We’re All Married to Everyone

Have you ever noticed how couples who have broken up often continue to behave and fight the way they did while married? Even for years or decades after separating or divorcing?

The same could be said for siblings, friends, teachers, students, workmates and business contacts who come into conflict and part company because of it. Or even public figures like politicians and celebrities who we choose to dislike for whatever reason. Sometimes the participants (even the unwitting ones) in these conflicted relationships who have moved apart may not even communicate directly at all, but the hostility, jealousy, frustration, judgment, etc., goes on and on within each person… like a festering splinter…

The issues don’t go away, no matter what we imagine our relationships to now be or not be. We can split up, run away, cut the other person out, speak badly of them ‘forever’, but until the issues are cleared and healed, they will go on affecting the current life and relationships of each person.

Eventually the only answer is for the two people to come to understand and accept each other, allowing each other to be whom and where they are. The love they once shared can transform into a truer, greater love that can go on even if they seldom or never see or communicate with each other.

Is it possible that what’s revealed by looking at this two-person relationship example, when you extend it to all the relationships we have throughout our entire lives, is that in effect we are all ‘married’ to everyone else?

They say “six degrees of separation”, meaning everyone in the world knows everyone through only six people, but this is merely referring to the temporal, physical connections between people, like knowing them personally. However, if we factor in the recent discoveries of modern science (which increasingly accords with what Ancient Wisdom has known for millennia), we are in fact all connected whether we know each other personally or not.

Each human body has many trillions of cells that must be connected physically (directly and indirectly) and energetically, cooperating in harmony for that human body to exist and function correctly. When they don’t, we can end up with cancer and other illnesses and diseases. Similarly, each human body is one of 7 billion cells in the body of a greater organism, Humanity.

And just like the cells in our bodies, we as cells in that greater body of Humanity have the job of connecting and cooperating so that the whole can function. We are in an absolute sense, married to everyone!

Could it be that many of our relationships, not just marriages, are more about comfort and convenience than committing to quality and responsibility in loving, truthful interaction? If so, might this be why the difficulties go on between some couples even after separating? The marriage and the divorce are only points along the way in a relationship that goes on infinitely longer than those socially recognised points. The same could be said for many other types of relationships.

What do you think the world would be like if we understood ourselves as equally responsible parts of a whole and began to re-define the way we relate to others? If we took on board the ‘married to everyone’ principle and made all our relationships – be they with family, friends, partners or work colleagues – equally precious and worth the effort at all stages along the way?

Inspired by the Benhayon family who constantly offer the reflection of commitment to quality in relationship.

By Dianne Trussell

Related Reading:
How we Start Relationships
Relationships – A Never Ending Journey
Expressing Love to All, Equally So

1,496 thoughts on “We’re All Married to Everyone

  1. If we’re all married to everyone, the number of purposeful and loving date nights definitely needs to be increased!

  2. This is great reminder to look at all fellow humans as Brothers. Then how can we not love our equal Brother, as ourselves?

  3. I have noticed that the only way I can heal or resolve an issue in any relationship I have is to heal it within me, otherwise even if I avoid the person, ‘end the relationship’ or distance myself from them, the issue only crops up somewhere else with someone else at some point.

    1. Good point Andrew, I have also found this. Avoiding or distancing yourself never really works because there is still unresolved hurts getting in the way, and it makes no difference how many years go by without seeing someone, it only takes a second for the hurt to come up again.

  4. Love the science of this Dianne, it helps understand why it is that everything we do affects everyone, and hence why we each matter equally in the world. It has nothing to do with what we seemingly contribute on a temporal level but what it is we are offering one another at an energetic level. This completely changes the ball-game and opens up other great questions like … why are we here, and what is the purpose of life?

  5. Understanding that we are all equally responsible parts of the whole would most definitely lift our game as a humanity. We’re so comfortable turning a blind eye to what we participate in and see before us, which is pure complacency and doesn’t support us to move through our stuff with whoever it is we have stuff with.

  6. Recently I have been feeling that I could forever busy and distract myself focusing inwards only on my wife and kids and immediate family and friends and make life all about me and them, but I have noticed that the more I do this, the more tension I feel in these relationships. It is almost like they are being squeezed down into something way smaller than they really are. When I open up to everyone I see and meet in my day and treat them all like family , the tension lifts and all my relationships, including the ‘nearest and dearest’ improve and deepen and feel stronger and more nourishing. The science of relationships is a fascinating one indeed!

    1. Beautiful Andrew, I love what you share here. For me the big learning is in being and staying absolutely still and truly loving what ever is thrown my way, and before that when I see it coming to not allow myself the tiniest bit of involvement in another’s issues, staying true to myself and knowing we are all divine. When the hurts that I still hold are sparked off I am lost to them so healing these is paramount.

      1. Yes Elaine I find the more I develop that relationship with myself that you are talking about here, the more my relationships with others develop and deepen.

  7. Inspired Diane. An antidote for anyone sitting out there feeling less because they’ve never married in the conventional sense. Marriage does not have to be limited to one person, or signified with a ring on a finger. True marriage is energetic, a marriage of hearts and encompasses everyone

  8. I’ve never liked or used the term ‘nuclear family. ’ Some cultures speak of extended family and include the whole community not just blood relations. Even this does not go far enough. Only brotherhood and universal family will do: all equal, no one excluded, no boundaries or borders, simply an expression of openness and love for everyone.

  9. Every move we make, affects everyone, so applying the ‘married to everyone’ principle and making all my relationships equally important is about presenting what is needed and bringing my light to everyone equally.There is such a beautiful simplicity in this, each bringing his or her part to the whole.

  10. I think the comparison to a ‘festering splinter’ is very apt for what is energetically going inside of us when we hold onto hostility, jealousy, frustration, judgement and so forth! It’s not that we have to allow abuse either or even have any contact with a person but if we hold an ill intent towards them inside of us then it really is something that festers and takes up space that could otherwise be occupied by love.

  11. So it makes absolute sense to me that I do my best to make sure that the cells within my body are in harmony with one another not just because I don’t want to have illness and disease but because of the responsibility there is towards the whole.

  12. The concept that we are all connected can be a hard pill to swallow for many for there is a greater level of responsibility in the quality we live in to inspire others to be more of who they are and break away from the struggles we have come to know life in the world today.

  13. It is gorgeous to think we are all connected down to a particle level yet a shame we do not live in the wisdom of what this means…. or in honour of a quality that we can choose to express consistently with all. The potential is there but the responsibility and enormity of what is needed must first be embraced.

  14. It is funny that I opened up this blog today. As I was walking, I was contemplating being single and how focused we can get on finding that one person to share our life. Yet I realised that every person I meet is my next relationship. Although we can develop and grow with one person, the point is to bring this to all our relationships and interactions.

  15. The fact that the same fights and behaviours continue after a relationship ends, shows how retarding hurts are. They keep us stuck in a past time and feeling, even though everything else has moved on. Our bodies suffer under the drag of the past and these held onto emotions.

  16. Great question Dianne; “What do you think the world would be like if we understood ourselves as equally responsible parts of a whole and began to re-define the way we relate to others?”
    What a beautiful, purposeful, loving, harmonious and focussed world it would be; one day!

  17. Yes please. I do feel we have that connection with everyone and what we do affects others. “And just like the cells in our bodies, we as cells in that greater body of Humanity have the job of connecting and cooperating so that the whole can function.” I embrace that opportunity to work as part of that whole.

  18. When we hold onto hurts and emotions from a past relationship we bring all this unresolved stuff into our next relationship but lets not forget that we carry all the unresolved baggage with us wherever we go which affects all our interactions with everyone – thus it is so not worth to hold on dearly to old hurts.

  19. Your blog highlights Dianne the importance of dealing with our hurts as it affects and poisons all of relationships because we will be constantly protecting ourselves from receiving any further hurts.

  20. Connection and cooperation between us all is the starting point for harmony and true health within humanity. Love your analogy here Dianne as it makes so clear how we can live together without dis-ease.

  21. Absolutely Dianne what if we lived like we were responsible to everyone, life would look and FEEL very different. Our current reflection that we are sending out as a planet to the rest of the Universe is not pretty to really understate it! This illusion of separation and our own thoughts affecting just us is the greatest ill we are brought up in and live daily in the ignorance to the truth of our connectedness.

  22. Makes complete sense to me. I’ve been recognising exactly that, that we are in relationship with everyone all of the time, so to treat one person better or worse because of their association to you just doesn’t make any sense at all. No one person deserves more love, respect and appreciation than another.

  23. Yesterday I got to feel and appreciate how much my relationships have changed in that they are far more consistent with those I know well and in this instance, people I had only met for less than 5 minutes. The consistency comes from me living in a way from within being consistent. Those around me may change but I need not change my quality within.

  24. Not being willing to let go of hurts robs us from developing intimacy and true connection with another, it keeps us separated and craving that very thing that is our natural right for all.

  25. When we look at our body, it is quite obvious that harmony is its way – we hardly ever have to think to breath in and out or pump out blood out from the heart, and we arrogantly take that for granted and often inflict abuse. We are already quite disconnected from harmony as our innate essence within us. No wonder we find it hard to live that with (an)other(s).

  26. Your reflection Dianne of the cells in our body and ‘us’ as cells in humanity brings a confirmation of connectedness and the absolute potential of being one unified.

  27. “What do you think the world would be like if we understood ourselves as equally responsible parts of a whole and began to re-define the way we relate to others?” A very different world from the one we have today, there would be no greed or wars, refugees or displaced people, abuse on the internet, rape or murder, because we would understand the bigger picture of what true responsibility looks like and that anything that harms another in any way is going to have an affect on the whole and contribute to the natural disasters that are happening all over the world.
    We have yet to understand this level of responsibility, but there will come a point in our future when we will no longer be able to avoid it

  28. Profound sharing, insightful depth-full sharing as it is exposed that our interconnectedness is always there – and that we can either take responsibility for that or not. But that our choice to reside or not – will not change that fact. So, beautiful question is asked, and so the expansion is : How would you treat someone, how would you care for yourself and your environment?

    1. Absolutely – we are never not connected despite us choosing to ignore, deny or not take responsibility for the fact.

  29. I’ve found when I’m willing to honour the person I may have been arguing with, and give some space or time to the situation, it seems to naturally turn around, and a relationship that’s quite lovely can emerge.

  30. We are indeed married and connected to everyone. I know for myself when I make this my reality then my whole purpose in life changes, whereas when I make it about myself, my relationships etc.. then I have individuate myself and so separated from everyone. This happens when we get attached to someone whether it be a wife, partner, family member etc.. and then we can easily lose focus and try to protect that relationship even though it was never about just the 2 of you in the 1st place, and this is, at least in my experience where things can get messy.

  31. I love this notion, that we are all married to one another, if we all felt this and lived from this, our world and the quality of the relationships would be very very different.

  32. It is so worth to stop the dislikes we so easily learn to see and point out in this world and appreciate all the likes that are there so manifold, as only then can we start to fathom the grandness we are coming from and how incredibly beautiful and powerful we all are.

  33. ” commitment to quality in relationship ” this is the key to connecting , re-connecting with each other. There is no need to call it anything like ” marriage ” ” best friend ” and so on .

  34. Marriage brings responsibility so if we are all at some level married to everyone then we are also responsible for each other as well.

  35. I have found disagreements often arise because there is something that I find unsettling in myself, it maybe because it brings up an old hurt, or something I have not yet reconciled within myself, therefore in order to resolve the disagreement or issue, I need to resolve it in myself first, before I can truly resolve it with another, and often when I have resolved it within me, there is no longer a disagreement with another.

  36. ‘SIx degrees of separation’ as a catch phrase has just about become meaningless as we keep ignoring what it might truly mean; we are connected, every one of us to every other one of all of us and the separation we create is of our own making. In that sense, six degrees is already holding someone at arm’s length.

  37. Our emotional hurts can indeed fester like a splinter – and they can get even festier if we don’t heal them and let them go.

  38. I love the title here Diana, ‘we’re all married to everyone’, because in a way we are, we have a relationship with everyone we meet, and that relationship should be honouring of our deepest relationships, holding everyone equally within it.

  39. “And just like the cells in our bodies, we as cells in that greater body of Humanity have the job of connecting and cooperating so that the whole can function. We are in an absolute sense, married to everyone!’ Love this Dianne.

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