Recently I was moving house and the first thing I needed to do was get rid of stuff I didn’t use anymore – no startling revelations here! I had accumulated a lot of things that I ‘paid good money for’ that I was reluctant to get rid of because I knew how much they cost me and I wasn’t going to get back anything like what I paid for them, so they just cluttered up my living space. As this was a process, it was difficult to be aware of how this gradual encroachment was affecting me, however it became clear soon enough.
The first item I decided I could safely sell and not feel that I was throwing money away was a set of mag wheels I had bought for my previous car. They had been sitting in my hallway, brand new, still in boxes for about 18 months, never went on the car, never got used. I placed a free ad and got a call later that day. The next day I delivered them to the lucky guy and the deal was done.
I came home and stood in front of this distinctive space that had been filled with the 4 boxes for so long and what I could feel was actually more space within my body.
This feeling was a revelation. What was this space in me, which had been apparently filled up with those shiny mag wheels?
I started to realise that, like all of the other unnecessary possessions I owned, I had used them in the past to ‘fill’ myself up so that I didn’t have to feel the emptiness inside – that emptiness that comes from not being all of who I truly am. This feeling of emptiness is a tension, angst and an ongoing anxiousness that is masked with keeping busy or, as in my case, filling that emptiness with stuff. The new feeling of more space in my body is warm; I feel expanded, centred, not needing to do or be anything other than just breathe and be me.
So here was an opportunity to live more of who I am, looking after myself with all the care that I innately know how to do. All of the little decisions around food, what time I go to bed, how early I get up in the morning, how I drive, how I interact with others, how I allow myself to be seen, how I express, how accepting I am of other people, in fact, my every movement. This awareness of being more of who I truly am is a work in progress, as I let go of expectations of perfection.
Part of this is the understanding that it is my resistance to living responsibly that has delayed the action of allowing all of who I am to be a part of all that I do.
What also became clear was that I now had a new relationship with letting go of my unnecessary possessions. With the understanding of the space created within, how much I got for these unwanted items became an irrelevant detail; the feeling inside my body was more valuable to me than any amount of extra dollars I imagined I would get in some perfect selling scenario.
I have since thrown away, donated to charity and sold a lot of stuff that no longer was of any use to me – some absolute bargains there! It would be great to say that this process is finished, but some things are taking a little longer to let go of and I get the feeling that, as I evolve, there will be things that I use now, or feel I need now, that will become something to let go of at some point in the future. Therefore, letting go of unwanted physical possessions or old, unnecessary ways of being will be a process that continues for a little while yet.
There is no doubt, that to become more of who we truly are is a process of what we let go of, not what we add, as has been explained by Serge Benhayon on numerous occasions. I will always appreciate what has been reawakened within me from Serge’s presentations.
By Mark Payne