could also just as easily make a choice to NOT feel hurt by any disturbing situation.” This is a great point you make, we can change the situation by bringing a loving understanding, we have a choice, or we can add to it and keep that energy going and no further change takes place but a deeper hole or disturbance.
We all know too well the pain that is felt when reacting or saying something from a hurt. The level of responsibility that is presented here is how we can feel the extent of how this hurts is in our body yet have we bothered to feel that impact of the whole – the part we play in being part of this planet.
And when we are in the reaction of a hurt we fail to see what it is we are being offered here in terms of learning or the part we have played in the situation.
Great blog Andrew, as you ‘how I interpret what is occurring around me depends on my own choice of how I am with, and within, myself.’ We are soo quick to blame others and look outside of ourselves (well I am) that we do not 1st stop and say so what is my part in this? The moment we do this and thus choose to take responsibility suddenly the picture becomes much clearer and we can then respond to the situation rather than reacting to it only to make it worse and then take it with us.
Thanks Andrew… yes it is huge isn’t it…. The science of hurts…how much carnage has been wreaked upon the planet by hurts… imagine if Hitler had passed his art exam instead of feeling the enormous hurt of rejection. And this is just one example of what hurts have done to humanity… so when it is proposed to us to address this, as Andrew does in this article, it is of global importance, no less.
Carnage is the word. Even from a one person perspective our holding onto our hurts have resulted in significant illness to our bodies and yet we still continue to carry those same hurts as we die. And that is one person.
Well said Chris as the ripple effect of that art exam on a world level was huge.
I love to return to this awesome blog written with so much understanding, love and clarity around the subject of hurts – a must read for everyone to support understanding about how we ourselves contribute to our own hurts if we are not choosing all that is love. Perfect example to share. Only yesterday I was feeling hurt by some-one’s lack of communication which made me go into making assumptions and going round in circles and creating a lot of tension in my body. I had to stop, I was draining myself! I knew instantly I had to honour my body and rest which I did for a few hours. I made a delicious meal and went for a lovely walk, and through this self-nurture I was able to bring understanding to the situation and when I did I felt expanded, lighter and felt a lot more spacious. And what was my lesson which became very clear was how much I was invested and how the heaviness of my own investment was draining me NOT the other person. A great lesson which I am grateful for.
It is an amazing awareness to come to when you recognize that you only get disturbed by the outside world when you are disturbed inside yourself first. This is a great motivator and deeply empowering, for the quality of your life is then dependent on how willing you are to connect to an inner stillness and steadiness within.
Great blog Andrew – you have described hurt to a T and did you notice that if you add the letter T to h-u-r-t you get the letters of truth.
Yes and the absolute truth contains no hurt whatsoever.
Very true!
Making a choice not to be affected or dominated by hurts is so freeing and brings with it a loving responsibility. Learning to understand, accept and let go of our hurts; enabling us to live from the love and truth of who we truly are, is the key. Thank you Andrew for sharing your experiences and wisdom.
I am coming to see that having a hurt triggered is not such a bad thing. It feels like a correction, social surgery if you will, of a wound that has festered too long. Harbouring a hurt but being unaware of it or believing you do not hold this hurt in your body, leaves you handicapped in life, avoiding those trigger situations without realising you are. To face it and feel it is nothing compared with who you are is very liberating and creates more space for the real you to shine.
Whilst here is choice in allowing hurts to dominate our lives or not, the fact that we feel hurt is very real. Accepting that we feel hurt because we ourselves have chosen to separate from the glory of our soul is the most challenging, not because the hurts hurt, but because we find ourselves in a situation where we know, without doubt our biggest hurt is the separation from our wholeness that we then palpably feel.
Being hurt has many forms, and is as you say as common as eating or breathing. Understanding that we have a choice of whether to be hurt or not is the first step to halting the pattern of hurts.
So much wisdom in this one blog Andrew… you could ponder much on just a few of these sentences. This one was a standout for me today – “We choose to focus on the relatively small disturbance and disconnect from the abundance of love and stillness that is all around us and inside us constantly”. Check. I have started to realise how much I can do this and how extremely limiting it is when I do it. It does cut me so off on all the amazingnes that is surrounding me, when I focus on the aspects that I dont think are.
Great blog Andrew that to feel hurt is a choice, just like anything else. That’s not to say we’re feelingless robots – feeling is part of being human – but there is always a choice to stay in and react to what we can feel, or to bring ourselves back to that natural steadiness and stillness. The more I make choices to stay connected to what I can feel in my body, the easier it is to stay there when something comes up – an emotion or a hurt – instead of getting caught in it.
Feeling the hurt in the body is key to not getting lost in stories. It is amazing how differently things pan out when I let my body tell the story rather than my head.
Understanding that the hurts we feel are not who we are was an absolutely life changing moment for me. Learning to look after my feelings and what triggers different reactions, an understanding that I believe every human needs.
If we are responsible for every choice we make in our life, which I understand we are, we are therefore responsible for the consequences. So if we find ourselves feeling hurt, instead of blaming someone else for how we are feeling, is this not the time to ask ourselves why?; why am I feeling hurt?; what I am holding within me that has gone into reaction to this event? Responding to the feeling of hurt in this way, I have begun to understand me even more, and this can only be so very healing
It is true that when we do not take life personally and see all that occurs as an opportunity to observe and to learn we are afforded great understanding and wisdom and the knowing of the deeper love on offer that is asked of us in that moment.
‘…have we considered that the hurts we experience in our lives may actually be cyclical in nature and not as lineal as may first appear?’. This is such a great question, because it immediately suggests that there are always 2 to tango, and places responsibility on both parties. When we play the blame game, it doens’t end, and it perpetuates the cycle. Understanding our responsibility and involvement in why we were hurt is huge. And this does not mean that if you are brutally attacked for example that you deserve it. The question is far deeper and starts with, what led you to being in that situation to begin with, what ideas did you have about yourself that would allow the possibility of someone treating you that way…
When I feel hurt these days I see it as an opportunity to grow, for it is showing me something I have not resolved in myself that is being triggered by another’s actions. So in a way hurts can guide us to our next step of evolution as a person and a being.
If I feel hurt because of a perception something is not happening in a way I want it to, or others are not relating to me as I expect, it is possible to transcend this state of play. For example, rather than react, move away or wait for someone to move towards us, we can choose to move towards them and be the one to make a connection. Ultimately, it is how we are with ourselves and what we bring that is an antidote to hurt.
It is easy to be caught up in our hurts and blame someone out there who was insensitive enough to cause our pain. As we travel through life we start to see we are the common denominator in all our hurts therefore we must see and take responsibility for our part or choice in feeling hurt.
You say that the hurts we do feel can be hurts returning to us that we have contributed to in the past – because we have lived less than completely loving lives. Taking reincarnation also into account, feeling a hurt is thus an opportunity to clock this, feel it and heal.
So feeling hurt by someone, or something is a choice! Like you Andrew, if I’m feeling great inside then the other person’s actions has no impact on me. However when I’m feeling ‘less than’ it is all too easy for those outside hurts to affect me and bring me down. Recognising it’s up to me to deal with and heal my own hurts so that I don’t get affected by others is ongoing for me.
I used to be bound by my hurts. My frustrations and resentments, and not being able to let go… all were based around hurts that I was carrying. A seemingly unfathomable mess that felt overwhelming to begin with. But once I started looking inside myself, feeling and understanding my hurts, it was impossible for them to stay with me and Love took their place. A dedicated, simple and beautiful surrender to Love.
This is the essence of healing hurts.
Thanks Andrew, another healing read for me. Today what I have taken out of your blog is the responsibility, that we each contribute to the collective pool of hurts and and they will come back to us, until such time we can simply choose to be love consistently and observe the mess we have all helped to create here.
So is it the case then that there is no such thing as victims as we are contributing to the ill energy in the first place with our thoughts and actions, and that energy is then being used or comes back around to be used against us. So in effect we are giving the energy for people to abuse us in the first place.
So we might ask ‘What about people who are violently attacked, surely they must be innocent?’ and for this you would have to take a look at the broader/wider picture of re-incarnation and see that energy does not necessarily play out only during one life time. So could it be that things that happen which appear to be random in this life, can be as a result of us having contributed towards this pool of energy in a previous life.
To be hurt I feel we have to have judged our-selves and feel lesser than the Sons of God we are and once we have judged our-selves it becomes easy to judge another so we feel hurt from our own judgement.
For more on judgement go to;
http://www.unimedliving.com/search?keyword=JUDGMENT
As a society we need to explore much more the whole view of victim and perpetrator and bring in a deeper understanding of what is playing out in relationships. Often we look to find who is right and who is wrong instead of looking at how do we bring this back to harmony and love. When we focus on right and wrong it can often cement people further into their choices.
I agree totally MW! This is work in progress for me for now and I do appreciate having ‘clocked’ this one.
‘Do we have to feel hurt by the lack of love in the world?’ No, we don’t have to. We just need to accept it. And that’s where the challenge can lie – in recognising what we are both able and unable to accept, then delving underneath that to discover the vulnerability there.
There is a little paradox when it comes to hurts. On one level it is important to let them go and not focus on them, but on another it is very important to feel them. I felt hurt the other day by what someone did, and I allowed myself to feel this in full. It literally physically hurt in my body across my chest. Allowing myself to feel it allowed me to feel my vulnerability and I could feel my true essence underneath the hurt. By feeling it I allowed it to shift and I was left feeling more in touch with myself. It’s very easy to be so keen to not hold on to our hurts that we do not take the time to feel them and then we simply bury them. Only by fully feeling them can we heal them and allow them to go.
I agree Rebecca, things another does can feel hurtful, but to wallow in the hurt and let it deeply affect us it almost a greater hurt in itself. It can be a form of drama to not live our potential. If someone does something hurtful we can either learn and grow, bring understanding and become bigger ourselves, or we can let it swallow us whole and shrink to a lesser state. That is always up to us.
Thanks Stephen. It’s true, wallowing does not get us anywhere. But I feel it’s possible to feel without wallowing. We can always hold the awareness and knowing of the greater part of ourselves while allowing ourselves to feel. In my case the feeling was much older than that moment, and by feeling it I allowed myself to clear lifetimes worth of an old pattern that had been controlling me for eons. It was very worth allowing myself to feel the hurt, as I am now more free to be the true me.
Very true Rebecca, there is a big difference between feeling and wallowing, and I mention it as I know for me wallowing or dramatising has been my way of not actually deeply feeling the reaction that is occurring, and thus not reading and understanding the situation presented. But absolutely, to feel is essential and is the most natural part of our make up, one that we should embrace and learn from.
I recognise this feeling Rebecca, allowing ourselves to feel the hurt is part of the healing process.
I have noticed that the days when I can observe what is occurring around me and not be disturbed, are the days when I am feeling less disturbed inside of me. This is so true Andrew, when we have that settledness inside of us, there is this whole or complete feeling, so you are better able to be the observer and not go into reaction or emotion. but just be in allowance.
Thank you Andrew for sharing your wisdom I very much appreciate the light you are sharing on hurts. I have been trying to understand my part in the hurts i am experiencing of late and your blog has given me much to consider and feel into especially since i do have a choice in this matter.
I find myself back here Andrew reading your wise proposal and understanding that over the last few months I have understood more about how much choice I have to feel hurt or not. The point is we feel so much more than we acknowledge to ourselves therefore the reaction to what we feel can play a dominant role. Building a relationship with the body means we can clock when we feel something that is trying to impose on us and make a more conscious choice about how to respond or react. Clocking that we feel something is vital in the first place though.
It makes sense that responding with the same negative energy that was directed at us in the first place is not going to solve anything, but simply add fuel to the fire. My experience is that it can be very disarming when you don’t get a response you are expecting if you are the perpetrator of this negative energy. It does usually stop the energy and ends in a speedy resolution. It’s quite groundbreaking to consider that we have a choice as to whether we feel hurt or not, but I have experienced it in action.
Living in a human body as we do, there are times that we do feel hurt, if I register the hurt when it happens and not go into a story around it or feed it in any way, I can bring understanding to the situation and am then able to let the whole thing go.
I feel that not being met for who we truly are is a whopping hurt, because we are love we can feel love in our bodies. However the world around us, family friends etc are completely ignoring the love that we are and instead focus on something else entirely, or are so jealous of you that they deliberately want to hurt you so that you can feel some of the pain they are in too. This is anything but love, and because we are so sensitive we contract and some of us contract so much we invert in on ourselves and shun the world because we don’t feel there is any other way to cope.
Thank you Andrew, this is a brilliant study on the science of hurts. I appreciated your words about a hurt being a disturbance – it certainly is, and it disturbs and confirms something at the same time, that we equally know what love is, otherwise what is being disturbed? It is the love we know innately and each are in essence that feels the disturbance. Love is the true and solid marker we each know. Also very true, “We choose to focus on the relatively small disturbance and disconnect from the abundance of love and stillness that is all around us and inside us constantly.”
Great point Melinda that the very fact that we feel a disturbance confirms the abundance and existence of love and that we know what love is and that we come from love.
The hurts we feel are not who we are, and as you have greatly shared Andrew, if we are willing to be honest and allow ourselves to go deeper we will discover that the hurts we feel highlight that we have left who we are. In search for fulfilment and met with lovelessness, the loveless energy we also have chosen is exposed, allowing us the opportunity to return to being in connection to the love we are. The more we hold steady in our connection the more we can reflect the true quality of our essence, responding with truth and love whenever we are met with loveless behaviour.
Thank you Carola, I appreciated your words about hurts being about our own loveless energy that has been exposed, and the opportunity this gives us to return to being in connection to the love we are in truth.
I agree – if I am more connected and present, I am less affected by what is around me. Observing becomes easier.
It is far more empowering to realise that we have choice in every aspect of life in every moment – choice over whether we react and are hurt by life or observe and respond accordingly, rather than to hold the false notion that life just happens and we recipients of it.
The first and foremost important choice is the energy we will align to – the absolute truth or all that negates this and blinds us to it.
This is quite an empowering blog as you simply show that emotional reactions to something really is a choice.
True Andrew – better to tend to our own garden than complain about the disregard in another’s.
Every seed planted and tended to with loving care supports us to grow our potential and therein to inspire others to follow suit.
Beautiful, I learned from this how important it is to, yes feel our hurts and evolve from them, but never ever to put them between you and love and so people. This is what we as humanity need to learn and evolve from. Evolving is all about allowing, accepting and appreciating and so moving on. Letting it go. Love this blog! Very inspiring.
When a disturbance outside of me happens and touches upon an existing hurt within me, being able to pause for a moment to feel and choose if it is the momentum of hurt that I really want to be led by. This choice is made by feeling how precious I am in my body, and therefore most of the time it is not worth it to allow in a further disturbance to disrupt the preciousness and harmony within.
It is a bit of a comedy really as we get so hurt by others not giving us what we can only allow ourselves to feel within ourselves, and that is the love that we are.
Again, I find myself back at this blog. I am fascinated by the outplay of hurts. “However, have we considered that the hurts we experience in our lives may actually be cyclical in nature and not as lineal as may first appear?” For me this is about taking responsibility for how we are in every moment. If we have pictures and expectations of a situation or another person, we miss the magic of the moment, the other person doesn’t feel met and accepted by us and the situation can never match our ‘perfect’ picture. I have learnt so much from bringing greater awareness and understanding to this area of my life – I see it as part of my personal first aid kit!
By not choosing to observe we then choose to absorb.
Do we accept that life is full of hurts or do we ignore, bury, override these and numb ourselves not wanting to truly feel them? ‘Many of us accept that life is full of hurts and that is just the way it is. But what is a hurt exactly?’ I love what you have shared in that our relationship with ourself and how we are with ourselves can determine whether we respond or react to situations that unfold around us during our day. In that if we have a solid foundation of love within our body we are far less likely to react, get frustrated, angry or …. hurt. Also this shows that if we come from a place of love this can be reflected to another and support them in letting go of ill behaviours and patterns than no longer support them dissolving both the ‘victim’ and ‘perpetrator’ stereotypes.
When we feel hurt there is a disturbance felt and the wisest thing to do is to acknowledge the disturbance and not add onto it. Instead if we connect back to our deep Love and express from there, we would find that we are not the hurt. It is by the deepening of expression of love, that dissolves hurt on both sides eventually.
A great point – we are not our hurts or our behaviours…these have been taken on from the world around us and can easily be healed and let go of.
The other day I saw myself create a hurt and then want to shut down with this person and go into hurt and protection. It was amazing to observe. If I were to act hurt and react to the person in question then actually I could see them considering themselves the victim of my reaction which would be the case and a whole domino effect of hurts would pursue. So I brought a loving understanding to what was going on for me and what was going on for them which was their simply going about their normal business and walked into a scenario I’d created to justify an agenda I had going on. I didn’t go for the urge to feel hurt and react but stay connected and all remained harmonious. Those tickets to hurt and protection I am learning to just pass on by.
It was great to re read your blog today and it brought me back to my body, back to my own stillness. Instantly I could feel the simplicity this offered and how, when we go into a hurt life becomes complicated and emotional. Quite exhausting actually.
When we bring back this understanding that love is a choice – that hurts are a choice, we are blown away by the ideals, illusions we so far have created that drove mankind forth in a way that totally sabotaged us further away from the truth. Again by choice. Hence we can only bring ourselves back if we choose to do so. Hence , we need to take responsibility for what we have chosen and not have chosen. But never ever to forget to know and fully appreciate that everything is inside you. That choice of truth too.
To come to realise that what hurts us is an opportunity to heal something in our lives is the most liberating feeling; gone will be the belief that the hurt is here to stay and there is nothing we can do about it. Sometimes though to delve into the hurt can be very confronting and often painful, but from my own experience it so well worth the commitment to do so.
Hurts are just a game. They are real and yes they need to be healed but they are never true because they are always based on our misperception of the situation. No one in truth ever wants to hurt another, because such will to hurt someone is not our natural essence. A baby after all is never born a killer. They do not come into this world saying they would like to kill someone. They are shaped and moulded by hurts they experience in their life to influence them to want to seek to kill another.
“…It is easy to think of a hurt as something that is being done to us; that we are innocent victims …. But perhaps what is closer to the truth is that we are actually choosing to feel hurt due to a disturbing situation…” What a great point here and opportunity to recognise that we are responsible for our own energetic state of being…”
How empowering it is to know that we actually do have a choice in whether to be disturbed or not by external events going on around us from choosing whether or not to remain in conscious presence with our body. Can it be this simple – Yes, although not always easy to begin with.
‘Well, I have noticed that the days when I can observe what is occurring around me and not be disturbed, are the days when I am feeling less disturbed inside of me’.
Understanding is such a key element in our choice to keep the hurt alive and growing or nip it in the bud at that moment. Being aware that we can so no to the pool of energy that feeds and sustains hurts is a choice.
“When I am connected to this inner stillness I feel much bigger and grander than the disturbance and therefore, to be hurt by this disturbance seems impossible.” I cannot help realising that the reason we can place such importance on the way others behave towards us is because we need their approval or their unimposing behaviour to confirm we are OK, amazing or valued. I am sure there are many other feelings we need confirmed… however, this has to come from within or our self-esteem and our happiness and steadiness in life will always come from what goes on around us. Someone else’s opinion, someone else rules. It makes for unsteady ground to walk on.
Awesome, awesome, awesome blog Andrew Mooney on the Science of Hurts….. there is so much in what you have delivered to digest and to embody, and I plan to reread many times – look forward to reading more from you!
We don’t fully appreciate or understand fully yet just how sensitive we actually are as beings and how even the slightest disturbance of something that is not harmonious or loving in the world actually hurts us. Perhaps if we were more honest and just admitted when things hurt rather than spend lifetimes constructing a life to cover up the hurts or hide them, we would get to the bottom of this conundrum much sooner!
I have been realising more recently that when I give in to a hurt, it disconnects me from a still steadiness inside me. I feel lost at sea without a paddle. I start bumping into things, I can’t think straight, loads of other negative thoughts start pouring into my head and I lose my ability to read and respond to situations accurately. I also lose my connection with my body and with my joy which feels like a disconnection from the power of the universe. Of course this then leads to further reactions and hurts because I have dulled my awareness. There is such a science and a game to this.
“…how I interpret what is occurring around me depends on my own choice of how I am with, and within, myself…” The Psychology of Reactions made simple to understand!
Emotional pain often stays buried within us for the whole of our life. What this shows is two things – firstly how deeply and innately sensitive we truly are to anything harmful, and secondly, how truly damaging psychological abuse on any level can be. And yet, as a society, we are yet to truly register either of these facts, caught in the illusion as we are that psychological abuse can never be compared to the pain of physical abuse.
The victim mentality is a game that is so often played by us all in order to not stop to understand what is truly going on with our relationship with others. Have we ever stopped to ponder that the hurt we are carrying from another continues to travel with us unless we stop to recognise that this is not us in the first place? I have played the “just get on with it” card when this has occurred and have now realised through the work of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine that ‘healing the hurt” is the only way to bring us back to the qualities within us that we know are true and are a joy to share with another.
How subtle the register of a hurt can be. I have noticed that sometimes if I stay steady and observant with someone it is as if they want to pull me in to their soup and they will try all sorts of ways to engage me in their life situation or their self created drama. Here is where a continual deepening of that stillness and steadiness is key allowing for the support that love and understanding can offer.
Focusing on our hurts and not the love that surrounds us reminds me of the well-known saying of how we make a mountain out of a molehill… We focus on the molehill of hurt and not the mountain of love we always have at hand.
Game changer – we choose to feel hurt by others so as to avoid feeling the hurt we have caused others by not living true to the love that we are. We then go into blame or reaction so we don’t have to take responsibility for this. Ouch. That hurts! Thank you.
“However, have we considered that the hurts we experience in our lives may actually be cyclical in nature and not as lineal as may first appear?” As I react less to feeling hurt and stand back and look at what has happened I can quite often see that I have instigated the hurt. It may not be that exact moment but taking a few steps back from the initial incident I can feel that something I had said or done had created a situation for another person to say or do something. Quite often it is the same type of hurt in a different scenario and they come round and round again until I can see them for what they are and begin to heal them.
How often can we say that while we are with another we can feel our selves fully in our body, such that we can feel our skin, from the inside?
Unless we choose this, we leave space in our bodies to be filled by another energy. Could this be what hurts, having energy in our body that is not of us?
This is very empowering, to consider we have a choice whether to be hurt or not. The deeper message I get here is that this choice to be hurt or not does not involve burying or numbing in order to not feel the hurt but being aware of how we feel inside first and build that as a consistent way of living. Building awareness of how we feel means that when we feel something that doesn’t feel right we actual clock the moment and then at least have a choice of how we either react or respond.
When we feel hurt by the words or actions of another we are in judgement of them which creates a separation between us. When we realise that it is the energy coming through them and not them that is the source of the hurt we know it is not personal so do not have to react and add to the disturbance.
Awesome analogy.love this
‘Every time we do, say or think something that is not coming from a basis of love and truth, it creates an energetic disturbance in the universe.’ this truth is enormous and always floors me – it is so big – in it’s beautiful, absolute responsibility.
I find it interesting how hidden old hurts play out until they are acknowledged and released, they can taint an experience so it is believed to be a hurt now. Dealing with these helps me to stay connected to the steadiness I have and so not react to outer situations.
I appreciate what you are offering in the ‘collective pool’ of hurts. To clear hurts it seems we have to walk back through what we have contributed to with a fully claimed responsibility of loving understanding, that previous choices weren’t the truth and now it is time to clear and choose again what is available to be lived with love.
I keep coming back to a sentence you share “how I interpret what is occurring around me depends on my own choice of how I am with, and within, myself.” as this reminds me that in truth there is nothing that can affect us unless we choose in someway to let ourselves be affected, this could be in the moment or with hurts I carry for a long time.
How we are with ourselves is an amazing marker of this science of our hurts and how we deal with these also.This is a great sharing for” if feeling hurt is a choice rather than a foregone conclusion, we could also just as easily make a choice to NOT feel hurt by any disturbing situation” now this says so much and brings our responsibility of our choices and reactions to the forefront.
So great to feel the truth that it is down to me to choose whether I feel hurt or not.
‘We choose to focus on the relatively small disturbance and disconnect from the abundance of love and stillness that is all around us and inside us constantly’ I can feel that the more we appreciate and stay connected to this abundance of love the less likely we are to give energy to those relatively small disturbances that can arise.
Freeing ourselves of hurts means we can love even greater, for it is hurt that stops love from coming out as it naturally would.
When we focus on what we can bring to a situation, there is no room for hurts to get in the way, because the purpose and power of working together is so strong.
This is very interesting what you present and I feel a great one to reflect on ‘So I have found this an interesting observation because it means that how I interpret what is occurring around me depends on my own choice of how I am with, and within, myself.’ From experience I also know this to be true. In the past I used to be very emotional and would take on others’ emotions easily so would let the outside affect me and …. get hurt. Now I am not emotional and have a stronger, deeper and steadier love for myself and in turn get far far far far less affected or hurt by the outside. It will be great when we finally get that we are constant living science experiments just by how we live and what we choose.
I love the connection between our own level of disturbance and how disturbed we are by another. It is reflecting with a level of honesty which is healing and gives us great understanding of what goes on when we encounter situations. I have experienced this so many times, seeing things unfold that irritate me where on other occasions I would remain impassive and unaffected, and the irritation would always come from my own undealt with issues. Taking the long term view, dealing successfully with life is about addressing our own feelings of hurt, which then gives us the space to observe situations and defuse the emotions that can run so many of us.
The truth that we are hurt is evident when we consider the harmony and love that we originate from. Why else would we not seek this quality always?
In our news and popular material, the common view is of devastating atrocities and violence carried out against me and you, by faceless entities and mysterious terrorists. But what if the real culprit hiding in the dark, is the one we don’t want to know? What if we found that it is us hiding our light, our love and our true quality that was the main and central reason these ‘bad’ things took place? Then we would start to see that we are all connected not just by cellular telephone networks, but by an interrelated law group Karma. Our responsibility to move forward in truth, stillness, grace and Love is greater than any other. Thank you Andrew for this powerful blog.
This is huge Andrew, and really calls us to be fully responsible for everything we do, say, think and move, as everything is everything and everything matters.
Perhaps a hurt is an ouch moment when we experience our own ripples of disturbance coming back the other way! We get a reflection of our responsibility and the effect we have on the whole universe every time we move, think, express, speak etc…
Our greatest hurt is surely our choice to abandon ourselves in the first place, to disconnect from the Love and Truth we know and to live less than our godliness in day to day life.
Thank you for your insight, when we do not express the love we naturally are, we express instead our hurts which just perpetuates the cycle.
What you have expressed here Andrew is very powerful and leaves us with much to ponder as to how we disturb the universe, thank you;
“Every time we do, say or think something that is not coming from a basis of love and truth, it creates an energetic disturbance in the universe.”
A revelatory piece of writing which suggests that if we are able to stay connected to the love that we are, without reaction, we offer the world a reflection of harmony and love.
I think it is very true that we live in constant tension from not living in a world that is loving, however we register this when we are not met by another or society because we do not fully live that love that we are.
The disturbances inside ourselves open us up to all manner of complication through interactions with others. Our choice can be to work on the inner, and let the outer resolve itself.
Awesome exploration Andrew, observing my hurts and another’s is something that I am in the thick of at the moment. Without a doubt I have noticed any situations outcome is dependent on my own connection to myself and love. If I am connected to love I accept and take full responsibility for my action that have played a part in my created hurts. I then don’t express from a hurt and contribute to the pool of hurts that can flood a conversation. It’s a great learning to take full responsibility for all we have created in our lives if we are live from love.
‘Every time we do, say or think something that is not coming from a basis of love and truth, it creates an energetic disturbance in the universe. ‘ a sobering thought Andrew, if we truly consider our responsibility. in it all.
How empowering is it to understand that to invest in our hurts is a choice? This is evolutionary and I cannot help but feel how much illness and disease would be minimised if we chose this empowerment.
It is wise therefore to consider our investment in this foray and what it feed us back?
What is our payback we seek – an excuse perhaps to not live our all and to see life as a transaction rather than the multidimensional interplay it is?
Today I came back to this blog and was struck by how much there is in any one of these blogs. There are, very often multiple levels to read and learn from. Hurts in our lives are no exceptions. We can look surface level and in a linear way which offers no evolution whatsoever and keeps us in victim and perpetrator mode. Or we can look at life as something we contribute to. “it would be wiser to stay connected to the love that we are and take full responsibility for what we express in the world, knowing that it is our collective expressions that make up the world we all have to live in.”
What a great experiment and observation to do… “if I choose to be understanding and not react when someone is doing or saying something disturbing around me, then many times the person will change how they are expressing as they too sense the disturbance…” How true is this and what an opportunity this brings to another person, to consider another way of responding.
It was always so much easier to blame others for hurting me rather than taking responsibility for my choice to stay connected with myself. Understanding energy and which energy I am choosing throughout the day has changed everything and now when I get caught in my hurts rather than immediately blaming another I stop first and feel where I am at in my own body.
Everything we feel is an invitation to read and feel more deeply…getting stuck in an issue or a hurt, exposes there is simply more to see.
When hurt I used to only see the world as being hurtful, never turning the situation back to myself and seeking to understand or take responsibility for that harming energy that is coming through me and feeding what is before me. These days if I choose to be open to understanding another, by understanding how, why and where I do the exact same thing then I am learning that no one can hurt me first because in order to feel hurt I have to hurt myself first and to hurt myself first I have to separate from who I truly am which is love. This stops the blame game.
We hurt ourselves with our own thoughts – we don’t realise it, but the way we speak about ourselves to ourselves can be totally abusive, ‘Oh Silly me’ is one simple example. We call ourselves names, criticise our mistakes, and generally find ways to keep ourselves small, including indulging in self doubt. Once we become aware of this we can work on appreciating who we are and what we bring and treat ourselves with tenderness in every way.
Every time we feel hurt we are being offered an enormous opportunity to evolve. The willingness to see our part in the equation is key.
There is great wisdom here “I have noticed that the days when I can observe what is occurring around me and not be disturbed, are the days when I am feeling less disturbed inside of me.” This is worth each and every one of us exploring for ourselves so we can take responsibility for some of the guards we put up to protect ourselves from being hurt, that actually create and hold on to more hurt than could ever have been ‘inflicted’ upon us.
Very cool Andrew – and thanks for the reminder! I am constantly bothered by certain peoples typing, clicking, eating, snoring noises etc etc. My reaction really is acute and I feel I can’t possibly behave any other way… So good to remember that that actually contributes to the energy that originates the annoying noise….! A friend reminded me this issue I have is reflective of my lack of inner stillness and now your blog is telling me the same….! Better get on it and see about connecting with this stillness I hear so much about….!
Holding onto our hurts and continually in effect justifying them is a big drain and only serves to keep us separated from the love we innately are.
What I keep coming back to is the source of all that I want is love, and that this is inside me, yet when in a hurt it’s like I have to pry it out of my hands and continually remind myself that no matter what another’s behaviour is, I am the only one that has the power to release myself from living from the hurt by reconnecting to the love I am in essence.
My understanding of being hurt from reading this blog is that it is a choice to be felt hurt as when we are full of ourselves, how on earth would it be possible that anybody would be able to hurt you and in that I mean truly disturbs that inner quality that has been built from being all of us.
It is so simple when it really comes down to it, we simply have to take responsibility for ourselves and our hurts and not allow ourselves to be the victim of anything.
“Many of us accept that life is full of hurts and that is just the way it is.” I must admit, I used to be one who played the victim very well and looking back I can see how l was indulging into past hurts and would not let them go as living that way kept me in the comfort of not taking responsibility for my life. Thank you to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine I have now let go of a lot of those hurts that have tainted my relationships with others most of my life and feel that by doing that I can be more of who I truly am and enjoy more love and intimacy in my life.
Dealing with our hurts is well worth it for we create the space for more of our divineness and inner-most truth.
We sure do Deborah, beautifully said.
Great blog Andrew, hurts are very real but at the same time if we connect to our inner strength they are easily superseded. So is it simply a question what do we give our energy into making a reality?
I feel that your observation that we express in a very similar manner when we react to a hurt is absolutely true. We actually retaliate, even if we don’t raise our voice or even when we choose the ‘right’ words – whatever has happened has gone in and activated an old hurt and this wound has its own tone of voice and choice of words and that is what we then express from.
This is so true Andrew and such an important piece of learning in anyone’s life: “we do in fact have a choice as to whether we feel hurt or not.” It has all to do with not taking things personally and not letting things linger but express what is going on so nothing can escalate into something it never was to start with.
“I have experimented with this myself a little and have noticed that if I choose to be understanding and not react when someone is doing or saying something disturbing around me, then many times the person will change how they are expressing as they too sense the disturbance.” – I have experienced this too, numerous times now by not engaging in the energy that is coming through that person – often they either then switch quickly in the way they express their grievances, other times it has taken much longer. My best learning was staying with me and not engaging in a 45 min rant by one of my children some time ago (I was driving), and then all of a sudden it went from screaming one moment to asking a pertinent question in a totally different voice and manner, as if these 45 minutes had never happened. It showed me clearly that by not engaging, and recognising that the energy that is coming through is not who they truly are, they by way of reflection can reconnect to their essence and this energy can then leave.
Without stillness I am at the mercy of the world, its events and whatever comes my way that day. With stillness there is the space to observe, read what is really going on and effectively “see the scene behind the scene”.
Seems that stillness is a key element in all our daily dealings with issues and people. Maintaining that inner stillness and balance allows for true reading and appropriate responses.
Hurts are a constant choice when in the face of love.
…”how I interpret what is occurring around me depends on my own choice of how I am with, and within, myself…” An insightful and responsible observation that can only bring understanding to the ways in which we react or respond.
We do have a choice as to how we react or respond to a situation and I have noticed, for myself too, that the more gentle and caring I am with myself the more I can be this with others, even when they are not being gentle and caring themselves.
I like how this blog presents our responsibility in everything that happens, that we are always part of it and that we can change it by not reacting to situations but observe it for what it is and allow it to dissipate.
When a person is venting their stuff at me and I choose to read it and stay steady and loving without an ounce of reaction the person is often able to see that it has nothing to do with me. It gives them the space to contemplate on what the real issue is which is often something about themselves and their own behavior that they had not wanted to own as they then would have to take responsibility for this rather than the easy way which is to blame another. It is very healing for both when no reaction is involved
I love your comment Mary-Louise and I have the same experience too. And when we can maintain our steadiness in these situations and not get ‘involved’ yes – true healing can occur without reactionary issues having to be dealt with.
I agree Mary-Louise, by not judging or venting back or withdrawing we offer the other person space to come back to themselves, by not feeding their issue, which is healing all-round.
It is true whether I like it or not I have played a part in every hurt I have felt in my body. I have blamed others not wanting to be responsible but I also know that what comes with being absolutely honest with myself in the way I choose to be with myself and in life is life changing.
I so relate Caroline, I also have blamed others for feeling hurt yet with the teachings of Serge Benhayon I have come to take responsibility more and more and the blame game has become less and less, and instead amazing healing has occured within me and in reflection around me too.
A very open and revealing blog Andrew and your summary was extremely poignant – we do not have to ignore our hurts it is good to notice them when they come up but we don’t have to let them dominate our choices and we definitely don’t have to be hurtful towards others.
Andrew, this takes self responsibility to a whole new level in that we are creating the pool of energy that we are living in with any reactions or hurts that we are feeling. It makes so much sense to observe and to come from love and understanding as this helps create a positive pool of energy around us.
” The science of hurts ” what an amazing title and exploration focus for us all offering real understanding responsibility and wisdom to this huge buried subject.
“Every time we do, say or think something that is not coming from a basis of love and truth, it creates an energetic disturbance in the universe.” wow this is really huge and also calls for us to have incredible responsibility.
Back to this awesome word again – ‘responsibility’ – how huge is it when we truly ponder upon what this really means with the knowing that all we think, say and do will create a ripple in the entire universe …
“But perhaps what is closer to the truth is that we are actually choosing to feel hurt due to a disturbing situation.” reading this line again bring a deeper understanding to me, I’ve heard this, I know this from knowledge but to really appreciate that it is us who choose to feel hurt is quite staggering and changes our entire relationships with life.
yep, choosing to feel hurt brings with it an agenda we may be running, and getting a true reflection around this will go a long way to let go of such choices more and more.
What is shared here is profound. For example ” I have noticed that the days when I can observe what is occurring around me and not be disturbed, are the days when I am feeling less disturbed inside of me. On these days I am more connected to an inner stillness and steadiness that is always present inside me.” It is not about me endeavouring to not react or being disappointed with myself whenever I do. My responsibility starts with what level of stillness and love I walk forward with in the first place. Have I taken the care to be able to allow my fellow brothers and sisters the grace and the space to make their own mistakes and evolve in their own time, whilst I consistently maintain and reflect the love that I know I can?
I wonder if we made a commitment to love, rather than to a person if hurts would play out in the same way? It feels to me like if we really go for love, with everything we’ve got and someone says no to that or is disrespectful or whatever it’s super clear that they are actually rejecting LOVE – not you. And you are simply left with the magnificent feeling of knowing you have one hundred percent committed to love.
“how I interpret what is occurring around me depends on my own choice of how I am with, and within, myself.” this line jumped out at me today, for its so true. Depending on how I am with myself the same situation came be taken two completely different ways, one where I do observe whats happening and then have space to feel what its all about and the other where I’m already irate and hurt by the situation, taking it personally etc.. etc.. therefore how I am in life comes back to me and not at all the situations around me. If anything I can start to appreciate how all the situations are showing me to be more of me all the time.
A great title of this blog Andrew, as I really do feel there is a lot of science in emotions… as if everything is energy, then the energy of an emotion is like an atom accepting an electron that changes its shape, composition and behaviour. To recognise this, aids the ability to observe and notice when a package of ‘hurt’ comes along close to your body, at which point in time there are two choices… One, is an opportunity to choose it and therefore let this package overcome us and then it changes the way we think, feel, and behave, OR you remain with that essence / quality / feeling of you which is separate to that bundle or package of hurt, and from this point of view, are much well equipped and clear to deal with the ‘package’. This all seems to happen in a micro-nano second, but with developing self care and self love, the ability to observe and catch this transfer happening, it is possible.
We do indeed have a choice as to wether our lives are dominated and controlled by hurts; or not. Understanding our hurts, and the hurts of others, helps us not to react but instead to connect to the love and wisdom that we so naturally are. Great blog Andrew, thank you.
I really like the way this is expressed, what particularly stuck out was the choice we have to connect to the abundant love and not go to the reaction when someone says something that triggers a feeling of hurt. I know first hand how difficult it can sometimes be to not react to something that feels mean or untrue, or unreasonable, but also how rewarding it is to not enjoin the disturbance but take the response to a place where the disturbance can be exposed without any reaction. We all feel hurt at some time or another but not allowing the feelings to dominate our behaviour allows us to build healthier relationships free from patterns of mistrust and defensiveness.
Having understanding around why a person says/does a certain thing, creates some space to see what reflection is there for you to learn from, and stops reactions.
“We choose to focus on the relatively small disturbance and disconnect from the abundance of love and stillness that is all around us and inside us constantly”…yep I do this. It is a loving work in progress to connect to the love and stillness because I know when I do that, I can see the disturbance much more clearly, often my role in it and the others and can let it go. There is such a science to life, thank you for exploring this part of it.
If you do not feed the anger or add to the hurts it will die down, just like a fire will go out without fuel. Not reacting allows the other person a complete reflection of there own behaviour and it can be quite interesting to observe and not absorb and watch the anger or outburst fissile out.
‘Well, I have noticed that the days when I can observe what is occurring around me and not be disturbed, are the days when I am feeling less disturbed inside of me.’ True Andrew, and it is great to notice every disturbance to discover where our hurts lay.
Really understanding how our hurts impact our lives is so important, it helps us to be more understanding with ourselves and others. This is always going to create the space for true healing.
As long as I don’t love myself and know myself as love I imagine that I will continue to be hurt by the lack of love in the world.
I love this blog Andrew and your analogy of peeing in the pool made me laugh because what you are saying is so very very true. We are all in this together whether we care to acknowledge it or not.
Thank you for writing this, remembering me of the truth of hurts, we ought to take responsibility and see that we do hurt ourselves most deeply by choosing disconnection from the love that we are, so not being able to stay steady at the moment others can hurt us.
This is so beautiful, to acknowledge that how we either react or respond to the events that are happening around us is the key to the quality of our lives thereafter.
A brilliant blog Andrew – on first read I totally missed the part where you talk about the cyclical nature of hurts – how convenient! What you say is so true and can take on another layer when we consider too the elements of karma and reincarnation. Everything that occurs to us is doing so as an opportunity for us to heal and move on from choices we have made in the past. This gives a truly beautiful understanding of something we usually consider to hurt.
Love this scientific explanation of how hurts compound into a collective hurt to which we have all contributed and therefore the responsibility it truly requires of each and every one of us to monitor and identify our responses to ‘disturbances’ that affect the equilibrium of the universe. Once this science is more widely understood then people will be faced with an ongoing choice – one that has Responsibility written all over it.
Recently we had a group meeting and because we had the observation that we had lost our purpose, lost our enthusiasm and commitment for the group, we tried to find out where did it start, what did happen. And so we did table everything what had disturbed and concerned us in the last months. ‘You did that’ and ‘that made me feel like that..’ and so on. But even though this was in a way good and relieving – it did not support us in coming back to our purpose at all. We felt relieved but still a bit lost. Not until we did start to become aware of and appreciate what the group does bring and offer to the world mankind we started to become alive and vital again. And I see how the true developing is still waiting for us. The learning of not blaming someone or something else for how we feel.
Yes, we have to deal with our hurts – but how? Just when we take responsibility about them they really dissolve and make space for truth and so for growing and going on.
Great sharing on hurts. Also that we are part of our hurts and how we have to look at changing our choices and behaviour to change these hurts.
“…how I interpret what is occurring around me depends on my own choice of how I am with, and within, myself…” This statement shows us how we the way we look out through our eyes at life and interactions can be like looking out of rose tinted glasses as everything depends on previous choices we have made. When we realise something it is like taking off those glasses is looking at life with ‘real eyes’ .
There is a huge responsibility to feel whenever we say, or do something, how it impacts on everyone, including coming back full circle to ourselves. We can build and create a loving harmony or something completely opposite to that, with something as simple as a thought, a word or a deed. We can break the science of hurts by stopping the patterns that fuel this circle of responses to hurts. Moving on..and loving Love instead.
Life isn’t lineal and neither are we and how we are made – recognising we are hurts is a powerful, honest step and then recognising that hurts come around and go around as a result of our behaviours, intentions and ultimately how deeply we have walked away from our true grace. When we clock this truly, we start to walk in that grace once again.
I agree, we are living in the soup of our own making and thus, there are an immense number of loveless acts and hurts in this soup that we have all contributed to, in one way or another. And thus, as you point out, it is not as straightforward as pointing the finger down a straight line at a so-called perpetrator and thinking oneself hard done by – we actually have a choice.
If we can get past our hurts and truly observe the situation, we are able to see in clarity the hurts of others and thus the understanding that we can offer.
Your ‘weeing in the pool’ analogy says it all Andrew! As humans we are very quick to blame another for we do not like to be made accountable for our contribution to the love-less equation we find ourselves in. Yet what hurts us the most is our very own step away from love that is then compounded by the step of another that echoes this separation. Quite simply, it hurts to not live the love that we are and the only remedy for this deep-seated pain we all feel is to live it in full once again.
So true Brendan, I am free to shine my own unique light when it is not being dimmed by my reactions to others.
The ‘science of hurts’ should be taught and appreciated in schools from kindergarten onwards. A truly illuminating blog.
When we can understand that all our hurts are a result of not actually expressing how we feel in any particular situation, and that they will just keep coming back to us until we do start expressing in this way makes so much sense. And it shows us how much of a responsibility we have to not hold back what we are feeling.
Gosh Andrew this is powerful, I’ve been by about 3 times now and always feel strengthened and supported by your words. You make a very good point about the power of staying in our own stillness and love and how this supports the other person to be aware of the disturbance, or we can focus on “what they did” and not look at the fact we too are now contributing the same quality of energy to the collective pool. And the realities of either choice have very big ramifications for the body, stillness and love which supports our good health, or reacting which stresses and depletes the body.
Recognising that everything is energy first, brings an understanding that, as everything is energy, then when we react or are choosing to be less, we are actually creating this. We are setting ourselves up, which probably happened way back when and we are only stuck in a pattern that we have chosen to create and live for a lot of years. Once we accept this very fact, we are better able to call out our creations when we go into them, and reclaim our true and amazing selves back.
Part of our issue in life is that we are firstly not honest enough with how fragile we are and how much we are susceptible to being hurt as a result.
This just highlights the power of each and every choice that we make.
“no matter how much right I feel I have to be hurt, I have observed that I am actually expressing the same quality of disturbance back to the person who I have decided is hurting me!” This is quite a significant line Andrew. I know the feeling of feeling i have ‘the right’ to be hurt and react yet I find myself actually more hurt if I do this and not express lovingly and light as I love to do.
Brilliant Andrew – this question comes back to are we meeting and honouring us. For if we do will we really be upset by how others are? So it seems the true hurt we suffer from is one and the same – the sadness of missing the Love that we are. And after all who wouldn’t miss something so big and so grand, all-encompassing, understanding and even. When you put it like this everything we complain about comes back to our choices and willingness to embrace self-love.
How many times have I said to myself “why is this happening to me again?” I know now that like the planet revolving I am returning to the energy of a situation I have not handled well in the past, and am being offered an opportunity to clear the energy, to learn and evolve. Thank you Shirley-Anne, I will keep in mind that what is playing out is cyclical and much bigger than my hurts.
Whoa this is huge Brendan, I had to read it three times.
If I react I am contributing to the disturbance and cutting myself of from the other person and any learning or healing that the situation is offering. If I am solid in myself I don’t take it personally, I listen to the other person, they feel respected and neither of us escalate the situation. I have done this in some situations and so it is empowering to know I can apply it all the time.
Reading your blog makes me realise just how sensitive a being us human beings really are, and in order to cope with this sensitivity, we harden, protect, guard and actually to various degrees, we numb ourselves. Experiencing a hurt is actually showing us how sensitive and clairsentient a human being really is, and yet we turn the other way from it to either numb, hold back or enjoin the very thing that causes the hurt, instead of observing, feeling and understanding the mechanics of the energy we live amongst. Accepting our sensitivity is the fist great step to turning back the other way and accepting what we are seeing and feeling.
Feeling hurt is a choice we make and it may depend on how we feel about ourselves, how dependent we are upon others, what expectations we have, and what rules we set up. If we truly appreciate ourselves we are less likely to be hurt by outside factors.
Taking full responsibility for how we feel is so important. It’s so easy to blame others for how we feel. As soon as we blame and point the finger we take on the energy that we are trying to keep out. Much better to simply observe and take care of ourselves. This is much more loving for others too.
True Rebecca. I have found that when I blame, point finger or am resentful the impact of my expression is further disharmony and the whole thing escalades. The only way my impact is helpful in the situation is if I take care of myself as you suggest. It is only when I return to love and honouring of myself and the other person and I can once more see a bigger picture, that a loving turn round becomes a possibility.
Being ‘met for who you are’ is a term first introduced to me by Serge Benhayon. And although at first I had no idea what he was talking about, this term has, over the years come to actually have a very deep meaning to it, which I understand now as being the moment when you are fully seen from the essence of your being and not the behaviours or movements you may be presenting at that time. It is extraordinarily non-judgemental or controlling and very very loving to meet another person, squarely and with no holding back.
Something to respect is that naturally when we feel hurt we feel very raw and exposed, the hurt is very real, but instead of dealing with that we have learned to avoid feeling hurt and continue on so as to not feel that hurt again.
The real hurt is when we choose to leave the connection, the love we are from and our body. In other words, and like you have so gorgeously exposed Brendan, when we are not with ourselves we leave openings from what is not love in the world to affect us. With energetic responsibility, we are asked to look at what energy is running us and what energetic pool we are contributing too. When we refine life like this, there is far less openings for disturbance.
My deepest hurt is that I am not living all of who I am every minute of the day and whenever I am reminded to that through any incident in life this hurt gets disturbed and surfaces and is the source of my expression afterwards.
The science of hurts – i know that over the years (and continuing today…) the more i’ve developed understanding of myself, of the world around me and really enjoyed this to become steady and confident as a person, the less shaken or reactionary i am when a hurt occurs. The deeper the understanding, the greater the acceptance.
I agree that when there is a tension in my body, I tend to take on a lot more stuff and hold onto things. When I am at ease in my body, it is as if I am full and so I don’t need to take anything on, and I can observe things rather than absorb things.
It is true that the more spacious and steady we are within in connection to our natural essence, the more we are able to navigate life and to observe and respond to all before us.
Our choice… That is an uncomfortable proposition when we are so used to operating from the position of right or wrong. The fact that you expose is we don’t need to live in this way is beautiful in truth and something to invest time in being dedicated to living.
When I am connected to this inner stillness I feel much bigger and grander than the disturbance and therefore, to be hurt by this disturbance seems impossible. You have expressed it so accurately Andrew, and in a way that only having lived it, could you express it so fully and completely, leaving the reader to feel the absolute possibility that this can be achieved. So gorgeous.
Great point Andrew it is the days we are truly connected with ourselves nothing that goes on around us rocks us as we are able to bring true understanding and love to the situation.
Understanding that our hurts are cyclical in nature, brings so much more understanding to the topic. As the saying goes, what goes around comes around, and we are totally responsible for that.
True Vicky that we are faced with our own output is in fact a wonderful freedom if we willingly embrace the responsibility.
A world dominated by hurts is a world of disconnection. By committing to working through our hurts, we are not only committing to ourselves but to deeper relationships and connection with the all. As we clear our hurts it allows us to feel the innate love that is always there but perhaps has been covered or tarnished by the hurts that we carry.
This is a brilliant article Andrew and one that must go wider than this forum. My reactions do cause a disturbance where there was not one before and this is a huge responsibility to be aware of. Living from this truth can literally change the world.
“…I have noticed that the days when I can observe what is occurring around me and not be disturbed, are the days when I am feeling less disturbed inside of me.” – and that is where the responsibility sits. It sits with us to feel what is going on inside before looking outside for the cause of any disturbance.
“However, have we considered that the hurts we experience in our lives may actually be cyclical in nature and not as lineal as may first appear?” wow. Every time I read this line I instantly jump to thinking about the many people that suffer extreme injustice all over the world. A part of me is very invested in the ‘victim’ narrative… perhaps because I have played this role so much in my life.
Enlightening post Andrew, really enjoyed this read, your words: “I can observe what is occurring around me and not be disturbed, are the days when I am feeling less disturbed inside of me” – how true is this, and also a super reminder in the importance of one’s quality of being the direct influencer of everything else around us and that we experience – from having contributed towards it first (!)
Most of my hurts stemmed from my lack of love towards myself, numbing myself away from awareness of this fact. This created isolation and hardening further away from awareness. My lack of connection to myself created an equal lack of true connection to others. Being open may seem paradoxical as in we expect that being open means we will be hurt but this is not so. It is easier to feel love when we allow ourselves to feel everything.If we are open to all that is there in life, the not so great and the downright appalling, not taking it on but being willing to see it, so too will we see and feel the abundance of love, truth and beauty that is also there, more so.
Do we have to feel hurt by the lack of love in the world? “how I interpret what is occurring around me depends on my own choice of how I am with, and within, myself.” words of wisdom to ponder on. What a great blog exposing the truth of hurts and how we feel and the difference our livingness and taking responsibility for ourselves makes.
The true secret to “not getting hurt”, is to open up our awareness so that we can truly read what is going on, and in that way enable ourselves to be able to respond, rather than react to life. For in opening up your awareness to life, you start to feel its duality. This is important to note, for in opening yourself to feel the core of the evil in this world, you equally open yourself up to feeling love, that there is love, and that it is abundant. And so, by contrast, if you shut down your awareness of all there is to feel, if you make life just about physicality, and about the what you can discern purely from your 5 senses, then the truth is you will always react, and you will always take things personally, and you will always get hurt, or at least harden so that you can pretend you are not hurt. And that is the price of individuality, whereby we shut down our awareness to the fact that we are all connected.
The way we contribute to our own hurts is very confronting. All my life I have felt comfortable blaming other people for the way I feel when all along I have had an opportunity to accept responsibility for the part I have played and bring more understanding to the reflections that are before me.
Just wondering if we fabricate hurts in order to keep us separated from ourselves?
Actually registering and admitting to ourselves that we are hurt when another disrespects us or others is the first step – the basic allowing ourselves to feel goes a long way to starting the healing process, especially if we have grown up guarding and protecting ourselves.
Observing and not absorbing is a powerful tool that it is available to all of us, it allows us to feel the hurts without personalising any of it and tainting the quality of perception of life.
I love this blog as each time i read it, it always, very clearly reminds me that everything in life is a choice… Absolutely everything!
“So I have found this an interesting observation because it means that how I interpret what is occurring around me depends on my own choice of how I am with, and within, myself.” – I find this too – that I can limit what I can see or understand of a situation depending on how connected I am with myself or if I’m projecting out how I want or think things should be.
We don’t have to feel hurt by the lack of love in the world, we can’t change that in one fell swoop. What we can change is how we are with love for ourselves, and this reflects to others there is no need to take on the hurts all around us. I love how this is a science that we can all learn Andrew, and then make our own choices.
‘…when I choose to react, no matter how much right I feel I have to be hurt, I have observed that I am actually expressing the same quality of disturbance back to the person who I have decided is hurting me!’ Reactions always lead to reactions unless someone takes on the observor role and brings understanding to the table.
Wow, even the title is so very eye catching, who knew that there was such a thing as there being a ‘science around hurts’. We just are so flippant when it comes to us feeling hurt, we can say the words, but do we even know there is a science. A lot to ponder and truly feel.
Hurts are my own resistance to loving myself fully and unconditionally. True self love is something most of us do not gift ourselves with to our own ongoing detriment.
Today as I felt into a hurt I had, I became aware that it was because I had lost my ability to feel the connection to my own heart. As soon as I realised this, my stillness returned. I related it to being in bed with my wife’s head resting on my shoulder in the early morning. This place of rest with my wife has always been a time that holds a great stillness. Thanks to the presentations by Serge Benhayon I am slowly starting to take that deepening quality of stillness into the rest of my day.
The days we hold steady and true despite the disturbances around us are the days we we meet and confirm ourselves for who we truly are in essence.
Mmm… I feel I often take on other people’s hurts by reacting to the energy they are choosing. But then I have a need here, in them to be perfect, and an expectation, a need for them to be a certain way to fill my emptiness, to meet something I need them to be – love – for I am not yet, willing to absolutely adore and love myself, every little part and my body in full. In this I am not willing to see or understand where they are at, how sweet, tender and lovely they are, I am not seeing them at all – but am labelling, attaching to the person a behaviour that is not them. That feels awful and hurts.
I agree totally to what you offer here Andrew, and but…I found it very hard to take responsibility about what happens to me when I feel hurt. In that moment I am SO sure about being a victim of what someone else has done. But I know what you present is true and so I started to observe more what is going on when I feel hurt. I dissociate from the person/situation that did supposedly ‘hurt me’ and bring myself in safety. But here I am still hurt and miserable PLUS feeling alone, disconnected. But when I am able to take responsibility about what happened I get an openness again, a space in which I see more clear again and I feel our connection. Often when I take just one step of responsibility about what happened the whole big HURT does collapse like a house of cards getting some fresh air. To take the moment of ‘hurt’ as a point of learning is so much more joy in life, really enriching. Worth to learn to let go of the hurts and discover them for what they are: distractions.
I am observing more within myself how easy I find it to harbour my hurts and want to hold onto them…which doesn’t make sense as letting them go would be very freeing!
‘(hurts) do not have to be the dominant or driving force behind our behaviours as they currently are’ – Absolutely Andrew – hurts can seem big, bad and ugly, but only if we give our time and power to them…
“Therefore, if feeling hurt is a choice rather than a foregone conclusion, we could also just as easily make a choice to NOT feel hurt by any disturbing situation.” now this is something quite interesting, and life changing at the same time. The fact that we choose to allow ourselves to be hurt and therefore we can choose not to allow this. I feel this shows me that if I do take responsibility then I would not build up hurts as I go through life but could deal with whatever is in front of me, something that Serge has presented since I’ve known him.
Before I was introduced to Universal Medicine I used my hurt to avoid taking full responsibility for my part in life. Hiding behind hurt keeps you centralised and separate from others.
ooh I love this and can feel I will come back to read this again as I am sure there is more to understand in what you have written. As I read it I became aware of examples where I have taken on an energy that I felt and passed it on without giving it a thought, I made an excuse why I had a right to feel irritable and irritated by a particular situation. But if I am polluting the water then indeed I will need to swim right back through it – and suck eggs! I realise how irresponsible this is now. Time to be the change I want to see rather than wait to see the change I want.
“We in effect live in the soup that we create with our own daily choices.”
I know when I feel hurt I’m just focusing on me as an individual, taking no account of where the other person may be – their hurts and reactions. Learning to observe and not get caught up in reacting myself is something I am learning. Feels good when I manage it! Understanding versus judging….
This is a lecture about responsibility. Brilliant! And I agree. I can see how I less feel hurt by discovering more connection to and stillness in me. So a ‘feeling hurt’ is a reflection of my inner state of being. And instead of blaming someone or something outside of me – and so give my power away to them/this – I can take it as a reflection to be asked to deepen my connection and stillness. So it is an offering of development, a point of evolution. If I take it as a hurt, I feel helpless, give my power away. But when I take it as a point of evolution I take responsibility and expand my power.
I am noticing more and more that even when I do get hurt, it is up to me how I respond to the situation. Do I react, give as good as I get, or reduce myself and hold back? Or do I use the opportunity to deepen my understanding of my weak areas, and choose to lovingly work on them, and deepen the level of love, connection and responsibility I express in the world? Completely my choice.
More and more it is becoming clear that we are experiencing our own output and that when situations are presented to us to deal with, we have the opportunity to clear our own irresponsibility.
“… how I interpret what is occurring around me depends on my own choice of how I am with, and within, myself.” Yes, Andrew, this is so true. How I am brings an ‘agenda’ from which I then judge, react and/or interpret a situation. However, if I can stay connected to my stillness I then do not bring any pre-conceived projections to a situation but am objective, see it for what it is and respond appropriately without emotion or taking things personally.
This is a very supportive blog to come back to. It is powerful to me to realise when I’m hurt that I too may have caused disturbances for others, it takes the victim sting out of it and equalises things, giving me an opportunity to observe. The reaction for me is always believing something’s been done to me, yet in my essence I remain untouched.
I agree when I am connected to my inner stillness I feel steady with in and it does not matter what comes at me, I do not react but am able to read the situation clearly and respond accordingly. When I am not steady with in then I allow the disturbance to get to me and I react and indulge in stuff.
How important it is to consider our part in contributing to the all that we live – what we have contributed in energy and action to what we now live, what is reflected to us and the society that has resulted.
This is a great realisation, Andrew, how when we react we are adding the same ill energy to the situation as the ‘perpetrator’. It certainly provides us with distinct choice in these moments.
I’ve been asking myself recently if we really do get hurt, or if the whole thing is just self created to keep us from knowing the truth about who we really are and where we come from. Can someone really hurt us? Or do we just create that situation to stop us from moving forward?
A brilliant question Meg, I have been asking myself similarly. The hurts are like shadowy clouds that I can latch onto and identify with, when all along I am the brilliant, steady and ever shining fiery sun. With all respect to the human experience it is a game of playing small, and perhaps we even use them for safety so as not to stand out. And as you suggest, we make the hurts bigger, more real or more powerful than they truly are so as not to take full responsibility for living the true power we come from.
Yeah sometimes I get the impression that this is all one big game, of which I often play but it’s starting to feel more and more ridiculous. When I know who I am, no hurt can properly touch me, sure there can be difficulties and things can at moments be uncomfortable but nothing that can compare to the grandness of what life is in fact offering us.
“…So rather than constantly reacting to life ….. perhaps it would be wiser to stay connected to the love that we are and take full responsibility for what we express in the world, knowing that it is our collective expressions that make up the world we all have to live in…” This statement deserves prime position on a mantle piece… or in any position that everyone can read and take note. Yes, we are all in this (life) together, so we each contribute to the way the whole of it is.
Thank you Johanne that is a great point, though I might be one part of the ocean of energy we live in, I still affect the whole ocean – so what energy do I choose to bring to the whole today?
I’ve discovered that my reaction to being hurt causes more hurt than the actual hurt itself. If I just stay with the original hurt and feel it it eventually fades and passes, whereas if I react to the hurt I end up beating myself up which magnifies the hurt and prolongs it. I recently managed to not react to a hurt, and although it was uncomfortable to feel it only lasted a short while before I was able to clear it and come back to feeling joyful and light. A new developed ability and a cause for appreciation and celebration!
There is a huge healing when we realise how we can set ourselves up to be hurt – ie the way we are in our day can influence how we receive other people – if we are joyful in ourselves, then we don’t react as much, if we are defensive or upset then we will react more easily.
This is such a great awareness: “We choose to focus on the relatively small disturbance and disconnect from the abundance of love and stillness that is all around us and inside us constantly”. Catching this one as and when we can starts to unravel the impression hurts want to leave and opens up for understanding – which to me is where love can then come through with a true imprint.
“…perhaps what is closer to the truth is that we are actually choosing to feel hurt due to a disturbing situation…” This rings true, which then confirms how supportive it is to be in the observation of life, rather than to absorb life emotionally. Even when a hurt comes up, to be able to observe this, unravels the emotional tangle we could potentially get caught up in
We are naturally harmonious and built to heal any disharmony that occurs. When we cut our finger our body responds immediately and begin to heal. So too can we understand that our hurts are something that can heal when we take responsibility for we let them affect us.
That is beautiful Bernadette, just like our body seals the gap when there is a cut, our soul naturally wants to pull us back into deeper love, joy, truth and harmony when an energetic disturbance like a hurt arises. This really communicates to me the purpose of surrender in disturbances and to just allow the healing to naturally take place.
I love what you have presented here Andrew! We often see these hurts play out in the way you presented here. I agree that to not buy into this situation of defending ourselves and sitting in our hurts, but rather recognize that by buying into the situation we both sit in the same energy. Therefore as you mention if we don’t do that then often the other person will also harmonise with our energy, and therefore not escalate the situation but rather defuse it.
It is such a magnificent feeling to respond to a challenging situation free from emotion and reaction. It completely changes the way any conversation can go because it is not imposing on the other person or people, instead giving them space to feel what you are saying and be guided to find what is true in the situation. The domination of hurts is such a big thing in the destruction of our relationships, and yet we have this other option of how we engage in our lives. How you have constructed this Andrew is beautiful and very supportive to read and understand further.
Beautiful exposure of our own choice in being hurt or not, contributing to the lovelessnes or not. It is our commitment that shows us the right light, it is our choice to be hurt or not. We are the ones that play in this world of energy, and we are the ones that can make choices to feel the other side of the coin, the abundance of love that is there for us, from every corner of the universe.
I had an experience recently where I felt hurt. I was interested to read your comment that asks us if ‘we considered that the hurts we experience in our lives may actually be cyclical in nature and not as lineal as may first appear?’ This is something I will be pondering on.
I like the point you make that if we respond from the hurt we are adding to the same quality of the disturbance and thus in this no truth is offered. It is just reaction upon reaction.
It was interesting observing two shop assistants yesterday in a big department store in London. One man refused to let his colleague use the till and snapped at her. Both in defense and protection. She took this really badly and started yelling at him to which he retaliated. She was then yelling at him, pinching his face and his arm hard…justifying her actions because he was out of order 1st. He was yelling back at her. Here were their hurts playing out in full in front of a packed shop neither taking responsibility for their behaviour, no different to a school playground with arguing kids. How far can we lose it like this when we let ourselves be hurt by a situation rather than see it for what it is and respond accordingly?
Great blog Andrew, thank you for deepening my awareness of the science of hurts and how these hurts are so destructive in our lives. How different the world would be if we all lived the truth and love that is innately us.
Recently on a healing course with Serge Benhayon he was presenting about this very subject and he explained it so simply. My understanding of one of his presentations was that we have incidents and events in life, some of which have the potential to hurt us, but we choose whether we react or respond to them, which is a choice whether we allow ourselves to be hurt or not by the situation.
This is a great expose on the irresponsibility we tend to live with and how it can be different. Not only are we less likely to react and feel hurt when we take care of ourself and are “less disturbed” to begin with, but we have great responsibility in how we respond to any situation. Our response adds to the loving – or loveless – dynamic around us and your tongue in cheek example of “weeing in the pool and then being upset when we get splashed by the collective urine” is classic.
I used to be so identified by my hurts and carried them around like a trophy prize. They made me feel special, different and I enjoyed playing a victim. Now I look back and see how utterly irresponsible that was. I absolutely know that I have a choice as to whether I feel hurt or not, it is no longer a given that I do. There is something far grander than hurt within me and once I connect to that then the hurt simply vanishes. There is indeed a science to hurt and you capture it very well Andrew.
Understanding that no one can really hurt you unless you allow it, takes responsibility to another level. It is easy to blame someone else for what happens, then you do not have to look at what is really going on. If everything happens for a reason then blaming just allows you to ignore what the situation is communicating to you.
If I can stay with myself and not react in any situation then it is much easier to not take the hurt personally and also look at why it happened.
Understanding all this is great. It helps me bring this process into my life and supports me to evolve.
‘ how I interpret what is occurring around me depends on my own choice of how I am with, and within, myself.’ I like this sentence Andrew as it brings it back to the responsibility of how we are with ourselves, and within, and bringing that to what is going on outside of ourselves.
Thank you Andrew, seeing the surface of how hurts look and feel, or seeing them on a deeper level as disturbances, we all add to the pool of energy we live in which is significant. I also have come to realise that no matter how painful a hurt is, it has no true power compared to the love I am in essence, especially as the hurt can never truly be a part of who I am – all I can do is allow it to disturb me.
A brilliant sharing Andrew I love it and gosh how our hurts effect us all and the world and all our interactions and behaviours and how beautiful to feel how different the world would be if we really all understood the science of hurts and lived a different way healing them and becoming at one with us all in connection lovingly.
Recently I have come to understand about learning how to address my hurts I used to believe it was all something I had to do solo. But in reaction to another’s hurtful ways we take it on and then pass it on to another. What I am learning is that healing hurts is also about saying no to passing it on or lashing it back to the one who presented it to me in that moment.
“We choose to focus on the relatively small disturbance and disconnect from the abundance of love and stillness that is all around us and inside us constantly.” This is so easy to do, particularly when the disturbance is painful. However, maintaining the focus on our stillness and the abundance of love the disturbances may still be painful but they become just an aspect of the whole rather than the dominant focus and thereby so much easier to resolve.
“…if feeling hurt is a choice rather than a foregone conclusion, we could also just as easily make a choice to NOT feel hurt by any disturbing situation.” This is an empowering statement if we are willing to embrace the fact that I choose to feel hurt. Sure we will feel hurt but can we just observe it as an energy coming at us and not react to it? It actually thrives off our reaction. If we feel it but do not react it defuses the impact it has on us and the energy cannot get a feed on us so it tends to diminish. In this way we get practice at feeling a hurt which might have been devastating before but which has less of an impact when we just observe it without reaction.
“Every time we do, say or think something that is not coming from a basis of love and truth, it creates an energetic disturbance in the universe. We have in effect created disharmony where there was none before.” What an absolute responsibility we have.
Super that you are sharing about being super honest Shirley-Anne. I am finding the same thing that when I bring that level of integrity to my hurts, the ideals which hides them can be like an onion with multi dimensional layers.
Great observations about ‘the science of feeling hurt’ Andrew. It certainly seems true to me that when I feel hurt it is because a situation has ‘pressed a button’ in me and hence, that hurt already exists within me. This is a key factor in learning to heal our hurts as it means it is all within our power to do so and that we are not the victims of hurt we might believe ourselves to be. When I feel I am a victim I create a lot of drama around the situation that doesn’t really serve to heal anything but is in fact designed to stimulate sympathy from others which confirms the ‘woe’ I am in. Far more self-loving to admit the hurt, own it and use our power to heal it in my view.
We really really like to hold onto our hurts, they make us feel comfortable, ie. we do find comfort in the misery. We also like to be protected, we like to be the victim and can become very identified in our own stories. I know this, because I have tread this well worn path a lot, as do most in the world. But I am finding a lot more love, responsibility and understanding towards myself, but also others, so as to go deeper and be more of myself, not living life from hurts.
‘It is easy to think of a hurt as something that is being done to us; that we are innocent victims in the crime.’ Any time we make ourselves ‘victim’ we are avoiding responsibility, and therefore not connecting to the truth of a situation.
A hurt is like a package or emotion stored in our body just like a growth or a cyst. It exists but isn’t actually naturally part of you. It surely makes sense that cancerous growths come about – when you start to see a relationship between these unresolved packages and our long-term health. I wholeheartedly agree Andrew, seeing hurts as simply blockages we have been poisoned with along the way, goes a long way to clearing them out of the way.
I would say everyone of us has been hurt….so do we choose to hold on to them and carry them around like a suit of armour, saying been there done it’…I had not realised for some time that it was not actually protecting me, but rather weighing me down….So what does hold as warm, upright, with true courage, how do we allow the arrows of hurt to slide of and not impose on us…we choose….we chose observation and understanding and I am also playing with acceptance, accepting another for who they are and allowing life to be what it is rather than trying to fix it, change it or control it…..Amazing possibilities that have been inspired by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine and now authors such as yourself, who are experimenting with the science of energy and how we live with it and are from it.
Yes, Andrew. Over the last twenty four hours something subtly came up for me that made me feel sad, and while initially I let it take hold I soon questioned the impact that this would be having on my body, but also on everyone around me. These old configurations do not need to be there, and this is where responsibility comes in, to nominate what is there to be cleared so as to return to our full connection to the essence.
It appears to me after reading this blog that it is actually our hurts that interact with one another in the game of not being hurt once more, in keeping ourselves protected and secured. In that game we completely forget that we are not meeting each other and in behaving like this we conserve this way of life that has shown us over many years to bring us nowhere as to me we are only going in circles as the deeper issue is never solved and is always coming back to us only in a different taste, shape or colour.
“Do we have to feel hurt by the lack of love in the world?” – this feels to be a key question for me. Being aware of things doesn’t have to mean that I am affected by them. More awareness doesn’t bring more hurt.
Well said, Fumiyo. This cuts through a common illusion, that if we feel the lovelessness in the world we enjoin it in some way.
This is a very potent dose of medicine – the fact that we have a choice whether to feel hurt or not. It introduces a greater level of awareness and responsibility to step up to.
When we accept that we contribute to the energetic disturbance to the universe through our own ways and reactions, we accept responsibility for all of our actions and thoughts. With this we are able to observe what we have played our part in, without judgment of ourselves.
I love how you point out that life happens in cycles, that nothing is detached or is just happening randomly, that everything has to do with us, thus we are always empowered to make the changes that are needed.
Very wise and understanding the way you explore and present the science of hurts. It is our responsibility to either drive the merry-go-round of hurts and reactions or to step off the merry-go-round and live in a way where we to the best of our ability we live from the love and understanding that is naturally ours and actually available every moment if we so choose it. It is us who choose and create the quality the world is going round and round.
So true Alex, and the thing with this merry-go-round is that it is so simple to step off.
Hurt – a topic we would all know something about. It is great to have it explored in this way, Andrew. Bringing home the possibility that being hurt is actually a choice we all make… which means there is a different choice available and we do not need to live feeling trapped in the cycle of hurt. This is empowering, Thank you.
Sure we all know something about hurt, but how many do know about how it is to live a life in love and in connection with the world and can show this way of life for others to have a reflection of this way of being?
I love this blog Andrew. I have cleared a lot, but sometimes one catches me by surprise and I react. On those occasions, I am often amazed at how much energy can be held in it and how imprisoning it is whilst knowing that it is me choosing that!
“We choose to focus on the relatively small disturbance and disconnect from the abundance of love and stillness that is all around us and inside us constantly”. When we do this, we narrow the focus and only see what we are focussing on and not what else is surrounding us. I know this because I do this. It is time for us to lift our heads out of the sand and see the beautiful big ocean in front of us!
That feeling hurt as a choice is such a foreign concept to us but I too have come to know it is true. The realisation was a real ‘the Earth is round not flat’ moment for me and ever so empowering for no longer was I at the mercy of my ideals, beliefs and expectation but rather freed to a much higher level of understanding and compassion for myself and others.
how I interpret what is occurring around me depends on my own choice of how I am with, and within, myself. This is so very true Andrew, because if I get caught up in the emotional drama of a situation and leave myself behind, I’m relying on recall, or someone else’s opinion to resolve a situation. Better to come from a foundation of self love and care that will hold me through anything that comes my way.
IN the beginning, it is better to feel hurt than pretend one is not so. There is no shame in that, only honesty. The problem deepens however in that moment, if you begin to identify with the hurt as being part of who you truly are. In other words, you use your pain to identify you. And that leads to a pathway of indulgence, preventing you from healing what is there to be healed. Of course that is easier said than done. How do you heal something so painful? Well, the truth is you can’t if you don’t at first connect to, or work on connecting to a true sense of yourself. And so, acceptance, and appreciation are key to any pathway to restoration. Learn to love yourself. Put into practice what is called “self-love” so that you configure your life in such a way that you begin to confirm your own self worth. The deeper you form this sense of connection, the greater the foundation you have to fall back on when you feel how the world has hurt you, and the less chance you have of being consumed by its misery in that moment. Thus true healing is a two way street – being willing to feel that which has hurt you, but equally being open to your own magnificence. Ironically, it is often the latter that is the most difficult part of healing.
Very wise words indeed Adam
Imagine how amazing it would be if everyone lived with the responsibility you share here Andrew. Blame is exhausting, reacting is exhausting,and deciding to be a victim in life, leaves us in a sorry state that we ourselves choose. This can be turned around so easily by considering that nothing comes from nothing, there is a constant loop mechanism and feedback to the original source. Our choices are very powerful.
‘ …how I interpret what is occurring around me depends on my own choice of how I am with, and within, myself.’ So true Andrew, it can bring a completely different picture, which goes to show how we totally create our own environment.
Absolutely brilliant Andrew, love what you have shared. Imagine how different the world would be if everyone lived by the truth you have expressed here.
My first “hurt” that I relate to is not being met, so in not having enough Livingness from my last life I dropped the ball on ‘staying connected’ to my inner-most as most, if not all of humanity do. I continued a relationship of not being met with others, until I met Serge Benhayon. Thank God for this meeting for this is a life changing event for all those who are willing to look at their previous choices in life and are ready to be accountable. My “hurts” were just being buried under a plethora of ideals and beliefs that were stacked higher than all the bibles in the world; this was until I started to make loving choices to shift my Livingness to being one of ‘staying connected’ to my inner-most or esoteric. Andrew, I so appreciate the truth that you have presented when you share it is “wiser to stay connected to the love that we are and take full responsibility for what we express in the world, knowing that it is our collective expressions that make up the world we all have to live in”.
“When I am connected to this inner stillness I feel much bigger and grander than the disturbance and therefore, to be hurt by this disturbance seems impossible.” Indeed the anchor we are offered by this connection holds us steady in the face of life’s tides and currents.
Learning to let go of our hurts can and will always be the corner stone of how we heal and live a less reactive life, one that is freer of emotional ups and downs, living a life that is instead full of joy, steadiness and love.
What is shared here about choosing not to react and then witnessing how someone else gets to feel the disturbance of their expression, or of a third persons’, is something I have also witnessed. That moment when it is felt and acknowledged I have sensed an expansion, an opening or perhaps a letting go. It is always humble and never owned and brings people together.
There is science and thus much to observe and learn in everything – especially within ourselves.
Thank you for this true science Andrew.
‘Well, I have noticed that the days when I can observe what is occurring around me and not be disturbed, are the days when I am feeling less disturbed inside of me. On these days I am more connected to an inner stillness and steadiness that is always present inside me. When I am connected to this inner stillness I feel much bigger and grander than the disturbance and therefore, to be hurt by this disturbance seems impossible’… So, are you saying Andrew that at the core of us there is an inner strength and power that need not react to anything outside of us, much like God, patiently and lovingly waiting for us to re-connect to this same essence and stop making our past hurts an excuse to not evolve.
For me too is realising the expectations of another or a situation I carry, such as expecting everyone to love me, even so called strangers, this stops me from letting people in and understanding what is or has happened in their lives,
I appreciate all that has happened in my life for they are not only the hurts, which are many but also my moments of inspiration and they have been life-changing. Life changes when we make a choice to be love and I have chosen to find the truth about love. Truth and love is all that is presented by Serge Benhayon. The topic may vary but it is always based on truth and love. Serge has inspired me, and 1000s of others to reconnect to God by way of a true Livingness. The Livingness is freely available to everyone equally.
Part of the ‘constructing us’ as characters is choosing the hurts to carry forward. It is a bit like looking at a Pantone catalog and browsing colours and say NO, NO, May Be, YES, Definitely YES, etc. We say yes to hurts. Yet, in the same way we say yes to them, we can also close the door on what we have said yes to.
Fully accepting that we are not our mistakes makes it easier to stay with ourselves when we make a choice that isn’t as responsible as it could be and are outed for it.
This science that’s been presented in the article is one I am committed to mastering
Andrew, what you say here is absolutely beautiful – “Every time we do, say or think something that is not coming from a basis of love and truth, it creates an energetic disturbance in the universe. We have in effect created disharmony where there was none before. This contributes to the pool of energy or consciousness that surrounds us and also influences us. We in effect live in the soup that we create with our own daily choices.” – it is beautiful because it gives us an understanding of how things work, and that we do indeed have the opportunity to change things. Lately l have been feeling much hurts, and so to read this blog has been a wonderful reminder to come back to that space within which I know holds me steady, to connect more deeply to myself in order to bring full understanding to how I am feeling and how to let it (the hurt) go in order to fill myself up with more love. Many thanks for this reminder and your beautiful reflection!
I feel sometimes it is easier to identify with hurt as we are very familiar with it and we might get a lot out of it, such as not taking responsibility and having others around us having sympathy for us. The more we choose to connect to our bodies and allow ourselves to just feel what’s there to be felt – we realise things don’t affect us anymore as we feel the truth behind it all.
Yes you are right Francisco, identifying with our hurts keeps us on a plateau and stops us from moving forward in life. I have caught myself indulging in my hurts because it feels familiar, but I am not my hurts anymore, so this is just resistance to moving forward and like you say here, irresponsible.
I am realising more and more that what lies behind my hurts is a false expectation, or picture of life that doesn’t match in reality, including expectations of people. By addressing my investments in how I want things to be I can see how I will feel less hurt by life!
“Every time we do, say or think something that is not coming from a basis of love and truth, it creates an energetic disturbance in the universe.”- Wow, what a concept to contemplate and the responsibility that flows from this.
This is very clear Andrew, we have a choice to notice here. When we jump into a reaction about a hurt we have about something, it feels instantaneous and almost uncontrollable. But there is a tiny space there where we can choose to do that or choose to do something different, we can observe this and make a choice to respond differently. There is a bigger picture to observe and we can definitely move on from these patterns by recognising them.
So if we understand this science there really is no reason to wallow in, or even get hurt, it really is just a matter of choice.
There has been a bit of a science lab scenario going on for me with feeling hurt. What I realized is that if I miss being able to register the first ‘hurt’ scenario – that is totally brush it off, to the point it doesn’t register then an opening is left very widely open for another opportunity. This one registered very loud and clear and I chose to let it run its course. What I realized was I wanted to avoid the first scenario so I had a great distraction. The underlying truth of both of these is that I was missing the fullness of appreciation for myself – super simple. All that was required was the holding of me with my own connection of tender self-appreciation and allow this to be what magnifies out.
There is a grandness in understanding that everything comes back to us as this empowers us, as it is revealed to us that we can always choose and are never the victim.
For every hurt we hold onto, what are we equally missing out on?
This is a question that opens worlds. So very true, what else is there to see and feel besides the hurt we focus on.
The macro and the micro…..”Every time we do, say or think something that is not coming from a basis of love and truth, it creates an energetic disturbance in the universe.” Just as in our home when someone is agitated and disruptive it is felt, so to does this choice impact on the whole of the universe….energetically, scientifically, philosophically…it can be no other way. Thank you Andrew Mooney.
It is definitely a gamechanger what you present Andrew. If everyone lives operating on the basis of protecting a ‘hurt’ they have buried and not dealt with we have a world bouncing off one another’s hurts and reactions.. what if there was a truth that we cannot actually be hurt – and to understand what this means is to be able to live free of reaction and free of investment and free of false protection. How would this change our relationship with ourselves and with life and everyone in it..
So true Annie, as I feel my ideals and beliefs held me in a pattern that was full of reaction, which set me up for all sorts of investments and false protection. This included what I used to call good as well as what was so obviously a hurt. My hurts are there as a raw and open feeling that I look into and heal as soon as they arise but the ideals I held around a so called good are more insidious.
I’ve learned through the teachings of Serge Benhayon that our hurts are things we keep alive. Each time we react from a hurt it gives power and permission for the hurt to remain and continue to keep us in a yo-yo of hurt and reaction. I’ve experienced that to address the hurt, the root of it, and its self perpetuating relationship with our emotions, frees us to instead observe the once reactive situation and stay steady within ourselves.
I love coming back to your blog Andrew there is so much for me to take from it. Just recently I am seeing how underneath my frustration there was a hurt, i had got stuck in the frustration without looking deeper. Once I was able to see and honour the hurt l no longer got frustrated. This was a cycle I was regularly repeating, so these wise words ring true for me. ” However, have we considered that the hurts we experience in our lives may actually be cyclical in nature and not as lineal as may first appear?” Knowing this and that our hurts will keep coming round until we heal them brings a greater understanding to the Science of Hurts.
This statement is the corner stone of all interactions between people … “But perhaps what is closer to the truth is that we are actually choosing to feel hurt due to a disturbing situation..” indicating that a ‘hurt’ is a bundle of energy that we have the choice to choose, and that this package of energy (hurt) is actually not us in our natural state of being… If we choose to let this energy (hurt) in, then we, our body, becomes this disturbance from head to toe. Observation and dealing with our hurts (packages of energy) is a sure way of establishing a harmonious life.
The swimming pool analogy is very strong and gives me a clear sense of the difference between responsibility and lack of it. Accepting responsibility for our actions and their effects is very empowering and inspiring.
When we feel hurt by some-one it is an opportunity to go deeper and feel the expectation you may have. For example I used to feel hurt that dinner was not cooked and ready when I had a long day at work. Once I dropped the expectation which my house mates felt pressured by, I could read the situation and see that they too had had big days and were not able to cook and it was not that they did not care about. The hurts dropped away.
Reflecting this morning on those times I have added to ‘the world hurts’ by my indifference, or fear of speaking up and my own lack of responsibility. The times I have not in my own life ‘nipped things in the bud’ at the time and so having them grow and require major pruning at a future time.
It’s been a big learning to understand the nature of a ‘hurt’ the equal responsibility we have in learning the source of the hurt, and the choice to bury it or learn from it. Then with the understanding we all are responsible for the source of our own hurts, it follows that we have a choice to not be drawn into another’s hurts, but stay with the love we are as a reflection.
Andrew this is a great point and worth reflecting on, ‘have we considered that the hurts we experience in our lives may actually be cyclical in nature and not as lineal as may first appear?’ Reading this I can feel how there is always a learning from every hurt, that it is not a case of the ‘goodie and badie’ but that it is important for everyone to take responsibility for their part in the incident.
Andrew, this is such a great article, I can very much relate to this, ‘We choose to focus on the relatively small disturbance and disconnect from the abundance of love and stillness that is all around us and inside us constantly’, this is beautiful, I notice this with children that wherever they are – be it a busy street in London; the rubbish dump or the supermarket, they are their joyful, playful selves, they do not disconnect from themselves in the way that we often do as adults.
A great reminder to not only remember our outlook and engagement with life as children, but also to be inspired by the awareness and playfulness of children around us.
Yes indeed it is Susan and we spend lifetimes constructing lives that are designed around comfort and security all to avoid our hurts from the past, meanwhile missing out on the love that is available to us in the present by connecting to who we are and living simply from there.
Thank you Andrew, I feel a hurt from other people’s lack of commitment, but in truth this is very arrogant and blaming others, a lack of responsibility, for in truth it is simply reflecting my own lack of commitment.
When I feel hurt I used to say I am a victim of that which someone has done to me, but after reading this blog I do now understand that it is not only something that comes to me, but that it is cyclical and in a way, I, myself am the originator of it as well. That brings being hurt in a complete different light as when I am the originator of my own hurt then comes the question why am I doing that? What I can sense to that, is that it is a way of being with myself that is holding me from standing completely free and in the unwavering connection with the truth I know from deep inside as it is a choice to not live in full that who I actually am and have to offer to the world. Thank you Andrew for bringing this blog to paper as it will help humanity to recover from the ill way we deal with our hurts and with that restore a way of being that is free to live according to our natural connection with the all, the universe and with god.
“stay connected to the love that we are and take full responsibility for what we express in the world”. This feels so empowering, it is a responsibility we must claim and live for humanity now and always.
“Every time we do, say or think something that is not coming from a basis of love and truth, it creates an energetic disturbance in the universe. We have in effect created disharmony where there was none before. This contributes to the pool of energy or consciousness that surrounds us and also influences us. We in effect live in the soup that we create with our own daily choices.” Wow to know this is very empowering. Especially when we are intending great change and evolution in our lives. Thank you for this golden wisdom.
Believing we are our hurts keeps you in a never ending cycle where self blame and lack of self worth keep you from truly knowing how amazing you actually are.
The science of hurts, certainly such feelings are not random but an outplay of choices we make. Hurt will arise but do we stay caught in the feeling or not.
The cynical nature of life, something I still am feeling my way with…I can see however when I reflect that many times situations have come up again and again….concerning hurts and I can see patterns, and yes cycles…do I learn, or repeat…this is now my question…
And if we do not allow our hurts to dominate us, we have the opportunity to break this seemingly endless vicious cycle, and surely this is a fast track of evolution for our whole species
Moving beyond our hurts and seeing that our hurts are a means of keeping us from feeling the glory of who we are is a sure sign of evolution as ultimately we are not our hurts.
I love what you have shared here, a real game changer on how we view ourselves and life. That things are cyclical, that each time we are hurt, it isn’t a brand new thing each time, but usually something that is being triggered from a past hurt. When we start to join the dots and see patterns, it can be super helpful and can open the doorway for more awareness and being able to change those ingrained patterns.
This raises a very important issue of how can we be in the world, sensitive, tender and open to feeling what is not right in the world without shutting down, withdrawing or going into reaction.
“how I interpret what is occurring around me depends on my own choice of how I am with, and within, myself…” It is great to have this understanding, because it actually underpins whether we react or respond in a difficult interaction or situation.
Hurts show us something is out of sorts, a disturbance has entered, because we have somehow chosen to not be in our full grandness —that being the core issue, and that is what is truly hurting us, and thus subsequently, we will be met by situations which reflect this choice. I can’t just tell myself not to feel hurt, as what the mind forces me to do is never permanent, but I can relearn from my body as of why I would make that core choice in the beginning and feel in each occasion how devastating this is until I truly make a true choice based on the deep respect for myself.
Recently I became aware how the devastation I felt from a certain hurt from my childhood, was still with me today. I was grateful to receive support with this since until that moment all I could see was the drama of it. It was a valuable moment of reflection when I saw 2 simultaneous stories running side by side. 1- my reaction and devastation in the situation, 2- the learning and deeper understanding that life was offering. Of course I was unable to see it then, and on hind site it would have been great if an adult could have supported me to see it then (a great insight in itself for me now about the support we can offer children as well as adults). But the most important part was that I saw how I now had the power as an adult with my deeper understanding to re-imprint how I hold the memory of that incident in my body, and the impact that incident has on my life. Instant empowerment.
Exploring our hurts, the science behind them, the consequences of them, and the choices we make in relation to them is so freeing and expanding. I just love what you have expressed here Andrew;
“if feeling hurt is a choice rather than a foregone conclusion, we could also just as easily make a choice to NOT feel hurt by any disturbing situation”.
In the end it is simply a choice!
We can feel our hurts, acknowledge where they come from inside ourselves, and come to a deeper understanding that holds ourselves and others in an even greater love.
So true Jenny. The true understanding feels to be key here.
‘Do we have to feel hurt by the lack of love in the world?’ This is a brilliant question to ask ourselves.
I agree Abby, and a powerful question to ponder deeply which challenges so much of the way we live in the world and the level of responsibility we have taken. A few of the words that come to mind in my pondering is guilt, comfort, pretense, choosing ignorance, and disconnection. It is a brilliant question which invites many layers to be uncovered.
Like a fly buzzing aimlessly around an otherwise still room, the disturbance we create by not living in harmony with ourselves affects everyone.
“Everytime we do, say or think something that is not coming from a basis of love and truth, it creates an energetic disturbance in the universe.”
This is huge, as it shows us we are never the victims but always have the power to bring awareness and transformation to a situation.
Andrew, where you say about hurts being cyclical in nature and that we live in the soup we create, this is a very important point as this says we can then change this and our experiences by changing our everyday choices to connect to the love we are within and not react to everything, so not adding to the pool of energy we are all part of. I have certainly found this the case to be as I develop my connection to the love within the reactions and hurts and taking things on have most definitely reduced and I am much more able to observe situations and understand what is going on.
‘…how I interpret what is occurring around me depends on my own choice of how I am with, and within, myself.’ just as when we look at images through a camera lens, the lens itself affects what we receive through its settings, quality and condition.
“Every time we do, say or think something that is not coming from a basis of love and truth, it creates an energetic disturbance in the universe.” We choose to live in such ignorance of this immutable fact, but that does not prevent this irreversible fact from happening. When we restore this awareness as a core principle of daily life, it certainly supports us to step up the quality of every thought, intention and action, to restore a true quality of harmlessness, tenderness and integrity in all we do. While perfection is impossible, choosing to live with this awareness certainly makes an enormous difference to what we initiate and what returns to us, and offers us some juicy scientific experiments along the way to fully confirm this irrefutable truth.
‘I have also noticed that some days or moments in a day, I feel more disturbed by others’ actions or movements and other days or moments, I don’t’, this is quite a statement and one that requires a certain amount of self awareness. I have felt this too, the more connected and still I feel inside, the less the outside world affects me and I don’t react as much to what is going on around me. So does this mean that our hurts are just a creation, and there is no such thing, they are just something we use to distract ourselves from truly connecting to our essence, because when we are connected to our essence, we have no hurts!
Sometimes we get hurt because we have expectations of other people or expectations of ourselves and disappointment always results.
“… have we considered that the hurts we experience in our lives may actually be cyclical in nature” This puts a whole new spin on life and its actual energetic structure. When we truly begin to see that life keeps on repeating itself, same day, same month, same year over and over again, we afford our selves the most amazing opportunity to correct all those actions, words, thoughts and movements that we shot out in to the world oblivious of their real nature and impact until one day they return to their owners. We experience it an ‘ouch’ somehow out of thin air, but if we are really honest we will see that it is one of our ill creations just coming home to roost.
To feel hurt I have first lost connection to what you have described here Andrew as the ‘inner stillness’ that is ‘bigger and grander than the disturbance’. If I/we can apply this understanding to our daily lives, all our relationships and the energy that we ‘swim in’ would change immeasurably. Everything matters and no less your example about how we respond to our hurts. Brilliant to re read this Andrew.
I have come to understand that when i do not stay connected to me, i am at the mercy of whatever comes my way. In this disconnection, i am not equipped to observe life and digest what i see for i am otherwise swept along in this false current and a product of its making.
So true Deborah – I have been experiencing this a lot recently and have found that simple tools for reconnecting back to me such a bringing focus to my breath or finger tips or walking are so supportive to coming back to that connection.
There is so much wisdom in this blog. I love reconnecting to it. I recognise in me how my reaction to what I interpret as being hurt affects the one whom I am holding accountable for hurting me. Recently I had a situation where I reacted with hurt to someone, who felt justified in hurting me because they felt hurt by me. It is an awful spiral to get caught in, and one that only is broken when the cycle of reactions is broken.
This is a great offering of what is really going on and our choices Andrew ” how I interpret what is occurring around me depends on my own choice of how I am with, and within, myself.” Hence how we are with situations comes from our very way we love honour and cherish ourselves and our connection allowing true understanding and honesty. This is very raw exposing and beautiful all at the same time and could change everything In our world of current lovelessness and suffering underneath.
‘Many of us accept that life is full of hurts and that is just the way it is’ – This is a really important statement Andrew, as we do often accept hurts as ‘another part of life’, but why is this? Why do we accept feeling less in any way as ‘standard’ and normal?
Connection to the love that we are feels to be the key to this, we can create all these hurts, but we don’t choose hurts when we hold our connection.
Good question: “Do we have to feel hurt by the lack of love in the world?” And of course the lack of expressed love is ‘a sad thing’ to recognize and become aware of, but what are my consequences? !. I can give my power away and suffer or 2. can take my power back, connect to the love (which is there!) and express it again. One will change this world – the other does not. Life is full of simple choices…
Thank you Andrew for your clear explanation of how it all works, we are all contributing to the pool of consciousness, and it is a simple choice to remain connected to our delicate stillness and love, and avoid more emotional pollution. Each one of us matters, and we are powerful working together.
The more appreciation there is in our bodies the easier it is to accept the love which is innate for us all – this leaves no room for blaming, reacting or indulging in hurts.
True. With appreciation of ourselves, we are able to deeply surrender to the Love we are and with this comes a deep acceptance and settlement within and without.
I find that I can start to let go of being controlled by hurts when I honestly admit I am controlled by them, and start to understand why I allow this. I find that I can’t skip steps in understanding the mechanics and science of anything, hurts included. So I cannot force myself to go to a point no matter how much I would like to because knowing it to be true, for example, not be affected by hurts, when I obviously still am. And therefore allowing myself to be okay with feeling hurt, accepting I do react and understanding why I do, naturally opens up into understanding why others hurl hurt and life returns to being multidimensional.
In order to feel hurt we have first an energy within that is not of truth – an impost of emotions that we have taken on from the outside.
If I have been hurt and go into reaction then I will perpetuate a very old cycle – if I can step back and understand what’s truly going on I have an opportunity to heal and step out of the cycle of hurt and retaliation.
Along with the “science of hurts” is the “science of reaction”…It incredible that how in a nano second the reaction kicks in and we can lose ourselves in that down to the subtlest of ways.
I recently got to feel how quickly hurts can be magnified if not dealt with then and there. Honesty and a willingness on both parties to speak openly about the hurt without reacting allowed for a simple and immediate healing.
I have noticed that in relationships we can be very skilled at saying the right thing to get under each others skin, but in fact if we are aware of what is at play and are able to stay with the love that we all are it is actually impossible to be hurt in this way.
Yes kevmchardy you could say that the fact that we know so well how to hurt one another is proof that we actually do know this science very well and we could easily choose to use this science to support and nature each other rather than keep each other down.
“…perhaps it would be wiser to stay connected to the love that we are and take full responsibility for what we express in the world, knowing that it is our collective expressions that make up the world we all have to live in…” Bravo!… Staying in the observation of life reduces being caught up and entangled in the emotion and then going into a hurt.
I think this is a brilliant piece of writing, thank you Andrew. To investigate and experiment with our own responses and reactions and be aware of how they affect another is so worth spending time investing energy into. I know myself that I could say the same words in two completely different tones and get two completely different reactions. So being able to observe and respond without emotion in my view makes for a better quality of life and relationship with others.
It really is an awesome blog Andrew that you have written here and reading this part again just now – “So rather than constantly reacting to life and only seeing the lack of love that is obviously sometimes the reality of life on this planet, perhaps it would be wiser to stay connected to the love that we are and take full responsibility for what we express in the world, knowing that it is our collective expressions that make up the world we all have to live in” – really drives the point home that we are all responsible for the whole as we are all part of the whole that make the whole, therefor each part is responsible for it’s contribution to and the effect thereof on the whole.
Yes this makes such a difference in how we feel due to our choices and perceptions – ” … if feeling hurt is a choice rather than a foregone conclusion, we could also just as easily make a choice to NOT feel hurt by any disturbing situation.” Learning to not take things personally goes a long way towards feeling the freedom to choose differently.
This is so true Andrew – “…the days when I can observe what is occurring around me and not be disturbed, are the days when I am feeling less disturbed inside of me.” By observing just what goes on and not taking it on we can stay in our centre so much more and can offer much better quality of service in whatever way that may be.
In my experience I use hurts to withdraw from the true me. Blaming the ‘outside world’ for any hurt I feel, where in truth the (energetic) fact is that I only experience the hurt due to the fact that something from the past is reflected and I don’t want to feel that or be with it. Today I felt how easy it actually is to feel myself and how simply I can let go of deep and old hurts (even from before this life).There’s much to learn and to return to. And this will only happen if we’re making choices to heal our hurts that lie within our body.
Yes Floris I agree it is very easy to go into blame, but as you say so well here, our hurts can actually be great agents of change and markers in our life. I am recently feeling some hurts being exposed in me and I can feel how I have a choice to either learn from the reflection and say ok what is this showing me, or go into reaction and blame and shame and therefore learn nothing and simply bury the hurt even deeper in my body to only have to deal with later on anyway!
What an amazing blog giving us the key to understanding our hurts and how to not react to life from them . These choices are life changing for everyone and has the potential to allow another way of living our lives bringing a harmony honesty and flow to humanity to be the love we all deeply know and miss.
‘how I interpret what is occurring around me depends on my own choice of how I am with, and within, myself.’ Well said Andrew. How I am with and within myself makes the day I live.
Your whole blog is pure gold, Andrew. Imagine if we as kids would learn about energy in this way. We would grow up staying more connected to who we truly are and the whole world would be a better place. As you say, it comes down to how we are with o u r s e l v e s first: “how I interpret what is occurring around me depends on my own choice of how I am with, and within, myself.” If humanity only knew that “We in effect live in the soup that we create with our own daily choices.” Responsibility gets a whole new meaning and perspective.
It is easy to assume that emotions and hurts are nebulous, undefinable things that we have no say in, but there is a precise science to them and the energy that is behind them.
‘Have we considered that the hurts we experience in our lives may actually be cyclical in nature and not as lineal as may first appear?’ – Great question, Andrew. If we were willing to look a little deeper into our hurts, I agree that patterns would almost immediately arise, and we would pick up on expectations and images we hold onto ourselves that (when not met) we actually react to, contributing to or creating our hurts in the first place.
When we focus on building love over feeding hurts, we realise that we are the master architect in our lives. We simply need to decide which quality of energy each and every building block will be laid with thereafter.
How I interpret what is occurring around me depends on my own choice of how I am with, and within, myself. Most definitely Andrew, we can be our own worst enemy or true strong and loving support.
Wow, what you present here is huge. Days when I feel hurt are those I choose to ignore the bigger picture and choose to focus on the relatively minor disturbance. Even if it feels huge and triggers a past trauma it is minor compared to the love that we live in, that we are surrounded by this love that is forever. I choose to drop this fact and the understanding of the situation- why someone’s behaving a certain way etc. to justify feeling poor me. The real hurt is my choosing to not be connected with the love that surrounds us 24/7.
Yes this is very interesting isn’t it Karin, that perhaps we are already disturbed and in pain, before we encounter any disturbance from outside. So perhaps when we react to something that we deem as hurtful it is reflecting to us, or reminding us of that deeper inner pain of abandoning ourselves? Maybe this is what we don’t like to feel and hence it is easier to make a drama about it or point the finger elsewhere?
I love what you have shared here Andrew. A re-action is therefore a beautiful reflection of something that we have chosen not to see and therefore an opportunity to truly connect with ourselves. In this sense it can be seen as a gift and a way back to ourselves. Of course we can resist and deny this fact and make a drama instead. The antics we play are hilarious when we can break it down like this.
We have personalised hurts so much that we have forgotten that they are not within, but outside of us
I find a ‘hurt’ is a great opportunity to do a bit of internal research, get to the source and understand why it has come up or been directed at me. As I have come to understand nothing is by chance, everything is interconnected and we have an opportunity to work through what is being shown, and in doing so we ‘face’ and clear the old pattern, as I have also noticed it will come again and again to be cleared, so why delay and bury it again?
Thank you Andrew. I love reading this blog. There is no room to run and hide behind a pointed finger, just a simple choice to connect to my soul or indulge in a reaction.
Aptly put Leonne – “…a simple choice to connect to my soul or indulge in a reaction.” It all comes down to choice and our responsibility to the consequences of our choices.
Andrew, you’ve summed it up so beautifully. When we stay connected when faced with someone expressing in their hurts, and we don’t react, it allow us to feel understanding. From experience, I know this offers the other person the opportunity to drop their protection and feel the love in which we stand with them in.
I notice within myself that when I am feeling extra sensitive to that which is happening around me then there is a call to come back to my quality of connection with myself. If I feel grated or jarred by another’s comment or action, if I am affected then there is a call for me to have a deeper look at why this is so. When I feel a hurt come up, I now see it as an opportunity to look at what is there within me that I haven’t healed, an opportunity to put any blame of another aside and to dissect the part that I have played.
“….perhaps it would be wiser to stay connected to the love that we are and take full responsibility for what we express in the world, knowing that it is our collective expressions that make up the world we all have to live in.”
I agree, Andrew and even if it takes time and awareness to build this trust in our connection and expression again it is worth following this path instead of complaining about others, which does not enrich our lifes.
Dealing with a hurt recently about not having felt truly supported in my earlier years I was reminded that what I had omitted to do was to read why those people I turned to for support, couldn’t offer me the support I was needing. As a result of this I chose to operate in hardness and protection, which I am still in the process of dealing with. What if at the time I had been able to see things from the perspective of where they were at, but had also been able to offer myself loving nurture or care, or had expressed myself to others outside of my immediate circle? Perhaps I could have saved myself a number of decades in disconnection, hardness and self loathing?
In the science of hurts you have so aptly described the cyclical nature of the hurts, which in the West you will also hear expressed as “what goes around comes around”, but what makes this situation even worse is how we hold onto the hurts, never trusting that person again, and thus the miasma of hurts is even more prevalent, and more impactful.
I so agree Heather, it’s like that english saying ‘ once bitten twice shy’ – yet it does not serve but keeps us in our protection with a watchful eye to where the next hurt may be coming from. And so the cycle continues until we make a different choice.
“So when we complain that someone has hurt us, it is wiser to understand that unless we can honestly say that we live our own lives with absolute truth and love all the time, we have actually contributed to this hurt we now feel coming towards us” This is where honesty and responsibility come to the fore. I know any time that I have felt hurt it is because I have not been loving myself. It is so easy to blame another when we feel hurt without looking to our own contribution as to why we felt hurt in the first place. I love the title Andrew, there is a science as to why we feel hurt and the affect that it has on our body and the knock on affect it has on those around us.
Sometimes a hurt can feel so all consuming that it is difficult to fathom any other way of being. But then life carries on, work has to be done and tasks completed, so what happens to the hurt? I often hear people say that time heals, but in my experience with the hurts that I have carried around so heavily on my back for so long, is that they do not simply go away but just get buried and in that buried state they can actually influence many if not all of my choices – becoming the unseen driver of my life. What is so beautiful therefore about Universal Medicine and all that it offers, is how it gives us all an opportunity to heal those deeply buried hurts, which in turn allows the freedom to make new choices based on who we are and not on the way we have been or felt hurt.
If I react and am hurt by the lack of love in the world, there must be a part in me that is not fully in connection with that which is love in essence.
Accepting that life is full of hurts and ignoring them stop us from addressing our hurts and to go deeper in understanding why we have them. Very often we numb ourselves and shut down when we feel a big hurt, so much so that we then paint a picture that life is that way and there is no other option. In effect, we have chosen to be controlled by our hurts and reduce ourselves in life. Why should we look at and understand the science of hurts? Because by unraveling what makes us feel hurt, we can begin to undo this poisonous picture that taints life and begin to return to seeing truth and living life more in fullness. This choice allows me to feel amazing and it is the direction that I would head towards no matter how raw just allowing myself to feel my hurts sometimes is.
“Do we have to feel hurt by the lack of love in the world?” this sentence captured me from the very beginning. Often I feel I have a ‘right’ to be hurt after being asked so many times to keep my feelings squashed down… but what does hurt feel like? Certainly not pleasant and not something I want more of. So why choose it when there is another option? I have a right to be safe and loved and I can choose this for myself rather than join in the mess of hurts.
“…how I interpret what is occurring around me depends on my own choice of how I am with, and within, myself…” This is superb as it reveals how all our interactions are based on the relationship we have with ourself first.
‘So when we complain that someone has hurt us, it is wiser to understand that unless we can honestly say that we live our own lives with absolute truth and love all the time, we have actually contributed to this hurt we now feel coming towards us.’ This is brilliant, it highlights how much we are actually responsible for feeling hurt. I have found most of the time when I feel hurt by someone it is actually an old hurt that I have not healed. So, every time I feel hurt it is an opportunity for me to feel where this hurt comes from and choosing to take responsibility for it instead of avoiding feeling it. By allowing myself to feel, it supports me to see with more clarity and understanding what is really going on, where my hurt stems from and why.
Simplicity is the key here… avoiding our hurts is complicating – apart from the fact it consumes so much of our time and energy on a daily basis. Taking responsibility for all of our choices – past and present, allows an understanding of why we are the way we are and brings a simplicity and harmonious flow to how we then move forward in life.
We spend so much time and energy avoiding feeling our hurts, and yet when we actually stop and feel what they are about, there is no big ra-ra, no drama… just an understanding of the choices made at that time and the offering or opportunity of a new way to move forward with this new understanding – no big deal, but a far less exhausting way of living… and life changing all the same!
“… perhaps it would be wiser to stay connected to the love that we are and take full responsibility for what we express in the world, knowing that it is our collective expressions that make up the world we all have to live in.” Wise words Andrew… how very different would our world be if this were so.
Once we understand who we truly are by connecting deeply to our innermost and feeling the love and the space that is there within we can begin to understand our hurts and look at them from a whole new perspective. We can see the very clear choice we have to separate and be in our hurt or to step back and connect to the All that is within and observe from a more loving position, giving us an opportunity for understanding of the whole picture and our lesson in it.
This really brings home how we are all responsible for healing our own hurts, for if we choose to hang onto them we are polluting the atmospheric space that we all share. It is never truly a personal issue it becomes a disturbance we are sharing.
I love how you have expressed the truth of hurts here Andrew. When we choose to stay in the hurt, as justified as this may seem we are contributing to the collective pool of energy that surrounds us and effects us all. “We in effect live in the soup that we create with our own daily choices.” We are so much grander than a personalised hurt that keeps us trapped in the illusion and limitation that we are separate. As we choose to let go we expand. A great reminder that we always have a choice.
I have heard a lot of people say that life is full of hurt and their response is usually to choose distraction (do some involving activity) or numbness (alcohol, much food etc). An alternative is to feel the hurt. Nothing much may happen but simply feeling the hurt may increase our awareness which then gives us more choices to deal with the hurt.
It is interesting to ponder how we can choose to go into hurts or we can choose to NOT go into hurts. It gives us a freedom to continue how we have behaved or to change our ways. We can choose to hold on ..or simply let go..our choice.
“We live in the soup we create with our daily choices”. Which is brilliant because it means we have the full ability, power, choice and responsibility to change the taste, texture and consistency of that soup. And Serge Benhayon gives the best cooking lessons!
It’s so true Andrew – what we focus on simply magnifies, therefore if we focus on the hurt it will get bigger, whereas if we chose to stay with the abundance of love that is within us and all around us and focus on that instead our experience will be very different.
We can so often be prepared to feel hurt from a situation that has happened that we project that onto another through our own protection. They then also feel hurt and thus the pattern continues. There has to be someone to first let go of their protection and be open to what they feel without reaction before we can move past this way of relating to each other.
I’ve found this too Andrew – that if I react to a person or situation from a hurt, no matter how justified I think I am, I actually just add to the disharmony whereas if I truly observe what’s going on and respond from a place of connection and understanding then it gives the situation space and an opportunity for true change.
Great points Andrew. We often see life as happening to us so that would justify us to react to a situation that is unfair and hurting us. Yet your point that we in reaction add the same energy to the world is very important. Which makes it our responsibility to not react in the energy we do not like but respond with the energy that we like to see in the world – understanding and love.
I agree. This is kind of reaction allows us not to feel what is going on, not to be in our fullness, not to respond to the situation. In other words, to manage without resolving things.
This makes complete sense Andrew, ‘So rather than constantly reacting to life and only seeing the lack of love that is obviously sometimes the reality of life on this planet, perhaps it would be wiser to stay connected to the love that we are and take full responsibility for what we express in the world’, beautiful, I love how you have presented so clearly and simply that feeling hurt is a choice.
The key is how connected we feel inside with ourselves. The more connected we are the more we can ‘read’ where the other person is coming from and hence not be affected by what they say to us. The more disconnected, the fuzziest everything is and our capacity to understand is pretty low. We have no way to stand what comes towards us, to react and to avoid making it personal. We get hurt.
Gosh…the subject of hurts is a massive one! I am imagining if this was a subject studied at school we would be setting up society with a stronger foundation to live life. It should be on the school curriculum!
I feel it’s really important to feel a hurt, for only then you can work with it. If you bury it deep down and don’t acknowledge it, it’s then it comes back bigger and greater. It may feel awful, uncomfortable, like it’s huge or you want to run away from it, truth be told, if we honour our fragility, tenderness and rawness, we can work with it, heal it and let it go, with huge support from God and our Soul.
I agree Gyl, being honest about the hurts I still have has been the first step in letting them go. The reality is I still get hurt sometimes by things, however I have noticed that there is a difference between when I indulge in them, or allow them to rule my behaviour, or when I acknowledge that they are there and learn something from them. This usually occurs when I stay connected to myself and I can feel that in my essence I am not hurt but in fact love. I am then more observational about it.
“…how I interpret what is occurring around me depends on my own choice of how I am with, and within, myself.” This is very true Andrew and something that I know to be true for myself also. How different our lives and our relationships would be if we all chose to be fully aware of this.
“We choose to focus on the relatively small disturbance and disconnect from the abundance of love and stillness that is all around us and inside us constantly.” I am slowly becoming aware of how much I do this. And I thank God for Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine practitioners and students who are constantly inspiring me to see what I do and how I can be another way.
Understanding to feel hurt is a choice asks me to be responsible for all I say and do that goes into the soup. Sometimes the in-between phase feels a little awkward and uncomfortable but with a lot of love for self and others the clarity starts to dawn and hearts re-connect once again.
Boy oh boy do we want to stay in our hurts, we not only want to stay in our hurts, but we champion them and we live, eat and sleep them. We know they don’t feel great, but we want to stay stuck in them all the same. There is so much we can learn about the science of hurts, but a simple anecdote is – that if we hold onto our hurts, we live them every day, they create complication and more hurts, so stop and feel them.
Brilliant Andrew. I always felt and could see that the hurts weren’t true or really me, but the way I tried to deal with this was to paper over the cracks and simply cut them out. Like an emu with its head in the sand I can relate this didn’t work. It seems all things considered that the science you describe is for us to experiment with feeling the hurt just as it is, observing it like you would a bird or a flower and see it for what it is, not an intrinsic part of us we need to solve. In this place nothing is hidden, but the hurt is not prolonged or invested in or indulged.
‘I feel much bigger and grander than the disturbance and therefore, to be hurt by this disturbance seems impossible’ – This is super awesome Andrew, and you’ve presented the answer to the world’s hurts in a single sentence… Appreciate our own grandness, and it’s obvious that no issue, problem, or complication even scratches the surface of the strength and power of our lived joy.
Hi Andrew – I love the title of this blog ‘The Science of Hurt’. Already it is not personalising and we are offered the opportunity to consider what is being presented here without getting emotionally involved – the objectivity allow greater space to reflect. Your comment – ‘Therefore, if feeling hurt is a choice rather than a foregone conclusion, we could also just as easily make a choice to NOT feel hurt by any disturbing situation’ – wow, this is asking each of us to take responsibility for our choices and clearly letting us know that we can choose – I love that and so simple we choose.
It’s amazing how conditioned we have become to accepting that ‘hurt’ is a feeling that we have to endure…..when in truth we can always change when we are willing. I played – and can still play – the victim role for so long that I became past master and it became a way of identification and purpose, until the realisation dawned that I was shooting myself in the foot. When I am claiming my power it feels as though I am changing the past and making way for a healthier and more fulfilling future that will not only support me but those around me. When I come back to my essence I can feel a steady expansion of who I am and I let go of the needs in my life and live life with a sense of purpose that is all supporting.
‘how I interpret what is occurring around me depends on my own choice of how I am with, and within, myself.’ Just this sentence on its own is huge for it asks us to consider that the world is constantly reflecting to us, what is going on in our own internal world. This reflection offers a constant opportunity to change, confirm or appreciate how our life is at any moment.
Exploring the science of energy and thus the science of our hurts I have found to be freeing and expanding; a gentle loving work in progress.
Thank you Andrew for your beautiful, honest sharing.
Yes there is a clear distinction for me now, through the energetic understanding I have gleaned through Universal Medicine healing sessions and workshops, to be able to feel a hurt expressed by another and then actually choosing for that hurt to not trigger a reaction in me. It requires me to be with my body and feelings so when such an expression arises, which, let’s face it, can occur at any moment through a gesture or look as much as it can be verbal, then I can feel the hurt and choose to not take it personally. Being with my body and feeling has naturally evolved into being more loving and more often appreciating that this love is so much more powerful than any hurt and so much more worth staying with.
Thank you Andrew for the loving understanding that with our own connection to who we are the disturbance can’t translate into a hurt because they is no opening for it to attach to. Therefore love is reflected back and this is where miracles of change happen. Simply by holding our own connection lovingly – without agenda.
For me it is catching the number of times I judge people – it doesn’t feel nice inside me and I am sure it feels horrible to them. ‘So rather than constantly reacting to life and only seeing the lack of love that is obviously sometimes the reality of life on this planet, perhaps it would be wiser to stay connected to the love that we are and take full responsibility for what we express in the world, knowing that it is our collective expressions that make up the world we all have to live in.’ Expressing love and appreciation feels very different.
Sometimes I feel hurt or react to something almost faster than I can think and it can seem like I have no control in the matter. However no matter how justified or instinctive or automatic as my reactions to the world may appear to be, the truth is I have a choice as to whether I react or respond to the situation in front of me.
It feels as if for so long all of us have been focussing on the relatively small disturbances and accepting that as a way of life – something that we need to endure as a given when the truth is that we are all powerful when we connect to our essence and stay true to what is an inner wisdom available to everyone. All around us is space and in this space we have the opportunity to connect to something far greater and grander than anything that we can allow in, and disturb our sense of connection. Knowing this we can maintain our sense of truth and trust in God, ourselves and the Universe, knowing that there is always a point when we will all return to truth in equality and harmony.
It is exposing to feel just how much I am in reaction to life and how this has been a way of life for so long. It’s easy to assume that reactions and resulting behaviour are only the more dramatic emotional changes that can be experienced, however they can be far more subtle and, in effect, any change or behaviour which is not in our true quality from within.
‘how I interpret what is occurring around me depends on my own choice of how I am with, and within, myself’. How we treat others always comes back to how we treat ourselves. Self-care and self-nurture are vital if we want to improve all our relationships….as the most important relationship is the one with ourselves.
Hurts exist and have a reality on our planet as you say, but they do not need to be the driving force that brings the next steps of our life (existence). We can live from a foundation of love, and the more we honour this the more we are able to observe what is not love and so not react to it. It is essential to observe, to know what is love, and what is not love, it is essential that we are willing to observe it all to go deeper into a lived knowing of Love.
For me there are two ways to experience feeling hurt. One that is out of reaction to a situation that is brought to me and in that feeling hurt I making myself more or less then the other and by bringing a way of protection that either make me fight or flight. The other way of feeling hurt is when I am in connection with myself and feel what is really going on either between someone else and myself or on a grander scale in the world. Then I feel the pain of what we have created in this situation and in the world and I feel myself humble and responsible for the part I contributed to it. The last feeling of being hurt brings me to contemplate on how I relate to that grander constellation I am part of and then I have to say that I am undeniable part of the whole and in no way live in separation with it whenever I feel connected with it or not.
The psychology of ‘Hurt’ is summed up brilliantly in your blog Andrew, thank you
“When I am connected to this inner stillness I feel much bigger and grander than the disturbance and therefore, to be hurt by this disturbance seems impossible.” This is so true Andrew, and something that I am experiencing more and more. Its simply a case of remembering to make that inner connection when we feel oursleves going into a reaction. But the more we do it, the more it just becomes part of what we do, like breathing. There is no difference when you start to live this way.
‘ I have noticed that the days when I can observe what is occurring around me and not be disturbed, are the days when I am feeling less disturbed inside of me.’ Beautifully said Andrew, a great observation. Connecting to one’s inner stillness and allowing the rest to be allows for greater observation, and awareness and wisdom in the reading of situations.
I used to have a short fuse and easily got angry, and when a friend once suggested that my new year resolution should be ‘ I will not get angry’ I got even more angry, saying that I got angry because the people/world around me were making me so and I had no control over my emotional reaction. Feeling hurt is a choice – this is an incredible science that brings simplicity and restores the power of responsibility.
Your observations about how we get hurt are deeply scientific and oh, so very revealing. It is true, we have a choice whether we will be hurt or not by how we have lived up to the moment something comes at us. And that insight takes away the blame of another because in the end, how we react or respond is always our choice and responsibility.
‘So what’s the difference? Well, I have noticed that the days when I can observe what is occurring around me and not be disturbed, are the days when I am feeling less disturbed inside of me.’ – A significant observation, our hurts have nothing to do with what is going on around us even though this may have activated the hurt, but all to do with how we feel on the inside.
I know I can feel hurt if I have an expectation of something. If my expectation isn’t met it shows me that I have an attachment to something that will give me something that I need. Therefore my hurt in this case is reflecting to me something that I need to let go, and also that I need to focus on building my own self-love rather than looking outside for what I need.
Identifying with our hurts is what keeps us from claiming the magnificence of who we are and what we are here to offer the world. Hurts keep us small when we are so much more. When I feel a hurt coming up now, I see it as a great learning opportunity, to address what is in the way of my full expression and power.
Andrew your blog so beautifully discusses the fact that we carry many hurts – hence the protection so many of us live with. And as you so beautifully have put it, in the end those hurts are really just an opportunity for us to grow and evolve. Thank you for this beautiful reminder.
It is one thing feeling our ‘hurts’ but another indulging in them. I have delayed my evolution by hanging onto hurts and indulging in them (what an ouch!), but once I realised that I was making it all about me, and just how selfish this behaviour was, I could just as easily make the choice to let them go and make life about all of us and not just little ole me. After all, we all have the responsibility to all of us and hanging onto our hurts never served anyone, least of all God’s plan which DOES include all of us. Hanging onto our hurts is just a delay to take responsibility with a capital R.
What a beautiful exposé on the science of hurts. It explains without judgment the game we play when we feel hurt and presents a way to stop this aeon old game of drama. What a gem!
Wow to consider I am complaining about a hurt that actually I’ve fed the pool of energy from whence it came from is awesome. It brings me back to responsibility and no longer being the victim of my own choosing.
If I go into self and make things about me and take it all personally, then I get hurt. But when I simply observe, read the situation and bring understanding to it and others, it’s impossible for me to get hurt. It’s my choice how I respond.
So true Andrew, that if two people are both reacting to each other from their hurts then the conflict between them is unlikely to resolve unless one of them makes the choice to connect with what lies underneath, the essence and love that cannot be touched or hurt. This way movement can happen and things open up and be expressed and healed, but both staying with the hurts can grow and become cemented into a habitual pattern between them. This is so often the case and very sad, for it leads to judgment and recrimination, inflexibility and refusal to change.
Only too often when we feel hurt we look for someone or something to blame, that is what really stood out to me reading this blog. Choosing to take responsibility for what we are feeling in our own bodies and letting the victim mentality go is really the only way through this and often is only a breath away from feeling the underlying truth. By consistently building on a solid foundation of self-love, understanding and appreciation of the grandness of the abundance of love available to us all equally and re-connecting with the power and strength of that love.
This is a great insight about an area which is easy to imagine we have no power or responsibility in. Yet I know there are moments when I feel more empowered and steady within myself, and I am in turn far more understanding, generous and allowing, and in contrast there are times when I feel reactive, intolerant and it doesn’t take much to upset me. When I get hurt and when I react, it is not just me that is affected with the disharmony. This realisation alone should be enough to indicate I have a huge responsibility and accountability here.
I feel it’s really important to express our hurts otherwise we hold onto them physically in our body, by hardening, distracting ourselves, over-eating or other such behaviours or aliments.
Amazing blog Andrew. The world would be a completely different place if we lived the truth presented here.
‘Could there be another possibility? Do we have to feel hurt by the lack of love in the world?’ – What you offer here Andrew, is huge. Most people are not aware, that whether or not we end up identifying with our hurts or not, is actually a choice. I love the way your blog explains this in detail and offers a reflection for true change.
This is a great observation. The more settlement within, the less we are disrupted from without.
‘We choose to focus on the relatively small disturbance and disconnect from the abundance of love and stillness that is all around us and inside us constantly.’ These are wise words Andrew and a testament to how invested we are in ‘self’. We cannot stay in the hurt when we connect to the truth that we are part of something so immensely full of love and your sharing supports us to move out from self and to feel the fullness of that love within.
To not feel at the mercy of the way of the world and lack of love that we often feel overwhelmed by when we look out and see the suffering or discordance between people – but we don’t have to take this on as our hurt, instead we can observe and not take it all on our shoulders.
I sat with your comment a moment Rebecca and felt to share that I had recently allowed the suffering, the discordance and gargantuan challenges by those we may know and love, as well as those worldwide that we may not know personally, have an effect on me through a felt onslaught, physically, emotionally and energetically. So very easily we can allow this to happen. It has to be a consequence of choices made. Could it be that when we go into ‘sympathy’ for another, a situation etc. that we have already allowed an energetic barb stimulate old hurts. It seems that even the old or past behaviours of ‘victimhood’ plays a role in this harbouring of old hurts. Indeed, I can see, this is truly a science – The Science of Hurts – and it feels we have a large slice of responsibility here to address and reveal our old issues and hurts, enabling true healing and the opportunity of our further evolving. I am learning much from this latest opportunity to see more clearly what is being reflected to me. Yes, as you say “instead we can observe and not take it all on our shoulders.”
When I am not honouring myself and choose to walk away from the love I feel inside my body I do get hurt and I have been doing this a lot, even not being aware how I lived my life as a victim and blaming others for my hurts. Now I am aware that by choosing to hold onto my hurts I am avoiding to feel the enormity of my love, my essence and my responsibility to live this every day.
Andrew, this is a blog I shall come back to and read many times. Seeing a hurt not as an opportunity to blame another but as an opportunity to consider what is on offer for me to look at seems more of a blessing than a hurt for it gives me a moment to stop and feel what is true.
I just love your blog on the Science of Hurts, Andrew as it brings such a clear and truer understanding of what we are feeling when we say we feel hurt – and how we in turn have contributed to the cycle and momentum of hurts in this world. This understanding allows us to take responsibility for our own part in the play out that is taking place both within and around us, and with the acceptance of that responsibility comes power – and freedom.
I have found Andrew that when we choose to feel victim to the hurt, which may be something quite insignificant, I can then open the door to the momentum of ill choices i have made that has brought me to this very point, here I can choose to vent the anger and frustration that in truth i actually feel towards myself, indeed it is cyclical.
It is so easy to think that our hurts are something we need to nurture and take care of. What you offer is that they wouldn’t be there without there first being a belief or an ideal that setup the hurt. It is that ideal we need to shine the light on, for then the illusionary hurt is no more.
Yes indeed, Heather. Hurts can be very convenient because we feel entitled by them to act in a way that is about self rather than the whole, which in truth serves no-one, not even ourselves.
I can feel by what you say that there is a justification in the way we see our hurts – as though we take them and wrap ourselves up in them and keep the world at bay. We successfully do this not realising that the world is far greater and grander than any hurt. When we feel the power of not hanging on to the hurt we begin to heal and change old patterns.
A hurt is the ouch I withdraw from, that has led me to build a fortress to keep the hurts at bay… yet I had no idea that this was in fact the gateway to learning…. learning to be more me, more love and closer to God.
Hurts are blinkers that we choose to wear as it suits us more to play victim and blame circumstances and /or others for our problems than to take responsibility and admit our part in them.
Life changed for me when I realised how much I had hurt myself. I had asked the question what is hurting me? The reply from Serge Benhayon was “not being love”! From that point on in my life I have been working on being love. To not feel a hurt I simply ‘be love’ so I have also found ‘that we do in fact have a choice as to whether we feel hurt or not’. Thank you Andrew, great blog and I shall bring love into all I do especially if I feel a hurt.
I feel the “hurts” going through my body all the time, the thing that I am learning more and more is that I am a vessel that can hold the hurts or simply by being love allow the hurts that are their every day in every way, not to be absorbed but to pass through my body.
The fact that on certain days some things hurt us and some don’t, as well as the fact that what one person finds painful is a non-event to another means that our hurts are very personal and of our own choosing. Just having this awareness opens up the possibility to respond to hurts in a different way. I don’t feel the goal should be trying to not feel hurt but to use that reaction to learn and grow from. We have so many patterned, long-term responses held within our bodies that we can be unaware of. It is these ‘hurtful’ events that can expose them so they can be let go of.
There is a whole package that goes with feeling a hurt. As stated we often go into feeling like the victim, feel blame and personalize the event, or feel quite righteous in our defense of our feelings. As you say there is almost no room for self-reflection on what our part in it may be. We also miss the opportunity for us to observe what it is we react to and learn what rules we have set up about how people and the world should be.
Fiona you have touched on something very significant about hurts here – that they come from our demands and needs of the world to be a certain way. They are a self- centralised view of the world where it is all about what we want, not how things are. Whenever I am making it all about me, rather than the bigger picture, I get hurt very easily.
While I can feel and observe others in their hurts and the choices they are making, ultimately they cannot hurt me. My choice to walk away from my love and connection with God is what truly hurts.
The science of hurts totally changes the ball game. To observe and not react and absorb life, means we can choose to truly bring all of who we are to life.
I keep coming back to this blog, it’s very clear there are a lot of hurts I need to let go of. Holding onto hurts just stops me connecting to people and letting them in. It keeps me separate to and isolated from the world. A very cunning game I allow my spirit to play.
What has supported me to deal with my hurts is to confirm and appreciate who I am constantly and consistently in every moment that is a moment, so this is known more than any lack of love I feel around me or within me.
I love what you write here Rik; thank you ❤
Gorgeous reminder Rik to confirm and appreciate who I am and build a new momentum.
I realize more and more how my hurt is arising through my own behaviour and attitude towards myself, how I think about myself and treat myself and how this is reflected towards me from the outside. And those reflections are hurting. This is powerful because as such I am in charge of how I choose to be. If I allow myself to feel hurt or if I know the truth and go deeper with the understanding of myself and with the other.
“that despite the reality of the existence of hurts on this planet of ours, they do not have to be the dominant or driving force behind our behaviours as they currently are, and that we do in fact have a choice as to whether we feel hurt or not.” This maybe hard to accept but if we choose to be truly honest with ourselves and look at what has triggered this feeling of being hurt we will often know that it doesn’t have any true foundation. It’s whether we choose to play the victim or seek to truly understand why we have allowed ourself to be affected for there is often more at play if we are willing to go deeper into finding the true cause. Honesty without judgement or justification is the key.
You’ve raised such an important topic Andrew; all too often we feel and claim that we’ve been ‘hurt’ by something, often a situation or person, without pondering ‘what is a hurt exactly?’, and what our role is in feeling hurt.
“How I interpret what is occurring around me depends on my own choice of how I am with, and within, myself.” This is such a profound statement. If we stop and truly reflect on the truth of this, so much turmoil and animosity in society will be put to rest.
‘So what’s the difference? Well, I have noticed that the days when I can observe what is occurring around me and not be disturbed, are the days when I am feeling less disturbed inside of me.’ This is so true, when we are connected to our stillness and preciousness within we can observe the world around us without being drawn in by the disturbances.
It seems very clear to me from this blog, that the science of hurts is held within the science of the human body. And so, to understand one we must work to understand the other never losing sight that it is the relationship we have with the human frame we walk with that generates or creates the experiences that make up or construct life as we know it to be.
Gosh this is so true, “Well, I have noticed that the days when I can observe what is occurring around me and not be disturbed, are the days when I am feeling less disturbed inside of me.”, if I have come to work all frazzled or upset from something at home, it’s like it is an excuse or ‘justified’ (little thoughts in my head) to be short with people or hold that ‘back off’ mentality because “I have an issue!”. Gee quite exposing how we can quite literally hold others to ransom because we have chosen to be hurt about something we have either created outright or have had a big hand in creating. Your blog Andrew offers much food for thought… or should I say ‘stop to feel’ moments…thank you!
I’ve found being aware of hurts and recognising the reactions, behaviours and patterns I have gone into because of them is a way to call them out, name them and therefore, bringing understanding which supports me to no longer need to go into those reactions and patterns.
Not taking things personally – not relating what someone is doing to one´s unresolved or past issues is key to not stimulate or trigger an ‘old wound’ over and over again, hence not feeling hurt but observing and understanding of life.
This is true science, Andrew, – I love how you dissect being hurt and place it where it belongs. It is too easy to point fingers outward when it’s all about our own environment inside our bodies that create what comes at us. This is a good reminder at times when there’s no denying of feeling hurt, – then I know it’s my own making and my own responsibility to turn it around. Thank you for this simple, logical, beautiful account on something very important.
My experience has been I create my own issues or hurt by not truly meeting or honouring myself in full.
In many ways it is a true sense to feel hurt by the way the world is, and it is a necessary revelation, and very much part of our unfolding. So many people go through life ignoring and burying their awareness as to what truly goes on in the world. So in that regard it is very necessary to feel, for it makes you question things. However, it is certainly true that you get to a point where you can detach from the pain of the world and not take it on. How do you do that? By building a foundation of love ,starting with self-love that gives you the strength to see what lies at the core of life and every human being. It is only through a foundation of love that you start to understand what true evil is.
I agree Adam, it is important to be honest and acknowledge that we feel hurt when we sense a lack of love and I was pondering this myself when I wrote the blog. Hurts in themselves are not bad or to be avoided or feared, it seems the crux of it is how we interpret the hurt or how much power we give to it, which is determined by how we feel inside with ourselves.
In reading the title of this blog today, I realise how I hold onto hurts, and use them against people, as a way to not let them in, when in fact the hurts have nothing to do with them, it’s my stuff that I need to work on and not project onto others or blame them. It’s okay to say you are hurt by a situation or energy that came through a person, and honour how sensitive you are, but the key thing I am learning is to look at what investment, need, I had in the first place, and to let the hurt go and work on not needing whatever it was by bringing more love and connecting deeper to the stillness within myself. Otherwise you are not meeting that person in truth, you are judging them, now that hurts, instead of seeing the real them, when you meet, communicate, think about or talk to them. Then you can feel how lovely, sweet and sensitive they really are, and that they too are simply carrying a lot of hurts.
There have been many times that I felt that things were unjust but once I allowed myself to reconnect to the truth of reincarnation and the fact that nobody gets away with anything it all made perfect sense to me. The funny thing is I have had a much harder time accepting my responsibility in the hurts I feel, this blog is helping with that!
I like the approach that our hurts are cyclical – that what we do comes back for us to experience time and time again until we change our own behaviour – it helps us to explore what we have done to attract that rather than blaming another for what THEY did.
When we are in a reaction and in the thick of a hurt, no matter how small, we are incapable of seeing with clarity or connecting to the infinite knowing that we forever have access to.
I love this science of hurts and the fact that “do we have to feel hurt by the lack of love around us “? very good question and learning for us all. Our so called hurts when in context with the magnificence of the world around us puts it all into context, especially when we know that “how I interpret what is occurring around me depends on my own choice of how I am with, and within, myself.” This is a real call for greater responsibility for us all.
By studying life I found more and more how I created hurts and did hold on to, to not take my responsibility in life. It is quite a thing to let them go and on the way do not blame others anymore when I feel hurt….but it is so worth to go that way, as it does empower me again.
This has been our clutch, holding onto our hurts and then defining ourselves by these hurts. They have been added to by the next hurt without any consideration to our part that we have in the situation and the responsibility that we have to be all the Love that we are. If we are not confirmed of this enormous Love and only recognised by what we do this is the initial long held hurt, yet in that moment we have the choice to observe what is going on around us and still stand there in such Love.
When we hold on to our hurts, I know from my own experience, we choose to hold ourselves away from the love we are. We bash ourselves in self doubts and as you describe, Andrew, it relates to the disturbance inside us. When we make the conscious choice to stay in our inner stillness and not feel hurt by anything around us, we hold ourselves in a steadiness that supports us to reflect for anyone to feel there is another way to be.
The more aware I am of feeling hurt, the more aware I have become that I have created the hurt for myself and it is the uncomfortable feeling that I have in my body that I don’t like, not necessarily the hurt itself. The more I listen to my body the more I am able to recognise that I only ever feel hurt when I have moved away from love and being love.
It is interesting how 2 people can be in the same situation and both come away feeling differently about it. For me the more I am observing life and being open and willing to see what is going on the more I get to understand it and so the less I react to it. And by not reacting to it I do not get hurt. So essentially what I have found is we create out hurts when we have chosen not to see or understand the whole picture and taken a part of it and have usually made it all about us!
We are so used to barricading ourselves from the world in order to avoid being hurt that we fail to realise that this act in itself perpetuates the pain. If we really take on board what is written here, we would never go to war on another person or country, the reverberations from these devastating acts must bounce around the Universe for eons before they are quelled by returning to us. We, humanity have an immense accumulation of intensely painful momentum to arrest.
Hurts are things outside of us that for a list of reasons we push the emotional button and then put it into the caldron of our mind to stew awhile. If left to be cooked for a long the pressure has two options; explode outwardly usually at the wrong time, not that there is ever a good time or we bury it and leave the ticking bomb. All of this inner tension, because we became part of the problem by choice. When are ourselves and observe and not absorb life just flows?
This is a great blog about a very needed to talk about subject as we are so ruled by hurts in our society and it is not very common for people to take responsibility for their hurts. Thank you Andrew and I have experienced the same: “…how I interpret what is occurring around me depends on my own choice of how I am with, and within, myself.” And the more I have chosen to support myself within my day, the more I am actually with myself.
I am continuously learning more about my hurts and what triggers them. The more I can observe what is taking place within me and the choices I am making to allow the hurt without judgement, the more clearly I have the opportunity to make another choice.
On a re read of your sharing Andrew I feel much more aware of how I express some thing to another, and the need to be open to looking at why I am feeling hurt if another expresses their truth to me. I can only feel hurt if I decide to be for I do know we are all one in Love.
When we are in ours hurts we miss out on the world and the world misses out on us. Our hurts keep us in separation from the whole.
I completely agree – it is amazing how much we can hold onto our hurts as well and fall into the victim mode blaming the world and everyone else for all our woes – it is the best way to avoid responsibility but does not not get us or anyone else anywhere!
I agree Kathleen. As I do in the moment a healing course I found myself sometimes a bit closed in my upper chest when I get a treatment. Of course we are all learning and there is no perfection, so there are mistakes happening – but they did not so far, or they had no big impact. But I close down. It is like I close in preparation for a maybe upcoming hurt. But that makes no sense at all. With closing down I am not able to connect with the other, I do hold back what is in me and can’t feel the other much and the treatment of course is limited too. So I worked yesterday very consciously on to open up again and it worked. My connections with myself and people did deepen and become very graceful, tender. I feel more equality in my meetings. I am more in the world and be more aware of it. It’s beautiful.
‘Our hurts keep us in separation from the whole’, agreed Kathleen. We are all already whole so by choosing to ‘pick up’ hurts then we instantly feel ‘not whole’ and start to look for ways of becoming whole, having lost sight of the fact that we are already whole.
I would say no we do not have to feel the hurt of the lack of love in the world, we just need to build love in ourselves and connect to more love, after all it is our choice as to what we allow to affect us.
This blog is a call for greater responsibility in how we choose to be in the world.
I agree completely Andrew, whether we feel hurt by someone or something is our choice. I know for me that most of the time I am aware of this, yet not always and I do still feel hurt in some moments. However, following these moments when I feel hurt, I can usually reflect on this sometime later and realise why I have taken it on as a hurt and that this was my choice. Not taking on hurts is a very powerful and freeing way to live.
The ability to bring observation and understanding allows us to experience life in a more detached way, where we can feel someone’s actions without taking it personally but with an understanding of why they might do what they do, offering true healing for all.
It is a revelation to know that a hurt is always our choice, therefore it is our choice to stay with the hurt or look at our part in it and work on healing.
‘ how I interpret what is occurring around me depends on my own choice of how I am with, and within, myself.’ Well said Andrew . Mostly, we don’t realise how we are actually still living our hurts in our everyday interactions.
The first step is the recognition that we have been hurt, do feel hurt, if that acceptance of hurt is there then what Andrew writes with such clarity can be felt and understood. What he describes of his experience of being settled and accepting in his own body is something I have also felt at times, and how starkly that contrasts with the reactions I can have to situations when I haven’t got that settlement. The more we love who we are and our own life the less rattled we can possibly be by anything happening around us and the less we add to the disturbances that currently make up a lot of human behaviour.
The choice is ours, even though it often does not feel it, but nevertheless, the choice is ours.
I love the science around “It is easy to think of a hurt as something that is being done to us; that we are innocent victims in the crime.”. I’ve been fascinated by the fact that as soon as I feel hurt, I actually close of my heart and instantly blame the person or the thing that reflected something that I reacted to. This happens very quick. And because it’s happening so quick we think or believe strongly that this is the truth. But it’s not! We’ve decided to close of our hearts, not feel and go into defense mechanism. The more I’m studying myself, the more I am aware and learn that the difference between childish behaviour and behaving as an adult is how much responsibility we take for whatever is occuring in our lifes. And so the only one who can grow up, is ourselves. No one else can do it for us. Others can support, greatly so. But we are the ones to feel how it works for us and slowly undo all these destructive choices.
“…it is our collective expressions that make up the world we all have to live in.” When we see life with this perspective we realise the impact of our ripple effect and that therefore we have a responsibility to live with integrity and do things with care.
It is an amazing concept and one that is worth while to experiment with in taking responsibility with what we express and see how the world reflects back to us. And in the imperfection of when we did express in reaction, to observe that and see if we can stay still and not react towards our own so-called mistake, there are so many levels of love that we can begin to re-imprint towards the big bowl of lovelessness we have chosen to not be aware of. Hurts have become so common in our daily lives, could it be because we have made hurting ourselves and therefore each other such a commonality?
Andrew you raise many good points in this blog. One that struck me as important is: “how I interpret what is occurring around me depends on my own choice of how I am with, and within, myself.” We usually interpret situations through the window of our own hurts which causes us to react and it is empowering to realise that, in actual fact, we choose whether we react or respond to a situation. If we are connected we will be more understanding of the situation and see it in a broader perspective.
Thanks for presenting Andrew how its possible we could be ‘choosing’ hurt. When we are hurt we can only see what “we” want to see, but being free of a hurt allows us to consider others.
I love what you bring to the fore here Andrew, it turns being hurt on its head. “We choose to focus on the relatively small disturbance and disconnect from the abundance of love and stillness that is all around us and inside us constantly.” This is a huge revelation as it shows us that we tend to see only a small part of the whole and that in itself is already hurtful to us as we literally deny a whole chunk of our own beingness.
Hurt is what every human being experiences in life, and it is something that impacts on our quality of life. Where there is true love there can be no hurt. So if we are in hurt, we are not connected to true love. Could it be that hurt is where there is no love in action, and thought?
How freeing to know we don’t need to run with our hurts. The more we become aware of hurts, the more free we are to choose not to entertain them.
Simplicity is key here Andrew. We can use perceived hurts to hurtle us into layers of complexity, including justification and blame, however knowing we have a choice to hold on to our beliefs about hurts is extremely liberating.
Everything we do that decreases our awareness increases our chance to feel hurt or to have a hurt triggered within us. If we overeat or eat something that affects us, for example, we become less aware and more prone to being triggered, misunderstanding what is actually happening.
This is a really good point Christoph and one I will be paying more attention to after reading this. We tend to compartmentalise our life and our day and we think we can do one thing over there and it does not affect the here and now but in reality it does. Great to link our awareness with hurts also as I have noticed that yes if I am not honouring my awareness or supporting it than my reading on something will tend to be much more reactionary and distorted in perception, rather than objective.
I know that I hurt myself every time I am not true to myself. I feel smaller and more contracted and don’t feel good about myself. In contrast, when I claim what is true for me I feel absolutely amazing. This makes the hurt of the contraction more obvious.
Andrew I can’t help but smile reading your post as I can really see how in the future families and schools around the world will base their education on topics like this, how valuable is it for us all to study things like “the science of hurts”, for this sets us up to be living in full as the sons of god we are.
‘The science of hurts’ will support us to get out of the sea of hurts that we’re currently drowning in.
This is so true ‘We in effect live in the soup that we create with our own daily choices.’ and it is exactly how we are living! So how do we ‘perhaps it would be wiser to stay connected to the love that we are and take full responsibility for what we express in the world, knowing that it is our collective expressions that make up the world we all have to live in.’? I didn’t understand, truly understand, any of this until meeting and knowing Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine. Once we know this and have an understanding, a true understanding, of energy we can change it. Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine and what they bring are an absolute blessing to this world.
Yes, I agree completely. The more we understand what is happening, the less we are affected and feel hurt, as hurts can often come from a lack of understanding.
When I first met Serge Benhayon I regarded Science as something you did in a laboratory in a white coat. I never applied the term to the way I lived my life. Today however and with immense thanks to Serge Benhayon and this awesome blog, my entire relationship with Science has been totally transformed. The word in itself is derived of the Latin word “scire” which means “to know”. Science is a Knowing first, a deep intuition coupled with the ability to Observe, observe our selves within the world and all the effects we have on it, on our selves and on one another right down to the smallest detail. We are Master Scientists of Life and you have re-focused our attention on this immutable fact Andrew, bringing us home to our enormous responsibility for the quality of every ripple we make and the unalterable fact that every thing matters.
I agree Andrew I feel we chose to be hurt by something or someone rather than take responsibility for the situation, read what is going on and respond appropriately. Resorting to feeling hurt is childish and irresponsible and there is no resolution.
Andrew, thank you for writing this article, it is very supportive to read, this stands out for me, ‘We choose to focus on the relatively small disturbance and disconnect from the abundance of love and stillness that is all around us and inside us constantly’.
If you ever step back from a hurt and look at the whole picture, the whole universe, and the grandness of where we come from and who we are, and the potential of everything that’s on offer, then you look back at this little hurt and it’s almost like it isn’t real, it’s just a self-created moment where we check out from the magnificence around us.
‘Therefore, if feeling hurt is a choice rather than a foregone conclusion, we could also just as easily make a choice to NOT feel hurt by any disturbing situation’. Simple, yet powerful. Love to come back to this blog and allow the wisdom delivered over the science of hurts to ‘ground’ within me.
‘However, have we considered that the hurts we experience in our lives may actually be cyclical in nature and not as lineal as may first appear?’ This is very true and important to be aware of in all relationships. I recently watched a training video conversation on BPSD ( behavioural and psychological symptoms of dementia) and this point was made: that as carers and when a client is aggressive or angry, we should always ask ourselves ‘How might I have contributed to the behaviour I’m observing?
“… how I interpret what is occurring around me depends on my own choice of how I am with, and within, myself.” Living and seeing the world from our interpretations is like wearing blinkers – it narrows our view of the world to only what we know or believe and we endeavour to fit what we experience into our personal world picture. Living from the perspective of observation without preconceived expectations allows us to be open to what the world offers and we can thereby learn, grow and expand. We choose ‘blinkers’ in the belief that they will protect us from perceived hurts but “despite the reality of the existence of hurts on this planet of ours, they do not have to be the dominant or driving force behind our behaviours as they currently are, and that we do in fact have a choice as to whether we feel hurt or not.” Time to throw away the blinkers and stand in our glory.
To me a hurt is the realisation that how I’m living is not the love I am. I have spent a lifetime avoiding my hurts, trying to control the situation so I don’t get exposed and/or get hurt again. Yet really the hurt is a gift as by identifying everything that is not truly us… then we can begin to deepen our relationship with the love we naturally are.
I agree Simon that being honest about our hurts can be helpful. There is a rawness in admitting that we have been hurt and if we allow that process rather than trying to avoid the hurts altogether we learn so much more about ourselves and life.
Do we have to feel hurt by the lack of love in the world? Great question, and the belief that I bought into was that because there was no reflection of love in the world, I felt I could not just be myself, so shut down my natural ability of clairsentience as I didn’t want to feel how cruel and unloving this world was. Of course, I just added to the lovelessness…..
As mentioned by you, Andrew, there is a science behind hurts, an energetic science that needs to be explored and understood otherwise we are left to only manage these hurts but never fully heal them or actually let go of the identification with their artificial creation. Hurts are very real as experienced by our senses but that doesn´t mean they are true in the sense that they make us who we are, quite the opposite, they take us away from who we are to such a degree that we can even ‘forget’ who we are in essence, ie divine beings first and foremost making a physical experience.
We are always very quick to notice when we feel hurt by the actions, or inactions, of another but do we stop to realise as promptly that we may be the cause of hurts for others by our own actions or inactions? If we live less than the love we are, than we innately are, then we are adding to the pool of hurts.
To me it hurts to not be living the love we are designed for to live, it is the mother of all hurts in the world and therefore there is only one remedy and that is to allow more love into my life and to accept and appreciate that I am love and can live that all the time here in this world.
When we take on board that our hurts are our own responsibility we then have the opportunity to heal them. Whilst we view our hurts as something that has been done to us then we stay in the hurt and cycle them over and over again. This to me is suffering.
This sharing you offer here Andrew brings acute understanding to why it is great practice to observe and not absorb … “We choose to focus on the relatively small disturbance and disconnect from the abundance of love and stillness that is all around us and inside us constantly…” As when we focus on a small niggling bit, we absorb and lose connection with ourselves and everything. Having observation offers some space or distance between the ‘niggle’ and the person which we then see, a greater perspective of the whole issue.
‘It is a bit like wee-ing in the pool and then complaining that someone else in the pool has splashed us in the face with the collective urine!’ – brilliant analogy, Andrew. So, it’s up to each of us to choose to take responsibility and stop wee-ing in the pool, to honour ourselves and everyone else, by making different choices. Little by little others may be inspired to do the same and as the pool becomes clearer it will be so much harder for anyone to show the same level of disregard anymore. The tide will turn and the pool will return to it’s natural harmonious state, as it is meant to be.
It all comes back to our loving and nurturing ourselves and taking responsibility for this daily. We can choose to feel hurt {choice} or look deeper at the issue, and why we feel this way? Love is a powerful healer for all, after all its who we are!
We are choosing our hurts which means we are equally choosing our state of mind, which brings all the responsibility back to ourselves.
Andrew, how empowering that we can discard ‘being a victim of life’ and replace it with responsibility for how we react in every moment. I also love the reminder that love is all around us and within, and that we can choose to see love or only see ‘what is not love’ – again we are responsible.
When we feel hurt by something or someone, it is important to understand that it is not another person that is hurting us, but rather what we have continued to allow in our lives that does not serve us but we are not willing to let go of. So often we do not this, but continue to create situations that will keep us in the indulgence of feeling hurt, as it is a really great way to avoid the responsibility we have to be more, and to share all that we know in truth, with other people.
As human and thus understandable feeling hurt might be it is exactly what keeps us caught in and limited to being just human, thereby disconnecting from that aspect of us that is greater than just human and would not feel hurt but be understanding and accepting of the situation. So, when looked at from a spiritual perspective ‘hurts’ are a trick of creation to reduce us to being human, denying our origin in Soul.
Brilliant what you share here Alex and resonates strongly with me. How can we be hurt if we are in our grandness, our stillness, our knowingness. Is it possible that our original and first hurt comes when we dis-align from our Soul. and so as you point out, ‘hurts are a trick of creation to reduce us to being human’. Nailed it on the head Alex. Perhaps the seed of an awesome blog?
Agree Jane, imagine if we were educated to live in a way where we understood and took responsibility for the effects of our every movement. This calls us to work together, knowing it will take each one of us to be part of our restoration on the whole. Very inspiring and very possible.
When we take the personal out of it, there is a clarity that allows us to observe and feel what is truly going on and with this choice there is a broader understanding that is possible. Our experience depends on the lens we choose to look through.
I love the expansiveness of your insightful blog Andrew. We are collectively responsible for what we are contributing to the space we live in, as within so without. “We in effect live in the soup that we create with our own daily choices.” There are not victims here.
We’re so used to our hurts that it’s almost like we are our hurts. I still choose to identify myself with hurts. What I’m learning is how loving I actually am and how these hurts actually keep me from feeling my loving essence. The Love is so much grander and feels like me whereas all the other emotions I might feel, don’t feel like me. Imagine living in a a world that is full of appreciation, rather than hurts? Could it be that the love is actually our true essence? There are 2 sciences at play. The science of hurts and the science of love. The latter is absolutely gorgeous and forever expanding where the science of hurts make us contract and feel less than we actually are.
Great sharing! I was just discussing this with my mother today, and I can really connect to everything you have written here! Just amazing 🙂
When we hold steady to our inner essence then our ability to observe situations has clarity and we can respond to the truth of that situation. When we are scattered all over the place we are vulnerable to anything and everything coming our way – we have no solid foundation to assess situations, we lose the simplicity, and things become complicated and reactive.
So often I have felt a hurt but then have allowed myself the grace to feel that that hurt always comes back to my choices. This is so empowering because this process actually heals the hurt in the deepening awareness of where it comes from and then the way forward becomes much more claimed.
When I am connected to this inner stillness I feel much bigger and grander than the disturbance and therefore, to be hurt by this disturbance seems impossible. You have definitely got that right Andrew, when we are coming from that inner stillness, you feel so complete, and nothing more is needed. You are not disturbed as you say, because you have your own back 100% and your love just holds you so beautifully through whatever is there, and you feel absolute support from the universe. Everything flows and is interconnected and just works in an effortless way. That’s magic.
Thank you Andrew I enjoyed reading how you have experimented with that which you were observing around hurts. I find this is the best way to learn more about myself and life, doing these mini experiments with and on ourselves, as our body is very quick to give us feedback.
The revelation that there is ALWAYS a choice has completely changed my relationship with life. It is very freeing to know our every choice brings life to us.
Why have we just accepted hurts as a way that it is? Is it because we have not ever been shown another way? Also, why do we think we can have hurts and we have dealt with them, when if we are really honest, most of the time (all the time for me before learning The Way of The Livingness), we have just buried our hurts and done our best to forget them, yet all the while they are there festering and we use them and they lace every relationship and interaction we have thereafter.
“It is easy to think of a hurt as something that is being done to us; that we are innocent victims in the crime. That it is a simple case of someone hurting us and we have every right to feel hurt. But perhaps what is closer to the truth is that we are actually choosing to feel hurt due to a disturbing situation. We choose to focus on the relatively small disturbance and disconnect from the abundance of love and stillness that is all around us and inside us constantly.” – Andrew I love this explanation of things, it resonates so deeply for me, and reminds me that when I am feeling sensitive and hurting, it is all about focusing on the love that is already there holding me.
“Well, I have noticed that the days when I can observe what is occurring around me and not be disturbed, are the days when I am feeling less disturbed inside of me.” Very true Andrew. Observation is a key to not get affected by what is going. on and also not observing and losing the sense of ourselves is making sure that I am getting affected by what is going. Great to always come back to this as in life we often learn that we need to be so engaged to be fitting in yet it is an art to be committed and in life but to be not absorbed by it.
‘…how I interpret what is occurring around me depends on my own choice of how I am with, and within, myself.’ – This is such a significant statement, whenever I am rushed or have overridden any signal from my body, I am very likely to react, feel hurt, take things personally etc. – as opposed to if I deeply care for myself and honour my body all through the day, I can have all sorts of things thrown at me and yet they don’t bring me down.
We are not just choosing to feel hurt but are in truth the perpetrators ourselves, and not enough, we react and complain when the truth is splashed in our face 😉 – that is revolutionary and puts psychology upside down.
“the soup that we create with our own daily choices.”
Indeed it was when I began to have swimming sessions with Simone Benhayon that I could no longer deny my equal responsibility for the energetic soup that surrounds us.
This is a massive subject, well examined by you Andrew. I remember thinking the disturbance was ‘normal’ as I knew no other way. The Gentle Breath meditation supports hugely to build the connection with oneself, to feel and begin to live the stillness within. It becomes a loving responsibility. Then disturbance, hurts, etc become very obvious and alongside that the ability to observe and then respond without reaction grows.
You made a really key point about how we can interpret things that happen around us differently based on how we feel within ourselves; sometimes when we feel ‘hurt’, it’s entirely down to how we’ve interpreted the situation rather than what actually took place!
I have to watch when I feel a hurt I don’t react and blame others for it, when really it comes down to how I haven’t been loving being with myself.
What healing clarity Andrew. Your revelation around the relationship within yourself, the observation and the interpretation of what is happening is many things all at once but particularly exposing and empowering. We always have a choice.
I have also noticed too that when I feel steady within me and connected to myself I can handle what comes my way with an ease and knowing but when I don’t feel myself, even a little offish I can easily react to situations and people. It always comes back to me and my responsibility in how I am with myself in every movement and not in the blaming of others and what is going on around me.
Having standards to what is acceptable and not is what sets us apart. There are different standards to what we think is acceptable or not. Until we reach a time where we all relive on a single definition as presented by Universal Medicine “One unified truth” misconceptions, reinterpretation and conflict will exist.
It takes a lot of responsibility, love and dedication to rise above and heal our hurts.
This says it all, Andrew – “how I interpret what is occurring around me depends on my own choice of how I am with, and within, myself.” A simple but all-encompassing truth that does not let us escape from the responsibility we have to ourselves and others in each moment.
What a subject to explore! I hope that in my next life it will be widely taught in schools and spoken about with parents from an early age, therefore we won’t necessarily take on the hurts that prevent us from the love that stops us from getting hurt in the first place.
“So I have found this an interesting observation because it means that how I interpret what is occurring around me depends on my own choice of how I am with, and within, myself.” – absolutely. Everything that happens outside of us and how we respond/react to it is determined by how we are feeling within ourselves.
If your hurts are not dealt with they can cripple your life and hold you back from truly moving forward. You may seem you are by ticking the boxes and playing out the images but if true responsibility is not being lived you may as well be ‘physically crippled’.
So true Rik, time and time again this can play out in its myriad of ways – we try to get away with things or we think we might have dealt with something, but if there is any element of having swept something under the carpet, then one day it will be revealed for no carpet is big enough to hide our hurts forever. The sooner we spring clean and with openness and honesty, then the sooner we get to enjoy the freedom of love that we can connect deeper with. This is and has been an ongoing lesson for me, and thankfully so!
The science of hurts is such a gigantic topic that to realise we can live life without them is a complete revelation!
We create every hurt that happens to us because it is not who we are so whenever I feel hurt it is simply because I choose to feel and indulge in the hurt instead of claiming the love and grandness within me.
The science of our human behaviour is so well explained here …”how I interpret what is occurring around me depends on my own choice of how I am with, and within, myself…” Brilliantly explained Andrew!
Delving and getting stuck in our hurts is a sure way to keep us disconnected and expressing from the divinity that we are. When we start to see that holding onto our hurts is a trick of our spirit to keep us small then they start to lose a hold on us as we no longer value what they attempt to lure us with which is separation.
Hurts can dominate our lives where we want outside of us to change and as said in this in brilliant blog Andrew, there are the baddies to why we’re feeling hurt. What you’re offering here is that there is something greater, our inner connection to love, that is greater than hurt. I often ask myself, am I hurt because in this moment I made the choice to not be connected to love and thus, that’s what hurts as, I jump in the hurt pool, amongst the ‘disturbance’….
I also have experienced when I am connected to the great love within, I cannot feel hurt, its impossible, I am aware of the disturbance, but I am able to respond to it and not react and add more ‘urine’ to the pool.
“how I interpret what is occurring around me depends on my own choice of how I am with, and within, myself.” wise words, we can allow our hurts to run and rule our lives, sometimes not even being aware of how much this is occuring as we have been in a pattern or way of being for so long. But when we begin to feel our hurts, and heal them, things really open in up in life for ourselves and with others.
I really like this blog, so often we blame another, or say their action or even lack of action, hurt us. Which it did, we are human after all, so to say we never get hurt is not true, as we incredibly divine sensitive beings who feel the slightest shift in energy. But the question is do we hold onto these hurts, bury them into our bodies or hold them, build them up as a barrier between us and that person next time we see them, or do we allow the hurts to pass through us, yes to register them, but not to hold onto them or be affected by them. To bring more understanding and love to the person and situation, and to also look at our part in it, did we have an expectation or need we projected onto that person or work that was not being met, when in truth we needed to bring it ourselves.
‘But the question is do we hold onto these hurts, bury them into our bodies or hold them, build them up as a barrier between us and that person next time we see them’? Yes and yes, this has been my old pattern especially with family members, and my biggest hurts would be when I perceived that my family had hurt me, instead of just accepting me and loving me. It took a long time to understand that first I have to love and accept myself and all I bring! Spot on Gyl. I am aware of this old pattern and the more responsibility I choose, I can feel this old pattern just dropping away, with a teeny weeny bit wanting to ‘hang on’, which would be my wayward spirit!
Very powerful expose Andrew thank you, freeing ourselves from the ransom hurts hold us in is very liberating… the irony being that we created them ourselves in the first place.
I am becoming aware of a split second gap when I have a choice to go into understanding or reaction to what someone is doing or has said. The choice I make depends whether I have stayed with my connection to myself, or what else I have been letting be dominant at that time whether I understand or react. That awareness is supporting me to know that there definitely is a choice at that moment and the more we understand the science of our hurts, the easier it becomes.
It was lovely to read your blog Andrew and expose how our hurts affect us. When we are truly with ourselves and able to observe then it becomes easier to see the bigger picture of the situation and not make it about being hurt. I know in the past I have brushed my hurts aside pretending I am fine, but all I was doing was burying them until a similar situation came up and I felt justified to feel hurt again. Taking responsibility for my hurts and seeing my part to play is the best way to dissolve any issues I create around any hurts I still carry.
In the same way we decide whether something is an issue or it is not, to feel hurt or not is a choice. We embed such choices in a right. The language of rights brings a subtle shift in the matter. You have every right to exercise your right and the fact that you have one justifies you going there. If you do not go there, you are seen as a magnanimous person. But it is really it? Or is it simply that you choose based on how spacious you feel inside? We have to detach (to free up from) these choices from a language that does not help us to evolve.
For sure there is another way of life where hurts are not the dominant factor. I have first seen it when I met Serge Benhayon and now live it myself with everybody around me.
I just love reading this blog Andrew, you have brought home the importance of taking care of every thing we do, no matter how small or how big, the ripples go out into the Universe where they eventually meet a boundary that sends them back to us. Never again will I regard a hurt in the same way, the first thing to ask myself is where in my hour, day, week, month, life did I initiate that un-loving vibration that has just come home to roost, so that I don’t do it again.
It is so true that “when I am feeling less disturbed inside of me” then I am far more able to respond without judgment in times of stress and challenge. How I experience the world is so much a reflection of how I am feeling within myself.
Its super that you have brought a deeper awareness to something that affects us all. From my own experience I agree that hurts ‘do not have to be the dominant or driving force behind our behaviours as they currently are.’ when I choose not to react to a perceived hurt the outcome is so much better for everyone concerned.
The responsibility is ours to develop a deeper awareness of conscious presence with our body and every detail in how we move and think. The ripple effect of even the smallest grain of sand dropped onto water creates a change to the surrounding surface. There is much to reflect upon here.
“Every time we do, say or think something that is not coming from a basis of love and truth, it creates an energetic disturbance in the universe. We have in effect created disharmony where there was none before”.
Choosing to feel hurts can become a self-fulfilling prophecy that becomes just your normal way of living. It is a bit like Plato’s cave where we lose sight of any other way of being until we question our choices.
The Science of Hurts is a great title and invites us to experiment with how we behave and as you observe whatever we choose is reflected back at us. By choosing to let go of our hurts and step outside the cycle of reaction that I, for one, was caught in with so many people the space for more loving understanding is opened up.
This is so beautifully explained, Andrew and offers us the opportunity to learn from hurts, that’s to say when a hurt comes up ask the questionn what kind of energy or movement did I put out or emmanate that this is coming back to me.
‘So I have found this an interesting observation because it means that how I interpret what is occurring around me depends on my own choice of how I am with, and within, myself.’ I experience this regularly too. If I have reacted or responded from hurt in one particular situation it will be reflected in all the others that I move into subsequently unless I nominate how I am feeling and why so that I can re-imprint the way I behave. It is just that – a choice to recognise what is not us but an old hurt and to make a different choice as to what we do next.
I know at times I hold have held onto hurts and react in certain situations, which stems from a need to control in many instances. But what I have begun to be more aware of is in these times of reaction and control I am holding myself in an age old pattern that stops me digging deeper to discover why I am doing it in the first place? When I connect to the way I move and my own breath I can bring my presence to any situation and learn and expand my life in oh so many magical ways. A brilliant blog Andrew thank you.
The honesty you share Andrew is very refreshing, and that is what ever it is we think we are experiencing as in a hurt or anything else we are part of the creation of this. Understanding this then allows us to observe the correction that is being offered by the experience.
“We choose to focus on the relatively small disturbance and disconnect from the abundance of love and stillness that is all around us and inside us constantly.” Very well said. The phrase ”mountain out of a molehill ” comes to mind.
I like what you are saying here Andrew as I have found the same. When I am connected to myself, respectful of what I feel and acting in an understanding manner towards others and myself, on a daily basis, I notice that I am not disturbed if someone is acting in an unloving way. I see the behaviour and there’s an instant understanding, without words and judgement; an acceptance of things as they are. I do agree that we have a choice as to whether we feel hurt. I don’t reckon we can eliminate feeling any hurt, but through the way that we live we most certainly can reduce how often we feel hurt and our reactions to it. Through understanding and observation of both ourselves and others, we are more able to deal with anything that we experience.
I love your blog Andrew. I recognize how I can choose to take responsibility for whatever comes my way instead of reacting to people in a ‘ holier than thou’ kind of way’ while with reaction alone I am adding to the exact same thing.
When we allow ourselves to feel our love, we cannot but feel the holding in whatever choice we make or made. We’ve got so much understanding, allowing and acceptance within us. It’s up to us to embrace ourselves (or not).
Most of us carry hurts from situations in life that have not been to our liking, and have a diminished expression as a result. I love the level of responsibility here introduced to our tendency to get hurt in the first place.
There is a science behind every-thing.
Wow Andrew, what you are presenting here is deeply revealing the truth of what is the true science of energy and hurts. It is us that propagate them when we choose to indulge and don’t take the responsibility to observe and not react to the loveless action that has been done. It is our responsibility to not contribute to the soup of what is not love, and instead choose to swim in the pool of love that is inside us all.
Another great read today. The way I can put hurts into perspective is to realise my greatest hurt comes from my own choice to separate from me. The issues with hurts from others is that I can stay buried in those and not look at my own choices and take responsibility to live the love I naturally am. I can give my power away of how I feel to the other person because of their behaviour, instead of observing them and building my self love everyday to support me maintaining my connection to myself.
If being hurt is a question of choice – I find it kind of astonishing that humanity generally and consistently chooses hurt. It seems we are lacking true education about not to choose hurt. Having met Serge Benhayon I witnessed such an education for the first time in my life.
Understanding the science of hurts supports us to free ourselves from being owned by them.
Wow – we contribute to the messy soup – imagine the difference if we all took a little more responsibility for ourselves! That would be HUGE! As I’m sure most others have already mentioned – brilliant analogy of peeing in the pool. everything is everything.
“We choose to focus on the relatively small disturbance and disconnect from the abundance of love and stillness that is all around us and inside us constantly.” I have just started to take in how much I actually do this and it is time to change. Awareness is such a key to see what we are bringing our awareness to.
I so loved reading this again Andrew and I will keep reading it – it’s a corker!
The fact that we get hurt when we ‘we do not feel respect, decency, love and honesty’ means that we all have a knowing of these as intrinsic values which means we are aware when we are not being true to this or when another is disregarding these values. So why is it that we turn a blind eye and accept the abuse when we know full well that is not the treatment we deserve either from others or from ourselves? At some level we must be choosing this and your blog Andrew expresses this well.
“We do in fact have a choice as to whether we feel hurt or not.” Andrew it is very empowering once we realise the truth of this. However, we don’t always want to accept it as it means we need to be more responsible for our actions and we can no longer blame another for our woes.
“I know from my own experience that every day I feel the quality of everything that is occurring around me.” This is a huge realisation for me Andrew, to acknowledge that I can feel everything going on around me. The next challenge for me is to accept what is going on and not take it into my body and be hurt by it or react to it.
“Then other times when I choose to react, no matter how much right I feel I have to be hurt, I have observed that I am actually expressing the same quality of disturbance back to the person who I have decided is hurting me!” – in reaction, we offer nothing to the other person other than a confirmation that the way they are behaving is ok because we too are behaving in the same way.
Thank you Andrew, reading this explanation takes away any ideal that things randomly just happen to us, and that we are contributing to the energy that we later complain of. It certainly brings the responsibility back to our own front door.
“What comes around goes around”. I am seeing more how our choice to think in linear terms conveniently helps us ‘get out of’ taking responsibility for this well know fact of life, that ‘what we put out we get back’.
When I see that we are going around and around I know I have a chance to learn that my less-than-loving choices come back to me and I have the chance (over and over..) to be more loving this cycle.
A powerful reminder that everything we do affects everything and to stop pointing the finger of blame at others and take a stop moment to truly feel and evaluate our part in it.
“Every time we do, say or think something that is not coming from a basis of love and truth, it creates an energetic disturbance in the universe. We have in effect created disharmony where there was none before”.
I would go so far as to say that hurts are excuses toward embracing true responsibility for how we are in life. It is almost like when we feel hurt we have a get-out-of-responsibility free card we can draw at anytime. Only this card does not actually excuse us from the realities of what we have chosen!
Absolutely love your observations on hurt here Andrew! The ultimate in responsibility …”So when we complain that someone has hurt us, it is wiser to understand that unless we can honestly say that we live our own lives with absolute truth and love all the time, we have actually contributed to this hurt we now feel coming towards us…”
You turn the way of living on its head Andrew… but its not turning it upside down, its turning it back the right way… “So rather than constantly reacting to life and only seeing the lack of love that is obviously sometimes the reality of life on this planet, perhaps it would be wiser to stay connected to the love that we are and take full responsibility for what we express in the world, knowing that it is our collective expressions that make up the world we all have to live in.”
It feels true that everything goes around in a cyclical nature Andrew. It makes sense to me, just like the ripples of a stone in a pond, the effect is more visible there but the disturbance to the water is a great reflection of how hurts play out in the same way when we are disturbed. The more love we are inside, the less the disturbance.
How different our relationships would be if we met each other with an openness and a willingness to understand as opposed to jumping at each other in reaction becuase we have pushed each others buttons.
When you taint life through hurt coloured glasses you miss all the magic that is there for us to learn from and play with, all you are able to see is more of what you feel inside, pain and separation. Appreciation specs should be the new proscription for humanity.
Great point you make here Andrew ‘We choose to focus on the relatively small disturbance and disconnect from the abundance of love and stillness that is all around us and inside us constantly.” hence we get caught up in the hurts. But like you say we have a choice to choose differently.
Our hurts are a big underlying thing for most of us so thank you Andrew for talking openly about this subject.
I now realise that my ill behaviour was because of my deep buried hurts.
THANK GOD FOR SERGE BENHAYON that I have got to the root cause of why and dealt with these hurts that affected every area of my life. Ugly but true. I no longer have them as the dominant force you mention and being free of them supports me to get on with life. If something does disturb me I now have enough awareness now not to play games of any kind but to bring the RESPONSIBILITY back to me and ask why and how this has happened. Usually its because I had an image, a picture of how I wanted something to be and my reaction is because it was not like the picture I held.
Knocking out all the images that are fed in my mind sure helps and Serge Benhayon has given me enough practical tips, so I most certainly know what to do and not do.
‘I have experimented with this myself a little and have noticed that if I choose to be understanding and not react when someone is doing or saying something disturbing around me, then many times the person will change how they are expressing as they too sense the disturbance.’ So we don’t always need to say anything, we could simply choose to stay calm and loving and there is a possibility that the other person will feel what they are doing and then can choose to change or not. A good point is made here is that when we speak out of reaction, we are giving the other person the same energy of abuse that they are giving us, whereas when we stay connected to our inner stillness, they receive that instead.
Brilliant Andrew, thank you for this very powerful expose.
Andrew when I read this line “Then other times when I choose to react, no matter how much right I feel I have to be hurt” it struck me how often we feel it’s our ‘right’ to feel hurt, not only that but I know from my own experiences with feeling hurt that there can be almost a satisfaction in having what we deem as ‘really good reasons’ to feel hurt. It’s almost like we can relax into our pain when we have been given ‘enough reason’.
Yes Alexis, a satisfaction in having an excuse to feel hurt… I look back and see that my hurts were so familiar that I found comfort in delving into the emotional torment… I held onto the very things that kept me small and held me back from living life in the fullness of who I am, in fact I feel that is at the core of why I did it; to stay small and not take responsibility… But I got fed up, found Uni.Med which introduced a new level of honesty which opened me to truth. No more drowning in my hurts, thanks to Universal Medicine showing me a way to be free by taking responsibility for all my choices, especially the ones that did not feel like choices at all.
Hurts on the inside equate to hurts on the outside. Harmony on the inside equates to harmony on the outside. Ain’t no getting away from the fact that if we want to reduce the amount of pain in our lives then we must first reduce the amount of pain that we are carrying on the inside.
“Do we have to feel hurt by the lack of love in the world?”, such a great fundamental question Andrew and really can be expanded to ask “do we have to ever feel hurt?”, to which I would say a resounding “no we don’t, but we sure do choose to, time and time and time again”.
Thank you Andrew this brings such awareness and understanding to life our hurts and what is really going on energy and our choices with this. You bring a reality and simplicity to it all and great reflections to ponder on.
“We have all felt hurt at some time in our lives”, I actually feel it’s more accurate to say “we’ve all felt life sometimes through our hurts”, meaning that our hurts are so prevalent that they tend to suffocate the very life out of life.
Love how you bring it back to our responsibility not only for how we act and can contribute to hurtful situations but also for building a foundation of stillness so that we can choose not to be rocked by anything that is happening around us. This feels so empowering whereas when I lived in protection from a constant stream of hurts I so often felt the victim of life and stuck on the merry-go-round of life’s dramas.
“Therefore, if feeling hurt is a choice rather than a foregone conclusion, we could also just as easily make a choice to NOT feel hurt by any disturbing situation.” This is a WHIZZ BANGER of a blog Andrew – that turns the movement and understanding of hurts on its head and beautifully lays the responsibility for our inward quality back in our own hands. I will return to this again and share with my family – thank-you.
Andrew I’m in negotiations with a group of people that have been really hurt in the past, this means that the way they want to setup contracts is to protect themselves against being hurt again and in that it limits the ability to be open for true collaboration. Now what I get from your blog is two fold, firstly that they have made choices in the past that led them to be hurt, it did not just “happen” to them and secondly that so have I and now I get to see how I’ve been, and I am sure still, go about my interactions with people. All in all though it shows the fact that hurts keep us separated.
We have become so imbued, invested and ruled by our hurts that it is a massive revelation to get that we actually choose them! This concept is so huge and I am not sure that most in humanity are ready to hear this, but for a number to live in a way that means they are choosing love rather than the hurts proves that it can be done and that there is a different way.
‘the days when I can observe what is occurring around me and not be disturbed, are the days when I am feeling less disturbed inside of me’ – This highlights how our relationship to what happens around us in the world is actually governed by how we are with and within ourselves, and changes the ‘blame game’ we sometimes play where we take on the ‘victim’ role and point a finger at another person or situation for hurting us when this may in fact be a result of our own expectations, ideals or choices.
Wow Andrew Mooney this is a cracker of a blog where you have explored and exposed every little nook and cranky around ‘hurts’ and actually how all hurts that come our way we have in some way created. And that we do in fact have a choice whether we feel hurt or not, really? Yes, we do, and just love when truth is simply and precisely delivered. This is a blog I will be re-turning to again and again, as one of my old habits is to hang on tightly to my ‘hurts’ and not let go, oh that feels so yucky now…..yet I can feel I have taken so much responsibility for my choices in the past and am continually making new choices to deepen the relationship with myself and my body which supports me ‘not to react’ to others when I wrongly perceive they have hurt me!! Thank you Andrew for sharing all the wisdom presented in this blog.
“How I interpret what is occurring around me depends on my own choice of how I am with, and within, myself.” This is huge! I have noticed with myself that I can look at life through reinterpretation glasses… Depending on how I feel within myself I can completely misinterpret what another is saying and feel hurt over nothing just because at that moment my perception is skewered by internal insecurity. The more I hold steady within myself the easier I can hold steady with others.
“Every time we do, say or think something that is not coming from a basis of love and truth, it creates an energetic disturbance in the universe.” The most fundamental law of Science there is, so thank you Andrew for putting it so simply. What an incredible piece of information this is and surely one that every child should know before we are even taught to read or write. And it applies to absolutely every movement, action, word or thought that is not in accordance with the energetic quality of Love, Harmony and Stillness that the Universe is immutably comprised of. Stands to reason then that if we make a disturbance however small, sooner or later it will come bounding back to us, because it has nowhere else to go.
“Therefore, if feeling hurt is a choice rather than a foregone conclusion, we could also just as easily make a choice to NOT feel hurt by any disturbing situation.” This ‘turns-on-its head’ any notion that we are a vitim of the world.
Our willingness to honestly deal with our hurts, and any occurrence that indeed triggers a hurt, is what allows us to deepen our capacity to truly hold another in love – the ‘beholding’ nature of love as Serge Benhayon has taught and presented on so powerfully… We won’t always be perfect in this, but it is our willingness that shifts the balance as you’ve experimented with and shared here Andrew – if we are at the point of not losing ourselves in a reaction, then another in hurt is offered the greatest opportunity to actually heal. It will of course, be their call as to whether ‘lineal blame’ is sought and perpetuated, or, true healing and release of the hurt can actually occur.
This is such a beauty Andrew, the more love that we are, the less likely we will be to get disturbed and so any hurtful energy coming at us will be like water off a duck’s back. The old futile way of trying to harden ourselves against being hurt only keeps us further from love that will stop us from getting hurt in the first place.
A brilliant piece on the science of hurts, Andrew. I love what you share here “…it is our collective expressions that make up the world we all have to live in.”
We are all a part of the one, indelibly so. We’ve all hurt and been hurt – and yet, without going deeper in the way you’ve opened the door to here, it all just continues to go ’round’, until we take responsibility for the lack of love in our relating and relationships (on all levels). The greatest growth there is rests in all that you’ve shared here, thank-you.
I am also experiencing and feeling everything around me but there are moments I slip into old patterns. At these times I have to look back at where I stepped into the affray of the world around me. I can then learn from this moment and reconnect with myself and move on.
I use to believe that hurts were a permanent part of me, something I would have to live with. I walked my life with hurt, even if seemingly buried within my body. Years later and through the support of Universal Medicine practitioners and my own commitment to self care, those deep seated hurts have largely dissolved. I now feel my true worth and walk in the body of a woman that is steady, fully claimed and knows who she is. And when I feel hurt in others or if hurtful things are said about me, I can be with it and still be me.
It is such a blessing to be able to let go of hurts and in particular the long held ones. The freedom of being able to stay with oneself when one would previously have felt hurt is truly liberating.
Our biggest hurt comes from disconnecting from the love we have within.
“Therefore, if feeling hurt is a choice rather than a foregone conclusion, we could also just as easily make a choice to NOT feel hurt by any disturbing situation.” Wow – Andrew that insight is something most of us have to swallow first as it made it very obvious that we are responsible for how we are feeling inside of us!
My experience with hurt is when I feel hurt it is a call for me to choose to connect deeper with the love that I am and from there to deepen my connection with the world, the people, the person who made me feel hurt.
Because we all have different points of sensitivity, from our hurts, we may find ourselves reacting violently to something, which to another, would be completely ok. This highlights the importance of always sharing how we are feeling, given, mostly, people are not intentionally going out of their way to hurt us, by being open and talking about why we are feeling hurt, it allows an enormous healing to take place for us and the other person. We get the opportunity to expose and heal the deeper hurt underlying the current hurt and the other person has the gift of greater awareness and understanding moving forward.
When we don’t address our hurts, they fester and become a point of great sensitivity for us, which means we are very likely to be ‘re-hurt’ over and over again from the same issue. The more hurt we carry around, the greater our sensitivity and the more reactive we are likely to be, which in turn makes us a target for even greater hurt. It’s a spherical pattern and until we choose to stop the cycle, we are very likely to continue to get hurt.
Great insights about our choice to either be hurt or not; it gets us away from the perpetrator and victim mentality and asks for a much deeper level of responsibility.
There are days when I feel far more sensitive, open and vulnerable and on those days I do feel hurts far more easily than other days. But what I have found too is that on those days, it is like I am more connected to a love that lies within and so even though I feel the hurts, and they hurt, they don’t seem to affect me so much, they don’t linger and fester in me – the hurts are just felt and then I can let go of them and continue on with my day. There are things we see around us all the time that hurt us or are not pleasant to see or to witness or to feel, but if we can accept that this hurts to see and feel but that there is an equal (if not grander) amount of love that is also there to be felt, it gives us the strength to accept the hurts, injustices and deviations from the divine that we encounter on a daily basis. And thus it is never about denying that a hurt is there, but it is about accepting that it is there and embracing the equal counter of love that is and was there all along.
Love all you share here Henrietta especially your last sentence: ‘ And thus it is never about denying that a hurt is there, but it is about accepting that it is there and embracing the equal counter of love that is and was there all along’. Will take this powerful reminder into my day.
“…despite the reality of the existence of hurts on this planet of ours, they do not have to be the dominant or driving force behind our behaviours as they currently are…” If this was something that everyone learned growing up how different would our world be…?
The cause of our hurts run much deeper than the situation that has brought them to the surface. When some issue arises it is a great opportunity to self reflect, feel and ask ourselves at a deeper level, where is the hurt and why the reaction?
I have found when I feel hurt by someone, it means I have taken things personally, overreacted and often it relates back to old hurts that I have carried and have not dealt with. So, if we tend to feel hurt a lot, then perhaps there are old hurts we are holding onto that stops us from seeing a certain situation with clarity, understanding and truth. I have found the more I let go of old hurts the less likely I am to accumulate new ones, and am able to take more responsibility for how I feel and able to simply observe a situation instead of reacting.
Andrew I love what you have written. There have been so many things in life I have traced back to hurts and it seems easy to blame that scenario for the situation we find ourself in. I find it often useful to delve into our pattern and find the layers it is sitting on, then it is clearer what I might need to heal. Yet what has not been useful is when I have blamed my hurt for the choices that I have continued to make. It is very useful and empowering to take the next step to unravel what has happened. There are times the same thing hurts me and there are times it doesn’t. How come? A very pertinent question.
I love what you’ve written about the fact that it is when we ourselves are more disturbed, that we are more than likely to get hurt by something. The jolt, the jarring is within us first and hence we have nowhere to fall back on in ourselves when there is a jarring outside of us. Rather, the jarring within gets bigger.
Andrew this is a gift to humanity. You have grounded here a true recipe of self responsibility and the possibility of world harmony dare I say it!
Superb explanation of why we feel hurts Andrew and how our behaviour has a direct influence on what we experience. Certainly understanding the science of energy has empowered you to cut this invisible yet immutable fact, that ‘what goes around, comes around’. You have really nailed how sooner or later our un-loving behaviour and or choice of words we issued forth into the Universe a few days, weeks or maybe a few months ago, comes sailing back to slap us squarely in the chops. And we then have the audacity to complain! This will certainly make me stop and ponder on when and how did I issue this little bit of ‘un-love’ before reacting to a hurt. It certainly ups the stakes in taking responsibility for all our actions, words and movements, knowing that at some point in time, they are all going to be coming home again.
It occurred to me as I read that we can only be hurt when we invest in something or someone and become attached to an outcome. It is a need based on expectation, rather than a possible goal. This naturally cycles back around to why we must have a certain outcome and why we do not feel we are already complete, which then comes back to the essential point about choosing love first. Perhaps what ever way we see it, it comes back to this simple act of choosing love- a choice we actually do know how to make at any moment.
Andrew what you have done here is really very revolutionary. By taking the subject of hurts, which is a subject dripping in emotion, irrationality and reaction and redefining it as a science, you bring clarity and understanding to it, which in turn has the power to neutralize it and extradite us all from it’s destructive grip.
It is so easy to get caught up in our hurts, its something that we have been taught to do from a young age but something that we are all able to change and heal. I was identified with some of mine and it feels so good to not need that anymore.
Going into our hurts when they occur can be quite revealing of a deeper hurt, but when revealed its a matter of nominating the hurt and coming back to the stillness. Remaining in the hurt is the choice to stay in that energy or not, becoming an observer, rather than participating and engaging in the hurt further and choosing to continue in that energy.
Very true and powerful Andrew, we are our own creators of our hurts – by stepping away from who we are and indeed making a situation or happening more important than connection with oneself (and so the whole).
I knew when I read this the other day that a 2nd read would reveal more, this is explained so beautifully, the science of getting hurt and our own responsibility to not pee in the pool. The difference between reacting and observing situations is such a great foundation to truly understand life, as when we understand life and why people behave unlovingly we are much less likely to react and piddle in the pool, so much less likely to add to the disharmony but instead offer another/others the reflection of a different way of being.
How often have we heard the expression ‘he/she made me angry/sad/cry’? As you say Andrew ‘It is easy to think of a hurt as something that is being done to us; that we are innocent victims in the crime.’ What you have shared here is gold for it gives us a moment to appreciate we always have a choice – do we react to what is around us or do we feel and respond from our connection to the love that we are. One holds us back, the other confirms the power of our love.
If I had to pick just one of the multitude of gems I have learned from Serge Benhayon it would be that everything in life comes down to our choices. Like the choice to feel hurt, victimised and then lash out at a situation or instead apply understanding to it and make it an evolutionary opportunity. I have found this simple twist in awareness and attitude is life-changing.
You outline a fantastic formula for not playing the ‘victim’ and ‘blame’ game Andrew and I love how the shift comes from an autonomous choice about how “we are with and within ourselves”. This is very empowering.
As you mention Andrew, the world appears to run on hurts and reactions to hurts… and yet what you offer here is a choice and a responsibility to live another way – one that is true to ourselves and true to all others equally so.
How we are with ourselves determines how we are in the world and how we are receiving the world. If we feel how lovely we are, we would see and feel the loveliness in others. If we feel hurt (which in truth is feeling victim), we would receive the world as an unsafe place. The examples could go on and on. This is absolutely true. The world around us is like a huge mirror that’s reflecting us constantly. It doesn’t have a stop, even though we do a lot to hold on to the illusion that we’re the masters of life and that we choose when to feel the world and when not. The moment we choose to think this, we’re in fact disconnected from ourselves and the truth. This requires a lot of responsibility. And is a great science, a science yet to be accepted and for many discovered. The science of hurt versus the science of love.
I was not aware growing up what it meant to express and communicate what you felt – to not hold back; and how to be responsible and deal with your hurts, OR better still choose to not be hurt and create the life you deserve and feel. As Andrew expresses “.. perhaps it would be wiser to stay connected to the love that we are and take full responsibility for what we express in the world, knowing that it is our collective expressions that make up the world we all have to live in”.
This is a very loving way of seeing how we are all affected by hurts, and unless we choose differently – to be with ourselves, living connected to our inner truth, then the cycle of hurts will continue until we do make different choices.
It is ironic how we can complain of being hurt, or someone hurting us, and react in anger, bitterness, blame, etc… and yet we do not choose to see or feel how we have also hurt others. Whether we have been hurt or not, we do not like to know that our reactions to others are also contributing to the pool of hurts.
“…how I interpret what is occurring around me depends on my own choice of how I am with, and within, myself.” This is so revealing Andrew and supports me in making choices to be steady, still and connected to who I am. I know that when I am with myself I don’t take on what is happening outside of me as a hurt, I don’t feel like people are against me and I don’t take things personally. When I am steady and with myself I am able to read clearly what is happening in a situation, rather than get caught in the emotion of it.
So True – thank you – this is a great explaination.
There is always a choice and our choices are everything and make up who we are in any moment. We are actually victim to nothing but our own choices if we choose to live in a way that is reactive to who we are choosing to be and the state of the world. And, our choices can totally empower us to know and feel the truth of life and see clearly the energetic qualities at play. Ultimately, we are either choosing awareness of not.
I agree Mary. I know I will come back to this blog many times. In the past I have used knowledge of this truth purely from my head and have attempted to skip over my hurts by denying that they are even there and I can definitively say that this does not work for me, it simply buries the hurt I feel deeper where it festers. When I allow myself to feel the hurt and then feel the reasons why I am experiencing it, my responsibility and the strength of my connection to God, the hurt can be released from my body in a healing way.
Thank you Andrew. I like how you share that when you are not feeling disturbed inside but connected to your stillness and steadiness that you are not affected or hurt by what’s going on outside of you. I brings a whole different outlook and feel to what’s going on in the world. Bringing it back to you and how you are means we do have a choice to be hurt or not. I am really noticing this too.
Thank you Andrew. I had a big smile on my face reading this as I have observed some big reactions I have had recently and I can’t help but laugh when I allow myself to feel the truth you present. When I choose to hang on to my hurt I choose to contribute to what hurt me in the first place. It is a truly absurd way to be that could only exist as a result of a choice to shut down my awareness.
I love the way you have expressed this Andrew. I used to think of hurts as opinions or points of view that I had that simply were not true. But now, especially since reading your blog, I have felt that hurts start with this disturbance, like someone got a blender and turned it on inside of me! Then this escalates as you say, into protests and words that come from the same disturbed energy. What would it be like if whenever we saw the slightest disharmony inside our body, we stopped and said ‘ok now is a great time to come back to me’.
Living in awareness of energy, you have described this so clearly Andrew, including the graphic ‘weeing in the pool’! That certainly brings it home. We all know this and ironically we all do it in some form or another. How clear and clean and easy to swim in will be the ‘pool’, once we take responsibility and stop doing this.
I so agree. We could be in our fullness, accepting all the love that is there and expressing it out.
I love how you take the reader through the science of hurts and bringing us back to the simplicity of how we choose to live as to whether we feel hurt or not.
Someone told me that no one can make you angry. I thought about it and realized that it is true, it is our choice to become angry in any situation no matter how triggering it is. This helped me realize that I have more control of my life than I thought.
Another saying that has stuck with me is “When you can keep your head when everybody is losing theirs, you are a man”
So how can i not loose myself when a situation happens? Enter Simple-Living Global and Universal Medicine. They present simple techniques that support you to hold yourself so you can make the appropriate decision in any situation. So much appreciation to Simple-Living Global and Universal Medicine for presenting basic common sense things that have helped me be in this world without getting overwhelmed.
So true, we normalise disturbance, blame, righteousness and our hurts and they can be very distracting, if we choose them, “The disturbance becomes the norm and neither of us have an opportunity to get out of it.” I have been in this situation myself. IF we do not begin to take responsibility for how we feel first, we have no way of altering the dynamic that so often we become trapped in. This article is a fantastic look at how we can be responsible and live a life with full awareness that it is about energy first.
Andrew, it is really helpful to read this article, this morning my son did not want to go to school, he is feeling very hurt and I felt sad for him too, but reading your article makes me realise that he can choose not to be hurt and the same with me, that we can be love and stay ourselves no matter what is going on around us, it is super helpful to read this.
When we understand our own hurts we are more able to understand another’s and support them to see what they are really feeling. As with your son Rebecca, if we honour what a child is feeling without going into sympathy we can support them to stop and see that we are much grander and bigger than the hurt we are feeling
“When I am connected to this inner stillness I feel much bigger and grander than the disturbance and therefore, to be hurt by this disturbance seems impossible” So true Andrew when we are connected to ourselves, the hurts can’t enter to disturb us. I know I can still be disturbed by the choices of another and this is something I am learning daily, that love is so much greater and grander that any hurt, mine or theirs, and to stay with this feeling of love, instead of going into frustration and disharmony which is not loving at all.
Yes, being in our fullness is a choice. It then shows us what is not love within us and gives us a choice whether to continue with what is not love or not, as often as we need to.
Yes Alison, what I am realising too is that there is a difference between feeling or registering a disturbance and feeling hurt by it. And the key factor in which one I go into is the connection with myself and the love that is always present in me and in those around me.
You very clearly wrote down how reactions work and how we can be adding to the disturbance, even if we may feel we are in the right and the other is wrong. It is about not choosing for the fight but for seeing the equality in each other and go from there. If we are truly right – in other words it is the truth, then there is no need to defend as truth will have itself shown anyway in time as lies get exposed in the end.
What stands out very clear from this blog is how common it is to make choices based on our hurts.
’Every time we do, say or think something that is not coming from a basis of love and truth, it creates an energetic disturbance in the universe. We have in effect created disharmony where there was none before.’ – Wow Andrew, I love the way you have spelled this out. The fact that we cannot escape the energy of our making, no matter how much we attempt to polish the facade. This understanding comes with a huge responsibility.
A key point you talk about Andrew is in the right and wrong. When right and wrong are removed from the equation the only thing left is the responsibility to be true.
Taking responsibility for how we express and in which energy is indeed pivotal to the life we will go on to live.
What we express will surely return to us – the boomerang you may speak of, in one way or another and before it does, our expression has either supported others to connect to Love and be inspired to live a life of energetic integrity and harmony or it has cemented another in a false movement of self-centred creation to keep another and indeed all others playing less.
Feeling hurt, ‘as if we were the innocent victims in the crime’ renders the responsibility we all have – for everything that happens in our life. The outer is a reflection of the inner. We can no longer blame another for what happens to us.
This is an insightful dissection of ‘hurts’, Andrew. Feeling hurt is a choice that I used to make all the time – I was the ‘victim’ who could not see how I was contributing to the ‘disturbance’ simply by choosing to perpetuate the hurt. These days I am able to see how insignificant the hurt is in the scheme of things, that I am much more than it, and therefore far less likely to react, or if I do, quickly drop it rather than creating more of the same.
You have really bought each moment into perspective here Andrew where we either choose to get caught up in all the hurt, pain and suffering of the world allowing our reactions to govern our decision making, or, we connect to the depth of love we know to be true we still see all the pain, hurts and suffering but choose to live from a foundation of love.
If there is freedom of choice and I can choose to feel hurt or not – why then do so many people choose to be hurt when they could also choose to be light? This is worth pondering on.
The world has far less impact on us when we rediscover the beauty and steadiness of our inner stillness.
Always an important reminder that we are not our hurts, even though we may want to wear them for all to see and we have the choice to react or respond. What I have noticed that if I react to something, there is something in it for me. I get something out of it. In saying that however it does come back and bite one. Responding gives a whole other perspective. I have no investment in anything because I can not only see what is occurring, but can see around it too, in a much more broader fashion. It’s very interesting to observe, even though there may be a few ouches on the way.
The science of hurts, what a great topic Andrew. Your very real and relatable example of peeing collectively in the pool makes a great point and a reminder that we are each responsible for our one part in the one, equal, great-big whole!
” When I am connected to this inner stillness I feel much bigger and grander than the disturbance and therefore, to be hurt by this disturbance seems impossible.” Wow, is this not the key to life?
I think it is
‘when I choose to react, no matter how much right I feel I have to be hurt, I have observed that I am actually expressing the same quality of disturbance back to the person who I have decided is hurting me!’ – very well said, Andrew. I can see how this is so. I was recently extremely hurt from some very full on verbal abuse and in the moment I totally went into defence mode, I was so shocked at the attack. I met the abusive energy with equally strong defensive energy, neither of which were remotely loving. However, afterwards, I could feel that the attack came from a place of extreme hurt, which prompted me to look at how I may have contributed to this hurt.
‘….how I interpret what is occurring around me depends on my own choice of how I am with, and within, myself’. – this is so true Andrew, if I am feeling vulnerable I have noticed that my sensitivity to certain situations is heightened and so my response can be influenced. There is much to ponder in this simple statement around the choices we make and the responsibility we take in those choices.
‘how I interpret what is occurring around me depends on my own choice of how I am with, and within, myself.’, …. Love this, Andrew, it makes perfect sense. If we are feeling out of sorts within, we are immediately more predisposed to finding someone or something to blame for our unrest, rather than choosing to take responsibility and feeling into what is really going on for us.
This is such a clear and practical presentation of hurts and our responsibility in and with them. No-one hurts us. Yes they can be hurtful, but it is entirely our choice as to whether we take this on and become a victim of their hurtful behaviour. We have a responsibility to not choose this if we want to stop contributing to the ‘pee in the pool’!
“Every time we do, say or think something that is not coming from a basis of love and truth, it creates an energetic disturbance in the universe.” If this was truly understood, the world we live in would be a place of absolute harmony. As more and more people are becoming aware of this fact and are taking responsibility for thier own expression and thoughts, there is much more acceptance in their relationships rather than judgement or blame. This is a great blog Andrew, thankyou for bringing such clarity to what is a very real issue for everyone on some level.
Through the presentations of Serge Benhayon and The Way of The Livingness I have come to understand that putting up with our hurts “and that is just the way it is” is not how it actually can be. I have learned that it is possible to heal my hurts and change my life from within so that my self-relationship and relationships with others is left clearer, more open and more loving. Those hindrances and obstacles are gradually being cleared away leaving the more true me underneath to come out.
Well said Andrew. It’s so true that our own attachments and expectations about how a situation or person ‘should be’ can lead us down a dangerous path of feeling very hurt by the outside world, without taking any responsibility for the conditions we’ve placed on the world in the first place to be how we need it to be.
‘We have in effect created disharmony where there was none before.’ Er …. GOSH ‘Ouch and this is Huge and definitely something to reflect on. I used to live in a sea of hurts and emotions and hurts are something that can stay with us from little to when we are elderly if we do not understand or know the truth about energy. They can also cause trauma in the body, particularly if we are little that stays with us, again if we do not know how to clear this. I no longer live in a sea of hurts or emotions with great appreciation to Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon who have taught and reminded me through Sacred Esoteric healing courses, presentations, talks and the way they live; the truth about energy, the body and how these can be cleared. Something that is essential for all of us if we are to heal the disharmony we have created within the Universe.
Andrew this is a corker of a blog to me, shedding some very much needed light on the emotions and hurts we in fact choose but as you say think we have a right to. “We choose to focus on the relatively small disturbance and disconnect from the abundance of love and stillness that is all around us and inside us constantly.” I love how you have put them into their proper perspective here. It has been my experience also that when I am connected to the enormity of love that this there to connect to I don’t get battered by the choices of others.
Well said Andrew, ‘if feeling hurt is a choice rather than a foregone conclusion, we could also just as easily make a choice to NOT feel hurt by any disturbing situation’. This sentence jumps out at me. I know how easy it is for 2 people to be in the same situation and 1 feel hurt and the other to simply see what is going on and stay themselves. The difference as you say comes from whether or not we 1st have a sense of stillness within, a basis we can then stand on. After all if we are all over the place ourselves then anything externally will only amplify this. Whereas if we have a basis of stillness or steadiness within we have a marker and so will not be rocked as much.
It is true what you have written Andrew, when we are disturbed inside us it is easier to react to the way others are acting around us, but also how is that disturbance in us adding to the disharmony of those around us in the first place – are we contributing? It’s like someone waking up on the wrong side of the bed, as the saying goes and thinking that no one will notice, but they carry this grumpiness around with them and it comes out in their tone of voice.
Andrew- Thank you for such great explanation of the science of hurts – it’s come at a perfect time for me to understand that when I personalise a hurt it appears bigger that it actually is. But if I come from stillness and read the situation I then have an understanding of my play in it and the choice to be hurt or not.
What a great subject to look at Andrew. I have noticed the drama that can occur when we over react to things and you are right we are just adding an energy to the universe which will come back to bite us at some stage. Seeing this as a science is probably the quickest way we can deal with our hurts and stop new ones from occurring.
Wow, great blog, Andrew. It ‘blows out of the water’ any justification of blaming another for how we are feeling and instead how we can empower ourselves to choose how we are feeling. “When I am connected to this inner stillness I feel much bigger and grander than the disturbance and therefore, to be hurt by this disturbance seems impossible.”
An inspired piece of writing examining the responsibility of what we choose and react to. Life can indeed be hard to swallow if we get constantly disappointed looking out to see the lack of love… far better to embrace it within ourselves and live that above all else.
It always comes back to how loving and connected we are with ourselves. When we are not we are much more likely to react and as you say, Andrew we are then contributing to the negative energy around us. As human beings we are so powerful in our soulful connection.
In my work I regularly teach about behaviours and relationship dynamics. What you share here Andrew about reacting or what we might call responding is very true in my experience – and it actually just makes sense. If a person is disturbed, upset, anxious – in reaction themselves – and we align with their reaction by reacting ourselves we confirm the disturbance and feed it. Alternatively, if we can remain an observer of the disturbance, we bring an entirely different energy to the situation and this can literally change the dynamics of the situation. Very powerful and something that once experienced is self-evident.
I like how you share that we create a momentum of ill living that comes back to us so even seemingly ‘random’ incidents where we feel justified in our reaction we have had a hand in creating.
Wow there are so many pearls of wisdom in this blog: ‘if feeling hurt is a choice rather than a foregone conclusion, we could also just as easily make a choice to NOT feel hurt by any disturbing situation.’ and i love this one: ‘We in effect live in the soup that we create with our own daily choices.’ So, when I feel disturbed by how a colleague is working, for example if they are clattering and banging noisily, it is MY choice to feel that disturbance or to let it go and say ‘That’s just the way it is.’ Or I could say something… we need to stand up to abuse but without judgment.
The unhealed hurts we hold are the lenses we see through and this view is how we hold the world to ransom and create controlling habits and expectations of how life ‘should be’ to accommodate us, to not upset our ideals or beliefs that keep us in separation from the all.
“….how I interpret what is occurring around me depends on my own choice of how I am with, and within, myself”.
This is so well expressed, Andrew, and such a clear expose on how identifying with hurts is a choice and not a foregone conclusion. I love how you bring in the bigger picture of what we ourselves have contributed to that we then end up feeling the victim of!
Andrew when I feel hurt, my default reaction is to withdraw, shut down, harden and defend. Yet what you share is that it is by doing/allowing the opposite that truly makes a difference. It is how I respond to a situation, in which I may get hurt by, that matters most.
I liked your analogy of ‘the soup of the day’ that is always on the menu. Why should we complain when we are the one that chooses to put it inside of us!
If we are holding onto hurts within then all we see is possible situations which could hurt us again. But if we trust ourselves then it is possible to see the joy and love that is also very present in our world.
This is a brilliant article Andrew! When we are connected with the stillness within it isn’t as disturbing when we are in busy places or disturbing situations. Being connected to this inner stillness it is evident that it is everywhere in the world also, and that it is easy to see but when we get caught up in our own raciness then the world seems too busy, and we start to fight our way through.
Thankyou Andrew, brilliant to read all you have shared – please keep writing! Your descriptions gave me many new angles to examine hurts and observation, and how things play out if I hold myself connected to stillness, or get involved and add to the pool of hurts. And while I am in the subject – the pool analogy really delivered your point!
Andrew, this is a beautiful blog and a timely one for me to read today. I have been pondering over some hurts that I have been feeling, and the key I have felt is as you have said, to bring more understanding to the situation. If we stay in the hurt and hold onto it, it forms a denseness that allows us not to see beyond the walls of the hurt, and so we do hold onto the protection and the guard and we project the same out to the ones so called inflicting the hurt onto us. But if we bring understanding and allow ourselves to feel vulnerable and open but yet accepting that we have on some level played a part in the whole game, then things change and we can actually grow from the situation and be free of the denseness that otherwise could engulf us.
“When I am connected to this inner stillness I feel much bigger and grander than the disturbance and therefore, to be hurt by this disturbance seems impossible.” – Andrew this is key in the whole situation – it is about how we are with things and not how things are with us.
Beautiful Andrew, considering human history seems to be a litany of arguments and tiffs about you said that or you did this, these hurts seem to me to be a seriously under-explored area. The way you put it I get a picture of us leaving open our front door, then being outraged and indignant when someone has the temerity to invite themselves in. The truth as you show is we really ask for this in the first place, And when you consider that perhaps we have had this same habit many lives, it really is incredible when we stop inviting trouble and strife in for a cup of tea and a chat on our couch.
Brilliant and powerful blog Andrew, thank you. I absolutely agree that it is our choice to take on our hurts, and for me, understanding this supports me to heal from my hurts. This is also about taking responsibility and being willing to look at what part I’ve played in any accumulation of or creation of hurts. Our hurts seems to stem from our interactions with another person(s), so, to me, we each have a huge part in why we feel hurt. Understanding the science behind our hurts, I feel is very important because it supports us to heal from them and also brings awareness to not choose this form of energy. If we choose to hold on to our hurts we are hurting ourselves as well as others because living from our hurts simply creates more hurts. It’s a vicious cycle that can be broken by choosing to heal and let our hurts go. Holding onto our hurts just creates more hurts.
If we took hurts out of our ‘entertainment’ then we would have very little entertainment left, as most of our songs, books, TV, opera, dance and theatre are all interwoven around pain.
Great understanding Andrew. To expect not to have any hurts we harbour triggered is like leaving a space of lovelessness inside me and expecting it to not attract and be filled by lovelessness outside. The only ‘defence’ for this way of being, which is no defence at all, is that carrying hurts occurs at a very early age and becomes a foundation for it continue as we mature. Yet this makes it all the more important this time around, to clear those loveless spaces so that next time around, no such false foundation can occur.
Great blog Andrew, and a great call to responsibility, it brings to mind an old expression ‘people in glasshouses don’t throw stones’, and that’s what I understand from your sharing here, any hurt I have experienced, somewhere along the way I’ve added to the pool of that hurt and right now another is drawing on it, but if in any way I continue to add to it, then I’m part of it, and that changes nothing for me or another … so I have a choice in that moment to give power to the hurt or to understand and see that both of us are more than the hurt and to see how I can be loving with myself and of course that will expand to all others. To be hurt and stay with it is a choice and at any time we can choose to live another way, to bring love to it all.
Being aware of lovelessness outside doesn’t have to mean feeling hurt – this is big. I know I have used this as the excuse for me not then to choose love.
A great blog Andrew, such a powerful reminder to observe and not absorb. Also for us to take responsibility to stay with, and to be, the love that we so naturally are.
Awesome exploration of hurt here Andrew, thank you! I would say that there are many situations in our world as it is today that are hurtful to feel, it’s what we then do with the hurt that matters – do we hold onto it, indulge and magnify it or do we let it go and make our purpose about love and all of us…
Brilliant article. The righteousness of our hurts acting as a cover to obscure how we’ve created them. How freeing to feel hurts are a choice and we can come back to the love that surrounds us 24/7. So often I see people cling to hurts, myself included, as justification of unloving behaviours which only create more harm, blame and victim-hood. But when we don’t play ball with them and bring understanding of the situation, or another, then they cannot but dissipate and love and harmony are felt.
It is such a revelation to see and feel the part we play in setting up the conditions for our own hurts. It is very much worth considering not adding to the disharmony of the universe when we choose how to live.
So rather than constantly reacting to life and only seeing the lack of love that is obviously sometimes the reality of life on this planet, perhaps it would be wiser to stay connected to the love that we are and take full responsibility for what we express in the world, knowing that it is our collective expressions that make up the world we all have to live in. Such a great point you make here Andrew, very wise and true.
I have a fascination in the science of hurts, from young I wanted to explore how to come out from hurts and how they bind and control me, so reading this blog I feel I have come home and it is not strange to be exploring on the mechanics of hurts, which is what I spend my moments of reflection and observations on. I would love to share some of my observations as you can imagine I have found a place to discuss on a topic that is very dear to my heart. When I hold onto hurts, I ask myself what I am hurt by, and whatever that answer may be, I am holding onto something that separates me with another. This protection (me vs them) is actually what I feel hurt by, it is the closing of my own heart that hurt is felt. If this is so clear, then to release feeling hurt, the most simple way is then to embrace and live what is unity and equality, is it not? Instead of focusing on how different we are, see and live the sameness between people, our equality, this then brings understanding. I appreciate life showing me where I may feel hurt, because each of those circumstances allow me to go deeper into living more of the depth of understanding and equality with others.
Love your contribution here Adele and to meet another fellow hurt scientist!…. as in a scientist of hurt (or could be a hurt scientist as well – ha ha! ). What you present here is very profound and deepens the subject even further. For what you are saying here is that when we feel a disturbance or lack of love in the world and we make it personal, we separate ourselves from everyone else and lose connection. We then assume that the inner pain or turmoil we are feeling is because of the unloving action we have detected from outside of us, but really the pain is from the separation which we have chosen for ourselves as a reaction to the disturbance! Brilliant!
I have come to realise the difference between living from my hurts and expectations and and letting go of my hurts and attachments so as not to put them onto others. The feeling it has in my body creates world of difference, and brings a freedom that opens my awareness.. and I learn more and more every day.
‘Every time we do, say or think something that is not coming from a basis of love and truth, it creates an energetic disturbance in the universe. ‘and such is our energetic responsibility. I love the analogy of the pool as it illustrates so well how we feel energy all the time when you imagine the influence we can have on it depending on how we move.
This is brilliant Andrew. If hurts are something that have been ignored or that we have tried to hide for a long time to appear that we are okay, I have found that sometimes to even begin to access how we are feeling the intial expressions could be quite explosive, but I have also realized when the intention of expressing is simply to heal the hurts that have been ignored so as to commit deeper to life, the observation drops in and if there is the commitment to keep expressing, the expression changes. Between two people if there is the willingness to heal, we both let down our protection more and become closer.
What seems so important here, is the choice that is being made, which Andrew talks about very well. Perhaps it is this choice that is the basis for the sciences that make up our lives together.
I would say that hurts manifest for me in withdrawing, so I might like to engage someone in conversation but will hold back for fear of a rejection or discomfort in the interaction, and this holding back doesn’t offer the other person what may well be a badly need conversation, an opportunity to express and share. And to consider this in real terms, we have a suicide problem because of exactly this issue, there not being a space for people to express and have their feelings valued. And yet what I recognise is that our hurts are governed by our own free will, and it is not released from our bodies by others but by how I/we live on a daily basis, the more I bring consistency and care into how I view and love myself the less any hurt can dominate any situation, and then in effect I can create a loving ripple rather than a disturbance, and that from what Andrew is saying, I would consider the world needs much more of.
I read something deeply beautiful last night: ‘The magnificence of the universe is held together by choice’. The universe may seem very far from our everyday lives, but every choice we make, becoming aware of our reactions and hurts, takes us one step closer to being able to embody and bring the love the universe naturally operates from, to earth. As this blog says: ‘Every time we do, say or think something that is not coming from a basis of love and truth, it creates an energetic disturbance in the universe. We have in effect created disharmony where there was none before. This contributes to the pool of energy or consciousness that surrounds us and also influences us. We in effect live in the soup that we create with our own daily choices.’ ‘Soup’ describes it very accurately!
Ah yes hurts, I am the master of holding onto said hurts and using them as the best excuse in the world to not be the massive love I am with everyone. Utter madness as it hurts me so much to withhold this ginormous love that flows through me as it does equally with all.
I have been observing situations where a hurt comes up, and it usually is used as an outlet for a deeper hurt, held in the body to be expressed and exposed. This then becomes an opportunity to reveal what are the stored patterns and pictures that caused the reaction to feeling hurt, as you have said Andrew it all “depends on my own choice of how I am with, and within myself” as to the response, and yes I also have come to the conclusion we have a choice to feel hurt or not.
Powerful Andrew. Living a life from hurts is like living a life in prison…limited by the walls around us, not allowing ourselves to see beyond and the fact that the door is in fact always open…
This is a great subject to explore Andrew. It is these hurts that keep us apart, keep us from letting love out and letting love in. Guards are up everywhere – anger, sarcasm, bitterness, bitchiness, self-pity, cringing abound, when we could be living rich lives that resonate with the very pulse of Heaven – something many may say is a pipe-dream. But no, it is not a pipe dream – the drug in this case is not opium, it is actually our reactions. We are currently addicted to being hurt when we could choose to go there no more. This requires us actually going back and dealing with our hurts. They cannot be denied but need to be acknowledged through willing awareness.
“How I interpret what is occurring around me depends on my own choice of how I am with, and within, myself.” The disturbances occur because we have negated our own connection, but what you have so wonderfully shared here Andrew is that if we come back to our connection and observe life around us we are contributing our quality and stillness and not adding to the disturbances.
‘…we are actually choosing to feel hurt…’ It’s really important we hear this and take it in. We assume it’s our ‘right’ to feel hurt, particularly if we are in victim mode. But as presented here, the hurts we experience are not linear but cyclical, not randomly coming at us out of nowhere, but presenting us with something to look at within ourselves… something to which we have ourselves contributed.
‘Hurts’ – a tiny little word with such huge impact on our lives if we choose to indulge in them and allow them to rule. Thanks Andrew for pointing this out in such a loving and relatable way.
The hurts we carry and hold onto from childhood shape our lives, and cause reactions with others. I remember Serge saying once we are not our hurts, but quite often at the time when they come up it feels like the hurts totally consume us and take over our life. I know I have let my hurts become much bigger than they are, but I can also now see that when I do it is because I use them as an excuse to stay small and blame others and it comes with no responsibility for my part in the hurt and the affect this then has on others.
‘Do we have to feel hurt by the lack of love in the world?’ Great question Andrew. And the answer is clearly a ‘No’, as you have outlined. I feel we often love to indulge in feeling hurt – it’s a great identification for the spirit and can involve a lot of on-going drama and issue creation for us to get caught up in. It can be a great distraction and delay, giving us a justified ‘out’ from our on-going responsibility to the planet and the world.
Brilliant blog Andrew and I just love your analogy of weeing in the pool – it turns science into child’s play – so simple, natural and easy to relate to.
‘We in effect live in the soup that we create with our own daily choices.’ We do Andrew and we keep on boiling the soup, adding hurts, frustration, anger, blame and so on. The moment we take responsibility for the energy we put in this soup the ingredients will change, like understanding, reflection, connection, love and wow will taste delicious.
Giving consideration to the fact that we have a choice to feel hurt or not will revolutionize our planet. The ripple effect – like the domino effect will be seen and felt as a marvelous phenomena – even miracle. With the potential that is available to humanity through this choice, if we simply choose to take responsibility for our hurts the course of human destruction can be incredibly reduced very quickly.
I totally relate to what Andrew’s sharing with us. When I choose to stay connected, even if somebody close and dear to me reacts to me or isn’t that loving, often quite soon the other one’s realising his or her choice of not being loving and drops within him- or herself. Being silent and simply sinking into my heart even deeper changes the science of hurt, all of a sudden into the science of love. Without one word being spoken. Simply Amazing science. Which forever expands and unfolds. I’m in awe with this science and feel often very blessed by the wonders that happen.
Stunning insight here Andrew – “Then other times when I choose to react, no matter how much right I feel I have to be hurt, I have observed that I am actually expressing the same quality of disturbance back to the person who I have decided is hurting me! The disturbance becomes the norm and neither of us have an opportunity to get out of it. We both stay in our protection and guardedness, which feels justified by our hurts that we are choosing to hang on to.” I can feel the difference in my body when I react and then when I respond…it is like chalk and cheese. When I react, it is so true that I express the same quality and just add to the disturbance. It does not offer the opportunity to get out of it. I know when I have been offered an opportunity to get out of the hurt, and not stay in the reaction, I have (mostly) welcomed it with open arms. It is such a gift we can give each other. Other times I have chosen to stay in the hurts, like the pig choosing to stay in the mud, it does not feel so great.
Thank you Andrew for sharing your wisdom with us all. You mention that we focus on the hurt, instead we could focus on the” abundance of Love”. Beautiful Andrew.
This is brilliantly insightful Andrew. Thank you for offering this opportunity to explore and dissect the energy of hurts, as is it is one that hugely dominates the way our society is shaped and interacts. Through being honest with myself I have discovered that when I choose to be hurt I have in fact chosen to disconnect from the all-embracing Love I am within, and can feel in my body that what is passing though me is not Divine. This quality does not serve in honoring, expressing and holding the truth of Love of us all, especially with another that is choosing hurt in that moment. Yes I agree that it is our responsibility 100% as to what we are choosing to align to, to live, and be moved by as this is the energy that we in fact magnify through our bodies, contributing to the quality of consciousness of the greater whole that we are intrinsically part of, surrounds us and affects each and every one of us.
Our BIG hurt is that we separated from love. No one did this on our behalf. Somewhere in each of us and a very, very long time ago, there was a choice made to withdraw from the magnificence of our true selves and the Grand Order of the Universe that we belong to. In this contracted state we live seemingly cut off from the ceaseless stream of wisdom and God’s love that pours through our bodies as we hurl through space on this tiny rock called planet Earth, blissfully unaware that our every breath, thought, word, action and movement creates an effect not only on the environment that holds us, but also on every other living thing held within this space. The truth here is that no one can ever truly hurt us but there is a deep collective pain that is felt by every Son of God that has been reduced to living in a greatly contracted state as a ‘son of man’. This is because deep down in all of us lives a divine spark that has never once forgotten the true nature of our origins. The simple truth is that we are born from love but we are not living it and this hurts. Thank you Andrew for this brilliant exposure of the science of our hurt. There is much here for us to explore and in order to do so we need to become astronauts of inner space not outer space.
Thank you for sharing this Andrew. This is a completely different way to look at hurts and to realise that if we feel hurt, it is because of something that we have taken on, not something that has been done to us. By not taking on the lack of love from others or the disturbance that is created by this, we can take responsibility for how we feel and not feel hurt.
This is a great sharing and something that I needed to read this morning. I had an argument with someone yesterday and as it was happening I was like, this is not even real. Afterwards I had all the thoughts to justify my actions and thoughts that were not loving towards the person. At one point I stopped and was like, what am I doing, this is not even true, its not how I really feel. It was interesting to watch how these thoughts then left and were no longer my reality.
Hello Andrew and an interesting topic for early morning discussion. Do you remember when you re-watch a movie or read a book for the second time soon after watching or reading it the first time? You sometimes find parts that you didn’t see, well at least I do or you understand them differently and then it makes more sense to the whole thing. It’s like what you are saying, “So I have found this an interesting observation because it means that how I interpret what is occurring around me depends on my own choice of how I am with, and within, myself.” That how we are determines how we see a situation or what part of that situation we see. This is fact for me in that someone may say something to me but the part I hear loudest is totally dependant on how I am, my quality. As you are saying about a hurt, usually when we get hurt by something someone has said we grab a part, they may have spoken for a minute but we grab 5 seconds and hold them to it. The responsibility of this is as you say about us, no cops and robbers or goodies and baddies just us and how we choose to be, our choices in every moment makes a complete difference.
Great blog Andrew – thank you. Expressing from a hurt feels like poison in my veins – my body tightens and I feel small. It’s a real giveaway! If I feel hurt, I now go away and look at and feel what it is and what’s going on underneath it rather than blame another person for hurting me.
This is so revealing, Andrew. In the end it does indeed come back to how we are choosing to be in the world that is then shown back to us. If we do not want to take responsibility for our own choices, then it becomes very easy to paint ourselves as the victim of a world which is out to hurt us. Change our choices and we have the opportunity to have a different experience of the world.
We need blogs like this for we are living in a world where we are leading with our hurts, the way you break down the science of how and why this is so unproductive is very powerful, I have read it a couple of times now.
I was having a chat to a friend the other day regarding a hurt I was holding onto. What came up was how we want the world/people to be a certain way and get hurt when it doesn’t equal this. Seeing things the way they truly are comes from a place of connection within, when we disconnect from this place our self created beliefs take over, in turn creating separation.
Wow…this is a pretty powerful blog here and it makes so much sense. I can certainly say I have related to hurts in all the ways you’ve explained here Andrew, being on the receiving end, believing it to be lineal but also more recently I have noticed that some days I feel more hurt than others but never really stopped to appreciate that it’s through my choices to be more with myself on those days that have resulted in such. It makes perfect sense that the more disturbed or undisturbed we are by what’s inside we respond to the outside world in kind. Thank you.
Thank you Andrew a great read on the science of hurts and how it all plays out. Whenever we hold onto hurts we are making life about being an individual and identifying with it in our disconnection to the stillness within as when we connect deeply to our essence there is so much understanding on how things play out and why people do what they do without taking things personally and not wavering us from the love that we are.
I loved reading your study on hurts Andrew. From my studies and observations on this topic I am first hurt by my choice to step away from a love that knows no boundaries. Anything afterwards is always felt as a disturbance to the natural harmony that is there to live within.
I have often asked myself this question Andrew, what is a hurt? If I am choosing to feel it then I can choose to NOT feel it, and turn the situation around to diffuse the situation which gives others the opportunity to do the same. It does makes sense that if we are living in a pool of energy and we choose to have sad, angry, disruptive or reactionary thoughts that others are going to feel it, so the answer is….. connect to the love that we are and take responsibility for our every thought, word or deed and change the energy of everything and everyone around us. Work in progress for me, but not impossible, just a conscious choice moment to moment.
I have noticed recently that I don’t go into a reaction of a hurt when I hold on to my connection to myself, I know it is not my issue whatever has been said or done. This we can all do easily from our understanding of ourselves and the choices of energy, our choice to go with the hurts or knowing the science of the energetic truth.
To put the world into two parts – like ‘the bad and the good’ or ‘right and wrong’ is part of our in separation acting, irresponsible selves. But in fact we are all connected and coming from a one-ness. The idea of hurts – no matter how much they can become ‘real’ in a way and being painful – are just creations. I made the experience that I can step back from a hurt (or anxiety, or drama, ..) and let the feeling melt. It is a creation and I can let it die, can let go of it. In fact It dies when i do not feed it! But we are so trained and in this contractions that it is very much a journey and needs some willingness to bring a change here. So lovely indeed, to have support here from Universal medicine, Serge Benhayon and so many other students of the Way of the Livingness, as role models and brothers who stand by you when you get lost in emotions. Truly a blessing! To reconnect again to our one-ness and to unite again is our all purpose. What a joy to start to live again together, instead of against each other. Thank you Andrew for this uncovering blog.
Love this beautifully poised Q&A blog where the answers are so unimposing, factual and simply presented that not a fault can be found
Andrew you make a really strong point about how we react or observe others – and that each day is different based on how we are. This puts the ball back in or court – are we a victim, or are we prepared to take responsibility for the way we live, knowing it will impact on how we are with others.
Awesome science lesson Andrew! Loved the way you introduced this “we in effect live in the soup that we create with our own daily choices” and then I just laughed out loud a few lines down when I got to see the complete ridiculousness of blame “It is a bit like wee-ing in the pool and then complaining that someone else in the pool has splashed us in the face with the collective urine!”
There is a great point shared in this blog about the responsibility we all have with the hurts we continue to hold and the long term effects that is has on the great world we live in. Every moment has an effect on another and holding the hurts brings less of the quality we all have to offer one another.
Brilliant, just what I needed to read about. It feels so painful and real when you are stuck on the hurt train, heading for the corner of pity town and victim avenue. Thanks for reminding me of the bigger picture and about second guessing before I pee in the pool, that made so much sense.
It has often been my experience that the reaction to life is so quick I often do not realise why I have reacted. It is clear that we can become caught in the hurt and our very movements can perpetuate the feeling of being hurt. And hence the key to healing hurts is not just a choice to not express them but also a choice from our body to not move in their configuration
This is brilliant Andrew. I have been noticing lately how much I can control, direct or steer situations and conversations to ensure I don’t get hurt.. ironically these actions stem from hurts I still hold.
A great reflective sharing – the science of energy brings a depth of understanding to life that is beyond this world and therein offers us an expansive view of our many patterns, behaviours and movements and their deviation from Love.
Thank you Andrew, this brings a completely different understanding of our constant complaining about what is not right. We are all contributing to it at some point but in the moments we don’t (or we feel we dont’) we have the highest of expectations that nobody else should.
Hurts. We wallow in them, we identify ourselves with them, we choose them, we commiserate with another about them, we need them, we enjoy them, we invite them into our lives, we hold onto them, we garnish others with them, we feel lost without them, they are the ball and chain that we choose to drag from one life to the next and they are one of the main culprits in keeping us in this painful washing machine of an existence that we call ‘life’.
Andrew this is a sensational expose around the science of hurts and as our world is currently run by them, then there can be few topics that are more important than this one.
Very simply and beautifully expressed… and how awesome would it be if each one of us did decide to live in the awareness and the responsibility that every thought, action, every move, has a ripple effect and like a boomerang it simply comes back to you.
I know I have chosen my hurts many times over rather than choosing to be in the fullness of the amazingness that I am. Staying in my hurts, keeps me small, keeps me individual. Although I still get caught up in hurts, I now know that they are not real, they are not who I am, they are something that I choose to identify with.
Donna, I love this line, It’s so significant for me!
“Although I still get caught up in hurts, I now know that they are not real, they are not who I am, they are something that I choose to identify with.”
Thank you ❤
Your sharing Andrew is the ultimate in self responsibility. A way of living that truly changes how we be in life.
Maintaining an inner Stillness means we are less affected by external, distressing circumstance and hurst are cyclical, not lineal. What a beautiful exposee of the real Science of Hurts, Andrew: these concepts are (r)evolutionary!
” how I interpret what is occurring around me depends on my own choice of how I am with, and within, myself.”This allows so much understanding of ourselves and the world with all that is at play and brings the true responsibility we have and the importance of this for all.
So true Andrew I can choose to react and continue the disturbance back and forth or I can bring more understanding and acceptance, taking myself out of the perpetrator or victim roles.
I love this blog, and I especially love the call to responsibility to not contribute to the things in the world that hurt us. The more we live with love and harmony in our lives the more we reduce the collective energy that causes us to get hurt in the first place.
Beautiful ❤
Great blog – how do we contribute to the hurts that are happening to us and around us? The Science of Hurts is powerfully honest in the way it asks us to reflect on how we are with and within ourselves when a ‘disturbance’ is happening which is directed at us or in our vicinity. Knowing that to feel hurt is a choice has offered me an opportunity to build my awareness of my body and how I choose to interpret this will be totally up to me.
A reaction to a perceived hurt can sometimes be instantaneous and we lash out or withdraw or manipulate in order not to feel the hurt anymore, none of which are helpful. However if we actually realise that the hurt is a perception and that is all it is we can see that it has no substance of it’s own and that we are actually creating it. With this awareness we have more chance to pull ourselves up when a potential hurt presents itself. and as you say a hurt is more likely to come to it’s fullness if we are tired or have not been respecting and being honest, decent and loving with ourselves.
Andrew what an incredible insight into the Science of Hurts, something that nearly everyone I know allows to affect them on a daily basis yet something that you have so simply pointed out is our choice to allow to happen in the first instance. I’ll certainly be looking at hurts in a very different way, what is it that I get out of choosing to be hurt over something rather than be lovingly open to what is presented as another cycle comes around?
What a wonderful blog Andrew, so very well said. I have observed many occasions in recent times when I chose to stay connected to myself rather than react and take on a hurt as I might have in the past. To choose a hurt is to choose to leave ourselves.
I have also observed how at times we can chose to experience hurt as a deliberate ploy because we get something out of it. For example, it allows us to be less and hide (which appeals to some) or gives us a form of identification which we crave at times.
Yes Nicola, I too have indulged in hurts for attention and recognition! I will have caused myself so much more harm by playing the victim and encouraging others to indulge me in this.
What ludicrous, self-destructive behaviour!
What a great science to introduce us to Andrew as I imagine that there will be so few members of humanity that do not carry hurts. Unfortunately though, most of the time we do not realise that we are actually reacting to what we perceive to be a hurt that is outside of us, blaming the other person for hurting us, instead of looking inward and questioning what is going on for us at that moment. To begin to understand the hurts that we carry and to take responsibility for them, offers us the doorway to heal that which has weighed us down for far too long.
A brilliant expose of hurts and what they really are or not and our choices with them to use them to keep us in the pool of it all. I love the simplicity of your analogies and all you share that makes so much sense as does the bigger picture of it all.The science of hurts is really important part of our lives and could well be part of our learnings and education at home to understand from being a child onwards in life and all we are part of. True responsibility is the only way forward for us all. Thank you Andrew.
Thanks Andrew. A brilliant blog and such a poignant topic for everyone. I was just pondering the other day how we actually don’t have any hurts when we are a new born, then how ever life pans out for us (all with perfect reason) then we have hurts that we feel but really they are created from us not remaining with that divine-ness we are as babies. Someone in the ‘Brown’s family’ may grow up with very different hurts than someone in the ‘Smith’s family’ for example. Hurts are learned from our experiences and not who we are. Just as Andrew has said when he remains in observation the disturbance is there to be felt by the one creating it.
What you share Andrew is very true. Much damage is created in the world today as a result of perceived hurt by one towards another. A web link came my way last week and is an example of how deeply held hurts can lead to or deepen separation. Some Colleges in the US are creating ‘safe’ places where people share their experiences of life of campus. What developed was groupings of ‘safe’ places along racial lines because people feared being hurt by the other side. I was asked for my opinion. I offered that the safest place was the one we developed within ourselves, a consequence of true self worth, love and self acceptance. It is this solid foundation that enables us to be with others in situations that may feel uncomfortable but can still observe what is going on and not take all that is said personally or become hurt and affected by it.
This is so true. We don’t like to admit that we are often the creator of our own woes. And of course, if we do not have a strong connection with ourselves we will always be affected by what happens around us. All the more reason to focus on developing a strong loving intimate connection with ourselves.
Thank you Andrew for explaining and making it clear that there are no victims, and that somewhere within the cycle we are being met by our own ill choices – that’s huge!
Choosing to feel hurt – there’s another angle. Ouch! But I have noticed this week when I have felt full I have been able to observe another’s actions and accept them, regardless of how they affected me, whereas when I was feeling less than, wanting to be right and coming from self I did choose to feel hurt. Thankyou for your pearl of an article Andrew.
A Living in Stillness Esoteric Yoga session this morning raised my awareness of something for the first time: the way we move affects our internal organs and tissues. Movement doesn’t happen in isolation, and its quality has the potential to hurt our organs, especially when we move with rush, roughly, hurriedly, harshly, or hardness. This aspect of the hurt we create within our own body was a revelation.
😊 I am moving very slowly and deliberately today, raising myself up with my arms rather than using my tummy muscles because I am clearing away some nasties which are really scrunching my internal organs!
All caused by historic hurts on which I have indulged in the past: how timely is my reading of your comment kehinde and Andrew’s blog. Thank you! ❤
What you present here Andrew, the fact that ‘to feel hurt’ is a choice and so we can choose differently, is a revolution. A call for taking responsibility.
Andrew, such an amazing observation and yet so simple the way you break it down. We make countless choices every day, but how often am I aware of choosing to feel hurt or not? It’s not something I’ve asked myself before and I’m grateful for you addressing the questions as it will allow me to see myself and my interactions in a different light.
Awesome blog Andrew. This line really stood out for me. ‘Every time we do, say or think something that is not coming from a basis of love and truth, it creates an energetic disturbance in the universe.’ This for me takes our responsibility in how we are to a whole new level.
Hurts are a big subject. Thank you, Andrew for broaching it. One of the big issues with hurts is that I am in protection and then miss what is really happening or misunderstand what is happening. In other words, I live in a distorted reality.
So true Christoph. When we are not completely with ourselves and are in a hurt or story we then can not see and feel things clearly as they are at the time. A very big topic.
“Well, I have noticed that the days when I can observe what is occurring around me and not be disturbed, are the days when I am feeling less disturbed inside of me. On these days I am more connected to an inner stillness and steadiness that is always present inside me. When I am connected to this inner stillness I feel much bigger and grander than the disturbance and therefore, to be hurt by this disturbance seems impossible.”
These words are so very potent Andrew! I am realising that the more unsettled I feel within, the quicker I will react, because I am feeling defensive; and this then confirms back to me my hurt which allows me to dwell in that hurt!
I have also realised that following many years of abuse I could only ever feel hurt rather than anger as my experiences had eventually taught me to not retaliate and stand up for myself, but instead to develop the art of self-preservation. To live another day.
So now I am experiencing anger which I feel is just a harder emotion than a hurt, but which is tamed in the same way!
So the key to me as you say Andrew is to promote inner harmony or accord to dispel the perpetuation of external disharmonies or discords.
I love reading everyone’s blogs as they consistently offer opportunities and/or markers for recognising or self-realising sometimes small but nonetheless very significant aspects of our behaviours about which, in truth, we feel uncomfortable.
Thank you for sharing your observations Andrew.
This is a great and very clear reminder – thank you Andrew – so well spelled out!
“How I interpret what is occurring around me depends on my own choice of how I am with, and within, myself.” To discover that we don’t have to react to a hurt has been a revelation, but in order to do that I need to stay really steady within myself. However, this is where I have become erratic depending on my commitment to being with myself or not. But I can truly say that making caring choices enables me to hold steadier to not add to the soup or react from others from the soup…the next steps are to make this more consistent.
Yes I agree Rachel and this is a very important point for those days when I am having a hard time and believe that the world is against me, there is a tendency to blame the world or others, but really if I am feeling disturbed it is because I have abandoned me and my connection.
Andrew this blog is a real wake-up-call to self-awareness and to live with responsibility. Deeply inspiring and filled with wisdom.. There is much to ponder upon in every paragraph!
“how I interpret what is occurring around me depends on my own choice of how I am with, and within, myself.’ I can absolutely concur with this, when I feel more settled, still, not needing things or people to be a certain way, I am able to observe life, and in this read things fro what they are, why people may be choosing to behave in a certain way, and what you see is it’s not them. But it comes from a hurt that may be from when they were a child or eons old. This is no way means accepting abuse, but it does brings a greater understanding and no judgement. Which allow another to be themselves and not be held in the constraints of judgement, in the sense of thats how they always are and will always be, which is not the case, but if we do judge this is what happens to people, to ourselves, we hold them in a contracted behaviour that is not them/us instead of holding/ seeing them/us as our true divine soulful deeply loving being.
Andrew, I love this article, there are many gems to read in here, this stands out for me, ‘if feeling hurt is a choice rather than a foregone conclusion, we could also just as easily make a choice to NOT feel hurt by any disturbing situation.’ This completely makes sense, I have observed how if I’m feeling great and feeling my loveliness then I do make a choice to not react and to not be hurt but to instead have understanding in the situation and to stay present, this feels very powerful, if I choose to react and be hurt then I can feel myself almost indulging and wanting the emotion of the situation, it feels awful and I feel small and powerless.
Yes I have felt this indulging in the emotion too and that in itself is an exposure and also a confirmation of the truth Andrew is presenting.
Andrew what you’re presenting here is quite profound, essentially you’re right, in that if we are not fully committed to living a true and loving life we’re contributing to the hurt, or weeing in the pool also, and no matter how big that disturbance is, it’s always tiny in comparison to what is actually going on in the rest of the world, and the grandness and magnificence that is on offer for us.
I agree Meg. Very profound and I too love the analogy as it is one everyone can relate to.