Growing up as a boy I know the feeling of being judged for something that I am.
From the age of 8, when I first heard of the possibility that two men could live together as a couple and love each other just like Mum and Dad did, it was then I knew that I would one day be living as a gay man. Very innocently I told a friend this. Weeks later I discovered that being ‘gay’ was seen as a bad thing by the majority of people, and that this word could be used as a weapon. I simply couldn’t understand how loving another man could not be right! And how could a word that described such a beautiful thing be used to hurt another?
Since I could not change my natural expression, I learned to hide my innocence and began to judge and condemn my own expression. I developed a pattern of contracting away from who I truly was and started to express less of me, even pretending to fall in love with girls and so on.
All this manipulation was part of a game to adapt to what the world asked of me, not understanding that I was not truly connecting to people but to the falsity they themselves presented with. Lies connecting to lies. Not very pleasant!
But underneath this hurt of being bullied for an expression that I couldn’t in truth change, was another, even deeper hurt.
Years later in sessions with Esoteric Healing practitioners, I was able to feel the pain of not being met in the joy I carried as a baby. I was able to feel an immense sadness about the fact that not everybody around me was able to feel the same joy. To cope with this sadness I hardened and numbed my body in anger and frustration, and in reaction, lost trust in everybody and closed myself down. On this foundation of contraction all the misery and loneliness of my teenage years was then built.
I had a lot of support from family, friends, therapists, esoteric practitioners and finally Serge Benhayon to find the root cause of the hurt I was carrying in my body.
This was a process of stepping up and opening my eyes again to what is truly going on in the world. Through healing the hurts I am now able to start calling out what is not love in my own body – and equally so, what is not love in the world around me. This not only supports my well-being, but also serves all who I am in contact with – my family, friends, clients and the community.
For two years now I have not once been bullied because of being gay. And I now openly express love with my partner, walking hand in hand in the streets or sharing a kiss or a post on social media.
This for me is a miracle and most definitely a result of having cleared the hurt I carried, by learning to love and accept all that I am and by simply making a choice to let the world in, and to live the true me.
Living as a gay man and facing the difficulties this comes with in our current society, was simply God’s tool to awaken me. It was then I realised that until bullying in all forms completely ceases in this world, it is only then can we truly celebrate.
By Felix Schumacher, Complementary Therapies Practitioner, Hamburg
Related Reading:
~ Loving Daily Choices and Healing Hurts
~ Relationships – Why we should come Clean about our Deepest Hurts
~ We are Not our Hurts
Words on Serge Benhayon 
Without healing our hurts we simply continue to dump on those around us.
Felix I never tire of reading this, and although the subject is being gay, it’s really quite universal what you are sharing here, to love and be ourselves in full, and to let the world in. Healing what’s hurt us is key because hurts hover over the light of the sun in our heart like clouds, they’re impermanent, but they have an effect, and when they’re gone we shine so much more brightly.
When we let go of any form of judge-ment or comparison True-healing can happen.
It feels a long way off for most of us but we will all come to a time in our history where we cherish ourselves again and through this cherishing we will of course then be able to cherish all others.
Far from being ‘blank slates’, children have the truth written all over and through them, then along come the adults who blatantly scrawl lies all over the truth.
Absolutely Alexis, feeling the deep stillness of a baby deepens our appreciation of all our abilities to equally re-connect to the divine-connect-ability we all have.
We tell children off for writing all over the walls, but we kind of write all over children, inducting them into the world of knowledge, beliefs, and ideals that is human life, instead of nurturing their wisdom and natural truth.
I feel that many of us carry this immense sadness that people reject the love and joy that is on offer from the universe at every turn of the day. We are all very sensitive people and this feeling of rejection is like a constant hammer blow, it wears you down. Like you when I was young I hardened and numbed myself in reaction to the world. When we do this we move in a way that compounds this in our bodies so all our movements are then controlled by the sadness, anger, misery, so how can there be any joy in our bodies when our every move is programed to move in contraction to life. The Universal Medicine practitioners seem to me to be the very few people that can support a person to un pick the hurts that keep us stuck in a momentum that is not truly who we are. We are so much more than the hurts we carry around with us life after life.
We can get hurt by the world around us, but the world won’t be as it is without our own part in it. There’s nothing to be fixed or improved, but simply letting go of what does not belong to allow more space for what does belong. And when I said ‘what does not belong’ or ‘what is not love’ I used to still feel a kind of ownership about that part I am saying does not belong, and it used to feel very sticky and I always had a list of ‘Yes but’ to wade through. It is a miracle but it is not a miracle that we return to who we are.
Healing our hurts from childhood has never been so simple thanks to Serge Benhayon and as you have shared Felix this “is a miracle and most definitely a result of having cleared” our hurts!
As a child I wasn’t very analytical at all, whenever an argument happened I used to read it and see exactly what was at play – there was no need to sit and think about it for days to understand, there was never anything complicated. One family member exploded because they were angry with themselves all of the time, and another one exploded because of the pressure they were putting on their shoulders. The tension of both of these things needed to be released somehow so they found a good outlet in one another, shouting, arguing & running out the door. Threatening to move out and never come back, packing their bags to never return – the dramas were countless. Whenever I tried to bring my understanding to light it was dismissed so eventually i began to doubt what I saw and started to think that I have to analyse everything, make sure I try and see if there is something I am missing & with that came my degree in psychology. Thinking that I need to learn the tricks of the trade, all of the theory, who said what in order to be able to understand people. Yet, understanding people is as innate as having a heart-beat. We are fooled to think that we have to get somewhere, to learn something and improve ourselves. We are fooled to think that what we already know is not enough and brings no value – that is the seed of lack of self-worth, that is the seed of doubt and self-abuse.
Amazingly said Viktoria – the true abuse is the one we inflict upon ourselves when we leave the very space and essence that holds us with the deepest love. Thankfully it is for us to return to it at any time and it helps to have the understanding of the hurts making this return challenging.
Absolutely, we are constantly bombarded with messages that we have to strive and move towards something but the only thing we have to move towards is our inner heart, our essence and when we discover that, life becomes an absolute joy.
Felix your awesome blog is such an invitation to be more who we truly are and that healing our hurts is a wonderful art to support this connection to our inner heart.
When a wound is healed on an energetic level the way we feel and are during our everyday is very different. It is almost as if our personality changes, we can become a completely different person simply as a result of dealing with something that has hurt us in the past.
How is it that we find it so hard to let out what is so natural within? This shows how twisted the world we live in is, and hence how important to keep letting out what is so natural so that we never forget that this is our true norm.
To feel a joy within and not be met in it by anyone else can hurt at any age – it exposes how shut down our world is and how easily we too can tread down the same path and enjoin with hurts and anger and frustration. But to refind it again and to realise that we are here to remind others that they too can re-ignite the joy within is a huge responsibility to take on board. It is huge but at the same time the simplest of things to ‘do’ as there is no doing, only being in and with the joy. But what a challenge – though it is simple, it is not easy especially if we have been indulging in the common game for so many years.
Crazy how letting the real us out can feel super scary when in truth being who we are is the most natural thing for us!
Nothing is worse than our own rejection of ourselves because when we do that, we cut ourselves off from all sources of help and support, when we most need it. Just as other people can cut us down and make us feel unworthy, they can also lift us up and confirm who we are, supporting and inspiring us to rebuild, when we’ve said yes to doing this for ourselves already.
And what an inspiration you are Felix, living as a married man to another man and sharing your love for each other as any other couple would do in the wider world.
Anyone who can heal their hurts and live in self love and self acceptance is a beacon of light in this world, and a true role model. We think we need others’ acceptance, however there is actually a mountain of love within ourselves we can support ourselves with and live from.
I love your final paragraph Felix. It shows that even though you no longer experience bullying there is still much work to be done, because others still experience it.
We are only going to be more of a community of people when we accept relish and enjoy the natural expression of others.
If we accept ourselves and others just as they are it makes things so much simpler. Why get on a rollacoaster of pretending, denying, manipulation, hurt, comparison, jealousy, confusion etc when we can just be who we are ✨
Understanding how much these pretense’s can control our lives is super empowering and thus we learn what is not coming from love, so then we can hate that energy in another that goes down the path of being judge-mental, comparison etc. and still be able to love what they are in essence.
What one is cannot be a bad thing ever. On the contrary, what one is is and when is related to love should be celebrated.
“On the contrary, what one is is and when is related to love should be celebrated”. Love this Eduardo when we come from love and we are open and transparent with who we are we should be celebrated and not judged, for it is the judgement that does so much harm.
I can see how the hurts we have are layers and until we deal with the deeper underlying hurts our habits and patterns that we don’t like but keep repeating will not change.
Every incarnation upon birth we are graced with a fresh slate upon which to carve a new life so that by the time our previous lives catch up with us as a teenager, we already have a lived experience in this particular body of what it feels like to live unencumbered by past hurts to a large degree and still in the joy of God (connected to our innate divinity, our true self). This is why such experiences as you describe here Felix, are so crushing because you can visibly see how they are designed to mould us from very young into a certain way of being and behaving according to our very ill adopted societal norms that are not based on any real truth. From this point the young child learns to adopt a way of living that pleases others but builds an enormous tension within their own self as it is not honouring of the essence within.
We are groomed and conditioned from a very young age to please others whilst all the while we’re actually selling ourselves and everybody else short because there is no truth in pleasing another. And when you break it down what is ‘pleasing another’ based on anyway? It’s based on someone else’s idea of what’s right and what’s wrong which is a completely arbitrary moving target.
Inspiring Felix Schumacher. I’m not gay but hold many femine qualities that could be bullied as being gay. Since becoming an esoteric student my tenderness and unique feminine qualities are coming out more and more. When you accept that this is you and it is not imposing on the world its enough to then openly be this.
Amazing to read this. Healing our hurts heals the world. I know I can recognise I’ve got a hurt going on, I can explain what’s happening in me and understand where another has come from, but unless I feel it and let it go, it’ll remain in the way from me being love in the world without reservation.
Sometimes it can feel so hard to stop and simply make the choice to let the world in, but we we do every part in our body knows it is the natural thing for us to do.
When we live the true us, a great light is shone to others to see that they also can live that light.
Healing ourselves to be of service to others. That’s what is all about.
How innocent and pure, there are so many ideas about what gay men are like – the stereotypes, categorisation and perceptions are very clear. But what you have written here breaks that because your innocence and openness to what has happened breaks a wall for anybody who reads this.
The more we heal our hurts the freer we are to be who we truly are.
Exactly Elizabeth, hurts pin us down to being who we are not. We identify with them when in truth they have nothing whatsoever to do with who we truly are, nothing whatsoever at all.
We react to people who are different from us only because we do not let ourselves feel that inwardly we are all the same – with exactly the same access to God/love as everyone else.
I love this blog Felix and the deep healing you share – the power of true love is everything.
When we start to deal with our hurts our relationships can transform immeasurably, and we realise that we have been looking at the world through the veil of those hurts and reacting accordingly.
We get hurt and we stop being who we truly are – this happens all the time, and this is what hurts us even more than the initial experience of being hurt.
We hurt ourselves when we don’t live the truth of who we are.
Bullying ourselves to fit in to what we perceive is the norm is to invite others to also bully us.
Beautifully shared Elizabeth, loving ourselves is always the beginning of loving others.
Felix it’s always inspiring to read this. Your blog could easily be published on other relevant sites online or in other publications, many people would benefit from reading this. This line always jumps out at me about how you feel the bullying stopped after healing the underlying hurts, “by learning to love and accept all that I am and by simply making a choice to let the world in, and to live the true me.” It’s very beautiful and relates to anyone who has in any way changed themselves as a result of bullying.
Not dealing with our hurts is a huge obstacle in connecting to and feeling the love that we are, until this is cleared from our body, we will be in reaction to whatever triggers that hurt.
The power of us speaking truth. When we condemn our one and only true expression, we leave ourselves and each other short, for those pearls of wisdom are with absolute reason to come through us. Each one of us.
The need to heal our hurts can never be underestimated because it is our hurts that drive us to have all sorts of behaviours that do not represent who we are in our essence.
Thank you Felix for your openness, you are an inspiration for all.
Brilliant point Elizabeth, this is so true. This then eliminates the blame game and inspires us to take responsibility for our experiences.
It hurts to feel rejected and it hurts, even more, when we reject ourselves. I have also healed my hurts through the support of Esoteric Practitioners and Universal Medicine. Healing the contracted way of living has opened up more love into my life and supports me to express love to people and not contract towards the world.
Maybe one of our deepest hurts is that we have rejected and thus betrayed ourselves in order to fit in and not drawing any negative attention towards us, but it is completely up to us if and when we come back to embracing and accepting who we are and thus healing from the hurts we have not just received but also self-inflicted.
Very true Alex that our deepest hurt is to have rejected and betrayed ourself. Healing that then anything and everything is possible.
It’s a wise contribution and great reminder about the self inflicted hurts within the rejection process.
It is amazing, that you can heal such a deep and unknown hurt. Unknown because of how it silently influences you to be, and deep because of when it started, as a tiny child just coming in to the world and experiencing its pain.
Yes, if there was a way to show each one of us that we are by nature Divine or love would give everyone an incentive to discard that which is not love.
It is amazing that we can know this at such a young age. I don’t remember even thinking about a partner at that age – friends, yes, but not a partner. Interesting how others have such different experiences.
So true Elizabeth it brings the responsibility back to ourselves and how we are contributing to the bullying that is going on everywhere in the world, by not observing and honouring how we speak to ourselves.
Thank you Felix for living and claiming the love that you are and not what society is dictating and making abnormal. Very inspiring to read how you no longer hold back who you are in essence.
Thank you Felix, a very powerful discovery indeed — we can heal our hurts and this is very powerful!
All hurts are lies therefore it’s imperative that we get rid of them in order to return to truth.
As I read what you shared Felix I cannot but wonder how many people are holding back the full expression of themselves and thus their potential due to the fear and condemnation from societies harsh judgments that are both incorrect and unloving in the first place.
I’d say a lot Suse and it seems that we tend to hold back our natural expression because of fear, the rejections, and attacks but it is already a self-attack whenever we hold back our natural expression. As much as we tend to blame the world for how we are, it is always our choice to either express who we are or not.
It’s a really good point Chan about the self attack, and that it’s our choice to hold back our natural expression.
Thank you Felix for sharing with us how the power of love transcends whenever we say ‘yes’ to all it offers. When love is at the heart of our expression, that which impulses our movements, it matters not the body that it is expressed through regardless of colour, race, gender, age or otherwise, as the love is love, immeasurable and all-embracing in nature, always offering a reflection, inspiration, and invitation to embrace the truth of our essence in which there is always more to connect to and live. Living our love for ourselves and together without measure is our purpose for being here.
When we do not heal our hurts we are like time bombs waiting to go off because at any moment our hurt can be triggered and if we do not deal with it we employ all sorts of tactics to avoid it like judging others, bullying, putting people down etc. The key is to deal with our hurt as it is the only way to bring love back into our lives and our interactions with others.
Well said Elizabeth
“Since I could not change my natural expression, I learned to hide my innocence and began to judge and condemn my own expression.”. This is such a powerful knowing, one that comes with so much healing. Until adults come to understand the power they have to shut down a child’s expression with their words or their actions, children will continue to suppress the beautiful and deeply honest expression that is so very natural for them, and with it the essence of who they truly are.
We don’t just have beliefs and ideals about women and men, we hold many about children also. These may cause us to not see children as equal, we may believe they come into the world like blank slates and unable to comprehend the world around them, have ideals that they should be “seen and not heard”, etc. The beliefs and ideals all add up to a literal cloud of fog preventing us from truly connecting to children and meeting them in the fullness they already are, and nurturing their natural and innate expression of themselves. We place so many preconceived ideas onto others instead of just being in situations and learning as we go. Our beliefs and ideals are like blocks to the truth.
You make a great point about our societally accepted belief that children: “come into the world like blank slates and unable to comprehend the world around them,”. And it doesn’t end there because as we believe they are blank slates we feel it is our job to then write their lives for them, based on how our lives have been, or sometimes haven’t been. Meanwhile standing in front of us are many wise and very savvy beings, who just happen to be in little bodies and who, if we take the time to listen carefully to them, may just teach us a thing or two about life; they can certainly teach us about honesty.
I wholeheartedly agree Ingrid, everything you have shared is very true and I’ve seen it in many families. Just this one belief about children can influence the way we are with them which then impacts on their whole lives.
“Lies connecting to lies”. You have hit the nail on the head of how we generally relate to one another. Our facades that we have created to not be judged or to avoid feeling hurt, stop us from ever getting to know each other in a genuine way. Each of us has to take the steps back to knowing who we really are and stop waiting for everyone else to make the move.
When we open up to our hurts, allowing ourselves to go there, deeply feeling the contraction in our bodies then true healing can take place.
This world is not supportive of who we truly are and at every corner we may be met with situations to stop our grandness from shining through. To see these situations as not a deterrent but as an acceleration to a world that allows our grandness is a giant step in supporting all to live it.
Felix, I absolutely love the fact that you were aware that you would be living as a gay man from the age of 8. This absolutely dispels the myth that children do not know what is going on within them and around them.
What a blessing you are to the world Felix, by you choosing to live free of hurts and protection, and choosing to live who you are, the world gets to see and feel the real you.
It is often these most innocent moments where we feel hurt when we are growing up, I remember feeling hurt because of the fact that there were untreatable diseases in the world like cancer. It was like the end of the world for me. I love how you have shared we can heal these hurts just by reconnecting to ourselves and understanding the situation.
It is sad that we do not see the responsibility we have to speak up when we see something is not right till that ‘not right’ becomes personal. Perhaps one day we will see it is all personal.
Living in a world of pretense is a very painful and lonely place to be. And in my experience, it is living the lie that causes the pain simply because we are going against everything that within we know to be true but fearful of bringing out into the world for fear of the consequences. To let go of the pretense releases the self-imposed shackles and so life can be lived in full once again.
I’d say that a big part of the misery of not living the fullness of ourselves is missing who we are, it’s a very lonely world when we are not on company with ourselves and experiencing the joy of our natural being.
When we embrace who we are, we come out naturally, seeing that in others and share and express from there – life is much more flowing when you connect to who you truly are.
‘This for me is a miracle and most definitely a result of having cleared the hurt I carried, by learning to love and accept all that I am and by simply making a choice to let the world in, and to live the true me.’ This is profoundly inspiring! There’s a science to this that’s rarely spoken about: – that we attract situations that give us the opportunity to heal our hurts and learn from our mistakes etc. I love how you’ve claimed your new experiences of being out in the world in expression of who you are. What comes up is how fearful I am of doing so. The not so innocent expression of saying ‘touch wood’ when expressing something positive to prevent its immediate demise is a superstition that I still entertain. Rather than take responsibility for how I live consistently, I can be fearful of unknown forces. Reading this shows me I can deal with my hurts and not be bullied by forces coming through people in the form of abuse.
There is nothing unnatural about genuinely loving another person – it is innately natural regardless of gender. Beautiful to read how you healed the hurt of being rejected for something totally natural and true to your expression.
When we experience abuse and understand why this is happening then we are less likely to take it personally, react, judge or contract. When someone is being abusive, it is a clear sign that they are no longer expressing from their inner heart due to their hurts. Holding on to our hurts simply creates more hurts, whereas living love is our greatest protection because when abuse comes our way, it doesn’t stick or even touch the sides. Our foundation is solid, powerful and divine when love is emanating through us totally free of hurts.
Most Children are incredibly wise and in touch with who they are and what they feel. As we grow up we sell out to everything that we knew was false all along. It’s powerful to observe this without judgement and return to the wise being we are.
Well said Leonne – as who we are in essence never leaves us, we only instead move in a way that is in disconnection to all that we innately and inescapably are.
A beautiful sharing Felix, healing our hurts is absolutely life changing, imagine the healing others also receive when we choose love over our hurts.
It is healing for everyone when we walk the earth without carrying any hurts, because our body communicates a lot. Moving and expressing from a body that is clear of hurts is a healing for humanity. Amazing how this works, it is through the power of reflection and the quality of our expression that healing can be shared.
Love how you are claiming yourself and the truth of your expression Felix. I have found in my experience gay men to have a very beautiful and gorgeous knowing of the inner sensitivity and delicate nature which are the expressions of a true man that are rarely seen in this world today.
‘I realised that until bullying in all forms completely ceases in this world, it is only then can we truly celebrate.’ – hear hear to that Felix, bullying and abuse is where we have got as being our normal and our accepted way of acting in this world. We all deeply know that is not our truth and we deserve nothing but love. So yes I fully agree we all, every single one of us in society needs to call out the abuse for what it is and say no this is not acceptable anymore. Then we can Celebrate.
” I simply couldn’t understand how loving another man could not be right! ”
Its funny really the reason you could not understand it , for loving anyone will always be right.
Our hurts are our prisons which limit our perception, openness and joy in life. Healing them is true freedom.
We seem as a human race afraid to look at our hurts for many reasons and use many methods to do that…such as ‘keeping up a stiff upper lip’, ‘soldiering on’ or hardening ourselves as to not to feel. I feel reading this blog today, it is what is holding us back the most.
This makes me realise what I consider as my ‘hurts’ are nothing compared to the pain of not living what we truly are. So painful that we even create other hurts not to feel THE pain. Maybe that is the whole point of creation – not to feel the pain, to stay looking away from what we have stepped away from.
Two days ago I felt a hurt in my body and cried. I also felt something come up that I had been burying because I was ashamed to feel it. I nominated the bullying sometimes very subtle which has been occurring in my life for a long time. To call it out for what it was and is has been an incredibly gift of love towards myself and others. I am becoming aware of the abuse I have allowed into my life in protection of myself fooled by thinking I was protecting another or others. I am being constantly reminded of the fact that it is through self love I am taking responsibility for my part in the world.
It is interesting that when you cleared the hurt, you were able to express the love for your partner more openly. Bullying is a problem in our society but it starts in our homes and my first experience of it was with my siblings. We can also fall into the trap of bullying ourselves, with the self-talk in the mirror or unrealistic expectations. You are leading the way with love and it sounds like you are wanting to celebrate fully, only when all forms of bullying cease to be.
Love is love. It has no borders or boundaries. It is we who seek to stamp a divide where otherwise there is only the Oneness we each in essence are.
Liane your comment reminded me of the false authorities we have in this world, people who speak on behalf of God through religion, or perhaps use politics or celebrity to endorse division and further separation between humanity by condemning gays or other people. It’s time we questioned such authorities and the outcomes of of their messages, and time to give our power back to love and living in harmony with our fellow man.
” All this manipulation was part of a game to adapt to what the world asked of me,” Is it not amazing the amount of work and effort we put into being who we are not just to keep the world happy and keep ourselves in misery.
It is ludicrous when we consider the truth that it takes more energy to resist love than to be it.
‘Through healing the hurts I am now able to start calling out what is not love in my own body – and equally so, what is not love in the world around me.’ Healing our hurts and letting go of protection – very beautiful Felix.
May this be the same for all people everywhere within the world ‘For two years now I have not once been bullied because of being gay. And I now openly express love with my partner, walking hand in hand in the streets or sharing a kiss or a post on social media.’
This is a beautiful blog Felix, the theme here of allowing oneself to be adored and celebrating this, letting it be seen and felt. Basically showing the world the purity and sweetness of love is something I have struggled with as a heterosexual woman. The world is so fast paced, people are under financial strain and are not educated to deal with life and all the challenges that present in relationships – including the rise in illnesses. Among all business where is the space to stop and just feel and appreciate a loving moment? It feels like a big deal when we allow such expression in public because it is so against the grain of the ‘society’ we have created. This isn’t just about kissing or being in a relationship, it’s about letting the world see and feel the divinity that lives within each and everyone of us.
How often do we hide who we are when we know if will be judged and not accepted? This is illness just waiting to happen because it is a denial of what we feel and from that moment on everything is fake or forced for the approval of others. Thank you for your sharing.
Love conquers all!
While we think we are okay, all the little nudges we get in life that divert us from living who we are are not that innocent as in fact they do hurt us on a fundamental level as we are not appreciated for what we in essence bring to this world.
A true miracle in life is when we can let go of hurts and embrace the essence of who we are, allowing the volume of our expression to come through for the healing of all.
I think of the young children in my life that I know of aged eight and how they already know what is true for them, there is an inner knowing and a joy carried in their bodies of knowing this truth, it is when we get older and start to feel the pressure around us that as children we can lose that all knowingness.
The bullying may not stop but because we have healed our hurts, it no longer affects us. If we are not feeding it from our end, it loses power until it can no longer be sustained. All emotions and destructive behaviours are the same – so it’s only our reactions (which come from out hurts) that give them power and keep them alive. It takes two to tango, so if there’s only one doing the tangoing (bullying etc.), it falls apart.
It’s interesting to ponder on bullying and why it happens. Really, what is the problem if two men chose to live together and be in an intimate relationship? Why should this be a concern to anyone but the two men in the relationship, yet it commonly is. The same applies for any sort of bullying – why does it happen? What triggers others to act in such a way and why are they triggered? Perhaps this is from hurts that are unhealed too.
Everything is energy- clearing our hurts does have the effect, that situation won´t occur anymore- in your case the bullying. Isn´t that amazing and a proper proof, that everything is connected in this world. You don´t need the challenge anymore because you embraced your responsibility and solidly live it. An amazing example how reflecting and healing on our hurts does have the ripple effect in the outside. Everything is there to support us- even if it is something unpleasant confronting us.
Yes Steffie, we need to understand that living with hurts, which we all do, is limiting us in our ability to live our essence in full and it is our responsibility to heal those hurts, one by one to do so.
Wise words Stefanie “You don´t need the challenge anymore because you embraced your responsibility and solidly live it.” It’s like we are in a constant ‘Take two” situation (akin to TV production) to see if we can bring the scene to completion by being the love we are.
Getting to the root cause of our hurts is not something that is necessarily encouraged ,and when it is, it is often to lay the finger of blame on our childhhod, other people, what happened to us at some stage of our lives, when circumstances were too much for us and we never got over it. This can be a dead end street unless we begin to take responsibility for how we behaved and to allow ourselves the space to change that, understanding the innate power and glory, innocence and joy, that we hold within and, with the support of others, the capacity we have to reconnect to that
That’s the key Elaine, knowing that no matter what has happened to us the opportunity to reconnect to ourselves is still there, and despite the hurts the beautiful essence we have within ourselves remains untouched.
By healing our hurts and accepting the love we truly are, we open ourselves up to see what’s truly going on in the world in which we live today. We see that the cruelty, the acts of aggression and the often unspeakable abuse is pervasive in a society that has lost its connection to this universal love each of us has within. Which is why we are so often holding back from deepening in our love, or even considering it is is possible. Love brings the responsibility of seeing what is not love right before us.
It is amazing how you could change from feeling totally crushed by the bullying that does happen around gay couples to feeling able to express yourself freely in your relationship. It shows that even though the world around us might not change, if we ourselves change, life can be totally different. And it is the only way to change as claiming love ourselves is the only way to inspire the world to do the same.
This is a beautiful example of transforming a personal hurt into a revelation and genuine care that is relevant for all of us and inclusive of everyone equally.
Alex I feel deeply inspired by your sharing here as I often look at hurts as things that get in the way, yet what you bring for me is the fact that those hurts can actually be revelations that can help develop me forward and deepen the care I am with everyone.
Love just is. It has nothing to do with gender, age, shape or size. Love is unconditional in its holding and its beholding. When we embrace this we can also be there to reflect that to others.
The soul doesn’t see gender, age, shape or size, all it sees is more of itself. It’s the spirit that revels in identity, it can and does get totally lost in inventing and maintaining the differences between us, whereas the soul sees nothing but our sameness.
Felix, this is a gorgeous sharing. And I must say that the impositions of society are not supportive, but worse yet is when we take these on board and judge ourselves by these false standards. Thankfully you have come through that now and are free to be you and express all of you, and glow for it too. And in this you stand as a living breathing and vital and shining role model for others around. Thank you!
Love is love . . . we are love . . .man and man . . woman and man . . . woman and woman. Each and everyone of us is equal in our essence.
So true Brendan, living with this awareness is key to be experiencing greater love and joy in our lives.
Recently Australia voted Yes to support gay marriages, I found it very hard to believe in this day and age that we even had to vote for the same rights as heterosexual couples, love is love and is not limited to man/woman relationships only.
It needs couples like Felix and his partner and myself and my partner to reflect to the world that love is genderless. No matter if you are heterosexual or homosexual. The more couples step into their responsibility and live their purpose and true love, the more people will get reflected this unchangeable fact and truth.
“..love is genderless..” Yes Stefanie – it is absolutely unconditional.
Life never deals us more than we can handle. This is beautiful confirmation of your expressing the love that you are in the face of great adversity, Felix.
Made me smile to read this today just after the Australian public has voted solidly in support of gay marriage. Love is Love – nothing to do with gender.
Our hurts can affect the choices we make and we can judge people based on what has happened to us in the past. This has been my experience, but I can see how unfair it is and how it leads to people not being accepted for who they are.
Without healing our hurts we are at the mercy of all sorts of forces and reactions.
Thank you Felix for a beautiful sharing, something that we all must learn to do if we are to live the joy that naturally lives within ” learning to love and accept all that I am and by simply making a choice to let the world in, and to live the true me.”
I love this sharing as there is a wisdom in it that is relevant to every person, when we are solid in who we are, we communicate this to all others.
Our lack of acceptance for ourselves and therefore others kills our natural joy of expression. Bullying and abusive behaviour is rife today and shows us we have lost our way. Thank you Felix.
What you share is so true Victoria and I am beginning to wonder how many of us in today’s world have through fear of being judged, bullied and abused are living a shadow of their potential.
Yes and we all miss out if we cower to such oppression. A solid foundation in the love we are holds us steady.
Felix thankyou again for your blog, reading through your story today I was really touched by how the bullying has now stopped for you, and you felt that was as “a result of having cleared the hurt I carried, by learning to love and accept all that I am and by simply making a choice to let the world in, and to live the true me.” It must feel awesome to claim yourself in full, to have had the support to clear the hurt and let the world see the true and whole you. The process of loving and accepting all you are and letting the world in to meet you in full is very inspiring.
‘It was then I realised that until bullying in all forms completely ceases in this world, it is only then can we truly celebrate.’ It’s only in recent years that I have become aware of how rife bullying is not just in our own society but all over the planet. Schools and other institutions don’t want to admit that it is happening for fear of reprisals and complication. We cannot brush this under the carpet and expect it to go away. We need to do all we can to out this extremely harmful behaviour.
It so truly only when bulling truly ceases in the world can we truly celebrate.
Bullying someone because they are different is so common in this world of ours. I could never understand why there were those around me that bullied others simply because of their nationality, their colour, their age and their sexual orientation for example, as to me we were all the same on the inside. Finally it began to make sense that the one who bullied was someone who was carrying so many childhood hurts and had often been bullied themselves; no excuse for their unloving actions, but if they were ever wanting to address their destructive behaviour this was the starting point for their own healing.
The abuse we perpetrate on one another and indeed on ourselves is everywhere in the world. It reminds us that this way of living is not who we are. It reminds us every day.
Any form of feeling less than another through the actions of harm is abuse leaves us all harmed one way or another.
We must return to a society of decency, respect and Love for the current form of abuse, lovelessness and misery is a belligerent turn away from the divinity, truth and power that we naturally are to live and express.
I agree that we can’t stop until all bullying and abuse ceases in the world, but I also feel there are many levels to bullying and interestingly I think often we are actually silently our own bully first in the way we think and speak to ourselves.
Well said Meg. Any form of dismissiveness or badgering in the way of criticism and judgement can be a form of bullying, also when we have repetitive thoughts that want us to to do something we know is not really supportive to us.
Exactly Meg, it is impossible to bully another if we are connected to ourselves and the truth of our being. It is our disconnection from the love we are that allows us to then react in ways that are not respectful toward another.
Gosh in these few sentences alone I think you have described nearly everyone on the planet! Maybe in not specifically being sad but in not being truly met by others. ‘I was able to feel an immense sadness about the fact that not everybody around me was able to feel the same joy. To cope with this sadness I hardened and numbed my body in anger and frustration, and in reaction, lost trust in everybody and closed myself down. On this foundation of contraction all the misery and loneliness of my teenage years was then built.
Also the fact we are persecuted for loving someone who is the same sex as us is so ludicrous and shows just how much as humanity we have to heal … so lets get on with it ✨
Thank you for sharing Felix , acknowledging our hurts is such a key to releasing the illusionary protection of bullying.
You can really see how the hurt is buried in the body at such a young age and how it permeates so much of what we do that is completely unrelated.
Thank you for your beautiful blog Felix. When we heal the root cause of our hurts we are more open to expressing who we are. This is a great example of how much holding onto our hurts affect how we express, how we feel and our relationships. Healing our hurts is a step towards being more loving, these steps are so worth taking throughout our lives.
As a young child we know the truth and we all share the responsibility to support all children to know and be open with who they know they are and to know that love is equal for all.
This case illustrates very well how life goes when we choose to reject our natural expression. It leads to a ceaseless contraction of it to the point that us are not really us, but a mere caricature that is way too busy trying to play ball with the world.
“Living as a gay man and facing the difficulties this comes with in our current society, was simply God’s tool to awaken me.” This is a beautiful way to understand life and one that allows us to take greater responsibility. This makes us stronger and also more open to others.
I love coming back to this blog. You share so beautifully Felix the transmutation and alchemy that takes place when we let go of a hurt that is imprisoning our being and our body. In the space that is left we now have the understanding and full view of what is going on – how this hurt has a ‘wider’ implication on humanity as whole. This is how we behold, how we can truly love ourselves and from there, all others.
We are healing old fragments of earlier experiences from the past and we are the ones that can heal them. It is very powerful to heal our hurts as we know the root cause. To let go, is to give more space to who we are – and so the lies and that which we are not – will fade away.
What I have drawn from your amazing blog is how we have experiences which hurt us or confuse us, and we take these on not realising that we may be changing our way of being from there forward. Esoteric Healing and The Ageless Wisdom has allowed people to look deeply at their experiences and see that healing is possible, and recovering the essence of who we truly are is possible in a profound and introspective way.
How beautiful it is what can be healed and how we can then open up and love who we truly are.
It is interesting to consider that if we are carrying around unresolved hurts in our bodies that this could influence all of our choices in life and could even attract certain energy and events to us.
In that sense, yes we are the creators of our own experiences in life, no coincidence or accidents so to speak.
Amazing what happens when we allow ourselves to walk in our own power and knowing. We become almost untouchable (in a sense, not literally). When we walk around contracted, we invite abuse simply by the energy we put out there…and so of course we want to hide even more. But knowing who we are and healing all the lies we’ve created about how life is allows the space for us to just be.
Our hurts trap us in a self imposed box. This box can seem to be quite comfortable and so we hold on to the hurts. But no freedom lies in the box and the entrapment. Returning to the love we are frees us.
Absolutely Felix – it is the love within us all that needs to be seen first, and then we will find there is no judgement but only understanding of where we come from and how to return, even if the love that is someone’s essence is not lived (yet)..
It is a grand celebration to live in the total acceptance of who we are, to not hold back our glorious light and divinity and to live and express our truth… and every moment we may live this celebration if we so choose.
Oh Deborah what a stunning comment for us to read! As you say – if we so choose 🙂 to let’s choose.
Life constantly presents us with what needs to be healed and are holding onto, and once we choose to let go of that which has hurt us we not only feel lighter and more energized in our bodies but we also create more space for us to live that which is true and in line with our evolution.
“Since I could not change my natural expression, I learned to hide my innocence and began to judge and condemn my own expression.” And so we begin to bully our selves because the beliefs we have established in our societies directly oppose our true natures. When we decide to honour and cherish our innocent tenderness and love in favour of not conforming with the many false ideals and beliefs, we will naturally begin to address bullying in all its forms as our innate integrity will no longer accept this wayward, unnecessary and very damaging behaviour.
I recently had dinner with a woman who when I met her a few years ago was so heavy with the pain of her childhood. Today she is clear of it and carries none of what she used to. The joy in her and the spring in her step is gorgeous. She is a beautiful reflection of healing our hurts.
“Living as a gay man and facing the difficulties this comes with in our current society, was simply God’s tool to awaken me.” Very powerful Felix, also very beautiful, how claiming to unpack what you have, felt it all and moved forward in your life in a very responsible and truthful way.
Reading this cements why we cannot judge another, because we don’t have any idea what is truly going on in their lives – what hidden hurts they might be carrying that are affecting their lives. It does not mean we excuse nor accept their behaviour (if it is harmful), but we cannot judge.
Thank you Sarah. This is such a great point. “It does not mean we excuse nor accept their behaviour (if it is harmful), but we cannot judge.’ By simply stating the truth and not personalising it we stay clear of the hurt. When hurt from the past comes up to clear we can deal with it on our own, with a trusted friend or in a session. There is always a deeper place to go to in our awareness and our caring and our expression of love.
Absolutely – we have never walked in another shoes and nor should we ever cast judgement or opinion as to another lived choices for this is contrary to the laws of the universe and free-will.
It could be said that with healing our hurts we change the world, and when everybody starts with themselves we can absolutely do so. It shows the responsibility we have to start with ourselves and work constantly on the issues we have and are faced with, as it always has something to do with us and thus we have the power to change and you give a beautiful example how to do so.
Thanks, Felix. Universal Medicine has also consistently helped me to see where reactions and hurts have taken me away from the common denominator of love in life.
So many of us in society are walking around with unresolved hurts, the hurts we carry and do not let go of will always warp our sense of how we see the world and receive life.
So true, it is only when we are willing to let go of our hurts can we truly heal and the support comes to us. Otherwise we continue to just carry them around with us burying them deeper within.
I have found there is not only the power of healing our hurts, but it is in being able to share that with others, sharing that you are not alone in what presents for you at times, this can be very healing when lived experiences are shared.
We don’t realise how much we hold ourselves back in the world when we do not acknowledge our hurts. There is a shut down, a hiding and then we withdraw, blaming the world for our pain, yet not letting people in to feel the love and healing that is waiting for us.
Felix I loved your honesty, nothing can ever get in the way of true love, when we allow ourselves to live from love we are able to let go of the hurts that hold us back from being who we truly are.
Our hurts retard our evolution therefore it is our responsibility to heal them. When we do let go of hurts what we experience is great joy.
This is an incredible blog. You remind me that we each have a responsibility to heal our hurts as this is how we will put an end to the harm caused by bullying.
Contracting to not feel our hurts and sadness is such a familiar trap for all young players. It’s a go to when young when there is an absence of understanding and guidance. By choosing to return to the true us we can now offer loving understanding and guidance when called for for others whether they are young in years or at heart.
The longer we carry our hurts the heavier and more burdensome they feel…
It is amazing how good we are at holding onto our hurts. We carry them around with us like a trophy yet when we go deeper with ourselves we get to see that they are a complete hindrance to our evolution. What is needed is to let them go and open up again to being who we are in full.
The fear of being judged has been a big part of my life where I have held back in contraction allowing and keeping myself small and as I have become more aware of this behaviour being carried out in my life I have become more aware of how I judge another simply because of the lack of love I have for myself.
There is so much for us to gain when we begin to take responsibility for healing our hurts. The world opens up to be so much more and we can see others for the love that we already are.
Holding on to hurts can affect how we are in all our relationships and interactions, it’s like we’re holding onto something that we can project onto others, anticipating a certain reaction from them or not being open to truly seeing or hearing what they are communicating but colouring it with the filter of the hurt…
So true Fiona – I did this recently when I judged someone I didn’t know and believed they were trying to overcharge me for some work. I did this because someone I didn’t know had stolen money from me a few days earlier. Our hurts colour the way we see the world and then we hurt others. When I was honest about the reason I reacted it was a healing for all.
Letting go of our hurts allows us to have a marker in our bodies through which we can identify and say no to that which is not from love and also creates more space for us to embrace who we truly are.
“Through healing the hurts I am now able to start calling out what is not love in my own body – and equally so, what is not love in the world around me.” When we are hurting so deeply we often cannot see the hurts around us – in others. How beautifully you share that living with your difficulties was God’s way to awaken you. A very tender heart-felt blog – thankyou Felix.
In the last month from speaking with a friend and also seeing a social media post by a young person who apologised to his mum for being gay I have seen just how much we do not wholeheartedly accept people’s sexuality. It is shocking and both saddening that anyone feels they have to apologise for being who they are and simply not on. It is great to hear you are no longer bullied and instead can walk hand in hand with your partner in the street sharing a kiss .. this is how it should be 💕 As a society we still have so much to heal here.
A world free of bullying is not only totally possible but will happen one day. It is up to us how long we let it take and how much we resist our natural affinity to, and connection with, each other.
Great sharing Felix; there is no doubt that not expressing in full is harming to ourselves and others, as is not taking responsibility to heal our hurts.
Look at the heavens, and then look within. Then, look at your issue. I am sure that you will find them small by compare, as they truly are. This is not to discount the suffering many feel at the hands of life, but rather to give perspective and to honour the magnificence that every human being potentially holds within – a magnificence that is based on the quality of their being, and never on their achievements, as marvellous as they may be.
It seems most of us shut down our natural expression, whatever that looks like – being gay, being joyful, or quirky and so on. What is it about who we truly are that so threatens the status quo, to the extent that even someone being outwardly happy is so thoroughly disapproved of? Perhaps it reminds those around us of what they too have shut down and they simply can’t stand the reflection of the child who hasn’t yet learnt it’s ‘wrong’ to be who they are.
I had a conversation last night about being myself – which in words sounds easy ‘be yourself’ but what if, like the majority of the world we have forgotten who we are? What if we have taken on so many ideals and beliefs, tried to please so many people, to do the ‘should do’. worry about what everyone else says and thinks, fit into so many pictures and roles and lived from our head for so long that it’s not easy to be yourself to start with.
A very personal account of your life and relationships. Thank you Felix for bringing to my attention how it is for others at times who are not as connected as yourself .
Letting the world in when we have been hurt is not so easy but it really does change everything as you have shown here Felix. We have an innate knowing of truth when we are young and when what we know to be true is ridiculed and picked on it can be not only hurtful it can be painful too and so we learn to hold back and not speak the truth. The truth is it is the holding back that causes the pain and hurts us way more than the words people say but we are not taught this as a child so we learn to bottle things up and keep them to ourselves and stay guarded just in case someone is going to hurt us again.
It is so interesting isn’t it that the world responds to how we are feeling about ourselves, in the fact you had fully accepted your expression and was letting people in so no longer are your jeered at by strangers etc. Of course this does not always play out but generally we are creating the world we live in, from our perceptions we create our reality.
To judge another for who they are tells us that the person who is judging is actually judging themselves first and foremost. We can only judge if there is a lack of acceptance.
What is described here so clearly is the point that we withdraw and separate from who we truly is a choice from which can take a very long time to revisit.
If only we could all retain the innocence of the child, along with the knowing of what true love is. Instead of losing ourselves and trying to please others.
“All this manipulation was part of a game to adapt to what the world asked of me, not understanding that I was not truly connecting to people but to the falsity they themselves presented with” – wow. So true, we react to others’ reaction and that is often what we choose to base our relationship with them on, and not their true essence, and by doing that, we are leaving our essence too.
To heal our hurts allows us to receive life with a fresh perspective and to not taint life with our projected pictures and needs. Healing our hurts enables us to deeply accept life and all others for where they are at and to remain strong in our own rhythm and presence always.
The holes are what can often lead us to doubt rather than celebrate the quality of truth that we are chasing to live in a world that often hides or masks goodness in order to keep the status quo.
I’m not going to lie I carry so many hurts around in my body – it’s exhausting and very very heavy – trying to work out from my how to let them go doesn’t work either – everything is pointing to – no matter how much I try to resist and avoid it taking much deeper care and love of myself and my body. From here I feel things will be much clearer – living in reaction to the world, or trying to fight it, and or other peoples choices doesn’t help anybody.
When we heal what has been hurting us, we literally allow the space again for the love that we have to bring the understanding to what we can now let ourselves see, and read. We see the brutality, the bullying that is rife, and we can call out the abuse with the authority now of the knowing of what this is, the evil that is wielded. Whereas when we come from our hurts we cannot see. It is our pain that is calling out the wrong-doing, but as it is from the reaction it has no authority and thus changes nothing. The power of healing our hurts is that it is then that we make a difference. Healing our hurts is absolute responsibility.
We are so hung up as a society on the ‘war on gender’ (sexism, homophobia and the like) that we use this to avoid what is truly being asked of us when we share ourselves with others within a relationship, be it romantic or otherwise, and that is to show the other the fullness of who we are – complete transparency with no walls left to hide behind. This is a work in process for us all but the more we ‘go there’ in terms of letting each other back in, the more we make it safe for others to follow. In- truth we are One but for so long we have lived in separation to this union it can initially seem a daunting thing to come home to the love that we are.
Beautiful and inspirational with such love and truth Felix an amazing sharing of the importance and necessity of healing our hurts to be able to live and express fully all we are in our truth . Only this can bring about an end to bullying as a culture so ingrained in our society.
A great inspiration you are Felix for following your true feelings, many in society feel the judgment they may get and the backlash for speaking and claiming their truth and feel pressured to conform.
Every time someone stands in their own truth no matter what that truth may be heaven rejoices, and people around get inspired to also speak and honour their truth.
Dealing with the rejection of others is one thing, but rejecting ourselves and then hiding who we are devastates us far more deeply.
” It was then I realised that until bullying in all forms completely ceases in this world, it is only then can we truly celebrate.” And this will be a celebration we all will never forget as then we will be living from our natural essence in full acceptance, not only from all people around us, but most importantly fully accepted and appreciated by ourselves firstly and foremost.
We all have difficulties to face in life, no one gets away with a life of no issues, not even the wealthy, healthy or celebrities. The funny thing is it is those so called issues that offers us evolution and growth, should we choose to approach it that way.
Sure Heather, it is in fact all of our own making, the issues in life and how we use these to keep us small and in a lesser state of being. Not until we are willing to see this, can we see that the so called issues are our own making to keep ourselves in this lesser state and therefore, when rightly understood, also the doorway back to who we naturally are.
‘But underneath this hurt of being bullied for an expression that I couldn’t in truth change, was another, even deeper hurt.’ Bullying is very insidious and incessant in this world – and is something we should not be shaped by – but instead something we expose as being weak by revealing the real power of our truth.
Felix, this is so beautiful to read. I have read your blog previously but was drawn to reading it again today, and I can say your tenderness and your sensitivity are palpable in the blog – and I could not agree more with what you said at the start: “how could a word that described such a beautiful thing be used to hurt another?” – though today I do understand how this happens, and at the same time I also know how far away this is from our true nature.
Until we commit to start to heal our own hurts, we don’t recognise and and so don’t call out abuse on a wider scale. If there’s no self-love within, and we live with self criticism and abuse, then there’s no marker of what love is, in or outside of the body.
We often wait for others to draw us out or prove that they can be trusted, however it takes our willingness to heal our hurts and not condemn the whole of humanity for what a few have done.
This is a beautiful confirmation of the power of healing our hurts and the miracles that this choice can bring.
It’s interesting how being and living joyfully creates so much reaction and at times attack in and from others because they are miserable.
When true love is lived, regardless of the male or female aspect in a relationship, it acts as a powerful reflection for all those around and does then make itself a target of attack for those who do not want to be reminded of what they have yet to live or have turned their back on.
It is sometimes dumbfounding to see the hate that comes at people who are gay, is it the fact they are considered “different”. Perhaps it is that it is a threat to the created normality that many reside in, nothing can threaten this. It is a blight on our civilisation that we see people so hurt that they can’t accept another in whatever sexuality they are born with.
It is only until we are willing to accept that which has happened in the past that we can let go of hurts which have tainted our relationships with others and break down the protection in our bodies to emanate the true love that we are.
“Until bullying in all forms completely ceases in this world, it is only then can we truly celebrate.” Indeed Felix, although it is sad to realise this quote in full it is a reality in our societies we have to become aware of and take with us in our lives and present this truth wherever we go.
What a beautiful and profound healing Felix.
I’ve always admired gay men and women who have decided to express themselves openly for it is most certainly not always a popular choice to do so. Though you have to wonder how we have as a society come to denigrate the kind of beautiful and natural expression such as that felt by an 8 year old boy.
Thank you Felix for your beautiful blog showing the power of healing our hurts.
Very true Felix, until we eradicate bullying in every form none of us are truly free.
Sure Jenny, the bullying is like the prison guard who tries to keep us imprisoned in a lesser way of being and until the bullying is not there anymore we all will have to live with the result of this ill expression in people.
Yes it brings a whole other level of responsibility to each of us, no space whatsoever for ‘it’s someone else’s problem’.
It is a sad fact in life that we do not truly connect to people but to the lies and facades they present themselves with and settle for this level of relationship… but we deny ourselves the true beauty and depth that is possible when we choose to step outside of the game, address our hurts and protections and offer a truth in connection and reflection the world is craving.
A touching story of what we are aware of from a very young age but for whatever reason we choose to internalise it and only let out what we think the world needs to see or is asking for. As the article is saying as soon as you choose this it brings with it a certain view of the world that you think is true, after all you are seeing it in front of your face. What if your choice acts as a magnet though and attracts certain situations to you in a way to have you open to the face of what you are carrying. This article presents how what we choose then brings to us that choice in reflection to either confirm the truth or to bring you to the truth. When you make life a dedication to what is being reflected to you then you can see why things are like they are on another level. If we keep playing into the world a part of us, a make up of what we think it wants then our reflection will be for us to heal or open that up. What goes on in front of our face is never good and bad, it’s truth or not and so it is up to us to move ourselves to a place that we are able to let go of what isn’t true or working and confirm the truth and appreciate what that brings. No one ever said things aren’t going to hurt but it is always how we are after that point, how we return to our true natural being that is a key. If we allow things to change us then that is our part to feel and see why because we always have a choice in there.
I love coming back to this blog as it so clearly showcases that importance of healing ones hurts, what the impacts are around doing this and how much healing our hurts can have such a positive impact on so many areas of our life.
The repercussions of holding a hurt and conversely of freeing ourselves from that hurt are far beyond what we can imagine. Anything we let go of reveals another layer of treasure and brings us closer to our essence, the purity of who we are.
Healing our hurts feels amazing. This is something I am learning. And you don’t have to spend thousands of pounds not years in a therapy room wallowing over stuff to do so, many can be cleared in a split second simply by nominating the hurt.
All over the world people are being bullied, intimidated, abused and even killed for not fitting with whatever the image of ‘normal’ is. But as you have shared our image of ‘normal’ is based on the hurts we have had from when we were very tiny. So the pictures are somehow going to be skewed one way or the other into what we want to see rather than what is truly present.
ABSOLUTEMENT Felix, until we totally unmask all the bullying and bring it to a full end.. it is only then that we can truly celebrate.
Felix, this is really interesting that the bullying has stopped because of you claiming and accepting who you are, ‘by learning to love and accept all that I am and by simply making a choice to let the world in, and to live the true me.’ We cannot change the outside world and so it is by living who we truly are and not holding back that can make change in the world – very inspiring Felix, thank you.
I have changed in the way I express myself, no longer do I hold back who I am, as I once did, I used to get comments and insults of the sexual kind from men, walking by, on the street etcetera, that has not happened for over 5 years, I can feel that the way I hold myself has supported this change to occur.
‘Living as a gay man and facing the difficulties this comes with in our current society, was simply God’s tool to awaken me.’ Such an awesome attitude when so many see any difference they have as a burden and something that has been inflicted on them rather than embracing it as you have and stepping up to that responsibility.
It is so true that it is only when we heal our hurts that we can become aware of all that is not love in our own body and thus around us. The world is blessed that you have been so committed to dealing with your hurts and are now expressing openly as a gay man and reflecting that to all around you.So needed in a world where there may be less open homophobia etc but where there is still a lot of discrimination towards anyone who is deemed to be ‘different’.
This is very interesting to read “I was able to feel an immense sadness about the fact that not everybody around me was able to feel the same joy.” ” lost trust in everybody and closed myself down” – I can definatly relate to the latter comment – I don’t trust many people and this is quite sad, I’m not the only one who lives this way, I would say 99% of the worlds population does. I also know I turn down my joy – which is huge -like child – to not let other people feel how miserable they are, actually I join them there, because I don’t want to feel the way people react to joy.
The world is full of examples of us changing our natural way of moving and expressing because we are trying to avoid others reacting to us because of it. What is not said as often as it could, is that the bullies bully because they are totally disconnected from their own natural way and expression.
We as people make being different ‘wrong.’ There are so many crazy judgements that cause untold harm. Being gay, black, this or that religion, too fat, too thin…the list goes on. Thank you for sharing how healing your hurts have turned things around.
It is interesting how hurts can often be brought into the picture when we are feeling that there is another level of responsibility we are being called to work with. The slightest comments or inkling that does not agree with our set up ideals and beliefs can often lead us onto a path of victim mode or sitting in the drama of being hurt and not able to trust again. This blog is a great reminder how these aspects are all part of the game and a choice that we are either willing to say yes or not to.
Thank you for your honesty Felix. This is very touching. I’m sure many people can relate to what you share.
This is so inspiring for all to heal their hurts. From my experience and I have seen many different people and tried many different things only Universal Medicine and the Sacred Esoteric Healing Modalities brought and held by Serge Benhayon have truly helped me get to the root cause and truly heal many hurts. There are still some to heal though so work in progress.
This is a true miracle what you describe here. I’ve been feeling how, when I hold back, I draw in what isn’t love – someone shouts at me etc. Though this is very unpleasant and a re-creation of old hurts that are unhealed, I also have to consider my responsibility in this re-creation and the person through which that force was channeled (yes they are not without responsibility themselves but I helped instigate the situation).
“All this manipulation was part of a game to adapt to what the world asked of me”, very true words Felix. I love that you know who you are and what you bring to the world and have chosen to see the manipulation for what it is and not subscribe.
It’s so important that we do deal with our hurts, because they actually change everything about us, we start to move differently, walk differently, talk differently, hold ourselves differently and over time this becomes so ingrained we forget who we really are.
Before we get to know anything about life we know what love is with every cell. Hence no wonder that we ache from all the not-love we experience and later on have to undo and heal to return to the original knowing and feeling of our body and being.
It was then I realised that until bullying in all forms completely ceases in this world, it is only then can we truly celebrate.” The amount of bullying that is occurring in people’s homes, in their workplaces, on the Internet etc is huge and it needs to be addressed. When we accept anything less than love then we are contributing to the problem.
I recently heard a child describe how they felt about an adult in their lives who they found out was gay and then got to also see the prejudice this person faced. The child loved this adult so much and they way they expressed about them was in absolute honouring of the person that nothing else mattered. This is love and this is how we need to be with each other- any judgement towards another shows an aspect within us that is unresolved and where we are choosing not to be love.
Its amazing to read that when we heal our hurts, claim who we are in truth that either bullying stops or if it continues it can’t hurt any longer. How beautiful in your case Felix, you are able to express openly now as a gay man and not hold this back.
Thank you Felix for a beautiful sharing, by healing your hurts you have set yourself free to live love in the way you naturally are.
Beautiful Felix, I get the sense from your words of being in a candy store, and selecting from all the ‘sweet’ treats – anger, jealousy, sadness, comparison, niceness, loosing my temper. Up until now I thought I was always picking them because there was something wrong with me, but now I get that these emotional states are something I specifically select because it gives me something to ‘share’ with others and not stick out for awesome joy I feel underneath. Thank you for sharing your story.
Awakening and living all of who you are is beautiful Felix. To see the labels and untruths is the first step to stepping out of their boundaries of control. We all have labels and untruths lurking in our lives. Each day we can choose to celebrate every moment one is exposed for what it is and cut it away so that we can shine all of our beautiful light.
It was then I realised that until bullying in all forms completely ceases in this world, it is only then can we truly celebrate. Perhaps denying ourselves our own love and appreciating who we are in truth, is a form of bullying that we do to ourselves.
There is so much in this blog that I love, I can honestly say that feeling and healing my hurts has been the key that unlocked my anxiety, frustration with life and the world, partners and myself. I have found deep self love along the way and a deep honouring and love for others also. None of these qualities would be in my life if I hadn’t taken responsibility to feel and heal my hurts.
It is completely awesome and beautiful that you have been able to clear past hurts and see the lies for what they are and to now stand in your absolute love and truth claiming all who you are and that this is felt in all your relationships. Love isn’t about gender or orientation, it is about … Love and many people who are LGBT go through an incredibly hard time, particularly in certain countries where young people have been rejected by their families just because of their sexual orientation. It is very much time these incredibly ill beliefs regarding sexual orientation are exposed for the ugliness they are and deeply healed once and for all. Keep Shining ✨
How incredibly damaging judgement is in its attempt to shut down the expression of another so they are not shining the beautiful love that they are. We all miss out then but how inspiring, the damage needn’t be permanent but a person can reflect, returning to their expression is always possible.
That is so true Karin. Judgement happens openly or behind a veil of niceness but it can always be felt. It has lasting damage and until we choose to see it for all the ugliness it holds, and own the damage it does sufficiently to look at our own behaviour and change our ways, then we will all miss out on the beauty and inspiration another can reflect in our life by not hiding who they are.
There is simply no reason for homophobia. It makes no sense on any level to discriminate on this basis. The more you delve into the psyche of the human being, the less human life makes sense. Otherwise rational people behaving irrationally towards certain things, acts of evil, intelligent people using their intelligence to create weapons of mass destruction, and so the list goes on and on and on. Serge Benhayon presents that we are the products of energy, that we only think we think, and that yes of course we think, but the band of thoughts we experience are related to the quality of energy to which we align. The first time I heard this, I could not quite comprehend it. It is not an easy concept to consider.
But the more hypocrisy you witness in the world, and the completely irrational behaviours by people that should by all accounts know better start to make one deeply consider that what Serge Benhayon presents just might possibly be true. Certainly, over the 10 years I have studied with Universal Medicine and listened to Serge Benhayon, during which time I have experimented with my own life with regards to what he presents, I have found an increasing clarity with which I find myself viewing the world, and if truth be known, my view of what causes irrational behaviour such as homophobia ironically becomes much simpler, not more complicated.
The hypothesis ( if we may politely call it that) that the world is ruled by varying forms of consciousness to which we choose to align to, which then dictates the spectrum and quality of our thoughts actually has makes a lot of sense of what we witness in term of the alignment we witness to cultural values etc. Maslow touched on it when he came up with the model of human behaviour called “Group Think” in which he described the way people in a group or meeting will tend to align to and support the same way of thinking to ensure that a group harmony of some sort is reached. And we witness it every day by way of pack mentality, the most extreme example of course of which was during WWII, when the Germans were led to believe en-masse that what they were doing was right. Interestingly, I once watched a documentary about how when Hitler was defeated and killed, Germans said they woke up as though from a bad dream, and immediately started to reflect on the horror that they had been part of. Like I said, the more you study humanity, the more you start to see that Serge Benhayon is perhaps truly onto something.
Certainly, we should at least be open to the possibility, for here we are in the 21 century launching rockets to Mars, and yet we are still at a loss to describe the most basic human behaviour in any sort of authoritative way.
We all play this game you speak of Felix
“All this manipulation was part of a game to adapt to what the world asked of me, not understanding that I was not truly connecting to people but to the falsity they themselves presented with. Lies connecting to lies. Not very pleasant!”
We don’t show our true selves at all but hide behind a façade that most of us erect to conform to the social habits that are expected of us, it’s as though there are some unwritten rules that we are expected to abide by that keep us in our ‘place’. And while we play these social games we will never set ourselves free from the control they have over us.
I would like to say I don’t react a lot, but that’s not true – I am not reacting as outwardly as I used to, but there are more refined and smaller reactions there, that can seem quite subtle or supposedly go un-missed – but you can feel the tiniest and smallest shift in the body. One thing I am learning is to not need or expect people to be a certain way, I react to what is not loving. But reaction doesn’t help anyone, I almost get frustrated at times by the way we are with on another. It’s very saddening and crazy, everything we have ever wanted is right under our noses so to speak, in truth inside of us, the greatest abundance of love yet we choose to not live this and then attack or abuse others, in exactly the same way as we do not like to be abused or treated. Doesn’t make sense to me.
Not healing our hurts stops us being open and having relationships with everyone.
The more we come to appreciate ourselves and the loving choices that we make on a daily basis the more we will be able to address the unloving choices that we make. The more appreciation we express towards ourselves the less judgment we will have towards others and ourselves. Appreciation is a huge key in allowing more for ourselves.
Powerful blog writing Felix I learn from you that we can continue life from denying and numbing what we feel or to truly life and not being afraid to express it, as you do. I am interested to know where this separation came from that divided gender into which gender can be with which one, sounds very silly actually. And hence there must have been an lack of acceptance of love and hence the creation of sympathy, judgment and either way separation of the love we come from. So it is important to debunk the evil that lays and have sat there for so long by our one and only permission.
We can be our worst critics and judges rather than observing ourselves, our patterns and behaviours from the knowing that they are simply movements of expression and do not belong to the magnificence we truly are.
You know what if I’m really honest I haven’t opened my eyes fully to truth and to see what’s going on in the world – I feel it but try to fight feeling it – I hate it, just how horrible, nasty, attacking and cruel we are to one another – and that can be in our own homes, with people we claim to love, and ourselves. It’s very saddening.
We don’t always recognise God’s tools to awaken us, can often give up and be resentful of life’s challenges. To recognise, ‘Living as a gay man and facing the difficulties this comes with in our current society, was simply God’s tool to awaken me,’ is a big step and to see the bigger picture and see your learning is amazing.
When you wrote this – “by learning to love and accept all that I am”- I felt like you were writing an invitation to us all, for all of us to learn to love and accept all that we are. Thank you.
Yes so true Brendan. It is horrible and it is a common modus operandi.
A powerful claiming Felix of the love that we all equally are within, regardless of gender, age, culture, race, gay or otherwise, and that it is this love we all deserve to freely live without abuse, harm or denigration. When we claim this for ourselves and heal that which keeps us from freely living our love, we then reflect our future in the world we walk in, one that is free from abuse and united in Brotherhood.
I notice this starts at school, maybe even earlier in the family home, where we start to impose on one another, telling each other what to do, how we should be, you’re not doing that right, that’s wrong, etc, this is deeply harming, you see people change right before your eyes. Honestly, the truth is the less we impose, manipulate, tell others what to do, the more room and space there is for everyone to be themselves, we would be far more joyful, allowing, understanding and loving towards ourselves and other people. .
“Through healing the hurts I am now able to start calling out what is not love in my own body – and equally so, what is not love in the world around me.”
Awesome that you went there Felix and healed your hurts, now you can be a true inspiration for the many who also need to heal what has for some been covered over for many years.
This was so beautiful to read again Felix your openness and honesty is deeply touching. To be showing that it is possible to heal such a deep hurt as this shows everyone it’s possible to heal any hurt and that we can all do it no matter what that hurt might be.
There is so much power in healing our hurts, we become less reactive, we let love in and have a love and appreciation for others. We drop our protections, without perfection, but we are more open to being the love we need to be in this world.
Absolutely – opening up, opens the world up for everyone… offering a key, insight and loving reflection for another of a true, known way of living.
To live the true us is deeply healing, not only of ourselves but for all around us who see a free man/ woman.
Felix thank you. Your blog is a great example of how addressing the deep hurt and truly healing it completely changes how the external world is with you, no more bullying. Fantastic you have embraced your true expression.
Beautiful to hear how you started making life about love Felix.
I find it continually beautiful to read that true healing is possible, as when we are in certain circumstances in life it can feel very enclosed and dim. Realising that we can truly heal opens up many doors, and one in fact is that we don’t go anywhere, life is not lineal, we are spherical and the same essence that was with us at 3 is with us at 12 and 21 etc.
That is true Felix, thinking that we are separated to the rest of the world is a full illusion and really silly to. As you describe we all have our unique expression that leads to certain qualities, and if that expression is expressed naturally we all can not not benefit. This is why all of our expressions and unique ways are important.
This is a truly beautiful story Felix. In one way or another we are all asked to be something that we are not but in the end it is up to us to claim our true expression for ourselves and when we do everyone benefits.
There is absolutely no doubt Felix that healing our hurts benefits the all; as there is no doubt that understanding people, rather than judging them, is the key. A great blog Felix, thank you.
This sentence says a lot in its few short words. “For two years now I have not once been bullied because of being gay.” What I feel is so very important for us to take from it is that once we fully claim ourselves, as we are, there is no energy inside of us that can, in any way lessen who we are. Therefore others are also less inclined to cut us down through bullying. A lesson for all of humanity.
Great blog Felix, how bullying is so crippling and damaging to one’s being. You are so true to say “It was then I realised that until bullying in all forms completely ceases in this world, it is only then can we truly celebrate.” Until then it is our responsibility to reflect truth to help dissolve bullying.
Great blog Felix, how is it that the word “gay” can be used as a weapon, as something to cut someone down or show exclusion? I remember being called gay when I was 8 also, even though I wasn’t. What I can gather now is that it was an attack on my sensitivity, by those who had already started to change and leave theirs behind.
Beautifully claimed harryjwhite. Your experience shows how difficult it is for most men to simply be themselves.
We can focus on the world around and point out how it is flawed, mean and too hard. Yet as you show Felix, and beautifully so, this judgement and harshness actually lives in us and it’s this we are here to ‘beat’. Judgement and critique is poisonous inside of us and is just another toxin we use to numb what we truly feel inside.
“Growing up as a boy I know the feeling of being judged for something that I am.” This line made me really stop and think how easily we can judge someone without really feeling the harm it does to another. It also made me realise how easily we cast judgement on others if they don’t conform to what we see as being the ‘norm’,
I grew up with the belief that homosexuality was wrong, almost a crime and I know in the past it has been a crime in the eyes of the church and the law. I can only imagine how hard it must be if you’re gay and have to hide your true expression. I’m glad the world is changing and we can free ourselves of these beliefs that are thrust upon us and in a lot of countries express openly how we are or feel without being persecuted for it.
There is no amount of distraction that can cover up the deep feelings of hurt that lie under the surface of us all when we choose not the feel what is truly going on. It takes a bucket load of fragility and tenderness on ones self to allow this to come through yet it is all worth it in the long run.
Thank you for sharing Felix, I love and completely relate when you say, ‘This for me is a miracle and most definitely a result of having cleared the hurt I carried, by learning to love and accept all that I am and by simply making a choice to let the world in, and to live the true me.’ I know that when I have held onto hurts they get in the way of me being all of the love that I am, they also lead me to resent and mistrust others as well. Whereas the only way to be is love, anything less simply creates more hurts and keeps me in a victim mentality mode reacting to the world and thinking that everything is out to get me.
What an imposition we place on our brothers when we judge them for who they are. How many of us have spent years trying to unravel hurts that are the result of ill beliefs – about sexuality, religion, race, nationality, gender, age and more? How unproductive for us all… unless, like Felix, we find and reclaim who we are.
Judging others is huge and holds people to something that they are not. After all we are all love within so to hold or ask anyone to be anything other than the love they are is judging and condemning them. Sure we are not always choosing to live or express from the love that we are but that does not mean that we cannot. The more we see everybody as the love they are first and then everything else as layers on top of that the more we will inspire people and call them to be the love that we know they are.
I love Felix that you felt your future and your truth so clearly and naturally at age 8. And that you live this truth today. It’s a clarity we can all access if we pare back enough of what keeps us from feeling who we are.
There is a beautiful innocence in the way you describe your realisation as a child that one day you would be living in a relationship with another man. It is also a confirmation that love doesn’t discriminate between the genders or any other constructs we think we can put in its way.
It is the judgement and or comparison that halts our natural expression with the all and this in turn stops the absolute honesty, intimacy and joy from permeating every cell of our being. Holding onto the hurts only reflects this ten fold and stops the natural flow of movements that can alter our reflection and the true beauty of connection in the world.
I can remember as a child always being called selfish when I would speak up and express what I felt to be true. Often what I expressed was in consideration of everyone and would expose if someone had an individual agenda. I was often confused by this and then started to think maybe I was selfish. It is only in recent years through the support of Serge Benhayon and his family that I have been supported to reconnect to my essence and bring out again my true care for others and feel comfortable expressing this.
Carrying our hurts around and then having that reflected back to us is hard but necessary for us to take notice, and like Felix has demonstrated once those hurts are dealt with, this is also reflected back to us and life changes, but what this also shows us is that we are not victims and that we have more power to change things than we allow ourselves to believe.
Judgement is the lens we look through that keeps us blind from seeing God in everyone. To judge is to disconnect from ones own Godliness and disregard how connected we all are.
Thank you Felix, for sharing the truth and power of healing our hurts. It requires us to allow and let go .. All of the time.
We judge another when we do not what to accept the love we each in essence are. Thus these judgements serve to form a barrier between the outside world and us and the great separation of humans from each other and from God/Universal Intelligence is complete. If we are to truly return to that which we are (the love and light of the Soul) then we need to renounce the unruly ways of the human spirit that has led us so far from home.
This is beautifully said Liane – and makes total sense. Judgement is separation as we are choosing to only see a part of another and not the fullness of what is within, which is essentially what makes us all equal.
These hurts in our world are like a barrel of oil dumped in a pool or a lump of dirt placed into your dinner, they don’t go well and are completely out of place in the most unpleasant way. The thing is though, as you delicately show Felix it’s us who choose to make these hurts ‘normal’ as we react to other hurts by producing some of our own. This way only leads to a dirty and polluted world instead of the simple joy and wisdom we naturally know.
It’s very healing for people to see that love can be shared in so many ways and it also helps to cut the notion we have about what love is. We think love is something but it’s usually a hundred if not a million times more than that.
” Living as a gay man and facing the difficulties this comes with in our current society, was simply God’s tool to awaken me. ” we are all offered different challenges to awaken us, some are normal accepted challenges some are not socially accepted. Never the less we all have difficulties to see through, the deep healing for all comes when we can stand in our full expression accepting and appreciating our essence.
If God is love, how can love between two people every be wrong, or a sin?
gorgeous Felix, it is in who we are, that we know the purpose of why we are here.
No matter which way we unpeel the apple of life, the same thing is there at the core, if we have a rotten appreciation and Love for ourselves, we will continue to see it play out in the world. No matter what happens, whichever way our day is sliced, there is never a time when hurting or bullying ourselves is right. From this true understanding all the external hurts we perceive, drop away. Thank you Felix for this sharing.
Thank you for sharing Felix.
Awesome to read Felix and wow what a realisation to realise if we don’t deal with our hurts then we will be continued to be reminded of them. You dealt with yours and have not seen the pattern come up again – now thats what I call a miracle.
I love the gentle deeply caring level of transparency from which you express Felix, I would imagine that it could be quite traumatic to suppress a true feeling around sexuality from a young age, and that to overcome this should be celebrated, It is good to see homophobia being called out and condemned more and more, it feels like there has been much progress in this regard, but still a need for us all to express whenever we feel equality is not being offered.
It’s so very beautiful when you truly let another in in full and feel the depth of that love you are allowing and feeling. This love has no label and is not for any gender, this kind of love knows no bounds and just has to be itself with whoever it connects with. True love is not to be held back.
I can feel such a beautiful innocence in our expression – and how great it is that you have reclaimed that innocence and freshness by living who you are and not what the world tells you to be.
truly a cause for celebration… When such a deep and endemic hurt can be healed with the consequent joy of living taking its place.
The moment we subvert what we feel, we deny part of who we are, and that in itself leads to a long road of complication and manipulation that we go into as we try to “fit in” with something we were not designed to. And that is essentially what we call the human personality, the face we present to the world in order to hide our true selves.
I can only imagine how it would have felt to grow up feeling like you were “wrong” for simply being yourself. Its very interesting that the more you were able to self love in full, that the world then reflected the same love. This made me consider that maybe the answer to ‘bullying’ on a world wide scale is for everyone to work on their relationship with themselves, for in acceptance of self, you then are able to accept everyone else, in all their differences.
I love the innocence and purity you described in not being able to fathom how loving another man could be wrong. If we all made decisions from this purity and foundation of knowing that love is all that matters, we would have a very different world.
Beautiful Felix, very powerful as what you say is God’s truth for he loves All – equallness is every Soul.
Re reading this today I was struck by the way we can react to the lovelessness that we feel around us and can let that dominate and crush the joy that was there at the beginning of the day. We can feel sad and not even register that that is how we are feeling. Healing our hurts is our own responsibility that we owe ourselves and everyone else. I have started to focus more deeply on why I am attracted to eat certain foods and by keeping a log am realising how many hurts I am avoiding in my food choices. Very simple and something I have done before but this time with more commitment and awareness.
This has really touched me deeply because I can feel the falseness that can be lived between a couple of the opposite sex yet under the guise that that is more acceptable, even if it is loveless. Love is love and that is all that should ever matter.
That you are expressing the love that you are Felix is the most beautiful reflection you can offer anyone. How you now appreciate and accept yourself for who you have always been and love unreservedly is very inspiring and gorgeous to feel. Thank you!
It makes perfect sense that we cannot truly love others until we have learned to heal and love ourselves so why do we waste so much time, effort and energy fighting it – it makes no sense! Love is a super power that heals all that it touches.
This blog powerfully demonstrates how harmful judgment is.
A true joy it is to return to our inner-most Truth and express this forth in the full authority of our lived way.
“It was then I realised that until bullying in all forms completely ceases in this world, it is only then can we truly celebrate.” Yes, Felix. This made me think of how we occasionally have small ‘wins’, but we’re far from celebrating equality. And even then, it wouldn’t be so much a celebration as a confirmation of true love in humanity.
Having awareness to feel our hurts and question what has become the status quo, is what really does assist the process, I know for me, it is ongoing, developing awareness continuously each and every day, to understand more what and why I make the choices that I do. Sometimes I get support, so to feel and go deeper with exposing what my hurts are, so I can feel them and truly heal.
To express naturally and to not ever have to hold that back because of judgement, challenging to do but most definitely the healthiest way to live our lives. What is the health cost of having to alter our expression, to hold back from saying how we feel, being loving as young men and boys because it isn’t the tough guy act that holds stock. What nonsense we allow to control our ways of acting and where do the illness and disease rates sit in this compromise, we must be affected physiologically by how we adapt away from our natural selves.
‘I simply couldn’t understand how loving another man could not be right!’ this just goes to show what society imposes on us and makes us feel so uncomfortable even though we know the truth within ourselves. You knew all along the truth within you.
Gorgeous! I could never understand why homosexuals were judged. When I met my new housemate and she introduced herself, the first thing she said was “Hey, I’m a lesbian I hope that’s okay”. I responded with “hey, I’m straight, I hope that’s okay”. Because I don’t think that our sexual orientation really makes any difference to how we should treat or perceive each other.
I love your reply Viktoria no judgement or perception of feeling either of you are different because of your sexual orientation.
I have probably written this before but I love this blog. I find it interesting because during an Esoteric Yoga session I got to feel a deep sadness in my body from when I was a baby because those around me were not feeling the same quality of love that was in me. I shut down too but I had not associated with the extremely turbulent and lonely teenage years I experienced. It makes so much sense that the hurts I had repressed and buried came out during these years in reaction to the world. I did not heal them back them further burying them into my body but with the support from Universal Medicine I am choosing to heal them as they present themselves.
‘I simply couldn’t understand how loving another man could not be right!’ I could feel how we know love so completely as a child and how our world then twists a truth we know so well.
So true Kim. In fact what we call ‘the innocence of a child’ is is actually an all-knowingness that we end up departing from when we are fed images, ideals and beliefs that have us thinking otherwise to this absolute knowing.
This is gold ‘This for me is a miracle and most definitely a result of having cleared the hurt I carried, by learning to love and accept all that I am and by simply making a choice to let the world in, and to live the true me.’ I agree Felix, healing our hurts is an absolute game changer and allows the space for us to experience a deeper and more loving relationship with ourselves and everyone else.
Very beautiful Felix, there is never any excuse for people to bully others, but equally our responsibility if we are hurt over time, that we feel into what they are and heal them. I have recently attended a Universal Medicine course called Sacred Esoteric Healing Level 2, which focuses on healing childhood imprints. Now I was someone who had thought I had healed a lot from childhood, but over the course of the weekend, was able to feel how there were behaviours that were playing out today, due to hurts and protections I felt or set up from when I was very young. This was revelatory and since then, I have felt a lightness in my body and more love for others as a result!
It is indeed these hurts that we carry that prevent us from truly opening up with others, allowing our true love to be expressed forth and prevent us from truly seeing, understanding and accepting life.
If we do not seek True Healing to arrest this ill-energy then we are forever living a life coloured by perceptions, pain and filtered through past experiences rather than living each moment fresh and in the richness of our True essence.
We carry so many hurts from our childhood that we then take into adult life, and then build our life around them, protecting ourselves wherever possible so that these hurts don’t surface. What you have shown Felix is that by exposing and honouring your hurts you also stopped the bullying. This is amazing and shows how much our life can change by healing our hurts and becoming more open and loving with the world again.
Never in a million years would I have thought that I had all the hurts that I have come to let go of thanks to Serge Benhayon and the Universal Medicine healing modalities. All these hurts that I had been carrying around dragging me down whilst I played the cool, fun and up beat chic that had no worries in the world. I had hardened myself so much that I was completely dis-connected to what I was carrying around in my body by numbing it with life ‘pleasures’. Once I started to let go of these layers with the support of healing sessions I started to get to see the real picture and not the one I have been painting.
We are ruled by images. The images do not just tell us the way forward. They also tell us what paths to avoid. What do we do? we fight images with images? we fight us being seen through an image? Or do we stay with our truth no matter what? The world of images makes our lives very very hard.
‘ Gods tool to awaken me ‘ we are all here to be awakened to who we in truth and our connection to our Divinity. This is such a beautiful gift and opportunity to return to the light of our Soul and walk Heaven here on earth.
I have also had a lot of sadness in my life that I have looked at and started the healing process. Thanks to the presentations by Serge Benhayon and sessions from Esoteric Healing practitioners I have felt and healed a lot of pain that I have held in my life.
And how cool is it, Greg, to go – as Felix mentions – to the root cause of the hurt. The energetic cause. Only then can we truly begin the healing.
So true Nick, and with the power of nominating our hurts we can easily get to the root cause.
Isn’t it amazing that when we can clear a hurt or confusion, love ourselves for who we are and live it claimed how much this reduces the judgment from others. Cutting out judgment of ourselves no longer leaves a window open for it to come through from the outside.
Expressing who you are should never be a compromise or a holding back. It is everyone’s right to know and live as who we truly are and for others to be accepting of others in their own unique expression of love.
It’s quite profound what Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine offer in terms of both understanding our hurts and how they shape our lives, and also the healing that comes from the Universal Medicine therapies to support people to clear these hurts out of the body. Serge has a tremendous understanding of people and what affects them, and this offers so many the opportunity to backtrack inside themselves to pivotal moments and with love, understanding and support, let these go to live the love we naturally are.
“I was able to feel the pain of not being met in the joy I carried as a baby.” Regaining the joy we have as young children is true healing.
Yes, it is a big hurt as a child to not be met in our joy. As an adult we can understand and read what is going on with the other person and that it is about their hurts, but as a young child it can be quite bewildering such that we take it on as our hurt.
“It was then I realised that until bullying in all forms completely ceases in this world, it is only then can we truly celebrate.” Yes it has to happen for all doesn’t it, it is not OK that it stops in certain pockets or for certain people, it needs to stop for all. Yes those little wins along the way are great but as soon as it stops somewhere, you look for where it still continues and direct your attention there.
I love the fact that healing doesn’t have to be a big deal, it is simply make a choice and that choice changes everything.
Hurts destroy lives. I know how much my life has been affected by hurts I have carried with me and not let go. By allowing hurts I have carried to come up, I then get to see behind than and understand why what happened happened and so am able to let them go. It does require heaps of honesty and willingness as is not always easy at times but worth it in the long run. Otherwise they boil up and eventually explode and the mess/consequences are often a lot harder to deal with.
I always thought healing hurts was this big thing, but it’s actually really simple. I am relearning all I have to do is nominate what hurt me, at times it may need more than this, to go deep in a session with someone who knows what true love is, and lives it, at other times all it takes is to say to myself ….. this hurt me, with no blame, and appreciate my sensitivity.
The biggest thing I am learning about healing my hurts is that it always comes back to my choice and responsibility to connect or dis-connect from true love.
Judgement is one of the worst feelings in the world, but first we have to learn to not judge ourselves.
If we are really honest, and I mean baring it all, how many games do we play to avoid taking responsibility for ourselves?
It’s amazing how much we condemn ourselves, it’s like putting a heavy weight on our heads, crushing our light. It’s deeply harmful on so many levels, we are basically saying all the joy, lightness, everything we absolutely feel and know is true and our deep very clear connection to God that we can feel so easily, truthfully and immediately in our bodies is wrong. Now if there anything to crush our light this would be it. But why do we condemn ourselves in the first place? Is it because we have been hurt? Or because we know our power and truth, plus the immense responsibility that comes with that in how we live in every moment of every day,
Lies connecting to lies is a powerful and honest understanding of many lives Felix Schumacher. We only have to stop and listen to the media and what is sold to us on the political platform. The support you received from Serge Benhayon and the work of Universal Medicine is a marker of where you are today and the choices to get real about how to live and be true to this in every way possible. Thank you for inspiring others who have felt the same.
I hate the feeling of being judged, it’s basically telling me who I am and what I do is wrong, it’s very harmful on so many levels, a way of trying to shut down our light , and this starts right from childhood.
We have every ‘right’ to hang onto our hurts from childhood. Yet do we really want to be dragging around an issue that need not exist decades later? And really who wins in this situation? We certainly don’t! It’s like ground hog day, with situations changing but being stuck in the same reactions happening over and over. No one we have relationships with wins either, as we are never willing to reveal all the glory we are to them, just in case we get hurt.
“Learning to love and accept all that I am and by simply making a choice to let the world in, and to live the true me. This does seem to be the key to healing hurts, as if there is a well of love and joy within you to draw on at any time, you no longer need approval or the struggle of trying to fit the mould of society.
You describe the process of being hurt and shutting down to others so clearly Felix, losing trust in others when in reality we shut down to trusting ourselves to be in life.
Until we clear our hurts how can we attest to have a accurate picture of the world and how it operates?
Only with fresh eyes, that are untainted by past hurtful experiences, will a fresh perspective be our everyday.
it is one of the most beautiful aspects of the presentations of Universal Medicine, the possibility of re-connecting to our innocence, and to the living essence of the heart.
Beautiful Felix – never hold back an inch of the awesomeness we are.
“Living as a gay man and facing the difficulties this comes with in our current society, was simply God’s tool to awaken me. It was then I realised that until bullying in all forms completely ceases in this world, it is only then can we truly celebrate.” Felix, what is so wonderful about this blog is that the realisation you make here doesn’t end with you it begins with the world and you letting the world in.You have taken your learning beyond making it personal and the real healing is shared with all of humanity. So beautiful. Thank you.
Healing our hurts around a particular issue means that another can judge us but it does not even touch the sides any more, as we are so full of acceptance there is no opening for it to land.
Healing our hurts allows us to become less and less reactive and therefore more and more free to be who we truly are.
I love the connection that you have explained that by through healing your own hurts, the world heals theirs. Deeply empowering and also a major wake up call to our responsibility because, the contra to this is that if we hold onto our hurts, others will do the same.
One of the worst things we can ever do to ourselves is to ‘judge and condemn’ our own natural expression for the whole world misses out when we do.
I have learnt and am still learning how the buried hurts can impact deeply on my relationship to myself and to others. Healing these hurts allows the real me to come out!
When I observe my recurring patterns of behaviour – particularly in interaction with others, I really wonder what hurts I have yet to let go.
Great point raised Fumiyo Egashira. How often do we condition ourselves to stay in the hurt and blame the other person when the lesson is there for us to learn?
Healing our hurts is certainly key to bringing all of us out and living the True ‘us’ in the world, wherever and with whomever that may be.
” Living as a gay man and facing the difficulties this comes with in our current society, was simply God’s tool to awaken me.” This is a great realisation, as I also feel we are not here for ‘fun’ but for the purpose to evolve, in each incarnation we are challenged to lovingly accept ourselves in full for the unique expression we bring, regardless of society’s judgement.
We need to identify what bullying is on all levels. In general, we have come to accept levels of behaviour in our society that boil down to abuse, and not speaking up is allowing that abuse to become our normal.
Standing up and let the world see the truth we know to be despite the possible resentments, judgements and attacks is what the world needs, so that everyone can rebuild trust and heal from the betrayal most have experienced as part of their upbringing – that we have not been seen and embraced for who we are but imposed upon ideals and beliefs of how we should be. The vicious cycle of passing on this crippling culture from generation to generation can only be ended when we come back to living who we are.
In my experience the more we firmly stand in who we are the more respect generally comes our way.
Having to hide our natural self in any way shape or form is debilitating, crushing and denying who we are.
When we get hurt as children it seems the most natural thing to protect ourselves from being hurt again, and we live the rest of our lives keeping everyone out in order to protect ourselves, when in truth our most natural way of being is to let the world in and our love out.
When people carry prejudices they are often from ideals and beliefs and not from our own personal experiences, is it not better to make our own decisions rather than following someone else’s.
Not feeling truly met with love when we are little is very common so I agree with Felix that many other hurts are harboured as we grow up on that foundation of protection. This goes a long way to understanding why there is so much depression and similar mental illness as life becomes so very draining feeding all those layers of hurt. It also highlights the importance to our health of allowing our natural predilection to love to flow in whatever way feels natural to us.
To not be loved for all we are is very painful as children, and more so for you discovering so young the judgement from people because of who you love. What universal medicine has given me is the ability to recognise the hurt and heal it so that I don’t live with them affecting my behaviours.
Learning to love and accept ourselves and let the world in is the way to heal the hurts. I have learned that the greatest hurt has been me abandoning and giving up on myself – I can easily understand (but not condone) the behaviour of others the more that I am loving accepting of myself.
Being gay may be one of the more obvious and thus challenging truths we need to learn standing up for in the world, but it is with every sense of truth we feel that is in contrast to opinions, ideals and beliefs holding against us from outside that we need to learn standing up for ourselves. It is in the seemingly trivial things like saying No when being offered something to eat or drink you don´t like or want right now, but we are expected to be polite and take it anyway.
The absolute knowing of the purity of love and the innocence of a child being yet uncorrupted by the foulness of society is deeply touching – touching precisely the innocence and absoluteness in me.
There is such an innocence in the way you realised your sexuality and how you would one day live – which is amazing in so many ways. To make decisions from your heart and not be judged, to be open about who you are – and to not feel protected from judgement, to know your future…why should we not all live in this loving and simplistic way? Thank you for returning to your open and loving natural way and sharing this story with the world.
Powerful Felix, a true testimony of Gay relationship and brings awareness what the real consequences are for society and how we are able to deal with them. It is not a fight – simply a stepping up to no longer let lies, we have allowed in the past, to continue any further. This is not only the responsibility of the Gay couples/men but every single one human being.
Love what you share Felix, that open expression for the benefit of all comes from learning to love and accept all that we are and “simply making a choice to let the world in, and to live the true me.” Our natural expression of what is true comes from this.
I was just feeling how we each are given exactly what it is we have called for, to see through the illusion of our creations. We are equal in Love and will always be. How truly healing that is.
Beautiful Felix, responding to the truth we know within. Every one of us I’d say has experienced a hurt of some kind in our lives, and healing our reactions to these allows us to let the love we are out and allow love in. Responding to life in this way is a true joy.
I have this feeling that we see bullying as something quite violent and obvious and away from us, but if we refine our ideas and really want to rid ourselves of bullying we can bring it down to any thought that puts me above another because whether we know this or not, every thought affects us.
I can deeply connect to what you share here Felix. When I live from my hurts then I live in a protected way, protecting myself for the possibility to get hurt once more. I realise that the fact of not dealing with this hurt keeps me in this protected and contracted way of life. I have also experienced situations in which I previously always was in protection, I could now live in the fullness of who I am without the usual protection, but fully in connection with myself. I can now feel that me being different from the past in these situations is not something that is just happening over time, but is there because I am working on dealing with my hurts when they become apparent to me.
I love that this blog shows that when you heal your hurts you are no longer affected by others attitudes or beliefs but hold yourself in the knowing of who you are.
It is crucial we heal our hurts, otherwise we are effectively walking with and carrying around a big black hold with us that at any time can take over and suddenly we find we are doing crazy out of character things.We can only hide or bury things for so long before they come bubbling up to the surface and can then literally destroy everything we have built.
Some time ago a family member told me that they were deeply sad at not being able to attend a relatives funeral when they were 6 years old, and how that had affected them all of their lives, because they were really close to the person and didn’t get a chance to say goodbye. We can latch onto these things and use them against ourselves as a way of not taking responsibility for sharing how we feel at the time and then hold resentment about another for their seeming part in our pain and hurt.
Last night I was speaking to a 46 year old man about how he was bullied as a kid. Amazing to hear how this was still having such a profound effect on him and his life. I am in zero doubt as to the power and importance of healing our hurts and am profoundly grateful to Serge Benhayon for supporting me in dealing with many of mine. Thank you Serge – you have helped me change my life entirely.
I love what you have expressed- that since you healed your own hurts that you have never been targeted about this again- that is a real key for learning how to be with life.
We can walk down a million side streets and take a thousand detours, delay and distract ourselves with new entertainments every day. But underneath it all, waiting for us when we rest to sleep, remain these old undealt with hurts. We can come to think they are immovable beasts or even part of us, but as you beautifully show Felix they are our gifts this life, our opportunities to heal this time we are on earth. And if not this time, then sure we will be back to revisit them in the next. What a beautiful confirmation that these pains do not belong to us at all and moved on from, if we accept them first.
Letting go of our hurts is another way to describe stepping into the responsibility we have to love openly. The hurts are nothing when we feel the grandness of love we are.
yes we can ensconce ourselves in many things that are seemingly acceptable… Relationships… Habits… Social strata positions… but unless we are living the truth that we can be to the potential of all that we are we will not be contributing to the evolution of humanity… And the thing is, it is, as Felix has said, up to us, ourselves, to actually heal the disconnection inside us, to take responsibility for this, and then to establish true connections and relationships
Beautiful Felix, your words remind me how when we turn our sensitivity inwards against ourselves as a form or safety, this in itself is a form of bullying and abuse. When we hide from the world that we are incredibly light and joyful then this is very harmful too, for how will anyone ever know there is a greater way or another type of man we could see? So it is much needed for us to heal our hurts as you say and see what we are inside is so much more powerful than these specks that get stuck on top of us along the way.
Thank you Felix for expressing transparently your true essence. You are a blessing and an inspiration to the world.
To heal our own hurts and then see and act upon other examples of abuse, bullying or injustice in the world is the full circle of responsibility.
Hurts bind us like chains to the ground, until they are healed in our way of being they stop the livingness of joy and hence living the potential we have to live in life. It can be the worst feeling to feel hurt but it is equally as empowering to know that it is there for that allows the space to heal
‘Living as a gay man and facing the difficulties this comes with in our current society, was simply God’s tool to awaken me.’ And what you then bring to humanity, is priceless Felix because you have said yes to yourself and the divine expression you are! This is available to us all.
Felix heaven rejoices in your expression.
I agree Felix. When bullying .. any abuse, in all of its forms truly ceases then we can truly celebrate. This also highlighted the preciousness and innocence of children in seeing only the unity and love not the prejudice or discriminations that are currently here.
Felix, your beautiful expression here, definitely highlights the fact that, love is love, no matter what package it comes in, as the essence is absolutely equal in all and can be shared and felt just as gorgeously when it is truly from the heart.
“. . . learning to love and accept all that I am” What is very humbling about this is many of us do have to ‘re-learn’ who we are innately at birth. As you share Felix this is where the hurt starts, but simply it can also finish when we choose to lovingly appreciate all of who we are regardless of any messages from others.
Messages of hurt come from others who are feeling their un-dealt with hurts for the same reason.
Having the willingness to let go of our hurts and heal is one of the highest forms of responsibility we can have, not everyone is ready for it but if done it creates more space to express the true love that we are and this naturally is felt by others who cannot help but treat us in a more loving and respectful way.
“I simply couldn’t understand how loving another man could not be right!” It’s ridiculous that love should ever be perceived in any situation to be wrong. It’s not something we choose, it just is.
As children the hurts we bury need to be healed otherswise they come back and bite us at some point in our lives. The buried hurts don’t allow us to connect to the true joy within our body. So as adults if we allow ourselves to heal them then we are able to connect to the true joy within.
It is so important we do not hang onto past created hurts, as these can come back and catch us at a later date. We need to leave no stone unturned. I used to think and justify if I was doing well in one area another could slip but I now know that is not the case – we live one life not many different ones and so what happens in one area directly effects everything other area.
This article brings so many insights. The main one is the benefit of being open to discover, face and heal our hurts, although often we would rather just tough it out. The numbing we tend to choose and the shield we tend to put up holds us back from the awareness we could have of what is going on in the world. Failing to heal our hurts gets in the way of us living the power of love, truth and inspiration that we hold within and from being open and loving to other people, so we end up unwittingly propagating further ‘hurt’ on others. And so the story keeps going round. It is lovely hearing your story. Shows the level of responsibility we have for our own healing, not just to ourself but also to everyone else.
I really love this blog, it brings home just how much responsibility we have for interaction and reactions we experience through life.
There is still an allowance of unacceptable behaviour. Often it’s laughed off. ‘Brush it off’ will be the comment, ‘toughen up’ or ‘grin and bear it’. Our natural expression has no toughness or sniggering in the face of evil about it. We are innately tender, precious, fragile and beautiful — men and women alike. To accept anything else and consider barbaric behaviour okay means we are still in barbaric times albeit with a glitzy outer look and high tech gadgets and entertainment to keep us constantly distracted from the truth.
It’s so sad to consider how we treat each other — that is expected as a gay man or because of another point of difference we will get bullied. What has become of us as a human race, and have we really progressed in our high-tech modern age when bullying and bigotry is rife?
Thank you Felix for sharing your experience. It transfers to so many other areas that we feel are not acceptable expressions even though they are very much a part of us, like a connection with God, or even a dedication to love. My sense after all these years is that it is fear of the unknown that creates this judgement. It takes us all so far away from love and community, it divides and conquers. Bringing understanding is key and to understand we must not hold back but share. Thank you for sharing and offering us an opportunity to see that love is love.
Felix, you lead the way in changing the world and I totally appreciate that in you. Now that you have expressed from your heart a universal opportunity opens up for everyone to feel the truth – the truth of our equality and the oneness of love.
So beautiful Felix, especially the last sentence: “It was then I realised that until bullying in all forms completely ceases in this world, it is only then can we truly celebrate.” This shows me that we can not sit back until we take responsibility for all the forms of abuse (bullying etc.). And that if it does not impact you directly it is still our matter. Thank you Felix, we all need to come back to who we are when we were born – natural sweet beings! ~ We still are.
On the day when the UK decides to leave the EU, never has it been clearer to me that when adversity arises, it is our absolute responsibility and absolute purpose to stand up even taller and speak our truth. 27% of the UK didn’t even vote – on this matter that will affect them, and the whole of humanity for an over long time.
We are so sensitive, and from when we are children we pick up on a lot of things. Although this never really goes away we only don’t become aware of it anymore.
I feel that if we all admitted how sensitive we all are and had honest conversations daily, the answer to the daily rigmarole of life would arise some answers.
As children we learn to bury our hurts not knowing they are going to affect us for the rest of our lives until we learn to heal them. So much happens in our childhood that then forms our adult life, imagine if we as parents were made more aware of this how different our lives would be. Living without hurts would change the world we live in.
We are judged for many things in life and all of it does one thing and that is distance ourselves from each other. We often come with a pre-set format of ideals that, if the outside world does not represent, we judge and it’s so harming to relationships of every kind.
Acceptance of who we are is a lifelong journey, acceptance of others as who they are can sometimes take just as long. But self-acceptance and self love go a long way to diffusing the effects of whether another accepts us or not, and allows us to love them just the same.
This story could be shared widely in support of expressing not only what it is to grow as a gay man, but how to dispense with the hurts that so many of us carry, so there is a freedom to be yourself, no matter whether you are heterosexual or gay.
Bullying others has no one type of victim. Anyone that for whatever reason that is different can become a candidate for abuse. The abuser is just externalising some self-hidden hurt on to others. When can call out our hurts and see and feel they are not truth, bullies are just someone that has not dealt with their hurts and doesn’t affect us.
Your commitment to heal your hurts Felix so you can live free of them and be truly you is inspiring. It’s amazing how we know the truth so young, but other people’s undealt with stuff can harm us so deeply. It’s also a great reminder for me to always keep working on unresolved things within me, so that I never have that effect on another person.
Love is love regardless, and in his innocence eight year old Felix knows this with out question……children innately know the truth. ‘I simply couldn’t understand how loving another man could not be right!’ Love is love.
By accepting the love we have for ourselves, it becomes easier to observe and not react to whatever anyone else has to say about our choices. Healing my own hurts has helped me to accept my own love, and from there I have been able to know and feel the truth.
“For two years now I have not once been bullied because of being gay. And I now openly express love with my partner, walking hand in hand in the streets or sharing a kiss or a post on social media”. Often the moment we claim our truth and are absolute in this it can be felt and there is no way in for the bully.
Like a predator, does the bully always go for the wounded animal? Thus once your had healed your hurts, the bully had no chance of even getting near you. But what I feel is the real power of your healed expression is how it inspires all around you to open themselves up as well – including the bully. For the bully is nothing more than another wounded animal.
There is still someone in my life who I continually allow to dull my joy. I find myself hurt by his supposed rejection of me and find it hard to accept that this is how it is between us. I realise that only by my commitment to my relationship with myself and the deepening of that are things going to change.
The title of this blog says it all; there is power and magic in healing our hurts, it can be challenging at times, but if we commit to this process, all the support we need is already in place.
Love is certainly not gender exclusive! If there is true love between people then it is there and no less or more depending on if it is man-man, man-women, women-women. It’s beautiful Felix how through healing old hurts you’ve accepted your true expression and with that have no need for others to accept you and don’t judge them either.
The more accepting I have become of myself, the less I am shaken when someone else chooses to attack me or attempt to bully me in any way. I used to be bullied at school and I knew I bought it to me in some ways, because I used to attempt to hide, it did not work. I now walk more fully in my body, and do not fear or dread attacks as I once did. Interesting to consider our own responsibility in life. The attacks still some times come, but I observe them much more now and I do not attempt to now hide in the corner and not be seen. What can a bully do when you do not hide…
Absolutely, we can not think we are comfortable just because someone else is getting bullied and not us…”It was then I realised that until bullying in all forms completely ceases in this world, it is only then can we truly celebrate.” An attack on anyone, attacks all of humanity, we all have a responsibility.
Imagine if we all healed our hurts we would feel free to express all of who we naturally are. I know for me the more I let go of my hurts I am able to express love and allow the reflection of the love all around me into my heart.
“All this manipulation was part of a game to adapt to what the world asked of me, not understanding that I was not truly connecting to people but to the falsity they themselves presented with. Lies connecting to lies.” That is it Felix, lies connecting to lies produce more lies, and until we stop playing the game it is the lies that rule our lives. Truly connecting to people in our full expression not fearing or worrying about what others might think, not in reaction or out of hurt but from a truth that we know deep from within that we have learnt to suppressed for many lives. In truth the only way to live is from our essence, nothing else works or comes close to the power that this way naturally brings.
The more we are comfortable with and the more appreciation and acceptance we have of ourselves the less concerned we become about what others think until it matters nought and then we can allow the full expression of ourselves to come through uncensored.
It’s a double edge sword. When the world around us does not allow us to be ourselves in our full expression the whole world misses out on our potential.
“On this foundation of contraction all the misery and loneliness of my teenage years was then built.” … I wonder how many people could say this as well – my guess would be quite a few! I love that there are children being raised now, knowing another way to be and live, saving themselves that misery and loneliness.
There is a beautiful innocence about the way you describe being gay – how could that ever be judged as wrong?
Thank you for sharing your story Felix, and for being a true role model for men, we all need the reflection of another who is willing to heal and embrace the true tender, loving man that you are.
Felix this is a joy to read – and shows how if we claim who we are, it is very powerful. Yes there are lots of hurts to clear, but the more we can live without these hurts and reflect this back to the world, the more we support others to be free of them also. We are not our hurts, and claiming yourself as a gay man in full is beautiful to read.
As I was reading this blog I realised something I am now willing to admit to myself – we create our own misery. If we had of just stayed the pure, innocent children we were born there would have been no reason to create anything different. I know it may be easy to say but this is a truth, one that makes many squirm as it comes with the ultimate form of responsibility – self responsibility. We choose our life – one way or another.
It is indeed very sad to recognise that the world demands us to be a certain image that is held as the commonly accepted Felix. Adhering to these demands takes us away from our true selves and the expression that belongs to that way of being. And with that we all collectively live a lie, the lie that we are not from love and all not one and the same, equally to one another irrespective to our gender, race, skin colour, gay or straight, that is simply the unique expression that we give to our lives and in benefit of us all to learn from.
I often wonder why many people feel that a gay relationship is somehow less than a heterosexual one, love is love no matter who it is. A close friend of mine has been in a gay relationship for many years, their relationship is more successful and loving than some of the heterosexual couples I know.
Thank you Felix your sharing is beautifully honest and very healing to read. When we learn to let go of hurts we can accept and appreciate who we truly are. Living without all the protection we carry allows us to experience life in a more loving and joy-full way.
What has been shared time and time again through Universal Medicine and the student body and from my own experience is that love has no boundaries, to class or judge love as being only for heterosexual relationships (which even then holds separation under the whole gender difference) is to cut short and box something that cannot be boxed. Love extends and expresses far greater than whatever makeup two bodies may comprise of.
Felix spending time with you and your partner is an absolute joy, it is so inspiring to meet two men not afraid to show who they truly are and express naturally with others this beautiful, tender, sensitive side. Your blog sums up that no matter what ever others say or do, if we follow our own heart then magic and love awaits.
Yes, Samantha. Men expressing tenderness and love for one another, regardless of whether they are a husband, partner, friend, colleague, father, brother, uncle, cousin, etc = awesome.
In returning to the blog Felix, I am struck yet again as to how much our own reactions to life and people, shape how they react to us. Thanks for sharing your story.
It is beautiful to hear a man express in this way and to share how you actually felt about things. To know something as your truth but to then deny it to fit in with what we think others need us to be is a great hurt, only to then return to a truth we know.
Yes I agree Felix the greatest hurt of all is not being met for the joy that we are as a baby. This of course can be remedied as you say by us learning to love and accept ourselves as we are in full. Beautiful!
I love the place you have come to Felix where you have committed to calling out and addressing what is not love within yourself and equally out in the world and as a result the world has allowed you to be and express who you are without the difficulties of your past.
Thank you again Felix for the power that is in your sharing here. Our sexuality is not the issue is it? Being ‘awakened’ to know and trust my true expression is what is on offer here and only when I do so does the outside world feel the truth and fullness of my nature. When we encounter truth, there is absolutely no defence.
‘By learning to love and accept all that I am and by simply making a choice to let the world in, and to live the true me’; I believe that this is the way back to who we are for everyone!
To let the world in, is something I am working on, as I had shut the world out, not trusting anyone! But I am learning to trust myself, and to appreciate all the steps I have taken and from there deepen the connection to myself and my body and to the love within. All I have to do is allow the love that is already there which supports me ‘ let the world in’.
Thank you Felix for sharing how you re-connected back with your natural expression. Truly healing and resolving our hurts is powerful.
Imagine if, from the day that we are born we got told that our only responsibility is to live true to who we are? What a different world we would have. More and more people are standing up and saying that the lovelessness that we are living with is not okay and that it is our responsibility to change it first within ourselves, then in our families, communities and the world.
A very important blog for all Felix
I have seen many a heterosexual relationship that was abusive, and completely dysfunctional, and yet condoned by society, and many a gay relationship that was truly loving in every regard, and yet condemned as being unnatural. This betrays our propensity to judge life by the outside, and our lack of willingness to value what is truly important – love.
It is a sorry state of affairs when we let our blinkers do the talking. True love has no boundaries and holds everyone as equals, that is as simple as it is.
Beautifully expressed Adam, it is quite ridiculous the way society, as a whole, values certain relationships and not others. As you so truly point out there is only one criteria and that is Love.
Beautiful Adam, love has no boundaries it just is.
Bullies can sniff a hurt out blindfolded from about 100 paces…..so I found it interesting that you healed your hurt and have not been bullied for almost 2 years. Could you imagine if we all healed our hurts, and then there would finally be no-one to bully, and the bully would have no more distractions and would then have amazing opportunity (in truth they have all the time anyway) to heal their hurts which is actually why they are bullying in the first place. One by one we are all doing this, and it is very inspiring.
For the longest time I felt wrapped up in my hurts about the world, but what Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon have presented is that we hurt ourselves before the world hurts us, not the other way around. Reading this blog reminded me of this fact that our sadness comes from our own choice to not accept that the world is not the love we know from birth that we have a natural right to be. In that choice we separate from that love to feel the sadness, in that choice we avoid the responsibility of holding that light and the awareness of what our light brings. Universal Medicine beautifully supports us to see the true quality of making such a choice brings and for me it is getting to the point where it’s simply not worth it anymore. To turn off our light is to keep us in the dark and in that darkness we are unaware of the harm that happens in the world. Thank you Felix.
Beautiful to share Felix,.” Through healing the hurts I am now able to start calling out what is not love in my own body – and equally so, what is not love in the world around me. ” Accepting the love you know yourself to be.
That was an awesome sharing Felix, Thank you
What you write here is very sad indeed: “All this manipulation was part of a game to adapt to what the world asked of me, not understanding that I was not truly connecting to people but to the falsity they themselves presented with.”. It tells a lot about how we shy and contract away from life, but it equally says a lot about the world that we allow people who we say we love dearly to walk away from themselves. ‘Leaving people free to choose’. But there’s no Love and Care in this. We should call it when people are not themselves – and we are to be taught to embrace when people show their genuine Care and Love towards us. Rather then building a big fortress and not allowing people in. Because of this, we’ve ended up in a world where hardly anyone is Truly open and honest about what is going on, where in fact there’s a lot going on inside of every single one of us on this planet.
“Through healing the hurts I am now able to start calling out what is not love in my own body – and equally so, what is not love in the world around me”. Very beautiful and powerful indeed Felix.
Thank you Felix for such a beautiful sharing and the truth you bring to the real power of healing our hurts. We all have them and they just get buried and added to throughout our lives and it is only through the teachings and words of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine that the real way of healing these hurts and the purpose of this can bring about a new way of living for us all in the fullness and love we naturally are.
Beautiful account in relation to the innocence of a child who feels love and is not encumbered by what society labels gay or straight or anything else for that matter.
If everybody would heal their hurts, there would be no wars. We have wars, because we don’t deal with our hurts. From the hurts start the internal war and from that war, we create the outside wars. The world would be completely different if we would deal with our hurts. All of us.
Healing our hurts is a big part of becoming truly healthy again because they sit like clouds in our body covering up the natural light of who we are. If we are unable to live who we truly are, we will make all kinds of unhealthy choices for ourselves from the pain of living separated to our essence. In a world filled with people living separated to who they truly are, I feel a true sense of celebration to read of your return to yourself Felix. This is something for us all to celebrate – a brothers true return. Welcome back.
Thank you, Melinda. Sometimes I forget how precious this is in a world where this is not the normal.
Thank you, this allowed me a moment to appreciate our return to our true selves too. So awesome to be doing this for myself and be supported by so many amazing people doing the same.
For men seeing that two men can have this close intimate connection is a true blessing. Men want to have this, gay or not gay, they want to have this natural expression of being tender, caring, playful with each other and this is easily seen when you see guys interact. It might look rough and tough and void of it, and it might be, but the want to have it lies just beneath the surface. So you’re doing a great job at breaking down very old set patterns both in men and women of how they think men should be like.
Felix in what you have shared with “Through healing the hurts I am now able to start calling out what is not love in my own body – and equally so, what is not love in the world around me.” it lets me understand why we allow so much abuse, hurt and unloving activity in the world. Simply because we don’t heal our hurts and so try and ignore the unignorable. If we don’t heal the hurts we become numb to all the areas that are not loving in ourselves, life and society.
We look at the extremes of behaviour in society and declare them as evil, but never stop to consider how our own actions contribute to the whole. So maybe you do not bash gay people in the street, or intimidate people at work, but do you ever raise your voice or manipulate another to get what you want? Do you ever try to control a situation or another? Do you refuse to accept another because they are not as you would like or need them to be? All of these subtle traits contribute to what we term “evil”, for they all contribute to a world that is based on protection, rather than the openness of true love.
So true, Adam, we all can do with looking at our behaviour and not condemning anyone else. The old saying ‘people in glasshouses shouldn’t throw stones’, these subtle traits are in all of us.
…also, instead of judging the behaviour of others perhaps it would be useful to bring understanding of the fact that people act from their hurts, and while this does not excuse their behaviour it does not make people evil. They are simply choosing to act in a way that is evil.
Beautifully said Adam. Anything that is not expressed from and with Love simply adds to the harm that we as a humanity have already created in the world, and does nothing to inspire change in those that are not yet aware of the differences.
Such a great sharing Felix for love is love no matter what and that can’t be changed. I feel most of us carry the hurt of not being met with the love that we are, when we come back as babies once again to a world that is filled with people who have been denied that love. Healing our hurts is like clearing a pathway back to our soul.
True – and as I experience this pathway can then be used by all.
Beautiful comment kevmchardy – ‘love is love no matter what and that can’t be changed.’ This gave me a stop moment to appreciate the power and absoluteness that love is.
Absolutley Jane. This sentence made me stop too. ‘love is love no matter what and that can’t be changed.’ and neither can it be denied, for when love is present there is nothing else getting in the way.
I remember in Sacred Esoteric Healing Level 2 at a Universal Medicine workshop, which offers the opportunity to clear a lot of hurts, a big one coming up as a young child. It was incredible to feel the devastation of not being met with the love that we are but then to also bring in the understanding of why. It was cleared within minutes and I had carried it for over 40 years. Magic does happen when you commit to healing your stuff.
So true Sarah, I am so thankful that I now have an understanding about, and the tools to support me in, healing my hurts. And we do all have them no matter how much we may deny it (as I once did!). As you say “Magic does happen when you commit to healing your stuff.”
‘ Healing our hurts is like clearing a pathway back to our soul’. I have also found this to be true Kev.
It is nearly ironic that the hurt I choose to carry with me is attracting the same sort of energy again and again and so confirming the hurt. So we hold ourselves in the misery and the world turns around us, us, us. What a clever constriction to hold us in unsuredness, looking for safety and a constriction that allow us to not serve humanity.
Accepting ourselves for who we truly are is really about accepting ourselves as the divine beings that we are and that how we express that divinity will be different for everyone.
Felix, this is so openly and lovingly and honestly expressed, and reading it I feel myself connect with my own tenderness and the feeling of vulnerability as I do, which shows me that what you are describing is the intimacy with the love we all are within, regardless of gender, gayness, heterosexuality, or trans gender, and how difficult it is for most human beings to surrender to this beautiful place. This deeply tender place where we all meet the one universal truth within us is where the opportunity lies for harmony and lack of judgment. I am wondering if it is because of the fear of feeling it (which can be so hard to bear because we do not feel ourselves worthy), that makes people turn away and start to cast judgments to protect themselves from the tender feeling?
I was with someone today with very fixed beliefs and it exposed to me how forceful this was and how blinkered her outlook was as her beliefs were restricting her thoughts and choices. Acceptance of her views was quite simple, I didn’t need to agree with her, we are all on our own journeys.
Thank you for this very honest and profound sharing, Felix. Love is love and is present in us all. i am learning that the expression of this love is for everyone equally with no judgment. Many of us have been influenced by ideals and beliefs around love and what is okay and not okay. The more I connect to the love within and express from this place the more I have been able to let go of the old belief patterns and this is so freeing and inclusive.
I’ve always felt that our expression with each other no matter what gender its with needs to be shared openly. I spent lots of time and formed great friendships with gay men in my 20s, I couldn’t understand why my other male friends made fun of me doing this and isolated me. For me it was about seeing the essence of the person and not which gender they choose to be with.
Recently there was a situation where I thought I was being honest and expressing from that place – only to find that I was still holding onto an old hurt and acted on an image based on that past experience – which I thought I had let go of already a long time ago, but clearly there was an attachment. It’s incredible it was still there after all the ‘processing’ I thought I did, but I don’t think I was still able to understand how that was still affecting me in my previous letting-goes. I am forever grateful for what Universal Medicine, Serge Benhayon brings us which supports and inspires me so much in getting the truth of the magnificent ‘I’ which ultimately is completely impersonal.
It is incredible how much we think we are being honest, when in fact we are not. I’ve found for myself that it stems from not being truly honest with myself. Once I understand this of myself it becomes easier to understand, it didn’t stem from a nasty place, but from a little girl trying to adapt and fit into a world where I wasn’t loved and cherished for who I truly was and where everything was against what I truly felt. From this comes an understanding that I’ve taught myself to lie to myself about what I’m truly feeling, and hence the dishonesty. From there I can bring an awareness in knowing that there’s much deeper to go.
The energy we choose is the energy we then live in. It is so simple.
It is beautiful Felix how you have shared and expressed how the world can impose on us so many ideals and beliefs. Ultimately it is up to us whether or not we choose to allow them to change the way we feel. The best counter as has been mentioned is appreciation, the more we appreciate ourselves for who we are and for everything that we bring the less we will look to the outside world for the answers. And when we appreciate another for being themselves and not simply for something they may have done it can be and is a game changer for them.
Once we truly appreciate ourselves we cannot be a victim of bullying. Firstly, we are less likely to attract bullying because bullies are cowards who mostly prey on those who are not strong in themselves, and secondly, even if we are bullied, we will not take it personally and will certainly not play victim.
I have found that if I don’t accept & appreciate myself and try and fit into another’s view of how I should be I am disconnected from my own knowing and wisdom and scared to be in the world – and this can come from the simplest of messages absorbed when young. Fortunately for me I came across Serge Benhayon and with the support of esoteric practitioners I am accepting myself more and more these days.
Felix how amazing that the bullying has stopped ‘by learning to love and accept all that I am and by simply making a choice to let the world in, and to live the true me.’ It goes to show how powerful self-acceptance and self-appreciation is … no wonder bullies are drawn to belittle and judge others who are in some way different – it is their way of keeping themselves safe and not having to evolve their world view.
The power of healing ones hurts cannot be overemphasised and is the most important key to love and being the love we naturally are letting everyone in. This is a beautiful blog Felix.
Every time again I realise that I can only heal my own hurts and nobody can do this for me.
Such a beautiful sharing, Felix. Love cannot be defined by who shares it- love is love and is God’s way of being in the world.
The power of healing our hurts is limitless.
Yes, this is so true Alexis, this is the way to freedom.
“Learning to love and accept all that I am” is such a powerful phrase Felix, yet something so few people truly feel. I agree with you that healing our own hurts is the way forward, then we don’t impose on others and allow them to be who they truly are also.
Which offers true healing and a new cycle of evolution.
To accept and appreciate who you are Felix allows the space for others to accept themselves much more easily. This is one of the great ways we serve to help each other through caring for ourselves deeply and it is why self care is never selfish but crucial to having a deep love and care for all around us.
Self-care is care for all!
Committing to ourselves and healing our hurts allows our love to expand exponentially – it feels like I just can’t fathom the greatness of doing this.
Appreciation of self and others cuts the otherwise steady flow of self judgment and criticism.
The fact that you haven’t been bullied since starting to heal your hurts and claiming yourself is very revealing – as within so without.
Thank you Felix, and it is awesome to feel your commitment to you and the way you have come to accept and celebrate the love that you are.
There is a societal arrogance vis a vis gay men and women as if being gay means that there is something wrong with you (but of course, nothing wrong with the me). Unfortunately, this image is also something that gay people have to struggle against. Being free of such a false and heavy burden is a true blessing.
Beautiful Felix, we can only celebrate when all the abuse (which is bullying) is stopped forever. It is in our hands. As you share and show us, at least in your case there is now no longer a pull towards you to be bullied as you had stopped the game from your side first – and with beautiful effects – as when you stay and claim the love we are, there is no space to allow such hateful, abuse.
I love this line Danna, ‘when you stay and claim the love we are, there is no space to allow such hateful abuse.’ I would very much agree, when we know and claim who we are, no form of abuse is ok. It’s certainly worth putting in the effort to know who we are, so we can begin to end all these ugly behaviours that play out in the world.
Yes Meg N. We know that something is amiss and is not quite right. Exploring who we are would be our first thing to do! And then see how the rest unravels, I trust the world becomes a much better place.
It’s amazing the hurts we carry every single day, never trying to change them or heal them, just accepting them as part of us, as they hide who we truly are day in and day out… but… what if this didn’t have to be the case?
This is so true Brendan. I have been focusing on appreciating myself recently but I also became more aware of how important it is to appreciate another also.
Felix, I loved reading your story. It brought tears to my eyes because I felt more deeply how being bullied has been a part of my life. It has been done in a subtle way, a way that is accepted by most and regarded as normal but to me where I am today it is a form of bullying simply for not accepting all of who I am. Reading this blog is so timely as I have become more aware recently and felt in my body my lack of accepting me and who I truly am.
“I simply couldn’t understand how loving another man could not be right!” There have been many times when I have felt truth so strongly and couldn’t understand why another couldn’t feel it too. I have felt so frustrated at the time from my lack of acceptance and understanding. We can all feel truth, we all know truth about every thing and it is one of the most loving things I can do is to accept myself and others as to where we are all at.
Felix, you’ve offered simple tools to dissolve the hurts of not being met. By living the love we are and accepting the greatness of this (without a need for others to accept it too) we can clearly see and heal what stands in our way.
Agreed Brendan and for further shock right up till the 1970’s homosexuality was considered to be a Mental Illness. How wrong we can get it when we choose not to understand.
I know right it’s 2016 and we are still afraid to express ourselves for fear of ridicule and judgement. It’s proof that we still have not accepted our own varying degrees of sexuality. We are all still unaware of the rich and multiple ways we have lived in the past and will live in the future. We are afraid of our own expression.
Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine are the only ones who have helped not only me but hundreds of others truly get to the root cause of hurts and support in them being healed. We must truly understand energy first in order to do this and this is what Serge Benhayon brings. Truth in energy and understanding with a whole lot of Love.
Absolutely – before Serge Benhayon – being weighed down by the world and everything that had ever effected me or hurt me was normal. Yet it’s so incredibly far from who I really am, and what normal truly is. It feels so good to let it all go.
It is interesting to feel that there are versions of us, all based upon the hurts that have shaped and changed who we naturally are. I can say that I am definitely different to how I was 10 years ago. Yes, there may be a natural change in that time, but I can really feel the change has been expedited by dealing with my hurts.
So great Felix. ‘Through healing the hurts I am now able to start calling out what is not love in my own body – and equally so, what is not love in the world around me. This not only supports my well-being, but also serves all who I am in contact with – my family, friends, clients and the community.’
When we heal our hurts it becomes easier to see and feel what no longer supports our body, as we honour that we inspire others around us too, as they can feel the reflection.
“This was a process of stepping up and opening my eyes again to what is truly going on in the world.” – I agree Felix, when we’re holding onto hurts it’s like we’re seeing life through a distorted lens and have blinkers on. And when we start to let the hurts go and live more from our essence we can open up to seeing all of life without the blurry filter but instead with true understanding.
I loved the innocence and surprise you had to find that love (in this case with a man) which felt so right and natural for you is judged and condemned in society. Although I couldn’t think of such a tangible example I could feel the same thing has happened to us all when the loveliness and sweetness of a child suddenly meets the not love in our parents, friends, teachers, etc. I have also found that when I accept something about myself, it no longer attracts any issues.
This is gorgeous Felix, and the freedom of expressing truth feels oh so glorious in the way you now live. Inspiring all others in doing the same.
Felix, thank you for sharing your experiences it is the first time I feel someone has shared with me openly and honestly the prejudices a gay individual faces in today’s society and the snowball effects this has on the individual and how their life plays out.
I also want to thank Felix for sharing such a beautiful and incredibly inspiring blog.
It is also the first time for me to read about a gay mans experience and what I loved about it was the acceptance and the not holding back for being gay. “… I now openly express love with my partner, walking hand in hand in the streets or sharing a kiss or a post on social media” – very beautiful.
Felix the power of your first two or so paragraphs is so powerful. The reason I feel it is so powerful is because of the honesty, fragility and strength you have that you share with the reader so they can get quite a feel for the sadness and shock you felt at society rejecting something so natural.
‘.’…..was simply God’s tool to awaken me’ – returning to your blog today Felix these few words stand out for me. This is a beautiful way to see those experiences in your life that have caused you to go deeper and uncover your essence – the love you are. This Blog is a reminder and opportunity for us all to celebrate God’s tool for each of us, and to deeply appreciate our re-connection to our inner heart.
Absolutely Brendan and speaks volumes about those who judge. Where is their love?
“Through healing the hurts I am now able to start calling out what is not love in my own body – and equally so, what is not love in the world around me.” Felix it’s crucial that we to heal our own hurts first otherwise we are looking outside ourselves for love or reacting easily to anything that triggers the pain. Once we feel our love within it is very clear what is not love in us and around us.
It is absolutely crazy that as a society we are still behind, it sure shows that we don’t have love for ourselves if we cannot accept two men holding hands. Something is wrong.
Yes Brendan, this is so true. It is only when we have built a solid foundation of love and truth and an appreciation of who we are in our bodies, that we are able to begin to not let hurts affect us. And this requires an ongoing commitment and honouring of ourselves in everything that we do and say.
As each hurt is healed we are revealed more of our true selves – everyone has hurts and recognising and accepting the love we are is the healing balm.
What I find, helps a lot, in addition to what you expressed, Shelley, is to become aware of the cause. Not the cause of the hurt, but the cause of why I opened myself up for the hurt to get in.
Great point Felix, as ultimately we are responsible if we feel hurt. We cannot get hurt unless we have an opening for the hurtful energy to enter which then makes us react and take things personally and also causes us to hurt others. The opening comes from not dealing with old hurts which then attract similar energy to open the old wound. We think that the hurt is coming from something outside that is doing something to us, but in actual fact this wound was festering silently inside us and just gets reactivated when we let the energy in.
As we become aware of why we opened ourselves up for the hurts to come in, we have the choice to change our movement that no longer allows openings for hurts to get in.
When we don’t see past the hurt we miss so much.
Absolutely shocking and it shows the lack of love and worth we have for ourselves. If we cannot handle two men being deeply in love and holding hands, than what does this say about us? If we cannot accept this, it shows that we don’t have love for ourselves, let alone that we are able to hold our own hand.
I loved this article as it highlighted the stark difference between the naturalness of loving a man and the harshness and judgment that we in society have been raised to have. This is very confirming that this judgment is not something we naturally have but is learnt from our families, media, or our peers. We need to foster what our children naturally know to return to a society that values true love in all its expressions.
Truly claiming every single part of our expression is so needed on this planet. All of us have a Divine expression that we were born to share with the world in every way. We are all so very lovely. Let’s support each other to clear the cobwebs, cut down the armour and heal the hurts so that we may all feel the joy of daily living.
To cut down the armor, Kathryn, that is so revealingly said. And it is now that I learn how the armor is not a fixed hardness in the body alone. The armor comes into the body through a choice of movement and angles. I can walk along the streets in a way that my loveliness is felt. It’s a tender swing, a light open and wide way of holding my shoulders, a preciousness and absoluteness when my feet touch the ground.
Felix, it’s true, even if the armour is not a solid fixture in the body it is rebuilt and patched up everytime we move without presence and love. It’s a huge responsibility to be with ourselves and not allow unloving energy in for it doesn’t just affect us, it has an infinite ripple effect.
If we disconnect from the love that we are all our movements are going to be in protection mode. And the more we move in this way the harder the body becomes. My arm is a great reminder of this as if I am applying for jobs in a desperation or panic of not being supported the muscles tighten harder and harder. I have a choice then to keep pushing through or stop and shake off the armour. We don’t have to go through life protected and our bodies are reminding us of this fact constantly.
Gorgeous Felix. I too have experienced this openness and joy in my body and movements and it expands as I go…
‘Let’s support each other to clear the cobwebs, cut down the armour and heal the hurts so that we may all feel the joy of daily living.’ Hear, hear Kathryn Fortuna! Feeling the inspiration of living daily life in Joy.
‘ It was then I realised that until bullying in all forms completely ceases in this world, it is only then can we truly celebrate.’ Felix you are an inspiration for so many. And the bullying begins when we are born especially if we are as light and angelic as yourself.
The whole world aches to be themselves yet we hide behind beliefs and roles and expectations. Being gay is as beautiful an expression and being as any other sexual orientation. There is no gender in heaven.
The bullying starts so early that it flows under the radar of normal. It was not until I met Serge Benhayon that I understood that life as I knew it on earth is not the normal where we come from.
It’s this acceptance of what is ‘normal’ that keeps us all imprisoned by our beliefs. It is great Felix that you have allowed yourself to express how you feel. This will support others to express their true nature too. I love also how you take it further to reveal your understanding that earth may be where we reside but it is not where we are from originally. If we could let go of ‘normal’ how expansive we could be.
Felix, not only is ‘ life on earth not the normal of where we come from’ but it is actually hardly comprehensible where we come from.
Yes I remember the moment well that I realised as a child what the world outside my family was like. Full of illness and disease and hardness. Little did I know then that it was normal to feel shocked about the state of the world but that it is not who we are or where we come from, which is pure love.
I agree Kathryn, the principles that Felix shares about how he was able to cease bullying being directed at him is pure gold. Every parent has felt the effects that bullying has on children and it is going on in epidemic proportions in our schools. So it is amazing to have such a clear understanding an example of how we can stop this from effecting us and being part of our lives.
Yes I agree Toni. It’s even as simple as getting clear about what is bullying. I know that my daughter came home yesterday feeling puzzled with the conversation that was being had at school about another school mate and we quickly felt the bullying energy behind it.
A part of making the changes with this type of behaviour is ‘outing’ it in the first place. Any form of negativity towards another is not okay.
And of course from there we both decided that if something is not said then we are enjoining the bully. We both agreed…..Silence is constant.
Bullying will continue while we hold ourselves back, hiding our glory and choose to hold others back by putting them down, so we can remain comfortable in our contraction.
Absolutely Kathryn, only Heavenly Love.
Beautiful Kathryn and this sentence is exactly what I need to hear right now “And the bullying begins when we are born especially if we are as light and angelic as yourself.”
When as children we shut down our true expression of joy, tenderness and wonder for the world, great harm is done that can affect our whole life, it wasn’t until meeting Serge Benhayon and working consistently with the practitioners of Universal Medicine that I was truly able to heal these hurts, which has transformed my life, this has had a very positive affect on those around me.
“This was a process of stepping up and opening my eyes again to what is truly going on in the world. Through healing the hurts I am now able to start calling out what is not love in my own body – and equally so, what is not love in the world around me. This not only supports my well-being, but also serves all who I am in contact with – my family, friends, clients and the community.” By healing our hurts it has a ripple affect, we open our selves and hearts to others showing them it is possible and safe to do so, what you have shared is very awesome Felix.
Yes, Thomas, the ripple effects of healing our hurts are even vaster than the ripple effects of walking with hurt. The healing ripple effect does much more to our climate and environment than any carbon dioxide economisation will ever be able to have.
Great call for the bigger picture Felix, if only mankind would consider this as a possibility rather than focussing on spot fires – violence, war, famine, global warming, planetary destruction, sickness, and suicide – healing our hurts enables us to really commit to ourselvs and to others, and we will naturally begin to work, joyfully so, in consideration of the all. Hurt breeds protection and individual survival, and looking after ‘our own’ in separation to others and we have seen over and over again in history that this never ends well.
The hurt begins with our own separation from our self, our Soul, and in this the separation from all others. From there it just snowballs downwards… heal the separation from our Soul and from God and the healing of everything else flows from that – a ripple effect and a waterfall all in one.
Healing our hurts means expansion, more love, more of the genuine person we are, more space for others to be who they are. There is so little of this in the world, yet it is so powerful.
Love this thread / discussion. “Hurt breeds protection and individual survival, and looking after ‘our own’ in separation to others and we have seen over and over again in history that this never ends well.” This has been going on for years and nothing is changing. To speak from personal experience and what I have witnessed in other people, healing your hurts is the only way forward because since I have started that process, I am so much more aware of me and how I react and be in the world and have much more understanding of what is at play. I am much more open and ready for life.
Healing our hurts opens us up naturally to the love that we are. This in turn opens us up to all and that is something to be celebrated.
It sure does Kelly, effectively I see our hurts as layers we have put over our inner most, or essence as forms of ‘protection’. Yet all the layers do is keep us away from the love we naturally are and from deeply feeling the love from others, So as you say the more we heal our hurts and let go of them the more we open up to the love that is on offer.
“I discovered that being ‘gay’ was seen as a bad thing by the majority of people, and that this word could be used as a weapon. I simply couldn’t understand how loving another man could not be right!” What is strange in our society is that we accept heterosexual relationships and marriages, that are sometimes not loving, and based on an arrangement or even abusive, as being normal and acceptable. But when a gay or same sex couple come together in absolute love and harmony they judge and condemn them, out of comparison and jealousy, seeing the love that are choosing, that they themselves have not.
Wow this is what happens and you name it here, “They judge out of comparison and jealousy, seeing the love they are choosing, that they themselves have not.” This is actually in general happening not just for the love in couples, it is happening for every choice that they themselves have not made. It is worth choosing love and always on a deeper level and be honest when it comes to jealousy may it be through us or what happens at us.
I agree Thomas. We give so much credence to people staying together, regardless of how loving or evolving the relationship is. So long as a relationship meets the picture of what we consider to be acceptable, we choose not to see the bits that are not true.
We applaud longevity without feeling the truth of the relationship and in doing this we are sometimes saying yes to anti-evolution where there is no foundation of true love. We also think negatively about divorce when in fact this could be the most evolutionary thing to do for each person in the relationship.
Thomas there are many things about how our society judges others that does not make sense. I have often wondered why our society, especially men shun the thought of two men together but are much more forgiving and even encouraging of 2 women being together. What truly is behind their reactions?
I agree Thomas, it makes no sense what so ever. The key is that we have love between 2 people. And when there is true love it does not matter what sex they are. The problem as you say is that so many relationships are not based on love and are simply arrangements. Sadly so so many men and women feel trapped in them.
Its true Thomas, sometime the thing we are reacting to the most is the very thing we are craving for ourself the most.
The truth of what you share is undeniable. People turn their own discomfort and hurt against others and condemn them for having the depth to be honest and honouring to their own truth. Incredible atrocities are created against each other based on this jealousy and comparison towards each other.
To have such strong feelings of anger about people having gay relationships suggests a huge level of disharmony in one’s own life. For when we live a life that is accepting of ourselves, and we are comfortable and at ease in our own skin it is impossible to have those kind of prejudices floating around our body, because the love we have arisen in ourselves has no desire to be in anger or hatred for another, there is simply no room for it and the essence of who we are simply does not relate to it.
“Living as a gay man and facing the difficulties this comes with in our current society, was simply God’s tool to awaken me. It was then I realised that until bullying in all forms completely ceases in this world, it is only then can we truly celebrate.” I agree Felix, there is so much discrimination and bullying that goes on in the world, and until we all take responsibility for the bullying and subtle levels of abuse in our own families, work colleges and friends, and say no to abuse of any kind, the world won’t change.
For me this shows when we have dealt with our hurts and accept ourselves to the max (100% at least) it leaves no room for another to doubt us.
It is then that we are truly grown up and mature adults. And it goes along with a body awareness where I can feel my whole body flowing as one vibrant organism.
“To cope with this sadness I hardened and numbed my body in anger and frustration, and in reaction, lost trust in everybody and closed myself down.” It was a joy to read your blog Felix and feel how you have re-imprinted to now live a full life from the true you again.
It does Brendan – to step right in there and go for it, and to realise that they are not as big as what we can make them out to be and the amazing space and freedom we allow once we let go.
I admire your courage Felix for being the real you
As I see you in your direct and humorous approach to people.
‘Through healing the hurts I am now able to start calling out what is not love in my own body – and equally so, what is not love in the world around me.” When we can feel this difference between what is or isn’t truly love we can observe the not love and not absorb it because we are love and there isn’t a hurt in us to latch on to so to speak. Healing our hurts absolutely rocks.
I’m with you on this Sandra. It is quite freeing to unravel a hurt and bring absolute honesty to ourselves, and this process seems to open my eyes even more to the world around.
The way we conform to others from a very young age to please and fit in with society has a profound effect on us for decades to come. By feeling allowed to be who you truly are Felix feels a release from the self made prison you were in, what an incredible healing you have had..
“Since I could not change my natural expression, I learned to hide my innocence and began to judge and condemn my own expression.” A beautifully eloquent expression of how we fit into society at the cost of our true beauty.
This is a beautiful and loving presentation how at present society does not honour or nurture the innate quality of human beings but instead we are molded to conform to fit into a way of being that can be unlovingly manipulated by the greed and corruption of those in positions of power.
It is awful that we seem to have developed a world where we are all playing some sort of game by fitting into the roles it seems we are asked to play. You are right Felix when you describe them as lies connecting to lies and not very nice. For you as a gay man, it was very obvious to you that it was suffocating your natural expression, yet for others it is not so obvious yet just as awful. We are asked to be in roles rather than express as ourselves, we are asked to pretend that everything is great when everything is not. Keeping up these facades is exhausting and untrue and also sad. We need to allow each other the space to be truthful. It is beautiful to feel that these deep hurts can be healed when there is a willingness to feel them and allow them to be released. When we realise that most people have been playing these false roles, most people must be carrying these deep hurts and it is in protection of these hurts that they insist that others play the game. By allowing healing of our hurts we are showing there is a different way and that it is possible to live with love and joy.
Healing our hurts. Who wouldn’t want to do this?! We would all love to live hurt free. But the actuality of facing them and feeling them sometimes doesn’t feel so easy. So we keep avoiding them and numbing ourselves so we don’t feel them. We simply delay doing what we would actually love to do. Isn’t it crazy!
I have to admit that I bought into this consciousness too, the church preached that it was wrong my, parents believed the church and they said it was wrong and if anyone displayed signs of being gay they were teased or victimised. It’s great that the attitude of people is changing but not nearly fast enough.
Healing the hurts that hold us back from love is huge. As I read your blog Felix, I could feel the pain of the world and how as babies, we feel the hurts that those around us carry and their jealousy of a new baby and the love that the baby naturally is and what this brings up for people. What a cycle this is, creating the first hurts that this baby then carries. Healing this is immense and powerful. Feeling like we have to hide who we really are happens on many levels and for gay people has been ever present in their lives in society as we know it. It’s so interesting and inspiring that when you fully claimed yourself, that the abuse stopped coming at you Felix. This is true for all of us. Once we heal the hurt there is no entry point for that abuse to continue.
True Amanda, and then we get stuck in hiding who we really are, full of hurts and desperately trying to keep numbing ourselves so we don’t feel all these hurts. We call this life, this existence. Healing our hurts and claiming ourselves transforms our lives as Felix shares in this lovely Blog.
What a gorgeous claiming of yourself, as a man.
What I am finding is there are layers of deeper hurts that I was previously unaware of, i.e. numbed to – it comes out in the way I speak, the way I move, in the way I feel about other people, either trusting or not, open or not. These hurts, imagined or real, have affected every aspect of my life. Taking responsibility for them means allowing myself to feel more, which is a first step to letting them go.
Knowing that we have the power to heal our hurts is huge.
That we do not have to walk in the misery of them forever.
And that there is so much waiting for us once the hurts have passed.
“that there is so much waiting for us once the hurts have passed.” – This is the key reason for me why so many hang on to their hurts. I, too, felt what I was to be responsible for. It was to open the borders of my own little personal life to a bigger scheme. For a long time I preferred to shut out the world and just live my bubble of taking care of myself.
A beautiful awareness that life is not about ‘self’, bullying as you say still exists and “Living as a gay man and facing the difficulties this comes with in our current society, was simply God’s tool to awaken me. It was then I realised that until bullying in all forms completely ceases in this world, it is only then can we truly celebrate.” This expresses our connection and responsibility with the ALL.
My theme at the moment is ‘letting love in’…I have been learning to love myself and through this I am now learning to let in the world and love it…”…by learning to love and accept all that I am and by simply making a choice to let the world in, and to live the true me.” What you describe here feels like true freedom, not to be beholden to emotions, jealousy and attacks from others, or ourselves and maintain love is a very powerful and freeing experience.
‘It was then I realised that until bullying in all forms completely ceases in this world, it is only then can we truly celebrate.’ Truly profound.
I agree Lee, while there is still those that are being bullied there is no equality for all and love is being held back.
1. Julie isn’t it fascinating that we still like to see it happening over there – away from us – and it seems that it is okay? No one anywhere should have to put up with bullying and we need to all be speaking the same message.
What I am learning now is that healing hurts doesn’t mean that I would never feel the pain and forget about the experiences, I would still remember them but I am no longer owned by it and act it out. Healing hurts allows more space for love to be lived, and that makes it easier for more hurts to reveal themselves from hiding and to be healed.
Beautifully expressed Fumiyo Egashira, “What I am learning now is that healing hurts doesn’t mean that I would never feel the pain…” This is profound to share, hurt and issues arise that do not feel good, however much we heal, this is a huge learning to understand and appreciate.
I know it is not fashionable to say, but often when we walk around contracted from life we attract the very thing we are trying to avoid. Thus we find those who seem to invariably attract bullying wherever they go. This is not a criticism, but rather an observation on how life seems to work, and if we do indeed look at it this way, we realise that we have more power over the quality of our lives than we might like to think.
Your response here Adam feels very supportive and brings true understanding of what is truly going on in these situations like bullying. So great that you highlight another possible option for us to ponder on and get some understanding from.
This is ultimately supportive, Adam – because it empowers all equally.
Beautifully expressed, Adam, and those things in life that we could be victims to are also our opportunities to evolve. As Felix says, “Living as a gay man and facing the difficulties this comes with in our current society, was simply God’s tool to awaken me”.
When we have hurts they can feel very real and a part of us which then leads us to judge ourselves within that. It is only when we can give ourselves the grace of a moment and feel under that hurt, do we get to feel the truth of us and the situation can then be seen for what it truly is. A beautiful learning of what we have accepted as us that we can then feel as absolutely not.
“All this manipulation was part of a game to adapt to what the world asked of me, not understanding that I was not truly connecting to people but to the falsity they themselves presented with. Lies connecting to lies.” What an ever-deepening cycle of falsity that we collude in and re-enforce when we do not express from Truth. Thank you Felix for the courage to give us an inspiration of how to break the cycle by your lived example.
Jonathan what is clear is that if there is no truth, no expression of truth and no connection with truth then all we build is falsity, until the point where we stop others from even considering their truth. Slowly by slowly we reinforce everything that is not our true nature until someone comes along and reminds us, by the way they live, they don’t need to repeat the same ills. Lots to reflect on for our individual lives.
Yes Jonathan Stewart, so true “What an ever-deepening cycle of falsity that we collude in and re-enforce…” And it is an awesome path to follow, to return to love and truth and have the veil of illusion lifted.
Very true Jonathan, we as a humanity have created a whole false way of being with one another, this way is based on the absolutely false and ridiculous notion that we are separate from one another and from God, in this fabricated idea that we are separate we then create further separation, but all the while we are all deeply connected and affect each other with what we say and do.
Healing our hurts is something that I have come to realise is an essential road we must go down before we can move on from the place where we are today. For me I was not even aware of the hurts that I was carrying, with all the distractions and numbing techniques that I had adopted as a ‘normal’ way of living I wasn’t able to feel them. Healing our hurts is just another step in understanding that we are not broken and in fact we are absolutely everything we every need to be.
I love this innocence of the child knowing exactly what he wants. And I can see how the rejection of this must have hurt very deeply. This reminds me of how we can raise our children to not speak freely and in fact to conform to social convention. Felix shows us here very clearly the consequences of that way of living and how when we expect children to conform this creates many hurts which can interfere with that child’s sense of who they truly are.
‘Since I could not change my natural expression, I learned to hide my innocence and began to judge and condemn my own expression.’ From this sentence I can feel how in feeling the reaction of others to us as we are when we are in our essence we also emulate the rejection we feel and start to judge and attack ourselves for simply being us – this is a feeling I have also had.
Michael Chater, gorgeous, I know this feeling also, it is expressed beautifully here, we “attack ourselves for simply being us…” staggering isn’t it and yet I know every time I heal something it is connected to me becoming more understanding and love towards myself and letting go of the self sabotage.
Healing our hurts frees us to live who we truly are, beautiful to read Felix.
I wonder where and how, and at what time in humanity’s history, did we decide, as an almost world wide belief that loving another was taboo, and against Gods moral judgement, because that other was of the same sex? How on earth did this come about??
As a society we don’t realise just how crushing it can be for a small boy when their natural loving expression is rejected. What can be considered as a nothing comment by an adult (who carries a hurts within themselves) can be quite devastating and life changing for a child.
I am wondering why is it – that we “as society don’t realize how crushing it can be for a small boy when their natural loving expression is rejected.” Is it because of the adults who were carrying such a hurt within themselves and they don’t want to have a look at their hurts? . . . it is like a Merry Go Round.
And around and around we go, until someone decides to stop or the catastrophe of our abusive modern day lives condemns many more to this merry-go-round. It takes great courage to stop, reflect and be truly honest.
Only when we are in touch with our sensitive side can we relate with what a small boy, or girl, would feel like to have their loving expression and openness rejected. Unfortunately so many have chosen to numb themselves so as to not feel their hurts, they then go on to perpetuate this pattern by being less than loving with another, simply because they are numb, unaware and coming from a hurt. Self responsibility is huge.
Oh boy Matthew, you reminded me of instances and events where I remember persons purposefully shutting me down. I didn’t have the tools or understanding to bring to these situations back then and consequently took them personally and carried these hurts and mistrusts around with me. It is astounding what one person’s comment or even a look can have on child or adult for that matter if we are not aware of what is going on.
Isn’t it incredible that when we heal the root cause of our hurts, the outward manifestation that is a result from these patterns (in this case being bullied because of you being gay) subsides and is no longer an issue. This is the power of healing.
Indeed Donna, it is ‘incredible that when we heal the root cause of our hurts, the outward manifestation that is a result from these patterns subsides and is no longer an issue’ and tragically if not healed then we lumber along dragging an infestation around with us that interferes and messes with so much of our life.
As a child I was still part of the ‘children should be seen and not heard’ generation. Speaking anything was not required and not fostered. This naturally transferred to not writing or speaking. Universal Medicine and its workshops has allowed my past hurts of lack of free expression to be vanquished.
It says it all that when some mainstream religions can promote homosexuality as being sinful and yet if there was anything like true love in those religions we wouldn’t hear about all the abuse that has gone on in those very establishments.
What a wondrous journey we embark upon when ready to heal our hurts and live our true selves, the majesty we find of the truth within.
It is my experience that a lot of bullying comes when we do not claim something as a truth for ourselves. So Felix it is heartening to see that you claimed what was true for you and recently have not experienced any reaction to that. When we stand steadfast in our living way we actually do become more stable and less able to be rocked by acts of discrimination, bullying and evil.
Its a great point Stephen G, and reminds me how important it is to appreciate who I am and the choices I make in life.
Why is it that we find it so hard to surrender and become humble, and much easier to be pushy and disputatious? Why is it that we find it almost impossible and even disempowering to stop?
I was in a meeting yesterday where I felt the projection of a persons deep deep hurts projected in such a disrespectful manner I felt the only thing I could do was remove myself from such an abusive situation. Sometimes we just have to walk away and allow others to rot. I was able to hold myself steady and connected in this situation for a period of time but when this abuse was allowed to continue by the facilitator the most loving thing for me to do was remove myself.
Thank you Margaret Shadforth. I find myself in this kind of situation regularly and I also have to remove myself at times and I know I can sometimes judge myself and feel that I should be able to cope or change the situation somehow but it is what it is and it is for me to accept that that is how it is and it is not up to me to rescue anyone from their own rot, so to speak because, in truth, I cannot. I can express the truth as I know it and be firm in my love but it is their choice and theirs alone how they choose to act and what they choose to do.
Yes eleinearthey my experience has been similar to yours. I find for me when I am clear and centred with no expectations or attachment to an outcome and my intention is as it should be, all day everyday is to just be and emanate my inner stillness and light with understanding, it usually offers enough support if others so choose for them to be able to express with some degree of respect for others. When this is not the case and I am not the facilitator of the meeting and it is not my role to terminate it all I can do is call out the truth and leave the situation. I make it clear before the rare interactions to this particular family member if there is abuse I will leave so there are no surprises.
Yes, when we left a footprint of our truth by calling out the abuse we sometimes have to leave, because it wouldn’t be true to stay. It’s a matter of love and expansion, not one of protection and contraction.
Sometimes a loving choice like this means the end of a partnership or marriage. It shows how narrow some cultural and religious traditions are where the highest goal is to stay in the marriage until passing over. How cruel this is to oneself, to follow such ideals where I could otherwise follow a loving impulse to set an end to abuse.
Healing our hurts is so powerful. Without doing this we choose to remain in our hurt. If we choose to look at our hurts and feel them for what they are we have an opportunity to clear them, be free of them and live life without them.
I wish I had kept a list of all the hurts I have let go, the list would be long, but more importantly it would remind me every day of just how easy it has been to put past hurts where they belong – in the past.
This is very inspiring Heather. We do not have to live life with all our hurts still in toe. The fact that it can be easy to let them go shows us how much we can invest in them and choose to keep them.
And many forms of modern psychology are designed to keep the hurts in a never-ending loop, sometimes it seems to me that there is a lobby behind it interested in producing more and more clientele. The question is: Are we as a whole interested in something that truly heals?
Felix thank you so much for being so honest to write about your experiences of being gay and to publish it – that is a miracle for me too. Thank you so much for not holding back and being such an inspiration for all the other men in the world who would also like to live together in love with another man just like their Mum and Dad did.
Thanks Felix for reminding me and the world – it is always about love first. If we are gay / lesbian or not, doesn’t matter, as long as we live the love we are. It is about the commitment to live a true relationship to evolve and to be connected to everybody and not to hide as a couple.
That’s beautiful Alexander. And to think how long people have put down being gay yet almost never mentioned what you have, that the most important thing is that our relationships are about love first…. something that Serge Benhayon has been very inspirational in presenting his understanding of this fact.
I love the fact Felix that you knew at age 8 who you where, and how innocently you claimed that. How deeply nurturing and supportive it would be if we our natural expression was encouraged and developed so we were not scared to express in full all of us. Society has a way to go till we see this as the norm but with blogs like these Felix, others are also inspired to stand in their truth, and this is how true change happens. Thank you for your sweetness.
It’s lovely to see and feel the confirmation in what Felix has written. As you say from a young age knowing what felt true to him. I am sure that is the case for so many of us yet not being nurtured in that way we loose what we already knew. What a blessing to be reminded that its never actually been lost – just a part of us buried below the surface waiting for us to be inspired and step forward in and with.
This is a beautiful point David what we crave most, our love and truth, is always with us just waiting for us to connect to it.
It is a great confirmation David. Knowing that who we are can never be lost, is ever there waiting to be claimed and expressed again, just as Felix has done in this blog.
I agree Samanthaengland, Felix has expressed so openly and sweetly his lived experience which is a great healing and way forward for many.
Yes Julie, what Felix has written will be a great healing for many. As we take steps to honour and express our truth we deeply inspire others to also know it is safe to do so.
It is inspiring to know that as young children we know and understand so much. A great tip for anyone who spends time with young children is knowing that there is a wise being right in front of you.
Thank you for your contributions – I hadn’t seen it from that angle. Definitely love can be expressed towards kids in a way that they are met as the wise experts on their lives that they already are. How often do we laugh about our kid’s “silly” ideas and wipe them off as nonsense – when they actually are philosophical gems from heaven?
From my experience, healing hurts is something that comes with more self responsibility and when you’re stuck in the hurts, there is no way you can choose self responsibility and surrender to what is held in your body, all you want to do is bury or numb yourself from them so then you are unable to simply be honest about their existence as a starting point. Great to have Universal Medicine workshops and presentations to inspire us with the way forward from love.
Beautifully expressed Julie and I agree it all comes back to self responsibility, something that most seem to avoid at all costs, but unfortunately the cost is often very high. Numbing and hiding only serve to harm us, whereas responsibility and surrender serve to truly heal.
We trick ourselves into thinking responsibility is no fun, but how can an act of love not be enjoyable?
Numbing and hiding harms us and does not feel lovely, so we seek pleasure and relief in many ways, be it food, fast lifestyle, drugs … taking responsibility and allowing the healing is freeing.
Very true Julie, we have to start being honest and addressing what is really going on in ourselves, ‘when you’re stuck in the hurts, there is no way you can choose self responsibility and surrender to what is held in your body, all you want to do is bury or numb yourself from them so then you are unable to simply be honest about their existence as a starting point’. By feeling and acknowledging our hurts we open ourselves to moving forward and healing.
“This for me is a miracle and most definitely a result of having cleared the hurt I carried” I love that feeling too Michael. It is amazing to feel how situations can change totally when changing how we are ourselves. It keeps amazing me really that things that I found very hard and a struggle in the past now go very easily and simply just because I do not take on things that happen in the day. It is in our own hands how our life feels.
I have noticed this too in my own life Lieke. Letting go of hurts has enabled me to know myself and stand solid in this foundation knowing that I can handle anything that comes my way.
I had a similar experience as a child, Felix, in the field of religion, where I also was not able to express myself. To heal these hurts is life changing and as you, Felix, I am so thankful for having been able to attend workshops with Universal Medicine which gave me support to understand and heal myself.
Becoming aware of the hurts we carry is the first step to healing them.
Yes Abby, being aware of hurts is a pathway to letting them go. In the beginning it may take some courage, but quickly the hurts seem to drop away.
Absolutely Kerstin, this is deeply healing on so many levels including the way many words actually no longer deliver their true meaning such as “religion”.
And then to celebrate even more that you choose to write about this Felix with such clarity and such love, so that others can feel the possibility of the safety of expression, and how deeply healing this is.
It is deeply, deeply healing Chris.
Yes Chris, being able to express in this way is very deeply healing. Thankyou Felix, your blog has the potential to inspire many people.
Thanks. It’s a pleasure!
It really is true, that expansive feeling when we honour others equally to ourselves in expression is healing. In Felix’s case offering truth with this quality of expression is great because it can reach even those who may be quite uncomfortable with what he is writing and even not able to accept it. Yet it can be felt, the truth that love has no boundaries.
Without standing up and showing the world there is another way can change happen?
Right on! Healing my hurts has totally changed my life! I am less reactive, more loving, more compassionate, able to observe and not absorb as much. Thank you Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine for supporting me in feeling and healing my hurts.
If we calculated the gain of healing our hurts merely on a financial level and educate people on a wide scale to support each other in healing as done by Serge Benhayon, financial issues would soon be history. The ripple effects on our health and work life are immeasurable. So it makes sense to take notes and file our data. This seems to be our responsibility.
Not just financially but in every area of life and society, without our guards meeting anothers guard what could happen? The student body and Universal Medicine is re-setting the standards of how human life can be when we work on and heal our hurts. Looking back at my own life it’s like looking at a completely different person compared to the completely shut down person I was. Bringing this lighter ‘me’ to life changes the landscape for all around us without even trying.
Yes financial health and physical health would change dramatically. Consider how much money is spent on substances, practices that are damaging to one’s health?! And then there’s the investment in addressing these issues which are burdening the health system, let alone all the issues with education, crime prevention, family dysfunction. Basically the world as we know it!!
This is a great point Felix as it is extremely hard to work when we struggle to deal with our hurts and emotions.
I agree Leigh, ‘Looking back at my own life it’s like looking at a completely different person compared to the completely shut down person I was. Bringing this lighter ‘me’ to life changes the landscape for all around us without even trying.’ It is lovely to see and feel how you have opened up and are so much more joy-full.
Yes Felix, and as you blog proves, this is in reach for everyone if we make the choice.
Hear, hear Kenneth I’m hearing you. Healing my hurts has totally changed my life too, when I think back to how I felt before I came to the teachings of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine and the path my life was on I really have to stop and deeply appreciate the stillness, warmth and joy I feel in my body the love I feel for myself and humanity.
Reading your comment kenneth makes me want to cheer! It is truly amazing how much we can change our lives by healing our hurts. I too am a different person to the one I was 10 years ago thanks to the teachings of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
It seems so daunting to say that we must “heal our hurts”, but perhaps it is simpler than most of us would think. The hurts we carry can be very condemning, removing our nature joy, and possibly even our desire to be with other people. Through just being able to be honest about my hurts, a lot has shifted, and with the support of Universal Medicine Therapies, for the first time I feel like I have a joyful and fantastic life.
Absolutely as we heal our hurts, we become more open, honest, loving and definitely more responsible. This has been my experience. I feel joy in my body and lightness, no more walking around with heaviness and carry my hurts.
I’m so with you Kenneth – healing hurts is a life changer. It makes so much sense but it was not something I was aware of growing up. These simple foundational tools should be a natural part of our living way that we pass onto our children and their children.
Hear, hear Shirley-Ann. We have seriously ‘lost the plot’. Love and deep respect for each other is not our absolute bottom line for human relations.
Thank goodness for the depth of wisdom and inspiration that Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine offers, that we can actually make real love the bottom line – as it deserves to be, and we all deserve to live in and by.
Crazy that we are so condemning of an act of love because it is not carried out in the way we would perhaps like to do ourselves, but then we accept and say nothing when true abuse is presented before us.
This is a great point Adam, and one that is so often overlooked. It is true how we can be so judgemental of another, and stand on moral highground when it comes to a truly loving relationship that is outside of our ‘accepted norm’, but turn a blind eye to a situation that we know is wrong and deeply hurtful or harming because we ‘don’t want to get involved’. This is so upside down and back to front that it’s absurd.
Totally absurd and it just condemning the abuse as being totally ok and normal. But the irony of it all is that we have felt the vile, nasty energy behind abuse which has created the hurts in the first place. Yet by ignoring any kind of abuse we are saying that it is absolutely ok when our bodies tells us otherwise. Crazy that we can still let it run and not even question it in such a modern world.
The ideals and beliefs running the pictures we have in minds of how life should be and what is right and what is wrong can lead to us being very judgmental of others . The willingness to connect with our hearts and feel our hurts allows us to let go of our ideals and beliefs and breaks down the pictures that lead to judgement and expectations of how life should be. When we are deeply connected to the love that we are we are free to accept all truly loving relationships sexuality doesn’t come into the picture.
Growing up I remember being told about a man who saw another man who was pushing around a woman quite violently, stepping in to stop it or he’d call the Police but that the woman then attacked the man who stepped in and defended her abusive partner.
At the time I never understood why the woman didn’t thank the man who stepped in to help but verbally abused him for doing, perhaps physically too I can’t remember. I can now see she was no victim, she defended abuse.
I was told it was a busy street where everyone else did nothing. I remember thinking that though the woman attacked the man who was standing up to the abuse he saw that it would be sad if he or the people who witnessed this incident concluded that it was better to not step in or ‘interfere.’. I see that the man who stepped in was showing everyone it is everyone’s responsibility to say no to abuse.
Absolutely Adam we have all learnt to stand by and say nothing about abuse, which only ever shuts us down to feeling more of what life is truly about!
Yes Greg, it is the shutting down the one thing that leads to shutting down from all other things. I have experienced this with my choices, and it has left me feeling flat and empty and cut off from humanity. Far better to speak out against abuse.
A great point to highlight Adam, we have got things all back to front in so many ways. Thank goodness that more and more people are now starting to say NO to abuse in its many forms.
Great call Adam. It seems that we ask for Love to fit the shape in our own puzzle before we find it acceptable however in doing so we allow and accept abuse as this is something with which we are already very familiar.
Thank you Felix, you have brought a great clarity in your process of growing up and the impact it has on us when we are not confirmed in the joy and love that we are.
Marcia that is so true the impact is huge when we are not confirmed in the joy and love we are as we are growing up. It leaves lots of emotional issues, which may also lead to behavioural issues.
Marcia we all carry the scar of not growing up ‘confirmed in the joy and love that we are’, even those of us that consider ourselves ‘lucky’ to have had the childhood that we did.
So awesome to read your return to who you truly are. The sweet, tender and gentle man that you are and every man is. How wonderful to be able to heal those hurts and reconnect to that wisdom and love inside. Very inspiring.
This is a very touching honest story Felix, over the years I have known many people with similar struggles. With the support of Universal Medicine we are re-connecting with ourselves and healing our hurts, letting go of old ideals and beliefs and pictures of how they thought life should be. More and more people are feeling true love and know true love has nothing to do with gender.
I agree Felix, its not until bullying in all forms completely ceases in this world, that we can truly celebrate.
Bullying is often subtle and can exist in many so called loving relationships, when someone is not truly living from there inner heart they have the potential to bully, others as well as themselves.
“All this manipulation was part of a game to adapt to what the world asked of me,” How important is it for us to fit in? To live in this world without being confronted or find ourselves in conflict? It seems it is so important that we are willing to sacrifice who we truly are for acceptance in the world, while all along knowing that the criteria of the world and what is deemed acceptable and normal by it is most often far from the truth and devoid of true love. Thankfully you woke up to this and were able to stop manipulating yourself and allowed the truth of who you are to be lived. Now the world can be increasingly graced by your true presence and the love and truth that you share.
As much as we try to disguise or hide the hurts, it is usually quite obvious when something to bugging us. To simply not talk about them, we do the most ridiculous things and create problems and issues that are not even real.
Yes Brendan, and blogs like these are great because they are inspiring and show that you don’t have to stay a victim all your life no matter what form of bullying you experienced.
You show us all by reflection here Felix, the great and absolute power of feeling and healing our hurts is not only possible but real. Acceptance and love of ourselves definitely feel to be the way..’by learning to love and accept all that I am and by simply making a choice to let the world in, and to live the true me.’
That sounds like a great recipe for self connection and a truly loving way you have there gillrandall, I love it.
Well said Brendan. And across history, we see the same conflicts and lack of true responsibility for true healing playing out again and again and yet again. I remember studying Latin in high school and reading the work of a Roman poet. His words struck me, for they were full of the same angst of unhealed relationship pain that anyone today, 2000 years later, could write – our popular music is actually full of it.
Where have we got to in 2000 years, is something we have to ask… Has NOT dealing with our hurts truly evolved us, or are we indulging in them repeatedly in order to avoid the greatness of love we can all actually connect to? Dare we go there??
Reading this again I can connect to it on a deeper level as what you share Felix is paramount for all. I have come to realise you don’t need to be gay as most if not all have deep hurts of being rejected from being the most Glorious beings that we are, and have not known how to be this. To be able to connect to these hurts and feel them, and ultimately let go of them, frees us from the protection that is all consuming of us.
Amazing how you have not been bullied for your sexual preference in over two years. I grew up with red hair and used to be picked on because of this once I embraced my hair and began to enjoy it, I was no longer picked on because of it. It seems when people choose to attack another they just know exactly what to say that will hurt the most.
When you say ; “iving as a gay man and facing the difficulties this comes with in our current society, was simply God’s tool to awaken me. ” – I can feel the deep truth within that, as God will use different tools for different people to help them onto their path back to the love they truly are. For me it was accidents and abandonment – and by deeply connecting to what was being shown and communicated, I also am much much more connected to the love that I am and I can see that also reflected in the connections I am making with others and the joy that I now find in my life.
This is so beautiful Felix – “This for me is a miracle and most definitely a result of having cleared the hurt I carried, by learning to love and accept all that I am and by simply making a choice to let the world in, and to live the true me.” And it is so true, by loving and accepting all that we are in truth, this can only but emanate out to the world and the world can then respond in kind. Maybe still a growing process, but nevertheless one that is on its’ way as you also share with the bullying now gone. Awesome!
Felix your blog has given me a lot to reflect on. On re-reading it today I particularly noted your comment that you are born this lifetime as a gay man so that through your experiences you have the opportunity to more deeply understand the need for self love and brotherhood. This has raised my awareness and curiosity about the purpose of so much of our lives that we are living this lifetime. I wonder how much we are missing by not understanding the purpose of what is there for us to learn through our natural circumstances eg sex, gender, ethnicity, geographical location etc? As I said earlier … lots to be curious about, thank you.
Living as a gay man and facing the difficulties this comes with in our current society, was simply God’s tool to awaken me.
“It was then I realized that until bullying in all forms completely ceases in this world, it is only then can we truly celebrate.” So well said Felix, all forms of bullying need to be called out so we no longer accept them. Currently this world is full of the under currents of bullying, one day all this will all be brought to the surface to truly see what has been going on.
Beautiful blog Felix, its amazing how as young children we naturally know what love is and so innocently express it, then as we get older we become moulded into the views of society which change this natural expression. Thank you for re-finding you and in doing so inspiring everyone around you with your delicate sweetness.
For the most part people are challenged by the concept of homosexuality, not because it is wrong, but because it challenges their closely guarded perception of how they think the world needs to be.
This is very true Adam. We can cause so much harm simply by insisting that the world be how we imagine it should be.
Yes very true Adam and Elizabeth. Love does not have a picture of how it needs to look, it just is love and is all encompassing.
This is beautiful Felix and shows the huge power of healing our hurts and standing up for who we are and living this with a true joy and understanding. What a great place the world would be if we all lived this, thank you for sharing all of you.
Felix, I have the sense this blog is the tip of the iceberg of all you have to share and the deep wisdom you can offer the world about bullying, being a boy and standing strong as a man.
I second that Felix. Thank-you for voicing this Deanne.
The purity, love and truth in the opening paragraph here Felix is absolutely beautiful, the innocence and knowing you had about how you felt you would express love. What a tragedy that we tell children that there is a ‘right’ and a ‘wrong’ way to ‘love’.
This is such a powerful truth Deanne: why would we even start to impose ‘right or ‘wrong’ on how we truly feel to express our love for another. There is nothing more beautiful than the untainted way children naturally express themselves. They offer this with so much connection to themselves and their innate truth. We have much to learn from them.
What is painful here Felix is that you say you learned to ‘hide your innocence’. This is something that so many of us do. It is a shame that we feel we have to do this in order to survive in the world when our innocence is where our beauty lies.
Coming into the world only knowing love and as a gentle tender little thing it is almost impossible not to harden up or dull down our sensitivity out of mere survival. So we all need the truth that is the one Unified truth so we can be love for our children and stop this needless cycle where we have to harden up as truly feeling just hurts too much.
Your words touch the depth of my heart kevmchardy. You are clearly a man who does not take such responsibility lightly. Our children – and we all – deserve this.
I love that you knew so early that you would be living and loving another man as your way of being. I am so pleased that you can now live this way as any other person can in which ever way they want to also. For the next generation it will be even more normal, my daughter yesterday was very cross with her friend for laughing when in a book their was a boy who did ballet, she thought this was terrible to laugh and make fun of a boy, “so what, he can do what he wants, anyone can do what they want” – not strictly true as everything has consequences regarding any reckless behaviour but you get the idea she just sees it as normal for someone to be who ever they are.
Thats beautiful Vanessa and testament to the loving way your daughter has been brought up.
Accepting responsibility for having created the hurt that we carry has been a significant revelation for me. This changed the way I have approached dealing with the hurts I have accumulated over time. I also see now that playing the game of hurts is an effective way of waylaying us from our true purpose here on earth by disconnecting us from our true nature. To play the game of hurts is a never ending cycle that has no real end point. To end this cycle we need to be able to see it for what it is and then step out of it. This may be easier said than done, as I have experienced that the seductive nature of hurts can come with not wanting to step out and be seen, to stay in comfort, because there can be so much attention that comes with no longer being caught up anymore, and we need to be ready for it.
Yes Brendon for when we hold onto our hurts we miss out on life and life in turn misses out on us.
Exactly Kathleen. Hurts keep us occupied, separated, and involved in drama. To let go of this way of being opens us up to so much more of what is truly on offer in life.
Yes Robyn and just felt to add that drama is not only addictive it also drains us of precious energy
I certainly does, Kathleen.
Beautifully said Martin. Both Felix and yourself have made it very clear that there is no bully without a victim and no victim without a bully; so this is clearly an arranged marriage. A marriage that keeps many of us enthralled for many lives until at last the futility is seen and responsibility for self is once again taken up.
You are so right Martin about our hurts; they have the same affect as when we are holding onto anger about someone, that is the same as drinking poison and hoping the other person will die.
We as a society are still very judgemental when it comes to things that are seen as not ‘normal’, and for many men and women seeing men or women together makes them uneasy, whether there is a sexual relationship or not. We judge others from our own lack of intimacy, yet deep down we know this is what is missing from our lives.
What an incredibly open and tender article, Felix, thank you for all that you’re sharing ….. ‘All this manipulation was part of a game to adapt to what the world asked of me, not understanding that I was not truly connecting to people but to the falsity they themselves presented with. Lies connecting to lies.’ I found this statement to be immensely powerful and I got to feel on a deeper level not only how hurtful our judgements are …. but that any judgement by definition is false as it doesn’t come from love. The fact that people may then feel the need to change who they are as a result of these false judgements is a very hard pill to swallow. Thank you for claiming the gorgeous, sweet and tender man that you are, for openly sharing your immense love with the world and for standing up to abuse.
The world is slowly changing its views of everything… or is it all part of the global checking out? In a strange sort of way the numbness has allowed people to opening to be whom they are without judgment that in turn builds self-confidence! There will always be bully’s and just like smokers they are now being shown that their behaviors are no longer unacceptable.
I love how universal medicine teaches that the very first step in approaching anything is always to return to a deep connection with myself – before assessing anything – before judging anything – before making any decision. That deep connection is where love, truth, harmony, joy and stillness reside. From that place I can far more clearly feel the thoughts, emotions and agitation that may be within me, yet while I feel them more acutely I am not so run by them, so it is easier to see the lies and to let them go. I love how healing our hurts does not mean pretending they do not exist or burying them further or even managing them, but it is to return to a deeper level of love, truth, stillness and understanding where those issues no longer have a hold and our graceful expression is no longer tainted by them. Thank you Serge Benhayon for the profound wisdom that you have so lovingly and tirelessly been sharing.
Nobody actually believes that being gay is wrong. But because of the way that our society is structured, it makes people adopt opinions based on hurts and in reaction to these hurts. And this becomes the source of marginalisation and bullying. I always said it’s okay to be gay, but deep inside I held a belief that it was wrong. Not because of the sexuality, but because it was just plain wrong to be different. This was a belief that came from my own hurt of being bullied for being different and did not come from the truth of who I am. Whilst we allow our hurts to dominate, there is no other way that life can be configured but in a cycle of being hurt and hurting others.
“Whilst we allow our hurts to dominate, there is no other way that life can be configured but in a cycle of being hurt and hurting others.” So clear that Jinya, and shows how what Universal Medicine teaches, — the way to feel the root cause of our hurts and clear them so we are no longer influenced by them in our responses to others, — is the way to break the cycle.
Yes this is so Jinya, When we are are hurting we see everything from that hurt. When we are depressed everything depresses us. When we are angry everything tends to make us angry, but when we are joy -full we see the spark of joy in everything and everyone. When we are harmonious we bring the harmony with us everywhere we go.
I love this Martin “at the end of the day, it is us who picked up the vile and induce it and now, through true healing, we are learning that at any time we can spit it out”. Understand this and we understand responsibility.
As long as I am holding on to my hurts I say NO to Love.
And one of the first steps to letting them go is realizing that they are my hurts, but not me.
True. I carry them with me and…can let them go.
Halting the natural expression of our innate Joy and our innate love is like a slow and painful death of the self. Appreciating and accepting both is our true way forward: what an awesome message to share!
Imagine what would happen, if children were not brought up with ideals and beliefs, but just encouraged to live their natural expression and innate joy and love.
I completely get this, Felix: “I was able to feel the pain of not being met in the joy I carried as a baby. I was able to feel an immense sadness about the fact that not everybody around me was able to feel the same joy.” However, as you have found, closing ourselves down in reaction to those 2 very major hurts serves no one – including not ourselves. Continuing to express the truth of who we are and allowing others to see that is our way to heal that hurt as an adult. Thank you for sharing it so.
Precisely Coleen. Shutting down and avoiding people has not served me at all, on the contrary. When I hide away my innate joy and meet others hidden behind walls of protection, I force them to not be themselves as well. If on the contrary I stay true to myself and express that truth, others are left the choice to feel inspired or react to this.
Yes – i’m finding a mutual healing occurs with that, Michael: I heal the wall of protection and the other person does indeed, as you say, have the opportunity to feel that there is a different way to intact with another – one that is open and expressing of Love. The mutual genuine connection then heals us both 🙂
Felix, I’m noticing in myself to really deepen the relationship with myself and dealing with my hurts. I’m opening up myself more and more for myself and receive a gentle-man that doesn’t exist in relation towards others, but is a living loving Man on his own. To allow myself to feel this once again is so so touchingly beautiful. Difficult at times, but a great unfolding process. Thank you for your inspiration.
The great thing is, there is no end to deepening the relationship with myself, no end point nor final destination and it shows me just how great God’s love, my love, our love is.
So true, Floris. I have found the more real I allow myself to feel, the more uncomfortable I can feel. This feeling of being uncomfortable is something I have struggled with my whole life, but it feels like a necessary part of evolution, as we come out of behaviours that we have been in for a long time that have in fact become comfortable as they are immediately familiar to us.
Very true Robyn. It’s quite ‘in sync’ to read your comment now as I experienced today with coaching a client that I’m asked to be and bring a deeper level of Love. To really be the Tender, Delicate and Loving man that I am at work… Which did give me some sweat here and there, but what actually happened was Magic. A client who dropped into his tenderness and stillness. A confirmation of what you’re sharing about yourself Robyn. And as I’m writing I feel that comfort was and still is a great way to keep myself hidden, rather than letting myself see in all that I am, including the hurts that I do carry. Allowing myself space and appreciating myself are key here. As those 2 take away perfectionism and allow joy. Thank you Robyn.
Beautiful Floris, here’s to stepping out of our comfort zones and being all uncomfortable about it!
What a great reminder! That we are ALL uncomfortable about it. Yes, so True. I need to say it again, stepping out of our comfort zone is for ALL of us uncomfortable. So it’s okay for me too to feel uncomfortable. Rather then keeping it as an excuse to not surrender and let go.
Brilliant revelation Floris, “So it’s okay for me too to feel uncomfortable. Rather than keeping it as an excuse to not surrender and let go.” We absolutely hold ourselves back by seeing being uncomfortable as not part of the process. I have fallen for this illusion also, for many years in fact. I used to strive to actually be comfortable!
Yes Robyn, how confirming is it to read both your comments as well as mine again. That it is Truly okay to feel uncomfortable. That without feeling uncomfortable I’m stopping myself from evolving. It exposes the evil of ‘control’. This doesn’t bring anything, but false safeness and disconnection. Uncomfortable to realise, but also very true.
Yes, the evil of control… For me, the control is about staying comfortable. Controlling so as not to rock my comfort boat. It is interesting to see it like this as when I allow myself to feel uncomfortable I have felt out of control. Yet, being uncomfortable at the moment feels like a very necessary step.
I love this conversation Robyn, it’s bringing a lot of awareness and realisations. What I realised right now is that I actually have a belief running that being in control is good, or even stronger, that it is the ‘goal of life’ to be in control. Which leads to the fact that when I’m not in control and ‘being out of my comfort’ that that isn’t what it should be. Rather than accepting that there’s nothing that I actually can control in the first place. And that a lot of force is needed to control. It’s almost as if I’m very attached to the control. It’s the ‘tool’ that’s bringing me identification. A part in me actually needs it strongly, the separate spirit. In which I’ve invested a lot so haven’t accepted yet that this is not me. It’s part of me, but not the whole. Where as I’m coming from Soul, Spirit and Soul are in union. No trying. Great revelations here.
This is a gorgeous sharing Floris as I feel it is leading to a surrender which I feel is the opposite to control. When we surrender we are in a deep level of acceptance, commitment, and trust. This is how I have experienced feeling surrendered. And just to clarify this is not about just surrendering to anything and everything, this is about surrendering to our inner most, the part of us that is divine in every way. Where control is not needed because we are always offered the next step and sometimes even the bigger picture!
Wow Robyn, what a lovely interchange we have here. Thank you. I can confirm what you’re writing in your last sentence “we are always offered the next step and sometimes even the bigger picture!”. I’m starting to accept that I do feel the future. That it’s not true that I don’t know. I know. Just often choose to not know. Whereas before I never chose to know. So there’s improvement and I can already hear me correcting myself when I say “I don’t know” where I already felt that I do know. In which I also learn to know that I don’t always know as in have to know, because sometimes I need space to get the clarity.
This is great Floris, as I felt disempowered when I would say ‘I don’t know’, so I changed it to ‘I’m not sure’ or ‘ I can feel it but am unable to access it right now’. This gave me the space to connect to what I already do know but may not have been able to access for a number of different reasons in the moment. Other times I also feel I don’t need to know as there is a trust I feel with myself, God, and his helpers that I will be given the next step at the necessary moment. I feel this is a testament to not having to be in control at all times and it is confirmation that I am allowing myself to just surrender to the knowing that is held deep within me.
The Grace of Space. How lovely it is to surrender to the moment. Not having the rule, the belief, the strictness and/or the demand of having to know everything. This in itself has brought me so much stress in the past (and still at times) that this was the exact reason why I couldn’t access, feel what was inside. Feeling is not a doing, it’s a surrendering. Feeling is not a doing. I could repeat this for a hundred or even a thousand times. The pattern of choosing feeling for a moment and than not is so familiar. I’m becoming more and more aware and am slowly choosing differently. Expressing on this topic is very supportive, confirming and bringing a deeper understanding.
“Feeling is not a doing, it’s a surrendering.” Wow, Floris, this statment is profound, because I have felt that when I surrender into my body all is known to me in that moment that I need to know. The power that comes from this is enormous and consistently blows me away at present. It is something that I am committed to becoming more ok with and I allow myself to live this way more deeply.
I recognize indeed the power and consistency in surrendering. It never leaves. It’s only when I choose to not connect that ‘it’ is not there. In which I then can convince myself that it’s not true, an incident or something mystical. But because it continuously is there when I surrender, I’m slowly accepting that I am the one who’s ‘in charge’, rather then something or somebody (or even a group) outside of me. Surrendering is indeed ‘just’ a word, but has and endless depth in it. Thank you Robyn.
Here’s to surrendering more and more back into ourselves, the true part of us, the part that knows Love inside and out, and that is uncompromising in this.
The part that is truly us, although we’ve identified so much with the other part that we tend to give the one that is actually not us (just a little bit) more attention, rather than choosing and accepting the awesomeness that we are. The Love, the delicateness, the tenderness, the harmony, the warmth. This is actually Floris in full, the other is just ‘a measured part’. That measured part can only be in it’s fullness when it chooses to surrender. What an amazing science and the ultimate form of free will. Being our full selves or not…
And what I felt in your reply Floris is that the part of us that is measured is actually striving to be equal to the part of us that is just Love. Crazy really. When we already have the Love as part of our make up it is as simple as returning to it and nothing else.
Your words Robyn are a revelation to me. It’s like a knowing resurrected as I can feel that this is part of your lived Wisdom. Thank you for sharing. Making me realise how desperate that part actually is. Where ‘it’ only needs to surrendering, admit, be honest, accept and let go of all the choices ‘it’ made without the loving self. Too simple, yet deeply profound. This simplicity is sinking in more and more. Lovely to do that together. Growing, evolving together – just by simply sharing our Wisdom together. Lovely!
Great sharing Felix. Your story shows us just how many obstacles in the form of ideals, beliefs and judgments we as a society place in the way of expressing love, of being love, and of knowing ourselves as the love that we are with no holds barred.
I agree Kathleenbaldwin – we are very good at creating excuses as to why we can’t be love! It’s amazing to consider how much energy we can use to hold back an expression (love) that is essentially the most natural thing to be letting out!
Not only that Fiona but the craziest thing is we are love. We are holding back on being who we essentially are.
Beautiful Kathleen. Love known and expressed with “no holds barred”. May the walls we’ve created within and between each other, continue to crumble through such commitment.
Hear Hear! Victoria.
It’s people like you Felix who make the world a great place.
Beautifully said Dean, so true, thank you both for your parts in making the world a better place.
Beautiful Felix ‘Living as a gay man and facing the difficulties this comes with in our current society, was simply God’s tool to awaken me.’ How rare to see someone embracing a gift which brings challenge and many would not see the gift in at all. Something for us all to ponder on in our own lives.
The power I feel in this blog is that the ability we all equally have to stop bullying and abuse, but stopping it within and towards ourselves from ourselves first. Healing the hurt and lovelessness in our own body, so we cannot be harsh or hard towards ourselves, and in turn will naturally not do this for another. This is the way forward for humanity.
To heal in us what we would like healed in the world feels like the true way forward. For when we heal what is in us we can offer the world another way of being.
This is responsibility and the only way forward for humanity to re-unite in the harmonious way we are naturally here to live. As long as we don’t want to take responsibility for our own disharmony and instead look outside for answers we will continue to go around and around in circles until we do choose responsibility.
This is true, Danielle. Taking responsibility is the only way to completely stop the loveless cycles we are in. And healing our hurts is part of stopping the cycles we have created for ourselves. Which have all been created to stop us from being responsible in the first place, so it makes sense that responsibility is our way out.
Well said Robyn that’s the way of return!
Focusing on healing our own hurts provides an example for the world and one by one our daily experience of life transforms.
Very true Heather. Healing our hurts unlocks the possibility for another to see that there is another way to live – one that is not completely dominated by our hurts – a life that is strong in Truth and Love.
There is no past and future. We are living all of our choices and all of our experiences right now. So this is the same moment that I was born, that will die and when I was hurt as a 9 year old. They say time heals, but actually time lets you numb, ignore and manage the pain. Unless they are dealt with, our hurts wield enormous power that is used against oneself and humanity. Healing them claims back our power and uses it as rocket fuel for love.
Yes spot on Jinya. Healing our hurts clears the obstacles we have put in place that hold us back from feeling the enormity of the love that we are. One wonders why place the obstacles in the first place? My feeling is that we are either protecting our comfort or in fear of our power.
You take this to another level of responsibility Kathleen, are we holding back because we want to stay in the comfort we have set up or fear the responsibility of living who we truly are.
Great questions Jenny, and the answer always comes back to comfort which is ridiculously uncomfortable, overrated and needs to be checked every day as what was taking things to another level of responsibility one day can become comfortable the next!
My feeling as well Kathleenbaldwin – when I connect to my absoluteness and power, I approach the world completely different. I can’t live my comfort any more and I have to become very honest and truthful.
We do numb to manage our pain at the cost of our true self and play right into the spirit’s hands.
Yes Jinya it’s all there to be cleared lifetime after lifetime until we clear all our hurts and stop playing into the spirit’s hands as Steve said.
I commend you Felix in full for your willingness to ‘go there’ and shine as all you are – in the realisation that bullying and the lack of truly loving and meeting another, is the world’s way of saying don’t you dare shine, don’t you dare love deeply, don’t you dare share your joy… merely from those who cannot bear to open their hearts so once again. Such a depth of understanding is what can truly heal our world and unify the vast separatism that exists.
Great to see the true intent behind bullying exposed for what it is here Victoria. This takes the personal condemnation we normally associate with it, right out of the arena… and lands the reflection right back at the feet of the one bullying.
And, if we are willing to keep deepening our understanding… this opens the way for us to not ‘react’ at all and offer the truest reflection there is, i.e. that I need not diminish myself or the power of my ability to shine, even in the face of another’s deep hurt.
Yes, very important as that diminishing you mention is exactly where the fuel comes from for the one bullying to continue with the force he or she is using.
That is the absolute energetic truth exposed in full Jenny Ellis.
Yes, the ultimate responsibility for the one being bullied is to see his or her part in making it possible to BE bullied. A bitter pill for those who identify with being the ‘victim’ in the exchange and while not ever to condone the bully and his or her actions, if this is the focus, then it will never be addressed at it’s root and hence it will never be addressed. We have a long way to go before this is an accepted view, and hence we will have bullying in all it’s various forms for a long time in our history to come.
The ‘last bastion’ of our identification as victims… My, how we can wallow in this, and yet as you’ve shared, how truly liberating and empowering it is when we choose to step out of the game-play altogether.
Well said Jenny Ellis.
Yes, a big ouch to discover one’s own part in being a ‘victim’ but in the recognition of it, without judgement or self-flagellation, there is true healing.
So beautiful to hear a man express with such honesty and vulnerability Felix… it is indeed incomprehensible to be judged and bullied for something that is natural and unchangeable for you. I had an uncle who was gay, at a time when it was definitely NOT socially acceptable to be so. Within my family he was well accepted and loved, but beyond that, suffered greatly with similar experiences to your own. As a kid I can only recall that he was ‘my favourite uncle’ because he was warm and friendly. The innocence of a child that knows only what is felt, and none of what is imposed by the false beliefs and ideals that cause us to judge and condemn those we choose not to understand.
Exactly Jenny and it is as you say . . . ‘the false beliefs and ideals that cause us to judge and condemn those we choose not to understand’. . . are all the obstacle we put in front of ourselves to block love. When love is who we are. Ridiculous really.
Yes it makes no sense kathleenbaldwin, when you put it like that…
Yes – any label, be it ‘gay’ ‘black’ ‘Irish’ ‘girly’ ‘stupid’ or a myriad of others – they all bring such a weight of condemnation and suppression of the expression of the one so labelled. The labelling on its own is enough to constitute abuse I feel and the intent of the labelling is definitely to dominate that person.
Agreed Coleen, the labelling of anyone with a derogatory intent is most definitely abuse. We are yet to really see it as that as a society, but if love is our marker of true expression, then anything less than that constitutes abuse.
Yes Coleen and it is so important to realize that we are not the label that someone might put on us, but wonderful unique beings.
I agree, Michael: not only are such labels abusive but they also take us very far away from the truth of who we are – hence, they are doubly destructive firstly, with the abusive hurt and secondly with the distraction away from self. Based on this, I choose not to label anyone henceforth.
Yes, the ‘labels’ are always describing what can be seen on the ‘outside’, and often it is abusive in an attempt to dominate that person out of fear because they bring feelings up that are perhaps difficult to deal with. It seems so wrong and so hurtful that we should treat each other in this way. We are all human beings on the same planet and we all have a soul and we all have feelings. Where is the love?
Indeed Coleen when we label another we reduce them to a stereotype and make them less than ourselves to make us feel better.
My feeling is, it is really time to connect to this innocence again, as we all had as a child and to start to explore the world – with joy and playfulness.
Yes Alexander1207, that is definitely the medicine we need!
We often do avoid realising that what we say or do means in fact bullying others and are not prepared to see the consequences that our own behaviour does have. Opening up to honestly looking at what we are doing and saying and the consequences that this brings for ourselves and everyone around us will let us see that there is a need for change. Not a change because we are wrong or have failed, but a change, because we often react out of the need to protect ourselves instead of showing who we really are in all our vulnerability and by that stopping the constant fight and competition that goes on in our lives.
So true Michael. We often as a society place our reactions or protections first before we outwardly allow our true beautiful expression to be shared and also before we see others first for their true beautiful expression. Absolutely a change is needed.
‘Lock down’ is a term that came to me as I re-read your article, Felix. It is an emergency procedure used to protect people threatened or face a security alert and is usually a temporary measure until safety is resumed. It seems that as human beings, we often live in a constant state of emergency, and when threatened or hurt go into emotional lock down, only this one can last for years, if not decades. Thank you Felix, I’m sure your own experience of hurt and recovery and healing will inspire others to re-gain trust in themselves and others.
The image of ‘lock down’ is a powerful one here kekhinde2012. For this can be a virtually instantaneous reaction we have to bullying and attack. And it can be undoubtedly the same when we feel how much it hurts that another does not meet us for all that we are, and cannot share in our innate joy – as Felix has described so sensitively. Why would another ‘do this’ we ask? And yet, it is purely through ‘the other’s’ own shutting down and ‘locking down’ that they another cannot meet us in full, share our joy, and may even resort to abusive behaviours…
We have so much healing to do, if we truly want to break such cycles of lovelessness and abusive behaviour towards each other.
The term ‘lock down’ is totally appropriate kekhinde2012. We all have many hurts that we go into lock down on, and these are all stacked on top of one another, as we bury ourselves below layers of hurt, with more layers of protection. The beautiful part is that loving ourselves from the inside out is like a warm ray of light that begins to shine brighter and brighter from the inside out, easily melting away the layers and layers of hurt and protection, without the need to go into any of it, but instead only the need to continue to shine our love, and let the light continue to expand.
Beautiful said Danielle. This gives a whole new meaning to a line of an old ’70’s song” A little ray of sunshine just came into the world’
Wow that is beautiful Danielle. I feel what you are saying… from the inside out.
I love what you have shared here Danielle, that we don’t need to go into the hurt or go into protection… We can simply be loving towards ourselves and shine.
“Since I could not change my natural expression, I learned to hide my innocence and began to judge and condemn my own expression.” Reading this line in my today’s reread of this blog made me stop as I could feel such a deep sadness in this. Realising that this happens to that many people, maybe all of us, although on different levels, means that all of humanity, myself included, must be living with a deep sadness of holding back our individual expression and to experience the joy of life. Imagine if we all, like you have showed us Felix, are claiming back the responsibility for our own lives and start healing our hurts because of the aforementioned ways of living, how society would change in a positive way where everybody will be free to express in full who they are and what they as part of the greater whole are representing in their expression for the benefit of us all.
I feel this sadness too Nico, “Since I could not change my natural expression, I learned to hide my innocence and began to judge and condemn my own expression.” Reading this line in my today’s reread of this blog made me stop as I could feel such a deep sadness in this’, I can feel how this is what I did as a child and I see around me this is what many children do, they learn to hide their natural sensitivity, sweetness and tenderness, to fit in with the ‘accepted’ way of behaving, I see in the school playground how children harden up and treat their bodies with disrespect.
Yes – I feel we all do hide and condemn our natural expression, Nico, unless fortunate enough to realise that is what we have been doing. The reasons are ostensibly as varied as there are people but, in truth are few, I have found: namely, lack of self love, self appreciation and openness to people, no matter what.
Indeed Colleen, and to live in complete denial to that we are that is much more than we express to be. In fact it is all a game we play to not show who we truly are, tender, sensitive and loving and in that, powerful people, who love to live and work together in harmony and collaboration, as one big family. That is our true origin of each of us, but we have walked away from this and created a life of our own. But it is never too late, we can always return to this way of being as we have not lost the knowing of how to live such life, we have only moved away from it in the pursuit of our own creation.
Yes – that individualistic pursuit of personal glory or personal self deprecation can always be set aside in favour of a return to our loving, interconnected selves – beautifully said, Nico.
It is sad Nico and it is very common for people to be holding back or even be consciously unaware of their natural true expression. I remember before I came across Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine I had a deep sadness but I didn’t know what or why. Now after reconnecting deeply to myself and living more of who I am each day I understand why I used to be sad. Thank God I crossed paths with the beautiful reflection that is Serge Benhayon.
Your blog is sensitive and honest, Felix and beautiful to read. To be openly gay in today’s society can’t be easy and the threat of bullying must cause a continual underlying tension. But it seems the more you have become at ease with yourself and are open with your expression the less unkindness you have received. What a testimony you have shared with the world here Felix, and one that will offer deep support to others. You are a true gentle-man in every sense of the word and I count my blessings that I know you.
Well said Rachel. This goes to show that there is still the possibility to be yourself, have confidence and LOVE life even if society has issues with your reflection and tries to bully you out of shining.
Yes Susie and that possibility is available right now – you are proof of that. No qualification needed, just start loving who you are.
Indeed rachelmurtagh1, conforming to the few people that have issues with a way of living in society is in fact not only detrimental for the person at hand, but for society as a whole. Claiming our unique expression in life is essential for regaining LOVE back into our societies and will bring us prosperity and more health into our lives.
Hear hear Rachelmurtagh1. Lovingly expressed words that a very muchly deserved.
We get irritated when the world is seemingly not accepting us like we see ourselves. Interesting to realize from your example, Felix, that it is us first who are rejecting ourselves and showing this to the world. When I start accepting myself, the world starts to accept me, this is something I can well relate to from my own experience as well.
This is very true Michael. And acceptance is a always deepening in tandem with our surrender to love and letting go of what is not us.
‘When I start accepting myself, the world starts to accept me’ – this also shows how we actually create our own demise.
Well said Michael. What Felix is sharing here is that we can make our own steps to change the world by simply accepting and living our true selves with no excuses, apologies, or restraints.
Absolutely Michael. When we develop our self worth, our reliance on the outside world to recognise and give us attention lessens, and we begin to have a consistent measure of self acceptance.
So true Susie, developing self acceptance requires letting go of searching for acceptance from others.
Beautifully expressed Michael, it is self responsibility to own where I have rejected myself.
I love this line because of the truth that lays within it.
‘When I start accepting myself, the world starts to accept me, ‘
We live in a world where people are being killed for loving somebody of your own gender. It just shows we have a long way to go till that moment that we all realize and connect to what we already know, and that is that love is who we are and that we can share that love with all.
Mariette I have been pondering murder for a while now and have come to the conclusion that it is never a ‘towards’, it is always a ‘from’. What I mean by that is that we don’t kill people because we hate them, we kill them because we hate ourselves.
Wow, what a great insight. And I can hear what you say, when we kill somebody, that what they reflect and we can don’t want to face, we kill in ourselves. So in this case the love that gay people reflect for other men, is something we don’t want to admit we carry that same love.
You drop pearls Alexis, and here is another. We seek to fix our problems in this world, not from simplicity but from a superficiality. It is as though we look at ourselves like chess pieces on a board and calculate what to do from a set of limited moves we can make. Never do we look at what it is that moves the pieces, the guiding hand so to speak. If we did the way we see our issues would be changed in an instance.
Wow Alexis, what an amazing insight, it’s from us, not to another, and this applies to anything. And Rachel what you have added is another pearl that we see to ‘fix’ ourselves not from simplicity but from a superficiality. And your analogy of the chess board describes this perfectly, set moves that we know and can pre-meditate, rather than feeling that guiding hand and feeling how we need to move and to where, simple and we don’t always land in the place we expect but where we are needed.
Love is no matter what our gender. Beneath our skin all have the same shaped heart and the same coloured blood. Our difficulties in society show how far removed we are from the simple truth that we all come from the one same source.
Well said Dean, it seems we cannot accept that we are all coming from the same source and that we may look different, we are all the same.
It’s one of those facts no one can escape Mariette.
Yes, once we connect to our essence there is no judgement or separation of others, just an acceptance of all.
Touching story Felix, thank you for sharing. Reflecting in the past on ‘love in relationships’, and having had a best college friend who herself later came out as being gay, I came to realise some years later during Universal Medicine that once the true meaning of love is re-connected to, which for me is ‘united in truth’, then how can there be any gender or title attached to this (love)? Love is Truth. Knowing this breaks all the ideals and beliefs about who we can love, or cannot. If we are lovers of Truth, then I see we have the capacity to (fall in) love with anyone irrespective of being the same gender. For isn’t the Soul, that is pure-love, absent of gender? Two souls loving each other is a thing of beauty, the sexual intimacy aspect or preference is just personal choice.
Well expressed Sofia. When we truly love we do not pick and choose who we love for it is a beingness that shares itself with everyone irrespective of gender, colour, race – or any other apparently separative perception.
Beautifully express Zofia, ‘love is Truth’ and if we truly live that then how can we measure or decide that one expression of love is more acceptable than another – we can’t. Love is truth and anything which is truth well there’s no wiggle room there – it really exposes how we’ve defined love based on our comfortable ‘truth’ and not truth at all. For truth cannot exclude anyone and as we live more of that truth we can embrace all expression of that, and not just our preferred one.
True Monicag2, very revealing. “we can embrace all expression of that, and not just our preferred one.” This also exposes those of us who identify with being gay or hetero or transgender or… We in fact are so much more than those temporal expressions and preferences.
Beautifully expressed Zofia – pure essence of Love is just that with no label, rules, barriers or restrictions and if two souls regardless of gender choose each other then the choice is theirs. Totally agree, Zofia.
“Two souls loving each other is a thing of beauty,” – I say yes to that, Zofia – no greater truth on earth – aside from many souls loving each other, of course 🙂
Beautifully said Zofia. I agree. It isn’t our gender that loves another in whatever form of relationship that may be.
Beautifully expressed Ariana.
Beautifully said Zofia. I agree. I feel it is the heart of another that we truly fall in love with hence why gender has no say really when we look at it like this.
So so true, it is how we are with each other, no matter who it is or what gender that matters most.
I like your words “Two souls loving each other is a thing of beauty”. On the inside we are all the same and we are all love, so gender is not important at all.
Beautifully expressed Ariana, our Love is to be shared equal with all.
You are correct when you say it won’t be until all bullying ceases in the world that we will be able to truly celebrate. Bullying and abuse is so normalised and can be so subtle most of us miss when it is occurring. It can be conveyed in a tone of voice or a look. We need to not only deal with overt bullying when it occurs but look at the small ways in which it occurs.
When did we reach the point where bullying has become insipid? We have become so complacent as you have said Vitoria that the small subtle look and tone, that can be even more cutting than the in your face bullying. We need to re-awaken and call it all out.
Agree Steve and Victoria, we need to ‘re-awaken’ and call abuse out there is simply no excuse why someone has to experience it and put up with it in their daily lives.
Exactly, we have gotten totally complacent about abuse and it is time we actually were loving and caring enough for ourselves to say no, every single time.
Of course. And it is all the ‘small’ ways we bully and abuse that set the foundation for the stuff that we actually acknowledge as bullying and abuse. Being honest about the ways we manipulate our relationships to micro manage and control life is a great starting point to understanding how things can go so awry ‘out there’. This is all of our responsibility.
I don’t like to admit that I bully others. I do in very subtle ways that would not be perceived by many as bullying, but it is. To think that I choose this highlights my level of responsibility and how big this word and meaning of responsibility is.
Matilda you make some great points there, how we have subtle ways in which we manipulate our relationships to micro manage and control life. This is stuff we really have to start taking responsibility for.
That is the point that we need to take responsibility for all the little things that we do that are abusive and like you say adds to all the more seemingly abusive behaviours, we are all responsible. What is very important that I realised is it is also how we speak to ourselves.
Indeed we can control and micro manage in relationships when we are uncomfortable and people don’t meet our needs and expectations in a certain way. I can understand how this might be the start of bullying and prejudice.
I agree Mathilda, the slightest deviation from the truth of who we are – the preciousness, tenderness, fragility, the perfection, all known as ‘Love’ is abusive. Time for us all to take regular stop moments as keep confirming and appreciating the truth that we are the pure essence of love we were born as.
Matilda – this is the crux of a huge issue. We see bullying as a fist, our a harsh palm against the chest. We see it as the red face, veins bulging and screaming abuse. What our eyes and hearts are not yet open to is the bullying of the subtle cold shoulder, the little eye-roll in contempt, the subtle use favouritism to get what we want. Anything less than open hearted love, that will not accept abuse in return, but deeply treasures people equally, whether we do what they want , or not – one drop less than that is bullying. A big call? Perhaps. But while we only look at capital B Bullying and ignoring the bullying that is rife everywhere we will never get to the root of this problem.
So it is worth it to be aware in every conversation. I can listen and read the details and don’t walk away with a compromise in my body. I can call out, what doesn’t feel harmonious.
Super spot-on Matilda. I guess we could say it starts with the things we see, feel and experience as children, and believe is normal – the small things… and then use to cope with life… then magnify into a societal norm.
Often its the small covert ways we bully, manipulate and abuse are more difficult to identify and call out the more glaringly obvious abuse. This all comes back to society’s norms.
I fully agree here Victoria, this is a huge area that is simply over looked and not considered as an issue, opening this up and really talking about these smaller more subtle types of bullying would be an enormous step to uncovering what bullying actually is and the effects it has no matter how small we may deem it to be.
Yes Victoria a fine tooth comb at what is really going on and being honest about your part in it – even if it is that fact that we are not calling it out and ignoring it is the only true step for change. When we stop and see it for what it really is bullying and abuse and how it is happening every second somewhere in the world and by how many people all at once it is pretty frightening that this has become our normal. I have started seeing it and calling it out but as you say the fine tooth comb is the next stage so we can be sure not to miss any.
Very true Victoria, I know that I had become so accustomed to it that it is taking a while for me to thaw out so to speak, but now I am able to say ‘No’ to both the overt and the subtle forms of bullying. How can we ever celebrate when this energy is allowed a voice in the world? There is much work to be done but the longest journey begins with the first step and that first step starts within us and within our homes.
Agree rowenakstewart, saying no to any kind of abuse starts at home and it is us expressing from our bodies when we feel it and let go of the ideals, belief or attachments we have about relationships and make life about love and nothing else.
That’s fantastic! I feel I have more work to do in this area. It seems to be everywhere, and I’ve made it so normal it can be hard to recognise. Someone mentioned earlier it’s about being able to feel it in your body and I understand and agree. Being super-solid in our bodies is what is called for, so we can feel and respond, and not react or bury or deny.
This is so true Victoria. It is the small, discreet acts of bullying and abuse that are so subtle and insidious, as they go unnoticed other than by the person it is happening to. And because these small acts are so often ignored, even by those who are the receivers of them, they have become accepted as being normal behaviour. The tone of a voice or a glance that is agressive or angry can be far more damaging than an act of physical violence because of the very reason that it goes unnoticed.
As I read your comment Sandra, I was thinking at first that I had never been a bully – but I see now the truth is that I have been a bully in the past, in reactive mode when the hurts hurt too much, and made the choice to be dismissive and aloof – making the other person ‘pay’ by my silence and separative behaviour. I thank God that I do not involve myself in that behaviour any longer.
I agree that it is the fact that it goes unnoticed that is the damage Sandra. It’s like drops of water eroding away a rock, every little bit of subtle abuse we allow impacts upon us confirming in whispers that we are less than a son of God.
This is a really great analogy Josephine – it’s so obvious now you say it, but the tiny drop of water eroding away the rock goes completely unnoticed until years later, and not only has it worn some of the rock away, it has also left an almost indelible scar which can only be removed by being consistently committed to working at removing it.
I agree Sandra. Abuse is abuse in what ever form it comes in and how ever subtle it comes in. And this abuse can stay under the radar or accepted as normal behaviour, because it’s not seen as abusive as other behaviour.
It is when bullying ceases or when we love ourselves enough that bullying is no longer an effective way to control?
When I connect to the love and decency in my heart it is impossible to bully and equally impossible to not stand up to the supremacy it attempts to lace others with.
and equally impossible to allow others to bully us.
Yes Joel, bullying is a choice of control because we do not hold the love for ourselves and so have to go hard to protect our hurts.
Super Joel. The problem fixed from outside leaves its cause unaddressed.
It can be a hard subject to broach because you don’t want to blame the ‘victim’ so to speak but you’v nailed it Rachel- “The problem fixed from outside leaves its cause unaddressed”.
I love your consideration of this Joel. No blame can be applied to this great lesson. Simply we plant a seed of awareness that deep love of self is the answer to aggression in all of its forms. It flourishes in its own time in all of our hearts.
if I may good Dr R…. “deep love of self is the answer to aggression in all of its forms. It flourishes in its own time in all of our hearts “… and becomes a reservoir that no aggression can drain or poison.
You may indeed! Not only is it a reservoir that we may draw upon for ourselves, it inspires others to see that it safe to do the same….that aggression is not the way to feel safe in an aggressive world.
Love it, we are taught to beat the world at its own game, but when the game is aggression, greed and self destruction – even when you win you loose.
We need to be willing to see the entire balance sheet Joel – the point gained is more than offset by the strike we make against ourselves in the tenderness we ignore, and the extra step we take away from our essence.
So true Rachael, and it is the balance sheet over time that we ignore most. The things we think we ‘get away’ with in the moment because there is no immediate or catastrophic change are often the ones that have a deeper more insidious effect in the long term.
What I understand reading this Joel is that we do not lose our selves in a sudden moment. It is a steady erosion – little bit by little bit, barely discernible in the busyness of life that demands our complete focus on everything outside of us. That is the insidiousness, for if it happened in catastrophic change we would stop instantly. In the slow loss we accommodate and we cope, straying far before we feel just how far.
Spot on, it’s the old adage of the frog in boiling water would jump out but heat the water slowly and they are cooked before they know it…sorry if you’re vegetarian!
Of dear Joel….slow boiled frog is an incredible analogy for the slow loss of life, tiny step by tiny step. Difference is that unlike cooked frog we can retrace our steps away from our soul….come back to life as seen in the remarkable series of Before and Afters of Universal Medicine.
nailed it… we can uncook the frog! I am standing testimony to that fact
Joel you mention the difficulty in being seen to ‘blame the victim’ if you attempt to address both sides of the bullying equation and look at the responsibility each hold. Right now in many of the public discussions on bullying and abuse the victim is championed but in truth it takes two to tango. We need to gently explore this from the point of view of responsibility, as well as urgently address the need for broad scale education on self-love, self-worth and self-care.
So true Victoria, it’s only when we each take responsibility for our own part that things truly change.
Wow, love what you’ve said here Joel and Dr. Rachel your words are superb, it’s a great point you make about how insidious it can be when we allow ourselves to be steadily eroded, little by little so that we don’t really notice or appreciate what is happening, but that it is never too late to re-instigate true love of self and with that everyone else, where abuse will not be tolerated.
Never too late…perfect topper to this fun and fantastic thread… Regardless of age, financial position, gender, religion or race… it is never too late to start appreciating ourselves
When I read your comment Victoria, something I completely agree with, it makes me feel the extent of the bullying that goes on worldwide. It is incessant in millions of tiny ways daily. There is much work to be done. Perhaps by focussing on the small ways it occurs we will by virtue not allow the large ways.
Yes agreed Victoria well said. What Felix has outlined is quite overt abuse, but there are many and subtle ways in which we accept abuse on a daily basis, both of ourselves and from others. We have become desensitised it seems, perhaps through our acceptance of this multitude of smaller abuses… and hence it is not such a leap to accept the bigger ones. What Felix has shown is that no matter how deeply we’ve buried our register of abuse, in whatever form it came, we can still heal this and restore the depth of love and beauty that is our essence and birthright.
Beautifully said Jenny, it is never too late to heal traumas in our bodies as a result of abuse, it is a choice and it is our responsibility for ourselves and others.
Yes Francisco, the responsibility to deal with our hurts is something many have still to come to. Blame is still the favoured order of the day for the majority.
It is actually really shocking how much being called ‘gay’ is such a part of young peoples vocabulary, it is so normalised as an insult.
Yes it is.. being called a girl or a boy have been equally normalised as insults.
It is in the minutae of detail that you find the whole, every tiny abuse spoken or a gesture adds up to the horrific abuses that are carried out in the world.
Yes and it does not even have to be a spoken word; a facial expression, a lift of the eyebrow, rolling of the eyes can be fully sufficient to express any bullying or emotional abuse too.
I agree Victoria – it can be so subtle and if we do register it and call it out we’re often accused of being too sensitive or told to “get a grip” thereby incurring more abuse.
Nice call Deborah. And so the cycle builds and grows and works it’s way insidiously into every corner of our lives.
So true Victoria- we often dismiss the subtle forms of bullying that happens around us in a look or tone of voice something is said. This really brings it down to self responsibility to call out all forms of abuse, otherwise we are saying Yes to it and it will continue to be the norm and be acceptable even though it is so harming.
Yes, those subtle forms of bullying that have become normal are sometimes the most crippling. It’s great that we are talking about these things rather than just letting them be, and hope they will change. Change can only start to happen when people are aware and to do that, there needs to be honesty too.
I agree Victoria, and can see its only possible to bully another if we first bully ourselves due to a lack of self love.
From a place of inner love and respect there is no where to cultivate the momentum of bullying another, however if we are not solid in this foundation and align to what is not love then its an easy outer reflection of that which occurs already within.
Very true Victoria – even the way we move, we communicate all the time to the other person and in the movement could be abuse as well.
I love that at age 8 Felix you knew who you were, and expressed that so naturally and innocently to another. That is something to be celebrated, as is the fact you live who you are in full today. Kudos and congratulations to you!
It’s amazing (and not in a good way) to realise how, even as tiny babies, we can evoke jealousy in others – and certainly our own family members – simply for being who we are. But as you outline Felix, it’s what we do next that matters. Do we shrink ourselves in order to fit in or do we hold steady despite the opinions or threat of withdrawal of love from others? It’s difficult as a child because of our physical dependence on family. It would take a child coming in with a strong sense of self, founded over many lifetimes, to be able to hold him or herself despite the reactions of those he or she depends on.
Thank you for sharing your journey Felix. I feel sure it will resonate for all in terms of the ways we have shut down and the consequences this leads to – and in terms of experiencing being singled out and attacked for who we are.
“Through healing the hurts I am now able to start calling out what is not love in my own body – and equally so, what is not love in the world around me”- this is so powerful Felix, and fantastic to see that you have been able to do this, and claim the sensitive, loving, tender man that you are, including your sexual expression.
Healing our childhood hurts is so important in freeing us from being closed in our hearts, and accepting love and trust in the world, and being able to express it out equally.
It is the opening of our hearts that helps us to realise that we are not the sum of our hurts and experiences, but an unwavering quality of love that simply becomes our lived experience when we let it out and that of others in.
‘I simply couldn’t understand how loving another man could not be right!’ This sentence really struck a cord with me – the simple truth of love felt in that moment.
When we have discrimination of any kind, politics enters the debate. It becomes about right and wrong, good and bad, morals vs. ethics etc. The truth is, that whole debate is a distraction from the simplicity of the truth – that love is universal, not about gender, age or nationality.
Well there is a foundational truth that supports us to re-write the rules we unquestioningly live under. Over the last few days I have surrendered to a deeper level of understanding the completely transformative power of asking questions – not combatively but curiously.
“I simply couldn’t understand how loving another man could not be right!” This is a great question we need to ask Felix! How can be loving a person not be right? How is it possible that we set rules in our society which gender fits to another? And have forgotten that it is about love first and foremost.
An inspiring and very possible thing for us, humanity, to aspire to – the absence of bullying – which in itself would mean we had dispensed with comparison, judgment and lack of self-acceptance. I am definitely up for walking this path.
You mention wanting to connect with people and at the same time trying to make yourself acceptable to them and the fact that “I was not truly connecting to people but to the falsity they themselves presented with”. This brought back memories of how I used to try and do the same and how it always ended up feeling absolutely awful and so very dishonest; and as you say, no connection at all.
And what a farce it becomes Gabriele, as we attempt to continually adapt ourselves to one another’s false personas, a perpetual game of dishonesty. No wonder we all end up feeling a bit disconnected from our glory, because we are all hiding behind a facade that we think will get us accepted. I can feel that true innocence that Felix had as a child has been re-claimed, the pure and un-adulterated connection to love and the ability to share it with all in his life, presented to the world for all to see and benefit by regardless of what others may think or feel. What a gift to us all.
Overcoming judgment from others and learning to live with openness, even if the world is still shut off from feeling the beauty in gay relationships, is HUGE! I celebrate you Felix – for who you are the choices you’ve made to heal what is not love.
‘Until bullying in all forms completely ceases in this world, it is only then we can truly celebrate.’ Absolutely Felix…and in conjunction to that until we heal our own hurts that we carry about being in a world where bullying is commonplace and prevalent, only then can we offer the true alternative which is love. Each one of us has a responsibility to heal our own hurts and until this happens bullying will continue, around and around.
‘Each one of us has a responsibility to heal our own hurts and until this happens bullying will continue, around and around.’
Yes Katerina, for it is our un-dealt with hurts that causes us to shut down from the world and ourselves. It is why we choose to protect ourselves and this births bullying in all degrees for if we point and laugh at another it lessens the chance of it happening to us – this is such schoolyard mentality and we are ALL dealing with the same issues, not being met for the love we are. So why put each other down?
I’m reminded very wise advice which forms a strong foundation for being and appreciating everyone: when I open my mouth if what I’m about to say doesn’t confirm a person or situation and potentially bring evolution then simply don’t say it. Anything less than this is a put down for us all.
What you share is huge Felix, we cut off from our own joy as children as we don’t want to feel the lack of joy in many around us and we start to second guess ourselves and what we feel, and from there we go into hurt, and the biggest truth of all is that the deepest hurt is not what another does to us, it’s the fact that we left our own truth and joy. We hurt ourselves more than any other has hurt us and when we don’t want to feel that, we look out and blame another / life for hurting us. The biggest healing is when we come back to feel that hurt of leaving us and our joy and allow ourselves to feel our way back to the knowing we always have but have ignored for a long time. The path back is through us and our own bodies and starts with our willingess to be honest and feel what is there.
Beautiful Felix and a true testament to the healing you have done and the steadiness and love you have come to for yourself. A delight to feel and know that however crushing the world we grow up in may be there is always the space to heal and change this to one of glory, Joy and our true expression.
Yes tricianicholson… If we hold on to the hurts we have about living in a crushing world that can be cruel and heartless we offer no alternative, we’re actually abating the status quo. To stand up in the glory of who we are and let go of those hurts that shackle us is offering the world another way that it’s been longing to see again…. That we can live in brotherhood, joy and harmony because it’s where we all come from and our most natural way to be.
Homosexual or heterosexual, it is brilliantly presented in this blog how we adjust ourselves to suit the status quo and the repercussions through our lives keeps us separate from love in so many ways. Felix, the way you write how natural it was to love another man, how pure, innocent and true it is. The wisdom of the soul in a child’s body shining through.
Excellent blog Felix, your story is of the whole world. We are born as pure love and joy; we are not met in the grandness of the love that is innately ours. We are hurt and we shut down our love, this creates a cycle of loveless-ness. By healing our hurts and letting love flow we break the cycle and rise above it, we cease compounding the hurt, harm and abuse and are able to assist others in healing their hurts. Humanity will once again feel God’s love in each other.
‘Your story is the whole world’ – I love this and the way you have encapsulated the perpetuation of hurts, the impact of this and the fact that it is absolutely within our reach to break this cycle – re-claiming the powerful, sweet, openness and ‘knowing’ we had as children.
So many of us experience as children, the shutting down that Felix refers to… We see it everywhere in the shuttered eyes, the shutdown bodies, the paranoia,… And yet, in each and everyone of us is the spark of life, and when this is rekindled, just by the nature of that spark it is recognised and reflected back to us all around.
Judgements in any form, whether it is sexual preference, religion, culture, nationality, skin colour, income, education, gender is absolute separation and the denial of the fact that we are all one. This illusion is widely spread both in crude and explicit expression but even much more so in insidious and hidden ways. The way back to brotherhood is to expose each and every judgement we hold, consciously and unconsciously.
There is so much for everyone in what you offer here Felix, whether one is gay or has been bullied or not….”I was able to feel the pain of not being met in the joy I carried as a baby. I was able to feel an immense sadness about the fact that not everybody around me was able to feel the same joy. To cope with this sadness I hardened and numbed my body in anger and frustration, and in reaction, lost trust in everybody and closed myself down. On this foundation of contraction all the misery and loneliness of my teenage years was then built.” Although I’m not gay and was bullied occasionally in primary school, I realised through reading your blog that this above is the same scenario that played out in my life…only I had not put all the pieces together – thank you for sharing Felix, and for the healing.
A testament to the power claiming ourselves and who we truly are, very beautiful Felix – ‘For two years now I have not once been bullied because of being gay. And I now openly express love with my partner, walking hand in hand in the streets or sharing a kiss or a post on social media.
This for me is a miracle and most definitely a result of having cleared the hurt I carried, by learning to love and accept all that I am and by simply making a choice to let the world in, and to live the true me.’
Felix thank you so much for sharing this. It is heinous that boys get rejected so young that they feel they can’t be open with their sensitivity whether gay or not, and being specifically targeted for this is a double whammy that must feel crushing. The fact that you have come out the other end at ease with yourself is gorgeous and the fact of this supports so many men to see that there is nothing to fear in expressing the innate love and exquisite gentleness that we are.
Great point Brendan, and what a sad state of affairs we have got to that this can be the reality, ‘when a person feels they need to shut down to survive because they are too joyful.’
Judgment is a sure way of shutting down anyone, couldn’t agree more Felix. Learning to not judge myself was one step in the direction of healing the hurts of being judged as a child, be it by parents, school and others. Then I realised with clear eyes that judgment was enormous and so insidious in life. When in the line of fire from judgment, not returning with the same becomes much easier.
Yeah, Matthew, and when we paint the picture bigger, it is maybe the judgements we have against ourselves that causes us being judged as kids.
Bullying is absolutely unacceptable but we can work very much on what may make it easy to bully us. If we don’t have an opening for bullying, no hidden guilt or a tendency to become emotional (which makes us vulnerable to attack) then we get attacked far, far less.
This is a valuable point Christoph, as it is us who gives the other person the permission to bully us, by carrying the hurts within us and reacting emotionally to situations – we attract this to ourselves.
Indeed this is the case Julie, when we take on the hurts and are run by them, and so then attract the very thing we are reacting to again and again until we can change that behaviour.
i love the wisdom you share here. I was bullied as a teenager but that’s only because I was vulnerable to it through my lack of foundation with myself! Bullies only go for those they feel are “weaker” than themselves as they lack this foundation too. Supporting kids to feel whole through developing a self loving relationship is key, so even if an attack comes there is an ability to deal with it.
That is so true michelle819, a loving relationship with self enables you to deal with any attacks, and you don’t take them personally. You understand the bullies are just hurt and insecure with themselves. By standing strong yet being humble we can assist them to heal.
Feeling guilty and or becoming emotional are sure fire ways of escalating a situation. When we have openings, pockets of hurts, which people can easily prod and poke it can be very easy to turn to our emotions and let them run wild. Awareness is key and being honest with ourselves is the only way forward.
This is true Christoph, there are no real victims, we all have our part to play in what we attract and create. As shown in this blog if we change our own disposition, what will come to us will change equally so.
Genious, Christoph, how beautifully written. Having healed the hurt, hence without the opening for bullying I still might get bullied, but the energy that causes the bullying is then not multiplied, it is healed in the reflection of my Soul.
Very true Christoph Schnelle – well said.
The world is a lighter place, Felix, when you express all of you, your tenderness and your love in it.
Tenderness never leaves us it just gets hidden.
Beautifully said Carmel, and a great reminder of all of us.
It is the love that a couple emanates which is crucial as this is what it brings to the world. So it does not matter then if this love is lived and expressed by an hetero couple or a gay/lesbian one.
My sentiments too Sonja. It’s the love that two people offer the world that is so precious, born out of the innate love within their hearts and constellation of their union. That is what matters most of all. There is so much bigotry and indoctrination in the world around gay and lesbian relationships with very little appreciation of the pain and distress this causes and the distortions that arise as a consequence. Real pure honest love should always be honoured and welcomed in this world, regardless of gender, it is a gift that graces us all.
It is truly bizarre we live in a world where it became not ok for a man to express love to another in an open way. This, amongst other manipulations of our truth has caused immeasurable damage over our years on this Earth. We have started to come back to truth in how we see all relationships, but there is a way to go still. We have much to learn from the Ageless Wisdom in this regard.
Yes, Amelia, Universal Medicine is re-educating us about how to be in true relationship, cherishing and honouring each other for what we uniquely bring to the world.
Yes, thank God for Universal Medicine Janet…’educating us about how to be in true relationship’ – with every person we relate with, not just our partners, our nearest and dearest…there is inspiration to be found in every connection with another.
“Until bullying in all forms completely ceases in this world, it is only then can we truly celebrate.” imagine what it would be like to live in a world where we didn’t pick on each other.. Ever.
Very good point Brendan. As a society we need to go to a whole other level of responsibility to understand the state of where people are at and how they are living. Without seeing the depths of this and being super honest about it, we are delaying our own evolution and our evolution as a whole, because when it comes down to it, we are all in this together…
Very powerful Felix. Healing our hurts is the only way to truly evolve in life and therefore pull ourselves out of the misery and suffering that so many live in yet may not even be aware of because it has become so normal.
What life has been presenting to me over the last weeks is the fact that we are indeed all fragile. We’re actually all asking for permission to be fragile, to be loving. We do this in a million different ‘hidden’ ways. We don’t do it directly, but we’ve bastardised our precious ‘Love’ into doing. We’re not saying what we really feel, we walk in a way that doesn’t allow the full beauty to come out, etc. It’s like a prison, we don’t find the safety within and we don’t find it outside of ourselves. The perfect set-up to not deal with our hurts and not evolve. Where as our very nature is to evolve. Slowly I am allowing myself to feel a bit more of how I’ve been hurt. So I can let go of my investments and needs. There’s so much in me that is waiting – patiently – to be unlocked. This blog has supported me in the understanding of the importance and responsibility in dealing with our hurts. From the base that I am already everything I need to be – accepting who I am AND that there’s forever space to evolve. That there is no end point, no goal to reach so no control needed – ever.
It’s beautiful you have come to this fragility Floris, and that the pages of these blogs so often support us in this.
Thank you Amelia for meeting and appreciating me in my fragility. This makes me smile and builds a foundation that I can be me in the world. That I’m not all one, but that there are people that actually do meet me. Maybe even more than I think there are. This is revealing to me how important it (still) is to be met and in that meeting feeling loved. It is a Gorgeous feeling Amelia. I actually feel very nurtured. Wow. I love this. And yes, these blogs are a tremendous support – as well as the comments ;).
I also love to get to know people and build on each other’s comments. We’re amazing!
It IS True liberation Ariana. I am very touched by reading these words. It’s a confirmation of and building the knowing and surrendering of this eternal fact. And how Beautiful and Magic is it that this liberation hasn’t got an end point. Even writing these words make me go like, wow, really – no end point… But, but, but… No but Floris, this is fact. The more I am ready, the more I’m able to choose the spaciousness that is forever there for me to connect to. It’s up to me.
‘Lies connecting to lies’, what a fitting image for the fact, that we all play a game and hide between a version of us that we feel is safe and yet at the same time we all wonder, why nobody does see and appreciate us for the wonderful person that we truly are.
Brendan that’s a very powerful statement when put that way, and all the more so because of the truth behind it. The pressure on our selves and each other to keep this at bay, has been huge.
Yes, Brendan, it is absurd when we look at it like this. It’s as if we have got things the wrong way round, and foster misery rather than joy in each other.
Felix what you shared inspired me to reflect more on a course I present, part of which explores relationships in the workplace, including bullying and harassment. Your experience shows vividly that bullying can begin in early childhood and its devastating impact is often hidden from view lasting well into adulthood. Emotional scars, felt, yet not visible, often cause the most damage. You have shown that with true support and a commitment to self, it is possible to heal hurts and be your true self once again.
I have dealt with lots of hurts, but there is more to deal with. The first part is dealing with the major obvious ones that are at the forefront of our personalities. Once those are dealt with, the only indicators of the deeper more subtle yet profoundly affecting hurts, is by observing our reactions to the world.
True Jinya, our reactions to the world is the key indicator that there is a hurt lying underneath. When we become acutely aware of what these are, there is enormous opportunity for healing. It is our level of honesty that leads to the truth of the matter…
Jinya what’s great to reflect on here is how we have many layers of hurts, obvious and subtle ones, and the ones we keep hidden away. So as a society the way we operate is obviously not working otherwise we would not have so many people walking around with layers of hurts. No matter how clean our city is, how polished the restaurant floors are if the people in these places are hurt and protected we are not living how we should be.
True, Jinya, we can observe the deeper layers of hurt in our reactions to the world, specially in the way we like or dislike people. The moment I like one person more than another I know there is a reaction, a hurt and it’s worth looking at it.
Love this Jinya. It is so empowering to recognise that our reactions are opportunities to uncover and heal another hurt.
We are in relationship with every thing and every one all of the time. And yet we are so quick to make judgment, about anything or anyone, rather than taking a look at what is presented to us and observing if this is relevant to us, is it a way we also speak, act or think? If it is, then we have been offered an opportunity to make change; if this isn’t truly how we behave (and there can be many subtle layers), then perhaps another is reacting to how we are not that behaviour – then it is a confirmation for us, and a healing offered for another. Nothing is by chance…there is always something to learn.
What a set up it all is that bullying itself has its origins in hurt for the bully is simply lashing out at the world to protect and defend and distract from their own deep hurts. By taking the responsibility to be honest about and deal with our own hurts we heal both the bully and the bullied. In my opinion supporting ourselves to stay true to this process this is the way to eradicate bullying in our world.
This is a powerful blog thanks Felix and one that resonated with me. As a man I know one of my defaults in life when feeling hurt is to close down and close off to everyone else. This feels justified in a way but you have clearly pointed out that when we do this we are living a lie and condoning others to do the same.
One deep hurt I hold is when truth is twisted around in a very public way such as in the media. How stringing a few normal words together can feel so rotten and twisted. It is my investment in life, a long held one, that harbours this hurt.
Your experience with bullying Felix surely assists you to understand those that are in the same position, and also to see the widespread pervasive effect it has on our society. It is a sad state of affairs that bullying has become the norm in so many places – instead of called out and removed from where its root cause often lays (jealousy). As you say, our world cannot be harmonious if there is any ounce of this left, and so we work to assist those with hurts, and on our own, so this kind of behaviour has no place or space to exist.
Very well said Amelia. Jealousy is almost always the underlying cause of bullying – whether the bully is conscious of it or not. We tend to have difficulty being around those who expose our comforts by living of a higher quality in whatever aspect of life applies, and thus it is easier to bully and make them smaller rather than face what they bring up for us.
Bullying is always a defensive response to covering up something we do not want to take responsibility for in ourselves. Understanding this opens up the possibility to work together rather than perpetuate the ill behaviours that simply keep us divided and wary of each other.
When we heal our hurts, we realise that they were only ever there as a delay to stop us living the amazing glory that we are, the Sons of God on earth. Whilst we remain in our hurts we remain individual which is a sure way to keep us in the cycle of separatism.
Beautifully said Donna, with such power.
Thank you a timely reminder Ariana.
It is very beautiful to know the essence of someone and know that the behaviours that they are carrying out are just a form of protection then we are able to be more loving.
In reading this blog I was reflecting on relationships that stand out and relationships that people just accept as normal and I found it really interesting. At first I thought that people nowadays accept male gay relationships more than female gay relationships. The female gay relationships I first pictured were more masculine looking women. However, then I thought about some female friends I have who are in gay relationships and I had simply forgotten about these being gay relationships, I didn’t see them as any different to any heterosexual relationship- I saw them all as the same.
However, there were still some gay relationships that stand out more and you notice that its a gay relationship. I realised that these ones where I notice this are when the people in the relationship themselves carry something where they are not fully resolved with it themselves or where they see themselves as different and its this that I was picking up on because I don’t actually see it as any different to a heterosexual relationship, if the people are happy, love and respect each other and support each other to grow – then this is what matters.
This is an incredible comment, and one that we avoid making in an era of political correctness. I understand what you mean about the same sex relationships that are relationships, pure and simple. There are hetero relationships that are the same. They are about love between two equals – no statement is being made other than a statement of dedication to love.
There are those relationships that are very different because, as you have so beautifully said “they see themselves as different”. There is an edge there, a statement of rebellion, or persecution, whether there is any persecution happening or not.
The fact that we, as a society have a “code” of sorts that incites rebellion and enacts persecution is something we all need to look at.
But the fact that there are couples who have freed themselves of this tyranny shows that not only is it possible, it is the only way to evolve as a society and as a humanity.
True love is universal, it is all encompassing, it is beholding, your comment MW is a great reminder that when a relationship is true regardless of it is hetrosexual or gay, the love is felt and enjoyed by all.
I agree Donna- when a relationship is based on love it is felt and enjoyed by all.
This is a truly advanced comment and one the gay communities and political groups worldwide can learn from. The Icelanders nailed it when they got rid of gay marriages and all laws around gay matrimonial rights. They now only have one law for marriage for everybody, no matter which genders constellate.
Yes, very true MW. You remind me of the father of my first girlfriend who had quite a pronounced limp as part of a disability. I didn’t realise it until someone pointed it out to me and it was for this very reason – that he was totally ok with himself, fully resolved in his disability and this is what I experienced in him as a result. You make a great observation here, thank you.
We can feel hurt by many things and not realise it. Buried deep under adopted behaviours to not feel the hurt, whatever we felt hurt by may be long ‘forgotten’ in our conscious awareness, but is silently playing out, dictating our every move lest it be exposed and we feel the pain. If the will is there to feel the deep hurt, the pain is momentary, if we choose to feel it and let it go. With support from Universal Medicine I am finding this to be a deeply healing way.
What a beautiful description of feeling hurts and the healing that comes with that shevonsimon. “Pain is momentary, if we choose to feel it and let it go”. It is amazing that we can spend years carrying our hurts in order to protect them because we are afraid of what it is that we are going to feel. But when we do choose to feel them, it doesn’t have to be a long drawn out process they can be gone very quickly if we work through them.
Donna there are those with hurt so ingrained, it is worn as a badge of honour and used as a weapon to unleash on others. Invested in hanging on to hurt, they live bitter and resentful lives. Supporting our brothers to see that it pays to let go, when they have engineered everything to keep their hard impenetrable exterior intact, can be a real learning and opportunity to evolve for those who choose to walk beside them.
I have found this too, by being willing to feel the hurt and pain, bringing understanding, and it can magically go pretty quickly.
I have observed this to – experiencing the pain truly and in full is such a brief moment compared to the eternity of lugging it around unresolved and festering away.
There is a poetry in what you have shared shevonsimon.
Very well said Shevonsimon. This exposes the ridiculousness of holding on to our hurts rather than facing them. It hurts us far more to hold on to and bury a hurt than it does to really feel it and let it go.
I agree shevonsimon. It is a constant onion skin situation where each layer removed exposes another underneath. Sometimes we cannot see the wood for the trees because we have engineered our actions and reactions to avoid a hurt, or that we are even hurt at all. It’s not about being perfect, but it is about knowing that we don’t have to be carrying around a bag of bricks everywhere we go. Our hurts make up not even 20% of our being, yet we give them so much credence. As you say, when we allow ourselves to feel it, the feeling isn’t torturous. And we are left with the grace of feeling more of who we truly are.
I have heard this from men before – that the shame that they are made to feel makes them go against their natural expression – which is very painful to experience. Love however is natural, whether it be between men and women or between men and men or women and women….and is not limited to sexually intimate relationships.
Marianna if we look at how two men in Vietnam walk down the street holding hands and then place that same situation in England or another country we get to see how a simple expression of love, friendship gets distorted by socially held beliefs and the media/education. Just because two individuals of the same gender fall in love does not preclude the fact that it is love. There is no rule book from God and so the question we must ask is that if we or anyone in our society has an issue or casts judgement on another then what is our issue and what is there in us that needs to be looked at? Men are deeply tender and loving regardless of preference for their intimate relationships. The focus should be on supporting that deep tenderness – that would be worthwhile.
David the picture you paint: ‘two men in Vietnam walk down the street holding hands’ is one I recognise. In Sierra Leone, my country of birth, it is very common to see young teenage boys walking home from school holding hands and it is accepted. A pure and natural expression of friendship I saw and loved, but never experienced the same in the UK. This shows the innate tenderness of men when left to be themselves.
Your comments David and Kehinde bring to my mind English schoolboys walking to and from school. The only way it is permissible to touch is by pushing, mock fighting, or hitting. There is an aggressive and defensive element about it all as they attempt to make contact in the only way they know how because of what values have been imprinted upon them. You can feel the pain of separation inside them. The picture of Vietnamese and Indian men walking in harmony and friendship hand in hand. Most folk here in the UK would probably find it distasteful, uncomfortable, or have incorrect readings of it. What a long way we have come from the expression of true love. But we are returning, and every expression of it, such as this beautiful, tender article by Felix, expands the awareness for all to follow.
David I saw this in Nepal, men walking down the street holding hands, or simply with an arm around the other, and the tenderness and ease between them felt just so natural and normal. So sad that men are denied it/or deny it for themselves in the Western world simply because of imposed and distorted beliefs.
Very well said David. Love knows no such bounds.
What you have said is so true Marianna. Love is natural, as is the gorgeous smile I receive from Felix, when we meet at courses at The Lighthouse. Felix lights up a room with his gentleness, openness and love. I look forward to seeing you again soon Felix.
Reading the comments on this blog has brought tears to my eyes as I feel how tough (even though some would call me gentle) I have become and yet I can also feel an enormous amount of Love underneath. Time to heal some more hurts, so that Love can shine.
Exactly Marianna, love is eternal and equal – it is not limited in any way and should be freely expressed without reservation. We are returning to this loving way.
“Living as a gay man and facing the difficulties this comes with in our current society, was simply God’s tool to awaken me.” An awakened son of God, walking & living love from the inside out.
What this brings up for me is when I was 15yrs old doing my work experience in a hairdressers, I had left it rather late and this was the only opening that was available. The day I walked in changed my life forever I knew that this was what I wanted to do as my work and from there I have dedicated everyday to this. What I now see and feel is, is how this was constellated for me to return back to the Son of God I am and what a blessing this expression has been and continues to be.
It is an absolute blessing aminatumi, we have each been placed, constellated like a star to shine through a multitude of expressions and the resulting firmament is a wondrous celebration of awakened suns.
Beautiful Lucindag, a blessing indeed. Reading this and I can see and feel the celebration life is when we all shine in our essence.
“Through healing the hurts I am now able to start calling out what is not love in my own body – and equally so, what is not love in the world around me.” Beneath these hurts dwells a spark of pure unadulterated love, a true and solid core that is clouded by society’s individuated masks. As I re-connect to this spark, it becomes clear that the mask is not truly who I am, simply a created protection I have chosen to wear year in, year out. As I deepen my relationship, my acceptance of this spark, I begin to see it reflected within everyone else, there upon self abuse or indeed any abuse can no longer be tolerated by a body that has truly returned to its source – Love.
This captures everything Lucindag – I want to read this everyday.
Beautifully expressed Lucindag. Healing the hurts focusing on the spark, an ever deepening expansion of love.
Very beautiful lucindag
‘…pure unadulterated love…’ such a gorgeous and revealing turn of phrase Lucindag; exposing the imposition of adults on the true loving nature of children and the process of change this goes through as we grow up to become adults ourselves.
A most beautiful reflection lucindag, thank you.
Gorgeous Lucindag. The spark that lies beneath our hurts and protection shines brightly waiting to see the light once again. Self love and gentleness opens the door, self appreciation and acceptance removes the hinges.
Wow lucindag this is Gold and bring on the days for all to start accepting the spark that we are and drawing the line to only have this Love in our Lives period.
It’s like the shells we have been born into, for example ‘being gay’ this life, or of a different race, culture, or background are what we choose to teach ourselves again or confirm the very essence of what love is. Any trials or tribulations faced and experienced along the way are necessary to ensure the return to this true love we know, is never renounced but met once again.
Commitment to love in relationships, and facing anything that is shown as needing attention is how we all heal. And life has a beautiful way, when we open up, to bring what we do need to heal, one step at a time, which allows healing, expanding and evolving.
I got to feel in reading the first two paragraphs of this, the turmoil that our constructed society places into the minds of young boys. I can picture the innocence Felix portrays of himself as that 8 year old, and how society is moulded to break down that sweetness and harden him to the world. This way of living is so utterly destructive and needs to be called out, why do we accept that someone will be attacked for something as natural as loving another person, who cares what their sex is. If an 8 year old can see that then we have to start to address why we make life so hard for children growing up. We currently dismiss these as little matters that are all part of toughening up and becoming a man, but what type of men are we creating. It is to Felix’s credit that he hasn’t removed his tender caring nature and is willing to show it to the world.
‘Hear, hear” Stephen.
“We currently dismiss these as little matters that are all part of toughening up and becoming a man, but what type of men are we creating?”
An awesome question Stephen…and if every single being is innately loving and tender, why would we want to toughen them up in the first place?
And it is all these ‘little matters’ you mention here Stephen that seep through our society, through all our relationships, until eventually these ‘little matters’ become one big matter we have to contend with globally.
Absolutely Paula, we should make the clear link between the massive rise in domestic violence that was reported this week in the UK, and is definitely happening across the world, and accept that our desire to toughen up little boys has this outcome. Men are not naturally violent, this is a result of nurture, or that very lack of nurture. If we want to stop domestic violence it would be better to go to the root cause, the abuse of little boys natural expression of gentleness, a way that should be cherished and nurtured for the beautiful life affirming quality it is.
I agree Stephen, ‘If we want to stop domestic violence it would be better to go to the root cause, the abuse of little boys natural expression of gentleness, a way that should be cherished and nurtured for the beautiful life affirming quality it is.’ By allowing these babies and young boys to be naturally tender and gentle, by cherishing and meeting them in their essence lays down a loving foundation to be built on.
Absolutely Stephen, ‘I can picture the innocence Felix portrays of himself as that 8 year old, and how society is moulded to break down that sweetness and harden him to the world’. I could feel the innocence and simplicity of Felix knowing that he wanted to be with another man and how society attacked him for this saying that it is wrong, this is so crushing of children and their knowing. It feels like society has a set path of how we must all be and it is such a narrow path and if we choose anything different we get ridiculed and attacked for our choices.
Beautifully said Stephen, I too can feel just how innocent and amazing Felix’s revelation was at 8 years old, that is it perfectly natural to love people of the same sex in just the way people of the opposite sex love one another. There is absolutely nothing wrong with same sex relationships, its just two people coming together in love. It seems we place more emphasis on social correctness than true love and cause much harm in the process. It is a true gift to us all that Felix has re-claimed his sweet and tender nature and is no longer afraid to share it with the world. What a loss we all suffer when we toughen up our young boys, it’s like nailing shutters on all the sunshine that burns so brightly within them.
Love is Love, it is as simple and glorious as that.
Great call Stephen. As rowenakstewart also shares here, “It seems we place more emphasis on social correctness than true love and cause much harm in the process.” Time to out this ill way of being for the sake of boys and their innate tenderness so they can reflect this truth to men everywhere.
Nailing shutters on all the sunshine – gorgeous metaphor rowenakstewart. And you’re right about the emphasis on social correctness. As soon as I read that I felt the impact of institutionalised religion on societal views about homosexuality. What a bastardisation of the truth of love they have propagated.
Wow rowenakstewart, “nailing shutters on the sunshine” that is a comment from heaven above, absolutely beautiful. And why is it we get so uncomfortable as grown men with young boys being naturally tender and gentle, is it a reflection of a tenderness that we lost and a discomfort that a young boy may shine in that way that we didn’t hold. I ask myself why as a man I can still be harder on a boy than a girl, something that when it happens I feel quite shameful about.
Very well said Stephen. The ideals come from all angles to shut down the innocence of a young boys sweetness and tenderness. I was suitably impressed last night when I heard a 14 year old young man ask his 38 year old uncle as he was drinking a beer ‘Why do you drink beer? Do you really like the taste or is it because if you didn’t do it you would have no friends and you wouldn’t be seen as a tough strong man?’ His uncle was floored and didn’t have an immediate response because as the young man said ‘he knew it was true’.
Wow, I love that Sara, it is amazing how when something is exposed with such truth there really is no answer. The behaviours we construct to fit in, not stand out or be ridiculed lead us to so many choices that we know are not what our body really wants, and yet the feelings are so strong that we override the obvious just to not be in danger of being mocked or made to feel different. My own path to drinking beer took a while but eventually I got sucked in, overriding what my body told me to do something that was socially accepted.
Another great example Sara of the wisdom of children and young people in being honest and bringing truth.
I wonder how different men and women would actually be without the influence of gender stereotypes and mould we (society) have created.
I love this Abby. It is great to expose what is really going on in the world and understanding why things are the way they are. But I could feel how I was blaming society. Like society was something separate that I was not a part of. I realise I must also take responsibility and accept my part in creating the ideals, beliefs, lies and really, the mess I experience in society.
Thank you, Stephen, great questions you’re asking. We tend to look at the end result, for example the criminals in our jails or the rising domestic violence, but often forget to look at why all that occurred in the first place – when, where and why did the root energy cause enter? You nail this, Stephen, we can learn all this when we observe our kid’s natural expressions.
A very beautiful blog Felix, thank you for sharing yourself with us. The beauty of children who have not be tailed or confined by particular beliefs and ideals, and very naturally express the love they are. This is a lesson for all of us.
Indeed Victoria. Letting children be who they are and encouraging them in this rather than trying to make them something they are not – this is true freedom.
So true Michael and Victoria, allowing children to know and feel that they are enough as they are and all they ever have to be is themselves, that is true freedom.
And in that confirmation, children are free to bring all that they are to the world.
Children feeling they are free to be themselves brings true joy to the world. Beautiful.
Letting children be who they are and supporting them to grow up knowing that they are divine sparks of God is the way forward to brotherhood.
For me, it’s a constant playful reminder to my kids and other kids that they are indeed these divine sparks of light because society is designed to do the complete opposite, that is shut this down, cover it up and make it about everything but light.
Yes, children have so much to share. Their lightness and playfulness changes a whole room if we allow it. And all those gems they come out with if they know they are not going to be shut down for speaking the truth. It is up to all of us to nurture this.
So true Donna – we could ask the parents which is more important: that the child grows up truly loving and sharing true love with those around him OR that he grows us knowing to conform to society’s demands and gives up on the beauty and love that he is? Gay relationship or not gay, it is about bringing love to each other and nothing less than this. And then it is about living this each and every day so that we are that reflection to everyone as a reminder of what they too can choose – that at any time you can ditch the demands of society to be a certain way and instead choose to be your natural self. I don’t mean this in a rebellious way, I simply am stating that returning to our true normal way of being as a choice is an inspiration to all and in the process does shake a few ideals and beliefs around us.
“For two years now I have not once been bullied because of being gay. And I now openly express love with my partner, walking hand in hand in the streets or sharing a kiss or a post on social media.” This must be such an amazing and joyful experience and is such a powerful testament to the power of healing one’s hurts. Yet, as you say Felix, we cannot truly celebrate until all forms of bullying cease. You, and thousands of others who follow the Way Of The Livingness, are showing that this is possible and it is through healing our own hurts that we can achieve it.
Healing our hurts is the only way to really change our lives, as only that will work on the root causes for anything else.
Michael and Ariana, beautifully put, healing our hurts is the foundation of what is needed, nothing less. It has to be love or nothing as you say Ariana, otherwise we’re just in a dance with our hurts and going nowhere.
Healing our hurts is taking responsibility of our emotions, understanding where these have come from and dealing with the root cause of them. Only then we can really change our lives. My life has changed so much since I have started to heal my hurts.
Absolutely Jonathan, and it is to know that we CAN heal our hurts very easily. For years until I met Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine I felt/thought that my hurts were an ingrained part of me and something that would never go away. This is however complete illusion. I feel what Felix expresses here is really important 1. In how he has completely changed his life to now fully embrace the loving, gentle, sweet, open man he is and able to express this with his partner freely and 2. How much this sort of bullying goes on. We cannot tolerate this anymore on any kind of level.
When there is no love there is abuse, and I am seeing more and more the smallest corners in which ‘that which is not love’ can hide – from the manipulative ‘lovely’ or ‘right’ to its more blatantly obvious forms.
Thinking that our hurts make us who we are is so deeply ingrained in our belief systems. That saying “what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger” comes to mind but this is a lie. What would be more accurate would be “what doesn’t kill us makes us harder” for the layers of protection we build up in an attempt to not feel our hurts are like a suit of armour we make thicker and thicker until we are barely able to stand under the weight. The irony though is that we are then trapped inside our armour with our hurts. The only way to change this is to deal with them – see them for what they are, take responsibility for them and let them go.
“Thinking that our hurts make us who we are is so deeply ingrained in our belief systems.” I agree with what you have said here Lucy. This is very imprisoning and a successful way of capping us from evolving and living the light that we are.
Yep, it’s either living a life governed by our reaction to our hurts or living a life from the joy and love of our inner-heart if we choose to heal our hurts.
When I was a kid and before I had any idea of sexual reproduction, I wondered deeply why two sexes had to exist. I remember asking myself what the purpose of having girls was. There’s a whole lot more to the purpose of the existence of two sexes than merely reproduction, but it goes to show that in the blank canvas of a child’s mind, love is simply love and beingness is synonymous with love.
It feels a beautiful end to a chapter in a difficult journey Felix, but how you view it now, after coming through it, that it has been a great healing to come through, shows how we can all heal our hurts. ‘By calling out what is not love in my own body – and equally so, what is not love in the world around me’ is a great example to work on, thank you.
Yes, and this is what makes a true marriage!
When one connects deeply with ones own body and realises that in truth there are no hurts able to resist the power of beauty.
In life and throughout it, we make a career out of dishonouring ourselves, that is not honouring our bodies and the qualities we feel more sacred to us. We do not stand in those qualities. We hide them, fight them as inconveniences, and even deny them. We want to make it without them. But, we can only go so far and paying a huge cost in our body and overall being. This is what in this world is called normal. Yet, it is not. Standing on our more sacred qualities and walking with them is the real normal thing.
Have you ever painted a wall in the kitchen by the cooker? You feel you have cleaned the wall and paint. In a few weeks, months or some times days the spots re-appear of the oil and grease you missed in cleaning the past oil off the wall. Till we really clean the past, the past won’t stop reappearing in your future… kind of like hurts!
We can paint it again and again to hide the past and pretend that everything is cleared, but unless we take the time and dedication to look at what is underneath and attend to the root cause, the spots will reappear again and again. A very fitting and vivid picture – Steve
A half hearted attempt to truly clear something only results in a band-aid type situation, where the hurt looks like it’s disappeared, but the reality is that it is still raw and throbbing beneath the plaster. We have to go deeper than this to truly heal the hurts.
This is a great analogy Steve. What I am learning also is that the more I heal the more the past and the future take care of themselves
Felix what you have outlined with crystal clear clarity is the process that nearly every single human being has undergone; the moving away from God and Oneness due to feeling overwhelming pain. How you reversed the situation will be an invaluable tool for so many to hear.
Hear hear! Alexis, we absolutely feel the separation from ‘God and Oneness’. With Universal Medicine this is now changing thanks to students of the Livingness like Felix.
We all have our own path of evolving and only God knows what it is exactly that is needed in any given life time that will offer us the platform for growth. We can then see that there is no point in comparing how our paths are laid out because they are all so uniquely individual for us to heal our hurts. Thank you Felix for sharing your story.
“Growing up as a boy I know the feeling of being judged for something that I am.” This line made me ponder how this is for me Felix. What comes up is that as from a young age I was taught that living from my innocence might be dangerous as living in that innocence will attract situations where I will be attacked for who I am. This way of upbringing came with lot of fear, a fear to life in general and that the only way to deal with that was to conform to a certain way of being, a way of being that would not make people to be exposed by not making them uncomfortable in that place they are holding themselves in. During the course of my up-growing I have accepted to live like what was told to me and I stepped away from the innocence that I used to live. The pain of stepping away from this has from then ruled my life, as I continually felt that the life I was living was not it, that there must be a purpose to it, not to just live my life and die at the end of it, but the feeling of being part of something much grander, a grand continuum. This continual pain from not living my truth in this life has finally brought me to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine. Here I found that I am not the only one living with this knowing and that the ageless wisdom I felt always remotely connected to is within us all and living in this knowing is where we all are destined to return to. Knowing this now does help me to heal the hurts I carry with me of choosing to live a lesser life. Healing the hurts unleashes my innocence again and living from that is so much fun and I feel blessed that I have found my way back to it.
What a true and loving reflection you would be to so many Felix, healing your own hurts and claiming yourself and love for others. I loved reading the innocent knowing at 8, that love is love in all relationships. That is who we truly are. It’s beautiful how you have come back to that natural innocence and tenderness again.
Felix this is such an amazing blog because you are expressing your amazingness. Such openness to love that all around you feel when they are with you. ‘For two years now I have not once been bullied because of being gay.’ It’s quite a testimony to healing the hurts we carry so they no longer reside within the body attracting their worldly counterpart in the form of abuse. One could be daring and say lovingly, that abuse is there to remind us of what we need to heal within.
I love what you share here Felix, it reflects that true healing begins with self by connecting to who we are and loving who we are. From here we can bring this clarity to all others and aspects of life.
Love this Ariana, beautifully expressed.
Separating into “Gay man” and “straight man” is so false and an utter illusion, for both are love, and no matter what your sexual preference you can still be all the love that you are, with another person. Definitions are needed for our physical life, but the separation is not.
“Definitions are needed for our physical life, but the separation is not.” – how very true. It is important to not confuse the two or misuse the definitions to create a separation that in the first place does not exist.
Absolutely harryjwhite, in essence we are all love equally, whether ‘gay’ ‘straight’, black, white, tall, short, male or female…
Hear hear! harryjwhite, live a life of love and the ‘separation’ disappears.
Thanks so much for sharing this Felix. For me it was really cool to note your solidness of how you felt to love another man when you were younger. That this was so just completely normal and natural for you. We can learn so much from kids as adults…
“Living as a gay man and facing the difficulties this comes with in our current society, was simply God’s tool to awaken me. It was then I realised that until bullying in all forms completely ceases in this world, it is only then can we truly celebrate.”. I love the word THEN that got my attention in your blog Felix. Because it reveals to me that there’s a purpose to healing our hurts. That yes, we’re healing them for ourselves, but in healing our hurts we’re actually taking responsibility for our part we are to play on a much bigger scale where we can inspire others with a body that is living the Love who we are by the reflection we offer. The choice remains to the one who’s receiving the reflection of love. Of course, there is free will. How full of magic is this!
Not being met for who we truly are leaves such a strong impression in our bodies…as we take the hurt with us everywhere we go until one day we decide it’s no longer serving a purpose and the hurt is swallowing us whole.
I have allowed my hurts to take over me and I am seeing more and more clearly now how much that also affects everyone around me by giving others permission to not be who they truly are, when really, I have the opportunity to do the exact opposite.
Good for you, Felix for breaking out of what you’d created and ‘learning to love and accept all that I am and by simply making a choice to let the world in, and to live the true me.’ Your blog stands as an inspiration for other gay people who may be harbouring similar hurts from bullying and from not feeling able to fully express.
I love that line Cathy. “learning to love and accept all that I am and by simply making a choice to let the world in, and to live the true me.” Something that we can all take to heart.
To let the world in knowing that we only come from love allows us to drop our armour and protection.
Felix thank you for sharing yourself so openly and honestly, what a gift you are. You have highlighted many points of significance for us all. How empowering it is to be honest with what we are truly feeling and how liberating it is to heal our hurts and as such re-claim the Love that we in essence are and bring. Through healing and re-building a foundation of Love within ourselves we develop confidence to begin, as you beautifully say – ‘calling out what is not love in my own body – and equally so, what is not love in the world’- offering then the opportunity to embrace a deeper connection to Love for one and All, just by being you, by simply being Love. Truly powerful indeed.
Good stuff Felix, the more we stand up for truth the stronger truth will be against all those who still judge and discriminate against our brothers who maybe looked upon as different when we are all just the same.
There is so much power when we heal our deep buried hurts and you are a living example Felix. The power of this blog is felt and the volume of comments confirms this over and over again.
The first I heard about my deep hurts affecting my life was when Serge Benhayon presented it many years ago and of course he has written about it too.
This man really is light years ahead when it comes to the answers we need as a race of beings who lets face it are here to evolve. Whether we like it or not we are going to evolve. What pace and what style is up to you.
You can travel first class, coach class or hang onto the wings – always a choice and I know which one I am choosing.
I agree Bina with what you share. And yes the pace and style of how we choose to accept, appreciate everyone equally supports us all evolving. Anything that isn’t evolving compounds our hurts and is abuse. When Serge Benhayon presents on this with the wisdom and understanding that he lives I can feel for me that it’s a definite ‘No’ I don’t consciously or even sub-consciously want to cause harm to anybody. Therefore I choose first class responsibility to the very best of my ability.
One can get pretty battered and bruised hanging into the wings, quite an unecessary struggle. It is crazy the way we fight our inevitable evolution, when we can choose to travel first class.
It is sad that we live in a world where people are being abused for being gay. Basically being abused for loving a man. Love is universal, it is our essence. Thank you Felix, for sharing this blog. It is unfortunataly needed as there is still so much abuse going on.
‘to treat each other lovingly no matter what’ awesome Ariana. The ‘no matter what’ is so worth uncovering and discarding – the ill beliefs, the hurts, the habits – so that we go beyond all this surface rubbish and allow the healing to be.
Yes Karin I agree beautiful said Ariana – ‘to treat each other lovingly no matter what’ True love is exactly that – the truth of love and the love of truth in all our relationships, which includes calling out what is not love and so offering the opportunity to heal and connect deeper to the Love we truly are.
Wow Felix, that’s incredible. Sadly homosexuality is something some people frown upon, and during history gay men have been the targets of much prejudice, and a lot of hate. As you say this can make it difficult to resist shutting down, and contracting in front of other people, but it is such an inspiration that you are now able to look beyond people’s judgement and be YOU; providing a gorgeous, loving inspiration for them.
So true Susie. This is an incredible story that Felix has shared of how it is possible to stand up against the relentless abuse that we can experience for simply being who we are. As it is difficult to not feel hurt by how we can treat each other with such disdain. However Felix how shown us a way that we can return to stand strong in Love with who we are through healing the hurts we hold on to, that would otherwise lead us to remain shut down and behave in ways that are not ourselves and not too much dissimilar to those who continue to live from their hurts. This is a powerful example of how choosing to be responsible for the way we are in the world is significant for us all as it affects us all.
‘..choosing to be responsible for the way we are in the world is significant for us all as it affects us all’ Well said Carola. Although we are being responsible for OUR own actions, how we behave, our choices, what we say etc., it has a much greater effect on other people than we realise through the inspiration it provides them to be more, or to be less and contract (depending on what choices we make).
The thing is that homosexuality has been around forever… It’s not like it’s a weird new thing that someone dreamed up… You think by now people would realise that it’s quite natural and normal for some people… Just like heterosexuality.
When we rise above the judgements and can live who we truly are, then it inspires others to do the same.
It sure does Carmel, reflecting to all that we are so much more and can instead live more of this Love together whenever we choose to.
So true Carmel, judgement keeps us in separation but when we let this go we see the truth that underneath we are all equal. You are so right when we live who we truly are it absolutely inspires others to live their truth too.
So true Carmel. There is such a strength in it.
To rise above the judgements is to not take them personally and this can be felt in the foundation that in essence we are all the same, love.. even if we do not choose to live or behave in such a way.
Yes, commitment to love and first with ourselves is the only foundation from which true healing can spring from
Gorgeous, gorgeous blog, as you are Felix. Thank you so much for sharing what you have experienced and may it be a way forward for others who are experiencing similar to what you have. Through self honesty and having the courage to heal the pain that you carried you have paved a way forward for others to follow.
This is absolutely beautiful and true Ariana..
“All this manipulation was part of a game to adapt to what the world asked of me, not understanding that I was not truly connecting to people but to the falsity they themselves presented with.”
This is an incredibly exposing appraisal of the way that so many of us operate with one another. It is facade interacting with facade, and every once in a while allowing the truth to be seen, just a little. Our inner world and often our inner picture of ourselves is far greater and more glorious than the facade, but we have to do the work to gently and lovingly take it down in order to allow who we truly are to stand up strong and beautifully.
Such a powerful comment Naren. Presenting with a facade to the world just keeps confirming that one is needed. Showing who we truly are can potentially inspire another, like Felix is doing every time he openly expresses love to himself and his partner, to also do the same.
To show the false front we often carry for what it is, and that we do not need to be needed, is offering a choice to someone else. The choice to either put the facade back up or to take it down, even if that may be at some point in the future. The facade is that which hides the totality of our love from the world, and when we express without it muddying what we show to the world, all we have to and want to be is love.
“until bullying in all forms completely ceases in this world, it is only then can we truly celebrate.” …and blogs like this one are truly serving in their contribution towards this. It is amazing Felix that you have not been bullied for 2 years now. This is testament to the inner work you have done to be able to feel free and solid within yourself, and therefore not attract the bullying.
Absolutely Rebecca, I agree, when responsibility is truly looked at then there is only space for love. This loving responsibility in Felix’s case has had a profound effect on all around him!
‘I learned to hide my innocence and began to judge and condemn my own expression. I developed a pattern of contracting away from who I truly was and started to express less of me’. That is about the saddest thing I’ve heard, until I realise that we all do it (still makes it very sad)… we are not accepted simply for who we are, but there are always expectations that we start to mould to, conform to, and become less of who we are.
The questions that comes up for me is: why are we sad that we cannot be just who we are, when the only one who can shape us into something else is ourselves?
Could it be that the sadness comes from the truth we feel, that we chose to leave our Divinity and chose instead to pursue a false light outside of ourselves that we thought would bring us Love through acceptance? We have all experienced this in our own way as we had no marker of what it looked like to remain in the light of our Love. This for me is what makes Felix’s sharing so inspirational, shining the way for all that it is possible to live who we are, and how choosing to embrace who we are in full is a powerful healing that is much needed in our world today.
Thank you for your tender blog Felix. It is beautiful to feel through what you have written how much you are now able to express all of you in every aspect of your life.
I remember at primary school being bullied by another student for holding another friend’s hand which for me was natural, I just felt sad and imposed on.
There is a point where that natural tender and innocent intimacy between children often gets crushed. It is not by adults necessarily (although it has its genesis there) but it is often between children that the imposition upon their natural way is enforced. It is at this point where divisions start, even on the basic “boys vs. girls” level. I can remember an age where after having close female friends for so much of my life, suddenly they were not to be associated with, and instead they were the target of ridicule and fun. It was not something that I ever felt comfortable with, but forced myself to participate in to avoid becoming a target myself.
Beautiful to see our challenges in life as “the tool God chose to awake me”.
Yes, love that Sandra. We learn so much.
We discriminate and judge each other a lot in the world. Your blog gives great insight Felix on the behaviours that are adopted to hide who we are and how we can go against our Truth due to hurts.
Beautifully shared Felix, it is amazing how much we change ourselves and our bodies because of peoples reactions to the way we said or did things when we were younger. I know even minor comments effected the way that I moved and behaved – it is scary how a flippant comment can effect us so much.
Well said James, and very true. Other people’s reactions do often have a huge effect on us, our mood and what we think about ourselves/our bodies. Learning to remain unchanged no matter what is said about/to us requires development, and it is incredible to have people like Felix providing such a strong inspiration to do this.
I agree Susie, it is something which has been shown to me primarily by Serge Benhayon but also other Universal Medicine practitioners that I am already enough and simply need to be myself. What it has done is help give me confidence to not try to be something or someone I am not, in other words it has stopped me looking outside to others for confirmation and recognition, which was something I used to do all the time and was extremely exhausting constantly morphing myself into whatever situation I was in.
That’s really incredible James. We certainly live in an ‘outside-in’ kind of world, as in we always tend to focus on things going on around us, look to meet expectations and are constantly trying to feel confirmation and acceptance from everyone, but care little about our own self relationship and what goes on in our body. I love hearing how you’ve turned that around – such an inspiration.
Thank you Susie – it can appear like such a minor change in thought process and the way I treat myself but the effects and the way I feel are worlds apart. I actually want to be here now whereas before I used to want to simply try my best to get through the day.
Yes that is true James. Even the smallest comment we can take on and react to and dull our light and joy.
And these comments we can carry with us for years. Often they may sound minuscule at first and fairly innocent but these are the most destructive ones because we think they are helping or supporting us when they are not. The obvious abusive comments can more easily be seen for what they are.
When we dream of a better way to live than what we are living presently that is filled with hurts we begin to spiral into some place filled with darkness. We begin wishing for less and less as we slide down into the abyss we have created in our self. Love becomes a distant memory. By stopping and looking where our hurts have taken us we can choose our current path into darkness or walk back to the light where we left our self.
“Through healing the hurts I am now able to start calling out what is not love in my own body – and equally so, what is not love in the world around me”, very powerful indeed Felix.
Such a gorgeous expression by you Felix, thank you.
This is a great blog – I have had this many times in my life, thinking that ‘a’ causes ‘b’ and then ‘a’ disappeared but ‘b’ was still there, either the same or just a little less. One of the earliest examples I had was that I always felt bad at Christmas. Then, at age 16, my parents went all out to give me everything I would ever want and … I still felt bad. It was quite revealing and a bit embarrassing.
This made me chuckle Christoph. We conjure up so many ideas about how it could be, what it should look like, instead of focusing on how we feel and why we feel that way. Consequently we are left chasing dreams that never live up to their hype.
I love your expression here Jenny. Focussing on what something should look like instead of focussing on how we feel, I know this one very well.
We create dreams that cannot be fulfilled and keep ourselves busy with that. Why do we waste so much energy on this?
Wow Christoph so revealing of the falsity of Christmas. Thanks for sharing.
“…I was able to feel the pain of not being met in the joy I carried as a baby.” It feels this is a hurt that many of us carry. When I am open to healing my hurts and start the process its like a journey of discovery. For every hurt that is healed, there is a remarkable and empowering part of me that rises in the Light and Joy of who I am. Our hurts may feel terrifying at times but it’s amazing when I look back from deep within my own love, that the fear is such a small part of my grandness, so I hear myself say ‘what was all the fuss about?’ Surrendering is now something I practice every day. Surrendering to the emotional pain, the struggle and connect to something much much greater.
I agree Donna, initially tackling the hurts seems such a huge task and there is resistance to going there, but once we do we wonder what on earth the fuss was about, because the feeling far outweighs anything holding onto the hurts can bring.
Gorgeous Donna and something that was much needed for me to hear today. A reminder that our hurts are NOT who we are is but a mere speck in comparison to the grandness we come from and belong to.
‘But underneath this hurt of being bullied for an expression that I couldn’t in truth change, was another, even deeper hurt’ – powerful Felix, for isn’t that one of the deep hurts we all carry when we are not loved and accepted for who we truly are? It matters not the ‘ways’ that are true for us, only that we re-connect to the truth of the Love that exists within, that is equal to and reflecting of the Love of all others and live this. A Beautiful and honest sharing that has and will connect to many.
Thank you Felix. I can feel the connection between not being met in our natural joyful state as infants. As I developed I allowed additional experiences to compound on this and hurts build up. The delightful realization is anytime I can simply choose joy as it’s still with in. So much becomes simpler from here.
What if, before we go into any judgment or doubt about self, we stop. We stop and appreciate all the amazing things about ourselves. If our minds become blank or we are overtaken by emotions of rejection or unworthiness, we ask for the support from a friend or from someone we trust. Taking the first step and taking back the responsibility to first not bully ourselves makes sense.
I love this Adele, the responsibility to be deeply loving and deeply accepting of where we are at or what comes up is ours and ours alone
Adele I love your comment. Taking the steps to not bully myself returns me to love and presents love to those around me. Control loses its hold and no longer has a place.
We can really play some ridiculous games with ourselves to be accepted in life, however we are then playing a game with everyone else and presenting a false image of who we are.
I agree Matthew, the game of trying to ‘fit in’ and be ‘normal’ is extremely insidious and means we end up morphing into someone totally unrecognisable and void of any resemblance to the innocent young boy or girl we once were.
We lament that the world does not accept us as we are. Maybe we should start letting the others see who we really are to offer them a chance to accept exactly that.
I could not agree more Michael. I find the more I simply am me, with no put on or pretence, people and the world generally love it. We can all read and feel energy and so deep down know when someone is putting on an act or a show.
Fitting in does not serve anyone. Ourselves in not being who we truly are and for others as it is keeping this game going and not showing there is another way to live.
I could not agree more Vicky. the other problem is that when we start to try and fit in from young we lose sense of who we are and lose our natural tenderness and exquisiteness. The more we can honour and cherish each other for who we are the more we can and will be content being our amazing selves.
In answer to Michael Kremer. Yes, we do deeply lament that the world does not accept us as we are. Yet, even more deeply we lament us not accepting all that we are and sharing it with everyone, starting with ourselves. Who we are though, is not reason for lamenting ourselves, but to celebrate it. So, it boils down to a choice: do we go with lamenting and everything associated with it? Or shall we celebrate?
Eduardo, I say we shall celebrate!
Mathew the games we play to fit in are so commonly accepted as how we have to be, how everyone is that when we start to not play the games we stand out. For some who still play the games they then don’t like the fact we no longer play and so we are left with the choice – honour ourselves or go back to playing the games. I know for me this has taken many years to work through but the more I choose to take responsibility for my life the less the pull to play the game has and the more the world gets to see the real me.
I agree with you David. When we stop playing games we are accused of not being right, something must be wrong with us and we are encouraged by peers to get back to our old self! The fact is we have gotten back to our old self… who we were before we walked away from who we have always been and meant to be.
I agree Matthew and it is easy to see how we choose to feed this false image of ourselves and keep others comfortable in their’s by doing so. It just seems that all these games we play just serve to keep us perpetuating the lies we tell ourselves, and we are just going around in circles – reminds me of a hamster in a cage with the door open, whereby all we have to do is step off of the hamster wheel and walk out of the cage door.
What is not accepted (yet) by the world, such as those labelled as “misfits”, when we come clean from our hurts and express from the power of who we are in lightness, joy and playfulness, the reflection of true freedom is one which many are seeking to find.
Any form of bullying in the world is not okay and it has to be expressed. Bullying is the shutting out of our natural tender connection in brotherhood, it is separation, segmentation and fragmentation lived, it is not normal. Not calling out what is bullying in the world we are first bullying ourselves, and this we have a part in making bullying acceptable in the world.
“Not calling out what is bullying in the world we are first bullying ourselves,” – really – there is so much gold in this, Adele, we could write a curriculum on this for all sorts of therapeutic modalities. I find this conversation here contains a whole course on true responsible Psychology as it is not offered yet at our Universities.
One of the deepest hurts come from us not being accepted or met and without the confirmation and/of reflection from the world that we are this shining light that we know, we shut down and forget. But God doesn’t forget and through our life and our bodies we are given opportunities to come back to this hurt to see how our light has never left us, and through our deeper acceptance and confirmation of ourselves through the feeling our own love, this light is reflected for many others.
Another quote that really resonates within me is “Through healing the hurts I am now able to start calling out what is not love in my own body – and equally so, what is not love in the world around me. This not only supports my well-being, but also serves all who I am in contact with – my family, friends, clients and the community.”. What I love about this is the all encompassing view on life. That by loving ourselves = dealing with our hurts, we’re able to support others that also have to deal with their hurts. I personally found that whatever I’ve chosen to deal with, led to a constellation with one or more persons that would benefit from the healing I already had chosen. And the other way around, that other people supported me in dealing with my hurts, having healed theirs. What an Amazing Wisdom that is meant to be this way. In order to restore Brotherhood we need each other to truly find ourselves and together return to the loving place we come from. It cannot be done on our own.
Great comment Floris – a reminder for us all (and I’m very thankful of it) that I don’t need to do this all myself… there is wisdom shared, there is support, there is brotherhood to help me, and I’m equally responsible for sharing my wisdom with others.
Yes simonwilliams8, what a great reminder and confirmation! We are definitely not alone and we’re responsible for others feeling that too by sharing our Wisdom. Whether that being in these comments, in writing blogs, in sharing experiences in conversations in taking care of ourselves. We’re living role models in every aspect where we choose love. Thank you simonwilliams8. You’re definitely to me a great and inspiring man and role-model.
Thank you Floris for so beautifully describing the paradox of relationships, developing self-love involves dealing with our hurts and that have come from feeling rejected in our relationships with others.
Beautiful lived wisdom, Floris!
Living the beauty of brotherhood in this way also means to understand the opposite force: to protect my hurt deepens the hurt of another who then carries the hurt into his family and so on. We end up with enormous ripple effects when we choose to not feel our hurts or not work on them.
This is obvious in one way Felix, but I notice in myself that I’m still carrying ignorance to the fact that me not dealing with my hurts does have a ripple effect on others. I’d rather talk about the dealt with hurts = love, in order to take away the focus on the undealt hurts. Thank you for this timeless reminder for us all. You’re sharing wisdom, but more importantly, responsibility. Not only for ourselves, but also for our children, family, friends, collegaes, etc.
It was beautiful to read how you have rediscovered that being all the love you are is your greatest protection. One’s light can become so bright no ill will be allowed to house within.
Love it kimweston2 – ‘ being all the love you are is your greatest protection. One’s light can become so bright no ill will be allowed to house within.’ – so true. When we are with our Love the Light we shine from our Fire within is our greatest unshakable strength.
Yeah, that’s pretty cool!
So true Kimweston2, it is a paradox that our greatest strength is in our vulnerability and fullness of love.
Living who we truly are and letting people in is the greatest gift and way of living we can have. Beautiful Felix !
Yes, Felix makes an excellent point. If we live in reaction to previous hurts, people can feel it and it is often very obvious in a person’s attitude and almost invites a strong response. Just being yourself only gives an invitation to be yourself as well and ‘being yourself’ for most men means to become aware of their sensitivity rather than their violence. It may not always work this well but it is very much worth it.
Felix your blog took me back to easily feel the innocence of a child. How easy it is for others to strip us of our innocence when we are not held and seen for all the love and joy we naturally are growing up. The shutting down and contracting to fit into the lie we are fed feels all to familiar for me as well Felix. Relearning to trust the innocence again, which is learning to trust the knowing of our own innate love feels incredible and something worth celebrating.
Great comment kimweston2 “It was beautiful to read how you have rediscovered that being all the love you are is your greatest protection. One’s light can become so bright no ill will be allowed to house within.” For so many years I hid behind the hardness and protection of my hurts and the coping mechanisms I developed to keep humanity out thinking I was keeping myself safe. Finally through the teaching of the Ancient Wisdom as presented by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, I learnt that by dealing with my hurts and letting the pain of them go allows me to connect with the love that I am and express from Love is my greatest and only true protection.
Yes, Margaret, this is an important realisation, that staying connected and open hearted having dealt with any left over reactions or blame, keeps us strong and steady in our love no matter what is going on around us.
‘Relearning to trust the innocence again’, Beautifully expressed kimweston2. I hadn’t realised that this is where I am with myself until, I read your comment.
Felix, I love your sharing and one thing in particular stands out for me: it is what you say about claiming yourself and how this removes the opening for being bullied. This is not saying that a person won’t ever be bullied once they have claimed themselves, however, it does mean that when you live a life that you know is true and real and valued, then what another says to put that down will be instantly seen for what it is and hence have little or no effect whatsoever. Love it! And very inspiring indeed. Thank you Felix!
There is no room for abuse in a body of love – when we know ourselves and live what we know to be true, abuse and lies simply get deflected and have no hold over us. If however, we do get affected by such abuse, then it is for us look at the ‘opening’ – where are we not living with the full integrity and love that is our heritage? Either way we learn to grow stronger.
Thank you for sharing this Felix. I can feel the innocence and truth of you sharing what you felt as an 8 year old and the devastation that comes with this being rejected. Many of us have hurts that we hold on to and I have found that dealing with these is the most liberating experience. It is only in dealing with my hurts that I can get to the truth of any matter. With dealing with my hurts they come in to cloud my judgement and clarity around any issue, making it about the hurt that hasn’t been dealt with rather than the truth of the situation.
Well said, Lee. Undealt with hurts cloud our judgement in any situation, and so it is wonderful that Felix has chosen to take responsibility for honouring himself, claiming his truth and dealing with anything that hangs over him from his past.
So true Lee, how often do we allow our hurts to cloud an issue and thereby reduce the situation to being all about us and our hurt rather than about the truth and what needs to be attended to. It is a massive invention that we wilfully manifest in order to wriggle out of our responsibilities in life. Being willing to face, feel and heal our deepest hurts is a true sign of maturity. It signifies that we are prepared to let go of self investment in favour of the bigger picture, a picture that asks us to live with true integrity, openness and equality and it is very liberating, very uplifting and certainly a whole lot more fun to live!
Rowenakstewart, what you express here needs to be on the walls of our psycho-therapist’s waiting rooms. Maybe half of the clients would walk out of the clinic reading this, healed or hurt, it’s a choice!
It’s so true, we so often give all the focus to our hurts that we haven’t dealt with, rather than “walking tall, free of our hurts, liberated by our own choices”. So well said Ariana.
Hurts take up the space we have available for love and when we chose to release the hurt, as you have said Lee, there is clarity and truth. A beautiful blog which connects to us all – thanks Felix
It is indeed Lee as you describe, our hurts are a lens with which we see the world through and they colour how we perceive others and the world. Rather than deal with the hurts we allow our perceptions to continue to be reinforced and give us the justification to keep on protecting ourselves.
Hurts are something we hold on to. It is a bit like choosing to file a traumatic situation and what you felt so you can access it to justify when needed a previous decision of not being all of you. This is odd because the traumatic situation you filed occurred precisely due to that decision of ours. So, the hurts we hang on to, are mainly episodes where we were dramatically shown how horrible is to accept to be less and that accepting so puts you onto a path where you will be reminded from time to time what you have chosen even if you do not like what comes your way. Do we register and heal our shutdown? Or do we only work upstream and heal what came next?
If we hang on to our hurts we live in their shadow constantly. As you say Eduardo Feldman, perhaps this offers us some way of justifying not being who we truly are. The only way out is to choose to heal them and whilst it can be painful to deal with them, this is momentary compared to the darkness they cast over us otherwise.
Indeed Lee, I am only just beginning to see the irresponsibility of holding and identifying with these hurts, a bubble from where we no longer see that we even have a choice.
Beautiful Felix. This sharing is so deeply profound yet so simply expressed. I felt no angst in your words, only acceptance and love. I enjoyed reading your story very much.
Felix that was so beautiful and it bought tears to my eyes when I read your last line and to consider the day when all bullying and abuse ceases in this world.
Thank you Felix for so openly sharing your story, of healing your hurts and learning to live from who you truly are, a deeply sensitive loving man. I liked the earlier comments of live and let live.
Clearing the hurts we carry from sometimes as far back than we can even remember is absolutely a miracle Felix, that you have and beautifully share the fact is enormously inspiring in showing what is possible. Thank you for your openness and dedication to truth for without it we may well have missed out on meeting and being touched by the divinity of your living way.
It never ceases to amaze me the impact we let hurts have on our lives. Something happens that hurts and we then modify our behaviour from there on. So much so it takes huge levels of honesty to remember what that hurt was and to recognise the change in behaviour that occurred from that moment.
Absolutely Nikki, it really is incredible the lengths we go to and how willing we are to believe our own lies as not to feel the pain.
It is incredible how this ‘modification’ takes place. It not only modifies, but it magnifies too. It is like a tornado, it starts with relative calmness, without anyone even noticing it and then whoosh, everything is bought into its path. Hurts are detrimental to us all, including ourselves, and as soon as we understand and appreciate the magnitude of their wake the better it will be for all.
Very true. It is hard to see that we are the ones who created and control the tornado.
This is so true Nikkimckee. It also takes huge commitment to uncover our hurts, when felt, for the huge amount of energy we have put into keeping them buried can trick us into thinking we have dealt with them. When truly we have only scraped the surface and covered it up again.
One thing I am learning is that when they come up for review they don’t need too much attention. They may have been buried for a long time and have carried a huge weight, but once up we can recognise them and that in itself takes away their power. We may still feel the hurt, but by recognising it, it allows us not to keep playing it out.
So true Nikkimckee, your words have been a great support today, thank you.
A beautiful and heartfelt sharing, Felix. I am appreciating the sensitivity and love that you are bringing to the world -a world which can be harsh and judgmental. Being you is very powerful.
A man expressing from his tenderness is powerful indeed…and also infectious!
We have to understand that life is about living and sharing the love that we are. And as we are all equal we have all the same essence, it doesn’t matter if we love men or women. It is important to follow our heart and not to pretend being heterosexual only because it is more accepted in society.
Thank you Felix for your honesty and openness sharing your very personal story! Which i enjoyed reading very much and being touched in the way you were discovering and healing your hurts.
Great sharing Felix. Last week I worked with a young man I had not met before he was 22 and you could tell he loved life, he held nothing back just openly expressing anything and everything. He soon mentioned his partner and we managed (even during the busiest day of the year) to have a great conversation about his relationship with his boyfriend. It was a joy to work with this young man I could feel he was not carrying any hurts and was totally comfortable with who he was, he did not let the world affect him and was completely at ease in expressing all of him in full.
An awesome experience alisonmoir and one the world needs more of.
I agree Jinya, it can seem very difficult, but once we understand what we can learn from each situation, then the dilemma loosens its stranglehold over us, and the awareness and wisdom we gain from our experience starts to lead us back to the beauty and fullness of who we truly are.
“Years later in sessions with Esoteric Healing practitioners, I was able to feel the pain of not being met in the joy I carried as a baby”. Thank you Felix. The way you express here has allowed me to connect to this hurt of not being met in a whole new way. I get a sense of the fear I felt knowing that others were miserable in life. This made me feel that the joy I felt would inevitably be lost. Serge Benhayon has allowed me to feel that the exact opposite is true for joy is our natural expression.
Felix your innocence and pure understanding of love as a young boy was clear from what you have written. It is horrible to have to hide that innocence and pretend to fit in. I am so glad you have again found that purity and are inspiring people to break out of their conditioning notions of what love is about.
That is very powerful what you have shared Simon. When considering this, the behaviour of children can be understood more as can that of adults.
I agree Simon, what Felix brings to the world with his re-claimed innocence and joy and his open sharing of love with his partner in the world is hugely healing for humanity at large and breaks down the notion that love has to ‘look’ a certain way.
Spot on Simon, but I could say that a lot of us experience a level of hiding ourselves that we learn as kids because of how the world is set up to not support who we are and the tenderness and delicateness we are all born with. So on some level we have all learnt to hide the innocence to fit in, hence why so many of us can relate to Felix’s blog and connect to him and what he is sharing.
“Since I could not change my natural expression, I learned to hide my innocence and began to judge and condemn my own expression. I developed a pattern of contracting away from who I truly was and started to express less of me,”
Dear Felix,
I am a woman and I have done exactly this when I began to feel the world was rejecting the natural love and tenderness that I am. It is only very recently that I am finding that I can stay tender and vulnerable when I feel the deep hurt I feel when the love I now live from is not openly accepted by others.
Thank you dearly for sharing the truth and beauty of you.
Thank you for sharing Felix. Judgement and bullying cannot show their face in the bright love of your beautiful light.
The power of healing our hurts – for taking responsibility for our part in them is massive. In doing so we uncap our natural and true expression which is supportive for everyone.
Felix, this shows us the power of healing our hurts. It’s amazing that you have allowed yourself the space to feel them which has resulted in you expressing yourself fully in and with the world. Very inspiring.
Dealing with our hurts is not only a benefit to ourselves but is also, as this blog rightfully states, a benefit to all those around us.
Could holding onto our hurts be considered selfish?
A great question Luke. Even though our hurts do hurt, and can be very difficult to deal with – is it possible that they also serve us in some way, keep us identified, or in a pattern or existence that we are familiar with and therefore in a comfort of sorts..
And an excellent expansion on the question Annie C.
In my experience Luke residues of hurt hidden in the body and unresolved can have a damaging impact on relationships. Every conversation charged with the possibility that buried hurt will be triggered, spill over and vented on someone who has nothing to do with the original problem. When on the receiving end of this kind of pain which then becomes abusive, it is often wiser to walk away than attempt to challenge or resolve.
Wise words kehinde2012, I agree with what you say.
Great question Luke. I would also ask is it indulgent? Focusing our hurts and trying to work through them can be an indulgence. Once they come up for review we can feel them, acknowledge they are there and how they play out and carry on.
Yes that’s right, it can be an indulgence when the issues are under review for too long or what ever one holding on to an issue may play out.
If we are living less than what we are then one could say it is selfie; for if we don’t offer a reflection of love but instead offer a reflection of hurt (which is by choice) then would this not be a selfish act as we choose what we reflect. It shows the level of responsibility we hold to be all the love we are.
Great expansion on the topic Kimweston2, this is on the money!
Well said Kimweston2. We have the responsibility to be and reflect all that we are. We do not need to be perfect at this – it is realising this is a responsibility we have that makes all the difference.
What you have shared with us Felix is something very valuable that I am sure others will relate to as well. You have explained your journey from a hurt small child to a troubled Teen giving insight to how this felt for you and may help others. The wonderful support you received from Universal Medicine practitioners and Serge Benhayon and your family and friends was obviously terribly important in the healing process you have gone through! Thank you Felix.
Wow Felix, what a true awakening this is for us all. “Living as a gay man and facing the difficulties this comes with in our current society, was simply God’s tool to awaken me. It was then I realised that until bullying in all forms completely ceases in this world, it is only then can we truly celebrate.” How can we celebrate anything when there are people in this world suffering the consequences of bullying, abuse, torture, rape and murder, all forms of an immensely ignorant and suppressive expression. The love you have let out from your heart is immense and the fact that you have not been bullied since is proof that love, when lived and expressed in full actually produces more love in the world to the true benefit of everyone.
I love the sensitivity, tenderness and simplicity that this blog has been written – it makes sense for anyone who has tried to control and manipulate themselves to live as who they are not – which is probably most of the world! Your sharing demonstrates the responsibility we all have to address and peel away the hurts we can keep trying to live from. It is freeing when we discover that this is not our true way as you honestly share. Thank you Felix.
Yes, so very freeing no matter what we have used to hide and protect the true us. We all have a responsibility to address and free ourselves of our hurts and I love how Felix takes responsibility further and offers others, through his writing, the opportunity to know they can do the same.
Very interesting Felix – “Through healing the hurts I am now able to start calling out what is not love in my own body – and equally so, what is not love in the world around me.” Is that maybe the cause of why we hold on to our hurts sometimes – to not take our responsibility to call out the not-love around us?
Sandra a possibility and one that I can see being true in many cases, I can feel that not calling out the hurts allows us to stay blind to the depth of un-love, abuse and separation that is the greatest plague of our time. Once we heal our hurts there is nothing but purpose in speaking up about all the un-loving things we see in life. For if we don’t speak up nothing will change.
Very well said David – we choose what ‘allows us to stay blind.’ So the very first choice to bring a change here is to choose to what to see, what to know, what to feel what is going on in truth.
Love it Felix – a short blog with a powerfull title and much needed right now for everyone. Thank You for sharing this as it is deeply felt and I know it is real as I know you. I had to send it immediately to a dear friend who is struggling about being gay and hiding after almost 40 years.
This deep hurts stuff is huge and after reading about this in one of Serge Benhayon’s books recently, my understanding is that deep buried hurts are an ill energy that attracts more of the same until we make the choice to deal with them.
Now this makes sense to me and I can see why nothing really changed in my life until I started to deal with my buried hurts.
Once they are out, life changes and with it comes a freedom inside your body that I now live and can feel is the real true me and it has a quality that inspires others.
On another note, my deepest hurt came out when Serge Benhayon presented a one day workshop and posed the question. Gosh it was deep and I had no idea that it crushed me so much and I had ‘pretended’ I was ok when in Truth I was so hurt I never got over it. Today I can talk about it openly and with no emotion so I know it is absolutely healed and wow it took ten minutes.
What I know is that burying our deep hurts is causing dis-ease and dis-harmony inside our body and dealing with them changes everything.
“Living as a gay man and facing the difficulties this comes with in our current society, was simply God’s tool to awaken me.” Your humbleness is inspiring, Felix. You show the way for all for of us that our own individual challenges are God’s particular individually designed tools for our awakening. It is our choice whether we resist waking or to embrace the sunshine offered.
The more we contract away from who we truly are, the more we reflect falsity to others. And indeed they feel the unsureness and have a plateau to attack you. I realized the more we claim ourselves the less people question or ask why we are like this or why we behave like this in every life situation that is out of norm.
The wisdom in this blog and the ensuing comments give us much to ponder and reflect on here.
Still in this world today, some people are still not accepting of gay people. It must be so hard as a teenager growing up not feeling comfortable or safe to express who you truly are and then live a lie to try and fit into society’s expectations. But you Felix, by living the truth of who you are, you’re supporting society to evolve and be accepting of everyone no matter who they love.
It is beautiful that the world is getting all of you Felix, thank you for expressing truth as it is and showing others that living your life from who you truly are brings joy and love to all others.
Love this last sentence Felix. “Until bullying in all forms completely ceases in this world, it is only then can we truly celebrate”. It shows that even though you have turned your own life around and are no longer on the receiving end of any bullying, you could sit very happily through the rest of your life. However the understanding that you bring here is that if there is any of this behaviour at all anywhere in the world, that it is affecting everyone. So sitting happily though our lives, making the choice to ignore what still goes on for others does not serve anyone at all.
This is beautifully said Jennifer, calling us all to live our love and truth, with great honesty and integrity bullying will be revealed on all levels, once exposed, it is much more difficult for those who choose it to continue with this harmful behaviour. For some even exposure is not enough to halt it. Living true lives though will continually show up the falseness of bullying.
It is amazing to observe how much we communicate without words and how much we are able to feel this. When we are not ourselves, hold negative beliefs, judge, contract, etc this is all felt by everyone we come into contact with. We react to this much more than we do to words spoken or good intentions. We communicate in energy and respond in energy first and foremost. If we change the way we are, what we communicate will change and what comes back to us will have to equally change.
Beautifully said Carolien, the more we tune into how much we communicate through energy, the more we become aware of the deeper levels of communication that are going on between us and in that we get to feel that we are part of the one field of communication together and inseparable. Then the quality in which we communicate with all will hold this knowing and understanding.
Thank your for expanding Annie to bring in the fact that we are all connected in the one field of communication. Our expressions are not only visible but felt, and felt by all we are connected to which is the whole of humanity and beyond. Whenever I choose to express less than the divine love I am this is felt by the whole and it is affected by my single choice. It is amazing to feel and accept this level of responsibility.
If we hold ourselves in absolute equalness with all, never lesser or greater, and with openness to everyone equally, then and only then will we bring the possibility of true brotherhood for all of humanity.
Felix this is a very beautiful article, one that exposes how as a society we are stuck in seeing people and therefore judging them on the choices we make and not for who we are. It’s very beautiful when someone is completely accepted for who they are in their entirety, without having to hide anything about themselves away. I have seen both sides of this with family and friends and I have to say with acceptance and understanding (not tolerating), relationships develop to be much fuller and much more loving and supportive.
Felix your blog shows how big the damage is caused by judgement, ideals, comparison and the many many impositions we have together allowed for. Not many are able to stay true to that beauty and freedom of simply being who you feel you are inside as a young child. Your road of healing and return to knowing who you are shows the immense power of what Serge Benhayon is offering to humanity: the way back to who we truly are.
It wasn’t until I was an adult that I realised that same sex relationships even existed. I wondered what all the fuss was about and I hated the fact that for those in such relationships that life could be so cruel due to the judgement and condemnation by others. Felix, the level of self love and acceptance of yourself that you have achieved is quite inspirational to all human beings. It has left me pondering where and how I may be holding back in terms of my own levels of self regard and appreciation. Thank you!
That’s the truth Joel, we come to learn the lessons of holding our light, sometimes it can be a painful way to get the message but when we do we are liberated just as Felix has been from bullying and abuse.
When you accepted yourself Felix and became unashamedly the true authentic you, the world accepted you back. How beautiful is that!
Yes Jeanette, how very powerful that is!
What we send out comes reflected back to us. Felix’s story is a beautiful and powerful example.
The expansiveness I feel in your words is just delicious. It is amazing how we spend life times protecting our original separation by coming up with all sorts of scenarios to make it plausible, only to allow Grace to undo the multi-layered creation whenever we are ready. We are so much Love.
Fumiyo – reading your comment bathed me in the light of your true words – and yes reading Felix’s blog is delicious! And how divine is it to gracefully let go of creation and allow ourselves to feel the truth of co-creation once again.
It is crazy that we ever came up with a system whereby we had to seek an official permission to be in a loving relationship with another.
It is truly a miracle to learn to stand solidly as you are in a world where most people do not really reveal their true selves, and therefore react badly to any perceived differences. I am in awe of you Felix and love that because you have healed those hurts the bullying has stopped.
There’s no denying that whoever invented ‘judgement’ certainly knew what a powerful tool this would prove to be in creating a strong illusion of separation as opposed to our natural sense of brotherhood. Even now that I am aware of how equally harming judgement of myself or others is, it has become such an ingrained habit that is difficult to stop even though I sincerely want to. One of the many wonderful things that I love about life is that each day brings another opportunity to have another crack at it.
Beautifully said Tamara, We can find that judgment hides in many things – its great to see each day, or indeed each moment, as an opportunity to refresh our outlook and heal old habits.
Beautifully shared Felix and it brings such an understanding to beliefs and our lives and how we live. To live all we are and to let others do the same is an amazing way to be for us all and a great inspiration thank you.
Thank you Felix for sharing your experiences with us. So sad that we learn so early on to hide the true essence of who we are and understand that we will not be accepted for just being who we are. Even sadder we do it for so long we even forget who we truly are.
Felix, the insight that possibly part of the bullying might come from not claiming in full who we are in truth is intriguing and rings true. If we reject ourselves, it invites others to do the same.
I agree, Joel. Once we create, we have to keep creating to cement our first step-away from truth.
I agree Joel, it is the world reflecting back to us our unloving attitude we hold for ourselves.
“If we reject ourselves, it invites others to do the same.” Now ain’t that the truth and nothing but the truth so help me God!
I agree with you Joel when we know our self and do not have any self -negation there is not an opening for us to be bullied. If we are in any doubt about our self others feel this and know exactly what to say that will upset us. So we need to take more responsibility for what happens to us in life, as we are quick to be a victim to our circumstances, without looking at what it is about ourselves that may have opened a door for another to have a go at us.
Great image marylouisemyers “looking at what it is about ourselves that may have opened a door for another to have a go at us.” I noticed that people can say what ever, when it has no resonation in me, there is no sound created. Then I just see where they are coming from, understand and can offer help (by stay with the love I am and hold them in that love). But if I carry something in me that resonate with what they say, it opens the door for a ‘conversation’ with that and cycle around and around, creating story and hurts all over. Funny is that this open door does not create more space but more narrowness, because I get overwhelmed by what is coming in and have a dance with my inside unresolved issues and hurts.
I know this well Sandra, When I stop saying yes to the fact I do know and go into doubt I open the door to all sorts of complications and questionings of myself and all in all end up disempowered and confused. Not help- full for me or for the other because they do not get a true reflection and I end up in a self-created unnecessary pickle
The sad thing is, we can spent lifetimes with this dance – till we stop, let go of our hurts and close this door.
Very true Marylouisemyers. When seen from this perspective, there are no real victims, but people playing out different roles to get a reflection that is needed.
When we know and love ourselves and our true power, we are open to all, and mighty beyond measure.
I like how you are bringing in the concept of victim thinking here, I certainly grew up in a religion (jewish) that plays the victim game quite a lot yet never looks at how its own behaviour contributes to their treatment and reception historically.
I agree Joel, I have found that bullying is in fact an interaction. We communicate so much more through our bodies then we are aware of. If I am communicating to another that there is something wrong with me, because this is a belief I hold inside, then the other will respond to that.
There lies our responsibility in all things. When we start looking at the reflections life offers us and seeing them as what we need to learn and understand in life, we can no longer blame another for their behaviour towards us.
I owned a business and my employee’s were mainly teenagers. I quickly learnt that I was being observed and whatever I did my staff thought they had the same rights and privileges as well. This is no different to how we treat ourselves. We are being observed by others and they see how we treat ourselves and think they can treat us the same way.
Thanks for this insight lindellparlour, one thing I liked when doing youth work was how quickly young people showed you if your behaviour is not congruent.
Sometimes our youth can be our beacon of light through our fog of illusion. They will always bring you back home to reality.
Words well said Joel. Everything around us always reflects where we are at.
In every choice we make we gotta take responsibility. We are reflecting and communicating all the time.Even when we sit still and only “think”.
It is a good question Joel and certainly Felix’s blog lends to the importance of claiming who we are in full. I have also observed that if we do not accept ourselves in full we can look, wait and anticipate people rejecting us which further fuels the rejection we have of ourselves. Yet the moment we take away the fuel and rebuild our own self acceptance there is nothing to feed, it simply is not there any more.
I agree too Joel, I have noticed if we are consistently abusing ourselves, there is an opening for others to abuse us also, and in a sense it is an abuse of others if we abuse ourselves.. much to consider here.
You mention manipulation in your writing and what I have come to understand is that when it comes to manipulation we do it to ourselves to fit in far more than we realise, and that it is really false to think that we are manipulated by others, although that is what it can feel like at times but we are at all times in charge of our choices.
I can feel that what you say is so true to me Nicole. We do make all choices in life ourselves. If we consider that we human beings live in a much lesser way of being than we are all originally from, this to me makes clear that we know that much more about life that there is no doubt in me that we make deliberate choices and do manipulate ourselves in order to stay where we are. By doing so we stay in this arrogance by refusing to admit that we have made the choice to descend into the lives we are currently living as human beings here on earth completely ourselves and that this is the root cause of all the misery we have created in our lives here on earth.
It takes two in the manipulation scenario – one who does it and another who lets themselves be manipulated. And as such, what you write makes total sense, as it is always a choice to play this game or not.
Well said Gabriele. Manipulation can only occur if there are two willing participants. Both stances are equally abusive.
Yes Nicole it seems we are very quick to point the finger at others and being distressed at being manipulated in certain situations but as you say we forget to look at ourselves and our cunning ways we choose to live. Ignore the fact that we are in fact the ones choosing this manipulation considering every choice we make will play out for us and our bodies. This level of responsibility can be too much to live by and so we seek outside of us instead of going deeper and reflecting inwards and questioning how we can change what we have created.
As I live with greater awareness and responsibility I am amazed at what I have said yes to in the past and I am sure as I evolve I will be amazed at what I am saying yes to right now. I have had real light bulb moments understanding dynamics where I choose to be less.
Beautifully expressed blog Felix. Choosing to open up and share your true self with everyone is awesome. Thank-you.
Felix, I feel you’ve hit the nail on the head when you say that you reacted to not being met in the joy you were naturally as a baby. I feel this goes for every human being who wasn’t met in that joy, and we each react or respond to it in different ways.
Exactly Sandra, every human being that, as a result of not being met in the joy of their natural expression, has contracted away to a lesser way of being will react from there instead. The hurt of walking away from our natural expression will always be felt and will only cease when we heal this hurt and return to our original expression again.
Very well said Nico, and that is why sometimes we cannot stand it to see someone live their truth because it triggers this hurt that we made the decision to leave ourselves.
I love these words Nico ‘the hurt of walking away from our natural expression will always be felt’. It’s so true and the further we walk away from it the more sadness, anger and frustration we have to live with.
Spot on Judith – that is the mechanism. Don’t meet a child in their Joy, Love and for who they Truly are but only give them attention for what they do and who they are not. Child carries this huge hurt and then becomes the adult who perpetuates this abuse because they can’t bear feeling the pain of their own hurt and disconnection from their divinity. And so it goes on and on and on and round and round and round we go until someone steps off the sorry-go-round. And what do we do when someone steps off and says here I am in all my Joy, Glory, Truth and Love – we stone them, crucify, cyber-attack – do anything we can to stop them.
What you describe Nicola is exactly how we currently constellate our lives . We hold ourselves trapped in a self created way of being that we are not and is that much lesser than where we originate from and in that we also allow the bullying and cyber-attacks to the few that do step out and reflect to us where to go in life. Actually it is just all a game, a game to delay our inevitable return to living the love, truth, joy and glory we all are and are able to live almost instantly if we choose to do so. We only have to surrender ourselves to this love we originate from and when we do so our lives of creation will cease.
I agree Sandra that this will be the case for many of us; that our natural joy was simply too much for those around us and we learned to shut it down so we didn’t stand out. Such a painful process for the child and such a missed opportunity for everyone else to know what true joy is.
And most likely, something we’ve done for lifetimes because even as young children we have a choice to stay in the joy we feel, or to fit in and please those around us.
“Living as a gay man and facing the difficulties this comes with in our current society, was simply God’s tool to awaken me. It was then I realised that until bullying in all forms completely ceases in this world, it is only then can we truly celebrate.” Those who bully have unresolved hurts of their own and don’t feel good about themselves. When we all take responsibility for our own hurts and let them go reconnect with our authentic selves and feel the love that we are only then do we have understanding and acceptance for others.
I’m with you on that Margaret – an end to bullying in this world will be something to truly celebrate.
So true Tamara – an end to bullying will only occur when each of us deal with our hurts and accept ourselves in full. Then we can accept others for who they are.
It is only when we ourselves choose to bring our full expression to the world that the world in turn will do the same. When we live it, the world will also live it. Equality is our choice, living from this quality will hold us all with equal love. Felix this blog is shared with such love for who you are and all others. Thank you.
Spot on Kelly – it is our responsibility to make the choice to bring our full expression to the world………..this is TRUE LOVE.
It is impossible to not feel the natural sensitivity, beauty and innocence in your expression “I simply couldn’t understand how loving another man could not be right! And how could a word that described such a beautiful thing be used to hurt another?” Your open and honest sharing is deeply felt and appreciated Felix. My life is richer for having met you and I regard you as part of our family.
Beautifully said Tamara. There is such great tenderness and open innocence expressed by Felix. “How could a word that described such a beautiful thing be used to hurt another?” It is deeply touching and is a real gift to all of us – providing greater awareness and understanding, and deep appreciation.
I agree Tamara and imagine any open person reading this blog would have felt they had met and been met by Felix whether having met him in the flesh or not. We are all one world family connected by love. Any one expressing from their essence expresses for and from us all.
It is a disgrace Doug, and there are still many counties in the world where being gay is illegal and shunned, even a few where it is punishable by death. It all boils down to judgement which can only be addressed through knowing ourselves, and thus addressing our own self-judgement.
The choice to live as we are is imperative for us all, and the choice to let others be is equally as important.
That’s it Heather. If we don’t allow ourselves just to be then it’s likely we will impose beliefs and ‘rules’ on how others should be living. Once again, the responsibility lies with us.
So true Sandra, the moment we impose upon ourselves and start to live a false life, we impose this on others also, as it is unbearable to see someone live their truth whilst we do not.
Thats how society seems to work Sandra. Control others, hide self, all to avoid feeling , accepting the fact that those hurts are there,and dealing with them.
So true Sandra, the imposing of ideals and beliefs of how things should be onto others is a burden we don’t need to live with. Equally, if we hold ideals and beliefs about how things should be, we first impose these on ourselves. This ultimately stops us from simply being and holds us in the configuration of these ideals and beliefs and living a constricted and contracted life.
Beautifully said Heather…by being who we innately are, we are loving and accepting of ourselves, and therefore are able to be loving and accepting of others.
I agree Paula and without any judgment, just this simple understanding.
That is beautiful Heather, that is a quote that needs to be on a calendar or in a book! Truth expressed.
I agree Heather we are responsible for living true to our self, for all our choices and for every thing that happens to us in our life.
I understand what you mean by true self marylouisemyers. In the past I don’t think I would have. I would have probably thought it meant trying to obtain something or bettering myself but through Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine I now fully know this means returning to the innate essence that is within. No trying, no bettering, no pushing and no driving. Just reconnecting to who we ‘truly’ are, the Gentle Breath Meditation brought through by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine greatly helps and supports this process.
Heather, I can feel how true this is, ‘ the choice to let others be is equally as important’, when I read about how Felix was judged as a child for being gay, I can feel harmful this kind of judgment is that we as a society hold, I can feel how any judgment is not allowing people to simply be, this is a great learning for me as I can sometimes judge others for their choices because I think they are not the correct choices – very arrogant, much more loving to allow others to be and for me to simply remain loving.
Nice Heather. Your words are spot on. We should concentrate on how we are living before we start judging and criticizing another. In fact we shouldn’t be judging in the first place.
That really sums it up in a nutshell – live and let live.
This is so true Heather. Relationships can be a great reminder as to the responsibility we have to be ourselves and not stew in our unresolved hurts.
So true Abby. All relationships, not just intimate ones, offer us endless opportunity to resolve our hurts and issues. When we do deal with our issues within relationships the relationships are amazing.
Absolutely if we are harsh on ourselves and not allowing ourselves just to be, we are more likely to impose on others how they should be. The truth is we are responsible for our choices and likewise they are for their choices.
Yes, absolutely agree Heather. This reminds me of the saying, ‘Live and let live’.
Beautifully said Heather which really proves our oneness. If we are abusive to ourselves we are abusive to everyone. If we think we can love others without loving ourselves we are fooling ourselves. There is no on and off switch – you either accept and are loving to everyone (yourself included) or you are not.
So true Heather and so succinctly stated. And if we see each other as our equal we will begin to develop brotherhood between us all.
Spot on Heather. When we love, live and express from who we are. We can then appreciate all equally so.
I can only imagine how liberating it would be to finally claim yourself publicly as a gay man given the range of intense reactions people have, including the possibility of physical and verbal abuse, but all the unspoken judgement would be felt as an assault also. I can relate this to my own experience of slowly allowing myself to be all of who I am with people, increasingly feeling the solidness of my self acceptance and shining my light in the World. It sure does come with reaction but I am learning to let that pass and keep on shining.
Great comment emmadanchin I too “can only imagine how liberating it would be to finally claim yourself publicly as a gay man given the range of intense reactions people have, including the possibility of physical and verbal abuse, but all the unspoken judgement would be felt as an assault also.”
I love how Felix says through healing his childhood hurts and truly claiming himself has supported him call out what is not love in his own body and equally what is not love in the world and as a result he hasn’t been bullied for the past two years.
This is such a lovely reflection Margaret, that we need to address what is not love within ourselves first. It is little wonder that having addressed his own issues, Felix is no longer subject to the bullying he has previously experienced and is all too commen for gay men.
That is very true emmadanchin and then we have claiming ourselves as a woman, as a black person, as a Muslim, as a teenager, as someone with Aids, as unemployed, as divorced, as a member of this football club and so on and so on – any yet whilst we each have our own expression at essence we are all one and none of these things.
Thank you for sharing your experience Felix and your insight into bullying, feeling we need to shapeshift to be something that people will accept. This is something I have been reflecting on lately from my own experience, how people feel a need to comment on or judge choices or behaviours of others, comparing them to themselves and how ‘well’ they are doing. I feel it is so important that we live and let live, offering our choices by reflection alone and not to shame or bully another into feeling they do not have the freedom to make their own choices. We have a lot to learn from ourselves and we need to truly feel the effect of our choices in order to make true change.
“..We have a lot to learn from ourselves and we need to truly feel the effect of our choices in order to make true change.” That’s wisdom, emmadanchin There’s no other way than taking responsibility for our choices. And it is also a thing to say NO to sticking on to hurts that keep us in the bullied state if treated so. Feel, accept where the other is at; where I am at: and move on. Learning and evolving with it is what truly brings a change.
Wonderfully said, Emma, and something I’ve been aware of too lately. A comment for everything – or disguising bullying as joking. It’s prevalent and I certainly still do it myself. What a reflection it is for me – whether there’s jealousy or moreover a lack of love. Revealing.
Love is Love. It is that simple and we should be able to love who we like whatever sex or gender without being judged by others. It is the judgements from others that make us contact away from who we truly are, sometimes on a subtle level without really realising. It is so Gorgeous Felix that you have broken this mould and contraction and can live fully expressing the love that you are with all, including your partner publicly 💕
Felix, thank you for showing us that through healing the hurts that we carry not only do we see the world differently with a greater openness but we allow others to see the true us. As you’ve shared the more open you’ve become with fully claiming you then the bullying that was commonplace no longer occurs.
“..To cope with this sadness I hardened and numbed my body in anger and frustration, and in reaction, lost trust in everybody and closed myself down..” This is probably a reaction many people know. I do. And I know that returning to my natural way of being all that I am without wanting to be something “acceptable” I walk much more freely and lovingly living in my body and accepting this place as my home. Nothing else. Never ever less again.
A beautifully inspiring blog Felix – reading your account of your own realisation of the effects of the hurts we carry and of bringing understanding to these and in turn others around you feels familiar but the fact that you have done this contrary to bullying from others on account of your natural expression provides a footprint in which others can stand to realise they have the same power to live free of the pressures of society and to be free in their expression too.
I can feel the celebration you hold within you Felix, the celebration of you, the celebration of love. We need to feel this and know that it is possible. Thank you for sharing the reflection.
What a beautiful blog Felix! Thank you for sharing your story so honestly and openly. Your line about the miracle of bullying ceasing by “….having cleared the hurt I carried, by learning to love and accept all that I am and by simply making a choice to let the world in, and to live the true me.” really touched me. May we all claim this for ourselves.
What allows us to bully is the unexpressed and undelt with hurts that get languished onto another who then feels the hurt of that and so the cycle goes on. This evil cycle can only be broken when we truly deal with our issues, our hurts, and be free once again to express who we truly are.
It is just gorgeous to read how you have learnt to love and accept yourself and all you are… and now write from this place to share the power of your choice to no longer live from a foundation of contraction but a true expression and celebration of yourself and of love. A great lesson for us all.
Very sweet and tender, Felix, to read of the purity of the young boy who simply knew that part of his expression of love would be to live with another man as mum and dad did. The innocence of this impulse reveals all the more the weight of the societal interpretations, judgements and corruptions that seek to crush the impulse of pure love free of the taint of imposition.
Thank you Felix for this powerful blog. What hurts us the most is choosing to not express who we are, to live with a false facade in order to please others. This creates, anger, frustration and resentment but this all comes about from our choice to reduce who we are and not fully expressing joy, love and truth.
This is a great point Chan about the way we set ourselves up in relationships to experience frustration, disappointment, or anger etc, when we choose to not live and express the fullness of ourselves. As always, everything boils down to self love and self responsibility.
Felix, thank you for a very sensitive and enlightening sharing. It is sad as a race of human beings who are of divine origin, that we are not allowed, through how our society is, to know and celebrate that which we are from. I can relate to your words “I was able to feel the pain of not being met in the joy I carried as a baby.” Unfortunately for most of us, we all carry that pain within us. I also relate to your words “To cope with this sadness I hardened and numbed my body in anger and frustration, and in reaction, lost trust in everybody and closed myself down.” And yes, also, this is the reaction that so many of us experience in ourselves, for many quite early in their lives, if they are not met in any way by their parents and family. For others, who have been fortunate to have extremely loving parents who love their babies unconditionally and do not try to mould them away from their natural expression it is more likely to begin to happen when they move into the school years and the wider community. Few there are who withstand this onslaught of expectations on how we should be in the world. The world can be a very harsh place for those who ‘buck the system’. It is wonderful Felix that you have been able to find the support of Serge Benhayon and his family, with all the esoteric practitioners from Universal Medicine, and now have such a great support group around you in your healing of all that has happened in your earlier years. It is wonderful that you no longer experience any of the bullying that is used against any of us who dare to be different to what society deems ‘normal’.
I can relate to the importance of acceptance you have shared here Felix. The more deeply I appreciate myself and accept all my past choices and every part of me, knowing that the awesome parts are equally as valuable as the “imperfections” (because they are perfect in their imperfectness), the more I am able to let myself be seen by the world.
That is a beautiful point Simone. We can only truly let people in by offering the whole of ourselves, not the polished, partitioned off version.
I am touched Felix by the testimony of the true healing you’ve been going through, demonstrated in the sentence “For two years now I have not once been bullied because of being gay.”. This is offering me and the world an inspirational true story of a man that turned his life upside down by dealing with his hurts, rather than doing everything to avoid feeling them. Thank you very much Felix. There’s much to learn from here.
Well said Floris.
The beauty of the obvious “gay” thing is that it does represent a way of being “different” and you beautifully walking it as your natural way, Felix. You living it is proving that there is no “normal” there’s only love or not love. Full stop.
Yes, well said all. I can also imagine Floris that Felix walked in his absoluteness and therefore would not attract such derogatory comments. However, even if he did, by healing his hurts and not being attached to how people perceive him – even if this was directed at him, he would stand in his loving authority and be able to deal with it – front on – seeing it is not true to who he is. It comes back down to us; and whether we express our fullness, or express less than and allow all the ‘what is not’ to fill the gap.
Yes Christina. Different or no different is all related to ideals and beliefs in the world. But the only true difference there is, is love or not love. Connection or separation. Indeed full stop. And as Felix is sharing, the power of this is inmense. Firstly to ourselves, but secondly to all the people we encounter in life. Of which Felix’ sharing is testimony.
True, Floris! And it is related to the picture we have allowed to take on from others or have created ourselves about how we thought we should be. It might seem to be a much more comfortable life to live like all the others do: but only in relation to the others. Concerning the morning view in the mirror and the feeling in the body – it is a constant living against our own nature if trying to be something or someone you are not. No matter if it’s gender related or profession, friends, religions: what ever may link to a group of “some” or the “many”. In the end it’s YOU that counts.
The powerful words to me here christinahecke are ‘images’ and ‘being fed’. Because this is what it is. Because we’re choosing to go for images of some kind, we’re forever trapped. Because they’re an illusion. All of them. Whether that being a ‘good’ partner, an amazing employee, raising ‘wonderful’ children. All of these are identifications of some kind. Based on the drive of meeting some kind of an image. And there’s lots of ‘group’ images which are found in cultures, religion, countries, at companies, branches, etc. The power of these images is quite strong when you want to first step out of them. But the less restricted we live, the less we need to belong to certain ‘images’. And it is only then that we’re truly free to choose our own lives and become truly aware when we’re choosing love and when not. Thank your dear Christina.
…ready to unfold more of me; to choose love more consistently and willing to meet my hurts to them go and free myself from the images I have allowed myself to follow… Dear Floris Lovely words…!
Yes, definitely ready to unfold more of me. And I can already sense that the coming year will be an amazing year to allow ourselves to meet our images, beliefs and ideals. I am so thankful to life. I am – finally;) – that life’s my friend and lovingly teaching me the way ‘home’. That I am here to evolve, to come back to me by meeting honestly all that is not within me. Rather than ignore it. There’s much arrogance and ignorance to let go of…
That’s the most beautiful new years statement I’ve ever read 🙂
To cope with the sadness of not being seen and met for who we truly are, many of us ‘shut down’ as Felix has described. But such a manoeuvre only creates a deep, deep grief for we are naturally designed to receive and express love – the in-breath and out-breath of God. When we arrest this breath we choose instead to breath in all that is not of truth and in this way we pollute ourselves with ‘all that we are not’, while ‘all that we are’, lies buried beneath. The key to renouncing the false breath we have come to breathe lies in our ability to deal with our hurts and surrender the fortress walls we hold tight around us. When we let others back into our hearts, we let ourselves back in with them also and from here, true healing can occur as our One true divine breath is restored. The more we breathe what is true, the more ‘what is not’ looses its hold.
‘When we let others back into our hearts, we let ourselves back in with them also’, beautiful Liane…
Yes Liane, as I read your comment I took a true breath in, and simply felt the difference – we either breathe in our hurts constantly and stay in this ‘shortened breath’, and may not even realise until we take a true gentle breath in and feel God once again.
“Through healing the hurts I am now able to start calling out what is not love in my own body – and equally so, what is not love in the world around me”. When I claim me, trust my feelings and express it, I am simply what I am. I still feel my hurt; when I do I delicately care for myself – love me like I have not ever before. This is being responsible.
We are love, but we are born into a world that has become polluted with a way of living that is so far from the love that we know that it can create an enormous tension that is felt deep within us. This is because what is felt on the ‘inside’ (in our body) does not match what is on the ‘outside’ (our external environment) and so a jarring is felt. What we do with this tension then determines our ability to express the love that we are, as we develop in age. Do we observe the tension we feel and all that is imposed on us externally without taking it all in? Or, do we succumb to the pressure and seemingly drown in it?
The most valuable lesson I have learnt from what Serge Benhayon has presented is to ‘observe and not absorb’ all that we see and feel. It can take lifetimes of dedication to learn how to not absorb the unloving ways of the world around us, and choose instead to simply observe what is at play here in the way we are choosing to live as a humanity here on Earth. But by making a commitment to heal our hurts and dealing with this to the best of our ability, we are better able to keep our light on – the love and joy we are born with – and thus help light the path for ourselves and others who may still be stumbling in the shadows of a way of living that is not our true way. Thankyou Felix for this very gorgeous and honest account of your choice to re-ignite the flame of love within, so that all may see and celebrate this glow as that which also burns within us all.
‘Thank you Felix for this very gorgeous and honest account of your choice to re-ignite the flame of love within, so that all may see and celebrate this glow as that which also burns within us all.’ Hear Hear Liane, Thank you Felix…
Hi Liane, I just loved your comment – it fired me right up. You always speak with the voice of truth and humanity. Yes, Felix has presented the true qualities of a man expressing his essence, in turn it is a healing for us all to surrender to our delicateness and to express our essence. Felix has clearly made it about the ‘within’ rather than the ‘outside’. Thank you.
Felix thank you for sharing. Your story shows just how powerful healing hurts is and the impact it has on others as you live your joy and express.
Felix I love this – ‘Since I could not change my natural expression, I learned to hide my innocence and began to judge and condemn my own expression. I developed a pattern of contracting away from who I truly was and started to express less of me…’. I wonder if most of the world is reacting from this initial hurt of not being met with the love that we all are? I can certainly relate to that but by understanding this hurtful experience I can always return to who I am and be the love we all are, thank you.
“I was able to feel an immense sadness about the fact that not everybody around me was able to feel the same joy”. I know for me if I do not claim what I feel constantly and consistently I can easily get caught up what others are saying or doing. Majority wins in this world. It is like a false pretense. Because the majority are shutting down and not choosing a higher truth of simply honoring what you feel, we all follow.
Accepting ourselves as well as another is for sure essential for all of us so that we can be who we truly are and thus in brotherhood with each other. Bullying is the antithesis to this unity, an expression of separation.
I can relate to your sharing Felix. The not being accepted and embraced for the joy and love that we are is huge for us all and those teenage years are very telling of our reaction and/or response to this. Taking responsibility to love and embrace who I am has certainly opened doors to heal and express who I am. And I’m only just warming up!
We spend so long campaigning and fighting for change in society, yet what you illustrate here Felix is the absolute power we have to support and nurture ourselves. When we live this way things truly change.
I agree Joseph, true change comes from ourselves, by honouring and living true to who we are.
It is so true Joseph, as the old saying goes, we must be the change we want to see in this world. It is almost like we have lost the connection to the magic of god and the knowing of what can change if we make true change within ourselves by healing our hurts and taking responsibility for co-creating love in our lives.
That is so true, Joseph. My experience is that when I claim the truth in full, others do not challenge it, and some are inspired to make changes themselves.
Felix, reading this blog I’m shocked that it is only in the last 2 years that bullying has stopped. It’s beautiful to read that as you claim the love that you are the bullying has slipped away though it leaves me wondering how many other gay people are targeted and bullied for living their natural expression. Thank you for writing this much needed blog for men and women, gay and straight alike.
Felix, what you have written is so true, ‘Weeks later I discovered that being ‘gay’ was seen as a bad thing by the majority of people’, to an innocent child this must seem strange, why wouldn’t people love and accept you in the same way they always have, it is so crazy that as a society we judge others and say what is right and wrong and not allow for each person to choose what feels right for them, such as being gay.
Felix when we truly love ourselves and take responsibility for our own lives, we can turn around any situation. The new energy you walk with now, free of hurt, confirmed in your own body and embodying the love that we all are, will speak for itself and others will feel it.
Felix, thank you for sharing how your life has been dominated by the destructive power of hurt. It is a hard lesson to learn at such tender young age that openness and honesty can be used by others to hurt you. To be treated differently and bullied because your chosen expression is to love men is unkind and totally unacceptable. Each human being is worthy of being accepted for who they are and treated respectfully and with love.
This is a powerful article Felix and delivered beautifully. What I have come to understand and this article continues to confirm is that we are all one and the same Man & Women and so we have our own expression in this by whatever we choose. The other side that you gracefully cover here is that we live in a world that does not support us in our own expression and so fight or flight often becomes our only choice. Having the support of Universal Medicine and the entire amazing practitioners has been an absolute GOD send as I can feel in your article and your choices now.
Beautiful Aminatumi. Through Universal Medicine we have been shown that ‘fight or flight’ is not necessary any more. Connection and reconfirming the love we are made of becomes our foundation from which we can express the truth of who we are.
How few men can so eloquently express their most preciously held thoughts to the world. This immensely expressive blog is an example for all on how to share yourself with the world.
Thank you Felix for such an open sharing, you expose and express so much – how society imposes upon how to be and if we do not perform we are set upon; the accentuated oppression for being gay and thereby anybody who is different from the norm; the evilness of bullying; and yet for all that it is possible to heal.
“Living as a gay man and facing the difficulties this comes with in our current society, was simply God’s tool to awaken me.” This statement you made Felix feels really beautiful to me, and actually opened up a whole other understanding of various situations I have found myself in during my life. All too often we can just complain about a certain challenging life situation, contract, harden, and withdraw from people too, asking, “why me?”. But if one looks at these times as Felix has proposed, it brings a whole new purpose to dealing with these challenging situations, as God has a Plan to always guide us along and evolve our awareness through these challenges. So in reality, they are really blessings.
Felix, every man on this planet, straight or gay has experienced that crushing moment where they expressed as a little boy in open tenderness and were exposed as being errant from the “normal” societal ways. It is now that I see that responsibility to return as a fully grown man to the gentler ways of expressing, as only in that expression does it give others the permission we all crave to be accepted as tender and gentle and not need to harden and protect.
Brilliant Stephen, I love what you’ve shared. By reflections, never by imposing, we are then able to share with others that tenderness, gentleness and love is possible and true.
Yes Chanly, and the more accepting I become of myself the easier it is to provide a genuine expression of myself as a man. Connecting to a steadiness and living with a deep understanding of who I am and the qualities I hold. That is a very powerful way for any man to live and it most definitely supports other men and women to be more of themselves too.
Beautiful Felix – a revelation that we are getting faced with what we yet have to learn and heal – in this case old hurts. As you so beautifully described to us that once you had let go of the hurts about not being met etc. etc. autmatically this healed the path of not being bullied any longer around being gay. That is fantastic, it shows us that everything that comes our way has a purpose to look at – all individually and together. We can then heal everything in us that is reflected by the outside to us.
Heart-full appreciation for this tender and honest blog Felix. It is true – Healing our hurts is necessary for us all to return fully to love.
I totally agree Stephanie, by healing our hurts it allows us to see the harm in holding onto them. It breaks the chain of us allowing ourselves to hurt others and ourselves. Healing our hurts puts a stop to the vicious cycle of abuse. We therefore can disconnect from feeding into the abuse in the world and start healing by simply living without hurts and living with love.
A great testimony of how we are encouraged from a young age to make it about being human and not being divine. Love is an expression and does not know gender and the sexualization of love is one of the biggest evil on earth.
The sexualization of love is bastardizing love to a point that many don´t even know what pure love actually is. Not that sexuality is in any way to be dismissed, but it can either be an expression of love or an expression void of love; void of love includes emotions and needs.
Very well put Alex, pure love has become a very rare and unusual expression in our current world. Most of our notions of love come loaded with emotions and needs and sexuality is often intertwined and confused with these, instead of being an expression of pure love. That’s why I appreciate the way you have separated love and sexuality so clearly and simply – undoing the bastardisation that has occurred.
Absolutely Alex, we as humanity have bastardized the divine by reducing true love into something lesser and then glorifying it as the highest good humans can achieve. Romantic love has written history, a history of misery, violence and deep sadness and today we have it reduced to the functioning of our sexual organs, how evolved is this considering that we are divine beings and come from light!!
It reduces us to animals with a bigger brain and most unnecessary emotional disturbances.
I love this Rachel, what is you say is revolutionary really, ‘love is an expression and does not know gender, and the sexualization of love is one of the biggest evils on earth’. Yay to that, the romantic ideals of love which include the perfect sexual partner who will fulfil all one’s needs is an insidious consciousness which needs to be broken.
Well said Josephine, the consciousness of romantic love is massive and we aren’t even fully aware of its harming force.
Cracking comment rachelandras – the sexualization of love is a great travesty, one that can only be resolved with the claiming of the love we are.
Well said Heather and the beauty is that even though we are so deeply stuck in this illusion there is a very simple way out that brings us right back to the true love we are and have always been. It is absolutely amazing to feel the holding love of the divine and the simplicity of returning to truth. The world is in a big mess, everything is upside down and the fact is that we are using on a daily basis an immense force to maintain this illusion, but when we surrender to ourselves and the love we are we are straight back connected to our divine truth.
Bullying in any shape or form lasts a lot longer than the moment it happens. Closing or shutting ourself down to these hurts has a detrimental affect on everyone until they are truly dealt with, which often takes years.
Judgement of homosexuals (labelled ‘queers’ was prevalent in the 50s and 60s and although there were some well-known decidedly ‘camp’ celebrities, I never met anybody who was openly with a same sex partner until the early 1980s. By that time ‘Gay’ had become the preferred and politically correct word. The original feeling I had was one of awkwardness, because what I had heard and what I felt gave me conflicting signals and I didn’t know how to be around gay people. It was as if I was treating them as non-humans, something special that needed a different kind of behaviour. Since then, having met many gay men and women who are living their true selves, and felt their absolute tenderness, I realise now that any judgement I had was ingrained because of others’ opinions and had nothing to do with reality. Men are men and women are women regardless of their sexual orientation, and all are open to love and to be loved. It shows the importance of trusting our feelings and not ‘what someone said’.
Thank you Felix for this very honest and open blog. I love how there is absolutely no blame in what you say and that you take responsibility for the part that you played in fitting in to a society that doesn’t accept homosexuality as the norm that it is. So often when you hear people talk about how they were treated unfairly it comes with blame and anger, so it is beautiful to read your experience with this refreshingly new perspective. And you can really feel the love in your words and how indeed those hurts from the last have cleared. A gorgeous reflection of how choosing love change someone’s world around.
“Through healing the hurts I am now able to start calling out what is not love in my own body – and equally so, what is not love in the world around me”, this is beautiful I have been going through the process of healing my hurts and this has made me stronger and open to express the true me, by being the true me has allowed me to call out what is not love in the world around me.
Such a gorgeous blog Felix and it shows how judgement of another’s way of living and natural expression can be so oppressive, and how we learn from a very young age how to fit in so as to not be seen as being different. I love how now you don’t hold back your loving expression…it’s gorgeous to be around.
I agree Sandra and whether we are gay or not that we can still hold back expressing the fullness of who we are to fit in. It’s quite full on to feel the level of oppressiveness and judgement we project out to each other rather than truly supporting and embracing one to be all that they are.
I agree with you Sandra, it is gorgeous to be around Felix. He is so loving in his expression at all times, a lovely sensitive man. It is great that he no longer feels that he needs to hold back his especially loving expression in any way now, I can feel the joy that he now is.
The judgement of another’s way of living is a reflection of the judgement we place on ourselves. Simple to say, more challenging to live, but if we choose to unlock our self-judgement, the world before us transforms.
True Heather and we equally use judgement as a way of not having to feel. Judge another and simply make them wrong and you no longer have to look to see if you play a part.
Awesome, Sandra. And I not only learned how to fit in, I learned how to gain recognition. When I look back it just seems like a massive game to prevent me from just being me.
Thank you so much for sharing Felix and reminding us all to be a little more compassionate and understanding with those around us and that we are offering healing to those around us as well when we choose to deal with our hurts.
It is amazing how our lives are set up in the way that is needed – including all the abuse we suffer as well as the love that is shown to us – to further us along the path to living the truth of who we are. Quite a lot of the time, these paths are very hurtful, but if we can rise above our reactions and heal what attracted them to us, we can only grow with greater understanding and love. It is an unfathomably precise science that ‘just seems to happen’.
“It is an unfathomably precise science that ‘just seems to happen”. I love this observation Jinya. There are no such things as accidents, co-incidences and random events that do not make sense to the greater Whole that we are a part of. ‘All that is’, is designed to assist and support us on our journey back to the love within our hearts so that we may restore the Son of God within us all, to his rightful place on the throne in the Kingdom of our hearts.
Wow Jinya, spoken or written from your soul is this comment! Powerful and a lesson in itself. Healing the choices that have separated us from our true expression is often seen as random as you say. The true wisdom shared here is priceless.
Beautifully put Jinya! Serge Benhayon assists us to stand back from our hurts and see this ‘unfathomably precise science’ at work, so that we can re-claim ourselves beyond our hurts. No ‘accidents, co-incidents or random events’, just divine science offering us choices to grow in awareness of why we are actually here: to live practical lives in the full presence of our enormous love; to live with the light of our soul so that we all may know this light.
Beautiful Jinya – I have read your comments several times to appreciate the fullness of truth contained.
Felix, thank you for your honesty and exposing the depth of the hurt that is a result of others bullying because of their own ideals and beliefs. How you were able to reach your own level of understanding of your fundamental hurts with the help of Serge Benhayon and other Esoteric practitioners is inspiring and proves that ultimately it comes down to a simple matter of choice for each and every one of us – whether we are willing to go there or whether we are not.
Being called gay at school was a way for many to bully and for many to contract. These attacks were not innocent word slinging but deliberately thrown attacks to ensure a hardening and a toughening up – a destruction of the natural sensitivity and gentleness that is innate in young men. This was never about one person but about creating fear and a macho stance against anything that could be seen as delicate, tender and joyful. Sexuality has merely been the means of attack across whole generations.
When you start to see how the world deliberately creates situations to keep everyone in that hardening and toughening up, as you say Lee, it is easier not to react to the world, but instead observe how it plays out and to learn from it. I have learned that these situations can only arise if we give it permission by playing along – reacting, hardening ourselves in protection or lashing back out in hurt. So with this comes the responsibility to not add to the hurt of the world, but rather develop and hold a foundation of love so strongly that others can learn to trust once more and thus begins the letting go of that hardening and allow that natural tenderness and sensitivity back out once more..
It is so sad that the word ‘gay’ has been so bastardised over the years. When I was younger, the word had a lovely meaning, a gay person was a person who was quite joyful and happy. The fact that it is now used to label a male who is drawn to other males in such a derogatory way is appalling. Of course this also applies to lesbian people. I have known quite a number of ‘gay’ couples over many years now, and have always found these people to be more open and loving and especially sensitive people, beautiful to be with and friends with. It is horrible that the matter of sexuality has come to be judged so harshly by society. It may be more covert in many cases now in how people speak of it in society, but there is still in many cases a connotation that it is not pleasant and in occasional cases, very ugly, with much bullying still occurring. Many families still find it very hard to accept when they learn that one of their children has been born gay. Thank goodness, most people now realise that ‘gay’ people ARE that way, it is not just a choice. We are all from Love, and love is who we all are. Gay people especially often show that Love, love for us all, far more openly than the wider community. They are very sensitive, truly loving people.
Lee thank you for calling it out – that the bullying attacks on sensitive, tender boys were deliberate – a force coming through the bullies to ensure the innocent boys/victims hardened and toughened up to hide their natural sensitivity and tenderness that all men equally have within.
Very true and strong comment Lee, I have talked to men, who have not been gay, but delicate, tender and sensitive. They have (and some still do) been very derogative if not aggressive in expressing against gay men. The reason for that was to hide at any cost their sensitivity, to not be assented as gay. This is crazy and sad but true. A man is a man and showing his vulnerability is not manifested by him loving a man or a woman.
Wow Lee very powerfully expressed. Thank you for taking the personal out and showing us that there is a far bigger picture at play.
Wow Lee there is such a deep seated fear in feeling the natural sensitivity and gentleness in young boys. The power of the word slinging, perhaps inflicts more long lasting damage than the physical act.
Well said, Lee. It is confronting for men/boys to see another man embrace his tenderness and natural sensitivity, and so they will go to great lengths to crush it rather than deal with the sadness of what they know they have abandoned in themselves.
Having been on the end of this crushing invariably falling into line is the seemingly only option – more role models are needed that are the true way not what society expects.
Awesome call Lee – so often things such as this are written off for simply being ‘one of those things’ or ‘boys will be boys’ etc. but in truth we are simply turning a blind eye, accepting and condoning bullying and the systematic degradation of our own true nature.
This is brilliant Michael – ‘boys will be boys’ I can hear that from every teachers’ mouth. It is a write off and a quick line to douse the flames so to speak rather than find out what’s the root cause of the blaze.
Precisely Susan the emphasis becomes about creating a way through the system irrespective of the child, their own light and sensitivities, what they have to offer – all shoved to the side and forgotten in the quest for top marks…
Felix you clearly show how there is so much power in healing our hurts. Thank you for sharing your healing journey.
Sally Green, I love that name! …And yes I agree, healing our hurts is like freeing ourselves of miserable shackles to open up and express the love we are.
Felix your expression in this sharing has such simplicity, delicacy, sweetness and love in it, it touches very deeply. Speaking about abuse in this context, with such clarity, highlights the pain we have all carried around and dealt with in whatever way we can – “the pain of not being met” in the joy we carried as a baby – and the abuse we allow thereafter. You’ve shown it is possible to unearth and clear this from your body to the point where your expression returned to its natural and loving way.
Rosannabianchini, I so agree with you, Felix’s blog is a beautiful sharing with “such simplicity, delicacy, sweetness and love in it”. It also touches me very deeply. Unfortunately most of us are carrying the pain that Felix has so ably described in some way or another. Very, very few of us have been met as babies and very young children as the glorious beings that we all truly are in our essence, and so many of us are now carrying that suffering around in our bodies, blocking us from living the true loving beings that we really are. It is beautiful that Felix was able to free himself of this awful state of being that he was in, and share his story with us all.
This is the answer to all illness and disease. We have not been met for the love and joy we are. Left to our own natural way of being we do not take on behaviours that create dis-harmony in our bodies that leads to illness and disease. These behaviours have simply been taken on to protect ourselves from feeling the hurt of not being met. Deal with this and we no longer need the harming behaviours.
Thank you Felix for offering this healing to all men and women. We need to come back in our world to love being love and this has nothing to do with sexuality, with being gay or heterosexual. To allow the space, the joy and harmony that love offers us all and that age also has nothing to do with it, or other things like religion, nationality, job ect. Love is love and all we have to do is allow ourselves to surrender to it and live it again. For we all know it and recognize it when it is in front of us.
A lovely comment, Monika R, especially the words “Love is love and all we have to do is allow ourselves to surrender to it and live it again”. I absolutely agree, sexuality has nothing to do with what love is, it is just love expressed in another way. Love IS love.
Very well said Monika, love is love. We have learnt to categorise love to such a point that we no longer connect to the fact that we are all love. No matter the culture, religion, sexuality, gender, race, socioeconomic background and etc. we are all first and foremost love, no one more or less.
It is only man that fragments and compartmentalises the concept of love. Love just is and it is our natural right and indeed our responsibility to express it.
“Living as a gay man and facing the difficulties this comes with in our current society, was simply God’s tool to awaken me. It was then I realised that until bullying in all forms completely ceases in this world, it is only then can we truly celebrate.”
We all get our own wake-up calls and constellate what we have to learn. Great what you saw and learned, Felix. And I absolutely agree with you bullying is not natural for us, it has become common and some would even call it ‘normal’, but it is not. In fact we have to use a lot of force to bully another human being, for we all know inside we are all equal and by hurting another we are actually hurting ourselves even more.
Well said Monika, I could imagine how hard it would be to hold yourself when pretty much the whole of society is imposing its beliefs and judgments on you. Felix would have had something so strong and innate within him all along that got him to this point in his life. Well done Felix, for on some level you never let go of what was true for you, or else you would not be here, where you are today.
Thanks, Felix. It is so easy to blame the world for our hurts, and so powerful when we finally take responsibility for the life we have created and for bringing the beauty of our essence no matter what.
Bullying can come in all shapes and sizes and is often couched in nice words and phrases. Any time we give our power away we are in effect allowing ourselves to be bullied.
To make it wrong to love another person, whatever the genders involved is to not understand Love. Love is not reserved for particular individuals but is a livingness, a way of being that is expressed equally for all. All else is not true love.
This is the way. Not to invest in differences between people, between us, not looking after right or wrong … not either gay or straight. We are equal in Love, equal in being, living and expressing it. It is my choice to go there … thank you all for your support and inspiration.
I can totally relate to this Felix “(I felt) the pain of not being met in the joy I carried as a baby. I was able to feel an immense sadness about the fact that not everybody around me was able to feel the same joy.” And I had to realize that, by going into sadness I gave up on the joy I carried. I gave up on the true love I felt because it was not recognized, not supported by the family members or others around me. But does the fact that my relatives and surroundings where not able to reflect true love and joy not make clear that the joy / love I felt was needed here?! In fact I was born in a surrounding what needed the joy I felt very very much – and I gave up on it because I did not feel supported by it. That gives me a reflection of on what I have to look at – Am I willing to bring what is needed or will I go into ‘being hurt’ so I don’t have to take my responsibility, to not bring what is needed? Yes, not being met is hurtful – but what do I learn out of that? To not meet people as well? So we join together in disconnection? This did and will bring up more hurt, we protect us more, become hard, keep the distance, what hurts… and the cycle of pain goes on and on. I did that and now, with the inspiration of the enormous love and integrity of Serge Benhayon I learn to do different, I learn to take my responsibility to hold the love and joy, so others can connect to it again. It is an every day challenge for me to not blame others for what is going ‘wrong’ but to take my responsibility and ask: ‘what I am asked to bring here?”.
This powerful and lovely sharing, Felix, I feel is transferable to anyone’s life beyond being gay. By all means to my life. When you write: “(…) not understanding that I was not truly connecting to people but to the falsity they themselves presented with.” you present, that there is a choice to align and connect to the truth we all are, or to the falsity we all have developed to protect our hurts. So we are able to choose to connect to the hurt of oneself and the other, or to the true being and honoring and enjoying his or her beautiful unique expression of love in this world.
“Through healing the hurts I am now able to start calling out what is not love in my own body – and equally so, what is not love in the world around me. ” Healing our hurts is the way forward to a joy-filled life.
Thank you for your sharing Felix. Love is love – regardless of sexual preference. Loving ourselves is key. By definition bullies don’t love themselves – or they couldn’t possibly bully and abuse others. “It was then I realised that until bullying in all forms completely ceases in this world, it is only then can we truly celebrate.” Powerful expression.
Powerful expression indeed, Sue. Bullies will always pick out something about you whether it’s a physical feature, the way you speak, choice of religion, sexual preference, etc – it’s all very separating.
Thank you Felix for such an honest sharing. It is beautiful to read that you no longer hold yourself back and that you claim who you are in full.
It is interesting that when we doubt ourselves, even by a fraction, then we almost welcome judgement or bullying rather than standing firm in who we truly are. And then even if we are judged, it does not effect us because we do not allow it too.
Dear Felix – it felt so healing and inspiring to read your tender words of acceptance. From that little boy who learned to manipulate his feelings to fit into a world that is harsh and intolerant you have now managed to claim your rightful place as a man of true tenderness and sensitivity, and embrace with dignity who you innately are.
“It was then I realised that until bullying in all forms completely ceases in this world, it is only then can we truly celebrate.” Beautiful words and so true. Any bullying is felt everywhere, if there is one person hurt it is felt by us all.
Lieke, I love those words too. It is only when we accept all forms of bullying are abusive and that loving behaviour has not one drop of abuse in it that we can truly celebrate.
Absolutely beautiful blog Felix. Very timely as I have been lately feeling how I dull my joy down just because it is not met in this world. It is like an ingrained behaviour to give up on my own loveliness when it is not confirmed by the outside world. Yet I can feel now that if I continue to express my joy my truth and love I am not affected at all with what other people may think and as you said too, people react less and confirm more.
I now find it so hard to believe that certain religions condemn homosexuality. I was brought up to believe it was wrong evil and immoral and that there was something wrong with you if you were gay. This never made sense to me because if God made us all and if he loved us all equally how could he not love someone for being gay. Like many other teachings from the church it made no sense at all. Last night I was watching a program with my young daughter and two women on the show shared an affectionate kiss, instantly an old thing kicked in and I wondered whether the program was appropriate for her to be watching but then realise it was an old catholic prejudice still there in me and the kiss was a very natural thing and I was glad that my daughter could grow up without the same nonsense being drummed into her as I had been subjected to.
Great to notice when ‘old things’ kick in and…kick them out again. 🙂
Having the bravery to stand up and be seen as a loving man in an intimate relationship with another man when in most parts of life we are not even being taught what love is.
This is a great story to read, and feel that everything we have taken on can be discarded when in true honesty of what is going on.
Until we deal and address our hurts, the true love that is within us all is locked away in a dungeon we have created.
I much enjoyed reading your article Felix, thank you
When I was a child the word ‘gay’ meant to be light-hearted and joyful and in this sharing of the natural love that you are Felix I feel you have reclaimed the true meaning of being gay. You are showing the world that love is love and is to be shared by all and not diminished by prejudice or preconceived beliefs.
I loved to read your tender sharing Felix. Indeed, I have found it very powerful to heal my past hurts, and there were many making it so much easier to trust in myself and let others in, let people in.
It’s immense what the bullying does to us as individuals and to society as a whole Felix. In your case this bullying bereft you from your connection with your inner most, an inner knowing that is so innocent in its quality but not accepted by society and the same happens to many of us in one shape or another. How devastating is the world we live in if we are not allowed to live our natural us but have to conform to an image that is imposed on us. Thanks to Serge Benhayon who showed us that there is another way we can live our lives, a way that is honouring our being in all its innocence, in which we are able to find our ways back to who we naturally are and to live our lives accordingly.
I grew up in a religion that ‘looked down on being gay and saw it as a sin’. What you describe here, that as an 8 year old when you heard men could live together like your Mum and Dad and when you say ‘I knew that I would one day be living as a gay man. Very innocently I told a friend this. Weeks later I discovered that being ‘gay’ was seen as a bad thing by the majority of people, and that this word could be used as a weapon’.
This shows the innocence of love and that love holds no race or gender, it just is. How very quickly as an 8 year old you were told this ‘love’ was wrong shows a lack of true love in society as to impose these views on another is an abuse. Your sharing about healing your hurts and claiming your truth back are inspiring for many to read.
Thank you Felix for such a beautifully honest sharing. These particular words really touched me: “Since I could not change my natural expression, I learned to hide my innocence and began to judge and condemn my own expression”, as within them I could feel, not only your pain, but the pain and the loss of innocence of so many of us who also shut down their natural expression, because to show the world who we truly were was just too painful. Sadly by doing so we inflicted so much more pain upon ourselves, but now with the deeply loving and unconditional support of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine we are finally beginning to heal these hurts that have stayed with us for far too long.
So beautifully expressed Donna: “When we love ourselves so deeply it is impossible for us to accept any form of bullying”. When we all choose to live this love, bullying, in fact any form of abuse, will have no place to exist in the world; there will be nothing to feed it. Then, and only then, can we celebrate.
As a gay woman Felix I can relate to your blog. Long before I realised I was gay I could never understand why it was something that was so hard for people to accept, if what was being expressed was love. I used to have this pondering that if it was loving and consensual then why people have an issue with it. I saw a post by a USA marine on Facebook once who said he was given a medal for killing a man and discharged from the Army for loving one. It really goes to show how disconnected we are when we see it more natural to accept men as violent beings than loving ones. This ideal is being broken down and there have been great leaps forward in the acceptance of same sex couples, but there is still a long way to go before it is fully accepted and understood. Thank you for sharing your blog and for expressing how you truly feel.
Great comment Tracy, the absurdity of the US Marine getting a medal for killing a man and getting discharged for loving one definitely shows how far off the mark we still are and why the world is still in such a mess. We do still have a long way to go but attitudes have definitely changed for the better and will continue to if we all stand up for truth and not accept the prejudices of the past.
We certainly are off the mark when some people feel more comfortable seeing men carrying machine guns than two men holding hands. It goes to show how much pressure society has placed on men to be strong, tough, masculine and violent when this is the outplay we see. It is great to see change taking towards gay people but there are still many countries in the world that persecute in the most atrocious ways. As love builds as our natural expression, in time these ways will be gone from our world.
Tracey, thanks for sharing here…I am blown away by what you said about the US marine being given a medal for killing a man and discharged from the Army for loving one. That makes no sense at all, and is an action based purely on fear and working in with ideals of what a man is.
It really doesn’t make sense. This marine who had many acts of bravery for his country was dismissed from the Army for one reason and one reason only…for being gay. It is absurd that the armed forces are ok with killing and bombing other human beings but dismiss a marine for loving someone of the same sex. It really does expose how far humanity has fallen away from brotherhood and love.
And it exposes the rot within institutions like the army where bigotry, homophobia and misogyny are known to take place but often covered up and protected.
Not only is it covered up and protected it is simply the norm and a championed way of operating. I have personally been in the army and I was often left very dismayed and disillusioned at what I saw. It is great to see that social media is reporting these horrible stories as the main stream media has allowed this conduct to flourish for centuries without it being exposed.
Yes awesome point Tracy… when broken down like that, it is ridiculous! I agree there is a way to go before there is true equality in attitudes and acceptance towards same-sex relationships. Comments like yours however contribute to what’s needed for this to eventually be the case.
Yes it is ridiculous isn’t it Jenny. It goes to show how over time there have been many absurd ideals and beliefs placed on men to be strong, hard, violent and to act tough. We are seeing the outplay of this falsity all over the world and it will take a long time for these behaviours to be rebalanced. If we allow a young boy to hold onto his tender and sensitive ways and not burden them with ideals to be tough and violent we will see great changes unfold.
Absolutely Tracy… ‘If we allow a young boy to hold onto his tender and sensitive ways and not burden them with ideals to be tough and violent we will see great changes unfold’.
Yes it is ridiculous isn’t it Jenny. It goes to show how over time there have been many absurd ideals and beliefs placed on men to be strong, hard, violent and to act tough. We are seeing the out play of this falsity all over the world and it will take a long time for these behaviours to be rebalanced. If we allow a young boy to hold onto his tender and sensitive ways and not burden them with ideals to be tough and violent we will see great changes unfold.
I was at the movies a few days ago, and all the trailers for upcoming movies had men portrayed as superhero types…muscles, expressionless faces, tough, carrying guns, etc. I noticed lots of men and boys in the cinema (waiting for Star Wars!) who are watching this getting the consistent message that this is how men are. Our world desperately needs men expressing in a true way – whether they are straight or gay, it matters not, but expressing from the truth of what they feel.
Yes Sandra I too was at the movies just the other day and like you all I saw was guns and violence, murder, betrayal and tough and hardened characters. Hollywood is giving society what it perceives it wants, like how the media reports to us. We have to be the change that says this is not what we want anymore.
Hi Felix – it’s amazing how much you have healed.
Gorgeous Felix thank you. There is no question to me that it is in healing our hurts that we can release ourselves from the incarcerating of unloving patterns, defences and protection we develop throughout life to cope or get through whatever has been our experience in life. Taking responsibility for these hurts changes everything, as your beautiful blog is testimony to.
Wow Felix, thank you for sharing. Bullying can come in many different ways and forms and can be hugely destructive if we do not say no to this energy. When we love ourselves so deeply it is impossible for us to accept any form of bullying.
…and the fact that Felix hasn’t been bullied is a confirmation of the decisions he’s made about who he is and how to live in this world again. It may well happen to him but he knows who he is, how energy works and how society still is defined by what we are not who we are.
I loved reading this, Felix and I want to thank you dearly. Your final words hit home as how can we truly celebrate the fullness of who we are when so many are still enduring the ongoing struggle of being bullied? Yet, celebrate we must when one such as you had healed so much from within – for with every return one makes to expressing from the Truth of their inherent natures, we are that bit closer to being One in the light of God we all come from.
This realisation is huge Felix and one that I feel is the root cause of our sadness as a society if we but let ourselves feel this deeply. ‘I was able to feel the pain of not being met in the joy I carried as a baby. I was able to feel an immense sadness about the fact that not everybody around me was able to feel the same joy. To cope with this sadness I hardened and numbed my body in anger and frustration, and in reaction, lost trust in everybody and closed myself down’ I say this because we were all babies once and most of the adults in the world today are not in the suppleness and joy a baby is in.
What basis do we have for judging another when we ourselves have not lived all the love we are – far from it in many cases? Are we not all culpable for the lovelessness in our world?
Absolutely Johanna – we have all experienced this in some degree. But how amazing for Felix to be able to work on this immense childhood hurt and understand what is behind it. A true healing and something we can all work through ourselves if we’re willing to go there.
I feel so joyful reading all that you have claimed and through your writing can feel the immense love you are and have always been. Thank you
Felix I absolutely love your sharing thank you. It is timely for me to read this as I have been feeling deeper hurts in my body of late and what a healing it has been in itself as well as allowing me to be more of me with this around me. These hurts are something that we carry and so later our interactions not allowing our true selves to be- like you say lies meeting with lies.
Gorgeous Felix, the exquisite tenderness in your writing is palpable and shows so clearly how we hold back in sadness when we are not met for the absolute joy and tenderness we are. What we also learn from your sharing is that it is never, ever too late to deal with and work on our hurts; returning to the naturally expressive and lovely quality of us that we have always been.
Beautiful Felix! Loved your sharing. I have an interesting sharing, like most young people I asked about the possibility of two men or two women living together as a couple, I was also made to feel that this was not normal and that those who chose that were made to feel lesser. When I was about 7 or 8 I used to get continuous bullying as well being called ‘gay’ and a ‘homo’ for I don’t know what reason. It did not make sense to me, I knew I wasn’t gay but that word was being used against me and it hurt very much. What I realise today is that this bullying was actually an attack on my sensitivity and the fact that I was very naturally feminine and it also came through very close friends. This issue of bullying is very serious, people can experience this kind of abuse and shut themselves down for an entire lifetime and as a result never live a life truly connected to their light. And yes I too thank Universal Medicine enormously for helping me to heal my hurts! I very much enjoy living with my enormous sensitivity!
I can feel the truth in this harryjwhite, ‘What I realise today is that this bullying was actually an attack on my sensitivity and the fact that I was very naturally feminine’, this is such a lovely, natural way for a boy to be and yet boys that are still deeply sensitive do seem to be targets for bullies, because they have not hardened up and do not align to the ‘tough, hard’ boy image – crazy!
Thank you harryjwhite, there is much power in what you have shared. How men can get attacked for expressing their innate and natural sensitivity, like it is something unnatural or reserved just for women is insane really. Really great to expose that illusion for what it is and super inspiring how you haven’t taken on any of those false labels thrown your way! Love you how you say – “I very much enjoy living with my enormous sensitivity!”.
Beautiful harryjwhite, love what you share here, that you have been bullied for your sensitivity a divine quality we all carry inside of us. This is how we are forced into creating gender stereotyped images and then try to live up to them all with the aim to make us feel that we are not from heaven. The attack is on the quality to force us from a young age into the identification with behaviour.
harryjwhite, It is so beautiful to me to see you expressing about your naturally powerful sensitivity and femaleness, these precious valuable attributes that the world very much needs and ironically fights to crush. I feel immense appreciation to Serge and Universal Medicine as I feel the joy of you, myself and so many others getting free and being able to accept, honour, nurture and share with all the light of who we really are.
Bullying, for whatever reason, and no matter how the bully rationalises it to themselves, is nothing less than oppression. It is designed to crush the expression of its victim and those who are onlookers. For they know if they show who they are they run the risk of being made victims too.
As such bullying is the “strong-arm” of evil.
It was only when I started attending workshops with Universal Medicine that I realised that there were hurts that were hiding other hurts, like walls behind walls. To not be defined by a hurt, but defined by the lightness of who we are is life changing. Like yourself Felix, thanks to Serge Benhayon’s clarity and dedication that this work and way of living has been brought to humanity. Its time for us all to live without hurts and inspire.
I totally get this Matthew – hurts upon hurts upon hurts. The way to unlock and break down these walls, these hurts is to heal them.
Beautifully said Matthew.
Beautiful point Matthew that “To not be defined by a hurt, but defined by the lightness of who we are is life changing.”… I am beginning to feel this in myself too thanks to Universal Medicine. I am WAY less re-active to things; much more able to have a natural response from my heart/from who I am (not from my hurts) than ever before.
Over and over I see that it is the hurts we carry that cause us to fight ourselves and each other. As Joel says “…we cannot wait for society to change to heal this hurt with us.” Seeing people NOT wait for the world or society to change to let go the hurts, choose love and be who they are is a huge inspiration.
When we heal our hurts we will be able to go Home.
Awesome Alexis, and so very true.
Agree Alexis, “When we heal our hurts we will be able to go Home” and I like to add: than we will feel the enormous support on our way.
Beautifully and simply stated Alex – indeed we will.
Thank you Felix. I absolutely agree that addressing our hurts is essential for us to be able to express in full the love that we naturally are. It is the key.
Absolutely Elizabeth as we heal our hurts we open up to true and full expression of who we are. Our natural love just pours though us through our being for all to feel and inspire.
Thank you Felix for sharing about your life and experience of knowing joy and love – the very essence of who you/we are. That this has been stifled and crushed in us is a tragedy beyond measure and holds humanity to ransom. Until our natural expression is freed fully we are all held less and remain incarcerated.
Such an important story to hear Felix, thank you. The way society conditions us to doubt what is felt as true and natural and the fact that we cannot wait for society to change to heal this hurt with us.
It is so sad that babies are not able to be met in the joy they naturally bring with them. However we all have the ability to maintain that joy, and if we’ve shut it down in protection and to blend in, as you have shown, we can choose to heal that hurt and come back to our natural joyful expression and then naturally share that joy with others. Universal Medicine has brought through excellent modalities to support this process, from which I too have benefited.
Each time I read a blog like yours Felix which honestly and bravely talks about personal hurts, I gain such a deeper understanding of how these hurts affect our lives. Thank you. And the miracles that can occur when we choose to heal them. I thank God for Serge Benhayon and his family for showing us how to get to the root cause and to easily and lovingly heal them and let them go. So we can as you say Felix let the love in and the love out.
There are a fair few of these testimonials of people healing these emotional and energetic hurts that they carry from young and what happens in life as I direct result of such a healing. And yet these types of wounds are not so openly discussed (as yet) – it’s like the whole world walking around with a broken leg but not addressing the broken leg and trying to carry on as normal which is anything but normal. We have a human life now that is ‘normal’ based on hiding these hurts but when healed and addressed the actual ‘normal’ of human life can be seen in such lives like the Benhayon’s and many others now.
Felix, your last line in this gorgeous and honest blog speaks volumes: ‘ until bullying in all forms completely ceases in this world, it is only then can we truly celebrate.’ Absolutely true.
Our world today has numbed itself to the extent and degree of bullying that takes place every single day, large-scale and small. Be it in the playground, the office, on the internet, in the bedroom, the family home, on the phone, country obliterating country, everywhere. We have as a global society succumbed to abuse being normal – the way it is.
But it is not, it is what we have made it to be for not wanting to speak up and truly feel our part in this. The Ku Klux Klan might have died off but the supremacy they wielded is still loudly and clearly felt through the airwaves and on the ground, because we, as a humanity, have not said no to it. When we start to consider that the abuse we experience in our lives may just be a wake-up call for us to say no to abuse in full, that’s when we can truly halt this evil and pave the way for love, truth and gentleness to be the way we are with each other — as it is absolutely meant to be.
I agree Katerina, bullying is ingrained within our society and it has become our normal because we allow it to happen on so many different levels.
As far as the KKK go unfortunately there is still an active movement in the south of America – when my husband and I lived in Alabama they regularly had meetings and paraded up and down in the town centre of Montgomery which is the capital of the south. If I am honest I could not believe even back then 22 years ago that they still existed and were allowed to gather in such numbers. There is now estimated 5000 to 8000 members across the USA, and the numbers are growing. To me this movement is no different from the White Nationalists we have here in the UK, who use politics as their mask.
Felix and Katerina, I love what you’ve both shared and can feel that last line you note Felix that ‘until bullying in all forms completely ceases in this world, it is only then can we truly celebrate.’ I love how you’ve uncovered your part in allowing it to affect you and how being gay for you has offered the blessing of standing up and saying no to abuse and dealing with your hurts – this is so beautiful Felix and so honest. And Katerina you are absolutely correct bullying in whatever form comes from a energy of supremacy and until we as a humanity say no to that it will rule and find new ways and forms to express through. Right now we have an epidemic of cyberbullying and trolling on the internet, and it’s the same old supremacy energy with new clothes on. So until we stop all bullying as Felix has offered us, we cannot celebrate and to do so will involve us as a humanity absolutely nailing every last drop of supremacy where ever it may lie within us as a humanity.
Supremacy energy is to keep another less so the perpetrator feels they are more. It’s irresponsible and not dealing with your hurts.
Yes, it is utter irresponsibility Rik, and more it’s a digging in, an absolute refusal to feel the hurt that is there and address it. it’s a huge comfort actually where someone chooses to make another less as a way to avoid feeling their own emptiness and hurt, and it requires a huge force, and a continual feeding of that force. It’s exhausting and so far from what we naturally are – to stop and feel those hurts is much less exhausting and far more empowering and freeing than any supremacy energy.
Exquisite. Thankyou Felix. Your open-ness brings about the opportunity for healing for all men – straight and gay. It is beyond crazy that we think sexuality, or the choice of another’s sexuality is more important than our ability to love and cherish. It is a sad state of affairs, but men as a general rule identify themselves by their sexuality – straight and gay – and so they defend their own as though it is the only way, when the truth of the matter it that it matters not what your sexuality is, all men are capable of loving deeply, of connecting to a deep form of intimacy that has nothing to do with sex or gender. It is a deep form of love that starts within and is innately divine. It knows no boundaries, ideologies, or ideals. It knows no culture, no sex, no nation. It is universal by nature and universal by expression. Such is the love we know and were born from and yet we live as though we do not know of its existence. And so we hold back our love for each other out of some silly ideal or notion that we are somehow different from each other. Such is the irony of human life as we know it.
Adam, this resonates in my body, as Felix sharing shows how deeply ingrained we are in ideals and beliefs and from there form right or wrong and judgement.
I have been working with a lot of gay men around me in the past and I always enjoyed it because most of them were open. We had very intimate conversations but I never felt unsafe with them, but equal, even not feeling separated through gender any more. It confirms what you are sharing, Adam, true love is beyond gender.
Well said Adam, we have reduced ourselves to human beings defined by our sexuality and we live life from this reductionism instead of living our divinity first and then the human form as part of our expression here on earth.
True Rachel. We have lost our purpose and then open ourselves up to majority rules. Worse still we fall for the ideals that crush us the most. It’s a setup. Our purpose is to be who we already are – absolute divine love. And as Adam says do not hold this back!
Thanks, Adam, your comment deepens the discussion. Somehow you are pointing out the fact that it’s crazy to identify with what genders our partners have… !
Exactly, our sexuality is just another tag we use to identify ourselves by. So you are gay or heterosexual. What is the big deal really? Homophobia makes no sense whatsoever when you look at it through clear eyes. Love is love. It does not recognise gender. Part of the reason I am sure so many men end up being uncomfortable about the whole concept of being gay is that is challenges their concept of what it means to be a man, and of who they think they need themselves to be.
I love how you’ve further shown the absurdity of it all, love is love, and sexuality is irrelevant to that. As you say Adam and Felix what exactly has the gender of your partner got to do with your capacity to be, live and and accept love. Absolutely nothing.
VERY beautifully said Adam! …”all men are capable of loving deeply, of connecting to a deep form of intimacy that has nothing to do with sex or gender.” This turns the current state of affairs on its head!
Well said Adam Warburton. Love is without gender or any other form of separation or division. If it isn’t, then it isn’t love.
Felix, this blog is a great example of accepting and loving who we naturally are and the difference this makes to our relationship with ourselves and our relationship with all others – thank you for sharing and for being who you naturally are!
Totally agree Angela! As without the self acceptance we are annihilating ourselves – a spiraling downwards that leaves us devastated. The Universal Medicine teachings have been a GOD send for us all as we learn to appreciate and accept every bit of who we are.