The other morning I woke up feeling very vulnerable – I was tearful, head-achy and I felt fragile and sensitive to anything that was being said to me. The smallest comment would bring me to tears.
The night before I had attended an Esoteric Yoga session and the presenter did say that we may feel quite vulnerable in the first two weeks. I really did not believe her as I was feeling pretty good at the session, but here I am now – feeling vulnerable.
I was aware of something in my body telling me to “get rid of it,” to put this vulnerability aside and “get on with your day,” as I have done many times in the past: but today I decided to allow this vulnerability to be there and to deeply feel it.
I became aware of the many behaviours I could have gone into to reduce this vulnerability, to bury it back down again, and I felt pretty stunned with all the ways I had been doing this, until now:
- Eating often and really wanting sweet things and nuts
- Looking for distractions – making an excuse to go to the supermarket even though it could wait
- Taking the dog for a walk when someone else could do this
- Denying that anything is wrong when asked by my family and not asking for any support or help
- Snapping and reacting to comments that family members innocently make
- Turning the radio on to listen to the news in the car rather than just being with me
- Itching to go out somewhere – the idea of shopping felt good
- Busying myself with housework which I felt just had to get done
- Feeling like I am a “martyr” having to do all these things and indulging in this
- Choosing to write an assignment for my study that could wait as it was not due in for another week.
What a list! And all this to stop me from feeling my vulnerability, and because I was overriding what I felt, all the hurts would get buried in my body again.
I pondered on the things I could do instead; things that would support me and help me to explore what is underneath my vulnerability.
- Stop and just feel, to spend time with me
- Allow, appreciate and accept what is happening in my body
- Share with my family how I am truly feeling and delegate the housework tasks
- Listen to one of the many supportive recordings from Universal Medicine
- Read some excerpts from the Purple Books, written by Serge Benhayon
- Meditate and come back to the Gentle Breath
- Dress in clothes which make me feel gorgeous and feminine
- Spend time on my hair and makeup
- Have an Esoteric Healing Session
- Take myself for a gentle walk
- Write a blog!
Why would I choose to bury how I am truly feeling when there are so many healing ways for me to feel and explore my vulnerability?
What I am learning is to accept that these vulnerable moments are part of my expression and that they are there to support me and to help me find my way back to me.
When I make a choice to bury how I am truly feeling, I miss an opportunity to heal the hurts/wounds that are sitting in my body and that just does not make sense.
I appreciate the continual support from Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine and from Jeanette Macdonald (my Esoteric Practitioner), who always inspire me to be all that I am every day and to accept that my vulnerability is an essential part of being me.
By Anne Hishon, a delicious woman, partner, mother, Registered Nurse, New Zealand