Losing both my parents recently has given me the opportunity to really feel very deeply where I sit with death, losing loved ones, and with grief.
I’ve always known absolutely that death is not the end. The fact that we live on in another dimension is without question for me. This ‘knowing’ doesn’t come from a need to ‘believe’ that there is more after this life or a desperate needing to make sense of life, but from an absolute knowing in my body that we all experience cycles of life in the form of reincarnation, and that I have been on this merry-go-round many times before, as have we all.
So, with my parents passing, my ‘knowing’ has not for one moment wavered and I know that they have merely come to the end of a cycle and now begin another.
I find myself feeling sadness for some of the choices they made while they were here – how I would have liked things to be different for them, and how I would have liked us all, as a family, to be closer. And yet this shows me that I have had an attachment to how I want life to be, a need based on an ideal or a story of what perfect family life/relationships should look like.
I had the opportunity with both of my parents to prepare for their passing. We talked about things that mattered to us and had the chance to deepen our relationship as their time in this cycle was becoming short. I felt quite matter-of-fact about their impending departure, secure in the knowing that my parents and myself knew this wasn’t the end for them, but a passing over to their next phase and a new cycle.
Because of this acceptance, I was surprised to find grief surfacing when they did actually pass over. But I could also feel the healing that came with this. Through observing the emotional pain of loss, regret and deep sadness that were presenting themselves, I then had the space to acknowledge what was there – old hurts, attachments, control – and see them for what they were and let them go. I now feel the deepest appreciation for the reflection that my parents offered me and the healing of these old hurts I’ve since received from their departure.
It’s been quite interesting to note how other people in my life have responded to my bereavements with feelings of sympathy, making assumptions about how I must be feeling. It’s also been interesting to ponder on the whole topic of death, dying and grief.
Putting one’s ‘beliefs’ aside, it seems to me that many people have an underlying fear about facing ‘the end’ of their life. Maybe it seems like the ultimate surrender when so many struggle to the end to remain in control of themselves, their lives and events. Or maybe it’s the fear of what’s next and/or the attachment to the life we’ve created and know, never having acknowledged or appreciated that we are so much more than just our individuated physical existence. And when we’ve spent the best part of our lives seemingly being in control of ourselves, our lives and events, here we are unable to avoid death and the unfamiliarity of surrender – letting go of a life that we have been so attached to.
Grieving for me has been a short period where I’ve been able to feel and observe old childhood hurts arise, and regrets about life not being different in terms of my relationship with my parents. I’ve also got to feel that how I live, and the loving and supportive choices I make for myself each day, have created a strong foundation which supports me to deal with these kinds of emotions and events. Where once I would have been at the mercy of my emotions and those of others, I now feel the unwavering love that is there, supporting me when I choose it.
Thanks to the work of Universal Medicine and the teachings of the Ageless Wisdom, I have been so much more aware of how childhood hurts and imprints have governed my life and consequently played out in the choices I’ve made at the deepest level. Being willing to heal these ‘hurts’ and recognising that they are not me, simply just something I’ve taken on, I have been able truly to observe the emotion of grief. By not becoming identified or absorbed by it, I’ve been able to feel and appreciate the foundation I have made for myself. Making consistently loving choices has created a strong foundation, enabling me to feel the unwavering love that is there supporting us when we choose it, including during those times when our loved ones pass on.
By Heather Hardy – Worthing, West Sussex
Death & Dying – A Taboo Topic or a Joyful, Normal Conversation?
Death and Dying – The Cycle of Life and Death
Reincarnation: Does Everything Start and End?
Our choices do influence how we die